Spike and Rainbow Dash Make a Bet on Rarity

by Duke of Canterlot

Rating: mature
Tags: Lyra, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Spike, Comedy, Bon-Bon, Rarity
Length: 2595

Spike and Rainbow Dash make a bet regarding whether Rarity's shit stinks.

Spike is madly in love with Rarity and can't stop talking about how perfect she is. Spike believes that even Rarity's shit doesn't stink.
Rainbow Dash makes a bet with Spike that Rarity's shit does stink.
It's up to Spike to determine whether that is the case.

Your typical Sparity story with an incredibly juvenile premise. However, this story is also a romance filled with twists.

Published 2014-05-18 18:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-18 18:20:03 UTC

Doth The Shit Stink?

"Ugh", groaned Rainbow Dash, "look, I think Rarity is a cool gal - but she definitely isn't the goddess you make her out to be, Spike!"

Spike, the purple dragon, rolled his eyes at the pegasus mare.

"To me, Rarity is incredible", said Spike, "I would do anything for her. She's beautiful, creative, smart, and professional without a doubt."

"She can't fly like me", said Rainbow jabbing Spike in the shoulder.

Spike wanted to make the comeback, "If Rarity had wings, she would fly better than you", but he decided to keep his mouth shut.

"I bet her shit doesn't even stink", said Spike wistfully to himself.

"Woah", shouted Rainbow Dash, "now I know, you are completely lovesick!"

"If Rarity took a dump, it wouldn't smell like a normal pony dump. It would be beautiful in its own right."

"Dude", said Rainbow, "that's nuts beyond extreme! Rarity is like every pony in that regard. Pony shit is supposed to smell bad, even princess pony shit smells bad."

"Heh heh", responded Spike, "I live with a pony princess, but Twilight Sparkle is not Rarity. I'm telling you that."

Rainbow didn't want to admit to Spike that she had somewhat of a poop fetish. Rarity was so uptight and hated public restrooms.. Rainbow never even had a moment when he would get to see Rarity's shit. Applejack would sometimes let the shit go out when she was working on the farm. Rainbow admittedly stopped by the farm a couple times just to add more of AJ's shit to her collection. As for Twilight and Pinkie, Rainbow created convenient distractions so that they would leave a bathroom without having to flush.. easy pickup of shit that way. Rainbow actually used Spike as a distraction to pick up Twilight's poop. He never got any of Fluttershy's shit either. Fluttershy was too innocent, Rainbow would have felt bad about taking some of Flutters' shit for her own pleasure. Rainbow didn't feel that same level of guilt with her other friends. Rainbow hoped Rarity's shit stank. The stinkier, the better. This brought an idea to Rainbow. Perhaps, she could finally collect some of Rarity's poop... she could do it or Spike.

"How about this", said Rainbow cockily, "why don't we bet on it?"

"Bet on what?"

"I bet to you, Spike, that Rarity's shit stinks and is exactly like normal pony shit. If that is not the case,

"I'm not sure Rarity even poops though. She is like a goddess after all."

"If it turns out Rarity is incapable of pooping, you would win the bet."

Rainbow laughed to herself. Spike was normally much more rational than this. He was blinded by Rarity. Rainbow had to admit that she had her own set of feelings for Applejack. Rainbow was glad that Applejack's shit was the easiest to collect of her friends.. it was like that Celestia smiled down on Rainbow Dash and offered gifts.

"We simply need to decide on a fair wager", said Spike.

"Yes, we do. I am guessing Twilight doesn't pay you anything."

"Nope, I, as her assistant, work for free!"

"You get pocket money from her, right?"

"Yes, I do. Twilight doesn't have a real job either, but Celestia gives her a generous allowance on a daily basis.. a thousand bits of a day! Twilight gives me a hundred bits a day. I don't spend too much except to get Twilight what she needs, so I guess I have about ten thousand bits in the bank."

"Wow, you may be Twilight's bitch", said Rainbow with a smile, "but you're not doing too bad money-wise."

"I'm always up for a good bet", said Spike, "how about 5,000 bits?"

Rainbow laughed heartily and said, "Sure, let's do it! You're a true friend, willing to make me richer."

"I could say the same for you."

Spike couldn't believe that he made this bet with Rainbow Dash. Reality was beginning to sink in. Rarity was fantastic in every way, but perhaps her shit was like that of a normal pony. Rarity was a glamorous fashionista who tried to make it seem like that she was above "regular pony needs", including shitting. Maybe Rarity did shat like a normal pony, but she was simply good at hiding it.

Spike needed to put Rarity to the test. He figured lunch at Chipoate and sneaking some laxatives in would do the work. Ugh, groaned Spike, he was probably wrong. Rainbow Dash was probably right. Additionally, if Rarity found out about what he was doing, he might lose her as a friend.

Spike headed over to Carousel Boutique and saw that Lyra and Bon-Bon, a mint-green unicorn and a cream earth pony, were standing outside the store.

"I don't want to go here", pouted Bon-Bon, "everything here is shit!"

"C'mon, Bon-Bon", said Lyra, "I know we will get fantastic dresses here for the gala."

"So overpriced too", continued Bon-Bon, "it's not like we're rolling in dough.. there are some more affordable dress shops in Ponyville we could go to."

"Rarity's a natural, so much talent", raved Lyra.

"Rarity who?", asked Bon-Bon.

"C'mon, I know she got unreasonably pissed at you that time when you didn't know who she was.. but Rarity is really good at what she does. It will make this the best gala for both of us", said Lyra.

"My shit detector is on and Carousel Boutique is filled with shit", said Bon-Bon.

"Nothing pleases you, does it, Bon-Bon?"

"I can think of one thing that pleases me", said Bon-Bon winking subtly at Lyra.

"If you want to please me, let's try Carousel Boutique out!"

Geez Bon-Bon, thought Spike, there is no reason for you to be so hard on Rarity.

"Carousel Boutique is my favorite place in all of Ponyville", said Spike to Lyra and Bon-Bon.

"Of course it is", responded Bon-Bon, "you're like every other stallion and want to hook up with Rarity. Tell me, do you buy dresses for yourself from Carousel Boutique?"

"But I'm a dragon."

"That certainly makes it less weird."

The three of them entered Carousel Boutique.

There was Rarity, a white unicorn with a purple mane working on her latest creation.. a golden dress with an embroidered dolphin for Sapphire Shores.

"Hello, Lyra, Bon-Bon, and Spike, what brings you here?"

"I'm here to help", said Spike with pride.

"Of course you are, Spikey-Wikey."
Lyra smiled at Spike. Bon-Bon looked disgusted.

"Bon-Bon and I would love to buy a dress for each of us for this year's Grand Galloping Gala", said Lyra.

"Splendid", said Rarity, "I was actually thinking of you two. One of Ponyville's cutest couples and made tailored dresses which I think you both will love."

Isn't Rarity awesome, thought Spike, thinking about every pony in Ponyville.. she's even better at it than Pinkie Pie.

Rarity pulled out a light red dress with tiny rubies scattered all over it and gave the dress to Bon-Bon.
"I hope you like it, Bon-Bon."

Bon-Bon studied the dress and said coldly, "It's shit."

"Bonnie, I thought we talked about this", said Lyra.

Spike was fuming at Bon-Bon, that ungrateful bitch.. Rarity put in all of this hard work and Bon-Bon ruined it all.

"But I'll take it if Lyra likes her dress", said Bon-Bon. She kissed Lyra on the cheek.

Rarity looked insulted, but said, "Very well, I'll show Lyra her dress."

It was a light green dress with tiny emeralds scattered all over it. Bon-Bon made a face, but Lyra grinned.

"I love the dress", said Lyra bouncing with joy, "yes, I do!! We will buy them both."

"How much are they", asked Bon-Bon.

"300 bits per dress, but I promise that they will make you the most dashing and stylish mares at the Gala!"

Bon-Bon groaned, but the two mares bought their dresses and left.

"Wow, sales can be tough sometimes", said Spike.

"It's okay", said Rarity, "I know my dresses might seem a little overpriced, but I spend more money on making each dress than my competitors for the highest quality fabrics and.."

"The gems probably don't cost that much though", interrupted Spike.

"No, they don't", said Rarity, "but they certainly take time."

"How would you like to take a lunch break?"

"Oh my, I totally forgot about lunch. I could use some food."

"Good thing we have all those gems around us", chuckled Spike.

"Oh my Celestia, we better go somewhere else before you eat my inventory."

"Yes, agreed", said Spike, "what about Chipoate? I read an article that said that was Trenderhoof's favorite restaurant."

"If Trenderhoof likes Chipoate, I must like it too!"

Spike laughed to himself. He normally didn't like hearing about Trenderhoof from Rarity and her undying love for him. He was a hipster douche, but this time Spike could work it to his advantage.

"Chipoate it is", said Spike with a grin.

Spike and Rarity arrived at Chipoate. There was a long line like usual.
Every pony seemed to love Chipoate.

After fifteen minutes, they finally were able to pick out their food.
"I want a burrito with black beans", said Rarity with a grin, "lots and lots of beans!!"

"Me too", said Spike.

Two burritos with extra beans.

"Spike, my darling", said Rarity, "could you get me a cup of water and I'll find us a table."

"Most certainly, Rarity!"

Spike got a water and a Pepsi for himself. He made sure to sneak the laxative pill into the water which thankfully dissolved right away and had no taste. Rarity would never know the difference, thought Spike.

Spike arrived at the table with the drinks and burritos.

"Thank you Spike, I don't think I can eat all of this burrito", said Rarity, "I am trying to watch my weight."

"Your weight is perfect to me", said Spike.

"Maintaining it is something that I must do. I envy Pinkie Pie. She eats all she wants and stays skinny and she never goes to the gym. As for me, I have to watch what I eat all the time and have a strict exercise routine."

"It's all the bouncing she does, burns a lot of calories."

"Of course, I certainly don't have time for such childish activities."

With the laxative, it wouldn't matter if Rarity didn't finish her burrito.. she would still need to shit - if she could shit, that is.

Spike chowed down on the burrito.. so good.. Chipoate was the place to be!

"So delicious, but oh my", said Rarity, "I should have known that all of this food would make me want to... ugh... but those horrid public restrooms. I shan't use those!"

This was it. But how would he get to see Rarity's shit? That was the next step.

"Umm.. you're right", said Spike, " we should go home."

"It should be quick. I don't think I can hold it in much longer."

"You're a strong mare, I have faith in you."

"Look at me, talking to you about such disgusting things. I must look wretched."

"Not at all, let's go home."

Spike and Rarity arrived at Carousel Boutique.

Rarity rushed to the restroom, but the door was locked! Who was there?

Rarity knocked and heard a, "Oh my, I'm sorry, Rarity."

Sapphire Shores.

"No big deal", said Rarity, "I will use the restroom upstairs."

Rarity bolted up the stairs.

A minute later, Sapphire Shores went out of the bathroom.

"I am here to see what Rarity has prepared for me, I heard she's been working her ass off. I need to leave in five minutes though."

"She sure has", said Spike, "hey Rarity! Sapphire is ready to see your dress!!"

"Just a minute", shouted Rarity from upstairs.

"Sapphire doesn't have much time. She's leaving in five minutes."

"Yikes!"

Spike could hear the water run. Of course, Rarity wouldn't forget to wash her front hooves.

Rarity ran downstairs and said, "Hello Sapphire, let me show you your dress."

"Splendid!"

This was Spike's chance. He would get to see what Rarity shat since she didn't have time to flush the toilet.
He snuck upstairs while the two mares discussed dresses. He opened the bathroom door and could smell nothing.
Nothing.. Spike smiled, he knew he was right.

He looked down at the toilet and what saw Spike surprised him. Diamonds. Loads of diamonds. It made sense as Spike thought about it. When he would go hunting for gems with Rarity, he never found any diamonds but they were in abundance in Rarity's fashion items.

Spike knew most ponies would be disgusted by it, but it only made him admire Rarity more. That was why Rarity could never use a public restroom or anything like that. She needed these diamonds for her fashion.

"Spike", asked Rarity with concern, "what are you looking at?"

Spike turned around, he had to tell the truth and the whole truth.

"I'm sorry Rarity", said Spike, "Rainbow Dash and I made a bet... a bet that..."

"A bet that my shit stinks", said Rarity, "honestly, that Rainbow Dash has been trying to get my poop for ages. It's okay, Spike. I understand and now you know the truth. You must not let Rainbow know about this! Here is 10,000 bits.. 5,000 to give to Rainbow and the extra 5,000 is for you, tell her that she won the bet fair and square and that my shit stinks."

"So Bon-Bon was technically right about the dresses?"

"Not quite, I can only shit diamonds. But I think she could sense the shit somehow in my shop, but she doesn't know how right she is...and we'll keep it that way, okay?"

Spike couldn't believe it. His bond with Rarity was stronger than ever.

"Of course, Rarity", said Spike, "your secret is safe with me."

"Thank you, Spike", said Rarity kissing Spike on the lips.

Spike was overjoyed. Was this his chance? Would he finally be able to score with Rarity? Maybe.. this shit secret would certainly work in his favor.

Spike and Rarity returned downstairs. Rarity entered the downstairs bathroom.

"Heavens", said Rarity, "I would usually be annoyed about one of my customers forgetting to flush, but it is Sapphire Shores and... I think I know how you can fool Rainbow Dash. She is going to want to see the poop, I know it."

Spike got some poop and put it in a bag. He met Rainbow Dash at a secluded area of Ponyville.

"So, Spike, my man, what do you have for me?"

"You won, Rainbow", said Spike, "I managed to acquire the shit of Rarity and it is normal pony poop. I was foolish."

"So, you have my money, right?"

"Yep", said Spike giving Rainbow the 5000 bits.

"Awesome", cheered Rainbow Dash, "also, I'm sure you want to get that shit away from you. I'll dispose of it myself."

"Sounds good to me", said Spike giving Rainbow the bag of poop.

Rainbow Dash flew back to her house with the bag of poop. She gently let the turd roll out of her bag and it landed along with her collection. She looked at the poop and took a whiff. Yes, Rarity's shit does stink - not quite to Applejack levels, but this would be just fine. Rainbow finally obtained what she thought would be impossible, one of her best days ever. Thanks Spike, she owed him one.

Author's Note

I know this story is horrible.. but I don't give a shit.
Just your typical Sparity story..