Any Questions?
Chapter 1
Load Full StoryNext ChapterThanks to remarkable advances in technology, it has become possible for ponies to travel from Equestria to our world and back as they please. For whatever reason, it is still impossible for humans to travel to Equestria. As ponies have verified, the few humans who have tried to go through the portal built in a scientific facility in New York City did not appear on the other side. Humans have verified that they did not come out the way they went in either.
Poor souls.
Anyway, the second year after ponies made landfall in the world ruled by hairless apes, they had agreed to begin interacting with the general public rather than just scientists and government officials. They would begin by holding a simple question and answer session at a brony convention. What better group of people to start talking to than adoring fans who would (probably) never hurt them, lie to them, or do them any wrong? Also, the fact that bronies knew a lot about them already gave them some common ground and a basis for possible friendship.
As would be expected, though, with inter-dimensional beings appearing as guests to this year’s convention, attendance to the gathering and the Q&A event were both several times larger than expected. Nearly ten thousand attendees, both bronies and non-bronies, showed up to see the eight ponies and one dragon in the third dimension and hopefully have the chance to ask them any question they wanted.
It was the beginning of the session. Princess Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Spike the Dragon had just been introduced to the surprisingly tame crowd, introducing themselves as well for good measure. The lead organizer of the panel addressed the crowd,
“Okay, before we open the floor to all of you, I’m going to ask a few starter questions to get your minds running. There will be three questions addressed to all of the panelists, after which you all can ask questions to one pony, a group of ponies, or all the ponies.”
“Or dragon!” Spike interjected. A small wave of laughter emanated through the crowd.
“Or dragon.” The organizer acknowledged. “Now then, for all of you: What is your favorite color and why? Twilight, please start us off.” The purple alicorn tapped her chin with a hoof,
“Hmm, I think brown might be my favorite color. After all, a lot of books have beautiful brown covers, and many of those books have been my favorites!”
“Eh, brown’s kind of boring,” Rainbow Dash said, leaning back in her chair, “I personally like yellow. Yellow’s the color of lightning, and lightning is fast, and fast is awesome, just like me!”
“Actually, Rainbow, most lightning is more bluish-white in color…” Twilight pointed out.
“Even better! That’s closer to me! All right, bluish-white is now my favorite color!” the pegasus smiled. Twilight ran her hoof down her face.
“I’m quite the fan of purple, myself,” Rarity piped up, “They do say it’s the color of royalty, after all, and while I’m not actually a princess any shade of purple certainly makes me feel like one.”
“Well you must be over the moon just about every day if you like purple so much. You mane’s purple, and so is one of your best friends!” Applejack said. Rarity looked up at her expertly styled mane and then at Twilight, who was sitting down the table from her.
“Oh, so they are! How delightful!” Rarity beamed, pleased with her discovery.
“I like red. If y’all know me, I don’t think that needs much of an explanation. Apples are red, so it’s only natural that red’s my favorite color!” Applejack said.
“But aren’t there, like, green and yellow apples, too?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Sure there are, but the best, sweetest, and juiciest ones are always red!”
“Fair enough.” Rainbow shrugged.
“I’ll bet you can’t guess what my favorite color is! I’ll give you a hint: my name is Pinkie Pie, my mane is pink, and my whole body is pink, so obviously my favorite color must be…” the pink earth pony put a hoof to her ear to prompt the audience to answer, and a resounding call of “PINK!” came from the crowd. Pinkie then recoiled and contorted her face like she had just been insulted,
“What? No! It’s blue, sillies! That’s the color of a bright, sunny sky! And my eyes! And some balloons! And this microphone! And that guy’s shirt! Hi, guy! I like your shirt!”
“But your hint pointed out things that were pink. How in the world were they supposed to deduce blue from that?” Twilight shook her head. Pinkie Pie poked her own with her hoof,
“Duh! Reverse gynecology!”
“Pinkie, the term is reverse… you know what, never mind. Fluttershy, what’s your favorite color?” The cream yellow pegasus was taken aback by suddenly being called on.
“Oh, um, I’m partial to green, I suppose. It’s the color of the grass and the bushes and the trees—all places where my animal friends live! I think you can never have enough green.” A series of “aww”s echoed through the audience. Poor Fluttershy had no idea that the simple sound of her voice could send many human hearts aflutter, and not always in the good way. She blushed at the reaction, which only made the coos louder. It was an ever-increasing cycle. The redder Fluttershy got, the more the crowd would react. The more the crowd reacted, the redder Fluttershy got. Finally, Twilight interrupted to break the cycle before it broke her friend.
“Uh, Princesses! What are your favorite colors?” She spoke directly into the microphone to let people know that Flutter-time was over.
“Oh, let’s see,” Luna spoke first, “Between overseeing the night, my own visage, and a certain thousand-year moon imprisonment, I see entirely too much darkness, so I would say the color I most like is white. It is… a calming color,” she glanced at her sister as she said this, “And it makes me feel very much at home.” Celestia chuckled, charmed at Luna’s indirect compliment,
“Likewise, the countless days I have lived and the suns I have raised do make me grow tired of many of the brighter hues of the world. The deep blues and purples like on my younger sister are among my favorites.” The princess winked at her sibling, who nodded in kind.
“Let’s not forget you, Spike. What color do you like best?” The little dragon pondered this for a moment.
“Huh, well I was gonna say white—for certain reasons—but since Luna’s already got that one and I don’t wanna be a copycat, I’ll go ahead and say all colors are my favorite! Every color means something to somepony, and every color is a part of this world. I don’t know how I could pick just one!” Whether from his answer or from the fact the first question was over, the audience applauded. Spike bowed. After the cheering died down, the organizer spoke again,
“All right. Next question: What did you first think of humans?” Celestia was the first to talk this time,
“I certainly thought you were quite the curious looking creatures. In all my years I’ve never seen anything like you. In the two years since your portal helped us discover your world, I have learned a lot about your kind. It’s pleasing to know that most of you are every bit as kind as I’d hoped, and my wish is that you can one day visit us as well.” Expressions of pride were visible on many human faces.
“I, too, was very intrigued by you humans. It is not every day you meet a new sentient species, much less one from a different dimension, and even much less one you happen to be able to communicate with. I’m looking forward to discovering more of your culture—”
“Not as much as I am!” Twilight interjected, “Luna already said how uncommon new sentient species are in Equestria, and here we are with not only that, but a group that’s so much more technologically advanced than we are! Plus you’re from a different dimension! The chances of this happening are astronomical at best! Oh, I can’t wait to study your anatomy and culture and languages and customs and, of course, all that tech! Ohhh, it’s a mare’s dream come true!”
“Maybe for mares like you,” Spike shrugged, “I’m just happy to meet more creatures that walk on two feet like me! Although, Twilight says when I get older I’ll be too top-heavy to move around like this anymore. Oh, well. At least for now we have something in common.”
“Funny looking monkeys!” Pinkie shouted.
“Pinkie! Don’t be rude!” Rarity scolded her.
“What? They asked! I think they’re apes, but super-apes! Like they went beyond ape-ness, said ‘so long’ to a common ancestor, and evolved or something. They’re like chimpanzees, except with less hair. And taller. And stand-up-straighter. And different shaped heads. And they wear clothes all the time. And the girls have chest balloons!”
“I THINK…” Rarity overshadowed her rambunctious friend to avoid further embarrassment, although many humans were laughing with her, “I think that humans are marvelous creatures. After all, you must be sophisticated if you can build grand structures like the ones that seem to scrape the sky. Why, they’re so much taller than the ones in Manehattan, even! This convention hall alone is a testament to the fabulousness of your ability. And your clothes! Why, when you don’t wear clothes all the time like us ponies it’s important to look good when you do, but when you do dress constantly, I say, a number of you certainly know how to dress to impress! And the costumes you create in celebration of us? Magnificent! Bravo, humanity! Bravo!” Rarity clopped her hooves together, which also elicited applause from the audience.
“Now that Rarity’s buttered y’all up, I guess I’ll add the gravy. I thought y’all were strange lookin’, too, what with your spindly arms and flappy hands n’ fingers n’ feet n’ toes, but none of that matters when I get talkin’ to you. Y’all’re great! Plus you got all these fancy gizmos n’ gadgets that are magic even to us! Well, magic we can’t explain, at least. I’m sure we’ll learn enough about each other in time.”
“As for me,” Rainbow Dash chimed in, “I didn’t think you were that great…” she paused for dramatic effect, “But then I saw how awesome humans are. You guys found ways to fly without wings!”
“Rainbow, we have airships and hot air balloons, not to mention Pinkie’s copter,” Twilight pointed out. The blue pegasus was not listening,
“And you have those car things that go crazy fast like vrrrrrrrrrm, brrrrrrrrrrrrm, screeeeeeeeeeeech, vrrrrrrrrrrrrm! Oh! And your corn dogs are ten times better than the ones in Equestria!” The audience went from laughing at Rainbow Dash’s car sounds to dead silence.
“…What?” she asked, looking at the crowd of humans’ pained, awkward, and guilty expressions.
“Um, you mean vegetarian corn dogs, right?” The panel organizer said hesitantly.
“Duh, what other kinds are there?” Dash held her hooves up inquisitively.
“Uh, you’re probably going to feel sick soon. We won’t stop you when you need to go.”
“Why would I feel—” Rainbow Dash’s face dropped instantaneously. She held her stomach and flew out the door behind the panel table the ponies were seated at, nearly taking the door off its hinges. Applejack got up.
“I’ll go check on her,” she said, “Fluttershy, why don’t y’all tell ‘em what you think about humans? I shouldn’t be gone long.”
“Oh, um, right,” Fluttershy nodded, she turned to the audience as Applejack followed Rainbow Dash out the door.
“Well, I’m fascinated with any new creature I find. As long as it’s not scary, at least. Oh, but you all aren’t scary, honest! From the few humans I’ve had the chance to speak to, I think you’re very nice and quite smart and charming! And your children are just the cutest things ever!” Fluttershy grinned. A call of “No, you!” came from somewhere in the audience, causing some to laugh. Fluttershy blinked,
“I don’t get it.”
“It’s okay, Fluttershy, you don’t have to. Okay, the final starter question… oh, I’m sure lots of fans want to hear the answers to this one: do you have a crush on anyone, and if so, who is it?”
The cheeks of all six remaining ponies (and one dragon) dyed various shades of pink and red, and Fluttershy wobbled in her chair for a second. Spike cautiously raised his claw,
“W-well I don’t have a crush on anyone, that’s for sure, heh heh…” All of the present Mane 6 stared at him with unenthused expressions. The cosmic princesses seemed amused.
“W-what? Okay, I do have a crush on someone! B-but I’m not telling anybody that it’s the most beautiful white unicorn in the world. You won’t get that part out of me!” Many audience members chuckled, but no one had the heart to actually blurt out what everyone already knew.
“Whew, dodged a bullet on that one!” the dragon’s expression turned from nervous to sly, “What about you, Twi? Is anypony special catching your eye right now?” He nudged the alicorn with his elbow. Little did he know, he had lit fuses in many audience members and only one answer would extinguish them. Twilight answered calmly,
“No, not particularly. I’m busy with princess stuff and studying all the time. I don’t have much time for romance.” This time, the gazes of even Celestia and Luna could not be broken from Twilight. Nearly simultaneously, all of her friends and the panel organizer asked something along the lines of, “Really?”
“Are you sure you haven’t had your eye on somepony?” the organizer asked.
“Yeah,” Pinkie nodded, “I thought you were the type who would fall for a bright guy who would look out for you.”
“Well, yes, that does sound like someone who might be good for me. Intelligence is a plus and it’d be really sweet to have a guy who’s always there for me.”
“Darling, look at me.” Rarity prompted. “You don’t know of any bright young stallion who would look out for you?”
“Why do you keep putting emphasis on those words? I’m telling you there’s no one I’m crushing on right now.”
“Oh, for pony’s sake! Doesn’t this ring a bell?” Pinkie Pie dove under the table for a second and surfaced with a flashlight. She began flicking it on and off repeatedly in Twilight’s face.
“Gah, Pinkie! Why are you putting that flashlight in my face?” Twilight used her magic to snatch the light from her friend. Pinkie and the others continued to stare, as Twilight turned the flashlight over and over, then suddenly grew very red.
“Oh! You mean—oh, Celestia, no! That was one time, for pony’s sake! We bumped into each other! I hardly remember that weird trip I took back then! I mean, he’s cute and all but I barely know him—you thought I was on him for this long?” For reasons beyond Twilight’s understanding, several humans in the audience let out massive, audible sighs. The organizer took this time to make a joke,
“Wow, people. The Japanese must be attacking Pearl Harbor again because it sounds like a lot of ships are sinking.” The audience erupted in laughter. The ponies were visibly confused.
“I don’t get it.” Twilight said.
“Never mind that,” the organizer assured her, “Let’s move on to the next pony. Do either of Canterlot’s princesses have an object of their affection?” Luna seemed eager to jump on this,
“Being alive for so long and outliving many ponies means that the appeal of romantic love can sometime lose its luster, but I know that Celestia has had a number of these ‘crushes’ in her lifetime, including one now—”
“Luna, I’d rather you not…” Celestia was blushing, a very rare sight indeed,
“Relax sister, it is all in good jest. If you can believe it, Celestia is quite shy when it comes to romantic endeavors. She is the type to pen long-winded letters and poems to mares and stallions alike with whom she is stricken, often accompanying them with gifts, but sending both anonymously. She has made many attempts to court the ponies she fancies, but alas, they are more often than not mistaken by her invitations as a simple gesture of friendship or royal good will. It is lamentable, yet humorous.”
“Now, Luna, you know I have had a number of successful relationships as well,” Celestia was ready to return the assault, “But don’t I recall that you once…” the sun princess trailed off, suddenly at a loss for words,
“Aha!” Luna laughed, “You are at a mental stalemate, sister. Being the Princess of the Night, my relationships number far fewer than yours! As such, your attempt at a rebuttal to my sisterly teasing is for naught!” Then, in the most un-princess-ly display of dialogue ever witnessed by man or pony, Celestia retorted,
“That just means we’re both millennia old and I’ve got way more game than you.” The audience exploded. Twilight and Rarity’s mouths hit the floor. Pinkie began laughing hysterically. Fluttershy appeared to be stifling a giggle.
“I concede defeat,” Luna coughed, “Very well, then. Young Fluttershy, please divert attention away from my shame by divulging what adventures in lust you have partaken in!”
“Um, Princess, that’s not what the question was. We’re not even going to touch that territory here,” the organizer corrected Luna. It was too late, however. The order had reached poor Fluttershy’s ears and had simultaneously frozen her and turned her so red she appeared to be cooked.
“Fluttershy, that’s not what she meant!” Twilight jostled the yellow pegasus, “You just need to tell them if you like anyone.” This only lightly assuaged Fluttershy’s anxiety. Some red disappeared from her face and her mouth began moving but only emitting sound intermittently, barely being picked up by her microphone,
“Um…some…like…he’s…nice…can…stop now?”
“It’s okay, dear. You don’t have to continue. Oh, look, Applejack’s back just in time to tell the nice people who she has a crush on.” Rarity drew attention away from Fluttershy to Applejack, who had started a bit at Rarity’s comment, but went back to her seat and spoke,
“Is that what we’re doin’ now? Tellin’ crushes n’ stuff? Did Twilight tell y’all about the fella she met after that weird trip—”
“Yessssssss, Applejack! Everyone knows… unfortunately.” Twilight interrupted her.
“Oh, well I guess it’s my turn then. Well, this stuff is kinda embarrassin’, but I’d be a liar if I said there wasn’t somepony I really liked right now.” She blushed lightly and lowered her hat partially over her face, “Truth is, I just took that pony to lose her entire lunch in the bathroom. ‘Course, that’s not exactly a romantic way of puttin’ it.”
“Why, Applejack! I had no idea! I knew the two of you were close but I didn’t think it was like that!” Rarity gasped.
“I figure I can tease her with the fact that both our friends and thousands of others know now and she doesn’t, though I was gonna tell her soon, anyway.”
“Do you think she likes you back?” Twilight asked.
“Reckon she does,” Applejack nodded, “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught her starin’ at me from a tree while I’m harvestin’ apples, and that’s only when she doesn’t offer to help out herself out of the blue.”
“I don’t mean to be a damper, but Rainbow Dash did once hold the Element of Loyalty. Isn’t it possible she’s just being a dependable friend?” the organizer asked. Applejack responded with a short frown, but returned to her confident expression in an instant,
“I thought of that, too. What I told you about, though, and a whole lot of other things I didn’t mention, when Dash does it, it’s just different, y’know?”
“So many sinking ships…” The organizer said softly. The crowd laughed.
“I don’t get it.” Applejack shrugged.
“MY TURN!” Pinkie Pie squealed suddenly.
“Okay then, Pinkie,” the organizer chuckled, “Do you have a crush on anyone?”
“Oh yeah, I’ve got tons of crushes, at least five! I’d list them all, but you’d be better off just picking up Ponyville’s residence directory. All of them are in there!”
“Are you sayin’ you have a crush on everyone in Ponyville?” Applejack raised an eyebrow. Pinkie nodded vigorously, her mane bouncing as she did.
“Yu-huh! I mean, how could I not? Ponyville is just full of beautiful and handsome ponies! It’s like a sexy-fest of attractiveness!” Applejack put her hoof to her face,
“Pinkie Pie, what are we gonna do with you?” The crowd laughed and died down, waiting for someone else to speak.
“With Rainbow not here, I suppose I’m last, then.” Rarity cleared her throat, “I don’t think I’m the type to get simple ‘crushes,’ as you say,” she began.
“Trenderhoof,” Applejack said flatly.
“Yes, well that was one—”
“Prince Blueblood,” Twilight added.
“Okay, fine! I have had a couple crushes, but I am much more of a believer in soul-mates, so I will answer the question to say if I have found him, and I believe, yes, I have.” Lots of “ooh”s and one “Get it, girl!” came from the audience.
“Well, don’t leave us hanging! Who is he, who is he?” Pinkie pestered.
“Although Applejack is a tad more confident in the reciprocation of her affections, I would much rather keep that information private, at least for the time being. All I can say is that neither of us are quite… ready, so to speak, to be open about our feelings, albeit when I say ‘ready,’ I talk of entirely different personal aspects between the two of us.”
“So, in other words, it’s complicated.” Twilight said.
“Precisely.” Rarity nodded. With that, the starter questions were over.
“Okay, now that we have gotten the ball rolling, it’s now time to open the floor to questions from the audience! Who would like to go first?”
Thousands of hands shot up in the air. The organizer scanned the crowd before settling on a random person. He pointed at them and had an assistant bring a microphone to them so the whole room could hear them. They opened their mouth and asked…
Author's Note
This story is something I thought of while going to bed one night. As these are supposed to be questions posed to the actual ponies, I am trying to stay as close to show-canon character as possible, but I will probably insert headcanon here and there for various effects. As the long description says, you are encouraged to ask your own questions to any of the Mane 6, the Princesses, or Spike, or any combination of them in the comments.
Even if you don't, the story will progress and finish.
