Rarity's Bad Day

by Jake the Dog

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Sweetie Belle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Adventure, Sex, Tragedy
Length: 1219

Rarity has a slighty bad day.

This is a work of fiction. It has been edited from its original form to be suitable for young children.
Thanks to kittyhasnosoul for helping me write this. It was in a google doc. We like fucking around. It's what we do.

Rarity complains way too much.
She criticizes everything anypony does if they don't do it right.
She tries to make everything perfect.
But despite all of these slightly bad qualities, is there really something good under that white fluffy fur?
Just kidding.
Fuck that.

Published 2014-05-15 20:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-15 20:00:02 UTC

Chapter 1

This is a work of fiction. It has been edited from its original form to be suitable for young children.

One quite... abrupt day in Ponyville, Rarity woke up with a start. “Oh, [shit] bagels!” she said. “I’m late for the children’s beauty pageant!” She ran out the door of the Carousel Boutique and ran into Fluttershy, who was holding a basket full of animals. “Oh, hello, Rarity!” Fluttershy exclaimed, obviously joyful.

“Ah, hello Fluttershy! What do you plan to do with those animals, dear Fluttershy?”

Fluttershy smiled, “I was going to [burn] take care of them. But I decided to stop by your place before I [killed them] cuddled with them.”

Rarity smiled back at her, “Yeah. Okay. Good luck with that. Anyway, want to have a quick [fuck] hug before I go to the pageant?”

“Um… Rarity… I’m not quite sure we should--” Fluttershy began.

Rarity grabbed Fluttershy and threw her onto the couch. She shoved her against the wall and began to [fuck] hug her.

“Um.. yay?” Fluttershy whispered, [fucking] hugging her.

“Satan has found my beauty products! I must rescue them at once!” Rarity screamed, growing more insane by the second.

“R-Rarity! Calm down!”

“It ain’t my fault the aliens took my father in to be [anal probed] investigated!”

Fluttershy threw Rarity off of her, and got out off of the couch (because this story needs to go somewhere other than Rarity yelling at the top of her lungs about her personal problems.) “N-nice seeing you, Rarity..” Fluttershy began. “I need to get going, though; I need to get to [killing] cuddling my animals,” Fluttershy informed, obviously in a hurry. “It was nice to [fuck] hug you, though.”

Rarity screamed and called after her. “Fluttershy! Wait! Come back here, you little [shit] ruffian!” When Rarity realized Fluttershy was gone, Rarity [cursed, threw] petted Opalescence [at a wall], and grabbed her saddlebag. Then, she continued out the door.

After a while of walking, she came to Sweet Apple Acres. On the inside, Rarity didn’t like the Apple family, but she didn’t show it. Besides, everyone knew Applejack was a background pony. In fact, Rarity wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of her friends didn’t like Applejack, either.

She tried to get out of there quick. But it was too late.

Applejack spotted Rarity.

“Ah, ‘ey there Rare! Whatcha’ up to on this fine af’ernoon?”

“Applejack, I’m in quite the hurry and would appreciate it if you would--”

Rarity was abruptly interrupted by Applejack.

“Dun’t fret, Rare! Ah’m sure an ap’pl will cheer y’all up!”

A business offer.

Rarity gulped.

“Applejack, as much as I appreciate the offer I’m afraid I cannot--”

“I miss mah da’ddy,” Applejack whined. “E’e used to be ab’l ta make th’ most comp’icat’d deals! Please Rare, jus’ buy some ap’pl’s, will ya’?”

“Erm… no.”

Applejack had had it. And with that, she bucked Rarity in the [ass] nostril, and showed no signs of relenting.

“APPLEJACK! Stop bucking my [ass] nostril!” Rarity screamed. When Applejack continued to do it, Rarity sighed, followed by a long “PLEEEEASE.” Eventually, Applejack got tired and realized there was money to be made elsewhere. She left, and Rarity gave off a small grin.

After a few minutes, Rarity looked over her shoulder, relieved to see that Applejack was nowhere to be found. As such, Rarity decided to cut through the marketplace to get to the pageant. Hopefully there would be no one selling--Rarity gagged--apples.

Fortunately, there wasn’t.

But she did spot Fluttershy. She was buying what appeared to be [gasoline and a gagball] flowers. Rarity tried to make her way over to the yellow pegasus. In that moment, however, she heard her name being called. It was, indeed, from a pegasus, but not a yellow one.

The voice belonged to a certain cyan coloured rainbow haired [monstrosity] beauty horse.

Rarity started to run, but she was no match for the fastest flyer in Equestria. She was swooped off the ground.

“Rare, I have so much to talk to you about!” Rainbow Dash said, a little bit too loud for Rarity’s taste.

“Erm… that’s great, Rainbow Dash. Can you put me down now?” Rarity asked. But it wasn’t a request--it was a demand.

The cyan pegasus flew a little faster. “Yeah, once we get to my house!” Rarity squirmed. “Watch it, Rarity, or I might drop ya!” Rainbow Dash teased.

Rarity growled.

“Can it, Rarity! We’re almost there.”

“Rainbow Dash, I have to be somewhere in five minutes, and it’s across Ponyvil--”

“Can it, Rarity!”

Rarity growled even more.

They were airborne for a few more seconds.

Well, Rainbow Dash wasn’t.

Rarity was.

Once Rainbow Dash set Rarity down, she fell right through the clouds.

And kept falling.

And falling.

And falling.

In fact, Rarity just sighed. Then she waited a few seconds, and that’s when she started screaming.
Rainbow Dash realized what was happening a few moments later. She swooped down and grabbed Rarity. Then, she set her down safely in the center of the marketplace, near Sugarcube Corner.

“Another great job by Rainbow Dash!” Rainbow Dash praised herself. She did it often; everypony was used to it that nopony really bothered to thank her. But this time was different. Rarity [cursed out] hugged Rainbow Dash. Then, she began to walk to the children’s beauty pageant, but not before being spotted by none other than Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie started talking about some random mumbojumbo, and Rarity tried to ignore her.

But it was too hard.

It’s impossible to ignore Pinkie Pie.

“HeyraritywannagoplaysomewhereooooooIknowwecangoplaytogetherinsugarcubecornerwiththefoalscmonitllbefuuuuunnnnwegotsomenewtoysforthemandeverythingoooooievengotanewunicyclewannaseerarityraritywakeuprarityrarityraritywakeuprarityrarityraritywakeup--”

Rarity growled, closed her eyes, and tried to block out the noise. Eventually, the sound went away. But not because Pinkie Pie stopped talking: unfortunately, with her eyes closed, Rarity could not see where she was going, and with that, she walked into a lake. (No wonder she couldn’t hear Pinkie Pie anymore.)

After a while Rarity was completely deprived of oxygen, and she fell into a deep slumber, only to be woken a little while longer by Twilight Sparkle.

“Rarity! You’re awake! Oh, thank Celestia. I thought we had lost you and I was so--”

The white unicorn shoved Twilight away. “GET OUTTA MY WAY[, YOU SHIT.]”

She galloped to the beauty pageant, only to find no one there. She thought she had missed it, but eventually came to the conclusion that she must have woken up an hour prior to the time she was originally supposed to get up at, and was merely a bit early.

Not the case.

Rarity then heard a sobbing coming from the stage. She hopped up onto the wooden boards, and investigated.

Then she saw a white filly bawling her eyes out with terribly applied lipstick and a horrendous dress.

“S-Sweetie Belle?!” Rarity cried. “Why are you crying?!”

“Y-yoiujy diddhsijkn’ta jklppcoekcme!!1!11!1!11!1” Sweetie Belle replied.

“Come again?”

Sweetie wiped the tears off of her face. “You didn’t come!”

“B-but Sweetie, I’m an hour early!”

“No sis, you’re an hour late. B-but anyway… I got first place!”

It was at that moment that Rarity forgot all her troubles. “Hooray!” she cried. “Hooray! Hooray! Congratulations, Honey Boo-Boo!”

“Um. Sis. My name is Sweetie Belle.”

“Oh, of course. Sweetie Belle!”

And with that, they walked home, both pleased.

Author's Note

what the fuck did i just write