Author's Note
Written prior to the airing of Season 5, Episode 3: Castle Sweet Castle.
Don't Feel
“Try harder!”
Discord wiped the sweat from his forehead and glared at Spike. “Oh, I’m sorry! Are my attempts at reversing the damage of a monster from Tartarus not up to your lofty ambitions? Would you like to give it a shot?” He gestured to the carcass of a library without looking at it. “By all means.” Spike turned away and crossed his arms with a huff.
Fluttershy settled a hoof on Discord’s shoulder. She frowned, and her eyes drooped with her mouth. “Are you sure you can’t fix it?”
He frowned at Fluttershy for a moment, then sighed and looked at the burnt tree. “I’ve tried everything I can think of, but I’m afraid Tirek just did too much damage, even by my standards.” He looked sideways at Twilight. “I’m sorry.”
A faint sheen covered her eyes, but she blinked and it was gone. She shook her head. “It’s fine. Thanks for trying anyway.”
“Well,” Discord said, “I hate to cut such an upbeat occasion short, but I feel as though we’ve all earned our naps for today, and I’ll gladly be the first to take mine.” He collapsed into a king-sized bed behind him before tilting his head to look at Fluttershy. “Can I take a raincheck for that tea party?” Fluttershy smiled sadly and nodded. Discord’s head dropped back to the pillow, and the bed sprouted wings and took off towards Canterlot. “Ta ta,” he said, waving a limp talon.
Everyone else on the scene stood transfixed by the husk of the Golden Oak Library. The fire had long since gone out, but piles of soot and ash stood in its place, marking the scene like tombstones. Owloysius sat perched on one of the piles, pecking at something.
“Applejack,” Spike said, turning to her with pleading eyes, “you and your family build barns and stuff all the time. Do you think you could—”
“Sorry, Spike,” Applejack said, staring across the wreckage. “A tree ain’t somethin’ you can just rebuild like a barn or a house. Especially not a tree as old as that one was. I reckon it was ’bout as old as Ponyville itself.”
Spike wrenched his eyes shut and clamped his hands around his head. After a moment, his eyes shot open and he turned to Rarity. “Rarity, what about that Inspiration Manifestation spell? You created all kinds of crazy stuff! Maybe you could use it to—”
Rarity shook her head and frowned at him. “Spikey-Wikey, even if you hadn’t disposed of that horrendous spellbook, do you really want a repeat of that awful event?” She turned her frown on the library. “I’m afraid this is out of my hooves as well.”
Again, Spike shook his head and put it between his hands. “Think, Spike. Think!”
“Spike, please,” Twilight said, taking a step towards him. “You need to calm—”
“Twilight!” he cried. He clutched at her mane and looked up at her with a tiny, desperate smile. “Y-you can fix it, Twilight! Get the other princesses together and… and… do something!”
Twilight’s eyes quivered. She closed them and shook her head.
Spike’s grip on her mane loosened, and his expression shook. Tears welled up in his eyes, and his frown etched a new depth in his face. He turned his back on the group, collapsed into a sitting position, and dug his face into his knees.
“I’m so sorry,” Fluttershy said, resting a hoof around Spike. She turned to Twilight and said, “Sorry for both of you. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it must be to lose your home like this.”
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash said, landing next to Twilight. She glared at the library. “If Tirek wasn’t already back in Tartarus, I’d pound him into next week for what he did to this place.”
“I was gonna throw a big Friendship Party for all of us,” Pinkie Pie said. She frowned at the library. “But I guess maybe we should wait till later. I know you guys probably don’t feel like celebrating very much right now, even if I made rainbow-flavoured cupcakes.”
Twilight pulled in a deep breath and straightened her posture. “I appreciate it, everypony, but… but I think it’s gonna be okay.” She cracked a small smile. “In fact, I don’t really feel too upset about this, actually.” Everyone turned and quirked their eyebrows at her.
“You sure, Twilight?” Applejack said, stepping closer. “I mean, you just lost your home. Ya lived there ever since you first came to Ponyville, and I know we all have a lot o’ memories of that place. It’s alright for you to feel upset, sugarcube.”
“Really, Applejack, I’m fine.” Twilight turned to the library and blinked. “Of course I’m going to miss it, but really, we could’ve lost so much more today than just the library. And there are so many other things worth celebrating right now that I just don’t feel like we should be getting hung up on a burnt-down old tree.”
Spike managed to look over at her, his eyes still puddles. She smiled at him. The smile seemed a little bit sad, but it looked more for his benefit than hers. She looked genuinely happy. Blinking, Spike looked back at the library. His heart still felt like lead.
“I think the best thing to do,” Twilight said, “is just to move on. We already have that new castle to live in anyway. Might as well go get acquainted with the place.”
Rarity looked from Twilight to Spike and back again, still frowning. “Are you sure, Twilight?”
Twilight looked at her and nodded, grinning. “Yeah. Who knows? This might even be a blessing in disguise, all things considered.”
Applejack stepped over and wrapped a hoof around her. She smiled and said, “That’s mighty big of ya, sugarcube. I… I reckon ya might be right.” She looked at the tree. “I suppose it was just an old library… nothin’ that can’t be replaced. No sense holdin’ onto the past too much.”
“That’s the spirit, Twilight!” Pinkie cried, throwing herself into a strong embrace around Twilight. “You’ve got a bright, shiny new castle now! And even though this library was where I threw my first party for you, we still get to keep the memories of that party. Big, bad Tirek didn’t burn those!”
“It was a pretty cool place,” Rainbow said. “For a library, I mean. I’m not saying I’m not gonna miss it, but a castle like that one’s gotta be cooler, right? More power to ya, Twi!”
“I suppose…” Fluttershy said. She still held one arm around Spike and frowned at the library. Rarity and Spike both said nothing.
Twilight’s ears folded back when she looked at Spike. Fluttershy shied away as Twilight approached and placed one hoof gently on Spike’s shoulder. Softly, she said, “Come on, Spike. Don’t you want to go see what our new home is like?”
Spike kept staring at the library. He scanned his eyes across the ashes and charcoal strewn across the scene. A thick layer of soot covered the only fraction left of the walls. It all looked so alien, but his mind put the missing pieces back into place. This place was his home, and he wasn’t ready to give it up.
He saw Owloysius, still pecking his way through a pile of debris. Spike stood, letting Twilight’s hoof thump to the ground. Without looking at her, he said, “You can go ahead. I’m gonna see if I can find anything worth saving here.” He started towards the empty doorframe.
Twilight frowned. She stepped towards him. “Spike—”
“I believe I’ll assist with the effort,” Rarity said, moving past Twilight. She looked over her shoulder and smiled. “We’ll catch up with the rest of you at the castle later on. Do enjoy yourselves.” Her eyes turned harsh for a short second—short enough that it could’ve been a trick of the light. She followed Spike into the library.
Fluttershy stood and smiled a little sadly at the rest of the group. “I’m going to help too. Who knows? There might be some keepsakes that managed to survive.” Her eyes lingered on Twilight for a moment, then she turned and hovered over to join Spike, Rarity, and Owloysius.
Twilight’s frown held. “Well… if you guys are sure…”
“We’re sure,” Spike said, clawing his way through the largest mound of soot.
Rainbow Dash leaned into Twilight’s ear and whispered, “Seems kinda pointless if you ask me. What do they think they’re gonna find in all that?”
Twilight blinked hard, then shook her head. “I don’t know. But there’s no harm in it, and it might help Spike cope a little.” She turned to the rest of the group and smiled. “Let’s go to the castle then, shall we?”
“Woohoo!” Pinkie shouted, and the four ponies started off towards the great tree looming over Ponyville.
“Don’t know how long I’m gonna be able to stay, though,” Applejack said. She covered her mouth with one hoof as a strained yawn came out. “I reckon Discord was right about taking that nap.”
“I’m with ya there,” Rainbow said, cracking her wings. “Hey, speaking of Discord, didn’t it seem a little weird to you guys that…”
As the conversation trickled out of hearing range, Spike still fought against the heat behind his eyes. He flung ash and soot in every direction as he dug deep into the detritus, but nothing even remotely salvageable popped out at him. He sighed.
“Hoo.” Owloysius hovered down next to him and deposited a scrap of blue cloth on the ground. It was half its original size and covered with dust and grime, but Spike recognized it instantly as his old blanket. He smiled and clutched it in one claw.
“Thanks,” Spike said. He turned and kept digging. “At least someone still cares about this place.”
Rarity paused. She turned to Spike and said, “Spike, dearest, I hope you’re not too upset with Twilight. She may have come off as a bit insensitive just now, but do remember that she’s just been through quite the exhausting ordeal. Perhaps she’d just rather not deal with… all of this—” she gestured to the scene around them “—at the moment.”
Spike sighed. “I guess,” he said. But Rarity still frowned at him.
“And, you know,” Fluttershy said, smiling over at the two of them, “Twilight does have a little bit of a point.” The others all turned to stare at her blankly. Fluttershy flinched. “I mean, if Discord couldn’t even fix the library, I’m afraid there’s not much hope for saving this place. Twilight was right when she said that we’ll need to move on—maybe she’s just moving on a little faster than we expected.”
Rarity smiled. “You do make a valid point, Fluttershy. Perhaps Twilight’s merely trying to set a good example for the rest of us. After all, if she can move on so simply, I suppose it’s only natural that we all move on as well.” She turned to Spike and added, “In our own time, of course.”
Spike blinked a few times. He looked around—not at Rarity and Fluttershy, but at the library surrounding him. He noticed that the first step of the staircase had survived, and he felt a chill run through him. He nodded, said nothing, and kept digging—a bit more slowly, this time.
After a moment, the others kept digging too.
***
The sun had nearly set by the time Spike arrived back at the castle. His feet dragged along the ground alongside the filthy bit of blue fabric clutched in his hand. Patches of dirt and ash covered his whole body. Rarity and Fluttershy had opted to return home, but Owloysius hovered at Spike’s side. He clutched a mostly intact book in his talons.
Spike craned his head up to look at the castle. It towered high into the sky—so high he couldn’t see the top of it from where he stood. Instead of leaves, multicoloured strands of light hung around the treetop. Two huge balconies jutted out far above him, and he could see at least half a dozen windows lining areas between the branches.
He sighed. It was magical. It was beautiful. But it wasn’t his home. He clutched his blanket just a little tighter and pushed open one of the double doors.
“Oh, you’re back!” He looked up to find Twilight smiling at him from a few feet away. “It was getting late, and I was just about to come looking for you.” She creased her eyebrows a little and set a hoof on his shoulder. “How are you doing?”
Spike wanted to shrug her away, but he thought better of it. He sighed. “I’m fine, I guess.” He looked up into her eyes. “I’m sorry, Twi.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Sorry for what?”
“Being so cold with you earlier. I guess I just… I dunno.” He scratched the back of his head. “I just don’t really know how to feel right now, ya know? So much has happened today—and to have our old place destroyed on top of everything… it’s kinda tough to deal with it all at once.”
Twilight pulled him into a one-armed hug. “I know, Spike. I understand how you must be feeling. But it’s like you learned at the Equestria Games, remember? Sometimes it’s best to let go of the past so that you can embrace the future. I know it might be…” Twilight gulped. “…harder, in this case, but you need to be strong. Because if you’re not strong, how can anyone else be?”
Despite himself, Spike chuckled. “Seems like you’ve already got a pretty good handle on being strong for the both of us.” After a few moments without a reply, Spike lifted an eyebrow. He pulled out of her embrace and looked up at her. Her eyes were a little glassy. “Twilight?”
Twilight blinked and shook her head. “Sorry. It’s been a tiring day. At any rate, I’m glad to hear you’re starting to feel better. How’d the search go, anyway?”
Spike’s grip retightened around his blanket. He looked down at it, suppressed the pinch behind his eyes, and held it up to her. “Owloysius found this. My old blanket.”
Twilight recoiled a bit. “Uh, you’re not gonna keep that, are you?”
The pinching feeling returned to Spike’s eyes, and his mouth curled back into a frown. He looked at his blanket and clutched it closely in both hands. “Why shouldn’t I?”
“Well, just look at it, Spike.” She gestured to the fabric, singed and torn beyond repair. “It’s filthy! And it’s too small to cover you now. I don’t even think Rarity could save it.”
Unclenching his fists from around it, Spike looked at the blanket. He didn’t see the burnt edges, the spots of muck, or the holes singed across it. Instead he saw it as he remembered it—warm and inviting and always tucked perfectly in his bed, ready for him to crawl under every single night. “But…” he began.
“Besides,” Twilight said, “there’s already a brand new blanket waiting for you in your bed upstairs.” She smirked at him. “It’s a duvet.”
“I dunno, Twilight,” Spike said, letting the blanket fall to the side with his hand. “I think I’d like to keep it anyway. Not to actually use it, but maybe just like a reminder. Is that okay?”
Twilight’s smile went warm. “Of course it’s okay. Did you manage to find anything else?”
Spike shrugged. “Not really. Everything else was pretty much… gone. We only managed to find one other thing that survived.”
“And that is?”
“Hoo.” Owloysius fluttered in through a nearby window. He flew up next to Twilight and offered her the book in his talons. She took it in her magic as Owloysius landed in the crook of her back. The book’s title read The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide. Without thinking, Twilight lifted a hoof to her mouth.
“Oh, wow,” she said. “This is the book that we used to find the Elements of Harmony all those years ago. Back on my first night in Ponyville… The first book I ever read out of that library.” She smiled.
“I know, right?” Spike said, grinning. And for the first time since discovering the library that day, his smile felt genuine. “Go figure it’d be the only book to survive.”
“This’ll be the perfect first addition to our new library!”
Spike’s expression went blank. He tilted his head. “‘New library?’”
Twilight’s eyes shot up from the book. “Oh, right! You haven’t seen much of the castle yet, have you?” She started down the hall and levitated Spike onto her back. “You’re gonna love it, Spike! There are so many rooms, and I’ve already assigned purposes to most of them. Wanna hear?”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Lay it on me.”
“Well, on the first floor there’s the throne room, two studies, a huge kitchen—I bet you’re gonna love that one—the library, the backup library, the backup-backup library…”
***
“And this,” Twilight said, throwing open another door, “is your new bedroom!”
Spike raised his eyebrow. The room was gigantic and mostly empty. Two windows sat ajar on the far wall, and a small bed rested between them—it reminded him of Twilight’s bed back in Canterlot, but a bit smaller. Next to it was a nightstand with a lantern, but the room was barren otherwise. “Huh,” Spike said.
“I know it’s not much right now,” Twilight said, walking inside, “but you can do whatever you like with it. I’m sure you’ll have it decorated in no time.”
“Yeah, that’s cool and all,” Spike said as he followed her over to the bed, “but, uh… where’s my bed?”
Twilight cocked her head. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I see your bed,” he said, gesturing to the ornate bed, “but I think you forgot to put mine in. We can just have my old one sent in from Canterlot, but I dunno if it’ll get here in time now.” He looked to the sunset outside. “Seems kinda—”
“Spike, that is your bed,” Twilight said, pointing at it.
“Wait, what?” Spike did a double-take, looking the bed over again. Undoubtedly it was smaller than Twilight’s old bed, but it still completely dwarfed the basket he’d slept in since infancy. He prodded the comforter with a claw. His finger sank into the fabric, making a deep impression, and the material didn’t bounce back when he pulled away. He turned to Twilight and said, “Really?”
She rolled her eyes and smirked at him, “Of course! It’s your bedroom, Spike. Your room, your bed.”
He turned back to the bed and grinned. “Huh, cool. So when’s your bed coming in?”
“Oh, mine’s in the next room over.” She turned to the door. “Come and see!”
In a moment, Spike appeared in front of her, holding a hand to her chest and staring wide-eyed up at her. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean ‘the next room over?’ We’re not sleeping in the same room?”
Twilight gave him a small smile. “Well… no, we’re not. I figured that there are so many rooms in this castle, it seems like a good opportunity for us to have individual bedrooms.” She grinned hopefully. “Won’t that be great, Spike? A space all to yourself!”
Spike’s stare didn’t soften at all. “But… we’ve slept in the same room since forever! It’s always been the same, Twilight. You get the big bed, and I sleep at the foot of the bed. That’s the way I liked it! Why does it have to change now?”
A frown split Twilight’s face. Her eyes shifted down to the scrap of cloth in Spike’s claw, and she sighed. “Come over here for a second, Spike,” she said, walking over and sitting on the end of bed. Spike didn’t move at first, but then Twilight patted a spot of the comforter beside her. He wandered over and pulled himself up next to her, staring at the ground. Twilight wrapped an arm around him and said, “Talk to me.”
Spike leaned his head into Twilight and sighed. “I dunno what to say.”
“Start with how you’re feeling right now.”
He shuffled a little. “Honestly? I really miss our old place. Like, a lot, y’know?” Twilight nodded, and Spike continued, “And I know that the whole thing with Tirek could’ve ended a lot worse—heck, I didn’t even know if I would ever get to see you again once he kidnapped us—but just because things aren’t as bad as they could be… it doesn’t feel right to just forget about the bad stuff that did happen.
“And now…” Spike sniffled and clutched his blanket tighter. “Now, everything’s changing so fast! New library, new kitchen, new responsibilities. I mean, we have a castle now, Twi. A freaking castle! Thrones and everything. And this…” He gestured to the bedroom at large. “This, on top of everything else, it’s…” He shrugged and sighed, blinking a mile a minute. “It’s hard.”
Twilight stroked his arm softly, pulling him tighter. “I get it, Spike,” she said, rubbing her eye. “I really do. We… That library, we made a lot of memories there.” She chuckled. “Our first Pinkie Pie party, that slumber party with Rarity and Applejack…”
“My first birthday in Ponyville,” Spike mused.
“Meeting Owloysius.”
Spike chuckled. “And that time Fluttershy dumped a bucket of water on your head?”
Twilight giggled. “Oh, yeah! And that time I was preparing for Celestia’s test and blew the whole library into the sky?”
“That was nuts!” Spike said, laughing and grinning. “And then—” His expression fell a little, but he was still smiling. He sighed. “Then, the day you became a princess.”
A heavy silence ensued. “Yeah,” Twilight said, wrapping a wing around Spike, “there was that. But… but that’s all those are, Spike. Memories. They’re in the past, and our lives have changed because of them. For the better, I think.” Another moment passed silently. The nighttime wind whistled in through the windows.
“I know you’re gonna miss the library,” Twilight said. “No matter what, that won’t change. But, Spike, we need to keep looking forward. We’re… Well, we’re growing up. Whether we like it or not, things aren’t going to be the same forever. You didn’t really think you would sleep in a basket for the rest of your life, did you?”
Spike shrugged and pushed closer to Twilight. “Never really thought about it.”
Twilight shook her head and sniffed. “I don’t want us to stop growing, Spike. This castle… maybe we’re not very attached to it right now, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make new memories here. It’s the culmination of our friendships—that’s special in its own way. So… we have to keep moving, Spike. It’s the only way we’ll keep growing. Stay strong, and carry on…”
Spike sighed. They sat on the end of his bed for a while, watching the moonrise through a window out in the hallway. Spike tried to imagine how great the castle would look in the moonlight from the outside, but he couldn’t fully form the castle’s exterior in his mind. Settling into Twilight’s coat, he let his scrap of blanket slip from his claw onto the bed.
“Feeling any better?” Twilight said. Her voice seemed a little strained.
Nodding, Spike said, “Yeah, a little. Thanks, Twi.” He looked out at the hallway. “You still wanna show me your bedroom?”
“Not tonight.” Twilight pulled out of the embrace and stood up. Without looking his way, she said, “It’s getting late—we should both be heading to bed. Need a glass of water anything?”
Spike raised an eyebrow, but a yawn wrenched itself from his mouth as he did. “Uh… no, I’m good,” he said, still watching the back of Twilight’s head. It dipped a little. “You okay, Twilight?”
“Fine,” Twilight said. She hurried for the door, using her magic to extinguish Spike’s lantern as she did. “Good night, Spike. And…” She paused in the doorway.
“Twilight?”
After a second, Twilight shook her head. “Sorry. Good night,” she said, then she stepped out into the hall and closed the door, cloaking Spike’s room in darkness.
Spike blinked. “That was weird,” he said. Another yawn forced itself from him, and his eyelids drooped a bit lower. He slid up farther in his bed, approaching the pillow. “Eh, she’ll be okay. It’s like Rarity said: she’s just tired from everything that happened today. Heck, I’m tired from all that happened today. Being depressed really… take a lot… out of ya…”
His head fell backwards into the pillow, sinking in the down. Within a few moments, Spike slipped into dreamland.
***
Spike awoke to sunlight streaming across his face. He rolled out of his basket and smacked his lips together. “Musta slept in late,” he said, rubbing sleep from his eye.
He glanced over at Twilight’s bed. She was gone, and the bed was perfectly made. Something about that struck him as odd. He scratched his head, then turned to look out the window. The sun watched him from its zenith. “Whoa,” Spike said. “Twilight never lets me sleep in this late. I wonder what—” His eyes shifted down from the sky and looked forward, and he froze on the spot.
Tirek stood several hundred feet away, aiming a bolt of magic at him. Spike blanched. He tried to run, but heat and darkness overwhelmed him before he got far.
He vaguely heard Twilight’s voice as he blacked out.
***
“Gyah!” Spike cried, sitting up in his bed. He looked around frantically, sweat beading on his forehead. Moonlight streamed through his windows, making the floor glisten like ice. Spike blinked.
He swung his legs sideways and did a double-take when his feet landed on a mattress instead of the edge of his basket. He scooted forward and hopped down from the bed. The floor felt cold under his toes. Quickly, Spike made for the door and threw it open, rushing into the hallway.
Once out the door, he froze. A view of Ponyville lay before him, silhouetted black save for two lights shimmering in Sugarcube Corner. Spike approached the windowsill and squinted into the darkness. The wreckage of the library looked like a mangled ghost amid the buildings.
Spike pulled away from the window and walked over to Twilight’s bedroom, his footsteps echoing slightly. Twilight’s door was open a crack, so he carefully pushed it open all the way. “Twilight?” he whispered, peeking his head inside.
The room looked much like his own bedroom, except the bed was larger and a bird perch stood in the far corner. Owloysius was nowhere to be seen, but a lumpy form rested beneath Twilight’s blankets. Spike took half a step into the room, then he saw Twilight’s crown sitting on her nightstand. He bit his lip and turned back out into the hall, closing the door fully.
He wandered back to the window and peered out at the library again. Something twinged in his chest, and he kept walking—past his bedroom and down the corridor, hanging a right towards the stairwell. He descended the spiraling stairs, passed two floors on the way down, and stepped out onto the ground floor. A large door loomed at the end of the hall, lit barely by the castle’s natural light. Spike pressed against it, and it slid open.
Seven thrones sat in a circle around the room’s center. Spike wandered into the middle of them. He swept his gaze across all of them, making particular note of his friends’ cutie marks adorning each one, until he stopped at his throne. Small, unmarked, and joined to Twilight’s by the hip. He stepped over to it and sat down.
The seat felt too cold and too hard. He wiggled around a little, trying to get comfortable, and eventually leaned back. Still, the throne felt firm and unwelcoming against his back. “Definitely need to get some cushions for these things,” Spike said, grimacing. He climbed over into Twilight’s throne instead. It felt the same as his throne, just bigger. Spike sighed and hopped down.
He glanced back at the door that led back to his bedroom. His stare stuck there for a moment before he turned toward the entrance hallway. Once he reached the tall double doors, he struggled against one for a moment before it came open.
A soft, brisk breeze rolled over him. Spike looked out across Ponyville, paused in the castle’s doorway. Finally, he hunched his shoulders, focused his gaze on his feet, and walked into the night.
***
It took a few minutes for Spike to make it through Ponyville, as he kept his eyes down the whole time. He shook his head. “I shouldn’t be doing this,” he said. “Twilight was right. I just have to be strong like her and move on. Just… move on.”
He turned onto another road, knowing what awaited him at the end of it. Spike squeezed his eyes shut, pushing back the heat behind them. “But I just… gotta see it, one more time,” he whispered. A chill ran down his spine, and he stepped ever closer to the end of the street. His breaths came out shakily.
Spike bumped into something, and the something gasped.
“Whoa!” Spike cried, falling back on his rump. He shook his head and looked up, meeting Twilight’s stunned, shimmery eyes. “Twilight?” he said.
“Oh, Spike,” Twilight said. She sniffled and wiped her muzzle with a foreleg. “I… I thought you were asleep, back at the castle.”
“And I thought you were,” Spike said. “I had a nightmare and woke up, and I came back here because… because…” He looked beyond Twilight, frowning.
In the moonlight, the library husk looked eerily foreign. Its blackened limbs sprawled out like plunder vines, and its dead doorway sat crooked before them. Large mounds of soot and char still stood beyond, where the bookshelves had stood. Owloysius sat perched on one of them.
Twilight looked back at the library too. “Yeah,” she said, “me too.”
Spike moved to sit next to Twilight. A quick silence went between them before he said, “I thought you had moved on.”
Twilight blinked hard a few times, but a tear rolled down her cheek anyway. “I…” She sniffled again. “I want to. I really, really do. But… I don’t know.” Her frown deepened. “I’m sorry, Spike.”
Quirking an eyebrow, Spike looked over at her. “Sorry? For what?”
The library creaked in the wind, and Twilight hung her head. She pulled herself into a tighter ball and said, “I’m supposed to be stronger than this. I’m a princess, for crying out loud! I… I have so much to be grateful for—especially after today. But…”
She looked up. “But I can’t help it, Spike,” she said. “No matter how hard I try, I still miss it. Not just the library, but everything. I miss being Princess Celestia’s student. I miss everything being simple, just our friends living day to day without having to worry about demons or evil or anything.” She looked over at Spike and whispered, “And sometimes I miss when it was just you and me, studying magic up in Canterlot, too.”
Spike frowned. “Twilight…”
“But I can’t miss those things, Spike!” she shouted, looking back at the library. “I have such a great life right now, but all I can think of are the things I don’t have anymore. I’m supposed to be strong enough to move on and look forward.” She sniffled. “Because if I’m not strong… how can anyone else be?”
She felt Spike wrap his arms around her, and she was surrounded by his warmth. When he pulled away and looked her in the eye, he smiled and said, “Twilight, you have no idea how happy I am to hear all that.”
Despite herself, Twilight lifted an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
Slanting his mouth, Spike looked down at the ground. “I know it’s important to be strong and move on and everything, but… with how fast you were trying to make everyone forget about the library, it just felt like you didn’t really care about it all that much. Like you just wanted to focus on all the good and ignore all the bad, and… it kinda hurt me.”
Twilight blinked. “I’m so sorry, Spike. I didn’t mean for it to come across that way. All I wanted to do was set a good example for ponies.”
Spike sighed. He settled in the dirt next to Twilight and leaned his head against her shoulder. “I get that, but you have to remember that you’re still a pony too, Twilight. It’s okay for you to feel bad about stuff and miss things, especially when they’re as important as this. Being strong is one thing, but just hiding your feelings so that other ponies think of you as perfect and emotionless?” Spike shook his head. “I don’t want that.”
Twilight gazed across the library, focusing on Owloysius resting atop a pile of debris. She rested her head against Spike’s and said, “I don’t want that either.” A few moments passed, and some of the library’s soot flew away on the wind. Eventually, Twilight smirked. “When’d you get so smart anyway?”
“We hug a lot,” Spike said. “Some of your wisdom must’ve rubbed off on me.” Twilight giggled and pulled Spike into a one-armed embrace. Spike smirked a little. His eyes fell across the library again. His smirk shrunk and he sighed. “I really am gonna miss this place.”
Twilight nodded. “Me too.”
“Hoo,” Owloysius said. He grabbed something in his talons and fluttered over, gently placing it on the ground before perching on Twilight’s shoulder. All three of them looked down at the object: a picture frame dusted with ash. It held a photograph of Twilight, Spike, and all their friends standing in front of the old library, beaming.
Grabbing the photo in her magic, Twilight smiled. She offered it to Spike and said, “One step at a time?”
Spike nodded and grabbed the photo, pressing it to his chest. “One at a time.”
They sat with the library for several more minutes before standing up and starting back to the castle. “Y’know,” Twilight said, “I could have Celestia send over your old bed from Canterlot, if you like. We could put it in my room at the foot of the bed.”
“Nah,” Spike said. Twilight looked down at him, raising an eyebrow. Spike smirked up at her. “What? Sure, I miss that setup, but that new duvet is really awesome.”
Twilight shook her head, grinning. “One step at a time.”
