It was a normal day in Equestria, the weather was nice, the sun was shining, and everything seemed to be going just fine. Twilight Sparkle was just organizing her book shelves and dusting off every little corner. With a sudden knock on the door, Rainbow Dash's voice called out.
"Twilight, are you ready to go?"
"Almost," she responded. Quickly brushing off one last book, the unicorn made her way to the door. She opened it, only to find that Rainbow Dash wasn't standing outside. She looked up and down and everywhere that she possibly could. There was no sign of her rainbow mane. Twilight sighed, looks like Rainbow was just playing another one of her tricks. It was beyond Twilight why she even bothered to think for one second that Rainbow Dash would be coming with her to a book convention.
Trotting happily into the morning sun, Twilight made her way to the book convention. It was the first meeting, and there was no way she was going to miss out on meeting with fellow egg heads. She thought of all the discussions they would have about the books, all the intelligent minds she would speak with, all the amazing books they would read, all the fudge they would smell! Wait, what, fudge? Twilight's nose wasn't mistaken, the clear scent of fudge was coming from a nearby alleyway. Suddenly, the sky flashed pink.
It stayed pink for a couple minutes, and even though everypony else noticed it to, pink skies were a common occurrence apparently, so nopony payed much attention. Little did Twilight know that pink skies were actually not a common occurrence. Ignoring the total danger of searching through an alleyway after the sky flashed pink and it seemed as though something had appeared there, she trotted slowly to investigate the fudgetastical smell she sniffed.
Upon arriving in the alleyway, she saw a...a.....
It was naked! Oh, wait, no it wasn't. Ponies didn't wear clothes anyway. This pony was clothed! Twilight gasped. He was wearing a white t-shirt and jeans. Twilight didn't know what either of these were, but she shielded her eyes. But wait, its breasts were HUGE! Wait, still no. Ponies aren't mammals and don't have breasts, and therefore they couldn't be huge anyway. But wait, it was unconscious! Finally, something that made a little sense. Twilight walked over to the mysterious pony. He had a black mane and a tan colored coat. He looked very odd, there was something weird about this pony.
No matter, random ponies lying on the street were to be taken to Twilight's home. Nothing could possibly go wrong. Using her magic to pick up the unconscious pony she trotted back to the library. She placed him gently on her bed and went to find Pinkie Pie. She knew everypony in Ponyville, and surely she'd know who this was.
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Twilight arrived back at the library with Pinkie Pie. She opened the door. As soon as the door flung open Pinkie Pie bounced in and looked for the mysterious pony that appeared clothed on the street. Without warning, the mysterious pony jumped from atop one of the bookcases and landed a flying punch with his hoof directly in the face of Pinkie Pie, knocking her out in one hit. Afterwards, he yelled out, "Bitch, this is my dream, I do what I want!"
"Hey!" yelled Twilight, "You can't do that!"
"Shut up Twilight, this is my first pony dream. I can do whatever I want." He then proceeded to do what could only be described as taking one hoof, pulling it over his mane, and doing the same with the other hoof. He slicked his mane back with his hooves one after the other, calling this dance the "dougie". He then attempted to punch Twilight in the face.
Using her magic, Twilight stopped him, and subdued him. Now the pony realized he wasn't in a dream, that he had actually been transported to Equestria. Now it was time for Twilight to talk to him about this realization.
"How did you get to Equestria?"
"I dunno, complete bullshit?"
"Makes sense." She paused. "So, you were a human?"
"Yah, I was."
"What was that like?"
"I had five fingers and toes, walked on two legs, and didn't have a mane. Now, even though I've only been a pony for about an hour, I'm am completely dominant over this new form of walking on four legs, can function properly, and have no questions as to who YOU are, because that's just silly."
"Well that's just wonderful. How are you coping with being a pony?"
"Contrary to what the majority would think, I'm NOT freaking out, I'm NOT going crazy, and I'm NOT questioning it too much. I'm just unsure to as why I'm a pony that's all. Actually, I didn't realize I was a pony until you told me I was. Even though I could see my hooves clearly, I still believed I was a human. Also, the fact that I showed up in Equestria as a pony makes TOTAL sense. Also, the fact that my mane is the only one that's black and nopony has questioned that yet makes total sense."
Then, the two ponies went to Lyra's house, because she apparently knew a lot about humans.
When they arrived, Lyra fainted upon hearing the word "human" being spoken by anypony besides her. She was totally useless so Twilight and the human pony went back to the library.
"So what's your name?"
"The."
"The?"
"Yah, The Only. It's a cool name. I made it up for FIMfiction and I think it's pretty rad."
"FIMfiction? What's that?"
"Oh, I can't tell you about that. It would cause a rift between universes."
"Well, looks like we should get you back to where you came from! Even though there is no background information crediting why you ended up in Equestria, I'm sure we can randomly figure out a solution. Considering I've never heard of humans before."
"Wonderful. Let's get this over with in ten seconds flat."
"Excuse me?"
"Oh you wouldn't get that meme."
Then, they went on their merry way, expressing their joy and love for everything that was lovable and enjoyable.
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"What the fuck was that?"
I stared back into the eyes of the man sitting in the chair. "What do you mean?" I asked.
"This story, what the fuck was it?"
"I don't know, a story I wrote?"
"Look kid, this publishing company only publishes novels written about HUMANS, not ponies."
"But it was about humans! Didn't you notice the use of the word 'human' once in my story?"
"Just because it includes the word human doesn't make it about humans. It's totally pony orientated, I can't publish this."
"No, that's not fair you have to."
"Look, the story idea has already been used thirty-seven other times. I literally have thirty-seven copies of this exact story with different characters in my office."
"That's not a valid point."
"It doesn't even look like you bothered to edit this! It seems like you just wrote it out of your ass."
"Still not a valid point."
"It's not even a quality story!"
"Bullshit."
"You're grammar isn't very good. And to top it off, you even have false information in the story!"
"Name one instance!"
"Well for starters ponies just so happen to be MAMMALS....."
"Google has called your bullshit, and raised it two bullshits."
"You've literally beaten the story idea to death and took a shit on it."
"I'm going to need a check on aisle BULLSHIT."
"The plotline is so shaky I could literally breathe on it and it would fall down."
"Continuing your bullshit I see, Mr.Bullshit."
"The story doesn't even progress logically, there are so many questions I have."
"Good, answer them you little bitch."
"There is no possible way for the story to maintain an interesting plot beyond the third chapter."
"Did you hear that? That's the sound of bullshit being born."
"The story is a self-insert, and yet the inserted character has no personality whatsoever! How do you expect me to publish this??"
"Good sir, I'd like you to meet my wife, Mrs. Bullshit. Oh wait, that's your wife."
"The descriptions are vague and there are plot holes everywhere!"
"This is alpha-dog calling in for backup, we're being bombarded by massive amounts of bullshit, we're definitely going to need some help to survive this shitstorm."
"Your cover picture is a female posing sexually, and it doesn't have to do with the story at all! If anything it's solely for the purpose of getting people to buy the story!"
"Yo, grab the shovel, we're going to be here for a year shoveling all this bullshit out of this canyon!"
"The characters don't even act correctly in the situations they are put in, and other characters seem to just disregard everything that goes on!"
"Jesus disapproves of all this bullshit."
"Would you just listen to me!?"
"Ok, fine."
"There's not much I can do with this story."
"Publish it."
"Fine, I'll publish it."
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Later that day.....
"Wow, check out the new HumanFall story that just came out!" exclaimed an ecstatic consumer.
"Whoa, no way, I bet it shares the same qualities with its other thirty-seven remakes!" exclaimed another ecstatic consumer.
"FUCK YEAH, BUY ALL THE COPIES!"
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AN: This was meant for parodying purposes ONLY, I do not mean to offend ANYBODY with this story, simply inspire a few smiles or laughs (hopefully). I urge nobody to throw a fit over a simple parody. I MAY have crossed the line, but all in good fun. Harmless comedy, my friends.
