Neon Genesis Octavia

Chapters

1 - Angel Attack
2 - Shamshel, 4th Angel
3 - Ramiel, 5th Angel
4 - Jet Alone
5 - Gaghiel, 6th Angel
6 - Israfel, 7th Angel
8 - Flashback - Vinyl vs Asuka
9 - The Persistent Angel
10 - Bardiel, the 13th Angel
11 - Zeruel, the 14th Angel
7 - Sandalphon, 8th Angel

1 - Angel Attack

One day, Octavia Melody the gray background pony had finished performing in a street concert at Tokyo-3, playing the ear-wormy opening of the iconic deconstruction of Super Robot shows. Standing on top of her mobile stage, she stuck out like a sore thumb because she was a pony in a human world. After the concert, she heard lots of explosions in the distance. A huge army was attacking a giant black humanoid with two skull faces, skeletal shoulder pads, and an open rib cage with a glowing orb. This Robeast was called Sachiel. It used a large, orange, and hexagonal AT Field to easily block all the missiles thrown at it by helicopters and tanks. One of the pilots shouted, "EVERY SINGLE MISSILE HIT THE TARGET!" before being blown up by a pink laser shot out of Sachiel's arm. He then stepped on some tanks, blowing them up too before crushing a much larger rocket with his arm and punching out helicopters as if he was swatting mosquitoes. Some missiles fell on him, did zero damage, and squeaked like rubber ducks.

At this point, Octavia saw one of her black-haired crowd members being picked up by a purple-haired woman, Misato Katsuragi. "Shinji Ikari, you are needed in the defense force of NERV right now!"

"That's him. The kid who ruined it all," she thought, her face set in determination. Her mobile stage transformed into a flying platform in order to follow Shinji and Misato as they drove towards the NERV building. Then the army attacked Sachiel with another explosive. Octie flew to maintain a safe distance from the explosion. The car Misato was driving flipped over, neither passenger receiving injury, oddly enough. It got back up and reached the NERV building at the same time as Octie. Behind the three of them, Sachiel regenerated the damage he took.

Some nondescript men said, "The Angels are back. They caused the Second Impact and are preparing to cause the Third Impact. We need to use a secret weapon to stand any chance against them. This Angel is called Sachiel. Since the Angels are Robeasts, the enemies of giant robots, it's natural that a giant robot should fight them."

Upon reaching the NERV building, the GeoFront, Shinji and Octie met the cold father known as Gendo Ikari. The tall black-haired man with shades and white gloves said, "Shinji Ikari, after a million years I finally have a use for you. Get in the *dolphin noise*-ing robot!" He pointed to a large purple face in the pool nearby. It had a large horn on its head.

Shinji replied, "NO! I CAN'T DO IT! I DON'T HAVE A SPINE, COMBAT EXPERIENCE, OR ANY SELF-ESTEEM! I'M NOT SIMON THE DIGGER! I'M NOT LUKE SKYWALKER! NOR AM I A POWER RANGER!"

Octavia joined in, "You have never treated him like a living being. That's why he's whining. Why don't you let me go instead since I don't have his psychological problems? I, Octavia Melody, don't need that robot. Instead, I've got this flying device I'm standing on, a cello that can destroy anything with its music, and a bow that can cut stuff as if it wasn't there. I've been performing on the street, and discovered that my cello has these powers when freak accidents would occasionally happen in my concerts. My bow would fly and cut something, and random stuff would occasionally break while I was playing my cello."

Gendo said that he didn't need Octavia right now, but rather Shinji, much to her dismay. She tried to convince Gendo to let her fight Sachiel. "It would be very traumatizing to bring a child soldier like Shinji into a real battle like what you're about to do. Especially if they're mentally unstable, which will only make things worse. Far worse. His depression would destroy the world!"

Gendo told her, "No, Octavia. Only Shinji can pilot that giant robot." He brought in a heavily-bandaged blue-haired girl in order to blackmail Shinji into piloting the robot. As Shinji got inside, the purple robot started to rise up out of the building in order to face Sachiel. Gendo then said, "Don't get yourself killed, Shinji."

Octavia then decided to perform for NERV to demonstrate her abilities while Shinji tried to fight the Angel without any combat experience. She was secretly jinxing his robot, called an Evangelion, with her superpowered cello. Attempting to figure out how to operate the robot, Shinji slowly walked up to the Angel before fumbling from being jinxed, then tripping over a rock and faceplanting into grass. Sachiel picked him up before pummeling his face with laser beams. The EVA got thrown backwards, got up, and charged at Sachiel, but then tripped again from still being jinxed. To everypony's surprise, including Octie's, Sachiel yelled "AVADA KEDAVRA" and shot both the EVA and Shinji dead with a green laser. Meanwhile, Octie sliced apples on the table with her bow by throwing it and having it boomerang back to her. She also broke glass with her music.

Misato yelled, "SHINJI! The controls are offline and the life signals have stopped completely! Get out of there this instant!" And NERV managed to get Shinji out of the battlefield, only to find him motionless with his eyes and mouth open as if he was shocked.

When Misato asked a nondescript crew member about the damage, the man said, "He's dead, Jim. And since Eva-01 would only work with him, we no longer have any use for it."

Misato replied, "What about that gray pony who claims to be a superhero?"

Then Octavia, still performing and demonstrating her weapons, remarked "See? I knew that this wasn't a good idea at all. Unlike in the anime this was based on, Shinji isn't the main character of this story. I am. That's why he got hit by that Unforgivable Curse which kills people. Now it's my turn to take out the trash." She flew outside the building with her cello and flying platform to take over for Shinji. Upon emerging, she dodged lasers from Sachiel while playing her cello to charge up a strong sound blast that shattered his AT Field and threw him backwards upon release. He smashed into a large concrete wall as he landed, then the wall fell on him and shattered. While lying on the floor, he shot at her again, but she weaved through his lasers and threw her bow. While flying, the bow span around, cut Sachiel's arms off, and boomeranged back to Octavia. She then flew up to him and smashed his head with her cello multiple times. Afterwards, she flew away from him and threw her bow right into his glowing core, cracking the core. Five seconds later, she raised an arm and the bow returned to it for her to strike another note. "Yippie kie yay mother bucker." And as her bow swept across her cello, Sachiel exploded.

Misato praised Octavia for saving the city, and took her to be assigned accommodation. "Good job pony superhero. I thought Shinji was the chosen one. But you seem to be much better. You didn't even need the Evas, one of which we can no longer use."

Octie was able to enjoy her victory afterwards, and the next thing she had to face was superhero fame. "Screw the Chosen One cliche, if there is somepony who can do something better, so be it!"

2 - Shamshel, 4th Angel

The day after the battle against Sachiel, Octavia went out for a walk, seeing lots of crowds talking about her. Some members of the crowds wore gray and held cellos to emulate her because she had become a famous superhero. "Hey everypony, it's the girl who saved Tokyo-3 from that giant...thing!"

Octavia was not surprised to see that she was being praised so much. Unlike Shinji, she REALLY got to enjoy her victory as she was hailed a hero. She also was not whiny or spineless. However, as she continued down the streets, she met one of Shinji's classmates, Toji Suzuhara. He was angry with her for inadvertently injuring his sister. "Octavia Melody, you must be that superhero everypony's talking about. You hurt my sister when fighting the Robeast that killed Shinji, did you?!? I am one of his classmates."

Octie had no idea she did that. "Honestly, it would have done more damage if I hadn't shown up."

"You DID! She was crushed under a pile of debris when you sent that Kaiju through a wall last night. Only a flying superhero could have done that by throwing him with such force. I won't feel right until I hit you." He threw a punch, only for her to block it with her cello. He then screamed like Tom in the Tom and Jerry franchise.

She replied, "Bad idea, Average Joe. You don't want to try to hit somepony who's clearly stronger and more skilled than you."

"Average Joe? I'm Toji Suzuhara! Remember that name. I hope you're happy with the damage you've done."

Octie held up her cello. "Don't insult me again. I'm the replacement for somepony who would only make things worse and depressing. Unlike him, I willingly decided to protect Tokyo-3. I want to give its population a bright future."

Then she heard a huge siren, accompanied by a typical security machine voice: "ALERT. OUR CONTROL POINT IS UNDER ATTACK. DEFEND OUR CONTROL POINT!" At this point, she readied her cello, bow, and flying platform before arriving at the control point.

On top of the control point stood Shamshel, a large pink beast with lightsaber whips for arms and one big, red eye. It then started attacking the crowds who were enthusiastic about her. Octavia shot Shamshel with a kinetic blast from her cello. Though Shamshel's AT Field prevented him from taking any damage, the kinetic force from the blast tossed him sideways before Octie ordered the crowds to escape. But some of the nameless extras stayed, insisted on emulating her fighting skills, and confronted Shamshel as soon as he got up. They threw bows at him, but his AT Field let him brush them off easily. He then floated up before whipping and exploding them.

While floating up on her platform herself, Octavia was distracted by the crowds trying to be like her. "Don't try to emulate me when you obviously aren't equipped to break AT Fields!" Shamshel then grabbed her platform and threw her off it. She threw her bow to cut the whips, then caught it as it returned to her. Then her freed platform flew to break her fall. Then the whips regenerated to attack her. Her bow turned into a lightsaber to swat them aside several more times. She then used her bow boomerang attack to intercept Shamshel's attempt to grab more innocent bystanders. Then Octie played some notes to charge and release another AT Field-destroying blast. After destroying the AT Field, throwing Shamshel backwards, and cutting his whips one last time, Octie smashed his big red weak point with her cello, blowing him up. "Lightsaber whips are cool and all, but you're no Jedi, Indiana Jones, or Jedi Indiana Jones. As for moi, I don't need batteries unlike the robot that got killed earlier."

As she got off her platform, Toji talked to her again. "That was a fun fight to watch. Now to make up for my attempt to hit you, HIT ME AS HARD AS YOU CAN!"

Octie questioned him. "Are you really sure? I just blew up another Robeast-"

Toji then yelled, "JUST DO IT! OR ELSE!"

Octie smacked him so hard that he flew through a wall, landed in a cart of fruit, and exploded. But he was still in one piece, unlike Shamshel who got obliterated. "Ouch."

The next thing Octie saw in the streets was the blue-haired girl that had been heavily bandaged earlier. "It's the girl from the GeoFront. Was she also piloting a giant robot?"

3 - Ramiel, 5th Angel

Toji regained his consciousness as Octavia looked at the blue-haired girl in the streets. "What are you looking at, musical superhero? Rei's *dolphin noise*? Her *boat horn*? Her *bell rings*?"

Octie told him, "No. I'm curious about why she was injured at the GeoFront. I've got some questions to ask her." She used her glider to fly over to Rei, the girl. "Hello Rei. I'm Octavia Melody, the musical superhero everypony in Tokyo-3 is talking about. When I saw you in NERV's building, you were heavily bandaged. How did you get those injuries?"

Rei help up a square video screen showing a flashback of how she got heavily injured. "I piloted an Evangelion in its activation test, just like the one Shinji was trying to pilot last night. Suddenly, the Eva went out of control and tried to break out of the room and crush everypony in its vicinity. Gendo had to cut off the Eva's power, and this caused the entry plug to bounce around the room. As he opened its burning patch with his bare hands, he cared more about my injuries than his own."

Octavia replied, "Ouch. So you're an Eva pilot." Then she met a blonde-haired woman, Dr. Akagi Ritsuko.

Ritsuko told her. "I'm Dr. Akagi Ritsuko. The incident was most likely caused by Rei's mental instability. You're very lucky since you neither have an Eva nor psychological problems."

Octavia said, "You're right. If I was piloting one of those things, it would have caused me heavy physical and psychological damage due to the pilot synchronization. Instead of a traumatized super robot pilot, I'm a typical flying superhero. This information may be foreshadowing something: The Angels seem to be giving brainwave signatures very similar to humans. Could they be mutated humans or something?!?"

Ritsuko replied, "Could be possible."

Then a giant blue octahedron Robeast, Ramiel, showed up and shot a large laser at Octie, who leaped to dodge it. He then began to drill into the GeoFront. Ritsuko said, "That's another of the Angels. He's drilling into the GeoFront to cause a Third Impact and wipe out humanity. But stay away from him, since he's blasting moving objects close to him!" Ramiel shot down a taxi next to him. Octie then ran away to charge up a devastating attack, then ordered Rei to get back into her Eva. Rei said she didn't care if she would end up destroyed at all, then ran back to the GeoFront to initialize her Eva's start-up sequence. She then grabbed a huge shield of super-metal so she could block one of Ramiel's attacks.

Octie also said, "We can't let him fully charge an unsurvivable and unavoidable attack. Send a redshirt army after him so that he uses up his energy for lesser attacks instead. Since you've got this superhero, you don't have to use all of Japan's electricity to charge an attack." Then NERV sent a bunch of tanks and planes to serve as a distraction. Ramiel blew up several of the ones that got close to him using laser beams, then when one of the tanks shot a large missile at him, he retaliated with a blast of equal force after brushing it off with his AT Field. He was also pumped full of lasers and missiles, but they all equated to sneezing on him. Then his energy attacks tore through their sources as if their armor wasn't there.

Octavia, hiding behind a drinking fountain, had finished charging her attack by playing an entire musical number. She unleashed another supercharged sound blast, cracking Ramiel's AT Field and throwing him away from the GeoFront. He fell to the floor, blew up the tanks and planes near him again, and got up to fire a laser beam at the fountain Octie was hiding behind. But then Rei, in her Eva, jumped in the direction of the laser to block it with her super-shield, which began to melt while holding off the laser. This gave Octie enough time to charge another attack. Her bow began glowing brightly as she held it up. "GIGA...DRILL...DESTROYER BOW!" She tossed it at Ramiel like a javelin, piercing through him. The bow returned to her and she said "Class dismissed. You failed" right before striking one last note and exploding him. Then she told Rei, "That was a great job."

Rei told her, "Yes. But even if I die, I can be replaced, so I took the potentially sacrificial role."

Octavia told her, "Don't think of yourself as disposable! You're not!"

Rei said, "Yes, I am. Gendo cloned me multiple times."

Octie told her, "Even if you are a clone, you are still special." Rei smiled for the first time in forever.

4 - Jet Alone

Misato praised Octavia again for the recent victory, glad that she blew up Ramiel's body. This had saved NERV the need to spend lots of money to remove a giant corpse.

Octie remarked, "Glad to have saved you lots of money. Flying superheroes are less expensive than giant robots. And shows like Power Rangers blow up defeated enemies to save the need for body disposal."

Then as the two went to Misato's department for breakfast, Octie had some salad while Misato drank lots of beer with surprising satisfaction.

Octie told her, "I really don't want anypony to see you like this. Why are you so drunk?!?"

Misato was shocked. "I'm doing this to escape the traumatizing thoughts of surviving the Second Impact. I was on an expedition to meet the Angels, especially their source Adam. As soon as we went near him, he blew up the planet and I was the only survivor of my team. And I hate the Evas because they were cloned from the Angels. You're not like them, are you?!?"

Octie replied, "No! I'm a pony and have neither a big red core nor an AT Field! Because I don't have the latter, I actively dodge attacks, and I'm good at it!" Then she thought to herself, "Survivors, schurvivors. They will never forget what they witnessed."

Meanwhile, Gendo was aboard an airplane, talking to a nondescript man. "We will need more Evangelions since Unit 01 got killed and Unit 00 took the bullet for the musical superhero pony, taking lots of damage. The Evas were created to prevent a Third Impact."

A while later, Octie and Misato went with Ritsuko to a demonstration of an Angel-fighting robot, Jet Alone. Ritsuko spoke to its executive, Shiro Tokita, who wore a business suit. "You're sending a nuclear reactor-powered robot into close quarter combat. This is dangerous! It could explode and kill everypony in its vicinity!"

Shiro replied, "An automated robot is better than one that causes mental instability in its pilots and goes out of control like a whiny child."

Octie added, "And so is a musical superhero whose charged attack destroyed AT Fields as if the Angels didn't have them at all. She also blew up their corpses to save the trouble of removing them."

Misato angrily kicked a locker while yelling all thirteen bad words from SpongeBob SquarePants: Sailor Mouth. "They think they can defeat a single Angel?!? Well they're wrong! This is Octie's job, not theirs!"

At this point, Ritsuko said, "This hunk of junk can't penetrate AT fields! It doesn't have one or Octavia's AT Field-destroying charge attack!" But Shiro didn't listen. He pressed a button and Jet Alone started walking around...before going on a reckless rampage with a critical reactor.

Misato said, "Jet Alone is as badly behaved as the guy who created him! Turn him off!"

Shiro said, "I can't! It's broken my radio command circuit!"

Then Misato replied, "Fine. I'll catch it myself!" As she put on a radiation suit, Octavia was flying toward the robot with her bow, cello, and flying device. The robot tried to punch Octie, but she dodged the punches, sliced his arm off with her bow, and toppled him with a cello blow to the head. As JA fell to the floor, he struggled to get back up. "He's fallen and can't get up. Time to shut him down manually!"

Misato went inside the robot and tried to enter the passcode, "Hope", but it was rejected. Afterwards, a countdown to a large explosion started. "T minus 10 seconds. T minus 9 seconds. T minus 8 seconds."

Octavia shouted, "GET OUT OF THERE MISATO! I'VE ALREADY DEFEATED HIM! HE DIDN'T PUT UP MUCH OF A FIGHT, BUT NOW HE'LL TAKE YOU WITH HIM!" Misato ignored her and started pushing JA's control rods back into the reactor. After hearing "T minus 2 seconds", Octie yelled "MISATO-SAHN!" before the control rods finally reinserted themselves and stopped the meltdown.

"T minus...*shutdown sound*" Then Misato emerged from the fallen robot unscathed. A relieved Octavia knew this rampage wasn't intentional. Misato also saw her as a family member, pleasing her.

5 - Gaghiel, 6th Angel

After the very easy fight against Jet Alone, Octavia and Misato boarded a helicopter and were dropped off at a massive US naval convoy, meeting another popular pony: Vinyl Scratch. This white, blue-maned pony wore purple shades. She was glad to see Octavia again after four episodes (due to Shinji getting killed and replaced, there are fewer in this fic) and asked her what was up.

Octavia told her friend Vinyl about her recent adventures. "I had played the opening theme to Neon Genesis Evangelion in a street concert. Then the Angels, who caused the catastrophic Second Impact, returned to cause the Third Impact. The dysfunctional Shinji Ikari was picked up from my crowd to fight the Angels, but I knew that he would only make things worse. So I jinxed his robot, getting him killed in order to defeat the Angels myself with my superpowered cello, bow, and flying platform, and a spine."

Vinyl commented, "Shinji was boring, and one of the most hated lead characters of all time anyways. He didn't have a spine unlike you, and combined with the weapon he was trying to use, he would have made things much worse. His depression ended up destroying the world in the anime. OOPS! SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE! Glad you were able to take over and prove better at killing Angels than somepony who would have been traumatized easily and not bounced back. And you're not the only musical superhero around here." The radio set than Vinyl was standing in the center of came to life, floated around her, and formed a Megazord suit for her to control. "Rest assured, Megazords like this don't have the batteries and synchronization weaknesses of the Evas, which Misato hates. Nor are they cloned from the Angels. Shall I demonstrate mine?"

Misato told Vinyl, "You better be able to penetrate A-"

Vinyl replied, "AT Fields? Octie can take care of that. She and I can just work as a team. Unlike the character I'm replacing, I'm not an attention whore." Then she punched over some stacked boxes and crushed them like a paper cup before blasting a distant barrel with sound blasts.

Afterwards, the Jaws theme started playing to signal the approach of Gaghiel, the 6th Angel. He had a shark-like body and teeth, a head like Sachiel's on his neck, and a big red ball in his mouth. Gaghiel leaped, landed on one of the boats, and sunk it. He was looking for the Adam embryo, which was secretly held on the boat that Misato, Octavia, and Vinyl were standing on. Octavia was the first to attack Gaghiel. She hit him with her AT-Field-destroying sound blast, breaking his AT Field and throwing him backwards. Then she tried to cut him with her bow boomerang attack, but the attack did zero damage. She remarked, "I've got to aim at his mouth in order to defeat him. That's where his core is located. Vinyl, you've got to hold his mouth open!"

Vinyl saluted before leaping into the water with the Megazord suit still on her. Then Misato told the navy captain, "I'll need your cooperation. I've loaded one of your ships with explosives. That's what will be used to defeat this Angel. While Vinyl holds the Angel's mouth open, your ship will blast its mouth and the explosives will go off." Misato extended the explosive-laden ship's rope into the water to catch Gaghiel. Underwater, Vinyl dodged Gaghiel's tackle attack, punched him backwards, and grabbed him as he tackled her again.

Vinyl said, "Say Ahh!" while trying to open Gaghiel's mouth. Gaghiel resisted, jerking around in an attempt to throw Vinyl off. When this didn't work, Gaghiel pulled a bodily Giga Drill Break on her. Vinyl yelled, "Octavia, lend me your power!" Octavia turned her flying platform back into a stage and started performing again, playing a song that greatly enhanced Vinyl's strength status. Vinyl was able to open Gaghiel's mouth, then the explosive-laden ship went inside and fired its cannons directly at his core while Octavia shot another sound blast at the core, shattering it. At this point, the explosives went off and Gaghiel exploded along with the ship. Vinyl jumped back onto Misato's and Octavia's ship, remarking "Glad I got to fight alongside my friend Octavia. Why was that Angel directly targeting the ship you were on?"

Misato said, "These Angels have been going after the Adam embryo, stored on this ship. Angel + Adam Embryo = Third Impact. That's what we're fighting to prevent."

The next day at school, Toji was surprised to see that Vinyl had moved in to Tokyo-3 as a new student. "Whoa! TWO musical superheroes?!? Okay, I have a much easier time believing they would save the world than spineless, easily-traumatized wimps."

6 - Israfel, 7th Angel

Toji, having admired Octavia and Vinyl, had taken and sold lots of pictures of both of them. Vinyl, seeing the pictures posted everywhere, was not surprised with this popularity. "You'll be much more popular if you don't attention whore. Granted, I'm not Asuka Soryu Langley, so don't expect me to ruin a battle or get murdered by white faceless Evas. As for you Rei, will you be a good friend to me and Octavia?"

Rei replied, "Only if I'm ordered to do it."

Vinyl thought Rei was odd. "What an odd girl. She relies on others to make decisions for her as if she was perpetually under a mind-controlling Imperius curse."

Then another siren went off, signaling the arrival of a big gray Angel, Israfel. As he toppled buildings just by walking, Octavia hit him with both her anti-AT Field sound blast and bow boomerang, cutting him in half. "That was easy."

Vinyl told her, "In monster of the week shows, if the monster seems to be defeated with at least half of the episode left, something's up."

After Israfel was split in half, the two halves reformed into separate Angels, one gold and one silver. As Rei came in with her Eva and tried to wrestle one of the Angels, the other tripped her and pinned her down. Then the Angels fused again, grabbed her, and tossed her onto the floor, burying her Eva upside down before blasting Octavia with a purple cross explosion and sending her flying. Octie landed safely on a distant mattress, while Israfel got hit by a large explosive. This destroyed a large chunk of his body, but he began to regenerate.

Back at the GeoFront, Octavia and Rei were debriefed by Gendo. "You have lost to an Angel, and risked a Third Impact. You failed to work together, costing us another victory. The Angel took a lot of damage, but now it's regenerating. What is your job?"

Rei said, "To pilot Eva-00."

Gendo told her, "NO! To defeat the Angels. You three, come up with a plan before that Angel finishes regenerating himself. Or else he will destroy you and Tokyo-3 for real."

That night, Octavia came up with a plan after looking back to the anime. She decided to have Rei and Vinyl dance in their massive armors to defeat Israfel. "Israfel is the Angel of music, and must be defeated by dancing. After I slice him in half again, you two have to strike his cores at the same time to finish him off!" The two started by playing Wii Sports Resort's 12 minigames. Despite how Vinyl was using magic to move her Wii remote, she was completely synchronized with Rei. Accompanying the synchronization practice was Octavia playing another orchestral song.

As the sun rose, Israfel had finished regenerating and renewed his rampage to be confronted by Octavia, Rei, and Vinyl. Just like before, Octavia threw her bow to slice Israfel in half. This time, she brought up her stage again and played a fight song. Rei and Vinyl readied their robot suits, got greatly increased stats as the music played, and started dancing to dodge Israfel's attacks and exchange blows with his two halves. Eventually Rei and Vinyl punched both of Israfel's cores, and when the two halves of Israfel recombined, Rei and Vinyl leaped and Falcon Kicked him as the music came to a climax. Israfel cracked under the pressure and blew up. As the smoke cleared, both Rei and Vinyl were lying on the floor like pinned wrestlers. They then comically argued about who messed up their landing.

8 - Flashback - Vinyl vs Asuka

After dismissing her robot armor, Vinyl was surrounded by a bunch of reporters, one of which gave her a microphone. "You seem to be the replacement for Asuka Soryu Langley. Why did you replace her? Are you better than her or something?!?"

Vinyl spoke into the microphone, "I knew she was traumatized and that would have gotten in the way of the action, so I took her place. She was an attention whore, so she piloted the first production model Evangelion, Eva-02 (red). Eva-01 (purple) and Eva-00 (blue) are just the test type and prototype, respectively."

*flash back to before Vinyl joined the team*

On the streets of Tokyo-3, a redhead by the name of Asuka Soryu Langley had volunteered to pilot the first production model Evangelion. It was crimson red. Meanwhile, Vinyl Scratch had also been publicly demonstrating her powered robot armor formed from a mobile radio set on street performances. She easily tore through fake walls with an arm cannon and punches as if they weren't there - while playing a typical fight song on her suit.

Asuka saw the suit in motion and remarked, "That's one lame Eva wannabe. Playing music doesn't make it cooler than the Evas. Nor does that armor-piercing arm cannon. I'm the chosen one, and piloting the real thing! I'm gonna be the center of attention after fighting the Angels!" Then she walked towards the suit.

Vinyl stated, "Rest assured, my robot suit is NOT one of those Evangelions, which are hazardous to their pilots' mental health. I may not be a chosen one, but I was smart enough to build a superior robot suit instead of synchronizing with an Eva. That would have made things worse for me. Now it's time for me to further demonstrate its superiority to what the wrong Chosen One uses!" She replayed the fight song to confront Asuka and her Eva.

Asuka pulled out her Eva's knife, saying that she toppled nine other Evas with it. But Vinyl shouted "EXPELLIARMUS" and shot her with the arm cannon. This shattered Asuka's AT Field, threw her back, and made the knife fall to the floor. "Maybe, but you underestimated them big time. You were too eager to destroy any of their cores!"

Asuka gave Vinyl a huge "SHUT UP" and got her into a wrestling lock. Both pilots squeezed each other's arms. Asuka got a cramp from the Eva synchronization, but Vinyl was unaffected.

"See why I don't synchronize with my suit?" Vinyl remarked. Asuka tried to shoot her with an Eva rifle, but that got knocked away too with the aforementioned Expelliarmus attack.

Then after the two pilots punched and kicked each other multiple times, Eva-02's battery died and it stopped moving. Vinyl picked up the Eva. "Yippie kie yay mother bucker." Then she powerbombed it, exploding it and leaving Asuka lying on the floor in a circle of soot.

"And that's it for my demonstration. As for you Asuka, it's not safe for psychologically unstable child soldiers like you to fight evil monsters. Just leave the Angels to me. I'm better equipped to handle them, as I just demonstrated. You'll just clash with your teammates and be traumatized even more if you get involved any further."

Asuka replied, "How am I gonna get attention now?!?"

Vinyl told her to see a psychiatrist, then Asuka got picked up by an ambulance that took her there. "With the attention whore out of the way, the Angels are going down."

9 - The Persistent Angel

Octavia and Vinyl now realized that Eva would have been just another action series if the main cast wasn't traumatized and dysfunctional. "This reminds us of a later series called Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. It was like an un-depressing Evangelion. The main character was like Shinji at first...but unlike Shinji, he actually DEVELOPED and grew an actual spine and hot blood! Plus he wouldn't wallow in trauma. It is no wonder that the world is saved at the end of Gurren Lagann, whereas Shinji ends up moping in a destroyed world. We are not Shinji Ikari. We are Octavia Melody and Vinyl Scratch!"

Rei added, "And Rei Ayanami. Let's kick some flank and pierce the heavens."

A while later, a large spider-like Angel with acid-spitting eyes began to walk towards the GeoFront, dissolving the floor underneath him. The three heroes readied their weapons and did not hesitate to stop him from getting to the building and causing Third Impact. Rei pulled out an NES Zapper and shot at him, but his AT Field prevented him from taking any damage. "Break a leg!" Octavia, Rei, and Vinyl charged at the Angel. Octavia cut the Angel's legs with her bow, Rei did the same with a progressive knife, and Vinyl just grabbed a leg and tripped him.

The Angel faceplanted onto the floor, but then started floating into the air. He continued to shoot acid at the heroes, who just dodged the acid shots. Octavia used her anti-AT Field attack on him, then she, Vinyl, and Rei shot down the acid-shooting eyes. The Angel charged at the heroes again, but Octavia and Vinyl were slowing him down with focused sound blasts. As he got close to them, Rei caught him. Vinyl punched him at the same time Octie and Rei stabbed him in the eye, sending him flying backwards.

Upon landing again, the Angel created a large black and white sphere above him while sucking up objects he came in contact with. Rei began to shoot at him wildly, noticing that the sphere was actually his shadow as one of the Zapper's blast lights landed on a building behind him. Octavia and Vinyl tried to shoot him too, but missed. Vinyl got sucked inside, while Octavia's flying device let her easily avoid being sucked in. Rei picked up a large explosive and charged at him again.

Inside the Angel's body, Vinyl still refused to mope. "For the last time, I'm NOT Asuka! I'm not depressed! Yippie-kie-yay mother bucker." Then she started to tear her way out of the Angel's body. Rei's large explosive hit the Angel, then after the smoke cleared, Vinyl burst through the Angel's body at the same time Octavia hit him with a charged sound blast, making him explode. "Anypony traumatized? I'm not."

Octavia replied, "Nope.avi." Rei didn't show any traumatized emotions, either.

10 - Bardiel, the 13th Angel

Back at the GeoFront, NERV was preparing Evangelion Unit 03 for use against the Angels. "Attention everypony, the Fourth Child has been selected! Toji Suzuhara is now the designated pilot of our fourth constructed Evangelion, Unit 03!"

Toji was surprised that he was a Chosen One too. "I'm...THE CHOSEN ONE! OMG! I never expected this! It'll be fun to be able to fight alongside Octavia Melody, Vinyl Scratch, and Rei Ayanami!"

Toji went to the GeoFront to meet Gendo. Gendo told him, "You are a Chosen One now! You're the only one who can pilot the newly-constructed Unit 03. Will you do it?"

Toji said yes without hesitation and climbed inside the black Evangelion. Octavia and Vinyl were excited to add a fourth fighter to their team. Unit 03 activated, but then Bardiel, an Angel in the form some nondescript white mist, flew inside and possessed Unit 03. The Eva went out of control and destroyed the activation room it was in. NERV tried to cut its power, but that failed. So did the attempt to eject the Entry Plug. Then the Eva grabbed one of the redshirts standing around and threw him out the window before Rei used hers to tear through the AT Field and shove Bardiel into the Eva catapult, sending him flying outside the GeoFront.

Gendo told her, "What did you do that for?!? Now that you simply kicked it out of the building, it's coming back to cause a Third Impact!"

Rei said, "There's a pilot inside there. I can't get him killed."

Gendo replied, "That isn't relevant! The only thing that matters is that Eva is one of the Angels! Now don't let him get back in here!"

Rei, Octavia, and Vinyl rose out of the GeoFront with their weapons to continue fighting Bardiel. Rei grabbed a pipe and thrusted at Bardiel multiple times without hitting him. Bardiel grabbed the pipe, threw it aside, and started to crush her Eva's arm while also infecting it. Gendo yelled at her, "This is a real fight, you know! That's a real Angel, and the pilot shouldn't be an excuse to hold back!" To prevent her Eva from being infected, he had the arm remotely detached. This was followed by Vinyl grabbing Bardiel into a headlock, throwing him to the floor, and literally curbstomping him. Gendo shouted, "This isn't professional wrestling! Well Rei is useless here, since she won't fight back. I don't give a crap about killing as many innocent people as Robeasts! Let's use the Dummy Plug!"

Then Rei's Eva started moving on its own, charging at Bardiel and punching him in the face as he got up. Rei said, "I can't control it! It's gonna kill Toji!"

Octavia sprung into action with a determined look. "I'll make sure it doesn't have to." With her flying device, she flew over to the jammed Entry Plug and cut the glue with her bow. Then Vinyl pulled the Entry Plug out and tossed it aside. As soon as it landed, Toji evacuated.

"There. Now that we don't have to kill Toji, don't hold back." Then both Octavia and Vinyl started playing a possession counter-curse in the form of another song to stop Bardiel.

Rei's Eva punched Bardiel, but at the same time, he kicked her in the side, grabbed her, span her, and threw her into a wall. She threw a knife at him as he charged, then she grabbed his leg and tripped him. Then she grabbed him and did a metronomic man mash on him. He got up and roundhouse kicked her backwards, then she shot him with a Zapper.

Eva-03's batteries died and Bardiel abandoned his host after the musical number finished. He then got shot and cut by Octavia. After this, he tried to possess Vinyl's robot, but Vinyl just shot him back out into the sky with her arm cannon. "Yippie kie yay mother bucker." Then she and Octie explosively obliterated him with a supercharged sound wave.

After Bardiel was destroyed, Rei told Gendo, "Octavia Melody and Vinyl Scratch have been painted as protectors, but you almost made me kill Toji and didn't give a crap about it! And you would have if these two didn't evacuate him!" She then started hopping on the GeoFront for a minute before Gendo compressed the LCL inside her Eva to stop her from jumping around. Then the batteries died.

11 - Zeruel, the 14th Angel

Octavia and Vinyl were glad to have saved Toji. "By not letting you get killed, we now have a use for you. There's another of those Robeasts." At this point, Zeruel, the 14th Angel, started to approach the GeoFront to cause a Third Impact. "Get back to the Eva! Now! It's been repaired since we spared it." Toji ran back to the base to start up his Eva.

Zeruel shot his long and flat arms forward, cutting some buildings. The first one to attack Zeruel was a Rei clone piloting Unit 00. The clone grabbed a large explosive and charged at Zeruel with it. It went off as soon as she tackled him, but he brushed it off easily without using his AT Field. Zeruel picked up Unit 00 with his long arms and tossed her aside. Then she got up, picked up a rock, and threw it at him, but nothing happened either. As Zeruel's arms thrusted towards Rei, she started to deflect them with an iron pipe for a while, but then her Eva's limbs got destroyed in the process. NERV then had Unit 00 shut down to avoid synchronization injuries.

Meanwhile, Octavia had formed a plan. "Toji, I need you to keep that Angel busy with your own Eva. Don't get killed or anything. I will charge up an attack strong enough to defeat him, so don't worry about doing it yourself. And Vinyl should be able to hold him in place so I can hit him. Go ahead and make this look like a generic fighting game."

Then Toji and his Eva rose from the floor to confront Zeruel. "Round 2. FIGHT!" Toji then whipped out a Super Scope and shot Zeruel multiple times with it, causing no damage. This was followed by Zeruel smacking the Super Scope out of his arms. Toji grabbed Zeruel's arm and swung it sideways, throwing him aside. Upon hitting a wall, Zeruel thrust him arm at Toji's leg to trip him before powerbombing him. Toji got up and told him "I'm gonna slice you up like a giant California roll!" before whipping out a katana. He swung it at Zeruel multiple times, but Zeruel's arms blocked all the blows before disarming Toji. The next thing Toji faced was Zeruel's halitosis. "DEUUEAUGH!" Toji then roundhouse kicked Zeruel, but to no effect either. Finally Zeruel grabbed Toji, spun him around, and threw him directly at the GeoFront, obliterating its wall and exposing Octavia and Vinyl. Zeruel attacked Octavia with his long arms to attack her during her attack-charging sequence, but she stored the charge in her cello and began to deflect the arms with her bow. Eventually Toji burst in and karate chopped Zeruel's arms off while Vinyl's Eva alternative was holding Zeruel in place. Then the cello's charge was released. A laser beam flew out of it and hit Zeruel's core, disabling him. Zeruel was then tossed out of the GeoFront, exploding upon hitting the floor.

Octavia then remarked "Look what happens when the main character isn't a child soldier. We managed to defeat this Angel without making things worse. Great job Toji!"

7 - Sandalphon, 8th Angel

Gendo decided that NERV captures a live Angel for research. "To learn more about the Angels and their strengths and weaknesses, I need to take a good look at one. My scouting troops have found an embryonic one inside a volcano. Rei, Vinyl, capture it alive and don't explode it until the research is conducted."

Rei said, "I'll do it." She and Vinyl got on their robot suits, equipping them with super-cooling armor before going into a nondescript volcano. Octavia came along and played a song to prevent the embryo Angel, Sandalphon, from mutating when they would pick it up. Also, Rei had placed Sandalphon in a cage of psychic energy while Vinyl played the Dreambeats from Mario & Luigi: Dream Team to prevent it from awakening.

Then as the three heroes came back to the GeoFront with the embryo, the research started. Some unnamed researchers gathered around Sandalphon and stated, "The Angels seem to have wavelengths just like humans. This embryo of one resembles that of Adam's, who is also very humanoid. We come to the conclusion that the Angels are differently-evolved humans. They are trying to capture the Adam embryo to take back the planet for themselves."

Three hours later, the Sandalphon embryo mutated into a flat fish-like creature that swatted all the researchers away. They landed in carts, boxes, barrels, and fountains. He then yelled "FLIPENDO" and shot Gendo backwards with a nondescript blue bolt.

Gendo ordered, "Research is done! This Angel must be destroyed or else he will cause a Third Impact!"

Sandalphon started to approach the room that the Adam embryo was stored in. Rei, being the first to attack him, wrestled him, tossed him to the floor away from the storage, and jumped on him...without doing any damage because of the armor. He then did the same to her. Octavia then threw him back with a sound blast and tried to cut him with her bow while swatting aside his fins multiple times, but the armor prevented him from taking damage. He grabbed her and threw her into the fountain. "Come on Octie, how was this guy defeated in the anime? Oh right, THERMAL EXPANSION!"

Vinyl then joined in, wrestling Sandalphon with her robot suit, pinning him down, and sticking an arm cannon into his mouth.

Octie prepared another sound blast. "1, 2, 3! You're out!"

As Vinyl yelled, "YIPPIE KIE YAY MOTHER BUCKER", both she and Octie blasted Sandalphon's mouth with supercharged sound blasts, exploding him.

Octavia then said, "Evil is not a toy."