Twilight's Journal: Nightlight
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Nightlight
The city was dirty, more dirty than I could have imagined. I was regretting this more and more. I mean seriously, do they take any pride in one of the oldest cities of all time? The first shocker was the trash, mountains of it tucked away under bridges or just in plain view of everypony. Then I noticed the decrepit buildings. Some were so old, since the beginning of time perhaps and others could have been built last week. It made no difference, these buildings were dirty, falling apart or incomplete. Another shocker was the density, these buildings lined narrow road after narrow road, several stories high of small apartments. Scooters seemed to be a main mode of transportation, something Scootaloo would love. The roads, I couldn't believe how slick they were, these grey cobblestones took some getting use to. My hooves would occasionally slide and I would lose balance and stumble around like an idiot. Drawing more attention to myself. Not very princess like of me. Not that anypony knew I was here...
I knew I had to get away... these last months have been hard on us all. My friends were there for me and for that I love them more than ever but this was something they could never understand. Or maybe they did but didn't know how to help me. Heck I didn't know how to help me either. Sure my first plan was to run... I didn't care where I went, I just had to get as faraway as possible. But I knew I couldn't run far enough. No matter how far I would have ran I couldn't escape it. I've read enough novels to know you can't run from your problems. And that's how I knew I had to come here, to see her. I threw on a cloak to hide my wings and told Spike I was going to be away on personal business. He objected to me leaving at first but once I told him where I was going, he understood. Ever since it happened he has been more and more protective of me. Poor guy, this was hard on him too.
This cloak was itchy and it was making me sweat. It was really hot here, too hot for my liking. I was regretting this by the second. I instantly thought everypony would stare at me for wearing such an unusual piece of clothing but it seems everypony here wore something strange. Tacky, horribly tacky. If only Rarity could see this... If the filth here didn't make her faint then surely this fashion would. Suddenly my cloak is quite fashionable. I feel myself smile weakly.
Normally I would have read all about his place before visiting but reading... ugh. I just can't focus. I couldn't focus on anything since... well since it happened. I had put all my studies aside and took to moping around. My friends did everything to cheer me up but it was Rarity's suggestion that gave me the idea to come here. Her suggestion of 'change of pace, be whimsical, take a vacation to a distant place and don't read anything about that place.' Well, here I am being whimsical. So whimsical in fact, I didn't even tell anypony I left. Only Spike knows and I'm sure he'll tell them where I went when Rainbow comes looking for me. Bless her, while the others have been more distant, probably thinking I needed space, Rainbow has been over everyday. Sometimes she would just talk to me, I never said much. Other times we just sat in silence for the whole day. I never got a chance to tell her how much I appreciated that.
Oh Celestia, what am I doing here? These ponies don't even speak English.
I turned down a crowded street. At first I didn't know which street I was on but soon I noticed the plaque on the side of a building I realized to be a street sign. Via Toledo. According to the map this was one of the main shopping districts. The palace was near by but not the one I needed to go to. That one wasn't on the map, I just knew it was in a place called Caserta. What is Caserta? Another district or town? Annoyed I toss the useless map in the nearest trashcan.
Some pony approached me and started rambling away. The language was beautiful and rhythmic, almost musical. I, of course, had no idea what this pony wanted.
"Volete acquistare una borsa da uno stilista di selle?" He said. He was holding what appeared to be a bunch of saddle bags in a sheet, all bundled up.
"Huh?"
"Parla italiano?"
Um, okay I think I understand that. Similar to the French Rarity sometimes speaks. I shake my head. I notice he looks around and smiles slyly. I'm starting to understand that this pony is trying to sell me something, something that's probably stolen.
"English?"
"Yes."
"Um, you want to ah buy designer saddlebag for good price?" He asked in surprisingly good English.
"No thanks." I say and try to walk away but he blocks my path.
"These saddle bags...buono. You a bella unicorn like a um... princess."
Uh oh. I quickly look over the cloak to make sure a wing wasn't exposed... nope. Okay he's trying to flatter me so I'll buy his illegal goods. "No, I'm not buying anything illegal." I say defiantly.
"No, no, I sell consignment. Va bene."
"No va bene." I am really starting to get annoyed now and a little scared. If the authorities find me talking with this shady pony then arrest me and discover who I actually am... it will be an international disaster. I roll my eyes and walk past him. I hear him speaking angrily. The music and the rhythm gone, it sounds more gutteral. I think I catch a few curse words in there but he is speaking some kind of dialect. Not a very pretty sounding one either.
I really need to leave this street. It's too crowded. These ponies are rude too. They walk right at me and don't even flinch, leaving me to swerve out of their way at the last second. I have had my hooves stepped on at least fifty times and bumped into another fifty times.
I attempt to make a turn down a little less crowded street but stop immediately. The street is lined with more shady ponies trying to sell stolen goods. They had the sheets spread out on the ground and the merchandise on the sheets organized near the center. No doubt they did this in case they needed to make a quick getaway.
I quickly take a detour into the nearest shop.
It's a bar of sorts but it seemed to serve more than just alcohol... wait a second it doesn't serve alcohol at all. It servers coffee? I notice the espresso machine behind the counter. Much like the one Rarity has. Her and Rainbow practically live on that stuff. Guess it couldn't hurt to try some and ask for direction. I'm being whimsical after all. Right?
I notice everypony in the coffee bar staring at me. I do kind of stand out I guess. How many purple ponies come through here? Most of the ponies here weren't very colorful. There was olive green, brown, black, grey and sometimes auburn. I guess Equestria has more randomly colored ponies.
"Ciao." I say and grin awkwardly.
"Ciao, prego." The pony behind the counters says.
"Um... cafe. Per favore."
"Sì, aspetta un secondo."
Not sure what to do I stand at the bar like the pony next to me, who was still eyeing me. I guess I look pretty exotic or so obviously foreign. I look behind me to see more ponies sitting at tables all staring at me.
The clatter of a plate distracts me. On the counter in front of me is a tiny glass of coffee on a small saucer. A shot glass? A shot of espresso? These ponies are crazy. I levitate it up and take the whole shot.
"Oh, wow... yuck." I like coffee and all but that was strong. Ugh.
"Acqua frizzante?"
I nod. I understand the first part means water. The second part... well whatever I need to get this horrible taste out of my mouth. Other ponies are laughing at me as the pony behind the bar puts a cup of water on the counter. Relieved I take a big sip. Ah this is what I needed - wait... it's got bubbles in it. Carbonated water?
Now the whole place is roaring with laughter at my reaction. Great these ponies are messing with me, just great.
"Where you come from?" The pony behind the counter asks after he stops laughing.
I gulp. "Equestria." He nods and smiles.
"Where?"
"Ponyville." He has a blank look on his face.
"Um, near Canterlot." His eyes go big. Well he understood that it seems.
"Why you here? Vacation?"
"No I need to find Princess Mi Amore Cadenza."
The pony behind the bar says something in his language, no doubt translating what I said as I distinctly hear him say 'Mi Amore Cadenza' in his musical speech. The bar roars with laughter again.
"In Equestria maybe different. But here no can just go say hi to princess." He shakes his hoof side to side above the counter.
"I see. Can you tell me where Caserta is?" I hear him translate again and I know it's a lost cause as the bar erupts in laughter again.
"Caserta is a town north of here. You need a taxi. Too far for pony to walk." Again he shakes his hoof side to side. Does that mean 'no' or something here?
"Well, thank you for the cafe." I hang my head and go to turn around and walk out of the bar when I feel my cloak catch on something. Before I can stop myself I feel it slide down my back and off my body completely.
Desperately I use my magic to get it unstuck from the chair behind me. The pony behind me apparently scooted her chair in and over part of my cloak. I tug on it gently, not trying to draw attention.
Too late, she notices something tugging her chair and looks right at me. "Mi Scusi." She says and scoots her chair back a little. But then stops. She notices my wings and her eyes go wide.
"Principessa!" She says with a loud voice, then bows. There was loud crash, the sound of breaking dishes. I turn to see the pony behind the bar also staring wide eyed. He slowly bows.
I feel myself blushing. This is going to be bad. If the whole city discovers me here, alone. This was a very stupid idea to come here.
"I am so sorry, Princess! We didn't know you were -" The rest of his English turns back to his language as he continues to babble on.
"We are honored to have you here. In my cafe bar! Mama mia!"
"Um thank you." I don't know what else to say. I decide it's time to cover up again. If no other pony sees me. I can get out of here without -
"Principessa! Principessa! Principessa! " Came high pitched yells of an over excited filly that had just walked in. She ran into the street yelling.
"Oh no..." A crowd of curious ponies began to gather around the cafe bar. I step into the street to see it completely silent. Everypony stares at me. Then as if on some sort of queue they bow in unison. "Um thank you. It's a -" I laugh nervously. "It's nice to be here." I finish rather lamely. They all look at me blankly.
Somepony pokes my shoulder. "Princess, if I may?" Before I can even ask what he meant, he starts rambling away in Italian very loudly. After he finishes speaking the ground shakes as many ponies stomp their hooves and cheer.
"Now, if somepony could please tell me how to get to Caserta. I'd be much obliged." I say looking at the pony translating.
"To see Princes Mi Amore Cadenza? I can take you. Just ride on my scooter."
I've seen the two wheel contraptions they drive around here, nothing about them looks remotely safe. I don't like the idea but it may be the only way to get there... Wait a second I have - "Wings! I mean I can fly, which way is it?"
"It's north about forty kilometers." He says. "The palace is at the center. It's very big and is divided up into four sections. Like big square. Big gardens behind it."
"Grazie."
"But wait. The princess, she is very sad. She thinks we don't know but we see it."
"I know. She's an old friend. Thank you so much. Now I must go." I heard his musical tongue once again then everypony on the street bows down as I stretch my wings.
With a mighty kick I'm off the ground. The city becomes more and more visible as I climb in altitude. I can see the city arc around the bay keeping the same density. I see a massive volcano and the city curves around the base of it. The bay arcs around and extends out into a sharp mountainous peninsula. Small towns clinging to the steep cliffs can bee seen.
It takes me a few seconds to get my bearings but the mountains and the bay make for easy navigating. I point myself north and begin my flight.
As the cold air rushes though my mane and the excitement of this place wears off, those feelings return. How can I feel this isolated? I know other ponies have had this happen to them too and with time they heal... but all I feel is regret. We didn't see each other much in recent years. That was my fault. I could have taken time out of my busy day of studying useless stuff to go see him. Just stop by to say 'hi.' But no, I'm stuck remembering that I didn't say how much I loved him and how much time I spent not seeing him. And now... I'll never get to say and do those things. Almost makes everything so meaningless.
The towns below begin to get bigger and bigger. Soon they run together and it's impossible to tell where one stops and the other begins. This must be Caserta. Then I saw it... a large stone building in the center of the town. All the roads seemed to lead to it. As I got closer I noticed the four distinct sections of the palace. It was large and square like described, each section had its own courtyard. Behind the palace I can see lush grass that stretched on for miles.
"Time to make my decent." I say to the wind. I land on the front lawn and begin to walk up the main path. Several ponies were lying about on the grass, some appeared to be reading. Were they students of Cadance?
Two guards stood in front of the main gate, they bow as I approach but make no move to challenge me in any way as I walk past them into the courtyard. From my flight I remember there were four courtyards. With a cross section in the center to divide them. No doubt they were the halls that lead to the different wings of the palace. The palace is square so determining where the throne room is located was impossible. Still, I had to find the entrance to the actual palace.
I saw a main passageway to my right. It was covered by an arched ceiling. The stone work is impressive how it arches over forming like a tunnel almost. At the end I see the lush green fields. I figure it's a good as any place to start. There are bound to be ponies out there that can direct me. I take notice of the elaborate and very detailed marble stallion on the wall. Canterlot castle has nothing on this place. To my right I see it, the way in. Very wide and shallow marble steps. I go to the stairs, at the top at each side are marble lions. I look up, the ceiling was impossibly high. It was a dome shaped and had an enormous painting on it, of pegasi fighting demons. It was very detailed and a bit graphic.
Before I can even begin to start climbing the stairs I saw her, Cadance. Two ponies stood on either side of her. One of them, a unicorn was levitating a piece of parchment and a quill. She seemed to be writing everything Cadance was saying. They begin a slow decent down the stairs. She doesn't see me as she's busy rambling away to her aides and advisers. I can hear the music in her language even though her accent isn't the same as the locals.
Cadance looks calm and collected. She communicates with confidence and moves with grace but under all that I can see it. The sadness. Like me, she has learned to hide it and let herself carry on with as much work as possible. She seems to have mastered it, where I'm just falling apart.
I don't know why I didn't call out to her. She wasn't exactly far away and eventually she will see me. I'm sitting right in her path at the bottom of the marble stairs. She would see me if she looked straight ahead... should I call? Alas I just sit there with my head hung low.
At some point I hear laughter from one of the ponies walking with Cadance. Then the unmistakable abrupt silence that somepony finally noticed I was there. I hear some soft words spoken at almost a whisper, I strain to listen before I remember I can't understand anyway.
"Twilight?" I look up to see Cadance with a perplexed look on her face. My sad eyes meet hers. "Twilight! What are you doing here?" I hear her mumble something to the other ponies around her and they turn and leave.
"Cadance, I'm sorry. I had to see you. I tried to write but I guess you didn't have time to write back."
"We blocked all the mail in and out of this palace. Too many threats, two weeks ago one of the Dukes almost died from a letter containing a curse." Cadance smiled weakly.
"Oh my gosh, what, why?"
"It's a long story but suffice it to say the crime syndicate here isn't happy with some changes I've been making." She waves her hoof as if to dismiss it. "Not important... how are you?"
"I don't know. Do you have time to talk?"
"Yes, of course. Let's go somewhere more private." Her horn lights up then in a blinding flash I find myself standing in a field. The grass is lush green. There are well trimmed shrubs all around, some were even sculpted into ponies. I see the palace far off in the distance.
"Welcome to the royal gardens of Caserta."
"Wow, this place is gorgeous." I look around and take in the scenery, the trees, the mountains all around.
"Yes, our grounds keepers do a good job."
"One thing your last letter never explained, before you stopped all the mail... What are you doing her?"
"Well after everything I just couldn't stay in the Crystal Empire anymore."
"Well, yeah I figured, but I mean why here?"
"I have ancestry here. My family has ruled or been of the noble class here for generations. About four months ago the king here was captured and exiled by the ponies of Caserta. They wanted a ruler to stand up against the Camorra, the crime syndicate here. The nobles wrote to me saying the king had no successor or heir and due to my lineage I'm the next in line to rule here. So I left a steward in the Crystal Empire until Celestia thinks of some kind of replacement. So, I've been doing my best to stand up to the Camorra, the hardest part is arresting them. The legal system is skewed, no thanks to the last king doing them favors. They are extremely dangerous but we've been making some excellent changes and are really helping the ponies here. So it was a ready made excuse for me to leave, and there's just so much work to be done here"
"Oh wow. I can't believe this place is that dangerous. I was greeted well on Via Toledo."
"To the common pony you aren't in any danger. Only the ponies interfering with their business like we are. An alicorn might be in a little danger but my spies say they won't attack one directly. And Via Toledo is a touristy location. I'm sure they were very shocked to see an alicorn walking around alone. But you didn't come all this way to ask my why I am in Caserta... "
"No. I didn't." I hang my head low before speaking agin. "Cadance, I don't know how to go on. I feel so... so empty. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Ever since he died... I tried to deal with it but... I just don't know anymore. My friends try to help but all I have is their pity. They don't fully understand. They have never lost -" I stop my rambling as Cadance brings me into a tight embrace. I feel tears building up behind my eyes but I fight to keep them back. Something I've been pretty good at.
"Twilight, it's okay. He was a very special pony to me too. I loved him very much. He saved the Crystal Empire and everypony that lived there. The crystal ponies are eternally grateful. I just wish I could have been there to save him... or been by his side so he didn't have to die alone." I can tell she is weeping softly.
"You know we met, when I'd come over to foalsit for you. Your brother was quite taken with me the first time he laid eyes on me. I remember he was such a dork, I wanted nothing to do with him... at first. He grew on me and before I knew it I had a crush on him. I just couldn't resist that cute face." I feel Cadance bury her face in my mane, I could feel it getting wet as she cried.
"I don't know how you do it. Running this kingdom and dealing with the organized crime here and running the Crystal Empire too. I thought I was strong like he was. I haven't even cried at all -"
"You never cried?"
"No... I wanted to prove I could be strong too. He has always looked out for me and been the strong one. Now that he's gone... I'm just falling apart. I can't do my studies anymore."
"Did you ever think that's why you are falling apart? You have all these emotions bottled up inside you. Let them out, you will feel better. Emotions are powerful and they make us strong, don't be afraid of them. Crying won't make you weaker, I promise."
"I know it won't. It's just... I don't know. It's like if I don't cry, a part of me still believes he is here with us. I know I have to let go but I just can't, it's like I'm emotionally withdrawn." There I said it, I got to the bottom of the whole thing. Now it's just a matter of tricking my mind into believing I can be happy again. Because really facing this would be too painful.
I let out a sight as I realize what I have to do. But how?
Cadance tightens her grip on me, she strokes my back with her hoof. That feels nice, very comforting. I feel a pain in my chest, like something is tugging on one of my heartstrings, I ignore it.
"I want you to think of one of your favorite memories of him. Really focus on that. You don't have to share if you don't want to." Cadance tells me softly.
There was this one memory, I don't think it's my favorite but I can't get it out of my head. "When I was very little I had this irrational fear of the dark. If I didn't have a nightlight I would become too scared to sleep..." I feel my eyes begin to water but I fight it. I blink hard to clear my eyes then continue. "One night there was a massive thunderstorm and I was already really scared. When suddenly the power went out. I panicked, to this day I don't remember being so scared. It was dark, there were bright flashes of light then darkness and loud roars of thunder. I was crying." I sniffle, my eyes watering. I can't seem to get it under control. Cadance holding me isn't helping. "Shining comes running in my room. He tells me it's okay. Then - then." I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. "He lays down next to me and he uses his magic to light up the room. He says 'I will be right here all night.'" I couldn't take it any longer, I was already fighting a loosing battle. I buried my face in her mane and sob loudly. "He - he st-stayed there th-th whole night. B-by m-my side. I woke up and he was-stil th-there, his horn still lit. He stayed up all ni -" I couldn't talk anymore. There was a strong pain in my chest, something I never felt before. I never knew I could literally feel heartbreak.
We sat together in silence for who knows how long. I had lost track of time. It took a while but I finally stopped crying. I could tell Cadance was crying too. I took solace in her holding me. Even though my heart still ached I somehow felt better. Or did I? I still felt pain and sorrow but for the first time in since I could remember I actually felt alive.
"Thank you." I Whisped, barley audible.
"No thank you Twilight for helping me take time out of my day to face what I've been avoiding. I guess we both haven't grieved like we should have. You withdrew and I kept myself distracted by coming here."
"I feel a lot better, but at the same time I feel worse... I don't know what I'm saying. All the psychology books I own have it wrong."
"I'm sure they tell you many ways to cope but the best way sometimes is to face it head on. Something we haven't been very good at." In spite of everything, I smiled. Probably the first genuine smile I have given in a long time.
Cadance releases me from her embrace. The warmth leaves me and I realize it's actually a little chilly outside. The royal gardens sure were pretty though. In fact it was actually a really pretty area. I had never given it much thought until now. Before, everything seemed so surreal, like I was in some kind of dream world. But no not this, this was real. I think this place can grow on me, I wonder how long I can stay. I don't want to get in the way and I know she is very busy trying to get this place cleaned up.
"You can stay as long as you like, Twi." Cadance said, she seemed to be reading my thoughts.
"I don't want to be a burden..."
"Oh none sense, you aren't a burden. You are my guest and it's my duty to show you around. What do you say that tomorrow I take you to see the ruins of Pompeii?"
"The two thousand year old ruins? The city that was wiped out by Mount Vesuvius?" I asked, the idea sparking my interest.
"Yes, the very same." Cadance nods, smiling.
"It will be so fascinating to see buildings build by ponies so long ago. I head most of them are pretty much intact, which is really impressive considering the catastrophic volcanic eruption..." I trail off as Cadance raises an eyebrow and me. "Does this palace have a library? Because I would love to learn all about Pompeii and the ancient ponies of the time."
Yes, of course we have a library. Come on I'll take you to it." Cadance smiles. I step in close to her and there's a blinding flash of light. Before my eyes stood a massive bookshelf. I took a step back to see I'm standing in the most massive library I have ever seen. It was long hall shaped but the walls were shelved with books from the floor to the ceiling and it went on forever. My mouth falls open as I try to take it in. Why can't I have a library like this? "So what do you think?"
"Cadance, this is the biggest - most amazing - thing. I think I'm living here now." I didn't really mean that. I do want to return to Equestria and I think she knew I was joking. But this library is amazing. I just wish this palace wasn't so far away or I'd... Oh no. I run to the book shelf realizing something troubling. I pull off a book at random and open it. I look down upon the words not being able to read a single one. "I - I can't read these." I say sadly and put the book back.
"Twilight, the english section is down there." Cadance says and starts walking down the hall. After a short walk she stops and I see dozens of history books.
"Oh thank Celestia." I pull every history book I can see off the shelf and stack them around myself.
"I'll leave you to it. The kitchen is always open. I'll send for one of my attendants to prepare a room for you." Cadance says then teleports away leaving me alone in the library. This amazing library.
It's late now, how late I couldn't say but the sun has long since set and the palace was lit by several oil lamps. It didn't occur to me until a few minutes ago but I was reading again, I was back to my studies. I realized in that moment that life goes on, tomorrow the sun will rise and I'll be okay. Sure I was still sad and for years to come I will be sad because I will miss him so much. Losing somepony special is hard, especially one that was always there for me, protected me, the one I looked up to, my first real friend... my brother.
I lit my horn illuminating the hall. "For you brother, so you don't face the dark alone. I'll always be there for you. May this light brighten things up for you the same way you did for me. Rest in peace, I have the watch."
* * *
Tears were dripping down my cheeks as I closed my journal. It has been a year since I wrote this. I know all the smaller details weren't exact. I didn't write this entry until a month after I returned to Equestria. But is was as best as I remembered it. I knew there was a long talk about King Sombra too but I couldn't remember where that fit in. Same with the long talks of how we could have done things differently but those are forgotten because this is the world we live in. It was hard to accept but over time I did.
Below the entry I had placed a couple of pictures of Shining and I when we were younger. My favorite was my birthday, the year I got accepted as Celestia's student. He had given me lots of books about magic and a card that said 'I will miss you Twily, study hard. I know you can do it.' The picture showed me hugging him over a small stack of books. I smiled, tearing up a little.
It was dark and I really needed to get to bed. Tomorrow was going to be a busy day helping Applejack renovate her barn. I look over to the candle beside my bed. I prepare to extinguish it but decide against it last second. "I'll let this one shine on for you."
