Change is Good

Chapters

What The Buzz is all about...
The Banshee Queen of Abilene
A Game on the Strange
Free Market Exile

What The Buzz is all about...

It is said that you should be careful what you wish for. Especially around objects of world-altering magical power. Most people might think that part a bit hokey, but you often have to remember that in a good portion of human mythology, magical objects were presented as having a bit of a mind of their own.

“Ms. Stonewall! Wait up!”

“We are already late, Crystal. Keep up of your own accord.”

It's really the same story when you boil it down. Told over and over again. Magic does what it wants to, and sometimes it can be vindictive. Other times, instructive.

Maybe it's a constant of the universe, maybe it isn't. But even across the void, passing the wall beyond time and space, bridging the realms of the mind and the soul, the lesson plays itself eternally even to creatures so familiar, yet so alien to us.

“It's not that easy ditching my parents and you know that!”

Even here, as a rust-colored pony mare no higher than the average man's stomach abruptly stopped to turn to her mustard-yellow friend, the after effects of such a lesson still echo.

“I'm well aware of how hard it is to get rid of those two when they don't want to be gotten rid-of.”

Lady Stonewall, part of the Canterlot city council, earth pony, and director of city services outside of the royal palace adjusted her spectacles with a disapproving frown etched in her features.

“I'm also aware of how quickly you can get away from them,” she admonished. “And unless you're going for a record in how SLOW you can manage it, I'd say you've been slacking as of late.”

Stonewall's friend, a panting, exhausted looking unicorn by the name of Crystal Clear, scowled in response to the city administrator even as the older mare allowed just the slightest hint of a teasing smirk to cross her features.

“It's not my fault they were extra-snobby,” she retorted with a toss of her mane to get a few dark gray locks out of her eyes. “They just HAD to make a scene...”

“Indeed,” Lady Stonewall allowed her features to dry up for a moment. Crystal Clear, in her opinion was growing up to be quite the outstanding young unicorn. Contrary to popular opinion, it turns out that growing up the daughter of two of the most self-entitled unicorns in Canterlot does not necessarily a spoiled child make. If anything, Crystal's constant exposure and subsequent disgust with her parents' behavior made her quite the generous and caring individual. The young girl had even made quite the positive impression on Fancy Pants, THE name to know short of royalty itself.

Of course, such good impressions didn't always work out as well as the administrator would like. If anything, the young girl's actions and her own pocket of 'fame' only made her parents' behavior worse. They treated her like some kind of prize show pony, heaping praise after praise on their 'little sweetie' while parading her before other members of the Canterlot Elite. Indeed, Crystal Clear had not been exaggerating when she'd mentioned the difficulty in escaping her parents. It was most unfortunate that Stonewall had to do so, but it wasn't exactly easy to present Crystal with an invitation to the grand opening of The Buzz without dragging both Jet Set and Upper Crust along for the ride.

Looking around, Lady Stonewall hid her thoughts with a mask of administrative coolness tempered from years of city service. Maybe, just maybe this trip would teach the two not to jump into other ponies' business considering the staff.

The Buzz was Equestria's newest tropical resort hotel. And it was aptly named. Only a dozen trots away, a changeling, an actual, honest to Celestia changeling, stood by idly. Its wings fanning slowly to keep it cool as it stood guard next to a rope gate. It was but one of many. The hotel was literally abuzz with them drifting back and forth like a swarm of tropical mosquitoes, thus lending credit to the name.

According to sources, the idea belonged to Fancy Pants himself, along with some kind of super smart changeling she'd yet to see. A lot had happened in a very short amount of time. Only a year and a half ago Canterlot was being ransacked by the very creatures standing around fanning themselves in the evening heat. Now, suddenly they were being declared friendly, and a huge joint project between changelings and ponies was being constructed with astounding speed.

If it hadn't come from Celestia's mouth herself, Lady Stonewall wouldn't have believed it. Yet, here she was, standing at the V.I.P. entrance of The Buzz, a tropical resort hotel the size of a small town, operated almost entirely by changelings.

The very fact sent a shiver down the administrator's spine. The Canterlot invasion was something she'd never forget. Hundreds of buzzing, hissing, rampaging changelings terrorizing citizens left, right, and center. And right in the middle of it all, she had stood with Crystal Clear, a few guards, and a Wonderbolt desperately holding up against their numbers with everything they had.

Lady Stonewall half expected the changeling at the gate to turn and hiss at her, maybe spew that sticky green goo and cement her hooves in place before trussing her up in a disgusting cocoon and hanging her upside down somewhere.

But such apprehensions were unfounded. Even as she made eye-contact, the changeling- which happened to be wearing a trimmed down one-piece suit -nodded politely to her and with a glow of green magic, unhooked the rope to let her pass.

“Good evening madam,” it spoke in a buzzing tone that made the administrator's teeth vibrate. If she hadn't had years of experience keeping her calm while under stress, Stonewall would have given quite the start. Still didn't stop the involuntary chill from shooting down her spine though.

Of course, decorum demanded a response to a polite greeting. And as much as every instinct in her body screamed for her to turn tail and gallop as far away from those razor-sharp fangs and luminescent blue eyes as possible, Lady Stonewall was better than that. She'd faced hundreds destroying her city, she could handle one in a suit being cordial.

“Good...” she began, catching only a slight pause to swallow her anxiety. “...evening. Err...”

“Sir works,” the changeling's tone seemed almost mirthful if she didn't know any better. “We've been getting that from a lot of ponies so we're used to it. If it helps. Changeling females are taller and have more pronounced muzzles.”

Lady Stonewall really did give a start at this point. The entire collective history of her conversations with changelings up to this point had consisted almost entirely of the words 'grrr' and 'hiss' followed by hind hooves being liberally applied to shape-shifting muzzle. To hear an entire coherent statement from one like this... Well, 'off-balance' was one way to put it.

“We get that look too,” it- he continued. “Never gets old. Anyway, you're expected up on the terrace. Just take the stairs on the right and follow the torches. Our queen will receive you there.”

Lady Stonewall worked her mouth for a moment, trying to find a polite response.

“Oh... Uh, thank you.” she finally responded.

“Of course,” the changeling nodded.

Turning, Lady Stonewall made her way towards the steps the changeling had indicated. Behind her, Crystal Clear made to follow, stopping for a moment to look the changeling in the suit over closely. After a moment, the younger mare tilted her head to one side.

“Have we met?” she asked in a suspicious tone.

The changeling's ears folded flat against his head, but said nothing as he threw up an impish smile. Crystal let a roguish smile of her own cross her features at the response.

“Nah,” she continued after a moment. “All the changelings I met are deaf now...”

“Miss Clear!” Stonewall's voice called.

“Coming!” Crystal returned at a volume just slightly above normal for a pony her age. The changeling flinching as if expecting to be bucked over the rail. Crystal ignored it, settling on a quick trot to catch up with the older mare.

Lady Stonewall regarded her with a look of impatience as she caught up but otherwise said nothing. The two worked their way up a zig-zagging shallow set of steps for a minute before Crystal spoke again.

“I think that one was in the invasion,” she commented idly.

“They were ALL in the invasion,” Stonewall replied. “They move as a group after all.”

“Yeah,” Crystal continued. “But I think that was one of the ones attacking us.”

Lady Stonewall stopped, giving Crystal a glance.

“What makes you say that?” she asked.

“He ducked when I shouted at you,” the unicorn replied. “Nopony ducks like that unless they've heard me before.”

“I suppose it's possible,” the administrator replied. “There were hundreds attacking us in Canterlot. Between your voice projection and Stormcrow's lightning bolts, we handled far more drones than most of the guard itself.”

“Warriors, not drones.”

Both mares jumped at the larger, heavily modulated tone that seemed to come from above them. There on the next flight of stairs going back the other way was another changeling. This one larger than the previous, and sporting a pair of sunglasses on its face. After a moment, the two remembered what the previous changeling had said and recognized this one was female.

“I-I beg your pardon?” Lady stonewall managed to stutter.

“Warriors,” the changeling female stated curtly. “Drones don't fight if they can help it. Not to mention they're rather scarce. You must be Lady Stonewall of Canterlot.”

The city administrator blinked in silence. The changeling above her just continued to stare for a moment before finally opening her mouth again.

“Well?” she asked. Lady Stonewall suddenly realized she was being rather rude and promptly faked a cough before speaking.

“I'm sorry,” she began after a moment. “I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage. You are?”

The changeling female leaned back a bit, using a hoof to push her sunglasses away from her eyes, revealing a pair of lime green pupils instead of the crystal blue glaze that was so common.

“Really?” she asked. “I'm two sizes larger than every other changeling, know who you are, and have pheromone glands on my head that look like a crown. Did Celestia even bother to describe me?”

Lady Stonewall's face contorted in embarrassment as it suddenly clicked into place. However, before she could speak, Crystal Clear beat her to the punch.

“Wait! YOU'RE Queen Chrysalis!?” the unicorn pointed. Instantly, the changeling smirked, leaning against the rail to look down on them. After a moment, Crystal frowned.

“You look better than I imagined.”

“Crystal!” Lady Stonewall shot the unicorn a scandalous look and failed to notice the changeling queen giggling. “That's not how you speak to royalty!”

Without missing a beat, Lady Stonewall immediately spun back to face the queen smirking above them and made several stuttering attempts to apologize before that smirk fell off to a look of annoyance.

“Save it,” Chrysalis snapped after a moment before closing her eyes with a sigh. “I used to love watching ponies grovel, but these days all it does is waste my time. Pick your dignity up off the ground before you get it dirty and come on up here. And don't dawdle.”

And with that, the queen spun away from the rail and trotted off, leaving Lady Stonewall to collect her wits while Crystal looked on with a wry smirk.

“Wow,” the younger mare commented once she was certain the changeling was out of ear-shot. “She's worse than you are.”

The administrator shot Crystal a look of pure venom before snorting and moving on. A quick trot up the remaining stairs and they were on the terrace. Immediately they recognized Fancy Pants and his wife Fleur chatting amiably with Chrysalis around an open pit fire. The changeling queen looked to be levitating a pair of wine bottles in front of her, a look of confusion barely hidden behind her sunglasses.

“Try the Chardonneigh,” Fancy stated. “That one's from Vanhoover, and goes well with tomatoes.”

Chrysalis regarded Fancy Pants for a moment with an indiscernible look before glancing at one of the bottles. Discarding the other, she quickly set about levitating a corkscrew. In the mean time, Fancy Pants adjusted his monocle and turned an appraising eye to the newcomers joining him on the terrace. Immediately his face broke out in a delightful little grin.

“Ah, Miss Stonewall, Miss Clear,” he greeted the two mares walking up to him with a thick Trottingham accent. “So nice to see you again. I trust the trip out here was relaxing?”

“Fancy,” Lady Stonewall nodded with a far less rehearsed smile than she'd been using as of late. “The airship ride was lovely. As expected of somepony with your tastes. Thank you.”

“Jolly good,” Fancy nodded. “And of course, you've already met our host, the changeling queen, Chrysalis.”

Said queen glanced up from her attention to the bottle, and jumped slightly when the cork, screw and all, popped off and right past her face.

“Fore!” she called to seemingly nopony in particular. A moment later, the distant sound of breaking glass could be heard. All ponies present stared for a moment before Lady Stonewall turned back to Fancy with a slight look of chagrin.

“Yes...” Fancy matched the look through his monocle. “Not exactly beaming with charisma, I daresay. But I assure you that she more than makes up for it with purpose and dedication.”

“Not to mention she's a wonderful singer,” Fleur chimed in. “A little stubborn, but she cleans up nicely when she wants to.”

“Indeed,” Fancy agreed with his wife. Then he turned to Chrysalis as she started levitating wine glasses over.

“Your Highness,” he addressed the queen. “A few proper introductions...”

And then he nodded his head to Lady Stonewall.

“Lady Nora C. Stonewall,” he announced in full. “Chair holder on the Canterlot city council and director of the department of city services.”

“Ah, so you're the director of city services,” Chrysalis gazed over her sunglasses for a moment as the mare nodded silently. Almost immediately a glass of wine was all but shoved in her face.

“My apologies for earlier,” Chrysalis' voice resonated from beyond the offered drink. “Fancy hadn't mentioned a name with the title until now. So I thought the whole 'lady' in your name was just more pretentious buffoonery these moronic 'nobles' keep slinging about.”

The changeling queen ended the sentence with a loud snort.

“Of course, not recognizing a changeling queen doesn't help,” she muttered.

“Yes quite,” Fancy Pants' tone dismissed the topic without argument. “Anyway...”

The refined stallion turned to indicate the younger mare of the group.

“Miss Crystal Clear,” he continued. “Daughter of Mister Jet Set, and Mrs. Upper Crust-”

Chrysalis was just raising her own wine glass to her lips when Fancy spoke, and only just managed not to gag at the two names he announced. All manner of decorum was momentarily lost as she interrupted Fancy Pants with a rather vicious snarl.

“WHAT?!” she snapped. “You invited THOSE buffoons to the grand opening?! Please tell me you didn't!”

“Chrysalis!”

All eyes snapped to Fleur, who was scowling disappointedly at the changeling queen. Immediately, Chrysalis' face visibly flushed.

“Tact,” Fleur continued as if the word answered some unspoken statement.

The changeling queen shut her mouth with a snap, her fangs pressing into her lower lip for a moment as she seemed to mentally, if not literally, bite back a retort. After a few glances at Crystal, she spoke.

“I apologize,” she stated slowly, as if the words this time was actually painful. “I let my mouth run away with me, even for a queen.”

There was a long silence after that. Chrysalis seemed almost as if she were a pet waiting for a newspaper to strike her across the snout. Next to her, Fleur's reprimanding frown morphed into a pleased smile.

Finally, Crystal realized she was being expected to respond.

“Oh...” she turned her head away in embarrassment. “That's okay. You're right anyway.”

Nora couldn't help but roll her eyes as both Fleur and Fancy chuckled lightly. Chrysalis worked her mouth a little in surprise but ultimately found no statement forthcoming and simply shut it with an audible 'click' from her teeth.

“Miss Clear is quite the charming young lady for her pedigree,” Fancy continued. “Resourceful, smart, and more than a little humble... Despite her parents' best efforts otherwise. I daresay the young mare will be going places. Why, just last month I heard she was helping her friend Lace Curtain with some renovations to-”

“Yes, yes, yes...” Chrysalis interrupted in an annoyed tone. “She's a lot better than her parents, I get it. No need to bury my muzzle in it.”

Several moments of silence followed as Nora and Crystal glanced between the changeling queen and their other hosts. Fleur simply rolled her eyes with a smile as Fancy used the interruption to steal a sip from his glass.

“As you can see,” he began again after swallowing, “Purpose. No patience for small talk, but you get used to that sort of thing. Absolutely refreshing compared to normal company.”

“So I notice,” Lady Stonewall nodded as she trotted over to take a seat. “She does seem to cut straight to the point. She's like Princess Luna in that regard.”

“Indeed,” Fancy nodded. “And speaking of cutting straight to the point, I suppose you'd like to know why I extended that invitation to the two of you.”

“I am curious,” Nora nodded.

“Well,” Fancy continued as he sat back to swirl his wine, “As you may have noticed, changelings have recently gained a much more, shall we say, favorable status in the grand scheme of things.”

Lady Stonewall glanced to the side where Chrysalis sat silently.

“Yes...” she replied at last.

“I won't bore you with the details,” Fancy waved a hoof. “But Princess Celestia was, with my assistance in the matter, able to broker a rather lucrative deal with Chrysalis here. One that benefits both Equestria, as well as the changelings themselves.”

“The development of this resort being part of it,” Nora followed in speculatively.

“Indeed,” Fancy nodded. “It turns out changeling workers are amazingly industrious, and quite willing to please if given half a chance. But I digress... During the Canterlot invasion, changeling warriors did no small amount of damage. Ghastly sight if you recall. A lot of roads or buildings had to have entire sections replaced due to the holes knocked into them.”

“I recall that,” the administrator replied. “City Services was run ragged for a month carting off all the gravel and plaster left over. Some of my employees had triple overtime and we had to make a request to the Royal Treasury for additional funding through to the end of the year.”

“Yes, very costly endeavor all around,” Fancy nodded. “Anyway... As part of the deal Chrysalis struck with Celestia, the changelings have been requested to make reparations for the destruction they caused and make up for the losses incurred.”

“How would they do that?” Crystal Clear interrupted, causing Lady Stonewall to shoot the younger unicorn a glare while Chrysalis barely feigned interest. “The city's bounced back from even the economic damages at this point.”

“She does make a point,” Nora turned back to Fancy. “Seems like putting a bandage on a healed wound.”

“Indeed it does,” Fancy agreed. “However, that has been accounted for. The general agreement is that in exchange for no further hostilities and assistance in the development of this resort, the changelings would be expected to provide Equestria with services matching or exceeding the value of the physical and economic damages they caused during the invasion.”

The refined unicorn paused for a sip of wine.

“As the sponsor for this project,” he continued. “I have been tasked under the terms of the agreement to determine the most appropriate methods by which this deal could be fulfilled. And in order to keep things fair and promote the eventual prosperity of both changeling and pony alike, I decided to fragment the debt into a few projects to improve the economic growth of Equestria.”

Lady Stonewall nodded before asking. “So what does Canterlot City Services have to do with this?”

“That all depends on you, my dear,” Fancy stated. “I know city services took one of the hardest hits during the cleanup effort. The damage was wide spread but relatively light, yet your department is where everything went in the end. If any part of Equestria is owed for Chrysalis' little stunt-”

The changeling jerked her head slightly at Fancy's small barb.

“-It's Canterlot City Services. Plus I know how thinly stretched you are already.”

Nora blinked in surprise for a moment before raising her wine glass to buy a few seconds to think. If what she just heard was correct, then-

“Wait,” she lowered her wine glass. “Are you giving me changeling workers to increase the pony-power of my department?”

Chrysalis visibly scowled.

“No,” she snapped. “HE' is not. 'I' am. And they are not there for simple pony-power.”

“Indeed,” Fancy Pants nodded to the Queen. “While that is effective, just turning changelings into a bunch of trash stallions is a waste of their natural talents. I've spoken with Chrysalis at length on this and I believe we have one better.”

Nora set her wine glass down and used a hoof to adjust her glasses.

“Go on,” she nodded.

“I was in the city for some time before I managed to infiltrate the castle,” Chrysalis began. “While I was impressed with the veritable FEAST I saw the place for at the time, I was also appalled at the disgusting inefficiency around me-”

“HEY!” Crystal Clear cut in, her volume causing the Queen to jump backwards in shock. “You take that back! Canterlot is considered the cleanest city in all of Equestria, and-”

A gentle hoof from Fleur landed on the younger unicorn's shoulder, cutting her off with a quiet shake of her head.

“Please continue dear,” she addressed the queen.

“As I was saying,” Chrysalis placed a hoof against her chest and exhaled in an attempt to relax. “I saw inefficiency while I was in Canterlot. Waste. While I learned the paths the guards would take, I watched service ponies work. As I learned the layout of the town, I discovered where the problems were. While Canterlot may be the 'cleanest' city in Equestria, it is through brute force, not design.”

“Something interesting about changelings,” Fancy chimed in. “They share an uncanny knack for working in large groups on structured tasks. And they have a sort of sixth-sense it seems for finding the most efficient ways to utilize very limited resources.”

“It's an old instinct,” Chrysalis provided. “My changelings have always been very good at making the most out of what little we've had. Those who didn't, unfortunately...”

The Queen trailed off for a moment while the implications of what she said were allowed to sink in. After she'd determined the point had been made, she motioned for Fancy to continue.

“Changelings are anything if efficient,” he stated matter-of-factly. “I've seen first-hoof the difference while watching this place get built. While they lack the knowledge for more advanced trades... When working under the direction of an industry expert, they excel at getting the job done.”

“I'm offering more than simple trash ponies, Ms. Stonewall,” Chrysalis continued. “My workers will easily identify what can be improved. And they can teach your department how to find better methods. They can, as I've been told, optimize your department.”

Her statement made, Chrysalis retreated behind her wine glass seemingly in fear of her mouth 'running away' with her again. Nora stared pensively across her own for a moment before taking after the queen's example and nursing it to buy some thinking time. It was probably the first time she noticed the seemingly ambient droning the resort had; a deep, jaw-rattling hum she could even feel in her seat. That irked the administrator, as it was the kind of thing that one didn't notice very often, but once you did, you couldn't ignore it to the point of distraction.

“Well...” she began at length, gathering the attention of the others around their little fire. “I can't say I'm not impressed by what I'm being promised. And I must admit, this is a lot to take in all at once...”

“Of course,” Fancy Pants nodded in understanding. “We don't expect you come to a decision this second, but I thought it best to get business out of the way.”

Nora nodded, thinking for a second longer, but not before the hum got to her again.

“I have to ask,” she continued, her expression turning into an annoyed scowl. “This offer doesn't come with that annoying sound, does it? I can't imagine the number of complaints I'd have to field if Canterlot started to vibrate like-”

Nora stopped when she noticed Chrysalis sit up rigid, ears twisting this way and that as if trying to locate the sound. The rest of the group quickly joined the queen in this action before she all but tossed her wine glass aside while leaping up and rushing to the balcony.

“What in-” Lady stonewall began in surprise.

“He's CARRYING!” Chrysalis snapped in what the Administrator couldn't decide was shock or anger. The moment the queen said that, Fancy joined her at the rail.

“The blazes?!” he exclaimed. “Is that-”

“I told them NOT to let him carry!” Chrysalis interrupted the stallion. “He's going to hurt himself!”

Nora blinked, glancing at Crystal, who only shrugged in response to the sudden excitement of the two. At the same time, the hum she'd been hearing had grown in volume and was continuing to become more and more defined as something that wasn't a background noise.

“How big a load do you think that is if we can hear it?” Fancy asked, removing his monocle as he scanned the skies over the water.

“If he's torquing his wings like that...” Chrysalis began before pausing. “I never- Big. VERY BIG.”

The queen was very close to hyperventilating for some reason as she lowered herself from the rail.

“Is he TRYING to hurt himself?” she asked.

“Now, we both know he's being trying to find his limits ever since you taught him to fly,” Fancy chided. “I just hope he didn't over estimate...”

“Uh, HELLO?” Crystal Clear suddenly interjected into the group, her own patience depleted. “Mind telling the rest of us what's going on? And what's that sound?”

“I have a better idea,” Fancy turned and motioned Crystal and Nora forward. “Take a look over there...”

The two complied, joining the older stallion and the queen of the changelings at the rail. Following his nod as he replaced his monocle, they stared out at the ocean at what appeared to be a cloud of specks in the distance. In the middle of it, a single red flashing light could be seen.

“If you were having doubts about how well changelings worked,” Fancy Pants began. “I have the feeling you're about to be enlightened.”

Both mares squinted, casting their eyes on the cloud as it resolved into about twenty or thirty individuals surrounding what appeared to be two larger objects approaching the resort. The evening sunlight glinted off the lower of which, while the one above it seemed to shift, a faint orange tint visible.

“I think that thing's a wind turbine,” Crystal Clear motioned to the lower of the two large objects. “But what- I don't know what's carrying it, but that's not a pegasus.”

“That-” Chrysalis stepped between the two mares, her voice having shifted from one of annoyance to something akin to pride, “-is a drone.”

Lady Stonewall tore her muzzle away from the oncoming cloud to gape at the queen in shock. Chrysalis, who'd masked her own features in decorum by this point simply ignored the administrator as she turned to trot towards the pathway leading down to the beach. As she did so, the thrumming that had been growing steadily at this point had become loud enough to attract the attention of a few other changeling workers that had been milling about on the edges of the area. They'd all stopped what they were doing to look, each and every one of them staring as one at the ocean. As if on cue, they all started buzzing their wings not a few seconds before a green light lanced into the sky.

Nora jumped, her eyes tracing the source of the flash to Chrysalis, who was now rapidly trotting out into the open space below them. A similar flash lit up the flying group approaching them, prompting a sudden, if delayed response from Crystal Clear.

“THAT... is a CHANGELING?!” she exclaimed.

Nora's eyes focused on the thing in the center of the group and almost felt her jaw fall off now that she could resolve it. The first thing she'd noticed was the color. Mostly orange with white stripes as if subtlety was but a suggestion. But that wasn't important so much as it was what appeared to be the fact that it was equine in shape, like a changeling, but slightly larger. Ropes were hanging down from it, tracing to what now was clearly a wind turbine dragging along under it.

“Indeed,” Fancy's voice sounded somewhere on the edge of Nora's mind. “And he's quite the chap if I do say so myself. Just watch.”

Lady Stonewall forced herself to examine the group in more detail. The changeling was definitely carrying the weight of the turbine, while around it a mixed group of other changelings and pegasi flew in formation, each holding a rope that stretched to the immense load. The thrumming was starting to approach a roar now as they closed in on the beach. The flashing red light she'd noticed earlier turned out to be a series of pulses emanating from the drone's horn. It blinked several times, and the pegasi that were at the front of the group pealed away and began tugging their ropes backwards as the load passed them.

As one, the mass began to slow as it drew even with the beach, ropes pulling taught as the formation of fliers brought the huge load to a gentle stop. Nora couldn't help but notice the spray of water below them as it rolled away from the larger changeling in billowing clouds.

“What-” she managed to find her voice amidst the roar of what could only be assumed to be changeling wings. “What's his wing power?”

“We don't know,” Fancy conveyed back to her. “The Wonderbolts' training anemometer takes measurements of pegasi doing passes. And you can't measure changeling wingpower like that. Trouble is, nopony has yet to make an accurate way to measure wing torque directly that doesn't involve stressing them to the breaking point. Needless to say that option is off the table. When I asked an associate of mine for ideas, the best she could come up with was to, and I quote 'measure the pressure gradients on each downward flap and cross reference them with known pegasus wing flaps.' Only problem is, changeling wings move so quickly we haven't been able to build a device that can discern between one flap and the next. And for some reason, he can't flap them just once at full power. I daresay the queen said it was just the way changelings are built, but it's a bit of a bugger of a problem... Pun not intended of course.”

More flashes of light, this time green bursts from Chrysalis herself as the cluster of assorted creatures hovered their way over the beach. Sand blasted away from the drone in circular waves as they crossed the water line. It would have been a touch unpleasant, had several worker changelings that had gone unnoticed not pooled their magic to create a screen.

As the group continued to watch, Chrysalis and a pair of workers buzzed their way over to a roped off area, an additional set of green flash signals coming from the queen that garnered immediate red flashes from the hovering drone. As one, the entire flight turned with the changeling to follow her as they brought the wind turbine gently through the air.

The workers flanking the queen began signalling with several different colored flashes as group centered over them, backing up to stay in sight of the drone. Pulses of red, yellow, and green flashed around the group in an unspoken language that somehow seemed to clearly indicate what needed to be done.

Along the ground, a dozen more changeling workers quickly collected below the turbine, trotting and running about below it without seeming to even attempt flight in the downwash. Ropes lashed out, securing the base and pulling the whole thing vertical as the flying group adjusted to the shift in forces.

A flurry of flashes signaled as the 'ground crew' cleared out, allowing the load to slowly begin descending towards its resting place. Ropes on the ground stayed tight as more changelings quickly joined their brethren. It was only then that Nora realized they were lining the whole thing up with a base structure directly below it.

It descended deceptively gently as one remaining worker stayed near the base, small hoof gestures being relayed to the queen, who was now standing on her hind legs making far more exaggerated motions signaling all present.

“If only the princess were here to watch this,” Fancy Pants' voice came over the roar of the drone's downwash. Nora barely heard it, mesmerized by the ballet happening in front of her. There was an inaudible thump as the mare felt the structure make contact and betray its weight. Almost immediately, the worker at the base made a slashing motion at his throat and Chrysalis responded by slowly crossing her front legs over her head.

The ropes went slack and the workers that had moved back rushed forward to practically crawl all over the base of the tower. Nora couldn't tell what they were doing, but they appeared to be placing objects around it. In the mean time, the roar of the drone's wings died back as it descended to slacken its own ropes before a few of the pegasi and changelings in the flight group helped to assist with removing them.

As soon as it was free, the drone quickly descended towards Chrysalis. The roar of its wings died the instant it touched down, causing both Nora and Crystal to nearly jump at the relative silence.

“Hahah!” Fancy Pants' cheered from next to them, startling the two a second time in so many seconds. “Brilliant! You got it in one!”

“Told ya' we could do it!” a surprisingly country sounding voice echoed back from the drone. Almost immediately, a sharp sound from the queen that was just a bit too far away to understand caused the bright orange changeling to flinch. Even at a distance, Nora could read the body language of a foal being scolded. A second later, a loud 'Oh come on Chrissy!' snapped up to them, causing the queen in turn to flinch before bringing a hoof to her head and shaking it.

“Like a house on fire, those two,” Fancy commented with a pleasant smirk as Nora continued to watch what appeared to be a mild argument taking place.

The stallion turned and quickly trotted the path down to greet him, his voice carrying easily over the relative quiet that was now only being broken by the sound of the surf. As he approached them at a mild canter, there was a burst of green fire and suddenly the formerly orange and white drone was exactly that. It took a second for the city administrator to recognize what had happened, but once her brain caught up, it was obvious the bright color scheme had been a product of changeling transformation magic. The new set of dark greens and black he sported were much more in line with her experiences of the species to this point.

Pulled out of her reverie by by a tap and a nod from Crystal, and not one to be left behind, she quickly made to follow Fancy Pants.

“I say!” the stallion exclaimed as she caught up. “Exquisite show you put on there! I daresay I thought you would need at least a couple of tries before you got it right. I've been told air lifting can be quite demanding work.”

Argument cut short, the drone turned his head towards Fancy Pants, letting out huge fanged grin. He was about mid way between the size of the average pony and Chrysalis herself now that Lady Stonewall got a good look at him. And interestingly enough, unlike every other changeling they'd seen up to this point, he was practically immaculate... For a horrifying insect-pony hybrid. There was not a hole to be seen, and the, whatever it was that they had for skin instead of fur was glossy and mostly blemish free... If she let her eyes lose focus just slightly, it could pass for armor and she'd mistake him for a large night guard.

“You know me!” the changeling stated. “I had five people tell me it was impossible to move a wind turbine whole. What's the first thing you think I'm going to do?”

“Something stupid...” Chrysalis muttered but was mostly ignored.

“I daresay you immediately go and prove us wrong,” Fancy laughed. “That's a Taurus Eight-Fifty if I'm not mistaken. From the ledger I recall... Shipped in to Horseshoe Bay from Minos?”

“The same,” the drone cast a gaze up at the tower he'd just helped erect. “I was hoping I could get my han- er... Hooves on a One-kay, but then I'd be worried about pegasus foals playing around the turbine blades. The last thing I want to write is a letter to Princess Celestia explaining why one of her subjects returned from vacation as two subjects.”

“Indeed,” Fancy Pants winced. “We're building a vacation resort, not an obstacle course for daredevils. Not to say that the Wonderbolts wouldn't enjoy the prospect...”

“Yeah,” the drone chuckled. “Vacation for an adrenaline junkie... Hmm...”

“No.” Chrysalis spoke up suddenly and quite staunchly. “Electricity, fine. It saves on our magic stockpile. Air conditioning, sure. Not that we need it-”

“You know you love AC,” the drone commented with an eye roll. “And I know you can't wait to recharge your laptop. You were glued to that thing right up to the moment the battery died... Which reminds me. Fancy, we need lead-acid batteries.”

“We're NOT turning The Buzz into a sporting arena,” the queen continued as if she hadn't heard a thing he said. “If I let you keep tacking stuff onto this, we'll have more bells and whistles than that ancient unicorn wizard... What was his name? Star-spin?”

“Swirl,” Fancy Pants interjected. “Starswirl.”

“Yes, that one,” the queen observed. “Starswirl.”

“I never said I was going to actually do it Chrissy,” the drone protested.

“You were thinking about it,” Chrysalis narrowed her eyes and advanced slightly. “Don't forget you give off a very distinct pheromone blend when you get an idea in your head. As queen, I can read your mood signature like an open book.”

“Okay!” the drone backpedaled slightly, splaying his wings. Nora had to double take now that she was close enough to see them. “Sheesh... I can't even have my thoughts to myself anymore between you and princess Luna. It's like having Deanna Troi and Mrs. Freddy Kruger stalking me.”

“I'm sorry,” Fancy Pants interjected once more by stepping in. “But I'm sure this is an argument for another time... Now, what was that about acid?”

The drone huffed and tucked his wings- all four of them -back down and turned towards the stallion.

“Power storage,” he stated. “We need to get some lead acid batteries. Probably a bank of them.”

“I'm afraid I don't follow,” Fancy frowned. “I'm not a technical fellow like yourself.”

The drone pursed his lips, not seeming to notice as he absentmindedly played his tongue back and forth across his fangs before speaking.

“I'll make a technical write up for you,” he decided. “Short version is that the wind turbine is good for most day and night hours, but we're going to need electrical power storage for the lulls. Dawn and dusk mainly. Lead acid cells will probably be the easiest your industry can come up with.”

“I see,” Fancy nodded. “Nimbus Industrial?”

“Yeah,” the drone agreed as if they were having a second conversation between the lines, then frowned and shook his head. “Actually no. We'll need to talk to a chemical manufacturer...”

“Minos again,” Fancy Pants nodded. “If you can have that technical write up to me by Monday I can get it off to my associate and have an answer by next Friday.”

The drone sighed, letting his head droop slightly.

“Yeah,” he finally stated, his voice deflated. “I can do that. Not like I wanted to use twenty hours of my weekend for anything else...”

All this of course, was completely over Lady Stonewall's head. Well, not what sounded like procurement. She was intimately familiar with the hassle of providing for her workers. What with each of them wanting something different, the need to justify it in her budget, and of course, the nobility who thought that somehow money made them smarter than her subordinates who had cutie marks in the appropriate skills. However, the rest of it?

“You don't have to work that hard,” Chrysalis cut into Nora's thoughts, apparently speaking to the drone. “You should relax and just explain it to me and I'll take care of it. You just flew in from Horseshoe, with a load I TOLD you not to carry, and you should be resting.”

There was an awkward silence as the drone fixed Chrysalis with an openly unamused look.

“No offense Chrissy...” he stated. “But I'm FINE, and this is a bit math intensive.”

“I have an abacus,” Chrysalis objected.

“You don't even know the formulas,” he retorted.

“I can LEARN them!” she glared.

“Like you learned long division?” he asked. The queen immediately flinched as if struck. “We both know how that one ended. Sparkle STILL won't return my letters after that stunt. You've got no patience Chrissy. And you know as well as I do if I stick you in front of the formulas for creating a lead acid battery cell, it'll end in chemical burns, explosions, and fire. And what did I say about it ending in fire?”

Chrysalis sighed in defeat.

“It's never a good thing if it ends in fire,” she recited. “Fine... But you WILL teach me.”

“Maybe later,” the drone compromised after a moment. “Under adult supervision or something. “

Chrysalis scowled at the jab and struck him on the shoulder with a hoof, then scowled deeper and struck him harder.

“Ow...” he mocked in a monotone. “The pain. The pain.”

“This worked a lot better when you were a soft fleshy ape-thing,” she growled.

“Yeah,” he grinned at her. “But now I'm an armor-plated polymorphic Insectoid-Equine Hybrid Alien Killing Machine... Thing.”

“You're a lot of... things,” she smirked back. “But a grub makes a better killing machine than you.”

If anything could work to diffuse Nora's apprehensions about changelings, it was probably this display. The bickering duo had fallen silent after Chrysalis' last comment and just sat there staring. What the administrator thought odd though, was how Chrysalis was staring at drone with an almost vapid look on her face. In contrast, he was returning the stare with the most curious expression he'd shown earlier, absentmindedly touching his tongue (forked) to his fangs as if checking if they were still there.

Fancy Pants coughed. Causing all present to jump.

“Well,” he continued after a moment. “If you two are quite finished-” he turned to Nora, removing his monocle to wipe it on his coat, a nervous habit Lady Stonewall had learned to recognize in the stallion. “-I should probably remind that we have some esteemed guests this evening.”

“Oh yeah!” the drone seemed to come out of his own little world like a spell lamp had come on over his head. “Guests for opening weekend... Wait- It's opening weekend already?”

“Quite,” Fancy nodded. “And as such I'd like to present to you the director of Canterlot City Services department, Lady Stonewall, and her younger friend, Ms. Crystal Clear.”

“Gazer,” the drone practically thrust his hoof forward, which Lady Stonewall tentatively met with her own. “At least, that's what I go by now. A pleasure.”

“Nora,” the city administrator responded. “Likewise, I'm sure.”

“Just call me Crystal,” the younger mare responded as Gazer turned to repeat the process with her. “Formalities kind of annoy me thanks to my parents.”

“I feel ya',” the drone smirked. “I can't go a week without Princess Luna popping into my dreams to drill me in traditional etiquette.”

“If you'd just embrace your role like a proper drone,” Chrysalis interjected. “You wouldn't have to worry about it.”

Gazer glanced at the queen for a second before leaning in closer to Crystal in an almost conspiratorial manner.

“They're all out to corrupt me,” he commented in a loud stage-whisper. “But I'm on to them.”

Crystal Clear had to raise a hoof to suppress a giggle at that. Nora too couldn't help but find it amusing, though she only allowed her own smirk to grow by the smallest fraction in comparison.

“SO!” the drone stood up straight again, turning to Fancy Pants. “Did you already give them the grand tour? I hear the pool's coming along nicely, but I've been so busy trying to draw schematics with a marshmallow for a grasping appendage- Still can't figure out how 'Tavia plays the cello with those nubs- that I haven't been out of my office much short of today's pickup.”

“I figured we'd leave the tour for tomorrow,” Fancy answered the drone with a shake of his head. “They actually only just arrived minutes ahead of you. I figured a tour would be a bit too taxing after all the travel.”

“Sounds reasonable,” Gazer nodded. “In the mean time, I'm thirsty-” he snapped his head around. “-Thing One! Thing Two! Front and center.”

To Nora's refreshed unease, a pair of changelings suddenly detached themselves from the local scenery and presented themselves before the drone.

“Knowing Fancy it's nothing but alcohol on the terrace,” he spoke to the first one, eliciting a quiet chuckle from the afore mentioned stallion at the same time. “Go check cool storage for some mango juice containers and some fresh water. It should be on the left near the fruit crates-” then turned his head to the second. “- I need you to run up to my office and retrieve box number seven. It's about hoof-sized and sitting behind the lamp. If Brutalisk asks, I'm on the terrace.”

Both changelings nodded and took off in separate directions at high speed, causing the drone to scowl as he raised himself up.

“WALK!” he shouted, managing to catch their attention before they were out of sight. They slowed, but only just. Falling back to all-fours, he shook his head, glancing at Chrysalis with a pleading look.

“My guards were taught to make haste in every task to please their queen,” she dismissed. After a few more seconds of the pleading look, she sighed and lowered her head. “I'll make it known to slow down if it's not urgent.”

Gazer smiled, returning his glance to Fancy Pants before he spoke.

“Fleur's up on the terrace still?” he asked.

“Of course,” Fancy nodded. “We have quite a lovely fire going for this evening.”

“Anyone else here?” the drone asked. “I had a question for 'Tavia about that DJ friend of hers.”

“I'm afraid not,” Fancy shook his head. “There was a major recital this afternoon so she won't be arriving until later tonight.”

“Bummer,” the drone sighed. “I've been trying to get a hold of her for a month. It's worse than phone tag. Which reminds me... Once I convince Luna to pitch machines into orbit for me, I'm reinventing satellite communications.”

Chrysalis scoffed.

“You said that was still thirty years away if we rushed it,” she rolled her eyes. “Just use fire-mail. It'll get there.”

“That's too slow,” the drone all but whined. “I did a check with Luna and even an old cell-network would be better. It's not like I'm asking for four-G wireless data.”

Nora frowned. Communications faster than fire mail? Fire mail was probably one of the fastest messaging magics in existence. What-?

Perhaps the look on her face had caught some attention, but Fancy Pants interrupted before the amount of confusing words coming out of the changeling's mouth could continue to climb.

“I think we should put aside talk of future work for now,” the stallion suggested. “Judging by our guests' faces, you've already drowned them in enough vocabulary to make them study like Twilight Sparkle for years... Heavens only knows the amount of studying I've had to do from the technical write-ups you send me. This weekend is supposed to be the grand opening after all. And even if the electrical work isn't all finished, the rest of the resort is pretty much complete. It would be a real shame to explain to all the royal guests tomorrow that one of their hosts couldn't meet them because he's tied himself up somewhere inside the some three-hundred some-odd miles of conduits that run through the place... Amusing as that sounds.”

“That, and if you make me look silly in front of Princess Cadance-” Chrysalis muttered something less than flattering about the princess of love to herself, “-I'll tie you to one of those fins on your new tower and leave you to spin for a day. I'm not going to lose face to her. The fact that I have to rely on magic imported from her fancy glass empire to feed the hive already makes it bad enough.”

“I thought you two were over the whole kidnapping and impersonation thing,” Gazer frowned. “You said sorry for being short sighted and stupid, she forgave you, and Luna kept Twilight from playing tennis with your skull for messing with her family.”

“Doesn't make it any less irritating when she gives me that knowing smirk,” Chrysalis fumed. “I had her. I had them all. Everything was perfect.”

“And you dropped yer' guard a little too early and got blasted right into my life,” Gazer rolled his eyes. “I remember that part, I was there. We've had this discussion before Chrissy. I put you in an environmental science class back in my world to try and hammer it home. Changelings cannot live like locusts.”

“I KNOW!” the queen exploded in a huff, but deflated just as fast as she nearly broke out in tears. “I know... But that doesn't make it any less painful. I won. I beat Celestia, Canterlot was falling... Right or wrong, I had the most glorious victory in over a thousand years of the world's history snatched right out from under me because I took my eyes off the biggest threat in the room for ten measly seconds. It's like having the last slice of pizza snatched out of your grasp as you go to take a bite, and then watching someone else eat it. I don't care if I was wrong, I'll never forget that loss. Losing to those ponies like that... I'll never live it down. And Cadance will NEVER let me forget it so long as we both live...”

Chrysalis sniffed for a moment, then turned a bloodshot glance on Nora.

“No offense,” she sniffed.

Lady Stonewall couldn't find any suitable way to reply herself, and simply fell back on nodding in acknowledgment as the drone turned and hooked a forelimb around the queen's barrel and pulled her into a hug.

“It's okay,” he stated. “Just remember what I told you. If you'd won right there, you'd have lost more than just your pride in the end. Remember that Environmental Science class. Learn from it, and remind yourself what you saw.”

Chrysalis sighed, hanging her head and leaning into the drone a little.

“I know...” she almost whispered. “Parasites and Symbiotes...”

For a moment it was quiet, then suddenly the drone frowned, his eyes tracking up to the taller changeling. “Have you gained weight?”

All present winced even before the queen broke contact and struck the drone upside the head so hard he pancaked into the ground.

“Not for a lack of trying considering your squeamishness despite perfect biological compatibility!” Chrysalis spat. “And to say that about me in front of our guests! I can't believe you!”

And she turned with a huff, trotting up the stairs back up to the terrace. Gazer groaned for a moment before chuckling quietly to himself.

“Are- Are you okay?” Crystal Clear broke the stunned silence, stepping forward just a little.

“Fine,” the drone huffed as he pulled his legs in. “Fine. Drone armor's something like a quarter inch of some kind of rubberized chitin compound. It's like wearing a second skin made entirely out of rubbery bouncy balls. Chrissy would have to hit me with a sledgehammer to actually hurt me.”

With help from the younger mare, Gazer was pulled back to a standing position where he immediately proceeded to twist his neck, eliciting a loud pop. Crystal winced in sympathy though it wasn't needed.

“And I said that on purpose,” he continued. “She sulks... BAD. Pissing her off pulls her out of that funk faster than anything else I've tried.”

“Isn't that painful?” Nora asked. Gazer glanced at her before suppressing a snort of laughter and tapping his head with a hoof.

“Like I said-” tap tap tap “-Armor. I didn't even feel that. It just knocked the air out of my lungs.”

“Yes,” Fancy Pants chimed in. “As it would turn out, changeling drones are pretty much nature's perfect choice for dealing with changeling queens. As Lord Gazer's previous example can testify, their entire body is practically custom built to handle both a queen's temper, and... other things best not discussed in polite company. Especially considering his continuing outlook towards such things. Though I have to agree with the queen, he does take the squeamishness a bit far, all things considered.”

“Har har, Fancy,” Gazer scowled. “Why don't you try it some time? Spontaneously change species- or rather, entire biological families -and then try and get over twenty million years of psychological hard wiring and thirty years of societal programming. Let's see how squeamish YOU are.”

The drone then closed his eyes and shuddered, his wings unfolding for a moment and gently buzzing out of sync.

“My brain still short circuits whenever I think about it,” he continued. “Biology screams yes... Psychology hollers 'OH GOD NO!' in Luna's Royal Canterlot dialect, and I'm left to take the blame for for some super powered magical artifact trying to cram it all together while hoping it works without testing. If those Elements of Harmoniousness or whatever they're called are truly self-aware, they're the worst metaphysical engineers in the history of the universe. And I hope they can hear me when I say that.”

“I... Apologize,” Fancy sighed, resting a hoof on Gazer's shoulder. “I keep forgetting the whole concept is as alien for you as the knowledge you bring of your old home is to me. Don't let the ramblings of an old fool ruin your day.”

“Don't worry about it, Fancy,” the drone commented. “It's not the first time my mind's seized up on it, it won't be the last. The important thing is we get along well enough. I try to just stuff the whole concept in a lock box somewhere and write it off as exotic culture. Maybe one day, the primate part of my brain will finally believe it. Until then, I'm going to do my best to pretend this world really is the sugar-coated candy-land Celestia and Luna make it appear as on the surface... At least until I can build a railgun. I can't wait to see the look on ol' Celly's face when I break one of her windows from seven-hundred miles away.”

Fancy frowned...

“I thought you DIDN'T want her angry,” he asked. Gazer just grinned, a huge toothy one like the others.

“It's a RAILGUN, Fancy,” he laughed. “Totally worth any exiles, dungeons, or dungeons in exile, however that saying goes for ponies. Trust me, there are some things in life you just HAVE to do once, or you'd never live with yourself.”

“Um... Excuse me,” Nora finally worked up the courage to speak up. She then turned her head slightly to the side as she leveled a puzzled look at the drone. “But some of the things you've been saying...”

Lady Nora Stonewall, Administrator for the Canterlot Department of City Services, bit her lip trying to find the right way to phrase the question.

“I've been meaning to ask for a while now,” she continued. “You... You're not actually a changeling, are you?”

Both Gazer and Fancy Pants shared a look for a moment.

“It's all yours Toby,” the unicorn stallion stepped back.

“Toby?” Crystal Clear piped up.

“You always pick the smart ones,” the drone shook his head. “Never change.”

Gazer turned his head, looking up at the terrace before motioning for them to follow.

“Physically,” he continued after a few moments of silence climbing the stairs. “I'm just as much a changeling as Chrissy here is. I'm a short, sapient, armored, polymorphic insect-pony hybrid that partially feeds on magic to survive.”

“I thought Changelings ate love?” Crystal Clear chimed in as she joined the group on the terrace. By the fire, Chrysalis was sitting next to Fleur, seeming to relaxed from frothing rage to little more than a pouty face. However, her interest in the conversation starting up caused her to drop the look in exchange for curiosity.

“Yes and no,” Gazer stated unhelpfully. “The details are technical, but trust me, it's the magic. The average changeling needs sixteen hundred thaums a day to stay healthy. But technically...”

The changeling drone sat down in a chair and motioned for the others to do so as well.

“Technically, I'm not, or rather was not, anything even remotely equine in nature.”

“Oh?” Nora asked, her curiosity now piqued. “So what were you before? Your kind must be quite friendly if this is how you at least behave.”

“I'm not from your world at all,” Gazer shrugged. “So really, you wouldn't have heard of my kind anyway. Blame your Elements for this whole thing. But technically, I was something called a Human, or Homo Sapiens, Sapiens, to use the scientific name.”

“You're right,” the city administrator nodded as Fancy Pants took his own spot near his wife. “I've never heard of such a creature. What does one look like, if you don't mind my asking?”

“Well?” Gazer tapped a hoof on his chin, his tongue once more tapping at his fangs. “Imagine... Say. Okay, closest thing in stature is a minotaur. Imagine that, but no fur, slightly longer legs and shorter arms, less beefy muscles for most of us too. No tail, long feet, and a flat face. The average human stands between five and six feet tall, which would be either about the height of Princess Celestia at the tip of her horn, or the more average pony standing as tall as she can on her hind legs.”

“Might be easier to just show them,” Chrysalis shook her head and stood up. “Changeling, remember?”

“Take all the fun out of it,” Gazer huffed. “I was going to see if Luna could dream walk and pluck the images out of their heads later.”

“She'd probably complain about the nightmares you give them,” the queen snarked. “Now observe...”

Before Gazer could make a retort, Chrysalis burst into flames, only to be replaced by what he would say was a fairly accurate copy of his original form... There were a few oos and ahs as the queen, currently masquerading as a 'king' in all his glory, turned and proceeded to 'strut her stuff' around the terrace.

“Note one of the most important features,” a perfect, buzz-free copy of Gazer's voice began. “Is the perfect balance this body has while fully upright. Humans are built quite well for their stature and posture. Despite the lack of a tail, they can maintain a standing position indefinitely until they pass out from lack of sleep, hunger, or injury. They're adaptable too, having conquered almost every climate of their world without the ability to control the weather like a pegasus.”

There was an impressed whistle from Crystal Clear at that point. However, Nora quickly spoke up.

“They look a little... How can I put this delicately.... Flimsy? For their size?”

“Yes,” Chrysalis' voice popped out of the copy. “Surprisingly not the most robust body I've ever duplicated. However, having been in one for the better part of six months straight, they do have some surprising features.”

With a flash, Chrysalis form changed shape. The new body seemed to fit her voice more as she continued to speak.

“Not very fast, but nimble...” She continued. “Almost unbelievably so. I've watched exhibitions of their sports stars where they could go running at top speed and suddenly stop and change directions like a fly. And they can climb, very well... At least, with practice. Think of a human as you see me now, like a tall, fast ape without a tail.”

Another burst of fire and Chrysalis was back to her normal self.

“They're lightweight apex predators,” she continued, trotting back to her seat. “And lazy... So very lazy.”

“Says the six month couch-potato champion of my living room,” Gazer snarked. Chrysalis went beet red despite her natural dark tone.

“I-I don't have any idea what you're talking about,” she sputtered.

“You do realize one of the reasons I hope I never have to go back is the totals you ran up on my credit cards, right?” the drone asked.

“What's a credit card?” Crystal asked. Gazer suddenly looked like he'd been gut-checked through a weak point in his armor.

“Imagine having a small flashcard you carry around with you instead of bits,” he said at length. “And when you go to make a purchase, you give that to the seller. Magically, instantly, far away, a bank or other money lender instantly gives you that amount on loan, no-questions-asked, knowing it was you who made the purchase.”

Nora flinched visibly. Somewhere, her budget just screamed in horror before being devoured by Nightmare Moon.

“Yep...” Gazer nodded. “It goes without saying that you should not attempt to live like a queen while living on the money of loan sharks.”

“Indeed,” Fancy Pants spoke up. “I've seen many a poor sod who've entrapped themselves in a cycle of loans and payments. The results have never been the prettiest. This 'credit card' Lord Gazer speaks of simply makes the whole mess that much more efficient. Especially if you have little self-control to begin with.”

Chrysalis shot the old stallion a death glare, which he simply ignored in favor of more questions being fielded by Crystal Clear.

“So,” the younger mare began. “If you're some kind of alien super-predator-” a brief look at Gazer as if to examine him for a moment. “-how did you end up in Equestria? And as a changeling?”

“Yes,” Nora spoke up. “That really is the question of the hour. How DID you end up here?”

Gazer inhaled long and deep before letting it out slowly, an 'oh boy' almost hanging inaudibly in the air. He cast a glance a Chrysalis for a moment, who in turn shrugged back at him. Both cast a glance at Fancy Pants, another shrug his only response.

“What?” Crystal asked. “Was that a bad question?”

“No,” the drone continued. “Just... A very, very long story.”

Suddenly, Gazer smirked, inhaling deeply...

“Before time began,” his voice resonated with a deep timbre that made Nora's fur stand on end. “There was... The Cube.”

“WHAT THE HAY!” Crystal fell out of her chair as Chrysalis' wings started to buzz frantically. Fancy Pants openly laughed, quickly joined by Gazer in his regular voice.

“Oh!” the drone chirped. “The looks on your faces. HAH! I never get enough of that.”

“What did you DO?” Nora gasped in shock. “I FELT that!”

“The Peter Cullen voice,” Gazer gave them another toothy grin. “I've been working on it ever since I learned changelings could change their voice at will. And Chrissy loves it...”

Gazer took a glance at the queen, who was casting him a glazed over expression with a most concerning smirk. She was also slowly leaning forward in her chair at him. The drone gulped once and quickly turned his attention to the rather silent Fleur.

“Maybe that was a bad idea,” he stated quickly. “Uh... Help?”

“Hmm?” the model glanced at the drone for a second, following his own nod to Chrysalis. “OH! Right... I'll take care of this.”

She quickly rose from her seat, gently taking the changeling queen and pulling her up and away.

“Come dear,” she began in a soft tone. “Let's grab some snacks. How about we get somepony to make a pizza?”

Chrysalis seemed to snap out of it, casting a glance at the one gently pulling her up.

“Oh! That sounds good,” she grinned in a poor excuse for stately manner. “Artichoke mushroom... With extra cheese and anchovies-”

“Eugh...” Gazer shuddered as the two left the fire. “It was a mistake ever introducing her to pizza.”

“Why?” Crystal asked. “Pizza's good.”

“You've never seen her choice of toppings,” Fancy Pants chuckled. “I say, a most GHASTLY affair, to say the least. If she offers you any, politely turn her down if you value keeping the contents of your stomachs on the inside. Take some of Lord Gazer's instead. His selection is much more reasonable. Garlic and herbs if I recall, yes?”

“Yeah...” Gazer nodded. “Used to be pepperoni, but the pepperoni in this world begs for mercy. That doesn't really sit well with my stomach, or my conscience.”

“I guess this means another question,” Crystal sighed. “But what-”

“You don't want to know.” Fancy Pants stated sternly. “Really, you don't. I do know, and I'm telling you, you don't.”

Nora blinked in shock at the statement that had just come from the older stallion. Never before had she seen him so firm in a statement. Crystal seemed to notice too, having shut her mouth with a click of her teeth.

“Right,” Fancy stated as he wiped his monocle off once more. “Unpleasantness aside, I think you had a story to tell, am I right?”

“Right!” Gazer nodded quickly. “Right...”

Staring into the fire, he steepled his hooves in front of his face. For a few seconds, he was quiet.

“Where to begin...”

Author's Note

A... Longer, introduction chapter than I intended, but I like how it turned out.

If you want my imagined idea of how the audio would work for the fly-in scene:
Click here... (Assuming mediafire doesn't freak out about it.)

Incidentally, please don't comment-bomb the youtube links. They're there for visualization and immersion purposes. If links to some of my own stuff in my other fics are any indication, that can turn into a wall of pony. Not everyone likes a wall of pony. Please respect those people. Keep the comments here.

The Banshee Queen of Abilene

I guess I should start from something you would know...

The attack on Canterlot during Princess Cadance's wedding was big news, I'm sure. The audacity of the attempted coup against the seat of power of a nation. You'd have to be blind and deaf to miss it once the story hit the presses.

But me? Obviously I didn't know anything about it. I couldn't have if I wanted. I guess I could say that while Chrissy was trying her hoof at real-life Risk, I was a world away experiencing the grand excitement of an early Thursday morning. That is to say, not much considering it was early enough that only a portion of the eastern horizon was lit.

I was about an hour southwest of a city named Abilene on a back road trying to get an early start on some contract work for the windmill company out there...

I should mention just so you have a little more background that I have a skill in something called electronics, which is more or less an entire field of knowledge related to creating, harnessing, and controlling lightning to use in all manner of ways from powering machines without magic, to creating thinking machines so powerful they can store the combined knowledge of the Canterlot archives in a box no bigger than a pencil. Please don't ask, the explanation will literally take a decade.

Like I was saying, I wanted an early start on my day so I could finish early. It was Thursday, and working in my field had earned me enough credit in the industry that I could pretty much dictate my own terms to whoever I worked for. In this case, I preferred to make my own hours for the routine stuff so long as I agreed to be on call for emergencies. Getting an early start to a weekend of doing nothing but catching up on my sleep and plucking away at a pet project was foremost on my mind. The sooner I finished the tedious stuff, the sooner I could go home and relax in quiet solitude.

Of course, driving the back roads was one of my favorite parts of this particular contract. My transportation, a type of large, self-powered cargo carriage called a truck, was large enough that it could handle moving at a pretty decent clip once I left our smoother roadways in favor of gravel of the many back roads that spider-webbed between the wind towers. And considering the land the towers were set up on was considered private property, I had them all to myself.

At least, that's what I thought.

Not to imply that I was doing any dangerous forms of driving. Hardly... Rather, I have a habit of just kind of zoning out as I go. Just me and the thoughts in my head, staring out at the pre-dawn sky.

Now, unlike Equestria, the weather is wild where I'm from, and the area I was in had been suffering from extended drought conditions for the last couple of years. If it wasn't farmland, it was left to do its own thing. So the grasses were all brown and dead... Especially in late August.

If you ask me, that saved Chrissy's life.

Occupied as I was with my own thoughts, it was the sharp contrast of pine green to dead tans and browns that made me glance to the side. It was only there in the corner of my Truck's high beams for a moment as I passed, but enough to register 'different' on the synapses.

Back on my world, there's information stating that the human brain can process visual images as short as one-three hundredths of a second in length, and can do so with incredibly good accuracy. If you've trained your memory, you could remember an entire area with just a glance. Now, I won't claim those kind of skills, just verifying a fact for you. It took at least five seconds after I'd passed before my mind caught up with the fact that the flash of green was attached to what I recognized as a body.

Trucks don't do sudden stops too well on gravel. I should mention that now in case ponies reach that tech level in your lifetime. But the moment I realized I'd seen a body, in the middle of a ditch, in the middle of nowhere...

Well, in my line of work, we call that a red flag.

After turning around, It took me only a moment to find the spot and aim my truck's lights at it. I found that body Chrissy had been strutting around in a few minutes ago lying face down in the dirt unconscious.

Honestly, at first I thought she was dead and that I'd just found a rape and murder victim who'd been dumped in what the killer thought was the middle of nowhere. Humans normally wear clothes almost all the time, and the fact that she was naked, face down in a ditch was a very disturbing sign. I feel kind of stupid to admit it, but at the time, my shock of finding her made me momentarily lose all sense. At least, to the point I prodded her with my foot the same way you might poke something with a stick.

I about jumped out of my skin when she moaned in pain. I guess that's what I needed to actually take action, because I had my phone- don't ask right now -out contacting the authorities and making for the emergency kit under the passenger seat. I remember talking to the operator, but I don't really remember what was said. All I remember was when I turned the body over, I was horrified. Her nose was bleeding, and it looked like her entire front had been thoroughly beaten from head to toe. The bruises were so bad that it looked like a piece of meat being flipped on the grill...

Okay, confusing expression for herbivores. Don't think too hard on it.

What I mean to say is, she looked like she'd been rammed head on by a truck, or a bus... Something... Equestrian terms aren't exactly a strong point for me. But needless to say, it was something very large, and very powerful-

“Like Prince Shining Armor's shield,” Lady Stonewall interrupted Gazer, causing him to turn his eyes away from the fire.

“Yes,” the drone nodded. “Like that. At the time I didn't know any better. But the thought of it makes me cringe. She got ejected from the city of Canterlot with the force of a bomb going off. It's a wonder she survived the initial impact, let alone impact with the ground.”

Gazer said nothing for several seconds.

“She was breathing,” he continued. “That was amazing enough to me at the time considering it looked like the act itself was torture. But the emergency operator wanted me to see if she'd respond. So I spoke to her.”

The drone steepled his hooves and looked back into the fire.

“Her eyes opened,” he stated distantly. “Emerald green. And you know what she did next?”

“What?” Crystal asked.

Gazer turned his eyes up to the younger mare.

“She screamed.”

It wasn't a high-pitched girly scream, or the scream of unexpected pain, or anything you'd imagine a scream could be. I've heard Canterlot ponies scream in fear the first time they saw me wandering around, and those pitiful shrieks of offended principles and shallow fear paled in comparison. It was the blood-curdling wail of a banshee, or perhaps of someone waking to find themselves being devoured alive by an alien monster would be more accurate.

I wanted to say it had enough force to throw me backwards, but really that was all me. I'm sure that 'death scream' was heard all the way to the nearest ranch in the area, considering it left my ears ringing for a good few minutes.

She tried to move at that point, a mad flail of limbs as if she didn't know how to use them at all. I wasn't sure at the time what was wrong, but she couldn't stand, and barely managed to fumble with crawling before tripping over herself. She settled on dragging herself as fast as she could away from me... Which went about as well as you'd expect after seeing what a human body looks like.

I'd dropped my phone when I fell, but it was easy enough to retrieve both it and a flashlight without losing track of the woman. I was forced in the end to catch her as the operator had instructed me to do my best to keep her from accidentally hurting herself. You can imagine how awkward and difficult the next ten minutes were for me. I ended up stuck pinning her to the ground, trying not to get hit from uncontrolled jabs while she continued to scream and flail in absolute panic.

At some point, she found her words, and I was bombarded with the most unusual array of threats and claims I'd ever heard. It wasn't any more coherent than the random flailing, at least as far as I knew at the time. You find someone face down in a ditch one day, and they immediately start screaming about being queen, and how it's all unfair, and if you knew who she was or how you'd regret it when her warriors arrived... I was relieved when the police arrived on the scene with an ambulance shortly after. Of course, by then she'd worn herself down and the screaming had slowed to crying but still. By the time I was able to move, it felt like I'd been the one to commit whatever act I thought had happened to her.

The sun was up by the time the police and the EMTs managed to calm her down, but her ramblings were no more coherent than before. I wasn't paying much attention at that point because I was busy answering questions for the county Sheriff who'd finally shown up.

Before long though, one of the EMTs had become more concerned with me than with the woman I'd found. Apparently she'd gotten quiet and had sorted her panic out enough to be considered lucid. Meanwhile, I looked like I was coming close to having a mental breakdown from the shock.

After a few more questions, I gave the Sheriff my name and number, and he told me to go home, get something heavy to eat, and nap it off. If he needed me for anything, he'd give me a call later.

Needless to say, my weekend started early.

“And I thought that was the end of it,” Gazer shrugged.

“It wasn't the end,” Nora replied factually. “That much I can see.”

“Heh,” the drone scoffed. “You've got that right. If that were the end, we wouldn't be sitting here on the eve of one of the greatest, and silliest turnaround stories in Equestrian history. By human standards, that should have been the end of my dealings. Brutality victim rescued; attacker later identified, hunted down, captured, and convicted; and everyone moves on with their lives.”

“My Lord.”

A slight buzz caught the attention of the group, and Gazer turned to examine a changeling that was standing politely to the side. It was carrying a few containers and a rather odd cup held in its TK field as it stood at a pretty good impression of a guard stallion at attention, save for its wings buzzing in short, rapid pulses.

“Ah!” the drone exclaimed as the smaller changeling gently shifted his load forward. “Thank you Thing Two. I think I'll skip on the water after all- When was the last time you had a break?”

The identified guard blinked once before seeming to remember itself and replying.

“Six hours My Lord-”

“Sir,” Gazer waved as he carefully pulled one of the containers and glasses free. “I keep telling you that. 'My Lord' just makes me feel like I should be decked out in armor carrying a lance-”

“You live in natural body armor,” Fancy snarked.

“Shut up, pony whose name ends in 'pants' but doesn't actually wear any,” Gazer snapped back over his shoulder before turning back to Thing Two. “Just sir... Now take that water and go chill out in the shade until the sun goes down. Just save some for Thing One as well unless you want to go fetch more first.”

“But my queen's orders-” the warrior began to protest with a nervous buzz.

“The queen's orders are my problem now,” Gazer cut him off. “You let me deal with that and you deal with not dying of a heat stroke at your post. You're practically burning up. Now git before I pitch you into the ocean.”

“S-Sir,” the warrior bowed and quickly retreated to a shadowed corner of the terrace, where it quickly blended into the scenery. Gazer opened his mouth to say something, but then sighed and turned back to the fire.

“Funny thing,” he stated as he started working at the lid of his juice container. “Changelings can partially see in infrared. His sweat fin was practically glowing like a neon sign.”

“Infrared?” Nora asked the obvious. “What does that mean?”

“HEAT,” Fancy Pants provided helpfully as Gazer started fighting more obviously with the container in his grasp. “I gather that much from the documents he sends me. Infrared is a name for heat. And apparently changelings use it to see the body heat of others.”

“It's pretty cool,” the drone was now practically grunting over the container, but stopped for a second- “No pun intended...” -and began prying at it with renewed effort.

“But,” he continued with another grunt that sounded more frustrated. “It can be annoying at times. Thermal-optical hybrid vision really messes with the color sense. Ask Chrissy to pick out a dress some time. When she finds one she likes, stick it in sunlight and wait ten seconds.”

With a sudden frustrated growl, Gazer nearly threw the container down.

“Fancy?” he asked in a tone not too unlike an upset foal. “Could you-? I still can't work these nubs properly and if I can't get some juice out of this in the next five seconds I'm going to jam it up on the can-opener and BATHE in it.”

“Of course,” Fancy quickly levitated the container and the cup away from the drone and effortlessly began pouring the juice. “Allow me...”

“Thanks,” the drone slouched visibly before sitting back in his seat. “Anything more complicated than a pencil or tougher than a door knob and I'm about as helpless as a newborn. The only saving grace is the ten thousand plus biologically programmed servants who would throw themselves into an active volcano just to fetch me toilet paper.”

“You have been practicing right?” Fancy asked as he rotated the cap onto the cup and levitated it across to the drone. “Princess Luna, Princess Celestia, AND the Queen have been getting on to you about that lately.”

“I write technical documents,” Gazer replied with a pout, then practically snatched the cup out of the air. He then locked his face on it before turning it up and gulping its contents down with a loud series of slurps. After a moment, he lowered it, gasping for air.

“Better,” he sighed. “But yeah, I practice. I just make no progress. A hoof grasping looks the same as a hoof that isn't unless it's wrapped around something. I've got a better understanding of the can-opener sticking out of my skull than I do these things. And I've only managed to master color changing transformations and beacons.”

“All in good time,” Fancy Pants soothed as the drone turned the cup up once more. “All foals still take time to learn that. And I daresay you've taken to flying like a natural given today's display. Don't beat yourself up just because you're a little behind in one area.”

Gazer brought his cup down again, sighing for air. After a moment, he noticed two pairs of eyes silently watching his every move and turned to face Nora and Crystal. After a few glances between them and the cup he was holding by a pair of fake pegasus wings attached to the side, he snorted.

“Yes,” he stated deadpan. “It's a foal's sippy-cup. Get over it.”

Realizing she was being spoken to and that she was staring, Nora quickly averted her gaze to the fire.

“Apologies,” she quickly tried to cover. “I didn't mean to-” She reached out a hoof and yanked Crystal Clear's muzzle away. “-we weren't trying to offend you. It was just unexpected-”

“Yeah,” Gazer interjected. “I know. It's not every day you come across a grown... ma- stall- dro-... BAH! It's not every day you run into me for the first time and learn I practically can't operate without my thumbs. I'm like a coma rehab patient crossed with a Cerebral Palsy case... Except green... And awesome looking. Like I said, ten thousand plus servants are a godsend.”

“Indeed,” Fancy chimed in with a light laugh. “At least you look at the bright side. But I believe we've digressed from the point of this little fireside chat.”

“Yeah,” the drone nodded. “Right about that. It's hard to appreciate why I'm complaining when they don't know where I'm coming from. Where was I at anyway?”

“You thought that was the 'end of it' I believe,” Crystal Clear chimed in. “After the screaming or something.”

“OH!” Gazer nodded, leaning back for a quick swig before he continued. “Yeah... I thought I was done with it.”

Society in our age has procedures for this sort of thing... To the point we can track just about any legitimate citizen in our nation right down to what they had for lunch the same day. Sound creepy? You're in good company on that one.

But I'm getting off topic.

By all accounts, the last thing I should have heard of this random girl should have been my statements to the Sheriff, and maybe a court summons at a later date as witness testimony in an attempted murder case.

I took a weekend I'd just extended and just buried myself in my pet projects. I'll admit, I'm a creature of habit. Disrupt my habit, and I get antsy... Get me antsy and I start to over think everything, and over thinking things just makes me anxious... Which is another way to say 'antsy'.

I've measured it... I've walked over five miles in a day in my own house from the pacing alone. It's good for the cardio, but my mother used to worry when I was younger.

My solution has always been the same. I get antsy, I go pick up my pet projects, and bury myself in them until I'm ready to pass out.

By the time Monday rolled around, I'd all but forgotten the previous Thursday morning. At that point, my mind was safely preoccupied with picking back up on the work that I'd gotten behind in. Admittedly, the work I had planned to knock out wasn't much, but it was supposed to be relaxing work to cap off my week. Now I had to knock it out quickly and then get half way across the county to check on a few other obligations. It wasn't anything frantic, but I was forced to actually put some urgency into my normal morning routine... Something I hadn't done in a year and a half.

But I was thinking, even as I checked to make sure the right gear was loaded up in the truck, that if I routed it right I could be home a little after noon or one and take a nice afternoon nap.

That plan died in a fire the moment my phone went off just before nine.

There was a case worker, or... someone along those legal lines wanting to see me up at the hospital in Abilene. Wouldn't tell me why over the phone, so I was forced to pack my things in, inform the guy I was contracting for, and head into town.

That would turn out to be another waste of a day, as it ended up just being another round of questions for the legal vultures.

I wish I could say that after what amounted to thinly veiled interrogation I was able to get away, but a nurse overheard the discussion and decided for me that I wanted to go see how their patient was doing... Or that the patient wanted to meet her savior. I don't know. Doctors and Nurses creep me out with the way they sometimes seem to excrete good cheer like a physical substance. Not that I haven't seen them with the 'mask' off. Maybe that just makes it worse.

Anyway... Not wanting to look insensitive, I agreed to a short visit with little fuss. The nurse lead me to the room and shut the door behind me. The girl I'd saved looked a little better, having had about four days to recover. Puffed up worse than a fresh bag of marshmallows though... But considering how I'd found her, that was an improvement. She was just laying there, staring blankly at a wall.

“How ya' doing?”

Not a coma patient by far, she gave me at least a good thirty second glance, and returned her sights to the wall in front of her. She had this look of... I don't know. All I knew is that there wasn't a conversation in the world I could start that wouldn't die horribly six seconds after conception. I don't read people the best half the time, but I had learned enough over the years to recognize there was nothing worth saying.

So my unplanned visitation ended in something under one minute and twenty seconds. The best I could do at that time was think of something to say that was encouraging. Or at least an attempt at humor without being insensitive.

“Well... At least you're in one piece.”

I'm an engineer...

I was about to leave when one last thought struck me. Glancing back, she was still staring at the wall. Inwardly I shuddered at the thought of doing nothing for days on end. I know the medical staff aren't so dim-witted as to not be able to find some kind of entertainment for patients, but still... It's a hospital. They try, but sometimes you needed to poke the staff.

“Excuse me,” I caught the first nurse that was powering by. “But, your patient in here looks about bored out of her skull. You got anything-?”

I got a porcelain smile in return, but a helpful point down the hall to a cart. Being practically-minded, that was good enough for me.

Unfortunately, the cart itself wasn't... At least, not the contents.

“What is this, the dark ages?” I grumbled with disgust as I rifled past the sides of a dozen children's books. Probably there more for the benefit of families that had children along for visiting, but not helpful to me in the least.

Of course, the questionably sane thing would be to fish another nurse out of the flow and get directed to BETTER entertainment options, or maybe a TV remote for the room, but my work patterns had already taken over at that point. If they didn't have what I wanted or needed, I went and got it myself. I don't like wasting my time waiting for others to spontaneously develop mind reading powers.

I was back at my truck before I knew it, rummaging through the junk under the seat and returning to the room with an older Galaxy Tablet 2- explanation later -in my hands and a suitable charger. I'd been seen going in and out already, so they paid me little mind.

“Hey,” I got the eyes again the moment I came through the door. “Got something for you.”

I placed the device on her table next to her bed with the charger.

“All our advanced medical technology,” I shook my head. “And they still can't cure boredom.”

I think I'd give that one an seven out of ten as a conversational joke. No gut buster or proper joke by any rights, but I've said worse. Trying to find humor while staying neutral to a sensitive situation can be a bit difficult.

“I think that's got-” I paused as I pointed at the device. “Tetris, Angry Birds, Angry Birds Space, Bejeweled Blitz, Farmville Two- No, I deleted that one. Zombie Gunship. Robot Unicorn Attack... Two- What else...?”

I paused again trying to remember what else I'd crammed into the thing while she gave me an expression slightly more sophisticated than her previous poker face.

“Meh...” I announced at last. “There's a bunch of decent time-wasters on there. That should at least keep you busy for a while. The battery's a little old though, so you'll want to keep it on the charger. Take it easy.”

I was already on my way out even as I finished the battery statement. The poker face was awkward enough as it was, but the confusion face was begging me for an explanation I didn't want to launch into... Considering my penchant for lengthy technical jargon.

. I figured it was okay to give away my old tablet... A good deed point for the day... Not to mention I probably would have just junked it the next time I bothered to clean out the truck. I had a newer one I was using to organize my current list of jobs and money to spare.

That thought had put my mind back on work. All in all I had no place to be aside from home, and I figured I could still at least break even for a solid one day behind schedule. It was going to cost me in fuel, but I decided to at least give my contact a call back and let them know I was going to be out there.

So that ended my Monday. Again, I thought that would be the last of it. Again, I ended up wrong.

“That was awfully nice of you,” Nora commented idly. “Just giving somepony you didn't know... whatever it is you had. A tablet... thing? Whatever that is.”

“I was feeling sympathetic,” Gazer waved a hoof. “Like I said, I'm an engineer. So I get bored easily and have an overactive mind. I can't NOT do anything for more than an hour or two before I go stir crazy.”

“So she fell for you after that,” Crystal spoke up. “Didn't she?”

Gazer blinked at the younger mare as if she'd grown a second horn.

“What?!” he asked. “What kind of sugar-coated, nonsensical romance rubbish has Celestia been feeding you peo-eh... ponies?”

Fancy Pants stifled a chuckle.

“Well,” Crystal cocked her head slightly. “You up and gave her a really nice gift from the sounds of it for no reason.”

Gazer blinked, glancing at the younger mare before turning to Fancy Pants. The refined stallion said nothing. Lacking in any commentary to play off, Gazer turned a slack-jawed gape back to Crystal Clear.

“You think a mere show of sympathy and a toy is going to do anything to her?” he asked. “Young lady, that is a changeling swarm queen. NASTY is her biological default setting. When I gave her that tablet, I sealed my fate.”

It was Thursday again when I got another call to return to the hospital. By that point I was caught up on my work and ready to get a jump on some little tasks I'd been stockpiling. I want to say I was irritated at the idea of returning to the hospital, but to be honest, things had been a little monotonous and the unexpected travel was a nice break.

I found out when I got there that there'd been a bit of a snag involving the patient, and the legal department. Christy- she was at least going by a name at that point -didn't exist. No identification, no social security number, no birth certificates, no maiden name, no finger-prints, no dental records... Nothing.

Immigration didn't know what to do with her. Aside from the green hair and being completely oblivious to... seemingly everything, she spoke flawlessly without any hint of foreign accents. She was discovered to be fully literate, a fact that ruled out a few other ideas the department had been having about her. And despite some rather bizarre claims the first day or so, she definitely wasn't some mental ward escapee. The doctor that did the mental evaluation concluded she was fully lucid and functional.

Without any paperwork or a criminal record to speak of, they had nothing but an injured girl with a blank-slate history to deal with. According to the case worker, recent legislation in the immigration laws put her close enough to deferred action that they were going to try and waive it if they could get someone to sponsor her.

That's where I come in of course. See, when I had given her that old tablet on Monday, her nurse had seen me on my way back in with it. That little piece of info had made it back to the case worker, who then did a little digging on my background.

To put this in clear perspective, I was self-employed, owned my own chunk of land, and made enough money that I hit a pretty high tax bracket. No arrests, no convictions, impressive reputation in my industry, blah blah blah... Yeah. As far as they were concerned, I was so well off that taking care of an individual on behalf of the state should have been nothing. I don't know if what they did was technically legal, but I doubt that would have mattered since I consented to the matter of my own free will.

“Wait...” Crystal Clear interrupted. “The way you've been talking, you make it sound like you were a bit of loner.”

“Agreed,” Nora joined the younger mare. “You sound like the mellow type of stallion to me and I doubt you'd just agree to take in a stranger or would fall for anything simple. How did they convince you to do that?”

Gazer let out an unsure laugh and leaned back, looking up at the first star in the evening sky.

“They set the nurse on me,” he concluded. “Guilt-tripped me without me even realizing it until it was too late. She must have been a pro at it. I got dragged to lunch, and she dissected Chrissy's possible futures for me in casual detail like she'd seen it a hundred times before. By the time the question itself officially came up in my conversation with the case worker, I was practically volunteering. It never occurred to me until later that I'd been played like a piano.”

“Awww...” Chrystal Smirked. “The tough little stallion got suckered by a cute face, didn't he?”

The drone lidded his eyes on shot Crystal a harsh glare.

“It's not polite to tease,” Nora chastised her younger associate. Crystal pouted for a moment in silence before the administrator turned her attention back to the drone.

“Do continue,” she nodded.

“So yeah...” Gazer began after a brief delay.

I got roped into agreeing to essentially put a total stranger up in my own home. In time, I would probably consider that one of the weirder experiences of my life, but nothing held a candle to what came next.

No sooner than I filled out some paperwork to establish where 'Christy' would officially be in residence for future legal matters, than did I get informed that she was being discharged. Her nose turned out to be the worst of her injuries despite the massive amount of bruising she'd taken. And given that she was up and moving by this point and clearly lucid, the staff saw no reason to keep her confined to a hospital bed.

So the next thing I know, I'm escorting her out to my truck, her head turning this way and that as she examined everything that moved. It felt like I was taking a little kid on a road trip. We load up into my vehicle, and I turn the engine on...

It's a diesel engine, not that such a thing means anything to ponies. But I'll just say for the record that it has a very menacing sound for an engine. The moment the starter whirred and the engine growled to life, she bolted. Or rather, she tried to. Apparently the concept of levers being used to open doors from the inside was beyond her, and the windows apparently didn't register as solid objects. Automotive glass- which is what those windows were made of -isn't quite so easy to break.

I think I stared at her for a good five seconds while she groaned. For most situations, I would have offered words of sympathy, but my mind was hung up on the absurdity of what she just did. When she caught me staring, she just scowled back.

“Buckle up,” I said at a loss for anything else.

That bought another five seconds of blank stares before I realized she really didn't have any idea what I meant. So I found myself out and around the passenger side explaining to her in gruesome detail the consequences of going head first through a windshield while I strapped her in. Yes, the truck can go fast enough that if it struck something, you could be thrown from it with enough force to end your life... Messily. I had a perfect driving record, but that didn't mean I was by any means suicidal.

I think, at least for a few minutes, that knocked some sense into her. I was able to get us out of the parking lot and onto the highway- which is a large road we have that allows us to travel long distances at high speeds -before I noticed any other strange reactions.

Maybe the descriptions I'd used had been a little too much. But I noticed her breathing in the relative silence of the vehicle had become a little... Intense. A glance told me all I needed to know. She had one hand on the 'Oh shi'- Pardon, you don't get that -the 'oh-horseapples-handle' and the other flat against the seat.

“You okay?” I'd asked.

Another glance when she didn't respond. She was looking at me, but said nothing.

“Do you need me to stop the vehicle?” I asked.

Again, nothing...

I stole another glance before I decided to change lanes to slow down. If she was going to have a panic attack, I wanted to be ready for it at least.

“K-Keep... Keep going...”

I almost did the opposite when my foot went for the brakes. That was probably the first coherent thing I'd heard from her.

“Oh...” I felt the smile on my face when I responded back, almost in a tease. “So you CAN talk.”

It was quiet again for a moment.

“Yes...”

Two coherent statements in under a minute. That must have been a new record.

“Well,” I quickly put together a bit of a joke in my head. “That will make things easier. My mind-reading powers aren't what they used to be.”

I swear I heard a snort before I caught another glance of her staring at me slack-jawed. Okay, either that joke was just THAT horrible, or she actually believed it. Either way, talking with her had the desired effect. Her hand had come off the handle and her breathing was relaxing.

We rode in silence for another few minutes before I spoke again.

“Better?” I asked.

“Yes...” she said at length.

“Good.”

It wasn't the most sophisticated conversation I'd ever had. But considering my previous experience had been a wrestling match in a ditch... Well, progress! Now, my wish was that she'd at least come out of her shell a little mo-

“Go faster.”

Out of nowhere, as it were. I could say I was shocked how she'd recovered from her panic, but I think that's a given. It took me a second to respond.

“Pardon?” I asked.

“Go, faster.” She spoke in a tone that raised the hair on the back of my neck. It sounded as if she were somehow insulted, or as if I'd just asked the dumbest question in the universe.

“Alright...” I shrugged it off as just the way things had been. “Faster it is...”

I moved the vehicle into the left lane, and accelerated.

Gazer paused, glancing to the side as a changeling worker or warrior, likely Thing One by the way it was huffing slightly and carrying a small black box, trotted up to the group.

“Thank you,” the drone nodded as he took the item carefully. “Six hours, right?”

The changeling nodded, its wings buzzing in short, rapid bursts as it continued to pant.

“Thought so,” Gazer rolled his eyes. Then he pointed with a hoof- “Go join Thing Two in the shade. He's got some water.”

“M'Lor- Er... Sir,” the warrior bowed and turned to join his partner. Gazer followed him for a moment before turning back to his guests with a surprised look.

“Well,” he commented. “At least one of them is learning... Where was I? Ah-”

'Christy' was like a little kid. After a few minutes of nothing but the rumble of the engine and the whine of the turbocharger, I managed a glance at her to find that, despite some obvious apprehension, she seemed... I don't know. You'd have to ask her what she was thinking, but she had the slightest smile on her face. The kind of smile you see when someone finds something they like.

“Faster...”

She almost seemed to mouth it.

“Faster...” I had parroted. “You sure?”

“Yes. Faster.” It sounded more like a command than an agreement, but I was too busy to think much on it. Instead I just took us up a notch on the speedometer. It was faster than we were supposed to be going on that road, but not too fast.

“Faster!”

I almost jumped when she about shouted in my ear. When I glanced at her next, her eyes were wide open and gleaming like emeralds, and had a smile on her face like a kid in a candy store. I couldn't help but oblige her just that little bit more. We were out of the city and traffic was pretty light. It made me laugh to see her look back and forth with rapid, frantic glances as she tried to get a clear view of the things we passed.

“You act like you've never been in a truck before,” I tried another attempt at conversation. This time I was pleasantly surprised when she had more than one or two words prepared.

“I... Haven't,” she began. “Nothing at all like this.”

That was encouraging, to say the least.

“You get used to the whine,” I don't know why I chose that to say out of a million possible options. I wanted to keep her talking, that much I understand. But up to this point, I didn't have much to work with, so it just felt awkward. At that point, I guess I killed the conversation because she said nothing else until we approached one of the small towns around Abilene. I had to slow the vehicle down, and she didn't really like that.

“What are you doing?” I almost jumped when she snapped at me. “Why are we slowing down?”

“Speed Limit's thirty through this town,” I'd stated as if she understood the term at all. “I have to slow down.”

“What?” she asked. “Go faster.”

Consider me shocked. She'd gone from timid china-doll to 'Her Imperial Highness' in a split second on me. I almost jammed the throttle on surprised reflex if it weren't for the fact that I had higher facilities reminding me that would have been stupid.

“Yeah, not happening,” I replied without so much as a stutter. “I'm not in the mood for a ticket, or smearing us into the side of another car.”

“You're disagreeing with me?” she sounded almost shocked if it weren't for a hint of anger I could hear in her tone. “How is that not- Do you know who I am?”

“You're a sympathy case with a lot of holes in her history,” I stated point-blank as we slowed down towards the center of down. “Unless there's something you'd like to tell me that you were afraid to tell that case worker at the hospital...”

This was certainly more conversation than I'd expected, and not even remotely in the direction I'd wanted. 'Christy' worked her mouth, going so far as to puff up her cheeks for a moment before snorting with irritation.

“Go faster!” she reasserted.

“We're not going any faster in town,” I stated. This was going to get annoying, fast.

“But I want to see how fast this ground machine can go!” a swap of her tactics, I think.

“It's DANGEROUS,” I implied. “Or did you forget what I told you earlier?”

“But-” she began.

“I said, NO,” I dropped my tone for that one. We'd come to a stop at the light in the middle of the town at that point, and I used the opportunity to fix the girl with a firm glare. Strangely enough, her reaction was only a moment of 'almost-fear' followed by a return glare.

“I'm ORDERING you to go faster,” she commanded. Yes, COMMANDED. There was no hesitation to it and no lack of surety in her voice. She was speaking with every ounce of authority she could muster.

Which hilariously enough, wasn't much considering her circumstances.

“Not happening,” I kept my eyes locked on hers. “I'm afraid that the inside of this vehicle is the sovereign territory of the tyrannical dictatorship of Me, Myself, and I. No other authorities are acknowledged within' its boundaries.”

On a deliberate thought to add impact to the statement, I turned to face forward.

“Have a nice day.”

That had the impact of silencing her for all of two seconds before-

“Please?”

It was as if she'd gone from commanding to pleading like it was part of a list. A really, really short list, but a list. A few red flags were raised in my mind at this behavior.

“Would you like to get out and walk?” I threatened as the light went green and we started to roll again. Of course, I was bluffing. Even if she had suddenly turned strangely bossy, I wasn't going to leave her on the side of the road. And I learned she was actually pretty perceptive too...

“You're bluffing,” she called it without so much as blinking. “You wouldn't dare.”

“Yep,” I nodded as we continued to pick up speed on the way out of the town. She was oblivious to it by now. “But I can always turn us around and head back. Because it sounds to me like there was more to finding you face down in a ditch than you're telling us. And I know a few people who'd be interested to hear what else you might have suddenly remembered.”

I was fishing for a response at this point.

“Ugh!” she snapped in frustration. “No one listens to me here...”

Interesting...

“Really?” I asked. “Care to elaborate?”

I got nothing but a renewed scowl from her and no further conversation even as the natural course of driving took us up to the speeds she'd wanted previously. And like I'd mentioned, she seemed to be oblivious to it because she no longer looked like she was enjoying the ride. Instead, she ended up occupying herself with the backs of her hands. 'Christy' seemed oddly interested with them as she began to wiggle her fingers both individually and in groups. Before long, I caught glances of her experimentally playing with the passenger side air vent, the glove box latch, and wrapping her fingers around the door-handle...

In two deft motions I enabled the passenger child-safety switch and locked the door with a click.

“What was that?!” 'Christy' had jumped visibly at the sound. I would have laughed if the mood hadn't been so sour.

“Power locks,” I replied. “You're leaning on the door and I don't want you to accidentally fall out.”

She glanced at me blankly for a moment before motioning to herself.

“I'm tied in place by this... harness,” she pointed out.

“Better safe than dead,” I used an old adage in response.

That got more silence for a while. My turnoff had come up and we were on a side road before she spoke again.

“Where are you taking me?” she asked.

“Home,” was my automatic response. “The official at the hospital made it pretty clear you had no place to go. So you'll be staying with me. At least, until they can get your status sorted out and get you on your feet.”

“Really?” she asked. My mind red-flagged again. “You're going to take care of me? That's... sweet of you.”

I was a bit preoccupied driving, but that tone and mood swing. It sounded so... So... Scripted. There's no better way to describe it. I'm sure you ponies encountered it before. 'That Tone', the one you get from an employee who either is desperately trying to hide the fact they'd rather buck you in the face than serve you, or butter you up in an attempt to weasel a big fat tip out of you. It almost gave me the shivers.

What made it worse was the way she shifted into it with absolutely no effort at all. The last time that had happened, I had a woman trying to sucker me out of an hour's pay for a job I didn't like doing in the first place... For the record, I was doing one of the guys I was contracting for a favor on that one. I told him 'never again' after having browbeat the woman into the ground about the expenses I had to deal with in doing her 'easy' repairs. I don't do domestic for a reason...

But I'm getting sidetracked...

'Christy' had me more than a might bit suspicious. However, immigration, and possibly the FBI- pardon... Federal Bureau of Investigations, which is a big government criminal investigations department- They couldn't find anything on her in a week and seemed to think she was safe enough to be handed off to someone like me.

There was something that just wasn't adding up. And while it's obvious now, if you would have told any of my kind that story at the time, we would have laughed you into the ground.

So as I pulled my truck up to my house, I was feeling just a touch wary. Part of me was hoping I was just being paranoid and she was a little off center after a traumatic experience, but the part of me that makes me good at my job just couldn't shake the inconsistencies.

I decided to at least trust the judgment of the authorities. If they thought she was safe enough, then I should be okay. Besides, I was big enough to overpower her if she tried anything, and she was still showing a strange-seeming almost-clumsiness when I had taken her out to the truck earlier.

“We're here,” I announced, putting the vehicle in park. 'Christy' looked up from her continued preoccupation with her thumb. After a few scrutinizing glances, she replied.

“This is your home?”

I had more metal and glass in my construction than most people, mainly because I could afford it and I wanted a stronger home. It was one floor, elevated off the ground with wide awnings and a deck all the way around. It provided maximum light and the best view of the land I lived on while still allowing it to stay cool in the summer heat. Too her, it was probably a crazy shiny metal thing.

“It's definitely where I sleep at night,” I tried to joke. I wanted at least some kind of light mood back after sour one we'd just been through. “Let's go inside and get something set up for you.”

“WAIT!”

I jumped, legitimately that time.

'Chrystal' was looking at me with, I couldn't tell if it was fear, or anger.

“I'm still trapped in this harness,” she gestured. “Let me out.”

I'll admit, that one made me give her a dumb look.

“Seriously?” I asked, coming around the passenger side. “You can't find the button?”

“Button?” she blinked, looking down. “The... button. Button...”

“Orange button, on the buckle,” I provided helpfully.

The girl was behaving again like she'd never seen a truck in her life... Of course, something she'd already mentioned she hadn't, but the behavior was still uncanny. Fooling around for several seconds, she examined the harness, trying to find the button I'd told her about until she finally fumbled across it.

'CLICK!'

Even from outside, I saw her jump as the shoulder harness whipped free and retract. After a few seconds of just looking panicked, she finally spoke.

“Oh... Huh...”

“Incredible...” I shook my head. The power lock on the door stymied me for only a second before I just used my key. But I got it open with almost no fuss compared to her actions with the- we call it a seatbelt.

Now, when you head back to Canterlot, check out the Royal Chariot Staging Area, if you can get in. My truck is big. The step for the passenger door alone is as high off the ground as the top of a pony's head. To the uninitiated, that can come as a bit of a surprise the first time they go for a ride in it. So it was only by the luck of the fact that I was standing right there that I was able to catch 'Christy' when she came tumbling out of the cabin.

“Whoa!” I'd yelped, having gotten under her arms in time. “Watch that step... You okay?”

She was breathing in near panic again, and shaking something fierce in my grasp, but she was able to respond politely enough.

“Y- Yeah, fine. Thank you.”

“You gonna' be okay walking?” I asked.

“Fine,” she stated a bit more firmly. So I let her down slowly and she managed to stay on her feet without any fuss. In the process, I noticed the tablet I'd given her forgotten on the seat, so I picked it up to give to her.

“Don't forget this.”

She practically snatched it out of my grip and hugged it to her chest like it was the only thing in the world that was hers. Which, ironically enough, was probably true.

“Like that much?” I asked. I got a scowl in return, but a slight nod. That got a smirk from me, which in turn got a smirk poking back.

“At least it's not going to waste then,” I mused, then turned to start unloading my gear. It was mid-afternoon in August and virtually broiling outside. Even in the few seconds we'd been standing there, we were already starting to sweat. And to be honest, she didn't look like she had the constitution for more than about ten minutes.

“Best! Food! Ever!”

The sound of a shout and giggling cut Gazer's commentary short as they all turned to see who was coming. Chrysalis and Fleur were trotting down from a nearby building. The former was levitating a platter in a green field, a circle of still-steaming slices sitting on it. The latter was trying- and failing -to maintain a neutral face while the queen made display of sinking her fangs into the gooey triangle floating in front of her.

“So squeamish, you ponies,” Chrysalis giggled more with strands of cheese bridging the gap between her muzzle and the upheld slice.

Upon closer inspection, Nora realized Fleur was looking just the slightest bit off in her color.

The reason become more obvious as the smell hit her nostrils. That pizza had everything possible in Equestria on it.

Having a job that was effectively the glorified supervisor for sanitation ponies, Lady Stonewall was more intimately acquainted with the smell of rotting garbage than she'd ever admit to anypony. While the pizza that Chrysalis was approaching them with wasn't rotting by any means, the overlap of scents from the sheer amount of mismatched ingredients was no less nauseating to the administrator. Even without the drone's previous warning, she already knew that if the queen made any offers, she would be politely turning them down.

“Her baking skills are... improving,” Fleur managed between shallow breaths. “You should, be proud how far she's come since she...”

Fleur broke her facade to step away from the offensive odors as she choked and coughed. Chrysalis simply rolled her eyes and joined the group, setting her food in an empty chair.

“You stare down a great changeling queen without flinching, dear,” she taunted. “But I load down a pizza and you break faster than any torture I could have ever devised.”

Fleur continued coughing, her hacks now sounding very wet, suggesting the smell might have pushed it a little too far this time.

“Chrissy,” Gazer interjected. “Even among humans, your choice in pizza toppings would be considered a chemical weapon and banned by the Geneva conventions. And I'm pretty sure that's chicken-anchovy mixed in there among other things- is that POPCORN?”

“Stale...” Fleur coughed. Chrysalis looked between the drone and the model.

“I didn't want it to go to waste,” she shrugged, taking another bite of the triangular disaster and smirking.

Gazer shook his head, his own nose wrinkling at the smell. A moment later he cast an apologetic look at Fancy Pants, who shifted his head every so slightly with a roll of his eyes.

“I-” Fleur coughed one last time before she trotted over to rejoin the group. “I do mean it when I say she's improved. Topping selection aside, she's fairly competent around a kitchen. It's a shame she wastes that talent on pizza. She could probably be competitive at the annual baking contest in Canterlot.”

“Well,” Chrysalis sat up regally. “I AM a queen.”

This statement was punctuated by the string of cheese hanging off one of her fangs. Instantly the group broke out in a fit of laughter that left the taller changeling staring blankly for a few seconds before she remembered to check herself.

That ended however when another fit of coughs broke out. This time from Crystal Clear.

“Wh-” she hacked as she spun away from the fire. “Whoa- Brutal...”

Chrysalis sighed, closing her eyes for a moment before picking her platter up and levitating it a good distance away. Immediately, a worker popped up to take care of it.

“Don't go far,” the queen called out, then promptly turned and tore into her current slice with all the aggression of a griffin ripping flesh to hide a less than queenly utterance.

“Thank you,” Fleur's eyes were still watering, but she seemed genuinely pleased.

“Of course,” Chrysalis shrugged around her bite. “Can't have fireside chat if I scare away all my guests...”

She paused to swallow ignoring Fleur's chagrin at her unsightly manners. After a moment to, hilariously enough, dab her muzzle with a napkin, she turned Gazer.

“So what did I miss?”

“I was just talking about the first time you almost face-planted your way out of my truck,” he shrugged.

“I remember that,” Chrysalis frowned. “I didn't quite appreciate not having wings until that happened. I must mention that I was genuinely grateful for the save, troublesome as I was at the time.”

“Really?” the drone asked. “I always wondered what you were thinking. Seemed pretty shaken up about such a short fall after all...”

“It's not easy to keep up an act like that,” the queen nodded. “Even for a changeling, that transformation was beyond anything I'd ever experienced. No magic, no wings, nothing to work with but the knowledge I could assimilate on the fly. I'm sure you noticed, I was frightened.”

“Yeah...” Gazer spoke more to himself before focusing on the queen again. “I did notice that. I was always wondering what was running through your head that could make even the seatbelt scare you.”

The queen bit down and inhaled the last of her pizza slice before speaking again.

“Would you like to hear my side?” she asked.

Gazer quirked an eye, his wings opening and re-stowing in some kind of fidget.

“I think we all would,” he admitted.

Chrysalis looked around, finding the four ponies giving the queen surprisingly enthusiastic nods. Even Fancy Pants had adjusted his position to be slightly more attentive.

“Very well,” she stated while shifting into the most regal posture she could pull off. “I'll just start by admitting something that is never to make it back to the princesses...”

Chrysalis took a deep breath.

“I was more than just a little frightened, I was terrified.”

Author's Note

So if you're familiar with the old 'change is good' scrap in my scrap box, you've probably noticed that the sequence exists, but has been altered to fit the new version of the story.

Now, I know that the narrative here is going to be dangerously confusing if I'm not careful. You have multiple narrators that are going to be moving in and out of 'flashback' with a 3rd person perspective 'overscene', and even narrators swapping out to view different perspectives.

In order to keep things under control, every perspective shift is going to include a visible line break. And when I do a narrator swap, I'll be doing runs up to it from the 3rd person perspective near the end of the chapter, and then the next chapter will start the new narrator. In this manner, every chapter should be 'owned' by one of the characters. (Either Chrysalis, Gazer, or even Princess Luna at a future date... Hers is going to be hilarious to write.)

I am not going to annotate any 'POVs' or who owns the chapter with either tags, or markers in the titles. You will need to pay attention to who appears to be 'preparing to speak' at the end of each chapter, and get a feel for their narrative 'voice'. This shouldn't be hard if you qualify for the following criteria:

You --
- Are awake
- Are literate
- Are not a web bot

Now, since LBreaks don't paste over from my document, I have to go back through and add them at upload. If you see a sudden shift of perspective, that just means I missed one. Check the recent comments and let me know if nobody else has.

A Game on the Strange

I, Chrysalis, Swarm Queen of my hive for six centuries, do begrudgingly admit to those present that I was thoroughly terrified.

I had stood upon the precipice of total victory with Celestia beaten, her chosen virtues captured, and her city falling before my cunning and might. Only a sloppy mistake on my part allowed Cadance and Shining to cast my forces from the city with such finality. But even as that happened, I had no fear of the consequences. The swarm has faced greater adversity over the years, and being scattered by a harmless shield spell would be of little consequence in the long run.

After all, Canterlot could not maintain the vigil forever, and I wasn't about to let an annoying setback like that stop me. I got in undetected once, I could do it again.

So even as I flew, upset and howling at such a perfect win turned to total defeat, I was planning.

Sparkle, that little unicorn with too much intelligence for her own good, would be my first target. It may sound like I was revenge-happy, and maybe I was. But it was still the most prudent move to make. I would have her, her magic, and the keys to Celestia's little friendship super-weapon in one fell swoop. And then I'd be able to infiltrate on a much more leisurely schedule and capture the city in its sleep.

Unfortunately, or maybe for the better really, such plotting on my behalf was not to come to pass. I'd only managed to right myself in the air when Canterlot flashed in the distance like the sun itself had awoken. My course unaltered, I watched mesmerized as a rainbow arched high into the sky.

I'd heard about the magical artifacts known as the Elements of Harmony. It was part of a defense meeting I attended while impersonating Cadance. I didn't learn much, only that they were fickle, as is the case with many ancient artifacts. But I knew they were powerful. Many artifacts across the world hold powers not even The Devourer can comprehend. Thus, my warriors had been positioned to beat the virtues to their destination.

It was by this fact alone that I realized that the light slowly starting to bend towards me was no retaliation from Celestia or her citizens. She was incapacitated after that little feedback burst from our duel and safely tucked in a cocoon, and the virtues would have taken longer to collect the Elements than I'd been in the air.

That was when I felt the first pangs of horror; Watching a wall of color home in on me. Ancient magical artifacts were not just powerful, they also tended to have wills of their own. The queen before me had literally beaten that lesson into me before I took the swarm. The greatest of magical artifacts were to be considered living things. And like any living thing, they have moods, and they are always watching.

I realized then that I'd forgotten to account for that in my oh-so-perfect invasion scheme. Artifacts that did nothing were artifacts that were content. I should have realized it the moment Celestia spoke of them that I was dealing with an entire nation of chosen, but I didn't. And as I flew through the air with the sight of that light filling my vision, I realized my mistake, and I knew fear.

Because I had angered these Elements of Harmony.

I would have screamed in real fear if my howls of outrage hadn't already sucked the air from my lungs. I couldn't flee or even dodge in the time I had left, not that it would have done any good. Stories passed down through many races tell of the vindictive nature of Artifacts. You can't run; you can't hide. That only makes it worse.

So I did the only thing I could, I closed my eyes and waited for the end.

The rainbow struck, and even as I felt the magic sear my senses like magma, I couldn't help but have one last bitter thought:

Why did THEY get the protection?

And I knew no more.

“I don't remember seeing any rainbows in the sky at the end of the invasion,” Crystal Clear frowned.

“Neither do I,” Nora agreed. “Then again, I wasn't exactly paying attention to the sky right about that time. How many changelings had we fought off?”

“More than the guards,” Crystal rolled her eyes. “I had a count higher than Hammer, and he's a twenty year veteran.”

“I think you and Stormcrow both had a higher count than anypony else,” Nora frowned. “They didn't exactly take too well to lightning bolts and wall-cracking shrieks.”

“Hey!” the younger mare frowned. “What I did was not shrieking. That was legitimate Royal Canterlot Voice Amplification and-”

“ERHEM...” Fancy interrupted before motioning to Chrysalis. “Ladies?”

The changeling queen was scowling, her forelegs crossed in irritation.

“Oh...” Crystal Clear wilted at the sight of the changeling's glare. “Heh... Sorry.”

Chrysalis regarded the younger mare silently for several more seconds before she finally relaxed her posture.

“At least that explains why I have about four-hundred workers who can't hear properly,” Chrysalis muttered. Then she raised her voice. “But we can discuss that later.”

No doubt, Gazer has told you of his experience finding me. And once more, I admit the mind-numbing terror I felt. I awoke to pain, unnatural chills, and the sound of being spoken to after taking both Shining's shield, and a blast from harmony incarnate. My faculties weren't all there, and all I saw was the dark form of a creature as big as a minotaur looming over me against the sky.

It didn't take me long to realize my form was wrong and transformation wasn't working. The balance was too far back and just trying to break into a decent trot was proving impossible. Even for a changeling of my age and experience, I was confounded. I still don't fully understand how humans have such mastery of their upright balance.

Either way, I was quickly overpowered by the brute I had encountered and easily restrained. I panicked, understandably. Perhaps hoping that my struggle would prove too much trouble and I'd be allowed to go free, perhaps to die on my own terms.

It was only after he had summoned more of his kind that I slowly came to my senses. I wasn't dead, or dying, or being killed. And they came out of nowhere in metal chariots covered in lights. These weren't vicious animals like the jungles where I grew up, but intelligent creatures.

Even if my instincts were suppressed and my powers somehow removed, I still had my wits. I feigned silent shock, easy enough to do considering my state, and simply listened. Amazing what you can learn in just a few seconds. Creatures I could understand, probably even speak with later. Creatures that seemed, laughably, as gullible as the ponies I'd tricked in Canterlot. It didn't take long to realize I was dealing with their equivalent to guards and healers.

What threw me off though was the continuing lack of any sense for my changeling powers. Even more disturbing was how I'd lacked that one sense all changelings have for the magic we feed on. I'd spent most of the spare power I'd accumulated overpowering Celestia, and should have felt at least a pull, like a craving one would have for a treat long forgotten.

Fortunately, my form was giving me the time I needed to sort things out. My condition and circumstances were apparently for one who had been abused and then left to rot. It was a cover I was more than willing to work with at the time, and easy enough to milk for all it was worth without saying a word.

They ushered me into one of their chariots after that, laying me down to rest in a small bed on wheels and driving me to who-knows-where. I knew not of the speed, or had any understanding of the sounds. I heard only the talk you'd hear from healers. My exhaustion caught up with me by then, and I didn't realize until later that I'd fallen asleep.

When I awoke again, I found myself in the most antiseptic little room imaginable. I was in a proper bed at that point, and propped up slightly so I could see around me. Not that there was much to see in such a place. It was like the castle infirmary I had toured as 'Cadance'.

That was at least satisfying. So far, the story I was playing into was holding up. The bed was comfortable, and my aches were dulled by the rest. A little patience and I'd be on my way none-the-worse for wear.

Except I still couldn't feel my power.

At first, I wasn't worried. Maybe it was just shock or having drained myself so hard fighting Celestia. But after laying in bed, staring at strangely powered lights for a day, I had become worried again. I had been struck by the power of vindictive artifacts. Nothing ever walked away from such an event unscathed. Deny it all I wanted, I had to quickly face the idea that I'd been more than simply struck down and banished.

By the second day I was sure of it. My powers were still beyond any sense, and my hunger for magic was just as absent. If I had been a younger queen, I would have broken by then. However, like I said, I've been a Swarm Queen for centuries. So long as my blood was flowing, I could act, even if I'd been crippled.

I just didn't know exactly what I would do. My current situation left me pretty much without even a clue where to even begin. Even if I wanted to find some way to retaliate against something as powerful as the Elements, I had no idea where I was, what I was, and what I could do with it. In short, I was stuck.

The third day I had settled on being both cross and bored. Cross that an artifact would dump me into a situation like this- I would have preferred a quick death really- and bored because, well... Three days in bed is BORING! The humans- I'd learned enough to figure that out by then -advised me to stay in bed as much as possible until their doctors were certain I was fit enough to be up. I followed that advice, but only to stick with my cover. The bed was comfortable though. It also moved if you played with a small device next to it.

That was worth half an hour of amusement...

By the fourth day, I was pretty much sick of it. Aside from the inane questions of a human in a fancy suit, I was already aware I was doomed to another day of counting the seconds as they ticked by, and trying my best to observe human locomotion without looking like I was interested.

When the one who'd found me popped in, I think I was somewhere between ten thousand, and ten thousand-six. I didn't show it, but I was amused at how he seemed to realize I wasn't really even remotely interested in anything any of the humans had to say that wasn't 'you're free to go'. Most humans seemed to be about as oblivious as any pony was that 'Cadance' wasn't exactly acting right.

Still, that little amusing surprise was nothing to how I felt when he returned within a few minutes to give me the strangest little device. At first, I thought it was a mirror, which would be utterly stupid for more than one reason, but the way he mentioned there were things ON it that he called time-wasters...

Well, for the first time in days I had something to occupy my mind that wasn't revenge or hopelessness. He left without explaining anything about it, likely assuming I knew enough to understand it, which was fine for my cover. But... If I could do it again, I would have at least asked what I was supposed to do with it.

Luckily, one of the human nurses seemed surprised to discover it, and it was more than easy enough to manipulate her into working it for me.

I thought I had a magical item for a moment, because it was no thicker than a few scrolls stacked together, and glowed like a storage crystal. A few touches to the surface was all it took to make it display many different things or emit sounds. If my instincts hadn't been so dull and my senses so numb from the whole ordeal, I probably would have at least tried to rip her throat out in an attempt to recover it.

Of course, I quickly realized that I wasn't dealing with any mysterious tome. The nurse was upset at how I'd acted, but brushed it off as some trivial reason. Her nonchalant behavior was enough to tip me off that the item, while valuable, was somewhat common.

Still, it was genuinely the most amusing little device I had ever seen. I learned quickly how to make it bend to my will and soon discovered the 'time-wasters' I'd been briefly informed of.

I don't think I would have slept that night if it weren't for the fact that apparently, like most magical devices, it eventually ran out of power. The unbelievable part was that I understood that much. It wasn't powered by magic, but it required some form of energy to work. It even informed me that it was going to run out.

It was sobering. I caught myself more concerned about the device in my possession than about my situation or my cover. My desperation to overcome the boredom had overpowered my senses. I needed to be prepared to make a move, and I was completely distracted.

A queen knows how to prioritize after all. A little distraction to break up the boredom is acceptable, but I'd lost hours to the... Tablet. I should have been learning the locomotion of the body I was in like any changeling would a new form. That had to be fixed.

And the Tablet needed to be 'recharged'.

And I needed to know how.

As a queen, I can be quite persistent in getting what I want. I upset the nurse by disobeying the advice of the human doctors, but I managed to at least get a feel for their method of walking enough to leave my room. I was clumsy, something only Princess Luna and Gazer will ever be privy to seeing, but I managed.

It took careful wording not to reveal I knew nothing about how to recharge it, but once more the human tendency to fill in all the gaps for me worked to my advantage. I discovered the secret of the 'power socket' and the 'plug'.

It was glorious. And even though my revenge upon Twilight Sparkle was looking more and more like a distant fantasy, I could at least take my frustrations out on an equally suitable target...

Zombies.

The little devils were worse than trying to fight off a rival queen's swarm.

Okay, I admit, I let my priorities slip. But after everything I'd experienced since Canterlot, could any intelligent creature really blame me?

“It's a hospital,” Gazer interrupted. “Even if you got sidetracked, they would have gotten you on your fee-hoo-... They would have gotten you standing and walking anyway.”

“That doesn't excuse my lapse,” Chrysalis frowned at the drone. “That kind of lapse put me in that situation in the first place.”

“No...” Gazer frowned. “YOU decided to put yourself in that position. Didn't you just say the Elements got angry at you? On top of the other things we've discussed, how well do you think those things would have taken it if you had WON back there?”

Chrysalis opened her mouth to argue but stopped short, her eyes rolling to the side as she paused to think.

“Oh...” she frowned after a moment. “Oh wow...”

“It sounds as if losing to Shining and Cadance in the end was really the best option there was,” Nora added her own thoughts.

“I keep telling her and she keeps saying she knows,” Gazer shook his head. “But she still doesn't want to believe it... She's stubborn like that.”

“Says the guy who hides behind his work so he doesn't have to talk to anyone,” Chrysalis shot back in irritation.

“I talk to people just fine!” the drone retaliated. “There's a difference between knowing one's limits and hiding from people.”

Chrysalis jumped up and jabbed a hoof at him.

“Is that why you lived in your metal box in the middle of nowhere?” she asked angrily. “Is that why you isolated yourself from your own kind like a dragon? Alone in your 'cave' with your hoard of work and technology?”

Everyone cringed in sympathy as Gazer reacted as if slapped. His ears flattening, he looked away, mouth opening and closing as if trying to find something to say.

“Don't speak of me about my flaws and deny your own, DRONE!” Chrysalis continued in a full on angry rant. “You may be my intellectual superior, but I am six centuries your senior! I have made more mistakes in my lifetime than you've had years on yours! Do NOT speak as if I'm some mewling child you need to take care of when the opposite might as well be true!”

There was a stunned silence from the queen's outburst, punctuated by her heavy breathing and the crackling of the fire between them. After a few seconds, she seemed to remember where she was, her ears drooping as her eyes swept back and forth across the group. Lowering her head and sitting back, she spoke, albeit quietly.

“I'm... sorry,” she muttered. After a few more moments, the drone spoke as well.

“So am I,” he stated gently.

Another round of awkward silence occurred before the changeling queen restored her story-telling posture and took a calming breath.

“I do apologize to my guests,” she spoke in a more measured tone. “My outburst was uncalled for.”

A quiet clopping of hooves being brought together drew Chrysalis' attention to Fleur, who was applauding quietly. The two shared a look and exchanged a smile before the queen took another, more confident breath.

“I should continue,” she began.

A human's body is a surprisingly durable, but squishy affair. My injuries from Canterlot had somehow managed to translate through the transformation into a fairly even amount of bruising across my entire front. The doctors and nurses were confused as to how such a uniform, wide scale injury could be inflicted upon one of their kind, yet do little more significant damage. Part of my cover of course, was being unsure as to what happened, so that left them to guess.

I hurt through all of this, but I'd grown accustom to the severity of pain and its meaning long ago. While my injuries were nothing to laugh at, they were not so serious as to hinder me, but the humans thought differently. Tender sensitivity meant slow, controlled actions on my part, lest a wince or other expression of even the slightest inconvenience bring down one of their irate healers. Not even among the doting of my own swarm had I ever experienced such a strange mix of care and hostility. I was reprimanded like a young child more than a few times 'for my own good'. I almost enjoyed the entire concept, as between it and the Tablet, I had an outlet to relieve the boredom.

When I wasn't worrying the humans for my own amusement, I was resting, eating, or otherwise learning to better operate the body I was in. Apparently, once learned, the locomotion was easy, and their bodies surprisingly agile. I learned that second part more from observation than by experience. My mastery of walking was by no means complete even if I could move unhindered. More than a number of times did I find myself falling, and almost every time I found myself caught by a nurse conveniently placed near me. I just don't know how they did it.

Yes, once free of the bed and armed with my little toy, I felt almost giddy, if not for the nagging powerlessness. Like a good changeling, I learned the body and 'recuperated' quickly enough to move about on my own. The Tablet kept me busy and even became a way for me to feign ignorance while I continued to examine my surroundings.

Despite my freedom however, I kept near the room I'd been given. The place was the size of a castle or better and extremely busy. My cover was already delicate enough in my mind, and a poor turn of luck with some exploration could easily uncover my unfamiliarity with the environment. I was observant, but I knew I wouldn't last a minute under scrutiny.

I guess that leads me to the next point. My 'discharge' from care.

By the time a full week had gone by, I was mobile enough for my own liking, and apparently that of the healers. The suited human had shown up once more. He was some kind of government official intent on investigating my past. It didn't take me long to realize that the inane questions I'd been asked earlier in the week were actually part of a sophisticated identification process. That put my cover at risk. However, without a better understanding of where I was, and who or what these humans really were, I couldn't do anything more than play dumb. Of course, playing dumb is one of the easiest methods of deception.

Still, it was frustrating to have no options at my disposal aside from waiting. Either my cover would hold, or it would fold under the scrutiny.

Maybe luck was on my side at least for the day. My cover seemed to hold, though it was only the most flimsy of any deception I'd ever attempted. I had no identity, and apparently they had a lot of those types around to deal with, so I was simply another number on a sheet of paper to them.

Before long I was being served the midday meal, and asked if I would be willing to accept temporary housing with a volunteer while an 'official identity' was created for me. With no other possible options, I went ahead and accepted. At the very least I knew and recognized what would be happening. That was better than taking my chances with more guessing games in a place I didn't yet understand.

To my continued surprise, the human who'd found me was there once more, and I was escorted from that huge castle of a hospital into an area called simply a... parking lot.

Imagine a large flat field made entirely of stone with small pebbles here and there, gray as volcanic ash and painted with white stripes. The humans had their metal chariots, cars I believe they were called...

“I believe Mister... Lord Gazer said his was called a truck,” Nora pointed out with only a momentary pause.

“Yes, Yes...” Chrysalis waved a hoof dismissively. “I was coming to that. It seems humans have several types of powered chariots they use. The general term for them was 'car' if I recall?”

The queen cast her attention at the end of her question towards the drone. Gazer simply nodded in return while filling in for a moment.

“Yeah,” he stated. “Just cars if you're not being specific. Like I said, mine was a larger type called a truck.”

“Much larger,” Chrysalis stated in a serious tone.

His car, or truck in this case, was a large red and black monstrosity. I wasn't fool enough to mistake it for a beast. Any pony or changeling with a set of eyes could see the wheels on it betraying its true nature. Still, it was enormous. The largest carts and chariots I'd ever seen in my days were simple affairs of wheels, wood, and teams of pullers. I honestly found myself curious just what magic was going to make such a huge work of metal and glass move on its own.

Was my reaction to the 'engine' already explained? Well... Yes, it startled me. A sharp snarl and a growl have always been good signs that a nice, quick dodge was in order. Old reflexes, especially ones that keep you out of the jaws of a Cragodile, are quite hard to get rid of.

Before you ask, no, Cragodile bites are not the reason for the holes in my legs.

I won't bore you with mindless details about a truck ride, but I can say that after I recovered from my momentary humiliation, I found myself being instructed in detail the kind of horrors that awaited me if I was not properly... buckled up. Toby- that's Gazer's human name, which I had only learned shortly before -was so completely uninvolved in his words that for a moment I thought he might have been attempting to frighten me for a laugh.

I can't say I believed myself for very long once he took control and started driving.

Effortless and quick, that's how a human vehicle moves. The only thing I could do at first was try and control my own rising fear as it proved how much power was hidden just out of my sight. I couldn't feel any magic, but at that point I had dismissed my senses as lost. The only real way I managed to keep my cool at that moment was to point out to myself that Toby was completely at ease and looked to be in perfect control.

I think he sensed my discomfort as well, as he did attempt small talk. It worked, if only just. But I had not been very forthcoming given my preoccupation with the vehicle's power. We changeling queens like power after all.

Unfortunately, I think I lost myself a bit to the sensation. I made demands completely beyond any excuse my cover could provide, and even attempted to thrall him... silly as that is to do when one has no magic to access.

And just like that, he broke my cover.

I know it might not have looked like it from the outside, but after six hundred years, a changeling knows when she's been caught in a deception. And his tone screamed that he knew something. But the thing that ended up frustrating me most was how he immediately dropped it. I was left wondering if I'd misjudged what had just happened, or if he was playing his own cards close.

Once again, I realized I was powerless in a completely unfamiliar place. It did rather ruin my mood.

“And that pretty much brings us up to your old place,” Chrysalis turned her eyes back on Gazer.

“Hit too close to home, didn't I?” Gazer asked.

“You called me out and then let it drop,” Chrysalis frowned. “I thought I was about to be taken back to that case worker human and interrogated. But you did nothing.”

“I admit, you tripped a couple of red flags,” the drone chuckled. “But I figured whole mess was more a fear thing than... Well... How often does a transforming bug-pony hybrid queen land in one's lap? Fancy?”

Gazer turned slightly to the refined stallion, who blinked in surprise at being so suddenly addressed.

“Eh... I'd say,” Fancy Pants made a show of thinking. “For humans that's likely somewhere between never, and not-at-all. I believe you told me there are no other sapient species besides humans where you're from.”

“I wish I'd known that at the time,” Chrysalis muttered. “I could have eased up on the cover sooner.”

Until my swarm came to Equestria, I lived in the tropics. I know heat. In fact, I could say with utmost certainty that I'm more well-versed in how to handle heat than Celestia's day guard. They honestly wouldn't last half an hour in buzz three conditions...

But the heat I was experiencing in my new body even as Toby started pulling cases from the back of his truck was... Well, to be blunt for you Canterlot ponies, heat exhaustion cares not for status or money. Be grateful for the cool mountain air.

Somehow, I'd already taken for granted how humans seemed to have their buildings maintain perfectly comfortable temperatures, and even Toby's vehicle had been blasting me with cold air for the entire ride. So I took more notice of that than ever before when I felt the body I was in rapidly growing sticky with sweat.

Ugh... I don't know how ponies and humans handle the full body sweat thing. So disgusting...

But I digress...

The blast of cool air from the inside of Toby's abode caused me to almost rush past him in my own impatience to cool off. But given my near accident and the state of my ability to walk, I barely kept under control.

Now... His home.

Well, to describe the inside is to describe something that seems almost alive. It hummed, much as the hospital had done when it wasn't busy, but louder. There were blinking boxes everywhere, and tables covered in stuff I could only describe as arcane. One spot that was obviously a desk was dominated by three huge glowing pictures sitting side-by-side.

For a second I thought I was already starting to suffer the symptoms of that infernal heat and cursed the weakness of my new body. But after a moment to remember the Tablet clutched to my chest, I realized I might be looking at more devices of similar nature.

For the first time in days, I remember smiling.

If you recall, I had assumed the Tablet to be common, but somewhat valuable thanks to the reactions of the nurse who saw it. The moment I realized what I was looking at, I knew I'd been taken in by someone who had to be considered quite well-off. It was like Princess Cadance's suite all over again, only without the horrible colors and I didn't have to trap anyone in a forgotten mine shaft.

I still can't believe she was gullible enough to follow her own body-double right into a trap. Oh... Heh. I wish I could do it again, just to mess with her.

But anyway... A thousand schemes popped into my head the moment I stepped into Toby's home. The moment after that they all fell apart because I had no idea where I would go with any of them. Where was I but in the middle of nowhere without my swarm. And without the swarm, what was the point to any of my ambitions? I was queen of a swarm of one in a body that was sticky from sweat and trapped in a land so far away from anything I recognized it might as well had been another world.

I cursed the Elements.

“No kidding. It's hotter than hell out there.”

The human startled me out of my thoughts when he spoke. He was done arranging his cases near the door and had wandered over to a far wall to poke at a small box. It glowed like many of the other devices in the room before a suddenly loud click caused me to jump again. The click was quickly followed by a low rumble that joined the rest of the hum.

“I've gotta' change that relay,” I heard him mumble. Of course, that didn't mean anything to me either so I turned my eyes back to gathering in my surroundings.

Aside from the devices, you ponies would find it surprisingly familiar. The common area contained the usual things. A few chairs and couches, a table, also covered in the arcane... I decided I'd just call everything an arcane device, it's easier that way.

The common area opened directly into a kitchen, surprisingly clean unlike every other surface I'd seen. Yet more devices whose purpose looked a little more obvious were placed neatly about. One such device looked like something that would be used to mix cake batter, but do it on its own.

“You don't have to stand there, you know,” Toby told me as I looked around. He was pulling a strange, partially transparent box out of a corner and working to clear a table of its arcane contents. “Feel free to look around. The bathroom's through the door on the right. If you want, you can get cleaned up while I make some space for you. Just... If you don't know what it is, don't touch it. That goes double for plugs. Don't unplug anything unless you ask me first.”

I found the warning slightly insulting, but I masked my distaste better this time. I was a queen. A few centuries in a jungle will teach one very quickly not to touch anything you couldn't identify, or have a worker identify for you. I don't think he meant that for my protection though. Call it one of my early hunches.

The offer to get cleaned up sounded good though, so I decided to make use of the human's bathroom first.

In my week in the hospital, I'd easily learned the basics of human hygiene. No self-respecting changeling would be caught alive not trying to learn everything they could about the form they took, and despite some nasty rumors floating among ponies, I assure you we are very clean. Cleaner... in-fact. A changeling's sense of smell far outstrips anything a pony can detect. But it is not so much the odor that bothers us, but the fact that certain methods of communication become difficult when you garble it with garbage. I won't get into that. But I should also mention, smell attracts predators in the jungle, and dirty changeling is a dead changeling.

So I was quite pleased to discover that humans also considered cleanliness an essential aspect of good health. Their cleaning utilities are similar enough to those of ponies that I had no trouble learning how to use them.

Also, endless hot water...

“When are we getting a hot tub?” Chrysalis suddenly turned her attention to Gazer. “I long for a nice soak and I'm sure it would melt some of that tension right out of you.”

“Water heating's expensive business,” the drone replied, his wings cycling between closed and open. “We could build one now, but the power use on it would be a waste-”

“It's not a waste if we're enjoying it,” Chrysalis rolled her eyes.

“COMPARED...” the drone raised his voice to talk over the queen. “...to powering the rest of the resort for our guests. Maybe if we can get approval from Luna for funding the solar thermal. But I don't want to push out a list of wants before we've even managed to prove this island can work.”

“It'll work,” Chrysalis waved a hoof dismissively. “My- Our changelings will ensure it. So there's really nothing to worry about.”

“Yes,” Fancy Pants decided to chime in upon seeing the direction the conversation was going. “I'm sure it will. But remember that while we know it will work, it is your benefactors you must impress with this endeavor Your Highness. And while you have my utmost confidence as the chief investor, you are trying to win the approval of those whom you've spurned. I caution you to at least take that seriously. This whole mess is a shot in the dark.”

“Yes, I know,” Chrysalis sighed. “You both have a habit of repeating yourselves endlessly about this.”

“They're only doing it because they care,” Fleur spoke up with a soft smile.

“Gag me,” the queen made a face. But after a moment it faltered and she quickly distracted herself by pouring another glass of wine.

“Fancy, hit me,” Gazer raised his sippy-cup up where the unicorn could see it. However, a green aura enveloped it and yanked it towards the queen.

“I've got it,” she stated aggressively. The lid immediately twisted off and she began pouring wine into the cup.

“I wanted juice,” the drone pointed out in irritation, causing Chrysalis to cease pouring and look up silently. After a few silent glances around the fire and then down at the half-filled cup, she quickly turned it up and chugged what she had poured, ending with a noisy gasp.

“Best let me,” Fancy gently took the freshly emptied cup and began filling it with more juice.

“Right,” Chrysalis shook her head. “I forgot you're a wimp.”

“I HATE alcohol,” the drone frowned. “That doesn't make me a wimp.”

“No,” the queen suddenly smirked. “But this next part does.”

Time for a lesson in human social etiquette. Humans wear clothes. Mostly it's because, as you saw, they're rather soft and squishy. So they don't do well in cooler places and are easily given even the most superficial of injuries. However, apparently their society had formed a kind of taboo to the concept over the ages. It seems, nudity is a sign of intimacy and it's part of their mating ritual to show bare skin off to others.

All I knew at the time was that it was chilly in the hospital if I didn't wear something to cover the skin. However, after taking a bath, I realized that I would just get dirty again if I put the same clothing I'd been wearing back on. So rather than get myself dirty all over again, I decided I needed something fresh.

I almost thought I'd broke him. I approached Toby while he was staring into the three glowing panels at his desk.

“Do you have something clea-?”

“SONUVA!”

I have no idea what that means and he won't tell me, but he says it when he's startled. And apparently, because of the social taboo, I'd done quite an excellent job of it just by walking up to him as naked as the day I hatched. He even fell over out of the chair he was in. It was so confusing at the time that I even momentarily forgot to keep my cover.

“What is wrong with you?!” I snapped at the floor where he lay.

“G- Go put some clothes on!” he seemed just as outraged as I was.

“What?” I had asked. “Why would I continue wearing those dirty garments? Do you have anything clean?”

I don't think he knew quite how to respond. I recognized fluster easily enough from any creature being showered with unexpected affection, but I wasn't even making the attempt. I just wanted something that wasn't going to be sticky, or start smelling in a few hours.

“Go-,” he began for a moment, then he seemed to collect himself. “Go wait in the bathroom and I'll see what I can find.”

I found myself scowling at him and his unusually strange behavior, but I just wrote it off as humans being humans. It was easy enough to comply and the bathroom WAS a bit warmer.

I ended up not waiting long. But I still found his behavior confusing. He cracked the door open , placed several garments on the counter, and shut it.

“Let me know when you're decent...”

'Decent'... I'd heard the term refer to ponies, especially the elite, when they thought they looked okay. Was I somehow ugly without clothes? It was something my inner-changeling decided could be looked into later. If there was a way to use my bare skin to manipulate humans, that would be to my advantage.

Dressing wasn't too difficult. It's harder without magic, but I'd learned from the nurses what went where. The garments were obviously meant for Toby, but fit me with room to spare. When I was finished, I found myself in the most boring set of garments I'd ever seen.

It would have to do.

When I was... 'decent', I exited the bathroom to find the human once more gazing at his glowing displays. In the relative silence I noticed there was the faintest little snapping noise occurring. Curiosity getting the better of me, I silently walked over and took a look.

Much like the Tablet, it did many different things, but the most curious was the arrow that seemed to be moving around all on its own. There was much to read, and pictures of strange items, but nothing really made sense as the image kept switching out before I could really get a feel for it.

“What are you doing?”

I startled him again, but he kept silent despite one of his hands jerking out and grabbing the desk. He wouldn't last five minutes in the jungle like that. Rather disappointing really. Shining Armor at least could sense when something was sneaking up on him.

“Just...” he began, looking back at me. Then he seemed to relax a little. “I'm just ordering a relay for my AC unit. Do the clothes fit?”

Deciding to keep an even mask, I simply smiled and nodded.

“Good,” he stood up... That's when I realized for the first time that I was shorter than he was. As a queen, I've gotten a little used to being taller than all other changelings, as well as most ponies. So seeing a male creature capable of intelligent conversation that was larger than me left me a bit surprised. Of course, minotaurs count, but I had yet to meet them at the time.

“I guess,” he continued. “Since you don't have... well... anything, and apparently since the hospital didn't bother to tell me you only had some donation clothes, we get to hit the store.”

I kept my neutral expression.

“We're going to need...” he turned back and all but flopped into his chair.

A second later the displays started to act as if being manipulated, then turned white and plain blocky text started to appear as he rapidly tapped on a small arcane device I hadn't noticed before.

“Clothes,” he muttered. “Seven sets at least. Socks, shirts, pants...” there was a pause as he turned and glanced me up and down.

“Shoes...” he continued at length, then seemed to hesitate on the next two words. “Underwear... Bra-...s. Please tell me you already know your size.”

“Size for what?” I asked honestly enough. No, seriously, size for what?

The tapping stopped and he seemed to shift in his chair before sighing.

“Right...” he continued tapping again. “The whole kitten-caboodle... including tax, title, and license...”

I held my expression at neutral despite my thoughts screaming for answers. I'd learn what he was going on about soon enough. I was a changeling queen and already made far too many mistakes. I wasn't about to blow it again on idle curiosity that would be satisfied before long.

I just wish I had a little more self control at times. Because he finished up what he was doing and turned to pick my Tablet up off the desk. When I saw it, I practically knocked him down to take it. I wasn't about to lose it after all.

“Whoa!” he snapped in surprise. “Lad- Christy, what are you-” I simply hugged the arcane device to my chest and shot him a glare.

“Eh-” he blinked. “No, that one's mine. Yours is where you left it...”

He pointed and I followed his extended arm to a spot where I'd set the... MY Tablet previously, a small table next to the couch. I glanced down at the tablet I was holding, realizing it did actually look slightly different. Normally, I wouldn't feel the least bit embarrassed at my actions, but I couldn't help but feel my face flush in response to such a foolish mistake.

“Oh,” I muttered weakly. Apologies were never really my thing, being queen and all. Usually I was the one receiving them when a worker made a mistake. It took a moment to fight my reflexes, but gave the device up after Toby sat there patiently holding his hand out.

Once he had it back, he quickly performed an action I recognized as 'plugging in'. But strangely enough, he didn't plug it into the Wall Socket, but rather a strange box sitting under the desk. I allowed myself to lean a little on my curiosity to see what he did.

Honestly, after fifteen seconds, he was done and I had no clue. It was like a slap in the face.

“Okay,” he continued after a moment. “So-” he paused and glanced back at his displays. “- tomorrow. We head into town and hit up Wally-World... Find out what fits you, get you some clothes, grab some food and then we'll see about setting up the guest room.”

I had no idea what this 'Wally-World' was, but it sounded like something ponies would cook up. That made me scowl in reflection. I was in this situation because- No. NO! I was not going to dwell on that. I was cast here by the artifacts. I had no option but to comply.

Comply...

Before I knew it I was seething in rage. No magic, no swarm, trapped in a body that got disgusting in hours... Sent to a place where I was so in my element it was childish, yet out of my element that I was deemed helpless? Was this some kind of joke? Were the Elements playing some kind of twisted retribution on me? Was it 'I was queen, so make me a peasant to teach me a lesson'?! And I was expected to just sit here and comply with it!?!

It clicked.

That was it, wasn't it?

The Elements of Harmony zapped me to some other-where and stripped me of everything that made me... well, ME! Oh the irony... The disgusting, poetic irony of it all! Me! queen of the changelings! The master of a race of creatures able to assume any identity at will, stripped of my own identity and my ability to assume others and forced to play a role for which my only choice was to ad-lib my way through it and hope I could pull it off!

It had a sick humor all its own. Artifacts are like that after all. You see, they enjoy puzzles. Being practically eternal, and having a will but not quite a mind, they play games. Games that span millennia and make queens such as myself into mere pawns without the slightest care of the stakes, but games none-the-less.

And the Elements of Harmony had the rules of the game practically written right in their name.

I laughed. I didn't care about my cover for a moment as it dawned on me. I was the player in a game of the Element's making. My goal? Probably to prove I was worthy of the title 'Queen of the Changelings' and live 'in harmony' with the beings I'd been thrust upon, all the while being the most alien thing among them.

It was so obvious I almost expected to find myself yanked back to Equestria just for figuring it out. But no such luck...

“The She Hulk and Harley Quinn impersonation's really starting to creep me out y'know...”

I came back to reality with a start. Toby was staring at me with a look of unease and I was practically draped over his chair from my epiphany. I may have figured out the game, but I was still just a piece on the board. Or maybe I should say it was more like a card game. I finally knew what cards I had, but if I wanted to win, I needed to know everyone else's. Yes, I've played poker before... Unfortunately, despite my prowess as a changeling, I'm told I have a terrible poker face.

Needless to say, I had to sooth the human's unease before he thought I'd gone insane. The humans had cleared me of such a thing at the hospital, but I didn't want it to come into question again.

“Sorry,” I bought time with what I hoped was a sheepish flush, part real, part act. “I... I realized something that made me angry, and then realized something else that went with it... And it was, sort of funny.”

The best lie is the one that contains the truth.

Toby kept his face the same. Did he not buy it?

“Yeah...” he began at almost excruciating length. And then he turned away to face his arcane displays again. I could have gone for a response... ANY response really. Belief, disbelief, accusations, whatever. But this way he had where he'd just drop something and leave me guessing...

I would have to learn how to read him, and quickly.

“So,” he finally continued. “In the morning, we'll get up and go get your stuff. We'd go now, but I've got a couple more errands to run but every thing's already closed. And I'm not in the mood to waste gas with the price of diesel lately.”

What was 'diesel'? And why was its price so important? I had a lot of learning to do in a short amount of time. A quick glance around the room reinforced that thought. So many arcane devices blinked back at me. His arcane displays, an object by the couch that looked like it might be another one of them, but dormant. Actually, now that I knew what to look for, several more of the arcane devices looked like they might have a display incorporated into them. Even the most perplexing of magics had a reason to it after all.

“Wow,” Crystal Clear chimed in, interrupting the queen. “You figured that all out that fast?”

“She'd like you to think that,” Gazer chuckled from his sippy-cup. “She's clever, but not quite THAT clever.”

“Yes,” Chrysalis pouted slightly. “It took me a week just to realize what had really happened. For a queen of my experience, that would be unacceptable. Artifacts are known for attacking one through their hubris when they play their games. Your elements are no different.”

“So you believed the Elements of Harmony were playing a game?” Nora asked. “That seems a little.. Well, that seems so unlike what I've heard of them.”

“That, Lady Stonewall,” Chrysalis stated in her most regal tone. “Is because the elements LIKE you ponies. As I said before, an artifact that does nothing is one that is content. If you consider that Celestia has only ever used them in defense of your kind, it goes without saying that anything that would upset that status quo would be in for a very unpleasant experience. Ask Princess Luna about her experience later. She's due in some time after sunset.”

“I'll keep that in mind,” the administrator nodded. “Though I must ask, how did the rest of your day go after you had your little epiphany? It sounded like it was only mid-afternoon.”

“Quite boring actually,” Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “I occupied myself with my Tablet's Time-Wasters up until fatigue caught up with me. I was a bit bored with the Zombie one, so I tried experimenting with one about matching gems.”

“You played three-hundred games,” Gazer pointed out. Chrysalis looked up in a gape.

“You kept count?!”

“No,” he smirked. “Bejeweled Blitz is a one-minute game. You played it for FIVE HOURS.”

“Bah!” Chrysalis leaned back and finished the wine glass she'd been neglecting. “You and math...”

“Math is awesome,” the drone grinned back. “I can do anything with it.”

“Except cook,” Chrysalis fired back.

“I can cook!” Gazer shot defensively.

“If one doesn't mind bland and tasteless,” the queen smirked. “I don't know how you lived on stuff so boring.”

“It's not boring miss, 'I hate sweet things',” the drone growled back. “Aren't we like, bug ponies or something? Shouldn't sugar be something like your second all time favorite food after magic gained from love?”

“We are changelings,” she shook her head. “Not common insects. And I can't stand sweet. At least, not what anyone around here calls sweet.”

The queen shuddered, her wings twitching and then settling.

“Never touching one of those apples fritters ever again...” she muttered, then scowled. “Great, I can taste it just thinking about it... I need something to flush that out.”

The queen's horn glowed for a moment and a slice of pizza hovered its way over to her. Thankfully, the aroma was much less intense now that the pie had time to cool. But Gazer mimed a gag all the same. In response, Chrysalis just took a large bite and then opened her mouth to let the cheese string across her teeth and fangs.

This got an audible sigh from Fleur, who rubbed a hoof on her temple in frustration, and a silent roll of the eyes from Fancy Pants. Their Canterlot guests in the mean time just blanched at the queen's deliberately bad manners.

Chrysalis, seeing the reaction, frowned before snapping her mouth shut and swallowing audibly.

“Spoilsports,” she muttered.

“So what happened next?” Crystal piped up in curiosity. “What was... 'Wally-World'? Sounds weird.”

Gazer turned his eyes on Chrysalis, who was busy on her second bite.

“You want to tell them about that?” he asked. “Or would you rather I explain a supermarket?”

“I'm eating,” the queen said between chews, and flicked her hoof as if shooing the slightly smaller changeling along. “So it's your turn now.”

“Fair enough.” Gazer shook his head. “So... Yeah, let me put this one in perspective...”

Author's Note

Okay, so that concludes Chrissy's first perspective chapter. I hope it works out and I can keep her consistent. I'm trying to go for clever, experienced, and fairly intelligent while having her be a bit short-sighted and impulsive. She's a changeling, and her modus operandi is adaptation.

And while I've had people frown that the concept sounded too Deus Ex-y with the Elements concerning the description and the opening lines of chapter one, I'm actually going for them being a bit 'One Ring'-y: Absurdly powerful, but you really shouldn't mess with them, or piss them off if they don't belong to you. Kind of an almost-character in themselves. After all, Chrysalis has a point. Artifacts of great magical power that appear to be doing nothing are artifacts of great magical power that are CONTENT.

It's kind of like finding your cat in your chair... Dare you move it?

Free Market Exile

Change is Good

Free Market Exile

I'll say it like this: I hate shopping.

Actually, to be honest, I don't hate shopping, I hate the baggage that comes with shopping...

Dealing with people.

Now, before anypony here interrupts me, let me just explain something. I don't hate people, or even dislike them all that much. I just hate dealing with them in the plural sense. An actor in a movie once said 'a person is smart, but people are dumb, panicky, stupid animals and you know it'. My experience has come to agree with that for the most part.

Now humans, of which I am-slash-was, are inclined to be as lazy as possible. Not that this is a bad thing, but our development as a whole has been based around this one basic concept:

How to make things easier.

From what I've seen, it's much the same for ponies, but they've had it both easier and harder thanks to magic giving you certain abilities humans can't even hope to possess. Humans of course don't have magic. So we had to do it the hard way. And that's effectively where my entire field of Electronics comes from. However, it's not just electronics, but every aspect of life we've been seeking to do easier and faster, including groceries.

Enter the Supermarket.

Chrissy already explained a parking lot to you. We use such areas to leave our vehicles in place for quick access and use. But as you might have realized, only a location that can hold a lot of humans would need such a vast expanse to hold only their chariots. You might find yourselves asking what could possibly need so much space. A hospital is one such place, but we have many others. But what?

The answer is a market square unlike anything you've ever seen. A single building - a warehouse - that is as large inside as could hold the entire volume of Canterlot Castle - Hold that thought Miss Clear... Now, imagine that inside that castle-sized building are rows upon rows of shelves packed with every possible ware the average pony could ever need. Food, clothes, bath supplies, cleaning supplies, medicine, books, toys, appliances, entertainment... If you need it in your home, or just want it in your home, it can be found there. All of that, in a nice, well-lit indoor environment where no matter what the weather is doing, or what time of day it is, you can walk in, get EVERYTHING you need, pay for it, and head home in the span of an hour or less.

Naturally, such a large place exists because there are a lot of people who need home supplies on a near-constant basis. We congregate en-mass to this place because someone realized it would be convenient to supply customers with everything they could possibly want in the same store.

Of course, that means that if you wanted to shop, you had to meet your fellow man...

“It's so big...”

“That's what she said.”

I about struck the teen that said that only moments after 'Christy' got her first look into the Abilene Super Wal-Mart... Wally-World's just a silly pet name people have for it. Luckily, the little twit was faster than I was by a long shot and scrambled out the door snickering before I could make up my mind if the lawsuit would be worth smacking him into the next week.

With no work on a Friday I just opted to sleep in until around nine or so in the morning. 'Christy' had been out like a light the moment her head touched pillow, and even as I made a simple egg breakfast she was still catching Z's like she didn't have a care in the world.

That worked fine for me, since I wanted to wait until well after the morning rush to attempt shopping. I wasn't looking forward to shopping, let alone the kind of shopping I had to take care of. So the fewer the number of people that were around, the better.

Now, if I had known I was dealing with someone who actually wasn't human at the time, I would have complimented her on how fast she got the hang of things. The drive into town occurred without any incidents you haven't already had described. She still looked like she was on a power trip in the passenger seat, but it was more subdued until we arrived at the store.

Now, I guess the day before I'd been parked in the shade. Because not five seconds out of the truck and she was practically dancing in place. In case you're wondering, humans have soft feet, and asphalt- the material we make parking lots with -gets super hot in the sun. The Hot Asphalt Hop 'Christy' was doing only served to remind me that she needed shoes ASAP.

We stopped on the way in to let her experiment for a moment with the automatic sliding glass doors. She kept looking around as if trying to find something, and then tried waving her hands until I'd asked her if she'd never heard of a motion detector before.

Once I'd at least said that much, she seemed to think on it and nod before moving on inside...

That's when the real fun began.

Not two seconds in the door and she was like a foal in a candy store, or 'kid in a candy store' as we say. Add this behavior to her already growing list of oddities. She was trying not to act it, but I knew 'overwhelmed' from a mile away and then some.

First stop, shirts.

Actually, no. The first stop was ten seconds later when 'Christy' spied one of the self-powered shopping carts near the door.

“This wagon...” she frowned at it. “Does it move on its own?”

“Yes,” I answered. The greeter in the mean time was giving me a rather perplexed look. I just shrugged at him in return.

“Why is it different than all those other wagons then?” 'Christy' asked.

The greeter beat me to the answer.

“The motorized baskets are a courtesy provided by Wal-Mart for those customers who are either disabled or have mobility problems.” Stock answer, you can tell by the tone of voice.

The moment he finished talking, I saw a large grin sprout on 'Christy's' features. I would come to associate that grin with trouble, but at the time I didn't know what I was getting myself into.

“Perfect!” she announced. “This will make this task much easier for me.”

I reached out to grab her but missed her arm as she sat herself down purposefully in the seat and looked up and forward with a posture far too confident for how she'd been a moment ago.

“Eh-” the greeter stuttered at her rather bold action. “Ma'am, please consider people who actually require this service. It would be unfair to-”

“Are you blind?” 'Christy' went right into her 'imperious' tone of voice and went from excited to- well -angry in under a second. “I barely managed to make it from the... truck to here without falling on my face! And that burning ground certainly didn't help!”

The poor guy backed off in surprise at her near snarl to his face. As far as I was concerned, she had to be bipolar. That was the only explanation I could think of. Reaching out, I pulled him away, shaking my head.

“Let it go,” I muttered. “She just got out of the hospital and does have trouble walking. Besides-” I waved my hand to the remaining carts. “-you've got five more. And I plan to be in and out as fast as possible.”

That earned me a shaky nod from the greeter while my charge gave a satisfied smirk. Then she turned around, her smirk widening back into that danger grin as she placed her hands on the steering bar...

After a few seconds I saw her shoulders slump and her head tilt.

“Forward,” she commanded. After a few more seconds and predictably, no activity, she hit the steering bar.

“Move!” she snapped in irritation.

I admit it, I found that funny. Especially when she anchored herself in the seat and started rocking back and forth. The action brought a fresh look of confusion from the greeter now that he'd gotten over his shock. I just returned it with another shrug before 'Christy' turned around with a scowl.

“This moving cart is controlled just like the truck, right?” she asked in a huff. “All you do is grasp the guiding part and it goes... Why is this one not working? Is it defective?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but then shut it since her tone was starting to grate on my nerves. Instead I stepped forward and pointed at the steering bar.

“You could try reading the instructions,” I stated in a voice that might as well have added 'moron' to the end. 'Christy' scowled, having obviously caught my sarcasm and looked back at the cart. After a few seconds, she tentatively reached out and touched the throttle with a tap.

“Eep!”

The cart jolted and came to stop. She did nothing for a moment, then reached forward and prodded the throttle again. The cart jolted and rolled a second time, jerking her in place. The third time, she pushed on the throttle and didn't release it, causing the cart to roll forward before the steering bar turned under her clumsy one-handed shove, and drove her right into the wall with a clank.

“A-hah!” she laughed as a few exiting customers gave her the 'watch the crazy' eye after having to dodge out of the way. “I see!”

She tapped the throttle again, this time with more confidence, and frowned when she realized it wasn't moving.

“Now what?” she all but snarled. After a moment she finally got her head on straight. “Great, it's stuck. Does this thing...?”

'Christy' played with the controls again after another pause to look at the instructions. At first, there was nothing, then I had to dodge out of the way as the cart suddenly backed up, beeping as it went.

“Careful!” I snapped on reflex.

“HAH!” she ignored me. “Take that, elements! You think I'm just going to lie down and take it!”

Then she turned to me, a huge grin of superiority on her face. “Let's go! I want to see what kind of clothes they have!”

The cart jerked, stopped, jerked again, and began to roll into the store, almost taking out another pair of shoppers as it went. I gave the greeter one last apologetic look before bounding after 'Christy', cringing as she only barely avoided taking out a battery display.

“I knew at least not to run the machine into anything,” Chrysalis swallowed the last bite of another pizza slice. “You don't have to talk about it so fatalistically. I think I did rather well for my first time driving such a thing.”

“You were having WAY too much fun,” Gazer frowned at her. “I'm honestly surprised they didn't kick us out of the store after the fifth or sixth time you ran some shoppers out of the isle.”

“I didn't hit anyone,” Chrysalis retorted with a roll of her eyes. “I know I could be called many things, but a brute is not one of them. I even said 'excuse me' to them.”

“And you wonder why I never let you drive for so long,” the drone shook his head.

So as I was saying... First stop, shirts.

Granted, 'Christy' made a grand display of 'mastering' her skills at driving a shopping cart – somehow managing not to destroy any displays or run anyone over – but I was able to steer her – pun not intended – back on the task of getting her a few sets of fitting clothes.

Shirts were by far the easiest. Well, actually, socks were. But shirts were a close second. Of course, when I say 'easy', I only mean that in the relative sense. I was dreading her being a bit picky. Heck, she was a bit picky. But the thing that got me the most was the way she went on about it.

“Is this material tear resistant?” she asked, holding up a shirt.

“It's denim,” I replied. “So yes, yes it is.”

I was expecting something frilly, or lacy, or... well, think what Fleur would pick out. I was expecting that. But the first thing 'Christy' did was discard a bunch of the lighter fabrics and set her eyes on the tough stuff. She practically ignored most anything with color in it and settled on everything with a softer gray or olive tone to it.

“You sure you don't want something lighter?” I asked. “It's august and practically broiling outside.”

My charge gave me the most curious look about that moment. I can't say for certain, but she seemed to almost fight off a scowl.

“Well what would you choose?” she suddenly snapped, then grimaced. I still couldn't make heads or tails of her mood swings. I swear up and down again I was dealing with a bipolar...

“Eh...” I glanced at the stack she'd already gone through. “I...”

She frowned at me. I felt like I was being visually dissected when she did. I'm what you would call extremely utilitarian and the question gave me serious pause. Not because I was unsure, but because I knew a trap when I heard one, or thought I did anyway. My pick was selected well before she asked me if denim was tear resistant, but I figured she'd want to go for something a little more 'presentable' as Fleur would put it.

“Well?” she asked after I'd been quiet a little too long. “Out with it... I can tell you have some idea so let's hear it.”

“Fine,” I frowned back at her. “You want my pick, you got it. Just be aware I'm dull.”

She muttered something but I didn't quite catch what it was.

“White, loose fitting cotton,” I pointed a short ways away to some shirts hanging up. “It's simple and it's easy.”

Then I turned, paused for a second, and finished my thought.

“Or gray,” I continued. “If you don't like how easily white shows being dirty.”

“Why not this?” she asked, raising the olive denim shirt she'd been looking at.

“I told you,” I sighed. “It's August, it's STUPID HOT outside. If you want to broil in your own sweat, you're welcome to, but I wouldn't be caught DEAD in dark clothing this time of year.”

'Christy' gave me a long, measured look, glancing down at the shirt for a moment and then over to the others I'd mentioned. She seemed confused for a moment, then suddenly nodded her head as if coming to a decision in a conversation I wasn't privy to.

“Very well,” she stated in that imperious tone of hers. “You make a good argument... But I'd rather have this stronger fabric. Does it come in white or gray?”

I honestly had never considered it before.

“Probably,” I sighed, turning to look at the various racks of shirts. “Somewhere...”

Looking back to 'Christy', I found her seeming to stare at me expectantly.

“What?” I asked. She scowled for a moment, then blinked as if startled and quickly turned away.

“N-Nothing,” she growled, yes growled. “Just help me find it.”

I would say that I was still torn on how to respond to her unpredictable switches to her 'demandy' tone. It was a bit jarring but I was getting a feel for it. Her behavior was a little like that of someone who was used to being in charge, and then realizing a moment later they weren't and trying to find where the line was. And it wasn't the kind of reaction you'd expect from someone who was afraid to upset you, but of someone who found yet another restriction they had to suffer through.

At the time though, I decided to humor her since I didn't want to be in the store longer than absolutely necessary. It wasn't an outrageous demand, so why not?

Her priorities never faltered either. Once we found an acceptable denim shirt or six, she seemed to stick with the idea. Anything of even remote coloration was discarded with the same disdain one might have for a scrapped paper. Honestly, I was surprised at how painless things turned out to be. Pants were similar though guessing at sizes initially made things awkward. Socks and shoes were a cinch. I'll be damned if I ever make a creature walk in any form of high heel.

It wasn't until we got to undergarments that fate decided I'd had my shopping trip a little too easy...

“I'm confused,” Nora spoke up. “After her majesty's explanation of how humans treated clothes, I understand how she would need them to provide both protection and social modesty. However, I'm not sure as to the importance of 'under'-garments or what they are for that matter.”

Gazer bit his lip visibly with his fangs and his wings fidgeted in place.

“I'll handle this one,” Fleur spoke up. “Poor Gazer would sooner chew his own legs off than be forced to explain such things to absolute strangers. Undergarments are a set of clothes worn, obviously, below normal garments. From what Chrysalis has told me, they seem to act as a second layer of protection towards one's modesty, and also as a way to keep bodily filth from building up and soiling the outer garments.”

“I see,” Nora nodded. “But I don't understand why that explanation would make him so uncomfortable.”

“Okay I'll just be blunt about it,” Chrysalis interjected while rolling her eyes. “The reason he's being so squeamish is because human undergarments are worn directly over their reproductive organs.”

Aside from the ambient buzz of the resort and the crashing of waves, it was dead quiet for several seconds. Nora worked her mouth after a moment before speaking.

“Oh...”

“Yes, yes...” the queen continued with sarcasm leaking from her voice. “Ponies and humans are so alike there. The glorious gift of life, and you hide it as best as you can as if you're afraid it will bite your face off. I'm honestly amazed the tribes survived this many generations with such crippling principles.”

“Oh yeah?” Crystal snapped at the changeling, clearly insulted. “W-Well what do you know about it?”

Gazer instantly planted a hoof to his snout. The others saw this and Crystal suddenly dreaded the answer she was about to get, given the look of chagrin on the queens face.

“I-” Chrysalis began curtly. “-am a mother; Ten thousand times over. My swarm is more than just my subjects... They are my children. Each one of them is a part of me, a piece of my own soul given flesh and a mind of its own. And while it may be said that changelings such as myself feel no love, I love all my children in that way only a mother could. To even consider that I would deny that and hide away the part of me that makes that possible is like asking Celestia to turn out the lights for eternity.”

There was a brief pause as the queen snorted.

“So pardon me if I seem completely insensitive about the reproductive habits of ponies and humans. This squeamishness you all possess towards it is amusing at best. Though I must admit, humans at least have an excuse... Their physical arrangement is obviously, if I put it delicately to keep from upsetting you, distracting.”

And the queen sat back, a smug look on her face as she let her shock tactics run their course. After another silence, a sigh and a groan escaped the drone across from her.

“Chrissy...” he all but whined. “Do you really...?”

“Oh get over yourself,” Chrysalis frowned at him. “They would need it explained at some point so I got it out of the way for you. Don't say I'm not generous enough to help you out of a spot. Plus, there's nothing being spoken of here that all present don't understand already. It could be worse after all. Your race are the ones who came up with facehuggers and xenomorphs...”

The queen then shuddered at that.

“Do NOT ask...” she added quickly. In response Gazer snorted and smirked himself.

“And I'm the squeamish one...” he muttered.

“Humans invented acid-blooded biological murder machines as entertainment!” the queen all but retched back.

“Acid-blooded?” Crystal blinked in curiosity.

“I said DON'T ASK,” the queen responded in a more forceful tone. The younger mare flinched and drooped her ears.

“Oh come on Chrissy,” Gazer sighed at the queen. “Don't be mean to the girl-” he turned to Crystal and shook his head. “What she really means is to file that as another 'you don't want to know' and leave it at that. As a human-cum-changeling, if we say you don't want to know, just drop it. Princess Luna has already told me that ponies' imaginations and nightmares aren't anywhere close to what I've seen as just horror entertainment. So I know for a fact that the worst thing you can imagine won't be as bad as actually knowing.”

“How...” Nora began. “How is that even possible? If what we can imagine isn't anywhere near what horrors you can imagine... Just how can you handle such...”

“It's a matter of perspective,” Chrysalis interrupted. “Humans in general are much more competitive, and thus much more violent creature than ponies. Really, I fit right in-”

“You make a more convincing human than a pony princess...” Gazer mumbled.

“Yes,” the queen smirked. “I do, don't I? But that's not the point. The point is that humans are much more desensitized to their violent ways. Not that most of them seek violence, but that their tolerance for what is horrifying is much higher than a pony. To put another way, ponies are sheltered.”

“Don't let Luna hear you say that,” the drone shook his head. “She'll take it as a challenge.”

“She'd try,” Chrysalis replied. “But she holds something back. But we're getting off topic. Tell them about the dressing room fiasco.”

“Oh god...” Gazer turned a slight pink hue and buried his face in his front hooves. “I was hoping we'd kind of skip that...”

“Tell them,” Chrysalis smirked. “Or I will. You already got your Get Out of Explanation Freebie.”

“Is this even appropriate for polite company?” he asked.

“It won't be if I tell it,” the queen all but purred.

“OKAY!” Gazer almost yelped. “Fine! Fine....”

I was going to gloss over this, but as I was saying, fate decided my shopping trip was going to be a bit too easy. 'Christy', despite looking like she was going to impulse shop until I dropped, had been surprisingly practical about her clothing.

However, after success with socks, shoes, shirts, and pants...

Underwear and bras were not easy.

SO...

Okay, she had no idea what to do with them, I had no idea what her size was. In general, it was awkward. It was probably the first- okay SECOND time I was at a loss with how to deal with her, and she obviously knew it.

“What are you doing?!” I hissed as she began to tug at the pants she'd been wearing. I was glad I realized what she was doing right in the middle of the lady's department and stopped her.

“I have to try these on, right?” 'Christy' took my quiet tone as some kind of cue to glance around as if looking for predators while holding up a pair of panties.

“Not right here,” I must have looked like the lacy garments were on fire as I hissed back. “What is wrong with you?! Do you want to get us thrown out or arrested?”

I wasn't so far distracted that I missed the brief look of confusion she had before she masked it. She mulled on my comment for a moment before directing me with a question of her own.

“Well, how am I supposed to figure out what size I need if I can't check them directly?”

I think I gave myself a welt when I struck my forehead with my palm.

“Christy,” I began. “There are dressing room's right over there.”

I pointed somewhat discretely and she turned to see the small hut-like structure parked in the middle of the department. I heard a small 'oh' come from her like she'd just discovered something new yet again before she started making a bee-line for it.

“Well,” she smirked over her shoulder. “That does make more sense. Come on!”

Her nonchalance about the whole thing just made me feel all the more awkward. I really wish I had known at the time. I could have handled it. I could have easily handled it. But as far as I knew, I was dealing with a woman who was either completely naive, or playing the situation for her own laughs.

The employee watching over the dressing room gave me a look of sympathy while two women snickered at my discomfort as we approached. I knew I must have been cherry red by that point. But I consoled myself in the fact that things couldn't get worse.

As a side note, ladies and gentlecolt, let me just mention that there are certain phrases you should NEVER speak, or even think about speaking.

One: Watch this...

Two: What could possibly go wrong?

Three: This couldn't possibly get any worse.

Or really, any variant thereof...

But I'd like to focus more on that last one.

“I would like to try this on,” 'Christy' announced imperiously to the employee, holding up the panties she had procured.

Subtle... Real subtle. And you know, despite being a good six-foot, four inches tall, I suddenly felt no bigger than a field mouse. The employee, for her credit, gave 'Christy' this blank look-

“Okay...”

-and nodded towards one of the dressing stalls.

It took my charge a few seconds of nothing happening before ‘Christy’ turned and gave me this... This LOOK. I don't know how to describe it, it's like she was insulted and expected me to do something about this unknown offense.

A gesture of my own towards the dressing stalls, and with a huff she turned and marched – with a momentary stumble – into a stall. She even made a show of trying to slam the door shut, but only succeeded in shutting it on a shirt...

“So what's with your girlfriend?” the dressing room overseer, her name tag said 'Linda', asked me.

I was about to give the woman a look that would translate into a words best not allowed into pony society when I realized it DID look a little like that. So rather than even bothering to correct her, I just ignored it.

“Dunno...” I shrugged. “She keeps alternating between 'lost puppy' and 'queen of everything forever'. It's like she doesn't know how to be a person. If it weren't for the fact that the doctors at the hospital already went over her with a fine tooth comb, you'd swear she was from another world.”

A loud 'THUMP!' emitted from the dressing stall, breaking my train of thought.

“You okay in there?” I asked.

“F-Fine...” Christy's voice was slightly unsteady.

“You sure?” I asked.

“FINE!” exploded back at me.

“Mreow...” I muttered quietly to myself with a shake of my head. Linda gave me a covert roll of the eyes in sympathy before asking me another question.

“So,” she began. “How long have you two been together anyway?”

I was beginning to regret not correcting her the first time if she was going to start prying like this. Like I said, I didn't really want to be there, and certainly not answering personal questions. So I decided to get a bit literal. Checking my watch, I noted the time and gave Linda her answer.

“About sixteen hours,” I replied, making a production of looking at my time piece. “Give or take fifteen minutes.”

That blink. God I love that blink. It's that moment when you know for a fact you could lose them in a conversation without even trying; The hiccup in their train of thought that makes them all but drop whatever subject they've been carrying on about.

And it served to do exactly as I wanted. Linda made a half-hearted show of being distracted by nothing and checked on some of the clothes on the return cart, granting me some peace.

That didn't last long, however, before we both could hear Christy grumbling.

“Still fine?” I called over. After a few seconds of waiting, I called again.

“Christy?”

No answer...

“Ma'am?” Linda joined me upon noticing the silence. “Are you-”

“What is this, I don't even...” Christy's voice returned suddenly. “How do-...”

Her voice trailed off for a moment. Then suddenly it came up sharp, almost accusing.

“Toby! These don't have instructions!”

It took me a moment, but the message was clear.

“Yeah, she needs help,” I sighed.

Linda nodded and walked over to the stall, knocking slightly.

“Ma'am,” she called gently. “If you need some help I can-”

The door snapped open just enough to let her in, but not enough to see from my angle. Which is kind of the point.

“Tell me how this works,” Christy's voice went into full 'Her Imperial Highness'.

“You don't know how to work a bra?” the employee lost some of her professional composure.

“What do you think?” Christy snarled. “What is this thing even for?”

“Well,” Linda stepped forward, pulling the door with her. “If you'll let me help you here. First, it's upside down and-”

“You know what?” her 'highness' declared. “Forget it, send Toby in.”

“Ma'am,” Linda began. “I'm afraid that would be inappropriate-”

“SEND TOBY IN!” Christy only managed to keep her voice below a yell as Linda came stumbling backwards out of the dressing stall. “I have no time for your games!”

Linda quickly retreated from the angry voice, turning to me with a look of shock and horror as she did so.

“Well,” she huffed out in an attempt to stay her own temper. “You heard the queen...”

There was thump in the stall that made us both cast a worried look.

“Eh-” I couldn't find something to say in response. I probably even had 'that blink' when I did so. “This is not-”

“I'll keep anyone else out of the dressing rooms,” Linda growled in irritation. “Just help your girlfriend before she makes a scene!”

I found myself gently shoved towards the door.

“She's not-”

“Go! Be quick about it!”

And I was in the stall with Christy. I didn't even have time to think about it before the problem was all but shoved in my face. Literally.

“Toby! Explain!” my charge all but commanded. And... Well... I guess I had to. Despite the indecency of the situation, I was quick to realize that not only was the bra she was attempting to wear upside down, but inside-out as well. And she seemed to have completely missed the back hook and catch, given how she tried to wear the whole thing like a sash. If I hadn't been so deathly uncomfortable about the whole thing, I probably would have laughed at how silly she looked.

“...” I opened my mouth to try and resolve the situation, but only found myself in the sudden need for a glass of water. It only served to irritate her more.

“Well?!” she asked.

The standoff lasted several more seconds, a time in which I knew my face was going even deeper into the lower spectrum before I swallowed my pride. After all, nobody knew me at that store, and I tended to avoid it most of the time anyway.

“What size is that?” was the first, probably stupidest comment I made.

“That goes for just about anything you say when you're flustered,” Chrysalis gave off a light chuckle. “It's kind of cute really. You've got such a good mask on your emotions, but a little sexual teasing and you're red as a ripe tomato in sec-”

The queen blinked as Gazer suddenly glanced away from the queen, his features discernibly more off color than the fire light would suggest.

“See?” she giggled. “There you go! I don't care what species you are! That's adorable!”

“Do you want me to finish this or not?” Gazer spat while keep his head away from the group.

“No!” Chrysalis laughed. “No... Finish already. We're all waiting for the climax.”

“CHRISSY!” the drone turned around in exasperation. The changeling queen fell over and everyone else present got a chuckle as his face, despite the dark rubber-like chitin, had crimson clearly visible on it. The laughter continued at the drone's expense for several more seconds while he bit his lower mouth with his fangs. Chrysalis recovered from her first bout of laughter, saw this, and went down a second time. This set off another round of laughter in the group which lasted another good thirty seconds.

At a loss for anything else, Gazer up-ended his sippy-cup and sucked on it for more juice, prompting round three.

After another two minutes of laughter, the group finally began to calm down again. Crystal Clear was the first to speak, asking a question.

“So what IS a bra anyway?” she asked. “I've never heard of such a thing.”

Gazer released his cup with an audible 'pop'. Chrysalis stifled another laugh, earning her a glare before he continued.

“Well,” he began. “If you recall from Chrissy's earlier demonstration, the mammaries, or breasts on human females are located on the upper torso and stick out quit a bit from their chest at times. On-” he coughed “larger specimens, this can become troublesome. The mammaries are essentially held in place by fatty tissues and tendons, which can weaken and break down over time, causing the whole structure to droop and sag as one ages. This has the effect of making them both visually unappealing and uncomfortable, or even painful. A bra is a garment designed to prevent this by providing additional physical support to the breasts by holding them up and in place. Think of it as a shelf you wrap around yourself to hold them up... If that makes sense.”

The queen let out another burst of laughter at the description as the youngest mare in the group nodded with an audible 'ohhhhh' to emphasize her understanding.

“So am I to assume that because of the social taboos on reproductive activity and the nature of the purpose of this garment,” Nora began on the heels of her younger compatriot's revelation, “that this whole situation was... Oh my.”

Gazer took a deep, unsteady breath to fight another non-magical color change.

“Awkward...” he finished. “So very awkward.”

“Only for you,” Chrysalis sat up, fighting away another laugh.

“Yeah,” the drone shook his head. “You were too busy being angry at the universe right about then...”

“What are you do-”

“That's not what the elastic is for.”

“Ow! Watch it!”

“Look, you're making it worse, just-”

“THAT'S COLD!”

“Stop squirming, I can't do it like that.”

“What are you even doing back-”

“This is all wrong, how did you even-”

“Hey! Don't do that!”

“It's too big for you, I have to-”

“Is this yours or MINE?”

“I'm just trying to-”

“You dare to argue with-”

“Christy... If you would hold still for FIVE SECONDS.”

Yeah, trying to help fit a bra on a woman I barely knew was awkward. Her complete lack of modesty around me both did, and didn't help. I was aware that our snipped comments could be taken in many ways that could be easily misunderstood, but there was just no helping it. Christy knew about as much about a bra as I do about pony cutie marks.

Eventually, I got fed up with it. Christy was worse than a four-year-old and couldn't, or wouldn't hold still long enough for me to explain anything. My frustration overrode any embarrassment I had been harboring about the situation and caused me to clap my hand down on her shoulder.

It must have reminded her of that scuffle we'd had when I found her, because she locked up still as a statue. I forget from time to time, but for a human, I'm huge. I know ponies don't have any sense of our size, but I towered over 'Christy' the way her normal form does over you now. And trust me when I say that the moment something with that kind of size advantage decides to lay a hand down on someone, you pay attention.

Honestly, I didn't notice for a few seconds, but when I realized I may have scared or hurt her, I immediately let go. Forgetting your own strength comes with the territory of being big, and with that comes the fear of accidentally hurting someone.

“Sorry!” I nearly yelped. “Are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?”

Christy's response was slow as she recovered from her own momentary shock.

“I- what? WHAT?” she asked.

“Are you okay?” I repeated. She gave me this look for a second that spoke of confusion, like such a concern wasn't what she thought had me so scared.

“I'm fine,” she snapped, her imperious attitude returning with aplomb.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Why is it you always ask that?” she turned to glare at me, an action that quickly reminded me how awkward the situation was. “I wouldn't say it if I wasn't.”

“Fair enough...” I found myself raising my hands defensively and trying to turn my head away. “I just like to clarify.”

“Any more clear and I'd see right through you!” she snapped.

Hey now...

I crossed my arms and let what I thought was a pretty strong disapproving frown form on my face. Forget awkward situations for just a moment. There are a few things I can't take. One of those being insulted when the person is effectively a charity case. Even Christy seemed to realize she made a mistake when I did that.

“...” her mouth opened and she looked to the side, but no words came out. A glance back at me was met with a continued glare before she looked away again.

“I...” she tried once more, probably an excuse, but she still fell flat.

“I'm TRYING to be nice,” I frowned. “You're not making it easy.”

In retrospect, that was the second time I had to draw the line. And I think she knew it. I received a scowl in return, but it was look that seemed to have some level of grudging respect as she slowly nodded.

“Okay,” I continued. I hate being the bad guy. Probably why I never had kids. “Now let's get this thing on you the right way so we can actually figure out how... big you are.”

Christy continued not to make eye contact, but shook her head in affirmation. She let off a little growl to herself in the process while continuing to say nothing. Other than that, she was quiet while I worked to fit the piece to her. In all honesty, I almost preferred it when she was making a fuss because it kept me distracted. By the time we found the right size, three attempts later, I’m pretty sure I was sweating and trying not to fidget.

“There…” I sighed. “I think that’s the right fit.”

“Huh…” Christy made a sound like she was somewhat impressed, and then spun around while handling her female assets to test out the effectiveness of the bra. “That’s actually not bad. Not bad at all. You should feel this. This is-“

And she reached out and grabbed me by the wrist, pulling my hand towards her chest. My reflexes were faster than my brain though, and before the motion was completed, I jerked my arm back violently to free it. Unfortunately, her grip was stronger than one would expect, and I ended up yanking her right into me.

A stumble, yelp, and a thud later and I was sitting on the ground with my back to the wall while Christy, who’d somehow managed not to come down with me, stared on like I was an idiot. After a second, she blinked as a smirk of genuine amusement crossed her features.

“Are you okay?” she asked. Gently reaching down, she cupped my chin with her hand and brought my face up to look at her.

“You like what you see,” she asked, her smirk wide as she leaned in closer. “Don’t you?”

I about choked to death on my own saliva about then. The coughing fit making the perfect excuse to break eye-contact with her.

‘Knock-knock-knock’

“Ma’am? Sir?” the voice of Linda came from the other side of the door. “If you two are okay and about finished-“

The inflection on ‘finished’, sonuva…

“-I have other customers who need to use the dressing rooms.”

‘Christy,’ lost her amused smirk, seemingly annoyed at what I considered a welcome interruption.

“We’ll be finished when we’re-“ she began in Imperial Mode, but as Godzilla proves time and again, bigger is better, especially when it comes to how loud one’s voice is.

“We’re done!” I interrupted in a tone slightly higher than I would like to admit. “We’ve got it figured out and I’ll be out in a second, thank you.”

“Spoil sport,” Chrysalis pouted.

“You wouldn’t have liked a human prison,” Gazer retorted.

Anyway...

Once I had Christy more or less sorted out, I exited the dressing room to discover that a good six people had shown up. Six! You'd figure in only a few minutes there would have been maybe... One? So yeah, if I hadn't been a few shades of red before, I'm sure that changed very quickly. At least two of them were guys, who had these... IRRITATING congratulatory grins aimed at me. The other four were a pack of teen girls who seemed to be fighting back giggle fits at the sight of me.

But Linda, Linda was the worst. She couldn't say anything, not at the risk of losing her job. But you didn't need all the sensory abilities of a changeling to read the smug grin she was fighting not to show. She said she'd 'keep people out' of the changing room. She never anything about garnering a little amusement at my expense.

I did what I did best to avoid conversation at that point. I crossed my arms, put on the best poker face I could muster, and glared back at the changing room door.

And I waited.

'Christy' emerged a few minutes later, dressed in her new clothes, her own smug grin plastered on her face.

“Satisfactory.” It was the only thing she said as she made her way over to the motor cart and plopped down in it. Without even the slightest hesitation she began rolling, only just missing the group who'd shared a laugh at my expense.

“Whoa! WHOA!” I began after a moment when it hit me. “Hey! Get back here! I still have to pay for those!”

Before I could give chase, a hand landed on my shoulder.

“Sir,” Linda was still fighting off a laugh. “It's okay, just present the tags and hangars for the items at checkout.”

I blinked.

“Seriously?” I asked.

“Happens all the time,” she smirked, then turned and pushed me slightly. “Now go before she runs someone over.”

My opinion of Linda did a one-eighty once more as I nodded and walked to catch up with 'Christy'. Her new outfit had emboldened her something fierce as I caught up with her a moment later. I wish it had improved her steering skills, but I guess that would have been asking too much.

The cart wasn't fast, but it was fast enough to make me work for it. And while I could have easily caught up to with a short jog, I was already all to conscious of the attention I'd gathered to this point, and didn't want to risk bringing any more to myself.

Luckily, she stopped rather abruptly, head turned sideways down one of the aisles.

I just managed to reach the cart when she suddenly left it, getting a few steps before her abrupt motions caught up with her and she managed to catch herself on a shelf.

“What is this?” she turned, holding up a can of chili.

Chrysalis stifled a laugh by sticking her hoof over her face, eliciting looks from the other present.

“I can't believe I did that,” she muttered

“Did what?” Crystal Clear asked. Gazer shook his head, a smile forming on his face.

“Let me put it this way,” he began. “I mentioned earlier that a supermarket is effectively a huge warehouse. The concept of a regular market or bazaar alone is something changelings in general barely get the concept of. But the scale of a full sized supermarket just can't be expressed in words.”

“Food,” Chrysalis chimed in, her eyes distant. “I didn't recognize it for what it was, not the way the humans were storing it. We'd gone right past it the first time and I had dismissed it as little more than various boxes of trinkets after we'd gone past the unguarded fruit stands in the front. But on the way back towards the front, I'd seen the word 'Wolf', and curiosity did the rest.”

“Chrysalis,” Gazer smirked. “has never seen canned food. Neither have you ponies...”

“That's a can of chili,” I answered her question matter-of-factly.

'Christy' looked down at the can, examining it, then back up at me. Her 'imperial' attitude had vanished, replaced with that enigmatic confusion that kept popping up since we met.

“A can of chili?” she asked. “Do you mean to tell me this is some form chili pepper?”

I laughed. My embarrassment vanished like a puff of smoke for a moment as the absurdity of the statement.

“What's so funny?!” she asked, turning slightly red at my reaction. That only made me laugh a little more.

“It's,” I fought down another round. Her expression having gone nearly to rage. “It's not a chili pepper.”

With a deft motion, I grabbed another off the shelf and turned it to point at the picture.

“This is chili sauce,” I continued with a chuckle. Even more enigmatic than her confusion, was her reaction.

“There is no way this metal band is a sauce.”

Everything funny about what she'd just said died instantly. Like her comment in my truck the day before, like her attitude, something wasn't right here.

“Have you never seen canned food?” I asked, my tone serious.

“What is canned food?” she asked.

I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. 'Christy' continued to stare at me, her gaze demanding answers. The can of chili I was holding slipped from my grasp, and in a moment of realization I was forced to fumble about trying to catch it. Once I'd done so, I turned my own shocked gaze back on her.

“You...” I began. “Don't know?”

Rather than snap at me as she'd done to my questions in the dressing room, 'Christy' inhaled deeply, tilting her head down slightly. As I gazed back, I let my mouth run away with me for a moment.

“What- What rock have you been living under all your life?”

Her gaze only hardened. It was similar to that look from the hospital, the one that killed any and all conversation before it started. An explanation was wanted, and immediately.

“A can...” I held up the chili I'd so carefully avoided dropping. “Is a metal container in which food is stored, sealed, and preserved.”

She broke eye-contact for a split second to glance down at her own can of chili.

“A properly sealed can will keep just about any form of food fresh and safe to eat for years,” I continued. “Decades in some cases. Perhaps even centuries in others...”

“Wait...” Nora interrupted suddenly. “WHAT?!”

Everyone turned their eyes to the administrator.

“Canned food is one of the greatest inventions of the industrial revolution,” Gazer commented quietly. “We can store and preserve nearly any form of food we can't consume immediately. So long as the can is never punctured, it'll last almost until you forget you even had it in the first place.”

“But...” Nora was having trouble finding her words. “H-How? Not even the best unicorn mages have ever figured out how make food last longer than a season or two. Not even pickling and freezing!”

“The process-” Fancy Pants spoke up. “-has been explained to me in detail, and it is actually quite simple to replicate. The moment I heard about what this canning process can do, I knew there was no excuse I could think of to delay bringing it to Equestria. By this time next year, I'll be opening a small cannery in Trottingham. Mind you, I'd like to keep this on the down-low for now. I've been buying up stockpiles of the metals required and if anypony realizes it's anything more than one of my whims, the market will strangle me for every bit I possess.”

“I'm still on for wiring,” Gazer asked. “Right?”

“We're looking at six months at this point,” Fancy shrugged. “Provided no further setbacks, we should be ready for you about then.”

The drone nodded with a smirk before Crystal Clear spoke up once more.

“So what about this chili can the queen had?” she asked. “What happened when you explained what it was to her?”

Both Gazer and Chrysalis burst out laughing at the same time, causing the younger unicorn to stare quietly, mouthing a silent 'what' at their antics.

“Okay... Okay...” the drone signaled with a hoof to get Chrysalis to quiet down after a moment. “This one you'll definitely like. You know Chrysalis wasn't exactly up to speed on a human body just yet...”

“This thing is food?” Christy asked in shock.

“Filled with food,” I shrugged. “But, yeah. You didn't know that?”

My guest just stared at the can for several more seconds before her gaze slowly dragged away from it. I wasn't quite sure at first why she seemed so in awe, but after a moment I realized she was looking at the rest of the canned food aisle.

“It's armored food,” she said in quiet awe. “Walls upon walls...”

In retrospect, the logistics behind a supermarket might be a little intimidating to most ponies. The aisle we were standing in could feed an entire town - hold that thought Ms. Stonewall - because that's the point behind a supermarket.

“I wouldn't call it exactly 'armored',” I found some humor at the term and laughed a little. “But I guess that is kind of what it is.”

And then 'Christy' did something totally unexpected. One second she was gazing in wonder at her newfound discovery of the canned food aisle, the next, I was staring dumbstruck as she nearly broke her teeth on it.

“AWOO!” she gasped in pain, dropping the can that was all but unscathed, save for some tears on the label. It landed with a solid 'thwop' on her foot, causing her to bumble about in further pain before he inherent clumsy nature caught up and brought her down. A customer nearby wince in sympathy at the sight, but otherwise did nothing.

“Are you okay?!” I reacted to her getting hurt more than I did to having watched her try to bite into the canned good.

“Ih-hht!” was the garbled response I got back. “Wha-ih-tho-hrd?!”

“Why'd you bite it?” I asked, not understanding anything she'd said.

“Ih-hgu!”

“What?”

There was a pause while she worked her mouth before she angrily spat.

“I'm hungry!”

“And you bit into the can?” I asked incredulously. “What do you think you are, a vampire?”

“You bit into metal?” Crystal clear asked.

Chrysalis stuck her nose up slightly and 'humphed'.

“As queen, my jaws and fangs are comparable to those of a griffon. In the past, I was very much able to puncture through metal armor.”

“But you were a human,” Crystal replied through half-lidded eyes.

“Humans have fangs too,” Chrysalis rebuked.

“Canines,” Gazer interjected. “Small ones...”

“They're still fangs!” the queen snapped. “It's not my fault I didn't know they were worthless!”

“They're not worthless,” the drone replied with a roll of his eyes. “They just weren't built to bite through steel.”

The larger changeling gave Gazer a confused look.

“I thought you said it was... ah-lu-mih-num?”

“Depends on the manufacturer, and that time I was referring to a soda can,” the drone shrugged. “Anyway-”

“What's a vampire?” she asked. I opened my mouth to ask her what rock she'd been under if she didn't even know that, but ended up snapping it shut. I could feel a migraine coming on and I was already tired of the store from what had happened at the dressing room.

“Never mind...” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Forget the cans, let's get your stuff and get out of here. We'll grab lunch on the way home.”

'Christy' pouted slightly at not getting an answer, but it was quickly erased by a more pleased grin at the prospect of lunch. With a quick hand from me, she was on her feet and we made our way to checkout.

And by made our way, I mean she once again took the cart, earning us at least a few death-glares for the trouble. Once we got to checkout, she stopped to stare intently at the cashiers working, twitching slightly at every beep as she tried to find the source.

“These are more smart machines,” she began. “Aren't they?”

I nodded, earning a calm nod from her in return. She watched with rapt fascination as I handed over the hangars and tags for the clothing she was wearing, explaining the circumstances involved. The cashier seemed slightly apprehensive about it, but didn't do anything to make the situation more awkward for either of us, even as 'Christy' leaned over to try and see why the tags kept getting swept across the same spot over and over.

I had to yank her back when she did.

“You never told me what that was about,” Chrysalis frowned at the smaller changeling. Gazer frowned before replying.

“Because it was a laser,” he stated. “Remember what I said about lasers?”

“Oh!” the queen's ears perked up. “The little lights that can burn one's eyes!”

“Lasers?” Nora spoke up curiously. “I've heard of those from Celestia's School... Why were they in this, market?”

“Bar code scanners,” Gazer replied curtly.

“What's a bar code scanner?” Crystal Clear chimed in this time.

“Ugh!” the drone let his head drop. Several seconds of silence ensued before Crystal spoke up.

“It's... Just a question,” she stated quietly. Gazer looked up after a moment, shaking his head.

“I know,” he sighed. “I know... It's just, ugh... I'm trying to tell a story and explain a century's worth of technology to you at the same time. And we're only touching the tip of the iceberg here.”

There was a slight cough from Fancy pants as he brought attention to himself.

“Yes,” the elder stallion commented. “Having seen the documentation Toby has drawn up for some of the 'simple' equipment he's needed. I can vouch for just how complicated some of the technology he's been discussing is. Keep in mind, that I have no better an idea of what exactly he's discussing than you do. But I can say that there's a LOT of things he may speak about that will only lead to more questions. So do try to keep any questions about technology to a minimum.”

Fancy waited for a second to get nods from the group before Gazer spoke up again.

“Don't be afraid to ask a little bit though,” he began. “I can at least give you some idea of what's going on, but if you pry to much I may just end up giving you an education if you let me.”

“Education?” Lady Stonewall chuckled. “To what level?”

“Masters,” the drone chuckled, causing those present, but not in the know, to gasp. “Electronics and Mechanical Engineering.”

“Wow,” Crystal Clear blinked in awe. “That makes you REALLY smart.”

In response, Gazer shrugged.

“It has its advantages,” he frowned. “But believe me, it can be annoying at times.”

“In what way?” Nora asked. The drone turned a disbelieving look on the administrator.

“You're a politician,” he stated plainly. “How many times do you deal with ponies that have no idea how to run city services trying to tell you what to do?”

Nora opened her mouth, then shut it.

“Take that up to eleven,” the changeling sighed. “I've lost track of the number of times I've had to tell someone 'that doesn't work how you think it does' when someone wants to make something that just flat out doesn't work.”

“Guilty,” Chrysalis spoke up with a surprisingly neutral tone. Then she turned her head with a tired smile.

“Do you need a break?” she asked.

“I suppose this is a good stopping point for me,” Gazer replied. “Your turn?”

“We were done shopping and you were about to take me to lunch, right?” she asked.

“Yeah...” he nodded. “You remember where, right?”

“Yes,” Chrysalis nodded with a little bit of enthusiasm before her eyes narrowed mischievously.

“Let me tell you about the king of burgers...”