Foalish Behavior

by HoodwinkedTales

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random
Length: 2023

Private Hoodwink has taken insults from her superiors long enough. She finally can't take it anymore and takes action, but she is not ready for the chaos she is about to release.

Private Hoodwink is a petite unicorn mare working at the FOB with in the Deadhoof Badlands. She was constantly being picked on by her higher ranking enlisted and she couldn't do anything about it. Well, she finally has had enough of it. When given the chance to expose the bullies, she is outraged by the lack of punishment for such mental and physical abuse, and takes out her rage... on the heads of the FOB and in an unexpected way. Read this humorous and just plain adorable story with Hoodwink, her friend, Bubbly Turtle, and... FOALS!
Are they ready for the chaos of these military colts?
Find out.

Published 2014-05-17 05:10:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-17 05:10:08 UTC

I'm tired of all this horsing around!

Chapter 1:

“Hey short stuff!”

“Oh sorry! I didn’t see you all the way down there.”

“Look! It’s Hood Shrink!”

“What did I trip over? Oh it was just Hoodwink.”

“I didn’t know fillies could be enlisted into the EUP!”

These were just some of the insults Pvt. Hoodwink of the Lunar guard heard on a daily basis. She was a short mare working at the FOB in the Deadhoof Badlands. She was picked on for her pride, the fact she was one of two mares on the premises, but mainly because of her small stature.

“LOOK! A Hood Shrink PLUSHIE!” a random PFC. guard would shout before picking her up and running off with her.

“I WANT IT!”

“NO! I WANT IT!”

“FORGET IT! IT’S MINE!”

More PFC guards would join in, tossing her around, pulling on her hooves.

“I DEMAND YOU TO PUT ME DOWN YOU CURS! I WILL HAVE YOU COURT MARTIALED! I WILL SHRED YOU INTO MINISCULE RIBBONS!” she would threaten and hiss.

She was also stuffed into lockers and bags, thrown into trash cans and basketball hoops, and hung from hooks or ledges by her orange cloak, the ground just barely out of reach of her small hooves. The worst thing of all was she couldn’t do anything about it. Even with an enchanted cloak, armor, and sword to match, she couldn’t use them against her superiors. She could just deal with it and lose her dignity or wield her sword against them, protecting her dignity, but she would get into big trouble with her commanding officers. She was stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Occasionally a captain or an even higher up would catch the other guards bullying her and stop them temporarily.

Hoodwink was pretty fed up with all the jokes and became very snippy and short tempered.

One day during her afternoon patrols she was muttering to herself, “Why in the wide world of Equestria did Luna stick me in this a cursed facility.”

The speaker clicked and the stern voice of Col. Firebrand announced, “Pvt. Hoodwink, report to conference hall 1. Pvt. Hoodwink, report to conference hall 1. That is all.” then clicked again.

“Great, now what? It had better be a promotion or even better a PCS.” She trudged to the conference hall.

When she entered the hall, Col. Firebrand, the captains of the FOB; Silvermane, Event Horizon, Saunter Hoof, Midnight Spangle, Sky Cruncher, and Aetherious, and a couple popular lieutenants; Tweak and Sky Sage, were waiting for her.

“Pvt. Hoodwink reporting sirs.” she saluted.

“It’s Pvt. Hood Shrink!” Lieutenant Tweak, Sky Sage, and a couple captains busted up laughing.

Hoodwink was not in the mood for such mockery but she wasn’t the only one because before she could say anything Col. Firebrand shot them a stern glare, silencing them all.

“At ease Pvt. Now I, or we, have been alerted of some,” shoots a look at the lieutenants, “foalish behavior in the FOB.”

“You have a keen eye Mz. Hoodwink. You wouldn’t happen to know who these officers could be?” Captain Silvermane added.

“Sirs,” she takes a quick look at the door, “What would to become of these officers?”

“They are to be assigned to stable duty a week per every offense.” Captain Aetherious stated.

“THAT’S IT!?” She bursted.

“Calm down Pvt.! Are these offenses directed towards you?” Captain Event Horizon tried to calm her down.

“YES! They are constantly physically tossing me around! Squeezing me into tiny places and hanging me by hooks higher than I can reach the floor and making fun of my petite appearance with petty nicknames like…”

“Hood Shrink!” somepony in the room shouted.

Everypony in the room, even Colonel Firebrand, laughed at her dismay.

“ENOUGH! THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER! I AM TIRED OF TAKING THAT KIND OF HORSING AROUND!” she yelled and pulled out her sword from under her cloak.

“PVT. HOODWINK! Put the weapon down, now!” Col. Firebrand demanded.

“And watch that tone around your superiors little filly.” some other pony barked.

...little filly…

...little...filly…

little…

filly!

LITTLE FILLY!!!

Something snapped in the back of Hoodwink’s mind. She became enraged and irrational. Magic aura began to glow from her horn.

“LITTLE FILLY! IS THAT HOW YOU SEE ME! THAT IS IT! I AM DONE BEING TREATED LIKE A FOAL BY EVERYPONY!” she exploded.

“Pvt. Stand down!” a captain demanded.

The lieutenants had sprung out of their chairs and were ready to strike at the drop of a hat.

“NO I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!” her eyes began to glow a bright white, orange magic aura flaring and sparking from her horn and she stood on her back legs, “HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF EVERYPONY TREATED YOU LIKE TINY UNEDUCATED FOALS!!!”

She pounded her hooves to the ground, cracking the ground, and a bright light encased the room. She was blinded by the light for a split second. When she was able to see once again, she was not prepared for the shocking sight in front of her.

“WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE!” busted in SPC. Bubbly Turtle, the FOB specialist nurse, or FOB Mom as an unofficial title. She had come to investigate the bright flash and rushed in, but when she saw the sight in front of her she froze in her tracks.

The two mares stood there, paralyzed by fear.

“I know I’m FOB Mom, BUT I AM NOT READY TO HAVE KIDS!” Bubbly cried out.

Before them were their superiors, as adorable, tiny foals.

I'm not ready for foals!

Chapter 2:

Later that evening…

“AH! No! Bad Colonel! We do NOT use magic to burn the FOB down!” Bubbly scolded.

“Event Horizon! No! We do not press the big red button! EVER!” Hoodwink snatched a command panel from Event Horizon.

“WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” little Tweak cried.

“Ow my bloody ears! For the love of cider, Tweak stop crying!” Hoodwink put her hoof over his tiny mouth, “OW! HE BIT ME!!!”

“Aetherious, we do not eat Cadence plushies!” Bubbly tried to pry the poor plushie from the foal’s relentless jaws.

“Silvermane, don’t play with weapons of destruction!” Hoodwink took away a light saber Silvermane was fiddling with.

“Saunter Hoof! Get Sky Cruncher out of your mouth this instant!” Hoodwink shrieked, yanking out the little egg of Sky Cruncher out of the foal death trap of a mouth, “You don’t know where his shell has been!”

As, Hoodwink levitated the objects of the foals’ entertainment out of their reach, the little colts grew even more uncooperative and angry at her. Suddenly, in one fell swoop, the tiny soldiers pounced on Hoodwink, knocking her over and dog piling her.

“Aw stop! Hahahaha! That tickles! Ah! Ow! That is starting to hurt!” Hoodwink struggled under the weight of the foals.

A little Sky Sage landed on Hoodwinks head and began pulling on her mane.

“OW OW OW OW OW OW! SKY SAGE! STOP PULLING MY MANE THIS INSTANT!” screamed Hoodwink.

“No!” little Sky Sage squeaked.

“AW! He said his first word!” Hoodwink and Bubbly cooed, before getting back to the ever spiraling chaos.

“Hold still Hoodwink, I need to count them all. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7... 8. Wait! Where’s Spangle!” Bubbly began to panic.

Suddenly a loud cracking sound can be heard from straight above. The chandelier was rocking back and forth, the chains holding it up beginning to tear out of the ceiling.

“SPANGLE GET DOWN FROM THE CHANDELIER!” Bubbly shouted when she saw the little foal dancing around the extremely high fixture.

Sudden a chain gave way, causing Spangle to lose his balance, and falling off. Hoodwink caught him with in her magic hold.

But then the other chains gave way to the large glass lighting’s weight sending it plummeting to the ground straight towards the ponies.

“RUN!” Bubbly screamed before getting out of the way of the incoming dangerous.

“Ugh! I can’t move! They won’t get off!” Hoodwink cried.

In was too late to try to run so Hoodwink took the baby colts and shielded them with her body.

*Crash!*

“NOOOOO!” Bubbly shrieked!

The chandelier landed directly on Hoodwink and the foals.

“Oh no… Hoodwink? HOODWINK!” Bubbly began to bawl.

The shrapnel shifted around a bit and a faint hum could be heard from within.

“Huh? Hoodwink! Hold on I’m coming!” Bubbly cautiously avoiding stepping on the glass shards.

She extra carefully moved the large pieces of metal and glass out of the way. After a few minutes, Bubbly came upon a magic force field, containing a scared humming Hoodwink and tiny stallions. The two mares quickly clean up all the glass before, Hoodwink put down the protective barrier, releasing the little rascals.

“Hoodwink…” Bubbly put a hoof on the still shaken up young mare.

Hoodwink’s eyes began to tear up. Bubbly quickly took hold of her as she began to cry uncontrollably.

*Hours later…*

The two mares are exhausted but they finally wrangled the little foals into a large clear plastic container for a make-shift crib and moved them into the mare barracks for more comfortable accommodations. The tiny colts were starting to nod off. The two mares sat there, waiting for them to fully fall asleep and wondering what was going to happen next.

“Is there any way to change them back” Bubbly finally says.

“I don’t even know what I did to do it in the first place.” Hoodwink shakes her head.

“So, were stuck with colts for superiors?” Bubbly asked.

“Eeyup…” Hoodwink nods.

She looked over into the crib to check the foals one last time. When she peered her head over, the little rascals looked up and smiled at their hero before drifting off to slumber.

“Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. They are pretty cute this way.” She smiled.

“Well let’s just get some sleep and we can decide what to do in the morning.” Bubbly yawned.

“Yeah… good night.” Hoodwink laid down in her bunk.

Oh dear, I'm going to get it now!

Chapter 3
In the morning, Hoodwink was awakened by Bubbly’s screams of terror.

“What! What is it?!” she sat up.

“THEY’RE GONE! HELP ME LOOK FOR THEM!” Bubbly panicked.

They turned their room upside down and inside-out, but there was no sign of the colts anywhere.

“WE LOST OUR BABY COMMANDING OFFICERS! THE PRINCESSES ARE GOING TO KILL US!” Hoodwink and Bubbly pace the floor frantically.

Suddenly the speaker clicked, and a familiar stern voice spoke, “Pvt. Hoodwink and SPC. Bubbly Turtle report to conference hall 2 immediately! Pvt. Hoodwink and SPC. Bubbly Turtle report to the conference hall 2 immediately! That’s an order!”

The two mares quickly got into uniform and rushed to the conference hall, but this time, many of the PFC. guards stood at the side of the hall while the commanding officers meet their eyes right away but then darted up.

“Pvt. Hoodwink.” Hoodwink began.

“and SPC. Bubbly Turtle.” Bubbly continued.

“Reporting sirs.” They shouted.

“Face your fellow soldiers.” Col. Firebrand commanded.

As the two faced the crowd of judging eyes, thoughts raced through their heads.

“Due to the events that happened yesterday, which shall stay classified, do you take full responsibility of you and your fellow officers’ actions?” he paced in front of them.

“Sir yes sir.” The two responded.

“Good. Pvt. Hoodwink, step forward.” He ordered.

“Sir yes sir.” She complied.

“Do you know why we called you here?” he questioned her.

“No sir.” She began to panic on the inside.

Suddenly the other commanding officers marched over in line.

“Oh no…” she thought to herself.

They pulled out a small, black box and presented it to Col. Firebrand. When he opened the box, two shiny new stripes were sitting there. He pinned them to her uniform.

“We, the Captains and I, have made the decision to promote you to Corporal. Congratulations CPL. Hoodwink.” He saluted.

When she looked around she saw everypony in the room saluting her. She was overjoyed. She saluted the officers. No longer was she to be mocked to by the immature PFC’s. She was in charge now.

“You are all dismissed!”