Not My Home, Not My Problem.

by Dash Attack

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Discord, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Owlowiscious, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 3673

Twilight used her friends houses as cover during her epic showdown with Tirek. But on the bright side, she still has her Library and a new castle. Score!

Spoilers to Season 4 EP 26. Seriously, guys if you haven't seen it yet, do it soon.

Warning. Takes place in a universe where Twilight is a bitch troll.

The battle with Tirek has taken it's toll on the Ponyville. Both Carousel Boutique, Sugar Cube Corn, Sweet Apple Acres, Rainbow's cloud home, and Fluttershy's cottage were obliterated... after Twilight used them for cover. Yet what does Twight care. Not only does she still have a library, she's got a pimping new castle that she's note sharing. Not if her friends have anything to say about it.

Special cameo appearance from a beloved My Mortal Big Brother character. The two stories are not in the same universe.

Edited by Fantasia Archsage

Published 2014-05-22 00:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-22 00:40:04 UTC

Canon Twilight Would Never Do This

The Princess of Friendship, Twilight Spackle, danced and hopped around the hall of her dazzling new castle. It’s walls shimmered liked like diamonds, and the floor shining like stars in the sky.  After her intense fight with Tirek, she was finally rewarded with fruit for her labor.

When she had visited and admired each and every room of the castle, she consciously decided that she should go back and do it all over again. That is, until she heard several loud knocks, on the door.

“Err!” she grunted in frustration. “What is so important that ponies think they can just knock on my door whenever they want.  Spike, get your lazy butt down stairs and open the door.”

Twilight waited to hear the scampering claw steps of the dragon, but was only met with silence.

She smiled and rolled and chuckled as she realised she forgotten something.

“That’s right, I left Spike in charge of the Library along with Owl-Lishous. How clumsy of me to forget.”

She chuckled at her folly as she teleported down stairs and opened her the castle doors.

“Sorry” she blurted without even looking directly at the ponies in front of her. “But I’m busy with royal obligation. Please take any problems or concerns to town hall or final for a court hearing from my assistance, who are currently stationed at…”

“Sparkle,” Huffed the voice of a pirate Rainbow Dash. “We need to talk. Right Now!”

Twilight looked in front of her to see not one but all six of friends plus Discord and her two assistance.

“Oh hey girls… and guys…” she said nervously as her friends frowned and looked irritably upon her.  Beads of sweat started to drip down her forehead, masked only by her purple coat. “How have you all been?”

“Out of Work!” continued Pinki , whose mane was no longer poofy, indicating that she was in no mood for smiles today.

“In morning of the loss of my cat!” Rarity muttered, gritting her teeth as a small tear trickled down her face.

“Starving,” added Spike, who also looking very pissed at her. “Same as Owlicious.”

“Whoo!” the owl said in agreement.

“You!” answered Spike.

“Whoo!”

“I already told you!” shouted Spike.

“Whoo!”

“Again I was refering to you.”

“Whoo!”

“Forget it.”

Discord moved himself to the front of the group and bent down to look at Twilight.

“Fluttershy is too mad to talk right now.” the draconequus said. “I’ve never seen her this upset in my life. I swear Twilight, it seems her frustration at my betrayal has been entirely absorbed by you.” He winks and gives her two craw/paw’s up. “Great job your highness.”

Rainbow Dash, who had been floating slightly above the crowd, flew besides Discord and glared down at Twilight.

“I’m like AJ,” she said. But add, ‘very ashamed  in her supposed friends lack of loyalty and outright selfish behaviour’ to the list of complaints. “I mean seriously Twilight, this was a very dick move you pulled.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes, annoyed at her friends for being vague and wasting her time. “And what do you want me to do about it. It’s not like it’s my fault Tirek obliterated your homes. That fight we had was so intense, It’s amazing ponyville survived at all. You should all be grateful he didn’t vaporize the library. Speaking of witch Spike, I didn’t give you and Owlitions permission to leave.”

“We are starving” Spike crossed his arms and frowned. “You took all the bits we had for groceries and horded them into your sparkling new castle. And too think you once called me a greedy.”

“Also,” continued Dash. “That’s another thing that’s bugging us. Why isn’t out of the six of us, your home is the only one that didn’t get zapped, and how come we found buddles of your feathers and torn pieces of your mane outside of Sugarcube Corner and Fluttershy's Cottage?”

Twilight gulped and shifted her eyes back and four, trying to conjure up a believable excuse.

“Well… you see…” she said stuttering as the beads of sweat became thick enough to be seen through her fur. “When I was flying really fast the morning before the fight, I crashed a couple of times. All that stuff is probably from…”

“I can assure you that stuff wasn’t there until after the fight.” retorted Rarity. I should know because after you vanished into the forest, but just before Tirek captured us, I went back to the Boutique cause I forgot to fee… fee… Oh Opulence, Why!”

Rarity broke into tears as mascara dripped down her face and across her muzzle. Pinkie and Fluttershy bent down and hugged her, trying to calm her down. Not once did they remove their enraged eyes from the newly dubbed “Princess of Friendship!”

Applejack walked up really close to Twilight's face, forcing her to fall back on her flank. “Don’t lie to me Twilight,” she huffed. “Just tell me the truth. I can’t say they same for Rarity, but if you face up now I might be willing to forgive you since Mac, Granny, and Applebloom were away at the time. Why did Tirek destroy our homes? Appleloosa on the outskirts of town. Why would he even go there unless to find you. Please just tell the truth sugar cube. You’ve made this hard enough by keeping it from us.

Twilight gulped. Realising she had no choice but to confess “I was worried about the library. When Tirak spotted me in the forest, my first thought was to go to the library, but I didn’t want him to destroy my home, so I took shelter in each of yours.  You have to understand that each of your homes helped protect me from harm. Don’t you see, your homes acted as an everlasting symbol of our friendship and proved without a doubt…”

Without warning, Rarity got up bitch slapped Twilight across the face.

“My Cat Is Dead!” she screamed.

Twilight turned her head back to face her, feeling sore from the dark bruise that Rarity had give her. Now it was Twilight turn to be angry.

“Uh, you completely missed the point. I was just going to tell you all of this ties in too…”

“What ever helps you sleep at night,” interrupted Discord “But Opal wasn’t the only victim. Even though they fled, the animals under Fluttershy care have all run off into the wild, including Angel.  Poor Fluttershy is so upset, she won’t even make lo… I mean…” Discord tapped twiddled his thumbs at bit has he tried to correct him some. “I meant make those lovely hay sandwiches for me. Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

“And another thing Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said as she flew closer to the ground and got right in Twilight's face. “If you wanted to save the library so bad, why aren’t you there now. Also, Why aren’t you letting any of us in the castle. If anything, this castle was put into existence for all six of us, but I think us five need it more than you do right now, considering you still have another home.”

“But it’s a castle,” Twilight said as she stomped her hoof. “I’m the Princess of Friendship, and that’s my cutie mark on the side of it.”

“You know by that logic it could easily be your brother’s castle,” grumbled the unhappy and totally serious Pinkie Pie.

“What!” stammered Twilight. “But he didn’t do anything.”

“Doesn’t matter.” replied Pinkie, who continued to stare at Twilight like she was a convict awaiting trial. “You both have similar cutie-marks, and I’m guessing he got his first. He’s already got a bigger and sparklier castle then you, but I’m just saying your cutie-mark argument is flawed.

“And newsflash Twilight,” blurted Rainbow. “Our cutie marks are on those thrones upstairs, from what I can see are all the exact same size, meaning that no one member of the six is more important than the other.”

“But I defeated Tirek,” shouted Twilight, I opened the box, I brought magic back to Equestria…”

“Has all this princess stuff finally scrambled your egghead?” Dash yelled… “You only fought Terik head on, and it was a tie.  All that stuff we just mentioned we did together as friends.  You gave up your power to Terik because you knew it was the only way to save us. The fact you even got a key at all is a miracle, considering what you did to protect your house.”

“Your wrong!” shouted Twilight. “How could you even say something like that. I was the one who defeated Tirek, just like the time I defeated Nightmare Moon, Mr. Coast over here, Queen Chys…”

“Only in the comics” Pinkie blurted. “The other two were a team effort...again.”

“Pinkie what comics are you…”

“You’re missing the point Twilight,” roared Dash as she face hoofed and shook her head.

“Listen,” she said continued softly. “We still couldn’t have done any of that stuff without you. We six need eachother. All we are asking is that you let all of us including Spike, Owlicious, the Cakes, and the Apple Family live in this castel.  With the exception of Rarity as we mentioned before, all of us are willing to forgive you if you do this for us. Please, if there’s any bit of the old Twilight left, were begging you to let her through.”

Rainbow Dashed words pulled at Twilight's heart. Her legs began to tremble, as she took everything. She looked down at the ground as she thought about her words.  The next few minutes were met with complete silence until Twilight started to mumble something.”

“How could…”

Everypony, dragon, owl, and draconquise started to smile slightly as they waited for there dear friend to speak up.”

They all leaned forward, eagerly waiting for Twilight to redeem herself.

“How Could I Have Ever Made Friends With Such Freeloaders?!”

And just like that, their faith in Twilight fell apart like a shattering house of glass, leaving Rarity once again in tears.

Finally, Fluttershy, who had yet to utter single word since Twilight opened the door, turned her ever frowning face up at Discord and nodded her head.

“Do it!” she said coldly.

The draconequus did as he was told and snapped his fingers. At first, Twilight had know idea what had happened, only that something was different. However, after a few more second, she her jaw lowered in horror.

“My Castle,” Twilight cried as she began to spin around in disbelief  “What have you assholes done with my castle?”

Twilight couldn’t believe it. The walls, the floors, the furniture, all of it had vanished right under her nostrils.  She continued to spin in that open field for what felt like forever and until she directected her anger and surprise at Discord.

Pointed an accusing hoof and flaring her wings she, she gave god a deadly glare.

“What did you do to my castle?” She cried at the top of her hungs.

“It’s not yours anymore” he snarled as he gave her a devil's smile. “I split into 6 separate chunks, and modified each of them a bit,” he pointed his claw upwards.  “See, one of them is floating on top of that cloud.”

Everyone looked up to where discord was pointing and saw a floating building resting on a Cloud where Rainbow’s house use to be.  In fact, minus the fact that the building was made of crystallized tree bark, the structure did resemble the pegasus old cloud home with arches and everything. If one were to look even closer, they could see a lightning but engraved into the side of the structure.

Rainbow Dash statured at it, her eyes sparkling with joy and her mouth hung open.  She didn’t even mind that it looked like an elegant rip off of her old home. Even though fancy stuff wasn’t her thing, the castle still had an awesome charm that allowed complicated for it’s elegance.

“Omg Omg Omg Omg Omg!” She squealed as she took off into the air to explore her new home, leaving a trail mark of color in her wake.

Discord turned to the remaining and smiled.“You’ll find all your other homes have been remade out of the castle, and I did my best to reconstruct them in a way that completed your old homes. I’m sure both Sugar Cube, Corner and Carousel Boutique will see a new influx of businesses now.”

Pinki’s mane poofed up as she jumped out. “Sweet.” When she landed, she went and hugged Rarity, who still looked very sad. “Cheer up Rarity. Your cat wasn’t very nice anyway, I know losing a pet can be sad, but I know the best way to cheer a hurt heart is the company of a good friend.”

Rarity sniffled. “At least I’ll be able to start my business again. I just hope Opal is happy wherever she is, and I hope they do have her favorite shampoo in what ever she is.”

“Silly Rarity.” replied Pinki. “Opal in a nice tranquil forest being looked after by the Spirit of Kindness whose name is Grace.”

“How do you know that.”

Pinkie Pie shrugged. Read I guess you haven’t read My Mortal Big Brother .

“Well, where ever she is, so long as she’s in a better place I’ll be fine.  Let’s stop buy the New Sugar Cube Corner before we head to the New Boutique.  I could really use some cheering.”

The party pony giggled to. “It’s what I’m here for Rarity.”

The two of them trotted off leaving the only Discord, Apple Jack, Fluttershy, Twilight, and her two starving assistances.

“Uhm, Disord?” asked Applejack. “My house still looks like a ‘farm house’ doesn’t it.

“Well, that depends, is this the crystal empire and do you harvest Cystalil Berries.”

Applejack tilted her head. “Errr… No.”

“Well, you’ll get use to it. I tried to make it as rural as possible, but considering where this castel came from, altering it isn’t an easy task for a being such as myself.  What with it being made from harmonic energy and all.”

Applejack shrugged. “Meh… I guess a homes better than no home.” She then proceeded to tilt her stenson for the draconequus. “This was a mighty kind thing you did Discord. I better go find Granny and the others.  I reckon you're going to help Fluttershy rangle her critters.”

He snapped his fingers and a red checkered hunting jacket appeared on his body. “Them critters is as good as caught,” he told her in a very poor country accented.

Upon say thing, Fluttershy frown slowly turned into gradual but wide smile. Flying up to eye level with the chaotic spirit, she gave him a big Warm hug.

“Thank you so much Discord,” she said cheerfully.  “And after were done. Her face then shifted to a bit as she began to rub Discords chest area a bit with her hoof, hows about I make you those sandwiches.”

Discord felt his heart beat as his cheeks blushed a bit. “But Fluttershy, I just made up that whole sandwich thing to cover up the fact that…”

“I know what you meant.” she said before he could finish. “Let’s just make sure the animals are safe first.”

“Who cares about some animals that should probably be living in the wild anyway,” yelled Twilight. “What about my castle. You said you split up six ways. Where’s my side?”

Discord snickered before bending down to Spike.  With the snap of his figures, he summoned a gold key the image of a gem engraved at the top, and dropped into Spikes claw.  “This here is your’s Spike. Since Twilight wasn’t sharing, I’m leaving her half in your care. It will be up to you whether or not she can stay there or not.

Snapping his figures, he conjured a newly drawn map of ponyville and brought down so Spike could see.

“It’s located on the eastern edge of town” he told the drake. “Past Quills and Sofas with a gorgeous view of the lake. You’ll also find that the kitchen is fully stocked, and there are about five hundred bits stored inside your very own dragon vault.

Spike rubbed his belly in anticipation before give Discord a questionable look. “Are you being extra nice because you're still feeling guilty for helping Terik.”

“Pretty much,” he said truthfully. “Give me a few days for the guilt to where off.  I’ll be back to being snarky to you all again.”

He then turned to the enraged alicorn gritting her teeth in anger. He gave her a gentle pat on the head as he reveled in her frustration. “When I hope you learned a valuable lesson today Princess, one I had to learn as well. Don’t screw your friends over.  Come along Fluttershy, let’s go your animal friends.”

Snapping his fingers, the two of them vanished in a blink of an eye, while Applejack galloped off to go find her family.  This left only the dragon, the owl, and one very baffled alicorn.

Twilight eyes darted back and forth between her assistance face and the key in his claw.

How could they do this? she thought silently as her anger manifested into a flaming pit in her stomach. I’m their leader. I’m the one who brought theme together. Why should I settle for less just because I indirectly destroyed their homes.

Just then Twilight had an idea, one that would allow her to redeem herself yet still get something in return. She brought her eyes back to Spike, as she got down on her flank and brought her front hooves together.

“Please Spike,” she said in a pleading tone. “I’m so sorry for what I did to you and everypony else. I finally let my princess title and my role as bearer of magic get the better of me.  If you want, you and Owlicious can live in that castle Discord set aside.  I’ll just be Princess of The Library like I’ve been for the past year.”

Internally she smiled praising herself for reading up on story tropes last summer.

“With an apology like that,” she thought deviously.  “Spike will have no choice but to let me in. Any moment now, he’s say ‘It’s ok Twilight, you're like a sister to me. It wouldn’t be for me to just…”

“Wow Thanks Twilight!” Spike said as he jumped up and down. I promise I’ll take good care of it. Common Owlitions, let’s feed you something that isn’t a wild rat.  With glee, Spike the dragon scampered off towards his new residents, with his Owlitions flying close behind.  All the wile Twilight started emotionlessly at nothing.

“Well fuck,” she thought.

Meanwhile in the Spirit Realm

“Ralph!” cried the gentle voice of a pink earth pony, who set besides a crystal clear pond petting a fluffy white cat.

What is it Grace. Replied a one winged pegasus stallion who was resting by a tree.

“You got that Shampoo I asked for when you went shopping in Asgard.”

“It should be back at the great tree,” he replied with a cheerful smile that could almost make one forget about his severely scarred body. “I picked up while visiting some friends in Heaven.”

“Ok, would you mind watching Opple here while I got back and get it.”

“You know I’d do anything for you Grace,” the one Winged Pegasus laughed.

“Than you,” she said with a warm smile. “I’m going to go back and get it. Would you mind doing me another huge favour and look after sweet little Oppla for me.”

The pegasus nodded. “You know I do anything for you. Just tell me and I’ll do it.”

She laughed. “Well, I wouldn’t be the  Spirit of Kindness if I didn’t ask nicely.”

Her eyes widen as she let out a gasp. “Wait, if I didn’t ask you nicely. Would I blow up into a hundred tiny pieces.  Would I become the spirit of somthing else?  Would that somehow hurt the Tree of Harmony? Or what would happen if I?”

“Grace.” Ralph said trying his best to calm her down. “Your doing that thing again. Just go get the Shampoo and don’t worry so much all the time.”

The earth pony laughed. “Oops, sorry about that. Anyways, just be careful around her.  She’s very feisty.  You wouldn’t want to get anymore scars.”

As Grace trotted off, Ralph chuckled. “Trust me,” he called out “One more scar on my body won’t kill me, especially since I’m already dead.”

Trotting over to Oppal, the fallen adventurer gently reached out to pet her, only to met with a swift swipe from the felines paws. He wince in pain, realising he really should have headed Graces warning.

“Great!” he moaned. “Now I’ll have a scar for my scar.”

He felt like complaining more, but then he remembered that this Cat had just been separated from his owner.

“Listen little fella.” he said has he looked down at her. “When it’s your owners time, I promise  Grace will take you to heaven to be with her.  It might be a long while, but you two will see each other again. Until the Grace will take care of you here in Elysium Forest.”

Hearing footsteps, the two of them looked away from eachother to see Grace return.  All though she had a shampoo bottle clutched in her maw, Ralph could tell from  the subtle movements of her eyes and her shaking legs that something was amiss.

“What’s wrong Grace?” Ralph asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, as ironic as that sounds.”

The spirit place the shampoo bottle down shook her head.

“It’s fine,” she assured him. “It’s just that you know how part of my being is with Fluttershy.”

“Did something happen?” the pegasus asked curiously.

“Well, I must have misunderstood her thoughts, because when heard she was going to make a hay sandwich, I thought she literally meant a sandwich.”