Paladin Of Equestria:The Ultimate Challenge

by nameundetermined

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Princess Celestia, Zecora, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Sex, Spike, Comedy
Length: 4634

a young man is flung into equestria and soon finds he may be the only one who can prevent its downfall.

So, I found this blue glowy portal thing, and I jumped into it. Now I'm in equestria and-aw screw it, read the darn story. Wait, what story am I talking about? Aw no, this is another hie fanfic, isn't it? I swear to God, the author better not make me do anything stupid....

{left intact as a monument to past failures and better days,}

Published 2014-05-17 08:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-18 20:16:25 UTC

Chapter One: Why Don't I Ever Think These Things Through...

"Man, that was some kind of shindig!" I exclaimed to myself as I walked merrily down the darkened streets.

It was a cool summers night, and I was on my way home from the neighborhoods annual summer costume bash. This year had been great, because I was able to go with my relatively new best friend, Ayce. We met last year, at the begginning of school, and right off the bat, we hated each others guts, but eventually, we united under the banner of more than a few shared interests. Namely, pokemon and My Little Pony: Frienship is Magic.

Once we realized how much we had in common, we were like two peas in an enclosed space(I refuse to say in a pod...wait a second, Dang it!)

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. I was walking home from the costune party, where, Both Ayce and myself had dressed as Knights, with real chainmail and swords we had bought on the internet with the money we made at our summer jobs working at the local coffe shop, Cafe Mosaic. Rayce had wanted us to go as Raindow dash in one of those two halved costumes, but we decided that It was not worth the ridicule should our identities be discovered(besides, If I'm gonna dress up as a pony, It's gonna be Pinkie!) After the party, I had escorted Rayce home, And was now onn my way to my own abode.

I soon arrived at my house, only to find my parents had forgotten to leave the door unlocked for me to get into the house when I came home. I tried to get in through the back door, and even the windows, but to no avail.

I sighed. "well,just another example of the universes twisted sense of humor." I said to myself out loud, since there was noone else around. Since there was no way into the house, and my parents turn into frickin' Balrogs when they are woken up, I decided that I had no choice but to camp out until morning. We live out in the country, on the outskirts of town, where the woods are, so I have some experience with camping.

I went out to our shed, and fished out my tent. In a matter of minutes I had it set up smack dab in the middle of our massive back yard, right next to the woods. Really wishing I had brought along an extra set of clothes, I was about to lay my weary head to rest, whenI noticed something very unusual occuring outside of my tent.

There seemed to be some sort of soft blueish light glowing outside. I poked my head back out of the tent and saw that it seemed to be eminating from the woods, and being the stereotypically curious white guy that I am, decided that it would be a good idea to check it out.

Quicker than the bowels reaction to prune juice, I made for the glow in the woods. Trying desparately to maintain some semblance of stealth, as not to alarm whoever was producing it so I would'nt get murdered in the woods like a bad cliche.

Eventually, I came to a clearing in the woods, and what I saw blew my mind.

In the center of the clearin was what appeared to be some sort of portal, Glowing with an intnse dark blue radience. on the other side of the portal sat an oddly familiar ruined castle.

Now, this is usually the part in the movie where all the black people are like"yo, man , don't go in there, you dumb ass cracker. Boy, you stupid." But like I said, I am a curious guy. so I decided on an appropriate course of action.

"Well, at least I'm dressed appropriately for this." I joked lamely, and without further ado, I jumped into the portal, Meeting the unknwen head on, cackleing in the way only people who know they are doing something insane can manage.

xxxxx

Upon exiting the portal, I immediately chraged forward to bravely meet whatever danger may have been laying in wait for my arrival...is what I wish I could say was the case. What REALLY happened is that I tripped over my own foot and got a face full of topsoil.

One session of retching and spitting later, I dusted myself off and took a good look at my surroundings.

It was dark out, If I had to take a wild guess, I would say It was about midnight. I was in a clearing in a forest of some sort. I could tell it was not the familliar woods of my home. This place was far more forboding, almost hostile. I could practically hear the trees groan and creek, trying to move in add grab me. But that wasn't the biggest difference. No, that award would have to go to the enrmous ruined castle which visually dominated the clearing. For a moment, I simply stood there, awestruck by the majesty of this ancient construct, but I soon began to feel something. A tingle in the back of my head telling me there was something familliar about this mysterious place. Almost like I had seen this somewhere before.

I noticed a piece of an insignia of some sort on the rotted gate of the castle, peeking out from behind a liberal covering of moss. "Wait a second, is that..." I walked over and used my hand to remove some of the moss, revealing more of the strangely familiar symbol. "It couldn't be.." I completely removed the moss to fully expose the symbol. "It is!" Now that I could see the whole thing , there was no mistaking it.

It was sort of like the Yin-Yang symbol, but it replaced the two halves with a pair of black and white winged horses with wings, who were semi-entwined. before me was the ancient symbol of the Equestrian royal family.

With my superior mental ability in the task of deduction, I quickly came to the only logical conclusion, and reacted appropriately. "Holy Toledo, I'm in the frickin' Everfree Forest." The implications of this became clear soon after "Great Scott, that means I've been transported to Equestria. This is some grade-A Twilight Zone shit right here."

Meanwhile, as I was busy shitting mah metaphorical pants, I faied to notice that I was being watched by a certain poeticly gifted zebra, at least, untill she stepped on a twig.

(snap.)

My keen sense of hearing quickly zoned in on the source of the noise, and I turned to face a possible assailant, Drawing my sword in preparation for a fight. "Who goes there!" I said loudly, unconciously slipping back into character from the costume party. "Make yourself known, and I will not harm you." (big talk when I don't even know where they are.)

I scouted out the area, and noticed a pair of green eyes observing me from within a large shrub. I pointed my sword in there direction,"you may as well come out, I can see you in there." I stated in a matter of fact ytone f voice.

Ther was silence for a moment, as my observer hesitated to come out into the open, but it was soon broken by a sigh of acceptance, and it made itself known to me.

It appered to be a zebra, about four feet tall, with slanted green eyes and a mohawk. It was decorated with assorted gold Jewlery, and had a cutie mark of a spiral bodied sun. I immediately recognized this particular pony and quickly sheathed my weapon. "Sorry, about that, but, I thought I was about to be attacked, this place plays tricks on you. I'm sure you know how it is." I said sheepishly.

"Please forgive me for my intrusion, but you cause me a fair sight of confusion. I know all creatures that inhabit this place, but I have never seen your face. One like you I have never met, but by your appearance you seemed a threat. But now, I see I may be mistaken, so I hope that on offense is taken." she explained in an apologetic tone.

While she was talking, I decided I would play it dumb. " It's fine, I completely understand. It's nice to meet you miss..." I trailed off questioningly.

"Zecora is my given name, now that I've told you mine would you do the same?"

I knelt down, getting to eye level, and extended my hand,"The name's Zach." Zecora Looked at my hand for a moment, then shook it, and gave me a small smile.

"Now that we're over our mutual fear, could you please tell me why you are here?" Zecora aked politely. "And furthermore, before you do, I really must know, what are you?"

I shook my head."Zecora, this is not the place to discuss these things, It's the middle of the night, and were in a dark forest, probably surrounded by a host of dangerous creatures."

Zecora apparently saw the logic of my statement. She turned toward a path in the trees, and stared off, "you have a point, this is not a safe place, my home would be a more appropriate space. Please follow me to my humble abode, there your tale you can safely unload."

I followed her through the forest, and we soon came to a modest hut in a small clearing, decorated in traditional african tribal style.

As we came to our destination, I decided to have a little fun with my guide."So Zecora, do you have to talk in rhyme all the time?"

"It is a self imposed task, but i would know, why do you ask?"

I grinned "Oh, just curious. Hey Zecora What month is it?"

"Why do you ask me about the month, it is...it...screw you Zach!"She finished quickly as I burst into laughter.

When I had wiped the tearsfrom my eyes, I said,"Zecora, you don't need to talk in rhyme to me all the time, although that kind of skill is impressive."

She looked at me happily,"I'll keep that in mind, and thank you for the complement."

"Anytime, Zecora," I said obliviously as we entered her humble abode. I closed the door behing me" so, you were saying you wanted to know more about me?"

Zecora nodded,"yes, I've never seen something like you before. What are you exactly."

"Well, My species is called humans, Scientific name Homo Sapiens. We are highly evolve primates, who have formed a tehcnologically advanced society. we are omnivores, and tend to live in groups as we are very social creatures for the most part. We are capable of horrible things, but most of us are usually pretty nice. I myself am a male of my species, about 17 years old, and unusually intelligent, if fairly insensitive to strangers." I stated In a businesslike tone.

Zecora scratced her chin,"sounds interesting, you will have to tell me more tomorrow, but for now I am tired, and wish to sleep. Do you have a place to stay?"

I scratched the back of my head,"well, not really, I sorta just arrived..."

Zecora did't skip a beat, bless her little Equine heart, "than I must insist you stay here for the night."

I tried to change her mind. "please, thats hardly nessicary, I'll be fine-"

"NO! I will not let a guest of mine be left to the forest when I have room to spare, you can sleep on the couch."

After a few more minutes of arguing, I was on the couch, getting ready for bed."Man, she's good!" I said to myself as I tried to get some sleep.

Author's Note

Well, here's chapter one, feel free to comment. I always take my audience into consideration.

Chapter Two: Wherin Actual Plot Improtant Stuff Begins Happening

Chapter 2
Chapter 2
Wherein I encounter a strange weapon. Mayhem occurs, and, long story short, I aquire some strange new powers, begin to learn why I am here(aside from my own curiosity) and I meet a certain purple unicorn.

The next morning, I awoke to the cawing of some exotic jungle bird. The soft rays of light filtered through the canopy and into my face as I stretched...right off the couch and onto the floor with a resounding thud.

As I sat on the floor rubbing my head, Zecora poked her head into the room "Oh good, you're up."

I looked at her and grinned, "Yeah, gravity makes an effective alarm clock. By the way, how long was I out?"

Zecora thought for a second. "About 10 hours, I'd say."

"Cool. So, not that I don't enjoy your company but..."

Zecora nodded knowingly "you want to know if there is a town nearby."

Well, I already knew, but I needed to keep my cover, besides, I needed directions. "Yes please."

Zecora led me outside and pointed a hoof toward the path we had take to her house last night. "Just keep following the path out of the forest and Ponyville is only about a 20 minute walk."

Unable to give her a firm handshake, I sucked it up, dropped to one knee, and gave Zecora a quick hug. I had a strong aversion to physical contact beyond what a handshake requires, and tried to avoid physical contact whenever possible, but heck, after giving me a place to crash, she deserved to be thanked properly."Thanks, Zecora. I owe you one. " when I got up, I saw that Zecora was blushing ever so slightly. 'why is she blushing, it was just a hug.' I thought to myself. I simply chalked it up to her living alone in the forest and disregarded it. After I hugged her, we quickly exchanged goodbyes, and Zecora gave me one final word of caution.
"Zach, whatever you do, don't wander off the path. It is magically protected to help keep travelers safe, but if you get off the path and don't know the ways of the forest, strange things can happen to you, and you may not get out alive."

With that cheery bit of advice on my mind, I set off to my new destination of Ponyville.
However, as Zecora made her way inside, I felt something drawing me towards the ruins. It was strange, as if someone or something were calling me, beckoning me to return. I knew that realistically, this was really a shitty idea, but hey, that's never stopped me before. You gotta go with what feels right, and where your hearts up in, you know? So, yeah, I started back towards the ruins.
I traversed the path for what seemed like hours. The scenery was beautiful and all, but I was getting pretty bored, so I decided to bust out the old I pod to help pass the time. I scrolled through my songs and put on Homestuck- vol.8.
After an unmeasured duration of jamming out, I reached my destination. The ruins were not quite as impressive in the daytime, but they were still quite impressive, nonetheless. I could feel a presence of some sort emanating from within. It beconed me forth like Finn to a Phat warrior beat. I entered the ruins with no hesitation, drawn towards the presence within. At this point, I have to admit, I've always been a sucker for ancient ruins. And these were the BOMB. The way the gentle sunlight filtered through the holes in the roof to cast shadows off of the collapsing pillars was just breathtaking.
I followed the feeling through the ruins until I came to a large door at the end of a long hallway. I tried to push it open, but it didn't even move an inch. My first instinct was simply to smash the door down, but I quickly discarded the foolish notion. To stay standing this long, the door was obviously enchanted, and since I didn't exactly have Grond with me, I was gonna have to think of a better way.(btw, if you know what Grond is, I applaud your nerd cred.)
I stood back, and gave the door a good once over. It seemed to have some sort of inscription on it. It was pretty old and hard to read, so I had to get up close to it to make out what it said, my hand tracing the letters. The inscription was as follows:
"Beyond these doors lies power untold,
From which, a legend shall unfold,
Of heroes who, through hoof and hand,
Shall vanquish evil from the land,
The six and the one shall then unite,
And fight for light, for what is right,
The one who takes that which lies in this hall,
Takes on the duty as protector of all,
To keep this world from falling prey,
From that which seeks to end the day
And starts a story that shall unfold,
Like no other ever told."
As soon as I finished the inscription, the doors began to open slowly, the feeling of the presence increasing tenfold. I quickly steeped back as the doors swung slowly out, slowing to a stop just short of hitting the walls to either side.
Behind the doors was another room, which, in and of itself was nothing special. What WAS special about it however, was that it was in pristine condition. The room had a number of small portals serving as windows, like in an ancient roman church. It was dimly lit, all except for a beautiful alter in the center of the room, on which a beautiful sword stood, plunged halfway to the hilt into a large rock, the sword seemed to glow with a radiance all it's own. The feeling of beaconing was all but irresistible now, my feet slowly carried me forwards, up the stairs to the altar where the sword stood. I reached the top and slowly approached the alter. I was no longer controlling my movements, the feeling spurred me forward. I reached forward and grasped the handle with both hands, and what felt like a thousand lightning strikes surged through my body. With one smooth motion, I pulled the blade free from the stone and held it high above my head, striking a thoroughly sweet epic pose.
Yeah, it was da shiznit.
After all that epic ruckus died down, I noticed that my armor had changed. It was now more like a regular set of clothes, but made out of a strange metallic fabric. I had a pair of grey jeans, a short sleeve white shirt, and a black duster, all made from the strange material. I didn't have a mirror at the time, but I was almost positive that I looked like a registered badass.
And the sword itself was pretty sweet as well. It was pure white, all except for the small crest on the guard, which was gold, and shaped like an elaborate pair of angel wings. It was a Falchion, an ancient and extremely rare type of medieval weapon. It also had a solid black sheathe, with the wing mark on it as well. Upon looking at my hands, I could also see that they had been branded with 2 small 6 pointed stars in the center of my palms.

/pretty cool, isn't it?/

I jumped a bit, startled by this sudden intrusion, then quickly looked around for whoever said that.

"Who's there? Show yourself!"

/Relax man, I'm the sword you just picked up./

(Oh, great. A talking sword, that really makes me feel better.)

/C'mon, man. Don't be like that. You might as well get used to it, because we'll be spending a lot of time together/

(Ok, fine. So how are you talking.)

/When you grabbed me, my magic created a copy of your personality and infused me with it so you could relate to me more effectively. Before you pulled me out of the stone all I was able to do was call you, as you know. Now that you freed me from the stone, we are bonded./

(What does that mean?)

/It means we are essentially connected, we can communicate, and only you can wield me. If anyone else tries, I will become impossible for them to lift./

(Cool beans. So, what exactly are you.)

/Well, you see, the thing is I'm not allowed to tell you stuff like that, your supposed to find out on your own to make it seem more "magical" or some stupid horseshit like that./

(Yeah, I kinda figured that was the case. What if We play hot and cold, would that work.)

/yeah, I think that'll work/

(Bitchin'. But first, let's head for Ponyville.)

/sweet./

And so I went. I quickly made my way down the path towards civilization, feeling unusually robust.

(Hey, sword?)

/What's up?/

(Did you do anything to my body, like, increase my stamina?)

/Yep./

(How about my speed)

/Bingo./

(Strength?)

/Correctumundo./

(Cool.)

/It's what I do, man./

(Do you have a name?)

/No I don't have a name as a matter of fact. You should probably come up with one, instead of just calling me "the sword" all the time./

(You don't want to name yourself?)

/Well, we are basically the same guy and shit, so we're probably both thinking of the same name, anyway./

(Very well, I hereby, christen thee... Caledfwlch(cal-ed-vulk) after one of my favorate swords of all time.)

/Awwww Yeeaaaahhh!/
(Awwww Yeeaaaahhh!)

/I would totally give you a fistbump if I had fists right now/

(That's okay, it's the thought that counts, man.)

Cal and I went on like that for almost an hour before we reached the edge of the everfree forest. From there we could see into town. It was really awesome, just like in the show. I could see all the little ponies going about their day.
I was about to make my way into town, when I had a sudden thought. It probably wasn't the best idea to go into town with a sword.

(Yo Cal.)

/Yeah dude?/

(I'm gonna leave you here for a while. Don't wanna make a bad first impression and all.)

/Yeah, I can see how a foreign creature walking through town with a magical Falchion might cause a bit of a ruckus. Go on ahead, man. I'll be fine. Besides, we're bonded and shit, remember?/

(Alright then.)

I placed Cal hanging on a tree branch and made my way into town.

Almost immediately, ponies started to stop and stare, as predicted, I stuck out like a sore thumb. Especially in a town where almost no one has thumbs.

(Well, since everyone seems to know I'm here, I might as well ask for directions.)

I walked up to one of the ponies. She was the only one who wasn't staring at me, probably because she was wall eyed. She had yellow eyes and gray fur with a blonde mane. Her cutie mark appeared to consist of several bubbles.

/hey, that's Derpy Hooves./

(I know, right! So sweet.)

Restraining my bronydom, I lightly tapped her shoulder to get her attention. She turned to look at me, apparently completely unfazed by my appearance.

Having her attention, I asked her for directions.

"excuse me, ma'am, could you please tell me where the library is?"

She considered for a moment, and pointed to the massive tree not 50 yards from my current location.

/dude, how did you not see that./

(I could ask you the same thing)

/it's because you didn't see it either. I can't see outside of your field of vision./

(ugh, fine. Let's get going)

I tipped my head to the adorable mare in thanks before making my way to the library.

When I reached the entrance, I knocked on the door.

/dude, wtf. It's a frickin' library./

(yeah, but someone lives here. You still gave to be polite.)

As Cal and I continued to mentally bicker over the proper edicate in this situation, someone answered the door.

It was spike. The young dragon stood about 3 feet tall. He opened the door and began to speak in a bored and slightly annoyed tone.

"can I help y..." the young dragon trailed off as he took in the full picture of who was at the door. He seemed to go even wider eyed than usual as he stared up at me.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice calling out and getting closer.

"Spiiiike, who's at the door?" in short order, none ther than twilight sparkle herself gently pushed spike out of the way to stand In the door. She stood about 4 feet tall.

Still no having noticed me, she quickly scolded spike."now spike, you know it's rude to stare" she then turned to look back at me "Can I help you..."

Of course, she had the same reaction as spike. Shrugging it off, I cleared my throat

"excuse me ma'am, is the library open?"

At the mention of books, she seemed to snap out of it. "of course it is. Please come in."

The young unicorn beckoned me inside, and I walked into the library. I quickly picked out a book, "Magic for Beginners"

/Dude, how did you know you could do magic now?/

( Well, I do have the symbol for pure magical potential tattooed onto both my palms, so I figured it might be worth looking into?)

/oh yeah, good thinking./

Now that I was all settled in, I sat down on what seemed to be a bean bag chair. I took a deep inhale and let the subtle smell of old paper and dust fill my nostrils before letting out a contented sigh. I had almost forgotten about Twilight until she gently tapped me with one hoof.

"pardon me sir, but if you don't mind me asking, what are you? I haven't seen anything like you before."

I gave her a warm smile "oh, it's fine, I don't mind. Why don't you pull up a chair and we can swap information, I'm pretty curious about you folk as well."

And so we went. We grabbed a couple of chairs, and twilight peppered me with questions. I told her a neat little yarn about how I was from a far away country, and I had come here to start a better life.

"so you weren't happy at home?" she asked slightly concerned.

"Not really. Things were starting to get pretty rough back home. My species has basically been on the brink of destroying itself for almost 50 years. I'm actually glad to have gotten away, I mean, I feel bad I can't at least tell my family goodbye, but hey, shit happens."

Of course, I got the whole,'wow, that's just terrible' routine for that little tidbit. But yeah, we went on like that for quite sometime before we both realized how late it was getting. The sun had set without us noticing.

I got up from my seat."well, I should probably be going."

Twilight also got up"So, do you have a place to stay?"

"nah, I was just gonna sleep outside, it's a beautiful night after all."

"no way, I won't allow you can stay here until you find somewhere else."

"really, I don't want to be a bother."

This went on for a couple of minutes, until I once again found myself on someone's couch.

"Man she's good." I found myself saying for the second night in a row.

Deja vu XD

Author's Note

Well, there's chapter two, I have up to chapter three prewritten, so I'll be publishing one a day till tomorrow. Feel free to comment and shoot me a line if you want to give me some idea of where you might like the story to go, suggestions are always welcome c]:^)=>