Discord's get revenge on a lazy author. Revengeance style!
Discord, was laying in the same hospital bed as before and he was bored out of his mind. “What the heck is going on here? There is dust everywhere! And spiderwebs in every corner!” He sat up and got off the bed. He put his feet on the ground, this caused a lot of dust to fly around in the room.
Discord, coughed violently. “Stupid dust! Where is the cleaning staff!? Hello! Anybody here!” his voice echoed inside the empty room. “I guess not…”
He looked around the room and saw something hanging on the wall. “What’s that?” He began walking towards the mysterious object. Every step he took caused dust to fly all over the place and several spider webs got caught in his fur. “This stuff is stickier than Pinkie’s hair,” he mumbled.
He arrived at the wall and looked at the object. “It’s too dusty to see what it is!” He took a deep breath and blew the dust off the object and it turned out to be a almanac. He stared at the date. “October 14th 2013… 2013! What! That can’t be right!” He poked his head outside the border of the story and looked down in the corner. “Maj 18th 2014… It’s been over 6 month since I stole that douchebag’s beard!” he said in disbelief.
That’s it!” he roared. Discord, pulled himself out of the story and into the Author’s home. For some reason he ended up at the front door at the Author’s house. “Why do I always end up by the front door? I’m pretty sure that lazy douchebag keeps his computer inside his man-cave.”
Discord, opened the front door and walked inside. He looked around the foyer. “This guy has a lot of shoes…” He shrugged and walked into the kitchen. “Hey, Author! Where are you!?” Discord received no answer, but he heard a loud snoring noise coming from upstairs. “Is he asleep? It’s 2:30 in the freaking afternoon!”
He shook his head and walked upstairs. He reached a room filled with crates and unorganized furniture. “It looks like this guy just moved here, but I know for a fact that he didn’t. Shesh…”
Discord, made his way through the messy room and reached the door where the snoring came from. He snapped his fingers and an axe appeared in his mismatched hands. He slammed the axe in the door enough times so that his face would be visible through the hole.
He made a disturbing face and poked his head through the hole. “Here’s Discord!” he yelled.
Much to his surprise there was no reaction whatsoever. “What the heck?” He looked from side to side and saw the author still sleeping. “What the f#ck!?” He pulled his head out the hole, opened the door and walked inside.
He walked towards the bed. The man-cave was surprisingly clean, but he failed to notice an old cake box and stepped on it. Discord, pulled his foot out of the box and to his horror it was covered in a thick , sticky white gunk. “Urhg,” he gagged. “Oh, dear god. This better not be what I think it is…”
Discord, plucked his foot of his leg and brought it to his face. He carefully sniffed it. “Hmm?” He licked his foot and smacked his lips. “Carrot cake… How dare he feast on carrot cake after not doing anything for over 6 months! Oh, he is gonna get it.”
The author, rolled over onto his stomach and grunted. He then proceeded to snore loudly and a big fart escaped from his ass.
The green cloud of toxic gas hit Discord right in the face and he gagged violently. “Fermented carrot cake! Argh!” He fell onto the floor with a thud and continued to gag. He pulled out a gas mask from nowhere and quickly put it on over his face.
Discord, breathed heavily behind the mask. “You’re going down,” he growled.
He snapped his fingers and suddenly an army of 2D cartoon worms appeared in the man-cave. All the worms were carrying comically sized bazookas. “Discord, saluted to the worms. “You know what to do, guys.”
“Aye aye,sir!” the worms said in perfect sync. “Aim!”
Discord, jumped behind a nearby sofa and put a coffee pot on his head. He plugged his ears and gave the thumbs up.
“Fire!” the worms shouted. The 69 worms fired their bazookas at the same time and the missiles went flying towards the Author's bed.
Discord, laughed evilly.
The missiles were closing in, when suddenly the Author let loose another fart. The sudden change in wind caused the missiles to do a total 180 and they all landed on Discord. 69 missiles later and the sofa he hid behind was gone, all that remained was a big hole in the floor.
“Retreat, retreat!” the worms shouted and quickly crawled away. Discord, crawled out from the hole, his eyes were red with rage. “That’s it!” he roared. He snapped his fingers once again and a bright light engulfed him. The light faded and Discord was now a cyborg ninja. He grabbed his scabbard and pulled out a big piece of fish, that in no possible way could fit in the scabbard.
The fish was buzzing with high frequency waves. “There is nothing I can’t cut with my high frequency fish.” He snapped his fingers again and a tiny boom-box appeared. Discord, crouched down. He put the volume on max and queued up Rules of Nature.
Discord, stood next to the bed, with his fish blade over his head. He pressed play with his tail and with volumes so loud it would make a Kiss concert sound like a birthday party, he took off.
“RULES OF NATURE!!!” The singer yelled at the top of his lungs.
Discord, slammed his fish onto the authors bed with enough force to send Luna to mars. A enormous sonic boom erupted from the house. Every nearby tree was ripped from the grounds with its roots and the barn on the Author’s land was blown to fragments.
The Author's house, crumbled into pieces and there was only one thing that survived. Discord fell to the ground. “Phew, that was a close one.” He looked up into the sky and saw a very familiar bed. With a loud crash The Author’s bed fell on top of Discord. Discord’s mouth stuck out from under the bed. “Ouch…”
The Author, opened his eyes. He sat up and stretched out his body. Got out of bed and proceeded to scratch his ass. In the process of scratching the holy ass, he realized that his house had been torn to shreds. “Vad I helvete!?” he said in his silly viking language.
“That’s what you get for not updating your story in over 6 months!” Discord, yelled.
The Author, looked at Discord in disbelief. His chin more or less reached the floor and he was unable to say anything at all. Discord, looked at The Author and saw his beard. “Oh, you managed to regrow your beard, huh?” He grabbed The Author's pipe beard and pulled it off. He swallowed the beard and snapped his fingers. “I’m keeping the beard, until you make a new chapter.” He waved his hand at The Author. “Bye bye!” Discord disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving the author in a big pile of rubble that used to be his house.
The Author’s face turned red and every vein in his head bulged in rage. Hi’s eye began to twitch. He took a deep breath. “Discord!” he yelled.
The end?
“Hello everyone! Just remember to finish your stories… Or else I’ll blow up your house! Bye!”
Author's Note
Well that was a lot fun... To bad my house is destroyed.
In all seriousness, I felt that I needed to write something silly and I did. I hope you enjoyed it. Metal Gear Rising Revengance is an awesome game!
Translation to what The Author said. Vad I helvete = What the hell. (Swedish!)
The awesome cover art was mashed together by me. Take one piece wallpaper and once piece vector art and done.
http://dashiespet.deviantart.com/ (The guy who made the Discord face vector.)
Song that appeared in the story https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTQIogLBFBs (For those who care.)
