//-------------------------------------------------------//
                     The Black Flames                      
                    -by Emerald Oracle-                    
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                        First Steps                        
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First Steps
First Steps
“Baby, Baby, Baby, Ohhhh…”
Shut up
“Baby, Baby, Baby, Ohhhh…”
That’s it you asked for it.
I grabbed the radio alarm and threw it across the room, finding sweet relief in the sharp sound of breaking plastic. I slowly rose from my cheap bed setting my feet on the floor of my single dorm. I had been lucky enough to get the room before all the other seniors took it. That didn’t stop my lousy friends from putting Bieber trash in my alarm clock. I vowed that I would get my revenge on them with the most unforgivable of tortures. Nothing was worse than a poison ivy rash in the nether regions.
I grabbed my i-phone and checked the date. April 1st, 2012. That explained the horror in the alarm. It will also justify the leafy punishment in somebody’s underpants. I took a peek at my schedule for the day. All of my classes weren’t till much later. I, David Martinez, a Hispanic 23 year-old college senior, was stuck with no classes to do. I took a look at the clock to see exactly how much time I had left till my first class, at least where it used to stand that is. I face-palmed (hard) and checked on my phone instead. It was six o’clock which meant I had seven hours till my first class would start. Seven-hours to kill was more like it. I logged into Steam and began the long delve into teams and fortresses.
About an hour into my session I remembered that I hadn’t watched the most recent episode of My Little Pony, my newest obsession. The show made me forget all about the bad things in the world. Too bad it wasn’t a longer show, but I know that kids’ attention spans were super small. You can’t expect them to watch an hour long show. This episode was about the good’ol CMC and there media adventure as “Gabby Gums”.  It was hilarious. I laughed so much that I nearly puked.  Little things like that brightened my day.
After watching the show I went back to my games. Another couple hours had passed when a strange noise filled my ears. It was the buzzing noise that comes with live electricity. I turned to see a floating pink ball of light, lightning bolts bouncing off the surface. I reached out absent-mindedly to the pink sun. The moment my fingers came into contact with its surface I was hit with a wave of shock and blacked out. The last thing I remembered was a single thought, Ouch.

My dreams were filled with the power of shouts and dragons raining fire and death upon unsuspecting villagers. I slowly returned to the world of the living. My whole body was heavy. I couldn’t even open my eyes. I heard voices. Familiar voices.
“What if it’s dangerous?” this voice sounded like it belonged to a small boy. He seemed worried about me.
“Relax Spike,” another voice said, “it doesn’t look very dangerous, just big.” This voice was female and had the superior tone of someone with education.
“I’ve looked it over a couple times and it has no spines, claws, or even an abundance of sharp teeth. Its skin is soft and squishy and it has little fur. Its lack of hereditary traits for survival must mean it lives in a place with little predators.”
A part of me was impressed by her deduction for how humans live from just my unconscious body. Another part of me was a little hurt on her other comments. I was tall and naturally muscular. A football player since birth. I loved to flex my muscles and marvel at the hard lump it created. Being called squishy hurt my manly pride, big time. I tried to give this chick a piece of my mind, but all that came out was incoherent mumbling.
“Look! It’s waking up!”
I forced my heavy leaden eyes open. Shortly after seeing what I saw, I shut them again. There was no way I had seen a purple horse. No Way. I began to panic, mumbling to myself that I was still asleep. That my friends had drugged me and I was still in my dorm. This was all a loopy dream and that I wasn’t seeing talking animals. Apparently my ranting was recognizable enough for the horse to understand.
“I am not an animal!” she said, “Since your species is intelligent enough to know how to speak, I would assume you know the difference between wild animals and sentient, logical beings.”
“Holy crap, the horse is trying to reason with me.”
“I am a unicorn, not a horse!”She said frustration clear in her voice.
At this point I was pinching myself in hopes that it would wake me up with little success. It hit me that I wasn’t dreaming and that what I was seeing was either real or a vivid hallucination.
“Who are you? Where am I? How did I get here?” I ramble out. I picked myself up from the floor. I was in some wooden house but there were no planks or beams. The house seemed to be carved from a block of wood. The room was circular, bookshelves cut from the walls lined with thick tomes.
It was all so familiar, but my mind was still clouded from the shock.  I couldn’t see why it was so familiar. It just was.
“Well my name is Twilight Sparkle and this is the Ponyville library…and…um...”Twilight started.
Then it clicked. Where I was and who I was talking to. As I thought this over Twilight finished what she was saying.
“…I may have accidently summoned you while trying out some spells from the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the library with mo way back.” She said sheepishly.
All I could say was, “The shit, I’m in Ponyville.”

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                      Coming to Terms                      
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Coming to Terms
Bring it Around Town
Twilight stared at me after the random outburst. I had quickly covered my nouth realising what I said. If thare is one thing I have learned from movies, fanfictions and T.V. shows it's that people don't take the thought that there reality is fiction very well. In fact they happen to go insane. I don't know how much of Cupcakes applies in this, but if I'm gonna find a way back home it's best that they don't go loopy and (possibly) homicidal on me. I better watch what I say around these peo- wait- ponies, yeah. I'm gonna have to get used to that.
"What does 'fuck' mean?" Spike said, confusion apparent in his voice.
"Yeah, what does it mean?" Twilight adds.
"Ummm...Uhh.." I didn't know how to answer. Is Twilight so secluded that she has never heard my foul language or is that type of speech non-exisitent in this reality? I finally came to the conclusion that if I didn't see it in the show it never happened.
"It means... that I'm...uh suprised, yeah, it's...um like 'wow' in my culture." I say shakily. Buy it. Sweet muffins please buy it.
"Really that's pretty cool! I'd love to here more about where you came from! Where ever that is!" Twilight said as a response to my weak explanation. She bought it. She was pretty darn gullible. Anyone back home could've told I was lying my ass off.
"Uh, sure anytime." I say like an idiot on autopilot. How little I knew I was going to regret my words.
"Great! But before we do that do you want to take a bit of a rest? You just got teleported from a very far range and you must be tired."
"Nah, I'm good. I really don't feel tired. I just want to go back home before people start to miss me."
"Weeeellll, that maaay be a problem." Twilight said, scratching the back of her head, "The book I got the spell from doesn't have a way to reverse it, and without knowing exactly where your supposed to be going I may end up just teleporting you in space instead of a rock."
At this I facepalmed so hard it left a big, red handprint on my face. This couldn't be happening. It wasn't, please say it ain't so.
"Your joking right?! This is some kinda of sick joke! You brought me here me here to Ponyville with no way back home! This isn't happening! I've gone crazy and the medics pumped me full of anesthetics! I'm just having a loop - MOTHERFUCKING, SON OF A BITCH!!!!" Spike had proceed to slap his tail on my foot as hard as the two-foot dragon could. I proceded to hop up and down holding my sore foot in my hands until I hit the table in the middle of the library. Faster than I could process it I was on the floor with the horse bust laying across my chest.
"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry, I didn't  mean to do it so hard!" Spike quickly apoligized.
"It's fine. I needed that anyway." I say, getting up from the floor the second time today.
"You think"
I give the little jerk a stink eye and face Twilight. It was obvious she was upset, and it didn't take agenius to figure out why. I walk up to her, kneel down, and give her one of my world famous bear hugs.
"I'm sorry" she whispers into my ear.
"Don't be, it was an accident. I'm not angry, just a little suprised is all. Not everyday a human gets summoned by unicorn." I whisper back, "You know, Twilight, while talking ponies aren't exactly 'normal' where I come from, your quite famous back home."
"Really? How?"
"While I'm not sure I can ever tell you where I came from, I know I can tell you that where I come from, you and the other five elements are a well known legend, loved by millions of my kind."
"Really!?" Twilight and Spike say in perfect unison.
"Really" I calmly say, realising the purple unicorn from my warm hug, " Now it seems I'm stuck here, and if I'm gonna stay I should get a job."
"Well, I think it's time I introduce you to my friends, and send a letter to the Princess." she said, cheering up, "By the way, I never got your name."
I smile warmly, "David Martinez, Human Extrodanaire, at your service my lady"

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                     Hitting the Town                      
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Hitting the Town
Hitting the Town
After I put the table in its rightful place, Twilight, Spike and I headed out to meet the rest of the Mane Six. I had barely made out the door behind Twilight when I was swarmed by what seemed like everypony in the town of Ponyville. They surrounded me completly, cutting me off from Twilight. I prepared myself to be tied up and taken away to be burned as a unholy monster, as this was the case in many fanfictions I have read before.
To my suprise, they began to bombard with question after question.
"What is it?"
"Are you from outerspace?"
"Do you eat ponies?!?"
"Look! It's claws are all messed up!"
"I wonder if it speaks!"
"It looks like some kind of mutant monkey! But where'd its tail go?"
"Does it like muffins? I like muffins!"
"Uh, guys?-" Twilight attempted to grab there attention but they were too focused on me to notice. At this point the mix of voices was giving me a headache. Time to put an end to this. Now. I took a deep breath and let loose the loudest command I have ever given in my life.
"SIIIIIILEEENCCE!!!!!!!!"
My voice had burst forth with more power than I thought possible for the human vocal cords, nearly deafining myself and everyone around me. It could've been that there ears were still ringing, but they listened to my single word, not a noise was made by anybody. If it weren't for the ringing in my own ears, it would've sounded to me as quiet as a ghost town.
Twilight shoved her way towards me and grabbed my hand in her hoof. It was soft, totally different from the hooves of equines back home. She yanked me in front of her then shoved me through the group and out of Ponyville, everypony's eyes following me the whole way. What a great first impression, I'm gonna get along SO well.
When the ringing in my ears stopped I decided to finally speak up.
"Your gonna kill me aren't you?" I say in an even tone.
"You have NO idea." She replied.
Somebody get me out of here.
After a while I realised that I should probably start walking on my own. Twilight moved on ahead and I simply followed. I had no idea where we were going, but I guessed somewhere for me to hide until everyone forgot what happened back in town. I'd be hiding for a good part of forever.
We eventually came to a hill. I decided to ask then, where in Einstiens name we were going.
She replied simply with, "You'll see soon enough, David."
This made me fear for my life.
Then we reached the top of the hill, and I saw what she meant.
Apple trees, organised in neat rows, spread for what I sure was several miles. It was almost a forest of apple trees. Nestled in the middle of all this was a big, red barn and farmhouse. It was beautiful.
"What are we doing here?" I ask.
"I'm gonna get Applejack, a good friend of mine, to take you while I fix what you caused back at the town."
"Fair enough." Is all I could reply with.
We walked down a wide path that cut straight through the trees towards the barn. About halfway we heard a voice.
"Hey, Twilight!" It was obvious whose voice this was. Applejack emerged from the trees, basket of apples balanced on her back.
"Whose ya wierd lookin friend?" She said, giving me a scrutinizing look.
"Applejack this is David, David Applejack"
"What's up!" I say nicely.
"The sky?" She replies, then laughs at my confused face. "I'm just yankin yer chain! Mighty nice to meet'ya Mr. David."
I chuckled a little, "Just David if you don't mind."
"And I don't" She replied, " If 'ya don't mind me askin, whatcha doin out here? You know that I go to the market on sundays, Twi, couldn't you 'ave introduced me to yer friend then?"
"I would've if David here hadn't caused an episode in front of the whole town."
Twilight gave Applejack a summary of what happened back at Ponyville.
"- so I came here to stow him away till I can explain what happened to everypony in town." Twilight finished while she had been talking I had layed myself at the foot of an appletree and daydreamed about all the hot girls I would never meet now.
"Well he can help Big Mac with puttin the apples in the barn fer winter."
"Sounds like a plan. What do you say, David?"
Forced out of my daydream, I replied, "Sure, why not."
"Well in that case, I'll see you two later!" Twilight turned around and headed towards town.
"Well follow me. You and Big Mac gotta lotta work to do."
"It's just moving baskets of apples, how hard could it be?"
"I don't think you understand. You'all be moving close to a 'undred baskets of them there apples."
"What?!?"
"Well here we are!"
I look to see what could quite possibly be a hundred large basketfulls of apples lined up under the trees. I also see Big Mac, pulling a cart laden with a couple baskets behind him, head to the farm. I saw the barn in the distance as well. I began to wonder if Twilight planned this.
"Well don't just stand there gawking! Get 'ta working!"
Twilight planned this.
I couldn't feel a thing. I had spent close to the whole day moving nintey-four baskets of apples into the barn. I don't think any amount of football training could've prepared me for that type of work out. Twilight had shown up about fourty-seven baskets in, I had begged her to get me out of the rest of it. She just said that I was going to have to finish as punishment for scaring the whole town with my outburst. I can't believe I'm saying this. What. A. Bitch.
So now here I lay on top of a pile of hay, letting my poor limbs rest. Big Mac had gone to take a nap in the farmhouse. Now that I think about it, where was Applebloom? Granny Smith had been watching me and Big Mac work from her rocking chair on the porch. But Applebloom hadn't shown herself all day.
Then the CMC drop from the rafter on to my stomach.
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS PARTY PLANNERS YEAH!!!!"
They proceded to drag my limp body back to the farmhouse. I was winded and incapable of eithier speech or movement.
They stood me up on my feet to catch my breath before opening the door and shoving me through the door.
"WELCOME TO PONYVILLE, DAVID!!!!"
I was met by the sight of everypony in town with the warmest smiles I have ever seen. It melted my heart to see everyone go to all the trouble of making sure I felt welcome.Twilight worked her way through the crowd and gave me a coy smile.
"What do you think?"
"Fuck, you guys went to all this trouble for me."
"I'm gonna assume that means you likey."
I slowly nod my head.
The rest of the Mane Six walk up and everypony else gets back to the party.
"Nice to meet 'cha names Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in Equestria."
"Nice to meet you too, Rainbow Dash."
"I'm Rarity, darling, and might I add that it is so nice to meet the creature Twilight was talking about!"
"The pleasure is all mine."
"I'm Pinkie Pie!"
"Hi, Pinkie Pie!"
Fluttershy walked up and tried to speak, but all that came out was a tiny squeak. Not wanting to make this anymore awkward, I spoke up first.
"Hi Fluttershy, I must say you look absolutley beautiful. How do you do it?" Or maybe I really just wanted to make it more awkward? Pure evil.
Her whole face turned a bright red. I just smiled warmly as the other girls giggled like school girls. Eventually she smiled back and gave me a bear hug to rival my own. Now it was my turn to blush. The girls giggled even more and I'm pretty sure Dash wolf-whistled.
After the introductions the girls and I spent the rest of the night partying. That is until Twilight asked me to come outside. We went out back and she told me to wait outside, then she went back in. What was going on?
A bright flash blinded me briefly, then I was greeted by the sight of a tall, elegant, white mare, pastel rainbow hair floating in a non-existent wind.
"Hello, David. I am Princess Celestia"

//-------------------------------------------------------//
              Getting Aquianted with Royalty               
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Getting Aquianted with Royalty
Getting Aquianted with Royalty
My brain went into overdrive when I saw the god-level alicorn. Why was she here? Why did she want me alone?
Did I do something wrong? Did she know all about humans? Was this even Celestia, or a twisted replacement? What if she was Molestia?! I have to get out of here! HOW THE FUCK DO I RUN FROM A FRICKIN ALICORN!!!!!!!
"Are you all right!" I heard her ask, she looked at me with concern apparent on her face. I finally began to calm down. I was just freaking out is all. No one expects to be givin a personal moment with a god, never mind royalty. I pull up the courage to speak, using all of the manners I could think of.
"My apoligies your highness," I began, kneeling down, " I am fine. Just a little suprised is all. One, does not expect to be visited solely by a pony of such high rank as yourself. I am honered to be in your presence."
"Please, David your embarassing me!" She said, stifling a couple giggles, "Formalities such as those are not needed. I just wanted t have a quick chat, mainly about where you came from. From what I could find in Twilight's letters, you were not very descriptive about who you are and where you came from. As co-ruler of Equestria, this is information I believe is important for me to know."
"Umm...Uh...." I didn't know what to say. Should I tell her the truth or lie? No, if she asks I will have to deliver. She can't just let some strange unknown creature run around with her subjects. I'll tell her, but only what I deem necessary she should know.
"Well then let's start from the beginning." I say, standing up. "I am human, as I am sure Twilight had mentioned. My race is an advanced species that have created technoligies far more advanced then your world's. This is only because we lack something your world is abudant in, Magic. Without magic life was harsh, till science rose and eliminated all but the worst of our hardships. However a harsh, 'everyman for himself', lifestyle had made us into a greedy race. We would constantly steal from and hurt eachother to get what we wanted. Some smarter people were able to rise above this greed, and attempted to enlighten the rest of our race. Sadly as some were smart enough to think better, there were others who  used the intelligence they had to fool others into doing their bidding. Soon these people saw what others had, and decided that they wanted that as well, be it money or land. They sent there own people to do the dirty work themselves. It was the beginning of war. In order to protect themselves, people assembled into their own armies and fought back. Some times the bad guys won, sometimes the good guys won. But eventually you start to forget who were the bad guys and good guys. People were easy to manipulate if you know how. My people have been at war for the last decade, under the banner of spreading equality to the rest of the world by defeating 'enemies of freedom', but who knows if this is really true? What if it was just a cover to seize yet another resource? I don't know...."
I faded out of my long rant. I  had let what was suppose to be a quick explanation of the human race turn into a vent of my frustrations toward my own kind. That was embarrassing.
"Sorry, for goin-"
"Don't be." Celestia cut me off. "I am impressed that you were this honest with me. You have told me many negative things about humans, however I can tell that these things don't apply to you."
"You can't be sure of that." I say darkly.
"Oh, but I can. You said yourself that some humans were intelligent enough to see the world's evil, and chose to rise above it. I believe you are one of those people. I also believe that your world is not as bad as you make it seem. Surely for people such as you to arise, there must be more good than you say. I now know I can trust you to avoid trouble, should it arise. I, as Princess of Equestria, bestow upon you the citizenship you rightfully deserve."
I could barely believe it. Not even one day and I was already givin a true spot in Equestria. Screw going home, this place had welcomed me with open arms and hearts. How could I ever leave?
"Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be returning to my palace to retire."
"What? Surely you can stay and party a little?"
"I have eluded my guards long enough, they will be searching for me and I do not wish to make them look long."
"I won't hear it! Your gonna have fun whether you want to or not!"
I then committed what could easily be treason, not thirty seconds after becoming fully applicable to pony law. I grabbed her around the middle, lifted her to my shoulders, and walked her straight into the party. If that wasn't treason, then obviously no one has ever attempted to lay hands on royalty. I may have indirectly made a new law. I'm so dead.
I kicked open the door and threw her in.  I ignored the shocked looks on everypony's faces and grabbed a roll ofducktape, as well as a large, empty bowl. Time to kill two birds with one stone. Human culture and tech in one spicy enchilada. I taped my i-phone on the inside wall of the bowl and mounted the improvised amp on a table. i turned of the record player and turned to look at the bewildered faces of everypony in the barn. Twilight, however, was actually giving me the death stare, probably because I man-handled her mentor and idol.
"I am about to show you all an example of human style fun. Enjoy!" I then played my party playlist. Which started with the best party starter. I gotta feeling (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSD4vsh1zDA&ob=av2n) tonight's gonna be be a good night, don't you?
"Let's get this party rocking"
As the song plays I grab Celestia's hoof and began to dance. Her face was full of shock, but it slowly turned to joy as I lead her through the steps of all my moves. As soon as she warmed up to the party everyone else joined in to the festivities. As the song played out its last lines, I pulled the Princess into a spin and dropped her like a bomb, catching her at the last second. The song ended, and all I could here was Celestia's and my breathing. I stared into her light magneta eyes, basking in their shine. Then I heard giggles, and I realized how close my face was to her"s. I pulled her onto her own hooves and stared in the direction of the giggles. I locked eyes with the offending mare.
"You think dancing with me is so fun to watch, wait till ya find yourself in my arms as well. Then we'll see who's laughing."
The expression on her face was priceless. I played the next song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIOOwhmkoLo) and started the only dance that could be done with beats like this.
"Mares and Gentlecolts, who wants to shuffle?"
I watched as David dove into another of his strange dances and lead the whole party into a frenzy of dancing ponies. I just watched from one of the tables staring in awe at the splendor of his movements. I hadn't expected him to do all this when we first met. He had seemed so calm and collected. Then he does something as crazy as force royalty against her own will. No one has done such a thing to an alicorn, ever. It was unheard of.
Yet he had done it. He had done it, seemingly, without a thought of the possible consequences. He had acted, so boldly and rashly that I couldn't help but, well, stare in wonder at this unique creature. His actions brought a kind of, excitement, that no one has given to me in a long time. I almost didn't recognise it. But I have lived to long to not know this feeling. I was falling for him. Not even a full hour has passed and this, human, has taken my heart. I knew not the how long humans last, but I feel that if I let love run its course as I have before, it will omly lead to pain.
"Are you okay Princess?" I heard from my faithful student.
"I am fine Twilight, your new friend just, interests, me is all."
Time for a little fun of my own.
"Time for a little Karoke!"
I turned on my favorites playlist to replace the pop. With a press of play I set a beat in motion (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwg033Ze3Lk).
Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those kicks were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing
They were funky China men from funky Chinatown
They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down
It's an ancient Chineese art and everybody knew their part
From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip
Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those kicks were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing
There was funky Billy Chin and little Sammy Chung
He said here comes the big boss, lets get it on
We took a bow and made a stand, started swinging with the hand
The sudden motion made me skip now we're into a brand knew trip
Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those kicks were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they did it with expert timing
Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those kicks were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
Make sure you have expert timing
Kung Fu Fighting, Had to be Fast as Lighting
The song played off. The welcome sound of appluase hit my ears.
"Thank you, thank you." I say, "Your all to kind! I would like to say-"
CRAAACK!!!!!!
I look up to see a huge pinata falling on top of me. Instinctivly I throw my hands in the air as if to catch the monster. I knew better, and prepared to be crushed. Only it never came. I look up again. The over-stuffed, pony-sized pinata was frozen in place. I would have put it off to a unicorn's magic if it weren't for one thing. It was shrouded in a black aura, the item itself completly visible but surrounded in a halo of light-absorbing shadow. Only two other items in the room were glowing in such a way. My own two hands.
"I....I...I can use MAGIC!!!!"

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                  Magic, Volatile Stuff.                   
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Magic, Volatile Stuff.
Magic, Volatile Stuff
The party quickly ended after the accident. The CMC had wired a huge pinata for their huge friend. Clever, but highly dangerous. They had hanged the fifty pound monster off a hook they installed in the ceiling. The small thing had broken from the weight, I was amazed it lasted as long as it did. Luckily, damage was minimal. And the candy was of the finest quality.
But that wasn't important. What is important was that I had used magic, an impossible feat on my world. What could have brought on this new power? After everyone had left
"Didn't you say humans had no magic?" I turn towards Celestia. Her face showed just how suspicious she was right now. I had to do this right or I could lose her trust. Not something I can afford.
"They can't! At least not on earth..."
"If you are suggesting that your power was ignited by being in Equestria, I can assure you that it is impossible. Magic is a energy within the user, not the land he walks."
Well that idea was shot down.
"Perhaps your power was always there?" Celestia offers.
"Then why couldn't I use it before?"
"Have you ever needed it before now?"
That was easy, "Yes, there are several situaitions were magic would have been welcome." I was one scab collecter as a kid.
"We can figure it out in the morning" Twilight interrupts, "Princess, we can agree it is very late, and that David needs his rest after today's events. David can sleep at my house. The library has plenty of room."
The look on Celestia's face was confusing. She wore a distracted expression, like she was thinking about something Twilight had said. However, and this was really wierd, her eyes had momentarily flashed with anger. Not rage, but almost envious. What was that about?
"Well, looks like it's set. Let's go Twilight, and you should head back to your palace, Princess." I say.
"Agreed. However, I will return tomorrow to assist in finding out David's source of power."
"Okay, Princess. Come on David."
I gave Celestia a smile and was on my way.
"This is where you'll be sleeping."
Twilight gestured to a blanket and pillow set on top of several sleeping bags.
"Do you have another blanket this size?"
"Yes, why?"
"Take away the sleeping bags and replace them with the blanket and I'll be fine."
"If you say so."
In college one learned a couple things. Sleeping on floors was one of them. I have never needed any more padding then a blanket to sleep on. I once slept on top of a roof with nothing but a sheet between me and the tiles. You also learn to never trust sleeping bags. Luckily, I didn't experience why. I just knew my friends to well. I remember when they filled a freshman's sleeping bag with corned beef.
I layed down on the blanket as Twilight came back with another. She laid it on top of me. It barely reached past my toes. Comfy, I settled in and gave a quick, "Good Night" to Twilight and Spike.
"Good Night, David" Twilight kindly said.
"Yeah, Good Night." Spike mumbled.
I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep.
I was in a black void. I couldn't tell if it was dark kinda black or actual black. I could see myself so I guess it was the latter. I looked around and saw nothing, then a bright flash of white. I was temporarily blinded by the sudden brightness. When I could see again the whole void was white instead of black. I looked around again and noticed something on my hands.
They were shrouded in some kind of black flame. More importantly, it was spreading. It moved up my arms and all over my body. I was covered. I couldn't see myself past the inky, animated substance. But there was no pain. It wasn't hurting me. However I began to feel a void within me open, and the flames leapt from me reaching into the void. It seemed to swallow everything. I felt a power enter me. It seemed to burn inside of me till I swore my veins were filled with fire.
Then I woke up.
Then a hoof connected with my face.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh! He's awake."
I rubbed my face where the hoof had landed to ease the stinging. I opened my eyes to see BOTH princesses amd Twilight looking at me. Twilight and Luna had expressions of serious concern. Celestia's was wearing a nervous smile. It was obvious who had slapped me.
"What happened?" I ask, what would cause them to wake me up like this?
"How do you feel?" Luna asks.
"What's wrong?"
"David this is important. How do you feel?" Celestia says.
"I feel fine! Can you tell me what is going on?!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes! Why!?"
"Show him." Luna tells Twilight.
She nods and levitates a mirror in front of me.
My eyes were black with yellow irises replacing the chocolate brown I had always known.
"Wh-what happ-p-ened?" I say, in shock.
"Celestia thinks she may know how you can use magic." said Twilight.
"Indeed, I believe your power isn't natural, but instead a phenonema caused by your method of arrival. The power behind the spell that brought you here was immense, and it brought you a long way from your world. The power and shock of your arrival may have caused a rip in our dimension. It is through this rip that your magical energies are coming from. I fear, however, that this may cause several cataclysmic events if not closed."
"How do we close it." Twilight asks.
"My sister and I don't know for certain." Luna replied.
"Guys! Look!" Spike yelled pointing at me.
They all looked at me, and I watched their faces turn to suprise, then Celestia's to relief. I picked the mirror up from where it lay beside me and looked at my reflection. My eyes were fading into there original color. The yellow darkining to brown and black paling into white. My eyes were back.
"Well... What does this tell us?" I say
"That things could be fine." Celestia said.
"What?" Luna, Twilight and I say in unison.
"If the side effects of his magic are gone, then maybe the feed has been cut. This in turn could mean the rift is closed!" Celestia said, "Allow me to check."
Celestia's horn glowed and sparked, her eyes closed in concentration.
"I don't sense a magical anomaly, I believe the rift has closed on its own." She said, opening her eyes, "Our worries were in vain. Things seem to have sorted themselves out!"
"So... Can I still use magic? Or, since the source is gone, am I powerless again?"  Celestia's eyes opened in shock.
"I don't know."
"Well only one way to find out!" Twilight said, "David, try and lift that bust."
I focused on the wooden pony head and tried to lift it with my brain power. Nothing happened.
"Sorry David, it seems-"
"Let me try again." I cut her off.
I search my mind for some barrier. If it worked i n Eragon it was worth a shot. To my suprise I found something. Not a barrier or wall in my conscience, but a presence. It was faint, but there. I tried to reach out to it.
I felt my body fill with an arcane power, and attempted to lift the bust. It floated lazily into the air.
"Looks like you spoke too soon, Twilight." I say cockily.
"Humph"
"Since everything seems to have sorted itself out I think we should be going, don't you sister." Luna cheerfully said.
She didn't answer straight away, her eyes locked on me.
"Uhhh, Celestia. Earth to pretty sun goddess?"
This phrase earned me a some looks from Twilight and Luna. I rolled my eyes and waved my hand in Celestia's face. This broke her out of her trance.
"Are you okay? You spaced out there for a second." I say, concerned. Princesses don't do that last time I checked.
"Oh! I-I'm fine! Yes! I was just... um.... thinking who would teach you magic! Yep!" Even I could tell that something was up. What was she trying to hide? Sadly, Twilight didn't seem to catch the edginess in her mentor's voice.
"Oh! Oh! I can teach him Celestia!" She said, "I did study at your school after all! I'll teach him all that I know!"
"Thats right! Hey, don't you have a college? I could go there after Twilight teaches me! I would love to study up in Canterlot." I say.
"REALLY!!!!!!!" Celestia bursted, "I mean, That sounds perfect! Now I'm so sorry, but I must be going! Right, Luna?"
"Uh-"
"Good! Let's go!"
Then they both vanished in a flash of golden light.
"Wonder what that was about."
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
One Week Later
Twilight was the worst teacher of ALL time.
She had given me a schedule to follow all the time. It was grueling to follow every aspect of the schedule, being late was punished with a wack from Twi's ruler. Worst was that I now had to get up at the break of dawn to begin studying as soon as possible. The only advantage about this was how quickly I learned how to use magic. In the one week since the beginning of my teachings I have learned just about everything I needed about magic. I learnrd that the use of magic was based on both on your arcane power supply, and your mental capacity. Some spells require little thought, instead they feed of your inborn arcane energy to function. These are spells like one I learned that increased my physical strength, it lasted as long as I had energy to spare. Some spells require intense thought and concentration to work. An example would be the basic teleportation spell, to use it I must have a clearly visualize where I am going and what I am bringing with me along the ride. If my focus alters, Twilight said the repercussion's could be catastrophic. Luckily, she also said that such consequences are rare. One time I teleported and left behind all my clothes, it was embarrassing to say the least.
I looked at my magically constructed watch. It was noon. That meant my time reading about Star-Swirl The Bearded's magical theories was over. Thank God! The stallion's writings were interesting at first, but after hours of reading them I was sick of it.
"Ohhhhhh Daaaaavyyy!" I heard Twilight yell from the kitchen. I hated when she called me "Davy". It was a horrible name.
"Yes Twilight?" I yell back from my seat in the library.
She walked in from the kitchen with a floating cheese sandwhich and apples behind her. She magically tossed them over to me and I caught them in my own arcane grasp without even a thought. The practices were paying off.
"Nice job. In fact I think you deserve a break! After lunch go out and have fun for the rest of the day. Enjoy Yourself!" She said kindly.
"Really?"
"Really."
"Thank You, Sweet Mother!" I yell, leaping from my seat.
"I'm not your mother...."
"Figure of speech!" I yell as I run out the door.
What first? I know! How about I head to Sugarcube Corner! Pinkie said she would teach me to bake a pie! I focus on using the teleportation spell. Sugarcube Corner? Check. Me and all my articles of clothing? Check. Now to power up the spell.
"Hi David!" bursted Pinkie from some unknown void.
"Ahhhhh!!!!!!!"
The spell fired off and I was suddenly on the ground in a room with a REALLY high ceiling.
I groaned as I stood up from the floor. That spell had took alot out of me.
"Halt!"
I  was forced back to the ground by two golden armored pegasi.
"Ow."
"David?" I hear a voice from behind me.
The guards turned me around, and in front of me was the royal throne room in Canterlot.
Un-fricken-believable.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                         Research                          
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Research
Research
After a brief explanation I was set free from the suspicious guards. Celestia apoligised for her guard's overprotectiveness and offered me a tour of the palace. That took the rest of the day. The place had close to five-hundred rooms! Not including the massive ball room and entrance hall. The kitchens took up a whole floor of the palace. Strangely there were no dungeons to be seen.
"And these are my personal quarters!" Celestia said, holding a hoof out to large doorway with a sun carved into it. Out of curiosity I took a peek at her flank. The design on her door was the same as her cutie mark. I looked up from her flank to find her staring at me with a deep blush on her face. She just caught me staring at her ass, awkward.
"Uh, nice design." I say, my voice was a little shaky, "Impressive how the carpenter's got your cutie mark so perfectly, not a detail out of place"
"Ohhh... yeah, impressive." Her face flashed with dissapointment before perking back up.
"Now that I've shown you the whole castle, may I ask why you came?"
"I was actually on my way to Sugarcube Corner to learn to make a pie. I had set up the spell for teleportation when a certain mare interrupted my thought process."
"Pinkie Pie?"
"Pinkie Pie."
"Well your welcome to stay until they arrive tomorrow!"
"What! Surely they aren't going to come all the way out here for me?"
"They aren't. There coming to the National Dessert Competition here in Canterlot!" She said cheerfully.
"Well, if that's the case then I guess I'll crash here for the night!" I say, "So where will I be sleeping?"
"We do have around four-hundred and eighty-seven rooms up for grabs! It's your pick!"
"Well the night's pretty young... I'll just take whatever room you'll give me. After that I'm gonna head to the royal library to study magic some more."
"I see Twilights rubbed off on you," She said with a coy smile, "Why don't take the room to the left of mine! It's one of the bigger palace suites. I'm sure you'll love it!"
"Kay, that's cool. I'm off to the library to grab a book."
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
The library put the congress's to shame. It had several wings, each with hundreds of books. The main body was several stories tall and was almost a labryinth of book shelves. They had tomes about everything. I made my way to the magic section of the library, following directions from the librarian. When I had met her she had freaked and hit me in the head with her refrence book, it was thicker than Big Mac's biceps combined. After I woke up she apoligised, having went to the guards for help and being informed about my arrival. I was looking through the countless books when a certain volume caught my eye. It was titled The Unicorn's Guide to Defensive Magics. Twilight never said anything about fighting magic. I looked for more books on the subject to no avail. The book was one of a kind. I looked at the publication date and saw that it was made close to three-hundred year's ago. It was ancient.
I checked the book out and headed to my room at the palace. I settled in bed and opened the tome. It was very interesting. It contained little spells but focused on the theory of releasing arcane energy in it's most raw form. However it had never been tested beyond the couple spells it contained, which did little besides causing sparks and small blasts. I was suddenly filled with excitement at furthering this field of magic. It could revoulitionize how Equestria fights its enemies.
I spent the night using the theory and my understanding of magic to create my own spells. The floor was covered in pillows in the event that the spell blows up in my face. Turns out that making a brand new spell was harder than I thought. After several attempts at trying to create the average fireball, I decided to try something simpler. The author's writings spoke of releasing raw, unaltered arcane power. Maybe I should try to create a ball of launchable magic instead of fire or lightning.
I focused my magic into my hand and concentrated on forcing it straight into a small ball form. When I opened my eyes I saw that I had conjured a small black ball of magic. It seemed to hum a faint note. Now all I needed was something to hit. I summoned a small target and attached it to the wall. I threw my magic ball at the target. It soared straight through the air, far faster than I had thrown it, and exploded on contact with the target, obliterating it and leaving scorch marks on the wall. I fixed the damage with a quick spell and summoned another target and exploding magic grenade. This one was weaker so as to cause less damage. I lobbed it at the target and watched it speed through the air again and demolish the target.
"I have created a magic missle."
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Shhhhhhh! He's still asleep!"
"3, 2, 1, NOW!!!!!!!!"
"SUPRISE!!!!!"
I was jolted awake by the whole gang plus two sisters with the royal canterlot voice on "Deafen".
To put it simply, I hit the top of my canopy bed at the speed of light.
"Good your awake! I saved some cake for you! It's sorry for interrupting your spell! I am really sorry about that by the way! So sorry that I baked you a really good cupcake! "
"Pinkie."
"But then I ate it, but there was no time to make another one because I had to get the Cake's cake on the train. Then there was the whole MMMM mystery whi-"
"PINKIE!!!! I get it! Your sorry! Apology accepted, sheesh!"
"Great! Here's your cake!"
Pinkie held out a plate with a slice of cake on it. It was marvelous, my mouth watered just looking at it. My mouth dropped at the sight of the sugary confection.
Which Pinkie took as an opening to shove the whole thing down my throat.
I swallowed about half of it without chewing, the other half was sweeter than the finest honey. I breathed to clear my esophagus of frosting and swallowed the cake. Everyone was staring at me expectantly.
"Give my regards to the chef, that was mind-blowing."
"Thanks!"
"So what time is it? Nine O'clock?"
"No silly! It's almost lunch time!"
"W-what?" I say, flabbergasted.
"You've been asleep for most of the day. I would've woken you, but your look so cute when your sleeping!"
Her statement was met with a complete consensus from the rest of the girls. Apparently I'm adorable only when I sleep.
"What were you doing last night? I swore I heard an explosion or two in your room."Celestia asked.
"Just experimenting with some spells. I didn't think I stayed up so late."
"What kind of spells were you expirimenting with that caused explosions?" Twilight asked.
"Some defensive combat spells that I made up."
"WHAAAAAAT!" Celestia, Luna and Twilight said in perfect harmony.
"Did I do something wrong?" I ask, worried I had broken some magic law.
"You've only studied magic for a WEEK! How did you design your own spells! In combat magic at that!" Twilight yelled at me.
"I just used the theory in this book!" I respond, grabbing the offending item from the nightstand.
Twilight snatched it from my hands with her magic and sped through the book, Luna and Celestia reading over both of her shoulders.
"This theory is spotty and full of holes! I can't see how you managed to get anything from this! It says nothing about how the magic acts outside the body or how to even use it! No sane pony would attempt this kind of magic!
The risks are monumentous! Your lucky you didn't blow yourself up in the process!"
"I did come close a couple times..."
"See! I thought I explained to you how dangerous and unpredictable magic can be! You should've been more careful! And I bet you weren't even able to perfect one spell, from this flawed theory!" I was a little hurt by that last one.
"Wrong, Four." I deadpan.
"What?" Twilight also deadpanned.
"I have perfected four combat spells, the Magic Missle, Mage Gun, Arcane Blast and Eraser Ball."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Show us." Luna put in.
"Verywell your highness."
I then conjured three targets and gave myself a good ten feet of space. I shot one target with the Magic Missle,which I had perfected so as to seek out the target on  its own. Then the Mage Gun, it sacrificed accuracy for power. Instead of seeking out the target it blasted forward at breakneck speeds and caused a violent explosion. Next was the Eraser Ball. This was made to stay put, and explode like a mine. The latent power from not moving resulted in larger explosions. Last was the Arcane Blast, it was the result of me trying to simply let out arcane power without any focal point. This caused me to be surrounded in a halo of raw power.
"Impressive" Luna said after the demonstration of what I had created.
"Now can you tell me what the big deal is behind me creating a couple new spells?"
"Not very many people can," Celestia said, "Even from a solid theory, it is incredibly difficult to design the structure of a new spell from scratch. If a single piece of information is out of place the spell will fail. Only the mnost studied of unicorns can create a new spell sucessfully. Even then it usually takes months of trial and error."
"And I just did so..."
"With only a weeks time of study, yes."
"Either I'm really lucky or really good."
"Perhaps a bit of both," Twilight cut in, "You learned alot in just a week. In fact, you were close to three weeks ahead of schedule. You have the general knowledge of magic learned already. Still it was an amazing feat that you did this."
"WELLL, that's interesting and all, but I think it's about time we all headed back home. Whaddya say girls?" Rainbow interjected. The other four girls were half-asleep.
"Okay, say goodbye David. Lets get you back to Ponyville!" Twilight simply stated.
"Sorry Twilight but I'll have to request that David stay here with me." Celestia said.
"What, Why?" The girls said in unison.
"Obviously he has a unprecedented gift for magic, and I would like for him to stay here so I may teach him as my pupil. What do you say David."
"Isn't Twilight already your pupil?" I ask.
"A teacher is entitled to as many students as she may want wouldn't you say, Twilight?"
"Of course, your majesty"
"Then I'll stay as long as you deem necessary."
"Great! Also, since you obviously show a talent for it, I think that while you are here you should do more research into your combat magic. It would prove most usefull should my gaurds or I come into trouble that words cannot solve."
"Kay"
The girls said there goodbyes and left the room one by one. Rarity stayed behind a second to give me a box. "A gift from a friend, for a friend." She had explained before leaving. Twilight was the last one out.
"Say hello to my brother for me, kay Celestia?"
"Of course Twilight."
It hit me the moment the the door closed.
"Twilight has a BROTHER!?!?!?!?!?"

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                         So Hungry                         
//-------------------------------------------------------//
So Hungry
So Hungry...
It has been a week since David had become my pupil, and he has progressed well. He has obviously learned many study skills from his time as Twilight's student, allowing him to learn many of my lessons far quicker than I had anticipated. He was a quick learner, understanding many advanced theories after one study session. Only one other pony learned as fast as he was doing, and that would be my prior student Twilight. However, his skills in using magic arent as developed. He struggles in using the more advanced spells that I have been trying to teach him. It would seem he has problems focusing on the spells when casting them. I had written to Twilight about this, and she said that she had never had problems with this before. Maybe Canterlot's atmosphere was getting to him. In fact he had first began struggiling with spells when he had left the palace to, at least this was what he had told me, explore. Maybe something had happened that has left his mind pre-occupied. I should go talk to him and see what had happened.
I had thought that maybe, just maybe, I could live without meat while in Canterlot. Boy was I wrong. I have gone insane after just one week without the stuff, and eggs in all of its forms aren't enough. Every day, all that occupies my poor head is my lust for roasted flesh. It had become all I cared about. I would find myself contemplating how tender Celestia looked, and almost slap myself for such thoughts. I had even gone looking inside the Royal Garden's for an animal nobody would miss. Sadly, all the creatures were indeed rare and someone would notice if one went missing. I can't just ask Celestia's cooks to cook me up a hamburger. That would result in lots of questions. Asking them to kill another sentient being, grind it up and fry the mash into a patty would probably label me ask a serial killer. I had to find a solution.
Before, a fish from the lake was all I needed. I would sneak away at night and catch a couple with a pole I made out of thread and a broken broom. I can't do that anymore.
"Tweet, Tweet."
I turn towards the window. Standing on the open windowsill was a small black-bird. I stared at the plump-looking bird, imagining the taste of a roasted pheasent. All of my sense's were fixated on the animal. I crouched and slowly moved toward the window. I didn't hear the door open, or Celestia's voice. All that I cared about was the meat the small creature would provide me.
Against all common sense I had, I leapt at the bird.
"David!!!!!!!" I screamed as the idiot jumped like a cat through the window.
He grabbed a small black-bird just as it began to take flight. Then he fell out the window and down towards the ground. I ran to the sill and watched as he plummeted towards the streets of Canterlot, thousands of feet below. I quickly cast a transportation spell on him. He dissappeared in a flash of golden light. I breathed a sigh of relief, then a horrifying realization hit me. I hadn't thought of where I would send him. He could be anywhere! How could I have let this happen! I cast a scrying spell on him, hoping he was somewhere safe. When the spell had finally been performed, it showed me a grave image. David had blood all over his brand new shirt, one of many given to him by Rarity. He also had a crazed look in his eye, he seemed desperate. Worst of all, He was in the worst place possible.
Everfree Forest.
I had to save him!
"Celestia!" I heard Luna yell from behind me, "Your late for the conference! Quickly! Come with me!"
My sister grabbed me in her vice like magic grasp, ignoring my protests, and teleported us away. Now I was stuck in a two hour conference. I couldn't just leave either. The conference was about deciding whether or not to inject more bits into the economy so as to allow more money for the growing population. Without my supervision this could go very wrong very quickly. Politics was a pain.
"If we allow more bits into the economy it will lead to nothing more than inflation!!!" Yelled one represenative.
"Equestria's population is constantly growing! We need to allow more bits for the people!" Yelled another.
"Uhhhhhh.......... guys?" I try to but in.
"Idiot! Clearly you no experience in these matters! I knew you were too young to be a represenative!"
Uh oh.
"Ohhh, so I'm the idiot, huh?Your just a senile old stallion! Things aren't the same as back then, you old mule!"
"How dare you speak to your elder like that!"
This was gonna be a long day.
Throughout the meeting I consantly had to break up the same two foalish represenatives. It was getting nowhere. David had been out for nearly half an hour in that deadly forest. I could send a letter to Twilight, but they would have no idea where he is. Then they could end up lost in the Everfree. I needed to get out of here soon.
"Sister, is there something wrong?" Luna asked from beside me.
"I...uh accidentally sent our human guest deep into the Everfree." I whispered back, "I think he may be hurt as well! I was gonna save him when you dragged me here. It's beewn close to half an hour since I sent him there!"
"Why didn't you say so!" She whispered back. "Go, I'll handle these ruffians, David needs your help."
"Thanks sister, I can't believe I didn't think of that." I say.
"Even you, with all your wisdom, make mistakes Celestia"
I stand from my chair. "If you will excuse me, I have more pressing matters to deal with and must leave immediately." I announced.
"But your Highness! Your input in this debate is highly warranted. We ask that you stay until the matter has been settled!"
"Funny," Luna said "One would believe that if you had actually asked for her input this whole meeting."
Both of the stallions looked down in embarrassment.
"You may leave sister, my wisdom will surely be enough to guide these foalish ponies."
"Thank you"
I teleported to David's last known location.He was nowhere to be seen. He did however leave behind some tracks for me to follow. The recent storms over the Everfree had left the ground soft, allowing for David to leave clear footprints for me to follow. I followed his tracks for several minutes till they started to look more erratic. It looked a little like he had been constantly moving and, guessing by the depth of some of the prints, probably running as well. Then I noticed other tracks as well. They were made by some Kind of cloven hooved creature. He had been attacked by a wild boar! I hurriedly followed the tracks they had made deeper into the forest. I entered a clearing to a horrifying sight.
David was roasting a wild boar over a large fire on a spicket.
The boar itself was massive, easily one hundred pounds. It had several charred holes across its body. The poor creature had been mutilated. It may have been in self defense, but for David to continue to char the body was unecessary. Why would he do such a thing?
"D-David? Are you okay?"
"Huh?" He grunted, turning his head in my direction.
He stared at me for a second, that strange almost hungry look in his eyes, before he turned back to the the roasting boar. He then took a hold of the large beast and pushed over beside the fire. After throwing dirt over the fire he took a big bite out of the boar.
I emptied my stomach rather quickly after that.
He just continued to gorge himself on the boar's body. He finally stopped after putting quite a dent in it's flesh. He simply rolled off the boar and layed on the ground. He let out a large belch before falling asleep on the forest floor. I walked over to his unconscious body and gave his greasy form a prod. He continued snoring like a bear. I couldn't bring him back to the castle in this state. I cast a quick cleaning spell that removed the grime and blood from him and his clothing. After he was cleaned up I transported us back to the castle. Once he woke up he would have a lot of explaining to do.
I woke up groggily, holding my pounding head in my hands. I can't remember what had happened or where I was. Then I remembered that I needed to open my eyes to know where I was. I looked around to find that I was in my room in the palace. The curtains on my four-poster bed were drawn closed. I got up from the large bed and was glad to see my pristine, forest green shirt and black kakhis were still on me. Rarity had somehow managed to make me a weeks worth of clothes that all fit perfectly. I had been impressed at first, believing she had made the clothes without any measurments of my frame, then she admitted that Twilight had given her the measurements from the day I had arrived. That creeped me out.
I opened my door and headed out into the hallway. I saw the usual patrolling guard and rushing servant as I headed to the Royal Throne Room. I eventually came upon the large, elegantly carved doors. The same two guards (at least I think they're the same guys, they all look the same!) stood tall at either side of the closed doors. Everyone knows that guards meant that Celestia was inside. However, the doors aren't usually closed.
"Is her Highness taking visitors?" I asked the stoic guards.
"She is having a private discussion with Princess Luna" Responded the guard on the left in clipped a tone.
"You will be informed when she is available." Said the one on the right.
"Thanks, seeya later."
I decided finding out what happened would have to wait. I headed to the Royal Library to continue my studies in transfiguration spells. Twilight had made the spells look so easy in the Gala episode. It was a very delicate part of magic that had slightly higher consequences when they were screwed up. Most likely the subject would be stuck in between transformations, not exactly pleasing for the eyes. Sometimes the effect would be permanent. The fail-safe for that was to build a time limit into the spell. It would cause the spell to lose effect at a set time. I found out how useful that was when I screwed up turning Luna into a duck. It turned her into a manticore instead. A grumpy manticore at that. I only had to hide in the dungeons for two hours before the spell wore off.
After about an hour of studying I realised I hadn't had lunch yet. Yet I wasn't very hungry. When I checked the time, the clock showed it to be close to five o'clock. I hadn't eaten anything as far as I could remember, and usually I couldn't get enough food. Maybe I had eaten something and couldn't remember it. I headed to the kitchens to grab a snack. As usual the cooks were busy preparing dinner for the royal court. I just asked a passing cook for a peach, and I found the fruit in question flying towards me. I gently caught the delicate fruit and continued on my way. I lazily walked the halls of Canterlot Castle till a messenger arrived to inform me that Celestia would like to see me in her study. I had expected her at her throne, but I would still probably get some answers.
Her study was in a tower that lead from her room. I opened the door to find Celestia lounging on one of her silk pillows on the floor a book floating in front of her face. She quickly closed the book as I came in and stowed it away before I could read the title.
"You asked for me Princess?" I lazily question.
"I was also informed by my guards that you were looking for me earlier today. I had wanted to speak witk you as well, but only in a more private atmosphere. We have a lot to discuss that I would prefer not to be heard by the unwary ear." She told me.
"What would that be?"
"David, do you remember what happened earlier today? Your little 'bite' to eat?" She asked.
"The peach? I don't see why you would be concerned abou-"
"What? No! You don't remember killing and feasting on a wild boar in the Everfree Forest!" She cut me off.
"Wait! I, I-I ate a wild boar? In the Everfree Forest?" I asked, shocked.
"Yes! Earlier today you did 'that' in the forest." She replied.
"I don't remember doing any of that!"
"How could you forget that!"
"I don't know! Wait, how did I get to the forest in the first place?"
"Un-important, but I need to know one thing before we continue. David, are your species carnivores?"
Uh-oh. I know for a fact that this would not end well. Not At All.
"Ummm... Yes and No. My species are omnivores." I answer. I tried my best to keep the nervousness out of my voice. I think I failed.
She gave me a criticizing stare before answering me, "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?"
The piercing look she gave me broke me similiar to how a sledge hammer breaks a twig, "I didn't want to scare anyone. I don't imagine your kind would approve of a meat-eater in their midst. I swear I wouldn't hurt anyone!"
Her gaze softened, a small, motherly smile graced her lips, "David... You had nothing to fear. Many species are omnivores, griffons are a great example of this. You should have told me. While a little repulsive, it is far from uncommon."
"Oh... Thanks, I was kinda worr-"
I was cut off once again. This time by the door being suddenly opened by a very (very) brightly colored unicorn. No, wait, a very brightly colored Alicorn! I stared in awe, unable to believe that there was another one!. It struck me as strange that I had never seen her before. Alicorns weren't exactly common. She wore an ecstatic expression, almost hopping right past me towards a shocked Celestia.
"He finally proposed! I almost can't believe it! Can you, Celly? I'm getting married!!!," The vivid alicorn let out a high-pitched squeal of joy. Celestia's expression turned from shocked to happy as well. I was still at a lost of what was going on. The alicorn continued in her excited tones, "I can't wait! Shining was thinking of having the wedding right here in Canterlot Castle! Next month! He's even going to get Twilight's friends to help with the planning! I can't wait to see her! It's been so long since we last talked!"
"You know Twilight?" I interjected. For the first time since her arrival, the alicorn noticed my presence. She gave me a bewildered look, probably wondering how long I had been there, before her expression changed to an enlightened one.
"I'm sorry did I interrupt something?" She asked sheepishly, her gaze moving between me and Celestia.
"Oh, silly me! You two haven't met! Candence this is David Martinez, David this is Mi Amore Cadenza." Celestia answered.
"Just call me Candence." Cadence added, as she grasped my hand for a gentle hoof-shake.
I was still a little shaken by the series of events that had transpired before me, and it showed in my reply. "Nice t-to meet you" I respond.
"Likewise." She said sweetly. "So your the one Celly was talking about in her letters. The 'unique' case she had adopted as her new apprentice, am I right?"
"That sounds about right." I reply, my confidence coming back into my words. I hadn't known that Celestia talked about me in her letters.
She turned towards Celestia and asked in a genuinely curious  voice, "Hold on. Isn't he the one you said you needed my help with?"
Her cheeks lit up like traffic lights. "Wha? I-I mean w-we will d-discuss this later!" She said hastily.
"Okay?" Both me and Candence replied.
"Well I didn't mean to intrude on your conversation so I will be leaving now." Candence gave me a small smile before turning back to Celestia. "We still have much to discuss so I will return later today, is that okay?"
"Perfect." Celestia replied, having recovered from her fit.
Candence made a quick goodbye before leaving the room.
"Now where were we?" Celestia asked.
"You were about to tell me why you need Candence's help?" I attempted.
She gave me a dirty look before a bright flash of light returned me to my room.
"Was it something I said?"

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                     Wedding Crashers                      
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Wedding Crashers
Wedding Crashers
The next couple weeks were a blur. Everything was put on hold in preperation of the wedding. I was pulled to and fro, my hands and height being used to there full extent. It wasn't all work though, I spent my free time getting to know the bride and groom. This was Celestia's idea. Shining Armor was a great guy. As Captain of the Guard he had spent most of his days in the castle giving orders and checking up on Celestia's overall security. He was the same as every other guard then, stoic and silent. Now he showed his true colours. He was actually a very pleasant guy. I hadn't been able to talk to him much before he was called in for some security issue. It was on a need-to-know basis, and I didn't need to know was all Celestia would give me. Now he was back to focusing on his duty to Equestria and the Crown.
Candence, on the other hand, was always available. For a reason that I have yet to figure out, she has constantly visited me at the castle. When I asked her, she said that every mare has her secrets and that a true friend won't reveal said secrets. Her tone, however, hinted that she really, REALLY wanted to tell me why. However all she could reveal that she was doing this as a favor to another pony, apparently female. Regardless, Candence and I got along well. I found her stories about her adventures in babysitting Twilight rather amusing. It gave me plenty of blackmail material as well.  We spent a lot of our free time together. I was actually heading down to her home in Canterlot. She lived in a large, luxiourios home with Shining Armor. The whole place was part of being Captain of the Guard.
I knocked on the large, ornate door to be answered by Shining Armor. He was dressed in his armor, his feathered helmet tucked under one arm.
"Hey David! I didn't know you were coming!" Shining calmly greeted.
"Hey, Candence wanted to go grab some coffee before we got back to the wedding. Do you know were she is?" I asked.
"Well she's right inside. I'll call he- OWWW!!" He shouted, rubbing his forehead. "Ahhhh..... My head!"
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"Just a bad headache. I've been having them ever since I put up that shield around Canterlot."
"Shield?" I ask, "What shield?"
"The one above your head? You havn't noticed it yet?" He replied.
I looked up to see a pink, translucent shield replacing the sky.
"Huh, that's new."
"AHH....owwww...." He shouted, again.
"Oh, right. Headache. Actually, I have a spell for that!" I say excitedly, preparing the spell, a familiar black aura surrounding my hand.
At that moment Candence decided to make an appearence. "Oh, no no no no!!! I got it!" She quickly yelled.
"Ohhhkaaay?" I say, kinda confused by her reaction. I watched as she cast her spell on Shining. His eyes went 'derp' for a second before he returned to normal. Strange, I don't remember the spell doing that.
"Now, if you don't mind, I have a wedding to take care of." She said in a huffy tone before leaving.
"I guess that means no coffee. Whats got her saddle in a bunch?" I say, Smiling at my mastery of pony culture.
"She's been a little edgy lately,what with the wedding and all. Especially since I can't be around  to help." Was Shining's response.
"Ohhh, I see." I respond, one of my old girlfriend's favorite T.V. show was Bridezillas. I knew what he was talking about. "Well, doubtless someone will need my help. I'll see you later."
"Wait! I almost forgot!" Shining exclaimed, "Candence and I would be honored if you came to our wedding."
He held an invitation in his hoof, holding it out to me. I pushed it back to him.
"No,Thanks. I wish I could come, but me and weddings don't mix. Sorry." I apoligized.
"Oh... Well that's a bummer. Can I ask why?"
"All I can tell you is that the last wedding I went to ended with me in the emergency room."
"Wow, that sounds pretty bad."
"Seeya" I say as I head back to the castle.
Shining gave a quick reply before donning his helmet and heading out to the guard's barracks. I reached the castle quickly. I headed for the kitchen's and grabbed an apple and gave a quick high to Gustave, the French Griffon. Celestia had hired him as my personal chef. He made my less 'vegetarian' meals for me. He had leapt at the opportunity  took serve traditional griffon food stuffs at the castle. Apparently griffons had a taste for fish. Most of my meals consisted of seafood served in every way possible. He did things with salmon I didn't know possible. Strangely, sushi hadn't been invented. I didn't feel like food poisoning from bad sushimi.
I didn't make it far before I heard Celestia call out my name. I had been trying to reach my room unnoticed. I was supposed to be out with Candence so no one would look for me. No such luck. I backed up to her open door. She was lying (or sitting?) in her large bed.
"Good! You heard me! I have something for you!" She said excitedly.
"Uh, Okay?" I respond. What would she have for me.
She used her magic to levitate a small, gift-wrapped box into my hands.
"Go on. Open it."
I tear apart the brightly colored paper and open the top of the box to reveal a gold bracelet encrusted in bright green emeralds.
"Woah, this is amazing! Thanks, Celestia!" I say, admiring the glittering accessory. I wasn't one for jewelry, but the band was shaped into a dragon swirling around each of the large gemstones. It was amazing.
"Glad you like it." Celestia said. When I looked up at her she had a wierd look in her eyes. It vanished a second later, but I had seen all I needed to. I recognized that look, and I wished I hadn't. It was the look of a love-struck girl,and it had been trained on me.
My face must have shown my horror based on what Celestia said next. "What's wrong?" She asked, concern and worry written on her face.
"NOTHING!!!!!" I yelled out, "I-I mean... I'm f-fine! Just perfect!"
She gave me a stern stare. The door behind me closed. Uh-oh.
"You know you can tell me anything and it would never leave this room, right David?" She asked.
That was a lot better than what I was thinking.
"Is it that obvious?" I say, defeated.
"Mmm-hmm" She hummed, nodding her head. "David, if there is anything you need all you have to do is ask me, you know that. I want you to be happy."
Yup, she had a crush on me. Hard.
"I'm fine, Celestia." I say, "There's nothing to be worried about."
Disappointment was practically emanting from her. "Come to me when your ready to tell me, can you promise me that?" She asked. I knew then there was no fooling the ancient sun god.
"Yes, your Highness." I say, hanging my head.
"Celestia to close friends, and you're one of them." She said, opening her door. "Luna asked for you earlier today. I suggest you head to her study by the library. Then take the day off. You seem stressed."
"Thanks, Celestia." I say, exiting the room.
I start running the moment the door clicked closed. Never had I experienced such an awkward moment. Of all the things I laughed at in fanfictions, inter-species relationships were the most ridiculed in my book. I never believed a relationship like that could develop. The pure wrong-ness would be defused by the simple fact that they aren't mindless animals, they are sentient beings. However, all relationships start off on physical attractiveness. Our brains use our eyes to find a suitable mate in which to create strong offspring. Another species won't trigger these thoughts. Of all my time here, never once have I considered getting involved in anyway like this with anypony. Fate, apparently, had different ideas. Now, not only do I have a mare after me, but that mare was the Ruler of Equestria!!! And, to make matters worse, I can't reject her feelings! No one turns down a fucking QUEEN. That never ends well!
My thoughts were interrupted when I collided with somepony, knocking myself down. My eyes were, naturally, closed so I heard the crash before I saw it. When I decided to take a peek I saw a rather surprised Luna lying spread eagle on the floor. When her eyes landed on me she fixed with a death stare for the ages.
"Hello, David" She said in a very moody tone.
"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." I apoligize as I helped her up.
"Obviously." She said, smirking. "Now if you aren't busy I have a favor to ask."
"What would that be?"
"I need you to help me out. As you well know Canterlot is in danger."
"Yeah?"
"Your mastery of combat magic makes you a valuable asset in Canterlot's defense. However, Celestia doesn't want you involved. She's afraid that you would get hurt should the situaition get critical. I think you are too useful to be left out like this. Your skills may be needed in the coming storm."
"Woah! Hold up! I don't even what your talking about! What's coming? And why would you need me?"
"You haven't been told? We have reason to believe a swarm of Changelings are going to attack Canterlot. We're going to need all the firepower we can get should Shining Armor's shield fail."
"So you want to join the guards in defending Canterlot?" I say, sorta shocked by the proposition.
"Yes and No. You'll be defending Canterlot, but not as another guard. Celestia can't know what your doing. I have sent armor to your room. When the time comes, you are to put it on and report to me."
"Okay?" I kinda of agreed. Then I had a brain-wave. Can my enemies fly? Multiple flying creatures inhabitated Equestria. Were Changelings one of them? "Can Changelings fly?" I ask Luna.
"Yes, why?" She responded.
"Don't you think I should too?" I tell her, eyebrow cocked. Her eyes widened at my words.
"You do have a point. I know a spell, but you may not like it." She said.
"Doesn't matter. I'll take what I can get."
She nodded and her horn glowed. Rather than cast the spell she was talking about, however, she somehow loaded the information straight into my head. I recognised the spell immediately. It was the same spell Twilight used on Rarity.
"Butterfly wings? Don't you think that may be a teensy bit pointless?" I say.
"There is no other spell that can truly replicate the gift of flight." She responded. "Maybe you can alter the spell to strenghthen the wings?"
"Maybe... Also why bother teaching spells when you can do what you just did?" I ask, curious as to why it hasn't been used before.
"Because a spell like that involves invading the mind, a major violation of one's privacy. Only me and my sister know this spell."
"Ohhh..."
One of the many servants that roamed the castle arrived then.
"Oh good! I found you!" He said, he grabbed me in his magic and dragged ne away from Luna, who just waved until the servant turned a corner. "You're needed with the party planner," The service pony continued, "She said she would need you."
"What party planner?" I ask, still floating in a magic bubble. "I didn't know there was a party planner. I didn't even know there was a party."
"Well there is going to be a party, and the planner needs you." He replied, plopping me down in front of a door. "Here you are."
After the unicorn left I was left alone in front of the large wooden door. After a minute of nothing happening I open the door. I was instantly tackeled by a pink blur. Pinkie Pie.
"DAVID!!!! I haven't seen you in forever!" She spoke. "You've been missing all my parties! You better come to the reception. I won't be happy if you don't" She said, a puppy-dog face with big, sparkling eyes staring into my soul.
"Fine, I'll come to the reception." I submit, smirking at Pinkie's sillyness. "Nobody told me you were here. Are all the girls here too."
"WHAT!!! You didn't know we were here! We've been here for two days!" She yelled in my face.
"Really? Well the wedding has been keeping me busy." I observe.
"Well since your here you can help set up decorations!" Pinkie happily announced.
She hopped off my chest and walked through the open door. I just shook my head and followed.
Today was the day. The wedding would finally begin. While everyone was at the rehersal, I was trying on the armour. It was the regular golden guard's armour modified to fit a human frame. It covered my entire torso in golden plates. Unlike most armour, strangely, it did not have any shoulder pauldrons. The armour set also came with simple strap-on plates of the same golden metal for my shins and lower arms. Any exposed would be covered by a padded, burlap under shirt and pants.  Then there was the helmet. It was an exact replica of a spartan's helm. The trademark blue plume had been dyed black and a obsidian spike burst from the forehead, carved into the likeness of a unicorn's horn. The sapphire star usually embedded in the center of the chest was now a black obsidian orb. The whole set was strangely light for what was supposedly solid gold. Under the armour I wore nothing but underwear and Celestia's gift. The bejeweled band gave me a sense of security.
I was admiring the feel of the armour when I heard the fanfare. The wedding had begun. Everyone in Canterlot would be at the wedding. Except me, of course. What would I do till the Reception at sundown? I sat in my room pondering my choices, that is until a commotion broke me out of my thoughts. It had come from the wedding! I bolted out of my room straight down to the wedding room until I saw what was going om outside. Something had surrounded the city, a large swarm. 'Changelings.' That word flashed across my mind. Surely it couldn't be anything else?
I remembered what Luna had said. 'When the time comes report to me.' She had said. I think this was that time. I turned and ran for Luna's quarters. It wasn't long till I was banging on her door.
"Luna! There here! Let me in!" I yelled admist my hammering. The door quickly opened, revealing a very serious Luna.
"If they have come, then we will have to fight" She said. I nodded my approval. Her horn glowed and a flash of blue light took us outside. We were in the middle of the city, the swarms of black creatures hammering the shield. I attempted to cast the spell  Luna had given me, but it failed.
"Shit!" I burst.
"What is wrong?" Luna asked.
"Looks like I won't be flying." I say.
"Then get on. We'll take them on together." She said. She lowered herself and I climbed on. I didn't think she would be able to support my weight, but she effortlessly took off like I wasn't even there.
She smiled at the suprised look on my face. "You aren't the heaviest thing that's graced my back, David. I'm much stronger than I look." She said in a mocking tone.
Before I was able to respond the dome over the city cracked, then shattered. The black specks in the sky were suddenly green, flaming meteors whizzing by us. Luna dodged the kamikaze freaks while I let lose blast after blast of my black magic. This went on till one of the flaming monsters hit me in the chest blowing me off Luna's back.
"David!" Luna screamed before she too was hit by a Changeling missle.
I fell hundreds of feet, the streets of Canterlot approaching faster than I liked. In a last bid attempt at survival I charged the most powerful Mage Gun blast I have ever attempted. I shot it down only twenty feet from the ground. The kickback sent a shock through my frame and I hit the ground face down. Everything hurt from the impact. I shakily stood from the rubble left from my blast. I may be sore, but nothing seemed to be actually hurt. The armor had abosorbed most of the damage, small dents and scratches covered the gold plate. I let out a small whoop of joy at surviving the fall. I heard a small groan come from behind me. I quickly turned towards the sound and saw maybe the freakiest thing in my life. A Changeling was lying behind me, unconscious. He was probably the one who hit me off Luna. These things were ugly as fuck. They were like a cross between house-flys and unicorns. Black with green, insectoid wings. A mishapen horn set in it's forehead. I looked up to see most of the Changelings were moving deeper into the city towards the castle. I needed to stop them, but I had no way to intercept them without flight. I turned to the unconcious bug-pony. He had wings, and I don't think he'll be missing them any time soon. I cast the synthetic wing spell, adding the Changelings wings to my mental list of ingredients. I saw the two appendages come loose from his form and attach to the back of my armour. The spell built on the base, swelling the wings into a more usable size. Once they had fully grown I took off. The wings would operate on their own, I just needed to tell them what to do.
I spotted a rather close Changeling only fifty feet up. This one seemed to be patrolling the area. Looking for anyone outside to attack, no doubt. I hid in a tree till he buzzed his way above me. Then I launched at him, grabbing him  by his spiny head, and threw him to the ground. I followed this with a moderate magic missle and watched the little bugger get vaporized. These things were more fragile than I thought. If that basic of an attack could take these guys out than this would be a breeze. Just pick off the leaders, then hopefully the others would bolt before things got too intense.
I flew high above the city to see if I could pick out which Changelings were leading the invasion. To my surprise, the army seemed to be leaderless. The Changelings seemed to have no apparent head on the battlefield. They all moved in what would have to be assumed as preset patterns. There leader wasn't here. That means my plan wouldn't work.
I was then attacked from behind by another Changeling. I had been spotted. While I careened in the air the Changeling in question let out a shrill whistle. When I restored my wits, I was surrounded by the freaks of nature. They all wore a variety of expressions. Then there expressions turned to confusion. They all looked at eachother as if asking the other 'what do we do now?' I took this moment of confusion to let out a battlecry and blast a couple with a Mage Gun blast. When they saw there fellow comrades get snuffed out there expressions changed to anger. Noy what I was hoping for. They all charged at me and began to pummel away at me and my armour. It absorbed the worst of the hits, but they hurt all the same. I returned there punches and kicks, lashing out at anything I could hit. Despite their numbers, I was beating them away. When I had some breathing room I really let loose. I unleashed a volley of missles unto them, cutting their numbers in half. But these were immediately replaced by even more Changelings. My fight was attracting the attention of the other invaders, and they really piled it on. I attempted to hold my ground, but the attacks were relentless. I could feel myself weakening, and The armour was all but destroyed. The dented plates were hanging off my beaten and bloody frame. I had several cuts and bruises only, but if I don't keep my fight up I would be getting some real injuries.  Then a Changeling bucked me in the back of the head. The pain was teeth-grinding, the taste of blood told me I had bitten my toungue. I felt conciousness slipping away. If I'm going out then I'm taking out as many of these bastards as I can. I curled myself into a ball, focusing all my inner magical power. The Changelings took a moment to observe my strange actions. Idiots.
"You -heh- better run" I rasp out. "This one's -heh- got only one safe spot -heh- , and it's taken."
I release an Arcane Blast, the most destructive spell in my arsenal, eradicating the Changelings around me in a  my black aura sphere.
After the spell was let loose, everything faded to black. The last thing I remember was missing the Canterlot streets, and falling to the woods below the city.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                         Adoption                          
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Adoption
Adoption
I'm not sure what woke me up. Maybe the severe pain that ran through me every time I moved, or the sound of a tree branch breaking. Most likely, however, was that something of decent weight had dropped on my chest. Whatever the reason I woke with a start. I flapped around like a fish. When I finally came to my senses I remebered that I was in pain. I immediately stop moving and just lay there, the pain had frozen my mind. My body was feeling every bruise and ache from the beating I got from the Changelings. Plus, I felt a warm, wetness all over my right leg. I couldn't feel what exactly caused the bleeding, just that I was.
"Are you okay, Mister?" I hear a small, feminine voice say. I was broken out of my pain filled daze and finally took notice of my surroundings. I turn my hide from side to side, taking in the scene I was in. I was in a forest. The forest didn't seem to be too thick, or too scary. I probably wasn't in the Everfree so that was some good news, but if not the Everfree then were? More importantly, how did I get here?
"Uh, Mister?" I heard the voice again. I turned my head forward, towards what would be the sky if it hadn't been blocked by a round, scaly red face.
"AHHHHHH!!!!"
"EEEEEEEK"
My chest shot up as I dragged myself backward into a tree, away from whatever had just screamed in my face.
Then I saw what 'it' was. There, rubbing its head, was a baby dragon. It could be no bigger than Spike himself. It's spines were triangular, rather than rounded like Spike's, and it's scales were a bright red. It also had a pale yellow underbelly. The small dragon looked a little thin around the middle. When it stopped rubbing its head it saw my gaze and quickly ran behind a tree, peering out.
It was kinda cute.
"Hey, sorry for scaring you. Will you please come out? I have to ask you something." I say. Maybe the dragon knew were I was. "Can you tell me where I am right now?"
"The Woods." It said in that small voice. She (at least I think it's a she) was slowly coming out from behind th tree.
"Yes, but where are the woods?"
"Here." She replied, she was now completely visible.
Guess I wasn't going to be able to get any thing from her.
"Are you going to hurt me?" I heard say. I finally notice the fear in her voice.
I remove the beat helmet from my head. "No, I won't hurt you. Even if I did I don't think I could" I say, Chuckiling at my last comment. "I've been beaten up pretty bad. Don't know where I am, what to do or even if anyone is looking for me. Celestia was right, first day on the job and here I am"
"Who's Celestia?" The dragon asked.
"My friend and superior."
"What's that?"
"A superior?"
"No, a friend. What is that?"
"You don't know what a friend is?"
She shook her head. All her fear seemed to have vanished, replaced by wonder.
"A friend is someone who cares and respects you. Who is there when you need comfort. They laugh with you, and they cry for you. A friend is a person who, no matter what, will be there for you. Don't you have someone like that?"
Tears brimmed in her eyes, and her body shaked. "I used to." She whispered. She broke down sobbing uncontrollably. It was heart-breaking, seeing the small thing cry like that. I shakily stood and walked over, each step with my right leg sent pain up my body. Yet I kept moving forward till I was right next to the small thing. I sat back down and pulled her into my arms. Her sobs broke for a moment, then she continued to cry into my soldier.
"It's okay, it's okay." I say softly. "You're okay. Just let out."
"M-mm-mommy!" She said in between her sobs.
"What happened?" I said, shifting her to my lap.
She spoke when she had control over her sobs, "M-me and m-mmommy were looking for food when a manticore hurt m-mommy." She said. "I ran, and w-when I came back mommy was s-sleeping and wouldn't wake up. Then the manticore came back and he... he, he started to eat my m-mommy!" She said, crying once more.
"How long ago was that?" I asked.
"A-about two months ago." She said, getting a grip on her crying.
I held the small little thing close.
"I'm sorry for your loss." I say. "What about your father?"
"Mommy said he died protecting me and mommy from an avalanche when I was a hatchling." Her voice was quiet and sad, every word a heart broken whisper.
Her stomach growled.
"Sound's like your hungry. When was the last time you ate?" I asked.
"Two days ago." She said before something caught her eye. She stared at the hand I had on her shoulder. I looked as well and realized she was staring at my bejeweled bracelet. The accessory had survived the battle and was still attached to my wrist. I removed my arms and removed the gold and emerald band from my wrist, placing it in her small hands.  "Here you have it."
She held the small token in her claws, staring in disbelief. She gave me a quick and gracious hug before biting into the apparently delicous bracelet.
I stood as she ate and walked to the spot I had been lying. The tree canopy above had a hole in it. It looked like someone had fallen through the trees.
Then I remembered what had happened. How I had fallen unconcious before falling into the forest where I was know. I was just below the castle. But how long had I been out? It was still daytime so it was possible I wasn't out that long.
I shot a single magic flare as high as I could. If It reached high enough, the black marker would alert people at the castle of my location. Now I just wait.
"What was that?" I hear the small dragon ask.
"A signal flare" I answer. I turn her way. "By the way I never got your name"
"Mommy called me Garnet." She said sweetly, a smile on her face. She seems to have recovered from her breakdown.
"Nice to meet you Garnet. My name's David." I said as a response.
"That's a funny name. David." She said. "You also look kinda weird. Is that why you have a weird name?"
"Guess you could say that. " I say, chuckiling at her words. "Where I come from my name is common as your scales."
"Really? Where do you live?"
"Well I used to live in a country called America till I was brought here."
"So where do you live now?"
"I live in a Canterlot Castle, a palace located in the this country's capital, there I live in luxury. Nothing to worry about except my studies."
"What's 'study'?"
"I study magic with the Princess."
"Cool"
I waited for about an hour for a response from my distress beacon. I passed the time healing myself in whatever way I could whilst talking with Garnet. I learned that Garnet had been surviving on her own in the wild. She had no one else to look after her. She had been close to starving when I had found her. With so little survival skills it was amazing she had made it so far. She was alone out here, an orphaned child on her own.
Help arrived in the form of a carriage. Two pegasus guards came dragging the flying carriage along. I whooped with joy at their arrival. As I climbed in the carriage I heard a light sniffle. Garnet was crying again, walking back into the forest she has called home.
"Hey Garnet!" I yelled after her.
She turned her heads torwards me, her expression filled with sadness.
"I said friends look after eachother," I say, "I can't look after you when your all the way out here can I?"
Her expression turned to shock, then joy. The tears she had been shedding became tears of joy.
"You coming or what?" I say as a finalizer.
She runs straight into me and the carriage, knocking me over with her fervent hugs. Out of the corner of my eye I see the two guards smile at eachother. Guess they weren't as stone cold as I thought.
"Can I call you daddy?" I hear Garnet ask. Her request shocked me to say the least. She wanted to call me her father?
"Why do you want to?" I ask.
"I never knew my father, and your the only family I have now." She whispers. "We've just met, and you've shown kindness and caring that I've never recieved from anyone except my mommy."
"Then I guess I am your daddy, huh?" I whisper back.
She fixes me with the most cute, loving stare I have ever seen. She hugged me and I hugged back. At that moment I swore to never to protect and care for her, in honor of her lost parents.
Nothing would keep my daughter from happiness.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                         Girl Talk                         
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Girl Talk
The New Guy
I woke up in a hospital bed.
"When did I get here?" I ask no one in particular, looking around my lavish room.
"Oh, about an hour ago." Said my doctor, appearing from seemingly out of nowhere. "You lost conciousness on the carriage ride here. Good thing they got you here when they did. You had lost a lot of blood. Any longere and we could have had some trouble keeping you alive."
"Woah." I say to myself. I've been hurt plenty of times, but I've never been this close to death. It scared me.
"Daddy!!!" I heard a voice call out. I turned to the door at my right to a red blur. Garnet had attached herself to my chest, gripping me in a tight hug."Don't you ever scare me like that! I thought I was gonna lose you too!"
Tears soaked my torn and bloody shirt. I held the small sobbing dragon close to me, speaking reassuring words. "It's okay. I'm here and I'm okay. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."
She gazed up into my choclate brown eyes with her big, watery, golden ones. "Promise me." She said, dead serious.
"I promise I won't leave you, my little Garnet." I say rubbing my nose with her own. A smile finally graced her lips.
"You better not." She said softly, laying her small head on my chest.
"Awwwwwwwwww!!!" I hear a choir of voices emit. I turn towards the door again to see the gang fawning over me and Garnet.
"Hi, girls." I say in a deadpan. They all stop their cooing to give me sheepish smiles.
"Hey David, who's the squirt?" I hear Dash finally speak.
"This, my friends, is Garnet." I say. "She's my new adoptive daughter."
"WHAT!!!!" I hear them plus another arrival, Celestia had just arrived. "Daughter? You can't just pick up any child you see and call it your own!" She said. "More importantly is where you found her. Dragons are dangerous."
Garnet's hold tightens. "Celestia calm down, your scaring her." I say firmly. "I now how adoption works. I'm pretty sure whatever laws you have don't apply to her."
My words caught her off guard, she gave me a suprised and almost offeneded look. "David! Listen to me! We don't even know if you can take care of a child, much less a dragon."
"Daddy, is she gonna take you away?" Garnet whispers. Despite this her words are head by everyone in the room.
"Awkward" I hear Rainbow Dash mutter.
"No, Garnet. I promised I wouldn't leave you." I comfort Garnet before turning to Celestia. "Right, your Highness?" I say with a venom I didn't know I have. She gave me an affronted look before giving up.
"Fine, you can keep her." She said darkly. The next couple minutes were filled with a dead silence.
"Weelll, if were done with the discussion on where Garnet will be going, I have something to stay." Rarity spoke up. "Now I think I speak for everyone when I say, WHAT IN CELESTIA'S NAME WHERE YOU THINKING!!!!!!!"
Her sudden outburst caught me off guard. "I, um, I was... um" Everyone had a angry stare fixed on me.
"Yeah! Taking on an army of Changelings by yourself? Even I think that's a little reckless." Dash said.
"You had us worried sick! We all thought you had died!" Twilight put in.
They all nodded there heads in agreement.
"Come on guys! It wasn't that reckless! I had armour!"
"And you still got your flanked whooped ya' varmint!" Applejack retorted. "Lotta good yer' "Armour" did 'ya."
"Speaking of armour. Where did you get it?" Celestia interrupted. "I don't remeber asking Soot to make you a set."
"I gave it to him" Luna said, having just entered. "I would also like to thank David for his involvement in the battle over Canterlot."
"You gave him the armour?" Celestia said in disbelief. "So is it safe to assume you told him to risk his life as well?"
"She didn't tell me to do anything. She asked for my help and I gave it." I say. "RIsking my life was my decision. This is my home, Celestia, and I don't plan to leave it out to dry."
I tried to sit up only to feel a sharp pain in my side, forcing me to lay down again.
"Don't do that!" The Doctor yelled. "You have several fractures! We need you to rest! Now I'm gonna have to ask you all to leave. My patient has obviously had a very rough day and needs his rest."
After a quick round of goodbyes and get wells, everyone except Garnet left the room. I caught a glance of the look Celestia gave Luna on there way out. Luna was in for some serious butt-wooping.
Garnet snuggled under my chin and drifted off into a deep slumber. I was still marveling at her ability to so easily trust me. Was I really that likable? These thoughts ran through my head as it slowly dipped, and I took the rest the doctor had told me to take.
"Well it's time for you to get going!" The Doctor informed me. It had been several days since my arrival. The girls had paid me a quick visit before heading back out to Ponyville. The newly-weds had been there as well, and they told me what had happened back at the wedding when I was fighting the Changelings. Their queen, Chrysalis, had impersonated Candence and used Shining Armor's love as means of power to defeat Celestia and break the shield, only for Shining to break from her control and defeat her with the same love she was feeding from. It all seemed extremely cliche if you ask me.
I walked out into another bright sunny day in Canterlot. I wore a suit and tie Rarity had made for me in preperation of the reception I couldn't attend. It was average for a monkey suit, except the tie was bright red and the dress shirt I wore underneath was a little frilly.
Best of all, Garnet was sleeping on top of my skull. The poor girl hadn't had a good nap since this morning trying to help the Doctor with everything from my pain pills to removing my bandages. Now I was taking her to the castle she would live in. I strode down the streets of Canterlot, breathing in the fresh air. It was good to get out of that hospital bed.
When we reached the castle the two guards halted my entry.
"Princess Mi Amore Candenza  has requested you in the Gardens" Said the one on the left.
"Really? Why?"
"We do not know. We were told by her Highness to tell you this."
"Oh, Okay." I say, confused. Why would Candence want to talk to me? Well, maybe she just wanted to talk as friends. But then tell the guards to get me?
I walked around to the Royal Gardens. After a bit of roaming I found Candence sitting in the shade of a tree.
She gave me a small smile as I walked over and sat in the shade as well. "I see that the guard has done his part. How's your leg?"
"Fine," I reply, "I can't believe how quickly I healed. The cut I had would've taken much longer to heal fully on my world. Then again, we didn't have magic."
"Apparently so. I see Garnet still hasn't left your side." Candence said. "How has she been doing?"
"She's good. She tired herself out taking to my every need back at the hospital." I say.
Candance gave me another small sweet smile. "Well I'm glad you two care so much for eachother. She obviously adores you! Not suprising really, you are quite the charmer." She said, giggling.
I raise an eyebrow. "You don't say? It's more of a curse if you ask me. I keep attracting women where ever I go. Especially women I don't want around."
"What do you mean?" Cadence asked.
"I know about Celestia." I deadpan.
"Oh... Wait?! You don't like her?" She said in shock.
"Of course I like her!" I almost yell. "She's cared for me since I got here. I just don't like her the way she obviously likes me!"
"Why not?"
"She's a fucking PONY!!!" I yell. "Humans don't date ponies! A human should never date an animal! It's just wrong!"
"Dad, what's wrong?" Garnet's voice asked from the heavens.
"Nothing important." I tell her, moving her into my lap. "Daddy is just having some girl issues."
"Oh... Okay!" She said cheerfully. She curled into my lap and resumed her napping.
Once she had dozed off, Cadence fixed me in a petrifying stare. "David do you really think that Celestia is an animal? Last I checked, animals didn't lead nations for thousands of years. Celestia isn't an animal. You should know that."
I throw my head into the tree in defeat. "I know, but where I come from there isn't any other sentient being in existence!" I say, throwing my arms in the air. "Only humans have higher thinking on Earth. Here, Iv'e lost countless times to a cow in checkers!"
"Really?" Cadence snickered into her hoof.
"Yeah! She would beat me everytime! She was always three steps ahead! She's the Sun Tzu of checkers!"
"Well I don't know who 'Sun Zuu' is, but it sounds to me like she gave you quite the beating. But we're getting off topic. Why are so opposed to getting involved romantically with Celestia?"
"I told you, because she's a pony. Sure back home I would have leapt at such an oppurtunity, but now that it might happen? It just doesn't seem right."
Cadence gave me a warm smile. "Well I can tell you no one here will think it's wierd. Inter-species relationships happen all the time here. If what you just said is true, I think your problem is just cold feet. Your intimidated by the Princess, you think that you don't stand a chance with her."
"But that doesn't make sense! I know I have a chance with her!  She has a crush on me! So why would I be intimidated?"
"Because she is the Goddess of the Sun maybe? Or perhaps because she is also the ruler of a powerful nation? Believe me, I am the expert in love. You want to be with her, but you tell yourself it can't happen."
"Fine! I'll date Celestia! Happy Now!" I say in frustration.
"Glad you finally came around." She said, rising to her feet. "You can come out know." I hear her say to no one.
"Who are you talking to?" I ask.
"Her." She said with a smirk pointing a hoof to a bush next to the tree.
At that moment a certain white alicorn leapt out of said bush, and into me. She grasped me in a tight hug before squealing out "Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, YEEESSS!!!"
What have I gotten myself into?

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                     And Life Goes On                      
//-------------------------------------------------------//
And Life Goes On
And Life Goes On
The next day was kinda hectic. Celestia had already planned the whole date leaving me with one job, be prepared. That one command (believe me, it was a command) had turned from me finding a suit for the night into me researching everything about courting rituals between ponies. Has Twilight rubbed off on me? Probably, but it didn't matter now. I found that most of the methods were the same as with humans. As I got deeper I did find a few differences. Apparently, ponies didn't give eachother any form of jewelry at a wedding. Go figure. Also, it was considered romantic to wear a flower matching the color of your mate's coat. A white rose should do nicely.
Now I was in my room, checking that my suit and tie were straight, that the rose was placed just right and that my hair was in some semblance of order.
"How do I look, Garnet?" I ask the small dragon seated on my bed.
"Like that mean unicorn, Blue Blood." She said, contempt in her voice.
"Perfect. You seem upset. What's wrong?" I ask, turning from the mirror. Garnet held her head in her small claws looking a little more than a bit down.
"I don't like the big, white pony lady. She tried to take you away." She said with a 'haarumph'.
"Is that all?" I say cheerfully. "You know, she did want to take you away, but only because she thought that I picked you up from that forest as a pet, not as a my adoptive daughter. She was afraid I wouldn't raise you right. But, I convinced her otherwise. She was only worried about you."
She crossed her arms in the cutest fashion possible and made another 'humph' sound. I rubbed her scalp and made for the door. "I probably won't be back till late." I say. "Can I trust you to be responsible till I get back?"
Garnet looked down a bit before she leapt from the bed and up to me. She gave me a quick hug saying, "Hurry back, Daddy." and stared up at me with those golden eyes.
"Of course, Sweetie." I say. I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and left my room.
I took the three steps to Celestia's door next to mine and knocked.
"Cooomiiing!" I hear, her voice gushing joy. Even in Equestria, girls take FOREVER to get ready. What could possibly be taking so long!
She finally walked out of her room dressed in none of her regelia or even a decorative saddle. Instead she wore a sweet and simple sundress, red in color. She walked out of her room, eyes closed and nose high, before closing her door and walking down the hallway. All I could do was stare as she walked, hips swaying with each step.
"You coming?" Her words knocked me out of my trance. She was pulling all the stops. She was actually sexy! She was beautiful at first but now! I felt my heart race as I hurried to her side as she led the way to our date.
I expected to be lead into the city for a night at the theatre or some other fancy place in Canterlot. Instead she dragged me to the Royal Gardens. I've never seen them at night, and now I wonder why I had never took the time. They were pretty during the day, but at night it was a whole new experience. New and strange flowers bloomed during the night as nocturnal animals danced around. It was like walking into a new world. I stood in awe of the flora and fauna.
"If your done we still have a ways to go." Came Celestia's taunting voice.
"Coming, your Highness." I say with a smug look. We head into the hedge maze, Celestia guiding me through the turns before we come to a pond with several apple trees surronding it. I recognised the spot from the Discord incident.
Celedtia had a picnic set-up dead center of the small alcove. She sat on her haunches atop a simple silk blanket laid out on the grass. She padded the spot next to her and I sat as instructed. She opened her picnic basket and levitated out one of Gustave's delicous smoked salmon sandwhiches on sourdough. It was favorite dish, a simple finger food that I could eat on the go without sacrifcing flavor. Celestia ate a daisy and sunflower sandwhich on rye.
"Well," I speak up. "I have to say. I was expecting something a little more fancy, but this is much better. I was worried that I would end up having to endure a night of boredom."
Celestia nodded as she swallowed the bite she had taken. "You don't seem like one who would enjoy an opera at the Canterlot Theatre. Honestly, after living so long, even I can't stand that place. They rarely show anything new! It's the same acts again and again! Not much to enjoy anymore."
"Huh."
"Hmm... Would you like some champagne?"
"Wha.. Really? " , I say accepting the glass. I swirl the liquid around in my glass. "I didn't know ponies had this stuff."
"What stuff, champagne?"
"Alcohol in general."
"Well we do. I'm sure everyone needs a drink once in a while" Celestia said with a small smile, sipping from her glass.
"Amen to that!" I say and drink from my glass.
The rest of the night followed the same pattern. We would just sit there and talk about all we could think of. I would tell her about the amazing tech we had to replace magic on our world. She told me about all the sights she's seen over the years. It was great to really unwind with her. We both enjoyed eachothers company and that was it.
"Oh, my!", Celestia exclaimed, "It's past midnight, we should both head to bed."
"Cool." I simply say. We packed up the picnic, dropped it off at the kitchens, and headed for our rooms. Then with a word of good night we went to bed.
That is Celestia went to bed. I was up til' one that night trying to get Garnet's spikes, and the dragon attached to them, out of the wall.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                  Relationships Suck pt.1                  
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Relationships Suck pt.1
The days went by like a breeze on a warm summer's day. Ironic, it was actually setting into fall. I had been two weeks before I decided to head back to Canterlot, and an eventful two weeks they were. I will get into details later, but first I need to tell you this. Celestia is extremely overprotective. With that in mind, here's the events of the last two weeks...
"Daddy wake up!!!"
Garnet's voice grated on my ears. Alarms are my worst enemy no matter where I go. Time to get up.
"I'm really hungry and the mean lady is making my food! What if she tries to poison me? Or worse, poison YOU!!!"  Garnet yelled at me from the edge of my bed. I groggily get up from my bed and trudge to the "kitchen." Garnet followed me pleading that I stop Celestia from making breakfast.
I see Celestia frying up some eggs and hashbrowns on the small stove, easily managing the two dishes with her magic.
"Morning, Celestia." I say and yawn.
"Ah ah ah, my name is Sunflower remember?" Celestia said with a playful wink. Despite the complete lack of need to do so, Celestia had insisted she stay "in character" while in Ponyville. She had covered her cutie mark with a sticker depicting the same flower as her persona's name as well as keeping only her horn, rendering her wings invisible. I had commented on the lack of creativity when she had named her disguise. She had  responded with a simple "shut up."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say 'Sunflower'. When will breakfast be ready?" I ask sitting down at the table.
"Now!" Celestia cheerfully said, the plate popping into existence in front of me.
"Thanks" I say simply and begin to chow-down. Then I noticed little Garnet was sitting staring at her food with a look that could kill a manticore. I was amazed the eggs hadn't caught fire yet.
"If it was poisoned I would be dead on the floor Garnet." I say in an emotionless voice, I did not want to deal with Garnet's attitude today.
Garnet let off a small sigh, "Fine..."
The rest of breakfast went off without a hitch. Garnet and I eating our food at the table quietly while Celestia ate her part while standing, using her magic to levitate the food to her mouth. When we had finished our food I got up from the table and went to the bathroom to finish getting ready for the day, you know, showering and stuff.
I took a look at myself in the mirror. For some reason I just looked darker. I couldn't explain it. Maybe it was because I wasn't as bright and cheery as my surroundings, but I looked physically darker. The shadows on my face were deeper, my light brown eyes weren't that light, even my black hair had seemed to get darker.
"Are you leaving that room anytime soon? You aren't the only one who needs to use the shower you know?" Celestia's voice said from behind the door.
"Yes your Highness." I say, my voice gushing sarcasm.
Suddenly the door (which I could have sworn was locked) was thrust open and I was telekineticlly thrown out of the bathroom and onto the floor ass first. Celestia sauntered in with a smug smile on her face. Once the door had closed I heard the shower turn on and I smiled at my coincidential revenge. I had used all but the tiniest bit of the water in my shower. Celestia had maybe three minutes of hot water before she would be hit by an icy cold barrage of concentrated, liquid revenge. All I  had to do now was not be here when that happened.
"Garnet you have any plans for today?" I ask the small ruby dragon.
"No, why?" She responded.
"We're going to Twilight's"
"Bwahahahahahahahahaha!"
Spike was rolling on the floor in laughter. I had told him what my "room-mate" Sunflower would be going through about now. While Twilight was giving me a un-amused look, Spike and Garnet couldn't hold their laughter as they rolled on the floor.  I chuckled a little at their amusement. That's when we heard a high-pitched shriek, shocking even the two drakes rolling on the floor from their laughter.
"DAAAAAAVVIIIIIIIIIIDD!!!!"
I only had one thing to say, "Well that took longer than I thought."
I looked at the other occupants before we all hit the floor laughing, even Twilight couldn't resist how hilarious the situation was.
Then the door burst open.
Celestia stood at the door, soaking wet and using eyes that contain the fury unrivaled by any other woman I have ever known. No, wait. It just intensified by about ten million when she looked at me. I took all kinds of self control to keep from laughing.
"This. Means. WAR!!!"
She then slammed the door hard enough to knock over a couple books from their shelves and left the room in a deathly silence.
"What in the name of the Sun Goddess did you do, David?" Twilight asked getting up from the floor. "I haven't seen anyone that angry since that time Applejack broke a Pinkie Promise."
"I just used up all the hot water..." I mutter.
"I know right? I can't say I'm surprised though. Mares always seem to over-react." Spike said matter-of-factly.
He received an intense glare from Twilight. "What?"
He looked in my direction for either support or explanation. The best I could give him was my finger sliding across my neck. He gulped and returned his gaze to Twilight with a small yelp. Similar to Sun-Bun a minute before, Twilight's glare had intensified. Then without warning she gripped the small dragon in a halo of purple magic and winked him to somewhere not here.
I bowed my head for my brother's naivety.
Twilight then turned to me wearing a haughty look on her face before she grabbed me in her magical grip as well. "Now I believe you should go apologize to Ms. Sunflower for being immature." Twilight said as she carried me to and out to the door, "I will continue to teach Garnet the perks of civilization while you are gone. Now, shoo!" And like that I was left in the street.
Deciding not to invoke the wrath of two magical divas I set back out to the small house I currently kept at the edge of Ponyville. I said hi to a few residents that caught my eye: Rarity (who was looking at some new fashion catalougues), Applejack (ever present over her apple stand), Fluttershy (buying more feed for her animals), and even Derpy as she went about her duties as mailmare. Despite her handicap, Derpy could deliver mail with surprising accuracy. From what I have heard she has never delivered the mail late or to the wrong person. Who knew.
At long last I arrived before my door. I gave it a gentle push and asked, "Cell-Bell? You in here?"
I had approximately three seconds to react to the banana cream pie that collided with my face with the force of a cannonball fired from space. I did a flawless double back-flip before landing flat on my back, the sweet weapon of mass destruction still adhered to my face. I wiped the broken remnants of pastry to find a smug Sunflower with two more pies floating at the ready beside her.
"Wajus happin?" I mumbled incoherently. Celestia's smirk turned into a full fledged smile filled with dastardly evil.
"You, my sweet boy-toy you, were just shown first hand the dangers of pranking a thousands of years old sun goddess," Celestia said in a voice that dripped poisoned honey, "It has been too long since I have been able to 'let loose' my skills upon a mortal. Thank you for presenting this excellent oppurtunity."
The other two pies then suddenly found their targets, my face and crotch.
"Let this be a lesson you shain't  soon forget, David. No one punks Celestia." And with her point sorely made she waltzed right back into the small house as I lay motionless upon the ground.
The couch proved to be pretty darn comfortable. Made better by the little draconic bundle of fun lying on my chest. I woke in a peaceful manner, blinking the tiredness away. Using my magic, I gently moved Garnet to her basket so I could get up and start my day. I had planned to beat her Royal Highny at her own game. She may have years of experience on her side but she lives in a world full of sweet, loving ponies. Their ideas of pranks were mediocre compared to what the devious stuff me and my friends cooked up in high school and college. She may have won yesterday's battle and, in her mind, the war, but I have a couple tricks up my sleeve. Everything was already set, after her display of power the day before I was quick to prepare. I prepared a cup of tea for Celestia. I made sure to add my own "special" ingredient.
Two little sprigs of dried poison joke.
I set the cup down and poured myself a cup of a separate brew that she has promised to never partake in. Coffee, the sweet nectar of the gods. Celestia walked in to the room shortly afterwards, bleary eyed and suffering from a serious case of bedhead. Without a word she sat on the couch and lifted the cup to her lips with her hooves, to tired to focus for magic so soon after waking. I silently thanked years of practicing self-control in situations such as this as I munched a muffin and rank my coffee. Once Celestia had finished her tea she got up, noticeably more cheerful and peppy now that she has had her tea.
"Nothing like a cup of tea to get you up in the morning. Don't you think so,David?" Celestia let out giving me a bright smile. She was the only person I knew who could be this happy in the morning. I let loose a small grunt and finished off my muffin, a pumpkin spice miracle of Pinkie's. "Oh!" She continued with a sly smile, "Is someone still feeling sore from the beat-down they received yesterday? I didn't think you were so sensitive Davy-Wavy."
"Don't start." I say gruffly.
"Ah-Hah! I knew it! You can't hide anything from me David. Your a lot less subtle than you think." Celestia said as she trotted off to the bathroom to take a shower, whipping me with her tail along the way. I smirked as I heard the shower start up. She had fallen right into my deception. No man can take the punishment I took yesterday without a wounded pride.
Not unless they had already planned some sort of revenge.
My little hussy fit had tricked her into thinking I have given up and would just sit here and lick my wounds like a beaten pup, but once she saw what my little concoction had done to her she will learn that I am more than a worthy adversary in her little Prank War.
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Celeatia's scream was music to my ears.
She ran into back into the room screaming her head off. "My fur! My beautiful, white, immaculate fur!" She wailed. The Poison Joke worked through her illusion turning all the fur on her body an ashen gray. Her new, black hair hung limply from her head with all the life of a rock. She had been turned into a goth.
"EEEEEEEKK!!" Celestia's screams had woken Garnet, who apparently was as distraught with Celestia's new look as Cell-Bell was. She made a beeline for my legs peering out at the dark, dead pony in the living room. "Daddy, I think someone killed the mean lady and now she's haunting us!"
Celestia broke into tears at Garnet's comment. I couldn't hold back anymore. I hit the deck laughing my ass off. The other two gave me bewildered looks as I rolled on the ground in mirth. The hilarity of the whole thing was too much. As I calmed down I couldn't help but think this couldn't be funnier.
The Rarity walked in, "Daavvvyyy! I have a new jacket for yo-" She cut off upon seeing Celestia's predicament and fainting on the spot.
Celestia gave me a look that would have sent most colts running. All I could do was resume my merry-making.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                     Garnet's Lessons                      
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Garnet's Lessons
Garnet's Lessons
I will never know what made Garnet stick her head in the wall, but I think she needed a change of scenery. So the next day I arranged (with some help from a certain someone) for me and her to live in a temporary property at Ponyville for a month or two. It would be a chance to get to to know the gal's better and an opportunity for me to unwind after everything that has happened lately. It would be good for both of us.
Garnet was currently sleeping in a small, padded basket I had made for her. We were both on the train to Ponyville. In about an hour we would arrive to Ponyville Station. I watched the countryside zip by outside my window. The greens were like nothing on Earth. So bright, so vibrant. I lost myself in the colors of the flora and occasional fauna.
Before I knew it the conducter annouced we had arrived at Ponyville. Carrying my luggage and Garnet, I stepped out on to the platform and Ponyville. I breathed in the fresh air and walked through the rest of the station. Now this wasn't my first visit to Ponyville, but I still caught stares as I went around town to the small house I would be living in. It was a small and simple affair, only the essentials. I found all the decorum in Canterlot excessive. Being in college for over four years has made living with close to nothing the norm for me. All that luxury was almost uncomfortable after so long without it.
The house had only a living room, bedroom, and bathroom. Perfect. A small stove in the corner of the living room would serve as a kitchen. Celestia didn't like me living in such a bare place, but I had insisted. I gently woke Garnet and sat her on a small couch while I unpacked.
"Where are we?" Garnet asked in a sleepy haze.
"Ponyville, I thought a little time away from it all would be good for us. Now I want you to move your bed to the bedroom while I unpack my stuff."
"Mmm... Kay." Garnet picked up her basket and walked to the bedroom. I unpacked all my clothes and essentials. Once I had everything where it needed it to be I grabbed Garnet and headed into town. I gave Garnet a brief tour of Ponyville while she lay on top of my head.
Eventually we came to Twilight's home and place of work, the Ponyville Library.
"She lives in a tree!? Like actually IN the tree!?" Garnet said in disbelief.
"Of course, didn't she tell you?" I reply.
"I thought she was joking!" I snickered at her answer. I opened the door and entered the pitch-black room beyond.
"Why is it so dark?"
SURPRISE!!!
Garnet leapt from my skull and stuck herself to the ceiling.
"Oh, Oopsies! Sorry for scaring you!" Said an ecstatic Pinkie Pie, "David said you were coming to visit and I just HAD to throw you a party! I do it for all the newcomers!" Pinkie then effortlessly yanked Garnet from the ceiling.
"Let's get this party started!!!"
To which everyone present started the festivities. Loud music, snacks and dancing filled the night as we celebrated Garnet's first visit to Ponyville. All went well till a certain green dragon took his turn to say 'hi' to the guest of honor.
"GET HER OFF OF MEE!!!"
Garnet had apparently started savagely beating Spike. Her strikes did little real harm, but even I was suprised at the sheer brutality of her attacks. Eventually me and Twilight seperated the two. Once I had stripped Garnet from Spike she stuck her tongue at her opponent.
"What was that for!!!" Yelled a shocked Spike.
"I was testing your strength like any other dragon would. Obviously you aren't very strong." Garnet said smugly.
I snickered a little at her comment, earning a dark glare from Twilight.
"What? You have to admit that was funny!" I say in my defense, only recieving another, stronger glare. If looks could kill. "Okay, okay. Garnet, Spike here isn't a like other dragons. He was hatched by Twilight, he doesn't know your customs."
"What? You mean he's a domestic?" Garnet said in suprise.
"A what?" Both Twilight and Spike asked.
"Domestic, a dragon raised by ponies. Mommy always said that she felt bad for them." Garnet innocently said.
Both me and Twilight exchanged awkward glances.
"Well, I think it's a little late and you need your sleep, Garnet. Time we head home and hit the hay." I say carrying my scaly bundle under-arm home.
"But I want to stay and party with Pinkie!" Said a disgruntled Garnet.
"Sadly no, Garnet. You need sleep like everyother young dragon."
"But I *yawn* don't wanna... zzzzzzzz"
"I thought as much."
The next morning I woke up. Simple as that. Nobody sticking needles in me, no anxiety or anything. It was nice.
I cooked up a simple breakfast of eggs and waffles. The waffle iron was something I never went anywhere without. That and a bottle of hair gel.
Garnet woke up shortly after and we enjoyed the breakfest I had cooked up. Then I heard someone knock on our door. While Garnet finished her food I went to open the door. I was a little suprised to find Twilight at my home but, eh, whatever.
"Hey, David. Can I see Garnet?" Asked, Twilight.
"If this is about last night, I have to ask you to remember that she was raised as a wild dragon, she doesn't follow the same set of rules as you do." I say, in defense of my daughter.
"Oh no, no, no! She is the greatest wealth of information on dragon culture this side of Equestria!" Twilight said with tons of excitement. "Last night was a great example! Dragons challenge eachother to prove themselves to other dragons! Plus, Spike wants to learn about dragon culture from Garnet! I just wanted to ask if it was okay if me and Spike could borrow her for today?"
I looked back into the house at Garnet, whose was scarfing down her waffles. Then I had a great idea.
"Only if you teach her a little as well. She doesn't know how to read or write or anything, I would appreciate it if you would teach her."
"It's a deal then!"
"Cool! Garnet! You done with breakfast?"
"Yeah!"
"Good, cause your going to be with Twilight and Spike for today."
"What? Why? Am I in trouble?"
"No, you'll just help Spike an Twilight answer some questions as well as learning how to be literate."
"Whats 'literate'?"
"You'll see."
Twilight took Garnet and I retreated to my humble abode. I spent about an hour reading and relaxing before I got bored. I didn't know having to do nothing would be so boring. Eventually I got off my lazy ass and went for a walk. As I walked around town I talked with some of the residents. Bon Bon and Lyra are having an arguement over who deserves the last scoop of ice cream. Pinkie is busy babysitting Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake. Fluttershy was cleaning her cottage. Vinyl was working on a new record. Rainbow was dozing somewhere. Applejack was in the market selling her wares. Derpy had hit several buildings staring at me. Rarity had an order to work on. I felt like a town gossip, finding about everypony in town.
Now I was back home with nothing to do yet again. I took a page from Rainbow's book and ended up taking a nap.
I woke up close to seven o'clock to someone knocking. I got up from my bed and walked to the door in a sleepy haze. I opened the door to find a strange and tall mare carrying a sleeping Garnet and some bags.
"And you are?" I ask the white mare. She had a light pink mane and a horn. Her cutie mark wasn't visible to me.
"To town, I'm your fellow student and room mate." She said in a voice WAY to familiar to be coincidential, "But to you..."
Celestia gave me a long kiss, and headed inside.