I'm Not Gay, I'm Just a Little Horny

by a guy with many hats

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Bon-Bon, Random, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Lyra, Romance
Length: 1505

Lyra comes home after a magic seminar in Canterlot. Unbeknownst to her friend, it was secretly an anti filly fiddler brain washing camp.

Lyra comes home after a magic seminar in Canterlot. Unbeknownst to her friend, it was secretly an anti filly fiddler brain washing camp.

A Parody! (In case you couldn't notice.)

Published 2014-05-18 23:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-18 23:30:05 UTC

I'm not gay!

Bon Bon lounged around her house, flipping idly through a book as she waited for her marefriend to return. She let out a soft sigh as the lantern flickered overhead, drawing her attention from her saucy story for a few moments. She stared up at the light, watching it flicker for a while before she went back to reading.

A daring mare, a hapless prince. A typical romance novel in Equestria. Bon Bon was six chapters in, body starting to grow hot from the heated contact between the brave knightly mare and the exotic Saddle prince. She propped the book against her right hoof as her left slowly traced down her stomach.

Bon Bon let out a short mumble as she tried to focus on her reading. She had a hiccup in her reading as her hoof jammed against her. Her ears went back as she narrowed her eyes, trying to focus on the reading. "And with...gentle caresses...the--" She stopped herself and put a bookmark against the page. She took a deep breath and set it down. "Calm down Bon Bon, take it easy."

She tried to keep calm as a heated smell slowly filled the air. She leaned back into her chair, gently stroking herself with her hoof. She could feel her ears start to heat up, flattening out against her head and blocking out the ambient noise. She focused on her breath as her hoof roamed her sex.

While not nearly as good as her partner's magic, her hoof was talented. She gently parted her lips, caressing the soft flesh behind them and letting out a soft moan. "Oh Lyra...slower...slow--" Her thoughts were torn apart by a loud thud from outside. "Oh shit!" She whispered suddenly, jumping off the couch and running towards her room. "Early, are you serious!?"

Bon Bon ran up the steps to her bedroom, hooves slipping from her underside adventure. "Damn it- come on!" She clambered up the steps and ran into her bedroom. She left the door just open and dove into her closet.

"Bon Bon, I'm back. We need to talk!"

Bon Bon pulled on a quartet of socks. "I'm in the bedroom!" She found a ball gag and hung it around her neck. With her mint striped socks pulled high she threw herself onto the bed, fluffing a few pillows and presenting to the door. "Please use the horn, please...please," Bon Bon pleaded to no one.

Hoof steps grew louder and louder as Bon Bon nestled her cheek against a pillow, staring at the door with her tail held high and her wet pussy presented neatly for Lyra.

The door creaked open, followed by a short gasp and a shocked gaze from Lyra. "Bon Bon! What in the name of Star Swirl are you doing!?"

Bon Bon returned Lyra's shock with a half lidded gaze. "I've been waiting for you...a week's a long time without you...and I figured we'd have a little fun."

Lyra grew red. "Fun? Fun!? What about Tartarus is fun!?"

Bon Bon cocked an eyebrow. "Tartarus?"

"Yes, Tartarus!" Lyra pulled her bag before her eyes. "Sickening pervert!"

Bon Bon felt her ears slap against her head. "Oh great...here we go again--"

"No!" Lyra threw down her case, exploding it into a cloud of pamphlets. "I was wrong before! Love isn't meant to be between two mares, if it was, they could have children! I mean, we could never really be together, we don't even have the parts!"

Bon Bon let out a short huff and buried her face in the pillow. "So...all those dildos we have...our dog, the house.... That's all a mistake?"

Lyra shook her head a little. "No...I mean, I still love you. But I couldn't ever love you like that!"

"Wow, you sure know how to dry out a mare." Bon Bon stated, tucking her tail and rolling onto her side. "So who said it this time?"

"Bon Bon don't you start! I was blind before, but now I can see how wrong I was!" Lyra levitated a bunch of pamphlets over to Bon Bon. "Look at all this research!"

"Uh huh...." Bon Bon took a pamphlet and flipped through it. "Homosexuality, the sin against Star Swirl. Uh...you know he was gay right?"

Lyra let out a horrid gasp. "Watch your bucking sinner mouth!" Lyra yanked the pamphlet from her grip. "Star Swirl was not a gay, he was not a sinner, he was the patron saint of magic users! Without he we would still be in the dark ages!"

Bon Bon rubbed her face. "And all the history books say he took it up the ass like a champion."

Lyra glared at Bon Bon. "That's not funny."

"No, it's not." She rolled onto her stomach and turned to face Lyra dead on. "He was gay, I'm sure he made a funny face with some stallion's rod jammed inside him-" Lyra shook her head, a few sparks flying off. Bon Bon grew a sharp grin. "Moaning softly as he had a huge, juicy, cock shoved deep into his tight little ass."

"That's so gross!" Lyra shrieked, prancing in place. "Stop it stop it stop it! You're making me feel funny!"

"And when his mate came, filling him full of warm thick pony goo. Ooooo, it makes me so hot thinking about it." Bon Bon flicked her tail over her head and ran her hooves across her cheeks. "So wet...so warm and ready for somepony to love me."

"You're so gross!" Lyra screamed, stamping her hooves. "And he wasn't gay! I'm not gay!"

"Then why are you blushing?"

Lyra stopped, running to a mirror and finding her face and the tips of her ears bright red. "Uh- static! It's collecting on my horn and...I.... Look, I think you should leave!"

Bon Bon stood on the bed. "You want me to leave? That's not nice, unless you like seeing me walk away. Flank bouncing, long legs, leading up to my tight body." Bon Bon walked a little past Lyra, brushing her chin with her tail and nipping at her ear. "My little socks, the ones you picked out, tight against me." She blew a stream of hot air past her ear.

Lyra grew uncomfortable and tried to pull away, constantly followed by her friend's swirly tail. "Bon Bon stop it! This isn't a joke! Being gay is wrong, sex is for procreation, and love is only between a stallion and a mare!"

Bon Bon rolled her eyes and stood next to her. "So what about the human thing?"

Lyra locked up. "That's different! It's still a guy- a male! I could--"

"Oh, so bestiality is fine but being gay isn't?" Bon Bon asked with a bit of venom. "Didn't Star Swirl invent a transformation spell?"

"Y-yeah! What about it!?"

Bon Bon leaned against her friend. "You think he never fooled around with it? Never tried something new."

"No! No, that's sick!"

"But pink fleshy creatures, touching you all over with their, fingers, is just fine?"

Lyra just backed up. "I don't like this conversation."

"Then why'd you start!?" Bon Bon asked, pinning Lyra to a wall with her hooves. "Every time you go to Canterlot you come back with some stupid idea!"

"It's not stupid! Celestia's got it wrong!"

Bon Bon frowned hard. "Celestia...the eternal being, the centuries old mare that, knew, Star Swirl personally, is wrong?"

"Y-yes...."

Bon Bon shook her head. "Look, I'm horny, it's your fault, now you get in this bed, and treat me how I deserve to be treated!" Lyra lowered her head. "Okay!?"

"Alri--"

"I asked a question!"

"Okay...." Lyra stated, trying to wiggle free of Bon Bon's hooves. "Alright...I just.... He said it so clearly."

Bon Bon cut her off with a quick kiss. "Yes, because stupid ponies don't care about facts. They're always right, and facts don't matter."

Lyra shrunk down under Bon Bon's glare. "Bon Bon...am I stupid?"

"Yes." Bon Bon stated, wrapping her hooves around Lyra's neck. "But you're my stupid. And I don't want you to change."

Lyra slowly pushed back against the hug. "Thanks...I think." Lyra rubbed her marefriend's back. "Do you think Star Swirl was really gay?"

"Lyra, we know he's gay. He was buried next to his husband."

"Oh.... Do you think he really had sex while transformed?"

"Probably."

Lyra laid her head across Bon Bon's neck. "Do you think I could transform into a human?"

Bon Bon let out a short laugh. "Next time, right now, let's focus on this." She pulled the ball gag against her mouth, pushing the orb against Lyra's lips and pushed her back. She threw herself onto the bed, her backside hanging off the foot board. "Mmmphmm...."

Lyra stared at her splayed out friend. "Um...does this make me a sinner?" Bon Bon nodded, assuring her friend of her sinner status. "Oh.... Well...if I'm going to Tartarus...." Lyra flared up her horn and lined it up with her friend's rear. "Bite down...it's going in."

Author's Note