The Completely Ordinary Life of Fractal Greyscale

Chapter 5: Thursdays still suck, especially if it's eternal night

I woke up groaning like a zombie.

That is a statement of fact. Thankfully, my magic reserves were full again, and I didn't have any sort of pain, other than some back stiffness from lying on the...?

Why was I in the library? I swear I passed out in Town Hall.

Wait.. is that... sunlight?

HAHA! Yes! Someone took the bitch out!

Oh, hello Pinkie Pie, that's a nice necklace you have there.

"FRACTAL! You're awake! I was sooooo worried when you passed out in the middle of Town Hall after driving away Black Snooty, who was actually Princess Luna, Princess Celestia's little sister, and then me and the other girls had to go into the Everfree Forest to get the Elements of Harmony, which turned Black Snooty back into Princess Luna, and then we came back and you were still asleep so Princess Celestia helped carry you into the library and it's been five hours and, and, BWAAAAAAAHHHH"

Great. Now Pinkie's a sobbing mess and is wrinkling my vest. At least she's okay. Wait-

"What was that about the Everfree?"

"Oh yeah! Me and the girls went into the Everfree and got the Elements of Harmony so we could stop Nightmare Moon! Mine is Laughter!"

Introducing Pinkie Pie: Element of Laughter

(Obnoxious bold text inspired by Kill la Kill, go watch it, it'll blow your mind)

"So, who are the rest of the Elements, then? You mentioned others."

"Well, Applejack was Honesty, Rarity was Generosity, Fluttershy was Kindness, Rainbow Dash was Loyalty, and Twilight was Magic. Also, Twilight's staying here from now on, isn't that great?"

"Interesting. Well, having a well trained Mage on hoof shouldn't be too bad, would make protecting the town easier than before."

Interesting story, I myself, despite my hatred for adventure and all things social and friendly, have become the sort of background protector of Ponyville, keeping most threats away, like that one time a manticore somehow made it into town about six years ago. I was a lot more impulsive back then, so sue me.

Needless to say, the problem was quickly disposed of. Messily.

"Indeed it will, young stallion"

"Princess Celestia, it is an honor to meet you."

I tried to stand and bow, but apparently my legs had fallen asleep given the generally uncomfortable position I must have been laying in.

"I apologize, Princess, it appears as though I am currently unable to stand."

"That's alright, I wouldn't want you to strain yourself. By the way, I wish to commend you on your efforts to protect your townsponies Mr.–?"

"Fractal Greyscale, your highness."

"-Greyscale. It really does warm my heart to see brave ponies such as you. By the way, thank you for keeping my sister from hurting anypony while she was still Nightmare Moon."

"So, Nightmare Moon is your sister. That explains many things and brings forth even more questions. Pinkie said something about the Elements of Harmony?"

Princess Celestia proceeded to turn away from me and nodded towards what I can only assume would be her sister.

As the newly revealed alicorn of Equestria stepped forward, my only thought was, 'My, she's a lot less threatening now'

"Greetings Sir Fractal, I wish to thank thee for preventing me from hurting anypony during my bout of madness. We would also like to bestow a boon upon the due to your bravery."

Surprised, I managed to contain my reaction to just a quick pair of blinks, which, unfortunately, did not go unnoticed by Pinkie sitting in the background.

"Ooh! You managed to surprise him! I haven't been able to do that for a few weeks!"

Confused, the younger, blue alicorn turned towards Princess Celestia, "Sister, is it not tradition to bestow gifts upon those who have shown great bravery?"

"If I may, your Highness," I interjected hastily, "I was merely surprised that I actually received any recognition for my actions, I didn't do anything to stop the Nightmare, after all."

"Nevertheless, young one, we still commend thee on thine efforts, and appoint thee as personal guard to Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic."

"...Is this legal? Nevermind that, I'm just a repairpony, I don't even have any real combat training. What exactly am I supposed to do, anyways?"

Oh, is that Twilight coming in, please let her help me out of this mess.

"He's right, Princesses–" YES "–how will he be my personal guard if he doesn't even have any combat training? I think we should at least get him a trainer."

Shit. There goes that plan. Time for Plan B.

"What about my business? I'm the only repairpony in Ponyville, and, no disrespect meant Princesses, but you can't exactly keep me at Twilight's side when I constantly need to go out and help other ponies."

The Princesses looked at the floor, frowning in thought; I sincerely hope they'll stop this whole 'personal guard to an Element of Harmony' deal. I just want to be an ordinary pony, dammit, not some stupidly public guardian that anyone would be able to target.

Oh? Princess Celestia's about to say something. Hopefully she'll say good for me, instead of–

"Then we'll move one of the Royal Repairponies to take over your business for awhile, so you won't need to do anything but keep my faithful student safe."

–Dammit all, am I really that unlucky!?

"...I can see that I've lost this debate. Very well, I concede to your terms; I shall stand guard in order to protect your student, Princess Celestia–" "Excellent!""–even with my disabilities with magic."

Now Princess Celestia looked surprised, "Disabilities? What disabilities?"

I explained, "Well, as Princess Luna might confirm, I cast no spells in defense of the town. Instead, I defended the town with only solidified magic."

Princess Luna cuts in, "Yes, sister, this stallion did not cast a single spell at mine possessed form, merely impaled the Nightmare with swords and spikes of magical origin"

Again with the surprised looks, this time on Twilight, "Wait, that doesn't sound like a disability at all, that just sounds like an extreme mastery of one kind of magic"

"Allow me to explain. My disability is that I could never use any magic but solid constructs. Therefore, if I were to make a barrier, it would be solid, and maintaining it would take a constant effort."

Princess Celestia then sealed my fate, "Well, if need be, we'll just need to teach Twilight to tie spells into other ponies' magic. That should allow her to set a detection spell tied to you."

Great, that sounds like all the bases are covered. "Very well then. I suppose that I shall be receiving the income that is collected for me by the Royal Repairpony?"

"Actually Fractal, you'll be receiving a direct stipend from the Crown, as is customary for all Royally assigned guards."

Oh, well that's convenient. "Wonderful. Now if you'll excuse me, I would very much like to move my important belongings from my house. By your leave, Princesses. Twilight, I will return shortly."

And I left, leaving behind two Princesses and Equestria's newest trump cards.

Back at my house, I quickly went through my belongings, taking everything that seemed important, like my light body armor, and my extra vests. Well, that and my various toiletries, and some other personal effects that were quickly tossed into a bag of holding. Everything personal in my house was also removed, shoved into a suitcase of holding, leaving only bare, impersonal walls and a pre-furnished house.

The bed received a fresh change of sheets, just in case.

Preparations complete, I took the time to write a note reading,

"To the Royal Repairpony that will be replacing me for an indefinite time period:

Work hours start at 8:30 sharp.

Check the mail for a list of appointments scheduled for that day every day.

A map of Ponyville is in Town Hall, if you need one.

Any request for a mare named Fluttershy should be seen to last.

Always carry your toolbox.

Prices are calculated as a function of time and Tediousness, namely, Cost (C)=te(D)iousness^2+3(T)ime

Tediousness is a scale of one to ten increasing, and time is in hours

Therefore, if D is 5 and T is 3, the cost is 34 bits

Don't destroy the house.

Forward mail addressed to me to the Golden Oaks Library

Thank You,

Fractal Greyscale"

A little lengthy, but it covers almost all the bases, if I'm correct.

Well, let's get on with it.

I donned my light body armor under my combat vest and made my way over to Town Hall to notify the Mayor about my new situation.

Right, back to the library.

Time taken: 2 hours 32 minutes

Chapter 5 end