The Completely Ordinary Life of Fractal Greyscale

by Jsyrin

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Adventure, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 7192

You'd think being completely average would be easy, but this is Equestria. Go big or go home, ponies. CANCELLED

Fractal Greyscale: An average unicorn of an average background. Nothing remarkable at all, right? Well, except for the fact that he can't use normal magic, but he gets by. These are his days living in Ponyville. Done as a sort of parody to SI ponies. T for safety
I apologize, but this story fell flat. Still, you can read what I've got, so, consolation prize

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-20 03:08:40 UTC

Chapter 1: An Ordinary Day

Guten Tag!

Disclaimer: You should know I don't own MLP: FiM by now. If you don't, read more Fimfiction

Let's get this started shall we?

My day began as all others did; wake up at eight o' clock, have breakfast, check the mail in case someone needs something repaired. After - oh wait, I haven't introduced myself, have I? I apologize. My name is Fractal Greyscale. I am a dark gray unicorn stallion of a fairly scrawny build, with a black mane and tail with white highlights. If you were wondering, my eyes are a very dark gray color. Bland, right? Well, it fits. My cutie mark is a solid white fractal snowflake pattern with a light gray border. I'm a repairstallion by trade, though my cutie mark symbolizes my affinity for all things in the realm of physical science. I also have a slight disability with magic: I can't use normal magic, instead I can only shape my magic into, not spells, but actual physical shapes; usually with sides numbering in multiples of three. It's rather useful though, given my job.

Anyways, so, it's Monday of all the accursed days of the week, and today's forecast says sweltering temperatures with a few clouds. Wonderful.

Well, requests never wait, let's go.

Oh wait – I forgot to tell you; I'm the most antisocial pony in town, though nopony seems to realize this. There are a lot of awkward situations that happen because of my apathy.

Okay! First stop is the house of Vinyl Scratch; she broke a speaker, apparently from the party three days ago. Greeeeaaaat. Well, at least her roommate, Octavia, is more professional.

I approached the door and knocked, "Oh! Hello Mr. Greyscale, is this about Vinyl's broken speaker? She's been whining ever since the party, I hope you can fix it", if you couldn't tell, that was Octavia answering the door, to which I replied with, "Yes it is. May I come in?"

As a side note, I also have a slight speech impediment, causing me to speak in a near perfect monotone.

Entering the house itself, I quickly located the burnt out speaker, along with a near frantic Vinyl. Seriously, that mare is just too unprofessional; at least I keep my outbursts under control.

"Please, Fractal! You gotta fix this speaker! How else am I supposed to perform!? Please!" Blinking in surprise, I calmly strode past the slightly hysterical mare, opened up the speaker, and assessed the problem.

"It appears that your insistence on blasting music at high volumes has completely fried most of the circuitry in this speaker. No problem; it will be an easy fix." This is where my magic is really useful; using it to form solid objects allow me to not need anything in the way of tools, other than the magic to use them. *Snip* *Snip* *Hiss* *ZAP* "...Ouch, my hoof..."

Three hours later, and the speaker was blasting again, louder than before, even. After running the numbers through my head a few times, I nodded, "That will be 100 bits*, please. Here is your receipt."

Receiving the necessary payment, I left.

With that done, I made my rounds around town, fixing everything that anypony needed to be fixed, from broken clocks to holes in walls.

Six thirty and the sun is setting and my appointments have all been seen to. Since I can't really cook much other than a few Carthayan* dishes, I went down to Sugarcube Corner to grab myself some early dinner. Once inside, I took a moment to appreciate the smell of a well stocked bakery, and stepped up to the counter. Oh, great; Pinkie Pie is running the register today. I'm not saying that to be mean, it's just, that mare has a way to get along with near everypony... also she scares me a little. Seriously, nopony should be able to do what she does. *Ahem* So I stepped up to the counter and greeted Pinkie, "Good evening Pinkie" "The usual, Fracty?" "How many times have I told you not to call me that? And yes, the usual, if you please" "Here ya go! That'll be fifteen bits. have a nice evening, Fracty-Wacty!" In all honesty, that mare is pretty much the only pony that can provoke such a reaction from ME of all ponies. Whatever. A quiet walk back to my home while enjoying a nice DLT* sandwich and a hot chocolate later, and I was just about ready to hit the sack.

I made it into my bed, turned off the lights, and fell asleep. Time: eight o' clock.

End Day One

Chapter 2: Another Day

Chapter 2: The History of Fractal Greyscale (Interlude 1)

You may be wondering why I'm putting this right after the first page, right? Well, it's so that the amount of exposition later on will be reduced, so the important bits come faster. Let's begin.

My history, you ask, well... alright.

My family has a long history of unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi dating from way back to the beginning of the royal diarchy. I don't really know much, but my family's branch is the last.

It all started when a mare and her family decided to move from Carthay to the area now known as Hoofington. That was my many-times-great grandmother on my father's side. But that's not important. Long story short, my grandmother, Copper Volt, decided to move from Hoofington to Ponyville, taking my father, Golden Ratio, with her. Dad meets mom, Chrome Silver, and decides to move to Manehattan, where I was born.

I was born to a mathematician and an engineer, so my course in life was practically set. I was raised on anything scientific that my parents could get their hooves on, learning to read with old chemistry texts, learning the animals with biology. Of course, the fact that I had a magical disability worried my parents, but they were overjoyed when they learned that my magic was naturally based around geometry. I went to school on a math scholarship to Manehattan's own Institute of Science and Magitech, where I consistently gained, if not perfect, then at least good grades. Good enough to be in the top ten highest ranking students in the school and in the top one hundred in the nation. I used to be a near insatiable bookworm on everything relating to science and math; as a result, I realized the connection between name and cutie mark fairly early on.

I earned my cutie mark at age seven, fourth in my class, when I first managed to shift my magic from not 2D to 3D, but 3D to a fractal pattern. That day I learned that holding a fractal pattern in real life often tends to warp the fabric of reality. Fortunately, the fractal was tiny, barely half the size of a bit coin, so the backlash only ruined my ability to speak normally instead of, y'know, shredding me into pieces.

After graduating from the Institute at age twenty, eighth in the school by the way, I decided to pursue a life as an engineer. Unfortunately for me, my boss was an arrogant, racist waste-of-air, so I got fired after proving myself smarter than him. By that point, I decided to cut my losses and moved to Ponyville, the place where my grandmother lived. And died.

Yeah. My grandmother was dead by the time I got there; freak accident involving an unauthorized Tesla Coil and a stray flask of glycerin hitting a beaker of nitric acid. At least my she died doing the thing she loved, that crazy mare.

After hearing that, I decided to be a repair-stallion, given that twisting my magic into different shapes could reproduce just about any tool necessary. That was about seven years ago. Over the course of those seven years, I'd seen Pinkie Pie move in, which basically ended in her throwing her own 'Welcome to Ponyville' party.

Wait- you want to hear about the party?

...Fine. Okay, so it went like this:

First, Pinkie is seen all over town looking for a place to stay and/or work. After the town gossips hear that she's moved into Sugarcube Corner's loft/attic, the whole town suddenly becomes aware of it. A town of just hundreds means that news travels fast. Of course, a few hours later, everypony was confused by the party invitations in the mail. Nopony had seen anypony put them there; they just appeared out of nowhere. Like I said, that mare scares me sometimes.

Curious, we all went down to Sugarcube Corner, yes, even me, surprisingly enough. Once inside, everypony realized that Pinkie Pie wasn't normal. How so? She managed to fit every single pony inside a building whose ground floor was barely enough to hold thirty ponies on a normal day.

The rest of the time was filled with the usual activities of a Pinkie Party, namely games, sweets, and enough introductions to make your head spin.

I didn't get much sleep that night, suffice to say.

That night was well over four years ago, and was probably the most real social interaction I'd had in years. But, given Ponyville's rural nature and my lack of a sense of adventure, nothing of note really happened.

Okay, so Pinkie decided she was friends with me... and I made acquaintances with Fluttershy... and was on speaking terms with just about every single pony in town... but that's about it. I was the only repair-stallion in Ponyville, so it was only logical.

What else is vaguely important?

Ah! Well, if you care to know, I was born the most drab and boring looking pony you'd ever see, due to my entirely monochrome coloring, and lack of a sociable nature.

I'm a moderately accomplished pianist, a damn good parts designer, and a pretty damn decent omni-focus scientist, with an incredibly heavy bias towards the physical sciences.

You have no idea how hard it was to learn all that.

My magical defect, while keeping me from teleporting or anything even remotely resembling an actual spell, still allows me to use and shape it in a variety of ways, 2D, 3D, fractal patterns, weapons, tools, etc. It's always in the physical spectrum too, so it's fairly obvious when I use magic.

It also saves a lot of money when it comes to costumes for Nightmare Night, since it's nearly self-sustaining, and I usually choose grays and blacks as a color scheme anyways.

...It appears as though I'm rambling just to keep your attention, even with the short length of this chapter.

(As the author, I'd like to point out that Fractal isn't actually aware of the fourth wall outside these little interludes, but it's probably useless to point this out anyways, since this is an interlude)

As it is, that brings us to the approximate temporal location of now, being that it's about three days before the Summer Sun Celebration, and, according to sources outside the Fourth Wall, three days before Twilight Sparkle appears and totally bucks up the previously peaceful and idyllic life of Ponyville.

Don't get me wrong, but those girls are chaos magnets, and, unlike some of the other self-insert ponies, I'd prefer not to be like them. Or have any adventures at all, really.

Okay, maybe just one.

The Real Chapter 2: Another Day, Ano–wait, the Summer Sun Celebration is HERE!?

Mondays suck.

It's an absolute rule of the Universe, as some non-scientist ponies would put it. As for me, I just don't like the concept of having to go back to work after a nice, relaxing weekend... except the fact that I work over the course of an entire week, not just Monday to Friday. So really, it's just an irrational dislike of a completely random day that carried over probably from when I was still in the Institute.

But let's forget about that. Because that was yesterday.

I'm not recapping that.

So, it's Tuesday, and boy was I confused when I saw everypony in town running around like madmares, apparently decorating the town with various sun themed decorations. I was wondering just what it was that everypony was running around for, so I set off at a brisk trot towards Pinkie's place, knowing that she would have the answers I sorta-not really-kinda wanted.

"Good morning, Pinkie", I greeted, and she fixed me with a grin that I swear left me seeing stars, it was that bright.

Note to self: Wear sunglasses when visiting Pinkie Pie.

"Hey there, Fracty-Wacty-" "Pinkie" "-...Fractal. You're no fun, you know that? Why don't you smile?" "I never found a reason to." "Oh"

Seeing Pinkie on the verge of frowning, or worse, being sad, I quickly (yet still monotonously) blurted, "So, what's happening around town anyways?"

Success.

"Oh, that's right! This year Ponyville's hosting the Summer Sun Celebration, and somepony from Canterlot is coming to help oversee the preparations tomorrow!"

"...That's... wonderful... I'm assuming you're hosting a 'Welcome to Ponyville' Party for this pony, aren't you?" "Yep!" "...You want me to go, too, despite me being the most antisocial pony you know?" " You know it!"

I sighed and began to walk away, Pinkie calling after me, "Be at the Golden Oaks Library tomorrow at eight!" I left without a reply, Pinkie already knew all of my visual cues anyways, so the baffling mare already knew I agreed, however reluctantly it was.

As I made my way around town to actually do some work, I found my mind wandering some. Just why was the Summer Sun Celebration being held here, of all places. It's usually held in Canterlot, or somewhere big and fancy, with lots of ponies.

No matter, I had work to do.

As you may have guessed, being the only repairpony in all of Ponyville is a pretty tiring job. Even if it's a quiet little town right on the edge of the Everfree forest, somepony is always breaking something. Thankfully, today's workload was light.

First, a hole in the wall at the Time Turner and Derpy's house. A simple fix, but I couldn't help myself, "How in Tartarus did you manage this?" "Ehm..." "Derpy?" "...Yeah..."

Second, a trip to the senior center, just to repair the coffee machine, and replace some lightbulbs. Seriously, you'd think they'd be able to do it themselves, but apparently not.

Final stop: Fluttershy's cottage, where yet again, I needed to fix basically everything not nailed down.

"Miss Fluttershy, you need to keep a better control over your companions"

"O-oh, I know, I-I do try, but they're just playing, and I could never stop them from having fun"

"Regardless, I'm done. If you weren't in frequent need of repairs, the bill would be a lot higher." I turned to leave, then paused,

"By the way, Miss Fluttershy, do you know why the Summer Sun Celebration is being held here this year?"

"N-no... is it important?"

"I suppose not"

With that, I left without another word.

(Note: In this AU, Spike is still in Canterlot, but he'll make an entrance soon. Here he's less of an assistant and more of a little brother being raised by Celestia. So yeah, don't worry, he'll be appearing... later though)

The next day, I was treated to the sight of a purple unicorn entering town in a carriage pulled by a pair of Royal Guards. Being that I also knew pretty much everyone in town, I knew that his mare was the overseer provided by Canterlot to, well, oversee, our preparations.

After a few moments of watching the overseer, I was a bit nonplussed to find that the mare was probably younger than I was. Curiouser and curiouser.

I decided to stop staring, and moved to greet her when out of Celestia-damned NOWHERE enters Pinkie Pie, who proceeds to gasp like a lunatic, and dash off faster than my eyes could track her. again confused, I decided to finish what I started, and went to greet the overseer.

"Good morning, ma'am. I see you've just had a run-in with our local party master, Pinkie Pie. Are you the overseer that Canterlot sent to supervise the Celebration preparations?"

"Oh! Um, yes. Uh... Hi! My name is Twilight Sparkle, personal student to Princess Celestia, and I'm here to oversee Ponyville's preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration"

"Interesting. Well, I can tell you don't really know your way around, perhaps I may be of some assistance?"

"Thanks, um, what was your name again?"

"I apologize. My name is Fractal Greyscale, the town's only repairpony. If you need to fix anything, there's a building near Town Hall with a list attached to the door. Simply write your name, address, and item to be fixed, and I'll fix it."

"Well then, Fractal, do you know where I can find a pony by the name of Applejack? She's supposed to be doing the catering."

"...Follow me. Since it's about ten, she'll probably invite you to brunch. Be warned though, she's completely obsessed with apples, and if you're not careful, you'll probably eat too much."

"Well, I don't think that will be much problem...at least I hope not"

As we rounded the bend towards Sweet Apple Acres, I noticed something that nearly made my heart stop, though I didn't show it.

" Miss Twilight, I suppose I should warn you, the Apple family is rather large, and as such, is also very fond of family gatherings. Celestia rest your soul if you get stuck having a meal with the entire family."

"Wait, what?"

Oh dear. Applejack saw us.

I suppose at this point I should point out that Applejack scares me, though to an admittedly lesser extent that with Pinkie.

"Howdy ya'll! What's your name?", greeted Applejack, while simultaneously shaking Twilight's hoof hard enough that I could feel it from where I was standing.

"My name's Applejack, and this here is Sweet Apple Acres, home of the best apples in Equestria."

Twilight shook out her hoof, and with a slightly forced smile replied, "I'm Twilight Sparkle, and I'm here to check if the catering is ready for the Celebration tonight." As she looked around, Applejack finally noticed me trying to blend into the tree-line.

"Howdy there, Fractal! How've you been?"

"Fine, thank you."

"Alright, then"

She turned her attention back to Twilight and loudly invited the both of us to brunch.

May Celestia have mercy on our souls.

Two hours later, and Twilight was apparently ready to be sick, while I fared little better.

"I don't think I ever want to eat another apple ever again"

"I told you to be careful"

"Whatever, so where's this Rainbow Dash pony anyways? She's supposed to be keeping the sky clear, but it's still full of clouds!"

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNCOOOOOOOMMMMMIIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!"

"That"

"Aah!"

*DONG*

"...ow"

End Chapter Two

Chapter 3: Wednesday

Chapter 3: Tuesdays suck too. And so do Wednesdays.

Previously on Avatar The Completely Ordinary life of Fractal Greyscale:

"Oh, that's right! This year Ponyville's hosting the Summer Sun Celebration, and somepony from Canterlot is coming to help oversee the preparations tomorrow!"

"Hi! My name is Twilight Sparkle, personal student to Princess Celestia, and I'm here to oversee Ponyville's preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration"

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNCOOOOOOOMMMMMIIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!"

*DONG*

"...ow"

As I stared at the cyan, rainbow-maned mare currently splattered on my standard hexagonal shield, I noticed Miss Twilight coming out of her curled position on the ground. After a few moments of observation, I finally made my move.

"Good afternoon to you, too, Miss Rainbow."

"Fractal, how many times do I gotta tell you, call me Rainbow."

"..."

"Riiiiiggghhhht. So, who's this?"

"Well, before you nearly tackled and quite possibly injured this mare, she was just about to explain to me that you were supposed to clear out the sky for the Celebration later on. So. In that light, why is the sky still partly overcast?"

"Oh, heh-heh, yeah, right... I'll just do it now..."

And then Twilight just had to speak up, "You're supposed to clear the sky? what were you even doing beforehand, anyways, napping?"

Oh. OH. Oh dear. If there's one thing I knew about Rainbow Dash, it's that you never imply in any manner whatsoever that she's incapable of doing her job better and faster than anyone else.

"Hey! For your information, I was practicing a highly complicated maneuver that I was going to use to impress the Wonderbolts!"

"Hpmh, the Wonderbolts would never take anyone who plays around while they're supposed to be doing their job. Besides, what was that end part, you nearly crashed into us!"

"Don't insult me! I just need to work out the kinks is all... And I could clear these clouds in TEN. SECONDS. FLAT."

Dammit all, not this again. Hopefully Twilight doesn't try to do so – "Prove it"...Shit

"You're on!"

And with that, Rainbow managed an impressive feat of aerial acrobatics, clearing the sky in, according to my watch, nine and a half seconds, counting take off and landing speeds.

"Nine and a half seconds, I'm impressed"

"Hah! Sure showed you didn't I? Bye Fractal, I'm going to keep practicing"

"See you later, Miss Rainbow"

"Just call me Rainbow!"

And again we left to oversee the preparations once more.

At this point you may well be wondering just why I'm still wandering around town with this mare, I have a job, right?

Well, today was one of my rare off days, when I didn't have any appointments actually scheduled. Also, to be honest, I felt sort of a kindred spirit in Twilight, even though, based on her cutie mark at least, she apparently focused on magic, while I was a scientist. Call me insane, but something about his mare made me want to...I guess be friends, really. I don't know, the only other pony that I'd call my friend is Pinkie, and I got a similar sensation around her... and a bit near Fluttershy too.

So, yeah, maybe I'm not as antisocial as I thought.

"-ctal, Fractal!"

Oh, it appears I've missed something.

"...Yes? I apologize, I was merely lost in thought."

"Well, as I was saying, where is this Rarity pony, anyways, she's supposed to decorate Town Hall"

"... Follow me, if you please. Be warned, Miss Rarity is... quite exuberant about her chosen field, and may be somewhat off-putting if you don't know how to handle her."

"Well, what does she do?"

"She makes dresses, suits, and various other garments for a living. She's Ponyville's only seamstress, so she has a broad range of articles to chose from."

"So, what is she like?"

"If you're wearing something she doesn't think looks fashionable, she will attempt to change it, although she sometimes doesn't understand why ponies wear what they do"

"Has she ever done that to you?"

"Once. And afterwards she never tried again"

Don't look at me like that, I didn't do anything mean, I just asked her to consider the fact that my vest is basically a spare parts bin, what with its pockets of holding and all. If I changed it, I wouldn't be able to do my job.

So, we rounded another bend in the road, which brought us to the most frilly and gaudily themed boutique I had ever had the misfortune of seeing: The Carousel Boutique.

I've deliberately wiped that segment from view. Rarity is just... not my favorite pony to be around.

All that matters is that we confirmed that the decorations for Town Hall would be ready and on the building before nightfall.

Twilight's last stop for the day was music direction, not surprising, but the name listed was.

"Fluttershy is music director? Hm. Interesting."

"Do you know this "Fluttershy" pony?"

"She's honestly one of the only ponies I can claim any familiarity with in this town, barring Pinkie Pie and some of the other scientists in the town. I did not know she was music director though."

"Well then Fractal, I think we should get there quick, I need to cover my housing issue before seven."

"As you wish; Fluttershy's house is down this way, it's a bit of a walk though."

"Anything I should know about her?"

"Shyest pony you'll ever meet, loyal and supportive. Has a pet bunny that acts like a creature from the deepest pits of Tartarus, basically runs the town veterinary clinic, though it's more unofficial than anything. But people still pay her, and I'm going off on a tangent again."

"Right..."

Nothing of note happened at Fluttershy's cottage, mostly just stuttering, whispering, and Miss Twilight's confusion.

Well, we also got confirmation on the music.

Birds. Fluttershy was using birds as an orchestra. It just had to be birds. I hate birds, but that's not important.

Time: Six Forty Three.

Confirmation of Twilight's housing: Complete.

Residence: The flat just above Golden Oaks Library's ground floor.

Wait a minute... Pinkie Pie is throwing a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party for Twilight at the Library, when she normally throws them at the recipients' houses.

Either that mare just chose a random location, or there's another, weirder explanation for this. That mare scares me.

Given that Town Hall is about an hour's trot from the library, we headed straight over, since Twilight apparently wanted to catch some sleep before the Celebration at six tomorrow.

I probably should have mentioned the party, but Pinkie'd never forgive me if I ruined a surprise party, so I held my tongue.

We arrived at the library just before eight, and I was about to give a word of caution to Twilight when the younger unicorn just waltzed in the door.

"Oh dear... this won't go too well"

Deciding to actually have some social interaction for once, I walked through the door, closed it behind me, and calmly grabbed a cup of punch from the table to my left. As I began to mingle -just barely, mind you- I spotted Pinkie giving her normal introduction to new residents of Ponyville, and Twilight trying to mix herself some sort of non-alcoholic cocktail.

"-d if you're new, then it meant you haven't met anyone yet, and if you haven't met anyone yet, you must not have any friends, and if you don't have any friends then you must be lonely, and that made me so sad, and I had an idea, and that's why I went [gasp], "I'll just throw a great big ginormous super-duper spectacular welcome party and invite everyone in Ponyville." See? And now you have lots and lots of friends!"*

Geez, that mare can run her mouth. Oh dear.

Twilight doesn't even notice the hotsauce. Oh jeez, at least notice the smell.

You know what, she's still pouring, time for an intervention.

"You know, Miss Twilight, there are more palatable substances at this table than that hotsauce you were mixing into that lovely looking cocktail of yours. Perhaps, if you need it, you should get some sleep. Pinkie, try to lower the volume some so Miss Twilight can sleep."

"Huh? Oh! Yeah, I'll just... go to bed. Goodnight."

"Right then. Pinkie?"

"Huh?"

"Volume."

"Okie doki lokie!"

Well, that's basically it for me. At the very least, I managed to make a new friend today, and I guess social interaction isn't bad after all.

I quietly slipped out and began the trek home, which, regrettably, was an hour away from the library at my current pace.

Is it just me or does the mare in the moon look much more ominous tonight than last night?

This does not bode well. Not at all.

End Chapter 3

*Ripped straight from Pinkie's lines in Friendship is Magic: Part 1

Chapter 4: I Hate Thursdays

Chapter 4: Thursdays suck especially

I woke up to the shrill screeching of an alarm clock that I had specifically set to exactly one hour before the Summer Sun Celebration was to begin. Cursing, I rolled out of my oh so comfortable bed and pulled on my vest full of spare parts.

As a side note, this vest of mine, one of three, is by far the heaviest Celestia-damned thing I've ever worn, topping off at ten pounds- it'd be more without the Bag of Holding effect- and doubling as incredibly effective body armor.

Dimly recalling the feeling I had early last night, I also brought my third vest, one designed for combat. It had, instead of spare parts, first aid supplies, flares, explosives, survival guides, and various other tools necessary for survival and/or combat situations- all enchanted nearly indestructible by the way. It only cost 5,000 bits, too; only about a quarter of a year's salary after bills taxes and other expenses. Like I said, being Ponyville's only repairpony has some benefits, after all.

As I made my way over to Town Square, I stashed my repair-vest in a specially hidden pouch in my combat-vest, not that anypony could tell the difference, and prepared myself for the worst.

Overhead, the moon glowed ominously. Only fifteen minutes to dawn, and I couldn't help feeling nervous.

Quashing the feeling, I quickly spotted Twilight standing near the front of the crowd. Making my way over, I greeted her with a polite nod.

"Miss Twilight, I trust that you are eager for the celebration?'

"Ah! Oh, goodness Fractal, don't scare me like that! And yes, I am quite eager for the Celebration."

Five minutes to dawn, and, wait... was it just me or were those four stars moving towards the moon?

Three minutes, and... yup. Definitely moving closer. I dimly recalled the old foals' story from all those years ago about Nightmare Moon.

One minute to the dawn, and the stars are nearly touching the surface of the moon.

The clock struck six, and, unseen by anypony else, a flash lit up the surface of the moon for a split second, and I saw a dark shape falling from the moon, along with the famous 'Mare in the Moon' formation disappearing.

Returning my attention to the stage, I realized that I had missed the entirety of Mayor Mare's introduction of Princess Celestia.

Speaking of which, where is the Princess anyways?

The bad feelings returned.

And then, out of nowhere, a giant swirling cloud of what I can only call night burst from the ground and dissipated, leaving behind a jet-black alicorn mare, approximately the same height as the Princess herself, with a mane of blue swirling night sky, and teal armor. Oh, and a rather impressive set of fangs if I do say so myself.

"Oh my beloved subjects, it's been so long since I've seen your precious, little, sun-loving faces!"

Oh. Oh no. This is bad. This is very, very, VERY bad. SHITSHITSHITSHIT IT'S MOTHER-BUCKING NIGHTMARE-BUCKIN'-MOON!

And like a total dumbass, Rainbow Dash pops out of the crowd and proceeds to piss off the lunar deity by shouting,

"What did you do with our Princess!?" and apparently going to tackle her.

Oh, hello Applejack, thank you from keeping Rainbow from being brutally murdered.

And the Night-Bitch herself only chuckles and says, "Why, am I not royal enough for you? Don't you know who I am?"

And Pinkie randomly spouts, "Ooh, ooh, more guessing games! Um, Hokey Smokes! How about Queen Meanie? No, Black Snooty! Black Snooty! Mmph!"

Thank you Applejack, for not letting one of my only friends get torn apart by an angry lunar goddess.

As I started making a plan of attack, and readying my magic, I apparently missed Twilight yelling something at Moonbitch, and her response.

I did not, however, miss the mad cackling and the spontaneous lightning storm that sprung out of nowhere; or more accurately, out of Nightmare Moon's hair.

Something about eternal night, I think was the gist of it? Whatever, time to attack.

Forming a few dozen basic sword shapes out of my distinctive gray magic, I launched them at the Alicorn Princess, while barely suppressing the urge to shout a ridiculous phrase like "Trace on!" or something equally stupid.

Caught off guard, the black Alicorn was skewered in the throat, wings, forelegs, forehead, chest, barrel, hind legs, and eyes. When everypony stopped running around like idiots and looked at the Alicorn-kebab, they noticed the grey magic and immediately swept me off my hooves and started cheering.

"Put me down you foals. That was far too easy."

"Indeed it was, little one, indeed it was"

SHIT

"It's been a very long time since anypony has managed to catch me off guard, tell me, what is your name? I wish to know before I rend you to pieces for such an insult." Ah, the 'I'm-so-furious-you-can't-even-tell-I'm-furious-because-I'm-smiling" tone. Truly, the worst fear of all red-blooded stallions.

"My name is Fractal Greyscale, Princess, repairpony and aspiring defender of Ponyville."

"A commendable aspiration, one that shall sadly never come to fruition. Any last words?"

"Yes: All stops released. Opening flow to one hundred. Empty the tank."

"What?" WhooshClangStabCrunch

"Argh!"

Blacky drops me, and I detonate a smoke bomb and skewer her with hundreds of gray, magic spikes. Long, short, wide, thin, spikes that burst into terminating fractal patterns, etc etc.

After a few seconds, I notice that there's no blood, despite the screams of pain.

The bitch's sorry hide is shown again through the smoke, thankfully, I'm hidden behind a rather large crowd of ponies who didn't notice me at all.

Oh, ouch. Did I do that?

Said bitch is basically scattered all over the floor in bit sized shreds of flesh and fur.

Strangely enough, there's no blood anywhere, nor entrails, nor anything but quickly dissolving hide and feathers.

Oh shit.

After completely dissolving into smoke, all the pieces rejoin into a larger mass of smoke, which shoots out the doors of Town Hall with a faint whisper that sounds remarkably like a promise of revenge.

Now it's just me, and a bunch of shocked townsponies.

Oh, it seems like my magic reserves are a bit low. A bit of magic replenisher should do, made it myself. Condensed mana in a bottle, nothing else like it.

Warning: side effects may include temporary dementia, nausea, delirium, dizziness, sleepiness, and/or explosive magical discharges.

Well, lets take a nap while the replenisher does its job, eh?

THUD

End Chapter 4

Chapter 5: Maybe Friday Will Be Better

Chapter 5: Thursdays still suck, especially if it's eternal night

I woke up groaning like a zombie.

That is a statement of fact. Thankfully, my magic reserves were full again, and I didn't have any sort of pain, other than some back stiffness from lying on the...?

Why was I in the library? I swear I passed out in Town Hall.

Wait.. is that... sunlight?

HAHA! Yes! Someone took the bitch out!

Oh, hello Pinkie Pie, that's a nice necklace you have there.

"FRACTAL! You're awake! I was sooooo worried when you passed out in the middle of Town Hall after driving away Black Snooty, who was actually Princess Luna, Princess Celestia's little sister, and then me and the other girls had to go into the Everfree Forest to get the Elements of Harmony, which turned Black Snooty back into Princess Luna, and then we came back and you were still asleep so Princess Celestia helped carry you into the library and it's been five hours and, and, BWAAAAAAAHHHH"

Great. Now Pinkie's a sobbing mess and is wrinkling my vest. At least she's okay. Wait-

"What was that about the Everfree?"

"Oh yeah! Me and the girls went into the Everfree and got the Elements of Harmony so we could stop Nightmare Moon! Mine is Laughter!"

Introducing Pinkie Pie: Element of Laughter

(Obnoxious bold text inspired by Kill la Kill, go watch it, it'll blow your mind)

"So, who are the rest of the Elements, then? You mentioned others."

"Well, Applejack was Honesty, Rarity was Generosity, Fluttershy was Kindness, Rainbow Dash was Loyalty, and Twilight was Magic. Also, Twilight's staying here from now on, isn't that great?"

"Interesting. Well, having a well trained Mage on hoof shouldn't be too bad, would make protecting the town easier than before."

Interesting story, I myself, despite my hatred for adventure and all things social and friendly, have become the sort of background protector of Ponyville, keeping most threats away, like that one time a manticore somehow made it into town about six years ago. I was a lot more impulsive back then, so sue me.

Needless to say, the problem was quickly disposed of. Messily.

"Indeed it will, young stallion"

"Princess Celestia, it is an honor to meet you."

I tried to stand and bow, but apparently my legs had fallen asleep given the generally uncomfortable position I must have been laying in.

"I apologize, Princess, it appears as though I am currently unable to stand."

"That's alright, I wouldn't want you to strain yourself. By the way, I wish to commend you on your efforts to protect your townsponies Mr.–?"

"Fractal Greyscale, your highness."

"-Greyscale. It really does warm my heart to see brave ponies such as you. By the way, thank you for keeping my sister from hurting anypony while she was still Nightmare Moon."

"So, Nightmare Moon is your sister. That explains many things and brings forth even more questions. Pinkie said something about the Elements of Harmony?"

Princess Celestia proceeded to turn away from me and nodded towards what I can only assume would be her sister.

As the newly revealed alicorn of Equestria stepped forward, my only thought was, 'My, she's a lot less threatening now'

"Greetings Sir Fractal, I wish to thank thee for preventing me from hurting anypony during my bout of madness. We would also like to bestow a boon upon the due to your bravery."

Surprised, I managed to contain my reaction to just a quick pair of blinks, which, unfortunately, did not go unnoticed by Pinkie sitting in the background.

"Ooh! You managed to surprise him! I haven't been able to do that for a few weeks!"

Confused, the younger, blue alicorn turned towards Princess Celestia, "Sister, is it not tradition to bestow gifts upon those who have shown great bravery?"

"If I may, your Highness," I interjected hastily, "I was merely surprised that I actually received any recognition for my actions, I didn't do anything to stop the Nightmare, after all."

"Nevertheless, young one, we still commend thee on thine efforts, and appoint thee as personal guard to Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic."

"...Is this legal? Nevermind that, I'm just a repairpony, I don't even have any real combat training. What exactly am I supposed to do, anyways?"

Oh, is that Twilight coming in, please let her help me out of this mess.

"He's right, Princesses–" YES "–how will he be my personal guard if he doesn't even have any combat training? I think we should at least get him a trainer."

Shit. There goes that plan. Time for Plan B.

"What about my business? I'm the only repairpony in Ponyville, and, no disrespect meant Princesses, but you can't exactly keep me at Twilight's side when I constantly need to go out and help other ponies."

The Princesses looked at the floor, frowning in thought; I sincerely hope they'll stop this whole 'personal guard to an Element of Harmony' deal. I just want to be an ordinary pony, dammit, not some stupidly public guardian that anyone would be able to target.

Oh? Princess Celestia's about to say something. Hopefully she'll say good for me, instead of–

"Then we'll move one of the Royal Repairponies to take over your business for awhile, so you won't need to do anything but keep my faithful student safe."

–Dammit all, am I really that unlucky!?

"...I can see that I've lost this debate. Very well, I concede to your terms; I shall stand guard in order to protect your student, Princess Celestia–" "Excellent!""–even with my disabilities with magic."

Now Princess Celestia looked surprised, "Disabilities? What disabilities?"

I explained, "Well, as Princess Luna might confirm, I cast no spells in defense of the town. Instead, I defended the town with only solidified magic."

Princess Luna cuts in, "Yes, sister, this stallion did not cast a single spell at mine possessed form, merely impaled the Nightmare with swords and spikes of magical origin"

Again with the surprised looks, this time on Twilight, "Wait, that doesn't sound like a disability at all, that just sounds like an extreme mastery of one kind of magic"

"Allow me to explain. My disability is that I could never use any magic but solid constructs. Therefore, if I were to make a barrier, it would be solid, and maintaining it would take a constant effort."

Princess Celestia then sealed my fate, "Well, if need be, we'll just need to teach Twilight to tie spells into other ponies' magic. That should allow her to set a detection spell tied to you."

Great, that sounds like all the bases are covered. "Very well then. I suppose that I shall be receiving the income that is collected for me by the Royal Repairpony?"

"Actually Fractal, you'll be receiving a direct stipend from the Crown, as is customary for all Royally assigned guards."

Oh, well that's convenient. "Wonderful. Now if you'll excuse me, I would very much like to move my important belongings from my house. By your leave, Princesses. Twilight, I will return shortly."

And I left, leaving behind two Princesses and Equestria's newest trump cards.

Back at my house, I quickly went through my belongings, taking everything that seemed important, like my light body armor, and my extra vests. Well, that and my various toiletries, and some other personal effects that were quickly tossed into a bag of holding. Everything personal in my house was also removed, shoved into a suitcase of holding, leaving only bare, impersonal walls and a pre-furnished house.

The bed received a fresh change of sheets, just in case.

Preparations complete, I took the time to write a note reading,

"To the Royal Repairpony that will be replacing me for an indefinite time period:

Work hours start at 8:30 sharp.

Check the mail for a list of appointments scheduled for that day every day.

A map of Ponyville is in Town Hall, if you need one.

Any request for a mare named Fluttershy should be seen to last.

Always carry your toolbox.

Prices are calculated as a function of time and Tediousness, namely, Cost (C)=te(D)iousness^2+3(T)ime

Tediousness is a scale of one to ten increasing, and time is in hours

Therefore, if D is 5 and T is 3, the cost is 34 bits

Don't destroy the house.

Forward mail addressed to me to the Golden Oaks Library

Thank You,

Fractal Greyscale"

A little lengthy, but it covers almost all the bases, if I'm correct.

Well, let's get on with it.

I donned my light body armor under my combat vest and made my way over to Town Hall to notify the Mayor about my new situation.

Right, back to the library.

Time taken: 2 hours 32 minutes

Chapter 5 end