Another Battle in the Long War Between Light and Darkness

by SPark

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1031

When Princess Celestia happens upon Twilight Sparkle as the latter fails repeatedly to make a drinkable cup of tea, a new battle will be waged in the ages-old war between the enlightened way of tea and the heretical, dark path of coffee.

Celestia has long been a master of the ancient art of making the perfect cup of tea. Luna, on the other hoof, follows the dark heresy of coffee. Caught between them is the newly-minted princess, Twilight Sparkle, who for some reason can't make a drinkable cup of tea no matter how hard she tries. Will Celestia be able to correct her errors and show her the way into the enlightenment of the true beverage, or will Luna win her over to the dark side at last?

Published 2014-05-31 00:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-31 00:20:03 UTC

Seeking the Perfect Cup

The palace kitchens held thirty-seven different teapots. Most were fairly interchangeable. They were simple things of metal and ceramic; functional and everyday objects. Most of them, in fact, were rather battered. They got a great deal of use.

A few—reserved for special occasions—were more elaborate. There were delicate teapots carved from solid jade, ceramic teapots molded into fantastical shapes, and enameled metal teapots decorated with intricate designs in vivid colors. Some were even ancient, relics of earlier ages, for Princess Celestia had been a tea drinker since the beverage had first made its way from the lands of the kirin into Equestria.

Celestia was beginning to wonder if all thirty-seven of them would end up being used today. She surveyed the mess that had already been made of nearly a dozen teapots, plus several kettles and a small mountain of cups with a certain amount of trepidation. Twilight had apparently been trying to make a palatable cup of tea for some time before Celestia had arrived.

"Why is this so difficult?" said Twilight crossly. "You put hot water and tea leaves together, let them sit for a while, and then you have tea. How is it possible to get that wrong?"

Luna laughed and grinned at Twilight. She had been with Celestia when she had discovered the tea disaster perpetuated by the visiting princess, and was obviously eager to take advantage of the situation. "Ah, my friend, you should cease these foolish endeavors and admit that tea is an inferior beverage. Coffee is what all civilized ponies drink in this modern era."

"Tea is a cultured, refined, and sophisticated tradition. Coffee is crude by comparison," huffed Celestia.

"Coffee is something that one consumes to be more awake. Simple, flavorful, and functional. There is none of this absurd ceremonial nonsense about it!"

That made Celestia laugh this time. "Oh my sister, you have never seen a true tea ceremony. The way I treat tea would be considered simple to the point of blasphemy by the kirin."

"In that case, I shall endeavor to avoid this ‘tea ceremony’ at all costs. I have had a surfeit of idling about recently, as you may recall."

Celestia coughed. "Ah. Yes."

"Ahem." Twilight stepped between the two sisters somewhat pointedly. "I still don’t know how to make tea, though."

"Of course!" Celestia latched on to the interruption gratefully. She picked up a kettle in her magic and floated it to the faucet, where she filled it. "Just to be clear, I would never use tap water for a proper cup of tea, but for now I believe we should get the rest of it right before dipping into my special supply of imported spring waters."

"Okay." Twilight took the kettle from Celestia.

Celestia smiled at the feel of Twilight’s magic as she passed the kettle to her. Twilight’s aura always felt quite pleasant.

"Then what?" asked Twilight.

"That depends entirely on the variety of tea one is making," began Celestia. "A white tea, for example, is very easily ruined by heat, and so the water should be merely steaming, while..."

"Come sister, we do not require a lecture on every sort of tea that exists beneath your sun. Tell us how the variety Twilight has been trying is best made and get on with it." Luna was grinning as she spoke, obviously enjoying the chance to twist her sister’s tail a bit on the subject.

Celestia shot her a quelling look, but she also nodded. "Very well. What sort of tea were you brewing, Twilight?"

Twilight set the kettle down and picked up a small box of tea bags that had been sitting unnoticed on a nearby table. "This," she said, floating it over to Celestia.

Celestia read the box.

Celestia put her hoof over her face again. "Twilight... this is cinnamon tea. It’s herbal. There are no actual tea leaves in it at all. You can't over-boil the water for it, it won't go bitter if over-steeped, it can't be ruined in any way I can conceivably think of. What have you been doing to it?"

"I... just..." Twilight shook her head. "I was just boiling water, and pouring it over the tea, and letting it steep. But every single time it came out awful."

Celestia looked at Twilight, who was staring at her earnestly. She looked at Luna, who was struggling not to laugh. She looked at the box of tea, still hovering in front of her. Finally she looked at the kitchen, strewn with teapots and cups. Then, with a soft, regretful sigh, she said, "Perhaps you should consider acquiring a taste for coffee."

"Ha!" shouted Luna. "We are victorious! Come, Twilight, I shall teach you the dark ways of coffee!"

"How you brew a cup of coffee, you mean?" asked Twilight.

"Nay! One does not brew a cup of coffee for one's self, my apprentice. Coffee is an arcane art best left to experts. One simply goes down to Donut Joe’s and orders a cup. He brews the most exquisite blends that have ever graced my tongue. Come, I shall show you."

Twilight glanced at Celestia, ducking her head a bit in what might have been guilt. Celestia smiled. "You don’t need my permission to go, Princess Twilight."

"Right. The princess thing." Twilight straightened a little. "Very well! Let us go acquire coffee!"

As Luna swept out of the room with Twilight in her train, Celestia smiled wryly and picked up the kettle full of water. She put it on the stove to heat while she set about cleaning up some of the mess that Twilight had left behind. She had lost this particular battle, it seemed, but that didn't mean she couldn't enjoy making herself a lovely cup of tea.

Author's Note

Original part of the PRETTY PONY PRINCESS Extravaganza event, slightly expanded upon and improved.

The prompt that started this was "Celestia tries to teach Twilight the proper way to brew tea, not the swill she usually makes. Luna looks on, championing coffee instead" from MikhailWilson

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