Lyra Heartstrings Guide to Human Culture and Biology

Culture

A good example of human pastimes would be soccerbal. The game consists of two teams each competing for the ball, attempting to get it into the enemy teams goal. But the trick is to always fall down and cry and act hurt in any occasion possible, so the referee would give out punishments to the other team and allow you to make make an easy score on them. It riles up the humans into a frenzy to see if their team would win or lose. And if any human gets seriously hurt they bring out the most dreaded and revered card of the entire game. The red card.

Games have used to settle rivalries and love relationships between humans. As it has prevented 3 catastrophic wars,  and countless marriages.

Humans worship many different gods, some are more prominent to others. Here is a list of some of the more commonly known gods.

Chuck Norris, the god of epicness, martial arts and beards.

Kanye, the god of Kanye (we have yet to figure out what Kanye exactly is)

Arnold Schwarzenegger, god of guns, termination, and returns

Beyonce, the goddess of music and dance.

Spongebob, the lord of the oceans.

Zeus, lord of guitars.

George Washington, creator of their entire world.

Nikola Tesla, thunder god

Kim Kardashian, no apparent use.

Robin Williams, god of comedy.

Obama, bringer of much misfortune (evident from the popular sarcastic phrase “thanks Obama”)

Gordon Ramsay, god of food, and anger

Batman: god of justice and the night

Taylor Swift, goddess of short relationthips

MIchael Bay, god of explosions

Paula Deen, goddess of butter

Leonardo Dicaprio, god of no Oscars (whatever that means)

Nick MInaj and MIley Cyrus, the goddesses of sluts

Disney, god of childhoods

Kenny Mccormick, god of death and resurrection

Barney Stinson, god of Legen-dary things

Internet, god of cats, stupidity, trolling, fandoms, etc

America, god of freedom

Russia, god of opposites

Canada, god of apologies and the word “eh”

Justin Bieber, god of homosexuality

Edward Cullen, second god of homosexuality, married to Justin Bieber

Bill Gates, god of wealth

4-Chan, god of porn, offensive language, and anonymity.

Mr T, god of pity, and fools

Charlie Sheen, god of sex, and near dead careers

The are but a fraction of the many idols that humans have created. The humans honor them by watching them, and making jokes about them. However, some of these gods are not honored by all, and fights are started, with Internet being the go between.