Twilight Analyzes Nursery Rhymes

by ConEditor

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Random
Length: 1307

Twilight analyzes nursery rhymes. Hilarity ensues.

Twilight is a bit drunk-okay, she's really drunk. But that won't stop her from analyzing all the nursery rhymes Spike reads to her to try and get her to sleep!

Published 2014-05-29 17:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-29 17:00:05 UTC

"It's a [i]nursery rhyme[/i], Twi. It doesn't have to make sense."

"It's a [i]nursery rhyme[/i], Twi. It doesn't have to make sense."

“Hey diddle diddle,
Opalescence and the fiddle,
Mooriella jumped over Luna-”

“What?”

Spike looked over to his mother/sister figure. “Hmm?”

“Why is Mooriella jumping over Luna? And what is Opalescence even doing with a fiddle?” Twilight inquired.

Spike sighed. “It’s a nursery rhyme, Twi. It doesn’t have to make sense.”

“I know, but whahahaahahat?” Twilight giggled. "Mooriella jumped over Luna." She continued chuckling. ‘This’ she thought ‘is priceless.’

Spike sighed again, then cleared his throat as he continued from where he was stopped.

“The little Winona barked,
To see such sport,
And the dishes floated off with the royal boon.”

Twilight was rolling on the floor at this point. “Wait, hold on holdonholdonholdon. Let me get this straight. Winona was watching Mooriella jump over Luna while Opal did Celestia knows what with a fiddle, and that’s not good, because apparently Winona was supposed to be guarding the royal boon, which, while he was distracted, stolen by evil, thieving, dishes,” She paused for a moment to catch her breath “which apparently gave-oh my Celestia, it all makes sense now!” She pumped the air with her hoof. “The evil dishes wanted to steal the royal boon, so they gave Opal the fiddle and used their freaky-mind-powers to make Mooriella jump over Luna so that Winona the guard dog would be distracted long enough for the dishes to steal the boon!” She laughed even harder.

For the seventeenth time that night, Spike sighed. Twilight had had a lot to drink. And while that moonshine was damn good, he still had to get Twilight to go to sleep. With yet another sigh, he proceeded onto the next rhyme.

"Hickory dickory dock,
The parasprite flew up the clock,
The clock struck twelve,
'Oh my! Such elves!'
And the parasprite dashed into the bed."

"Whahahahahaaaat?" wheezed Twilight, still drunkenly giggling from the last rhyme. "A rainbow parasprite? Oh boy, Rainbow's going to be sooooo jealous when she finds out that whoever wrote this actually managed to cross-breed her with a paraspite without her knowledge!"

If there was a contest for sighing x number of times in one night, Spike would've gotten an azure ribbon.

Suddenly Twilight's eyes lit up. "Hold on, no, I think I got this, I think I figured it out!" As her giggling started trying to cross the line into cackling, she stood up, swaying drunkenly from side to side.

"The parasprite lived in hickory trees near a dock," she giggle-cackled. "And decided to fly up into a clock because...because..." She became cross-eyed as she began wondering exactly why the parasprite had flown up a clock. With a small "Oh!" of realization, she started rambling once more. "Of course! It flew up a clock because it wanted to see if there were any mice in it's gears, because it worked for the dockspeople!" Twilight, once again, was rolling on the floor laughing her haunches off. "It didn't see any mice, but the clock reached midday, and then, all of a sudden, the elves of eldritchness showed their faces, and scared the parasprite to sleep!"

"So, Hickory Dickory Dock," Twilight giggled. "It seems innocent enough. However, I think I could make it better."

Spike began to pay attention, or at least more then he was before. 'Well,' He thought. 'At least this should be interesting.'

Twilight cleared her throat. "Hickory Dickory Dock,
The hamster chugged down the Glock,
And he looked at the time,
'Oh my! Time for wine!'
And the hamster got drunk as a rock."

Spike, somewhat needless to say, was confused. "Hold on. The mouse was drunk as a rock?" He then faceclawed. 'I should know better than to question her while she's drunk off her hooves...'

"Well since you asked..." Twilight guffawed. "I'll tell you everything!" With Spike thoroughly mortified, she began.

"As the story goes, a mouse, who once again lived in a bunch of hickory trees near a dock, ate a-wait. Spike, what's a Glock?" she asked, looking at said baby purple dragon expectantly.

"You tell me, you came up with it." said Spike. Unaware to either of them, Pinkie, currently in her bedroom at Sugarcube Corner, shivered. She had just a big enough crack in the fourth wall to figure out the answer to what a Glock was. The answer...disturbed her. Unbeknownst to all, the crack she had made in the fourth wall was, in fact, the same crack that required a universal reboot to fix. Pinkie can be forgiven, however, for if she had known that this would've happened, she would never have made that crack. If she ever did find out, she would apologize so much that she would never ever be able to utter another word, and her tear ducts would atrophy.

{Except I'm getting waaaaaahehaaaaaay the buck off-topic here, and I'm using the /tell command to make it so that only you, reader, can see this. Anyways, back to the story!}

"I guess we'll never know," said Twilight, said lavender alicorn putting her hoof to her chin. "Ah well. Anyways, when the mouse was done eating the Glock, which, given the way she 'chugged' it, must be some kind of booze, he looked at the clock that the parasprite checked for mice inside of, and realized that, according to his schedule, it was time to drink thirty-two shots of wine. He then drank said wine, got really drunk, and passed out in a puddle of rainbows!"

"Wait," said a flabbergasted Spike. "Where did the rainbow puddle come from?"

"The mouse, silly!" said Twilight. "Everypony knows that mice barf rainbows!"

Spike, sighing once more, moved on to the next poem.

"It's raining,
It's pouring,
The old colt is snoring,
He fell out of bed,
And bumped his head,
And never woke up in the morning."

"Awwww." said Twilight. "I hate it when ponies get concussions. But other than that, it's too self-explanatory. Another!"

An exasperated Spike cleared his throat.

"Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water,
Jack fell down,
And broke his crown,
And Jill came tumbling after."

"Soooo, they were roleplaying?" Asked a confused Twilight.

"Twily, I don't know, just go to bed." said Twilight's tired and annoyed number one assistant. "It's almost midnight."

"One more story? Pleeeeaaase?" Twilight pouted, making use of her natural female equine ability to make her eyes sparkle adorably, whilst her lower lip trembled. No male could resist the puppy dog pout.

Spike mental defenses crumbled under Twilight's adorable gaze. He looked in the book, and realized there were no more poems left. He then had an idea. "Tell you what, Twily; you get into bed, I'll go find Fluttershy, and I'll get her to sing you a bedtime song."

Twilight sighed. "Oh, alright, fine, but it better be good one!"

Fifteen minutes later, Fluttershy was facing Twilight, who was tucked under the covers of her bed, with a goofy grin on her face. With a deep breath, Fluttershy began to sing.

"Hush now, quiet now,
It's time to rest your sleepy head.
Hush now, quiet now,
It's time to go to bed..."

As Fluttershy continued singing, Twilight felt her eyelids grow heavier and heavier until she finally drifted off to the abyss of sleep. Seeing that her work was done, Fluttershy turned to Spike, only to find that he, too, was fast asleep. Fluttershy lifted Spike and inserted him under the covers with Twilight, where he subconsciously snuggled up to said Princess of Friendship, whilst Twilight unconsciously wrapped her forelegs and wings around Spike. Seeing that they were both happily asleep, Fluttershy left the library with a warm smile on her face.

Author's Note

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