After Alice: The Hatter In Equestria

by Barrel-of-fun

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human
Length: 13657

The Jabberwock and the Red Queen are defeated, now the Hatter must find a new purpose in a new land

After the death of the Jabberwock and the defeat of the Red Queen Alice returns home to her world, leaving the Hatter lost and without a purpose. However a suprising offer by the White Queen gives him a new hope. His mission is to rekindle relations with Equestria. How will this world of order and harmony handle someone as mad as a hatter...and how will it affect him?

MLP:FIM belongs to Hasbro and Lauren Faust
Alice In Wonderland was created by Lewis Carrol and I believe it currently belongs to Disney

Published 2012-04-04 17:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-20 20:42:12 UTC

Chapter 1

The Hatter watched as Alice drank the blood of the Jabberwock and faded away to return to her own world. His mind, usually so clouded by the madness, had seemed so clear whilst she was around. Her presence gave him a purpose…now what would he do? Harmony had been restored, the White Queen sat upon the throne once more and her sister the cruel Red Queen had been exiled from Underland.

He frowned at the thought of the name. Underland just didn’t sound right. It didn’t taste right either. Now he came to think of it, it barely even smelt right! Now what had Alice always called it? Ahh yes, Wonderland. He smiled at that. Alice, that wonderful, foolish girl. She’d managed to get that right accidentally.

He was startled from his wandering thoughts by the voice of the White Queen who, after restoring order on the chessboard battlefield, had turned to address him.

“Now that harmony has been restored and I sit upon my rightful throne, I believe it is time we once again established relations with our neighbours” was it just him or did her royal majesty over-pronounce the ‘Neigh’ in neighbours? “Hatter, you have served with the greatest dedication throughout these times or turmoil, I officially extend to you the title of Underland Ambassador. This position, if you choose to accept it, would involve you travelling to fabulous new places and meeting new and wonderful beings” she smiled warmly at him “so, do you accept?”

The Hatter couldn’t believe what she was saying. He had fought and suffered for so long to bring her back to the throne and see the natural order restored. He had begun this adventure sure that he just wanted to return to his old position as royal hatter. However now he wasn’t sure. Could he honestly return to such a predictable life after so much excitement? His face was stuck in a frown as he considered the offer and all it’s possibilities.

Suddenly, he broke from his musings with a wide smile, he swept his hat from atop his head and bowed low before his queen.

“My queen, as graceful as a featherless duck in free fall, I gracefully accept” he proclaimed as he went from his bow to a kneel.

“Then I do declare you to be my royal ambassador to places most foreign” she swept up the Vorpal Sword from where it had been left on the floor and wiped the blood of the Jabberwock off of it’s blade with a dainty white handkerchief, returning the blade to it’s pristine glory. The blade alighted gently on either side of the Hatter’s de-hatted head.

“Now then, let us prepare for your departure. I have some parting gifts for you and I believe I have a letter to send to a very old friend” she smiled again and, taking the Hatter by the arm and raising him to his feet, she led him off the battlefield.

-Soon, in Equestria-

Celestia was resting beside the roaring fire of her personal study in Canterlot Castle after a long day of attending to her royal duties. She yawned and was about to accept the comfort of sleep when a flower suddenly began to sprout from between the stones of the floor. The flower was a startlingly white rose which blossomed as quickly as it had grown. However instead of a the usual petals that a flower would release this one blossomed to let free a scroll. The scroll, like the flower was a pearly white and was emblazoned with a crest that Celestia hadn’t seen in a long time, and had thought never to see again.

Levitating the scroll towards eye level with a glow of her horn and unrolling it, her eyes flew over the words written there. Once she was finished reading a smile adorned her royal muzzle. She swiftly brought more parchment towards her and began to compose two letters simultaneously with her magic.

“Oh things are about to get…wondrous” she whispered to herself.

-In Ponyville-

Twilight Sparkle, unicorn extraordinaire, Element of Magic and personal protégé of Princess Celestia herself was fast asleep in a manner ill befitting one who held so many titles. Head slumped into a book on advanced magic with a line of drool slowly ruining the pages of the priceless book, she was woefully ill prepared when her draconic assistant Spike, who was sleep in his basket nearby, burped out a line of green fire that passed inches away from her head. Her eyes shot open instantly at the sound of the magical inferno that formed into a scroll, which promptly fell on her head before bouncing off and onto the floor. Looking around to make sure nopony had seen that embarrassing moment she levitated the scroll and crept out of the room. Once she believed herself safely out of hearing range of her young assistant she opened the scroll and excitedly read her mentors written words.

To my most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,

Firstly let me say that I am very proud of your progress thus far with your studies into the magic of friendship. The reason I have written to you so late at night, for which I apologize, is that I have recently received news that Equestria shall soon be receiving an ambassador from an entirely different world.

I trust that you are familiar with Strangehorn the Mad’s theory of dimensional connectivity? If not then it is quite simple, Strangehorn theorized that there may be other dimensions and, if these dimensions exist, then they would be quite similar to our own. He theorized that there was dimensions extending outwards from the source of all magic, which he dubbed the Core. He stated that our world was close to the core, which is why it is so heavily saturated with magical energy, and that other worlds further away might have less magic or perhaps even non at all.

What was not publicly released was that Strangehorn managed to make contact with one of these worlds and even cross into it. This world, which he called Wonderland, was similar to ours but slightly more chaotic. Many years ago we lost contact with this world, they ceased responding to any communications and the portal to their world was sealed from their side. However, on this night, I received a communication that their troubles are now over and they are able to begin relations with Equestria again.

Their ambassador should be arriving tomorrow. I wish for you and the other Elements of Harmony to meet them by the edge of the Everfree forest as the portal is located inside that dark wood. Do not fret about their safety, I trust that they are quite capable of handling themselves. I am afraid I cannot tell you what the ambassador will look like as I am not sure myself. Wonderland, as the name suggests, is home to many unusual yet wondrous creatures, many of which are capable of sentient thought, so I cannot even begin to guess which of these many species will be meeting you.

Remember that you represent both myself and all of Equestria in this matter,
Your mentor, Princess Celestia

Twilight could barely believe what she was reading. She read the princess’ letter several more times to be sure. Then, with a look of insatiable curiosity in her eyes, she galloped around the library to find any books on Strangehorn the Mad’s theories.

Chapter 2

Twilight Sparkle stood at the edge of the Everfree forest, staring intently into the it’s dark foliage, whilst trying to block out the sound of her friend’s complaints and questions. She was impressed with herself that she had managed to get them all roused up so early in the morning. Rainbow Dash in particular had been adamant about sleeping in, however the idea of meeting an entirely alien creature had enticed her out of her cloud home.

“I wonder if it’s tough? Or fast? You said they had just got over some trouble in their world right Twilight? Well, if it brings any trouble here it’s gonna taste the Pain-bow!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, striking a dramatic fighting pose. Twilight fought the urge to face hoof at her bombastic friends bad pun.

“I do so hope that it’s a nice friendly creature…like a rabbit or a mouse” Fluttershy said quietly, all the while imagining an entire society of cute white bunnies in waistcoats.

“Don’t be a silly-filly Fluttershy!” an excitable pink blur appeared next to Fluttershy, snapping her out of her daydream “it’s an alien creature, I bet it’s got huge monstrous teeth and long claws on its creepy long limbs and black scales instead of fur and a large bulbous head…and a smaller mouth as it’s tongue!”

All conversation ceased for a moment as the rest of the group stared at Pinkie Pie.

“Sugercube, that’s the most ridiculous thing ah have ever heard” Applejack drawled. In response to this Pinkie simply giggled.

“Your right Applejack, I guess I’m being as mad as a march hare” she said with a knowing smile.

-Meanwhile, in the Everfree forest-

The Hatter, completely oblivious the fact that he was in a similar situation to a certain lavender coloured unicorn, was trying to block out his companion’s presence whilst navigating his way through the tulgey wood.

“Admit it, your hopelessly lost” came his unwanted followers voice.

“I am not lost” he retorted angrily “I am merely taking the most exciting route between two point. Which as everybody knows is to pass through, around, under, and then twice circling”

“So…you are lost”

“I am not…why did you follow me anyway?” Hatter tried to glare at his companion, which proved a fruitless endeavour, as he was notoriously elusive.

“Well, I wasn’t about to let that very fine hat out of my sight, you owe it to me after all that nastiness at the Red Queen’s court with the execution and whatnot. Besides I was curious about this new world” the voice purred at him.

“You know what they say about cats and curiosity” Hatter growled back, the company he was in was affecting his mood badly.

“Ugh such a horrid phrase. Please refrain from it’s usage” the Hatter was forced to stop as a grin appeared out of thin air in front of him, quickly followed by the rest of the whimsical feline known as the Cheshire Cat.

Hatter stared at him, cat eyes meeting yellow, mad eyes for a moment before the feline blinked and disappeared again. He appeared further up the path almost immediately and waved one paw at the Hatter.

“Come along already, we don’t have all day” the cat remarked with it’s trademark grin

“Yes, I quite agree” the Hatter responded, pleased that he had won the stare-off “after all, it’s almost time for tea”

-Back with the ponies-

“Quiet girls, I think I hear something coming!” Twilight exclaimed whilst waving a hoof towards her friends. They immediately quietened down and stared in anticipation at the shadows of the forest. The silence of the dark wood was broken by the sound of something approaching. It sounded like hoof steps but the gait was…unusual. Rather than the distinctive four time step of ponies it seemed more like the walking of a Diamond Dog.

Except that wasn’t right either. The Diamond Dogs treaded forwards lightly on their lower paws whilst this unknown creature had a much heavier step. The girls looked at each other anxiously, scared by the sound of a creature that made Diamond Dogs appear stealthy by comparison.

The bushes in front of them began to sway and move, as if somepony was forcing it’s way through. The girls took a couple of nervous steps back and moved closer to each other, their eyes still locked on the bush in front of them.

Then, with a sudden burst of effort, the creature broke through the brambly barrier that stood between it and the ponies. The ponies, already badly balanced by their attempts to back away from the bush, fell onto their flanks at the sight of the creature.

It stood almost twice as tall as the ponies and was balanced on it’s hind legs, clothes covered it from head to hoof in a most unusual outfit and what little of it’s furless skin could be seen was a pale, almost ghostly, white. It clothes were a seemingly formal tailcoat done in strange colours, rather than the usual black suit and white shirt, it’s coat was a brown with a purple inner lining. It wore a grey chequered waistcoat and grey striped pants with brown shoes on it’s lower hooves, which appeared to be the cause of it’s stomping steps. Around it’s neck was curious pokadot cravat and atop its head was a ridiculously proportioned top hat from under which a curly orange mane exploded in all directions.

Silence reigned as the two parties stared at each other. The ponies examined the unusual being with fear and a hint of curiosity whilst the creature just looked at them. It tilted it’s head slightly to the side, which caused it’s hat to rock precariously, before straightening up again and lifting a limb to it’s head. It used its unusual claw-like appendages to grasp it’s hat before lifting the accessory up off of it’s head and sweeping it’s arm around in a sudden motion. It’s upper body swung downwards as it’s hat-carrying limb swung round. The full effect appeared to be some sort of elaborate bowing motion. It then straightened up again and placed it’s hat upon it’s head.

“I do appear to be quite lost, I wonder if you would be able to…how to put this?” The creature spoke, causing the mares to gasp in surprise at its speech capabilities “Oh I have it…take me to your leader!” it stated triumphantly.

Silence, broken by the creature’s strange introduction, flooded in once more as the mares continued to stare at it. It stared back, now looking confused.

“Did I say something wrong? You can speak can’t you?”

Silence, that most persistent of forces, continued it’s reign of tyranny after the small rebellion that was the creature talking. It was just about to solidify it’s place on the throne and begin to put it’s agenda into practice when it suffered a full scale coup d’etat in the form of a pink pony’s loud gasp.

“OH MY GOSH! Your so unusual! And colourful! And bipedal! That’s absolutely wonderful! Do you like parties? Huh, do you? I bet you do! You seem like such a fun pony to have at a party! I bet you have so many wonderful tricks up those sleeves of yours! And your mane! Its all poofy and goofy and explodey, it’s like mine…or Carrot Tops! Anyways, my name's Pinkie Pie, what’s yours? The pinkie party pony finished off her introduction speech with a huge grin.

At her words the hatted one broke into a grin to rival Pinkie’s own. He took a deep breath and began to speak. “Oh wow! You do speak! And quite a lot too! How simply marvellous! And your so pink…incredibly pink if I do say so myself…well I suppose that’s why your called Pinkie, a quite fitting name. Speaking of names I believe that you asked mine? That question requires some analysis, after all, as a man in a mask once said, who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am is a man in a hat…so you may call me Hatter. My cautious companion is known as the Cheshire Cat, which makes no sense as I don’t believe he is from Cheshire but he is most definitely a cat, but then if you think about it nothing makes sense.”

The ponies looked stunned for a second, something they seemed to be doing quite a lot around this new creature. This Hatter. Not only had he managed to withstand one of Pinkie’s whirlwind introductions but he had managed to form a rebuttal that was as confusing as the pink mare herself.

“So your name is Hatter? And what do you mean companion? You appear to be alone.” Twilight managed to say, finally finding her voice.

“My name isn’t Hatter but everyone seems to know me as such and a name, after all, is just a form of identification. If everyone knows me as Hatter then I see no reason why I shouldn’t be called Hatter. As for my companion, he is quite shy, especially around new people. You can come out now Cheshire, I believe they are here to welcome us” Upon saying this he appeared to be addressing thin air.

Twilight and the other girls looked at him like he was crazy, except Pinkie of course, this was all normal to her. His confusing circular speeches, his habitat of going off on tangents as well as the fact that he was talking to somepony who clearly wasn’t there all pointed to him suffering from a mental disorder. Perhaps some form of multiple personality disorder, Twilight began to muse about the creature’s mental stability. Lost in her thoughts as she was she almost didn’t notice a large grin appearing out of thin air in front of her.

The rest of the girl’s eyes locked on to the floating smile. The sharp teeth stretched wide into a manic grin. They continued to star as the rest of the smile’s body appeared. As if forming from mist the body of a large blue cat materialised around the grin. Black stripes ran along the length of it’s body and its tail swished gently from where it was floating in the air. Its head was resting on it’s front paws and it’s wide eyes stared in a predatory fashion at the girls. They couldn’t help but feel intimidated by its unrelenting stare, despite the fact it was half the size of the ponies.

“Greeting to you on this fine day, ladies, I am the Cheshire cat, but please, call me Cheshire” he purred at them “but of course, Hatter has already introduced me. I am quite put out with you Hatter” he addressed his larger companion now “You stole my thunder”

He revolved in the air again so that he was now facing the ponies. “My dears, please forgive Hatter’s rudeness. He’s quite mad you see, can’t really be held responsible for his actions. But then, where we come from, everyone’s a bit mad. You may have noticed, I’m not all-”

He was interrupted as he was dragged into a hug by a yellow pegasus pony. She squeezed him tight and rubbed her muzzle against his cheek. “Oh my, your so cute. And you can float, I’ve never met a cat who could float before…not that it’s a bad thing, sorry. And your voice is so sophisticated, you sound like such a gentle pony…I’m sorry, I mean gentlecat.”

“yes…quite” Cheshire responded tactfully “as I was saying, everyone is a bit mad where we come from. You may have noticed, I’m not all there myself” and with that his wide grin returned for a moment before disappearing with the rest of him, leaving Fluttershy hugging air. He reappeared in the air next to Hatter, who was giggling at the cat’s embarrassing encounter with the ponies.

“we will not speak of that again…will we Hatter?” Cheshire turned to glare at his companion. Who returned the glare threefold. The ponies watched as the two locked eyes. The air seemed to crackle with the tension at the threat of violence that the two so called ‘diplomats’ gave towards each other. The moment ended as suddenly as it had begun, with the two ambassadors turning back to face the ponies, wide grins adorning their faces.

“Anywho and anywhere, that’s quite enough of that I believe” the Hatter began “I believe it is your turn for introductions, and we best be quick about it, it’s almost time for tea. All these antics are making us very late”

“Late? For what? You only just got here” Rarity asked. At her words Hatter reached into his coat and pulled out a pocket watch, he flicked it open and peered at it. He tapped it gently a couple of times and peered at it again.

“Yes it is as a thought and feared. We are late. Quite late. For a very important date. In fact according to this we are late by almost two days” he leaned in close to the ponies “that’s not even fashionably late…that’s just rudely late you know”

“Remember the incident with the butter, Hatter, that old timepiece has never worked properly since. The poor thing” Cheshire chimed in.

“Oh yes of course, well in that case, if we hurry we might make it on time” and with that he began to stride past the six mares.

“I don’t get it, late for what!?” Twilight shouted at him as he strode past

“Why, late for tea of course!” he replied at equal volume before breaking into a run, his two legs travelling surprisingly swiftly, with the Cheshire cat floating after him.

…Heading straight towards Ponyville.

Chapter 3

Twilight was left staring in shock at the Hatter’s sudden appearance and equally sudden departure. He had appeared like the a whirlwind of energy and curious ideas. She was still pondering what he had said about names being just a form of identification when she noticed her friends arguing about him.

“He seems like a nice pony, he looked so fun!” Pinkie Pie was saying, she was clearly in support of the creature, along with Rarity.

“Nopony so well dressed could possibly mean any harm” the fashonista reasoned “I mean, that hat alone has given me so many ideas for the most fabulous outfits”

“Ah, maybe, but did you see the size of him? Something that big could do serious harm to another pony if they wanted to” Applejack was clearly wary of the unusual creature.

“And the speed that he moved at” Rainbow Dash exclaimed whilst gesturing with her fore hooves “I didn’t think anything on two legs could move so quickly…I mean he’s not as quick as me, of course, but he could probably catch up with another pony if they ran away from him”

“…I like Cheshire…but Hatter scares me…he looked like he really wanted to hurt the poor cat” Fluttershy added quietly

The debate continued for some time, with Rarity and Pinkie believing that Hatter and Cheshire seemed peaceful and could be trusted whilst Rainbow and Applejack argued that they should be watched carefully for the safety of other ponies. Their argument was interrupted by an outburst from Twilight.

“ENOUGH! Regardless of what we think of Hatter and Cheshire you are all missing one very obvious fact”

“Oh and what’s that?” Rainbow Dash said belligerently, put out at being interrupted by the egghead unicorn.

“That they are headed straight towards Ponyville!”

The ponies all looked at each other, then towards Ponyville, then back at each other.

“Didn’t he say something about tea before he left?” Pinkie announced

“Oh yes, he must be quite hungry after walking through that horrid forest” Rarity said with a smile, which quickly slid off her face at Applejacks word.

“yeah, but what does ah creature like that eat?”

“…you don’t think he eats ponies do you?” Fluttershy whispered nervously

“I don’t know, girls, but it’s clear what we have to do. Follow Hatter and defend Ponyville if we have to!” Twilight reared up on her hind legs for a moment before galloping off towards the town, followed by her five friends.

-In Ponyville-

Hatter walked slowly through the town lost in thought. It reminded him so much of his own hometown, which was now a charred ruin after the Red Queen’s coup. If he closed his eyes he could still see his friends dancing and hear the children laughing. He took a deep breath and released it with a sigh. He knew that he should forget those memories as they only held pain for him. But he couldn’t. He could distract himself from them by losing himself in the world around him. He could wear the mask of madness so that no one would see the pain in his eyes. But he could not forget them. To do so would be a betrayal of their memory. He would always feel guilty after enjoying himself, he felt that he almost didn’t deserve to be happy when they were all dead.

He gently removed the hat from atop his head and held it in front of him. He had considered throwing the hat away a few times as it too brought on the painful memories of his deceased town. But he never could. Like the memories and the madness, it was a part of him, it made him who he was. What was a Hatter without his hat? He reached into the hats recesses and quickly found where he had concealed the White Queen’s final gift. To feel it in his hand felt comforting and right. He quickly released it and looked around guiltily, making sure that no one had seen the precious gift. With a swift motion he placed the hat back upon his head, still thinking of the friends he had once abandoned.

He took another deep breath and tried to banish such negative thoughts from his mind. He adjusted the hat upon his head and observed his surrounding, wondering where his wandering feet had taken him. He appeared to be in a large square in the centre of the town probably used for meetings and festivals. He would have thought the town to be deserted if it wasn’t for the twitching of curtains and the scared voices coming from the houses around him.

With a start he realised that the inhabitants must be afraid of him. Well the six mares at the edge of the forest did seem quite surprised at his appearance apart from that pink one, a smile lit up his face at the memory of her introduction, she seemed to be very welcoming. It had been quite a while since any creature had greeted him so warmly, he always seemed to be the one welcoming others.

He frowned in thought as he considered how he could repay her for such a fine greeting. He snapped his fingers and turned to address Cheshire, who was hovering in the air behind him.

“Come along Cheshire, I shall require you assistance”

“Oh? With what exactly?” the cat replied as he lazily spun in the air.

“A surprise” Hatter responded as he got to work.

-Twilight and her friends-

As they galloped along the roads of Ponyville the six friends couldn’t help but notice the quietness of the town. Doors were locked and curtains were closed. Doormats had even been dragged inside. The streets were completely clear of the usual crowds of ponies going about their business.

“…you don’t think he got them all, do you?” Fluttershy said, her voice breaking in fear.

“I don’t think so, look that curtain just twitched! Berry Punch, are you in there? Is everything okay?” Twilight inquired as she approached the house of the mare in question.

“Twilight? Oh it’s horrible! A large scary creature just came straight into town! Please, you’ve got to get rid of it” a voice pleaded from inside the house.

“Alright, Berry, It’s going to be okay. My friends and are going to go and talk to him. Do you know which way he went?”

“It’s a he? Well he was heading towards the town hall last I saw. Celestia bless you girls, thank you so much”

The group headed off again with a newfound determination, they knew where the Hatter was and they knew that he was scaring Ponyville, something had to be done. They were galloping over the bridge when they skidded to a stop and beheld the mayhem that the Hatter had caused in such a short time.

Banners and streamers off all colours adorned the square, large striped candy cane poles stuck out of the ground and buildings at random, haphazard angles. The town hall itself was covered in enough tinsel that it resembles a Hearth’s Warmth Eve Tree. In the centre of the square, and the centre of the crazy decorations, was a long table. The table had two chairs at either end with six chairs in the middle, three on either side. Cakes of every size and description sat upon the wooden surface along with cups, saucers and tea pot. At the head of the table sat the cause of the mare’s distress himself, the Hatter, along with his ever present yet sometimes invisible companion, the Cheshire Cat.

“Welcome, welcome! Please, do take a seat” the Hatter exclaimed from his position at the end of the table “it’s almost time for tea, and I thought, well since you all went to the trouble of welcoming me. I thought I should welcome you right back. Of course I do appear to be welcoming you to your own town but regardless of that annoying fact, I hope you enjoy the tea party”

At the mention of the word ’party’ a pink blur zoomed past the other girls and quickly took a seat right next to the Hatter. Pinkie was vibrating in excitement at the thought of someone throwing a party for her and she chose to announce this. “Yay! This is the most super duper rupa-scooter party ever! I mean I’ve thrown some pretty good parties in my time, and this one is a doozey! It’s really nice of you to throw this tea party for us Hatter, it’s rare that a party is thrown for me. I always seem to be throwing them for others. Not that I’m complaining, I love to see others smile. I even wrote a song about it. But it’s nice to receive a party as well”

“I’m glad you feel that way, Pinkie, I hope you enjoy the party. There are a few more guests to arrive though, so lets wait before we get stuck in shall we?

The other girls hesitantly took their seats around the table. Twilight sat next to Pinkie with Rainbow Dash next to her. On the other side of the table Fluttershy took a seat next to the Cheshire Cat, who looked at her warily should she try to hug him again. Rarity placed herself elegantly in the seat next to her whilst Applejack practically leapt into the final seat across from Rainbow. This left the two seats at the foot of the table free for whoever else the Hatter was expecting to arrive.

Their was silence for while as the Hatter stared straight ahead, waiting for his guests to arrive. Cheshire had closed his eyes and appeared to have gone to sleep. The girls exchanged nervous glances, who exactly where they waiting for? The Hatter had only just got here, as far as they knew, they were the only ponies he had met who hadn’t fled at the sight of him.

“I’m sorry to ask Hatter but who exactly are you expecting to come?” Twilight asked

The Hatters broke away from his staring at nothing to turn his eyes on Twilight. She shuddered as she was those yellow eyes staring at her. They looked unnaturally deep set into his muzzle-less face and she thought she caught a flash of pain and anger inside the pale orbs. He stared for a moment before grinning again, his eyes lighting up alongside his smile.

“Oh, just some old friends. They do so enjoy to be late…between you and me, I think they believe it to be fashionable” the Hatter had dropped his voice into a stage whisper at this, which got a giggle from Pinkie.

A load noise suddenly began to emanate from inside the Hatters coat. he jumped with surprise and reached inside, pulling out the pocket watch he had looked at earlier. It appeared to be buzzing at him in alarm.

“Hmmm, I don’t recall setting the alarm on this thing…in fact I don’t recall it ever having an alarm…or any mechanism for producing sound” he looked up from the timepiece “someone is playing silly buggers…or should I say somepony?” he announced to the empty air at the other end of the table.

The six mares seated around the table stared at where the Hatter was looking and were surprised when a gentle giggling began to come out of the air. An very familiar soft laughing followed it. Then, with a flash, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, Regents of the Sun and the Moon respectively and the two most important and respected ponies in all of Equestria, appeared in front of them. They were both laughing like two school fillies now.

The Hatter, also laughing, leapt up from his seat and jumped onto the table. Bounding swiftly along it, knocking tea pots and cakes in every direction, he approached the royal ponies. Tea cups broke under his tread and the table groaned in protest as he made his way across it. He jumped down from the table and approached the two princesses. Throwing an arm around either one’s neck he dragged them into a crushing embrace.

“Princesses’, it has been far too long since I was allowed the honour of beholding your majestic visages”

Both Princesses blushed at his quietly whispered words. He broke off from the hug and rose to his full height once more, towering above even the alicorns. He was about to sweep off his hat to go into a low bow when he was rudely interrupted.

By a cyan blur smashing into his side.

Chapter 4

“Ha! Take that, you monster! No one harms the princesses! Not while I’m around!” Rainbow Dash shouted from her position on top of the Hatter. She had him pinned to the ground and was stood upon his chest, her hooves digging into his ribcage. She leaned in close and carried on her aggressive rant “Not so tough now are you? You weirdo. Your nothing compared to the awesome power that is RAINB-”

Her triumphant gloating was cut short as she was surrounded by a golden aura and lifted off of the human. She was brought to eye level with Princess Celestia and held there, forced to look into the monarch’s eyes.

“Rainbow, would you care to explain to me why you just attacked an ambassador to Equestria? Who did nothing to provoke the attack? Who was in fact, merely greeting me. Not only did you nearly cause an international incident you also just assaulted one of my oldest friends. Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Her tone was calm but it lacked the usual gentleness that it held. Instead, behind the controlled voice of a royal, there was anger.

“Indeed, your manner was most uncouth young pegasus” Princess Luna added.

“erm…you see…I thought he was trying to strangle you and I got really worried and…well, I’m sorry…” Rainbow apologized, all of her adrenaline gone at the sight of the furious alicorn goddess. Her voice broke several times in nervousness and fear and sweat began to run down her face as she stammered out her apology.

Celestia considered the trembling pegasus before her. She looked into her eyes for a moment before breaking away to look at the Hatter, who was picking himself up and brushing some dirt off of his clothes.

“Hatter, I must apologize for such rude behaviour on behalf of my subjects. It appears that this young pony was concerned about my wellbeing. Are you quite alright”

He had ceased dusting himself off now and had reached down to gently lift up his hat from where it had been knocked during the assault. He looked at it carefully for a while, rotating it in his hands and checking for any damage. Then, most curiously, he looked inside the hat, staring deep into it for a moment before sighing in relief and placing it back in it’s rightful place upon his head. He looked down at himself before nodding in satisfaction and answering the Princess’ question.

“Oh yes, I’m perfectly fine my dear. You know what they say, no harm no foul, and since I don’t see a chicken around here at the moment that must mean that no harm happened here. It’s only logical,” he announced with a little half smile.

Celestia looked at him for a moment, she blinked a couple of times as her mind tried to digest what he had just said. She then gave the pony equivalent of a shrug and set Rainbow back down on the ground.

“Now then, after that bit of excitement why don’t we all return to our seats? It’s about time we got started and we have so much to discuss” The Hatter announced, clapping his hands together and leaping back onto the table. He ran quickly along it’s length, upsetting a cake that Fluttershy had just managed to rescue. The cake swayed for a moment before tipping into the trembling yellow pony’s lap. She looked sadly at the splattered cake, tears welling up in her eyes.

There was a smashing noise as a flying teapot broke on the Hatter’s chair. He had managed to duck out of the way at the last second and gave a sigh as he stood up.

“You know, if this violence continues we’re going to be at this all day”

The ponies searched around for the source of the projectile but nothing seemed to present itself. There was no pony in sight and none of the mares seated around the table had launched the teapot at their guest. Fluttershy left her seat and walked calmly over to some nearby bushes. She looked at them for a moment before speaking gently but forcefully to them.

“Come out now Angel, that was very naughty of you. Mr. Hatter isn’t here to cause any trouble”

The bushes shook for a moment before a small white bunny hopped out. He pointed angrily at the cake that still covered Fluttershy’s hooves. He was clutching a tea cup, which he hurled at the Hatter, who simple swayed out of the way and smiled.

“Now that does bring back memories, it’s almost as if I never left home. Angel was it? I don’t suppose you would be able to do a Scottish accent would you? Maybe shout something like ’you forgot your tea!’ No? Alright, I suppose I’m asking a bit much of someone who can’t even speak”

Once Fluttershy had managed to assure Angel that she was alright and had sent him home they all took their seats and began the party. Pinkie immediately began to devour what cakes had survived the Hatters cross-table journeys whilst the others were content with their tea, not really trusting confectionaries that had boot prints in them.

“So first things first, Celestia, how long has it been since we last saw each other?”

“I’m not sure how long it’s been for you but here in Equestria it’s been over a thousand years since last contact with Wonderland”

This revelation caused the Hatter to spit tea all over the table in front of him in a very un-gentlemanly manner. Once he had run out of tea in his mouth to spit he took another sip from the cup he held and continued to spit. He carried on in this fashion until all the tea in his cup had gone. By this time the Cheshire Cat had been forced awake by the sound of the Hatter’s rude behaviour. He looked lazily at the royal princess’ at the other end of the table, one eye still closed as if he was pondering if it was worth waking up for royalty.

“Hatter, what’s brought on this sudden behaviour? I thought Friday was tea spitting day, it's still Tuesday"

“Hmm? Oh yes, it appears that a thousand years have passed here in Equestria whilst it’s only been fifteen years in Wonderland”

“A thousand years? Well, I must say, princesses, you both have aged remarkably well. Why, you don’t look a day past two hundred”

The Royal Sisters inclined their heads politely at what could, hesitantly, be called a compliment.

“You say that it has only been fifteen years in your world. How curious, do you have any idea why there might be such a wide difference in time between our worlds?” Luna inquired

“Oh, I believe I may have the answer” Hatter and Twilight said simultaneously, both of them leaping from their seats in excitement. They looked at each other for a moment before Hatter nodded to her.

“After you my dear”

“Well, I believe that the magical radiation emitter that we call the Core has a way of distorting time. Upon the inner ring dimensions, such as Equestria, time would pass far more quickly than on Wonderland, which lies on the next ring in the sequence, and so time passes slower there. I wonder if there is a way I can test this theory…” she began to ponder for a moment before looking at the Hatter “Oh, I’m sorry, was that what you were going to say?”

“No, actually that sounds far more plausible. I was going to say that the time is different because I killed Time”

“…you killed time? What does that even mean? and how is that even possible?”

“With a song of course! Even since then Time has been very put out with me and made it so that it was always tea time. Jokes on him though, tea time is actually my favourite time”

Twilight stood there for a moment trying to understand exactly what he had just said. After a few moments had passed she stopped and sat down again, muttering something about how he was just like Pinkie Pie.

The pink party mare, sitting next to the Hatter, leaned over and whispered to him. “Nice reference to the older books, those Burton haters will probably enjoy that”

The Hatter looked at her with a smile and nodded in response. He turned back at the sound of Celestia speaking to him.

“So, my old yet surprisingly young friend, what exactly happened all those years ago that caused Wonderland to close it’s borders?” The alicorn of the sun asked

“That is quite a long story, but I may as well as start somewhere…so why don’t I start halfway through? Alright then, there was once a young girl called Alice…”

Chapter 5

Apologies for the delay but in consolation I'm going to give you the longest chapter so far. I hope this sacrifice temporarily sates the unstoppable hunger of the Story Sharks.

Have fun everyone, also thank JayGraphite as his comment gave me the idea for the final scene of this chapter.
Please comment if you notice any mistakes that need editing, it really helps as I never seem to catch all the errors in my terrible writing.

Thank you,
Barrel-of-fun

“…and that’s how Wonderland was saved!” the Hatter finished happily

The six ponies and two alicorns that sat around the table stared at him, absorbing not only the amount of information that had just been given to them but the manner in which it had been delivered. The Hatter’s story had jumped all over the place, often going off on tangents as he explained various aspects of the Red Queens rule or the personality of Alice. It was obvious to all the mares sitting there that he was very dedicated to her. He appeared to view her as a sister.

“That’s quite a tale you have there Hatter, I’m very sorry that you had to go through such an ordeal” Celestia finally managed to say

He waved one hand through the air, as though brushing away his troubles. “Ah it’s all in the past now, and I don’t have a tail, that’s just my coat”

A whimper came from the other side of the table, drawing Hatter’s attention to the trembling pony seated next to Celestia. Luna was trying to hide her tears behind her mane, which was limp and lacked the starry glory it usually held. Her tears dripped down her face and began to form a pool. Seeing this, Hatter’s face grew serious. He lifted himself from his seat and walked around the table to approach her. The fact that he did not travel in his usual ridiculous manner, as well as the grim look upon his face, scared the girls. This appeared to be a completely different person than the fun loving madman they had seen so far.

Finally reaching the distraught lunar princess he knelt down before her and wiped one of the tears off of her face with a finger. He then stuck the finger in his mouth, grimacing at the apparently bitter taste of her tears.

“Luna, what is wrong? What did you do that would make your tears taste of guilt?” he asked, his voice significantly deeper than usual.

“Oh Hatter! Your going to hate me!” she managed through her sobs “I betrayed my sister. A thousand years ago, I grew jealous of her and allowed hatred to enter my heart. This hatred transformed me into a terrible monster called Nightmare Moon. I tried to take over Equestria! I attacked my own sister…I wanted to kill her!” she was breaking down now, her anger at herself evident in her shouting tone “I almost hurt innocent ponies. Celestia saved them from me though. She used the elements to seal me away in the moon for a thousand years…I only recently returned and was purified by the young mares you see before you now. They are the true wielders of the Elements of Harmony and they managed to defeat my dark side…something I could never do”

As she finished her tale all eyed around the table turned to the Hatter. His hat cast a shadow over his eyes, making them appear darker and angrier. His face was set into a completely neutral expression. The tale of Luna’s betrayal was far too close to the Red Queen’s betrayal of her sister, the White Queen. Luna had paid the price though. She had spent a thousand years trapped on the moon. She had atoned for her sins and appeared to be truly repentant. He suddenly dragged Luna into an embrace, shocking her and all the others at the table.

“Luna, you betrayed your sister and threatened the safety of your subjects. But you have suffered for you crimes and you regret your bad decisions. Promise me that you have learnt your lesson. Promise me that it will never happen again…and I will forgive you. Will you accept this offer of a continued friendship between us?”

“…I do. I promise I will never let hatred control me again. Thank you Hatter, thank you for being my friend” The Princess was crying once again, however her mane had returned to it’s former glory. Hatter wiped off some more tears and tasted them again. This time he smiled in delight and grabbed a nearby teacup. He wiped off some more tears and placed them into the tea before taking a sip.

“Mm, Earl Grey and joy, nothing tastes better” He set the cup down in front of Luna and faced the rest of the table “it appears that we have quite allowed the day to get away from us, we shall have to catch it tomorrow. In the meantime I believe I must find lodgings for the night. I shall have to get ambassadorial affairs sorted tomorrow”

“Girls, I wonder if one of you would be able to provide Hatter with a place to stay for the night. I shall have a pegasus-drawn carriage sent to pick him up tomorrow.”

“Thank you princess, so then, who will it be?” Hatter said. The mares seemed hesitant to offer their houses to these fun yet still strange creatures. They glanced at each other a few times, waiting to see who would speak first.

“Come now, no need to be shy. It’s not like we bite” Cheshire stated whilst he grinned to reveal his sharp, glittering teeth which, contrary to his words, looked quite capable of biting.

Twilight was considering offering them a place at the library. After all it was her duty as Celestia personal protégé was it not? Although it might be a bit cramped and she certainly didn’t want to scare Spike with the newcomers. Despite these qualms she was just about to open her mouth and offer them a place to stay when she was interrupted.

“I have plenty of room at the Boutique and I would love for you to stay over. I must admit that I am curious about you Mr. Hatter. You wear such a marvellous outfit, you must have the most remarkable fashion trends in your world. I would very such like to discuss them with you. And Cheshire, there is someone I would like you to meet” a smile crossed Rarity’s face as she began to scheme, completely unbeknownst to the oblivious Wonderlanders.

“That is a most generous offer, my dear, which I gratefully accept”

Satisfied that their guest had suitable accommodation the two alicorn princesses gave a farewell before teleporting back to Canterlot with a flash of light. The girls around the table began to disperse. Applejack excused herself, saying that she had a lot of work to do. Pinkie Pie gave a tearful farewell to Hatter but was excited about meeting up the next day. Fluttershy quietly explained about how she had animals to feed and flew away whilst Rainbow simply flew into Hatter’s face and stared into his eyes. However her intimidating glare was completely lost on the pale yellow orbs of the madman. After a moment of awkwardness she whispered,

“I’m watching you…”

To which the Hatter just smiled benignly and nodded. This left only Twilight and Rarity. Twilight was about to depart when she turned to Hatter and invited him to meet up anytime,

“I would very dearly like to know more about your people and your world. It’s all so fascinating! I hope that we can visit your world sometime. I understand that you will be busy with your ambassadorial duties but whenever you have some spare time, do you think it would be possible to meet and talk?”

“All time is spare time, it simply depends on how you spend it. And of course such a thing is possible, it barely takes any believing in. Ah, but to believe the impossible, that is a truly great trick, perhaps even trickier than doing the impossible”

Twilight looked confused at his response, trying to wrap her scientific mind around the seemingly nonsensical lines he often spouted.

“So, is that a yes?”

“Indeed it is, however did you guess?…did I just make a rhyme?”

The purple unicorn shook her head, thanked the Hatter for the wonderful tea and departed. The human then turned to Rarity, who was looking at the decorations and the long table that they had just been sat around.

“Perhaps I have been spending too much time around Pinkie, but how did you set this up so quickly? And how are we going to clean it all up?”

“Oh? Simplicity in itself my dear,” Hatter approached the table and grasped the large cloth that covered it’s length. With a swift jerk he pulled the cloth away from the table. Rarity squeezed her eyes closed, expecting the crash of tea ware and the splat of cakes hitting the ground to be the result of the Hatter’s actions. Instead, when she managed to open her eyes, she saw the town square back in pristine condition with the Hatter in the centre folding up a large tablecloth.

“How in the…You know what? I don’t even want to know, it’s just far too mad for me”

Hatter smiled at her whilst continuing to fold up the tablecloth which, although it had once covered an inexplicably disappeared table, was now the size of a napkin. Hatter pushed the tablecloth-turned-napkin into his sleeve before replying to Rarity’s remark.

“If that is all the madness that you can handle then we have a lot of work to do. You have to build up a tolerance to this sort of stuff”

He strode past Rarity and into town, ready to head to his temporary accommodations. After a moment he returned, realising that he had no idea where Rarity lived. He swept into a bow and indicated with an arm in the age old gesture known as ‘Ladies first’. Rarity nodded in appreciation for his manners, far superior to that horrid Blueblood, and set off for the boutique.

As they travelled through town ponies began to leave their barricaded houses and stare at Hatter in curiosity rather than terror. The reason for their newfound bravery was twofold. Firstly, cowering in terror is actually very tiring and, since the tea party had taken so long, they had been at it for most of the day and as a result didn’t have the energy to flee as they saw the monster approaching. Secondly, word had spread that the creature had dined with the princesses’ and the Element bearers and, since there wasn’t a new bipedal statue in the town square, they must have approved of his presence.

After a short walk and a long shower of curious stares and cautious glares they arrived at the boutique. Hatter marvelled at the building. Much like it’s owner, it exuded a grace and beauty that he rarely had the honour of viewing. As the entered the building he was stunned by what he saw there, he thought that nothing in this world would be able to shock him as it seemed so…tame compared to Wonderland. But this…this was something else.

The shop was filled with ponyquins that each wore the most splendid outfits that Hatter had ever seen. He had been royal hatter to both the White Queen, by his own free will, and the Red Queen, whilst in shackles, and had thought that he had seen everything that fashion had to offer displayed by the nobles of both courts. However what he saw in Carousel Boutique changed everything he thought he knew. Garments of indescribable beauty adorned the dolls and, although they were on the unfamiliar equine form, he could see that they were designed to enhance the beauty of any who wore them.

He struggled to contain his tears at the sight of these wonderful outfit. A single tear escaped and slid down his face. A tear that he assured himself was manly and therefore perfectly alright.

“Rarity…I find myself awestruck…are these your designs? They are beautiful! Stupendous, amazing! completely mind-blowing! Why, I’d say that many of these would make the White Queen herself green with envy. Of course then we would have to call her the Green Queen which doesn’t have quite the same regal tone but it does rhyme, so that’s nice”

Rarity processed this and then blushed at the rather circular compliment. “Oh, yes I’m a fashion designer by trade. One day I hope that my designs will be accepted among high society, maybe even seen at court. Alas ponies of high class are rare in Ponyville and my designs do not always receive the fame that I hope”

“Nonsense! Why anyone who overlooks such beauty deserves to be stuffed into a teapot”

“Well, that may be a bit excessive but thank you Hatter. Despite your unusual appearance you are quite the gentlecolt.”

Their conversation was interrupted when a loud yowling came from the divan sofa that Rarity had in the shop for customers to relax on and to cushion the occasional dramatic faint. The sofa was currently occupied by a pampered looking white cat who was hissing at the floating form of the Cheshire Cat. He was staring at her show of aggression with his usual grin, but there was something off about it. He looked almost embarrassed. Cheshire was never embarrassed, he barely even had a sense of shame. But now he appeared to be quite flustered to be confronted by the female feline.

“Oh…I’m sorry my dear, I didn’t realise that I was trespassing on your territory…you see, erm, I was invited in by your owner…I mean your friend!…yes, your friend Rarity and well…this is terribly embarrassing…it seems I neglected to ask your permission…so please, if its alright with you of course, may I stay for a night?”

The cat stared at Cheshire for a moment, clearly suspicious. She looked over at Rarity and Hatter, who were observing the feline interaction with baited breath. She looked back at Cheshire, eyes roaming over him before resting back on his wide eyes and nervous grin. Finally she moved one paw to pat the area next to her on the divan, clearly indicating where she wanted Cheshire to go.

“Next to you?…not that that’s a bad thing of course! In fact it is a very good thing…not in that way though! Unless that is you…I must apologize I haven’t talked to someone as beautiful as you in such a long time…ever really, for your beauty has no match in either world. It would be an honour, my lady”

Opal seemed to be pleased by his compliments and started to purr. Cheshire lay down next to her, his larger body subconsciously circling her protectively. After a moment he started to purr as well, comforted by the warmth of the body next to him.

“Compliments will get you everywhere” Hatter whispered under his breath

“Aww, they are adorable. And I believe that we should follow there lead and get some rest, there is a spare room across the hall upstairs that you can sleep in. it has a double bed for when my parents stay over so it should be large enough to accommodate you” Rarity said, who thankfully hadn’t heard Hatters words, her eyes still focussed on the cute cat couple.

“That will be quite alright. I must thank you again for your hospitality Rarity. It is most gratefully received” and with that the two headed upstairs to their respective bedrooms.

-Later that night-

Cheshire awoke to the sound of creaking wood. His eyes flew open and he scanned the room for any sign of a threat towards both himself and, more importantly, the molly that lay beside him. He saw a large figure creeping through the darkness and the flash of metal in the moonlight that seeped through the window. He moved away from Opal, careful not to wake her, and floated silently through the air, claws flexing in preparation to face his foe.

As he approached the stealthy figure, which was still absorbed in it’s dark work, he noticed that something was off. This was no pony. This was something far more dangerous. Something that could kill him easily and would if given the motivation. This was…

“Hatter, what are you doing at this time? You should really be asleep”

Hatter looked up from his work, the metal needle with thread attached still held high above his head reflecting the moonlight as it swung through the midnight air. He looked at Cheshire with a guilty look upon his face.

“erm well…Hatters gotta hat?” He said nervously, causing Cheshire to sigh.

Chapter 6

When Rarity awoke the next morning she was surprised to hear the sound of a machine chugging downstairs. It sounded almost like somepony was using her sewing machine. But who would be using…

“Oh. He. Didn’t!” Even though she was sure that Hatter had a great sense of style those were her tools, she reasoned as she galloped out of her room and down the stairs, and nopony uses another pony’s tools. That was just common decency.

As she cleared the final few stairs and laid eyes upon the main room of the boutique her anger leaked away to surprise at the sight before her. It was…fabulous.

All of her ponyquins were now adorned with hats to match their clothing, each hat designed to enhance the clothes but not overshadow them. A black bowler hat complimented a tuxedo she had been designing for Fancy Pants whilst a wide-brimmed white piece sat atop the ponyquin who wore Fleur De Lis’ new summer dress.

In the middle of the room Hatter was sat at the work table, in the process of creating. From what she could see around his bulky frame, the hat that was taking shape in his skilled hands appeared to glitter and shine as light reflected off of it’s visible surfaces. The work stopped as Hatter looked up and turned around, noticing his pony observer.

“Oh…I am so sorry, dear Rarity, the urge to create was just too strong. I shall of course pay for any materials that I used, also I made you this in apology for my actions.”

He then held up the hat he had been making for Rarity to judge. It was a demure white top hat, much smaller than the one that adorned Hatter’s own head. Instead of encompassing the head as his did, this one was designed to sit atop the head and add just the right amount of style. It was a pearly white, much like Rarity’s coat, and was trimmed in a deep royal purple, just off hue from her mane so that it didn’t blend in to it. The hat seemed to glimmer with a strange sparkling effect giving it an ethereal feel, much like the manes of the alicorn princesses.

“How…how did you do all this? In one night? Is that for me? Oh my, it’s wonderful, thank you so much Hatter! How can I ever repay you for this? And how is it sparkling like that? Its beautiful”

“It’s an old trick from back home, its known as stardust…because it is exactly that. The remains of a fallen star are gathered up and ground down to create this wondrous dust that sparkles like the starry night. It’s a good thing I had some on me, the hat wouldn’t be quite complete otherwise. I hope you like it, consider it both a gift and an apology”

He crossed the room and placed the hat upon Rarity’s head then stepped back to examine it’s effect. He stuck his tongue out of the side of his mouth in concentration and formed a square with his fingers, as if trapping Rarity inside of a portrait. He then adjusted the hat so it sat at an angle on her head, giving her a jaunty look. He nodded at the slightly more casual effect and smiled in satisfaction.

She immediately rushed off to find a mirror, desperate to find out how the hat looked on her. Hatter’s smile of satisfaction was interrupted by Cheshire.

“Why didn’t you tell her the truth about the dust?”

“Well, I doubt she would have been quite as pleased with the hat if she knew that it’s effects were caused by pixie flatulence”

Cheshire was silent for a moment as he imagined the fashionista’s reaction to the disgusting truth behind ‘Pixie Dust’. He snapped out of it as he heard the sound of Rarity returning and quickly pretended to be asleep. Hatter, also snapping out of the mental image of Rarity being disgusted, smiled at her.

“Now then the day is young and so are we, well you are at least, I admit the years are beginning to weigh down on my. Anyways, I don’t expect my mode of transport to arrive until later so I believe we should go into town and meet the people…I mean ponies. So then, my Lady Rarity, may I treat you to breakfast?”

“Of course, I know this lovely little place, what do you eat anyways?” she asked, slightly nervous at the answer she might receive.

“Oh you know, cakes mostly” he answered as he opened the door for her.

“In that case, I believe I know just the place”

Ponyville was an entirely different place during the early hours. Ponies, almost used to his appearance and mollified by the presence of one of the Elements of Harmony, didn’t flee in terror at the sight of him and continued their early morning rituals. Many ponies were setting up stalls in the town square which had held their tea party the previous day whilst shops opened their doors to customers and mail ponies began their rounds.

Rarity and Hatter were deeply engaged in their conversation on latest equestrian hat fashion when they arrived at their destination. A shop built to look like a giant gingerbread house. Hatter looked at it with some surprise, initially this world had seemed far less crazy than his own but it appeared it still had some surprises up it’s metaphorical sleeves.

He was surprised once more as the entrance to the gingerbread shop burst open and, instead of the children-eating witch that Hatter was half expecting to emerge, a pink blur shot out and tackled him to the ground.

“Hatter! It’s so good to see you again! Even though we only saw each other yesterday it’s always nice to meet with friends, especially ones as fun as you and speaking of fun I was going to throw you a surprise party but then you went and surprised me by showing up so early which was really surprising and would you like some cupcakes? They’re freshly baked”

“I would love some, thank you very much” he managed to say. As soon as the words had left his mouth he found a pink hoof grabbing his jaw, somehow, and opening it as wide as it went. A cupcake was then placed inside his mouth and Pinkie manually moved his jaw, making him chew on the confectionary. He was about to protest this then all thoughts of complaint were ceased by the flavour he tasted. The cupcake had a wonderful texture, soft and moist, whilst the icing on top was rich and sugary. He reminded himself that he must find someway to repay Pinkie for this heavenly sweet, perhaps a hat or a song? Hmmm Ode to Cupcakes…could work.

He got up and dusted himself, idly noting that this was twice in as many days that ponies had knocked him to the ground, he hoped it wouldn’t be a running theme around here. Having finished the cupcake that had been force fed to him he found himself wanting more, so he entered the store alongside Pinkie and Rarity to acquire exactly that.

The interior of Pinkie’s workplace was just as candy-coated as the exterior. The walls were decorated with sweets and cakes of all sizes and descriptions covered the every available surface. The pillars that held up the gingerbread roof appeared to be partially made of candy-canes and there was even candy-canes in a vase to one side of the door, kept there as if they were umbrellas.

Pinkie hopped ahead of the others and leapt over the counter at the other end of the shop, going through a pair of swinging doors into what Hatter supposed must be the kitchen. She returned a couple of moments later with a plate of cupcakes and cookies, which she placed on the counter before the hungry duo.

“Here you are, fresh out of the oven” she cheerfully bounced back into the kitchen to continue her baking. It wasn’t long before they heard singing coming from the back room, evidently Pinkie liked to sing whilst she worked.

Rarity and Hatter looked at the plate before them, full of delicious treats, then at each other, then back at the plate. Their awkward pause was interrupted by a hungry growling that came from both of their stomachs. All pretence abandoned as they realised that one was just as hungry as the other, they dug into their breakfast.

Looking up for a moment, he noticed Pinkie had returned and she had brought…was that a cannon? Staring down the barrel of the weapon that might bring his doom Hatter made a split second decision. Pushing Rarity out of the way of the cannon, he leapt to one side himself and prepared himself for battle against his pink adversary.

-Canterlot-

Celestia was walking through the Royal Gardens, her wandering hoofs walking the route by memory. To any observer it would be obvious that the Princess of the Sun was not concentrating on her path. Her eyes stared off into the distance, and her face was set into a completely neutral expression.

The meeting with Hatter had brought up some memories that she had been trying to let go of for centuries. Memories that pained her more than any physical would ever could. Memories of her only friends in the entire world.

The first was obviously Luna. The two alicorns had grown up together and had been as close as two sisters could be. True, they occasionly mocked each other and their was a couple of pranks that had got out of hand but they were sisters and they loved each other. That was until the Nightmare Moon incident had forced Celestia to banish Luna to the moon for a thousand years. Her own sister, and she had been forced to lock her away to protect her subjects. And because of this she had lost one of her few friends for a thousand years.

The next was certainly unusual and not a friend any princess would have expected to have. Hatter. A creature from another world who brought madness and fun wherever he went. He had cheered the sisters up whenever they had been upset and would often amuse them with his tricks and unusual dances. However he had an ally in the entertainment of the alicorn princesses. An ally that nopony in Equestria would ever expect the Princess to consider her friend.

Discord, known throughout Equestria as the spirit of Disharmony and Chaos. He, along with Hatter, had been an unstoppable force of pranks and parties for the Alicorns. Whenever the events at court got them down, whenever the stubborn stupidity of the noble houses made them want to facehoof, they were always there to cheer them up.

Together the four of them, two alicorns, a draconequus and a human had been inseparable. Although the princesses had a busy schedule they would often find the time to meet with their friends. The noblest of ponies, who came to court to complain to the princesses about whatever issue had upset their silver-plated world, would often find themselves dyed embarrassing shades of pink by Discord or receive a impromptu tea party by Hatter.

This all changed when Discord’s pranks began to get mean. His jokes would take darker and darker shades until his friends could not ignore it anymore. He would teleport entire villages across Equestria or make a Hydra appear in the middle of a city to scare its populace. The final straw came when he began to change ponies. He would steal away a pegasus’ wings or a unicorn horn to see how they would react. The princesses could no longer claim that he was their friend, he was now a threat to their subjects. They had been forced to use the Elements of Harmony to end his tyranny, and in the process had lost a friend.

Hatter had been devastated by the loss of Discord, even though he understood the necessity of it. He grew more and more distant from Celestia and Luna until one day he received a summons to return to his old world. It was with a heavy heart that he left Equestria and his friends, but he expected to return soon and help them through their emotional troubles over what they had had to do to Discord. However he had not returned. The gate between worlds had been closed and they had not opened again until recently.

Although she was glad to have one of her oldest friends back with her, she was not glad to have old, painful memories back. She snapped out of her reverie to find herself at the foot of one of the statues that she had been avoiding for a thousand years. The statue that served as the prison for Discord. She felt a presence next to her and looked over at her sister. The nuzzled each other before looking back up at the statue.

“Oh Discord, whatever are we going to do with you…”

Chapter 7

Apologies for the long wait and a short-ish chapter but I have an excuse. I am now back at collage and have the first of my tests coming up soon, so needless to say I'm drowning in revision. I will continue to write but updates may take longer (expect a around a week probably) sorry about that

In consolation have the world's most awesome action scene. Michael Bay eat your heart out.

Barrel-of-fun

Hatter managed to throw himself out of the way just as he felt the projectile fly past his face. The air it displaced as it flew upon it’s trajectory ruffled his curly orange hair slightly as it passed him. Making sure that his hat fell off so that it would avoid damage he tucked himself into a roll and sprung to his feet facing Pinkie. Throwing a quick glance over his shoulder he couldn’t help but notice that rather than the screaming and property damage he would expect a cannonball to make the only damage appeared to be a splattered cake on the wall.

“I challenge you to the noble art of a confectionary battle!” Pinkie shouted at him as she began to reload her artillery piece with a layer cake.

The anger drained from his face as he realised he wasn’t under an actual attack and he began to smile again. Only to have his smile covered by the layer cake that impacted with his face. Evidently Pinkie knew what she was doing with that cannon.

“Boom! Headshot!” she cried triumphantly

Hatter wiped the worst of the cake from his face before grabbing a plate of cupcakes from the counter. Spinning the plate like a basketball in one hand he used the other to smack the cupcakes off of the plate, the added momentum of the spinning take-off making them fly through the air like arrows. Cupcakes impacted around Pinkie and several flew towards her face, only to be caught in her mouth. She munched on them happily before going back to shoving a giant jam donut into the end of her cannon.

He had to act quickly if he was to avoid another delicious barrage, he wasn’t confident that his taste buds would be able to repel flavour of that magnitude a second time. He once again combat rolled across the shop floor to arrive at the candy cane umbrella stand. He grasped one of the overly large candy sticks and turned to face his destiny.

The cannon fired once more, sounding to all the world like a the final toll of a funeral bell. Hatter tensed his muscles. It was now or never. A defining moment in a man’s life that would separate the strong from the weak. As the donut rocketed towards him he swung with all of his might. The world held it’s breath as the jammy treat struggled to break apart from the impact, however the laws of physics eventually gave into the insistent nature of the laws of convenience. The donut shot back across the room at the weapon that had been used to fire it, sticking inside the barrel.

Pinkie looked at her weapon for a moment before quipping “Huh, looks like my cannon has been….Jammed! YEEEEEAAAH!”

Her main weapon now disabled she joined in the more personal dance of battle. Grabbing a plate of cookies from a nearby table in her mouth she flung them over her head with a flick of her neck. They ended up embedded in her tail but were destined not to stay there for long as, with a twirl and a flick of her tail, she sent them flying towards greatness, towards glory.

Towards Hatter.

Lesser men would have cowered away from the confectionary barrage but Hatter had seen more than his fair share of troubles and knew how to keep his head in a crisis. He usually kept it on a string but he definitely kept it. He leaned back as far as he could, arms twirling out dramatically as he limbo’d under the delicious projectiles. He cranked his head back some more to see the damage they had inflicted and was surprised to note that they had actually stuck themselves into the wall.

Just how hard did she throw them?

Ceasing his musings he forced himself back into an upright position and focused back upon the duel. Wielding his candy cane sword and picking up a pie in the other he dashed towards Pinkie, who reached under the shop counter and pulled out her own giant candy cane which she held in her mouth. Balancing a nearby pie on her tail she met his charge with her own. He threw his pie moments before impact, forcing Pinkie to dodge and giving him the advantage in the initial melee. He quickly forced her back with several swift strikes from his weapon however she managed to block each one with her mouth held cane.

Their eyes locked at the same time their blades did. Each of them struggled to over power the other. Two low growls came out of two throats as they battled.

“Join me, and together we can rule this bakery!” He challenged

“Ahm mevah mph mmmph”

“erm…pardon?”

Pinkie stepped back from the standoff and spat out her candy cane, licking the flavour of it off her mouth “I said ‘I’ll never join you!’”

“Oh…okay…then perish for your insolence!”

They leapt back to battle and the duel continued. Hatter became so wrapt up in the intricate candy fight that he forgot a very important fact. Pinkie had kept hold of her pie whilst he had thrown his early in the duel. He gulped as he noticed that his opponent had realised the same. She attacked with her cane once more which he was forced to block as she flicked the pie over her head and at his face.

He swayed out of the pie’s way, noticing the déjà vu of how the battle had started. However rather than the splat of the pie hitting the wall that he expected he heard something slightly different. There was still the distinctive splat sound of a pie hitting something but it was joined by a startled yelp.

The two combatants turned from their duel to make sure that nopony had been hurt by the collateral damage. They beheld a cyan blue pegasus mare standing in the doorway, tufts of rainbow coloured mane sticking around the pie that had hit her in the face. With a quick shake of her head she sent bits of pie flying in all directions.

Once the pie was clear of her eyes she opened them to observe the damage that Pinkie and Hatter and caused. She took note of the damaged party cannon and the cake- splattered, cookie-embedded walls before turning her gaze on the two figures that stood guiltily at the centre of it all, candy canes help limp in hand and mouth as they shared a sheepish look.

“Confectionary battle?” Rainbow finally asked the guilty parties

Hatter and Pinkie looked at each other before back at Rainbow Dash. They just nodded at her. She sighed and walked over to the umbrella stand, drawing for the her own candy cane weapon.
“and you didn’t invite me?” she flashed them a grin which they gladly returned. They raised their candy blades ready for battle.

With a yell Rainbow shot forward and the battle was joined…

Hidden behind a table Rarity shivered as cakes splattered around her and the dull thumps of cane-on-cane combat reached her ears. She poked her head out of her cover and saw two madmares engaged in combat with a candy cane duel-wielding madman. They all had huge grins on their faces as they battled. She shivered once more before ducking back down, resigned to wait out the storm.

-Later-

Pinkie, Rainbow and Hatter sat around a table munching on the few remaining cakes that had survived the onslaught. Rarity had managed to escape earlier when Pinkie had fixed her party cannon by hitting it with a wrench, which repaired it somehow. The now fully operational cannon had shot a gateau into Hatter, blowing him back into the kitchen of Sugercube Corner, at which point the two pony combatants had given chase, eager to press their advantage. This had given Rarity the chance she needed to escape the bakery and return to the sanctuary of her boutique.

“You know, your not so bad Hatter. At first you seemed a bit weird and creepy but your really quite fun. Your alright” Hatter felt a swell of pride at Rainbow’s approval, he had managed to change someponys disposition towards him, and he had had fun doing it. Laughter was truly a powerful force.

“Thank you Rainbow, I enjoyed myself too. I hope we can do this again sometime”

“Yeah, I’d love to take you pranking with me sometime. I bet you have loads of tricks up those sleeves of yours”

“I would be honoured to join you in the time honoured tradition of the prank”

“You still talk a bit weird though…not bad, really, just a bit…formal”

“My apologies”

“Perfect example” she muttered before digging into her next cupcake.

Pinkie and Hatter shared a giggle before filling their mouths with cupcake. Hatter nodded to himself as munched away.

Today had been a good day.