My Ovaries!

by Flint Sparks

Rating: mature
Tags: Dark, Comedy, Random
Length: 5485

Gold digging didn't work. Completely changing lifestyles in a single day failed miserably. Rarity has tried everything to snag a mate, short of being herself and actually dating like a normal pony. Since Rarity has no obvious suitors whatsoever close to her heart and home, she turns to the obvious conclusion:

"If I can't find my Princes Charming, I'll make one."

Utilizing dark magic, Rarity turns every male in Ponyville incredibly sexy… with disastrous (and sexy) results:

Exploding ovaries.

With a high payload, Rarity is pitted against the clock before her ovaries level Ponyville. The race is turned on!

No, this isn't clop.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-19 23:18:40 UTC

Heat Rises.

Rarity's ovaries were about to explode like watermelons, and it wasn't her fault. Well, it was kind of her fault, but not really. On one hoof, she did research and cast the dark magic that put every mare in Ponyville in the same predicament she now found herself in. On the other, she was just trying to find a mate.

Can’t blame a girl for trying.

Thoughts like these were remarkably absent from Rarity’s mind at the moment as she waded through chest-deep lake, currently bipedal and carrying Rainbow Dash’s limp body on her shoulders. Two streaks of mud decorated her cheeks as the mare in question grunted, her entire body burning with pain.

“P-please!” Rainbow Dash gasped as she stirred from her ill haze. “Leave me behind! Go on without me!”

“Never!” Rarity grunted, despite the effort inviting pain equal to a dagger to her lungs. “No mare gets left behind!” With a herculean effort, she heaved and hoed through the murky waters, until she finally collapsed on the bank. Rainbow Dash fell to her side, mirroring her pained gasps with her own.

Clop. Clop. Clop. Clop. Hoofsteps approached from the distance, outside Rarity’s peripherals as she lay outstretched on the bank, stressed and exhausted from her long journey. I-I found it, but I have to… I have to get to Spike…

She opened her eyes to an upside down—no, she was upside down. She opened her eyes and lifted herself onto her shoulders, flipping over to see…

Tirek, shirtless and rippling muscles to behold.

No, it can’t be… Rarity thought with a grimace, the pain inside her growing and growing until it was ready to burst. Tirek stepped forward, expecting yet another weak pony to conquer and steal magic from in a moment of weakness. Little did he know… I have… I have reached my limit.

With a blush and a sigh, Rarity found release.

Time: 4:02 pm

Location: Carousel Boutique, Ponyville

Population: One Aka Patient Zero

Classified: Classified

Classified: Classified

Darkness ruled the chamber. Only a single dim lightbulb dared to cast a light, only illuminating a table underneath. Strapped to this wooden table, ripped straight from everypony’s worst nightmare, was a figure in a dress. The figure was misshapen, the skin patchworked, like from a horror film.

“It… is time!” a feminine voice gasped from a dark corner. “Sweetie! Pull the lever!”

“Yes, sister…” a younger voice wheezed as the owner pushed against a wooden contraption. Gears turned, causing a myriad of noises including a piano falling and a cat wail. The owner of the young voice flinched in the darkness with each noise, until a calm fell over the room.

“Belle! Wrong lever!” the older voice wheezed, as if she was in pain. “W-why do we even have that—”

“Sorry!” the filly squeaked. The older mare sighed as she stepped approximately two feet over to pull the lever herself. With a heave and a ho, she pushed against the wooden lever. Gears turned and electricity arced through the walls of the chamber, until it gathered in the mid-room flux capacitors and transistors. The electricity shot into the body as the dressed abomination began to rise…

“Yes! Yes!!” the mare screamed as she caressed her dark goggles with rubber-gloved hoofs, her white jacket protecting her from stray volts. “It’s—”

“Ali—” Sweetie Belle tried to exclaim, only for her old sister to clasp a hoof over her throat.

“It’s… FABULOUS!” Rarity wiped a tear from her sparkling eye as the ponyquinn rose from the table… only to immediately collapse. Rarity’s beaming smile faded until a faint smirk remained as her horn glowed to turn on the lights. Needs more lightning, I suppose. ‘Till next time, my friend.

The two sisters proceeded to take off their laboratory equipment and toss it into the washbin as they walked out of the basement, locking the door behind them.

“Wow Rarity, thanks for letting me help you with an experiment!” Sweetie Belle grinned and hopped in circles around her sister. “A dress that can wear itself? Only my genius sister could ever think of that!”

“Or course, dear Sweetie,” Rarity said as she rested a hoof on her sister’s back to calm her nervous energy. “Just remember our little agreement.”

“Yeah! Don’t tell anypony about the basement!”

“Good. And why is that?”

“That’s where you do your super secret special experiments!” Sweetie Belle’s eyes narrowed as she smiled and rubbed her front hooves together. “And where you imprison our test subje—”

“Exactly!” Rarity threw her head up and began to cackle like a madmare. “And soon, I shall take over the world!” She coughed and smiled, her sapphire eyes sparkling. “...of fashion!”

“Cool!” Sweetie Belle trotted alongside her sister across the main room of the boutique, where customers came and went for all their non-salad dressing needs. “So Rarity, what are we going to do today?”

“The same thing we do every day, Sweetie,” Rarity said as she opened the front door with magic. “Go our separate ways as you play with your friends and leave me to make dresses in peace. Okay thanks bye!” Before Sweetie Belle could process her words, Rarity shoved her out of her boutique and slammed the door, making sure to lock all ten locks securely.

Rarity turned around and rested her back on the door, panting. Finally, some time to myself! The corners of her mouth twitched, resisting the urge to smirk. Time for a real experiment.

Shifting her eyes left to right, scanning the room for invaders, she used her magic to discretely close all the curtains. Trotting over to her chest of jewels, she reached inside, sifted her hoof to the bottom, touched the ruby-disguised button. Gears whirred as her furniture flipped through the floor, turning her fashionista paradise into an apothecary, complete with a table of ingredients, a black pot with boiling green acid water liquid, and her drama couch in case an experiment went horribly, horribly wrong.

Rarity hummed as she put on her witch’s hat—the proper occasion demands proper attire—and stood just beside the pot. Inside was a solution she had been working on for weeks and weeks hence, saturating and nourishing as the recipe ripened each and every day. And now, the final ingredient.

“Potion of desire and dejection, the sensation of a mare’s infection,” Rarity said with an air of drama. “From every stallion across the nation, I bring about their smooth complexion.” She lifted a branch from her ingredient table with magic and held it over the pot. “The limb of a timberwolf, flimsy yet strong, I bring thee to right the males’ wrongs.”

She tossed it into the pot, turning the green mixture blue. Fitting she found, as it her magic was the final solution. With that thought in mind, Rarity leaned over the pot and ducked her head.

Just a single spell… Rarity thought with a grimace. One last spell, and all your dreams will come true… She charged her horn with the spell she had learned for the occasion, and cast it into the pot. Feedback surged through her entire body, as if she was taking a dip into the spa’s hot tub. The spell’s connection didn’t last long, finally leaving her body free to drop beside the pot, albeit with slight kinetic energy. Woozy and tired, Rarity shook her head and turned back to her mixture.

“Well, that packed quite the punch,” Rarity said with a giggle. “I was almost expecting an explosi—”

The cauldron bubbled and a tiny mushroom cloud rose from its contents. Rarity winced… for about five seconds.

Rarity frowned, despite a wave of relief flowing through her veins after just tensing up. “Shame. For some reason, I feel disappointe—

The cauldron’s black surface turned red with emanating heat, until the entire solution exploded in a rampant shockwave, all before Rarity could even blink in surprise. The shockwave threw and pinned Rarity against the wall as the gaseous mixture penetrated her walls, broke her windows, and worst of all, misaligned a prized painting and made the frame crooked.

The magic surged through the cauldron for what seemed like an eternity, until the last wisp of magic left. Rarity dropped to the ground, panting as the implication of her actions dawned on her.

“Oh my,” Rarity gasped as she climbed to her hooves. “Due to unfortunate events I did not foresee, Ponyville is in figurative excrement.”

Her journey through Ponyville was startling, to say the least. Females dominated the streets, moaning and crawling on the ground like malignant vagrants, as if they were from the bloody film she forbade Sweetie Belle from ever watching. From the looks of things, like their reddened coat colors and leaking blood from their posteriors, they needed immediate medical attention.

Rarity, Element of Generosity and heroine of Equestria on numerous occasions, hummed a merry tune as she pranced past the obviously ill mares littering the streets. She was, after all, on an important errand.

A few minutes later, she found herself at the front door of the libra—crystal tree castle thing that Twilight resided in nowadays. As she pushed open the door, she briefly reminisced about the beloved library that had been destroyed in the fight against Tirek.

Rarity sighed, closing her eyes. I have nopony to blame but myself… Twilight will understand. With a deep breath, she held her head up high as she entered the tree castle thingy. She made her way to the main chamber, the gathering of the seven thrones to...

“Rarity! What the ‘act of procreation typically done for pleasure’ have you done?” Twilight screamed as she hopped off her throne. Their four friends, each sitting on their own throne conveniently labeled with their magical butt tattoo symbol, followed suit and trailed behind Twilight. Rarity’s attentive scan caught a slight blush on each of them.

That can’t be right, Rarity thought as she noticed Twilight’s fast-rising chest, her sweating, pulsing legs, the red tinge of her cheeks, and the way her tail was pushed down tight against her body, as if to hide something. Twilight never exercises!

“Darling?!” Rarity gasped, holding a hoof to her cheek. “Do you need a refreshment? You look awfully thirsty!”

“You could say that…” Twilight muttered under her breathe, her ears pinned to her head. She quickly shook it—her head, that is—and glared daggers at Rarity. “What the Tartarus did you do, Rarity?”

“I, um…” Rarity glanced at each and every one of her friends, all of them glaring at her with a hint of malice—Except Applejack, who was chewing on a straw of hay with an amused smirk. “I was, er, mixing a drink before I arrived here with the utmost urgency! What kind of events from the heavens have proceeded before my entrance to this gathering?”

Twilight opened her jaw to speak, but closed it to look at her friends behind. The five exchanged glances ranging from anger to shock to confusion, until they reached a nonverbal consensus. Twilight turned back to Rarity and sighed. “Perhaps it’s better if I just show you… SPIKE!”

“Coming!” Spike said from the distance, his voice echoing in the vast, crystal halls of his new home. Rarity felt a sense of foreboding wash through her body as booming footsteps rocked the castle, until a door to the chamber opened. Spike entered…

“OH MY DEITY OF CHOICE!” Rarity screamed as a red claw grasped her belly, slicing through it with lust and hormones addled talons. From her entire life the sensation, each and every heat season she had experienced, rippled through her body in waves of pleasure and desire with no release. The Spike she rested her eyes upon, the Spike who was much taller, much older, more muscular…

“Spikey-Wikey, y-you’re…”

“Sexy?” Applejack shrugged as she performed mental coitus by utilizing her eyesight in a lewd manner.

“Hot?” Rainbow Dash shrugged, trying her best not to blush.

“Scrumptious?” Fluttershy whispered, her wings standing at attention.

“Hey Twilight, what’s up?” Spike, twice his old height and three times the muscle, walked over and raised a claw to slap Twilight’s back.

Twilight, noticing his attentions, panicked. “Spike, wait, no—”

Slap!

“Ahhh…!” Twilight moaned as her spine shuddered, a wave of pleasure rocking through her body, ending in—

“Twilight, come on!” Spike jumped back, eyeing the floor as a puddle trickled underneath Twilight. “I just waxed the floor!” He crossed his muscular arms as his abdominal muscles rippled, eyeing the princess as she lay on the floor, groaning and moaning with pleasure and pain.

Applejack took the initiative and stepped forward, gesturing toward Twilight. “You see, sugarcube, we kinda have a problem. About thirty minutes ago, everything with a penis turned into a stud and now every mare’s having issues with her plumbing.”

“Oh my,” Rarity deadpanned, her usual sparkle diminishing as the reality sunk in. “You don’t mean…”

“Eeyup.”

“I guess the obvious solution is to—”

“No!” Applejack shoved her hoof into Rarity’s mouth, silencing her. She leaned over and plastered her cheek onto Rarity’s, giving her the stinkeye. “That’s the last thing you wanna do, sugarcube. More content means more pressure means less time.”

“Less… time?” Rarity frowned, the gears in her head churning but no lightbulb turning on. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Applejack sighed and turned their heads toward the group. “Hey Pinkie Pie, how you holding up?”

Pinkie Pie smiled, despite her face turning the same shade as Big Mac’s coat. “Fine and dandy! Except…” Her face lost it’s joyful grin as her body spasmed. “I-I can last five more…” She spasmed again and landed on her side, twitching as she lied down. Fluttershy leaned down and rested her wing on her as a blanket.

“What’s happening to her? What’s happening to us?” Rarity whimpered as she felt something in her belly grow hotter. Spike had since left the room, grumbling about a mop, but the sensation she felt remained. In fact, it was growing. Growing… like an infection.

“We don’t know,” Applejack admitted as Pinkie Pie twitched in agony. “All we know is that every stallion is sexier than ever, and our plumbing is getting clogged at a worrisome rate. Some of us can hold it better, while some of us ain’t so lucky…”

Twilight, finally relieved—as much as she could be—stood up from her puddle and returned to the limelight with a scientific air. “According to my calculations, capacity differs due to sexual experience. Inexperienced have less time than experienced, in short.” She grimaced as she stared at Pinkie. “The moment the magical explosion happened, I got to work immediatelyy. I’ve learned to never get caught off guard again. Whatever is inside us, it’s building up pressure with no release.”

Fluttershy whispered something in Pinkie’s ear to calm her before looking up at Rarity. “Rarity, what did you do? W-we’re scared.”

Rarity sighed. It would be best to come clean, no? “I was experimenting with herbalism, and devised a potency potion for a potential mate. I must have added too much yew or forgotten the salt.” She shrugged. “I did not expect such explosive results.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “How long did you saturate the potion?”

“Three weeks.”

“Of course!” Twilight facehoofed. “You’re supposed to wait a fortnight before finalizing the brew!”

Rarity scoffed. “And how was I supposed to know that?”

“I don’t know, reading a book on herbalism?” Twilight shook her head before she dared tried deadpanning again. “Anyway, we need to find a cure and fast! We have no idea what happens when a mare reaches her limi—”

“Party pooper!” Pinkie Pie screamed, calling the attention of all in the room. Her body rocked as her belly convulsed. Her belly expanded ever so slightly, like a balloon, until her coat reached its limit. Like rubber, it snapped back as her insides gave an audible boom! Pinkie Pie wailed.

“MY OVARIES!”

“So that’s what happens…” Rainbow Dash cocked her head, to the chagrin of her friends.

“Rainbow Dash! That ain’t funny!”

“I didn’t—Oh, nevermind.”

Twilight stepped forward and poked Rarity’s chest. “You! This is your fault! We have to fix this before we all—”

A multitude of explosions sounded through the air just outside the crystal tree, rocking the tree to its very roots. Each pony braced for an earthquake, covering their head and cringing.

“MY OVARIES! MY OVARIES” came the screams of a trio outside. Twilight and Rarity exchanged horrified expressions, and each gulped.

“Yeah,” Twilight said as she rubbed the back of her head. “We kinda have to, ya know, fix this before… yeah.” She waved at their remaining three friends, their agonizing frowns betraying their growing pressure inside.

Rarity nodded. “Of course, darling. But I ask, what plan do you devise we act upon?”

Rather than answer, Twilight turned away and walked past their friends who stepped aside. She placed a hoof on the magic sigil, symbolizing friendship itself, and stomped lightly. The sigil glowed brightly as seven thrones flipped over through the floor, revealing walls and walls equipped with as an armory. Twilight turned back to Rarity, her jaw dropped, and smirked.

“Research!” She chuckled and lifted a giant thermometer, designed to take a sick dragon’s temperature whenever it was sick. “You’re not the only one with a secret lab, you know.”

“Wait, how did you know I had a secret lab?”

“Uh, no reason?” Twilight’s blush brightened as she discretely tossed a telescope out of sight. “Totally not watching you showe—”

“Excuse me?”

“N-nothing! Anyway,” Twilight said as she set the thermometer and picked up a strange hoofheld device giving off little beeps. She tossed it toward Rarity with magic, the latter receiving it with her own. “That’s a new invention of mine. Utilizing sonar magic, it’ll help you find the plant we need to devise a cure. You used nature magic, correct? All we need is some tundra moss.”

Rainbow Dash and Applejack exchanged a glance, nodded, and walked up to the scientific wizard duo.

“We’ll be helping ya,” Applejack said as she wiped her forehead. Rainbow Dash, however, was beginning to pale as her eyes wandered. Applejack gave her a light nudge, bringing her back to reality.

“Uh, yeah!” Rainbow Dash shook her head and stomped her hoof. “We gotta, like, save the day!”

“I’ll stay behind to take care of Pinkie Pie,” Twilight said as she frowned at her injured friend. “And take care of the casualties in Ponyville with the hospital’s help.”

Fluttershy brushed against Twilight as she entered the group circle, closing her eyes for a moment to purr. “...I’ll help too, if that’s okay. I often hunt for herbs when my critters get sick, tundra moss is easy to find.”

“Perfect!” Rarity felt her old shimmer return to her eyes as she turned to the entrance of the chamber. “WIth the bonds of friends connecting us, there is no way we can fail! Onward, girls! We have a town to save!”

“…”

“…”

“Girls?” Twilight said as she lifted herself from another puddle, the chamber remarkably empty. She looked down, lifted a hoof, and sniffed it before gagging. “Oh lord, not again…”

Knock knock! Someone pounded on her door, snapping Twilight back to attention. She ruffled her wings as she stood up.

“Yes?” she said, trotting toward the door. “Come inside…” She fought off a rising spasm as a scent wafted to her nostrils. Her eyelashes lowered into a sultry glare.. “...please?

Cold Shower.

Time: 4:53 pm

Location: Ponyville Alley

Population: Mostly Female

Casualties: Several

Classified: 86 Classified

“Careful! We nearly ran into that group of stallions!”

“Stop pushing my wings!”

“Um…”

“Who stepped on my tail?!”

“Who let Fluttershy on top? I should be on top!”

“Can you spread your legs a little? I can’t fit inside this tight space.”

“Ahh! Not there, Rainbow Dash!”

“Stop it! My horn is quite sensitive!”

“Ew! Something just squirted!”

Creeeeeaaaaakkk!

The entire group of girls, crammed together to hide behind a dumpster, froze as a stallion from the local restaurant exited through a door to take out the trash. The stallion, a sexy specimen with luscious blonde locks and green eyes that could massage the soul’s shoulders while reciting poetry, stared at the girls with his beautiful, beautiful eyes.

“...Can I help you ladies?” He cocked his head.

“This isn’t what it looks like!” Rainbow Dash, currently upside down, said as she tried pushing Fluttershy’s head out of her crotch.

“U-unless it’s what you’re into,” Fluttershy said, her blush deepening with each word.

“Then it’s exactly what it looks like,” Rarity finished, her eyes devouring the toned flanks of the incredibly sexualized stallion. The stallion caught the glint in each mare’s eyes, noticing the blush and sweat, and wisely retreated back into the restaurant, making sure to lock it just in case.

The girl Winona-pile immediately collapsed.

“Are you kidding me?” Applejack growled as she adjusted her hat. “What’s with y’all acting like mares in heat in times of crisis? That’s so damn cliche, it ain’t even funny!”

Rarity sighed and gave Applejack a sympathetic frown. “I’m sorry, darling, but it’s not us at all! The spell affected every male, turning them into specimens of…” Rarity licked her lips, and then shook her head. “It’s in the air. The air is full of pheromones.”

A strong musk permeated the air. The girls walked through the alley and poked their heads, totem pole style, staring into the road from the safety of their shadows.

The specimen in question was a stallion walking by, but not a normal stallion by any standard.

“My word,” Rarity whispered. “He’s so… muscular.”

Fluttershy gasped. “His mane is rugged, yet so neat.”

Rainbow Dash licked her lips. “Pheromones or no, he looks delicious!”

“Excuse me?” Applejack growled. “That’s muh brother! And he’s hardly changed at all!”

The three non-siblings of the sexualized stallion exchanged bemused glares, before melting into gleeful grins. “Yummy!”

Applejack gagged as she backed away from the group. “Y’all disgust me, ya oinkin’ pigs!”

“So…” Rainbow Dash’s smirk switched from Fluttershy to Rarity. “I’m not even in heat and he’s lookin’ yummy!”

“No fair, Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy whined, crouching and batting at Rainbow’s hooves. “You got the last one!”

“Hey! I shared!”

“It’s not the same!”

“How about a proposal, darlings?” Rarity batted her eyelashes. “We play ‘earth, magic, sky’ for the first night, then a foursome?”

“Yeah!”

“That sounds like a satisfying night for y’all, but remember? Only makes it worse, girls.” Applejack shoved the group apart, staring each mare down until they crouched into submission. “And lay off muh brother.”

“Um, miss?”

The mares turned their gaze back to the scene on the road. Big Mac, ever so oblivious to the woes of mares, trotting over to a particular mare lying on the road. He leaned down to sniff the mare, asking for her condition.

“Miss Cheerilee?” he asked, prodding her limp body with a gentle hoof. On the third prod, the mare jerked as she regained consciousness.

“Ergh… mommy?” Cheerilee blinked, her vision slowly returning to clarity. As soon as she could recognize the red mass before her, she flinched and crawled backwards on her back. “Mister Macintosh! You have to leave! Hurry!”

“But miss,” Big Mac said as he stepped forward, eyeing the trail of pink liquid leaking from Cheerilee. “You’re hurt…”

Just as Cheerilee clutched her belly and screamed, the hiding mares wincing as they covered their eyes.

The resulting explosion shattered every window exposed to the street, rocking the earth itself. The initial shockwave, despite Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s bracing, pushed the group of mares down the alley.

“MY OVARIES!” Cheerilee screamed as the air returned to fill the vacuum, shoving the girls up the alley and into the street with the aftershock. The girls tumbled onto the road into a pile, each groaning with differing levels of pain as their ovaries contracted to the scent of a nearby (and quite shocked) Big Mac.

Applejack, on the outskirt of the group and nearest Cheerilee, screeched and shoved the entire group off her in a desperate act to avoid the growing puddle of blood and… ick. Her hoof caught in the concoction, to which she stomped on dry ground to wipe off. “Ick!”

“Look at the neat freak now,” Rarity deadpanned as she watched Applejack prance about.

“Rarity!” Applejack snapped as she casually wiped her hoof on Rainbow Dash’s wing. “This ain’t exactly mud that you obviously luuuurve!”

Rarity opened her mouth to snark back, only to be shushed by Rainbow Dash of all ponies. The attentive pegasus looked to and fro, searching for something. Her mouth opened, slow and unsure, and said, “Where’s Fluttershy?”

“...” The three exchanged looks, their gaze slowly rising up to the roofs.

“U-um, don’t mind me,” Fluttershy whimpered as she clung to the rooftop’s edge, shaking.

Rainbow Dash placed her forelegs on Applejack and Rarity’s shoulders and shoved them aside. “This is Fluttershy, let me handle it.” Before the two earthbound mares could protest, Rainbow Dash pushed up into the air and hovered toward Fluttershy. She tried approaching with her forelegs outstretched, only for Fluttershy to crawl backwards.

“G-get away!” Fluttershy screamed, quivering as her wings clinged to her sides.

Rainbow Dash crossed her forelegs and hovered in place, vertical, with hardly a wing flap of effort. “Seriously, Fluttershy, come on. We don’t have much time.”

“No! You don’t understand!” Fluttershy scrunched her muzzle and glanced downward to her friends. She returned her gaze to Rainbow Dash, her eyes beginning to sparkle as she held back tears. “Can’t you see? It was small at first, but they’re getting bigger! The longer a mare waits, the greater the explosion! We’re ticking time bombs!”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes opened wide. “Y-you can’t be serious…”

“Yes!” Fluttershy cried out, inching forward her pupils dilated and voice shaking. “I’m too close… I can’t travel with you any longer, otherwise I’ll put everypony at risk! Applejack isn’t going to… nevermind. You and Rarity are strong ponies, you’ll last long enough to save us!”

“Come on, Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash tried inching forward, only for Fluttershy to crawl back on the roof. She lowered her forelegs and sighed, slouching her shoulders. “Please? You’ll be fine.”

“No, Rainbow Dash! I won’t be—ahh!” Fluttershy’s body convulsed as her spine arched. She opened her eyes as the tears began to trickle down her pale cheeks. “Please. I don’t have much time.”

Rainbow Dash grimaced and reached out with a single hoof. “Fluttershy, I…” Rainbow Dash lowered her head and hoof, then sighed. She looked up, channeled all her churning emotions, and gave Fluttershy a last gaze with her magenta, tearful eyes.

Fluttershy met her eyes as her body relaxed, no longer cringing. She tilted her head and smiled, showing off a single fang. “I… I feel the same way.”

And then Fluttershy’s ovaries exploded.

Rarity and Applejack, their jaws hanging low in sheer shock, only moved their heads to watch as Rainbow Dash sailed across the sky. At least until the aftershocks came, and knocked them across the street.

“My ovaries…!”

It only took Applejack and Rarity to recover, helping each other stand up and dust off. There was no time to mourn the fallen, even as blood trickled down the drain pipe. They exchanged a look, communicating a single thought: We have to finish the job.

There was no time to waste, no time to “phallic male sex organ” around in Ponyville any longer. Time was running out. Deciding to take their chances with running into the rest of the male populace, the duo put their heads down and merely galloped through town. The occasional stallion bumped into them, worsening Rarity’s condition, and the street was littered with mares dragging themselves on the ground with a trail of blood behind them.

“Um, darling?” Rarity gasped as the ground underneath gradually turned to dirt and grass at the outskirts of Ponyville. “Mind if I ask a question of a personal nature?”

“Whatever, sugarcube,” Applejack said with hardly a heavy breath. “If we survive the day, I could kiss ya for all I care.”

“That’s exactly what I mean, darling,” Rarity said, choosing her words as tactfully as she could. “How come, well I do realize you’re affected by the magic, but how come your condition isn’t worsened whenever we meet a male?”

“Well, that’s an easy answer.” Applejack blew through her lips and adjusted her hat that was dipping too low. “Ovaries produce small amounts of testosterone, which are obviously tied to your little magic spell thingy.”

“Er, yes, I realize that scientific fact,” Rarity said, the lightbulb in her head refusing to light itself due to her blind outlook on romance. It was like Trenderhoof, when she subconsciously realized that she. Did. Not. Get. It. “But how does that apply to our situation?”

“Rarity, I’m going to put this as calmly as I can,” Applejack growled as they passed by Fluttershy’s cottage. “I’m gay.”

“WHAT?!” Rarity skidded to a stop, forcing Applejack to sigh and turn around.

“No need to tie your dresses in a—”

“You’re gay?!” Rarity screeched as she pointed at Applejack. “And you never had the mind to tell me!?”

Applejack tipped her hat. “I understand your concern, but that’s—”

“Concern? CONCERN?!” Rarity screamed; Applejack flinched and blinked rapidly. “I’m a little more than ‘concerned,’ darling!”

“Yes, but—”

“‘But” nothing, Applejack!” -Applejack winced at the sudden drop of the pet name- “What concerns me is the sleepovers!”

“Ain’t nothing wrong with gir—”

“We slept together, Applejack! You liked my muddy hooves on you, didn’t you?”

“It ain’t what you thi—”

“I braided your hair and gave you a Saddle Arabian style massage!”

“And it was nice and al—”

“Nice? NICE?! I bet it was nice when you asked me to be your practice partner for that contest!”

“It was just wrestli—”

“Wrestlers don’t use their tongue, Applejack! We practiced together!”

“And I took you to dinne—”

“In the closet, my closet!”

“I apologized for that and—”

“For five hours!”

“RARITY! SHUT UP AND LET ME SPEAK!” Applejack stomped her hoof as her face grew red.

Rarity shook her head as her ears stopped ringing. “Sweet Celestia, darling, no need to get so upset…”

“Ah gosh darn it!” Applejack roared and pounced Rarity. Before Rarity could even process the new events, Applejack shoved her down, pinned her hooves, and landed a wet one directly on her lips.

Decisions, decisions, and decisions rocketed through Rarity’s mind. The romantic and automatic response that came to mind was to struggle until her limbs grew weak, to close her eyes as her heart admitted defeat, and lose herself in pleasure as her new lover took advantage of her weak and helpless flower.

For the first time in her life, Rarity decided to not be the heroine in her trashy novels, particularly the one about vamponies that Twilight mysteriously hated for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Rather, and with the aid of magic, Rarity flipped Applejack over and deepened the kiss herself. The two rolled on the ground, each trying to dominate the other as their tongues danced in unison. Rarity groaned as the heat in her womb grew hotter and hotter, permeating her coat itself…

Rarity’s eyes shot open. That’s not me.

With much regret, Rarity shoved Applejack into the air with a burst of magic. She jumped to her hooves and crouched, readying herself in case the farmer—currently cursing like a sailor—tried any more funny business. Eventually, Applejack’s vocabulary calmed and became coherent.

“You have five seconds to tell me why in Equestria you did that, and it better not be some hogwash nonsense like ‘But darliiiiin’, I ain’t gay!’” Applejack growled as her tongue dripped with malice.

“Um, darling?” Rarity tilted her head as she saw the familiar spasms ripple through her new lover’s muscles. “Your…” -she hung her head- “your time is up.”

Rarity, with her heart heavy and legs of dread, turned and galloped away to escape the resulting explosion. Taking a moment to shed a tear as she glanced back at the crater left behind, she returned to her quest and galloped into the Everfree Forest.

Time: 4:13 pm

Location: Entrance to Tartarus

Population: Too much

Casualties: None

Classified: 137 Minutes

“Yes… I am free again,” Tirek muttered as he hid behind a tree, watching Cerebus bumble about from a distance. “Now, to take what was stolen from me and return it to it’s rightful owner.” He clenched his fist. “And then—What’s this?”

Magic saturated the air as his muscles began to grow once more. He squeezed his fist, testing his growing strength. A crooked smile crept onto his lips as he began to snicker. “An enchantment? Excellent. Indirect, yet effective.”

He threw his head back and cackled, his old strength’s return streaming into his body.

“Look out, Ponyville! I’m coming.”