Deus Ex: Cosplay Revolution

I said park. She said "come on, it's this way," and dragged me by the arm. Got a couple odd looks but at least she wasn't dragging me to the bar.

Soon enough we were standing at the gates of the "park". It looked more like a gigantic garden with statues in it, trees, and fountains. Shittons of fountains and purple-and-gold banners. It was pretty, yes, but it made my eyes hurt.

We both walked in. I gravitated towards the statues. Odd set of rocks they were. Most looked lifelike, especially the two holding the scrolls. Almost made up for the musical-ness of their movies, but only almost.

One of them caught my eye. Ugly bastard he was, looked like every animal from a kindergartener's picture book got together and got freaky. And the horrible mutant orgy baby got dropped in a vat of mutagens, had a shitton of bad plastic surgery to fix it, and then left to simmer in the redneck backwoods with its equally-ugly sister, whereupon its even uglier child got turned into a statue and put up here.

Man, it was that ugly. If it had a statue, that meant it was either really good, really bad, or symbolic. Actually, it might've been modern art, because more likely than not that would... actually, that made sense. I mean, who finds modern art good? It's all just a bunch of squiggles, angst, and hipsters. Contemporary art, too, and it was honestly even uglier than modern art.

"So, who is this ugly guy?" I ask, pointing to the perfect example of contemporary art. Shade stops and looks, some kind of look on her face.

"That's... Discord."

"He's ugly."

"You're right. Something called a... a Draconequus, or something. All-powerful God of Chaos, last I heard."

The grin drops from my face. If there was magic here... maybe he was all-powerful. Or dead, and really famous. The latter seemed more likely. "He looks stoned."

I cock my head to the side. "So you're saying he got out last year, and he wreaked havoc at this Ponyville town, but then the Elements of Harmony, six ponies with magical rock necklaces used their mystical supernatural rock powers to lock him up in a statue, and undo all the chaos."

"Yep, that's the gist of it," she says, face stony. "I was there when it happened."

"For a god of chaos, doesn't sound like he did much damage. If those Elements could reverse it. If I were him, I'd take one of those Elements, assuming they were the only ones who could use it, and I'd toss 'em to the bottom of a lake with concrete on their hooves. If he was one of those 'I ain't killin' anybody' types, just lock the unmagical ones in a cage they couldn't get out of."

Shade gives me that kind of look. The kind of look you get from your normal friend who disapproves of hypothetical psychopathy. "Equestria well and truly could've been destroyed. You're thinking of how to do it better."

I shrug. "Well, he didn't do a very good job of it. I betcha if you give me a couple explosives and a mask I could have the entirety of Equestria rioting within a month. I can assure you, I could do that."

Shade's about to respond, but stops. She tilts her head forward, just slightly, like she's pointing to something behind me...

Ah shit.

"Excuse us, Sir, could you say that again?" says one of the MIBs. The other has a hand in her jacket, a bulge in her side sticking out. Ah fuck...

"Said that if I had a mask and some bombs, I could have Equestria rioting in a month. Be a better anarchist than this ugly bastard was," I say, knocking the pedestal that this 'Discord' fellow rests on. "You got a problem with that?"

"It means nothing," says the other, though I can tell she's itching to pull something out of her pocket.

Fuck this shit. I want ONE DAY of not dealing with this. Fuck it, even if this "I" guy disagreed, I was gonna whoop the ass of anyone, I repeat, ANYONE, who got in the way of me having a day off. Soon as I had a moment to claim

My eyes dart around. No one in the immediate area. Then I turn my shoulder, still seeing no one. I crack a smile. "Anyone ever tell you that you have horrible disguises?"

They look to each other, and when they look back I can tell they're ignoring my response. "Princess Celestia requests an audience with you, and you alone, in her chambers," the first says, pulling something out of her pocket. I tense. "Present this to one of her guards, and they will take you to her chambers."

I look at what she's holding: it's a little disk of some brassy substance, a stylized sun embossed on it. I snatch it, giving the MIB a dirty glare. "When do I have to talk to her?"

"Before the wedding of Shining Armor and Cadence. Preferably tomorrow."

I groan. "Y'know, I expected a bit of relaxation for being a hero. Can I do it the day after? I'd like to get a good night's sleep before getting embroiled in politics, or whatever else you Mares In Black want of me." Mentally, I add a And if this turns into a porno, I'm going to flip the fuck right out and kill everything.

"The arrangements can be made, Mays," the second says.

I smile. "Good. Now, leave. I want some alone time with my lady, alright?"

"We understand," they say, before turning around and walking out of sight.

Soon as they're gone, I turn back to Shade and see her glowering. Before she chews me out, I raise my hands and say, "Look, far as I know, she's probably gonna give me a medal or something." Then I look around, see it's all silent. "C'mon, let's get out of here. Not a big fan of it being silent."