I was hiking through a densely forested path up a mountain in the countryside near some city I hadn't bothered to catch the name of. As I was walking, I took in the beautiful greenery around me and breathed in the slightly less polluted air. Stopping for a water break, I notice a fox trapped in a bear trap. Grumbling under my breath at the irresponsible red necks who left it there, I trek over to the trapped fox and make soothing motions and trying to not look like a threat. Upon getting near enough to access the current condition of the foxes leg, I see that it should be okay with some stitches and a bandage. Feeling around in the bear trap, I hit the release trigger and pry apart the bear trap, the fox jumping clear the moment it could. Turning to look at the fox I expected it to be fleeing into the bush, instead I saw it sitting down and staring at me. "Oh, you poor thing. Don't move. I knew it was a good idea to pack an emergency first aid kit." I remark to myself as I pull it out of my hiking bag. Pulling out a needle and thread, I make towards the foxes leg, only for it to place it on my arm and push away lightly. Then it spoke.
"I thank you kindly for your assistance stranger, but I am quite alright on my own." It said with a chuckle, much to my blanked out mind. "I can see you are failing to comprehend the situation. I would've expected fear or disbelief... But I appear to have broken you. My bad." The fox said apologetically. "Um... I guess I should thank you and apologize for breaking you in some way." He then thought aloud, pondering on what to do.
"I must've fallen down a cliff and am in a coma." I say aloud.
"Oh no, quite untrue. You merely helped out a fairly powerful mystic being. And I have just the way to thank you. Now if you'd just close your eyes and think happy thoughts, this'll be over soon." The fox said with a foxy smile, not that he could give any other kind. Looking at him in confusion, I felt sudden searing pain blossom all over my body, which was quickly followed up by a sudden bout of unconsciousness.
I awoke to find myself surrounded by trees. Assuming I had fallen over and knocked myself unconscious, I make to stand up, only to fall over as soon as I stood up on two legs. Looking down my breath hitched in my throat. I was a fox. Not good. Sure, I loved the little bastards, but I never actually wanted to be one, despite having a fox fursona. This had better be a catatonia induced nightmare, otherwise I am going to scream. I took a light sniff of the air and sudden was assaulted by a level of sensory input not meant to be experienced by the human mind. Trying to stabilize my breathing to prevent an imminent panic attack, I begin trying to recall my disturbingly extensive knowledge of quadrupedal locomotion, I attempt to put some of that knowledge to use in attempting to walk.
After several minutes, I have finally managed to figure out how to walk and am nearly used to my new center of gravity. Feeling sure enough of myself as to be able to walk short distances, I began trekking through the forest slowly, bemoaning the loss of my cellphone. Shaking the thoughts of technology from my mind, I began to experimentally sniff the air, trying to discern the various smells assaulting my nostrils. Failing to figure out any of the smells, I instead set to breathing through my nose to get used to the sensory input faster. Continuing through the woods, I suddenly pick up on a smell I'm all too familiar with: Cooking meat. The sudden hyper invasive scent of meat over takes my body and I blindly begin sprinting towards the source before thinking. By the time I return to my senses I have found myself in the bushes bordering a small clearing. A clearing inhabited by nightmarish creatures. Trying to back away slowly, one of my... Paws, I guess, lands on a twig and snaps it. Hearing this the two nightmarish creatures turn their multi-spectrumed heads to me. Gulping in fear, I know that my fate is sealed. Steeling myself, I step out of the bush and into the sights of the two rainbow furries sitting in the clearing.
One of them looked at me for a few seconds with a dumbfounded look before the other speaks up. "Hmm, dinner AND some entertainment? What a night this'll be." The other says. Catching what the other was onto, a lustful smirk appeared on the others face. Knowing what lay ahead, I did the smartest thing anyone could do in this situation: Gave into my instincts.
When I finally snapped out of it, I found myself standing over the brutally melted bodies of the two rainbow furries. Having no idea how this happened, I make my way over to where their fire was, slowly taking a bite of the steak. Finding nothing wrong with it I quickly devour it. My stomach full, I book it from the clearing, not wanting to find out i there are anymore rainbow furries nearby. I only allow myself to stop after what I assume has been several hours of running. Breathing heavily, I look through the trees to see a small village that looks to be from the seventh century. Not sure if they'd try and kill me for my fur, I make a decision and stalk towards the village.
Upon reaching it I duck into some bushes and observe. What I see is a town filled with tiny pastel colored ponies. Sighing in relief, I continue to observe. I notice that the ponies appear to not be hostile in any way, and that they seem openly friendly. Taking this as a good sign, I slowly step out of the bush and clear my throat, hoping that I can still speak. All the ponies freeze as soon as they catch sight of me. Trying to give a smile that makes me look harmless, I speak up. "Hello." I say, my voice sounding different, almost playful. As soon as I spoke, one of the ponies stepped forwards. They appeared to be garbed in some sort of weird armor. Copper shin guards on the forelegs, a copper breastplate on the barrel, and a copper helmet with a horn protruding from it. Looking at the pony who only stood five inches taller than me, I waited for it to speak.
"In the name of King Cosmic, I hereby place you under arrest or trespassing." It says in a monotone voice.
"... Wut?" I ask.
"You are trespassing in the fiefdom of Lord Luxuriant. You will accompany me to the lords manor peacefully or I will use force."
"Oh-kay then. I'll just follow you then." I then begin following the armored pony and the crowd parts for us, all of them wearing what appear to be tattered rags, and none of them had a horn. Assuming they were the serfs of this Lord Luxuriant, I stare at them with pity, noticing some of them are rather malnourished. Following the armored pony out of the depressing village, I find myself walking alongside the pony down a long road. Looking at the end of the dirt road, I see a large manor made of stone and with thatched roofing. As we approached two guards stepped forwards and blocked our paths with copper spears. I jot this little tidbit down, realizing that they may not have discovered bronze yet. Stopping in front of the guards, my escort speaks up.
"I have apprehended a trespasser in the village, I am bringing her to the Lord so that he might choose her punishment." The pony next to me announces.
"Very well, Strong Heart, take her into the dungeons and I shall have a messenger inform the Lord of his new guest. He will get to her as soon as he can."
"Very we-" The pony next to me begins before I cut him off.
"Hold it. I'm not going into some dingy dungeon. I'm out!" I say, turning and beginning to run before I'm surrounded by a violet aura and levitated into the air.
"You're not going anywhere, criminal. The Lord will see you when he is ready. Be glad I didn't execute you when I found you!" The pony snarls. I am then levitated into the manor and down a flight of stairs, before I am unceremoniously hurled into a dark room and having the door shut and locked behind me. Growling, I sit down and get ready for a long wait.
Several hours later the door is swung open with a bang and I am levitated into the air again. Hanging limply in the mysterious aura I observe my surrounding, taking the sights of various paintings and statues in. Looking out the windows, I am surprised that they have glass. I feel myself placed on the ground and stretch my legs before the pony opens a set of large doors in front of me. "My Lord, I have brought the prisoner as requested." The pony says, shoving me into the room.
"Excellent." A pony sitting on a chair at the head of the table says. Looking at him, I have to resist with all my might not to vomit. He was so obese I could actually HEAR it in his voice. "So, you're the strange speaking wolf my guard found sneaking around in my village, eh? Don't look like much." The fat pony says with a morbid chuckle.
"I"m actually a red fox." I correct him, which earns me a smack on the back of my head by the guard next to me.
"Thank you guard. Now, as for you, What is a, red fox did you say?" At this I hesitantly nod. "What is a red fox doing sniffing around my land?"
"I woke up in a forest and tried to find my way out, which lead me to your village." I reply, getting me a another smack on the head.
"You will address his lordship as suits his position, peasant!" the guard shouts at me. I merely glare at him.
"Enough. I may have use of this creature. Tell me, are you a predator?"
"Yes... My lord." I grumble as an afterthought.
"Then I hereby induct you into my guard. You say pay off your crimes by serving in my guard for three years. Your task shall be to hunt down and return any of my serfs who get it into their heads to run away from their lord."
"I have no choice in this, don't I?" I gripe.
"Not a single one. Now then, Stalwart, take her to the barracks and wash her up. Then take her to the armorer and get her fitted for some protective gear. Wouldn't do to have my newest recruit dying before their time is served." Luxuriant says with a snide smirk. Following the guard out of the dining room, I sigh and hang my head low.
"Welcome to his lordships guard. I am Stalwart Heart, and you are?" The guard asks me.
"... Vulpes." I tell him, deciding not to give him my real name.
"That is an interesting name." Stalwart replies. After a while I find myself in front of a large tub filled with bathing ponies. Looking around hesitantly, Stalwart speaks up. "Hop in, and get yourself cleaned up, then I'll take you to the armorer and have you fitted for some copper armor."
"Uhh... I don't really bathe in front of others. As for the armor part, don't you guys have bronze?" I ask, earning me a quizzical look.
"What is this bronze you speak of?" He asks. As I am about to speak up he suddenly shoves me into the tub. Falling in with a yelp, I quickly stand up and growl at him.
"Bronze is an alloy. But I'm not going to tell you its composition." I say, smirking in triumph.
"No matter, it can't possibly be better than copper." Stalwart dismisses. I almost want to tell him about steel and titanium. Almost. Grumbling, I try and figure out how to clean myself as a fox. Failing to figure it out, I sheepishly look at Stalwart.
"Little help?" I ask. Stalwart gives me a look before gesturing to one of the ponies next to me. Said pony grabs a brush in its mouth and runs it through my fur. After several minutes of having the other occupants of the tub brush and lather my fur in primitive soaps. I dunk myself under the water entirely before leaping out and shaking myself dry, splashing the ponies with water. After drying myself, I turn towards Stalwart who is laughing his ass off. "If you're laughing at me for having poofy fur, I will tear your throat out." I threaten, which causes him to shut up instantly. I then accompany him to the armorer. AS we enter I am hit by a massive wall of heat. Looking around I see a unicorn wearing a thick apron using a weird dark blue aura to swing a hammer at a copper sword. As we enter he speaks up.
"So you're the new recruit I've heard about?" The blacksmith asks, dowsing the blade in a barrel of water and approaching me. He takes several looks at me before speaking up again. "May take some time to make you some armor, but I can do it." He says confidently.
"Say, you don't have any tin ore lying around, do you?" I ask.
"Well, yes, I use it to make plates for his lordship. Why are you asking?" The blacksmith replies.
"Give me four hours, thirty pounds of tin or and thirty pounds of copper ore and I'll have a better metal for you to make my armor out of."
"Very well, smelter is in the next building over, I'll bring in the ores you ask for, then I'll return in four hours." He says as he exits the room.
"Yush. I knew taking metal works in university was a good idea." I remark to myself.
"What's university?" Stalwart asks.
"Oh... It's a place where you finish off your education if you feel like it. I guess you guys don't have schools here, do you?"
"I don't know what that is, but I do know that all the nobles are educated by scholars from the capital."
"Ah, well I studied until I was twenty two, so I have a fairly good education. Sorry for making you now forever feel like an idiot whilst in my presence." I apologise.
"T-twenty two?!" Stalwart stutters as we exit the forge.
"Well yeah. I'm thirty. How old are you?" I ask absently.
"I'm only ten!" Stalwart burst out in shock. "The only ponies who've ever gotten as old as you are are the nobles."
"Wow. You guys must have terrible health care." I remark as we enter the building containing the smelter. The blacksmith is waiting for us with two wheelbarrows full of pure ores.
"You have four hours, then I'll be back to use whatever you produce in your armor." He says, before shoving Stalwart out of the building and shutting the door.
Four hours later and I find myself with a sizable amount of bronze in front of me. After a few minutes, he blacksmith returns and looks at the metal in front of me. "Okay. I admit that looks sturdy. Now help me wheel it into the forge." I comply and help him take the bronze into the forge. Once that's done he measures me before dropping one of the ingots into a furnace and applying heat. After a few minutes of him pushing on the bellows I doze off. When I come to I see the blacksmith standing in front of me with a grin on his face. "Well, I have to say this could be my best work yet. Try it on." He says as he levitates the armor onto me. Once the armor is secured on me I speak up.
"You got a mirror?" I ask.
"Only his lordship has one of those. Though I can supply you with a bucket of water." The blacksmith offers, which I accept. Once he brings in the bucket of water I stare into it. The first thing I see is a helmet that covers the top of my head and extends along my snout, curving down on either side to envelop the top of my snout in an armored embrace. Looking at my neck I see a segmented length of armor going over the back of my neck, with some toughened leather going across the front of my neck. On my back is a series of bronze plates arranged to allow me complete movement and still offer good protection. On my forelegs and hindlegs are several pieces of bronze and leather on the upper portions whilst the the lower portions merely have leather. Overall I look badass.
"This is AWESOME!" I giddily exclaim.
"I know not what awesome means, but I take it you like your armor?" He asks, as he levitates a sheathed sword to me. "Then I hope you like your sword." He continues, attaching the scabbard to the side of my torso armor.
"How am I supposed to use that?" I ask.
"You grasp it in your mouth and wing your head to strike"
"That sounds complicated and like it would cause severe neck strain. Can't I just use my teeth and claws?"
"Not unless you want to break them on an enemies armor."
"Fine."
"Excellent, his lordship wishes to see you in the dining room. I'd suggest you hurry on over, he is not a patient stallion." As I exit the room I mutter to myself.
"Oh this is a lot of shit happening in such a condensed time frame. I'd better not have a mental breakdown in front of the asshole with a small army." I mutter. Walking through the hallways I finally come across the doors to the dining room. Steeling myself, I push one of them open and step in. What I see before me is a magnificent feast filled with various vegetable and flower based foods.
"Ah, so you've arrived. Let me see you." Luxuriant says. I slowly walk closer to the obese pony until he tells me to stop. "I must say, your armor looks more sturdy than any Anvil has produced before. I must commend him on his craftsponyship."
"Actually, my lord, it is made of an alloy called bronze. That is the reason it looks more sturdy, because it is made of a superior metal." I explain.
"Hmm, I have never heard of this bronze, but perhaps I can use it to out fit the rest of my guards with the best armor in the kingdom. Tell me, how did you make this alloy?"
"I mixed copper and tin together in a smelter."
"... It's always the most obvious things that are the most rewarding." Luxuriant said blanking out for a few seconds. "Ahem, but still, I expect you to spend the next seven years of your life in service to me, otherwise I will have an order sent to have you executed. Now then, how old are you? Just need something to put on the paperwork." Luxuriant asks.
"Thirty." I respond.
"T-thirty!" Luxuriant stutters. "By Sol. you certainly are a sprightly thing for your age."
"Average life expectancy where I come from is eighty five. So I'm really not that old." I point out.
"Damn you foxes ave long lives. I might just have to petition the King for an exploratory party to find the rest of your species so that you can conduct trade with us."
"Ehehehe, about that... I doubt you would really be able to use much of the stuff we make."
"Oh, and why is that?" Luxuriant asks with a threatening glint in his eye.
"Because it can't be used with hooves or whatever it is you do with your horns?" I offer, which seems to abate his imminent wrath.
"Ah, I thought for a second it was because you assume we're stupid in regards to you foxes. But I am glad to merely discover it is because we merely cannot properly interact with your creations."
"Yes. That and the fact that you might accidentally cause a nuclear meltdown and wipe out a city." I blurt out before I quickly clamp my paws over my mouth.
"Nuclear meltdown? Never heard of it. Explain, now." Luxuriant demands.
"It's what happens when a nuclear reactor goes critical and no longer has a stable fission reaction going on. The resulting explosion is bigger than a mountain and burns hotter than the sun for the first fraction of a second after it begins. And before you ask, nuclear fission is the act of splitting atoms." I explain in as little detail as I can.
"Your species can destroy a fundamental basic of creation?!" Luxuriant exclaims in horror.
"That's actually the tip of the ice berg." I say with a sigh, I really hope he doesn't ask for further elaboration, I'm not sure if I should even be giving away this information to such a primitive species.
"Elaborate, I'm sure I can see fit to keep you here until you've explained to the fullest extent of your knowledge. And if I am interested enough, I may even let it count towards your time in service to me." He says with a smug grin.
"Very well. The most basic of hum-fox science is the mathematical formula, which I don't know much about as I didn't study it past the minimum required level." I begin, quickly correcting myself. Taking a deep breath I begin to give Luxuriant a lecture on mathematics and real world applications.
Three weeks later and I've finally explained everything I can to Luxuriant, who has grown ever more curious with each day. After finally finishing my explanation I am excuse from having to constantly be in that ponies presence. The creep had even gone as far as having me bathe in the same room as him whilst I explained human technology and science to him. I'm just glad I didn't have to explain our culture. I shudder to think of just how much I recall from social studies. As I make my way to the guard barracks, I hear uproarious laughter echoing from it. Pushing the door open with my snout, I wall in to see all the off duty guards getting drunk and watching a pony telling a story. As I enter, they all turn to look at me.
"Well, well well. What do we have here? Miss personal courtesan herself." One of the guards says with a glare.
"If that word means what I think it means, I am going to tear your throat out." I glare at him.
"Like you could do that, Luxuriant has had us all outfitted with this new bronze armor." He says triumphantly.
"Which you wouldn't have if I didn't bring in my outside knowledge here." I say, one upping the arrogant guard.
"Damn. You got me there." The guard grumbles.
"So, what did his lordship want with your presence for three whole weeks?" One of the guards asks.
"I accidentally let slip about some of the advances my species has over you, and he wanted me to explain everything I knew. Which is quite a substantial amount now that I think about it." I say, when a sudden thought occurs to me. If I'm going to be here for seven years, why not try and figure out how to make primitive steel, it would certainly make for an interesting military development. Then I remember, I flunked chemistry, how the hell am I going to figure out how to make steel. "So, what are you doing?" I ask.
"Oh, just getting drunk and reminiscing about the past. Solid Oak here was just telling us about how he rutted his sister on her fifth birthday." Another guard says, which causes the rest to break out into laughter.
"What's rutting mean?" I ask.
"You know, when a mare and a stallion get intimate." One of the guards explains, a sudden light of clarity flicking on in my head.
"Oh that is disgusting!" I exclaim, backing away from the incestuous guards.
"What are you on about? It's perfectly acceptable." The guard who was telling the story defends.
"It's wrong on so many levels I can't even list them, and to top it off: She was five. There is a special ring in hell for people like you. It's just below the one for child molesters and people who speak during movies." I say, slowly backing away.
"Like you can speak, you've probably been rutted silly by your brothers on multiple occasions." Another guard accuses me.
"I have never done that with my brothers." I say with a very threatening growl.
"Please, even the nobles do it. What makes you think we'll believe you're any different?" Another guard asks.
"I'm still a virgin!" I yell out at the assembled guards, who all go quiet.
"But Stalwart told us you're thirty. You haven't rutted somepony ever?" The first guard asks.
"Never. I am a complete virgin. I'm waiting for the right guy." I say, sticking my snout up in the air with a humph.
"Do ya think she's a displaced noble from her species?" One of the guards whispers to another at my actions.
"Where's a bed so I can go to sleep." I growl, all the guards point at a lone bed in the corner. Not wanting to walk through the crowd of incestuous scumbags, I instead leap over them all and next to the bed. Then what I just did clicks in my mind. "Holy fuck, I just jumped across an entire room." I say to myself, the guards too stunned to say anything. "Well, I'm going to sleep now... Cya in the morning." I say, hopping onto the bed and curling up.
