Anything for a Friend

by Salvador Dickens

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Random
Length: 943

Twilight gets some milk for Rarity.

Twilight gets some milk for Rarity.

Everyone in Ponyville is either a bug, an arachnid, or a crustacean.

Published 2014-05-20 18:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-20 18:40:02 UTC

Swarm

Author's Note

Remember that I may have been intoxicated when I wrote this.

Swarm

"Good morning Rarity," Twilight said to her best friend, who was Rarity in case you needed a refresher,"how goes the life of a fashionista?"

Rarity blinked her three different sets of grasshopper eyelids, her crusty carapace crackling as she scratched her head.

"It sucks," she replied with the serene grace of a fashion pony,"I've almost gotten to the point where I can't even hop around sporadically as children try to catch me."

"What's so wrong about it?" asked Twilight, clicking her crab claws to emphasize her point.

"Well you see, I've recently gotten yet another request from Sapphire Shores about making her a new wardrobe. Honestly, it's bad enough making six-legged dresses, but making a full regalia set for a millipede? Ha, I'm surprised I haven't collapsed."

"Aw gosh darn Rarity, that sure does sound like a hassle, is there anything I can do to help?"

Rarity eyed Twilight, a ponderous expression on her face. Then her face instantly lit up.

"But of course," said the fashion grasshopper as she excitedly flapped her mandibles,"Why with those marvelous crab claws of yours, you should be able to help me cut the fabrics, oh how quickly this taxing task will be done! Please, do come in."

Twilight complied, scuttling sideways into the small grasshopper-shaped door.

"I hope it doesn't take too long," Twilight thought aloud,"I have a lot of work to do later in the day."

"Twilight," replied Rarity,"I'm sorry if this comes off as rude, but slowly crawling out of a hole in the sand, only to quickly scuttle into it when people walk by does not qualify as an occupation."

Twilight glared at Rarity, her crab eyes doing that weird pupil-move-y thing that crabs and shrimp tend to do.

"Not an occupation? Why I'll have you know that I studied under Princess Celestia for four years straight in order to learn the proper scuttling technique."

"Hun, Princess Celestia is a conch shell, scuttle science is not exactly her forte," replied Rarity, as she legged over the first piece of fabric,"and in any case, we can discuss the topic of scuttling as an occupation later, but for now I really need your help cutting the fabric."

Twilight rolled her eyes and got to work slicing and dicing the various fabrics that were placed in front of her. As she worked, so did Rarity, and in no time flat they had completely concluded the cutting portion of Rarity's rigorous regalia assembly.

"Thank you so much dear, we're a whole three hours ahead of schedule."

"No problem, Rarity, is there anything else I can do?"

"Why yes actually, could you please go down to Bugville market and pick up some milk for me? Sweetie Belle's skin-piercing tooth is coming in, and I want to ensure that it gets plenty of calcium, after all what is a leech if it can't suck blood?"

"A really ugly slug?"

"Precisely."

"Sure thing Rarity, I'll get that milk faster than you can say: "Oh god the neighborhood dog is attacking."

On that note, Twilight Sparkle exited the premises and headed out toward the market, or she would have, had she not immediately bumped into Derpy the second she left the building.

Oh great, this freak.Twilight thought to herself, frowning with her weird crab mouth.

"Hi there Twilight," said Derpy, waving her hoof,"how are you?"

"Just get lost, you four-legged freak," Twilight snapped back,"either grow two legs, claws, or some form of mandibles or antennae, or never talk to me again." On that note, Twilight crab slapped Derpy right in her stupid-pony face.

Derpy would have run away crying, if the superior hardness of Twilight's exoskeleton hadn't basically knocked her punk-ass out, possibly giving her a concussion.

Anyway, Twilight blew her crab bubbles to assert her dominance, and then gleefully scuttled over to the Bugville market, where she met up with Applejack, a friendly mantis shrimp, who punched trees for a living.

"Hey Applejack, could I have so-"

"Twilight,"interrupted Applejack as she got way too far into Twilight's personal bubble,"you're so...colorful."

Twilight sighed, Applejack was always going on about how colorful everything was, bragging about her twelve photoreceptors. Whatever, Twilight had plenty of photoreceptors too, they just hadn't grown in yet.

"Applejack, shut up about color for like, three seconds. Do you have any milk?"

"Milk? I hate milk! Not enough delicious colors."

Twilight pinched the bridge of her nose and walked to the milk stand directly across from Applejack's.

"Got any milk?"she asked.

"Of course we do,"replied Rainbow Dash, buzzing her dragonfly wings as she flew over to one of the milk bottles.

"Rainbow Dash, why are you working at a milk stand?"

"Because we live in a garbage economy."

Twilight didn't care enough to inquire any further, so she just paid Rainbow Dash for the milk and headed back to Rarity's boutique.

"Rarity, I'm back." Twilight said as she entered the house, only to come face to face with the pale carcass of Rarity, which was being gleefully sucked on by Sweetie Belle.

"Sweetie Belle, how could you?"

Rather than respond, Sweetie Belle lunged forward and bit down on Twilight's crab armor, with little to no effect. Twilight shattered the milk bottle and stabbed Sweetie Belle in the neck, causing her to emit a horrible leech screech and fall over dead. Twilight couldn't help but notice how much a dead leech on the ground looked like a slimy piece of shit, and it grossed her out a little bit.

So she threw a blanket over Sweetie's shit-looking carcass, thus saving everyone forever.