Falling In Love with Myself

by ReadingRainbow

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Sad, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance
Length: 4093

What happens when you meet the other side of a mirror?

Meet StarStep, the "Star" of the E.A.S.A. InterNeightional Space Station.

His mission? Heck if we know. He just has to screw around till something interesting happens, and then take it from there.

But what happens when you meet the other side of a mirror? Especially a side you didn't know existed?
StarStep is soon to learn, that what happens in space, stays in space, and that at the end of his ordeal, he might want to bring it back with him.

(Set in what would be our current technology level, if not slightly more advanced.)

Published 2014-05-20 23:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-20 16:03:40 UTC

2: It doesn't take long

Chapter 2
Down They Go

[Date: Nov 23, 1873: 11:22 AM]
[Locate_file: Video Journal 3_.mov]
*Record*

"Everything is finally installed. I've been so busy trying to get all the components into place, that I have barely had time for sleep, or even to record a journal. But now, I'm gonna have some juice, a little bit of sludge, and then snuggle myself to sleep.

I don't have anyone to do that for me....

I found something cool in the crate of specialty items. Apparently, Princess Luna has been nosing her way around EASA, and included a L.M.S.M. JetSaddle. Yes, I'm technical. Light Movement Support Mechanism is what its called, and it is powered by two magic talismans that put the principles of levitation magic into play in space. You could say that it is similar to a jet, but there is no air up here, so you need magic instead. Plus, compressed fuel stuff runs out and needs to be refilled.

It fits right over where my wings would be. So comfy.

Oh. Yea.

Even though my profile says I'm a Pegasus, as you saw in my first video, you can't really tell at first glance. When I was younger, I had smaller wings. Much smaller wings. They used to call me flightless. That was just a name though. My wings never did fully develop, and when they tried to grow up later in life, they had to amputate them. Because of cancer. I was glad they had caught it in time, but I would never fly. Ever.
You would think that they would simply use magic to remove the cancer, but after a bunch of unicorns started using magic for evil, Princess Celestia had to pass some laws against magic. So, using magic for healing was considered a violation at the time, and because they were a little blurry on the laws yet, they amputated my wings. I thought I had lost my freedom forever.
But now? I fly higher than me or my friends ever thought I would. Its ironic how life enjoys putting you through your paces, just to reward you with a strange sense of pride in the end. Maybe it is Lifes way of saying: 'You passed the test! Here is a glass of juice for you efforts.' Irony. Then again, without irony, everypony would have some sort of crease ruining everything.

You really just have to believe in that silver lining.

It all gets better with time."

The camera light blinked twice, then faded as I turned it off. Running a hoof through my mane, I sighed gently, letting myself just relax and get rid of tension. I decided to get some rest in the Gravitational Unit. The GU was a big spinning wheel I had pitched the idea of to EASA. The wheel spun and created centrifugal force, acting very similarly to gravity, although not as strong.

And then EASA turned around and said: "Ohay, we just discovered an old gravity spell thingy," and completely ruined my dreams of having a real GU replica from "9001: A Space Odyssey." So now its just a big wheel with a magic spell on it, that somehow got past the laws set by the princesses.

Sheesh. It almost lead me to believe that they had no fun down there. But I couldn't complain. It wasn't as if I had anything to complain about really. I pushed once more with my hooves, swinging around a corner and up into another passage. Or was it down? I had no clue. The earth was round, so it had no up or down did it? In space, it was all depending on the viewer. For all I knew, I could be horizontal.
As I entered the GU, I snatched a stray juice bag that was floating around.

...That was odd. I never left things floating around. Had I forgotten to store it?

I could investigate my failure to bind down a juice baggy later, I had to consume this thing. After all, I promised myself I would. I zipped off the straw, and pushed it through the plastic hole.
Sweet nectary essence.

Everypony else loved Applejuice. To me, AJ was just too common, and strangely enough, my tastebuds agreed. Grapejuice and Orangejuice were my two favorites, and nothing was going to stop me from enjoying the oddity of it. It was fun being different. With the juice baggy in the trash, and a space food sludge container giving it company, I hit the button that activated the Artificial Gravity. I let it wash over me. Yea, fake gravity can actually do that. I hit the floor with a gentle thump.

Hello firm ground. Haven't seen you in a while, where have you been?

It felt so good to just trot around a bit, even if you were always on the ceiling. Or floor. It was once again, confusing. I didn't care though, for as happy as I was to be on my four hooves, I needed rest from installing those new components.
I trotted over to the sleeping area, and climbed into the bed, twisting until I found a comfortable position. There it was. That one comfy spot that you find when you first climb in, and then something happens, and you have to get out of bed. Then, when you return, you can't find that spot until the next night. Frustration would be had if such events occurred. I was grateful for the immense absence of distractions up here. All the different talismans did their thing, and I never had to worry.
It was almost Home.

Almost...

....Home....

-+-+-+-+-

I opened my eyes. The onboard lighting was dimmed, one of the lights flickering slightly.

I didn't remember dimming them.

I slowly sat up in my bed.

No, I had never dimmed the lighting system. Which could only mean that somepony had dimmed them. No, something. I considered the fact that I had installed new upgrades. Maybe one was an environment actuator that reacted to my facial or behavioral cues? EASA must have stepped up their game. I still felt wary though, and I didn't remember the parts list mentioning such a hardware component.

Turning up the lighting, I called out tentatively.

"h-Hello? Anyone there?"

My voice echoed gently throughout the station. I didn't get a response. I quickly trotted to one of the computers, and got it to do a quick lifeform scan.

I was the only one on board.

Letting my breath out gently, I sighed in relief. Maybe I had dimmed the lighting but I just didn't remember? Maybe one of the computers glitched and dimmed it? I didn't know, and frankly, I was a bit too scared to find out. I grabbed a small metal pipe, and strapping it to my hoof with some spare Velcro, I deactivated the artificial gravity. I didn't want to take chances that someone, or most likely something was on board. Pushing off towards my main command module, I began my daily journey.

Today was a good day for me, besides strange events. I really did have my work cut out for me, since i was the only pony on this station. But hey, at least i had things to do.

First up? A Daily Video Journal.

[Date: Nov 24, 1873: 4:30 AM]

[Locate_file: Video Journal 4_.mov]
*Record*

"Alright, Maybe I'm not doing as good as I might think I am.
I still don't know what I'm supposed to do in case an event goes wrong. And I don't mean if something goes wrong with the systems, I'm already trained and prepped for that. What if something goes wrong with me? What happens when I do go crazy? Am I actually expected to know when that's happening? I'm not a psychiatrist!
Maybe I just need to calm down and take things as they come. That's all I really can do at this point.

Just watch and wait."

*end recording*

Author's Note

This chapter is difficult to figure out. Im trying to space it out to the point so that it doesnt progress as fast as i had it.

Hope you enjoyed chapter 2!

3: A New Sensation

The day passed quietly for me. I played some music while I tended to the plants in the greenhouse, and I managed to find a few ripe tomatoes. Some pasta would be in order later, only Luna knew how much I enjoyed Neightalian food. I read a couple books, and did a few routine spacewalks. But after a long day, Mother of Celestia, did warm water ever feel good. Especially after having to repair a solar panel array, install and code a motherboard.

So I took a shower. I let the water flow down my body, washing away stress and built up tension as it followed the curves of me. I stood there for quite a while, just letting the water flow, as I emptied my mind, thinking of nothing. I had washed my mane and fur at least 5 minutes ago, but this to me was the best way to relax. Nothing but the sound of falling water.

And that's when I heard it.

A faint giggle.

I opened the shower door, and looked around.

Nothing. I sighed, and turned the water on again, reminding myself that it was just my imagination. I was the only pony on this ship, and that certainly wasn't going to change anytime soon. I emptied my mind once more, ignoring everything but the warmth of the water.

And then I heard it again....

Somepony had definitely giggled. And that somepony wasn't me.
I wrapped myself in my towel, then I dashed towards the computer and input my query. Another giggle. But the computer said I was the only lifeform onboard. I stepped back shakily, and closed myself inside the shower. I sat back slowly under the stream of the water, trembling as I bit my bottom lip nervously. I was scared again.

I wasnt losing it, was I?

Was I?

An eternity passed as I huddled under the endless stream of hot water. I could see the steadily blinking light that showed me my location, the computer screen shining steadily against the glass walls of my watery prison. I was the only pony on this ship. The only pony. I repeated that to myself over and over again, until it became an automatic thought.
I was the only pony....
the only...
.....
Pony....

-+-+-+-+-

I awoke to intense heat, hacking and coughing. Sometime during my nap I had fallen over. The water was still on, and as I reached to turn it off, I breathed heavily, my lungs struggling to get the air they needed no thanks to the moisture around me. I gasped, and coughed up small amounts of water from inside my lungs.
Finally, I mustered the strength to turn off the water, and rising shakily to my hooves, I exited my glass house, wrapping a towel around my form.

A quick glance at the computer confirmed that there was still 2 dots...thank goodness.....
......
I whirled around to the screen with speed that would rival a ninja from Japone, gripping each side of the monitor with my hooves.
One dot....
I saw two dots.
I swore I saw EXACTLY TWO DOTS....

No...Star, calm down...

I backed shakily away, water dripping from each bunched tip of my mane.

I saw two dots.......my mind is playing tricks on me....

There can't be two, you were the only one sent on this mission...you know that!

I literally flew through the station towards the GU, narrowly avoiding slamming into corners. I looked behind me for a fleeting moment, and as i did, i could have sworn that time slowed to a crawl...

At the other end of the corridor...was a dark blue mare, with a light blue mane....just standing...smiling....

And that's when i slammed into a wall. Bright lights swirled in my vision, and i held my hooves to my head as i tried not to scream in pain. Gray creeped into the edges of my view, and as i looked back towards the pony who had been standing, there was nothing...just an empty corridor.

This was it. I had officially lost it.

I blacked out as a silhouette neared me....

Goodnight.

-+-+-+-+-

There had been cases of ponies who had gone insane. Lets....well...."review" a few of them.

Screw Loose. One of the premier space mares, actually went insane just from the idea of travelling into space, and somehow became convinced that she was a dog. That one....lets just say they expected something to go wrong.

Rock Bottom. Well, the name pretty much says it all. In anti gravity and underwater pool tests, he showed a continuing decrease in IQ everytime he did a "Spacewalk." More than once he just let go and sank to the bottom of the pool. While screaming. He didn't move, he just slowly floated downwards and screamed the whole time.

Short Circuit was extremely good with electronics, and was known to use his own body to transfer electrical currents. Surprisingly, it worked. Only problem was, he was a better signal receiver than the radio. Whenever he was roaming the facility, he was often spouting off the latest nonsense from some radio network. He was sane, but one day, he just lost it, and ran straight into a running jet turbine. Poor guy. Would have fit in better in a submarine than on a space ship.

And then there's me.

Sure, I aced all the tests. I did Anti-gravity and water spacewalks, survived the centrifuge, and pretty much every other conceivable test they could offer me.

I still think that Rat was cheating on the light up button test...

But yea. I'm probably floating around somewhere in the space station, which is floating god knows where in our solar system, and after all the hard work I've done to survive, I had to choose now to go insane.

This was going to be a beautiful ride.

-+-+-+-+-

I awoke with a start, lights flickering dimly around me.

Ok....I'm in the GU....that's a start. Maybe this was just a small nightmare. I rubbed my eyes, and then noticed a large bump on my forehead. Well, that idea is scrapped. Maybe i was simply hallucinating from food gone bad.

The lights gained brightness, the flickering dying out.

Ok! Good time to hide under the blanket!

I didn't move. I was afraid of the crazy disease, I didn't want it.

"Star?"

Wow. With that simple spoken sound of my name, i relaxed, the smoothness and comfort wrapped in the voice almost giving me a full body massage. But I tensed right back up when she spoke again.

"Star? Are you alright?"

I flinched, still not moving from under my blanket.

"I'm not sure. You aren't real, so I still have to decide that."

I could hear a light clopping as whoever this mystery mare was shifted her weight from one hoof to the other.

"Are you sure I'm not real? For all you know, I could have hitched a ride on that shuttle."

I was shaking slightly.

"You. Are not. Real." I said, growling underneath my breath.

"But I'm here am I not?"

I flung off the blanket and rose to all four hooves with lightning speed.

"YOU AREN'T-......real?"

Nothing. Mystery mare was gone. No sign to be found.
I sat down again, wrapping my hooves around myself, as I tried to calm down.

"She isn't real.....she isn't real....she isn't real....she isn't...real....she....isn't...real....is she?"

Author's Note

I apologize for the length of this chapter, and this chapter itself. Im a bit....occupied, as the life of a graphic designer is.

Im seriously considering putting StarSteps thoughts in Italics, so that its a bit easier to read whatever he is currently thinking to himself. Lemme know what you think.

Typos or grammar errors? Feel free to comment them below!

1: I don't want to leave

Chapter 1
~Contact~

(Video Journal 1_.mov, Date: Nov 17th, 1378) *record*

"I'm scared.

Don't get me wrong, I love it out here. The silence, the vast expanse of beautiful stars.

But I'm scared.

I wouldn't be up here if I was scared of everything around me. They wouldn't have picked me as a candidate if I was.

But I'm scared, not of the emptiness the universe holds, but rather, I'm scared of going back down. I don't have anyone down there waiting for me to return. I don't even have anything to return to.

I'm just here.

Ok, so maybe I should explain a bit better. My name is Star Step, which is kind of fitting for my occupation. I'm an Astronaut Pony, and my mission? Nothing. I'm up here orbiting the planet at more than what could be said is a safe speed down there in Equestria, and it's really a wonder why I'm not performing Sonic Rainbooms every five seconds. It's too bad thats just an old mares tale.
But yea. I'm going super fast, I live on a space station, and tomorrow, they are sending a shuttle to restock my food and such. My station is huge, and you could say its a mansion fit for Princess Luna herself. Although, if you ask me, I'm pretty sure she had enough space those 1000 years to last her forever.

Ok, ok, I still haven't explained my mission. I can't exactly tell you myself either. So go ahead. Read my official paper thingies. It's not like they can stop me from doing that at least.

~~~~
Subject Profile #487:code27A36Y
Name: Star Step
Cutiemark: Rocket Boot
Talent: Performing dangerous high up stunts
Age: 26
Sex: Male
Race: Pegasus
Mission:
To spend any amount of time within a space capsule(s), for Psychological and Behavioral research. Subject is to perform routines and exercise as outlined through daily messaging via Epsilon MSGSAT. If, at any time, subject feels in any way that he/she is under too much stress, Anxiety, or the like, he/she is to press the fail-safe button in the main Capsule.
Additional info: Subject is a volunteer, and as such, acknowledges that any accidents that can end in either fatality or injury are the sole fault of themselves. Natural Disasters or other problematic issues do not fall under this category.
(Via Epsilon MSGSAT: Sender+code=572hdg9:EASA)
~~~~

So yea. This is what they sent me. I've got a counter up here, that tells me what time it is, and how long I've been here. According to it, I've been up here approximately 1 year, 2 days, 27 hours, 8 minutes, and 15-.....no 16 seconds. Feels like my hoof is stuck between a Rock and a Hard Place.
Happy New Year Everypony.

I don't know exactly. I can't seem to find that first piece of paper from when I got up here, so I don't know what the date itself is. It didn't say on my profile sheet either. I'm not allowed to hack the computers, even though I built my own from parts delivered by shuttle. And no, there's no Big Red Button, at least not one that causes a self destruct sequence. But as far as I see it, there isn't a date in space yet. So, even if it's a bit late, Happy Space New Year. Because who knows? Maybe the Princesses Parents really did create space time.

I really enjoy all this quiet. Nopony talking to me. Just silence. I had too much noise down there at home.
I really like the Zero Gravity too. Well, 0.0000000314 to be exact. All there is in space is centrifugal gravity. Nothing is held down, but just kept spinning forever. It's nice. Reminds me of a merry go round at a fair, where the pretty bell and organ music never ends its cheer.

I may just be an experiment...

...But I'm still scared."

I sighed as I shut off the camera, my hoof trembling slightly as I tapped the button. I think I did good for a first recording. Maybe. Shutting the screen off, I shoved off with my hooves towards the kitchen. I needed food.

Maybe I was right.....

....Maybe I am just an experiment.

But good things come from experiments. Or at least thats what I was told. Of course, at EASA, they told you a lot of things. They told you how to close an airlock properly, how to dock new capsules by remote. They even told you how to eat your sludge food.

But they hadn't told me how to be prepared for what would come if I ever went insane.

-+-+-+-+-

(EASA Interneightional Space Station: Luna-R Class. Nov 18th, 1378. Subject: Star Step. Status: Normal.)
(Access file: Video Journal 2_.mov)
*record*
"I'm really excited. Today, the shuttle comes, and they are actually bringing a huge amount of upgrades to the station that I can install! Now I'll have scanners and cool nerdy stuff like that to look around space so that I actually have something to do! I mean, EASA knows everything about space thanks to Princess Luna, but maybe I get to do a little firsthand exploring.
Oh, and they are also bringing me a large amount of food for restock, and you have no idea how happy I am about that. They actually acknowledged my request for Grape Juice! That's gonna be one of those things I save for special nights, like my Space New Year that I unofficially put into effect last night.
And they are bringing me some reading material. Yea, a lot of it is boring scientific stuff, but they also said that Princess Twilight Sparkle herself, Director of education and knowledge, has sent along a package full of copies of her own personal favorite books!
Ok....maybe I did order one or two copies of the new Daring Do Comic Novels, but hey! I'm a bit of a fan of Yearlings works. Nothing wrong with being a nerd right?
I'm just happy that I don't have to stare out the window forever.
It's kinda...

...lonely...

...way out there.

But, now the shuttle is here, all thanks to the big flashing light above the console telling me. I'm so excited. Bye for now!"

I shut off my camera once more, and waved it away gently, watching it bounce gently off the wall as it floated slowly towards my sleeping chambers. I moved upwards into the remote docking bay, and seated myself at the controls. It was a difficult process, mainly because I not only had to guide the shuttle, but also control and check the alignment of the gate on the station as well. Lots of looking back and forth.
I leaned forward, the viewer covering over my eyes like a pair of blacked out swimming goggles. I watched the view from the shuttles cameras as it was actually floating straight towards the gate. For once, and probably the only time, EASA had launched a shuttle towards the space station at the perfect time and perfect angle. Huh. Had to give them credit for some things. I waited until the shuttle came within locking distance, and initiated the mechanism. Inch after inch, the shuttle slowly pulled into the gate, and the lock was complete.
Success. Learning and sweet sustenance was mine!
~~~
[Epsilon MSGSAT: Initiate]
Subject: kudos
Sender: StarryEyes647
"Hey you guys down there at EASA! Star Step here, with a report saying that your launch of the delivery shuttle has been received! And might I say, I have no clue if you did it on purpose or not, but you launched the shuttle perfectly. I didn't even have to adjust the angles for docking.
Many thanks,
Star Step."
[End Message. 8:16 PM-Nov 18th-1378]
~~~
I was grateful. I mean, even if I didn't get to have any personal communication, which I admit was lonely to a point, at least they sent me items and messages every once in a while.

I like it up here.

Its quiet. Nopony is partying.

I get all this space to myself. All this room to breathe the sweet air of the O2 talismans.

I'm still scared of leaving.

I don't like the noise.....

Author's Note

Alright, chapter 1 is done. I'm still editing Chapter 2, so hopefully you guys enjoy this first upload of mine.

If theres anything i should fix, dont hesitate to fill me in. also, these are authors notes. ill have spelling errors as much as i want.