Triple Jeopardy

by DrOcsid

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Human
Length: 1121

A human is transported to Equestria and framed for murder. And then another human is in turn mistaken for him. Humans have terrible luck, don't they?

An ordinary human is transported to Equestria by an unknown being. However, once he gets there, his luck quickly runs out and he is framed for murder. Soon after, another innocent human is in turn mistaken for him and arrested. Lots of confusion ensues.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-12 04:10:05 UTC

What the hell is going on?

I ran through Canterlot, narrowly evading my pursuers. I had gotten away with stealing every time before, why did it go so wrong this time?

...Oh, right. Celestia has a whole army at her disposal. One that I am now being chased down by. I hate ponies so much.

"And now I'm probably the most-wanted criminal in Equestria..." I thought, turning a corner and jumping into a nearby barrel. The royal guard passed by without notice.

Not that I wasn't already the most-wanted criminal in Equestria. Murders were terribly rare and I've been framed for several. Fortunately for me, I'm good at running away and staying hidden. Which is rather strange, considering I'm the only human to exist in Equestria. But apparently finding a criminal is hard when I stand out from every crowd in existence.

Oh, who am I? The name's Jackson Powell. Although recently I've also gone by names such as "Monster", "RUN", and my personal favorite, "Demon monkey".

I really wish I could find out what the hell is even going on.

Of course, I'm telling you everything here with little to no context. So let's start from the beginning, shall we?

It was a beautiful day on earth. At least, it was in Canada. Don't know about the rest of the world. Anyway, I had just gotten back from work. What did I do for a living? I'm the IT guy at my town hall. Which actually mainly consists of installing Google Chrome on everyone's computers and calling it a day. It's easy as hell. Unfortunately it also means I get blamed for every computer related problem that happens. I mean, really, what's up with people? Just because I'm the IT guy doesn't mean that-

...Oh, sorry. I'm getting off topic. *Ahem* Anyway, I had just gotten back from work and was trying to get the TV to function properly.

"Come on, dammit! I'm missing my favorite show!" I smacked the TV, and it suddenly turned on. I didn't expect that to work.

Satisfied, I grabbed a soda from the fridge and sat down as the intro played. I hummed along for a bit and started to zone out. As soon as the intro ended, I heard a voice snapping me back to reality. Unfortunately I didn't catch what it said.

Now, I'm no schizophrenic. But hearing voices like that has happened to me before, and as far as I know it's not anything to worry about. So I watched the episode, laughed a few times, and switched off the TV. Then I heard the voice from earlier. It sounded like a whisper. It was clearer then before, but I couldn't quite make it out. Hearing things like this before was quite rare for me, so I was a bit concerned about this point. Then I heard it a third time.

"JACKSON!"

I swear I just jumped ten feet in the air. Yeah, I could definitely make it out that time. Ow, my ears. So, I looked around for the source.

With no luck, I tried calling out for them. "Hello? Who's in here? I don't appreciate people breaking into my house!" No response.

Getting annoyed, I shouted. "Y-you'd better come out! I have a gun!" I didn't have a gun. I only owned a baseball bat. And I didn't even know where that was.

Suddenly, I heard a laugh. "Oh, please. Do you really think you can shoot a voice? That is all I am in this current state."

At this point I was just confused. "What are you talking about? And how the hell do you know my name?"

He seemed to ignore the question. "I'm talking about me, of course. I'm also talking about how you are officially the luckiest human on Earth!"

"What do you mean? Did I win something?"

"You did indeed. Now, if you'll kindly stand still, I will be able to explain it to you."

Something seemed off. Really off. "Why should I listen to you? I don't even know who you are!"

"Which is why I need your complete trust. Now, let's continue this conversation somewhere else, shall we?"

A black mist started swirling around me. "What the f-" was all I got out before I vanished.

Suddenly, all I saw was black. So I opened my eyes.

Still black. Have I gone blind? Wait, no. There's something floating in front of me.

...What the hell am I looking at? It looks like some kind of... reddish cloud of energy.

"Why, hello there," It said.

Wait, what the hell. Did that thing just talk?

"Why yes, I did. How incredibly observant you are."

And it can read my thoughts too?!

The creature laughed. "No, of course not. You're saying everything out loud, not thinking of it. Did you really not notice?"

I thought for a second, trying to recall the past 20 seconds.

...Shit, he's right.

"W-well, then, where am I?" I asked.

"Aha, there's the million dollar question! And now for the million dollar answer: You're in limbo!"

This shocked me. "Wait, does that mean-?"

The creature laughed again. "Oh, not to worry. You're not dead. At least, not yet. You see, being dead isn't the only way of getting here. I can bring anyone here at any time I want. I just tend not to do it because people don't react well to others vanishing for no reason."

This thing's answers aren't helping. "Then why did you bring me here?"

"Easier conversation without distractions. Which brings me to what I was going to talk to you about in the first place."

I don't like the sound of this.

"First off, I want to say congratulations on being the first human to be a part of interdimensional travel!"

"Wait a second. Interdimensional? Do you mean to tell me I'm being congratulated on being brought to limbo? Because that doesn't seem like a great thing to happen to me."

"Oh, no, of course not. You're not staying here. You've won a one-way express ticket to Equestria!"

"...Okay, what the hell is Equestria?"

"Sorry, but the terms and conditions you agreed to don't include explanations."

"What terms and conditions?! I never agreed to anything like that!"

"Yes, you did. Remember when you installed Steam on your computer? I sneaked in a few of my own terms in there before you clicked 'I agree'. You're legally bound at this point!"

I stammered. "But... you tricked me! That's not fair!"

"Sorry, but it's your fault for accepting things before reading them. Now, off to Equestria you go!"

I began to protest, but a white swirl appeared around me, and then I lost consciousness.