Elements of Euphoria
"Set forward canons to Sagan!" The ship's captain shouted over the battle sirens. The Euphoria class warship "Mountain Dew" had been in pursuit of this particular vessel for years. It was a flagship of the dreaded Fundamentalists and it's main purpose was to install concentration "Bible" Camps on under developed planets. It was shaped like an enormous cross.
The forward cannons fired Special Edition Blu Ray disks of the Cosmos at the fundies damaging the ship significantly.
"Le sigh" Sighed the captain. "When will these idiots see there own ignorance of their invalid religion and accept the true atheist god Carl Sagan."
Suddenly the fundie ship began to warp and distort.
"Captain they're preparing to jump!" shouted a level 1 Atheist.
"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" The captain memed loudly. The cross-shaped ship vanished. The captain pinched the bridge of his noes.
"What now captain?" The captain tilted his head to the ceiling and scratched his neckbeard.
"Call the Elements of Euphoria!"
The girls were all having brunch at Sugercube corner making idle banter with each other.
"If you had to name your dick after a movie what would it be?" Asked Rainbow Dash.
"Minecraft" Responded Fluttershy. Suddenly the ground began shaking, the ponies looked up to the sky and saw a large triangle shaped object descending from the heavens, it touched the ground, dozens of ponies crowded around the ship while others ran in terror.
A panel on the side of the ship retracted revealing a black void within. A walkway extended from the void and an assortment of strange creatures emerged from the craft; some big and flabby while some were extremely thin and lanky, but none seemingly inbetween. They all wore the same hat and wore strange white masks. Another creature then descended to the ground this one in some kind of mobility contraption.
"Who is the leader of this establishment?!" The disabled creature howled. Twilight, who had kept her cool the entire time, stepped forward but was immediately by an angry Rainbow Dash.
"Who's asking?!" She shouted.
"We are anonymous, we are legion, we never forgive we never forget, expect us. We're here to to make sure this planet hasn't been tainted by false gods." He said.
"G-god? Like Celestia?" A whisper in the crowd stuttered. The creature looked towards the group of ponies looking very angry.
"WHO-" He was about to finish but this is when he saw her. In the cluster of horses there was a beautiful creature with dull pink hair and a butter yellow coat. He drove up to her, she was visibly shaking and had buried her head between her legs. He removed his mask and put his hand on her head. She looked up at him to reveal the most horrifying thing she had ever seen in her life. He was tipping his hat and smiling.
"M'lady" He said, the smell of Cheetos blitzkrieged her nostrils. The stench caused her to freeze in shock and faint. "Stunned by my gentlesir charm? Heh" He returned to the purple horse. "As I was saying, you do not need phony gods to be euphoric, merely this..." He fumbled around in the basket on the front of his vehicle and pulled out some kind of strange electric green bottle filled with a strange liquid. "Here drink this." Twilight was not usually the one to accept strange drinks from even stranger stallions but she felt it was her job give the ponies of Equestria proper representation. She took the bottle and cranked it open noticing that it had already been opened, it gave a strange hissing sound, the rim of the opening was covered in a stale, powdery orange substance. She took a gulp. The world around her started spinning, her knees becoming weaker and weaker, her pupils had enlarged to epic proportions. She looked to anon.
"Euphoric" She fainted immediately afterwards.
Twilight rolled around her bed before waking up. "Huh?" She said rubbing her eyes, she proceeded to get up and trot to her room mirror. She looked normal, but strange at the same time. She started looking through Spike's drawer until she found it. It was the same hat that she saw the aliens wearing. It was perfect. She ran down the stairs noticing that all of her friends were there.
"Oh my Celestia! Twilight!" Rarity shouted. "We've been worried sick! Nice hat by the way." Twilight just stood there. She used her magic to tip her hat.
"M'lady" she said undeliberately and ran out the door. "What is happening to me!" She asked no one in particular. She ran towards the alien craft, thankfully they were still here. she proceeded to run up the ramp into the craft. The first thing she noticed was the tremendous amount of empty Doritos bags and other filth laying around but it didn't seem to bother her as much. In fact she liked the idea as she never knew if she might need any of this stuff in the future. She found a door that was much wider than the rest and assumed that it was the gentle sir that gave the the drink. She entered the room. It was actually a pretty small room, it was extremely difficult to move in with all the garbage on the floor. There was a computer on a desk in the corner the desk was covered in empty nutella jars and Mtn Dew bottles. She also noticed a pillow with her friend Fluttershy on it. It looked crispy.
"Ahh I see you've made it young one!" Startled Twilight turned around to see who it was. It was the same gentle sir that gave her the Dew. "Are you ready for the next stage of enlightenment?" He held out a circular object that had the words "Cosmos" and "Neil DeGrasse Tyson" Written on it. Twilight paused for a few seconds.
"Yes"
