Slam Dunks

by Maka Albarn

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Crossover, Dark, Human
Length: 1381

This is the beautiful story of the guardians of Dunk Londo, who arrived in Equestria. What will happen to the peaceful Equestria, and most of all, to our protagonists (?), Dunkstein and Slamough!

This is the beautiful story of the guardians of Dunk Londo, who arrived in Equestria. What will happen to the peaceful Equestria, and most of all, to our protagonists (?), Dunkstein and Slamough!

Will they defend, or destroy the lands?

A story in the LoHAV multiverse.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-24 13:54:14 UTC

(1) Lordran Slam 'Em

It was a beautiful day in Dunk Londo, full of Chosen Undead getting his ass slammed and dunked by Dunkstein and Slamough, trying to summon phantoms and getting beat up everytime.

They weren't mere Ornstein and Smough, they were ruthless, full of cooperation and sadism, cruealty and Slam Dunks.

The Chosen Undead was, once again, trying to defeat them, but he could do absolutely nothing. Lightning Bolts from Sunbros? Nothing. Solaire's one-hit-KO sword attack? Not even a scratch.

Unstaggerable, thousands upon thousands of health. Hacker phantoms? Slammed UNDER the map, no one stood a chance. Until one fateful day, the Chosen Undead saw the universe smile upon him...

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PHANTOM GIANTDAD WAS SUMMONED

"Slamough?" asked a seven feet tall man (?) in golden armour reminiscent of a lion, wearing a basketball suit over it, holding a big spear.

Not that kind of spear, you pervert! It was crafted by the best Giant blacksmith in whole Anor Londo, blessed by Princess Gwynevere herself!

"I see, Dunkstein..." replied a twenty feet or-so tall beast, no mere man, clad in golden armour, looking like... nothing in particular, it was just supposed to be terrifying.

The effect was multiplied with the small and tight basketball suit, he also held a hammer the size of a building.

"Watch out for this phantom's blade, it is able to damage us..." he warned his friend in-suit, because The Legend was no joke, for it had the Chaoshander +5, the weapon which slew hundred upon hundred of gods and god-like beings.

He has over three hundred confirmed kills and is trained in Gankspank Warfare, he can kill you in over a hundred ways, and that is with his Grass Crest Shield only, he has accest to the Ascended Pyromancy Glove.

Right now his followers are probably tracking you and your ganking party and you will have the surprise of your life when you are wiped off the Forest along with your little friends.

"I am well aware of it, Dunk..." he told his partner, mentioning an event that has happened a long ago. The Legend once came to the world, to help another Undead, and almost killed them both, and he was back, full of bloodlust. An unstoppable killing machine.

Looks like their fifty thousand killing spree ends now...

"It was fun... See you on the other side." Dunkstein said sadly, as if he knew they would die.

"It's not over yet, LET'S SLAM THEM WHILE WE STILL CAN!" Slamough shouted, charging towards the fog gate...

And slamming right through it!

"Irresponsible!" shouted Dunkstein as he jumped towards the gate...

And dunked right after his friend!

They ran out in the corridor, breaking every. Single. Wall, just in time to see The Legend and the Chosen Undead fighting the Giants. They charged, Slamough running ahead.

The Chosen undead was first to be Dunk Slammed, as he was stabbed and then slammed, left with a sliver of health.

The Legend turned to look at them, finished of his Giant, and started running towards them.

He dodged Dunkstein's dunk-spear, but got slammed by Slamough's slamhammer, and had to retreat.

It was glorious, the palace falling upon their head, the Chosen Undead and The Legend surrounded by Giants and Silver Knights...

And then it all fell upon their heads, everyone doing their best to avoid the falling pieces of walls and the roof, Slamough protecting Dunkstein with his gargantuan body.

The Chosen Undead tried to retreat with a Homeward Bone, but got shot straight in the head with an arrow from a Silver Knight's Dragonslayer Bow, a deadly bow, wielded only by the strongest and finest archers.

The Legend started running to Dunkstein and Slamough, dodging the falling debris, and then simply got slammed by the Slamhammer.

He got up, looking Dunkstein straight in the eyes, or the eyeholes in the helmet, and dropped the Zweihander, he started slowly walking towards them...

And exploded, taking them with him.

Dunk Londo was safe.

However, Equestria was fucked.

Somewhere in Puerto Rico some dark corner of Equestria

They were plotting, making plans. She found him, and he helped her release him, but they were nothing. They were far too weak, what possible danger could they be to the world, in a weakened state such as this?

He has lost his powers temporarily, stopping him from returning to his former glory once more.

He wasn't off any better. Stuck in a mortal body and slowly getting his power back.

And she, herself? The only thing she lacked was her magic, thanks to it she could cast spells...

But together? Together, even in their weakened state, they could make something so terrible that will keep Equestria very busy...

"Yes... indeed, the Darksign brands the Undead..." she said to herself, chuckling.

"Perhaps they've seen it, maybe in a dream. A murky, forgotten land. A place where souls may mend their ailing mind. They will lose everything, once branded. The symbol of the curse. An augur of darkness. Their past, their future, their very light. None will have meaning and they won't even care. By then they'll be something other than equine. A thing that feeds on souls. A hollow." he continued.

"Like a moth drawn to a flame, your wings will burn in anguish. Time after time. For that is your fate. The fate of the cursed." he finished the chant, unleashing a great evil upon the world outside.

The Darksign has come to Equestria.

Soon, the world will know their names, forgotten through the past few years.

They will shout their names to the skies, hoping for a cure for the curse...

Chrysalis, Sombra and Tirek.

And the universe will answer their call.

After all, Dunkstein and Slamough can't die from the hands of a puny Legend. It is not the end of their story, only the beggining.

Welcome to the Slam Dunks.

(2) When Life Gives You A Slam...

It was a... fucking terrible day in Equestria. Hollows crawling everywhere, feels just like Lordran, eh?

Not really, looks like the ponies are better at teamwork than humans, they fortified the towns, and threw out the hollows.

The unfortunate who were undead weren't thrown out, quite the opposite, they were being checked on, and cared for.

There is no need for MORE hollows, right?

The standing parts of Equestria are Las Pegasus, Cloudsdale, Ponyville, whole Manehattan except for the North part of it, Appleloosa and many, many more.

The countries that got hit the hardest were the harsh countries where people didn't care for eachother, the Griffon Kingdom in the Avian Continent, Minotaur tribes and more.

The only safe place was the great, floating island of Eden. Very few know of its' existence, as it is a place no one wants to leave by themselves, only the criminals are banished, such as Discord who regained his rights to live once again on the Island.

The Magi countries? Those crazies were already looking for a cure, and the more... Insane were already looking for an anti-cure!

Indeed, even after the curse was spread worldwide, this world stay as a candy-bowl, and nothing could change that.

Except for the Trio, Chrysalis, Tirek and Sombra, who were regaining their lost powers.

And Dunkstein and Slamough. Those two can fuck everything over.

Speaking of the devils, a small portal appeared in the Everfree, from which came out Dunkstein.

The portal then stretched out in a comical way and from it came Slamough.

Both of them were tired. As they turned towards the portal, and Dunkstein came over to it to go back to their world, it slammed shut and disappeared.

"So... We're stuck in this Gwyn-forsaken land?" asked Slamough, looking right and left for a way out of the thick forest.

Not like they needed a path, they could just make one.

With a swing of his mighty hammer, Slamough...

...fell over right on his face! He was too tired to even Slam with his Slamhammer.

"Looks like it's time to crash, eh?" said Dunkstein to himself, laying next to Slamough.

"After all, when life gives you a Slam in the face, you go to sleep! Or you just make combustible lemons." he told you all a very important lesson and went to sleep.