Ships Ahoy!by Razalon The LizardmanChaptersFire!Objection!Friendship Is Magic!Fire!Horseshoe Bay, 0700 hrs The TwiDash sat still in the water. Small waves gently lapped against the ship’s underside, bringing with it clumps of seaweed and barnacles. The air around the bay was still and calm as the water, and the ship’s sails hung unmoving as a result. They were painted a bright rainbow color, while the flag standing atop the crow’s nest displayed a magenta, six-pointed star with smaller, white stars surrounding it. The ship itself was an outdated wooden schooner; in surprisingly great condition considering its age. The TwiDash’s captain stood on deck, her outfit consisting of standard pirate’s clothing including a tri-cornered hat, an eyepatch, a peg leg, and a fake parrot on her shoulder. She gazed out over the water at all the other ships anchored within Horseshoe Bay, some with contempt and others with indifference. The ones which she had contempt for were the ones that shared a color with the TwiDash, of which there were a fair amount. They think they’ve got the best ship, do they? she thought venomously. Well, we’ll see about that pretty soon, because that’s when they’ll see how wrong they are. “Captain!” She turned to see one of her crewmates, wearing entirely lavender garb, approaching. “Yes, mate?” she replied. “The cannons are loaded and ready to go whenever you are,” the other mare announced. The captain nodded and turned back to stare at all the other ships around the bay. “Raise anchor,” she commanded. “Yes ma’am!” In no time at all, the anchor was raised and the TwiDash was moving through the still waters toward the other ships, specifically toward one which bore a lavender and white color scheme, its flag emblazoned with three blue diamonds. The name of this other ship soon revealed itself to be the RariTwi, and as the TwiDash’s captain looked upon the rival ship she locked gazes with its own captain, also standing on deck and robed with elegant attire including a powdered white wig and a cuffed blue jacket with gold shoulder pads. “Do you honestly believe your cannons are stronger than mine, dearie?” the RariTwi’s captain called once the two ships were close enough. “Why don’t you see for yourself?” the TwiDash captain replied, signalling to her crew. Said ponies quickly opened the hatches covering their ship’s cannons, readying them for combat. They were quite big, the RariTwi’s captain had to admit that, but whereas the opposing ship’s cannons outmatched her own in size they themselves were outmatched in other areas like quantity. “An impressive lot, to be sure,” she said haughtily before signalling to her own crew. “But mine shall beat you regardless.” Two dozen hatches covering the RariTwi’s Port side cannons opened, revealing them to be smaller than the TwiDash’s but nothing to sneeze at regardless. “Not too shabby, I’ll admit,” the TwiDash captain said. “But you’ll still sink before us.” “I’d like to see you try, darling,” the RariTwi captain sneered. “Well, since you asked so nicely,” the TwiDash captain replied smugly before shouting, “FIRE!” The TwiDash’s centermost cannon fired its load at the rival ship, smashing through the hull and exiting through the other side, scattering wood fragments everywhere. The RariTwi’s crew stumbled from the impact before the captain gave the order to return fire. Her crew complied once they’d regained balance and quickly fired off the first few of their cannons, smashing a series of petite holes in the TwiDash’s hull rather close to the water line. “Oh, it is so on!” the TwiDash captain declared, shaking a hoof at her rival captain. “You’d better believe it is, dearie!” the RariTwi captain replied. Pretty soon the air between the two ships was abuzz with dozens upon dozens of cannonballs as the two ships continuously fired everything they had at each other. Cannonballs weren’t the only things the two ships fired at each other, however. The crews of both vessels would continuously shout expletives at each other, which consisted of the most vile things anypony could ever call one another. With the combination of both their verbal onslaught and their physical one, it was no wonder nopony on either ship noticed the third ship poised to strike them both. "FIRE!" shouted a voice alien to both ships' crews. Everypony aboard both the RariTwi and the TwiDash suddenly felt the vibrations from two cannonballs ripping through their ship’s bows, causing them all to stumble. After regaining their balance is when everypony noticed the third ship, and its appearance made them all stare slack-jawed at it. It had beautiful, multicolored sails and a flag adorned with a sun symbol, but what got everypony’s attention was the truly bizarre design of the ship itself. From its upside-down forward mast, to the bent mainsail mast, to the inverted stern, and especially the circular bow everypony was silently wondering why in Tartarus the ship was able to function properly with such a schizophrenic design. Their common question was answered, however, upon reading the ship’s name; Dislestia. “Yar har har!” the Dislestia’s captain, a younger mare wearing a tiara and a frilly skirt, guffawed in an utterly cute imitation of a pirate's laugh. "That was so much fun!" The other ships’ crews took a moment to exchange confused glances before returning attention to the third ship’s captain. “What business do you have with either of us, little filly!?” the TwiDash captain called out. “It makes no sense for you to fire upon either of our ships!" The Dislestia captain smirked. “Oh, but what fun is there in making sense, darlings?” she sarcastically asked. “Here, let me answer my own question; whoever destroys their ships gets a thousand snuggles from me!” Nothing more needed to be said as the Dislestia’s crew began loading their cannons with spiked cannonballs, the sight of which made the other two ships’ captains panic. “Change heading immediately!” “Steer us out of their range, posthaste!” The ships’ crews hurried to comply with their respective captains’ request, all while the Dislestia primed its cannons and took aim right at the other two ships’ sails. The Dislestia captain grinned super evilly as she prepared to give the order for them to fire at will, but a sudden impact from the other side of the ship caused her to stumble and fall forward on her barrel. “Captain!” one of her crewmates called. “Are you alright!?” The Dislestia captain grumbled to herself as she stood up before shouting, “Who hit us!?” “Over here you insane filly!” shouted a voice from behind her. With a near-feral growl, the Dislestia captain turned around to see a ship with the exact same convoluted design as her own anchored just a little ways away, its cannons aimed right for her ship. What was different about this ship, however, was the butterscotch coloration of its sails and flag adorned with three pink butterflies. Printed on the ship’s side was the name Fluttercord. “You aren’t the only one here with spiked cannonballs, missy!” the Fluttercord captain, decked out in a more feminized version of the TwiDash captain’s outfit, stated. “And you aren’t so almighty as long as my ship’s around!” The Dislestia captain grinned. “Then we’ll just have to sink your ship, now won’t we?” she purred. She turned around to her crew. “Everypony, switch to Starboard can-” “We want in on the action too!” Everypony on the Dislestia and the Fluttercord turned to see another ship fast approaching them. Its appearance was almost the same as that of the RariTwi, with the only difference being its color scheme of orange & white instead of lavender & white, and a trio of apples emblazoned on its flag instead of three diamonds. Printed on the ship’s side was the name RariJack. “Y’all oughta scootch on back ta whatever port ya came from!” the captain, a mare wearing naught but a red bandanna, shouted. “Cause we’re gonna sink y’all faster than a rock in a pond with our cannons!” The Dislestia captain made a raspberry sound as she waved a dismissive hoof in response. “Please,” she chastised, “you couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with your cannons, much less sink a ship.” The RariJack captain fumed, and was about to retort when another ship approached from seemingly out of nowhere. This one’s sails and flag had a color scheme of cyan blue and orange, with a rainbow-shaped lightning bolt striking from a cloud imprinted on the flag; the AppleDash. “You know, some ponies would take offense to that statement,” the captain, a mare wearing naught but a black bandanna, stated. “That includes me and my crew.” “Alright, we’re back in business!” shouted the RariTwi captain as her ship pulled around the Dislestia's stern. “Same here!” the TwiDash captain shouted as she also pulled around to join the rapidly growing cluster of ships, more of which could be seen approaching from all across the bay. Every ship’s captain took to glaring at one another with venom in their eyes. Seeing so many enemies all gathered in one place was both a delight and a nuisance to them. A delight in that they enjoyed sinking rival ships and the more there were the merrier they’d be in doing so, and a nuisance because they’d have to stare at conflicting color schemes for even longer. Regardless, the thirst for battle swelled deep in their hearts, and the overwhelming desire to prove their cannons were the strongest kept them focused on sinking every other ship that conflicted with theirs. Except for the Dislestia captain, of course, whose mindset was as enigmatic as her ship's structural integrity. As one, every single captain yelled “FIRE AT WILL!”. The air around all the ships quickly became a maelstrom of cannonballs as every ship's crew scurried across the decks of their respective ships, working furiously to keep cannons on both sides constantly firing at rival ships. Many shots missed and sailed off into the distance, but a fair amount managed to hit their intended targets all the same, said targets exclusively being any ship which shared a color with their own, except for the Dislestia and Fluttercord who fired upon each other over the shared design of their ships. The ultimate shipping battle had begun. Objection!Crystal Tree Castle, 0730 hrs “I call this first meeting of friendship to order!” Twilight declared. Everypony else and Spike nodded in approval while Discord only stifled a yawn. Not having a throne himself, he’d taken the liberty of conjuring up the one he often used before his reformation which, while a bit of an eyesore compared to the others, nobody minded that he use. “Now then,” Twilight continued, levitating some papers from her side and passing them around to her friends, “I’ve taken the liberty of studying the prevalence of friendship throughout Equestria and narrowing down the top ten least friendly settlements.” “An’ just how do ya measure friendship anyway?” Applejack inquired. Twilight was about to explain in thorough detail the technical aspects of studying emotive reactions signalling good feelings toward other ponies in the brain when Spike beat her to the punch by saying, “She used a spell, how else?” Her friends all ‘ohhhed’ in understanding and turned back to their princess friend who looked about ready to scold Spike before letting out a sigh and returning their collective gaze. “Anyway,” she continued, “I have these settlements listed on those sheets, as well as times within the next year in which we should be able to visit these settlements and work to improve their friendliness.” “I feel sorry for whichever city’s at the top,” Rainbow said with a smirk. Then she found the list’s top entry, to which her eyes shot wide open in shock and horror. “What the-Cloudsdale!?” “Oh my,” Fluttershy said with a hoof raised to her mouth. She looked upon the list as well to confirm that, indeed, Cloudsdale was at the top of the list. “Funny,” Applejack said, also looking at the list, “Ah always figured Detrot would’a been the blue ribbon holder fer somethin’ like this.” “I as well,” Rarity agreed. “What the hay, Twilight!?” Rainbow sweared. She flew out of her seat and into Twilight’s face, scowling. “Why’s Cloudsdale at the top of the list!?” Twilight shrunk under her friend’s gaze with a sheepish chuckle. “It’s not like there’s anything inherently wrong with Cloudsdale’s populus on a behavioral level, but . . .” “But what!?” Twilight was about to explain exactly how Cloudsdale had come to be at the top of the list due to various technicalities regarding Cloudsdale’s history, how non-pegasi perceived it, and the fact that Cloudsdale hadn’t made much of an effort to provide for non-pegasi when she caught sight of something outside a nearby window. Looking closer at it, her eyes widened when she realized the object was fast approaching them. “Duck for cover!” she shouted. “What’re you-” Rainbow Dash was cut off by the sound of glass shattering from behind her, followed by a whoosh of air as something hurtled right past her head and embedded itself in the wall. Rainbow only stared blankly at Twilight for a second before turning to look up at the object which almost bashed her head in. “What the hay?” she drawled out dumbly. Everyone else turned to stare at the object, finding it to be round and black. They instantly recognized what it was. “Um, why did a cannonball crash through the window?” Fluttershy inquired. “Because it wanted to crash our meeting!” Pinkie declared. “. . .” “. . .” “. . .” “Anyway,” Twilight drawled out, uneasily, before turning back to the cannonball, “I have no idea why, Fluttershy.” She squinted her eyes at it to get a closer look, but found nothing particularly unusual about the iron ball. “Maybe somepony’s testing out some artillery somewhere and this is a stray shot?” “Highly unlikely,” Discord said, popping up right next to her, “for this type of cannonball is used exclusively by ship cannons.” Twilight flinched in surprise at the draconequus’ sudden appearance before taking another look at the cannonball. “Ah, you’re right, Discord,” she said after a minute of observing the offending projectile. “But that begs the question of why it crashed through the window when we’re nowhere near the ocean?” Everyone watched with interest as Discord donned a t-shirt with a pocket protector, inside of which both a pen and protractor were stored, and adhesive taped glasses. The now nerdified draconequus used the protractor to take all sorts of measurements around the cannonball before doing the same to the window. “Well,” he eventually said, “based on these calculations,” he summoned a chalkboard with a bunch of seemingly random equations and formulas, “I can safely conclude that this cannonball originated from Horseshoe Bay.” Everyone took a moment to regard what he said. “Well, at least that explains why the cannonball’s from a ship’s cannon,” Twilight said. “So, somepony’s firin’ cannons on the bay?” Applejack mused. “Wonder who it could be?” “Well, let’s find out,” Discord said. He shed the nerd garb and replaced it with a sailor’s suit, then traded the chalkboard for a spyglass. He looked out the window and brought the spyglass to his better eye, taking a moment to focus its sight before searching out Horseshoe Bay. “Do you see anything, Discord?” Fluttershy asked as she flew over to his side. “Wait for it,” Discord mumbled under his breath. He found Horseshoe Bay after a few moments, and adorned a deadpanned expression upon seeing the battle taking place there. “Ah, this is interesting,” he said, handing the spyglass over to Fluttershy, who peered through it herself. “Oh my!” she exclaimed, dropping the spyglass as she raised a hoof to her mouth. “What is it?” Twilight asked, trotting over to join them. “Shippers,” Discord said with a happy smile. “Really?” the lavender princess inquired as she used her magic to levitate the spyglass to her eye and peer through at Horseshoe Bay. “Wow, there’s so many of them.” “I’d wager every single oceanbound ship in Equestria is currently there,” Discord mused, “no doubt fighting over who has the strongest cannons.” “Well, this battle needs to stop before somepony gets hurt,” Twilight affirmed, giving the spyglass back to Discord. “I agree,” Fluttershy said. The rest of them all agreed with nods of their heads. “Discord,” Twilight said, turning to the draconequus, “can you get all of us to Horseshoe Bay as quick as possible?” “You mean we actually get to see the chaos up close and personal!?” Discord asked, grinning maniacally. “Mhmm,” Twilight replied with a nod. Discord then proceeded to let out the most girlish, high-pitched scream he’d ever produced, forcing everyone to cover their ears out of reflex as the draconequus quickly snapped his talon which instantly teleported the eight of them to the shores of Horseshoe Bay. Looking out over the water, the group of eight could now see the shipping battle in clearer detail. Out in the bay’s center was a cluster of around two dozen ships, constantly firing upon and taking hits from each other. The air surrounding the ships was filled with smoke from the gunpowder used in the cannons, making it impossible to see much of anything above deck. Below deck, however, the sight of dozens upon dozens of holes littering every ships’ hull was crystal clear to the ponies, who all stared slack-jawed at the scene before them. “How are those ships even staying afloat!?” Twilight gasped. “At least a few of them should’ve sunk in a battle this big!” “Like the Tiatanic!” Pinkie cheered, and proceeded to mime said ship’s sinking while making a sound like that of a ship’s creaking hull. “Yeah, sure Pinkie,” Applejack drawled out while rolling her eyes. “Anyway, how’re we gonna stop this ‘ere shippin’ battle?” “Oh, don’t be so hasty,” Discord admonished. Another snap of his talon produced eight lawn chairs, bags of popcorn, and dressed them all in tourist apparell, must to Rarity’s dismay as the clothes were ‘positively drab’. “Let’s enjoy the show for a while.” He smiled while leaning back in his chair and grabbing a handful of popcorn. “After all, spectacles of pointless rivalry such as this only come around once every hundred years at the most.” “Why you-” Rainbow started to say, but was cut off by Twilight’s hoof over her mouth. “Look, Discord,” the lavender princess said, “I can respect your enjoyment of this, and I won’t deny that this is a pointless spectacle.” She took her hoof off of Rainbow Dash’s mouth and began approaching the draconequus, who began munching on his popcorn. “But that’s exactly why we need to stop this ASAP. This fight is putting Equestria’s citizens in danger, and somepony could get hurt or killed because of it.” She stopped beside his chair. “And for what? To prove whose cannons are stronger? What good could come out of that?” “Some ponies value pride more than others, Twi,” Applejack replied. “An’ Ah reckon these shippers have a lotta pride fer their cannons.” “Whatever,” Twilight responded, “the point is we need to stop this fight before somepony gets hurt.” She levelled a furrowed gaze at Discord. “So please, Discord, as a friend can we count on you to help us?” The ponies all watched Discord intently as he appeared to mull over what he’d been told while finishing his mouthful of popcorn. Upon swallowing, Discord replied with, “I suppose I could lend you girls some help.” Twilight smiled warmly. “Thanks, Discord.” “However,” Discord levelled a sharp gaze at everyone, “I’ll only help you my way.” He then snapped his talon. Friendship Is Magic!Shipping Battle, 735 hrs “All hooves on deck!” “Medics!” “Port cannons fire!” “Starboard cannons fire!” “My leg!” “Yar har har!” “Enough with the crappy pirate talk!” *raspberry noise* “You’re not even doing that right!” “Screw you!” Back and forth the ships exchanged both cannonfire and banter, never letting up for a second with either. Every ship’s hull was riddled with holes made by cannonballs, to which it was a wonder their structural integrity was still sound. Some cannonballs were fired multiple times, retrieved by the crews of ships they hit for use in their own cannons. Because of this, lack of ammunition was a non-issue for everypony, meaning the battle could last indefinitely until every ship was sunk. And, at the rate it was going, that would turn out to be the case. “Take this!” a Sparity crewmate yelled as she fired a cannon at the SpikeDash’s hull. The iron projectile struck true, smashing through one side and eventually exiting out the other, scattering wood-chippings everywhere in the water. “Why you little!” the SpikeDash captain seethed. She was about to order her crew to concentrate all of its efforts on the Sparity when her ship was struck yet again in the stern, knocking her onto her barrel. “It’s not just your cannons which are pathetic,” the RainbowPie captain said from behind a still smoking cannon. “Your ship is sloppily construed and yet you force it beyond acceptable limits.” The RainbowPie crew giggled while the SpikeDash captain fumed. “Oh, you think we’re forced, huh?” she sarcastically asked, letting a smirk grace her lips. She turned to her own crew and shouted, “Use the hooks!” A collective cheer erupted from her crewmates as they ceased firing cannonballs at surrounding ships and began amassing around the cannons facing toward the RainbowPie, whose captain only looked on in confusion and curiosity. The SpikeDash crew began loading special cannonballs attached to lengths of chain into the cannons. They then began aiming the cannons just slightly above the hull, straight at the deck’s railing. “All hooves brace for impact!” the RainbowPie commanded, to which her crew complied and ducked with their hooves covering their heads. “Fire!” the SpikeDash captain yelled. As one, every single one of their loaded cannons fired straight at the RainbowPie, each load connecting head on with resounding crashes. Unlike typical cannonballs, however, they opened up into a flower-petal shape and anchored themselves against the RainbowPie’s railing. “So, what’re ya gonna do now, huh!?” the SpikeDash captain shouted to the RainbowPie crew as they stood back up. The RainbowPie captain took a few moments to inspect the damage done to her railing. Finding it to be nothing crippling, she turned to the other ship and replied with, “Your crazy if you think a few punctures in my railing is gonna sink this ship.” “Indeed it won’t,” the SpikeDash captain replied with a smirk. “As long as our ship remains afloat, at least.” “What’re you-” the RainbowPie captain stopped short upon realizing her enemy’s goal to bring the RainbowPie down along with the SpikeDash in case the latter sunk. “I want those cannonballs dislodged from my railing, pronto!” The RainbowPie crew obeyed their captain’s order and began working to dislodge the chain-rope cannonballs from the ship’s railing. “You’ll never tear us apart!” the SpikeDash captain declared, a manic grin splitting her features. Meanwhile, the Dislestia captain watched the whole exchange through her spyglass. Despite not being able to hear the back and forth banter between the two warring captains, she could easily deduce the SpikeDash’s plan by looking at the cannonball chains. “First mate!” she called. “Yes, captain princess!?” said pony replied as she trotted up to her, ducking to avoid a few cannonballs along the way. “What’s the status of my little baby?” the captain asked, subconsciously stroking a hoof along the ship’s railing. “Will she remain afloat long enough for us to win?” The other mare pursed her lips before sighing and hanging her head. “I’m afraid not, your highness,” she replied. “Our rudder is battered beyond use, the portside hull is about ready to fall apart, and the main mast is-” “Timber!” *CRASH* “. . . -out of commission.” The Dislestia captain nodded her head in understanding. “Then we have no choice,” she said. “In order to ensure our success, we must also resort to playing dirty.” Her first mate’s eyes widened. “You mean-?” “Yes, release the O.T.P.” The first mate gulped. “But your highness, what if-” “Don’t you dare question me!” the captain screamed. She turned to the first mate, her eyes burning with rage. “I am your princess, and you will obey me!” “Y-yes, ma’am,” the other mare said shakily, and hurried off to inform the crew of their new order. The captain turned to look at all the conflict spread out over the bay with a predatory smile. “Soon you will all bow down to me, my subjects, for I am the princess of shipping!” By this point, every single ship was close to falling apart from all the damage dealt by cannonballs. Wood chippings littered the water’s surface, some big enough to be used as makeshift rafts. Many of the ships had lost the ability to sail since their masts were either compromised or outright destroyed, making them sitting ducks to others. And yet, throughout all the destruction and conflict, the ships’ crews refused to surrender. So distracted in their fighting, was everyone, that they failed to notice the behemoth-sized object approaching from the bay’s mouth. “You call that a ship!?” the Rariburn captain called to the Sparity. “Your cannons are all on one side!” “You don’t even have any cannons period!” was the response. “And you don’t have any where it matters now!” the SpikeBelle captain declared, positioning the ship to strike the Sparity with a crippling blow at its cannonless portside. “Oh crap,” the Sparity captain muttered. She was about to give the order to retreat and reposition their ship, but remembered that their main mast was destroyed. Regardless, she could see the SpikeBelle was too close now for them to retreat in time. With a sigh, the Sparity captain gave the signal for her crew to cease what they were doing and join her on the main deck. They complied, huddling together and staring at the offending ship as its own crew prepped a cannon to fire upon them, bravely facing the end with their comrades. They saw the SpikeBelle’s crew finish prepping the cannon and, with tears in their eyes, gripped each other as tight as they could, intending to stay together even after their ship sunk. The SpikeBelle’s captain smirked. “Ready . . .” The cannon was aimed at the Sparity’s lower hull, just above the waterline. “Set . . .” The Sparity’s crew gripped each other even tighter, a few of them even wetting themselves out of fear. “FIRE!” It wasn’t the SpikeBelle captain who gave the order. A colorless ball of light shot through the SpikeBelle’s stern, easily tearing through all the way to the bow and utterly destroying the ship’s already heavily compromised hull. The ship’s crew let out a collective scream as their beloved ship fell to pieces and they plummeted into the water below. The Sparity captain blinked. “Wha-?” “Don’t let up!” The Sparity’s crew quickly found themselves joining the SpikeBelle’s crew in the water as their ship was also ripped clean through and annihilated. The Sparity captain quickly broke the water’s surface with a gasp and looked around to find her crewmates were all alright. “What happened!?” somepony shouted from the SpikeBelle's crew just a few yards away. Before anything could be said in reply, more colorless projectiles shot by over their heads, heading directly toward the rest of the battle. One by one, every single battling ship was struck by these unusual cannonballs, to which they suffered the exact same fates as the Sparity and SpikeBelle. Whereas the largest shipping battle Equestria had ever seen was occurring just a few seconds previous, now the air was quiet and empty. The crews and wreckage of every ship littered the water, some of the ponies less adept at swimming using the floating wood pieces as makeshift life rafts. “I demand an explanation for all of this!” shouted a voice from the east, one which everypony in the water instantly recognized, and feared. As one, all hundred-something ponies turned to behold the sight of what could only be described as a behemoth of a ship, slowly sailing through the water towards them. The main body of the ship was designed much like the Fluttercord and the Dislestia, with the addition of a figurehead shaped like a sea pony variant of Discord. The coloration of its sails was comprised of eight distinct colors in a stripe pattern: lavender, brown, green, purple, butterscotch yellow, cyan blue, magenta, and orange. Its flag had six symbols circled around a dragon skull and crossbones motif, all of which were a color represented on the flag: a lavender star, an orange apple, a cyan lightning bolt, a yellow butterfly, a magenta balloon, and a purple diamond. Printed upon the side was the ship’s name: Friendship. What drew everypony’s attention, however, was the pissed off faces of Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends staring down at them over the ship’s railing. Like the ship captains in the water, they were all dressed in colorful pirate garb consisting of a rainbow tri-cornered hat, coats which complimented their respective fur color, and at least one of either an eyepatch, peg leg, fake parrot, or scruffy beard. Twilight was the only one who wore all of them, and she took a moment to scratch at her beard before speaking again. “Well?” Everypony would’ve shrank under her intense glare and stern tone, but being in the water made doing so while staying afloat difficult. It was the Twilestia captain who eventually mustered up the courage to reply to the ticked off princess. “We were merely playing, your highness.” The mare’s crew could only deadpan in response, while her fellow captains would’ve swam over and slapped her upside the head had they not been intimidated by Princess Twilight’s presence. “PLAYING!?” Applejack shouted, stomping her hoof. “Y’all almost decapitated Rainbow Dash with one of yer stray cannonballs! Don’t think ya can weasel yer way outta this with foalish excuses like that!” “I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been decapitated, AJ,” Rainbow whispered to the irate farmer, only to be silenced by a glare from her. “But yeah, I could’ve been horribly injured because of your recklessness!” “As opposed to being horribly injured by your own recklessness,” Spike snarked, only to also be silenced by Rainbow’s own glare. “I believe I speak for everypony here when I say what you ruffians were doing does not equate to ‘playing’,” Rarity said, eyeing the crowd below with a disapproving gaze. “We were fighting to see whose cannons were the strongest!” shouted the CheeriMac captain. “And we would’ve won for sure had you not barged in!” “As if,” the Fluttercord captain said, and smirked. “Your cannons are only on loan, anyway.” “Why should that matter!?” “It matters because they aren’t even yours!” “At least they’re strong, unlike yours!” “Why you little-” “ENOUGH!” The bickering captains immediately ceased in response to Twilight’s exclamation and turned to look back up at her and her friends. “All this fighting over whose cannons are stronger is completely pointless!” Twilight continued. “And no, pride and bragging rights aren’t valid reasons!” “You all should be ashamed of yourselves!” Fluttershy practically screeched. Everypony in the water flinched at the butterscotch pegasus’ sudden outburst before looking crestfallen. “She’s right,” one of the TwiDash crewmates said, turning to her captain. “There’s a lot we could learn from the other captains about improving our ship's stature.” “I agree,” the SpikeBelle captain said. “Our ship, beautiful as it was, could've used many improvements.” “I agree wholeheartedly!” “Me too!” “Me three!” “Yelling is fun!” “Arrr!” “Let’s put our differences aside and work towards a common goal,” the DaringBlood captain proposed. “And what would that be?” the TwiShy captain asked. “Using the wrecked pieces of our ships to build an even better one, of course!” “I like that idea!” “Me too!” “Me three!” “Woohoo!” “Yar har har!” Twilight and her friends looked down upon the crowds of ponies in satisfaction. Whereas before they were engaged in a pointless battle of ships, now they were joining together as friends. “Um, Princess Twilight?” Said alicorn and her friends looked down to see the Dislestia captain approaching the Friendship’s hull, a nervous expression on her face. “Odd that she looks exactly like me,” Rarity mused. “It sure is,” Twilight whispered to her before raising her voice to address the captain. “Is something the matter, miss?” The mare fidgeted and said, “Well, your highness, my crew and I kinda sorta released the O.T.P to help us win the battle.” Twilight frowned. “What’s the O.T.P?” “Uh, Twilight?” Spike squeaked out, tapping the mare’s shoulder. Twilight turned to see her number one assistant pointing behind them, his face one of sheer terror. Twilight looked to where he was pointing, only for her eyes to shrink to pinpricks in response to what she saw. Her friends followed suit, and reacted accordingly upon seeing what was, undeniably, the O.T.P. “We’re gonna need a bigger ship,” Pinkie croaked. Author's Note Not my best work, but whatevs. If anyone is interested in continuing this story, just let me know and I'll be quick to grant you my permission.
Fire!Horseshoe Bay, 0700 hrs The TwiDash sat still in the water. Small waves gently lapped against the ship’s underside, bringing with it clumps of seaweed and barnacles. The air around the bay was still and calm as the water, and the ship’s sails hung unmoving as a result. They were painted a bright rainbow color, while the flag standing atop the crow’s nest displayed a magenta, six-pointed star with smaller, white stars surrounding it. The ship itself was an outdated wooden schooner; in surprisingly great condition considering its age. The TwiDash’s captain stood on deck, her outfit consisting of standard pirate’s clothing including a tri-cornered hat, an eyepatch, a peg leg, and a fake parrot on her shoulder. She gazed out over the water at all the other ships anchored within Horseshoe Bay, some with contempt and others with indifference. The ones which she had contempt for were the ones that shared a color with the TwiDash, of which there were a fair amount. They think they’ve got the best ship, do they? she thought venomously. Well, we’ll see about that pretty soon, because that’s when they’ll see how wrong they are. “Captain!” She turned to see one of her crewmates, wearing entirely lavender garb, approaching. “Yes, mate?” she replied. “The cannons are loaded and ready to go whenever you are,” the other mare announced. The captain nodded and turned back to stare at all the other ships around the bay. “Raise anchor,” she commanded. “Yes ma’am!” In no time at all, the anchor was raised and the TwiDash was moving through the still waters toward the other ships, specifically toward one which bore a lavender and white color scheme, its flag emblazoned with three blue diamonds. The name of this other ship soon revealed itself to be the RariTwi, and as the TwiDash’s captain looked upon the rival ship she locked gazes with its own captain, also standing on deck and robed with elegant attire including a powdered white wig and a cuffed blue jacket with gold shoulder pads. “Do you honestly believe your cannons are stronger than mine, dearie?” the RariTwi’s captain called once the two ships were close enough. “Why don’t you see for yourself?” the TwiDash captain replied, signalling to her crew. Said ponies quickly opened the hatches covering their ship’s cannons, readying them for combat. They were quite big, the RariTwi’s captain had to admit that, but whereas the opposing ship’s cannons outmatched her own in size they themselves were outmatched in other areas like quantity. “An impressive lot, to be sure,” she said haughtily before signalling to her own crew. “But mine shall beat you regardless.” Two dozen hatches covering the RariTwi’s Port side cannons opened, revealing them to be smaller than the TwiDash’s but nothing to sneeze at regardless. “Not too shabby, I’ll admit,” the TwiDash captain said. “But you’ll still sink before us.” “I’d like to see you try, darling,” the RariTwi captain sneered. “Well, since you asked so nicely,” the TwiDash captain replied smugly before shouting, “FIRE!” The TwiDash’s centermost cannon fired its load at the rival ship, smashing through the hull and exiting through the other side, scattering wood fragments everywhere. The RariTwi’s crew stumbled from the impact before the captain gave the order to return fire. Her crew complied once they’d regained balance and quickly fired off the first few of their cannons, smashing a series of petite holes in the TwiDash’s hull rather close to the water line. “Oh, it is so on!” the TwiDash captain declared, shaking a hoof at her rival captain. “You’d better believe it is, dearie!” the RariTwi captain replied. Pretty soon the air between the two ships was abuzz with dozens upon dozens of cannonballs as the two ships continuously fired everything they had at each other. Cannonballs weren’t the only things the two ships fired at each other, however. The crews of both vessels would continuously shout expletives at each other, which consisted of the most vile things anypony could ever call one another. With the combination of both their verbal onslaught and their physical one, it was no wonder nopony on either ship noticed the third ship poised to strike them both. "FIRE!" shouted a voice alien to both ships' crews. Everypony aboard both the RariTwi and the TwiDash suddenly felt the vibrations from two cannonballs ripping through their ship’s bows, causing them all to stumble. After regaining their balance is when everypony noticed the third ship, and its appearance made them all stare slack-jawed at it. It had beautiful, multicolored sails and a flag adorned with a sun symbol, but what got everypony’s attention was the truly bizarre design of the ship itself. From its upside-down forward mast, to the bent mainsail mast, to the inverted stern, and especially the circular bow everypony was silently wondering why in Tartarus the ship was able to function properly with such a schizophrenic design. Their common question was answered, however, upon reading the ship’s name; Dislestia. “Yar har har!” the Dislestia’s captain, a younger mare wearing a tiara and a frilly skirt, guffawed in an utterly cute imitation of a pirate's laugh. "That was so much fun!" The other ships’ crews took a moment to exchange confused glances before returning attention to the third ship’s captain. “What business do you have with either of us, little filly!?” the TwiDash captain called out. “It makes no sense for you to fire upon either of our ships!" The Dislestia captain smirked. “Oh, but what fun is there in making sense, darlings?” she sarcastically asked. “Here, let me answer my own question; whoever destroys their ships gets a thousand snuggles from me!” Nothing more needed to be said as the Dislestia’s crew began loading their cannons with spiked cannonballs, the sight of which made the other two ships’ captains panic. “Change heading immediately!” “Steer us out of their range, posthaste!” The ships’ crews hurried to comply with their respective captains’ request, all while the Dislestia primed its cannons and took aim right at the other two ships’ sails. The Dislestia captain grinned super evilly as she prepared to give the order for them to fire at will, but a sudden impact from the other side of the ship caused her to stumble and fall forward on her barrel. “Captain!” one of her crewmates called. “Are you alright!?” The Dislestia captain grumbled to herself as she stood up before shouting, “Who hit us!?” “Over here you insane filly!” shouted a voice from behind her. With a near-feral growl, the Dislestia captain turned around to see a ship with the exact same convoluted design as her own anchored just a little ways away, its cannons aimed right for her ship. What was different about this ship, however, was the butterscotch coloration of its sails and flag adorned with three pink butterflies. Printed on the ship’s side was the name Fluttercord. “You aren’t the only one here with spiked cannonballs, missy!” the Fluttercord captain, decked out in a more feminized version of the TwiDash captain’s outfit, stated. “And you aren’t so almighty as long as my ship’s around!” The Dislestia captain grinned. “Then we’ll just have to sink your ship, now won’t we?” she purred. She turned around to her crew. “Everypony, switch to Starboard can-” “We want in on the action too!” Everypony on the Dislestia and the Fluttercord turned to see another ship fast approaching them. Its appearance was almost the same as that of the RariTwi, with the only difference being its color scheme of orange & white instead of lavender & white, and a trio of apples emblazoned on its flag instead of three diamonds. Printed on the ship’s side was the name RariJack. “Y’all oughta scootch on back ta whatever port ya came from!” the captain, a mare wearing naught but a red bandanna, shouted. “Cause we’re gonna sink y’all faster than a rock in a pond with our cannons!” The Dislestia captain made a raspberry sound as she waved a dismissive hoof in response. “Please,” she chastised, “you couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with your cannons, much less sink a ship.” The RariJack captain fumed, and was about to retort when another ship approached from seemingly out of nowhere. This one’s sails and flag had a color scheme of cyan blue and orange, with a rainbow-shaped lightning bolt striking from a cloud imprinted on the flag; the AppleDash. “You know, some ponies would take offense to that statement,” the captain, a mare wearing naught but a black bandanna, stated. “That includes me and my crew.” “Alright, we’re back in business!” shouted the RariTwi captain as her ship pulled around the Dislestia's stern. “Same here!” the TwiDash captain shouted as she also pulled around to join the rapidly growing cluster of ships, more of which could be seen approaching from all across the bay. Every ship’s captain took to glaring at one another with venom in their eyes. Seeing so many enemies all gathered in one place was both a delight and a nuisance to them. A delight in that they enjoyed sinking rival ships and the more there were the merrier they’d be in doing so, and a nuisance because they’d have to stare at conflicting color schemes for even longer. Regardless, the thirst for battle swelled deep in their hearts, and the overwhelming desire to prove their cannons were the strongest kept them focused on sinking every other ship that conflicted with theirs. Except for the Dislestia captain, of course, whose mindset was as enigmatic as her ship's structural integrity. As one, every single captain yelled “FIRE AT WILL!”. The air around all the ships quickly became a maelstrom of cannonballs as every ship's crew scurried across the decks of their respective ships, working furiously to keep cannons on both sides constantly firing at rival ships. Many shots missed and sailed off into the distance, but a fair amount managed to hit their intended targets all the same, said targets exclusively being any ship which shared a color with their own, except for the Dislestia and Fluttercord who fired upon each other over the shared design of their ships. The ultimate shipping battle had begun.
Objection!Crystal Tree Castle, 0730 hrs “I call this first meeting of friendship to order!” Twilight declared. Everypony else and Spike nodded in approval while Discord only stifled a yawn. Not having a throne himself, he’d taken the liberty of conjuring up the one he often used before his reformation which, while a bit of an eyesore compared to the others, nobody minded that he use. “Now then,” Twilight continued, levitating some papers from her side and passing them around to her friends, “I’ve taken the liberty of studying the prevalence of friendship throughout Equestria and narrowing down the top ten least friendly settlements.” “An’ just how do ya measure friendship anyway?” Applejack inquired. Twilight was about to explain in thorough detail the technical aspects of studying emotive reactions signalling good feelings toward other ponies in the brain when Spike beat her to the punch by saying, “She used a spell, how else?” Her friends all ‘ohhhed’ in understanding and turned back to their princess friend who looked about ready to scold Spike before letting out a sigh and returning their collective gaze. “Anyway,” she continued, “I have these settlements listed on those sheets, as well as times within the next year in which we should be able to visit these settlements and work to improve their friendliness.” “I feel sorry for whichever city’s at the top,” Rainbow said with a smirk. Then she found the list’s top entry, to which her eyes shot wide open in shock and horror. “What the-Cloudsdale!?” “Oh my,” Fluttershy said with a hoof raised to her mouth. She looked upon the list as well to confirm that, indeed, Cloudsdale was at the top of the list. “Funny,” Applejack said, also looking at the list, “Ah always figured Detrot would’a been the blue ribbon holder fer somethin’ like this.” “I as well,” Rarity agreed. “What the hay, Twilight!?” Rainbow sweared. She flew out of her seat and into Twilight’s face, scowling. “Why’s Cloudsdale at the top of the list!?” Twilight shrunk under her friend’s gaze with a sheepish chuckle. “It’s not like there’s anything inherently wrong with Cloudsdale’s populus on a behavioral level, but . . .” “But what!?” Twilight was about to explain exactly how Cloudsdale had come to be at the top of the list due to various technicalities regarding Cloudsdale’s history, how non-pegasi perceived it, and the fact that Cloudsdale hadn’t made much of an effort to provide for non-pegasi when she caught sight of something outside a nearby window. Looking closer at it, her eyes widened when she realized the object was fast approaching them. “Duck for cover!” she shouted. “What’re you-” Rainbow Dash was cut off by the sound of glass shattering from behind her, followed by a whoosh of air as something hurtled right past her head and embedded itself in the wall. Rainbow only stared blankly at Twilight for a second before turning to look up at the object which almost bashed her head in. “What the hay?” she drawled out dumbly. Everyone else turned to stare at the object, finding it to be round and black. They instantly recognized what it was. “Um, why did a cannonball crash through the window?” Fluttershy inquired. “Because it wanted to crash our meeting!” Pinkie declared. “. . .” “. . .” “. . .” “Anyway,” Twilight drawled out, uneasily, before turning back to the cannonball, “I have no idea why, Fluttershy.” She squinted her eyes at it to get a closer look, but found nothing particularly unusual about the iron ball. “Maybe somepony’s testing out some artillery somewhere and this is a stray shot?” “Highly unlikely,” Discord said, popping up right next to her, “for this type of cannonball is used exclusively by ship cannons.” Twilight flinched in surprise at the draconequus’ sudden appearance before taking another look at the cannonball. “Ah, you’re right, Discord,” she said after a minute of observing the offending projectile. “But that begs the question of why it crashed through the window when we’re nowhere near the ocean?” Everyone watched with interest as Discord donned a t-shirt with a pocket protector, inside of which both a pen and protractor were stored, and adhesive taped glasses. The now nerdified draconequus used the protractor to take all sorts of measurements around the cannonball before doing the same to the window. “Well,” he eventually said, “based on these calculations,” he summoned a chalkboard with a bunch of seemingly random equations and formulas, “I can safely conclude that this cannonball originated from Horseshoe Bay.” Everyone took a moment to regard what he said. “Well, at least that explains why the cannonball’s from a ship’s cannon,” Twilight said. “So, somepony’s firin’ cannons on the bay?” Applejack mused. “Wonder who it could be?” “Well, let’s find out,” Discord said. He shed the nerd garb and replaced it with a sailor’s suit, then traded the chalkboard for a spyglass. He looked out the window and brought the spyglass to his better eye, taking a moment to focus its sight before searching out Horseshoe Bay. “Do you see anything, Discord?” Fluttershy asked as she flew over to his side. “Wait for it,” Discord mumbled under his breath. He found Horseshoe Bay after a few moments, and adorned a deadpanned expression upon seeing the battle taking place there. “Ah, this is interesting,” he said, handing the spyglass over to Fluttershy, who peered through it herself. “Oh my!” she exclaimed, dropping the spyglass as she raised a hoof to her mouth. “What is it?” Twilight asked, trotting over to join them. “Shippers,” Discord said with a happy smile. “Really?” the lavender princess inquired as she used her magic to levitate the spyglass to her eye and peer through at Horseshoe Bay. “Wow, there’s so many of them.” “I’d wager every single oceanbound ship in Equestria is currently there,” Discord mused, “no doubt fighting over who has the strongest cannons.” “Well, this battle needs to stop before somepony gets hurt,” Twilight affirmed, giving the spyglass back to Discord. “I agree,” Fluttershy said. The rest of them all agreed with nods of their heads. “Discord,” Twilight said, turning to the draconequus, “can you get all of us to Horseshoe Bay as quick as possible?” “You mean we actually get to see the chaos up close and personal!?” Discord asked, grinning maniacally. “Mhmm,” Twilight replied with a nod. Discord then proceeded to let out the most girlish, high-pitched scream he’d ever produced, forcing everyone to cover their ears out of reflex as the draconequus quickly snapped his talon which instantly teleported the eight of them to the shores of Horseshoe Bay. Looking out over the water, the group of eight could now see the shipping battle in clearer detail. Out in the bay’s center was a cluster of around two dozen ships, constantly firing upon and taking hits from each other. The air surrounding the ships was filled with smoke from the gunpowder used in the cannons, making it impossible to see much of anything above deck. Below deck, however, the sight of dozens upon dozens of holes littering every ships’ hull was crystal clear to the ponies, who all stared slack-jawed at the scene before them. “How are those ships even staying afloat!?” Twilight gasped. “At least a few of them should’ve sunk in a battle this big!” “Like the Tiatanic!” Pinkie cheered, and proceeded to mime said ship’s sinking while making a sound like that of a ship’s creaking hull. “Yeah, sure Pinkie,” Applejack drawled out while rolling her eyes. “Anyway, how’re we gonna stop this ‘ere shippin’ battle?” “Oh, don’t be so hasty,” Discord admonished. Another snap of his talon produced eight lawn chairs, bags of popcorn, and dressed them all in tourist apparell, must to Rarity’s dismay as the clothes were ‘positively drab’. “Let’s enjoy the show for a while.” He smiled while leaning back in his chair and grabbing a handful of popcorn. “After all, spectacles of pointless rivalry such as this only come around once every hundred years at the most.” “Why you-” Rainbow started to say, but was cut off by Twilight’s hoof over her mouth. “Look, Discord,” the lavender princess said, “I can respect your enjoyment of this, and I won’t deny that this is a pointless spectacle.” She took her hoof off of Rainbow Dash’s mouth and began approaching the draconequus, who began munching on his popcorn. “But that’s exactly why we need to stop this ASAP. This fight is putting Equestria’s citizens in danger, and somepony could get hurt or killed because of it.” She stopped beside his chair. “And for what? To prove whose cannons are stronger? What good could come out of that?” “Some ponies value pride more than others, Twi,” Applejack replied. “An’ Ah reckon these shippers have a lotta pride fer their cannons.” “Whatever,” Twilight responded, “the point is we need to stop this fight before somepony gets hurt.” She levelled a furrowed gaze at Discord. “So please, Discord, as a friend can we count on you to help us?” The ponies all watched Discord intently as he appeared to mull over what he’d been told while finishing his mouthful of popcorn. Upon swallowing, Discord replied with, “I suppose I could lend you girls some help.” Twilight smiled warmly. “Thanks, Discord.” “However,” Discord levelled a sharp gaze at everyone, “I’ll only help you my way.” He then snapped his talon.
Friendship Is Magic!Shipping Battle, 735 hrs “All hooves on deck!” “Medics!” “Port cannons fire!” “Starboard cannons fire!” “My leg!” “Yar har har!” “Enough with the crappy pirate talk!” *raspberry noise* “You’re not even doing that right!” “Screw you!” Back and forth the ships exchanged both cannonfire and banter, never letting up for a second with either. Every ship’s hull was riddled with holes made by cannonballs, to which it was a wonder their structural integrity was still sound. Some cannonballs were fired multiple times, retrieved by the crews of ships they hit for use in their own cannons. Because of this, lack of ammunition was a non-issue for everypony, meaning the battle could last indefinitely until every ship was sunk. And, at the rate it was going, that would turn out to be the case. “Take this!” a Sparity crewmate yelled as she fired a cannon at the SpikeDash’s hull. The iron projectile struck true, smashing through one side and eventually exiting out the other, scattering wood-chippings everywhere in the water. “Why you little!” the SpikeDash captain seethed. She was about to order her crew to concentrate all of its efforts on the Sparity when her ship was struck yet again in the stern, knocking her onto her barrel. “It’s not just your cannons which are pathetic,” the RainbowPie captain said from behind a still smoking cannon. “Your ship is sloppily construed and yet you force it beyond acceptable limits.” The RainbowPie crew giggled while the SpikeDash captain fumed. “Oh, you think we’re forced, huh?” she sarcastically asked, letting a smirk grace her lips. She turned to her own crew and shouted, “Use the hooks!” A collective cheer erupted from her crewmates as they ceased firing cannonballs at surrounding ships and began amassing around the cannons facing toward the RainbowPie, whose captain only looked on in confusion and curiosity. The SpikeDash crew began loading special cannonballs attached to lengths of chain into the cannons. They then began aiming the cannons just slightly above the hull, straight at the deck’s railing. “All hooves brace for impact!” the RainbowPie commanded, to which her crew complied and ducked with their hooves covering their heads. “Fire!” the SpikeDash captain yelled. As one, every single one of their loaded cannons fired straight at the RainbowPie, each load connecting head on with resounding crashes. Unlike typical cannonballs, however, they opened up into a flower-petal shape and anchored themselves against the RainbowPie’s railing. “So, what’re ya gonna do now, huh!?” the SpikeDash captain shouted to the RainbowPie crew as they stood back up. The RainbowPie captain took a few moments to inspect the damage done to her railing. Finding it to be nothing crippling, she turned to the other ship and replied with, “Your crazy if you think a few punctures in my railing is gonna sink this ship.” “Indeed it won’t,” the SpikeDash captain replied with a smirk. “As long as our ship remains afloat, at least.” “What’re you-” the RainbowPie captain stopped short upon realizing her enemy’s goal to bring the RainbowPie down along with the SpikeDash in case the latter sunk. “I want those cannonballs dislodged from my railing, pronto!” The RainbowPie crew obeyed their captain’s order and began working to dislodge the chain-rope cannonballs from the ship’s railing. “You’ll never tear us apart!” the SpikeDash captain declared, a manic grin splitting her features. Meanwhile, the Dislestia captain watched the whole exchange through her spyglass. Despite not being able to hear the back and forth banter between the two warring captains, she could easily deduce the SpikeDash’s plan by looking at the cannonball chains. “First mate!” she called. “Yes, captain princess!?” said pony replied as she trotted up to her, ducking to avoid a few cannonballs along the way. “What’s the status of my little baby?” the captain asked, subconsciously stroking a hoof along the ship’s railing. “Will she remain afloat long enough for us to win?” The other mare pursed her lips before sighing and hanging her head. “I’m afraid not, your highness,” she replied. “Our rudder is battered beyond use, the portside hull is about ready to fall apart, and the main mast is-” “Timber!” *CRASH* “. . . -out of commission.” The Dislestia captain nodded her head in understanding. “Then we have no choice,” she said. “In order to ensure our success, we must also resort to playing dirty.” Her first mate’s eyes widened. “You mean-?” “Yes, release the O.T.P.” The first mate gulped. “But your highness, what if-” “Don’t you dare question me!” the captain screamed. She turned to the first mate, her eyes burning with rage. “I am your princess, and you will obey me!” “Y-yes, ma’am,” the other mare said shakily, and hurried off to inform the crew of their new order. The captain turned to look at all the conflict spread out over the bay with a predatory smile. “Soon you will all bow down to me, my subjects, for I am the princess of shipping!” By this point, every single ship was close to falling apart from all the damage dealt by cannonballs. Wood chippings littered the water’s surface, some big enough to be used as makeshift rafts. Many of the ships had lost the ability to sail since their masts were either compromised or outright destroyed, making them sitting ducks to others. And yet, throughout all the destruction and conflict, the ships’ crews refused to surrender. So distracted in their fighting, was everyone, that they failed to notice the behemoth-sized object approaching from the bay’s mouth. “You call that a ship!?” the Rariburn captain called to the Sparity. “Your cannons are all on one side!” “You don’t even have any cannons period!” was the response. “And you don’t have any where it matters now!” the SpikeBelle captain declared, positioning the ship to strike the Sparity with a crippling blow at its cannonless portside. “Oh crap,” the Sparity captain muttered. She was about to give the order to retreat and reposition their ship, but remembered that their main mast was destroyed. Regardless, she could see the SpikeBelle was too close now for them to retreat in time. With a sigh, the Sparity captain gave the signal for her crew to cease what they were doing and join her on the main deck. They complied, huddling together and staring at the offending ship as its own crew prepped a cannon to fire upon them, bravely facing the end with their comrades. They saw the SpikeBelle’s crew finish prepping the cannon and, with tears in their eyes, gripped each other as tight as they could, intending to stay together even after their ship sunk. The SpikeBelle’s captain smirked. “Ready . . .” The cannon was aimed at the Sparity’s lower hull, just above the waterline. “Set . . .” The Sparity’s crew gripped each other even tighter, a few of them even wetting themselves out of fear. “FIRE!” It wasn’t the SpikeBelle captain who gave the order. A colorless ball of light shot through the SpikeBelle’s stern, easily tearing through all the way to the bow and utterly destroying the ship’s already heavily compromised hull. The ship’s crew let out a collective scream as their beloved ship fell to pieces and they plummeted into the water below. The Sparity captain blinked. “Wha-?” “Don’t let up!” The Sparity’s crew quickly found themselves joining the SpikeBelle’s crew in the water as their ship was also ripped clean through and annihilated. The Sparity captain quickly broke the water’s surface with a gasp and looked around to find her crewmates were all alright. “What happened!?” somepony shouted from the SpikeBelle's crew just a few yards away. Before anything could be said in reply, more colorless projectiles shot by over their heads, heading directly toward the rest of the battle. One by one, every single battling ship was struck by these unusual cannonballs, to which they suffered the exact same fates as the Sparity and SpikeBelle. Whereas the largest shipping battle Equestria had ever seen was occurring just a few seconds previous, now the air was quiet and empty. The crews and wreckage of every ship littered the water, some of the ponies less adept at swimming using the floating wood pieces as makeshift life rafts. “I demand an explanation for all of this!” shouted a voice from the east, one which everypony in the water instantly recognized, and feared. As one, all hundred-something ponies turned to behold the sight of what could only be described as a behemoth of a ship, slowly sailing through the water towards them. The main body of the ship was designed much like the Fluttercord and the Dislestia, with the addition of a figurehead shaped like a sea pony variant of Discord. The coloration of its sails was comprised of eight distinct colors in a stripe pattern: lavender, brown, green, purple, butterscotch yellow, cyan blue, magenta, and orange. Its flag had six symbols circled around a dragon skull and crossbones motif, all of which were a color represented on the flag: a lavender star, an orange apple, a cyan lightning bolt, a yellow butterfly, a magenta balloon, and a purple diamond. Printed upon the side was the ship’s name: Friendship. What drew everypony’s attention, however, was the pissed off faces of Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends staring down at them over the ship’s railing. Like the ship captains in the water, they were all dressed in colorful pirate garb consisting of a rainbow tri-cornered hat, coats which complimented their respective fur color, and at least one of either an eyepatch, peg leg, fake parrot, or scruffy beard. Twilight was the only one who wore all of them, and she took a moment to scratch at her beard before speaking again. “Well?” Everypony would’ve shrank under her intense glare and stern tone, but being in the water made doing so while staying afloat difficult. It was the Twilestia captain who eventually mustered up the courage to reply to the ticked off princess. “We were merely playing, your highness.” The mare’s crew could only deadpan in response, while her fellow captains would’ve swam over and slapped her upside the head had they not been intimidated by Princess Twilight’s presence. “PLAYING!?” Applejack shouted, stomping her hoof. “Y’all almost decapitated Rainbow Dash with one of yer stray cannonballs! Don’t think ya can weasel yer way outta this with foalish excuses like that!” “I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been decapitated, AJ,” Rainbow whispered to the irate farmer, only to be silenced by a glare from her. “But yeah, I could’ve been horribly injured because of your recklessness!” “As opposed to being horribly injured by your own recklessness,” Spike snarked, only to also be silenced by Rainbow’s own glare. “I believe I speak for everypony here when I say what you ruffians were doing does not equate to ‘playing’,” Rarity said, eyeing the crowd below with a disapproving gaze. “We were fighting to see whose cannons were the strongest!” shouted the CheeriMac captain. “And we would’ve won for sure had you not barged in!” “As if,” the Fluttercord captain said, and smirked. “Your cannons are only on loan, anyway.” “Why should that matter!?” “It matters because they aren’t even yours!” “At least they’re strong, unlike yours!” “Why you little-” “ENOUGH!” The bickering captains immediately ceased in response to Twilight’s exclamation and turned to look back up at her and her friends. “All this fighting over whose cannons are stronger is completely pointless!” Twilight continued. “And no, pride and bragging rights aren’t valid reasons!” “You all should be ashamed of yourselves!” Fluttershy practically screeched. Everypony in the water flinched at the butterscotch pegasus’ sudden outburst before looking crestfallen. “She’s right,” one of the TwiDash crewmates said, turning to her captain. “There’s a lot we could learn from the other captains about improving our ship's stature.” “I agree,” the SpikeBelle captain said. “Our ship, beautiful as it was, could've used many improvements.” “I agree wholeheartedly!” “Me too!” “Me three!” “Yelling is fun!” “Arrr!” “Let’s put our differences aside and work towards a common goal,” the DaringBlood captain proposed. “And what would that be?” the TwiShy captain asked. “Using the wrecked pieces of our ships to build an even better one, of course!” “I like that idea!” “Me too!” “Me three!” “Woohoo!” “Yar har har!” Twilight and her friends looked down upon the crowds of ponies in satisfaction. Whereas before they were engaged in a pointless battle of ships, now they were joining together as friends. “Um, Princess Twilight?” Said alicorn and her friends looked down to see the Dislestia captain approaching the Friendship’s hull, a nervous expression on her face. “Odd that she looks exactly like me,” Rarity mused. “It sure is,” Twilight whispered to her before raising her voice to address the captain. “Is something the matter, miss?” The mare fidgeted and said, “Well, your highness, my crew and I kinda sorta released the O.T.P to help us win the battle.” Twilight frowned. “What’s the O.T.P?” “Uh, Twilight?” Spike squeaked out, tapping the mare’s shoulder. Twilight turned to see her number one assistant pointing behind them, his face one of sheer terror. Twilight looked to where he was pointing, only for her eyes to shrink to pinpricks in response to what she saw. Her friends followed suit, and reacted accordingly upon seeing what was, undeniably, the O.T.P. “We’re gonna need a bigger ship,” Pinkie croaked. Author's Note Not my best work, but whatevs. If anyone is interested in continuing this story, just let me know and I'll be quick to grant you my permission.
