Cadence Has Horny Problems
Cadence Has Horny Problems
A travesty of innuendos, written lovingly by writer.
“Have a nice day, milady!” the two guards at the gatehouse chanted in unison. Cadence smiled sweetly, and trotted on underneath the portcullis.
“Thank you!” She called back sweetly. “You both have a nice day too!”
When she had passed, the guards beamed at one another.
“Such a nice girl, isn't she?” the unicorn remarked.
The other guard, a dapper white pegasus, crooned and made a face. “Aww, look at her. Out to visit the commoners and everything. Even while she's busy planning her wedding, she's got time for the regular ponies, like you and me.”
The unicorn nodded pensively, his lip curled in smug satisfaction. For a moment, the two guards shared the silence, watching the young alicorn as she trotted away.
“...Say,” the unicorn murmured. “How does she get her mane all done up like that?”
The pegasus frowned, tilting his head. “Not sure. Looks natural.”
“Aww, Natural?” The unicorn clicked his tongue in dissatisfied apathy. “Gosh. I wish I had a mane that nice.”
The pegasus snorted. His companion's vanity was hardly a surprise. “Yeah,” he remarked drily. “You should get it done up sometimes. I think you'd look real pretty.”
The unicorn guard turned a shade of pink, and scuffed a hoof.
“Aww, jeez,” he mumbled. “You really think so?”
An awkward silence overtook the two guards. Slowly, the pegasus turned his head, until he was looking the unicorn straight in the eye.
“...I guess that's a no, then?” the unicorn added quickly.
The pegasus turned his gaze back to the Princess in front of them, shaking his head and sighing.
“H-hey! So what if I like feeling beautiful?!”
She trotted over the timber monolith that was Castle Canterlot's drawbridge, humming a little ditty to herself.
The sun was shining.
She was getting married in two weeks.
The birds were singing.
She was getting married. In just two weeks.
The grass was the purest, most vivid shade of green she'd ever seen.
She. Was getting married. In just two weeks!
She resisted the urge to squeal in excitement, but allowed the thought to continue reverberating around her head as she reached the other side of the moat. Her. Cadence. Regular old Cadence, totally not-special in nearly every way (well, aside from the fact that she was royalty). She was getting married to her foalhood sweetheart, the one colt she'd had a crush on forever, and she could barely believe how wonderful life was.
Her one true special somepony and her, married in front of all her friends and family. The ultimate expression of love. The very thought of her special day made her blush and smile in equal amounts, and the more she thought about it, the more she wanted to giggle and jump around, not unlike a certain unicorn she once took care of.
So she did.
“Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes!”
It was a feeling she couldn't contain or hide, even if she had wanted to. True love. True, true love. For so long she'd been toying with the idea that one day, she might get married to somepony. But only in her dreams had she dared to believe that it would be Shining Armour, her one and only.
Cadence stopped jumping about, inhaled deeply, and felt a rush of energy surge through her as she charged her horn.
Oh yes, she mused to herself. Everything is just perfect!
And with that satisfying thought, she vanished with a soft poofing noise and a puff of smoke.
Poof!
Cadence re-appeared, and immediately fell five feet onto the cold, hard, ground. The fall took her quite by surprise, and she expressed it with a series of PG-13 curses that, even though they were expressed in her naturally benign and kind fashion, were deemed far too robust for this novel.
“Ah! Son of a buckin' apple!”
What the ground said, on the other hand, was beyond the control of censorship. Cadence gasped as the patch of earth she was sitting on writhed beneath her.
“Owch! Git off me!”
Cadence leapt to all fours, scooting off of whatever unfortunate pony she'd mistakenly teleported onto.
“Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I didn't see you th – Applejack?”
She blinked in confusion as the unfortunate farmer got off the ground. Some way behind her was an alarmed-looking Applebloom.
“Yeah, that's mah name,” Applejack said, grumbling and dusting dirt off of her coat. “What of it–” she glanced up, and immediately her green eyes widened.
“O-oh! Your highness! Ah'm sorry!” Applejack fell back onto both front legs again. Cadence, being a rather modest young mare, immediately ducked low to help her up.
“No, no, no, there's no need for formalities. If anything, it's me who should be apologising!”
The farmer winced.
“Well, if y'must,” she said, grimacing and pulling herself up. “Applebloom, come and say hello to the Princess!”
Cadence glanced around, and immediately set eyes on a shocked-looking young filly who had been watching the exchange with shocked, awed, bugged-out eyes. After a few seconds of puzzled, confused shock, the foal took a few steps forward and did a slightly clumsy curtsy, causing the bright pink bow atop her mane to bob.
“Y-yer highness,” she said shyly.
“Hello, Applebloom. Um...” Cadence frowned and looked around. “I don't mean to sound strange, but whereabouts am I? It's just that... well, I meant to teleport to Ponyville, and this doesn't look like it.”
“Yer just a little bit outta Ponyville,” Applejack replied, pointing down the road behind her. “Ya go that way ta get to the outskirts of town.”
“Oh, really?” She said, feeling very sheepish. “T-thanks.”
The earth pony chuckled. “Heh, heh. What's the matter? Did ya mess up one've yer fancy magics?”
Cadence blushed. Did I really just miss a teleport? She thought to herself, glancing around for a logical reason why she had so badly miss-poofed.
While teleporting was, as a rule, a hard spell to master for most unicorns, experienced teleporters rarely missed. For those familiar with the spell, teleporting was simply a matter of visualising where you wanted to go, and making sure one channelled enough power to get there.
To add insult to injury, Cadence was not an average unicorn. She was a Princess, Celestia's niece, and with an innate gift for magic at her disposal, she felt rather confused at how she'd managed to miss the centre of Ponyville by so much, let alone to re-appear out in the middle of the countryside. Applejack had hit the proverbial and unhappily embarrassing nail right on the head.
Cadence fretted. “Um... yes, I must have. Oh, gosh, I feel so silly.” She bowed her head graciously. “Again, I'm really sorry, Applejack. I hope I didn't hurt you by accident!”
The earth pony chuckled, looking down and brushing her chest clean with a spare forehoof.
“Aww, shoot, tweren't nothin'. Ah know ya didn't mean it. Why, if it were me, ah wouldn't be able to buck trees, let alone do some fancy magic without thinkin' about mah big day coming up.”
Applejack's kind words made the young Princess smile. “Thanks,” she said, offering a weak smile. “It's been on my mind a lot lately. In fact, I was on my way into town to hand out these wedding invitations, and – Oh!” She suddenly perked up. “While you're in front of me, I've got something for you.”
Cadence turned her head, flipping open her loose saddlebag and rummaging in it momentarily, before withdrawing a bold, immaculately decorated pink envelope. She levitated it before her, smiling triumphantly.
“Ta-da! An invitation to my wedding!”
“Ah thought we were already invited?” Applejack said, blinking. “We're doin' the caterin', aren't we?”
“Oh, of course. But I thought it would be nice if you had an official invitation as a guest, too!”
“Huh, well how do ya like that for a fluke?” Applejack said, beaming and plucking the letter from the air. “Ya found me just as ah was takin' Applebloom ta' school, and by sheer luck, too!” She glanced down at the pink envelope, opening it and withdrawing the card within. “Why, look, it's all done up in fancy handwritin' and – yowch!”
Applejack jumped and dropped the card. Cadence and Applebloom followed suit.
“Ow, it bit me!” Applejack said indignantly.
Cadence looked from the card to the letter to Applejack. “Huh? W-what?”
“The dang letter!”
The princess merely blinked. “It... it bit you?”
Applejack looked down at the card momentarily, before carefully picking it up in one hoof and opening it with the the other.
“Ah... ah dunno,” the farmer said, frowning and looking over the card. “Ah tried ta open it so ah could read it, and it shocked me!” She glanced up at Cadence suspiciously. “Y'all didn't get these cards from Pinkie Pie, did ya?”
Again, Cadence blushed in embarrassment.
“Oh, um... yes I did, actually.”
“Ah, that explains it,” Applejack said, smiling smugly. “That mare's playin' tricks on y'all again. Tweren't nothin' serious,” she added casually, opening and closing the card several times. “Only seems ta work once, too. Maybe she was hopin' y'all would read it and give yerself a bit of a shock?”
Cadence frowned.
“Well, I would hope not! These invitations are meant for my most important wedding guests, the elements of harmony!”
Applejack grinned.
“Aww, shucks. Don't you worry your head about no invitations, Princess. Why, ah feel like a million bucks now! Really set the heart racin', if you know what I mean,” She said, chuckling once more. “Not to mention, us apples are more than happy just' ta be invited to such a wonderful event. Ain't that right, Applebloom?”
“Yep!” The little filly replied, bouncing on the spot. “And ah get to help decorate the cupcakes, too!”
The Princess turned her attention to the adorable little filly, kneeling a little and smiling.
“I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful ponies helping me! Thank you, Applebloom!”
Like a tiny potrait of her sister, the little earth filly immediately went all shy, tracing little circles with her hoofpoint in the road and going all red in the cheeks.
“Aw, tweren't nothin'.”
“Well, all the same,” Cadence said, straightening up and beaming. “I hope I'll see you at the wedding as my guest, Applejack!”
“We'll certainly be there!” The earth pony replied enthusiastically. “With bells on!”
And with that, Cadence wished them both goodbye and charged her horn once more for a second attempt at teleporting.
“G'bye, Princess!” the apples waved.
“Bye!”
And with that, she vanished in a small poof of smoke that quickly faded into the gentle easterly.
The Apple sisters began to walk again, chatting awhile about the serendipitous nature of Cadence's visit and Applejack's intentions for the catering before falling silent once more. After a few minutes more of solid trudging, Applebloom glanced up at her bigger sister, a thoughtful frown upon her face.
“Do weddin' invitations always bite?”
“Well, not always– ”Applejack began to reply, but all of a sudden, something odd happened.
In fact, it wasn't until Applebloom realised that her sister was taking her time in answering her question that she turned around, only to realise that she'd left Applejack five or six paces behind her.
“Huh? Applejack?”
Applejack was frozen, mid-stride and mid-sentence. She gazed into the distance with unfocused, glazed-over eyes, her mouth half ajar as if she'd been about to say something.
The little filly paused a while, and then took a few tentative steps back towards her sibling.
“Sis?”
Applejack came back to life so spontaneously that the little filly jumped in fright.
“– but ah think this was just one of Pinkie Pie's pranks,” the cowpony finished, looking down at the earth and smiling. “Wait. Applebloom?” Her older sister did a swift 360, before her eyes flicked up to where the little filly stood.
“What in... how'd y'all get over there?” she asked, cocking her head curiously.
Applebloom gaped, a good deal confused.
“Uhh,” she said, not entirely sure how to explain what had just happened. “A-ah was just walkin' and you just kinda' stopped still for a second!”
“Huh?” Now it was Applejack's turn to be confused. “That's weird. Maybe y'all just walked ahead of me?”
Applebloom was quite confident that this was not the case, but she felt herself wavering all the same.
“Yeah,” she said, slightly unsure. “Maybe ah did. But you were frozen for a second or two. Like y'all was thinkin' of somethin' important.”
Applejack put a thoughtful hoof to her chin, tapping it.
“Well, ah might have been thinkin' of the bogged cart ah have ta get unstuck, and stopped walkin' without realisin' it.” She grinned at her little sister. “Ain't I a silly pony?”
Applebloom scowled at her, but giggled all the same.
“You are a silly pony, sis.”
“Yer right.” Applejack pulled a face. “Who's a silly pony?”
“You're a silly pony!”
“Eeexactly!” Applejack quickly gained on Applebloom, bumping the little filly with her rump. “Now then, we need to git goin', or we're gonna be late. Last one ta' Ponyville's a hayseed!”
And, with the matter unresolved (but mostly ignored), the two apple sisters chased eachother into town.
Cadence arrived at the doorstep to Fluttershy's little stone cottage at precisely the right time. The butter yellow pegasus was in the front yard, hovering slightly in the air while she poured a soft stream of golden chicken feed from a bag. Upon realizing Cadence's presence, her eyes widened, and she dropped the bag (much to the delight of her chickens), touching back down onto the earth and bowing low.
“Oh my, your highness! I didn't know you were coming for a visit!”
Cadence reached back into her back, fishing out the envelope she had been saving for Fluttershy. “I wasn't,” she said, cutting the pegasus off before she could burst into apologies. “I just wanted to give you... this!”
Fluttershy gasped, and took the envelope from the air gracefully.
(How does one take an envelope with grace? Only Fluttershy could manage such a feat).
“Oh, you're too kind, Princess!” the shy pegasus cooed, smiling gently at Cadence and holding the envelope gingerly between her clasped forehooves. “Um, I might have a look later, after I've cleaned my hooves. They must be so dirty from all this work in the yard!”
Cadence glanced down at the pegasus' hooves. Barring a small speck of dirt on the tip of one, they were utterly spotless. She chose not to point that out to the shy mare. “Don't mention it!” the princess replied, shaking her head. “You're doing something amazing for me, so it's my pleasure!”
Fluttershy turned a shade of pink, and mumbled something inaudable that might have been 'Oh, I'm sure anyone could do it.'
“No, I really mean it! I could never hope to have someone leading spring birds in a chorus like you could.”
“O-oh, thank you,” Fluttershy said, fluttering her wings slightly, and casting her eyes back to her birds. She gasped as she realised that she'd left the bag of feed open, and that all of her animals were now crowding around it, squawking and squabbling incessantly.
“Oh! You two, stop fighting! Henrietta! Don't eat too much, or you'll spoil your dinner!” The pegasus made to dash over, but she paused, casting an uncertain look at Cadence.
“Um, is it okay if I just...?”
“Yes!” Cadence laughed. “We're friends, Fluttershy. I'd love to stay and chat, but I have to get going as well.”
The pegasus zipped back over to her birds, tutting and chiding and scorning.
Cadence opened her mouth to add a swift farewell, but suddenly, she was hit by an unearthly headache. She gasped, flinching at the pain and seizing up, scrunching her eyes closed.
An ice-cream headache, without the ice-cream. Headaches were a unicorn's worst nightmare, and this one was an absolute doozy. It came without warning, and for Cadence, it was was as if a glass shard was gouging into her mind. She thought it might have been worse than even the worst migraine she'd ever had – and in fact, her knees began to feel weak just trying to think. She put a stop to that at once.
'Headache son of a headache I hate headaches come on what the headache!' her subconscious mumbled, a million strands of thoughts starting and stopping in a jumble of flaring nerve endings and magical sparks that made her head thud with pain.
The moment seemed to last forever, but when relief finally came, and her eyes fluttered open, she realised she couldn't have been lost for more than a few seconds. Fluttershy, who had been mercifully distracted with her birds, hadn't noticed her momentary seizure. Inwardly, she was thankful for that. Subjecting herself to the ministrations of a worried Fluttershy was a fate worse than boredom – she'd probably be sent straight to bed by the overcaring mare, and that was something she could neither afford nor endure.
“I'll see you later, Fluttershy!” Cadence called, as she cautiously began to charge energy back through her horn. Thankfully, the headache had subsided as quickly as it had arrived.
“Oh... yes, goodbye, Princess! I hope you have a nice day!... Angel! Don't do that to Charlene! Um... if that's okay with you, I mean.”
Cadence vanished from Fluttershy's cottage with a soft poof of smoke.
As luck would have it, the second time at teleporting into Ponyville proved to be the charm for Princess Cadence, and she re-appeared with a soft pop, just outside of Sugarcube Corner.
“Better,” she sighed, glancing up at her horn reproachfully. “No more of that for a while, ok?”
Although the sign on the entrance to sugar-cube was flipped to 'open', she pressed her face to the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the mare in question. There was no guarantee she'd be in there, after all, and she didn't want to go barging in unannounced. Mr and Mrs. cake might be offended if they didn't get an invitation, after all.
But again, as luck would have it (and luck was having quite a bit of it today), she saw Pinkie trotting around inside, followed closely by a chatting Mrs. Cake, who was evidently instructing her on how to do something.
Right, then! With that solitary, triumphant thought, she turned to open the door.
“Hi, Princess!” Said Pinkie Pie, from about two feet to her left. “Whatcha doin'?”
“I'm just going inside to see Pinkie Pie about my wedding invitations,” Cadence replied, putting her hoof on the doorknob. “Do you know if she–”
She blinked, and did a very gentle double take. The Pink earth mare was standing right there, smiling cheerfully at her.
“Oh. Pinkie Pie?”
“Hi!” The pink enigma beamed at her.
“Uh... weren't you just inside?”
“Yep!”
“How did you get out here then?”
“Back door,” Pinke replied happily, rocking back and forth on her hooves.
Cadence frowned, and peered back through the window quickly. No, she was definitely not seeing double. As before, Mrs. Cake was trotting around, though this time she was alone. Mrs. Cake was busy carrying a plate of pastries hither and thither, a delicate balancing act made all the more complicated by her apparent lack of magic. The earth mare did not appear to be fazed though, and she noticed Cadence peering in, offering a jovial wave.
...Riiiiight, Cadence thought. Resisting the urge to question the insanity that was the element of Laughter, she ducked her head down and reached back into her bag, rummaging through it momentarily before turning back to Pinkie, enveloped in her teeth.
“Ey ave an in-vit-ay-shun to my wedding for you,” she mumbled.
Pinkie Pie gasped. “Oh, goody! I was hoping these would turn out! Let me see, let me see!”
With reckless abandon, the decorator snatched the envelope from Cadence's mouth and quickly opened it.
“Oooooooo,” Pinkie.... oohed. “It's so pretty! These really worked out better than I thought they would!”
Cadence nodded. “Well, yes – I love them, except for one thing.”
“What's that?” Pinkie inquired as she opened the letter.
Cadence paused, hoping her point would make itself evident.
...One second passed. Two came and went without a fuss, and still the Pink mare browsed the letter, her keen blue eyes darting across the fine, hoof-written calligraphy, grinning to herself.
Three, four and five seconds passed in much the same way, until Pinkie closed the card and flashed Cadence a merry smile.
“Wow! These look great! I really like the footnote of 'RSVP: Canterlot Castle'. Makes me feel so important for being invited in the first place!”
Cadence, who had been expecting Pinkie to get an adequate taste of her own medicine, was rather shocked.
“Uhh... would you mind if I see that card again, Pinkie?”
“Sure!” Pinkie promptly presented the letter back to Cadence on two outstretched hooves. Frowning, the Princess accepted it with a burst of telekinesis, levitating it before her and opening it.
'Dear Pinkamena Diane Pie,' the personalised card read. 'The proud parents of Shining Armour and Mi Amore Cadenza would like to extend an invitation to you for the union of our darling foals in holy matrimony.' The rest of the letter contained, among other things, an RSVP address, a dress code, a time and date, and an adorable, foal-era picture of both her and shining armour playing together, outlined in a big red heart. But it did not contain an electrical shock.
“I don't get it,” Cadence said, looking up at Pinkie. “How did you make it so that it didn't shock you?”
Pinkie Pie's smile vanished.
“Huh? What do you mean?”
Cadence re-opened the card, using only her hooves this time. Again, nothing happened.
“Well,” she said, now slightly irate, “When I gave Applejack her invitation earlier this morning, she got a magical shock when she opened the card!”
Pinkie Pie's eyes widened, and she gasped.
“Ooh, really? Wow, that is such a good idea for a prank! I should totally try that sometime!”
“So you didn't give me joke wedding invitations?” Cadence said, feeling somewhat placated.
“Huh? No way, Jose. Why would anypony do that? Wedding invitations are too super-serious for jokey fun times.” Pinkie Pie took the invitation back, opening and closing it a few times. “See? Look! No jo-wuburuburbrr!”
Pinkie Pie jumped and dropped the card, but not before leaping a good two feet into the air. She crashed back to earth in a pile of static and tangled legs.
Cadence could have had a heart attack.
“Oh my giddy Aunt!” she swooped down, quickly leaning close to the mare. “Are you okay?!”
The party pony's eyes blinked one at a time, and she shook her head, as if to free it from some imaginary stars. “Brrr! Wow! Looks like you were right, Princess!” Pinkie replied, looking slightly dazed. “That was a doozy!”
“...But are you alright?” Cadence asked, still tentatively leaning over Pinkie Pie. The injured earth pony was not long in bouncing to all fours again, where she looked as perky as ever.
“Yep! I'm fine,” She replied. “I've had worse.”
Cadence faltered. “You've had worse?”
“Well, there was that one time Twilight tested her mirror image spell on me, and that was twice as bad!” She let out a snorting giggle. “I was all like woooooo, wooooooo! I couldn't even stand up straight for five minutes!”
“Oh,” the alicorn replied, not sure how to respond. “Um, well, it's good to see you're okay at any rate...”
“Yeah! Actually, I feel better than ever. Like I've eaten a whole bag of candy! Woo!” She did a mad little dance on the spot. “It's like magic!”
Cadence opened her mouth to reply, but gasped. Pinkie's bizarrely obvious statement had made her suddenly aware of a second explanation to her problem.
It was unlikely, yes. In fact, it was downright rare for unicorns her age to get magical overload – it tended to be more of a foal's affliction – but it would explain her splitting headache back at Fluttershy's cabin, and the teleport spell she'd cast before that she'd missed wildly. More importantly, it would explain why Pinkie Pie wasn't shocked until after she took the card... from Cadence's magical grip.
“Oh, no. Oh...” She blushed. “Um, Pinkie, I don't think it's the cards that are giving ponies shocks.”
“Huh? What do ya mean?”
“I... I think I'm having problems controlling my magic,” she said, glancing up at the disobedient appendage.
“Y'mean horny problems, right?”
“Yeah, right,” Cadence muttered, still distracted.
“Are you sure?” Pinkie inquired. “Because I could have gotten these envelopes mixed up with my stack of joke envelopes.”
“Well, no,” Cadence admitted, surprised that Pinkie Pie would have noticed such a thing. “But I'd rather not take the chance.”
The earth mare paused, hesitantly. “Do you... do you wanna open another one? Just in case?”
Cadence nodded, and withdrew the invitation she'd been saving for Twilight from her bag by a thread of silvery blue magic.
“Alright, just be care-” She'd scarcely begun warning Pinkie when the elated earth mare snatched the letter from her grasp and all-but ripped it open, withdrawing the letter and cracking it open.
Nothing happened. Not even so much as a wisp of magical energy escaped the card, and Pinkie's excited grin soon faded.
“Aww. I was kind of hoping that one would work,” she admitted.
“You wanted it to shock you?” Cadence replied, incredulous. The earth mare gave her a sheepish grin.
“Well, not really. It's no fun being shocked. But I feel supercharged now!” To demonstrate her point, she did another little cantering dance on the spot. “Oooh! I feel all bubbly!” She giggled in exhilaration. “I bet I can work the whole day now! I'd better go and tell Mrs. Cake – it is Mr. Cake's birthday after all, and I just know he'd be excited to have the day off! You have a great day now, Cadence, I'm gonna go sink my teeth into these cakes!”
And, before Cadence could object, the Pink earth mare bounced by her, bounding through the front door that had been closed only a second ago.
“Uhh... Okay! Bye, Pinkie!” The young Princess called after her, waving goodbye.
The door clicked shut, and Cadence turned away from sugarcube corner, scowling and muttering darkly to herself.
I can't believe it! She said to herself, exasperatedly. Three times today!
She glanced up at her horn, crosseyed.
“You better behave,” She snarled. “Whether or not you're playing up or not, I can deal with you when I get back to the castle.”
And with that, she poofed away once more.
Rarity gasped, aglow with happiness.
“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” She squealed, hopping on the spot.
“Rarity,” Cadence said, giggling. “You know you were invited anyway, right?”
“Oh, I know, darling, but this makes it official, doesn't it? And you want moi! To make your dress!” The alabaster unicorn tittered. “Ooh, I can't wait! It will be a dress fit for a... well, fit for a Princess! Oh, and I'll sew roses into the bridesmaid's gowns, and the ringbearer will have his own special tuxedo, and – ”
“Uh, Rarity,” Cadence said, trying to get a word in edgeways. Rarity, oblivious, carried on with her fantasy animatedly.
“And then there'll be you, darling, in woven pink silk, set with rubies and amethysts, just to compliment your colours! You'll be exquisite!” The unicorn gasped. “Maybe I should combine the old and the new, and make your wedding dress white and pink!”
“Rarity!” Cadence said firmly.
The unicorn looked up, slightly stunned.
“Yes, dear?”
“Just white will be fine,” she said, trying to sound as meek as possible. Thankfully, Rarity didn't seem to take offense. If anything, her mollifying words only set the fashionista off on another tirade of faux-pas expressions and excited, self-answered questions.
“Oh, of course, of course! The bride always knows best, dear – but how would you feel trying a magically-woven ensemble, hmm? It'll be stunning – I'll have to get your measurements and make sure you're all tailored up for your wedding dress, so this can be absolutely perfect!”
Cadence laughed and pushed the pink envelope into Rarity's white forehooves.
“Okay, okay! But you have to accept the invitation first!”
The unicorn gave a mock cry of delight, withdrawing the card from its immaculate paper sheath.
“Absolutely, I'd love to come! Would I be remiss if I bought along a gift for the happy couple? Maybe a lovely bracelet, or something you could wear on your honeymoon – Owoooch!” A visible jolt of blue electricity coursed up through her body, and Rarity's perfect coiffure puffed into a static frizzle.
Cadence gasped in horror and embarrassment.
“O-ow,” Rarity muttered, little streams of smoke sizzling from the singed end of her tail.
“Oh, no, not you too!” She groaned, slapping a forehoof to her head. “I knew it wasn't just the invitations! I'm having magical overload!”
Rarity shook her head and coughed a little, trying to clear the soot from her lungs.
“Wh-what just happened?” she inquired politely, slightly shaken.
“I... I think I'm having problems with my magic,” she admitted. “I must be super charging things with electricity... I've already done that to two ponies today already! I'm really, really, sorry.”
“O-oh,” Rarity replied shakily, levitating a comb to herself and beginning to run it through her mane. “Perhaps you'd better go and see Twilight, deary.”
“Actually, I do have to see her today,” Cadence said. “I'll do it when I give her her invitation.”
“Um, meaning no offense, Darling, but perhaps it would be better if you did it sooner rather than later. That was quite the shock you just gave me! And if it's been happening to other ponies...” she trailed off thoughtfully.
Cadence blushed furiously, and opened her mouth to apologise again, but was rushed down by an overly modest Rarity.
“Oh, no, dear. Don't think a thing of it! Why, you must be so awfully distracted with your special day, hmm? As a fellow unicorn, I can sympathize. Sometimes, if I get too wound up about my work, I can get stressed or worried, and then – poof! – just like that, I've accidentally turned an entire dress green.” She leaned forward, beckoning Cadence to her and whispering conspiratorially. “Luckily, green is in this season. It's the new black.”
Cadence merely nodded, too overwhelmed by Rarity's affable nature to argue. “Well, wonderful then!” she said. “I guess I'll drop back by tomorrow to get my measurements done?”
“If you're feeling well enough, please do, darling!” Rarity replied, clasping her forehooves together and resting her chin against them, before letting out a wistful sigh. “And then we can sit down and have a lovely cup of tea, and you can tell me all about the lucky stallion, and how dreamy he is, and how beautiful your special day will be!”
Cadence blushed and nodded.
“Why does everypony keep calling Shining Armour 'lucky'? I mean, I think I'm the lucky one here!”
Rarity fawned in delight. “Oh, how adorable of you to say! Well, lucky or not, I must know absolutely everything about the wedding, darling – you simply must tell me over a nice cup of earl grey!”
Cadence smiled. She loved earl grey, and while she wasn't terribly familiar with Twilight Sparkle's friends, Rarity seemed like a nice pony. “That sounds wonderful. I'll see you tomorrow, then?”
“Of course. Do take care of yourself, won't you?” Rarity called from the front door, waving an immaculate white hoof as the young Princess departed.
No sooner had Princess Cadence closed the door to the boutique, Rarity shuddered involuntarily, and froze for a few seconds – not that anypony was around to see it.
“Oh... phew. It's rather hot today, isn't it?” She mumbled to nopony in particular, turning back to her sewing machine.
Cadence reached the footpath, and began to channel energy through her horn. But, just as her magical energy approached its peak, she felt the beginnings of an ache rising in the base of her skull. Unwilling to sample from the ice-cream bucket of headaches again, she cut the process off quickly and scowled.
Well, I suppose it's flying, she thought to herself, flapping a few times to ready her wings.
Meanwhile, on the opposite side of town, a pegasus known as Rainbow Dash swayed atop a cloud in a gentle victorious samba.
“Are you sure you're ready?” Asked a very tentative voice from behind her.
Rainbow Dash snorted. “Of course I am!”
How could she not be? Today was the day. And not just any day, but the day. The most awesome day that had ever existed in the incredibly awesome history of Rainbow Dash, for that matter. She'd been preparing for months for it, and she could hardly contain her enthusiasm or excitement.
Wonderbolts flight camp tryouts.
She glanced back at the pegasus behind her.
“Don't get too jealous when I'm in the wonderbolts, will you, Goose? You can still be my wingmare anytime.”
The palomino pegasus offered her a grin, and the aviators perched atop her nose glimmered a little in the afternoon sun.
“Bullshit. You can be my mine.”
Dash reached down to her thigh, and spun a little dial on her iHoof, turning up the music. She felt a strange and unsatisfied need; and she knew it to be for only one thing.
♪ Revvin' up your engine,
Listen to her howlin' roar...
Metal under tension, ♫
Beggin' you to touch and go...
She fell off the cloud, into a steeply-pitched dive, letting out a long, drawn out whoop fall from her lungs as the world picked up pace.
Cadence flapped along slowly, pondering her continued magical problems. It was soothing to her worried mind, being out and about on such a fine day. It was hardly far to Twilight's house at all, and after all, she probably needed the exercise anyway. All that time being cooped up (literally) in the castle planning her wedding had made her forget just how wonderful a lovely, sunny day could be.
Something blue flitted against the blue sky in the corner of her vision. She glanced over to look, and gasped in delight.
A rainbow! Like an infinity of gorgeous colours, Cadence stared, far too wow'ed by the moment to even worry about her own problems.
“Oh my gosh,” she mumbled to herself, totally awestruck by the magnificent banner of vibrant, flaring colours. “...Wow...”
Hmm, she mused to herself. That was unusual. She didn't remember any foal's stories about a blue something at the end of the rainbow.
And was it just her, or was that rainbow getting closer?
She slowed slightly, squinting hard. Now that she was starting to pay attention, she saw that the rainbow was getting awfully close. In fact, it was a little closer than close. Too close for comfort even, and it was gaining on her hard. As the strange prism of light grew in her vision a little, and then a lot, she saw that it was not the rainbow she had imagined it to be, instead being the very pegasus she was looking for – and she realised that she was going far too fast to avoid crashing into her –
NA NA NA NA NA, NA NA, NA NA NA-NA NA, the rainbow yelled at her.
“AAAH!” Cadence screeched to a halt, ducked, and hid underneath her forehooves. None of this had the desired effect of getting her out of the way, of course. But of course, like walking down the street towards somepony, it was just one of those things that seemed to happen. You both go left, and then right, and then left again, and then you bump into each-other...
Rainbow Dash felt her primaries straining, and did another few barrel rolls mid-air, just to stretch her wings out. The best part of flying so quickly, she decided, was that nopony could hear her singing.
"HIIIIGHWAAAY TOOOO THEEE DANGER ZOOOOONE, DA NA DA-NA-DAH-DUN-DAH-DUN-DUNNAH DUNNAH DAH!" –
Through the blue tint of her flint goggles, something appeared on the horizon.
"NA NA NA NA NA – huh? What is that?"
By the time she'd recognised who and what the 'something' was, she was within fifty feet of it, and had absolutely no time to react whatsoever.
In the end, Cadence ducking was the only thing that saved Rainbow Dash from becoming a pegasus shishkebab. The blue streak yelped, banking hard and barely avoiding the lethal point of Cadence's horn.
“SORRYPRINCESSCAN'TSTOPGOTTASEETHEWONDERBOLTS!” It yelled as it went by.
Cadence, who had been sent into a somewhat clumsy spin by the tiniest shockwave that followed the racing pegasus, shouted at the top of her lungs. “WAA-IT! Rainbow Dash! I have a letter for you!”
Like a streak of teal lightning, the pegasus banked hard again, pulling back in a turn so fierce that Cadence was surprised it was possible. She held the message high and flinched away, praying that the daredavil pegasus wouldn't hit her.
Rainbow Dash skimmed Cadence once more, and she felt the envelope being ripped from her grasp.
“'KAYTHANKSBYE!”
There was a slight whoosh, and the Pegasus accelerated, shooting off into the distance again and blasting Cadence with some serious rainbow-coloured afterburn.
Some way out of Ponyville, Rainbow dash glanced down at the letter in her forehoof. She didn't have time to stop and read it, and instead settled for simply scanning the hoofwriting on the front of the card as she whizzed through the sky.
“To Rainbow Dash, an invitation to my special day,” she thought to herself. “Huh. I guess I'll say thanks and sorry later.”
And with that last cursory thought, she began to fly at full speed in the direction of Cloudsdale, not daring to be late for her very own special day.
A slightly frazzled Cadence landed on the footpath outside of Twilight's Treehouse, her wings tucking herself back against her body tightly as she resolved never to fly around Ponyville again unless she absolutely had to.
As always, the library door was unlocked. Though she had to duck slightly to get through the small entryway, she poked her head through the door and took a quick look around.
“Hello? Twilight? Are you in here somewhere?” She called out into the empty hollow.
A small gasp echoed from a back room, and it was swiftly followed by the sound of galloping hooves.
“Caaaadaaaaaance!” hollered an excited, high-pitched voice that steadily grew in volume as its owner charged from room to room, before finally bursting out from an adjacent door to reveal an elated, beaming Twilight Sparkle.
The young unicorn mare beamed, bounding over and crouching low. Cadence did the same.
“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves, and –” they both spun on the spot. “Do a little shake!”
The two dissolved into a fit of giggling turned to embrace each-other. Ignoring any idea of formality, the little unicorn was nearly bouncing with joy as she spoke, the words tumbling from her mouth in a torrent of bubbly happiness.
“Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh, Cadence!” Twilight babbled excitedly. “It's happening! It's really happening!”
“I know!" The Princess forgave herself a little squeal of excitement. "I can't wait either!” Her eyes drifting skywards as she imagined the day itself. “It'll be so amazing... I just know it will be!”
“I heard from Pinkie Pie about how many hoops that you've made my poor brother jump through for the ceremony!” Twilight grinned. “I hope my B.B.B.F.F is alright.”
“He's fine,” Cadence said, smiling and rolling her eyes. “In fact, he's probably more stressed than I am. Most of the decorations were organised by him, after all.”
“Yeah,” the little unicorn giggled in agreement. “You know he's like that, though. And think of this – we get to be sisters, too!”
Cadence, who had admittedly had other things on her mind, suddenly remembered that she was talking to her future sister in law, and turned a slight shade of rose.
“So, I guess that means we're going to be related for real, huh?” She said, slipping a hoof into her bag and passing the invitation to Twilight very carefully.
Sitting down, the element of magic slid a thin blade of magic along the edge of the pink paper envelope, removing the precious invitation. “I know! Won't it be amazing!? We'll be able to see eachother all the time, and... you know, not just when we need to save the world.” She glanced down at the letter. “Wow, these look great! I just think I might frame it-yow!”
Cadence's happy laugh died on her lips as the little unicorn blinked, frowning at the paper. She sighed once again.
“Well, I guess it was bound to happen,” Cadence said, peering at the envelope glumly.
“Princess,” Twilight said slowly, her big purple eyes widening as the cogs in her head turned. “Are you having magical overload?”
“...Yes,” she replied, feeling awfully silly. “I think I'm just a little worn out from all these preparations I've been doing. Whether or not I'm giving these letters out by my magic, I just keep shocking everypony! After this, I'm going to go home and have a nice rest, just in case. I don't want to start getting sick now, do I?”
Twilight, whose face had experienced a whole variety of emotions in the space of a few seconds – hurt, worry, concern and then satisfaction – assumed its naturally happy look.
“Well, that's good,” she said, levitating the card open. “It'd be just awful If you got sick before your–”
Twilight stopped mid-sentence.
Cadence, who was still smiling, continued waiting for a few seconds for Twilight to resume speaking. When she didn't, the smallest of frowns creased her cheeks, and she tilted her head forward slightly.
“Uhh... Twilight?” she inquired.
“–wedding,” Twilight resumed suddenly, making Cadence jump. “It just wouldn't be as special, and you'd feel so yukky.” The unicorn shuddered, and continued. “Why, if you got really sick, you might even have to re-organise the whole thing! Wouldn't that be horrible?”
Cadence stared blankly at Twilight, mouth half-open in an unspoken question.
“Uhh... Twilight, are you feeling alright?”
The little mare's perky smile faded a little bit.
“Yes, I'm fine, Cadence. Why, what's the matter?” she suddenly sounded worried. “Do I look pale?”
“No, no, it's just –”
Cadence paused, sniffing the air. No sooner had she done so than a blindingly bitterscent hit her olfactory senses with all the force of a charging buffalo, and she burst into a fit of coughing, waving a hoof in front of her nose.
“O-ho my sta-ha-hars!” She gagged, alternating between speaking and choking. “What in Equestria is that smell?”
The unicorn frowned at her, and blinked.
“Wait. You mean this?” Twilight waggled her tail a little bit, and the smell intensified. Cadence wretched.
“YES!” She gasped back. “THAT!”
Twilight Sparkle's mouth dropped open in incredulous disbelief. “Really, Cadence? You're the element of love. I'm surprised you don't recognise oestrous when you smell it.”
Cadence continued to cough and wipe the tears out of her eyes, while her brain processed the unicorn's patronising words. When it finally had, she stared at Twilight in dumb shock.
“I beg your pardon?” she said, totally lost.
“Oestrous,” Twilight repeated. “You know. Hormones secreted by the body that make you sexually receptive. It's spring, so it was going to happen sometime... I guess it's just now that I feel like... you know.” She tumbled both forehooves one over the other in her best attempt at miming roly-poly.
“I know what it is!” Cadence replied hurriedly. “I just... what? You weren't like this five minutes ago –”
And that's when it hit her.
Her magic.
As the element of love.
Overloading. Sparking onto other ponies.
Her jaw dropped.
“Yeeeeaah, exactly,” Twilight said, failing to see the lightbulb that had turned on in cadence's brain. “It can happen this way, you know, especially for unicorns. You can just be doing some magic, and then, hey! It's nookie time...” She gave a nervous, unsure laugh. “And, um, to be honest, I'd been considering just sitting in my library this cycle, reading it out like I always do, but... seeing as you're here, I was wondering...” she looked away in a very nonchalant manner for a moment, shifting her weight from hoof to hoof nervously. “Seeing as how you'd undoubtedly know a lot about this sort of thing... And, um, we're going to be family and all, so it wouldn't be weird... I thought maybe you'd like to... you know. Help a sister-in-law out?” At this, she looked back at cadence, cocked her head slightly and grinned hopefully.
Cadence blanched. “Are you saying what I think you're saying?”
“Yes!” the librarian said spiritedly, ignoring shame like it was a middle child. Cadence's eyes widened, and she whinnied in horror, staggering back and lashing out with a powerful shove of her telekinesis.
“GAAH! Get away!”
Twilight gasped and ducked. The bolt of pink arcane magic screeched overhead, slamming into the bookshelf behind her and fizzling into nothingness, with only one or two books falling from the shelf. After a few seconds of awkwardly hiding behind her forehoooves, Twilight peeked around, and, upon observing no damage, looked up at the Princess again with her best puppy-dog eyes.
“Woah, woah, Ca-dence!” she whined. “C'mon! I mean, can't we at least talk it over? It's totally normal for young mares to fantasize over their babysitters!”
Twilight's reasoning did not help. The Princess replied by emptying the contents of shelves A through L on her head. She then turned and fled from the library, bulling through the door so hard she sent some unfortunate soul on the other side of it sprawling into Twilight's garden.
The unfortunate Princess vanished from the library garden path with a loud crack.
