Rainbow Dash Writes a Clopfic...Poorly

by Hand-Made

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Other, Romance, Sex, Comedy, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 3430

Rainbow Dash: talented flyer, steadfastly loyal, and...closet erotic author? She's a creative soul at heart, and loves to write about her favorite pairing: you and herself. Shame that it's always at a fourth-grade level.

Rainbow Dash: talented flyer, steadfastly loyal, and...closet erotic author? She's a creative soul at heart, and loves to write about her favorite pairing: you and herself. Shame that its always at a fourth-grade level.

Poor Rainbow has had a not-so-little crush on you for awhile. Unfortunately, she can't seem to find her way out of the "friend" zone and into the "fuck" zone...or at least that is how she puts it. To alleviate this burning need, she's resorted to the lewdest of past times: writing erotic xenophilic literature. Although she fancies herself quite the Erna Hemingmare, it would probably be for the best if she kept her secret clopfics to herself...

Written on-the-fly to make you lovely folk laugh.

...and maybe a bit aroused, too. Why the hell not, after all?

Comments appreciated as always. Enjoy!

Published 2014-06-05 10:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-05 10:10:02 UTC

Hot Human x Mare Action!

"Man, did you seen that!? Daring Do was all like, 'POW! Take that, snake-demon!' and he was all, 'Hisss! Foiled again!', oh SUN that was awesome!" the mare's rose-petal eyes shone with unrestrained excitement.

"I know Rainbow Dash, I was there." you chuckled. The mare certainly liked her Daring Do, and of course, begged you endlessly to see the new film: 'Daring Do and the Attack from Snake-eye Swamp'.

"Yeah, yeah, but do you remember how cool it was when Daring Do-"

"Exploded from the cave, barely dodging Anni-conda's venom-spikes? Why yes, I've only saw it an hour ago."

"What?! It's already been that long? I already wanna see it again!" she did a miniature flying back-flip in the air.

"I think I've had enough Daring Do for one day." you mused as Dash's house began to appear on the horizon.

"Nah, can't get enough adventure!" she jabbed the air near your face with a forehoof. "Remember how it took forever for her to save her coltfriend though from the snake-pit? I'd never leave you hanging that long. I'd zip through that dungeon like lightning though the dirt."

"I think you mean, 'like lightning through a lightning rod' rather than dirt. Also...coltfriend?" you gave the blushing mare a sly grin.

"D-did I say something like that? 'Cuz I totally meant that in a plutonium way. Yeah. Friends. Bros. You and m-me."

"Platonic, Dash, and don't worry, I know what you mean. I'm just giving you a hard time. It's what bros do; you know that." you messed your hand though her mane, sending colorful strands into the mare's sight.

"Yeah. Best friends sometimes give each other a h-hard time..." she almost found herself letting loose a thin stream of mare-pre at the lewd implication. She nearly presented all over the grass before she managed to cross her hind legs and lift her mind from the gutter.

"You need to stop flying so much, Dash. It looks like you can barely focus on keeping yourself in the air today." you commented on her erratic bobbing and weaving. Regardless of Rainbow's tendency to overdo things, you certainly had a fun day grabbing some good grub and hitting the movies. Probably more fun than would have been had if you'd taken up Rarity's offer to model some clothes for her, and definitely more fun that if you'd agreed to help Twilight with organizing the library's "romantic literature" section. Blech.

"Looks like we've arrived at your little cloud mansion, huh? Mind telling me again how a weathermare is able to afford such fancy digs?"

"Hah, I'm too cool to not to live in a happenin' pad." Rainbow Dash tried to strike a pose, which was made far more difficult by the fact that she was still flying. You merely rolled your eyes at her lingo, and chalked it up to the mare's constant need to feel "radical". As the sun was setting, it was as good a time as any to finish up the day. You were getting tired after spending all day at work and then running around Ponyville with your bro the whole evening.

Rainbow Dash had a few other ideas on how she'd like to close the night. She was working up her nerves all day, even during the movie, to confess even a tiny bit of her feelings for you. With a nervous gulp, Rainbow broke the awkward silence underneath her could-house.

"So hey, wanna...u-uh..." Rainbow Dash stuttered. "You know, like, uh..."

'Come on, say it!'her mind shouted. 'Ask him into your house! Ask him out on a more-than-friends date! For fuck's sake, ask him anything!

"Uh....did you have a fuuuuun day?" the smile that was plastered over Rainbows face would have been hilarious to you if it didn't remind you of some serial-killer's grin.

"Uhhh....yeah?"

'What the fuck was that?! What the FUCK are you doing?! Get it together! He's gonna be your man, right? Act like it!' Rainbow Dash landed, taking a deep breath and puffing out her chest. Despite her best efforts, her wings remained quite stiff and nervous. She was fortunate that the meaning of such body language eluded you.

"You did? Cool. I did too. So then, you wanna get together again sometime, sine we had so much fun? Like, next week or something? But you know, like, uh..." her trademark confidence faltered once more; her tomboy voice fell to only a whisper.

'Say like a date. Say it's a DATE! For Celestia's sake, ask for a date!'

"Like on a weekend? Sure thing, bro. It's a date."

'IT'S A DATE!'

"I gotta get home though. I'm mad-tired after today. Besides, Rarity's been nagging me to help her and Sweetie out with some fru-fru clothes or something, so I'm supposed to meet up with her tomorrow. I gotta get some sleep for that. You know how she gets when she talks about fashion."

"Haha, yeah, mares sure can be dumb and annoying sometimes." Rainbow Dash let out an awkward laugh before realizing just how idiotic she sounded.

"Yeeeeahhh. Now you'd better get up to bed or something. You've been acting weird lately. I told you not to tire yourself out with flying everywhere we go."

'Then how am I supposed to impress you, huh?'

"Totally good advice. Gotta give these babies a rest." she mockingly kissed each wing. However, her mouth lingered a little longer than would be appropriate for normal bragging. Rainbow hoped you'd notice the delicate motions of her prehensile lips, lips that could do way more "cooler" things than simply curl and kiss. But when she looked back towards you, she drooped slightly when she saw you already walking away.

"Have a good one Rainbow Dash! I'll be sure to save next weekend's date." you waved in a friendly manner over your shoulder before heading in the direction of home and an empty bed.

"Uhhhhh y-yeah! You too!" Rainbow Dash waved back enthusiastically. Finally, when you were just out sight, she sprang into a full-soaring back flip with the help of a passing gust of wind; she rocketed towards her home.

"He said it was a date! It's like he read my mind! OhmygoshohmygoshohmyGOSH!" the fading sunlight trickled against her prismatic mane. The cool summer's air ruffled her overworked fathers. In the frame of it all, Rainbow Dash couldn't have been happier.

...especially since she willingly ignored the word "bro" you casually threw into next weeks' proposal.

'Gotta start somewhere. It's better than nothing, right?'

After a quick barrel roll, Rainbow Dash found her hooves planted in the soft cloudscape that was her Ponyville home. Yeah it was big, but clouds were cheap. Can't farm on vapor, after all. Besides, the space just meant that there was more than enough room for two. Rainbow giggled like a filly as she made her way upstairs, a quick trot turning into a full gallop. Her speed nearly spun Tank around 360 degrees before he could even greet her; he continued simply to chew on a spinach leaf from his food bowl. Even though you weren't there, she's had some extra-special plans for the end of her night. Reaching her bedroom, she dove underneath her mattress and pulled out a ratty old journal. Sure, it was some schoolyard throwaway from the orange filly that always interrupted her human-time, but it served its purpose well enough for her.

Sprinting to her desk, Rainbow Dash sat down and readied her pencil set. Slyly, she looked left and right, checking for any previously unseen force that could possibly observe her next actions. Taking her speed down a peg upon confirmation of her solitude, she reached for a nearby drawer. A hoof gingerly lifted up a small photo kept safe and hidden from the world. It was none other than a framed scene of you and Rainbow Dash on the first day you'd met, along with a rather obvious lipstick kiss mark. She gave a soft "squee" and set the prized possession under her desk light. It would prove to be an excellent source of inspiration, just as it has in the past. A separate hoof flipped open her masterpiece; it was almost complete. Tonight would see that the greatest romance-adventure ever written would get it's steamy conclusion. Quickly finding her "zone", Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and remembered the firm touch of your hand rubbing her coat. She felt her marehood wink once; she always felt that she wrote better when aroused. She cracked her neck once, and prepared to leave her deepest fantasies on the virgin paper waiting to be marked.

"Time to finish this thing."

~*~

"Oh yeah, Rainbow! Your so cool. Those Changelings didnt stand for a chance!!!" he was saying with his handsome human mouth.

"hahahahahaa, i could never leave my fianceh trapped in a changeling denn. Especailly so close to the weding day~

I winked with my eyes but wanted to wink hard with my clit. Damn he was SO HOT.

"Yeah, who knew that there were changelings that hunted for love but really wanted to eat sum love that was also romantic in a COOL SUPER-SWAG kinda way. I also canknot believe you escaped there trap AND saved me AND saved the princesses' AND saved the elements AND Spike The Dragon to AND that Celestia is gonna marry us!"

"Yeah, we'll, I am just TOO COOL to be stopped!!!!!" We lied on the bed in my house that was gonna be our house when we got married and he was Misses Married Rainbow Dashes sexy human.

"Uhhuh but are you two rad to practice again for the weding night???" he winked with some sparkly eyes. I totally knew what he meant, because i never miss a thing. He was horny as fuck! Especially after being trapped for forever and forced to resist bee-jays from some uggo changequeen. Shes such a lame-o. Good thing I kicked her carrap-ass into next lightyear!

"You think you can handle the Dash?!?" I grinned with a smile, unable to stop smiling and thinking of getting plowed by him AGAIN! Oh man it was gonna be so hot! Humans fuck forever and ever!

"Oh I can handle The Dash and then some." he lick his lips and tooked off his human clothes and pants that he only wore because he was a total teaze and every mare that saw his dick (especailly Rarity) would want to ride it forever but they couldnt because he was gonna be my sexy man forever instead. Even fillys like Sweety Bell and ApullBlum and Scooterloo wanted his super-thick-hot-cream-stuffing but there was no way i was letting some foal seduze my human.

He was rrreeeaaallllyyy slow at taking off his underpants pants (these are pants that humans wear under there pants) and it was driving me nuts!!! Good thing I know that all humans LOVE mares that squirt and wink. But i do even more than just those things!

*Horse noises!!!*

i winnie'd and squirted a bunch and snorted some HOT AIR into his sexy face! Oh man did he love it! His underpants pants zipped off faster than a lightning through a lightning rod (because a lightning though dirt would be dumb and not work) and wow did I like what I see! Outta his strong, monky-but-not-really-a-monky-like legs sprung his HOT HUMAN COCK!!! Youve ever seen a cock like a human then you would know it 'cuz was really big but not super huge, you know like the kind of BIG that was like DAMN but not the huge that was like "no thanks".

"Oh man thats hot!" my wingz, them thingz, were hard as blingz and I wanted to show it.

With a salty smile i wiggled my hips like he likes it and it makes his dick twitchy. I pushed him down onto the bed but not because I want to hurt him but cuz i really wanna have some hot sex with him! He could hardly resist The Dash and his strong man-fingers digged into my but. That was really hot because one day i was gonna ask him to have sex with my buthole but only if he wanted to, but wanted to surprize him so i kept it a secret.

"I wanna do it right NOW!" he grrrrrowls really mascutline and pulls me down near his big cock.

'Lets do it then, my lover because its been way to long sence Ive been stuffed with you're cum!!!' my brain shouted at me.

"Saddle up, stud!!!" then I slammed my hips down and took his awesome huge but not to huge cock into me and I moand really loud. So did he. I felt sooooooo good! It was a million bazillion times better than even winning a race and you know how awesome that is. But I know a secret about humans. Wanna know it? Humans totally love the smell of mares in estrus!!! Why? I dont know but all men get soooooo hard when they sea a mare winking fore them and makes them go all "unf!!!" and wanna fuck all day!

...................................thats the REAL secret, because humans totally can!!!!!!

I take every advantage of it and ride and ride and ride and ride him like he is gonna be my last fuck forever. He was thrusting up and in and out and forwards and down and was driving me insane!

"Ohhhhh Dash uh uh uh uh yeah you feel so uh good uh uh!!!!" he sounds really sexy when he's working those human muscles~

"Yeah! Uh uh uh uh uh come and take some DASH, stud uh uh uh uh uh" I love the feeling of him pounding me raw and hard like a mare whos been naughty and just needs a pounding and some cum!!! Suddenly-..............uhoh!

"Horse noises!!!"

I winny'd and cum so hard that it squirted out almost as fast as I could fly which meant that I was way to horny and he was pounding me way to good!!! I shooked and shooked but was never shooken to much cuz I always keep my cool because I AM THE DASH!

"UGGHHGG Dash you are so fucking sexy!!!" he loved the smell and feel of marecum and smelled the hormones in it that drove all human males wild.

"Yeah I totally am but you are to so were both sexy! Let's FUCK!!!"

Didnt need too tell him two times. He does some hot thrusting and I get to keep feeling is awesome shape cock pound me more! But I did NOT let him off so easy! I want to get knocked-up!

"I have to fuck fast and HIPS TOO SLOW!!!" I winked with my eyes but also my clitty for my sexy man.

Then I started.

"UnfunfunfunfUnfunfunfunfUnfunfunfunfUnfunfunfunfUnfunfunfunfUnfunfunfunfUnfunfunfunf!!!!!!!" Celestia! I was so fast, grip and twist and grabbing him with my soaking wet mare pussy and my hips moved way faster than his. Little did he know how super-mega-HORNY I was that night!

"DDDAAAASSSSHHH!!!!" he shouts! "DDDAAASSHHHH!!!"

"Yeah! UnfunfunfunfUnfunfunfunf Say my name you sexy human!!!! UnfunfunfunfUnfunfunfunf" I am relentless! Still he did not cum though and suddenly...gasp! oh no!!!

"Loud horse noises!!!"

I creamed all over his sexy monky-but-also-not-monky legs and hot human abz! His mega-awesome cock just got upgraded to ULTRA-cock status! He had not given me what was mine but he would ohhhh you bet he would and it would fill me everywhere! I know he is close after fucking such a hot mare like me. After all i was hotter than a white unicorn (even if it was a filly) and cuter than a shy pegasus because i was fucking him and not them.

"Ohhhh Dash you are way hotter than a white unicorn (even if it was a filly) and cuter than a shy pegasus!"

Heh. Knew it.

So we fuck and fuck and fuck and oh shit is he still so biggggg! I am panting and kinda wanna taste his cum but i wanna have him errupt inside my tight pussy so i just leave it in. He grunts and groans and shouts how much he loves fast fucking that only The Dash could give him. Damn his wordsre gonna make me cum again!!! Is that even fair?!?!?!

"You ready for some hot human cum my sexy sexy fianceh?" he snarrled like a beast and i love it! Then I feel him twitching and his big dick became even biggerer and it was now huge but it didn't matter cuz i was loosed up from the hot fucking!

"Yeah stud!!! You gonna cum in The Dash?!?" i grined like a champion cuz thats what he makes me feel like but i dont say any of that sapy shit because it would be LAME so i just keep it in my brain. My wingz are hard as day old bred and needed to get bread! "Cum in me and fill me up like a stud. I know you been waiting all pent up after so long youre cock is so hard ohhhhh fuck i bet it is so full of cum!!!"

"TAKE IT!!!!!"

"SUPER LOUD HORSE NOISES!!!!!"

He crams me like a fat horse crams into a tiny tiny dress and i am flooding! Ohhh man, am i ready to be a mommy who knows as long as my stud is here and keeps filling me with cum i am READY!

Uh-OH!

I cum again and again and again while he cums and we make a huge cum mess all over my (our) bed! He made some hot human noises that sends me realing like a fish on a real. Fuck...........why are humans SO FUCKING HOT?!?!?!?

After he spurts his hot thick ultra hot cum I collapse like a falling pony onto him and his strong human chest holds me up.

"pantpantpantpant That was pantpantpantpant SO HOT pantpantpantpant"

"pantpantpantpant I know pantpantpantpant"

"pantpantpantpant We are the best couple EVER even better than anyone else! pantpantpantpant"

"pantpantpantpant TOTALLY!!! pantpantpantpant"

We callmed down.

"Wow I cannot wait when we are marreid then what will THAT be like?!?" he was so sexy but kinda cute but only in a non-lame way when he was lieing in my (our) bed.

"Its gonna be SO AWESOME!!!" and i kiss him on his soft but not to soft human lips. They were also really good at kissing.

"Yeah. I agree." he hugs me tight and my wings finally lays flat along my spine and back because i just came so damn much.

He holds me and hugs me and starts saying some really sapy stuff but I just nod and agree because i am cool like that and agree with it anyways but he can say it because he just came SO MUCH CUM. Ohhhh fuck it was hot and kinda romantic cuz i know how HARD i can make my man cum in side my hot and needy slit. It was alright though and their was a calm room around us when suddenly i say:

"I love you."

and he said:

"I love you to Rainbow Dash."

and with a special promice that wasnt cheezy OR lame so don't think it was we feel a sleep in the embraze of one another.

..........and it was awesome.

~*~

Rainbow Dash set her pencil down and stretched her neck. It had been a long few hours, but every moment was worth it in order to finish her masterpiece. The mare huffed, not settling to simply stretch seated, and stood in order to give her form the space it needed. The moment she splayed herself forward, a large stream of mare-pre spattered from her nethers and was quickly absorbed within the cloud below.

'Oh well. I'll rain it out tomorrow.' she shook her hips, feeling the cool sensation of the air teasing her needy marehood. With a sigh, she knew that she'd be needing to get off. It was simply inpony to expect herself to sit for so long, so aroused, and not do anything about it.

Her lidded eyes floated to the picture of you with your arm around her. A slight smile curled the corner of her lips; her wings rustled once. Reaching out and taking the journal from atop the desk, Rainbow Dash deduced that she had the perfect tool with witch to alleviate her suffering. With a "pomf", she landed amongst her pillowy cloud-bed, flipping to the beginning as a hoof trailed towards her burning sex.

'Chapter One: The Coolest Mare in Equestria Meets the Hottest Human Alive....'