Applejack must never get new hats... NEVER!...
View Online
Applejack gets a new hat...
Applejack must never get new hats... NEVER!...
Author's Note
[INSERT WITTY COMMENT ABOUT THIS STORY HERE AS AUTHOR'S NOTE] In all seriousness, if the creator of "Oh no, my milkshakes!" Reads this, I hope you don't mind the reference, and if you do, I'd happily take it out.
Applejack must never get new hats... NEVER!...
It was a warm day in Ponyville, the sun was shining in a way that an anvil most definitely wouldn't.
The sign for the hat store shone bright, it said Hat Store exactly the way a shoe store sign wouldn't.
As Applejack walked in the store, she noticed a peculiar number of hats, and a pony in the back, selling hats... What was this strange new place she had found? I'm gonna guess a hat store.
"Uhh... Hello?" Inquired Applejack, looking for a hat, which many assumed was NOT like a pie. Boy, where they wrong. At any rate, why do you care about her looking for a pie?! Why are you reading this story about multicolored ponies going on adventures in Equestria!?
"BECAUSE SCIENCE!" Screamed the pony at the counter.
Is was then that the fourth wall screamed in pain, because the fourth wall is sentient... And can scream. C'mon, everybody knows this, you idiot!
"Uhh, what did y'all just say?" Asked Applejack
"Nothing"
"But Ah heard y'all- "
"Do you want a hat, or what?!"
"Uh, yeah, Ah came for a new hat, this one's broken" Applejack pointed to a hole in her hat
"Oh my Celestia... I'm sorry! I didn't know you were in such a terrible situation!"
"Whaaa?"
"Nevermind"
The pony at the counter handed (Hooved?) Applejack a hat, identical to her old one, but without a hole.
It had a lovely lack of holes, in the exact way a bowling ball doesn't.
"How much is a hat?" Asked Applejack
"For someone in such a bad situation with hats, like you, it's free..."
It was then, that the stallion at the counter, who never cried in his life, wiped away a tear. After seeing a hat like that, a little part of him died...
"Thanks," said Applejack
Applejack walked out of the store, waving goodbye.
***********
"Um, Applejack, two questions, one: Why did you bring us here? And two: Why aren't you wearing your hat?" Asked Twilight
"Well, it's simple, Twilight, Ah got a new hat-"
"WHAT?!" Screamed Pinkie Pie, "That hat held so much memories..."
"Well, it's broken," Replied Applejack
"You mean it got ripped?" Asked Twilight
"Uhh, Twilight?" Asked Rainbow Dash, "Hats don't work out..."
Twilight facehooved
"Anyway, Ah wanted y'all to see it, as I put it on"
"Because that's not weird..." Replied Rainbow Dash
Applejack held the hat, slowly moving it closer, closer, to the head of the apple-crazy pony. The hat looked like it was about to be put on somepony's head, like a hat should, yep, peer pressure molded this hat into some hat who just does what other hats do.
She finally stopped, she accomplished her mission, she was wearing the hat.
IT HAS BEGUN!
All of a sudden, a vortex appeared right in Sweet Apple Acres, and a giant robot jumped out, in a way most non-giant robots wouldn't.
"Thou shouldn't hath replaced thou hat!" The robot screamed, "Prepare for battle!"
All of a sudden, the world became pixelated, as a familiar song appeared in the background... The mystery dungeon song!
And then a Mudkip appeared behind her
IT HAS DOUBLE BEGUN!
Mudkip used ANNOY!
"Yo dawg I heard you liek mudkipz, Yo dawg I heard you liek mudkipz, Yo dawg I heard you liek mudkipz, Yo dawg I heard you liek mudkipz, " Repeated the Mudkip. This continued for four minutes
"Why is this working like that polkapony game?!" Asked Applejack
"It's pokemon!" Screamed Button Mash in the distance
"STOP RIPPING ME OFF!" Said Rarity, in the background, drinking a milkshake
"Ok!" Replied Twilight
It was then that the Mudkip disappeared, and Applejack wore a Spiderman suit, as a symbiotic substance wrapped the robot as it became venom
Applejack swung around the barn, getting faster and faster, and with her being Spiderpony in a video-game style world, the webs are screwed up, so she wouldn't get tangled. She then swung and kicked the robot, and it exploded
It was then, that the hat, exploded, with the robot.
"What was the point of this!?" The fourth wall screamed.
But nopony liked the fourth wall.
**************************
As everypony walked to the library, they started having a conversation, like most ponies would, and most monkeys wouldn't
MONKEYS WILL NEVER CONVERSE WITH PONIES, THE DREAM YOU NEVER KNEW YOU HAD HAS BEEN CRUSHED!
"Applejack?" Asked Twilight?
"Yeah?"
"How come you're wearing a hat just like the one that exploded not two minutes ago?"
"Pinkie went and got another one, as it turns out, the pony at the counter was a demon, who dedicated his life to hats, and making them create vortexes which in turn, would create robots, forcing people to rip-off fanfics, and then video game franchises"
"Uh-huh..."
"Yep! That was aaaaaaaall me! Feel free to bask in my glory!" Said Pinkie Pie, who apparently defeated the demon hat-salesman
The paparazzi that seemed to appear out of nothingness took multiple pictures of Pinkie Pie, and then put them on posters for newspapers, which had pictures of posters advertising Applejack's hats ashes on eBay. *Sigh* The things ponies will sell these days...
*******************
Spiderman walked to the barn, looking at the webs on it
"Somepony ripped my game off, and somepony must pay..."
Spiderman then walked off, into his secret lair, on the Moon, underwater, in Space, to make plans for his revenge! In Space!
What's the moral of this story, I hear you ask? Don't ever. EVER, replace your old hat. I'm being serious here, robots will kill your families!
THE END (Question mark?)
