How strong could they possibly be?
Shao Kahn darkly laughed to himself. The sorcerer Quan Chi had come to him, telling him tales of the new world he had discovered, this... what did he call it again? 'Ponyrealm'? Even its name sounded weak. As Shao Kahn rose from his skull-encrusted throne, he summoned his hammer to him, propping it over his shoulder. Casting his hand forward, he declared in a booming voice:
"Open the portal! This 'Ponyrealm' shall fall before the day is out!" Ugh, just saying the name of the place left a bad taste in his mouth.
Quan Chi worked quickly, tearing open a swirling gateway suspended in the air. With visions of brutality and conquest in his head, Shao Kahn marched through the portal.
~~~Mistake 1: Celestia~~~
It had really been SUCH a boring day thus far in the Day Court. Celestia loved her little ponies, but it sometimes seemed like they would walk head-first into walls if she wasn't there to tell them to turn. Of course, having a few thousand years of life experience tends to have the side effect of leaving most ordinary problems seeming quite obvious and mundane. She forced herself to keep her benevolent smile up as she calmly settled yet another minor land dispute, wondering to herself if it would be wrong to just inch the sun forward a little bit to make the court end sooner. Just as she was preparing to nudge it a little bit, a swirling rift appeared about ten feet up in the air, a short distance in front of her throne. Her eyes widened a few fractions of an inch, and a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. Oh good, she thought, a diversion!
Of all the things she had expected to see come out of the rift, a massively muscled, barely clothed, skull-headed creature that looked like a shaved minotaur wasn't one of them. She had to stifle a laugh as she saw it, to her eyes it looked genuinely quite silly, like a Nightmare Night costume gone wrong. When it opened its mouth to speak, she was a bit surprised at how deep its voice was— at least it seemed to speak common Equuish.
"Puny creatures! FEEL THE WRATH OF SHAO KAHN!" With a mighty heave, he lobbed his massive warhammer directly towards Celestia's head.
It made it about two feet from his hands before it was enveloped in a golden glow and gently lowered to the floor. Celestia, horn glowing, looked at him as though she was scolding a child.
"No throwing things indoors, especially while court is in session. Also, inside voice please, if you're going to act like a child then I WILL treat you like a child." In response, Shao Kahn gritted his teeth. With a bellowing roar, he reared back, green energy coalescing around his raised hand and taking the shape of a spear. With form that would shame an olympic athlete, he threw the energy spear directly towards the solar throne. Unlike the hammer, no golden glow surrounded it, as it soared true towards Celestia's face.
It dissolved in a shower of rainbow-coloured sparkles about an inch before it hit her. Celestia shook her head. He's got plenty of power, but no technique. Twilight would have a fit.
"I DID warn you. I'm putting you in time-out." No sooner had Shao Kahn started charging towards her than he suddenly found himself inside a surprisingly solid bubble of golden energy. It floated upwards, carrying him with it, coming to rest about fifteen feet in the air.
"Now you can stay there until the Day Court is done, young man. Take this time to sit down and think about how you acted." Making sure that her enchantment would hold, Celestia turned her attention back towards her terrified petitioners.
"My little ponies, please, think no more of it. Now come, what problems did you have that I might help you with?"
~~~
It was unacceptable. Absolutely unacceptable. As he thrashed against his golden prison, Shao Kahn mentally went over what had happened, and could only find one reasonable explanation: he had been caught off-guard. He hadn't expected to run into such a powerful magic user, but now that he knew what he was up against he was certain that he could defeat her. First though, he needed to break free of his prison. Pushing himself around, he planted his hands against the roof of the small bubble, his stance planting his feet far apart across the bottom. Straining his powerful muscles, he began to feel the bubble give. He gritted his teeth, and was dimly aware that some of the small pony-things below were watching him in fear. Good. Let them be afraid. With a loud roar (that was completely muffled to any observers by the bubble) he gave a final mighty push, and felt the bubble shatter like glass—
Only for another identical bubble to immediately reform around him, and shrink down to slightly smaller than the first one had been. Scowling as he panted for breath, he glared daggers down at the horse-queen that had imprisoned him. She responded with the barest hint of a smirk. Her horn glowed, and for a moment he could hear her speaking into his mind.
I wouldn't do that if I were you. The bubble will shrink a bit every time you break it, and I think you'll find it will be much more comfortable if you simply relax and sit down.
With an incoherent and completely muffled scream of rage, Shao Kahn once again began trying to force his way out. Celestia let out a sigh at his antics. He's going to get very uncomfortable very quickly if he keeps this up.
~~~
Day court had finally ended, and once all the petitioners had filed out, Celestia floated down the golden orb containing her guest. While the orb had started as large enough to relax in fairly comfortably, it was now so small and compact that the creature inside had been forced into a staggeringly uncomfortable looking fetal position, pretty much incapable of movement. Floating her guest in front of her, Celestia's expression once again became that of a scolding mother.
"Now, I hope you've learned your lesson. It's awfully impolite to come into somepony else's house and start yelling and throwing things. Now blink once if, when I let you out, you'll behave yourself, and blink twice if you'll just be rude again."
Never before and never since had so much malice gone into blinking twice. Celestia sighed.
"I'm afraid you are not welcome here then. If you eventually choose to behave yourself, you may return. Until then, I will return you to where you came from." Feeling around in the air with her magic, she found the faint tracery left by the gate spell that had initially dropped him in front of her. Channelling a small amount of the power of the sun, she pried it open and tossed the golden orb through, like a piece of popcorn being flicked into a mouth. The gate snapped shut immediately afterwards. Celestia just smiled and shook her head.
"Children."
~~~
The golden orb had shattered as soon as Shao Kahn had passed through the portal, and he found himself sprawled on the ground of his throne room. Pulling himself to his feet and having a stretch, he looked over to see Quan Chi curled up on the ground, clutching his head in obvious pain. Shao Kahn scowled.
"Get up sorcerer, I need you to open another portal."
Quan Chi, seeming to have passed the worst of whatever was ailing him, slowly struggled to his feet.
"A-another one? After what just happened? I do not know what force you angered there, warlord, but I felt its mind as it tore open the gate you had entered by. It was like brushing the minds of one of the Elder Gods themselves! This world is not worth invoking the anger of such a guardian! Stop now, before—" He was cut off mid-sentence as Shao Kahn smacked him.
"That creature is no Elder God! She is weak but caught me off guard! Now, open another portal before I tear your cowardly heart out of your chest!" Quan Chi's face twitched in irritation.
"Fine, but let the consequences be on your own head. If you bring ruination to Outworld through this silly diversion of yours, Netherrealm will not stand at your side." Angry, he began opening a new portal. "This should take you to a smaller settlement, one that will be easier to claim. Try not to invoke the wrath of any greater deities this time." Growling at him, Shao Kahn walked through the portal, the gateway closing after him.
Quan Chi turned away to go sit down, when another splitting migraine carved into his head as he felt his original portal reopen. The portal was still opaque, and it was impossible to see what was on the other side, but through his pain he could hear a woman's voice.
"Almost forgot to give this back, sorry about that! Toodles!" And out of the portal arced Shao Kahn's warhammer, on a collision course for Quan Chi's face. If his skin wasn't already bone white, he would have paled. Oh crap.
~~~Mistake 2: Applejack~~~
Applejack had NOT been having a good day. The wagon she had been pulling to market had busted a wheel and they'd lost a lot of apples as a result, Applebloom had discovered that the barn had a slight leak in the roof directly over the hay so a lot of it was mouldy and useless, and the newly revised weather schedule she had gotten indicated that it was going to be a mighty dry season for the farm, despite everything Rainbow had tried to do to get more water allotted to the region. The last thing she needed to see was some big galoot making a mess around the farm. A pity, then, that that's exactly what she found upon returning from the market. Squinting at first to make sure she wasn't seeing things, she realized that no, that WAS some weird two-legged creature stomping around through the trees, directly away from...
Oh HAY no.
He was coming from the Crusader's Clubhouse, or what was left of it. It looked like it had been smashed apart with a wrecking ball. Applejack knew that the Crusaders were still at Rarity's so they weren't in danger, but the fillies had worked really hard on fixing up the old tree fort! Unhitching herself from the cart, she stormed over to give the stranger a piece of her mind.
"Now listen here ya big lug! Whaddya think you're doin', going around and smashing up things like you own the place? The fillies who built that are gonna be real disappointed when they get home! I've half a mind to buck you into next week!" Not noticing the confident chuckle of the stranger, she stormed right up to him. Sure, he was a LOT taller than she was, but she didn't let that slow her down. "Now just because you're all big and strong, that doesn't mean you can go do whatever you like. You're gonna stay here, you're gonna apologize to those little fillies when they get back, and you can be darned sure you're gonna help them rebuild that clubhouse!" She glared up at him. "Do I make myself clear?"
To Shao Kahn, this seemed to be as good a time as any to see what colour pony blood was. He didn't have his hammer with him, but he could still summon his spears. Materializing one in the air, he roared as he swung it sideways, intending to simply club the small pony in the side of her body with the haft. It would have worked too, if she hadn't suddenly jumped over it. She suddenly looked a LOT angrier.
"That there was a mistake, sugarcube. You're lookin' at a former rodeo champion, and one who's had a really buckin' crummy day." Spinning around, the small orange pony raised both her back legs, and with a shocking amount of speed planted them right in his gut.
Shao Kahn had gotten hit with a lot of things in his life. He'd been punched by movie stars, shaolin monks, more ninjas than he could keep track of, robot ninjas, robot-armed soldiers, and more. To say that this little orange pony put most of those to shame was high praise indeed— he was pretty sure she had actually cracked a rib or two. When he finally recovered from having the wind knocked out of him, Shao Kahn could see that he was lying in a small furrow of dirt that had formed when he had apparently been flung back by the kick. Standing over him, the little creature looked ready to go a couple more rounds with him.
"Now are you gonna do the smart thing and fix what you did, or am I gonna need to really get rough? And let me tell you right now, next time?" She leaned in close enough that he could smell the apples on her breath. "Next time, I'm not gonna pull my kicks."
For the first time that he could remember, Shao Kahn was actually a little frightened. The pony seemed to pick up on this, standing back up.
"That's what I thought. You can start by carrying over the some of the spare lumber we keep behind the barn, and clearing away the stuff you broke. It can go into the burn pile we're putting together in the east field. When the fillies get back you're gonna apologize to 'em and explain what you did, and then you're gonna spend the rest of the day helping them rebuild their fort. You got that?" Partly still intimidated, partly shocked that any creature would talk to him like that, Shao Kahn found himself nodding along.
"Good. I'll be working one of the nearby parts of the orchard, so I'm gonna be keepin' an eye on you. Now you best get to hauling lumber." Not entirely sure what just happened, Shao Kahn stumbled towards the barn, clutching his still surprisingly painful stomach where he had been kicked.
~~~
When the portal opened once more into Shao Kahn's throne room, the man that stumbled through looked out of breath, tired, and had an oddly large amount of pink paint on his hands. He kicked the still unconscious form of Quan Chi as he walked past, grabbing his hammer and dragging it along as he passed. He collapsed onto his throne as the sorcerer awoke with a groan, rubbing his face and wincing as he touched the massive bruise where the hammer had connected.
"I'm going to catch my breath, and then you're going to open another portal." Still only half-awake, Quan Chi turned to look at the warlord as though he had grown a second head.
"Are you mad? Abandon this foolish pursuit before you waste any more of your time on it, or draw the full attention of yet another realm! Have your failures in Earthrealm taught you nothing? You have been outclassed in this Ponyrealm more than you ever were with Earthrealm! No matter how this new place appears, it is NOT Edenia, it will not fall as easily!" Shao Kahn once again growled at him.
"Leave then if you wish coward, but open the portal before you do. Wars are not won by those who run and hide, and the meek will never be conquerors." Pulling himself to his feet, he steeled his gaze. "Open it."
Quan Chi muttered curses under his breath. "Fine, but this is the last one. I will have no further part of this foolishness." Again, the sorcerer tore open the veil between realms. "This one will deposit you in... well, basically the middle of nowhere. Try not to get beaten up by something half your size this time."
Shao Kahn took a few steps towards the portal. Gritting his teeth, he raised his warhammer above his head, shouted out a warcry and charged through. The portal closed instantly afterwards, but Quan Chi was already storming out of the throne room.
"Muscle-bound idiot."
~~~Final Mistake: Maud Pie~~~
The portal opened above a desolate expanse of dirt and rocks, and no sooner had Shao Kahn come roaring out of the portal than he tripped on a particularly hefty chunk of granite. Groaning a bit (that had NOT felt good on his ribs after what the orange one did) he pulled himself back up and spat out a mouthful of dirt as he looked around. Huh, he really WAS in the middle of nowhere. There was a house over that way by the looks of things, and he started to make his way towards it over the plentiful and oddly-aligned rocks. He got partway there before jumping, surprised by a monotone voice coming from a grey pony he had mistaken for another stone.
"Don't step on the rocks."
Looking down, he was met with an almost overpoweringly neutral expression. He sneered at the small creature before kicking one of the nearby stones. The pony's only response was a languid blink.
"Don't kick the rocks. They're still growing, just don't touch them."
At this point, Shao Kahn was honestly wondering what it would take to provoke some sort of a response from the little creature. Swinging his warhammer, he brought it down on a stone, crushing it to dust. With a vicious smile, he looked back to the pony. She was staring at what had once been the rock, but still had no expression on her face or in her voice.
"You should leave." Shao Kahn just laughed.
"And who's going to make me? You? Don't make me laugh!" The pony sat back on her haunches, and with a relaxed motion brought up her forehooves, cracking them against each other like a fighter cracking their knuckles. She looked up and stared him in the eyes, her face still utterly void of expression.
"Let's rock."
~~~
The portal to the throne room guttered into existence again, and through it crawled Shao Kahn. He looked like he'd been run over by a few trucks, possibly a couple of stampedes in there as well. His mask was shattered, and he couldn't feel his legs. He dragged himself towards his throne, hauling himself up on it and pulling off a piece of paper that had been left there. Settling into it with a pained wheeze, he looked down at the piece of paper, not recognizing the flourishy cursive writing:
I have heard from some of my subjects that you have been causing some trouble around Equestria. I'm dissappointed in you, I thought I had made it clear how you should be behaving. I will be coming over in a week's time to discuss your recent behaviour with your parent or other guardian figure. I hope that in the future such unpleasantness can be avoided.
Her Serene Highness
Princess Celestia
xoxo
Shao Kahn groaned.
Author's Note
"Shao Kahn, what are you doing? You can't conquer all those realms!"
"FUCK YOU I CAN'T CONQUER ALL THESE REALMS!"
