Wanted: Pipsqueak The Pirate, Dead or Alive

by Eclipse LunarSol

Rating: mature
Tags: Babs Seed, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Romance, Silver Spoon, Comedy, Pipsqueak, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Tragedy, Gore
Length: 4251

Pipsqueak is a wanted pirate for treason and piracy with a large bounty on his head. Silver Spoon's family isn't raking in enough cash lately to pay their taxes. What's a mare to do?

Set in an alternate universe where Silver Spoon does not relish in teasing ponies and is grown up-thus more mature-is desperate for ideas on how to earn more money for her family. While walking through town after another failed attempt to earn money, she comes across a wanted paper for Pipsqueak the pirate. Laying eyes in the reward and the requirements, she makes up her mind.

Alive or dead, Silver Spoon is going to capture Pipsqueak the pirate and collect the reward to save her family from bankruptcy.

I don't own the coverart and I never will. Pretend Slice of Life is in the category tag spot.

Published 2014-05-31 16:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-02 04:55:26 UTC

Day 1: The Flyer

Familiar grey, freshly washed and filed hooves that shone like diamonds, cantered on the floorboards of her great-grandfather's mansion. Each step emitting a clicking rhythm echoed throughout the near empty hallway. Silver Spoon passed by the large medieval knights armor, the odd guard pony with a stone cold expression that could make a foal piss himself on the spot, and expensive not-needed portraits of the family bloodline that seemed to follow her with their nonexistent eyes.

The large corridor's twists and turns seemed to go on forever until finally, Silver Spoon arrived at her destination; her father's study. Raising a hoof to knock on the polished oak doors, Silver Spoon fished out the letter she had found in the mailbox.

"Who's there?" Her father's deep voice made their way out of the closed doors.

"It's me, papa! I have something to discuss with you."

"Well, then come on in Silvy!"

The doors creaked as she pushed the open with a hoof. Her father sat back -hindlegs criss-crossed over the top- in his tight leather office chair. The interior of the study was a cliched one, but still quite impressive. Large, intimidating bookcases well over 7-feet tall were filled to the brim with old books and encyclopedias that anypony had to wonder, how exactly did the shelves that held them in their woody embrace not break under the combined weight of paper, glue, and leather covers?

His desk lay on a perfect circle carpet with splashes of brown, caramel, and dark chocolate in a hypnotic pattern on it's plush surface. Like the rest of the floor in the mansion, it was a freshly waxed, spice brown wooden floor.

Regardless of the description, even a pony who needed glasses and/or was near blind could tell it had an extraordinary interior. His lit up his collector's limited edition Sherclop Stables pipe and readjusted his spectacles."Tell me, my dear Silvy. What did you need to speak to me about?"

"Well, I was getting the mail today as usual as you requested me to, and I was flipping through it when I noticed this. It looked like I should show it to you urgently." Silver Spoon brought out the letter from earlier and placed it in front of her father.

Dear Silver Tray III,

It has come to our attention that you haven't been paying your taxes, as you are requested by Equestrian law. We have looked into your bank records and have noticed you are short on the money you need to send to us. We are sorry to say that if you do not mail the money we need from you, we will have to evict you from your home that we are aware your father's father built up from the ground with his own four hooves. This will not be easy for us, as Equestria is supposed to be a land of happiness and harmony, but this is what it will have to come to if you do not comeplete what we kindly request within the following year.

Sincerely,

The Tax Collectors of Ponyville

*Plink* Silver Spoon looked up at her father. New tiny drops of tears slowly dropped onto the expensive desk from the tip of his grey muzzle."Papa? I-is everything alright? If I can help I would do anyth-"

"No, no. It's quite alright Silvy. W-were just. . . . . . .were just falling behind without our main resource selling as much as it used to. Nopony seems to need silver anymore. We don't have as much money that's been flowing in the last 12 generations of our family and with gold and diamonds on the rise, we just can't compete. You can try whatever you can Silvy, but. . . .I think we might have to move away from Ponyville to start a new life. You did always say you wanted to live in Canterlot or Manehattan one day." She silently nodded, letting the feeling sink in for a few moments, then left the study leaving her father to cry.

1 Month Later

Great. . .Another useless attempt at earning money failed. A rock went flying again as Silver Spoon nocked it off the dirt road, only landing a few hooves away. The past month had been dreadful. The reputation of the Silver family had gone down, as word got out they were going to be evicted from their home and have to move out of the 3 generation old mansion.

Money was slowly flowing down the drain like an over-sized sand timer. Even though friends of the family attempted to give giants amount of help, and offerings of money came in from close relatives plus the Rich family, her father wouldn't accept their favors. He didn't want to trouble anypony, no matter the situation they were in.

"Oof!"

Silver Spoon quickly gathered her senses."S-so sorry!"

The pony she bumped into hissed and muttered something to themselves. Coffee soon found it's way to wetting her hooves, along with the cup bumping into it."Quite alright. I wasn't paying attention at all. Don't worry so much either." Before Silver Spoon could say something to the pony(Who she noticed had an accent) they held up a hoof to stop her from speaking.

"If you're going to ask how I know you worry to much, the way you apologized said it all. No pun intended. If you were going to say 'But it was my fault!' it was both our faults. Neither of us were paying attention so we both bumped into each other. It's simply cause and effect."

The pony, now that she had a good look at them after backing up, graced her with a devilishly handsome caring smile. He had a white coat with beige spots over it. His mane look as if he had lazily combed through it, then shook it out like he just noticed an arachnid in it, slowly crawling onto his muzzle. His eyes were a shiny dark brown, but worked well with the rest of his plain, but charming features. His frame was similar to the iconic Big Mac of Sweet Apple Acres, but a bit more like Caramel's. A shiny gold earring sat loosely in his left ear.

"Well. . .I must be going. My shipmates are going to think I was stabbed in the gut and mugged by some land lover."

"Okay. . ." Silver Spoon was now sitting down, mesmerized by the stallion's handsomeness. Not even noticing her tail was getting soaked in the rest of the spilt coffee. The stallion galloped off, not even glancing back at her.

Then a piece of paper found it's way in the sky to slap her out of her trance."Seriously, how many times am I going to be hit out of a trance!?" She ripped it off her muzzle so fast it earned her a clean new paper cut, but was too angry with the world to care about it.

But what she saw on the paper shocked her."980,000 bits for Pipsqueak the Pirate." And a wide grin to slowly spread across her muzzle.

Author's Note

Day 2: Adventure Awaits Us!

"Are you sure you want to do this, Silva?"

"Of course I am, Babs!" Silver Spoon let out an unladylike grunt as she slammed closed her suitcase.

"This is what's going to save my family and house! All I need is some extra bits -which I'm going to get out Diamond's dad- so I can get a small boat to carry me across the sea so I can find that damn pirate. Mr. Rich was very willing to help my father when word got out about youknowwhat." She body slammed the suitcase this time, immediately regretting the decision as the sharp pain traveled up her foreleg.

"You need help with that?" Babs blew her hair out of her eye for the umpteenth time since she got there. Bab's mane had grown quite a bit since the first time she came to Ponyville. Silver's redemption was a long story, and so was becoming friends with Babs again. But that's not one for today or right now. Her red and pinkish mane was now two inches below her shoulders, but a huge chunk of the back of the middle of her head was tied back in a neon green hair-tie.

"Thanks Babs." Babs trotted over to the suitcase, gently pushing Silver Spoon away from it. She brought out a large object that couldn't be described in color, but the shape looked like sledgehammer.

*CRACK*

Silver Spoon's ears instantly flopped downward."What was that?"

Babs laughed nervously."I think. . . .I just broke your suitcase."

Silver Spoon scream could've made Celestia drop the sun in her golden aura."BABS! Do you how expensive that was!? My father had to eight hundred bits plus five bits and twenty-five cents tax for that antique suitcase! It was carried by some of the most important ponies in Equestrian, and a little bit of Prench history! And don't you remember that we're going bankrupt!? This was the suitcase that could hold two hundred fifty-seven pounds of weight, which I could've stuffed with weapons, muskets, bombs, and the most important of all, MON-"

"Excuse me, Silva. But I just fixed it while you were screaming your muzzle off about a simple rusty lock breaking. You probably haven't even used this before now!"

A flaming red spread across Silver Spoon's muzzle."Sorry."

"S'okay. I closed it to by the way. If you were even wondering about it."

"SILVERY JASMANE SPOON THE THIRD! YOUR FATHER REQUESTS YOUR PRESENCE IN HIS STUDY RIGHT AWAY!"

Babs instantly covered her ears with her dark orange hooves."Sheesh, do you always put up with that screaming?"

"Every hour of everyday, Babs. That's also how I get through your singing."

"Oh shut up Silva!" Babs threw a fancy feather filled pillow in her direction, but she already galloped down the hall towards her father's study.

The giant door creaked open."You wish to see me father?"

Silver Tray closed his business book and looked up at his daughter."You're so beautiful today, Silvy. You remind me of how your mother looked when I met her in the very market you see today."

Somethings not right here. . ."Thank you, father."

"You're also the only child in our family. And everyone knows an only child is almost always protected by the outside world's dangers. Aren't I correct?"

"Y-yes father."

"Silver," He got up from his chair, not caring his tea cup fell over onto the floor."you mean the world to me, and your mother. As the stallion of the house, I couldn't bear it if something happened to you."

"Father, excuse for speaking out of turn but-"

"Silver! Let me finish. . .please." She closed her mouth.

"I couldn't bear it if something happened to you. You are the only child in the most important branch of the family. That, is why I'm giving you everything you need to survive in this world."

Silver Spoon smirked at her fathers wonderful gift of speaking with the best intentions."If I didn't slit all their disgusting pirate throats by the end of this year, I would shame my title as your daughter."

"Then go slit some throats for me Silvy."

Author's Note

This wasn't as long as I would've written, but cliffhangers are always popular.

Because I have been watching Game of Thrones, the rating might go up when SIlver Spoon meets the pirates, due to heavy swearing from those swashbucklers. Don't blame me, blame GoT.

Day 3: A Pirate's Dream

Booze, rum, beer, wine. . . .A thousand words for a thousand alcoholic beverages.

Pipsqueak's caramelishly spotted hoof unconsciously tapped along to the drunken attempts of a song his intoxicated crew members tried to put together. The drawn out notes, all too long rests, some instruments falling over mid-song, didn't seem to stop his fellow drunken idiots from assuming it was the most cheerful and flawless song ever conceived, frolicking around like namby, pamby pony(or any other species with princesses) princesses. No disrespect to Sun-Butt.

Much.

It was just another night after raiding another unfortunate seaside village with enough bits and preservable food to keep life on the 'Umi no ikari' prosperous. For example; tonight. It might seem like the business-as-usual for Pip, but if you could be in this scene, it was actually one of the happiest nights the crew has had in a long time. They hadn't hit a jackpot like this in the last five years! And when a pirate says it's a really rich place, they are never bucking around. The bits were like a giant sparkling, golden ocean you could just dive into at any moment. Obviously you wouldn't want to though. Unless you wanted to die surrounded by a sea of gold as your brain suffocated from lack of oxygen, than by all means, go ahead. If you lost one hundred, it didn't matter; there was at least a hundred thousand in that basement.

Zing!

A cork went flying by mere centimeters from his face, followed by the sound of the champagne spraying out of it's bottle shaped glass prison and splashing onto the decks boards. Pip lazily blinked and yawned, as if this was an everyday occurrence. What did I say? Business as usual. The crew was drinking up all the champagne that would've been great for selling, but of course, Pip would make an exception to drinking his rather large supply of champagne. It was a night of celebration, after all. No good being a greedy captain keeping all the good stuff to yourself, as much as anypony else would want to.

He blinked his eyes strongly to get rid of the horrid burning sensation from keeping his eyes open for too long, and decided to get back to his cabin before ponycrap hit the fan with yet another drunken brawl and metaphorically spraying on him, forcing him to break it up after ramming both of their thick skulls together.

Knowing any good old pirate ship, the door to the captain's cabin would be right below and slightly in front of the main wheel. Wrong. Pipsqueak wasn't about to get killed in his sleep during a night raid, or midnight assassination. The way to his real place of resting would be suicide to tell anypony.

Pip closed the entrance to his well hidden quarters and heaved his tired body over to his king-sized bed. His former adrenaline rush from the raid now gone, and now newly acquainted with Ms. drowsiness.

The bed was made out of rich oak, shiny and sparkling to anypony's eyes. It was made in a foreign land with an odd talent for bed constructing. Pip had no idea exactly where it was made, he didn't bother to ask where it was from when he slit the nobles throat and than proceeded to drag it onto his ship. It had waves and beaches carved into the sides by one of the more artistic crew members who offered to spice it up for him, truly making it dazzling and even more valuable than when it was originally made. Pip didn't care much for physical features, but even he knew this was an outstanding work of art.

The head board was about three or four feet tall, with a tree branch like design at the top of it. A large ship was in the center of the head board, another design from the same crew member, polished and slightly more attention grabbing than the rest of the bed. It had lots of time and detail put into it, and who knew how delicate and careful they had to be to avoid ruining the bed altogether?

A standard nightstand sat on the right of the bed, with a simple kerosene lamp resting on top of it, letting a soft light spread across the room in its warm homely glow.

There was a desk in the corner of the room, a black and gold type writer in the center of the desk, a small bottle of white out by it's side, with those peg things that type out words that were big enough to accommodate a ponie's hooves so they didn't accidentally add another letter to whatever they may be writing. A window was on the bare left wall of the room, showing a perfect view of the sea reflecting the wonderful night sky off of it's calm ever-shifting waves. A slim, tall bookshelf was also next to the desk, a large collection of Pip's foalhood pirate novels of various lengths, plus comics neatly lining the shelves in a truly neat freak alphabetical order.

Well, getting back to the story, Pip shuffled under the furry black covers lined with dark brown trimming that draped over the entire bed on top of the moon pale sheets he rested atop of. With the coldness of the pillow caressing his cheek, and the newfound warmth of being underneath the covers, the combination set jolts of calmness and lazy pleasure throughout his body. He settled under the covers, before realizing the lamp was still on.

He briefly made a big deal out of it, groaning and making a silent fit, and than finally shifted his weight to reach over to the nightstand to put the gas lamp out, and finally able to close his eyes and being brought into Luna's loving dream-like embrace.

"Pip!"

"Who?. . ."

"Pip!"

Pip opened his eyes slowly, meeting nothing but a pitch black darkness around him."Is there anyone there?" He called out into the darkness.

He stuck out a hoof, feeling around him. He could see his entire body, and apparently was standing on a solid surface. But yet everything around stayed as black as night.

Suddenly, a wave of nausea hit him. Than dissipated into a headache. The feelings of both swished around in his body, like a jug of molasses was dumped inside of him. . . . Before everything just, stopped. Light. There was light. It burned into his eyes as gently as something burning you could. And fresh grass. Hills. Bushes and trees. A gigantic washed up shipwreck. A beach curled up underneath the hills breaking off onto a beach. Fresh sea water slapping against the shore, sending a mix of earth and sea water scent into the air. Pip shook his head, trying to figure out what this sudden, vision was.

"PIP!"

"GAH!"

Pip spun around in the direction of the voice. A filly with a coat of grey and prim silver mane looked at him, eye level equal between them. Pip looked from side to side, before suddenly, he had no control of his body. Words flowed from his mouth without him even wanting to.

"Now would you look at that Silva'!" A high pitched younger version of his present voice chimed. Seeing through first person, the eyes he could no longer control looked back at the giant shipwreck."A grand new adventure for the both of us to take up! Do you know what this means?" The feeling of muscles moving on his face, the prison he was now trapped in felt to be smiling.

"No?" The filly replied with uncertainty, her hoof daintily setting to the task of loosening up dirt.

"Why this means we have to go inside!" The filly's expression seemed to change from a slight confusion to what one would not expect, a thrilled cartoonish smile. The filly seemingly realizing this, changed back to her former former expression, dullness. A nervous throat clearing later, the prison bounded down the hill, hind legs digging into the dirt in a slide down to the beach, and disrupting the sands lovely slumber over to the towering ship.

Upon closer inspection, the ship was at least thirty to fifty years old. Rotting wood, torn up sails, gaping hole in the side, masts leaning into an expanse of forest and appeared as if it would fall over at any moment. The body trotted to the entrance, or rather the giant hole in its side caused by the giant boulders it appeared to have crashed against in its dying moments of beaching

The floorboards of the Hold dug into the sand, making a perfect ramp to get into it.

The prison bounded up the "ramp" quickly. He laughed with delight, a rich, salty, wet wood perfume making up the airs fragrance. The wood creaked under the added weight of the unnamed filly, or Silva' as the prison had referred to her as, moving closer behind him."Hey, I don't think we should be in here."

"Nonsense!" The prison replied bubbly. The prison's eyes moved around like a fly, never once staying in one spot for once. The hooves almost fell over a few times, creating a wobbly walk at the steep angle they were moving along. Nets of all kinds scattered and torn hammocks were laid out all around, broken pieces of wood, a few weapons here and there along with a random mattress in the middle of all the chaotic debris. It looked like a tornado had flown around the room before they came.

The prisons eyes grew with wonderment, or fear Pip couldn't tell, at the destruction around them.

"It looks like a potato flew around this place before we came!" A cheerful chirp sounded.

". . . . . . . Pipsqueak." What?

"Heh heh, sorry, it was a bit too tempting." But, that's, my name. . . How . . ?

The prison, Pipsqueak?, giggled lightly, before bounding away to a door hanging right off its last hinge. It was a large study, books littered everywhere of course, to keep in character with the rest of the former glory of a ship. Pip, the internal one, did what he had been doing, watching with a peaked interest. Pipsqueak, the tiny prison, cantered toward the edge of desk. Or left legs raised horizontally.

The desk had a painfully large crack down the middle, conveniently splitting open a drawer Pipsqueak seemed to interested in getting to according to the movements of his body, and, well the way he was practically burning a hole right through it.

"Hm? What's this?" The filly finally coming into the study.

Wordlessly, a rather familiar spotted hoof stuck out and snatched something peeking out from the desk, opening it up immediately. A lovely magically enhanced locket peeked out from the small envelope, a small dagger adorned on its top. Along with a picture. . . .

Completely blurred out. . .

"AH!" Pip was flung back into control of the body without a single warning. Ringing assaulted every sense that could possibly ring, and then some. Opening his eyes was already obviously not an option, only increased dizziness, pain and a watery view of everything greeted him with a harsh slap to the muzzle. A deep migraine clung and wrapped ground his head, lovingly caressing him with a beautiful level of suffering. Everything rocked back and forth, a tsunami like effect on everything.

A single hoof, placed itself onto his shoulder blade.

"Pip."

"Mmm. . ." Massaging a side of his head, Pip attempted to crack open an eye to see the filly. Only to find a grown up mare version in its expected place.

"Pip."

"Y- yes?" Pip was able to wheeze out.

"Pip!"

He clamped his eyes shut more, the ringing becoming more violent.

"PIP!" The yelling wouldn't stop.

"Pip. . . ." The voice spoke softly, leaning in closer, wrenching open his eyes without his consent.

Silver opened her muzzle, appearing as if she was about to blow in his face. "WAKE UP!"

Pip jolted up in bed, sweat glistening on his coat and face. He gasped for air, his chest heaving up and down. The dream wasn't at all a scary experience though, so why had he awoken as if he had just witnessed a bloody massacre? He heard the cried of sea gulls outside, warm rays of light shining through the curtains and window. Lifting a hoof, he swiped away the sweat covering most of his face and muzzle. His breath slowed down to a moderate pace, before finally he was able to breath through his nose. He moved his hind legs over to the edge of the bed and touched the floor, settling onto all fours. Before slamming onto his face.

He hissed in pain, shuffling his body to a more comfortable angle. He tried to move his legs around, testing them out. All he had to do, was wait until they woke up.

So, Pip was left to his thoughts on the floorboards of his strange dream, or rather, memory?

Author's Note

Hurray for long ass chapters and cliffhangers! I hope this makes up for the lack of updates and activity from me. . . Meh, I'm still gonna have to take this kind of break again eventually. Unfortunately for me and my inconsistent start and finish-ness.

Anybody else hate it when you get all comfortable in bed and than you realize the light is still on, so it forces you to get out of bed and shut it off, and than get to sleep? I'm always like,

'Umi no ikari' is supposed to mean 'Sea Fury' in English, but I'm most likely wrong cause I used Google Translate. The god of lost in translation.