Ponies Visit McDonald's

by The Equestrian Gentlecolt

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1200

Ponies arrive at McDonald's, cause chaos, leave, in 1.2k words.

Improbably often, ponies arrive on Earth in a fairly private place, with one or two witnesses at most. This time, they came out in the middle of a crowded McDonald's.

I had a toothache and got it into my head to try to write a trollfic. Turns out I don't have the mindset to write a proper trollfic. I got this instead.

Published 2012-04-05 04:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-05 04:44:01 UTC

Ponies Visit McDonald's

Stefano Alastair Margrave III dropped the last of three small, silvery coins into the hand of his waiting customer. The metal disc landed atop its two companions with a soft “clink” that was entirely lost in the cacophonic sea of running machinery, idling vehicles, an overworked air conditioning system, and the conversations straining to be heard above it all.

“And thirty cents is your change. Thank you for choosing McDonald’s.”

Giving him a short but not unfriendly nod, the type typical to a parent who has been keeping her child quiet for far longer than it is accustomed to and would like nothing more than to get out of the building before the dam breaks, his customer turned away to fill her drink cup. The infant secured within the baby carrier on her back stared at him with innocently curious, sky blue eyes. He imagined for a moment that he could actually see the great blue expanse of the heavens through those eyes, sweeping out across his vision, far above the dull gray medley of rainclouds and smog that had been his ceiling on his walk to work that day. He could almost feel himself falling into that sky, embracing the light of the sun as it fell across him...

“Stef! Hey, Earth to Stef! Next customer?”

The shrill voice of his manager, Melanie, snapped him back to reality. A reality which currently contained a rather impatient-looking young man glaring at him from across the counter.

“Uh, sorry, I... what? What did I do?” The man’s expression had changed as Stef started speaking, shifting rapidly through bemusement and confusion, and landing squarely in the realm of shock. “Uh, sir? Hey, uh, sorry I zoned out. Okay, seriously, what’s wrong? You’re really starting to... freak me out...” Stef faltered as, one by one, every head in the room turned to stare at him, and every conversation trailed off into the growing silence.

Then he noticed the wavering blue light that seemed to be coming from him.

No, not from him. From behind him.

Stefano Alastair Margrave III turned around very, very slowly.

Where there had once been a deep frier, there was now what could be described as a shimmering blue rift in the fabric of reality. Stef, science fiction buff that he was, would have described it as a wormhole. If he’d had the chance, that is.

A new conversation broke the silence.

“Are ya’ll sure this is a good idea? Ah’m sure nopony’s forgotten the last time we followed one a’ Pinkie’s doozies?”

“Don’t be such a boring bore-pants, AJ! I promise nopony’s gonna get dumped in fish oil this time. My back would’ve itched!”

“Besides, this is for science. Who knows what we might discover? Ah, this must be the place here.”

“Only one way to find out. Pony incoming!”

“Rainbow, wait!”

With a pop and a whoosh, followed shortly by a CRASH, a blur of cerulean blue came tumbling out of the portal, across the counter, and into the display of My Little Pony and Transformers toys at the edge of the dining area.

For a few short moments, silence reigned again. It was ended by the shrill cry of an eight-year-old girl, and the restaurant descended into bedlam.

“PONY!!”

“Wha? Augh!” Rainbow Dash’s hooves flailed ineffectually in an attempt to dislodge the small pair of arms that had been thrown around her neck. “Oh Celestia, it’s got me! Get it off!”

“I’ll save you, Dashie!” Pinkie Pie emerged from the portal and bounded over the counter, only to be reduced to a pile of squirming and giggling as another child separated from its dismayed parent to grab the pink pony in a hug. “Eeeehehe that tickles, stop!”

Four more of the technicolor invaders swarmed out of the portal. The purple one’s eyes widened as she surveyed the area.

“Oh my gosh, humans! Oh, I wish I’d read more on human culture. Quick, how do you... oh right!” Twilight Sparkle, apparently deciding that the nearest human would be the best place to begin diplomatic relations, turned to Stef and raised a hoof. Clearing her throat, the purple pony spoke slowly and loudly. “We. Come. In. Peace. Live. Long. And. Prosper.”

Stef was quite sure that, if the pony had possessed fingers, she would have been giving the Vulcan salute. His brain, which had already packed up its things and was on its way out the door, quickly settled upon the only reasonable response to the situation: he raised his right hand, thumb extended and fingers parted into two pairs.

“Peace and long life.”

This seemed to please the pony immensely, because she broke into wide grin. She opened her mouth to say something else, but was interrupted by her orange friend.

“Uh, Twi? Ya might wanna help RD. Ah think she’s startin’ to turn blue.”

“Um, sorry to interrupt, but... isn’t she usually blue?” Fluttershy interjected timidly.

“Yeah, but she’s turnin’ more blue.”

“More of a navy than a cerulean at this point, I’d say,” Rarity helpfully supplied.

“Alright, I’ve got this. Stand aside, everypony.” A violet aura sprung up around Rainbow Dash’s overly-affectionate assailant, and Stef’s eyes followed the child as she was levitated gently back to her stunned parents. Pinkie’s own antagonist was given the same treatment, earning a disappointed “aww” from both human and pony. “Sorry, girls,” Twilight said firmly, “but interspecies contact is strictly forbidden until diplomatic relations are established. Now--”

“Hey look, it’s us!” Dash interrupted excitedly, using her teeth to grab a familiar figurine from the wreckage of the toy display. “Look how awefome I look!”

“Ooh! Lemme see, lemme see! Hey, why doesn’t your cutie mark have a cloud? And why do I only have one balloon?”

“Girls, will you all please come back over here?”

“Oh my, um, they... I think they made my butt a little bit too big. My butt isn’t that big... is it? ...oh dear.”

“Girls...”

A piercing shriek of dismay. “My tail. Is. Pink!”

The thump of a fainting pony hitting the ground.

Sirens.

“...and that would be the authorities. Come on, girls.”

“Can we take the toys?”

“No! Just--fine, just get back here.”

“Okey dokey lokey!”

Five ponies piled back through the portal, and the unconscious Rarity quickly followed, carried along by a violet aura. The wavering rift in space snapped shut behind them just as the first police officer arrived on the scene. All that remained of the previous chaos was a stunned crowd, and the Happy Meal display case, eight toys emptier.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that, even when life is at its dullest, there can be excitement to be found. You should always be open to new ideas or opportunities, and be prepared for sudden surprises and challenges. Because even if you’re not looking for excitement, it might find you. And when it does, no amount of college education can prepare you for what it brings along for the ride.

Your newest student,
Stefano Alastair Margrave III

P.S.: Give my compliments to Hasbro’s marketing department. I don’t know how they pulled it off, but with you as my witness, I’m a believer now.