A confession of Epic proportions.
One day Fluttershy was sitting at home eating a crumpet filled with yummy blood. She heard a knock at the door. “Damn nigga fuq?!?! It’s like 3 in the morn-izzy. Who could that be?!” She walked over and opened the door. It was Applejack “Hey, F-izzy! I heard you rustled some jimmies today! I’m proud nigga!!!!” She said and ran away.
“Oh, this again!!! THANKS, OBAMA!!!!!” Fluttershy yelled angrily at the sky.
“GOD DAMMIT FLUTTERSHY SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!!!!” Giant Obama yelled down at her and rolled over in his giant obama bed and went back to his slummer where he dreamt about the fantastic my little pony fan fic his daughters wrote for him.
“That Obama….” She shook her head and smiled. Obama was always doing his crazy obama things. “I love obama” she said. “But…”
Another knock on the door.
“Oh, who could this be?!?!?!” She went to the door and opened it.
It was obama.
“I heard you confess your love to me, Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy’s heart drop. The 50 years obama lived in the sky above her he never once knew her feelings about him.
That was no more.
“I’m married. I can’t be with you. You stupid hoe. You crazy hoe.” He said while Nicki Minaj started singing “Stupid hoe” behind him.
“OH MY GOD NICKI SHUT THE FUCK UP YOUR MUSIC IS TERRIBLE!!! I LITTERALLY AM ONE FUCKING STEP AWAY FROM GETTING CELESTIA TO EAT YOUR FUCKING FLESH YOU ANNOYING CRAZY GIRL!!!” He Yelled. Nicki cried.
“That song… was written by my grandma. It was the last song she ever wrote…” She sniffled.
Obama said, “That’s because I killed her for writing such a crap song, remember?!?!”
Meanwhile Spike was walking around doing the shit he do. “HEY SPIKE” A voice said. Oh no Spike thought. Obama… He thought. “Hey SPIKE HEEYY!! HOW IT DO!!!”
“oh my god, I’m a dragon!!! You’re a HUMAN!!!! You know that….”
“shhhh,, shhhh shhhh” He pressed a finger against the fledgling dragons mouth. “I don’t care about our peoples bloody wars. I love you.”
“But, Obama, you’re married!!!!”
“I… I know….” Obama cried. “But…. I-”
“OBAMA!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK U DOING?!?!” Michelle Obama yelled. “I told you that Spike is our SON. What the fuck?!?! YOU know this RUSTLES my JIMMIES!”
“I know, but I love him.”
Then a blood fell from the sky.
“YAY BLOOD!!!!” Everyone yelled. “My favorite!!”
They all danced and drank it. It was so yummy!!!!
I awoke to the sound of keys clicking. “Who’s here?” I jump up and look over to my laptop that is opened and turned on. I look down on it and see Rassy…the parasite.
“Rassy? Are you writing My Little Pony fan fictions…again?”
“You bet I am!”
And this is what happened when you let a Tick write fan fictions about ponies.
AN: Rassy died so I had to finish it for him.
The yellow Pegasus closed her eyes. “Ah, finally. Sleep….” She smiled while fully prepared to drift off into a pleasant slumber.
Bang, bang, bang!
“CELESTIA DAMN IT!!!! Every. Bucking. TIME!” She stomped angrily and opened the door. It was Spike. Again. “Spike, what the fuck are you doing? I was sleeping. Or… well… trying to sleep; and then your dumb ass fucked it up!”
Spike was starting to cry. “S-sorry, Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy sighed. “Sorry, Spike, I’m just cranky. I need my sleep.” She forced a smile that was obviously fake. “So, what did you want?”
“Well, Twi wanted me to ask you about…” Spike’s stomach was in knots for what he was about to say. “Obama…”
Fluttershy’s eye twitched. Anger seeped through her body. “O…bama?! YOU DARE WAKE ME UP TO ASK ME ABOUT OBAMA!!! Spike! How could you?! You know that’s a sensitive subject!” She was in tears.
“Well…fuck” Spike said. Spike grabbed his skrate board and ollied out.
Rarity entered Fluttershy’s house randomly for no reason. “Hey, Fluttershy. I was just talking to Spike about this dude on Tumblr who keeps calling me his…waifu? named Tom or something when I heard the all too sexual sounds of Fluttershy tears.” She smiled.
“Oh, Rarity! It’s awful!!! Obama is in my heart I love him but, he just sees me as a joke. Plus he loves Spike.” She sighed. “not…me” She cried so many creys.
“Oh, Darling, you are a catch!” Rarity grabbed her pet head crab with her unicorn magic. It started to purr. “Spike is too young for Obby. And Obby knows that and will get over him. For fifty year you loved Obby, it will happen.” She nuzzled F-izzy. Fluttershy was slightly sad about Rare-Bear calling Obama Obby but ignored that all too natural feeling.
“Besides humans can’t be with dragons. Remember the wars their people had. Dem Bloody wars. Can’t happen.”
“Rarity, I have to admit something. I hate your pet head crab.”
Rarity was so angry she exploded and became the stars and the sky. “Man dat rarity musta been high as tits” She giggles.
“Fluttershy… I heard what you said” Giant Obama floated down to her house. “About me thinking you’re a joke… and you know what … it’s true. I’m married and luv spoke. It can’t happen”
“You whore. Spikes a bb! And humans can’t be with-”
“Dragons! I know. But fuck the police! Dey suck.”
“Obby pls”
“No. I don’t love u”
Doshie came in. “Hey guys! I’m doshie, the sexier version of Dashie!”
Fluttershy’s heart dropped! “wow.” The most beautiful thing ever, was in front of her. She looked like Rainbow dash but with a weird smile and derped eyes. “Fuck u obby, I love Doshie now!”
Obby cryed. Then a blood fell from the sky!
“This again...” Fluttershy sighed.
They all laughed and freeze framed for two hundred years.
THE END!
