Through the roof

by The Psychopath

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Philomena, Comedy
Length: 20801

Mark Fénix finds himself in Canterlot castle after an illogical event. How will he return home?

Mark Fénix, a thirty-four year old man, as well as a builder and an admirer of art,finds himself falling through the Canterlot Castle roof after simply trying to flop onto his bed at night...although the forces of nature had something to do with this transition between planes. He'll have to wait at the castle before he can return home, but will he WANT to return home? Especially with the wonders that this new world holds.

Apparently, the one who made that work of art is called Moe, but I can't really reach his page.

Published 2012-04-05 22:34:05 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-11 11:24:28 UTC

An ironic name

My name is Mark Fénix, and I am a builder. Yes, I know, my name sounds a lot like "Marcus Fenix". That really grinds my gears when people make a reference to that game series. Always with the "Hey Marcus, where's your lancer?" or "Marcus, Dom needs help! Kill the Locusts!". *moan*. And my habit of wearing a blue bandana on my head didn't help the fact either. Curse you, Epic Games.

As for my childhood, I never had a troubled past. I had good relations with my family, and I actually made many friends. A lot of them were impressed by my artistic talent. After all, I did have to go to SEVERAL art classes just to draw a few figures. They really took out quite a lot of time in my life, but it was worth it.

'But if you love to create, why are you a builder and not an architect?' some might say. The answer is simple. I prefer to create what is given to me as I prefer to make sure someone else's constructions look as good as they wanted it to be. Although I can't build anything by myself, and that sort of thing usually frustrated me a lot, but, I learned to work in fine tune with my fellow co-workers. While not the best worker, I still had a keen eye in spotting flaws in the already laid down pieces. How much fun it was to create!

As for the way I look, I'm rather tall, going about a meter ninety. My skin is rather shaded and my hair is a dark black. My eyes are actually green, something I could thank my mother for. Being a builder, I had a rather...hrm...well developed physique. My looks, unfortunately, weren't as well developed, and I never managed to get a girl friend. Oh well! I had more important things to do then to waste my time with a dame that would certainly have no taste in music or sculptures, and/or ask me to get rid of my own little collection back home.

Today, though, was going to be a special day! I was going to have a week of relaxation starting from now. I was finishing my "analysis" on a portion of the brick wall that had been set today. We were busy making a huge-ass skyscraper for a rich company. I honestly hated the design, but it was still my job. It was time to go home now. I saluted the "Boss-Man" *stern*, and said goodbye to those who were working on late shifts. A quick jump into my little red car, and off to the house I went! I honestly hated driving. Why? All the people who were blocking you or those random idiots who would drive at one an hour. Pfff.

I finally reached my house. I loved it's looks. It was tall and white, a look that screamed "authority" to me. The long stair-way leading to the door was aligned with two black rails which twisted and curved like a delicate flower. The yard was also surrounded by hedges cut to look like waves, while the trees covered the small pathway leading to my house. Some said that it was Halloween-esque with these details, but who cares. My house was a two-story building whose roof was very sharp and steep, probably reinforcing the "Halloween" looks. I quick unlocking of the door, and I was inside my personal museum. Everything in my house was made to look like a museum. From the front to the back, I had many paintings and sculptures waiting for me to clean them. When I say "works of art", I mean " works of art". Not like those scribbles with pretty colors or those statues made from an engine, a car door, and, to make it look pretty, broken shards of a light bulb smashed onto it.

Many times I went to an art museum to see those horrors, and many times did I slap the so-called "artists". They were simply painters, but barely even that! Some people need to gouge out their eyes and cut their hands off, to make sure that the true "art" won't be desecrated by these idiots.

However, this week, I was planning on leaving for Scotland in order to see the Edinburgh castle. The finest of architectural builds were those that were no longer created and were unique. Fine works of architecture that had much details placed into them, and those details took many years to think up and imagine. It was my dream to see something that would cause me to become stunned by its sheer beauty. What? Just because I'm a muscular guy that people think that "He'll kick your ass for breathin' in his general area" doesn't mean I can't have a lighter side to life.

Anyways, I did a bit of working out, took a shower, had dinner, then went up to my bedroom. I wanted to sleep as easily as possible, but, I needed to see what's on the news. I picked up the 'mote and pushed-a the button. I stood up while watching the news. It was the same anchor as before. Ted, as a certain person on that channel would call him. Hopefully, no incidents would happen this time:

"-and this will certainly rise tensions between both countries. In other news, astronomers have discovered a new event taking place in the great outer space! If I'm reading this correctly, it is a dust cloud that seems to be bending space around it like a black hole. Interesting."
"Oh yeah, a moving black hole cloud. Like THAT'S real."

Oh great. It's starting all over again. Why don't they just fire that douchebag?!

"GODDAMMIT! Why the hell do you ALWAYS need to pick a fight with me?"

"What? I'm the one giving precise information on realistic details," said a young orange-headed kid.

" Oh yes. Weather forecasting is TOTALLY undeniable."

"HEY! At least I'm not talking about something stupid like a "black-hole" cloud."

That kid was really annoying, especially when he changed his tone of voice to mock "Ted".

"So you wanna fight again?"

"What's wrong Reed Richards? Gonna...gonna go to your cosmic cloud to get your super powers?"

"THAT'S IT!"

"COME AT ME BITCH!"

The fight started again. Everyone tried to stop them, but a few were pushed away and one of the people hit the main camera, causing an awkward sideways view of the stage. The channel suddenly buzzed out to make way for an intermission.

With a click, I turned off the T.V. I stood there with a "poker face". I gently laid the remote back on the wooden shelf the television was laying on, and, with one big stretch, looked outside the window to admire the neighborhood. It was getting pretty dark, but the sun still gave off enough light to show a good color of blue to illuminate the sky. It felt great to be in your own house, especially your room, just to see everything outside. I decided to close my curtains after I finished admiring the blue of the night sky, and decided to just let myself fall face-first on top of my bed with my eyes closed. I'm sure I heard a *bzzt* as I felt myself fall through something hard and land on my bed. I had definately felt several stones of some sort hit me as I lied down with my face in the pillows. I seemed to have destroyed my bed too as it seemed to have shrunk. I muffled into the pillow my face was planted into:

"Damn. I broke through the floor. This'll cost me."

The great chase

"HMMM...aaaaahhh! That was a good sleep. A bit disturbing my dream but...oh come on...It was real?"

Now I was sure I wasn't in a dream. I didn't have that weird little "floaty" feeling that you usually have when...well...dreaming. Apparently, those miniature horses had thrown me in a dungeon of some sort. A stone wall on three sides, with jail bars on the front. My only source of light? A teeny tiny opening high above the rear wall. And the only source of "comfort" was the hay on the ground.

"I bet I bled all over my...what's this? Hmm. At least someone had the decency to plug my nostrils with this tissue. Get 'em out...and into the hay."

"HEY! No talking in there!"

"Who said that?"

"I did you...you thing..."

"Where? I can't see you."

"Down here you idiot."

I looked down to see a small pony wearing golden armor looking at me angrily. I literally had to crouch to be eye-height with it. Perhaps I could convince this little guy to let me out of here. Then I could figure how to get back home.

"Hey, what if-"

"You aren't getting out."

"What?"

"You aren't getting out and you aren't leaving here. You insulted princess Celestia and caused quite a disturbance in the castle. You aren't getting out of here until we can figure out what you are and what you REALLY want."

"Princess? I suppose the one following me around was one too?"
"Yes. That was princess Luna."

"I can also see that they are sisters."

"Nooo...how did you figure it out? Did the wings and horn give it away?"

"No. I figured it out just by looking into their eyes. As a wise person once said :"The eyes are windows to the soul." or something like that."

"Really? And what else did you learn from this close encounter?" he said mockingly.

"That Luna is a kind and gentle-hearted spirit, although she can have trouble adjusting to most things. However, Celestia has...other issues. I could see in her eyes that she had resentment, shame, and regret tearing her up for whatever reason, and that she hides them with a veil of false joy."

The guard's jaw dropped.

"What? Anyone can see that."

"Whatever. Shut up. Stop talking." he stomped away towards what I could discern as being the exit to this god-awful place.
To mock him, I crossed my arms and legs and leaned against the bars.

"You know, these bars won't hold me."

"What? No pony has ever gotten out from here. You won't fare better."

"Are you kidding me? These bars weren't even cemented into the holes. I'm pretty sure the stones they're in were just slid onto the ends of this thing. Plus, they're on the thinnest side. Too close to the front. Watch and you'll see."

"Go ahead. I'm not going to stop you."

I used my strength to push on the bars. Unsurprisingly, they literally flopped out of the stone they were in and brought much dust and debris with them. A good glance at the door I was holding revealed that these were very old. You need to renew some things, man. That guard was starting to panic and was about to alert everyone here.

"We'll have none of that."

I slammed the bars on him with a loud 'wham'. I hope I didn't kill him. I assumed his armor was enough to withstand the impact. A few quick peeks around the corner of the stairs that led out, and up I went! I had to get out fast while I could, and find a way back home. However, already a few feet and I was met with three guards who had been gossiping, but quickly spotted me.

"What? How did you...? Quick! Stop him!"

"Stop? Yeah right. Just try."

The first one jumped surprisingly high and bucked me in the chest. A single step back and that looked shocked at my resistance.

"*gasp* Oh nuuu! How did he withstand my super-ultra-atomic-kick?" I said mockingly with a lighter tone of voice.

"You won't be able to deal with all three of us at the same time!"

"I'd like to see that."

Of course, they were wrong. My body build helped me resist what could have possibly been stupidly strong kicks and punches. One of them jumped to the height of my face and was about to punch m, but I slapped him on the head, causing the poor guy to fall on the floor. The other two used what were apparently wings, to run on the side walls and jump at my head.

"...Amateurs... OOOO! A coin."

Naturally, I ducked, causing those two to slam into each other and tumble onto my back. They must've hit each other harder than I thought, as they were already knocked out.

"Hmmm( I love going "hmm"), that was stupid. What kind of guards knock themselves out like that? Ah? You're still awake?"

"A simple slap on the head? Why would I be knocked out? I'll capture you and drag you to the princesses!"

"*sigh* I had to fall onto a rookie."

Why did I say that? This guy, instead of trying to hit me in the knees, was hanging onto my legs. So with a face full of annoyance, I walked casually through the halls, with an added clunking sound every time I put my right foot down.

"Ugh! Finally! An exit! Now let go of me!"

"NEVAH!"

I face palmed.

" Get off. HRNNGH!" Even leg shaking didn't get this little barnacle off. "Fine. Stay there and see if I care."

I finally got to see outside. It was beautifully bright, and I seemed to be near the main exit of the castle. Ahhh. A good waft of fresh air. Finally! I could get out of this place and find some help. A barely took a step forward that I was surrounded by several hundred guards.

"What? How did you? Bah! I'll be leaving anyways. Could you get this guy OFF OF ME while you're all here?" I asked.

They stomped forward.

"Oh, VERY intimidating. Little ponies with attitudes and wearing armor. Pfff...ha."

I continued forward, minding my own business, and I realized that I didn't have the rookie on my foot anymore. That, and the guards were bowing. Usually, that is a bad sign, but I preferred to continue forward to the giant doors that gave over to the outside world.

"I'll finally be able to get out of here...huh? Why...grrr...am I...hnng...stuck?! What's with this glowy yellow crap around me? I must...use the force...HNNNGH!"

This was freaking HARD. I could barely move forward, but I was inching closer to the door little by little. I noticed the guards staring to look back and forth at me and whatever was behind in surprise. I was apparently the source of a tug of war. Suddenly, another sparkly aura surrounded me, but this one was of a dark, purplish shade.

"....AH...Now I can't move...and I'm saying this out loud. If only I could face palm."

Well that was great. I was being dragged back, away from my freedom. I had to look behind me. I could still move my head apparently. What did I see? That giant white pony and the magnificent dark blue one. I decided to show, for her, that I wouldn't put up a fight. I just loved to stare at her. Quite a beautiful specimen if I do say so myself. I wonder what other things are over here in this place. Luna, as I'm sure it's her name, said something to her sister, causing me to slowly levitate to the ground. Celestia came closer o me with a very scary face, but being level eyed, I could show off about just as much fury in proper levels.

"You will come with me and my sister to the interrogation room," said Celestia.

Crossing my arms and lifting mah 'brow, I asked:

"And what if I refuse?"

She lift her hoof at my face and pulled back. I cringed and instinctively backed away while protecting my face.

"NONONONO! No more punches in the face! That last one freakin' hurt.(you crazy bitch)"

"What?"

"Nothin'."

I gave my best 'Ah didn't do it!' face.

She didn't trust me apparently, and started to drag me with more of that weird aura.

"I'm going to have a LOOOOONG time here, I can feel it," I sighed.

Fiery phoenix

...Still being dragged....this is tiresome...

"You know, I have legs. They aren't there just for show."

"I don't care. You attacked my guards and nearly killed the one guarding you."

"I'm sure he's, wait what? Killed? What purpose does the armor have if it can't deal with a little amount of bars falling on top of it?"

"Unless you are that idiotic, then you must have noticed that your body is much more robust than that of my guards."

"Point being?"

"That you could have killed them if you made the effort. Now get inside this room."

"Wait, when did we get here?"

We were at the end of one of the many hallways of this castle. This portion was very dark and creepy, and the only door was the one I was facing. It looked like it was reinforced...bronze? I hate bronze, it's so ugly. Instead of simply letting me in there, Celestia literally threw me against the table surrounded by quite a few chairs.

"Fiesty... I didn't think that princesses were violent. Why not take an example from your little sister? Pfff...she looks more gentle...hmhm...." I was trying not to laugh while saying this.

I was certainly aggravating my case even though the other "pony" was chuckling quite a bit at my humor and my smirk. Totally worth it. Sitting on one of those wooden chairs, I spun it to face Celestia directly while I rest my head on my hand.

"So...you wanted to interrogate me? Go ahead, but I want answers as to where I am as well."

"That is not your choice to make."

"Oh well, no answers then."

Celestia had steam building up and was about to unleash it on me, but I noticed that her sister decided to butt in and take over.

"If you would be so kind as to answer our questions first, we would be glad to answer yours."

"Hmmm...asked so nicely and with an equally serene and crystal clear voice...why would I not answer to a work of art. Fire away!"

I saw Luna give her hoity-toity look at her sister, who rolled her eyes and started to ask me weird questions:

"What sort of being are you?"

"A human being."

"Human"? What is that?"

" A human being is the supposed next evolutionary step from primates. Of course, it took us several million years worth of evolution to get to what we are now. Homo sapiens is the name of my current species. I am intrigued at what the future ones will look like, and how they will regard us..."

"And is your species a violent one?"

I turned pale as I straightened myself up. A nervous smile and a pulling on the collar made the two ponies up their guard.

"Daaauuum....well...we are "evil" if that's what you're asking."

"Answer the question."

"Well, let's just say that every individual has their own thoughts on life, and mine is of a more peaceful perspective dedicated to art and manual labor. However, as much as I hate to say it, the majority of our history represents our species in a constant war against each other. BUTITISN'TALLBAD!" I rushed. I had to lower the tension or else." We have invented many things and created several more."

"Such as?" asked Luna.

"A more notable invention of my time period would be the computer."

"Com-pu-ter?" they both said in unison.

"A gem of technology. Just give it some electricity and it will do so many things that will baffle your mind. However, being a builder, I don't really have much need for it. There are also planes and submarines. The planes allow hundreds of my species to travel at quick speeds through the air, while the submarine allows us to go extremely deep into the sea without water pressure problems."

"Planes allow you to fly? Don't you have some "humans" with wings?" Celestia said with skepticism.

"What? What for? We'd need hollowed out bones for that."

They both spread their wings widely, giving way for a great splendor of color and gracefulness.

"Wow."

"We don't have "hollowed-out" bones like you say."

"Then those wings are just for decoration?"

"Nope." replied Luna."They work perfectly. We're not exactly sure how your world works, but we ponies can fly."

"Mhmm...can I ask my own questions now?"

"Go ahead."

"Hmmm...so you say there are other ponies with wings and horns, are there any normal ones?"

"What do you mean?"

"Back in my world, ponies can't fly, nor do they have horns, or look so...hum...elegant."

Celestia seemed to glare at me. What was passing through her head? I'm simply an admirer of beauty.

"Well, my sister and I are alicorns."

"Which explains why you have both horns and wings while a few of your guards had one or the other."

"Precisely. We have immense magical powers and, well, we have been granted the gift of immortality."

"Sounds more like a bane than a gift. Living forever has no value if you lose everything you held dear to you. I suggest you cherish every moment you have if you are truly immortal."

They didn't seem to like what I said too much. They weren't angry, rather, it looked like a mixture of frustration and sadness.

"Anyways, as we were saying, we are alicorns, and we are only two in this world."

"Then you haven't ever felt the joys of love?"

They blushed.

"Ah?"

"Let's refrain from discussing that subject."

I gave the "okay" stance, with the hands up and the eyes closed and many more unimportant details.

" Alright, so I'm going to assume that the ones who only have horns are called "unicorns", and they have some type of magical control, like what you did earlier."

"You catch on fast."

Celestia glared. I glared rat back at 'er. Dis feller ain't gon' let nobody walk on his stuff.

"I was one of the best eyes in my profession."

"We'll talk more about you after. The ponies with wings are called "pegasi", while those who have neither of these features are called 'earth ponies'."

"Interesting. And what is the name of this world?"

"Equestria. And you are currently in Canterlot castle."

"I'm really in a castle?! Can I have a look around? I love castles. They always have something special to show."

"No."

"Fine. Anything else?"

"Yes. What is the name of YOUR world?"

"My PLANET is called Earth, although it is divided into many territories. I lived in one, but I prefer to keep it a secret."

"That is alright." said Luna, who decided to take over her very suspicious sister. "Did you have a profession while over there?"

"Yup. I'm a builder. I can lay bricks, build walls, make roofs, ect. I just can't install your plumbing, sorry."

"This would explain why you have such a developed muscular mass."

"Pretty much. Too bad it didn't up my looks. Pahahah...it was a joke."

Zey vere not amuzed.

"Do you have any idea how you got here?"

"Let me think. Let's see...what do I remember...ah yes! I remember seeing on the news something about a cosmic storm distorting space around it. Then I tried to fall on my bed and I heard some sort of fizzling sound. That's when I came crashing into Luna's bedroom...through the roof...and while getting little pieces of said roof to land on my head..."

Damn you, Marvel universe. *fist shake*

Celestia started talking with her sister while facing away from, occasionally turning around to give me the look.

"We have decided of what we are going to do with you," said Celestia.

"And what ARE you going to do?"

"Until you can return home, you will stay in this castle. You can walk within the castle grounds, but you cannot leave them. In exchange for giving you a proper room, we'll need your help with some construction and repairing around the castle. You can start with fixing my sister's roof. "

"Okay then."

"Uhhh..." stuttered Luna.

"What is it?"

"We have already fixed the roof. It didn't take long to fix it with our magic while he was in the dungeon."

" Fine. You are off today, but you better get to work tomorrow," I sighed.

"Fine by me. Well then, I'll be off."

"Not so fast," said Celestia.

"Aww man. I was almost outside of this door.

"I will have my phoenix watch you."

"Come again?"

Celestia's only response was her whispering.

THEY CAN WHISTLE?! I what twisted and disturbed universe have I fallen into?

The door burst open i flames as a magnificent species of the avian variety flew right onto Celestia's stretched out leg.

"This is Philomena. She will be watching every single thing you do."

"Then I will cherish this as a gift upon my eyes. I have never seen such a bird that blends pride and tranquility, as well as courage into one entity. It's colors compliment each other, and it looks quite strong. A perfect specimen of phoenix indeed. Perhaps even, of all birds."

"Are you obligated to do that whenever you see something?"

"Hm? Annoyed that I appreciate the looks of the bird over you?"

That white alicorn glared at me with her teeth. I literally shielded my face after seeing that.

"Damn royalty, you scareh!

"Would you like her to stay on your shoulder while she watches you?" proposed Celestia. I gave her that "I'm watching you" face.

"Ooookay. The right shoulder would be fine. I'm pretty sure her claws can't..."

I didn't get to complete my sentence before hearing a 'schlink' sound. Silence flew through the room like wind in the desert. The two princesses were leaning closer to my face as the phoenix started to scratch itself.

"Are you...crying?" asked Luna.

"Nope. These are manly tears. Now can I leave?"

"Yes you can."

I'm going to...I'm going to walk around the garden for a bit...just to see- *inhale*-just to see if there are some great garden designs.

Walking out of the room, I felt this bastard's claws seep deeper in. I'm pretty sure those two princesses were tilting slightly just to see the way their "prisoner" was walking with this giant bird on his shoulder. They must have been having a great laugh. Who knew that beauty could hurt so much?

Fighting for trust...and pants

"Owwwww! Could ya untighten your claws?! Just because you look like a marvel of nature doesn't mean I have to 'feel' that marvel. Stupid bird."

It had already certainly been half an hour that I was looking at the castle yards. There were some nice statues here and there, although I didn't know what they represented, kind of like modern sculptures...sculptures. Where was I? Ah yes! The trees were something else in this "Equestria". Rather than just go straight and seem bland, like most trees are, these ones gave off a strange aura that made me feel like I was back at the family farm with the "Bullboy" father. They were also much healthier looking and showed immense strength that any tree should have.

However, what really caught my attention, were the ponies who kept fleeing whenever the saw me. That was hilarious, and insulting at the same time. Word was already spreading throughout the castle that I was going to be staying there for awhile, and I could already here those ponies talking bad behind my back, but, then again, why wouldn't they? I'm a giant compared to them, I'm about the same size as Celestia, if not slightly taller, the guards didn't manage to properly hurt me when they tried to subdue me, I broke out of what was supposed to be the "best" prison bars, and I came from another world. So many things about me that could be spoken of. Tired of seeing the garden, I decided to find a away onto the walls just to be able to see what this world looked like. Was the area I was in super industrialized, or was it one o' dem countreh places?

Looking around, I could see the steps to climb up to the high vantage point, which I eagerly took. These steps were really tiny! Sure, I had the portion of wall it was attached to to hang on in case I fell, but these steps were ridiculously small...although I suppose that I'm the one who is ridiculously huge here. A good stretch, and more clamping from that bastard phoenix, and I was lying over the walls. What natural beauty! If I could paint, I would remake my painting over and over just to get a perfect view of the little valley that this castle over-looked.

A small line going in between two moutains that raised themselves to the skies like giant green pillars. The forest down there reflected like morning dew, despite a little mist brewing above it. And the river, it snaked through the forest perfectly. It wasn't too random, but it wasn't too predictable either. A magnificent tapestry of diverse colors and shapes, especially with, as what I could tell, were several different birds. I couldn't exactly see them from here, but I could see a little reflection of colorful light bouncing of of their feathers. I hope those were birds. Who knows what kind of creatures live in this world if there are phoenix birds.

"Hey, monster!" yelled an unfamiliar voice.

I decided not to react and continued to stare at the setting sun. It was already that late?

"I'm talking to you! Get down here!"

*peck*

"AGH! Why did you peck my ear?! Stupid bird. *peck* HNNNGH!"

I looked down as this damned phoenic continued to peck my ear. It was one of those "guards" whose utility was about as fathomable as using putty for cement.

"Hey! You better not harm the princess' bird."

"Hm? She's the one harming me! I'm just defending myself."

"We've got a proposition for ya."

"Aye?"

"Come down and we'll tell ya."

"Fine. Just wait."

I would've loved to jump off the wall and land on the ground like a bad-ass, but, unfortunately, they're too high and I would certainly break my legs. Instead, I did it the boring way by simply jumping off the fifth step and landing back on the ground.
Even though I hated this bird's claws, I tried to calm her as my jump scared Philomena and I ended up getting smacked several times in the head with her wings.

"So, what is it that you want?"

"We think that you don't deserve to have your own room, especially with how you trated princess Celestia."

"Trated?"

"Sorry. Got a little spit in my mouth. I meant to say 'treated'."

"Ah. And how do you puny runts expect to stop me? You already demonstrated your "talents" against me earlier."

"We weren't expecting you. Now we are. Here's the deal, you beat twenty of us, and we'll leave you be. We beat you, and you go in the dungeon where you belong."

"This ought to be fun. Where do we fight?"

"Over there, in the white square that my comrades traced on the grass."

Once over there, I stretched a bit, and Philomena decided to finally let me go, just to fly onto the branch of a nearby bush. I performed the "sumo stomp" as I waited for the opposing guard to fight me. This one was rather bulky, opposed to his friends who certainly had strength, but not against me. There was quite a long moment of waiting as the other guards surrounded our "cubicle".

"...well?"

"GO!" yelled one of the guards.

I stood up to greet the guard with open arms as he charged at me. Like an idiot, I threw myself forward to grab him, but he dodged, allowing him ample time to get behind me and kick me over and lie down on me.

"Give up?" he said. My anwser? Simply standing up and watching him tumble over as he looked at me with open jaws.

"Oh...oh yeah? I got more where that came fr- *PUNT* AAAAHHHHHhhhhh....!"

"You talk too much! Well then, who is next?" I said while clapping my hands together.

"I'll do it." said another. This one was a pegasus.

"Pegasus, eh? Let's see if you're flying powers will come in handy after I grab your wings."

"I'll lift you into the air and rop you from ten feet."

*serious mode off*

"Are you kiddin gme? That's the best you could come up with? Pfff."

"GO!"

This one was cleverer than his previous buddy. He started by circling around me, expecting me to follow him around and get dizzy. What kind of idiot would do that? After noticing that it failed, he decided to rise high and try a dive bombing. A step to the side and he barely had time to break that he slammed into the ground. I bent over him with my hands behind my back and an unamused expression on my face.

"Wow. You're terrible at this. Do you guys really want to-"

"My turn."

"-ugh!"

A unicorn this time. Hopefully, he would give me a better challenge seeing as they can use magic.

"GO!"

A strange sparkling from his horn and a bolt of lightning nearly hit me. Atleast three bolts and he got tired of me. Instead, the unicorn tried to glue me in place. I just casually walked forward while he seemed to struggle tremendously. They couldn't be this weak, could they? Nah, they must be going easy on me or something.

The guy suddenly stopped "holding" me and started to pant.

"You look tired. Let me help you with lying down. Finger push!"

This guy really tipped over as I pushed him with my finger. I did notice that it was getting darker, and I'm sure it would be time for me to go to my room.

"Can we hurry this up? I have to go to my room after this."

"Ooh yeah? Well I bet you can't deal with seventeen of us at once!"

"Seventeen? BRING IT ON!"

Luna had just finished raising the moon and was ready to make a few mores tars in the sky. However, after exiting her room, she heard strange clanking sounds and grunts. A few of the night-shift servants were running towards the source. Luna followed them.

"What is going on? What is the source of this noise?" she asked a running maid.

"It's that thing. Twenty of the guards had challenged him to a fight, and he accepted. It's been going on for an hour now."

"Oh no!"

Luna knew that some of the guards had a habit of trying to look superior n front of others, like some tried to be modest and helping. Everypony was like this, but, despite her knowing of his great strength, she was sure that twenty of the guards could have hurt him. What did she see, however, when she looked over the ledges where the servants were? A sall battleground in the garden. A few guards were strewn about, but the human was holding one of the groaning guards by both hind legs and was using him to beat those that were trying to leave the pile he made.

"So, do you still think I don't deserve a room? AH! Don't move."

Luna jumped down with fury on her face. No matter what she did, she looked radiant, especially during the night.

"What are you doing, human?" she snapped at me.

"My name is Mark Fénix. Not 'human'."

"That's true. We never did ask your name, but the question remains."

"Oh. Well, they said that I didn't deserve a room for myself, and wanted to "duel" with me. Unfortunately, they got angry after I knocked out three of their buds and ganged up on me all at once."

Luna looked rather...sceptical at what I was saying. I may be a good flatterer when it comes to what I see, but it would seem that I was still untrustworthy.

"The servants here have told us the same story, although the soldiers grouping all at once to attack you is shameful if this was indeed meant to be a "duel". It is late now, I will show you to your chambers."

"Wait...isn't that "unelegant" for a pricess to do something so menial?"

"You have proven yourself to be much for the royal guards to handle. Even if you are just wearing simple leg attire."

"Wha-AH! This is embarrasing. Do you have someone that could, perhaps, create some pants for me? And a shirt?"

"Tomorrow. For now, you must go to your appartments. Oh, and one more thing before we take you there, let go of the guard."

"Woops! Sorry."

I had completely forgotten about the guard I was holding. I would have dragged him all the way into the "chambers" if the princess hadn't showed me. Yet, I felt like I was forgetting something.

"Wait...where's the bird?"

"Philomena?"

"Yes."

"She has returned to Celestia. My sister's phoenix can't watch over you indefinately."

"True. So, can we go to the room now?"

"Follow us then, if you are so impatient. And you best start behaving around my sister, she is kind-hearted, but she can be angered, and you do not want to see her when she is angry."

"It's true that what I had called her at the room was uncalled for, but it's not my fault she's hiding her depression."

We suddenly stopped.

"What?"

"You can't see it? She regrets doing something in her past. It's super obvious to see. I mean, most people who admire art are capable of seeing these ort of things. Others, like family members, can usually see these sort of things between eachother."

"We thought she had gotten over it."

"Hmph. I'm only thirty-four and I could see that your sister has a scar that did not heal properly. Would you happen to know anything about it?"

"Perhaps, but we cannot speak of these sort of subjects so casually, even if you are as good as you say."

"I understand. Now, if you could, II'm really tired and I would like to go to bed for my work-shift tomorrow."

We went to what looked like a room for guests. It was in one of the towers that this castle held aloft on it's walls. Surprisingly, it looked like it was made more thine royalty. The huge bed with that wierd roof thing. The many windows going all around the room with very expensive looking curtains, the private bathrooms...BATHROOMS?!

"Isn't this a bit much for a prisoner?"

"You are not our prisoner. You are our temporary castle repair pony."

"Man." I said with an annoyed face.

"...right. We will be leaving now. If you try and escape, we will know, for we can see everything at night."

"Riiiight. And I'm a giant being wearing purple and who eats planets."

She looked at me with the corner of her eye and a head-lift . She looked so purdy! However, many flowers have defences, and she spoke on the other side of the door:

"To be sure that you don't escape, we have sealed your exit with a spell. Two guards here will keep it up so long as it is not time for you to leave."

"FINE!"

"She's going away? Time for the submarine to exit port!"

That actually felt much better. I didn't realize that I hadn't...done my personal deeds in what I could assume was two days. (One?)

"Welp, time to jump onto the-wait a minute."

Brushing my chin with my hand, I pushed hard on the surface of the bed to make sure I wouldn't end up falling through yet another roof.

Seems stable... alley oop! *flop* Ah! This is really comfy. I'm going to need all the sleep I can get for tomorrow. I hope my time spent here doesn't delay on just fixing walls and floors. AND I REALLY NEED THOSE PANTS TOO! MENTAL SCREAM ABOUT A MENTAL SCREAM!

Immovable force

Mark was in a deep sleep. However, as the sun rose high in the sky, the time to start working had come. Yet, he hadn't woken up yet. As the spell on the door gradually disappeared, a small white mare with a fluffy green mare came inside the room to wake up "the beast". She nervously approached the bed of the giant with caution, certain that it's "sleeping" was just a plan to grab her and eat her.

As the servant approached the bed slowly, the two guards behind the door leaned over to get a better view-point of hte mare as she looked back at them, hoping that they would help her in case of a problem.

"Um...it's time to get up s-s-sir." she ducked, but opened her eyes as soon a she noticed that the beast did not wake up. "Wha-? Hey, HEY! GET UP! GET-AH!"

Mark had rolled over and grabbed the pony, only to hold her close to him like a teddy bear. It's a good thing he didn't have the reflex to chew on her. The poor mare ended up stuck between the massive arms of this creature and struggled to get out, but there was no point. He was surprisingly strong. The white mare tried to say something, but it was muffled by the blanket and the fact that Mark had blocked her mouth with his arm. The two guards slowly crept in, humor on their faces., as one of them whispered:

"Don't worry Peppermint, we'll get Luna. Perhaps she can wake him up. He does seem to only obey her."

With that, the two guards left, leaving poor Peppermint stuck within the clutches of this strange creature. It had only been a few minutes that the moon princess came in, slightly tired. Her drowziness showed exceptionally as she tried her best to stay awake. She had already stayed up a bit too late, and it was her turn to sleep while her sister took care of things. However, a more urgent matter arose that needed her attention, most notably, Mark Fénix and his sleeping needs. How long did his species need to sleep anyways? As the princess looked at Peppermint who was tired of being held within these arms.

"Do not worry, we will use the Royal Canterlot voice to awaken him. *ahem*MARK FENIX, IT IS TIME TO WAKE UP! YOU HAVE A JOB TO PERFORM AND WE WISH THAT YOU UPHOLD THIS PART OF THE DEAL!"

As Luna opened her eyes, and the other ponies nearby slowly took their hooves off their ears, everypony stared in disbelief and confusion as Mark was still asleep. He did do something that was quite amusing for some and annoying for one: he let go of Peppermint who immediately jumped off the bed and grabbed Luna's head and hugged it. The guards couldn't help but let out a "Pffpth" as Luna's head stay stuck in an awkward position. She tried tugging, but it was no use. If he really held this sort of strength, then the same problem would arise with her magic not being able to let him go. Instead, she whistled. Why? So that Philomena would fly in and peck Mark on the nose. The human immediately woke up in pain as he picked up one of his pillows and threw it at the bird in anger.

Man, that was painful. Why would she peck my nose? Damn bird. Hm?

The first thing I notice was my hand on Luna's nose. My brain was still booting up, so it took me awhile to actually realize what I was doing. When I did, I threw my hand back in shock.

"I'm going to assume that I was being grabby again while I was sleeping."

"Yes you were." said the princess.

"Hmmm...so what am I going to do today?"

"*yawn*"

"That was very unlady-like."

"Our apologies. We haven't slept yet."

"Then it would be best if you did. What would I be able to admire if there is nothing beautiful left in this castle?" I said with crossed arms.

She seemed to blush at this "compliment". Perhaps I could use this to my advantage to annoy Celestia a bit more...nah. I'll do something else less...Manipulative.

"Fine. We will retreate to our room for the day. Peppermint."

"Y-y-yes, your highness?" said the mare hiding behind the two guards.

"I trust you know what Mark must do for today?"

"O-o-of course. I-I did as you told m-me and studied everything on th-th-the parchment."

"Then help him get to work."

"Yes,your highness."

"Oh wait!" I yelled. "What was with those guards yesterday? They seemed too weak to be ROYAL guards."

"Yes. About that. You seem to have taught them a lesson in humility and of the possibilities of something being too strong to be attacked directly."

"Rookies?"

"Yes. All but one of them were. There was one who was their captain..." Luna looked ashamed when she said this.

"Which one?"

"The you were holding by the hind-legs and using as a mace." Exhaled the princess while she face-hoofed.

"Ha!"

The two guards stood back in shock while the white pony's fur and mane started to rise as if affected by static electricity.

"But what about my new clothes?"

"The clothes designer will be here at noon. I suppose you require food?"

"..."

"We will take that for a yes. What does your species eat?"

"Uhhhh...I'm not sure if you'll like what I'm about to say."

"I'm sure it won't be that much of a surprise to us."

"I'm an omnivore. You know, eats meat and plants?"

The ponies near the door backed up even more while Luna raised a tired eyebrow.

"Do you-"

"No. I don't eat equidae. In fact, find me a suitable replacement for my protein needs, and I won't need to eat meat."

"That is good to know. However, while it isn't exactly the best of things to ask, what would you like to eat for this morning?"

"Hmm...I usually don't eat in the morning on the account of my becoming sick when I work after eating. But a simple apple salad would do nicely."

"Oh. But we are out of apples. However, we did order some more from the apple orchard in Ponyville. It should arrive within the next two hours."

"Ponyville?" Who calls a location "Ponyville"? Granted, there are some stupid names for towns and cities on Earth , namely one called "Lizard Lick", but who calls a city "Ponyville"?

"We will return to our chambers, unless you want to give us a hug again?"

"I can't refuse a hug."

She stared at me blankly. I pouted.

"Fine. No hugs then." I mumbled.

As she walked out of the room, the two guards pushed the little white mare inside. She was adorable! She had a nice mane and tail that were well kept, but still managed to look like little fluffy green clouds. Her coat, although not too impressive, was still of a nice pristine white-vanilla. And on this coat were two marks on her flank. They looked like peppermint candy. Those wierd swirly red and white circles that burn off your tongue when you eat them. Her eyes matched her mane in the olive green color, and they were looking at me like giant saucers. HNNNNGH! My manliness is crumbling!

I must. Resist. The cute! I must. Walk. Away. I must. Stop. Thinking like. William Shatner.

I had to break the concentration on those adorable eyes.

"Okay then. So...where's my first assignment?"

"It's wh-where you beat up the guards."

"...Fair enough. All the materials I need are already there?"

"Y-y-yes."

"Then I shall be off. I know the way." I had just taken two steps that I realized I forgot something." Wait a minute...*schlink*THERE WE GO. NOW YOU'RE HERE." I said with clenched teeth.

A bit of readjustment to the ever seeping claws, and I was off to the wall I had destroyed. It didn't take long to find it. I had apparently just carved off some thin pieces of rock due to the armors of those "rookies". Everything was here, so I got what looked like cement, which, strangely, hadn't solidified yet, despite the time it seemed to have spent outside, and I used the brik-laying trowel to spread the cement on the wall. Unfortuntely, some pieces were too damaged to be simply covered, so chipping off the damaged pieces and replacing cement was necessary.

I had to work on yet another wall near the exit after I was done with the damages I did. I'm sure that they were testing me by making me work near the exit. However, if I judged properly by the sun, it had already been two hours past, yet I didn't see the doors opening up to bring in whatever amount of apples were needed.

It had only been a few minutes after my previous thoughts that a small portion of the door by, what I could assume was, magic, opened up. I paid no real attention and continued to work on this wall.

"Stupid bricks. They're old as fuck and they can't even stay solid for more then a few sseconds." I muttered to myself as I gently took out another brick and replaced it.

"..."

"Hmm?"

"Hey Applejack, what's that thing?"

"Ah don't know, but it looks like it's destroying the walls."

"Let's get it!"

Ah, crap.

The better ranch master

Before I could even do anything, that pink pony slammed her head against my side, but bounced off just as easily as she charged at me. Were they really this weak, or was it my imagination? I really can't tell. To simply stand up required a strength of mind just to avoid exploding in rage at this pink pony who hooked onto my head by who knows what means and started to hit it like a drum. I noticed that Philomena had buggered off somewhere, but, naturally, I didn't know where exactly.

"Can you stop hitting my head, please?"

"Okay!" said the pink pony as she jumped off.

"Wait...that's all it took?!"

"Well , you did say "please"."

Even though this wierd one looked at me with a big smile, apparently ignoring my size, I caught glimpse of the orange one trying to wrangle me with a lasso.

"Cowponies?" I thought to myself.

Luckily for me, my dad taught me how to catch a fast, incoming lasso in the air. It took...quite a long time to manage to do. Especially when he'd leave me outside while still tied up and would walk casually away like he had done something unimportant. Sometimes, I wondered if he actually thought he was a cowboy. So, as that lasso came a-flyin', I grabbed the edge of it as I jumped back. I wrapped it around my arm as I saw that orange pony look surprised, then I TUGGED HARD on it. Instead of flying towards like I would've expected, her hooves stayed firmly on the ground.

"A fighter, eh?"

"Ah ain't gon' let you get me." Her words were slightly muffled by the rope.

"Well howdy-do. Y'all 'ere in the wrong part'o town. Wese don't go 'n speak lak dat 'round dese parts here missy."

"Are ya makin' fun of mah accent?!" she said as she started to boil red.

"It is with a true honesty that I must confirm your initial suspicions."

"What?"

"*facepalm*. That means 'yes'."

She was quite the fighter. I was having trouble hanging onto this rope. Surprising as those "rookies" didn't seem to put up much of a fight despite being twenty. This one must've been a hard worker. However, I couldn't help but notice the pink one starting to fiddle with my tools.

"HEY!" I yelled as I let go of the rope. "You don't PLAY with these. They can be dangerous."

"So? I don't see how this flat thing can hurt. Maybe it's a back-scratcher?" Why did she scratch her back with it?

"Don't...*sigh* don't scratch your back with it. It's meant for smearing cement on flat areas. I suppose that you want a heavy gray back?"

"No! How would I do my parties if I can't move around?!"

"Then let go of -*Bucked!*"

I found myself lying face first on the ground again. Before I could move, that orange pony stepped on my back to "try" and prevent me from moving. Tcheah, like her little weight-load could stop me.

"Now ya better not move or else." I simply stared at her with a smile and an evil look on my face. "Ya better go get the guards Pinkie Pie. Ah'll hold him down here."

"Applejack, you do know that he's faking it, right?"

"What? Don't be silly. He can't get up, I'm sure of it, especially with that kick ah gave 'im."

"Yes, because, despite you being a work-pony, your kicks sure pierced my armor plating."

"What?!"

"To prove my point, I'm going to simply stand up and see how you like getting punted away."

I did as I said, and, despite her best efforts at hanging on to my shirt, I found the pony tumble down my back. As I pulled my foot back, the pink one went right in front of me and the cowpony.
"Hm?"

"You better not hurt my friend, or else!"

"She started it without any reason to. Now, can I get back to work?"

"Wait...you WORK here?!"

"Of course. Why else would I be here?"

"I dunno. Maybe you wanted to destroy the castle?"

"Haha! I may be strong, but I'm not THAT strong. I suppose you want to know what I am?"

"Sure! I'm a pony, by the way. My name's Pinkie Pie, and my friend's name there is Applejack."

"Sounds tomboyish."

"Not sure how ah'm s'posed ta react ta that."

"Maybe if y'all were more aquainted ta the folk ya would see, perhaps they wouldn't look lak a thrat no more?"

"Stop makin' fun of me."

"I'm not. I grew up on a farm, so I still have my 'countreh accent'."

"You grew up on a farm? That's funny, I was sure ya looked like the workin' type, but it didn't occur ta me that ya worked on a farm."

"Ya? I suppose it didn't come to mind that I am an appreciator of art and beauty as well?"

"What?"

"Such as you and your stetson hat. A pony in good shape and who has this...this "shine" to her that is imposible to decribe. Your mane and tail still glisten in the sun like polished gold despite your working, and your eyes show determination, courage, and truth. Your coats also glistens like...shall we say, a golden apple?"

"Ah didn't think you were the r-"

"MY TURN! MY TURN! What about me?!" yelled Pinkie Pie.

I had to pick her up so much she was bouncing about. She felt all fluffy and cuddly. I could just hug her...soon....

"Let's see...a cotton candy mane that is certainly as sweet as you are, and a fluffy coat that is soft to the touch. You have the positioning of a great pony who loves to bounce around and do many things at once. And your eyes shine like... candy? Intriguing. You seem to be quite the joyful one."

"Yup, that's me!"

"I suppose you like hugs?"

" I LOVE HUGS!"

She squeezed me hard while I gave her a soft one...then I remembered:

"Hmmm. Pinkie pie, do you know what a bear hug is?"

"Of course I do! Hug the other as hard as you can until one let's go. Are you...challenging me?"

"Are you too chicken to take me on."

*STARE OFF*

"I'll win this one!"

"We'll see about that!"

Applejack just stood there. She certainly thought that we were great idiots. This Pinkie Pie was surprisingly strong when it came to hugging. What? I like to have fun every now and then. Age does not equal personality.

It had already been fifteen minutes that we were squeezing eachother, and Applejack had left to do something.

"You...have great endurance."

"That's because...I'm the best...hugger in aaaalllll of Equestria."

"Well, I'm the best...on Earth..."

"What's Earth?"

"I can explain...that tomorrow...if you come..."

"Alright you two. Enough with the hugging. We gotta go Pinkie Pie."

"Awww. Bye...what's your name?"

"Mark Fénix." I said proudly.

"Mark Fénix...sounds geary to me... see you tomorrow!"

"Sounds geary? How the hell did she? Bah! Never mind. It must just be a coinciden-*schlink*"... That doesn't hurt anymore. Nice try Philomena."

The bird ruffled it's feathers smugly. It would seem that Peppermint had already come back with the bowl of apple salad on a tray that she was holding in her mouth. Ew.

"Here you g-go."

"Are you just a stutterer or is it just because I'm scaring you?"

"It's..."

"Because I'm scaring you. Don't worry, I won't hurt you. I like a friendly fight as much as the next guy, but I don't fight if it wasn't warranted. So just let eat my apples and I'll be workin' on the next task."

"O-o-ok." she said as she scurried off.

I was going to have quite the troubling week if I stayed here any longer than necessary, and I really needed those clothes. One thing actually slapped me in the head with surprise. Did I really transition from "about to punt the pony" to " This is a fine work of art" with these ponies? Are they really that lenient? Celestia sure didn't seem to be like that. Oh well. Back to work.

Dinner with the princesses

Well...there had been a minor setback with the initially hired clothes designer, so Celestia had to call on another that was supposedly a "friend" of some personal student of hers. I've never heard of a princess have a "personal student before. Seeing Celestia, however, the possibility of make-up lessons was certainly out of the list of possible things she would teach. Then again, I could annoy her with that...muahahaha! Either way, this new designer would arrive tomorrow first thing in the morning. That was just great. Either way, I was now chillin' on the walls of the castle with a chair that I made from spare pieces of wood lying around. It wasn't grade A, but it would suffice. It was nice to watch the sunset in a mixture of orange, yellow, red, and black. It gave my eyes something to appreciate while stuck behind gray walls. I also noticed that Philomena, despite her incessant pecking on my head, seeped her claws less deeply into my shoulder. I considered this a good thing. Who knew what kind of damage I could get if she went too far?

Peppermint also seemed to have become a personal messenger for me, as well as a taskmanager. She was just too adorable to refuse any demands, however, this last one was asking too much.

As Philomena flew away for the night, I took one more sip of a glass of orange juice given to me by the guards for my hard work, but I heard that wierd "clippity-cloppity" sound the ponies would make when they would gallop towards me. Agently head turn the right, adn I could see that whitish pony holding a parchment in her mouth.

"Take it." she mumbled.

"Ooookayyyy...ew..."

A careful inspection for slobber and I broke this parchment open. I was quite surprised to see that this was actually well written. Magic? Probably. Anyways, the letter was from Luna asking me to attend to a private dinner with her and Celestia to "better" our relationship with eachother. I tossed the letter aside.

"I'm sorry but this is too much to ask, even if it comes from Luna."

"Princess Luna."

"She's a princess? YOU DON'T SAY?!"

"You're being too formal with them."

"They don't seem to care and neither do I. I have no appreciation of royalty unless they did something amazing for their country. Therefore, I call anyone by their first name."

That did get me in alot of trouble with the big boss of the construction company I worked for, but seeing as I worked hard, proved by my workmates, he would let it slide. I was lucky to get such a boss.

"But, the princess-"

"I don't care. Besides, even if I went, what do you think it would look like? I smell, I have just a shirt as well as underwear and pants on, and I don't even have my shoes, so my feet must be as black as coal."

"You do know that there's a shower in your room that was adjusted to your size, right?"

"Isn't the dinner now?"

"No. It is in half an hour."

"Fine, but I'm only taking a shower. I'm not going to he dinner."

"Please?"

Oh no, it's...the FACE... those big 'ol eyes are too much to bear!"

"OKAY! OKAY! Just sto doing the face! It's too much!" I yelled while trying to shield my eyes.

"Hah! The sad eyes always work."

"You win this round, but you will pay. Oh yes! You will pay dearly."

"I'm sure I will." she said with a sigh."

Damn these ponies and their adorableness, they cause me to have emotions.

I hurried up to my roopm to clean myself and my clothes the best I could. It was pretty hard cleaning clothes and hoping they would dry immediately, but they did. I'm not sure how that happenned. I really need to get back home if I want to keep the correct laws of physics in my mind. A knock on my door as I was putting my slightly cleaner clothes on caught me off guard. Moaning, I opened the door to the narrow outside corridor, only to see a guard there waiting.

"Have you accepted the invitation?"

"Unfortunately."

"Heh. Then follow me."

I had to follow this guy throughout the castle just to find two golden colored doors. That was unimpressive for a dining room, however, the interior was much different. The guard opened the door and lift a hoof as I was invited insie. This room was basically the cliché of castle dining rooms. A bit of those big-ass tapestries adorning the walls, lots of litten chandeliers dangling from the roof, and a very long wooden table able to accompany atleast fifty guests. However, it came to my surprise that there were a few others here, namely a white pony who looked gorgeus! However, I'm not sure if it was artificial beauty that she used, but she still looked ravishing. A few whispers at my entry brought my attention, as well as me and Celestia's eyes meeting, which caused us to both grin at eachother. I noticed that there was a spot free next to Luna, so I approached it and asked:

"Is this seat taken?"

"No, it is not. You may sit there."

"Thank you. I apologize for my attire. As you know, I didn't get to meet the clothes-designer due to a lack of the pony being here."

"It is quite alright."

I was lucky that these seats were made "over-size". My gigantic buttox fit snuggly on the seat while the other ponies certainly had enough room to lie down on them. Except of course, for Celestia and Luna, who were the biggest ponies I had seen so far.

I waited patiently at my spot, staring blankly into the open, while the other ponies seemed to bend slowly forward to get a better look at me. However, I noticed Celestia huff while still staring at me blatantly. So I decided to mess with her as I kept a smile on while looking mad.

"Problem, princess?"

"No...I just understand why YOU would come to this finner, despite my sister sending you an invite." she said as she looked at Luna furiously from the corner of her eyes. Luna shrunk a bit.

"Perhaps it's because I like to define what I see and how I see it? Or maybe it's because I have a sense of humor? You don't seem too..illuminated on the subject." I said with a smile reaching my ears.

"And you don't seem too 'fit' for your job."

"I guess being bright isn't too necessary for doing some jobs."

"And you have the audacity to mock me in front of everypony?"

"I guess I'm just having a sunny day." I said while lying back against my chair, hands behind my head.

The other started to shrink as Celestia started turning red.

"Please, princess, red is NOT your color. You look better with your sparkly white coat." She looked confused.

"Take that! The mindfuck of the day."

"I would like to interject here. I know it is none of my concern but, who and what are you?" said a stallion with a blue mustache.

"My name is Mark Fénix. I'm a human. And you would be?"

"My names is Fancypants."

I "monobrowed".

"What?"

"Nothing. And who is that to your side? She i quite dazzling for the eyes of my inner artist."

"This Fleur de Lis."

"Pleased to meet you." she said...with a french accent?

"The pleasure is all mine. You see Celestia, I have good manners. You needn't mentally overheat by thinking about what I could do."

"..."

"Why do you speak to her majesty like that? It is quite uncouth for...some..."

"Someone."

"Someone, thank you, to talk to royalty like that."

"Ah! But you see, I don't have much patience when it comes to royalty. Let's just say that the world where I come from had many,MANY kings, queens, emperors, leaders, and so on and so forth, that have brought almost nothing to the countries of the world. Our history goes far, and it was with the hard-working train of thinking from the average 'peasant' that my species is where it is today. Although, I'm sure we're at the same point as we were a few hundred years ago now as we were in the apst, but just with more advanced technology."

"Interesting. But I suppose I can understand your viewpoints on royalty from that perspective, however, I think you will note that princess Celestia has done a fine job ruling over Equestria these last thousand years."

"Wait...then what about Luna?"

Both princesses hung their heads in shame.

"Am I missing something here?"

"It's best that you not learn of our past." said Luna.

"Fine by me. I won't dig deeper than needed."

Celestia seemed taken aback by my reply. I'm pretty sure that she was pretty sure about me being the rude one., but something certainly came to mind when she asked me a question that I had the pleasure of answering:

"I suppose that if I said that, you would have insisted on learning about our past."

"Hmmm, let me think...Mmyes, very much so."

I saw growling in her eyes. This was so much fun to annoy royalty. However, the rest of the night was spent without much trouble as I traded words with Fancypants as well as Luna. AND I got to see my meat replacement. A tasteless blackish-brown rectangle. It was basically a protein bar like the ones on Earth. Meh, it's better than nothing. I was going to get out of my room early tomorrow morning so I could start working on the roof of this castle...well...one of the roofs. I didn't know why, but I could feel that I would be hit on the head by something other than Philomena...hmm...I'll have to be on my guard.

White diamond

As promised to myself, I use secret technique passed down by ancestors. It is honorable technique of builder. If I reveal it, I would dishonor my honor. So, besides my thought pattern of using old Japanese accents, I sneaked out of my room and started working early on the roof, just so I could rest for the rest of the day. I'm pretty sure it was going to be time for Luna to go to bed, as the sun started to rise. Some get bored of sunrise and sunset, but in another world, it was something to admire. It was like looking at the greatest circular light ever. It eventually covered the land in a perpetual light as this illuminating wave swept over the shadows like a tsunami. However, I wasn't done with working, and I needed to finish this roof. Of course, that damn phoenix had some sort of the sixth sense related to me, and was busy watching me replacing a few roof tiles.

"Stupid tiles. Why don't you stay in place?! Oh shi-"

One of the tiles slid off the roof I was sitting on and, with the *clink clink clink* that it made, I leaned over to hear it break on the floor. Instead, I heard a *thump* followed by a loud "OW!". I thought it was Celesta, so I got back to work like nothing happenned. However, I forgot about them having wings, and, following the landing on the roof, I was greeted with a punch to the back of my head.

"Ow! What's wrong with...oh...hi Luna."

"How did you even get out of your room?"

"It is secret technique. IIIIII cannot tell you."

"Since you didn't seem to go deeper in a certain subject last night, we will not go further into this one. But why are you working so early?" I got back to work as I sit down and grabbed another nail.

"Back in my world, I was sometimes called early in the morning. In exchange for calling me earlier, I was given extra resting time. Some people just don't like working over-time."

"So you believe that we will give you extra waiting time?"

"Clothes would be nice for today. Especially some pants and shoes. This is getting increasingly annoying."

"We are confused as to why you perpetually where them. Why don't you simply take them off?"

The blood's-a rushin' and a clottin' in mah face.

"Dah...durrr...duuuummmm....." I sputed while I stumbled upright." I'd rather keep them on,thank you."

"Why?"

"Back where I come from, nakedness isn't exactly appreciated outside of deep relationships...and...other disturbing things."

"So it is a type of taboo?"

"Basically. That, and our special areas aren't hidden like for you ponies."

"We seeeeee...."

"Why do you keep speaking of yourself in plural form?"

"It is a tradition that we have grown accustomed to. It is-"

"-the royal "we"?" I said while rolling my eyes.

"...Yes. I suppose you have a way of talking too. Dost thou speaketh the olde english?"

"Nay."

"Hrmhrm. "Neigh"."

"But there is the traditional Royal Canterlot voice."

"And how does that work?"

"IT REQUIRES ME TO USE A TONE OF THIS VOLUME WHEN I SPEAK TO MY SUBJECTS!"

"Wow. That was AWESOME! I've never seen someone with that kind of voice! Although I'm sure a few heavy metal "singers" would love her"

"It does not "hurt" you like the others have said?"

"Bah! I'm used to loud noises. Ever heard of a jackhammer?"

"No. What is it?"

"It's used to break away pieces of cement, so it makes quite the ruckus."

"We see. We shall retreat for the day."

"Good...uh...day then?"

Luna looked so adorable when she was tired....oh no...OH NO! My manliness is fading! *sounds of dying and gurgling* *BOOM*

"What was that?" I mumbled to myself as I let go off my neck and stopped my spasms.

I slowly stood up. Being on a roof could be dangerous, especially without a harness.
But that sound seemed to be a sonic boom. But how was such a thing possible? Especially in a world devoid of any real technology. Even if that was a sonic boom, I would have seen the object before the sound reached my ears.

"What's that blue thing over there that's coming diRECTLY AT ME!"

I barely had time to avoid thatt the zig-zagging blue streak smacked me in the face and caused me to tumble forward back towards the direction of the entrance/exit. I tried hanging onto the tiles, but they kept flinging off of my hands, and I saw myself falling to my doom. Instead of flopping on the ground like pancake, though, I was caught in the air by Philomena who forced herself to fly me into a tree, causing the both of us to flop on the branches and land on the ground with a hard *thump*.

I managed to sit up, but Philomena had a bunch of crap ruffled in her feathers, so I forced myself to pick them out. The next second, a blue pagasus with a rainbow colored mane landed right in front of me.

"Hey! You think destroying the roof of the castle is going to get you anywhere you...you thing?"

She was one of the few that managed to make me angry.

"So...you slam into me, knock me off a roof, and nearly kill me, just because you thought that I was destroying the roof?! I'LL DENT YOUR SKULL!"

"COME ON THEN!"

I sprinted towards the pegasi who hopped high into the air and tried to fly away. Unfortunately for her, I caught her wing and threw her hard on the ground.

"Let's how you deal with a good old fashioned sumo body-slam." I said as I cracked my knuckles. "BODY-SLAM!" *boom*

Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight Sparkle were passing through the newly opened entrance, and were busy talking to eachother about the new creature Pinkie had found. However, at the sight of a gigantic creature holding Rainbow Dash by her wings and shaking her like a baby-rattle had the two unicorns charging directly at it to save their friend.

"Now I hope you've understood that what you did was a very bad thing. You may pretty much bruised up my entire body, but I'm still pretty sure I can deal with small ponies who jet around and smack me in a fight."

"Hey you!"

"Hm?"

"Let go of Rainbow Dash!" said a lavender colored pony galopping towards me.

"Yes. Let go of her or else we'll...we'll." stuttered the white unicorn

"Ah?! You seem to radiate with beauty." I said directly to her. I believe I flaunted her ego somewhat.

"Oh? You think so?"

"Yyyyessss....but it is artificial."

"WHAT?!"

"Don't think I can't see the make-up and the fake eye-lashes. You may use natural remedies for your coat and skin, but that can't hide usage of artificial sweeteners to these eyes."

"*sigh* Can you just let go of my friend you're holding before Rarity gets angry?"

"Rarity? A sparkling name. Fine. I'll let go of your friend, but tell her to stop knocking me off roofs. She hurt Philomena."

"SHE WHAT?!"

"I just-"

That lavender colored pony had already jettisonned towards the phoenix taking out the branches and leave ruffled into it's feathers and surprised me with it's quick healing. I didn't know phoenixes had quick healing.

"Oh, hey Pinkie Pie!"

"Hey Mark. HUG ATTACK!"

"YOU'LL NEVER DEFEAT ME!"

I could see this "Rarity" stare at us back and forth as we started to squeeze eachother.

"Pinkie...you know this creature?"

"Tcha! I met him yesterday."

"Wait...this was the thing you were telling me about?" said Twilight as she walked away with the phoenix on her back.

"Yup. Hey Mark, this is Twilight Sparkle." she had less trouble talking as I wasn't squeezing her anymore.

"Hi."

"This is Rarity."

"Helloooooo."

"And the one you beat up is Rainbow Dash."

"Speaking of which, did you say that she knocked you off the roof?" asked Twilight.

"Aye. 'Just went *zoom* and off the roof I went. It's a good thing Philomena managed to arc my fall or else I would've become flat like a pancake. I suggest you look over her. I gave her a punch to the gut to calm her down, and I don't want to know that I put her into a coma. Although the attempts at someone's life isn't exactly the best way to meet someone."

"She'll be fine. If I know Rainbow Dash, it's that she's sturdy."

"Quite." I remembered me body-slamming onto her and seeing her jet back off the ground and hit me like a stinging bee.

"Mark, didn't you say that you were going to tell me more about your species and where you come from if I came today?"

"Oh yeah! I almost forgot."

"Well, that's all fine and dandy Pinkie, but I believe we should be going now. Princess Luna asked me personally for designing somepony's clothes."

"That would be for me."

"W-WHAT?!" she gasped.

"Well, duh! Look at me! I don't exactly look very good without pants and shoes on, now do I?"

"I was wondering why you were wearing such horrid attire. I mistook you for a troll."

*mental trollface*

"I can explain more about myself when you take the measurements of my over-sized body, okay?"

"Fine, but I want an apology about what you said of me, about my beauty being 'artificial'."

"No can do. I'm an admirer of art, and as such, I have a keen eye for these sort of things. I admire natural beauty, not artificial beauty. A work of art must be nothing but the paint and the brush. It shouldn't have sparkles and all that over it."

Her eyes seemed to gleam.

"So you also know fashion?"

"Not really. In my world, there are really wierd things being called called 'art' and 'fashion'."

"We'll talk about it as soon as we're in the dressing room."

"Okay. Just let me call Peppermint. PEPPERMINT!"

I was lucky that these ponies were so small, although this blue one packed quite a punch. However, a simple touch to her wings and she spiralled out of control. HA! I'm not sure if I could deal with fighting the princesses though. They seem mighty powerful, although I'm sure my brawn can go against their magic...hopefully.

I feel like this chapter was of poor quality. It seems that my brain is starting to overheat again. It's annoying and slowing my imagination.

A new deal

We had finally arrived in the dressing room. It was actually pretty small compared to the other rooms in this castle that smelled of compensation in some department or other. However, it was very well organized, what with the rollls of fabric placed in order by color and size within tall shelves. The sowing tools were already taken by this white pony, except of course, for the sowing machine itself, which lay dormant in a corner. I was standing on a stool, without my shirt, but with my pants on. Despite this pony's insistance that I take off all my clothes so that she could measure me properly, a loud "NO" was enough to hold her off. They seemed rather surprised that I actually had muscles when, with my shirt on, I looked rather fat.

Twilight's interest in my species is mostly annoying at best. She even had to ask about our reproductive abilities and how they worked, to which me and Rarity choked on our spit, and Pinkie Pie told the lavender pony that that isn't the best of questions to ask. Either way, she wanted me to tell her about the more "social" aspects of our culture...she was more shocked and appalled then pleased.

"Well, you can either take it or leave it. In my world, power is envied by nearly everyone of a high status. Once they have everything, they still want more. It's sad really."

"But, there is no central leadership? No princess?"

"Nope. In fact, I believe there are about one hundred and ninety-six countries in the world."

"That is quite alot." said Rarity while still measuring my waist."

"Oh yes. I'm sure you would love to see everything some cultures make, such as the Chinese. They have a great culture all the same, and they make magnificent clothing."

"Oooo! That sounds exotic."

"Actually, Twilight, the majority of problems in every country comes from the stupidity of humans. It's like 'Oh my god! Like, his skin is SOOO totally not white-vanilla. We should, like, totally diss on him for, like, having 'colored' skin even though white is still a color.' and many other things that I would prefer not to talk about."

"What? You hate on eachother just because you have different colored skin?" asked Pinkie Pie.

"Yup. I don't hate humanity though. I prefer to see the brighter side of it by admiring the art we have created over the years, whether it's painted, sculpted, or built."

"So you DO have a great taste of fashion!"

"I already told you that I have NO sense of fashion. Besides, I would be glad if you just gave me plain shirts, pants, and undergarments. I don't need any extravaganza." I said as Rarity pouted.

"Fine, but don't come back to me if you want something special."

"I won't."

"They always say that. Oh, and I already finished your measurements and clothing."

"What? But I just-"

"Here."

Two plain shirts floated into my open arms, as well as two slightly thicker pants, and what looked like a strange triangular cloth that was certainly to serve as underwear. Two shoes and a pair of socks floated near my feet too. The shoes made me think of the old fashioned leather shoes. Atleast they were sturdy. The shirts were purple and green, respectively, while the pants carried the same coloration. I w ould mix them up to give more "tropical" coloring for myself.

"Thanks..."

"No problem."

"Now could you turn around while I put them on?" Rarity rolled her eyes but did as asked.

"Much better. Hey, this is pretty comfortable!"

"I'm glad you like it. Now, we need to go."

"But Rar-"

"No buts Pinkie. I have many things to do, and I'll need your help with them."

"As for me, I need to catalogue all this." said Twilight.

Before they even moved, I noticed something:

"Wait...where's your blue friend?"

"That's true. I'm pretty sure she left back for Ponyville. She is a sore loser after all."

They all giggled. Why? What was so funny?

"Bye Dom-I mean Mark!" said Pinkie with a smile.

I couldn't help but twitch at what she said. HOW THE FU-never mind. She must be one of those "illogical" people I've heard so much about. They have-a the special-u sixth sense. Besides, she was too cute 'n cuddly to stay permanently mad at. I was actually surprised at how fast my encounteres with these "outsiders" was going. One second, they're here, the other, they leave.

On my exit of my room, I returned to the roof to finish up my work, only to see that everything had been placed like it should have been.

"How did this happen?"

"I finished it for you." said a familiar voice behind me.

"Thank you Celestia, but I would've preferred to finish it myself."

"Yes, well, it was my thanks for you trying to keep my Philomena safe despite her falling with you."

"I think I would've still taken the brunt of the fall if it was one of those little ponies. I'm the bigger one here, so I have to take the brunt of the fall."

"Well, I thank you anyways. You also got your new clothes from Rarity?"

"Wait...you know them?"

"Of course. She IS the friend of my student, Twilight Sparkle, unless you have forgotten."

"No. In fact, your student came here with Pinkie Pie."

"What? Why?"

"Apparently, Pinkie Pie told her about me, so she wanted to learn more about my species. She was interested when I talked about the evolution, but turned green when I talked about our...society."

"I'm not surprised."

"Anyways, what do you need?"

" I have a proposal for you."

"Yeah?"

"You've been working hard for the time you have spent here, so I'll give you two days without work if you do this one simple thing."

"What?"

"Help the royal guards with their training."

"And who am I going to fight? The professionals or the rookies?"

"The neophytes."

"The rookies then...all right. I suppose I shouldn't go too rough on them?"

"No. We don't want you to do to them like what you had done last time..."

"Heheheh. So what am I going to teach them?"

"Teamwork. You are very strong and magic doesn't seem too effective on you, so they are going to learn how to take on other threats by working together."

"All right. When do I start?"

"Tonight. Luna and I will be watching."

"Perfect. When will I be called?"

"I will come get you personally. I don't trust you one bit." she said while squinting at me.

"*sniff* You hurt me. I thought we had something special together. You really brightened up my day."

"Just be in your room when I come."

"Will do."

Stompin' the troops

"Where is she? I'm eager to see how this works......come on!" *knock knock* "Finally! So, are we going?"

"Yes, with teleportation."

"Okay...wait what? AH!"

Celestia touched and with both appeared in what looked like a small colisseum. I felt like I was about to hurl.

"HMGH! Blech...don't do that again."

"Awww, feeling sick?"

"Hearing you is just making matters worse."

I'm sure I heard her "HRRRRGH!" when I said that.

"Mark, could you stop mocking our sister? We don't appreciate it." said Luna as she levitated me back onto my feet.

"....sure.... Do I have to go down there?"

"Yes. You will be the first portion of the new recruit's training. Once they beat you, they will pass onto the next phase." replied Celestia.

"Then I guess it will last a looooong time."

"Don't be so full of yourself. Everything can be beaten."

"Like your affinity with the sun and my flashy puns about it?"

"..."

"So, how do I get down there?"

"We will levitate you down there."

"Thank you Luna."

I felt myself become light as a feather as I was levitated closer to the gray surface. This was really an arena where the rookies who were going to become full-fledged royal guards. This would explain why there were no thrones to seat the two princesses up there. However, they did sit in the area where the veterans were, so I guess that was about the same. A door right across from me opened up and out came only ten guards. One of the "generals" stood up and started to yell:

"Rookies, this test will pit you against a very powerful creature unknown outside of this castle. In order to defeat it, you will need to use teamwork. Depending ,on how long it takes to subdue the creature, and how many of you are needed will determine your liability to become a full-fledged guard of Canterlot castle. Got it?"

"YES SIR!"

"And the princesses are here to deal with any...problems that might occur."

"One question?" I yelled out." Can I use one of them as a mace to beat the others?"

"W-wha--" stuttered the general. My ability to speak apparently surprized him.

"Yes you may, but do not hit them too hard."

"That all depends on how hard they hit me , Luna."

I'm pretty sure the guards started to mumble about me speaking so formally to royalty.Either way, I decided to use a scary look to frighten the guards. They were ALMOST intimidated, but it didn't really have any effect on them.

"The test starts now!" ( A little music for your thoughts? )

Instead of starting to circle around me or something, one of the guards charged head first into me without listening to the "squad leader".

"Ha! The only thing this creature has is size! It doesn't even have any real threatening abilities. It doesn't even have claws! I'll take it down by myself!" said the little guard while charging at me.

I had three things come to mind as he charged at me. I punt him really far with my foot, I let him hurt himself by charging into my legs, or I simply stop him with one hand and let him struggle like a small kid while trying to reach me...I preferred to try the less violent method.

Since I did so just by crouching, the small idiot kept pushing against my arm, but, obviously, it wasn't working.

"And you're trying to accomplish what by pushing against my hand?"

"Wha--"

"IMMA PICK YA UP AND THROW YA AT THE OTHERS LAK A BOWLIN' BALL!"

He literally flew into the group that stayed in place due to sheer surprise, allowing them to learn the pleasures of flight.

"Ha! Strike! Sooo...what now? Do I just do what I want?" The two princesses nodded."Well then, I'll charge in head first!"

I did just that while the rookies were still trying to get back up. I grabbed one and started to use him as a mace until throwing him further away. The squad leader tried combining his magic with two ther unicorns, but it didn't help them. I just body slammed on top of them, causing them to become more...slim? Pfffph. I could easily see the generals in their watchout face...hoof and sigh in agaony at this performance. Just to help them out, I bent carefully towards an ear of the leader and whispered.

"You know, usually, I woulsn't help you out with your mistakes because you're an enemy, and interrupting your enemy during their mistakes is impolite, but I suggest you call for backup. Bigger and well-organized numbers sometimes brings victory where there is only defeat."

He stared at me in shock, but did just that, allowing twenty more guards to come in. I just took two of the already knocked out guards and started to act like an unintelligent primate by poking their armors. This disarray of troops gave me the time to listen to their planning, but I still acted like an idiot while the pegasi moved slowly around me with the unicorns preparing to lock me in place with their magic. The earth ponies were going to charge at me in-case the magic didn't work, while the pegasi would tie me up.

As they looked at me with cautious stares, the pegasi jumped up and flew at me with quick speed.

"IT'S A TRAP!" I yelled as I got up and threw the two guards at the incoming pegasi like giant ninja-stars.

I just got about five of them while the others kept coming. By reflex, I dropped to the ground and rolled to the side. I quickly spotted the typical sparkling of magic surrounding my hands and feet. The increased amount of unicorns gave more "gravity" on my joints, but they didn't hinder me well enough, so I simply stood up and wiped some dust off. Unfortunately, I forgot about the earth ponies, who swarmed me like mice in a farm. Weighing over two tons (a bit of an exaggeration), I couldn't help but fall to the ground.

"Aww crap. Well, I guess you got me now."

"Not yet." said a guard.

"Oh yeah, you have to tie me up?"

"No, we have to beat you up."

"Fine, try it."

A little punching well worth it seeing what I did to their buddies. Unfortunately for me, they were using something strange on their hooves, and were only aiming for my face. Of course it hurt, but I didn't care, up to the moment where I saw my blood start to splatter on the floor. Now that I knew this wasn't a dream, I got pissed off. They made me mad, and they'll know what it's like when I'm truly pissed off. I started to shake as adrenaline filled my muscles and shook the ponies off my back.

"You made me mad. Now it's time to pay."

"Don't worry guys, he shouldn't be....too...impressive...what?"

I had my foot above the one talking, and I stomped down hard. Hard enough to hear the metal of his helmet crinkle like aluminum foil. I picked him up and threw his unconciuos body against the wall. Then, I berserked into the rookies' ranks, knocking over some of the guards as I would "knee" them in the face.

The pegasi still up after my "trap" came at me in all directions. One even flew onthe ground just to trip me over. I sat on the pony the second he passed near my legs, letting my weight crush him. Picking him up, I gave him two swift punches to the gut and started using the guard like a baseball bat, smacking everybody away as they came closer and closer. The unicorns decided to go "lethal" force by shooting bolts at me. I narrowly avoided them as I got closer just to stop directly in front in one. I took out my "KARATE-CHOP" hand, and started to hit them in the neck with it.

"I feel just like a lumberjack and that's ok."

However, I suddenly couldn't move as a strange blackish aura surrounded me.

"That is enough Mark! Calm yourself!" yelled Luna.

"...pffiou..." Luna let go of me suddenly."I'm going back to my room to clean up these stains." I said as I kicked a door open.

"What was that?!" a general yelled after Mark left the room.

Some of the guards tried to reply, but many of them were moaning on the ground. However, one of them replied.

"We don't know! He just went berserk and started to stomp our heads in!"

"Oh really?" yelled another slightly skinnier general." Why is there blood on the area that you had tackled him? I would understand you softening the creature up to tire it in order to have less difficulty in wrapping them up, but you used magic enhanced hooves to wound it."

"So?! Did you see what it was doing to us? It was using us like maces!"

"Yes, but he wasn't using his full strength to hit you, and I told him to teach you how to deal with creatures much more powerful than you can imagine. Some are only affected by tremendous amounts of magic, as my sister demonstrated. It is only after you caused him to bleed that he became angry. And you have all seen what that has caused you." said Celestia.

"But..."

"NO BUTS!" yelled yet another , more burly general.

"To your quarters at once! We will talk about this later."

The rookies did as told and dragged eachother through the doors. However, the serious tones on each general's face went to a more worried one after every guard was gone and turned to face the princesses.

"Princess Celestia" said the "normal" looking guard." Why did you bring that thing into the admission arena? Did you see how strong it was?"

"Yes. That's why my sister and I came here if there were any problems."

"We are quite dissappointed in the lack of their discipline, however. It would be best that this sort of thing never happen again. Please excuse us while we go talk to him."

"Luna, I don't like him, and I still don't understand that "link" he has with you, but I don't think it is a good idea to see him right now."

"We aren't a filly anymore , sister. We think we can handle any problems if they arise. Besides, he wouldn't harm any of us. He's too...soft."

"SOFT?!" yelled the generals and Celestia in unison.

"Did you see what he did to the rookies? And awhile back when he was challenged by nineteen of them and a captain? " said the burly general.

"That was a duel that he accepted, and they all charged against him instead of the honorable one versus one. He was simply defending himself. He isn't a bad human. And our decision stays. We will go see him."

And with that, Luna left to see the human who appreciated her "natural beauty" as much as a gemstone that had been preciously carved and polished for several years. If she knew his inner artist, it's that he wouldn't destroy a "work of art" that he appreciated too much. This "speach" wouldn't have any consequences whatsoever.

Pinkie's party

Luna approached the door leading to Mark's room. Instead of opening it directly, she leaned her ear against it to hear what he was doing. Sounds of vases breaking and cursing were heard. The princess opened the door immediately, expecting to see Mark raging and destroying everything. Instead, he was trying to place a bandage on his head, but kept tripping backwards.

"Almost got it...almost got it... OH SHI-" *SMASH* " Great. ANOTHER broken vase. Oh,. Hi Luna." I said with a hand wave as I stood back up.

"Hello Mark...We thought you would be upset for what happenned earlier."

"Not anymore. Say, could you help me with these freakin' bandages for my head? I have this stupid reflex that makes me pull my head back when I try and put something on it."

"*sigh* Fine."

Luna lift the roll of bandages and wrapped them over my head, keeping them glued tight with her magic.

"Wait, did you disinfect it first?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"There we go. Thanks for the help. Atleast I have something similar to a bandana now."

"You appreciate bandanas?"

"Yes...although that has enforced something of a look-a-like with a certain character in my world." I said while frowning.

"Mhmm. So you have no qualms whatsoever?"

"Nope. Although I think you need a hug."

"What? No."

"Come on...someone needs a hug."

"We don't need a hug."

I frowned and extended my arms forward while motioning my hands for Luna to get closer.

"Come one."

"No!"

"Yes. You need a hug. Come here."

"We don't need a--"

"Yes you do. Come on."

"No!"

"Yes. Come here."

"Stop it."

"Come on. I can do this all night and all day."

"Will you leave us alone if we give you a...hug."

"...Mebeh. Come on then."

She rolled her eyes and came into arms reach. Instead of just lowering myself, I picked her up and gave her a great big hug. I didn't give her a bear hug, but just a regular hug. She felt quite soft and, opposed to my initial thoughts, didn't try to kick me to get out of my hug. Instead, she hugged me around my neck...then started to strangle me.

"What are you doing?"

"Isn't this what you call a 'bear-hug'?"

"Are you...challenging me?" I said with a crazy face.

"Not tonight, no. Perhaps some other time." she dropped down once I let her go.

"I thought you were asleep when I was having the hug wars with Pinkie Pie."

"The servants told us about it. You have some "fun" games back in your world."

"Yes...games."

"Have a nice sleep."

"Thank you. I would say the same, but you don't sleep at night, do you?"

She just smirked and left the room and closed the door.

"Perfect. Two whole days of doing nothing,AND I did my good deed for the day...er...night."

The next morning, a strange creature snuck quietly into Mark's room like a ninja's shadow. It slowly moved up to the sleeping and, with a loud party whistle, yelled:

"SURPRISE MARK! Mark...hey Mark...WAKE UP!" said the pink pony as she shook the human with her hooves.

"Ah don't think he's gonna wake up Pinkie." said Applejack.

"What? But nopony stays asleep when I give them a party."

"Ah know. Gosh. Even Big Mac doesn't sleep this deep."

"Wait...*GASP* HE MUST BE DYING! I NEED TO PERFORM MOUTH TO MOUTH!"

"Wait PInkie! He isn't-too late".

Pinkie kept going back in forth inhaling a tremendous amount of air and blowing it into Mark's lungs. He woke up to a displeasing view. It looked like Pinkie Pie was kissing him. After his brain went in motion, his eyes widened and his pupils shrunk.

"WHAT THE?" GET OFF ME!" I yelled as I threw Pinkie off my bed. "Phapth. ARGH! WHAT'D YA GO 'N DO THAT FER?!"

"You're alive!" she yelled as she jumped back and squeezed me as hard as she could.

"What?"

"She thought you were dead 'cause ya didn't wake up when she blew her toy in yer ear."

"What...hngh...toy?!" I was trying to get this pony off, but she was stuck to me harder than cement.

"That one." Applejack pointed to.

"Pff. That's not going to wake me up. You need something that's so loud I can hear for several kilometers. I won't wake up because you blew in my ear."

"I'll remember that." said Pinkie Pie.

"So what's this all about?"

"Well, you're new new here and I thought that giving you a welcoming party would be great and I planned this with the princesses permission so there wouldn't be any trouble while we have a party so it's like it's a surprise but not really get it?"

"...what?"

"She planned a surprise part fer ya in the garden."

"Ohhh. Then please exit my "demeure" while I get dressed."

"Why?"

"...Let's just go Pinkie."

"Well, okay then. See you in the garden."

The door closed with a slow creaking noise as Pinkie was trying to take a peek at me through the door creases. Applejack, fortunately, grabbed her mane and pulled her away from the door.

"Finally! Now to get dressed."

After doing things that aren't intersting, I left my room and leaned over the short walls to see that there were tons of baloons everywhere as well as cake and several games to play. The six mares from before were there, as well as a few guards and Celestia. I was wondering why Luna preferred to sleep than have a fun party. And...was that a trampoline? I LOVE TRAMPOLINES!

I jet down there as fast as possible, only to see everyone stop me and say hello. Even that mustache guy and his friend Fleur-de-Lis were here. I could see that Rarity was having a great time with that gentleman and his smug "entourage", even though they were few.

"Hi Twilight, Hi...who are you?" I asked as I saw a little yellow pony behind them.

"..."

"A quiet one , eh?"

"..."

*snort*

"I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T QUITE HEAR THAT!"

"...shy."

"WHAT?!"

"DEAR EQUESTRIA! WHY ARE YOU YELLING?!" shouted Celestia.

"I CAN'T HEAR THIS YELLOW PONY, SO I'M ASSUMING I'M HAVING TROUBLE HEARING!"

"THAT'S NOT A REASON TO YELL!"

"THEN WHY ARE YOU YELLING AS WELL?!"

"I..."

"So what's your name?"

"F-Fluttershy."

"Sounds like the feeling one gets in their stomach when they are nervous. You know? Butterflies?"

"Y-yes."

"I hope you have fun here. I'm pretty sure Pinkie pulls off good partYYYYSSSS!"

That blue pegasus attacked me again, but this one felt less violent.

"Alright then bub. I worked hard to beat you, and this time I will."

"Why is everyone so intent in attacking me these past few days? Fine. Come at me bra."

The fight broke out, and everypony just sat back and watched. Pinkie, however, popped out from behind the bushes with Philomena on her back.

"Go stop that Philomena."

The bird nodded, but before it vould take flight, Mark was standing victoriously on Rainbow Dash and started to beat his chest and yell like a falling man.

"Fine. You win again."

"Lemme help you up."

"Thanks...NO WAIT!"

"HEEEYAH!"

I threw her high in the air, but she had time to deploy her wings and call me crazy.

"In a party, you do fun things! Pinkie Pie, to the trampoline!"

"Yes, sir!"

We both ran as fast as we could, occasionally pushing eachother away to get to the contraption first.

"Ha!" I yelled as I bounced on this contraption. "I got here first!"

"No I did!"

"Oh yeah." I squinted my eyes Hollywood-zoom style. "Wanna bet?"

Pinkie did the same.

"Yeah. Hiyah!"

"I counter your dragon kick with my phoenix uppercut."

"I block your uppercut. HADOUKEN!"

"WHAT?!"

"How the hell does she know about Street Fighter?!"

"Oh yeah? Shoryuken!"

"Ommf!" she said as she flew higher. I didn't hit her. I just pushed on her chin.

"K.O.! I win! Hey Celestia, why not come over here and have fun with us."

"No. It wouldn't be-"

"-upholding of royalty? Noone cares. I want you on this trampoline. RIGHT NOW!"

"FINE!"

She flew all the way over here with an annoyed face. I stopped bouncing with a smirk on my face and crossed arms.

"There. Are you happy? Now I'm getting off."

"...NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" I yelled. "BODY SLAM!"

"NO WAIT!"

"Too late!" I yelled in a very low voice with the best Russian accent I could muster.

Celestia flew up into the air, desperately trying to regain her ground. I bounced up and landed even harder on the trampoline, just to make her fly once more. However, she started to calm down and seemed to be finally taking pleasure in it.

"See princess, this is fun!" said Pinkie Pie.

"I suppose so. I never did have time to amuse myself properly."

"Well, today is a party, and even YOU should have fun. Don't be all dark 'n shady and have fun. It isn't limited to the little folk."

"Fine. Just don't make your irritating puns about me."

"That really darkened my day Celestia. Why ddid you have to set my mood on the horizon?" Pinkie was giggling at my terrible puns.

"That's it! I'm going to strangle you with my own hooves."

"You gotta catch me first!"

This party was quite exciting. And for the first time in awhile, I got to let myself go with everyone. However, I felt that this wouldn't last long. I don't know why, but it was coming.

Two weeks amount to a year

I was having a great time with the inhabitants of this world. My favorite times were when Pinkie would show up and when I would annoy the hell out of Celestia. That was a treat in itself. Just seeing the "beautiful-all-loved" princess get red as a tomato and chase after me throughout the castle filled me with joy and laughter. Although, she started to go a bit overboard, literally throwing axes and swords made of magic at me.
Luna was quite the kind one, actually. She was very caring, just like I felt. She must have gone through quite alot to care so much about others now. And every time I would get into a fight with Celestia, her eyes would literally melt away the anger or evil that I felt forming up inside of me.

Rainbow Dash had this addiction to try and beat me down, but I ALWAYS ROSE TRIUMPHANT! Twilight Sparkle wanted to know more about my race. I preferred talking about the better aspects, such as the culture of ancient civilizations and all that. Applejack and I had our fun bah speakin' thar countreh ackcent tagether.*spits in pot* Eeyup. Rarity, on the otherhand, had more needs to see Fancypants while he stayed here at the castle a while longer.

However, I really needed to get back home, and I didn't know what kind of time-lapse there were between our worlds. Celestia was the first to find the spell and summoned the six mares that I knew all too well now. This entire thing was going to happen in the throne room, a place I hadn't seen for awhile. It was renovated now and it had two thrones. One was based around the sun while the other was, of course, based around the moon. I couldn't help but feel sick as I thought the sun throne looked better.

However, Celestia opened up what looked like a window to my room.

"Ooo! Can I come with you? I want to see what your world looks like." asked Pinkie Pie.

"No. You can't come." I said with my eyebrows lined in frustration.

"Why not?"

"Because it's like that."

"Please stop,Pinkie. The way Mark described it, hiw world isn't made for ponies like us."

"No it isn't. And I shudder to think what would happen if the "higher-ups" caught just one of you. Celestia."

"Yes?"

"Promise me that none of you will ever get over there in my world. There are things against which even YOUR magics combined are powerless against."

The sun princess seemed to shudder at the thought of whatever that abomination in my world could be, but agreed with a confident nod.

"Good. Well, I guess this is goodbye then. Goodbye everyone."

"OH WAIT!" yelled Pinkie Pie.

"What is it AGAIN Pinkie?" moaned Rainbow Dash.

"It's a camera. So we can all take a picture for Mark to remember us by."

"Oh. Well that's very nice of you Pinkie. I actually didn't think there were cameras here..."

"Everypony group up!" yelled Pinkie.

I decided to get in between both princess and wrap my arms around their necks. Luna didn't seem to care, but Celestia looked irritated at best. As Pinkie Pie set the camera up for a timed picture, Philomena landed on my head and Pinkie jumped on my back and gave a huge smile as she poked over my shoulder. A flash and it was finished. I promised her that we would finish our bear-hug war, and I even promised Celestia that I would certainly return more aggravating than ever. One final goodbye as I grabbed the picture Pinkie gave me, and I was back in my room. I looked back one last time see them waving through the portal just as it closed entirely.

"Well. That was a fun adventure...wait a minute...crap...I forgot to bring back my clothes...oh well, I have these ones that Rarity made for me. It should suffice. Let's chack the time...it's only been an hour?! Huh. Lucky me. I think I had enough vacation for one week. I'll cancel my trip and go back to work first thing next week. Right now, I need to sleep. I'll place this picture here on the night table and get a frame for it later. *sigh*. Well, back to the boring world."

It had already been a year since Mark's trip to Equestria, and he had gotten over his dilemma. As he observed the newly finished tower that took so long to build, he returned home, only to return to his room almost immediately. It was late, and he didn't want to bother with a bath just yet.

"*yawn* Well, let's see what's on channel dumbass."

I flipped that damn T.V. back on to see if there had been any changes to the news anchor and his asshole friend. None whatsoever.

"In any case, the once unique phenomenon has returned to us this year, giving a wide variety of scientists a chance to finish their research."

"Oh dear GOD! Mr Fantastic, does this mean the Hulk is coming?!"

"Nope. They're still there."

"I'm going to SMASH YOU!"

"OH NO! HE'S HULKING OUT!"

Besides the sounds of destruction and the two idiots fighting again, I couldn't help but feel bored...wait a minute.

"Did he say 'the same phenomenon from last year'?"

I heard a *vrrrt* sound as I looked with the corner of my eye to see a strange black shadow engulfing everything."

"Ah shit. Atleast I have proper clothes on this time."

Booping the nose. Punching the face

"Ow. Perhaps I should...uhhh...Remove my head from this pillow and..." Marcus shivered, "...see the damages?"

I started to chew my nails in imagining the damages I caused to my own household. Worse even , was that thought that some of the sculptures and paintings were...damaged. Such a horrid thought, but I'd have to get out of this situation one way or another. I slowly stood, chewing on my nails even more than I was earlier, and noticing that my feet extended further than my usual bed allowed. I stood up slowly, keeping my eyes closed. Stress and panic filled me like lava flowing on land as I slowly opened my "periscopes". What relief I had when I saw that this place was extremely bizarre and wasn't my house. I sighed and sterned with closed fists as I looked around.

"Phew! I must've been more tired than I thought. I literally fell asleep just by trying to lie down on the bed. Heheh. Well, might as well have a look around to see what my mind has created once again. Well, I fell through the roof." I said as I looked up to see the huge hole in the ceiling, with a bit more pieces falling off.

Looking at the bed, I noticed that it was pretty small, and that I had ruffled it up. Even if this was just a dream, leaving those sheets all dirty and those pillows all ruffled up had my inner "critique" screaming in agony.

"Well, might as well fix this up. These sheets are very nice too. Ooo! They're nice and soft as well. A dusk black with several star formations on cover and pillow-case? Very nice."

If one is a true admirer, one can find respect in everything, except for modern "art". That shit was simply too horrible to look at. I finally finished cleaning up the mess I made, wiping the dust and rubble all in one pile. I'd need to clean my hands after this. I freakin' HATED it when I got dirty when not working. Anyways, I brushed my hands against each other to get some of the dust off. This room was really huge. Yet, in its epicenter, stood a strange choice of design. It was a large crater that stood on both the ceiling and the roof, and it went down by three very short steps that circled the crater. In the middle of these craters stood maps and orbs. Very weird. I decided to go down the one on the floor (Now how the FUCK was I supposed to go on the one in the ceiling?) to check it out in closer detail. There was a map that seemed to have been built into the floor. What craftsmanship! And with such detail too! I didn't recognize that map, although, I suppose, that in my imagination, quite a few things can happen.

Upon closer inspection, the room was painted in a very dark blue color, and moving away from one area had the surrounding wall pieces turn into a black shade, while the epicenter remained blue. Very nice. The entire room, besides a few shelves here and there, were star themed. So many constellations everywhere.

"Wow. Whoever did this is a genius architect...although I don't think that inexistent ones can be considered 'geniuses' exa-"

What was this? In front me, stood a strange creature near the bright windows. I couldn't see through them for some reason...it was probably too bright. But this...this being.... an equidae, seemed so fascinating. I assumed that it was just a statue that my dreams were demonstrating to me. It was...words could not reach me. Let's inspect this a bit further, shall we?

"What a magnificent sculpture! Such fine detail, and it looks so beautiful too! This coat is luxuriant and very smooth, like silk." I said while drifting off into what my friends called "the critique moment".

The equidae looked at its coat in closer detail after what I said, causing me to flinch in fear. A good laugh and a reminder of me being in a dream convince me that , of course, statues moving around was natural. I had to continue! So much more had to be said! Walking around "her" , I kept a stern face and kept my hands behind my back. I needed to see those eyes in closer detail, so I went uncomfortably close to them in order to "analyze" them.

"Incredible. Even these eyes scream with a radiant beauty. They irradiate sensitivity and concern, yet also fill me with courage and creativity. The blue here can't even be compared to a sapphire."

The equidae seemed insulted more by that remark then my proximity to her face.

"I cannot imagine a single gem that can compare to the color. Perhaps, in the plainest of terms, a sapphire? Yes. The only blue that can be used for a simple mind to understand. And what is with this mane and tail? Hmmm...my hands are passing through them. Ah...I see... too much magnificence for me to properly hold. The mane and tail sway without wind, and are of a perfect length. Truly, this statue is a master piece, although I'm not sure how statues have swaying parts...unless mechanics and engineering is involved. Hmm. And these strange pieces of armor...they let the colors flow out perfectly with their silvery glow. Magnificent! Well," I said while clapping my hands together, "time to have a look around."

Walking towards a simplistic looking door compared to the rest of this room, I decided to slowly open it and turn around in order to properly close it without slamming. Imagine my surprise when I saw that statue staring up at me RIGHT NEXT TO THE DOOR! I must've certainly bounced up five feet in the air. Catching my breath, I let it pass through the door before closing it, and I decided to walk through the hallways. Red carpets on the floor with bright, white walls and several colorful plants decorating these same barriers. I must be in a castle. Certainly, I was dreaming about medieval times and the way Edinburgh castle was, although, I was dreaming it in a strange way. It's funny how the brain tries to create it's best interpretation of an area when you have never been there. Although it did have a habit of adding weird things too.

"The moment I find stairs, is the moment I'm going down. I prefer to exit this place to see what it looks like from outside. Hmmm." I looked behind me to see that equidae follow me some more. I was too enamored to notice that she had wings and a horn.

Dafuk is wrong wit you brain?

Down to whatever floor I was, I noticed that the next set of stairs was right next to it. I climbed down two more stories to finally arrive at the first floor. I hesitated, but I decided to turn right. It was weird having this beautiful , yet somewhat adorable, creature following me around. I knew that this was a dream, but what exactly did it want? Whatever it was, it would certainly be a strange request as dreams are like that: weird and creepy as hell.

I did spot a few more of these creatures. However, their size suggested that they were ponies. Really...tiny...ponies. One of them was pink with a green mane and tail. It wasn't too impressive. Just colorful. She was somehow holding a silver platter, but took two looks at me and dropped it on the floor while gasping violently and hugging the wall. She seemed to look at the equidae behind me and, with a shaking hoof, picked the tray back up.

I'm the creepy one here? It's holding a tray with HOOVES! How is that even possible?! Nonono, calm down Mark, it's just a dream. That must be normal here.

Another slightly larger pony wearing golden armor passed by with its jaw open, but continued its path behind me. Two things caught my attention while walking down the hallway. The first was a gigantic set of doors that were facing the smaller exit leading outside. The doors dragged my attention away more than the outside did. There was a giant sun on the left door that was painted in white, while the right door, which was painted in black, accompanied a crescent moon.

"Hmmm. There MUST be something special behind this door. Raise my sleeves, crack my knuckles, one to five, and I'll slam into the couples!"

That was an old saying that my father used. He was a hard worker like myself, except he was a farmer. His "slam into the couples" expression came when his brother and the respective uncle's wife started to get into a fight. He would usually use this when charging head first at a charging bull. Crazy-ass always, somehow, managed to slam the bull into submission, but not without his own little cuts and bruises here and there. He was known as the "Bullboy" instead of "Cowboy" among the other farmers in the region. I just adopted his saying as I loved to scream it's nonsense in the air.

A mighty slam against the door, and a strong push, and I found myself face-planting into the ground again. Some doors. Gigantic pieces of tissue that couldn't hold a fly back I bet. I decided to slam my fist on the floor before getting back up and wiping the crap off of me.

"That's the second face-plant today. I hope a third doesn't come up. Hmm?"

Apparently, by judging the size of the area, and the throne that stood on quite a few floors of steps, I was in the throne room of the castle. Behind the throne formed a half-circle into the white walls, and ON these walls stood tainted glass. These ones weren't too impressive, but they still spoke a story. The most intriguing part of this room were all the ponies on the sides staring at me.

"Ponies wearing clothes...unhuuuh...why would they...*GASP*!"

What was this? Another equidae was standing near the throne. How did I not notice? I believe that I will be needing glasses soon. Hmm... Anyways, running towards the throne, I marveled at this great being.

"Tall and white? I LOVE tall and white! The perfect demonstration of authority and beauty at the same time...incredible!"

The tall white equidae seemed to have thrown her head back in surprise as her eyes widened and her frown became more pronounced. She tilted her head to see what was certainly that gorgeous moving statue, and seemed to agree with something, and leaned back as I looked at her.

"A white purer than light, and very silky fur... although not as silky as the black one." she seemed slightly insulted as I heard muffled chuckles behind me.

"Hmmm, a very slender and well kept figure-" this equidae huffed. I'm sure she was playing with me."- and a very lovely mane. Although it is a tad too long...it does bring pleasure to the eyes and has a unique color to it. Lovely. What about the eyes?"

I stared at her closely in the eyes, like I did the statue. She REALLY didn't like it.

"What's this? A unique color, yet it seems so...broken and full of regret. Whoever made this one really felt depressed..."

Turning around to face the highly shocked, yet silent crowd, I pondered for a moment. I always wanted to do "this" to a horse. I faced the white equidae while tapping my fingers against each other and all that while sporting my mischievous face.

"What's happens if I...BOOP the nose...*boop*."

I pushed gently on the equidae's nose with my finger, only to see her retreat back her head and blink a few times before looking at me with rage.

"Hm?"*WHAM* "AAAAHHHHH! MY FACE!!! What the ffff....what... the hell kind of dream hurts this much?"

I turned around while holding my nose in my hands after hearing a loud gasp and something laughing hard.

"What? A statue that's laughing?"

Fury filled my lungs and echoed through my voice.

"Who do you think you are you...you...thing....to come onto my castle and just "touch" my nose."

"...Because this is just a dream? Durrrr! Like ponies can talk, that's completely absurd."

She seemed to stutter in shock and personal insult.

"You think you're in a dream?"

"Yeah. If I wasn't-" I pulled my hands away from my face and kept a face of superiority in the situation:"- then my hands would be covered iiiiiinnn.....................BLOOD?!"

My eyes shrunk and I stared blankly at the white wall in my sight.

"So you're not..."

"No."

I pointed at the black one:

"And you aren't..."

"No. We are definitely not a statue. Although we thank you for the compliments you gave us earlier."

My silence flew throughout the room like a cold breeze through an open window. I suddenly cleared my throat, adjusted my shirt, and gave a "royal" look to the white equidae.

"Please excuse me while I faint. Not from blood loss, but from sheer disbelief."

Keeping my hands on my shirt, I rotated, lift a foot, and fell down the stairs. I don't know what happened after that.