Dash was, against everything sane, was getting bored. This was not a natural feeling for her since she always had some trick she wanted to try or some place to be, but not today. She frantically searched her mind for any trick she had not yet perfected (except the sonic rainboom, no one realized but passing through the sound barrier was like passing through slime). Oh man what to do? What to do?
A decision was not something she had made a few hours later; however she had achieved in creating a freak storm cloud by constantly bouncing on it. Realizing she was getting nowhere, and somewhere (not in the direction she wanted to go, her shift ended long ago), she flew over to ponyville where hopefully someone would be able to tell her what she could do, if she wanted to. She first stopped at Sugar Cube Corner where he best friend and accomplice pranker resided. “Hey Pinkie pie! What are you doing?”
“Oh yay! Rainbow dash I’ve been looking all over for you! Do you know how hard it is to find you! It’s like trying to find gummy in a bunch of alligators WITH teeth!” If you could rely on anything it was Pinkie Pie’s unreliably random outbursts.
“Oh cool. Wait what?” Yet another response that was as common as a field cricket.
“Oh Rainbow Dash you’re so silly! I need you to try these new Muffins I made! With rainbow!” Perhaps she forgot her last experience with rainbows.
“Thanks but… no thanks… I don’t like spicy food all that much.”
“Awww but I made them just for you! Please! Just try one itsy-bitsy bite, please!” The ability for Pinkie pie to encourage anypony into trying something was a phenomenon even twilight couldn’t explain.
“Fine, but just one bite.” She looked down at the cupcakes, and they looked back, with all the innocence of a filly but with the hidden dangers of a pony trap. She against every muscle in her body picked the smallest out up, and slowly forced her mouth open to consume fire incarnate. Gingerly she took a bite out of the menacing muffin; she wasn’t ready for what happened next.
Slipping slowly into consciousness her head still throbbing, she wasn’t ready for what happened next. “OH MY GOD!! I knew my cupcakes were good! But that good! WOW RAINBOW DASH YOU KNOW HOW TO EAT!”
“Aaaah! Stop shouting, my head hurts! Oh god, what just happened?” instantly regretting asking that question.
“YOU ATE THE WHOLE BOX! Then you went alittle crazy, but it was so awesome!”
“I what? Really? The whole box? I don’t even remember eating the first one. I thought it was just a bite.” Her head now throbbing a little less.
“Oh you took that bite! But then you took another and another and…”
“Wait wait wait!” Rainbow dash shouted “I went crazy?” not a new thing, but for cupcakes?
“Oh yea! First your face went dark blue, then green, then red then orange then yellow. Then you took another bite and another and…”
“Okay I get it I get it! My face changed color but what did I do?”
“Oh nothing much, you just stuffed your face in the box and then you completely changed colors! Your whole body was like a rainbow! Then you passed out, rather abruptly if you ask me.”
“Okay, never again Pinkie pie, never again.”
“But I have another dozen, and you’re the only pony who seems to like them…” she sounded genuinely let down. (exhibt B of pinkies persuasive abilities)
“Well…really the whole box? I don’t even… well okay, but just this box! Okay! And you have to promise me not to sell me any more experimental cupcakes! Who knows what could happen!”
“Yay! You’ll take them! I’m so happy! Well I’m always happy, cause how couldn’t I be! I mean I’m pinkie pie the happiest pony in Equestria!”
“Okay okay I get it I get it” she said as she pulled out a few bits to pay with. What am I getting myself into? As she walked out of the door pinkie called to her.
“Oh and don’t worry about the side effects, if you feel yourself slipping through time and space ignore it!” At this point the only thing one could really come up with was “What?”
Dash was of course bored again; she dared not go back to Pinkie pie out fear that she would buy another box of those muffins…. hmmm muffins… oh yea ditsy doo could probably use some help! She probably wouldn’t have done so if she knew what was going to happen next.
With a box of pinkie pies muffins tucked under her wings she trotted to the post office, the day was certainly turning out to be those perfect day for tricks. But then again she really didn’t like that slimy feeling. As she neared to post office she heard a short period of shuffling followed by a long period of falling boxes. She must be trying to move the heavy stuff again. Entering the post office Dash called out to Ditsy. “Hey Ditsy, you okay back there?” This was met by shuffling as Ditsy came into view.
“Oh um, yea I’m fine Dash. Do you need anything?”Neither eye was looking at dash, but somehow she knew.
“Oh um, I was just wondering if you needed some help with moving those boxes, it seemed like you were having trouble.”
“Oh yea, that be great dash. I was never really good at heavy lifting if you ask me. There in the back, and the addresses are stamped on top. Just make sure you don’t drop anything. I got to make my run, if you need anything just find me.” And with that she flew off, mailbag in tow.
“Okay, something to do.” But she wondered how much? She should have seen the signs earlier.
Things were going very slow, to slow for Rainbow dash. She got the packages to their destinations but at the cost of her diminishing sanity. The first one had gone to the mayor who was indeed surprised that Rainbow Dash was at her door, Dash felt the same way. The second had gone to Fluttershy, it was a box of medicine that she needed in order to take care of her most recent patient. She was perhaps a little more understanding that the mayor but was still confused as to why Dash he even considered this aid against boredom. She wanted to invite Dash to chat, but she was just too busy at the moment
“Sorry Dash but she’s quite sick.”
“I understand Fluttershy, anyway there are more packages to deliver, I guess I’ll see you around.”
“okay, bye.” Carrying on with her delivery’s Dash could actually feel her mind slipping away slowly, falling into the deep ravine that is routine. Perhaps this is what Ditsy felt all the time? Naw, she’s not mental, she’s just got a eye problem. Some thing not every pony realized though. Getting through nearly the complete pile with one package left, Dash was desperate for some action. And she knew how, and that she would definitely regret it. The box of muffins lay temptingly on the floor next to her, “oh come on dash just one.”
“No, not after what happened at Sugar Cube Corner, and pinkie pie said something about side effects.”
“Oh come on, it’s just a bit of rainbow. You know you want one” Pinkie pie wasn’t the only one who could persuade. “Fine, but just one.” Rainbow Dash looked one more time at the package, it was for twilight and it was probably fragile. But one muffin wouldn’t hurt anypony. In fact a whole dozen muffins wasn’t even hurting her, she didn’t even pass out after the first muffin. But she definitely felt it when the world’s colors went inverse and a copy of herself picked up the package and walked out. What was that pinkie said something about ignoring something? “Well I just walked out, I am not ignoring that. Hey where do ya think you’re going? “she shouted as she walked out of the post office. The other she didn’t stop. She shouted again, and other ponies began to stare. “Umm, hehehe? Just joking around folks..”
A few minutes later just as she was nearing twilight’s house the doppelganger disappeared with the package. “Huh? What’s going on here? Ignoring it like pinkie pie had said she arrived at twilight’s house. She knocked and twilight opened the top half of her door. “Oh hey Dash, did you forget something?”
“What do you mean?” she was genuinely confused here.
“Umm, I said did you forget to make me sign something?”
“I don’t understand Twilight, sign what?”
“For the package?” She held the package next to her, it glowed faintly as it hovered next to her.
“Wait, how did that get here, I thought that disappeared.” She knew something was up about that doppelganger.
“Umm, no Dash, you just came by to drop the package off, then said something about muffins.” Then it all fell into place.
“Wait, Dash. Did pinkie pie give you muffins?”
“Well um yea, why?”
“Oh, no.” Twilights face drooped. “Again pinkie pie?”
“What do you mean oh no?”
“Remember the last time she sold Apple jack “experimental muffins?” Twilight was sure she had a stern talk with the pink mare.
“Oh horsefetters.” And Dash fell unconscious again, but just before she went under she thought “Never again pinkie pie, even when I’m bored out of my mind.”
The day Equestria almost stood still
Boredom: the act of being bored.
Stale cupcake syndrome: a contagious syndrome that causes the recipient to go “bored out of their minds”.
Does anyone know what it would be like to have the sole engine of happiness and excitement die out? Perhaps not, but the
citizens of ponyville have. This is their tale.
It was a beautiful day outside, the sun was shining through a partly cloudy day (rainbow dash hadn’t woken up yet). A soothing breeze swept through ponyville brining a delicious smell from Apple jacks orchards. And the town was bustling with activity, today was the market. Every Sunday in fact there was a market, but today it was missing a stall. It wasn’t Apple Jacks because Carmel had taken over since apple bucking season started. It gave off a strange feeling, the absence of that cart. No one could put a hoof on it but there was something off today, they were right, and they wish they were wrong in thinking that that something was off (but they didn’t know that yet). Let us take a moment and step back from the picture, what was missing? No one knew, it was as if someone had photo shopped out a really important thing and put something that wasn’t supposed to be there in its place. But some one knew, she could see from the pixels. But she couldn’t help it; she didn’t have anything better to do.
The room was pitch black, a slow moving mass slept in the corner. It breathed in and out slowly, almost as if it were hibernating. This isn’t surprising, seeing how much action that goes into everything the mass did. On closer inspection, the mass actually turned out to be pinkie pie, the only pony in all of Equestria able to scare an entire school of fillies with her bed hair (but that was a prank, in fact her bed hair looked much like twilights attempt at a birds nest). No pony really knew what went on when pinkie pie woke up, they just assumed it was sleep then party almost instantaneously. I wasn’t far from it but it wasn’t that. In fact she took the amount of time that would make a neutrino proud. “Huzzzzzzaaaaaahhhh!!!! Pinkie Pie is awake!” Pinkie pie screamed jumping out of bed, only to realize she hadn’t yet. “Oh come on you’ve had your time, now it’s Party time!” The body mumbled a little and then joined pinkie pie. “You’re so grumpy sometimes body! Cheer up! Life’s a party!” Being grumpy in the morning was not something that pinkie pie could comprehend (her body on the other hand did). Now complete with her body, she bounced down stairs to get her daily “would kill any other pony because of sugar overdose” breakfast.
Everypony has generally assumed that when pinkie pie eats, she eats enough to feed a normal pony for a year, twice over. This is actually true, but it isn’t. Using a machine created by twilight and the CMC, that creates “special cupcakes”. She is able to feed herself, without having to overfeed herself. But this friends, is where things go wrong. By some completely harmless computer virus that had against all existential odds, manifested it’s self in the machine causing it to churn out normal cupcakes. We could understand how it did so, if ponies knew quantum mechanics. Normally this would not affect pinkie pie, as she eats many “normal” cupcakes throughout her day. But, we must remember that without the “would kill any other pony because of sugar overdose” cupcake. Let’s just say, everyone feels the pain.
This wasn’t good, and pinkie pie knew it. Things were looking, normal. With the little hyperactive energy she had left, she hopped as her life depended on it to a little button on the side of the machine. *press*, and now she could only wait, and hope someone who throw her a party.
Twilight, after getting back from a beautiful morning trotting around the market, was pooped. Who knew, such acts of casualness were so tiring. And at the off chance she wondered, is this why pinkie pies always hyper active? *beep-beep-beep* “Huh what was that?” *beep-beep-beep* “Wait isn’t that?”*beep-beep-BEEP* “No! Not now, oh celestia please not now!” *BEEP-BEEP-BEEP! “Oh K I get it, shush!” the bird flew off. “Okay twilight, you knew this was going to happen someday, why not today? Oh why today? I had such a great book to read! No Twilight, this is not the time for books, your friend and the whole town is in great danger. But what am I going to do!? The only thing you can do twilight. But I don’t know how too! Yes you do! Okay, okay! But there so much to do! And I have to stop her from going outside too! I need to get the girls here right now! Except for pinkie pie! Okay team! Move out!” The last comment confused her beyond words. But she wouldn't have the energy to say anything if she didn’t deal with this now! Running out of the library, she turns sharply heading directly for the closest pony, Rarity. After two minutes of continuous running, she arrives at the boutique. As hard as possible she bangs the door shouting for her “Rarity! Rarity! Where are you?!?”
“Hold on dear, I’m coming, don’t get your mane in a twist! Heavens twilight what is going on?”
“Can’t stay to talk must find rainbow dash, but its pinkie pie. The muffins have gone stale.” It was as if fear had slapped Rarity across the face. She had never looked so scared.
“Okay, you get Rainbow Dash; I’ll get Fluttershy and applejack! We’ll meet at the library! Go twilight! And may the candy always be with you!”
“You to rarity! You too!” Twilight shouted back, already running for Rainbow Dash’s could home.
Normal. It was all so normal! This wasn’t normal! This was very un-normal! Pinkie pie was freaking out, normally. Everything she did was normal, she didn’t skip and jump, she didn’t shouts random comments and passing ponies, she even said “hi”. Hi! Pinkie pie knew the implications of this, anyone she met would lose senses of happiness. It was like a disease for which the only cure was, was. She couldn’t ever remember! It was a nagging feeling at the back of her head, an “I’m missing something so fundamental right now, I should probably give myself a slap too wake up” feeling. “Pinkie pie? Are you okay?” it was miss cake.
“I’m fine miss cake; I’ll be down in a second.” That was so mundane pinkie pie was punching herself right now.
“Pinkie pie… have you had your cupcake yet?” she asked creeping up the stairs with bursting curiosity.
“No miss cake, I haven’t”
“Oh!” then she saw pinkie pie “oooohhhhh, well, fine. I… what was I doing again, oh right, being bored…”
“No, miss cake not you” Pinkie pie didn’t have the strength to shout.
“…….nnnnnnn….soooo bored, must find spatula.” The things ponies do when bored will surprise you to no end.
“Here, let me help you” there was nothing else to do.
“Rainbow dash! Rainbow Dash! Where are you?!?” twilight was screaming up to her cloud home.
“I’m here Twilight! What’s going on?” Rainbow dash said in her usual casual tone.
“The cupcakes have gone stale!” The urgency in her voice could have spurred an army into action. And the effects where instantaneous, Rainbow dash’s entire frame froze. Pure dread took over her face and her mind. Things rushed into place, waiting for the signal. And she spoke softly, as if what she dreaded was behind her. “No.” She looked down to twilight, they both nodded in sync, knowing exactly what was needed to be done. Twilight teleported out to the tree house, things needed to be prepared, and the sugarcube corner quarantined. Rainbow dash knew what she needed to do, dropping what she was doing (nothing) she sped over to Canterlot. The officials needed to be notified.
Rarity was moving as fast as her hoofs could carry her, there was no stopping. Not till the whole thing was resolved. Running through the apple orchards Rarity could hear bucking, she turned and ran straight for the noise. After not much longer she came across Apple jack finishing off apple tree. “Oh hey rarity, what brings you to the apple orchards?” the “it’s all good” tone threw rarity off for a second.
“What do you mean what’s going on! The muffins have gone stale!”
“Um, not to be a rude pony but, why is that so important you need to run all the way out here to tell me?” Apple Jack wasn’t really concerned with the amount of sugar pinkie pie needed, and so had no clue.
“What’s important!?! Pinkie pie’s normal!”
“So, she always is, aint she?” She really didn’t know, and no one blamed her (except rarity). Advanced mathematics needed to create a machine that pumped out massive amounts of sugar in one cupcake was not her forte.
“No! She’s not pinkie pie normal she’s you and me normal! And any one she meets loses all will to do anything!” The exasperation in her voice could have solidified into a hammer that she would use to bash some sense into apple jack.
“Umm, I guess that’s not a good thing, but I still don’t get it.”
“It doesn’t matter now! Just get to the library and help twilight!” All this shouting was really taking a toll on Rarities beautiful voice.
“Alright! Alright, I’ll go!” and so began the long trot to the library, slowly.
“And run Apple jack! This is no joke!” Spurring apple jack into a gallop.
Rainbow dash flew fast, not fast enough to make a sonic rainboom (she was still unsure of her ability to pull it off) but fast enough to arrive in Canterlot within the hour. Landing in the royal gardens she ran straight for the double doors leading to the throne room where princess Celestia would be. The guards were too slow to stop her and she bolted through the doors.
“Princess Celestia! We need help! Pinkie pies gone stale! I mean the cupcakes have gone pinkie pie! Wait no! The cupcakes have gone stale! That’s right!” the amount of raised eyebrows that she got was disconcerting, but Celestia knew what rainbow Dash was on about.
“I’m sorry everypony there’s a situation on hoof and I need every pony to leave.” After a grumble or two the throne room was empty. “Rainbow dash, when did this happen?”
“Not long ago Princess, about an hour I believe.”
“Good, she can’t have made that much contact with other ponies even if she is pinkie pie. Is she contained?”
“I..I don’t know, but I can imagine twilight is on it.” Rainbow dash tried to sound as confident as she could, there were obvious cracks in her voice, but no one noticed it.
“Good, we need to get out best there. General I want you to send your best team out to ponyville now! Luna I need to get our best scientist out there to check that machine! Every pony move now!” And within less than 10 minutes a horde of highly trained ponies made for Ponyville, Including the princess herself and Rainbow dash.
“Ooohhh, how bad do you think it is?” spike was worried, he had never seen twilight so stressed, ever since that fateful day.
“It isn’t good I can tell you that. Spike we need to go in there and stop her from interacting with other ponies, but we can’t look at her, otherwise we’ll be infected.”
“But how will we know its pinkie pie, I mean if I’m not wrong she’ll sound like everyone else.”
“But that’s just it; she’ll be the only one around who sounds like everyone else.” As twilight neared she could already feel the excitement being sapped out of the air, ponies closer to Sugar cube corner were already feeling the effects. Some who had been unlucky enough to see pinkie pie were either lying on the ground moaning for something interesting to happen or trying to find a spatula. “Okay spike have you got the tape?”
“Yea I have it right here. What are we going to do with it, hmmm spatula…”
“Focus Spike! We need to close off Sugar cube corner. Quickly before we become infected!”
“Yes twilight!” Spike ran off with the tape putting a post down once in a while, after disappearing around the store he arrived back far more sapped than twilight was comfortable with. “Okay Spike you need to get out of here, now!”
“But...Uh fine! Where are you spatula?” He ran as fast as he could, just trying to get away from those thoughts, oh how the spatula was calling to him. It sounded like an angel calling. As he disappeared off in the distance Princess Celestia, Apple jack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and hundreds of other ponies arrived. Twilight was stunned at the turn-up. “Pr-Princess Celestia, thank the stars you’re here! Pinkie pies inside, and Mr. and Mrs. Cake.”
“Good work twilight but I think you’ve had enough for today. Apple jack! See that she returns home now!”
“Yes m’am! Come on twilight you’ve done your part, let the pro’s do theirs.” Twilight left reluctantly with apple jack. “General I need your best team to retrieve pinkie pie. But you mustn’t look at her otherwise… well you see the effects.”
“Yes Princess! Top! Bottom! Strange! Charm! Secure the package! Go! Go! Go!” The four ponies ran in with inferred goggles, hopeful that the inability to directly see her would help. But seconds later you could hear the crashing of cutlery and they fought over the spatula. “Ugh, well it seems like inferred goggles don’t work. We’ll just have to do this the old fashion way. Up! Down! Put on your blind folds! And in you go!” This method was more successful as after a tense minute the pair called back. “Sir the package is secure in the cupboard!”
“Okay Luna, now’s your chance. Figure out what’s wrong with that machine!” The urgency was as thick as fog.
“Yes sis! Come on guys, we have a machine to fix” Running in the quickly found the machine, It wasn’t big but it defiantly stood out. The machine was a bright pink with the words “Do not eat!” scrawled on the side. The scientist and techs got to work instantly, checking for any tampering, and how on Equestria a virus was able to manifest when computers don’t exist.
“Luna! We have no idea what’s wrong! We’ve tried everything!”
“Well try again!”This went far into the night, trying everyponies patience. They used every trick in the book, turning it on and off, blowing into it. None of it worked. “I’m sorry Celestia we don’t know what’s wrong… we’ve tried it all.”
“No this isn’t possible… we’ll just build it again! We must!”
“But we don’t know how to, and the only person who does is the source… I’m sorry Fluttershy, rarity, but there’s nothing we can do…”She turned at this, how could she break this to her best friends like that.
“NO! I will never give up! She’s my friend!” Fluttershy burst into action storming into the building. She ran at the machine and gave it what for. *bzzzzzz* “wah?” *bzzzzz-crack-bzzz-chk-chk-chk-ting!* and a cupcake popped out. “Umm guys… I think you might want to come see this...Please…” Every one poured in and looked in awe at the miracle before them. The cupcake, the Holy Grail, the savior. With as much care as she would give a newborn foal, Fluttershy took the cupcake to the cupboard, closed her eyes and threw the cupcake in. Silence… the tension slathered thick. After what seemed an eternity someone spoke. “Um guys… are you planning a party out there? Cause I’d love to go to a party! Oooohhh is it for me! Wait I’ll put on a blindfold! There! Ready or not here I come!”And then pinkie pie, in all her random glory burst out of the cupboard. “Oh pinkie pie! I was so worried, I’m sorry we put you in the cupboard!” Fluttershy jumped pinkie pie falling to the floor, tears flowing like a river.
“Awww Fluttershy! Its okay, I like that cupboard anyway! It’s got all my delicious cupcakes!” Silence .It was as if the entire world turned upside down. Ponies everywhere were flat on their backs with their legs straight up; their eye’s doing some insane dance. Some of the scientists were too busy going mad to follow. It was a beautiful sight. At least pinkie pie thought so.
“Ooooh what’s this game!?”
