Let's remake MLP Season 1 Episode 1 and 2

by greyle45

Rating: teen
Tags: Cutie Mark Crusaders, Spike, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 1129

An altered version of the show Episode 1 and 2.

Watch as your favorite characters are reduced to....you know I'm not sure what to call them. Anyway this is a VERY altered version of the show where I bring more adult elements and well.....you'll see.

I DO take suggestions for how you want to see me remake the show. I don't choose them by how many people liked the comment or anything. If I like the idea then I'll use it. If I don't like the idea I won't use it.

Contains quite a bit of bleeped out swearing.

Published 2014-05-26 04:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-26 04:00:02 UTC

A bookish beginning

Twilight had just found a book hidden in the very back of the Canterlot Castle's Royal Library. She had brought her find into town, flaunting it around Canterlot, rubbing it in everyponies faces that she had a book from the forbidden wing. I forgot to mention that she it found in the forbidden wing? Well she did.

Finally somepony told that if she was so f***ing proud of it, maybe she sit down and actually read the damn thing. Just to show them who's boss, she did.

The first page in BIG BLOCK LETTERS were the words Once Upon a Time.

WHAT THE F***!!? What was this? A foals storybook?!

She flipped the page. In much smaller letters (OH THANK CELESTIA!!!) said:

So the last year had been a very eventful year. You can read about the events on pages 111, 64, 78 and 91. Now as Celestia and Luna the two beautiful sisters (Although Celestia was much more so) finally began to find some peace, YET ANOTHER DAMN EVENT HAPPENED!!! Oh who are Celestia and Luna? Well, I, Celestia AM YOUR F***ING QUEEN SO SHOW SOME DAMN RESPECT!!! And Luna WAS Princess of the night, in till she went crazy and I had to take over. Look, let me start from the beginning:

So me and Luna ruled over Equestria. I was the older, so I, naturally got to rule over the day when the ponies, work and frolic. Day is the time everypony loves. It's the time filled with light and happiness. Now my sister, Luna on the other hoof.....Being the younger she ruled over the night. You know the scary time, that everypony hates. It's filled with death and despair. I made sure my sister Luna knew this by telling her over and over again, everytime I saw her. As a matter of fact, I at one point made a vow that the only words I would speak to her for a the next thousand years would be "Luna, I'm better then you, because day is amazing and night is boring. There is a reason everypony sleeps through night, you know."

So she eventually said "You know what Tia? F*** you and your day. It's going to be night forever because I'm not moving the moon. So you can just go f*** yourself." Then she transformed into her power form, Nightmare Moon. You see, us Alicorns have special forms that are a million times more powerful then are normal forms. However, there is a catch. If we transform into them, we don't get to leave that form for a thousand years. And even then, we don't get out unless we get blasted by the full power of an ancient relic! And we can't change are opinions from how they were when we transformed for the whole time we're in our power form.

So I got the Elements of Harmony, which were these powerful relics that represent friendship! I don't know how they worked with only one pony, since they needed friendship to work, but whatever. I used to wield them with Luna, but since I apparently didn't need her to use them, well, proves that she was totally worthless all along. They ended up sending her to the moon! And I was completely able to handle the day and the night! Yet another thing that proved Luna was completely useless!

Anyway, after I put Luna where she belonged, a big, booming voice from the sky spoke to me. It said "You have banished the one you share the connection to the Elements with. You may never be able to use them again. In a thousand years, your sister will return. New bearers of the Elements will arise and turn her back into your sister."

"CRAP!! I HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER AGAIN"

But the voice was gone.

...

"What the f*** did I just read" Twilight said.

Then in a flash of light, the book was gone.

Banished

Twilight rushed back to the Library. She needed to get back to the forbidden wing and find that book!

"HEY, BOOKFACE!!" Shouted some pony. How was Twilight supposed to remember the names of all the useless peasants...er....ponies.

"Look b****, I'm kind of busy at the moment!" Twilight shouted back.

"Look" Said the pony, as she approached. She was a mare, flanked by two other mares. "We were going to invite you to Moondancer's party in the West Castle Courtyard. So, are you coming or not?" They actually planned on humiliating Twilight at the party, for all the times she had bragged or corrected them or insulted them. Of course, they kept quiet about this plan.

"Why would I want to go to some b**** a** party?" Twilight said before running off.

"WELL F*** YOU TOO TWILIGHT SPARKLE!! YOU CAN JUST GO TO H***!!!!"

Twilight ignored them.

When she got to the Library she slammed open the door, right into Spike, her dragon. He had been part of Celestia's Dragon breeding program. She used the eggs as exams for her magic school. She would bring the eggs in, a few years before they hatched. Then she would have the young unicorn applying for the school, try to hatch it with magic. If they succeeded in hatching the egg and the dragon turned out fine, then they got accepted. And they got to keep the dragon.

Spike had been trying to run away AGAIN!!! Twilight was practically a slave driver! But, of course it was his luck that as soon as he was ready to walk out the door, she came home.

"SPIKE WHAT THE H*** WERE YOU DOING!!? YOU KNOW YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO GO WITHIN EIGHT YARDS OF THE DOOR!!" Twilight raged.

Before he could answer, she shouted at him to come with her into the forbidden wing and find the book she was reading.

"Yes ma'am!" Spike yelped.

They looked for about an hour, before Spike suddenly burped out a letter.

His breed of dragons could transport mail to wherever or whoever they wanted. Unicorns and alicorns who knew the magic and who were powerful enough to cast the spell, could send mail to him.

"READ IT!!" Twilight yelled.

Spike examined the letter.

"Dear Twilight Sparkle.

"HOW DARE YOU BREAK INTO THE FORBIDDEN WING AND READ THE FORBIDDEN BOOK!!! IT WAS EVEN CALLED THE FORBIDDEN BOOK!!

As punishment for you actions, I will be sending you off to Ponyville, a useless crap pile of a town. You will live there for the remainder of your life. You will remain my student. Pack your things quickly. Your leaving in an hour.

Yours truly, Queen Celestia."

Twilight head snapped towards Spike. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Author's Note

Yes. In this version, she is a queen.