Author's Note
Here is the video that I drew inspiration and stole a plethora of jokes from: Amalgamation of fandoms' hiveminds
Have fun and take a shot when you see a joke you've heard before.
TOTALLY (not) a ripoff
Terablitz Shinestone, who was one of Celestia and Luna's fourteen thousand red and black alicorn sons from another dimension, was resting in the top room of his 500 foot tall marble spire in the middle of Appleloosa where he was playing his xbox. Then one day the Great and Powerful Trixie teleported into his room right in front of his face, ruining his killstreak in Halo and said, "Terablitz Shinestone! A rift has opened up and now you must venture into the human world to get your cutie mark!" Then proceeded to suck on Terablitz's big long fat sweaty carrot.
Terablitz stood up and said, "I must go into the human world to get my xbox controller cutie mark and defeat John de Lancie!" So Terablitz jumps through the rift and flies at ground level to an undisclosed location. When all of the sudden, TheLivingTombstone jumped out from behind a mullberry bush shouting "It needs to be about 20% cooler!"
Terablitz conjured up a weapon and fired it. But it missed Tombstone who said, "Hahaha! You have fallen for my trap and now I unleash Discord!"
Discord! I'm howling at the moon - and sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon
Terablitz was upset to find that there was no John de Lancie to be seen. Tombstone said, "Hahaha! Johnny is not here and now I shall collaborate with MicTheMicrophone and do a gay dance!" So his friend showed up and they both sat down at a computer to produce a shitty dubstep song that everyone will forget about in 2 weeks while twerking to the Harlem Shake.
Terablitz said, "You will not ignore me for I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome!" So he picked the wannabe musicians up with his godly alicorn magic and tossed them out into the horizon. Terablitz said, "I must continue further into the human world and get my xbox controller cutie mark!" So Terablitz continued flying at ground level.
Meanwhile the evil 4chan bronies were doing evil things. Why are they evil? Because they write clopfics. Terablitz saw the evil bronies who began to dance like Twilight did at the end of Equestria Girls. Terablitz stood there and said, "Evil clopfic writers! Stop pairing Steven Magnet with Mayor Mare and leave this place!"
But the evil clopfic writers said, "No! This is funny!"
So Terablitz started to do a bunch of fancy pantsy prancy schmany alicorn magic bullshit. That alicorn magic was so godly powerful that it caused the evil clopfic writers to cry and vomit up their kidneys.
Terablitz said, "I must make my way further into the human world to get my xbox controller cutie mark!" When all of the sudden the vile FiMFlamFilosophy appeared. "Evil flip-flop philosopher!" Terablitz said, "You must not bastardize my story for I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome!"
And the evil FiMFlamFilosophy said, "Swag! Swag! Sawg!" and produced a wormhole that collapsed in on itself within Terablitz's tiny little head which caused them both to die in the most gruesome and overused way possible with Terablitz never being able to get his worthless xbox controller cutie mark and cursing all who witnessed it.
But since alicorns cannot die, his various inner organs and chunks of flesh spewed out of the other side of the wormhole back into his home world splattering all over the walls of Canterlot castle's dining hall. His godly alicorn magic caused all his bits and pieces to come back together and form a new body while cleaning all the blood in the process.
His mothers cheer for him as they see he has gotten his stupid cutie mark. Terablitz said, "I shall return to my home and pwn some noobs for I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome!" But all of the sudden the castle's roof explodes and Queen Chrysalis appeared. Terablitz said, "Evil Queen Chrysalis! You must leave this place or take me to John de Lancie!"
But Chrysalis said, "No! I am going to rip off your cutie mark and use it as a hat so that I may gain your power!"
So Terablitz clashed horns with the Changeling queen while her swarm all stayed in the castle garden and moonwalked over all the daisies. Soon Terablitz breaks off Chrysalis' horn and laughs triumphantly on top of a soap box. Terablitz said, "Haha! You can never win for I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome!"
But Chrysalis jumps forward at Terablitz and proceeds to dry-hump him sideways for no fucking reason. "Haha!" Chrysalis said, "You will never reach John de Lancie! Now tell me the secrets to your magic!"
Terablitz teleported out of Chrysalis' submission and into the middle of the everfree forest whereupon he saw the Great and Powerful Trixie making out with a dead tree. "Great and Powerful Trixie!" Terablitz said, "you must stop sticking your tongue in that tree and help me find John de Lancie for I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome!"
But then Trixie said, "You don't understand for this tree and I are your real parents!" And so she went into a long winded explanation about how the tree was once a mare and Trixie had a sex change and travelled through time.
But then Terablitz said, "Oh no! That is not possible because that tree was Discord all this time!" Upon which the tree exploded into a bedazzling spectacle of over-priced fireworks that looked like the product of hundreds of wasted hours in photoshop.
Discord hovered in the air and said, "Terablitz Shinestone! How did you know it was me, my son?!"
"Because!" Terablitz said, "I have--" but he was hit by a meteorite before he could finish his ear-grating catchphrase. But the meteor was a spaceship, and inside was the real Terablitz Shinestone.
"Terablitz, my son!" Trixie said, "You have cured your Ehlers Danlos syndrome!"
And so all three of them proceeded to reverse-gyrate their way out the forest and back towards Terablitz's spire into the sky (unbeknownst to them, has been commandeered by the locals for a uproarious toga party during his absence).
And then they all fucked. The end.
