Narcissist

by alCROWholic

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Original Character, Comedy, Gilda, Sex
Length: 5870

It's heat season in the Gryphon lands, and Gilda doesn't have a partner. Maybe a random magical artifact can help her out?

It's heat season in the Griffon lands, and Gilda doesn't have a mate. Her frustration is only compounded upon meeting a mysterious shop owner who hands her a random magical artifact under the pretense of helping combat the heat.

Bumping into the most annoying human ever doesn't help.

Published 2014-06-06 21:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-06 21:50:01 UTC

Go Screw Yourself

The morning sun rose over the pristine, snowcapped mountains of Gryphonia. It was a fresh Saturday afternoon in the small town of Kattfågel. The advent of spring meant that many sunny days had graced the town recently, a rare occurrence in the cold northern snows.

The only sound to be heard was the gentle flow of a nearby river, dropping down into a natural hot spring which was frequently used by the inhabitants to wash their clothes and themselves. This didn’t last for long, as an orgasmic cry filled the air, scattering the birds from the nearby trees.

Gilda felt like smashing her head against the wall.

It was that time of year again. Heat season, when all the inhibitions of her friends of neighbors went out of the window to be replaced with a week-long fuck fest. Usually Gilda wouldn’t be quite as sour about the natural reproductive cycle of her species, if she had somebody to help spend the time with.

This year, she didn’t.

The normally grumpy Gilda had become an entirely different animal. Adorned with a scowl and a bow legged gait. She couldn’t help but hear the moans and groans of couples through their poorly insulated homes. The streets were deserted, most having elected to stay home and tend to their significant others.

Gilda was no idiot; she knew how to deal with the heat having been through several herself. Her normal strategy of “sit in the snow until you can’t feel your lower lips” had been a monumental failure. With no other option, she brushed the snow away and decided to go for a walk around town.

The distinct sound of sex continued to fill her ears. “Stupid heat, stupid plucking spring…” She grumbled. “I’m hot! I shouldn’t have to deal with this.” She sighed in irritation, stopping in the town square. The only other living soul present was the town’s resident hairless monkey, Ben.

Gilda didn’t like Ben. He was abrasive, annoying and far too goofy, echoing a certain pink menace from some time ago. He always greeted Gilda with a smile, while she only responded with her middle claw. Thankfully he didn’t notice her, too busy focusing on the task of hammering in a new fence for the local council. Gilda was ready to rip his head off.

She stepped into a side alley to avoid his gaze, an unappealing place to hide. The rank stench of old garbage emanated from a large pile of rotten food and clothing at the end. Gilda’s attention was drawn to a door that she’d never seen before. It’s green metal attracting no small amount of curiosity from the horny griffon.

A crude cardboard sign was pinned to the door. “Pawn Shop” it read in mismatched black writing. Gilda didn’t have much money on her, but a pulse of warmth from down below spurred her on. She placed a calloused yellow claw onto the handle and swung the door in, revealing the interior of a narrow room.

Various items were hung haphazardly along the walls, instruments, broken toys and even the occasional piece of old weaponry. A dim light emitted a harsh white glow, struggling to illuminate the long space. The smell of cigarette smoke hung heavily in the air. An old griffon took a drag from a half used cigarette, pushing out rings of smoke which couldn’t escape from the enclosed space.

Upon noticing his new grumpy customer he jumped to attention, smoothing back his graying plumage and ripping his hind paws from the desk. The tab he was smoking was quickly snubbed on the charred wooden desk. A crude metal cage, covered in scratches, protected him from any potential robbers or disgruntled customers.

“How can I help you?” He said in a gruff voice. Gilda eyed him with suspicion. She’d never seen this guy around town before; he must have moved in recently. Gilda considered her words for a moment, momentarily forgetting what she came in for.

“Just browsing.” She mumbled, looking from wall to wall for anything interesting. The old bird scratched his black beak, watching her movements.

“Ya’ not here to cause trouble are you?” He asked, catching her attention. Gilda shook her head as she felt the texture of a cheap leather bomber jacket. “Well little lady. I might have just the thing for you.” He reached under the desk, remerging with a little black box.

Gilda looked at the box. “A box?” She deadpanned as she walked to the desk.

“Of course not the box, idiot!” He scolded, opening it up to reveal a strange medallion. The small circular object was carved from stone and surrounded by a series of complicated runes. In the center lay a brilliant red gemstone, cut into a near perfect form.

More importantly, it looked expensive.

Gilda shook her head. “I don’t have any money right now.” Gilda contested, unsure of how exactly a piece of fancy jewelry was supposed to help. The old bird opened up the partition and swept himself onto the show floor.

“That’s the beauty of it.” He grinned, wiggling his bushy eyebrows. “It’s free!” With a flourish he forced the stone into her claw, patting the top of it condescendingly. “Don’t worry about it kid, you look like you could use a distraction.”

“Wha-“ Gilda protested at the jovial hawk.

“Now, now! Don’t give me that look. I’m not too senile to know what time of year it is.” He jested, chuckling. “I and my wife used this when she was in season, and I have to say it works wonders! All you gotta’ do is find somebody willing to help you out, then both of ya’ touch the middle.” He stopped dead.

“And?” Gilda asked rolling her claw.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise. That’s half the fun!” He laughed again. He laid a claw on Gilda’s back and began to escort her towards the exit. Gilda wasn’t sure how to react to the strange senior.

“Thanks I guess.” She ventured, moving away from his reach. She left swiftly before the old bird could force any more useless junk into her claws. He smiled, his façade beginning to crumble away. He took another drag from a fresh cigarette, his yellow and red eyes shaking with mirth.

Ben grunted with exertion as he lifted another heavy fencepost from a nearby cart. He didn’t like heat season very much, not only because it meant he couldn’t see his friends, but they also couldn’t help him maintain the town. It was a good thing that Ben really liked helping others.

He patted himself down, blowing a copious amount of sawdust into the air. He had taken off his thick winter coat and discarded it onto the cart. This left him wearing only a thin white shirt which showed off his defined and bulky body. He scratched his bushy black beard as he double checked the location and positioning of the fence on his blueprints
.
He dropped the paper to the ground and clapped his hands together. “Perfect!” He rumbled. Not noticing the sudden gust of wind that had snatched the paper away from his grasp. He looked down a moment later. “Shit!”

The paper flew off into the air, Ben taking chase. The winds in the high lands had caused no small amount of problems for engineers, who assumed that it was just like working at ground level. This wasn’t the first, or the last time that he’d lose a blueprint to the dastardly machinations of the breeze.

It carried itself far across town, over houses and bridges. Ben blindly followed keeping a vigilant eye on the rebellious paper. So much so that he didn’t notice a certain griffon walk into his path, she herself absorbed with staring at a peculiar piece of stone.

Gilda found herself lifted off her paws as a hairless ape bounded into her, tossing her onto the snowy ground. The medallion fell from her grasp and rolled away, towards the toppled human who had fallen face first into the frigid snow. He pulled his face away from the snow, coughing as the cold water found its way down his windpipe.

Gilda clutched her midsection and groaned in pain. Intentional or not Ben’s gut buster had disabled her completely. She writhed around for a while before ceasing movement. It was that damn monkey again! Gilda clenched her claws in anger, gathering up fistfuls of snow. She growled like a lion.

Ben sat up, looking towards the predatory griffon. She was very angry. Ben knew how bad an angry griffon was. He put two and two together and realized she was angry at him. “I’m fucked.” He declared, falling backwards again, a small part of him giving up on life.

His hand brushed against the medallion. He grabbed it and brought it to his vision. She must be angry because of this thing, he reasoned. On shaking legs he stood, cautiously approaching the scathing Gilda. He held it out to her like a peace offering, the kind of peace offering you need when you hit somebody full pelt in the ovaries.

“I’m sorry I sterilized you” didn’t sound like a great get well card anyway.

Much to Ben’s surprise it worked as Gilda snatched the jewel away from him. Neither of them noticed the sudden flash of light, too focused on the staring contest that had spontaneously formed between them.

“Idiot.” She muttered. Raising her beak into the air and strutting away like a Canterlot noble. Ben rose to his feet and brushed off the snow, his nose scrunching at the smell left behind by Gilda. The blueprint forgotten, Ben headed back to his cart to wrap up the day.

As he reached for his coat he couldn’t help but notice his hands, which had begun to turn an odd yellowish colour. “Must be sawdust.” He told himself. He unhitched his cart and took off back to his small home on the outskirts of town.

It was wedged between two much larger houses. Ben didn’t have a family so it didn’t bother him much. It had more than enough space for anything he could want. Ben liked the Tudor styling of the town, pale colored walls intersected with dark wooden beams. It provided a good amount of insulation, a rare commodity due to the fairly primitive building techniques used.

He opened the heavy wooden door and tossed his boots into the corner. Hanging up his coat he sighed as he entered his empty living room. It’d be nice to have somebody to spend the time with like all the others. As the only human in town it was a forgone conclusion that it’d be difficult to find someone willing to date him.

Hairless apes aren’t attractive, as Gilda had eloquently informed him during the last mating season. Her open hostility really irritated Ben. He’d tried all sorts of things to get on her good side yet she still insulted him on a regular basis. Her loss he thought. He had lots of other friends to hang with anyway, why did he need some stuck up bitch?

Throwing a log onto the fire he pondered what he could do with his time off tomorrow. Nobody would be out and about due to the heat meaning it had to be a strictly solo affair. He reached up to scratch his nose, which had begun tingling ever since he collided with Gilda, but stopped when he saw his mangled hands.

The skin had become an even more vivid shade of yellow since just a few minutes ago. His other soon joins it, the skin on the surface becoming crusty and stiff. He picked at them, discovering that the layer of dead skin wouldn’t come off.

His lips became stiff and unmalleable. He found it difficult to form words as he stared at his freakish hands. A dull throb emerged from the back of his skull as the room blurred around him. He stood, only to tumble onto the floor as the strength in his legs left him.

His muscles tensed as spasms rocked his body. He was immobilized. Fur began to sprout from his every pore, covering his skin in a thin brown layer. His tow middle fingers cracked and merged together to form a single digit. His toes merged too, forming three stubby pads tipped with dull claws. His knees bent backwards, snapping and causing him to squawk in agony.

His stiff lips pushed forwards, extending themselves into sharp beak, the yellow coloration spreading across like a wave. His eyes soon followed suite, slitting themselves under his eyelids and turning a vibrant gold. His beak opened wide, letting out a groan of pain. He grunted as he began to shrink, the muscle from his years of hard work sinking under his skin. His midsection compressed down into a barrel, his spine bending in order to bind him on four legs.

His clothes were now much too small for him. He struggled with his mutated body, attempting to fling the trousers and shirt from him. He eventually succeeded at removing them allowing him to see a blurry semblance of what was happening. Feathers burst from within his chest live hundreds of knives, surrounding his upper body with pristine white. Some with a signature purple tip. They also emerged from his head and neck, covering him in them.

Two painful lumps pushed against the skin of his back before bursting through it. Two sticky, matted wings flapped errantly as new nerves founded sensitive connections before lying still against the ground. A thick pillar of flesh burst from his lower body, the fur covered worm wagging uncontrollably as a small tuft of dark brown fur grew out of the end.

His hairless cock and balls hung precariously from the visually female griffon. Ben was horrified to see his balls and cock being pulled up into his furry crotch like a particularly delicious set of spaghetti and meatballs. His new sharp claws rushed to grab them, but he was mortified to discover that his arms had become noticeably shorter during the process. It continued to pull, forming a slight indent.

A pair of nipples parted the brown sea, demonstrating that yes, he had become a girl.

“Are you shitting me?” He screamed in Gilda’s voice. He clamped a callous claw over his beak. “Why the fuck am I Gilda?” He screamed again, slamming a claw against the rug. A sudden rush of warmth erupted across his body, causing him to take pause. A small dribble of moisture ran down from his new vagina like a mountain stream.

“Shit.”

Gilda stared at her reflection in the mirror, unhappy at the monkey looking back. After having bumped into the bumbling idiot earlier, Gilda had retired into her room for a nap, only to wake up and find herself in Ben’s naked body. “This has to be some kind of divine irony.” She lamented from her position on the ground.

The full body mirror gave her a perfect view of Ben’s wrinkly balls, something she hoped would always be confined to the realms of imagination and barbed jabs at the man himself. Her own inexperience with his tall stature and two legged gait had sent her sprawling to the floor.

She knew how this had happened, the damn medallion that old coot had given her. Both of them had touched it earlier and it had swapped their places. Gilda didn’t dwell on this for long, instead ranting and screaming as she found herself staring at the hairy chest of her biggest enemy.

This quickly changed as the wails of ecstasy next door reminded her of what season it was.

She grasped the medallion from her desk and held it against her chest. Pulling a leather bag from under the bed she placed it inside and secured it around her neck. It was much too small for a fully grown human and pulled midway up her body.

Two firm hands planet on the ground, Gilda pushed herself up. She swayed and stumbled at the alien sensation of her new legs, having to push herself against the wall to stand. She had to get to Ben’s house, and her body, before he did something stupid with it.

Her valiant efforts were thwarted by the door, which she couldn’t open without sacrificing her holding. Her hand shook as she slowly reached out to the far side. Sweaty palms grasped the handle, carefully pulling it down and inwards. Gilda navigated around it, placing the door against the wall.

She smiled, this was easy! She’d be at his house in no time. She screamed in frustration as she spotted the stairs. She hobbled towards them, placing both arms over the railing. Her legs struggled to pull her along the rough surface of the wood. The operation took two minutes to complete, along with a seriously sore pair of arms.

With growing confidence she stood without support taking incredibly minute steps to ease into the new walk cycle. The front door provided little challenge after the first, and soon she stepped out into the open air of the town.

“It’s fucking cold!” She hissed, feeling the snow melt between her exposed toes. Now she understood why Ben insisted on wearing clothes all the time. She really wished she had her old fur back. She couldn’t go too fast, lest she risk tumbling face first into the snow. So she had to sit and endure it.

“I really hope nobody sees me.” She mumbled, eyeing her exposed genitalia. Her awkward gait would make Ben the laughing stock of the town, not that it would be a bad thing in Gilda’s opinion. Thankfully the curtains were drawn and the children hidden away.

She eventually managed to reach Ben’s small semi-detached home. Without knocking she opened to door and waddled inside, shivering as the warmth from the fire contrasted with the cold exterior. Gilda crossed the threshold, only to see her own body masturbating feverishly.

Ben didn’t notice his new guest, too engrossed in shoving his claws as far up his cunt as he could. He need to cum so badly he couldn’t think. He had soaked the carpet in his attempts to get off, unaware that the griffon juices were really hard to get out of wool.

Gilda felt strange. A new sensation appeared from down below, as the flabby tube of flesh Ben called a penis began to inflate with blood until it was painfully hard. Gilda looked down and was shocked at her own reaction. What the hell was wrong with her? She found herself arousing?

She continued to watch as Ben rubbed her tight pussy. Gilda’s hand drifted south. She gasped at the sensation of her calloused hand on the sensitive organ. She stroked it up and down to get a feel for it, before getting closer to Ben who remained completely oblivious to his voyeuristic companion.

Ben was knuckles deep, yet still couldn’t find the magic button to finish off. He whined in frustration as he rubbed against the rug like a needy feline. Gilda stood back and beat herself off, enjoying the thrill of watching her old body masturbate.

Ben panted as he pulled away, licking the musky nectar from his claws. It still wasn’t enough; he needed somebody to help quench the fire. Suddenly a smell, a wonderful, delicious smell filled his beak holes.

He turned to see his own body jerking off over him. He became transfixed by the sight of his muscular, hairy body and his sizable cock. A dribble of pre-cum emerged from the tip which he raced and caught in his mouth. The singular droplet made his vision blur, he wanted more.

Gilda became a passive observer as Ben jumped at her. She fell on her back while the horny griffon assaulted her lower regions. It began with nuzzling, as the bird purred and rubbed his downy feathers against the pulsing length.

Ben’s former cock was large by Griffon standards, whose feline ancestors had left them with a less than satisfactory package. Most hadn’t realized this as griffons rarely mated outside of their own species. For a griffon of Gilda’s size it was daunting, thick and long at a consistent level. An unprepared mate could be injured by it.

Gilda felt empowered. She had always wondered what it would be like to fuck somebody with a real penis, instead of that fake strap-on business Dash had insisted on during their tenure together.

“This is so weird.” Gilda said as the chick began to lick up and down her length with a long tongue. Being mindful of the soft flesh Ben slowly descended, taking the cock inside his hollow beak and slathering it with his tongue. Gilda gasped and moaned as she experienced her first blowjob.

Ben applied a light pressure at the base of Gilda’s cock, causing it to throb as the blood flow became interrupted. Gilda gripped the carpet as the amateur griffon brought her to the edge and back again. The heavy slurping sounds only made Gilda’s turgid cock harder, who decided it was time to take charge.

Wrapping her strong arms around Ben, she flipped over, trapping the griffon with her cock in his mouth. Planting her legs around him, Ben slipped her cock from his beak. He gulped down a lungful of air before moving to start again. Gilda placed a hand on his beak to prevent him from opening it.

“Take a sec asshole.” She panted as the small griffon squirmed beneath her. Gilda found herself enjoying the position of power Ben’s body gave her. She grinned and trailed a finger down the fluffy tuft of fur on his chest. Ben whined and wiggled helplessly as the heat down below grew stronger.

Gilda’s erect member smeared pre-cum all over the well groomed feathers forcing Ben to endure the strong musk of his own body. A powerful combination of sweat and cum had overtaken his senses and driven him to wanton lust.

Gilda calmed down slightly, no longer feeling like she was going to burst at any moment. Ben had long since given up his struggle knowing that he couldn’t escape from his heavy clutches. Smiling devilishly, Gilda bopped the end of his beak with her cock startling him.

He opened wide at the prospect of receiving another delicious serving of cum, eagerly whipping his tail between her thighs. Gilda grabbed the back of his head and pulled him forwards back onto her dick. Ben gagged for a moment as an obscene bulge pushed against his throat. His gag reflex desperately attempting to expel the intruder.

Gilda moaned as Ben’s throat massaged her penis. The strong walls usually designed for crushing small rodents and pushing down large meals pulsed and rubbed against her. He continued to gag, coating her penis with a healthy serving of saliva.

Gilda decided to go ahead, pushing her cock even further down the hacking Ben’s throat. Bushy pubic hair alerted Ben to the fact that he’d swallowed the entire length. His throat was wet and extremely warm. His body temperature had risen due to the heat and now Gilda was reaping the benefit.

Her hairy balls pulled taught as Gilda hit the edge, releasing a torrent of bitter cum into the unsuspecting maw of Ben. He tried desperately to keep it up, but the forceful pushes of Gilda’s face fucking pushed it down into his throat forcing him to swallow.

Gilda moved away, placing the amulet on the nearby couch. She leant back and enjoyed the afterglow of her first male orgasm. Much to her surprise her cock began to stiffen once again just a few minutes later.

Ben was left wanting. His need had been left unsated once again. He growled raised his hind quarters into the air. Like a lion stalking prey he approached her position as Gilda continued to relax with her eyes closed.

He pounced. Latching onto her chest with his claws, her already revitalized member finding itself snuck neatly into his tight folds. Gilda nearly screamed as he leaped onto her, being too out of it to remember the horny griffoness which she’d just taken advantage of.

Ben found himself stuck. Gilda’s body had seen its fair share of intimate moments, yet the smooth member of his old body was a league above any of the small pricks that were waved around town. He was incredibly tight, so much so that he couldn’t force himself down past the bulbous tip. Gilda groaned at the feeling of his tight walls. It was even better than his mouth! She nearly came on the spot.

“F-fuck me damn it!” Ben demanded wiggling his hips. Gilda couldn’t deny such a sexy little griffon, even if it was her own body. Gilda always was a bit of a narcissist and didn’t hold any pretenses about fucking herself, quite literally in this case. Gilda shook her head, grasping the furry sides of her old body and flipping over again trapping the smaller body underneath her own.

“Hurry up! I’m so damn hot!” He demanded, clawing at her back. He left several red welts down her back, the jagged claws not quite sharp enough to draw blood. It did succeed in catching Gilda’s attention. Agonizingly slowly she pushed in, wincing at the feeling of his muscular inner walls gripping and tugging at her cock, desperately sucking the life giving member deeper inside.

“Yessssssss…” Ben hissed. Gilda was finding it difficult to push all the way in not for the lack of lubrication from his sopping wet pussy, but rather the incredibly tight passage that refused to let her get any further. Gilda cursed herself for remaining so tight for all those years. Even after a few minutes Gilda could only reach halfway down her throbbing meat.

Slowly but surely Gilda began to thrust, hardly noticeable at first. The muscular walls pulling her cock back into his folds, desperate for the fertile cock to spray his receptive womb with semen. Gilda was nowhere near finished, her previous orgasm taking the edge off and allowing her to go for longer.

Gilda could only move a few inches in and out. Ben seemed to enjoy the limited penetration which infuriated Gilda, who desired to plunge her impressive girth deep inside. “Slow down Gilda.” She thought to herself. “You have to work into him first.”

Ben on the other hand could barely think straight. The overwhelming sensation from down below blasting away rational thought leaving his as a very happy puddle of pleasure. At first he was nervous against basically fucking himself but the excitement of experiencing the other sex was more than enough to get him into it.

With every thrust Gilda sunk slightly deeper, pushing the limits of what her old body could handle. Her sweat covered body dominantly held down the blissful griffon. Her stamina was rapidly running short, forcing her to speed it up. A powerful thrust forwards hilted her, her heavy balls slapping against Ben’s soaked lower body. The red tip of her cock battered at the delicate entrance to Ben’s womb, Gilda wanted nothing more than to soak it until the excess poured from his battered pussy like a waterfall.
Ben’s breathing grew heavy as a wonderful feeling began to well up inside him.

Pins and needles erupted across his skin as his insides began to feel bloated, balloons ready to pop and release him from the heat induced torture. Gilda’s thrusts pushed him back against the carpet, rubbing his erect wings against the high friction material. Ben nearly squawked as a solitary finger wormed its way into his clenched asshole. The brown ring was unwilling to let Gilda’s invasive digit go any further, clenching around it.

An evil grin adorned Gilda’s face as she wiggled the tip inside him. Prodding at the walls and bringing Ben ever closer to climax. Gilda understood why the males in the town got so wiped out now, her body working overtime to produce sweat. Satisfying a female griffon was a daunting task, even for Ben’s monolithic body.

The pressure released. Ben screamed as a flood of liquid squirted across Gilda’s lower body. She grunted and pushed in as far as she could, battering at the entrance to his unprotected womb. A powerful blast of seed spurted inside of him heightening his pleasure. Several weaker blasts followed, filling the small space. As she pulled out it spilled onto the carpet along with all the other stains from their short fuck session.

Ben had passed out on the spot. The intense feeling of the orgasm, heat and the exertion had knocked him out cold. Gilda was struggling to keep her eyes open. She fell onto her back and sighed as she finally relaxed. Her eyes soon drifted shut.

Ben rapped his fingers against the wooden table, his guest copying his actions. He had awoken very naked and very confused, Gilda lying across from him. The events from earlier seemed like a series of blurs, no cognitive reason or order, just a long stream of feelings and emotions. Gilda had been reluctant to fill him in.

She was embarrassed to say the least. She disliked Ben for the longest time, but something about swapping bodies was quite kinky and an experience she wouldn’t be able to recreate without his willingness. Frustration creased her features; she was caught in a difficult position.

“Do you mind telling me what happened then?” Ben asked, snapping a finger. “Waking up naked with you next to me is pretty suspicious. What were those stains by the way?” Gilda blushed and looked to the floor. Upon awakening he’d rushed upstairs and dressed himself in boxers and a white shirt.

“W-well…” She began unsure of how to break it to him. “I might have accidently used that gem thing from earlier to swap our bodies, before engaging in a very dirty act on your living room floor.” The haste of the statement surprised Ben. His eyes widened as he pieced together what she’d done.

He could only ask one thing. “Why?”

Gilda rolled her eyes. “You were in heat, I’m incredibly hot. Why wouldn’t I?”

“You fucked yourself...” He contended. He ran a hand through his messy black hair and lent back. “Using my body.”

“It was a spur of the moment kinda’ thing.” She shrugged, picking away an unseen clump of dirt on her talons. “I don’t see what the big deal is?”

Ben groaned in frustration at the pig headed woman. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter I guess.” He rose to his feet and stretched. “So, aren’t you heading home?”

Gilda swallowed, this was it. All she had to do was ask him the simple question. “Can we do it again?” She squeaked. Shit! Could you sound any more pathetic?

“Again?”

“Uh... Yeah! I had a fun time. So what’s wrong with trying it again?” Ben crossed him arms and leant against the kitchen counter. “Don’t look at me like that! I know that you enjoyed it!” She shouted. “That was the hottest thing ever! I want to do that again.” She pulled the amulet from under the table, placing it carefully in the center.

Ben weighed his options. On one hand, it was strange how suddenly Gilda’s opinion of him had changed by something as simple as sex. On the other hand, it felt amazing. He looked at the red gem embedded into the stone. Maybe another few tries couldn’t hurt. It had finally allowed him to make friends with Gilda after all.

“Fine.” Gilda pumped a claw in the air along with a celebratory hiss. “But don’t tell anybody about this, they’ll think we’re weird or something.” Gilda hopped from her chair and held the artifact up to him.

“Alright, let’s go. I want to see if this thing has multiple charges.” Ben rolled his eyes at her eagerness. He placed a firm hand on the center over Gilda’s claw. They remained motionless for several seconds. “Is that it?” Gilda moaned, shaking the amulet and listening for a rattle. Ben slapped it away.

“Stop it. It takes a while.” He scolds.

It did indeed take a while. After the first hour Gilda groaned from her place of the couch as Ben fruitlessly attempted to scrub away the stains that had thoroughly destroyed his rather expensive carpet. “Why is it taking so long? It only took like ten minutes last time!”

“Patience is a virtue.” He shot back snidely. The stubborn stain that had been created from both of their juices had him doubting whether he actually wanted to repeat the action. “We are not doing this in here again anyway. Look at this!” His scrubbing intensified, yet it only succeeded in destroying the towel he was using. He threw it away, not caring about its destination. “Fuck.”

A knock on the door drew his attention. Gilda remained silent as he straightened his shirt and opened the door to reveal a peculiar black beaked griffon, with distinct red and yellow eyes. “Hello my good friend!” He greeted cheerfully. “I’ve just popped by to see if you enjoyed my gift.”

Gilda recognized the voice and hustled to the door, pushing Ben out of the way. “You!” She declared accusingly.

“Of course!” He chuckled. “Why wouldn’t I come to check on my customers?”

“Can we help you?” Ben inquired intent on getting to the purpose of his visit.

“Nothing much really, just coming to give you a few parting words.” He didn’t see it necessary to invite himself in, he’d be gone soon enough. He sniffed the air and smirked. “My customer satisfaction is assured, every time.”

“Perv.” Gilda muttered under her breath.

“Anyway, there are a few things you should know about that little medallion of mine. Firstly, you can only use it once per day, so no double dipping for you.”

“Lame.” Gilda complained. “I wanted to test out some stuff.”

“Don’t worry, you couldn’t use it again anyway.” He could barely restrain his laughter as Gilda scowled again.

“Why not?”

“It doesn’t work on those who are with child.” He said before bursting into mad cackling laughter. Shivers rocketed up Ben and Gilda’s spine as he slowly began to dissipate into a cloud of green smoke. His former body drifted off in an unseen wind as both stood there dumbfounded. Wide eyed and very pissed, Gilda glared at the nervous human looking down at her.

“With child?” She whispered as she began to twitch.

“You can’t blame that one on me.” Ben hastily defended, backing up into the living room. Gilda slammed the door behind her, making sure to loop the latch and lock it. “Come on Gilda, you seriously can’t blame me for this!” Gilda leant down, her lean body snaking along the ground. She sized up her pray, and pounced.

His screams echoed through the night.

Author's Note

i have no idea what i'm doing

Please feel free to point out errors etc. , it might be a bit rough around the edges.