A new life in Ponyland

by nearlyepic1

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Main 6, Romance, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 9884

Bob's life has gone bad. He can't seem to do anything right. Maybe his luck will change after he is sent to a certain ponyland.

Bob's life has gone bad. His family all hate him after spending two thousand pounds of his parent's earnings on video games. He had no real friends in the first place, anyone who tolerated him now hates him after he smashed a fire alarm in the middle of winter; he still has cold feet. He can't seem to do anything right. Maybe his luck will change after he is sent to Equestria...

(My first fic. Please don't judge too harshly. Always open to constructive criticism though.)
(Any similarities between my fic and others is 100% accidental)

Published 2014-05-26 18:20:04 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-09 00:14:40 UTC

Before...

"What do you mean, 'I'm sorry'?! Sorry doesn't cut it!"

That's my mother shouting at me.

I am sat in the family living room. It is nicely decorated and brightly colored with photos on the walls of my family creating a very enjoyable atmosphere... Most of the time, but today the atmosphere was anything but enjoyable.

I was sat on a dinner chair with my head in my hands, My mother sat opposite me, waving a bill about in her hand. My father was sat in an armchair next to the door. I couldn't see him with my head in my hands, but I was sure he was giving me one of those looks... One that said 'I am very disappointed in you'.

I understood our family was having a bad time with money recently but still, No need to be shouting so much! It was only £1,000... Oh wait, That was before the limited edition Halo set, And the Battlestar Galactica credits... Maybe it reached £2,000...
It doesn't matter now. All that matters now is that the money is gone and I'm in deep trouble.

"Without that money we can't pay the mortgage." my mother angrily stated, still waving the bill around in her hand. "What are we supposed to do now? We have to make the money somehow, Let's start by selling your computer. That'll stop you from stealing more money!"

I took my head out of my hands to look at my glaring mother. "It wasn't stealing. You said I could buy those points" I whispered just loud enough that my mother could hear me.

Somehow her her eyes seemed to set on fire. She almost screamed at me "I said you could buy £10! If you can't tell the difference between £10 and £2,000 then you need to go back to school!" - I decided to put my head back in my hands to avoid her glare - "Maybe you should get a job! See how hard it is to earn money! Your father and I worked hard for that money!"

My father took this moment to say "Calm down. The money is gone now, there is nothing we can do about it now."

I lifted my head once more to look at my father. He didn't look at me. At that moment my stomach crunched and I was left feeling sick and light headed.

I thought to myself My own father can't bear to look at his son. I've messed up. My family is the only thing I have left. was the only thing I had left. I can't even find refuge in my computer. Look at me, My family hates me and I'm thinking about my computer. I don't deserve such a loving family

My mother's voice changed from angry to disappointed as she said "Maybe it's best if you went to your room"

I nodded my head and walked out of the room. I walked up the stairs and noticed my sister's door was open. I wonder what she thinks of it. Does she hate me aswell? I thought to myself.

I decided to go talk to her. I opened her door and saw she was laid on her bed, Reading a book. She looked at me, her face immediately darkened. Damn it! She does hate me

"Get out"

I looked at her with pleading eyes. I asked "Can I talk to you for a while?"

She replied replied with a bit of anger in her voice "No. Get out"

I looked down and said "Please. I -"

Her voice voice cut me off, Sounding angrier than I had ever heard her before "Get out!"

I did as she said, I closed the door behind me and sighed. My family really do hate me. I didn't expect my sister of all people to shout at me.

I walked to the end of the corridor to my bedroom. It was dark, the posters in my room barely visible. I walked over to my bed and laid down. I closed my eyes, Happy to finally have this day end. This is just a bad day. It'll all be better tomorrow, I hope. I've never seen my family this angry before, they always gave me anything I wanted even with money tight. They supported me after that fire alarm at school - I shivered, My feet were still cold from standing in the snow for an hour in my school uniform while the teachers did registers and checked the building for signs of a fire - Maybe my friends will forgive me tomorrow as well. They haven't talked to me at all this week...

My life has gone from bad to worse

I just wish I could be somewhere else right now

I drifted into sleep, remembering the faces of my family. Their angry faces, Their disappointed faces.

I opened my eyes.

I wasn't in my bedroom.

I was standing in my classroom.

How did I get here? The last thing I remember is falling asleep and- I smiled to myself. -And this must be a dream. Huh, seems pretty real to me... I shook my head as my family walked in. All of them looked angry, Even my father, My teacher stood behind them. All four of them glared at me.

"-And I'm sure you will be paying for the damaged fire alarm and the inconvenience of the school staff-" My teacher said without taking his eyes off of me "-Aswell as the £250 fine for misuse of the fire alarm"

My stomach dropped. There's a fine?! My parent's will kill me!

At that moment all of my friends walked into the room. All of them were smiling. It wasn't a nice smile though, It was an evil smile. It was a smile that said 'Were all going to enjoy this. You won't.'

I gulped.

All of my friends started running at me, The dream seemed to do in slow motion as I looked at my family and the teacher. They were looking at me, Still looking angry but with a hint of a smile.

This isn't a dream! This is a nightmare!

I screamed. I turned and ran towards the fire exit. The irony of running out of a fire exit to avoid people who were mad because of a fire alarm was not lost on me, I was just too busy screaming to laugh at the moment.

I ran through the school grounds, It was night and hard to see. I took a moment to ask myself why I was in school in the middle of the night but the thought quickly left my mind as I could hear shouting behind me. I looked behind me to see my full class, Not just my friends but some well known football players. They were going to kill me, literally.

I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. All of a sudden the shouting stopped. I turned around to see, Not a crowd of angry students but a large dark blue horse with a wavy mane that resembled the stars I could see behind it's head, In the night sky.

I squinted. Not a horse, A unicorn. Me and my mind. What now? I get speared by an angry unicorn? Sure why not, Saves my friends and family the pain of killing me I get ready to run again when the horse opened it's mouth and said "Hello!" in a loud voice.

I was shocked. A talking unicorn. An angry talking unicorn. I guess my dreams hate me as well. My eyes were bulging out of my sockets as I fell onto my back, my eyes still locked onto this talking unicorn.

It seems to notice my fear of it and says again in a softer voice "Hello,"

My eyes don't leave the unicorn as I reply "Hi."

It stares back at me and asks "What is your name?" in the same soft voice. All of a sudden I don't want to run from this unicorn. I was more curious that afraid. Maybe I can get a new friend? Yeah a new friend in my dreams. I'll wake up in the morning and I'll be back to the angry stares of my family "Umm... Bob..."

The unicorn looks at me and her face changes... It's smiling. I'm slightly unnerved by it's smile. It isn't an evil smile. It's a happy smile. It opens it's mouth again and happily says "Hello 'Bob'. My name is Luna." Huh. Strange name. Strange for a talking unicorn, I think not. it continues to say "- And I'm here to give you a new chance at life!"

I blink a few times, Still in shock from meeting this 'Luna'. Heh, A talking unicorn feels sorry for me. My life must be worse than I thought.

"Well?" Luna asks, it's smile fading slightly "I would have thought you would have accepted my offer already."

"What do you mean 'a new chance at life'?" I ask uncertainly. Its smile fades till it is but a ghost of it's former state.

The unicorn tilts its head slightly and says "I wan't you to come and live with me. Don't you want to? Don't you want to live in a land full of magic and friendship?"

I take a moment to notice that Luna's voice is feminine.

...live in a land full of magic and friendship.. Unicorn, Magic, Sure. Friendship? Not too hard to believe. It sounds nice. If this wasn't a dream I would go... Actually, This IS a dream so if I say yes what's the worst that can happen? I see that the Luna is no longer smiling and is looking somewhat disappointed. I remember the disappointed face of my father.

"Sure, I'll come and live with you." Luna's face lights up in a huge grin as she spreads her wings and flaps them until she's a few meters off the ground.

Wait, WINGS?! That is not a unicorn!

What have I gotten myself into?

Author's Note

Hi, This is my first fic.
I may or may not continue it, Depends what you think.
Constructive criticism encouraged!

Chapter 1

Author's Note

I am continuing the story! Trying to add a few jokes, Trying to make it realistic and this won't turn into a military fic.

Chapter 1

My bed is comfy. I don't remember my bed being this comfy. wait a minute... My bed isn't this comfy. My eyes jerk open as I jump upright in this strange bed. I look around but this room is too dark to see anything of note. The first thoughts that go through my mind are Have I been kidnapped?! Abducted by aliens?! Become a mutant and sent to a secret government research facility where I will never see my family again?!

I hold my hand out in front of me and notice the lack of spider's web. Well. I'm not becoming Spiderman. That's good, I guess...

All of a sudden I remember the dream I had last night. The winged unicorn, Luna. She must have done this! No, she was part of the dream. Dreams aren't real or maybe I'm still dreaming! Yeah that's it!. I think to myself. I sit wondering about my situation for a good five minutes before I hear something. What is that sound? Sounds like... Horses... Yep definitely hooves. Luna must have kidnapped me! Wait, If she's a winged unicorn then is she some kind of alien? Is this an abduction or a kidnapping?!

Then I realize something else.It isn't the sound of 4 hooves. Its the sound of 8. Huh, Looks like Luna has a friend.

I look towards the area the sound is coming from and can just make out the outline of a door. Maybe I should make a run for it... She did just trick me into leaving my home... If she's an alien this might not even be my planet! I can't run if this isn't my planet, I'll just have to hope she has good intentions...

I decide to lay back down while I ponder about being on a different world. I notice that the hooves have stopped just outside the door, yet the door itself was still closed. Maybe she's waiting outside until I come out?

I shrug to myself a decide to look around this dark room. I'm on my own there is be no harm in exploring right?

Wrong.

As my feet touch the floor and I take my first steps in this strange new place I hear a startled voice outside.

"Shield! I heard something in Luna's room! I'm sure of it this time!" The voice was definitely male and I'm guessing from the hooves it's another horse. He also said Luna's room. It was her!

I hear a different voice say "Blade, This is the third time tonight. No one is trying to assassinate the princess! She isn't even in her room!" Again, this one is male and I'm guessing his name is shield. Heh, Luna literally has men lining up outside her room! Well, With names like 'Blade' and 'Shield' they sound more like guards... Wait, Didn't he say princess? Princess Luna? huh, You learn something new everyday.

I hear the voices again, I think it's blade who says "Come on! There could be an evil monster waiting for the princess inside her room as we speak! Just let me look!" They don't know I'm here, They're guards and are possible armed and are wanting to check the room for monsters... I'm in trouble here.

Suddenly I get an idea! I think to myself What would the average action hero do in a situation like this? They would stand behind the door and jump the guards! I smile to myself as I think of this foolproof plan. I start tiptoeing to the door as quietly as I can when I realize something. I can't see the floor...

I promptly face-plant and create a large crash sound. I hear two startled horses outside shouting and a door opening.

I look up and see two horses, Or what I think are horses. I think they would come to about Luna's shoulder height. They were grey from what I could tell, But I didn't see much as they were silhouetted against the bright corridor behind them. They were wearing what looks like purple Armour and a shocked facial expression. The last thing I notice was wings at their sides. I remember that Luna's wings were feathery looking. These looked smooth, Like bat wings.

I pass out from the sight of these bat-horses. The last thing I thought was Heh, Forget Spiderman, I have the horse's Batmans starring at me.

The last thing I heard was "Good find Night Blade, I think we should go get the princess now..."

I feel that strangely comfortable bed beneath me once again. I've never passed out in a dream and then woken up back into a dream before... Is that even possible? Maybe this isn't a dream after all...

I open my eyes. I'm back on that bed I woke up on. I stare up at the ceiling for a moment and notice that there a white dots all over it. Reminds me of the night's sky... Wait wasn't Luna's hair starry? Maybe she likes the stars? I move my head to the side and look around the room. I notice it's a lot lighter now, Just light enough for me to see the room with ease but not bright enough for my eyes to water like they usually do when I wake up in the morning...Who said it was morning? Who say's this new world has a sun to make day? No that would be stupid. I'm getting ahead of myself here. I'm not even sure if this is earth

I take in the room, A lot of the room is painted either dark blue or black. There were a few paintings of the moon and stars and a few more of Luna herself. Two paintings caught my attention. The first was of Luna sat with a white horse that was slightly taller than her. They were sat in what looks like a throne room. It was brightly colored, Red carpet, Stain glass windows, The full package. Befitting of a princess if I do say so myself.

The second painting was of Luna sat on the moon... Maybe aliens have photoshop. Nope I can't imaging them having photoshop. Atleast It's the same solar system... Maybe I'm on mars, I pictured it more... Red.

I decide to get up from the bed and take a better look at it. As I stand up I hear a small gasp from somewhere behind me. As I turn around I'm faced with the two Bat-horses from before I passed out. One was holding a hoof over his mouth and the other was quietly jabbing the first in the side. Maybe I should talk to them? Will they understand me? I can understand them from the other side of a door, I don't think communication will be a problem. Plus this is a once in a lifetime opportunity! Talking to a winged horse! Oh wait I've already done that... Ah well.

The two bat-horses just keep staring at me. I raise my hand to wave, Their eyes following my hand's every movement. I open my mouth and prepare for a legendary first contact...

"Hey horse! Why the long face?"

One of the horses starts screaming at my sudden speech. Who can blame him? I know that if I saw an alien, twice my height raise it's hand in a possibly threatening gesture then burst out with that I'd be shocked I fell over backwards laughing my head off.

The other horse just looked at me with a shocked expression for a few moments until he realized his companion was sat their screaming and hit him around the back of the head. The second horse stopped screaming and looked at the first who was deadpanning. The second gave a nervous chuckle while I was still sat there laughing.

The first horse looked at me and cleared his throat. I stopped laughing, sat up and looked at the horse. I raised my hands and said "I surrender?"

The horse looked at me and blinked, Clearly not amused. He opened his mouth -He has fangs, And here I was thinking horses are herbivores- And said " Hello there, Bob" He paused for effect, I wondered where he got my name from for a moment when I realized Luna probably told him, He was just trying to scare me into submission. The army is the same everywhere "I know a lot about you. And you know nothing about me. I'll let it stay like that but i'll tell you one thing. It's in your best interests to do as you're told."

It's my turn to blink at the horse, I am having none of that! I decide to make a few gambles with the little information I had. I quickly said to the horse "No, I know a lot about you, Shield" He visibly flinched when I used his name, I pointed at the other horse still trembling slightly "And you, Blade."

I dropped my arms by my sides. "So I think it's best if you just take me to princess Luna."

Shield glared at my for a moment before his face broke out into a smile as he said "Hey, Night Blade. I like this monster."

I cleared my throat as I said "Bob."

Shield titled his head slightly and said "Excuse me?" with a bit of confusion.

I smile and repeated "Bob, My name."

Shield smiled again "Oh, sorry. I'm not used to meeting monsters with names. We haven't been introduced. I'm Midnight shield"-He pointed a hoof to his chest-" and that's Night Blade" He said as he pointed a hoof at the other horse behind him.

"Hi there talking horses with bat wings, How's your day been?" I asked a cheerily as I could. Shield deadpanned.

"two things for ya, Bob." Shield said with a slight bit of aggression. "One we're ponies, p-o-n-i-e-s."-He spelled each letter out for me, Maybe he thought I could talk but not spell?-" Not horses. second thing, Were Bat ponies. The main force of the night guard!" He ended his sentence with a bit of pride.

I was mentally chuckling at the 'ponies'. What's the difference? Miniature horse? And they can spell! I bet their parent's are so proud! I calmly said "Okay, 'Ponies' Can you please take my to Princess Luna?"

Shield Blinked at me before saying "Oh, Luna! I completely forgot about her! Blade, You stay here, Keep an eye on the princess's room. I'll take Bob to see Luna." Blade gave a quick nod and Shield motioned a hoof towards the door. "Mare's first!" He said with a smirk.

I don't have a clue what that means... Is that some kind of insult? Doesn't matter. I thanked him as I walked out of the door.

Chapter 2

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 3

Two things go through my head at this moment.

I've done nothing to deserve the kindness she's given me, I could stay here for a week then go home and be back with my family. Maybe I can get Luna to send some cash to my family as well? With decor of this place I'm sure she has some to spare.

And

A winged unicorn, that has just ripped me from my previous life, has just offered me her bedroom... I wonder how far I can run if I jump out of a window...

After taking a whole ten seconds to think about it I decide that thought B is more relevant. I start screaming, Waving my hands around in the air and running towards the nearest stain glass window. After two minutes of running I get within jumping distance of a window. I don't think twice as I put all of my forward momentum into the jump.

I'm not a very fast runner so I should have predicted that my jump would have failed. I bounced of the window and was given a sore head for my troubles. I turn around to see Luna, still sat on her throne, starring at me with a raised eyebrow.

I blink at her.

She blinks back.

I start screaming and waving my hands around again as I start running towards the big golden doors.

Once I'm through the doors I realize something. I'm in the wrong dimension where I know three people, No, ponies. One threatened to drop me out of a castle window, Another is scared of me and the third is the one that brought me here in the first place and is the only one who can send me home.

Wait, The only one who can send me home.

Celestia! The second royal sister! She can send me home!

I look around outside the big golden doors and notice Shield is stood behind me, Between me and the golden doors. I turn to him and smile. He growls in return.

I raise my hand and say to him, "Take me to your leader!" with as much authority as I can. He stares at me for a few minutes. "Um... Take me to your second leader?"

He keeps starring at me as he says "Celestia? She's asleep. And no, I'm not waking her up for you. You've already caused problems for one of our rulers. Celestia doesn't need to be involved."

"But she has more magic! She can send me home now!" I argue. Shield keeps starring at me."Fine! No Celestia. What am I supposed to do for the next week until Luna can send me home?" Shield still stares at me. That stare's getting annoying quickly!

"Who says she's going to send you back at all now?" Shield deadpans. Dammit! I didn't think of that! Well at least Shield isn't starring anymore. Now he just looks like he's talking to an idiot.

"Hey, She brought me here! It's her fault, she should fix it!" I state angrily.

"What do you think she's trying to do? So far all you've done is shout at her and throw everything she's done for you back in her face. She gives you a new life, You complain that you want your old one back. She say's she will send you back, You complain about it not happening sooner. She offers her own living space to make you comfortable and you throw a tantrum, Running, Screaming. I would have you in the dungeons for this," He points a hoof at me. Throw an inter-dimensional being into a dungeon?! Does he know how important I am? I was brought here, Across realities, by his princess! I must be important! "But I know that Luna would not accept it..." He finishes. Too right!

Shield seemed to relax after his little speech. "If I were you I would stop being such a selfish prick and think about how she's feeling right now. I'd go back in there and apologize."

I take a moment to think about what he said. Am I selfish? Nah. I just want to go home! Anyone would! Should I go in there and apologize to Luna? Nah. She's in the wrong, Not me. Maybe I should take her room anyway? Gives me somewhere to wait for her to apologize to me.

"Hey, Shield. Can you take me back to Luna's room?" He blinks at me, Confusion evident in his face.

"I don't even know if that offer still stands..." He puts a hoof to his chin in thought."I guess it'll be okay. I'll have to clear it with Luna first though. I'll be back in a minute, Stay here." And with that Shield walked back into throne room.

For a moment I considered running again to see how far I could get before they noticed when I remembered the two day guards on door duty. I looked at them. They were both starring forward with mainly static expressions. I'm sure I could see both of their eyes burning with rage at my treatment of royalty. That didn't phase me much though. They're the guards! They're bound to have biased opinions!

I look back at the golden doors to see them closing behind an enraged looking Shield. He doesn't make eye contact with me, Instead looking at my feet. "So? Am I staying in Luna's room?" I ask. Shield looks up at my face, Into my eyes. I see that he is about a hairs width from finding out what damage a hoof can do to a human's head. I'm slightly concerned with this. What did I do to make him mad? He wasn't this mad before he went to talk to Luna, Maybe Luna's annoyed with me.

"Her room is yours until morning." He says with a growl as he walks down a corridor. I quickly follow him as he continues "Me and Night Blade have been assigned to you."- Cool, My own guards! Just another thing to show how important I am!-"You're not to leave Luna's room without an escort, Preferably not at all. The princess will talk to you in the morning." Not once did that anger leave his voice. I've clearly done something to upset him... But what?

I'm lead down a corridor towards a familiar black door. Looks like I'm back at Luna's room. Next to the door another bat pony is sat staring at me. At least he doesn't seem to be scared of my anymore. I hope. "Hey Blade! I'm back!" I say.

Blade smiles and replies "Back so soon?" He gives a questioning glance to Shield. Shield replies by slowly shaking his head. Blade's smile disappears. "Meeting went bad?" He asked shield.

Shield replies with less than concealed rage "You don't know the half of it. We're both assigned to Bob for the rest of the night."

Blade shrugs and says "That isn't that bad. Better than guarding an empty room right?" He asks."Plus we get somepo- Someone to talk to!"

For some reason I don't think Shield will be talking to me for a while. "Why don't you go inside with Bob for a while, I'll stay out here." Shield says.

"Huh. Okay..." Blade seemed to be at a loss with the upset bat pony across from him. He turned to me and said "Come on Bob, We can talk inside."

I quietly follow blade through the door to Luna's room. I immediately recognize the dark colors of the room and the paintings on the walls. I turn to blade who was sat at the end of the bed, The bat pony's armor blending in nicely with the background colors. Blade decides to speak first, "Do you know what's up with Shield? He's normally a lot more cheerful than this. Especially after seeing princess Luna."

"I don't have a clue, He was kinda angry when we both left the throne room, But I'm sure I cheered him up! Then he went back in on his own to ask if I could stay in Luna's room. He came back out looking like he was about to maul me."

Blade looks just as confused as I am. He sighs and says "It doesn't matter now, In the morning I'm sure the princess will talk to him. Then we can get back to getting you home!" He ends with a smile.

I decide that I've been awake long enough so I lay on Luna's bed and close me eyes.

I have no dreams tonight.

I open my eyes to see the familiar dark ceiling with little white stars dotted about it. I've woken up 3 times to the same sight. This can't be a dream. I don't think you can sleep in a dream! Let alone wake up 3 times!

I sit up and look down next to the end of the bed. I see a bat pony laid there with it's head tilted slightly towards the bed. I can just make out quiet snoring. I can't tell if the bat pony is Shield or Blade. They both look the same.

I look around the room and notice a set of dark blue curtains. I also notice there's a small amount of sunlight coming around the edges. I'm about to give the bat pony at the end of Luna's bed a 'Fun' awakening when I hear a set of hooves outside the door. The Hooves stop a moment later. I hear a motherly voice outside say "Is the human here?" The voice seems very calm, relaxed yet very strong.

I hear Shield reply "Yes Princess." That doesn't sound like Luna... It must be Celestia.

The motherly voice, Who I'm guessing is Celestia says "Very good. You are relived Midnight Shield. Go get some rest."

I hear a set of hooves walking away and the door slowly opening.

In walks a very tall unicorn who I recognize from the painting as Celestia.

"Ah hello there human. I'm princess Celestia and we have some things to talk about."

Why do I feel like I'm not going to like this conversation very much?

Chapter 5

I'm stood in a tree. Not in tree's branches but in the tree itself. Someone hollowed out a tree and turned it into a library... How Ironic, Take wood from a tree to make paper, then put it back into a tree to read...

With me inside this tree were eight ponies. two of which were stood at either side of the door with blank expressions on their faces as they stared forward. the other six were just glaring at me, Just waiting for me to make an aggressive move so they would have an excuse to kill me I bet.

Apparently Celestia had seen fit to write ahead to inform the locals of the situation...

She forgot to add that I was to be treated kindly.

And now I have five ponies looking like their about to murder me, two guards that would most likely let them and a yellow pony huddled in a corner... Maybe I shouldn't have annoyed so many people...

Nah, Completely worth it.

A purple unicorn says "My name is Twilight Sparkle.", Venom dripping from her voice. "Looks like you'll be staying here in the library with me." she points behind her at the other five. "These are my friends, Rarity, AppleJack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy" I'm guessing that the one with a picture of apples on her flank is Applejack and the one with the rainbow mane is Rainbow Dash. Pinkie Pie is most likely the pink one and I'd say that Fluttershy is the one in the corner, Leaving the white pony to be Rarity. I can be smart if I put effort into it!

I nod to all of the ponies, they still look like they're going to maul me.

"Hi, my name is Bob. I'm here to learn the magic of friendship not the magic of glaring daggers." I say to the ponies. It seems to just make them angrier, If that was possible.

The room is silent for a few seconds. I shove my finger up my nose, They don't seem to recognize the gesture.

I stick my tongue out at them, The pink one sounds like she's holding back a giggle. Getting better at least.

"Can you show me to my room please?" I ask Twilight.

Her glare is replaced by a frown as she replies "Fine, Follow me." She walks out of a side door, I quickly follow with both Shield and Blade following me. We enter a room with two small beds and a tiny blanket in the corner. "This is my spare bedroom. You nice stallions," She points to the guards,"Can have the beds. Bob, Spike tells me there's a comfy spot around that area of the floor." She moves her hoof to point at the blanket and I'm sure I can hear two bat ponies laughing.

"Who's Spike? Your dog?" I ask, Shocked at the conditions I am supposed to be living in.

"No, He's a dragon and my assistant." Dragon huh? I guess I've heard stranger... Like a world full of talking horses that can do magic and fly perhaps?

"Ok, I'll leave you three to settle in, Let me know if you need anything." Twilight says as she walks out of the door.

Blade wastes no time, Jumping on his new bed with a cry of "Canon ball!" and landing with a soft thump. Shield sighs and shakes his head slightly while I just stare at the bed, My eyes twitching slightly.

"Okay! Who wants to swap?" I ask eagerly. My only reply is another round laughing.

I realize that I've pretty much gotten what I deserved here so I grab the blanket and set to work finding a remotely comfortable spot on the cold, hard floor.

I finally get comfortable and am about to drift of to sleep when I hear a loud snore.

I can't sleep with that noise! I think to myself but I quickly realize, there's nothing much I can do about it.

About ten minutes later sleep finally takes me and into the land of dreams I go.

Turnips.

Lost of turnips. Turnips everywhere. I float out of my window into the street. More turnips. Turnips! The wonderful land of turnips! I think to myself as I do a slow motion dive into the street of turnips. What is this? Heaven!? I land with a face full of turnip. I notice something that makes me frown. A single carrot is lying on the streets of turnip. I feel a tear roll out of my eye and down my cheek. I take it back... I take it all back... This is hell! I turn around and look in awe at what I was seeing, my previous sadness forgotten. Waffles!

"What a strange mind you have..." I turn back around to look at the voice. I see a dark flying horse with a unicorn horn. All of a suddenly I remember everything, Equestria, Luna, the bat ponies. I frown.

"Is that an insult? I'll have you know my mind is brilliant! With the help of a dictionary I can spell over 100 words!" Luna's expression turns from curiosity to panic as she tries to correct herself.

"No, n-no you misunderstand me, I have no doubt of intelligence. It's just rare that I find a mind as... Special... as yours." I notice the way she said special and am wondering if that was some kind of compliment when she lands on the street (Now covered in model spaceships). I stare at her for a while before breaking into a smile.

"Sooo... Princess, I'm guessing your here to take me home?" She frowns and shakes her head, my smile faltering slightly. "Are you here to let me back to the castle?" Again she shakes her head and my smile disappears completely. "...Then why are you here?"

"I'm just keeping an eye on you, Checking if you are okay and if Twilight is taking good care of you." No one is telling her anything are they? Why don't the night guards report my conditions to her?

"Everything's just Perfect. I'm living in a land where I'm the only one of my kind, a place where I'm hated, made to sleep on the floor, and I doubt I'll get a good meal in the whole time I'm here"

"I'm sure they don't hate you Bob, That's a very strong word. Why would they hate you?"

"Apparently I upset you or something. They were acting as if you had feelings!" I see Luna has a look of shock from my outburst but I ignore it."I mean, Your a horse! A magical, flying, powerful horse maybe,but still a horse!" I can see tears in her eyes at this point, again I decide to ignore them. "And horses are dumb, they have no feelings!" I hear whimper from Luna, but all I see is a flash of light.

Once the light is gone, I don't see Luna. She had obviously teleported away or something. Was it something I said? I quickly shake my head and look around once more... Where was I? Oh yeah... Waffles! I jump into the nearest pile of waffles but I notice something in mid air, Those waffles have legs... I land in the middle of the waffles, syrup is my eyes. I quickly stand up and wipe the syrup away, feeling things move around my feet. I look around and am disturbed by what I find. My happy land of turnips is no longer happy, In fact it looks like it's midnight, and all of the waffles appear to be... "SPIDERS!" I climb a nearby ladder going up a building but they follow me.

I feel my hands slip, and I notice that what I thought was syrup was actually green goo. I stop climbing to let out a quick "Eewww" but it was too late, the spiders had grabbed my leg. One after another they climbed onto my body as I fell backwards off the ladder into a massive piles of spiders. I scream as my body goes numb and the spiders climb over my face, Blocking my vision as I desperately try climbing out of the pile. The last thing I see is darkness.

"AAAHHHHHHHH!!!" I scream, Rapidly moving myself to a sitting position from my curled up ball.

My scream seems to have woken up Blade as he jumps out of his bed, quickly looks around and sees me on the floor, eyes wide, shaking and starring straight forward. He just stares at me for a few minutes before giving a smile and turning to Shields still sleeping form. "Hey Shield, Shield wake up!"

"Wazzat? Wazzup?" Shield groggily replied.

"I think Princess Luna just got her revenge on Bob." Shield rubs his eyes with his hoof and sits forward, Looking at me, before breaking into a huge grin. They both start chuckling and before long it's full blown laughter. I feel tears in my eyes as the first ponies I met in this strange world are laughing at me. I lower my head into my hands and ask myself... Where did I go so wrong in life?

I notice that the laughing has stopped and I feel a hoof on my shoulder. I look up to see Blade smiling at me. He says "Don't worry Bob, We may act like idiots to you but if you need a friend we'll be there to help," I hear a cough behind blade and his smile turns into a frown. "At least, I'll be there to help."

"And I'll be going back to bed." Shield says and I see Blade roll his eyes.

"Anyway, do you need anything? A glass of water perhaps?" Blade asks. I think I can see a hint of genuine concern on his face.

"Yes please, a glass of water sounds great about now." Why did I feel the need to say please? I'll probably never know...

Blade smiles as he says "Coming right up buddy" He walks out of the room and returns a few minutes later with a glass of water balancing on his back. I take it with a murmured thanks, taking a few large mouthfuls of water. I watch as Blade gets back into bed and I start hearing snores again that I finally drift back into a more peaceful dream.

Author's Note

Trying to write more often... Been a bit of a gap but I'm trying.

Chapter 6

I am woken up by a banging noise. I wonder for a moment where I am.

Oh yeah, Equestria was it? I open my eyes and look around the room. Blade is standing next to his bed, Stretching his wings. Shield was still in bed, rolling around slightly. I could tell that the banging noise was coming from the door, but as the door was still closed, I couldn't see who was waking us up.

I sleepily rubbed my eyes and sat up from the floor, resting my back against the wall. "Who is it?" I tiredly ask. Blade glances towards me, seeing that I'm awake, and nods his head before stretching his neck.

The banging stops, Replaced by a voice I recognize as Twilights. "It's me, It's time to get up. Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes." Was she making us breakfast? That's nice of her... Or does she just see it as being a good host?

"Uhh... Thanks?" I reply, feeling a little more alert with my mind having something to think about.

"Don't mention it." I hear hoof steps leading away from out shared room. I look around the room once again. I see that Blade had finished stretching and had moved over to Shields bed and was now sitting, trying to wake him up. I stand, pushing myself up from the floor, and walk over to the door. I hear a set of hooves join me as I push the door open and walk to where I think the kitchen was.

Lucky my sense of direction hasn't migrated north for the winter. I walk into the kitchen to find Twilight eating a pancake. She looks up at us as we walk in and points to a stack of pancakes with a hoof. "Help yourselves." she says.

"Sure, I don't turn down free food." I state as I pull up a chair, the two night guards sitting at either side of the small table.

Breakfast passes without much trouble. Shortly after, the guards head back to the room to do stuff and I have a small argument with Twilight about why she was trying to get her guest to do the cleaning up. It seems only reasonable that she takes proper care of me. In the end, she decides it's not worth the hassle and cleans up herself. The mare then mentions something about hanging out with Applejack for the day. I'm not too fussed, Applejack seemed okay from the small amount of interaction I had with her.

Once Twilight was finally done cleaning up, Blade and Shield strode back into the kitchen wearing their armor. It did look pretty cool, but I thought it was a bit excessive. It's not like I'm going to be attacked in broad daylight.

We walk out of the tree and head towards the outskirts of town. I don't really have any idea where I'm going, I'm just following Twilight. I zone out as I walk. I don't like walking. Walking's boring. It's just repetition! Left foot, right foot, Left foot, right foot! Why can't we just call some kind of taxi? Or get the Pegasus to fly us there.

After a while, we finally arrived at, what I assumed was, Applejacks' farm. It felt like it took hours to reach it. In reality, it likely took five to ten minutes. The farm was just a farmhouse, a few surrounding buildings and fields full of apple trees on all sides. The amount of land there was impressive... The content, not so much. Being from a city, I'm not used to seeing such rolling hills and wide open spaces. The closest I ever saw was a long street. To be fair, it was a really long street, but this farm felt bigger.

Our group walked towards the barn door, I could make out a orange speck that was Applejack. She watched us with indifference as we approached. When we got close enough, she call to us "Hey there Bob. I you got your working shoes on, we've got a long day ahead. We don't give any slack on this here farm."

It was at this point, I knew I was going to have a bad day.

I have had a bad day. I've had to walk all around the farm carrying buckets of apples. My back hurts, my feet hurt and my head hurts. Applejack said she didn't have any slackers on her farm. What she meant is that she runs slave labor! in my six hours of working there, I was only given seven breaks. The guards carried more than me, but that's fine, they're built for it. They're holding me to standards that I can't reach!

I'm not even talking about the boredom!

Oh it was boring! It was sooo Boring! At one point, I snapped a small branch from a tree and started playing cricket with the apples. Every so often an Apple would hit AJ and she'd look at me suspiciously. I'd just lie, say that an Apple fell on her from the tree above her, and she'd go back to work. The whole process repeated every ten minutes or so. That mare can kick every apple out of a tree with a single buck, but she really isn't smart.

After six hours of complaining on my end, AJ finally decided to send me back to Twilight.

Blade said he would come back with me while Shield offered to help some more at the farm. I'm starting to think that Shield either really strange or is trying to avoid me.

Blade and I got back to twilight's pretty quickly. We exchanged some small talk, but not much.When we got back to Twilight's tree she asked about how it went. Blade answered with a lot more enthusiasm than me. I just wanted to go to bed and sleep. I stayed with Blade and Twilight for a while as they talked. I even contributed one word replies when they specifically asked me a question, my answer being yes, no or maybe.

it was around eight before Shield got back. We all ate dinner, some kind of salad that I didn't ask much about. Once that was done, I walked back into my room to go to bed. Then I remembered I had no bed. Then I just mentally shrug, steal Blades covers and pillow, lie down on the floor and go to sleep.

Author's Note

I'm really having trouble finding time to write this... I may just have to cancel it

Chapter 4

"Tell me, Why do you think your here?" Celestia asked.

"Um... Because my life was bad and I deserved more?" I replied, Honestly believing every word of it. Celestia seemed shocked. She quickly removed the shock from her face however.

"I'm afraid you're quite mistaken," She says with a hint of annoyance. If I'm not here because I deserve to be here... Then why am I here? She frowned as if reading my thoughts she adds "You are here because my sister... has not yet been accepted into modern day society. She has very few friends outside of the castle. You were brought here to be her friend." Huh, That explains why there's a human here... But why me of all people? Why not that guy down the road who lived in that cardboard box, the one I always chased on my bicycle?

"Why me? Why not some random druggie on a street corner?" I ask, Then I am left wondering if she knows what a druggie is...

"She has been looking through the dreams of many humans, Giving each the opportunity to come to equestria. You were simply the first to say yes." I took this moment to notice that Celestia was about a head higher than me. I fell very small in her presence. Physically small that is. Her voice has a certain soothing aspect to it. I don't think I'd mind if she told me I had cancer with that voice... Actually yeah, I would mind. I'm living till I die of old age! Go eat a horse, cancer!

It takes a few moments for the information to sink in. I am here, not because I'm special, But because Luna wanted me here. Ah well, Too bad for her.

"So, can you send me home? Luna said something about waiting for her magic to replenish, So maybe you can send me home huh?" I look at Celestia with my best pleading eyes. She stares back with a blank face.

"I can send you home. I, however, will not. You are my sister's responsibility, not mine. She will send you home when she said she will." My mouth drops open. She just told me she can send me home! Then she outright refuses to do it!

"What am I supposed to do for the next week then? Sit around your castle until your sister decides she's had enough of my presence and sends me home? That is not going to happen!" All of a sudden Celesta's eyes went from warm and comforting to ice cold.

"You are acting as if you have a choice in the matter." Her motherly tone was replaced by a hard, unforgiving tone. "It surprises me, That not once have you asked why I am here. Not once have you asked about Luna who is currently in my room, crying about the monster who took in all of her generosity and kindness and spat it back in her face, Whilst you are in her room still enjoying her generosity!"

I made Luna cry? Heh, heh. I guess I found out why Shield doesn't want to talk to me.

"And don't worry about your week, It won't be wasted." Her eyes narrow into slits. "You won't be sitting around in my castle for any longer than you have to. You will be relocated" -That doesn't sound ominous at all... -" to Ponyville where you can learn from the local residents, the magic of friendship. Once your week is over you will be judged, By me, To see if you need to stay here longer. If you pass, you will be free to go. If you exceed my expectations you may even be asked to stay."

I was still in shock from her sudden change in attitude. She turned away from me to look back over the room. I followed her eyes and noticed an out of place dark zone in the corner of Luna's room. I squinted at it till I recognized what it was.

Night Blade had never left the room. Celestia was looking straight at him. She turned back to face me. " And, of course, I can't allow you to go running around this peaceful land un-escorted and as you're Luna's responsibility, it is only fitting you have a night guard escort."

Now, I'm riding in some kind of flying black chariot, looking like it's been pulled straight out of a cheesy fantasy film, pulled by a certain two bat ponies, one refusing to speak to me whatsoever, one more than happy to speak his mind, on my way to a place called Ponyville to make friends.

Yay. I thought with a hint of sarcasm. I know! Why don't I annoy everyone here until they all complain to the princess?If I do that I might get a 'get home quick' ticket!

I decide to have a look around at the area we are flying over. A lot of green grass, small rolling hills and a few patches of trees greet my eyes. I still see no signs of civilization except the towering spires of Canterlot castle behind me.

"Are we there yet?!" I shout to Blade. I don't shout because I'm angry, I shout because it's hard to hear over the whistling winds of this open chariot.

"We're another few hours away!" Blade shouts back. "Stop asking every minute! If you didn't want long distance travel then maybe you should have thought about that before you got kicked out of the castle!"

"I didn't get kicked out! There wasn't enough room there, So I got 'Relocated'! There's a difference!"

"No! You hurt Luna! Celestia sent you out here to isolate you!"

I was getting angry now. "No she didn't! Why don't you shut up and focus on getting us there on time!"

I could tell blade was getting angry as well. "Here's an idea! We can land this thing and you can pull us there, while we sit in the back complaining!"

"Both of you shut up!" I move my head to look at the Shield. This is the first time he's spoken since leaving the castle. He's looking at blade next to him. "Blade, we have direct orders from Princess Celestia. We are to keep Bob out of trouble and get him safely where he needs to go." He looks over his shoulder at me. "We get there when we get there! We're trying our best and you're not making it any easier on us!" He looks forward once again. I go back to watching the surrounding area for signs of civilization.

We all stay in silence for the next forty minutes.

I finally find what I'm looking for. I see yellow rooftops on the horizon. Finally! I notice that the chariot has started to descend. We were just under the cloud layer as it was, Not that there are many clouds, but at this rate we are going to land in a field. After a few moments of this rapid decent I notice the bat ponies had made no effort to pull up. A few more moments pass and we're still heading down at a 45 degree angle.

We're going to crash! They're trying to kill me!

A second before we hit the ground they flare their wings and pull up, Setting us down gently in the middle of a large green pasture. I jump out of the chariot, fall onto my hands and wretch violently. Once I feel better I look up. The guards had unhooked themselves from the chariot and were now stood in front of me, Both wearing dark smiles. "What was that about?! You knew that was my first time flying! If I didn't know better I'd think you'd planned this!" Their smiles turned into grins. "You did! You planned this! I'll get you for this!" They both turn around and walk off in the direction of the town.

Blade turns his head and and says to me. "Get up. We're walking the rest of the way." I glare at him. He ignore's me and keeps walking.

"What about the chariot?! Your just going to leave it here?" I shout back to him.

"Yep, some ponies think that it's scary. Others associate it with the princess or ponies with the princesses's trust and friendship. You have neither. So we're leaving it behind." He sighs. "More night guards will be along shortly to take it back." I get up and start running after them.

After an hour of walking I ask "How long until we get there? My feet hurt." I hear Shield mutter something to Blade, But I can't make out the words. Blade laughs back to Shield then turns his head to look at me.

"We'll be there in a few more hours." I look around, It's starting to get dark out. I had spent most of my day in that chariot, watching the hills roll by.

"A few hours?! It's going to be pitch black before I get there!"

Blade deadpans and replies, "We're the nightguards for a reason."

I think, Trying to get a decent comeback. I can't think of one. I lift my hands in the air and scream. Shield looks back and shouts at me.

"Shut up! Do you want to get eaten alive my a manticore?!"

Eat me alive? I have guards who can protect me! Guards that hate me... Yeah... Best to stay quiet I think...

"That's what I thought." Shield looks back to Blade and both exchange victorious smiles.

I then ask, "Wait, what's a manticore?" Blade facehoofs.

"It's basically a lion with bat wings and a scorpion tail." Shield says.

We stay in silence for another five minutes until I see several yellow rooftops in the distance. Shield said a few hours didn't he? Would he lie to me? Yes.

"Shield, you said a few hours. That was a few minutes ago."

"And it got us a few minutes of peace and quiet!" I cringed at his volume.

"Quieten it down! I don't want to be eaten by a manticore!" I whisper to shield.

For some reason both of the guards burst out laughing. Then I realize they had lied to me again. "There are no such thing as manticores are there?!"

Blade seems to laugh even harder whilst Shield calms down slightly and says to me "There are. Keep an eye out for them in the forests." I'm confused... I look around at the empty field...Dammit!

I need to find a way to get them back for this... They've been nothing but idiots to me this whole time!

I'm so lost in my thoughts about revenge against the bat ponies that I nearly miss Shield start talking.

"And here we are, Bob. Welcome to Ponyville!"