I Wonder What I'm Good For

by Butt Stallion

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Dark, Sad
Length: 3313

Just another day in the life of Octavia. Elementary school may be a bit rough, but at least she has her friends to keep her company. But at the end of the day, she always visits her private area on the coast of Ponyville to think. [Vent Writing]

Just another day in the life of Octavia. Elementary school may be a bit rough, but at least she has her friends to keep her company. But at the end of the day, she always visits her private area on the coast of Ponyville to think.

Unedited vent writing partially inspired by the cover art. Emphasis on partially. Consider this a warning.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-11 05:50:07 UTC

The Story

"Hurry up, Octavia! Or you'll be late for school!"

Octavia's father called out from downstairs, waking the pony from her slumber. Her lavender eyes peeled open with a groan as she glanced to the right.

Her alarm clock was blinking 12:00.

Her eyes shot open, realizing that her alarm did not go off. She looked down to notice the Daring Doo book she was reading late last night had fallen off her nightstand and landed on the cable to her clock, yanking it partially out of the socket in the wall. She sprung out of bed, scrambling to the bathroom. The clock on the wall revealed she had woken up thirty minutes later than she usually did. If she acted fast, she might still be able to make it to school on time.

After quickly scrubbing her body with suds and rinsing off, all while brushing her teeth in the shower, she dashed out to her room to brush her hair. It hurt, and she may have pulled out a few hairs on accident from brushing too fast, but at least it looked presentable in its usual charcoal wave.

She dashed downstairs to see her father cooking up eggs.

"Well, there you are. Did you wake up late?" He asked, using his magic to levitate the prepared meal onto a plate.

"Can'ttalkDadgonnabelateforschool!" Octavia shouted in one breath, racing past her father and picking up a piece of toast off the counter before running off. Octavia held a perfect attendance record in school, and she was not about to break it because she woke up late.

She threw on her saddlebag that waited by the door and began to take off, only to be stopped by her father's voice again. "Aren't you forgetting something?" He asked teasingly, waving a pink ribbon with his magic in the kitchen.

Octavia screeched to a halt, pivoting back inside the house to dash back in the kitchen, biting off a mouthful of toast and swallowing before replying.

"Oops, thanks Daddy." She said with a blush while he tied off the pink bow around her neck, making her signature bow tie. As he finished, Octavia threw her hooves around him in an embrace before kissing him on the cheek and returning the browned bread to her jaw's grasp.

"Now hurry, pumpkin, before you're late!" She barely heard her father call before she picked up where she left off, dashing out the door at speeds that would impress the Wonderbolts. She rounded corners as fast as her little hooves would take her, taking bites out of her simple breakfast whenever she could. She whizzed past people walking calmly down the street, shouting a good morning to the mail mare when she passed. The bubbly mail carrier smiled happily and waved back before flying away.

Octavia was in a hurry and turned one last corner before the school house was in sight, the flag waving in the wind. Octavia slowed her pace as she climbed up the steps into the small school house. She walked in and straightened some loose hairs out of her once brushed mane and spotted some ponies taking their seats.

It looks like she got there on time with a few minutes to spare.

After glancing around, she noticed Ms. Cheerilee sitting at her desk as usual, finishing her own breakfast of yogurt with oats before class started. They exchanged "Good morning"s before Octavia looked to the other side of the classroom, spotting her friends all sitting and waving to her.

"Hey, she made it!" Lyra called while waving Octavia over.

Vinyl gasped. "Octy! I thought you weren't gonna make it! I got so worried!" Vinyl didn't wait for Octavia to come to the group, instead charging her and tackling the gray earth pony to the ground in a hug.

"Typical Vinyl," Bon Bon muttered under her breath, failing to hide a smile from her friends' antics while walking over to the pony pile. Lyra stood up as well to join the others. Cheerilee just glanced at the group of friends with a smile, likely reminiscing similar moments in her childhood.

"Vinyl, get off of me! I told you I'm fine!" Octavia squealed as her closest friend embraced her. Vinyl's hugs were always like this.

Vinyl eventually let go, the group of friends giggling together as the school bell rung just as they scurried to their seats. Cheerilee stood up and threw away her garbage as more students came in from playing outside while waiting for school to start.

After everyone was settled in, Cheerilee began her lesson.

The classroom was silent, all sparing the frantic scribbling of pencils on paper. A math test had just begun and Octavia was filling in the blank spots, Vinyl grumbling in the seat beside her, frustrated by the math problems. Octavia laughed to herself. The test was on simple times-tables. Everypony in the class knew them, besides Vinyl as she must have not studied last night like she was supposed to.

Octavia was calmly working, only on the fourth problem when her pencil snapped. With the little piece of lead flying off to somewhere on the floor, Octavia didn't have a pencil sharpener, and Ms. Cheerilee didn't like it when ponies talked during tests. Octavia needed something to finish her test, but she was far too worried about getting in trouble to ask somepony for a sharpener.

Suddenly, something tapped the little pony in her shoulder. Looking to the side, Octavia was met by Vinyl offering her pencil. Vinyl was watching the quiet teacher, who was preoccupied with paperwork, making sure they didn't get caught communicating. Octavia took the pencil with a hushed "thank you" to her friend, getting back to the work at hoof.

When time was called and the test was over, Ms. Cheerilee asked everypony to put down their pencils and pass up their tests. Octavia did as the teacher required, turning around to pass up the tests from the students behind her.

Upon being tapped on her shoulder again, she noticed Vinyl smiling and holding out her hoof. Octavia gave a quizzical to her friend before realizing what she wanted.

"Oh, right. Here," the earth pony said, giving back the pencil she borrowed. "Thank you, Vinyl."

"Of course. It's my only pencil, so I kinda need it."

"Wait, that's your only pencil?" Octavia asked.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Did you finish your test?"

"Nope."

"Vinyl!"

"What?" Vinyl was taken aback by her friend's outburst.

"Why would you give me your only pencil when you never finished your test? You might fail!"

"Well, I didn't really know any answers anyway. I would've studied, but Niketin released his newest EP last night. I was listening to it the entire time! Besides, you're my best friend. You needed it more than I did."

"Vinyl! I can't be-"

"Okay class, take out your reading books," Ms. Cheerilee interrupted Octavia.

They could only exchange looks; Vinyl, a shrug and Octavia, a look of concern for her friend's grades as they pulled out their books for the next lesson.

The bell began ringing noisily as Ms. Cheerilee finished their reading lesson for the day, dismissing the class for lunch.

All the colts and fillies raced each other outside, scrabbling about with lunch bags in their mouths. Octavia and her friends raced each other out, Bon Bon taking the lead with her powerful hooves with Lyra right behind her. Octavia was trotting slower than the group, clearly upset. Vinyl chose to abandon the race and walk beside her friend.

"Hey Octy. You okay?" the unicorn filly asked, leaning down and trying to look Octavia in her downward-facing eyes.

"Oh, I'm fine. It's just, I rushed out of the house and forgot my lunch." Octavia's belly gave a rumble, signaling her hunger. Having rushed out of the house, she didn't have a very filling breakfast either.

"Oh. That sucks," Vinyl commented, the pair approaching the shade cast by the schoolhouse, their typical lunch spot.

"Hey guys, guess who beat Bon Bon in a race?" Lyra asked as the two ponies slowly approached her and the aforementioned earth pony.

"But you cheated!" Bon Bon blurted out, "you said I had something in my coat!"

Lyra could only stick out her tongue playfully at her friend, watching the rage build within her. But they were all friends, and Bon Bon knew better than to start a fight.

"Wait, Octavia, what's wrong?" Bon Bon asks, her anger subsiding as she noticed the moping earth pony.

"She forgot her lunch," Vinyl answered for her, both of them taking seats in the grass across from their friends.

"Oh. Well, you can have some of mine," the cream-colored pony offered, digging into her paper lunch bag. "Here, take my sandwich."

"Please, I couldn't," Octavia humbly replied, not wanting to take food from her starving friends.

"Please, I'm not very hungry today anyway." Bon Bon insists, a caring look upon her face as she hated seeing anypony go hungry.

"And you can have my juice. My parents always pack me two cause I love it so much, but I can always spare it," Lyra replies, offering a carton of apple juice.

"Here Octy, you can have my fruit cup. I don't know why my mom packs me one, I keep telling her I don't like it, but I guess it comes in handy," Vinyl offers.

"Are you all sure? I'd hate to take your food," the gray pony asked. Her friends nodded in sync, Octavia taking their offerings with a grateful smile. "Thanks everypony, you're the best friends a filly could ask for."

"Don't mention it," Bon Bon says, her smile as friendly as ever.

"Yeah Octy," Vinyl adds, her voice dropping low to whisper, "I'll share my cookie with you too."

Octavia can't help but smile at her friends, all of them starting their lunches in the grass, beginning to tell each other tales as they ate.

The school bell rings as the rest of class is dismissed for the day. All the happy fillies and colts rush out with their friends. Some head home early while others choose to play outside together.

"So, you wanna come Octy?" Lyra asks.

Octavia had been spaced out and never noticed them talking. "Pardon me. I didn't catch that."

"We're gonna hang out at Lyra's house and play her new video game. You should come with us!" Vinyl answers.

"Oh. Sorry everypony, I have to go home."

"Awww," Vinyl responds, "you always have to go home. Oh well, maybe this weekend?"

"Sure Vinyl," Octavia says with a giggle.

"Alright, I'm going to hold you to that!" Lyra shouts out while Octavia turns to leave.

"See you tomorrow," the gray pony calls out to her friends.

As soon as Octavia was out of earshot, Vinyl turned to her friends and huddled them close. "Guys, I got an idea."

"What's up," Lyra asks, intrigued by Vinyl's sudden secrecy.

"Is it just me, or has Octy seemed a bit down lately?" Vinyl asks the two fillies.

"Maybe if you'd quit tackling her everyday, she wouldn't be on the ground so much," Bon Bon deadpanned.

Vinyl glared at her and ignored her comment, catching the smirk on the edge of the earth pony's maw.

"Yeah, what about it?" Lyra asked, getting back to the topic at hoof.

"Well, what if we took your game to her house? We could surprise her and have fun together!" Vinyl proposed.

"I like that idea. Maybe all she needs is some help from her friends to cheer her up."

The two unicorns looked to Bon Bon for her input. "Sure. She has seemed a bit in the dumps."

"Alright. Quickly, to Lyra's house!"

With that, the trio of fillies scrambled off to fetch Lyra's game, eager to bring it over to Octavia's house. Once equipped with the game system, they all came across the front door of Octavia's home.

"Octy, open up! It's us!" Vinyl knocked excitedly on the door.

"Hey! Careful," Bon Bon pulled Vinyl back so she wouldn't break down the door.

After waiting a bit, the door was unanswered, and it wasn't like Octavia to ignore her friends like that.

"Uhh, I don't think she's home," Bon Bon comments.

"Wait! I heard about something last night!" Lyra says, earning everypony's attention. They stayed silent and awaited her to continue. "Well, in one of my comics, apparently, there's this mutant virus that can go around infecting ponys' brains!"

"Here we go," Bon Bon rolls her eyes.

"Apparently, they avoid their friends, infecting family first, then, the whole city until everypony's a zombie!"

"Whoa!" Vinyl gasps. "We have to save Tavi then!"

"Guys, that's just some fiction from a comic," Bon Bon interrupts.

"Well, then why isn't she answering the door? Maybe Octavia's gonna infect her dad!" Vinyl shouts. "C'mon Lyra! Help me bust down the door!"

Both the unicorns begin bucking Octavia's door, frantically trying to get it down. Bon Bon rolls her eyes again and walks off to the side of the house.

"Guys!" The earth pony earns her friends' attention. Upon looking to where her hoof pointed, Vinyl and Lyra noticed the open window.

"Oh, Bonnie! You're a genius!" Vinyl shouts, scurrying over and jumping up to the window sill, scrambling inside. With a huff, Bon Bon follows the group as they break into Octavia's house, with good reason of course.

"Tavi?" Vinyl calls out to the empty-looking house. "Lyra, where do you think she is?" Vinyl whispers behind her.

"Maybe in her room, planning her next victim!"

"Yeah! I mean look! Her dad is no where to be seen! Maybe he's already infected!" Vinyl whimpers.

"You guys know Octavia's dad works downtown, right?" Bon Bon states bluntly.

"Or, he's been claimed by zombie-Tavi!" Vinyl states, Lyra taking her side as they ignore the earth pony's reasonable thinking. "Now c'mon! We gotta be prepared!" Vinyl guides the group into the kitchen, digging through drawers for supplies.

Suited up, the group creeps up the stairs to Octavia's room. Vinyl wears a metal pot atop her head, a spatula within her magical grasp as she leads the group shaking in fear. Lyra sports a pie tin tied to her chest and one on her head, her horn having pierced a hole in the thin metal, securing it to herself as she follows Vinyl's hoofsteps up the stairs. Bon Bon takes up the rear with an annoyed look on her face, a single tea-cup placed on her curly hair.

"Okay guys, ready?" Vinyl asks as the trio approach Octavia's room. Lyra nods, building courage while Bon Bon rolls her eyes for the nth time this day.

"Okay. Three, two, one!" Vinyl kicks open Octavia's bedroom door and floods the room whipping the spatula around. "STAY BACK ZOMBIE TAVI, I HAVE A WEAPON! WE'VE COME TO... save you?"

The door had creaked open, two of the ponies looking around in surprise.

"I told you. Maybe she's just not home," Bon Bon mutters as the unicorns search the empty room.

"Yeah, maybe Bonnie's right."

"Well, then where is she?" Vinyl asks, worry growing quickly in her voice. She was very concerned knowing that her best friend had gone missing. Tears threatened to escape her eyes, but she held out.

"Let's go back to my place and tell my mom. She'll know what to do," Lyra offers.

Elsewhere

Octavia had been playing with the grass for a while now, watching Celestia's sun descend on the horizon. Nothing was better to her than coming to this special place.

Right off the edge of Ponyville, a deep canyon separated the town from wilderness. Octavia had found this outcove upon a cliff some time ago, and it had become a thinking spot for her. Only a single path led to this secluded area, meaning only one way in. Almost everyday after school, she would come out here to think about things she prefers to hide from others, even her loving father. Secret things. Sad things.

"It just doesn't make sense,” the earth pony speaks to no one in particular. “Why is everypony so nice to me? I’m not even worth it….” Octavia lays down in the soft grass, watching her hoof draw circles in the green blades. “Everypony always gives me stuff, and they care about me so much… but for what? I can barely do anything. I can’t play the cello very good, and even the unicorns have magic to play their instruments. I’m just a simple earth pony. I can’t even grow flowers in our garden.”

“I wonder what I’m good for…. Maybe I’m a broken pony. After all, if I can’t do what I’m supposed to, then I must be broken.” This thought brought a memory to Octavia’s mind.

About a month ago, she was practicing her cello, trying to get a song right. After practice, she propped up her cello for the night, only to accidentally knock it over. The neck of the instrument snapped, causing Octavia to go crying to her father. Her father consoled her, telling her everything will be okay. They could go out and get a new one. Then her father said something that she remembered clearly.

“‘If something’s broken, we could just throw it away,’...” Octavia repeats in her head. Maybe that’s what she needed. To be thrown away. Octavia stands up, walking towards the edge of the cliff to look into the river below.

I wonder what I’m good for. the words echo in her head, I wonder what I’m good for…

“TAVI!” Vinyl calls out. Lyra and Bon Bon are close behind her, Lyra’s mother accompanying the foals with flashlights to illuminate the dark trail. After exploring Octavia’s room a while longer, Vinyl discovered Octavia’s diary. Even Vinyl had some decency to not open such a private treasure, but the situation required she read it for clues upon Octavia’s disappearance. The book mentioned a place she’d go after school many times.

It was the only place they hadn't checked.

“OCTAVIA!” Vinyl cries out, approaching the opening of grass described in the book.

But her cries are on unpresent ears.

Only a discarded bow tie could be found in the area.

Alternate Ending

“TAVI!” Vinyl calls out. Lyra and Bon Bon are close behind her, Lyra’s mother accompanying the foals with flashlights to illuminate the dark trail. After exploring Octavia’s room a while longer, Vinyl discovered Octavia’s diary. Even Vinyl had some decency to not open such a private treasure, but the situation required she read it for clues upon Octavia’s disappearance. The book mentioned a place she’d go after school many times.

It was the only place they hadn’t checked.

“OCTAVIA!” Vinyl cries out, approaching the opening of grass described in the book.

Octavia turns around from the edge of the cliff and walks toward her friends, not prepared when Vinyl tackles her to the ground on sight in the tightest embrace she's ever felt. "OOMF!" Octavia lets out, being squeezed by her best friend. "Hey guys, what's going on?" Octavia asks when she isn't being crushed by Vinyl's grip.

"We've been searching all over for you!" Bon Bon shouts.

"Yeah, what are you doing in a place like this?" Lyra asks, "It looks dangerous."

"I just come here sometimes to relax," the gray pony responds.

"Are you okay? You aren't hurt are you?" Vinyl looks up with tears in her eyes, demanding information from her friend.

"H-Hmm, yes Vinyl, I'm fine. I just come here to think sometimes."

"Good! I don't want you ever getting hurt."

Octavia returns the hug softly, opting to push away those bad thoughts that clouded her head not too long ago. With friends like these, those thoughts shouldn't even exist.

"Oh, and Tavi?"

"Yes, Vinyl?"

"Sorry we broke into your house."

"YOU WHAT?"