Chapters Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Beer is Good... And Stuff!
The putrid stench of alcohol clung to my pale yellow coat, despite many attempts so far to get it out. I was only three ciders in, but I could tell my coordination was already slipping since I’d just spilled my drink all over myself like some useless drunk.
Soft waves of piano music were falling upon my eardrums as I attempted to clean myself off some more. It was open mic night at the bar, and while the band was professional, the singer was clearly a first-timer. The mare was butchering Filly Joel, aggravating every patron at the dimly lit bar, me included.
“Another cider?” The bartender asked, stopping by my spot at the bar.
“After this?” I asked, indicating my coat. The bartender shrugged with apathy. “Just pour some water in a shot glass and slide me some napkins.” I muttered.
“Whatever you say, Rider,” came his response.
I sighed inwardly. You know you go to a bar too much when everypony there knows your name. My shot glass of water slid down the bar a moment later. I lazily stretched out a hoof to catch it. The napkins followed shortly after.
Things were content for a while, with even the horrid sounds of the amateur’s “Piano Mare” fading away with all the other background noise. The last of the cider finally came out of my coat, and I left the dirty napkins on the counter while reaching for my water.
Then the door slammed open.
I paused, my hoof already halfway to the shot glass. I was confused. All of the regulars for a Wednesday night were already here, and it wasn’t like anypony else in town was going to hang out in this kind of bar.
Rotating my head, I saw an aqua-marine pegasus with a golden-brown mane angrily trudge her way into the bar. She wore the uniform of a Wonderbolt (at least I’m assuming it was based on the coloring) but it had a lonely tear in the center near her chest. I snorted derisively, doubtful she was even old enough to be in a bar, let alone drink alcohol. Though based on her manners, drinking was exactly what she intended to do.
She plopped herself down in the seat next to mine and pounded her hoof loudly on the table.
“Cider,” she yelled curtly. “And make it quick.”
“Uh… ma’am?” The bartender asked. “Are you even old enough to-”
“Just get me a bucking cider,” she demanded. To appease the bartender, the mare at least flashed a photo ID of some sort. It seemed good enough for him, and he left to fill her order. I kept my eyes on her for a moment longer, and that seemed to annoy her.
“The buck you staring at?” She growled at me. I whip my head forward.
“Nothing,” I said. “Just doubting the legality of your presence here is all.” Oh yeah, I was smooth with words… if only I hadn’t just slurred all of them. The mare was not amused.
“Why don’t you mind your own business?” She hissed. Wow, this mare was itching for a fight.
“Yeesh, looks like this kitty’s got a pair of claws,” I said. Immediately after I cursed myself. Normally I didn’t say stupid stuff like that, but the cider was getting to me.
“Buck off, perv, before I shove your snout up your ass,” the mare said, flaring her wings for emphasis.
Perv? I thought. That word didn’t sit well with me.
“I wasn’t eye-groping you if that’s what you’re implying,” I stated.
“Sure you weren’t,” The mare grumbled, her mug of cider sliding down the bar table. She grabbed it and took a long chug.
“Look, we kinda got off on the wrong hoof,” I said when she finished. “My name’s Dawn Rider, and that was mostly the alcohol talking, not me.”
“Oh, so I’m not good enough for you to be attracted to?” The mare suddenly accused, enraged. “Well damn, I’m just not good enough for anypony today!” She slammed the mug down on he table, sending drops of cider everywhere.
Really? You just got mad at me for staring and now you’re mad that I wasn’t? Damn, mares are complicated.
“I’m gay,” I said, hoping to relieve the tension.
Instead of reacting with surprise or grace like most ponies do when learning another was homosexual, this mare just got more frustrated. “Well congratuponylations. Shouldn’t you be at a gay bar then?” She pointedly asks.
“Uh… this is a gay bar,” I said. The green mare finally showed an emotion other than anger; surprise. Her head darted around the room, and she saw several same-sex couples already hooking up from too much booze. She groaned, back to anger.
“Nice, real bucking nice,” she seethed. “Of all the bars in Cloudsdale, I end up in the one gay bar. The last thing I need right now is a drunk mare coming on to me.”
“Geeze, somepony’s a ray of sunshine tonight,” I observed. The mare shot me a look full of annoyance. Oh buck, was that out loud?
Instead of a heated reply, the mare turned back to her mug and took a few more gulps. The background noise picked up as a new artist claimed the mic, and one who was actually good.
“I never got your name,” I said over the music. She looked at me from the corner of her eye.
“Go buck yourself with a cactus!” she shouted.
“That’s a weird name,” I replied. “Mind if I just call you Cactus?”
She uttered a single snort of laughter. Progress, I sang to myself
“Lightning Dust,” She mumbled to me. I put out my hoof for her to shake.
“Nice to meet you, Lightning,” I said.
“The feeling is not mutual, Rider,” she told me, but she did shake my hoof.
Lightning Dust wenr right back to her cider, leaning her head back as the last of the golden liquid dropped down her throat. She slammed the mug down on the table with a hearty sigh. “Another,” she barked. The bartender grabbed her mug and headed for the tap.
“So what’s got you so down?” I asked. She didn’t answer at first, but without a mug of cider to run to it doesn’t take her long.
“I was kicked out of the Wonderbolt’s Academy today,” she said, melancholy flooding her voice.
“Oh, you were going to be one of the ‘Bolts?” I asked. She shot me an annoyed glance, clearly not thankful for my use of past tense. “Sorry,” I winced.
“Yeah, I was going to be one of them,” She mumbled. “But I… sort of screwed up.”
“How can you ‘sort-of’ screw up?” I asked.
“According to Spitfire, I was being too ‘reckless’ or whatever,” Lighting Dust sighed. “I guess she was right… I mean, I nearly killed a few ponies cause of this stupid tornado trick.”
I whistled lowly. “Like, the dead kinda killed, or the beat-you-so-bad-it-was-hardly-a-competition kinda killed?”
“Dead,” She responded. “My partner saved ‘em though. Probably why Spitfire gave her my position and then kicked me out.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, tipping back my head to empty my glass of water. Lightning Dust’s new mug of cider arrived.
Before she chugged it down she speaks, “So what brings you to this depressing place, Rider?”
She began to drink as I respond, “I was hoping to find a nice stranger who was willing to suck my cock or the other way around.”
Lightning made a gurgling sound as she nearly choked on her beverage. She brought the mug away from her lips to catch some air.
“Aww, dude!” She said.
“What?”
“That’s bucking nasty!”
“Hey we both like penis, I don’t see why I can’t say stuff like that,” I reasoned. She shoved me hard, but playfully. I nearly fell out of my stool.
“I’m not having this conversation with a guy of all ponies,” Lightning Dust asserted.
“Fine, be homophobic. See if I care,” I replied with mock offense.
“I’m not homophobic,” Lighting insisted. “I wouldn’t have this conversation with a girl either.”
“What, you and the mares you hang out with don’t talk about stuff like that?” I asked. Lightning Dust looked away suddenly. I found myself confused as she sipped from her mug.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
Lightning turned back around, embarrassment flushing her cheeks, “I don’t really hang around a lot of mares.”
“Oh, you’re a one-of-the-guys kind of mare then?” I assumed. Big mistake.
“I don’t really hang around guys either,” she said. “In fact, I’ve got no real friends.”
I blinked in surprise. “None?”
Lightning nodded. “I’ve always been to busy training, you know? I never made time for friends because I always was working so hard at becoming a better flier. My dream was to be a part of the Wonderbolts.”
“And now that dream is dead,” I filled in the blank. Then I cringed. Dammit Rider, bite your tongue!
Instead of getting pissed like I expected, Lightning Dust just sadly sank her head until it was resting on the table. I could see tears threatening.
“Whoa, Lightning I’m sorry,” I whispered, patting her back tentatively.
“Don’t be,” she said, sniffling. “It’s not your fault I’ll never live my dream.”
I am an ass.
“Don’t talk like that,” I told her. “You can still get into the ‘Bolts. That Academy is just a summer workshop, it doesn’t determine if you make it in or not.”
“Maybe,” Lightning admitted. “But I get the feeling Spitfire won’t be too keen on letting me join.”
“Screw what Spitfire is keen on,” I said. “You’ll get in. I have no doubts about it.”
“Really?” She asked, raising her head some.
“Hell yeah.” I said. “You’ve got ability, right?”
“You’re damn right I do!” Lightning Dust shouted, confidence restored. “I’m the best bucking flyer in Cloudsdale.”
“Then you’re guaranteed a spot.”
Lightning Dust pounded on the table enthusiastically. “You’re bucking right I am!” She declared. “I’m Lightning Dust, best bucking flyer around!” The green pegasus then guzzled the last of her cider and tapped the bartender for another.
“That’s the spirit,” I said.
Lightning Dust hollered her name and her new mantra a few more times for good measure, stopping only when her new cider arrived. The bartender was also gracious enough to top off my shot glass with some more water, though I felt like I would be switching back to alcohol very soon.
“Thanks, Rider,” Lightning said, halfway through her third cider.
“Don’t mention it.” I said, tossing my head back and letting the contents of the shot glass run down my throat.
“No really,” she insisted. “I was pretty down on myself coming in here. I owe you one for the pep talk.”
“You’re welcome.” I said. The bartender came back to check on us, and I made sure to order some cider of my own this time around.
Lightning and I chatted a little longer; the only thing in the bar that changed was the open mic singer. Dust kept going on and on about the Wonderbolts and how badly she wanted to join them. Her ambition was admirable, but I got the feeling it kind of defined her.
Granted, she was interested in what I had to say too, which was very little. My life was straight up boring. I was little more than a middle manager at the Weather Factory with a Cutie Mark in interpretive dance, who enjoys getting his wings done at the spa every once in a while (I’m not the gay pegasus stereotype but I would say I’m close).
Two more bottles of cider came and went for each of us, and I found myself amazed by Lightning’s tolerance level. Five drinks and she was only starting to loose coordination. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous.
Inevitably, one of the lesbian mares in the bar finally approached Lightning Dust. She was a gray pegasus with a blonde mane and eyes that were just slightly out of sync who had been shooting glances at Lightning all night.
Now, I actually happened to know this mare. Derpy was what she went by, despite her real name being Ditzy Doo or some variation of that. She had an adopted foal at home named Dinky and was a mail carrier. She wasn’t the kind to look for a one-night stand, but instead for a real connection. Derpy was also one of the Wednesday night regulars.
Derpy tapped Lightning on the shoulder with nervousness. Lightning - reflexes a little slow due to alcohol - turned around with languish.
“Yeah?” She mumbled to Derpy, who in turn blushed.
“Hi,” came Derpy’s response. “I’m sorry for just approaching you like this, but I had to tell you that… well… you’re very beautiful.”
“Oh,” Lighting said, realizing what was happening. “I… uh…” she sighed. “Thanks, but I’m not really interested.”
Derpy’s eyes showed their sadness wholly, and I suddenly felt like clutching my heart.
“I… I understand,” the gray mare said, summoning enough courage. She grabbed her drink and left without a word. Lightning turned back to me.
“Aw, come on,” I said with Derpy safely out of earshot. “You could’ve at least flirted with her a little.”
“What?” Lighting retorted in disbelief. “No way. I’m straight.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” I muttered. “But Derpy’s not trying to get into bed with you. The poor mare just wants to find love is all, and she keeps getting shot down. Why not just flirt some? She’d be elated.”
“No way, Rider,” Lightning said. “I’m not doing that.”
“You don’t have to marry her. She just needs to be told she’s pretty. Please?”
“I’m really not comfortable with this.” Lightning said in an attempt to weasel out of it. I could tell she wanted to help Derpy, but was not going for my idea.
I raised my eyebrow. “Did you not just say like five minutes ago that you owed me one?”
Lightning Dust bit her lip, undoubtedly regretting ever speaking those words.
“I didn’t expect you to cash in the favor so soon,” she admitted.
“Oh, come on,” I said, almost pleading. “Just flirt with her for a few minutes. She’ll smile, you’ll feel good inside, everypony wins.” I got out of my seat, hoisted Lightning up, and began pushing her over towards Derpy, who’s back was turned.
“But what if she asks me out?” Lightning inquired, desperate to get out of the situation.
Good question, I thought. Glad it’s not my problem.
“You’ll think of something to say,” I assured her. Before Lightning could issue any more protests I pushed her the last few feet over to Derpy, and scuttled back to the barstool.
I turned just in time to see Lightning bump into the other mare. Derpy turned around and recognized her immediately. The two began talking. It took a while, but finally Dust said something that sent Derpy into a giggling, blushing fit.
She glanced at me, hoping that was enough. I motioned for her to keep going as I grabbed another cider.
Derpy said something as soon as her giggling stopped and Lightning looked real nervous. A few more words were exchanged; Derpy’s smile growing brighter. I felt nice, thinking I’d done a good deed.
Then Derpy freakin’ kissed Lightning Dust out of the blue.
In hindsight, I should have known something like this would’ve happened. Derpy was drunk off her plot, and Lightning was doing pretty poor in the reflexes department right now.
Speaking of the aqua-marine mare, her eyes were bulging in shock and panic. She tried to lean out of the kiss, but Derpy just leaned in more. Lightning probably would’ve pushed her away, but Derpy had also wrapped poor Lightning in a powerful bear hug. Dust squirmed a little, and I could see her cheeks bulging as Derpy’s tongue explored the insides of her mouth.
Seeing Lightning in a state of panic and helplessly under Derpy’s power like that was too much. I couldn’t help myself.
I laughed my freakin’ ass off.
Cider was coming out of my nose when Derpy finally released Lightning Dust. The gray mare was in a smiling, giggling fit for a few seconds more, before the massive amounts of alcohol caused to her finally pass out into Lightning’s forelegs.
My sides were hurting as Lightning gently tossed Derpy into one of the cushioned booths and ran back to the bar table, grabbing her cider.
“You’re an ass,” she said to me as I continued to roar with laughter. “I really hope I can wash the taste of mare out of my mouth.”
She clumsily stuck the mug in her mouth, guzzling as much as she could. Golden liquid ran down her cheeks and chin before she felt satiated. I was still cracking up.
“That was – haha – the best thing ever,” I said, finally calming down. “What the hell did you say to her that made her think that was okay?”
“She was drunk all right?” Lightning said. “Nothing else to it.”
“Oh, come on,” I said. “Even when she’s smashed, Derpy has some sense. You had to have said something that made her think it was a good idea to make out with you.”
“I told her…” Lightning paused to slosh down more cider. “I told her that I was too nervous to talk to her before. I said she was the most gorgeous mare I’d ever seen and that I wished I could wake up next to her for the rest of my life.”
I whistled lowly. “And you don’t think that was coming on a bit too strong?”
“You told me to flirt with her!”
“Yeah, flirt. You all but invited her to bang you.”
Lightning’s cheeks burned with embarrassment. She reached for her cider mug again, only to find that it was empty. Without missing a beat she ordered two more.
“I guess I’ve never had much practice with flirting,” Lightning admitted, reminding me of her years of voluntary isolation. She sighed.
“Sorry for making you do that,” I said as her new mugs arrive. She took one in each hoof.
“It’s fine. I don’t exactly plan on remembering it,” She began sipping the drinks one after the other.
“You better hope Derpy doesn’t,” I said. “Not only will you never be able to come to this bar again, that poor mare might just start hunting you down.”
“She better forget,” Lightning said, halfway through each mug.
“Geeze, you wanna take it easy?” I asked her.
“No,” She replied, still a little angry. After another long sip she looked at me. “That was my first kiss, Rider.”
“Oh.”
I really am an ass.
“Sorry,” I whispered meekly. Lightning didn’t respond at first, muzzle deep in her mug.
“You better be,” she said, and I honestly couldn’t tell if it was playful ribbing or not.
I glanced around awkwardly, and I spied the stage. The band was still there, but the mics were empty.
“Hey, I got an idea,” I said, grabbing Lightning by the fetlock and pulling her up.
“I’m not flirting with any more mares,” she said heatedly.
I led her closer to the stage. “You won’t have to for this.”
I got the feeling Lightning finally realized my plan and she began to struggle.
“Come one dude!” She said. “I’m not doing that.”
“Course you are,” I said. “It’s better than drowning yourself in alcohol.”
“I can’t even sing!”
“Well we’re both drunk so it doesn’t matter!” She did not look convinced. “It’ll be fun,” I insisted.
Despite her resistance I managed to get her onto the stage. The drunkness took over, and Lightning finally gave up. I whispered the song title into the ear of an admittedly cute guitarist and he relaid it to the band members. I grabbed the microphone as the band began pounding out a hard rock tune that filled the bar with energy. A few cheers went up in recognition and I saw Lightning Dust eyeballing me. She knew this song.
“Look in my eyes, what do you see? The colt of personality! ” I saw the crowd visibly cringe at my horrible voice belting out the lyrics. I flung my head left and right to the beat of the music, sending my snow-white hair whipping around.
Lightning picked up, “I know your anger. I know your dreams… ”
Her voice is a trillion times better than mine, but that still meant it’s horrible. The crowd muttered up a few complaints. Lightning didn’t seem to care.
“I’ve been everything you wanna be, ohhhh…. ”
She smiled wildly; the crowd did not. I laughed.
The song ended with a rallying chorus of jeers from the crowd. We scrambled off stage, laughing manically at ourselves.
“Thank you, thank you!” I said to our adoring fans. “You’re all too kind.” That was fairly true.
Lightning and I stumbled back over to the bar table, still laughing at ourselves. She went to grab her mug, but apparently had second thoughts and set it down.
“Okay, that was pretty fun.” She admitted with a laugh.
“I’ll say. That was flippin’ awesome.”
“It was still the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.” Lightning said.
“Dumber than flirting while drunk?” I asked.
“Second dumbest,” She amended, punching me on the shoulder playfully.
“Maybe you should stop hanging around me then if you’re only doing dumb stuff while in my presence,” I suggested. She laughed nervously.
“Not only,” Lightning said faintly. I remembered her telling me about the tornado incident. It was probably running through her mind right then. “But hey, thanks. I had a much better time here than I expected to.”
“So does that mean you’ll come back again some day?” I asked, curious. She looked around.
“I dunno, this is a gay bar and all,” she said. “Not exactly my usual scene.”
“What are you talking about? The only pony you've ever kissed was a mare!”
She slammed her hoof into her face. “Will you please stop bringing that up?
“Nope.” I smiled.
“Tell you what,” Lightning said. “If I wake up tomorrow and actually remember what happened - and it would be a miracle if I do – then I’ll try to show up again.”
“I’m here every Wednesday,” I told her.
The bartender announced that it was closing time, yelling at everypony to finish their drinks and kick themselves out.
“Well Rider, it’s been fun,” Lightning said, standing. I reached for my wallet.
Slapping a few bills on the table, I saw the green mare’s eyes widen.
“You’re paying for mine too?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said nonchalantly.
“I drank almost twice as much as you!” Lightning protested.
“Relax,” I said. “I can pay for it no problem. Besides, I had a good time.”
“Okay, fine.”
I got up myself and wobble a little.
“Are you okay to fly home?” Lightning asked.
“I’ll call a cab or something.” I said. “Last thing I need is an FUI.”
“Yeah me too,” Lightning said. “Tell you what, we can share a cab, but I cover the cost.”
I considered my options. The alcohol money pretty much cleaned me out, so sharing with Dust was probably the best option right now, especially if she was paying. I nodded.
We were about to leave when I saw a figure dart over, heading for Dust.
“Hey,” Derpy said smoothly, already a hangover getting to her. Lightning froze up, unsure of what to say.
Derpy produced a napkin and a pen, scribbling something down real quick. When she finished, the gray mare licked the napkin slowly (I think it was meant to be seductive but it just came off as kind of gross). She slapped it on Lightning’s cheek and it stuck. Derpy kissed the other side of Lightning’s face.
“Call me,” Derpy said heading out the door. Lightning turned to face me, her pupils were marbles and her eye twitched. I saw a string of digits on the dirty napkin stuck to her face.
I snorted with laughter, unable to control myself. Lightning looked like she might blow up from anger, shock, or both. I opened my mouth.
“Don’t say it,” she seethed at me. I laughed a little more as we walked outside.
“Don’t say it,” Lightning warned me. I was practically howling with laughter now. Lightning’s cheeks burned furiously with palpable embarrassment.
“So…” I managed in between chuckles. She glared daggers at me. “You gonna call her or what?”
Lightning made a noise of frustration, ripping the napkin off of her face and crumpling it up.
“No. I’m not gay!”
“Could’ve fooled me!” I called out.
“You’re an ass!” She yelled at me, beginning to walk off. It’s all in good fun, I thought. I followed after her, suppressing my laughter.
“Hey, I was just joking.”
“You’re still an ass.”
“There are some donkeys who would take offense to that.”
“You’re an ass!” Lightning said adamantly, but she couldn’t fool me, I saw a smile threatening.
A taxi carriage pulled by a pair of pegasi rounded a nearby corner. I flagged it down.
“Are we still sharing a cab?” I asked.
“Like hell we are!” Lightning said, laughing. She flung open the door and climbed in.
“I’ll see you next Wednesday then,” I said, waving to her. The cab headed off.
“If I remember!” Lightning called back and the yellow carriage disappeared.
I smiled, fairly confident I’d just made a new friend. I was about to start walking home when I looked at the ground and notice its emptiness.
That’s weird, I thought. She forgot to throw away the napkin.
Author's Note
Edited by WorkbenchManiac
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
I woke up, and immediately regretted it.
“Oh, shit,” I moaned in agony. My head felt like a hundred fireworks were going off with each passing second. Lying face down on the floor wasn’t exactly helping either.
Wait, why am I lying on the floor?
I rolled my head painfully on its side, exhaling a warm, beer-reeking breath onto the cloud floor below me. One eye popped open, bloodshot but usable. I saw my bed not two feet away. The covers were untouched, proving to me that I had been too drunk last night to walk the extra step to my bed before brutally passing out.
I staggered to all fours, barely able to maintain balance. The aching pain all but split my head open as I did.
“Never again,” I muttered softly. “Never, ever again.” It was an empty promise made to an empty bedroom. Of course I’d get drunk again; the same time next week. Just like I did every Wednesday.
The thought of repeating my endless cycle made me curious as to what I had actually done last night. My mind felt like it had been wiped by a neuralizer from that old movie “Mares in Black”. I could recall walking into the bar and all the way up to ordering my first cider and then… nothing. Just a blur.
I grunted with irritation. Normally forgetting a night at the bar wasn’t a problem for me, but for whatever reason I had a gnawing feeling that something important had happened last night.
Running a hoof through my ratty, white mane I tried to concentrate. The memories eluded me. The corner of my eye caught my alarm clock on the nightstand, its red lights blinking to tell me the time was 11:30.
“Shit,” I muttered under my breath. I had only an hour before I was due at work. The Cloudsdale Weather Factory allowed workers to sleep in on Thursdays, since it was always the slowest weather day of the week. I was grateful for the perk, seeing as how it was the only way I could drink so much on Wednesdays anyway. Still, if I showed up late my boss would get fairly pissed off.
Taking a whiff of myself, I cringed at the overpowering stench of apple cider and sweat. I needed a shower. Not a bad idea actually, a rush of cold water would wake me up and work towards subduing my pounding headache. Not to mention I always did my best thinking in the shower.
Stumbling my way to the bathroom I flipped the knob in the shower. The pipes squeaked as a stream of water flows forth, dousing me. The freezing temperature caused me to flinch and involuntarily swear. Then I voluntarily swore just for the heck of it.
The flurry of cold water dousing my face and soaking my white mane alleviate the hangover ever so slightly. I sighed with relief.
With my headache beginning to fade, my memories of last night became a little more lucid. As the water cascaded down my face, I struggled to recall what had happened.
Lots of cider, I recollected. That much was obvious. I was… talking with somepony. Who?
I groaned; my volcanic headache was not quite finished with me yet.
“Okay think,” I told myself. I guess I preferred talking to myself out loud; it helped me work things out. The fact that it was a sign of madness was just a bonus. “You and whomever you were talking with were smashed. They couldn’t have been a stallion since you went home alone.”
Unless that stallion was straight , the back of my mind said.
“Yeah right,” I told myself. “What would a straight pony be doing in a gay bar?”
What a minute…
“She was straight!” I exclaimed, proud to have remembered. “That’s why I laughed my ass off when Derpy kissed her.”
Memories began flooding back. Bits and pieces of last night were popping back into my head. I’d sung Colt of Personality with that mare. And then there was Derpy’s disgusting napkin thing.
The hangover was fading as I switched off my shower, the steady pattering of water receding. I reached around the shower curtain and grabbed a nearby towel, wrapping it around my pale yellow coat before I stepped out.
“This is great,” I declared. “I remember everything!”
It was true. As I dried myself off, anything I needed to know about the mare I’d met last night was easy to remember.
How many times had she called me an ass? Four.
Why was she at a bar in the first place? She had just been kicked out of the Wonderbolt’s Academy.
How many friends did she have? None.
“Actually,” I amended, “make that one.” Of course I could count my self as her friend at this point. We’d gotten drunk together after all.
“Yep,” I said proudly leaving my bathroom. “I can definitely say that I’m friends with… uh…”
I contorted my face into a worried expression. Even with my hangover all but gone now, the booze from last night had managed to block out one very important memory from my mind.
“Oh buck, what’s her name?”
Lightning Dust emptied the contents of her stomach into her toilet bowl for the second time that morning. She moved her snout away from the porcelain, the bitter bile stinging her throat and tongue.
Coughing, she spat what little remained into the murky water. Sloppily, she shoved her hoof towards the switch and heard the flushing noise reverberate through her tiny bathroom. Just yesterday she had been the most promising cadet at the Wonderbolt’s Academy, setting all kinds of records and proving herself better than anypony there. Now, less than twenty four hours later, she was hugging her toilet like it was her own mother. Not that she ever threw up in her mother.
“Gah,” she sputtered, a horrible taste in her mouth. Her hoof wrapped around a nearby towel, which she used to wipe off her mouth. Lightning Dust felt her stomach rumble, and her head was pounding, but she refused to leave the toilet in case she threw up again.
When she didn’t violently retch for a few moments, the aqua-marine mare decided it was time to get up. Her limbs were difficult to stand on, but she managed to get onto all fours by bracing herself against the toilet. Leaning against the wall, she was able to stumble out of the bathroom. Her glazed eyes glanced tiredly at the clock she kept on the wall.
“Eleven thirty?!” She yelled in terror. Sheer panic forced her onto all four hooves as Lightning prepared to bolt out the door, hangover and all. “Oh shit I’m late for training at the Acade…”
The panic died along with the words in her mouth as Lightning recalled what had happened. She had been kicked out of the Wonderbolt’s Academy yesterday. The memory was as clear as glass, and if she needed proof she could just look down at the gaping hole in her slightly vomit stained uniform.
She sunk back down the floor, wrapping her forelegs around the toilet. As pathetic as it sounded – and it sounded very, very pathetic – the porcelain throne was the only comforting thing Lightning Dust had right now. Bitter tears clung to her eyes.
Being a Wonderbolt was all Lightning had ever wanted. She’d poured countless hours into training, not even stopping after her bull-headed father thought she was overdue for a break. She’d ostracized herself in the pursuit of being the best. All of it just to be a Wonderbolt.
“Buck you, Rainbow Dash,” Lightning Dust shouted at the bathroom tiles. Then she collapsed onto them, sobbing. Who was she kidding? It wasn’t Dash’s fault she was kicked out of the Academy it was her own. She’d been the featherbrain that’d nearly killed five ponies. No wonder she’d drunk herself into a stupor last night.
Last night…
“What the hell happened?” She murmured, cheek pressed against the cooling tiles. Her memories were hazy at best. If only there was something that would jog it.
Lightning Dust gripped the edges of her vomit-ridden toilet and lifted herself up. She reached out to prop herself up against something. Her hoof found her shower curtain. Without a second thought – or first thought, she was hungover after all – she put all of her weight against the flimsy material.
Predictably she fell right through into her shower. Lightning hit her head against the floor with a loud bang.
“Buck!” She screamed. Her head erupted in blinding pain. Ears ringing, Lightning tried to stand up. Failing at that she tried to roll over. When she failed to even accomplish that the aqua-marine mare decided to wait on the floor until the glaring pain subsided.
“Oh, how the mighty have fallen,” she murmured with a dull throb in the back of her head. Her own joke just ended up making her more depressed. As pissed about that as she was, Lighting couldn’t do anything about it. She laid her head back on the floor of her shower.
Before closing her eyes, Lightning Dust noticed something at the top of her field of vision. It looked sort of papery, and was caught in her tangled golden mane. She sluggishly reached up with her hoof and lifted it away. Although she intended to just toss it aside, the scribbles on it made her pause. Her vision was too blurry to make out what the writing was, but she could tell it was a napkin. Memories were on the tip of her brain but alcohol’s after effects prevented her from realizing what it was.
When she was able, Lightning forced herself to sit up. Blinking, she cursed when she saw the letters dancing across the paper. Eventually the scrawl on the napkin slowly became legible.
Lightning, Thanks for the kiss You’re really bucking adorable. You’re a goddess. Celestia, I’m so hammered right now. You’ve got a nice plot. Give me a call sometime, Hot Flanks. -Derpy
Lightning Dust barely made it back to the toilet bowl before she threw up again.
“Sweet Celestia!” she screamed into the foul water in the bowl. “Why did I have to remember that?”
Praying that she had read wrong, Lightning looked back down at the napkin. It said the exact same thing, and even had a small string of numbers right below it. Lightning tried to hurl again, but found her stomach was empty. The best she could manage was some bile-filled saliva, which plopped right into the mixture below her.
“I am going to bucking kill Rider,” she said, the memory of kissing another mare plastered to the forefront of her mind.
There was one good thing that came of that napkin; it had given her the jolt she needed to remember. Every alcohol filled detail of last night had suddenly broken through the haze of her mind. From the time she had angrily entered, to the time she had reluctantly left. Lightning contemplated the good time she’d had there. Compared to the rest of her day, it had been amazing.
“I can’t believe I went to a gay bar,” she said to herself, surprise causing her to laugh slightly at the thought. What she said next, however, really surprised her, “...and I can’t believe I’m going back.”
One of the good things about being Derpy Hooves was that she was practically immune to hangovers. A pounding headache, unbearable fatigue, and unstoppable nausea? Hah! It was a walk in the park compared to taking care of Dinky when she was a foal.
Receding out of the abyss of sleep, Derpy’s eyes cracked open. The first thing she thought about was how badly she needed a drink of water, though it was really more of an impulse. The second thing she thought about was Dinky.
Dinky!
Derpy rocketed out of bed, not even aware of the headache that she had. The gray pegasus was much more concerned about her daughter. She began running out of her room, partially panicking.
How late did I get in last night? Was Dinky able to get to school today? Did she see me drunk? Oh please Celestia tell me my daughter didn’t see me while I was hammered!
The sound of sizzling omelets on the stove made Derpy freeze in her tracks. Who was making omelets? Dinky was too short to reach the stove – not that Derpy gave her permission to use it anyway – and she couldn’t think of anypony else who would be here.
A burglar? She immediately thought.
Yeah, cause that makes sense. A burglar breaks into your home, but instead of robbing you blind he makes a nice breakfast for you to enjoy.
Geeze, I didn’t need to be that sarcastic with myself.
Her arguing thoughts were cut off as she neared the kitchen and heard a slight humming tune coming from inside. It was a familiar and catchy tune that Derpy was used to hearing. All her worry faded as she entered the kitchen and saw a pale pink unicorn setting the table.
“Sparkler,” Derpy said towards Dinky’s foalsitter. “What are you doing here so early?”
The teenager grinned at that remark. “Actually, I didn’t leave last night.”
“Oh,” Derpy said. “Did I really come home that late?”
Sparkler nodded. “Oh yeah. Don’t worry though, Dinky was asleep long before you got back, Miss Derpy.”
“You know you don’t need to call me that,” Derpy said. “It makes me feel old.”
“You are old,” Sparkler said, returning to the omelet and giving it a good flip.
“I am not!” Derpy insisted. “I’m in my twenties.”
“Nowadays that means your old,” Sparkler said with a laugh. “So do you want some omelet? This one’s almost done.”
“Sure,” Derpy said, taking a seat at the table. “So did Dinky make it to school okay?”
“Oh yeah,” Sparkler said, taking the thoroughly cooked omelet off the stove. “I made sure to pack a lunch for her and everything.”
“Thank you, Sparkler,” Derpy said relieved. “So I guess I need to pay you for the entire night then, huh?”
“Nah,” she said, dumping half of the omelet onto a plate for Derpy. “The usual’s fine.”
“I insist,” Derpy said. After she tasted the cheese and egg concoction she added, “you’ve more than earned it.”
“Thanks,” Sparkler replied, taking a seat. “So tell me, why were you so drunk last night? Normally you’re more responsible than that.”
Derpy swallowed before answering. “Well… you see I… I met somepony,” she admitted, blushing. Sparkler leaned in, intrigued. “I got so drunk cause I was trying to work up the nerve to talk to her.”
“Oh, you’ve got to tell me everything.” Sparkler said with a girlish squeal.
“Don’t you have to go to school yourself?” Derpy asked.
“Pssh. It’s not even noon. The only thing I’m missing is gym. Now come on, stop dodging and tell me!”
Derpy smiled. “Oh okay. Her name’s Lightning Dust, and she’s gorgeous.”
Sparkler nodded, her eyes wide with anticipation.
“It was kinda weird, because at first she acted like she wasn’t interested in me. Then I bumped into her again and it was like she was a completely different mare. She said she was just too nervous to talk to me before. I guess her cider gave her to courage to talk to me. She’s a master flirt, too; you should’ve heard all the things she said to me.” Derpy felt herself heatedly blush at the memory, only slightly fuzzy. “And like I said earlier, she was gorgeous. A total knockout. It didn’t take long before I… well, I sampled the buffet if you know what I mean.”
“Uh, Miss Derpy?” Sparkler interjected. Derpy glanced at her. “You’re drooling a bit.”
“Eep!” Derpy brought her hoof up to cover her mouth. Sure enough, a thin amount of saliva was spilling over. Embarrassed beyond belief, the gray mare wiped it away.
“So you kissed her?” Sparkler asked, a sly grin on her face.
“Yeah,” Derpy said, still able to remember the buzzing her lips felt when the kiss had ended.
“Did she kiss you back?” Sparkler asked. Derpy scrunched up her face in concentration.
“I… I don’t know. She might’ve but…. The memory’s all fuzzy. I can’t tell.”
“Oh,” the pink unicorn sighed slightly, upset that that one detail would elude both of them. “Will you see her again?”
“I hope so,” Derpy replied. “I gave her my number, but we were both pretty drunk. I wouldn’t be surprised if she lost it.”
“Maybe she’ll be back next Wednesday!” Sparkler eagerly suggested.
“Maybe,” Derpy said wistfully.
“Oh, this is just like in one of my romance novels!” Sparkler said giddily. “You’ll be there waiting for her at the bar, and just when you think she won’t show up, she’ll burst through the doors of the bar in a flowing gown and a rose between her teeth!”
Derpy laughed at Sparkler’s foolish idea. “Yeah, like that’s gonna happen…”
“And she’ll sweep you off your hooves and dance with you. Then you’ll go on lots dates and fall in love with each other!”
“Okay Sparkler,” Derpy said. “That’s enou-”
“And then you’ll get married in a glorious beachside ceremony, with doves and a sunset and I can be your best mare!”
“All right, go to school you hopeless romantic,” Derpy insisted, cheeks inflamed from Sparkler’s insane fantasy.
Sparkler giggled. “Okay, okay. I’m going.”
Derpy made sure to give Sparkler her foal sitting pay before she left. The pink unicorn waved goodbye to her before leaving.
Taking care of the remnants of her breakfast, Derpy did not feel her blush go away. In fact, it grew bigger as the crazy fantasy implanted by Sparkler played out in her mind. She rested a gray hoof on her forehead, laughing softly.
“Yeah,” she said. “That would be something…”
Author's Note
Edited by WorkbenchManiac
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
I've Found Somepony to Carry Me Home
I stared at the non-alcoholic beer in front of me, disgusted in myself for having ordered such a beverage. When Wednesday finally rolled around I was ecstatic to make it back to the bar and taste the metallic bite of alcohol once more. I’d proudly strolled into the bar, sat down in my favorite stool, looked the bartender dead in the eye and ordered something non-alcoholic.
I swear, the guy looked at me like I belonged in a mental institute. I probably did, all things considered. Seriously, what had possessed me to order something that wouldn’t impair my reasoning and judgment?
Swirling the beverage in its glass, I sighed. Maybe it was best that I’d ordered this. After last week, I wasn’t exactly keen on getting another monster hangover.
The noise of the bar pounded all around. There was a massive crowd right behind me, partaking in the unrestrained revelry of a twenty-first birthday party. The tiny stage toward the center of the bar was set up with all the usual instruments for karaoke night, but the band was absent, so nopony had gone up yet.
I wasn’t really focusing on anything else. I had retreated into my mind, attempting to elicit the one memory that had eluded me for a full week. The name of the aqua-marine mare from last Wednesday. Try as I might, barely anything was coming to me. I wanted to say her name was Cactus – not entirely sure why – but I had a feeling that was wrong.
As a result, part of me dreaded the return of the straight mare. I was almost hoping she wouldn’t show up so I wouldn’t embarrass myself. Another part of me was hoping she did come back. Last Wednesday had been a blast for me, and if she became a regular I could look forward to many more Wednesdays like it.
Lost in my thoughts, I instinctively took up the glass and pushed to my lips. The foul concoction that assaulted my taste buds made me gag.
The bar tender shot me a glance of concern as I choked on the non-alcoholic beverage. When I started to calm down, he wryly raised his eyebrow at me.
“No, it’s good,” I said, answering his unspoken question. I coughed loudly. “Ambrosial even. Best decision I ever made.” I raise the glass of alcohol impersonation towards him in a mock toast, press it to my lips again, and take another sip.
The bartender continued to stare at me as I drank the noxious liquid. Half the glass entered my mouth before I faked a swallow. He finally looked away to tend to the needs of other patrons. When he did, I ripped the glass away from my mouth, turned, and spat the contents onto the floor.
“Blargh,” I groaned, wiping my tongue with my hoof to rid myself of the taste. “Worst decision of my life.”
Bringing my head up, I managed to pick up the whispering sound of the bar door creeping open. I expected it to be Cactus – or whatever her name was. Until I figured it out I’m going to use that – but to my shock it wasn’t. It was Derpy.
The gray mare who usually kept to a plain face and a spot in the back of the bar had been transformed for tonight. She wore a pale blue gown that hugged her body and exemplified her curves. I could tell she had been to a salon to fix up her hair. What used to fall across the top of her head with dullness now rivaled the style of Manehattan elites. Even in the poor lighting of the bar, I saw Derpy had forsaken her ritual of going all-natural in favor of some make-up to exemplify the features of her face.
If I weren’t gay, I’d be ogling every part of her. With a slight glance around the bare I could tell that every lesbian was currently enamored by the wall-eyed pegasus. She blushed when she realized all the attention that was now on her, then strolled through the bar taking a seat on my left.
“Wow, Derpy, how many straight mares did you turn gay on your way here?”
She giggled. “Only two. So what are you drinking?”
“Non-alcoholic beer, if you can believe it,” I told her. She bites her lip, thinking for a second.
“Hey, Tap,” She yelled to the bartender, using his officially unofficial nickname. He turned, nodding his head to silently ask for her order. “I’ll have what he’s having.”
I blinked in surprise. Derpy was going sober tonight? What has the world come to?
“Really?” I asked her. She grinned.
“Yeah, I can’t afford another hangover like last week,” she admited, her drink sliding down the way. “Turns out, coming home drunk doesn’t set a good example for kids.”
“I never would’ve guessed,” I replied with light sarcasm. Derpy laughed under her breath.
Okay, what’s going on here? I asked silently. This is the longest conversation I’ve ever held with Derpy, and this is the first one she instigated… what’s up with her tonight?
The pieces clicked together suddenly. The make over, the sobriety, the ingratiating with me. It was all so clear.
Derpy was hoping Cactus was going to show up tonight.
“So, do you know if Lightning Dust was coming tonight?” Derpy asked the question as the realization comes to me.
“Lightning Dust?” I inquired out loud. Then I remembeedr. Cactus’s name wasn’t Cactus; it was Lightning Dust. Wow, I’m stupid. “Oh, her. I don’t know… maybe.”
Derpy frowned a little upon hearing this, clearly disheartened by the answer.
“What’s got you all curious about some random pony?” I asked, dreading the oh-so-obvious answer.
The dressed-up mare fidgeted. Her drink slides right in front of her snout, but she doesn’t make a move for it. One eye glanced at me as she spoke.
“Well, I… I kinda… like her.”
“Ah,” I said with a small, toothy smile. Internally, I screamed a little bit.
Way to go, Rider, I scolded myself. What do you think the odds are that Lightning Dust will reciprocate Derpy’s feelings?
I didn’t know the gray pegasus in front of me too well, but I did know this: when she fell for somepony, she fell hard. And she had just fallen for Lightning.
I knew it was all my fault too. It had been me who convinced Lightning to flirt with Derpy, and now the poor mare was on the fast track for heartbreak because of my stupid drunken idea. I couldn’t break the news to her now… I just couldn’t, but waiting would be even worse. I panicked and said the first thing that popped into my head.
“You know Derpy, maybe you should just give Lightning some space,”
Her head snapped to look at me, crossed eyes expressing confusion.
“It’s just,” I continued. “Lightning isn’t exactly in the best place right now… the last thing she needs is to be in a relationship with somepony.”
“What’s the matter with her?” Derpy asked, a mixture of concern and disappointment.
I paused, wondering if this is something I should even tell a random bar patron. “Lightning’s dream was to be a Wonderbolt.” I whispered so nopony else could hear.
“Was?” Derpy asked.
“The Academy tossed her to the curb.”
“That’s horrible!”
“Yeah, and I think with all the emotional turmoil she’s facing, getting a marefriend is the last thing on her mind.” The very last, I added silently.
“Oh,” Derpy answered. She bit her lip and looked away. I proceeded with damage control.
“Look, maybe for now you should just try being her friend.”
“I don’t know, Rider,” Derpy says. “I… I really like her,”
A chuckle escaped my mouth before I could suppress it. Derpy shot me an angry glance.
“Sorry,” I said quickly. “But you can’t be serious. You shared one drunken kiss with Lightning and now you ‘really like’ her?”
A sheepish grin crept onto Derpy’s face. “Maybe…”
I shook my head slowly. “Can you at least try to take it slow? Get to know her a little before you start saying stuff like that.”
“And then?” Derpy asked, not needing to state her entire question.
“Maybe…” The word slipped out by pure impulse. The gray mare smiled slightly. I found myself hoping that my illusion would hold up.
“I guess I got all dressed up for nothing then, huh?” Derpy said softly.
“Try telling that to the two mares you turned gay,” I replied. My horrible joke sent her into a laughing fit, and I’m pretty sure only half of it was pity fueled. I brought my glass up to my lips to hide my shamed expression. The alcohol impersonator slid hallway down my throat before I realized what I was drinking.
The only thing that stopped me from gagging was the pony who sat down next to me at that very instant.
“Hey,” Lightning grunted at me. She waved towards Tap, silently demanding he take her order.
“Hi,” I said. “What took you so long?”
“I had to find this place first,” Lightning told me. “And I wasn’t about to ask directions to a gay bar.”
“Fair enough.” I shrugged.
Lightning ordered a cider when Tap finally got around to her. She’s different this time around. Last week she’d been angry enough to bite my head off, but now she was so… indifferent.
She sat with ennui, sluggishly blinking and moving only when she had to. It seemed as if all emotion had been drained away. Her Wonderbolt’s cadet uniform was gone as well.
Derpy was also looking at Lightning, though I highly doubted we were noticing the same things about her. Lightning eventually caught on to the fact that she was being stared at. Her eyes widened in remembrance when she saw the gray mare two bar stools away.
“Hi,” Derpy said through her blush.
“Uhhh…” came Lightning’s intelligent reply. I nudged her with my fetlock.
“Say something,” I whispered through my teeth.
“Hey Derpy,” Lightning mustered.
“I… uh… you never called,” Derpy stammered.
“Yeah… I…” Lightning sighed. “Look, Derpy I don’t want to da-”
“Hey look at that,” I interjected. “The band’s finally arrived.” Lightning and Derpy both shot me glares. I leaned back slightly.
“Lightning, I know about your… position,” Derpy said, dancing around the words. “I understand completely.”
“You do?” Lightning asked, surprised. “It’s not awkward or anything?” I realized suddenly that Derpy was talking about the Academy, but that wasn’t what Lightning thought.
“It’s not. I... Do you think we could still be friends?”
The word threw the mare for a loop. She blinked a few times before comprehending. I recalled what she’d told me last week about never having friends before; such a blatant offer must have been completely foreign to her.
“F-friends?” Lightning stammered, testing out how the word sounds.
“I understand if you don’t want too,” Derpy mumbleed into her fake beer, ears drooping. “I just thought-”
“Of course we can be friends,” Lightning finally managed.
Derpy’s ears shot up. “Really?”
“Yeah really!” Lightning exclaimed. “I can’t believe it… my first friend…”
“Ahem,” I coughed loudly. “Forgetting somepony?”
Lightning laughed a little. “Hey, you’re my friend too, its just Derpy asked first, that makes it more official.”
I grinned, not the least bit offended. Everything had gone so smoothly that I couldn’t believe it. Derpy thought Lightning was gay, and was content to keep her affections silent. Meanwhile, Lightning believed Derpy thought she was straight, and had just agreed to be her friend. It was all too perfect. Smiling to myself, I glanced over at the gray mare. She didn’t look as excited as I felt; in fact, she looked confused.
“What do you mean I’m your first friend?” Derpy asked.
“Oh… I uh, didn’t have any friends growing up,” Lightning explained.
“That’s terrible! You must’ve been so lonely.”
“It wasn’t that bad…” Lightning said, instinctively reaching for her mug of cider. Both Derpy and I could tell she was lying.
“Well it doesn’t matter,” I declared. “Your childhood’s over and you’ve got friends now.” I raised my glass of non-alcoholic beer. “To drinking buddies!”
“Hear, hear,” Derpy chanted, clinking her glass into mine. Lightning watched the ritual for a moment before realizing she had to raise her mug as well. When she finally did, we all tipped are heads back and took a good long chug.
That is, until Derpy and I did a spit take.
“Gah! That tasted like piss!” Derpy exclaimed. I gagged in agreement. Tap shot us a dirty look as our reaction attracted the attention of some bar patrons.
“Relax guys it’s alcohol,” Dust said. “It doesn’t have to taste good as long as you get drunk.”
“Unfortunately this stuff won't do that,” I muttered.
“Wait, you’re drinking non-alcoholic?” Lightning asked. Derpy and I nodded, still reeling from the taste. “Well what the hell for?”
“I don’t want a hangover, that’s why,” I replied.
Lightning sniggered, “Wuss.” She tipped her head back, draining the cider. My eyes narrowed at her challenge.
“Tap,” I called as she finishes. “We’re going to need three more ciders over here!”
“Now we’re talking!”
I had no idea what time it was. The analog clock on the wall was telling, but my eyes refused to comprehend it. I was too drunk to remember what it meant when the big hand was on the eleven and the little hand was on the six. Oh well, it couldn’t be that late. Right?
“I just…” Lightning blinked slowly. “I just gotta say… you guys are my best friend –hic – in the whole world. Ya know that?” She fell off her bar stool and onto the floor.
“We’re your only friends Lightning,” I informed her. Derpy rushed over to pick Lightning up. The drunk mare hobbled back to her stool and sat down. She looked in my general direction.
“You don’t have to – hic – remind me, Derpy,”
“I’m Rider,” I deadpanned. Her golden irises struggle to focus on me.
“Oh yeah,” she said. Her hoof goes for her cider mug, but I block her.
“I think you’ve had enough,” I told her.
We were all passed our limit for tonight. Derpy had politely sipped her two beers in between conversation, refusing to guzzle them down. I was losing my common sense, but at least managed to stop at five.
Lightning on the other hoof, was hammered. I hadn’t been counting or anything, but I’d say at least ten ciders had gone her way. Her basic motor skills were beginning to fail her, evidenced by her inability to sit without falling.
The band was packing up for the night, and the birthday party had long since left. Only the late-nighters were still hanging around. A quick scope of the room told me that most of them were mares.
Great, I thought. So much for getting a bucking buddy for the night. The back of my mind filed away the fact that this was my second night in a row where I would be going home alone.
One mare sauntered over our way though, beer in hoof. She was aimed right at the pegasus in the blue dress.
“What’s up,” The mare said, sliding between me and Derpy. Her crazy blue and white mane got in my face, and I found myself turning and spitting out hairs.
“Oh… Hi.” Derpy greeted sweetly.
“Name’s Cloudchaser,” the blue pegasus smoothly slurred. “What’s yours?”
“Derpy.”
“Well, Derpy,” Cloudchaser said. “You are extremely hot, you know that?”
Derpy’s gray cheeks turned red, “Oh… geeze, well… thank you… I…”
“My place isn’t too far from here,” Cloudchaser began, her foreleg wiggling around Derpy’s shoulder. “If you want we could...”
“Thank you,” Derpy replied, shaking off her hoof. “But no thank you.”
“Ah… okay then,” Cloudchaser said through her teeth. I smirk.
“Ooooh!” I hollered jauntily without thinking. Cloudchaser turned to face me. “You just got vagected!”
Suddenly my face jerked to the right, a stinging pain on my cheek. Cloudchaser walked off, miffed. It was then I realized she’d slapped me.
“Oww,” I said slowly, rubbing my face. “That bucking hurt!”
Derpy giggled. “Well you kinda deserved it.”
“Am I missing something?” Lightning asked. “What was that thing you said?”
“Vagected?” I asked.
“Yeah that… what does it mean?”
“It’s the female version of a cockblock,” I told her. She blinked slowly. “You could also call it twat swat, or clam jam, or clitorference...” I continue.
Lightning raised her eyebrow at me. “You’ve put a lot of thought into this, haven’t you?”
“More than I had realized,” I admitted. “Still though, Derpy, that was a pretty serious vagection.”
“Please stop using that word,” she replied. I held my hooves sluggishly in surrender.
“Even so,”
“I guess it was,” Derpy said, looking down. “I didn’t mean to be rude, but I just wasn’t into her. I've just recently decided to save myself for somepony.”
“Well whoever she is,” Lightning Dust said, grabbing her cider before I can stop her. “She’s a lucky mare.”
“She sure is,” Derpy replied with a slightly enamored tone. I noticed her staring at Lightning a little more than she probably should be if they were “just friends”. I blinked with slow realization, but couldn't get a word in edgewise.
“Sweet Celestia it’s getting late,” Derpy exclaimed. “I better be getting home soon.”
Even though I had no idea what the time was, I nodded in agreement. Derpy probably had to relieve her foalsitter before too long.
“Guess we’ll see you next week then,” I said.
“Yeah…” Derpy agreed, chewing the inside of her cheek. She started to walk away, but stopped. “You know, a week is too long. Do you guys want to hang out on Saturday?”
“What, you mean here?” Lightning asked.
“No… how about…” she pauses. “How about a picnic?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “There aren’t too many good places in the city for one of those.”
“We don’t have to do it in the city,” Derpy retorted. “We can do near my home in Ponyville.”
I mulled over the offer for a bit. It did sound kinda nice after I thought about it for a while.
“I didn’t know there was a sky city called Ponyville,” Lightning interjected. We both stared at her. “What?”
“Ponyville is on the ground, Lightning.” Derpy told her.
“The… ground?” Lightning asked weakly.
“Yeah you know,” I said. “The big rocky surface of Earth. If you need directions, just fly downward. Trust me you can’t miss it.”
“I know what the ground is, Rider.” Lightning snapped. “I just… don’t know if I want to go to a picnic down there.”
Derpy’s ears drooped with sadness. “Oh… why not?”
“It just feels… inconvenient.” Lightning said in a pitiful attempt at lying.
“Don’t tell me you’re scared of the ground,” I accused. She shot me a heated glance.
“No!” Lightning heatedly replied. “I’ve just… never been there.”
Derpy and I both gasped simultaneously.
“As in, never ever?” I asked. Lightning nodded a little, slightly ashamed.
“The closest I ever got was when we were on some mountains back at the… Academy,” she finally mumbled.
“Dang,” I said slowly. Were there really pegasi who had spent their entire lives in Cloudsdale? It was possible and everything, but it sounded so far-fetched. Every pegasus I’d ever talked to had been to the surface on multiple occasions… heck, most of them even lived down there like Derpy.
“Well, now’s your chance to see what it’s like!” Derpy said, a smile on her face.
“I don’t know,” Lightning replied.
“Don’t be a chicken,” I taunted her. A hoof flies toward me, making contact with my shoulder. “Ow.”
“Don’t call me a chicken,” Lightning hissed drunkenly. She turned to Derpy. “I’ll go,”
“Great!” Derpy exclaimed, elated. She looked at me. “Rider, are you coming too?”
I rubbed my shoulder, now hurting as much as my cheek. “Free food? Of course I’ll be there!”
“All right. I’ll meet you guys at Ponyville’s lake around noon. You guys know where that is?”
Lightning - obviously - shakes her and so do I. Derpy sighed.
“Well, it’s the only lake in Ponyville,” she informed us. “Can’t miss it, I promise.”
“Okay,” I said. “I guess we’ll see you then.”
“Bye,” Lightning called.
“Good-bye.” Derpy waved as she walks off.
Lightning stuck her mug back in her mouth, and I decided I didn't have the energy to try and stop her.
“Last call for drinks!” Tap suddenly yelled. “Then I’m kicking all of you out!”
“One more!” Lightning demanded from her seat. A mug of cider slid her way. She greedily stuck it in her mouth, while I finally had enough.
“Can you even pay for all the beer you're drinking?” I ask her. Lightning freezes mid-gulp, paralyzed with fear.
“No,” she glumly admitted after swallowing.
I sighed. “Looks like I’m going to have to bail you out again.”
She smiled, “Thanks dude.”
“I swear this is the last time I pay for your beer,” I told her, reaching for my wallet. “You’re like a bucking sponge with this stuff.”
“I guess I have been drinking a lot,” Lightning admitted, guiltily staring at her half-finished cider. I noticed this as I lay some bits on the counter.
“Hey Lightning, is everything okay?”
“Yeah Rider, everything’s bucking peachy,” she heated said looking away.
I wasn’t exactly an expert on mares, but I was inclined to believe that that meant everything was not okay.
“You know, Lightning, I am your friend, and that means more than just getting drunk with you on Wednesdays. If you ever want to talk, or need help or anything…”
“Help?!” Lightning angrily shouted, turning towards me. I backed away slowly. “What makes you think I want your help?”
“Well I-”
“What, do you think I’m some meek and pathetic filly who can’t do anything by herself? Is that it?” The remaining ponies in the bar looked our way.
“No, I never-”
“Well I’ve got news for you Rider,” Lightning shouted. She stood and wobbled a little, her wings flared in anger. “This filly doesn’t need help from you or anypony else! I can handle myself, thank you very much.” Lightning turned, about to angrily storm off. When she tried however, her drunkenness caused her to slip and fall to the floor of the bar. I waited for her to get back up. She didn't.
Worriedly, I glanced at her. Dust was still conscious, but her muscles were definitely working against her. Eventually she looked at me.
“Rider…”
“Yeah Lightning?”
“… I need your help.”
We didn’t have enough money for a cab. This was a combination of me paying for Lightning’s booze, and Lightning having absolutely no money at all.
She had one foreleg thrown over my shoulders for support, the rest of her legs dragging along the cloud streets with pure laziness. I’m trying to support her as best I can, sandwiching her body in between a leg and an outstretched wing. It’s difficult, especially since we have so far to walk.
“How much further do we have to go?” I grunted.
“Not far,” Lightning assured me for the twentieth time. Suddenly her pupils shrunk. “Wait, hold up.”
I stop, and Lightning Dust turned and retched onto the side of the street. The sound she made was a cross between a dying cat and garbage disposal.
“Very classy,” I muttered. She wiped off her mouth with her fetlock and grinned.
“I try.”
I shook my head slowly and continued walking. What the buck does Derpy see in this mare?
It’s several more minutes before my drunken haze cleared up a little bit more. I found that we’re walking through probably the worst neighborhood in Cloudsdale. Worst in the category of quality and worst in the category of you-definitely-don’t-want-to-be-walking-around-here-drunk-at-one-a.m-in-the-bucking-morning.
I shoot an uneasy glance at my companion. “You do know where you’re going… right?”
“I’m drunk, not stupid,” Lightning said. “My apartment is that way.”
We continued on in silence, until a rundown building comes into view. Well… rundown might be a compliment now that I think about it. I think it was supposed to be an apartment complex. The nimbus structure was loose, with tufts of cloud ripped away and floating in the air. It was bad to the point where I couldn't distinguish windows from unintended holes. Large parts of the structure were eerily piss colored, and I could only guess why that might be. I'd comment on the wet cat smell as well, but compared to the rest of this side of town, that part was actually pleasant.
“Here we are,” Lightning mumbled. “Home sweet home.”
At first I thought she was joking. I hoped she was joking.
“I’m not joking,” Lightning finally said. Her legs began to marginally work again, and she pulled me toward the building.
We walked a little bit further, and I was grateful to learn Lightning was on the first floor. Eventually she stopped me in front of one of the indistinguishable, shoddy cloud barriers that might have been a door.
“You got your key?” I asked.
“No, I don’t need it,” she replied. “You can just kick it a few times and it’ll open.”
I was silent.
“What?” Dust asked.
“T-that’s not safe,” I managed. “You should really get that fixed.”
“Just kick the door down so I can get some bucking sleep.” Lightning demanded.
I struck the door gently with my foreleg and it didn't budge. Lightning drilled me with her golden irises until I attacked it again, harder this time. After the fourth or fifth kick it budged, and the door creaked open. The insides horrified me.
“Uh Lightning,” I said. “I think you’ve been robbed."
The aqua-marine mare poked her head into the apartment. “Nope, it’s the same as when I left it.”
My jaw slid open. Her apartment – if you could call it that – was a single-room mess. On the left side, there was what I assumed to be the kitchen. A single wooden table was upended, surrounded by a filthy floor covered in expired take-out. The fridge was open, but the light was out and there was absolutely nothing in it.
On the right side was her bed, well… the mattress part anyway. There were no sheets or pillows as far as I could see, and it was all torn up. Laying on top was a vaguely familiar Wonderbolt’s uniform, but it had acquired many new stains.
There was a door towards the back of the room that likely led to the bathroom. I shuddered just thinking about the horrors that could be in there.
“Thanks for getting me home.” Lightning headed to her bed.
“You can’t be serious,” I gaped. Lightning tiredly looked at me. “T-this can’t be your apartment!”
“It is, Rider,” Lightning assured me. She gently pushed the cadet uniform to the floor and took a seat on the bed.
“But it’s a mess!” I exclaimed. “Worse than a mess even. How could anypony possibly live here?”
“Rider would you relax?” Lightning asked. “It’s o-okay.” Her voice cracked on the last word.
“Lightning,” I said slowly.
“All right, fine!” she screamed. “It’s bucking terrible! Are you happy now, Rider?”
“No, of course not!” I told her, taking a seat next to her on the bed. “Lightning, why are you living here when it’s so bad?”
“It’s the only thing I could afford,” she mumbled, head hanging in sadness. “After I got tossed out of the Academy, I had nowhere to go, and practically nothing. I remembered that I had a small savings account, and used that to get an apartment. This shithole was the best I could afford.”
I glanced back over into the kitchen, realizing the subpar take-out had been her only food for the past week.
“How much is left?” I tentatively asked.
“I just paid for another week’s rent so… none.”
“None?” I whisper in shock. Lightning was flat out broke. No wonder she had been drinking so hard earlier. “Lightning, you’ve got to get a job.”
“Who's gonna hire me?” Lightning mumbled. “My only skill is flying really fast.”
“Well… what had you planned on doing?” I asked.
Tears were creeping into her eyes. “I had planned on becoming a Wonderbolt after finishing the Academy. I… I don’t know what else to do.”
“You didn’t have a plan B?”
“Of course not!” Lightning cried, water leaking from her eyes. “I never needed a plan B until a week ago. And now…” A sob escaped her.
“What about your parents? Can’t they help you out?”
“Yeah right. My parents think I’m living it up at the Academy right now on the fast track to becoming a Wonderbolt. I can’t come crawling back to them like this. I just can’t.” Lightning couldn't hold back any more sobs, and she wearily rested her head on my shoulder, tears running down her cheek.
Gingerly, I put my hoof around her and patted her back. Having absolutely no experience for something like this made me feel immensely awkward.
“Look, Lightning,” I said calmly. “I hate to be the blunt asshole here, but you're going to have to either swallow your pride and beg your parents for money, or get a job.”
“I know, I know,” Lightning mumbled. “I just… I don’t even know where to start. I’ve never been on my own like this.”
I think for a moment. “Lightning, do you think you can make it until Saturday?”
She sniffles. “Maybe.”
“Good. Then we can talk to Derpy and see about finding you a job down at Ponyville. I’ve heard it’s a nice place, so you should be able to.”
“Okay,” Lightning murmered into my shoulder. Just to be safe I grabbed my wallet and handed her the few remaining bits. “I-I don’t want any charity, Rider.”
“Consider it a loan then,” I replied, getting up. Lightning thought on it for a moment, but nodded. “Also, be careful sleeping on this thing tonight. I’ve only been on it for a few minutes but I’m already considering getting myself checked for STD’s.”
A laugh escaped Lightning’s mouth. “All right. You should probably get home, Rider.”
“Yeah, okay. See you Saturday.”
“If I survive that long,” she retorted with melancholy.
“You will,” I replied, shutting the door behind me. I hope.
Author's Note
Whoo, third chapter! Luckily I got this out before going on vacation. Let me know what you think of this one, and of course feel free to point out any glaring grammatical errors.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Cold showers were my least favorite things to do in the morning. In fact, they ranked pretty high on my all time list of least favorite things, just above getting electrocuted. But this morning, I couldn’t deny how badly I needed one.
I’d woken up around four a.m. last night, and because life just loves to hate me I hadn’t gotten any sleep since. Needless to say, that made me more than a little tired. After I spent the better part of the morning arguing with myself, I’d finally agreed to suffer through one.
Now I slowly turned the knob in my shower to off, my body shivering ferociously. I launched out, grabbed a towel and patted myself dry. My mane was still soaking wet, so I wrapped the towel around my head and decided that would be enough.
I left the bathroom shortly after. It was already half past ten, so getting breakfast at this point wouldn’t be the best idea with Derpy’s picnic in less than two hours. In fact I should probably head out soon. I had no idea how long it would take to get to Ponyville – all I had to go on was a general direction to fly in.
Planning on leaving, I walked through my bedroom. Luckily, I remembered to take the towel off my head before walking out the door. My white mane was still damp, but I figured enough flying would dry it out before too long. I threw the used towel onto my bed haphazardly.
The act of looking at my bed vaguely forces me to acknowledge its stark emptiness. Truth be told I was getting rather sick of that. It had been nearly two and a half weeks since my last fling. In my books, that was too long to go without bucking a dude.
I took off flying, leaving my house behind. My destination was Lightning Dust’s apartment, even though I couldn’t really remember how to get there. It wasn’t hard to find; all I had to do was look for the shittiest place in Cloudsdale.
I landed just outside the apartment complex, the smell somehow worse now than what it was on Wednesday. I took a deep breath in through my mouth and walked inside.
There was a receptionist waiting in the lobby. Prior to my arrival she had been flipping through an outdated magazine and scratching a rather… unmentionable part of her body. It seemed she was just sleazy enough to work in a place like this.
When I walked in her blue eyes lit up in surprise and she worked to make herself look presentable. I found this a little odd; it was not what I expected her to do at all. I got the vibe that she usually treated ponies with varying degrees of irritation.
“Hi,” she said politely, giving me a quick glance over and a smile. “What can I do for you?”
“I’m just here looking for a friend,” I replied stopping in front of her desk. “Maybe you can help me, cause I’m not sure what her room number is.”
“Yeah absolutely.” The orange mare reached for something. “Let me just grab the tenant listings. What’s her name?”
“Lightning Dust."
“Okay, no problem.” She glanced up at me and then looked down at the list. “So is she like your marefriend or something?”
“Lightning? No, she’s not really my type,” I replied casually. The orange receptionist smiles like she just won the Wonderbolt’s Derpy and leans closer to me.
“Really? Well, what is your type then?” She asked, a hint of sultriness in her voice.
It finally cracked through my thick skull that she’s flirting with me. It gave me a slightly mean idea. I leaned in close to her so that our muzzles were barely an inch apart. Smiling, I said, “Male and breathing.”
The orange mare stiffened, cheeks flushing red. “O-oh. Okay then.” I can tell she felt immensely awkward right now, so I fight the urge to cackle with laughter. “Uh… It says Lightning is down that hall. Should be the third door on your right.”
“Thanks.” I grinned more than I probably should. The receptionist looked like she wanted to crawl underneath her desk. Vaguely, I wondered if I shouldn’t use my sexuality to make other ponies uncomfortable.
Lightning’s door – and I use that term very loosely – is partially cracked open when I reach it. I knock as gently as I dare, but it still started to slide open anyways.
“Hey, Lightning, you here?” I called out. A muffled groan answers me. Walking inside, I found her lying face down in her bed. “Hey, get up.” I told her.
“Too tired,” she muttered.
“It’s practically eleven,” I said. “And you’ve been lying in bed all day. How are you still tired?”
Lightning rolled over, the bags under her eyes very noticeable. “Because sleeping on this cloud is like sleeping on a sack of rocks.”
Well there’s a sentence that has never been uttered before, I thought to myself. To Lightning I said, “Don’t you want to get to the picnic soon?”
“I guess,” she mumbled into the cloud bed.
“Still nervous about touching the ground for the first time?” I asked. She weakly nodded. “Well let me put it to you this way,” I say. “On the ground right now is our friend Derpy with a basket of free food, and the possibility of a job.”
This caused Lightning’s head to drift off her shoddy mattress. “Okay.”
She rolled off the bed and landed on the floor with a thud. I flinched at the impact. Clouds were not supposed to make thud noises. It only reaffirmed my decision to get Lightning out of here as fast as possible. I bent down and helped her up.
“Thanks,” she said, rubbing the back of her head.
We left Lightning’s room, the aqua marine mare slamming her door closed. As we exited the building, the receptionist noticeably avoided eye contact with me, which of course caused a little smirk to crawl onto my face.
Outside, I unfurled my wings, and Lightning followed suit. We lifted off, and I noticed the simple act of flying seems to have an affect on my friend. Her sleepiness is battered away and she swooped around in the sky gracefully. With a deep breath she soaked in the fresh morning air and climbed to a higher altitude. I flapped harder to catch up.
“Well somepony’s certainly feeling plucky,” I remarked as we pass over the edge of Cloudsdale. Lightning smileed.
“Yeah,” she replied. “It’s crazy but… I almost forgotten how good flying feels.”
“Haven’t been doing a lot of it lately?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
“I haven’t been doing much of anything lately,” she admited. “Sans drinking.”
“Yeah I hear that,” I replied. “Lately it feels like nothing significant happens to me unless it’s at that bar.”
“It’s kinda why I’m looking forward to this picnic,” she said. “I need a change of scenery.”
My stomach grumbled. “I just need some food,” I replied. “I skipped breakfast this morning."
Lightning's stomach growled, giving mine a run for its money. “So did I,” she mentioned. “And… dinner last night.”
I suddenly felt guilty about being hungry. “Was my loan any help?” I wondered aloud.
“It got me a few meals worth of fast food,” Lightning said. “I swear I’ll pay you back every bit I owe.”
“Nah, you don’t have to,” I replied.
“Yes I do,” Lightning affirmed. “Otherwise it’s charity, and you know how I feel about that.”
“Fine, fine,” I muttered. “Be a stubborn mule and insist on giving me money. See if I care.” I did actually. I hated the idea of Lightning feeling that she owed me.
“So where’s this town we’re going to?” Lightning asked, having already forgot the name.
“Ponyville,” I reminded her. Pointing with my hooves southward I said, “Somewhere in that direction.”
“Got it." Without wasting a second, Lightning catapulted herself forward. The wind generated by this is enough to knock me back a few feet. When I recovered, I saw Lightning Dust already halfway to the horizon.
“Holy shit!” I shouted in earnest shock. In the distance, Lightning looked back and stopped. She’s back next to me in the span of four seconds.
“Sorry,” she said. “Sometimes I forget my own speed.”
“Damn Lightning, you left me in the dust. That was just… wow.”
Lightning blushed at my fanfare. We began flying, this time she let me set the pace. “It wasn’t that impressive.”
“You bucking kidding?” I asked. “I’m no expert, but I’d say you went from zero to a eleven wingpower in the blink of an eye. In mid-air to boot.”
“Like I said, not that impressive,” Lightning sayed. “Normally I do better than that.”
“No bucking way."
“I’m serious. I can do better than that when I’m not so tired and hungry,” she replied, swerving to avoid a wayward cloud. “Wait, can’t you do that?”
“Absolutely not!” I said. “I’m lucky to hit eight wingpower when I’m at my best. I think the fastest weather worker I know can barely hit ten, and that’s after a gravity assisted plunge dive.”
“Really?” Lightning said dubiously. “I’d always thought most pegasi were better than that.”
“Like hell we are,” I told her. “Have you ever measured your wingpower?”
“No, my dad could never get the right equipment for it, but I always wanted to know.”
“You’re probably off the charts,” I said. My vision suddenly honed in on a series of small buildings on the ground. I began to descend and Lightning followed me.
“You really think so?” Lightning asked.
“Hell yeah. You could take frickin’ gold at the Equestria Games.”
Lightning smiled at the thought of that. We hovered about five feet from the ground now and I began looking around. “You see a lake anywhere around here?”
“Hang on a sec,” she tod me. I was about to ask why, but she rocketed up into the sky again. She’s down a second later, just like she said.
“I found it.” Lightning grabbed my hoof and suddenly we’re zooming through town. We blew past a newsstand, launching the papers into a cluttered mess. The mane’s of ponies whipped aside as Lightning flew by. I find myself impressed again, seeing as how she’s dragging me as dead weight and still going fast.
A lake sped into view and Lightning mercifully slowed down, coming to a halt. I slid onto the ground, my white mane blown into a completely new style from Lightning’s flight. As I worked to straighten it, I noticed Lightning hasn’t landed yet.
“Nervous?” I asked. She glanced at the ground with uncertainty. I patted the green blades with my hooves. “Don’t worry Lightning, grass can’t hurt you.”
Biting her lip, she lowers herself a few inches, then immediately flies back up before she comes close. I groaned. “Lightning Dust, you’re touching the ground, not loosing your virginity. Just do it and be done already.”
“Don’t rush me!” She yelled back.
“All right fine,” I said, lying down. “I’m gonna take a nap then.” I closed my eyes. “I’ll probably wake up long before you get close.”
“Not funny, Rider,” she told me. I don’t respond, except for a subtle snoring noise. Lightning poked me. “Seriously dude, not cool,”
“Maybe if you were on the ground I would wake up,” I told her. I don’t hear a response for a while. Then Lightning nudged me indignantly.
“Rider,” she said. “Grass feels weird on my hooves.”
My eyes jutted open and I saw four aqua-marine hooves firmly planted on Earth’s grassy surface. I smiled widely
“Congratulations,” I said. “You’ve just done what thousands of ponies do everyday.”
“Don’t ruin the moment with your sarcasm,” Lightning fired back, “Come on, I think I see Derpy waiting for us.”
I hopped to all fours and glanced around. About a quarter of the way around the lake I spotted the red checkerboard pattern of a picnic blanket. There were two ponies already there.
“Let’s go,” I said, brushing the clinging grass from my coat. Lightning gets into a take off position, but I hold out a foreleg to stop her. “Why don’t we walk there?” I suggested. “Unless you think you can’t handle it.”
She responded to my challenge very maturely and hit my shoulder. After a sharp under-the-breath cursing, I started walking. Lightning was a little more tentative, almost like she had to force herself to push each hoof forward. Each time her hoof touched the ground I get the feeling she expected it to sink down slightly, like it would on clouds.
We near the picnic blanket and Derpy waved to us. I tooke note of the second pony sitting by her. He was a chestnut brown Earth pony with a green tie on. Curiosity grabbed hold and I could tell Lightning was feeling the same. Though she might not have been thinking quite the same thing as me.
Damn, he’s hot.
Derpy happily bounded up to us. “Hey Lightning. Hey Rider.”
“Hi Derpy, good to see you,” Lightning said. Derpy smiled and brushed some of her blonde mane behind her ear. The chestnut stallion walked up to us.
“Oh,” Derpy remembered. “Guys, I hope it’s okay if I invited another friend of mine to eat with us.”
“Of course it is.” Lightning smiled, happy for an opportunity to make a third friend.
“Nice to meet you both,” the stallion said, his voice like butter. “My name is Time Turner.”
“Good to meet you. I’m Lightning Dust.” She offered a hoof and Time Turner shook it. He turned to me.
“Hi, I’m Dawn Rider,” I said shaking his hoof. The next thing stupidly rolled out before I could stop it. “You’re really sexy.”
“What?” Time Turner said.
“What?” I echoed.
“What?” Derpy asked looking at me.
“What?” Lightning said doing the same.
“What?” I reiterated.
There’s a very long, very awkward silence that followed. The back of my neck broke out in a cold sweat as I mentally shot myself in the head.
“Uh… I'm sorry, I must have misheard you. What did you just say?” Time Turner asked.
“I said what,” I replied.
“No, before that,” Time Turner specified.
“I also said what,” I said, begging for the topic to be dropped.
“Before that.” Time Turner was irritated now.
With a sigh I told him. “I… called you sexy.”
“Ah,” Time Turner replied, expression unreadable. “So I did hear you correctly.”
My yellow face was beet red by now. “Can we just pretend I never said that?”
“No, I don’t think that’s possible,” Time Turner said. “But… for your sake I’ll pretend I never heard it.”
I breathed with relief. “Thank you.”
“I definitely heard it,” Lightning said.
“Me too,” Derpy added.
“Shut up both of you,” I hissed through clenched teeth. All three of them laughed. I would be glad we were getting along, but I’m not, considering it’s at my expense.
“You guys ready to eat?” Time asked, gesturing to the picnic.
“Hell yeah,” Lightning said. She’s the first one to sit down. Derpy giggled at her enthusiasm and pulled out food. Her choice of snack doesn’t surprise me.
“Blueberry muffins?” Lightning asked. “That’s an interesting choice for lunch.”
“Yeah,” Derpy replied with a slight blush. “I just… really like muffins. I hope that’s okay.”
“Of course it is,” Lightning said, ecstatic. “I love muffins!”
“Really?” Derpy asked, surprised.
“Yeah, they were practically the only thing I would eat as a kid,” Lightning said, digging into one.
“Wow,” Derpy realized. “I guess that’s something we have in common.” She inched closer to Lightning, and brushed her hair out of her face again. Lightning noticed this and started to raise an eyebrow.
“So, Turner,” I said changing the subject before we got into dangerous territory. “What do you do for a living?”
“I work with clocks,” he told me. “Building and repairing mostly.”
“You make it sound like you don’t do anything,” Derpy scolded. “When we both know you spend practically every hour of the day cooped up in that tiny workshop of yours.”
“Not every hour,” Turner replied with mock offense. Derpy rolled her out of sync eyes as Time Turner turned to me. “She thinks I don’t get out enough.”
“I bet you don’t,” I said. He huffed.
“So what do you do, Dawn?”
“You can just call me Rider,” I said. Nopony called me by my first name, mostly cause I hated it. So why did it sound so great when Turner said it? Maybe I should let him call me by it. Suddenly I became aware that I still had a question to answer. “I just work as a supervisor at the Weather Factory.”
“Really? I would think that with your Cutie Mark you’d have a different line of work.”
I glanced back to the silhouetted pony on my flank in the middle of dancing. Wait, did this mean Turner was staring at my plot?
“It’s kinda hard to make it as a dancer,” I replied. “Especially since I mostly do interpretive.”
“I’m sure you could make it,” Derpy said. “Have you ever actually tried?”
“I auditioned for a few musicals."
Lightning took a break from inhaling her second muffin. “Wow, a gay guy in a musical. How are you that much of a stereotype?”
“Be quiet,” I demanded.
“Did you make it into any?” Turner asked, ignoring the interruption.
“I did two back in college,” I said. “Manespray and Robin Hoof.”
“Wait, Robin Hoof?” Derpy asked. “I think I saw that one.”
“Was it at the Cloudsdale Community College Theater?” I asked with slight nervousness.
She gasped. “Yes! You were the Sheriff of Trottingham weren’t you?”
“Yeah,” I groaned.
Derpy clapped with delight. “I remember! You were so good. Though I thought your costume was... let's say hilariously bad.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be,” I said going for a muffin. “It was supposed to be a serious representation of medieval clothing.”
“Well it wasn’t, especially not with those unflattering tights.”
Lightning Dust erupted with laughter. “You wore tights?!”
The blood under my cheeks burned. “I said be quiet, or I’ll shove your muffin up your ass!”
“Hey, don’t disrespect my muffin!” Derpy said. At first I thought she meant the food she made for us, but the slight tinting of her cheeks told me ‘muffin’ might have been a cute little nickname for somepony.
I’m the only one who picked up on this, as Lightning is howled with laughter, and Time Turner fought to suppress his own.
“Well,” Turner said with the slightest chuckle. “You’ll have to let me know when your next musical is. I’ve just got to see it.”
“Don’t expect it to be soon,” I mumbled into my muffin. “I’m not exactly Bridleway material.”
“Don’t feel bad Rider,” Lightning said, coming down from her laughter high. “In all seriousness you probably could make it if you tried.”
“Thanks,” I replied. It was nice to have a little support, even if those old dreams had died years ago. “So Derpy, you got anything besides muffins?”
Derpy checked the basket. “A few daisy sandwiches if you’re up for them.”
I nodded, so did Time Turner.
“I’m good with just the muffins,” Lightning said. “Derpy, did you make these yourself?”
“Yeah,” Derpy bashfully handed me a sandwich. She tossed the other over to Turner, who gracefully dropped it on the ground.
“Well they’re wonderful. You’re an amazing cook.” Lightning told her, working on muffin number four.
Derpy went into a full on blush from that one compliment. I felt like I should interject before something went south, but I already bit into the sandwich.
“I’m glad you like them,” the gray pegasus said. “If you ever want them again I’d love to bake some more for you.”
“I may just have to take you up on that offer,” Lightning Dust said, licking the crumbs from her hooves and going for a fifth. I’d make a comment about the excessive eating, but considering Dust hasn’t had food in Celestia knows how long I save my breath.
“It’s such a nice day,” I remarked instead. “I wish I’d brought a Frisbee or something.”
“We could always race if you want to do something physical,” Lightning suggested.
“Oh sure, because that’s fair,” Time Turner lamented. “Three pegasi and an Earth pony in a race. I wonder who doesn't stand a chance.”
“It’s not like Derpy and I have much hope for winning,” I told him. “Dust is practically a professional athlete.”
“Really?” Turner asked, looking at her in modest admiration. “That’s impressive.”
“Well, not exactly,” Lightning said with a slight downtrodden tone.
“Oh quit the self-pity party,” I called out. “I’ve seen what you can do, and I guarantee the Bolt’s will be knocking down your door and demanding you join them before too long.”
She offered a smile, but dives for another muffin. Turner looked at me.
“What am I missing here?” He whispered to me.
“The Wonderbolt’s Academy kicked her out,” I whispered back. Time’s expression showed he knew not to press the issue.
“So who’s up for that race?” I asked, hoping to lift Lightning’s spirits a little.
“I’ll do it,” Derpy said. “I’ve got to see just how fast you can go, Lightning.”
“Okay sure,” she replied, leaving her fifth muffin halfway finished. I crammed the rest of the sandwich in my mouth.
“I’m going to sit this one out,” Time decided. “But I’ll at least be the referee.”
“Sounds good,” I said. I dug a line in the dirt. “We’ll do a lap around the lake, starting and finishing here.”
“Okay,” Lightning said, stretching her wings in preparation. All three of us took up our starting positions.
“Ready…” Time Turner called. “Set… Go!”
Lightning took off like a bullet, kicking up the dirt near Derpy and me. I spat, and wiped my eyes. I made it in the air right after Derpy. Glancing, I saw Lightning already at the halfway point.
As impressed as I was, I kept going. Derpy and I rounded the corner and we ended up neck and neck for the rest of the race. When we finally reached the finish line, Lightning was reclining on the ground.
Derpy pulled ahead of me at the last possible second, leaving me to cross last.
“Nice job guys,” Lightning said a little snarky. “I have to admit, I was on the edge of my seat wondering who would get second place.”
“Ha ha,” I muttered, a decent amount of sweat on my face. Derpy hovered over to Lightning.
“You were amazing,” she gushed, just a little short of breath. “I’ve never seen anypony move that fast.”
“Thanks Derpy,” Lightning said. “You did pretty great yourself.”
The gray mare’s face was already red from exertion, but I was willing to bet there was a blush hidden in there.
“Any food left?” Lightning asked Time, who was closest to the picnic basket. He checked.
“Just your half-eaten muffin,” he replied.
Lightning went over and popped it in her mouth.
“She’s pretty hungry today,” Derpy observed.
“Yeah, she uh… skipped breakfast,” I told her, leaving out the rest.
“Well that isn’t right,” Derpy declared as she walks over to Lightning. “Still hungry?” she asked, knowing the answer.
“Just a little,” Lightning says, realizing how much she’d eaten so far.
“If you want, we can head over to my house and bake some more muffins,” Derpy offers.
“Really?” Lightning asks, surprised by the offer. Derpy nods. “Sounds awesome, let’s do it!”
Realizing the situation could take a turn for the worse if those two were alone, I decide I need to go too. “Mind if I tag along?” I ask.
“Sure,” Derpy said. “I bet my daughter would love to meet the Sheriff of Tights-ingham.” I groaned loudly while Lightning laughed. Derpy turned to the fourth member of our party. “Time Turner, do you want to come too?”
“Sounds like fun,” he said with a light smile.
“All right, let’s go!” Lightning yelled, taking off.
“Wait Lightning, you don’t know were I live!” Derpy called out, flying after her.
I decided to walk after them alongside Time Turner. He looked at me and said, “You know, Derpy didn’t tell me she’d gotten a marefriend.”
“Marefriend?” I asked. “Oh, you mean Lightning. No, they’re not uh… dating.”
“Really?” Time Turner replied. “That’s not the impression I’ve been getting based on how Derpy’s acting around her.”
“Yeah,” I responded. “She’s just a little infatuated is all.”
“More than a little,” Time replied.
I’m silent for a moment. “Turner?” I asked. “Can you keep a secret?”
“Depends on what that secret is, Rider,” he replied.
“Lightning Dust isn’t gay,” I told him.
“What?” Turner asked, his pupils widening. “But Derpy said they met in a gay bar! If she was straight why would she be in one of those?”
“Long ass story, that’s why,” I replied. “But please don’t tell Derpy.”
“How can I not tell Derpy?” Turner asked. “She’s one of my best friends, and I can’t have her be led on like this.”
“She’s not being led on,” I justified. “You’ve got nothing to worry about." He gave me a look displaying absolutely no faith. "Look, Derpy will stay infatuated for a little while, realize dating Lightning won’t be in her best interest, and move on.”
Time Turner shook his head. “Uh-uh, I know Derpy, and that’s not how she works. She’s falling for her, Rider, and it won’t end well.”
I cringed inwardly. “Isn’t there a chance my plan will work?”
“Not a snowball’s in hell,” Turner said. “But for your sake and hers, I hope I’m wrong.”
Author's Note
I wrote this during the span of two ten-hour car rides. My ass hurts now.
Anyways, a lot happened this time around, one of the bigger things being Time Turner's introduction into the story. Let me know if you like his presence and how I'm writing him, but if you don't just know now that I already have plans to put him in future chapters.
Also, it looks like Derpy ain't doing the best job of keeping her feelings hidden... I wonder how that's going to turn out.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
“Lightning Dust, please slow down a little!” Derpy cried out. She was going as fast as she could, but was still losing ground to her aqua-marine friend.
How in Equestria can one pony be this fast? Derpy thought. Then another question popped into her mind. How could the Wonderbolts not want her?
Lightning finally turned her head around and saw how far behind everypony was from her. She halted in mid-air and waited for Derpy to catch up. When she looked back the gray pegasus saw that Time Turner and Dawn Rider were still a ways away. They appeared to be talking.
“Whoops,” Lightning said, drawing Derpy’s attention back around. “Sorry. I keep forgetting how slow you guys are.”
“I’m not slow,” Derpy argued, giving Lightning a nudge. “You’re just fast.”
Her friend grinned wildly. “Yeah, I know.”
Derpy giggled at Dust’s bravado. It was definitely one of her cutest traits. Wait… cute? She realized. No Derpy, don’t think like that. You’re just supposed to be Lightning’s friend and nothing more.
“So are we almost there?” Lightning asked, interrupting her thoughts.
“Oh… uh, just about,” Derpy told her. Lightning nodded glad they were almost at their destination. They flew in slow silence for a moment. It was clear to Derpy that her friend had a question on her mind; just the expression was enough to give it away. “Something you wanted to ask?”
“Huh?” Lightning said. “Uh, yeah.”
“Well go ahead,” Derpy told her. “You can ask me anything.”
Please ask me out, the desperate part of her screamed.
Shut up, brain!
“You mention earlier that you had a daughter. I was just wondering how you could have one and all given that… well… homosexuality and such…”
Derpy gave a short laugh at that. “I adopted her, silly.”
“Oh right,” Lightning said. “That makes sense. Though, if you don’t mind me asking… why?”
“What do you mean?” Derpy asked.
“It’s just… you can’t be more than a few years older than me,” Lightning said. “So why did you adopt her when you’re so young?”
Derpy frowned a little. “It’s a bit of a long story.”
“Can you give me the condensed version?” Lightning asked. “Otherwise my curiosity will drive me up a wall.”
The gray pegasus sighed reluctantly. “I was actually nineteen when I adopted her. You see, all throughout high school I only dated one mare, and when we graduated we were certain that we’d be together forever. We wanted to start a family right away. So we adopted Dinky and raised her together for a few years.”
“What happened?”
“I screwed everything up,” Derpy said bluntly. “We got into this huge fight about something that was all my fault and… she just left me.”
“What? How could she do that?” Lightning asked, stunned.
“Pretty easily actually,” Derpy responded. “Ponyville hasn’t legalized gay marriage – mostly cause our mayor is a bit of a tool – so there wasn’t any divorce paperwork needed. She just packed up and moved out. We didn’t even fight over Dinky. I signed the adoption papers, so I was her legal guardian. There were absolutely no strings attached for her, and now I’m a single mom at twenty-three.”
Lightning Dust was stunned into silence for a moment. “T-that isn’t right.”
“I know; I couldn’t believe it either.”
“But I thought you said you two were in love,” Lightning protested. “You were together for years. How could she just leave you and Dinky like that?”
“I left out a lot of details,” Derpy replied. “After all, you wanted the condensed version.”
“Well what’s the full version?” Lightning demanded. Derpy looked away.
“Look Lightning, it’s not exactly something I like to relive.”
“Oh,” the aqua-marine pegasus said, realizing the uncomfortableness of the topic.. “Sorry… it just makes me so angry that somepony would do that to you.”
“It does?” Derpy asked, her cheeks feeling a little warm.
“Of course it does,” she said. “You’re my friend, and quite possibly the sweetest mare I’ve ever met. Knowing that somepony hurt you like that just makes me want to punch them in the face.”
“Wow,” Derpy said, her blush deepening. “T-thanks Lightning.”
“I’m serious. If you ever see her again, just call me and I’ll bash her snout in for you,” she affirmed.
Derpy smiled warmly. She was touched that Lightning was willing to physically maim her ex in an attempt to make her feel better. She was also a little disturbed, but mostly touched.
“Hey is that your house up there?” Lightning Dust asked. Looking ahead Derpy saw a familiar wooden home of modest size.
“Yep,” Derpy replied. Her home was getting larger by the second, so the two pegasi slowed their flying and landed on the ground mere feet away. Derpy turned to head to gage the progress of Rider and Turner. They were specks in the distance.
“Hey move it you two!” Lightning yelled at them. They showed no signs of picking up their pace.
“Let’s just go in,” Derpy decided, turning back to her door. “They’ll catch up soon.” She turned the knob and gently pushed her way into her home.
As they entered, Derpy observed Lightning Dust look around in slight awe.
“Wow,” she said. “Your home is very nice.”
Derpy blinked once and took a good look around her house. The cheap furniture had an unhealthy layer of dust coating it, the photos on the walls were crooked, and the plastic vase full of flowers she kept for decoration were drooping and hadn’t been watered in days.
“Nice?” She asked incredulously.
“Well, nice compared to where I’ve been staying,” Lightning amended.
Derpy furrowed her brow, the statement picking at her curiosity. “Where-”
“Mommy!” A high-pitched voice squealed with excitement. Turning around towards the living room, Derpy smiled and barely had time to brace herself. Dinky bounded into her mother’s outstretched hooves with joy-fueled hop.
“Hello, my little muffin,” Derpy said to her daughter.
“I missed you, mommy,” the unicorn filly said, squeezing her adopted mother tightly. It was adorable that she felt that way, even if Derpy hadn’t been gone for more than an hour or two.
“Aw, I missed you too, Dinky,” Derpy assured her. She kissed the small filly on her forehead.
“Uh,” Lightning Dust interjected. “I kinda feel awkward just standing here.”
“Oh right,” Derpy suddenly remembered her friend was right next to them. She set her daughter back on the floor. “Dinky, this is my friend, Lightning Dust.”
“Hi,” Dinky chirped, happy to meet a new pony.
“Hey kiddo,” Lightning replied with a smile.
“Lightning Dust?” A new pony’s voice said. Derpy turned to see Sparkler entering the room. The pink unicorn glanced at he Lightning and suddenly gasped. “Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! You’re the pony that Derpy lo-”
“Sparkler!” Derpy suddenly interrupted through clenched teeth. “Glad to see you’re still here. I’d like you to meet my good friend Lightning Dust. Say hi, Lightning.”
“Uh… hi?” Lightning said, perplexed by the situation unfolding. Sparkler looked just as confused.
That was too close, Derpy realized. I’ve got to separate these two.
“Hey, Dinky,” She said.
“Yeah mom?” Dinky asked.
“Lightning here was hoping to bake some muffins with us. Could you take her into the kitchen and get started? I need to have a quick chat with Sparkler.”
“Okay!” Dinky replied. “Come on Ms. Lightning, I’ll help you get started!” The filly grabbed one of Lightning’s green hooves and began dragging her into the kitchen; she was overly excited to bake one of her favorite treats.
As her friend was pulled out of the room, Derpy released a sigh of relief. Sparkler was still wearing of look of confusion.
“What was that all about, Ms. Derpy?” She asked.
“Sparkler, listen to me very carefully,” Derpy said. The teenager leaned in. “Lightning Dust and I… we aren’t dating.”
“What?” Sparkler cried. She was quickly shushed by the gray mare, who was paranoid that Lightning would overhear them. “But… the rose… the dancing… the doves…” Sparkler murmured each part of her asinine fantasy and Derpy shook her head at all of them.
“Sorry Sparkler, but none of that’s happening as of now.”
“B-but why?” She asked. “I thought you liked her. Why didn’t you ask her out the second you saw her again?”
“It’s… complicated,” Derpy replied.
“I don’t get it,” Sparkler mumbled. “You like her, and she likes you, right?”
“Actually,” Derpy said. “I… uh… I don’t know if she likes me that way. I didn’t ask her out because-”
“You don’t even know if she likes you!” Sparkler exclaimed. Derpy cringed, fearing Lightning heard. When no reaction came from the kitchen, she relaxed. “How can you not know?” Sparkler continued. “Is it not eating you up inside? How can you stand it, not knowing if the mare you have a crush on likes you back? Why, if it were me I’d-”
“Sparkler please stop,” Derpy interrupted. The last thing she needed right now was this crazy filly putting ideas in her head. “Just… don’t mention my feelings to Lightning, please. Right now she needs a friend, so that’s what I’m trying to be.”
“Okay,” the pink unicorn agreed. She still looked a little upset that Derpy was still without a marefriend.
“You wanna stay for muffins?” Derpy asked, knowing it would cheer her up.
Sparkler smiled. “Totally.”
“Well come on then, I’m sure they could use our help.” They began walking towards the kitchen, only to be interrupted by an opening door.
“Thanks for waiting for us,” Dawn Rider said with a sardonic voice.
“Sorry,” Derpy returned with an equal amount of sarcasm. She watched as he and Time Turner entered, and she noticed the brown stallion was carrying her picnic basket. “Oh thanks for grabbing that,” she said. “I’d completely forgot.”
“Yeah, we doubled back to grab it,” Turner informed her. “It’s kinda why we took so long.”
“Well I appreciate it,” Derpy said, taking the picnic basket from him and haphazardly tossing it aside. “Come on, if you hurry, we can still help with the muffins.”
“Uncle Time Turner!” a pale purple filly screeched in delight. She bounded over the kitchen table – nearly knocking over Lightning Dust who was in the middle of stirring something – and latched onto the stallion right next to me. Turner exhaled from the force of the unexpected hug.
“Heya Dinks,” he said patting the little filly on her head. “Glad to see you.”
“You don’t come over often enough,” the filly told him.
“What are you talking about?” Turner said. “I was here just last week.”
The filly shakes her head. “No, that was almost three weeks ago.” She squeezed him a little tighter.
“Really?” Time Turner glanced at her. “I could’ve sworn I wasn’t in the workshop for that long.”
“Geeze,” I interjected. “For a guy who works with clocks, you don’t really have a good sense of time.” The filly hugging Turner giggled while he scowled at me.
Derpy and her pink unicorn friend appeared behind us. She grinned at the cute display of her daughter hugging her friend.
“All right Dinky, let him go.” Her daughter released Turner, then she looked at me curiously.
“Hi,” she said slowly.
“Hello,” I reply.
“Oh right,” Derpy said, face-hoofing. “Where are my manners? Dinky, this is my friend Rider. Rider, Dinky.” She turned to the pink teenager behind her. “And this is Sparkler.”
I nodded a quick hello, which she returned with a wave of moderate indifference.
“You didn’t tell me you had two daughters,” I bluntly said. Judging by the reactions that followed, I was far from the truth.
“Oh no, Sparkler’s not my daughter. She just foalsits for me sometimes,” Derpy said with a light laugh.
“Yeah, I’m a little old to be her daughter,” Sparkler agreed.
“Right, right. My bad,” I said. Damn, that’s my second worst first impression of the day. Bucking fantastic.
Derpy laughed. "I honestly can't believe you thought that, Rider. I mean seriously, I'm too young to have a daughter Sparkler's age."
The pink unicorn joined in. "Yeah, I'm guessing that wasn't your brightest moment." My ears burned.
“Hey are we going make some muffins, or stand around hammering in the fact that Rider is awkward?” Lightning Dust quipped.
“Lets bake some muffins,” I decided for everypony, mainly because I feared what their answer might've been.
“Good, cause this was almost as bad as when you called Turner sexy,” Lightning said with a smirk.
“Gah! Lightning stop bringing that up… Grrgh!” I held out my hooves and feigned strangling her.
Sparkler snorted back a burst of laughter. Derpy, Lightning, and Dinky didn’t try to hold back their giggles. Time was… well, Time was doing his best to pretend like nothing was happening.
“Hehe, you’re funny,” Dinky told me. I did my best to crack a smile.
“If you thought that was funny,” Lightning Dust said. “Just wait till you hear about the tights.”
“Okay, muffin time,” I demanded. Thankfully, the topic of my tights was dropped.
The next two hours went by in a blur. A very, very loud blur.
Before that afternoon, I had considered muffins to be nothing more than a tasty snack. Now I was thinking I need to reclassify them as a way of life. Derpy, her foal, Sparkler, -and hell, even Lightning Dust - were taking muffin making way too seriously.
It seemed like every half-second one of the girls yelled at me and Turner to stir faster, or check the oven. When they weren't doing that, they were bent over in concentration over their own work, not making a sound. Somehow I managed to work up a greater sweat baking muffins than when I raced Lightning and Derpy.
At the head of it all sat Dictator Dinky, barking orders at everypony and sampling the muffin batter at her leisure. It really didn’t help when Derpy and Sparkler humor her by following her little decrees.
Mercifully the oven dinged, signifying the end of our final batch of muffins.
“Thank Celestia,” I muttered, yanking open the door and snatching out the tray. I wasn’t even wearing oven mitts anymore; I’d been around the heat so much that I was used to it. “We’re finally done.”
“Aww,” Dinky whined. I couldn’t tell if she was upset about running out of ingredients to bake more muffins, or because now she couldn’t boss everypony around. “Do we have to stop?”
“I’m afraid so, Dinks,” Turner told her. “But now we get to eat them all!”
“Assuming six ponies can even digest twelve dozen muffins,” I muttered under my breath.
“Actually, it’ll be just the five of you,” Sparkler amended for me. “My mom will probably flip out if I don’t get home soon.”
Dinky popped over to her foalsitter and gives her a hug. “Do you have to go?” She asked in probably the sappiest voice I’d ever heard.
“Unfortunately,” Sparkler replied. She gave Dinky a pat on the head. “I’ll see you in a few days, all right kiddo?” Dinky nodded, but still needed to be pried off the pink unicorn by her mother.
“Goodbye Ms. Derpy,” Sparkler said. “Good luck with the… you know… things…”
Derpy’s crossed eyes dart around and the faintest hint of pink flare on her cheeks. I found myself narrowing my eyes at the whole ordeal in curiosity. I didn’t have anymore time to catch on however, because Sparkler waves goodbye to the rest of us and walks out the door.
“Okay then,” Time Turner spoke up. “We’ve got five ponies and twelve dozen muffins. With some careful math I think we can make it so everypony gets-” He found himself cut off by the sounds of Lightning Dust scarfing down the treats.
“Lightning!” he yelled.
“Wuht?” She asked, mouth full.
“Every muffin for themselves!” Dinky declared, dashing toward the table and grabbing an exposed tray. Derpy giggled.
“But… my math…” Turner complained.
“Ah don’t be a wuss about it,” I said wrapping a hoof around him. (Not gonna lie, I might’ve blushed when I did that.) “Just go grab some before they’re all gone.” I gave him a light shove forward.
I saw a gray mare head for the table as well. “Hey Derpy,” I called out, suddenly remembering something. “Mind if I talk to you for a sec?”
She glanced back at the table. “What about the muffins?”
“There’s over a hundred there,” I informed her. “They’ll be plenty by the time we’re done.”
“Okay,” she reluctantly agreed. I led her out of the kitchen and into the next room. “What do you want to talk about?”
“It’s more of a favor I need to ask you for,” I told her.
Her eyes widened. “What do you need? Advice? Directions? Bail money?”
“No, I…” I paused for a second. “Why did you assume I need bail money?”
She shrugged. “I have a friend who gets drunk, does dumb stuff, and winds up in jail quite a bit. So… yeah, I tend to assume bail money whenever somepony asks for a favor.”
“Okay then,” I said slowly. “But anyway, the favor isn’t for me, it’s for Lightning. She needs a job.”
“She does?” Derpy asked, peaking back into the kitchen at the pegasus who currently had three muffins in her mouth.
“Yeah, she’ll be evicted soon if she can’t pay rent. I was thinking you might know a place around Ponyville that would take her.”
Derpy thought for a moment, then her eyes suddenly brightened. “Oh yeah, I definitely know a place that’s hiring!”
I smiled. “Awesome.”
“Hey guys, you better hurry up!” Lightning Dust called from the kitchen. “Dinky’s already claimed the lion’s share!”
We walked back in to the kitchen to find Dinky holding six trays of muffins close to her body. Derpy giggled at the sight. I slid on over to the table and grabedb the nearest blueberry muffin. After taking a quick bite I looked at Lightning. She was already halfway through her own tray.
“Hey, Derpy’s got a job you might be interested in,” I whispered to her.
“Really?” She said excitedly. “That’s – hic – great!”
I snickered. “Looks like somepony’s got the hiccups.”
“Shut – hic – up,” she promptly said.
Dinky and Turner laughed. “I guess you shouldn’t have eaten so fast,” I taunted her. A muffin hit me in the snout, but I joined in with the others and chuckled. A little huffy, Lightning got up to talk to Derpy.
As they left, I looked at Dinky’s hoard. I myself have claimed no muffin trays and find the table to be already divided up between everypony else. Scowling slightly I took a bite of the only muffin that I have.
“Any chance I could coax you into giving me a one?” I asked Dinky. Teeth deep in her treats, the filly shook her head. “Great.”
“You can have one of mine,” Time Turner offers.
I glanced at his muffin stash. “No thanks,” I tell him. “I’m not a big fan of banana nut.”
“Whatever,” he said, going back to eating.
Don’t worry Time Turner, I think to myself. The next time you offer me a nut, I’ll definitely take it!
…
Sweet Celestia, I’m a pervert.
Deciding to move one from that, I began to devise a way to get some of Dinky’s blueberry muffins. My eyes dart around the room as my mind wanders, before a pack of cards lying forlornly on a cabinet catch my attention. Suddenly a smile cracks on my face, as I know how to get those muffins.
“Hey, Dinky.” She looked up at me. “Have you ever played poker before?”
As Rider took a seat at the table, Lightning followed Derpy into the nearby room so they could talk without being disturbed. Truth be told however, Lightning was just a little nervous about being alone with the bubbly pegasus. Sure, they were friends and all, but Lightning still felt awkward about when they first met and Derpy… kissed her.
Even though she had been assured that everything was all right, Dust was still nervous about being alone with her friend. She was going to power through it though. After all, they were best friends, it was bound to happen eventually.
“So you think you – hic- found me a job?” Lightning asked Derpy, voice full of hope. The gray mare giggled at the hiccups. “They're not that funny,” Lightning Dust growled.
“Oh yes they are,” Derpy argued. “But if you really want them gone, just hold your breath.” Lightning Dust complied for a moment, and it appeared her hiccups vanished.
“Anyways, you think you found a job for me?”
“Absolutely,” Derpy replied. “That is, if you want it.”
“Of course I want it,” Lightning told her. “I’ll take what I can get. Uh… for curiosity’s sake though, what did you have in mind?”
The gray pegaus grinned. “Well there’s an opening at the post office. I was thinking that would be perfect for you.”
“What’s so perfect about it?” Lightning asked.
“Well you have to fly really fast to deliver all the mail, and you like flying fast, so I figured…”
“Hey, I like other things besides flying fast,” she protested. Derpy blinked, her out of sync eyeballs looking curiously at Lightning.
“Like what?”
They stood in silence for a moment, Lightning Dust struggling to think of something.
“… Okay fine, the job’s perfect for me.” Derpy grinned wildly. “Are you sure the post office will hire me?” Lightning asked.
“Oh don’t worry, you already got the job,” Derpy assured her.
“What? But I didn’t even go to an interview or anything. How…?”
“The head of the post office just decided to hire you, that’s how,” Derpy said.
“But I don’t even… wait a minute,” Lightning realized. “You?”
Derpy grinned. “Me.”
Suddenly Lightning’s green hooves were wrapping around Derpy in a hug. “Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!” Lightning said enthusiastically. “You have no idea what this means to me!”
“Heh, no problem Lightning,” Derpy said, fighting back a blush. Before she could work up the nerve hug Lightning back, the embrace ended.
“So when should I come in for work?” Lightning asked.
“Well, let’s see,” Derpy said. “Tomorrow’s Sunday, and there’s no post on Sundays. How about Monday?”
“It sounds good to me,” Lightning Dust told her. “I can’t believe we’re going to work together.”
“Yeah, it’ll be great,” Derpy agreed. Lightning grabbed her hoof.
“Come on, let’s go tell everypony the good news.” She pulled Derpy back into the kitchen.
“All right guys, I’m all in,” Dinky said as they entered. The filly began adding several muffins into a large pile in the center of the table.
Lightning took an intrigued look at the scene unfolding before her. Rider, Turner, and Dinky were each holding their own set of cards, and staring intensely at each other. It seemed like they were playing some sort of game that involved betting.
“Well I fold,” Turner suddenly said, putting his cards down.
“I’m in,” Rider says, tossing his few muffins into the pile. Lightning glanced over at Derpy, who was watching with an open-mouthed stare.
“R-Rider!” she suddenly yelled, drawing three pairs of eyes her way. “Are you teaching my daughter how to gamble?”
“Noooooo,” A very shameful looking Rider denied. Derpy drilled him with her crossed eyes. “Okay fine, yes.”
“That’s it,” Derpy declared. “Game’s over.”
“Aww, but mom,” Dinky protested. “I was just about to win!”
“Yeah right,” Rider said. “I’m calling your bluff.”
Dinky snickered. “Jokes on you then, Rider. Four kings.” She laid her cards on the table and Rider threw up his hooves in defeat.
Lightning watched the whole ordeal with confusion, having never played poker – or any card game – in her entire life. Dinky reeled in her winnings joyfully.
“I can’t believe this,” Rider mumbled. “That filly’s a wizard or something.”
“I think you just got hustled, Rider,” Turner said.
“Hey!” Derpy barked, drawing everypony’s attention again. “No more gambling, I’m serious.”
“Okay mom.” Dinky frowned.
“Come on Derpy, don’t punish Dinky for this. It was my idea,” Rider interjected.
“I know,” Derpy said. “I was talking to you.”
“Oh.”
Derpy squinted at him really hard, and Lightning felt like she was about to crack up. Rider was acting like a foal being scolded by his parents.
“Anyways, we actually did have something to tell you guys,” Lightning said, smiling. “Derpy just hired me to be a mailmare!”
“Hey congratulations!” Turner said.
“Yeah that’s… great,” Rider said with the slightest hint of hesitation.
“You’re going to be working with my mom?” Dinky asked Lightning. She nodded. “Cool!”
“I’d love to give you a huge celebration and all Lightning, but I think it’s time I head out,” Time Turner suggested.
“But you just got here Uncle Turner,” Dinky complained. “Please don’t go just yet.”
“Sorry Dinks, but I’ve been away from the workshop for too long as it is. I promise it won’t take me three weeks to come and visit again.” He ruffled the filly’s golden hair then got up to leave.
“Okay,” she said, still a tad mopey. “You should visit again too, Rider. It would be fun to beat you at poker again.”
“No poker,” Derpy affirmed.
“Fine, fine,” Rider said. “I’ll teach her how to play bridge instead.”
“Rider!”
“I’m going,” he muttered. “See ya later Dinky.” The little filly waved. “Bye Derpy. Bye Dust.”
“Later,” Lightning said. And just like that, she was alone with Derpy again. Well, Derpy and Dinky. Feeling the fear of awkwardness looming, Lightning said. “I should probably head out too.”
“Oh,” Derpy said, looking a little dejected. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, pretty sure,” Lightning said, knowing no place she could go right now would be better than Derpy’s home. Unless of course it was the Wonderbolts Academy, but the odds of that happening were…
Lightning pushed the painful thought away.
“Well, goodbye.”
“Oh wait, before you go,” Derpy said. She ran over to the table and scooped up one of the remaining trays of muffins. “Here, these are for you.”
“Whoa, really?” Lightning asked. “For me?”
“No, for the wall. Yes for you, silly,” Derpy said. “Go on we still have like, eighty or so. These won’t be missed.”
“Thanks Derpy,” Lightning said happily accepting the tray. “You really are something else.”
Was it just her, or were Derpy’s cheeks looking a little red?
“Well… goodbye,” Derpy said.
“Bye,” Lightning replied, stretching out her wings and flying towards the door.
“Goodbye Lightning Dust!” Dinky called out.
“See ya around, kiddo!” she said back.
Leaving through the front door, Lightning looked down at her tray of muffins. They were chocolate chip flavored. Somehow, Derpy had given Lightning her favorite kind of muffin, be it coincidence or intuition. Lightning Dust smiled, knowing that Derpy was completely unaware of just how much she had just done for her.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Lightning Dust glided above the small town of Ponyville, taking in a long, refreshing breath of upper-atmosphere air to wake herself up. It was way too early in the morning to even consider being awake. Celestia’s sun had only just crested above the horizon after all. However, Lightning had to get up early, mainly because she was an idiot.
It hadn’t been until last night that she realized she’d bolted out of Derpy’s home without learning when she was supposed to show up for work. Upon realizing that, she had forced her self out of bed early in the morning, shoved her last two chocolate chip muffins in her mouth, and rocketed out of her front door.
Now she was looking down with intense focus. Her vision, tempered to unconsciously search for details from years of aerial practice, was set on finding the post office. Just another thing she had forgotten to find out from Derpy before leaving.
“Bucking fantastic,” she muttered to herself. “I don’t even know where to go, on top of when to be there. At this rate, I’ll be employee of the month in no time.”
After a few more minutes of searching, Lightning finally settled on a building that appeared to be post office. She came to this glorious assumption due the image of giant envelope on the front of the building.
This was actually a trend she had been noticing about Ponyville. In Cloudsdale, buildings were identified usually by cloudscrawl, a method of imprinting words onto each fluffy, white building and then freezing the rainwater in the clouds in order to make the impressions last. Obviously, Lightning realized cloudscrawl was more or less useless to ponies living on the ground, but she had assumed that they would just write words on the buildings instead.
Apparently that option was far too logical for the denizens of Ponyville. Aside from a post office, Lightning had already found a restaurant marked with a giant hayburger and soda, and a bowling alley represented by bowling balls and pins.
She landed in front of the post office still thinking about the asinine signs of Ponyville. In actuality, they were hardly anything more than an slight annoyance to Dust. The reason she was dwelling on it for probably longer than she should, was because it was change: something she wasn’t used to, and something that – coincidentally – had been happening a lot lately.
Her green hoof pushed the glass door of the post office. It didn’t budge.
Lightning sighed. “Locked.” She turned, let her back hit the door, and slid down onto the ground. “Great. Just great. Celestia knows how long I’ll be sitting here now.”
“Not long,” a cheerful and familiar voice told her.
Whipping her head around, Lightning saw Derpy standing right beside her wearing a goofy grin on her face.
“Hey,” Lightning said her voice a mixture of sleepiness and happiness.
Derpy squinted her eyes as the rising sun beamed light into her face. “Why are you here so early?”
“Oh you know,” Lightning said with fake casualness. “Just wanted to get here early… Show my enthusiasm… and stuff…”
“You didn’t know when to come, did you?” Derpy asked.
Offering a sheepish grin she replied, “Nope.”
With a humored smile, Derpy revealed her key to the post office. Lightning scooted aside as her friend began unlocking the door.
“For the record,” Derpy told her. “We start at eight thirty everyday, well, except Sundays and Thursdays.”
“Oh, okay,” Lightning said as she mentally filed that away. “So why are you here so early?”
The door clicked open and Derpy pushed. “I always try to get here first. It gives me a chance to get a pot of coffee started for everypony and make the schedule for the day.” She walked in, Lightning not far behind.
“That’s pretty nice of you.”
“Thanks,” Derpy said with a smile. The lights were flipped on and revealed the interior of the post office. Lightning had never been inside one before, but she guessed this would be what the typical post building would be like. “Follow me.”
Derpy led her behind the counter and toward a door marked: Employees Only. Lightning felt a smidge of pride knowing that she was allowed back there. Derpy unlocked this door and allowed her to step through first.
“Welcome to the break room,” Derpy said proudly. Dust glanced around, examining the simplistic décor and furniture of the tiny room. There were a set of lockers at the back and near them was a counter with a lone coffee pot sitting on it. Directly in front of that sat a table with a few chairs, and to the left was another table – only this one was different. It was upholstered with a green fuzzy material and had several colored balls on it. The mere sight of it confused Dust.
“What the hay is that?” She asked, pointing to it.
“Oh, that’s our pool table,” Derpy replied, walking towards the lockers.
“That doesn’t look like any pool I’ve ever seen,” Lightning retorted, causing her friend to giggle furiously. “What?”
“Come on,” Derpy said. “We’ve got to get you a mailmare’s uniform.”
At the word uniform, Lightning’s mind immediately thought of her Wonderbolt’s uniform. The one she’d never be able to genuinely wear again. She cringed inwardly.
Don’t focus on that, Lightning thought. Just focus on something else, like Derpy. Her friend was currently bending over to open the lock. Her plot was coincidentally – and probably unnecessarily – arched high into the air because of this.
… Okay, don’t focus on Derpy then. Lightning quickly shifted her gaze to the coffee pot, and stared it down until the click of the lock opening was heard.
“Got it.” Derpy smiled. She reached in and pulled out some neatly folded clothes and a brown saddlebag. Extending them to Lightning she said, “This is Raindrop’s uniform. She’s on maternity leave right now, so you can use hers until we can order a one for you.”
“Thanks,” Lightning said, taking the uniform. Derpy reached back into the locker and grabbed her own uniform.
The gray mare slid the navy blue vest on and buttoned it with ease, and followed up with her saddlebag and matching navy hat. Lightning tried to duplicate the action, but found increased resistance from the brass buttons on her vest.
“Need some help?” Derpy offered, seeing her struggle.
“Yeah,” Lightning admitted. “I’m not used to buttons.”
Her friend moved close, and with her hooves she dexterously began fixing the vest. “It takes a lot of practice unless you have magic,” she explained. “Honestly, I think unicorns invented them just to buck us over.” Her hoof brushed against Lightning’s chest lightly as she finished. Her gray face bloomed red and she backed up. “T-there, all done.”
“Thanks,” Lightning said without noticing the blush. She put on the saddlebag and set the hat on the top of her head, pushing the front of her wavy, golden mane outward slightly. “How do I look?”
“Adorable,” Derpy said with absolutely no hesitation. Then she went ridged, realizing what she’d just called her friend.
“Uh…” Lightning responded. “Why did you just…”
“Because… uh,” Derpy said, attempting to recover quickly. “Good friends call each other adorable all the time. Yeah, that’s it.”
“Oh,” Lightning replied. “Then… you look adorable too… I guess?”
Derpy blushed even harder, but turned away so Lightning wouldn’t notice. “Thanks. Hey, I’m gonna get some coffee ready for the other mailmare’s and then we should get to work.”
“Okay, but you should know I not really familiar with the layout of Ponyville. I don’t think that’ll help my mail delivering abilities.”
“Relax,” Derpy told her, preparing the coffee. “I'll help you out and show you around for your first few days. That is, if you don’t mind working closely with me.”
“Not at all,” Lightning affirmed with a smile. She was actually kind of excited to get started.
“How the hell do you carry all these things?” Lightning whined. She hovered low to the ground, her bags stuffed full of envelopes and packages. “It’s like I’m holding a bucking anvil!”
“Quit your complaining,” Derpy reprimanded. “I gave you the lighter of the two loads.”
Dust grunted in reply. They had barely begun, but she was already having second thoughts about being a mailmare. “Can we stop and rest for a minute?” She pleaded.
Derpy glanced back at her friend with an expression that held absolutely no pity. “We’ve only done three houses so far.”
“I know, but my back is starting to hurt, and the corners of these packages keep poking my sides.”
“Boo hoo,” Derpy teased. “We aren’t stopping till it’s lunchtime.”
“How long is that?”
“Four hours… maybe five.”
“Buck my life.”
Derpy giggled, and flapped her wings to gain some elevation. “Oh come on, with all the training you say you’ve done I expected better than this.”
Lightning attempted to catch up with Derpy’s altitude, but was too weighed down. “That was speed training, and it didn’t involve lifting eighty pounds of paper and cardboard for hours at a time.” Another corner jabbed her side. “Oww,” she hissed.
Swooping back down, Derpy seemed to take pity on her friend. “All right fine, how about we deliver all the big packages first. That ought to lighten your load.”
Lightning nodded gratefully. She reached into her saddlebag and grabbed out the fiendish box that just poked her. “This one says it’s going to somepony named Rarity at Carousel Boutique.”
“Oh yeah, I know where that is. And lucky for you it’s not far either.” Derpy motioned for her to follow and then began to fly down a new street.
Lightning took note of the sigh that said Mane Street as she passed. She was slowly building a map of Ponyville in her head. Seeing as how Dust was going to be a mailmare indefinitely – though at the current rate she might just quit today – she felt it was a good idea to learn her way around.
Derpy was weaving further ahead of her, the bulky load of the mailbags apparently not affecting her. Lightning struggled to keep up with the gray mare, only to have another package from hell stab into her sides.
Eventually Derpy came to a halt in front of a fancy looking building. Dust’s wings were begging for a break by the time she arrived and she landed on the ground.
“Here we are,” Derpy said.
“Great,” Lightning replied. She went straight over to the mailbox, and began to open it.
“Uh, Lightning I don’t think the package will fit,” Derpy told her.
As Dust began to jam the package in, only to find that it was too wide. She glanced back and saw her pegasus friend smirking.
“Shut up,” Lightning told her. She rotated her focus back to the package. “All it needs… is a little… fetlock grease…” Lightning pushed harder with each breath. The corners of the package bent around the edge as it was forced into the tiny mailbox. She could practically feel Derpy wincing at the sight, but pressed on.
When the package hit the back end of the mailbox, Lightning was satisfied, and closed the lid. It popped open again, as the very edge of the package was sticking out. Grunting, Lightning tried to close it several more times only to be met with the same results. Frustrated, she slammed the lid shut as hard as she could, hearing a satisfying snap as the mailbox was closed. Gingerly, she propped the little flag on the side to the up position.
“There,” she said, dusting off her hooves. “Flawless delivery.”
“I’d hate to see what the flawed ones look like,” Derpy muttered. After earning a look from her friend she amended the statement. “It’s only your first day, Lightning. You’ll get better.”
“Hopefully,” Lightning said. “It would suck if you had to fire me.”
“Uh-huh,” Derpy agreed. “Anyways, we should move along. There’s still a ton of mail to deliver.
“You’re telling me,” Lightning said, maneuvering into takeoff position. A new package attacked her ribs. “Ow! Son of a bi-”
The lid on the mailbox popped back open with a defying clink.
She whipped her head at the insolent beast and glared at it angrily. “Oh, buck you,” she hissed at it. When Lightning turned back around she saw Derpy holding her hoof to her mouth. That, coupled with a red face and a snort, let Lightning know her friend was barely suppressing a laugh. Lowering her eyelids, Lightning said, “Let’s just keep moving.”
The following couple of hours showed remarkable improvements in her mail delivering skills. At the very least, there were no more encounters with resilient mailboxes from hell. Lightning even began getting used to the weight of the mailbags – though the fact that they were getting lighter after each stop may have contributed to that.
They saw several ponies that Derpy recognized on their journey, and though only waves and basic pleasantries were exchanged, Derpy promised to introduce Lightning around when they weren’t on duty.
“So what’s our next stop?” Dust asked, on the ground. Both mares had shifted to walking, because even with lighter mailbags, earlier had really worn them out.
Derpy glanced at the next few letters. “It’s Time Turner’s place.”
“Nice. We should say hi while we’re there,” Lightning suggested.
Her friend nodded. “Yeah, I haven’t seen him since Saturday, so it’ be nice to check up on him. I hope he’s not overworking himself again.”
“Is that normal for him?” Lightning asked. Derpy ruefully nodded.
“I wish it wasn’t. He really needs to socialize more. We’re some of his only friends, and I can’t even remember the last time he went on a date.”
“I bet Rider wouldn’t mind filling that slot,” Lightning joked. The two mares erupted in laughter as they kept walking.
“Actually, truth be told I don’t know if Time Turner swings that way,” Derpy said. “I’ve never seen him go for a stallion before, but in all honesty I’ve never seen him go for anypony before.”
“You never asked him?” Lightning inquired.
“No. I mean, you don’t just ask somepony what their sexuality is.”
“Fair enough. I kinda feel bad for Rider though. If he makes a move and finds out Time doesn’t like stallions…”
“Oh Celestia, that would be so awkward.” Derpy agreed. She stopped walking then, and Lightning looked around. They were standing in front of a single story building that had a large clock right above the front door. Looking through some of the windows, Lightning saw a variety of watches and timepieces decorating the inside.
“Turner’s place?” she guessed.
“Turner’s place,” Derpy confirmed. She went up and pounded on the door with her hoof. “Hey workaholic, open up!”
“It’s unlocked,” a muffled grunt from inside told them.
Derpy pushed open the door and the two of them walked in. Time Turner was standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by glass cases filled with watches of all sorts.
Turner himself looked like he hadn’t slept or bathed since Saturday. His hair was unkempt and tasseled, and signs of stubble were poking from his lower jaw. His green tie was crumpled and dangling from his neck loosely. His eyes were slightly red, and dark circles hung from his eyes, likely formed from exhaustion. Currently he was bent over with a small tool in his mouth winding up a watch.
“Should I be horrified at the sight I’m seeing?” Lightning asked under her breath.
“This is just a typical Monday for him,” Derpy informed her. “Trust me, I’ve seen worse.”
“Are you done talking about my appearance?” Time Turner asked as he spat out the tool. Both Lightning and Derpy forced sheepish smiles, realizing he’d overheard. “So what’s up?”
“Mail delivery,” Derpy said, setting his envelopes on a nearby table filled with – surprisingly – more clocks. “Also I came to check and make sure you hadn’t died in the last few days.”
“My appreciation is staggering,” Time deadpanned. “And how are you Lightning? The job of a mailmare treating you well?”
“Eh, it’s a’ight,” Dust said, doing her best to sound laid back and cool. The three of them dissolved into light-hearted laughter instead. “In all seriousness though, I think it’s pretty cool.”
“Despite the fact that you lost of fight with a mailbox?” Derpy slyly said. Turner snorted back some laughter. Lightning’s cheeks erupted red.
“I did not lose a fight with a mailbox!” Lightning shouted through her embarrassment.
“Well you certainly didn’t win,” Derpy retorted. Lightning huffed.
“You know, I was starting to forget how much fun you two are to be around,” Turner admits. “We should all hang out more.”
“How about tonight, then?” Derpy suggested. “The Dizzy Weasel is open on Mondays, I think.”
“You want to go drinking on a weeknight?” Turner asked, baffled.
“Yeah, we kinda have work tomorrow,” Lightning interjected.
“And you have a six-year-old at home,” Turner added.
Derpy rolled her out of sync eyes. “We don’t have to get drunk every time we go to a bar.”
“Blasphemy!” Lightning declared.
“I’m serious,” Derpy continued. “It’ll be nice to just hang out some more. We can even stop by Rider’s place after our shift and invite him along.”
Turner’s eyes darted to the side momentarily. “Yeah sure,” he said with some hesitation.
Noticing this, Lightning pounced on the opportunity. “What’s the matter Turner? You worried that the next time you see Rider he’ll call you sexy again?”
Derpy giggled, and the chestnut stallion’s ears tinted red.
“Or,” Lightning amended. “Are you worried that he won’t?”
Both mare’s arched their eyebrows at this question, curious to what Turner’s answer might be. He opened his mouth, paused, and said, “I’ll see you tonight I suppose.”
“Aw, come one, answer the damn question,” Lightning demanded.
Time Turner returned to his work, ignoring the fact that she had spoken. After a few more pokes and prods, the two mares decided to leave Time’s ego alone and left his shop.
“So, The Dizzy Weasel,” Lightning said. “That wasn’t the name of the gay bar in Cloudsdale was it?”
“No, it’s called The Lickety Split,” Derpy told her. “The Dizzy Weasel is just a small pub across town.”
“Okay, I guess that makes more sense, what with Time’s lack of wings and all.”
To this Derpy nodded. Around the same time Lightning’s stomach gave a hearty rumble.
“About ready for lunch?” Derpy asked. Another rumbling noise answered the question. “Alright then.” Derpy smiled. “But let’s try to knock out one more delivery before we do.”
“Fine,” Lightning reluctantly agreed.
Derpy reached inside her mailbag. “Huh,” she said. “Looks like there’s one more package in here.” She pulled it out. It was small, around the size of a book, but it was in a small brown box, so she couldn’t be sure.
“Who’s it for?” Lightning asked, eager to get the delivery out of the way. Derpy checked the tag.
“It says it’s for Rainbow Dash.”
Lightning froze in her tracks upon hearing the name. She blinked rapidly, unsure if she had heard right. Derpy took note of her friend’s hooves being spontaneously glued to the dirt.
“You okay?” She gently prodded, slipping the box back into her bag.
“That depends…” Lightning said slowly. “W-who was it you said we need to take the package to?”
“Her name’s Rainbow Dash,” Derpy said merrily, continuing to walk. “She’s actually an old acquaintance of mine, back when we worked on the weather team together.”
Lightning didn’t reply; she was in a state of disbelief.
“You know, I think you’ll like her,” Derpy said, looking back. “The two of you are so… similar… Lightning, are you coming?
“Huh?” She replied. “Oh, right.” Unfurling her wings, Lightning slowly flew to catch up to her friend.
Derpy started talking again, probably reminiscing about her time on the weather team with Dash. Lightning was not listening in the slightest; her brain was having a minor panic attack.
Buck. Buck. Buck. Buck , she internally screamed. Okay, calm down. It’s not the end of the world, alright? You just have to deliver mail to the pony who basically stole your position and crushed your dreams. She let that sink in for a moment. Damnit, it is the end of the world.
Lightning briefly toyed with the idea of bailing. She was certainly fast enough to disappear before Derpy noticed, but it was a bad idea. Not only would it probably cost Lightning her job, but Derpy would not doubt take it personally and then their friendship would be in jeopardy.
Just tough it out, Lightning thought to herself. You can do this. In fact, she’s probably still at the Academy… Great, like I needed to think about that. Bottom line, she isn’t home.
“We’re here.” Derpy words broke through Lightning’s arguably thick skull.
“Huh?” Lightning asked, suddenly taking in her surroundings. There wasn’t a building around for another twenty yards.
“We’re here,” Derpy reiterated. “This is Rainbow Dash’s home.”
Despite inwardly cringing at the sound of her name, Lightning managed to say, “But… there’s no house or mailbox or… anything.”
The gray pegasus next to her giggled, then pointed skyward. Arching her neck back, Lightning saw the last thing she expected to see near the ground.
“A cloud house?” she asked in disbelief.
“Yep,” Derpy replied.
“I had know idea you could get one so far from Cloudsdale,” Lightning admitted.
“It is pretty rare,” Derpy told her. “Dash could only afford it after some big promotion on the Weather Team.
Does everypony on this planet have a nicer place than me?
“Let’s just deliver this thing and get some food,” she said, trying to move quickly.
“Sure, we can-” Derpy suddenly stopped, one of her eyes catching sight of something. Lightning glanced in that direction. A blue pegasus was flying towards them, a rainbow trail following her.
Recognition slapped Lightning across the face.
Oh hell no!
“Uh, hey Derpy?” she asked, desperate to get out before Rainbow Dash saw her. “Can I uh… take a real quick break?”
Her friend blinked in confusion. “But we’re just about to go to lunch, why would you…”
“Smoke break!” Lightning interjected. “I… uh… really need a smoke break.” She started inching away, a cold sweat had formed on her forehead. Dash was almost on top of them.
“But you don’t smoke,” Derpy perplexedly said.
“I’m about to start,” she declared. Lightning turned and bolted, leaving Derpy behind.
She didn’t stop running until she had rounded the nearest corner. While she exhaled a shaky breath of relief, Lightning pressed her back against the nearest building.
“I’m sorry Derpy,” she whispered. Then, “I’m a bucking coward.”
It wasn’t like she had much of a choice though. If Dash had seen her, she would have definitely made a scene. That was the last thing Lightning needed when she was trying to get her life back on track. Not to mention Derpy would probably hate her if she knew the full truth regarding her expulsion.
I made the best choice possible, Lightning thought. Besides, it wasn’t actually running away. I’m just taking a smoke break… without any smoking…
She tried in vain to console herself using that thought as she waited for Derpy to finish the delivery.
Derpy watched as Lightning ran away for her “smoke break”. She wasn’t even sure what to make of it.
“Was it something I said?” she murmured to herself. It couldn’t have been, unless offering somepony lunch was considered a social taboo in Cloudsdale or something. Though given Lightning's appetite she severely doubted the pegasus would've been upset about getting food. So what could it have been?
The corner of her eye saw Rainbow Dash land on her cloud home and she was reminded of the package she had to deliver.
I’ll ask Lightning what was up at lunch, she decided. Unfurling her wings, Derpy flew up to Rainbow’s home, and landed with soft clouds beneath her hooves.
“Hey Rainbow,” she called out. The blue pegasus had been about to go inside, but she turned around when she heard Derpy’s voice.
“Hi Derpy,” she said, flying over. Derpy noticed that Dash was wearing a blue and yellow uniform. A Wonderbolt’s uniform, she realized. Just like Lightning’s…
“You got some mail for me?” Rainbow asked.
“Yeah, just a package. I think it’s a book.”
“No way!” The rainbow pegasus exploded with happiness. “It must be the new Daring Do! Now I’m glad I got the next few days off from the Academy.”
“Academy?” Derpy inquired. Suddenly the oh-so-obvious pieces snapped together. “That’s right! You’re in the Wonderbolt’s Academy, aren’t you?”
“Yup,” Dash said, still dripping with pride over her accomplishment. “We’re out for two days right now cause the ‘Bolts had a special mission to do, but once they get back we’re going to be training hardcore for the rest of the month.”
“Sounds cool,” Derpy said, reaching back into her mailbag. “You know, I recently met a pony who was in the Academy.”
“Was?” Dash asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, she… had to leave,” Derpy vaguely said. “But you probably got a chance to meet her. Her name’s Lightning Dust.”
Rainbow Dash’s entire demeanor changed upon hearing that name. Her relaxed, devil-may-care posture suddenly tensed, and her eyes narrowed.
“Lightning Dust?” she asked, checking to be sure.
“Yup, that’s her name,” Derpy concurred. “We’ve gotten to be great friends over the past few days. She’s fun, fast, and so cute and-”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Rainbow Dash said. She placed a hoof on the gray pegasus’ shoulder. “Derpy listen to me. Lightning Dust is not the kind of pony you want to associate with.”
“W-what?” Derpy asked.
“She’s bad news,” Rainbow said. “As well as reckless and self obsessed. I don’t know how close you think you are to her, but it’s best if you back out now.”
“Excuse me?” Derpy exclaimed, her blood curdling with sudden anger. “Just who do you think you are to say something like that? Lightning Dust is already one of my closest friends, and she is nothing like what you just described.”
“Do you even know what she did?” Dash asked, not wanting to be backed into a corner. “Do you know why Spitfire had to kick her out of the Academy?”
Derpy hesitated for a single moment, realizing that she didn’t know that piece of information. Noticing this, Rainbow got a smug sort of look on her face. It practically caused Derpy’s vision to turn red.
“I don’t care what you say!” she shouted in return. “I may not know why she was kicked out, but I doubt you even know her side of the story. And besides, Lightning is amazing and wonderful and hilarious and I really, really like her!”
She yanked out Rainbow’s book and threw it over the side of the clouds without a second of hesitation. “So get your own mail from now on, you jerk!”
Derpy jumped off the cloud and flew to the ground, leaving a stunned Rainbow Dash in her wake. Once she landed, Derpy ran off in the direction Lightning had disappeared. She found the aqua-marine mare propped up against a wall.
“Hey,” Lightning said. Upon noticing Derpy’s post-shouting face she asked. “Are you mad at me?”
“No,” Derpy said. “I’m not mad at you. I just… Let’s go get some lunch. I’ll tell you about it later.”
“Okay, sure,” Lightning said without a pause. “I think I saw a restaurant on my way into town, let's head there.” She began walking, fueled by hunger. Derpy followed, but she was feeling conflicted.
For the first time she found herself wondering why Dust had been expelled from the Academy, and couldn't help but think of some horrible reasons why it happened. Nevertheless, she followed her friend, hoping answers would come after they had full stomachs, and her head was a little clearer.
Author's Note
Feel free to call me out if I butchered the English language.
Or leave a comment telling me how awesome my writing is... that works too.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Mini-Chapter One: Lunch Break
Mini-Chapter One: Lunch Break
Despite the large array of food in front of her, Derpy did not feel like eating. She poked at her hayburger and onion rings aimlessly, blinking only when it suited her. Her peripheral vision told her Lightning Dust was eating, but it was very slow and unenthusiastic. The events of earlier had spoiled both of their appetites.
She inhaled noisily, and then let it out in the form of a long sigh, trying to get Lightning to say something. They hadn’t spoken since arriving at the restaurant, and it was more than a little awkward, especially given the elephant in the room.
Finally, Lightning set her half-eaten hayburger down.
“So…” she said as nonchalantly as possible. Bits of food sprayed onto the table as she did, and Derpy noticed she was still chewing “How’d the delivery go?”
“Probably would’ve gone better if you’d been there,” Derpy mumbled.
Lightning swallowed. “I highly doubt that.”
“It couldn’t have gone much worse is what I mean.”
“Seriously, how did it go?” Lightning asked sincerely.
“… I might’ve... screamed right in her face,” Derpy admitted. Dust blinked in surprise at this, her eyebrows arched in the air and silently beckoned for more details. “It’s just that she said some really rotten things about you. I don't know why I snapped so hard.”
“What did she say?”
“She called you reckless, and self-obsessed, and said I shouldn’t associate with you.”
There was a brief pause after that. Lightning actually looked ashamed, an emotion Derpy had never seen on her face before. It made her stomach kind of sour just looking at it.
“Why aren’t you denying it?” She asked.
“Because it’s true, Derpy,” Lightning said ruefully. She barely had time to process the onion ring that hit her across the snout. “Hey!”
“Don’t think like that!” Derpy argued. “Never think like that. Lightning, you’re an amazing pony!”
“No I-”
“Yes you are!” Derpy protested, pounding the table with her hooves. “Rainbow was lying. She had to be.”
“She wasn’t Derpy,” Lightning dejectedly said. “She has every right to think that way about me. After what I did…” she trailed off.
Derpy blinked in confusion. “You mean at the Academy?”
“Oh,” Lightning murmured. “So she told you then.”
“No, I refused to hear it,” Derpy said. “If anyone should tell me what happened it should be you.”
“Really?” Lightning asked. “Why? Not even Spitfire was interested to hear my side of things.”
“Well Spitfire wasn’t your friend,” Derpy told her. “I am.”
A smile weakly crawled onto Lightning’s face. “Okay. The truth is… I nearly killed some ponies.” As she spoke the words Lightning cringed, expecting an outburst of some kind. When none came she glanced quizzically at Derpy.
“Go on,” the gray mare told her.
Lightning relaxed just a little bit, grateful for the lack of judgement. “It was a routine training drill. Rainbow Dash and I were just supposed to clear out a whole bunch of clouds out of the sky. We were doing just fine, but I got a little impatient. I wanted to be the first team done cause I thought it would impress Spitfire. I suggested we make a tornado to, you know, speed things along. Dash didn’t argue or anything, so I figured my idea would work but… we lost control.” She paused.
Derpy’s out of sync eyeballs held no judgment. She was just listening intently.
“There were five ponies in a balloon coming through the clouds. I didn’t see them in time, and they sure as hell didn’t see that tornado coming. Anyways, Rainbow saved all of them while I just hovered nearby with a slack jaw. She told Spitfire what happened, and Spitfire kicked me out.”
“So it was all an accident?” Derpy asked.
“Well, yeah,” Lightning said. “I would never have tried to actually hurt anypony. I just wanted to show that I was Wonderbolt material.”
“So Dash was wrong then,” Derpy told her. “You aren’t a bad pony, you just made a mistake.”
“A mistake that nearly killed five ponies!” Lightning erupted, slamming her hoof into the table. Various bystanders shot a few glances, but nopony dwelled on it.
“Well, do you feel bad about it?” she asked after a brief pause.
Lightning nodded, having calmed down slightly. “I feel like shit every time I think about it.”
“Good,” Derpy said. Her friend shot her a heated stare and she elaborated. “If you really were a bad pony, you’d have no remorse for any of that.”
“I guess you’re right,” Lightning half-heartedly agreed. She could tell her friend was hardly convinced though.
Derpy leaned in. “Hey, remember the other day when we all baked a crapload of muffins, and despite how hungry you were you let my daughter take as many as she wanted before you started eating?”
“Yeah.”
“Would a bad pony have done that?”
“I guess not,” Lightning admitted with a shrug.
“You’re damn right,” Derpy said happily. She reached her hoof across the table and placed it on her friend’s shoulder.
Lightning smiled. “You’re too good a friend to me.”
“You’ve got to stop saying things like that, Lightning,” Derpy insisted. “Self-pity doesn’t look good on you. Also I might just have to hit you with another onion ring.”
“Okay fine,” Lightning agreed. “No more self-pity for this mare.”
“Hooray!”
“So what are you going to do about Rainbow Dash?” Lightning asked.
“What do you mean?”
Her friend shrugged. “It just sounds like the two of you didn’t leave off on the best of terms. Don’t you want to fix that bridge instead of burning it?”
Derpy thought on it for a second. “I guess I should, but only if she apologizes for the things she said about you.”
“I am okay with that,” Lightning stated.
She reached for her hayburger and began stuffing her face with much more gusto than before. Her appetite had apparently returned.
Derpy didn’t attack her food nearly as maliciously as Lightning Dust. She still wasn’t even a little hungry. Since Saturday both she and Dinky had been eating muffins at an exceptionally alarming rate in order to keep them from going bad. The muffin binge was starting to catch up to her now, as her appetite was all but diminished. Actually, at this point she could stand to skip a few meals. Taking in so much raw muffiny goodness was starting to show on her hips, and the last thing she wanted was for Lightning to think she was getting fat.
Or for any of your other friends to think that, Derpy thought, trying in vain to convince herself that it wasn’t only Lightning Dust’s opinion she cared about.
She watched the aqua-marine mare as she scarfed down her food. Her cute muzzle was slathered in ketchup and bits of hayburger, and her wavy golden hair was falling loosely across her forehead. Dust shoved the final bite into her mouth greedily, her pearly teeth on display for anypony to see. Derpy was so engrossed in watching her friend that she wasn’t even worried about Dust staining her borrowed uniform.
It’s not fair, Derpy lamented. How can she be that adorable when she’s being a total pig?
Lightning unceremoniously licked her hooves, sending Derpy’s heart into a small flutter. She looked up to see the gray mare staring at her and their eyes met. Neither spoke for a moment.
“Hey Derpy…”
“Yeah?”
“Are you going to eat your food?”
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
To Drink, Or Not To Drink
Paperwork.
A bucking shitload of paperwork.
That pretty much sums up my day at the office, and every previous day leading up to that one.
I slammed the last cloud request form into my completed work pile, which was actually more of a tower now that I thought about it, and started rubbing my tired eyes. It did very little to assuage them, and I switched tactics.
A full solid minute of blinking later, I felt somewhat better. Leaving my desk behind, I punched my time card and made my way to the exit. Even though I worked on the sixth floor, the window openings were wide and spacious to allow employees to leap through and take flight. It didn’t really matter though, since a six-story drop onto clouds wouldn’t do any real damage anyways.
My gaze fell on the window right down the hall. Unfurling my wings I tilted my neck to the side. It cracked with a satisfying pop, releasing my workday stress.
Shifting into takeoff position, I hear a grating voice that forces me to freeze. “Hey there, Dawny.”
Dammit. I got back into standing position and turn. Staring at me with a stupid smirk on his orange face was Fiscal Policy.
My relationship with this one particular co-worker was… complicated. I supposed the fact that he was born and bred for the office world - where as I had been forced into it - made us natural enemies, but there was more to it than that. Fiscal was the kind of pony that eliminates anyone in his way to get what he wanted, and I had sorta been competing with him for a promotion for a while now. (I say sorta competing because the only reason I'm doing it is to get on his nerves). Because of this, he took advantage of every opportunity to verbally assault me and out preform me at the same time, all while taking a certain satisfaction in it.
There was a word for ponies like this, but I can’t seem to think of it. It’s on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't quite… oh right.
Douchecanoe.
“Hi, Fiscal,” I deigned. “What do you want?”
“Now Dawny, can’t a guy just talk to his pal without being interrogated?” There he goes using my first name again. And not just my first name, an unbearable nickname version of it. He knew I hated it too, otherwise he wouldn’t use it.
Gritting my teeth, I replied “We would have to actually be pals first.”
He chuckled. It’s the kind of chuckle that would make ponies think he kicks puppies for fun. “True, very true. Pleasantries aside, I notice you’re already leaving.”
My eyes rolled reflexively. “Obviously. Monday’s over, so what’s the use of sticking around?”
That damnable chuckle again. “Let’s just say our boss favors ponies who work extra hours for little compensation.”
So that’s it. Fiscal was working unpaid overtime to ingratiate himself for the promotion.
“So that’s how you spend your Monday night? Ass kissing?” That got to him. His eyelid twitched in annoyance, but he proceeds undaunted.
“Call it what you want, but at least I’m making progress, unlike you.”
Yeah, because I don’t want to be promoted. Spend even more of my life working at this Celestia-forsaken factory? No thank you.
“Well if you’re done wasting my time, I have somewhere to be.” I said, returning to takeoff position. I lept forward and begin flying towards the window.
“Right, right. I wouldn’t want to keep you from sucking any dick tonight.” Fiscal calls after me.
If it were possible to skid to a stop in mid-air, I would have. Whipping around I looked at the smug bastard as he delicately waved goodbye.
You did not just go there, I thought. I knew that tool was a tool, but this? It was low.
My hooves touch the cloud flooring and I march right up to him. Fiscal doesn’t look the least bit concerned.
“You are an asshole,” I tell him matter-of-factly.
“Excuse me?” he scoffed.
I leaned in close. “Ass. Hole.”
He shut his mouth, teeth clenching firmly. I could see a fiery hate breaking out behind his eyes. As much as he wanted to, he can't seem to think up a decent retort.
I don't exactly wait around for one either. My wings were back to flapping, and I was making my way to the exit as fast as I could.
The second I clear the window, I breathed a sigh of relief. Dealing with Fiscal was the worst way to end a Monday. It left a bad taste in my mouth.
I actually didn’t feel like flying home. Descending, I landed on the soft, cushy clouds below and began a slow trot to my house.
“Hey, there he is!” a voice that makes my ears perk in recognition says. I turned around to two familiar faces: Derpy and Lightning.
“See I told you he got off work at this time,” Derpy claimed to the green mare at her side.
“How’s it going, Rider?” Lightning asked me.
“Hey girls, what’s up?”
“We need to talk to you,” Derpy said. Suddenly the puzzle pieces click together. Today was there first day working together… and clearly my last day of living.
Without a doubt they had figured out the rouse I’d been pulling on them. Lightning knew Derpy still had a crush on her, and Derpy knew Lightning wasn’t gay, and now they were both here to kill me for being an a total ass – which I couldn’t rightly deny.
I cringed and said, “Look guys, do whatever you want to me, but I just want you to know that I’m sorry.”
There’s a pause as both mare’s blink in confusion. I realized my mistake too late.
“Sorry for what?” Lightning asked.
“Uh…” I’m dumbfounded that my white lie is holding. Thinking fast I answered with, “I’m sorry for randomly apologizing for no reason.”
Derpy giggled at the absurdity of my statement, and pressed no further.
“You’re always weirder than the last time I see you,” Lightning informed me.
I shrugged, grateful to escape unscathed with the lie still intact. I should have a Cutie Mark for kicking problems down the road.
“Anyways.” Derpy was back on topic. “We were hoping you’d be up for a night at the bar?”
“What, like now?” I inquired. Was she kidding? It’s a flippin’ Monday! I won’t deny that alcohol would be welcome after such a subpar day… but was she really serious? “I kinda have work tomorrow.”
“Yeah, so do we,” Lightning mentions. “That ain’t stopping us.”
Derpy nudged her. “You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to. I was just hoping the four of us could have a nice time.”
“Four?”
“Well yeah. You, us, and Time.”
Based on Lightning’s snort of laughter, I guess my facial expression is somewhere in between ‘lovestruck dunce’ and ‘stupidly embarrassed’. With a shake of my head I reset my face and gave a solid, “y-yeah sure, sounds like a plan.”
“Awesome,” Derpy declares. “We gotta go then. By the time we reach Ponyville, Luna will be finished raising the moon.”
She took flight immediately, tufts of cloud blow upwards in her wake.
“Aren’t we going to The Lickety Split?” I asked.
Lightning rolled her eyes. “Of course not. Time’s an Earth pony, remember?”
“Oh yeah.” I felt stupid now.
She noticed this, and put a hoof on my shoulder. “Relax dude. You’ve probably just been staring at his plot so much you forgot to notice.” She immediately took off, causing a gust of wind hitting my face as a result.
“Yeah, I guess your ri— Hey wait a bucking minute!” I looked to see her snickering as she put distance between the two of us. “Lightning Dust!” I shouedt violently, lifting off as fast as I could.
The Dizzy Weasel was small. Like, really small. The actual bar had maybe five stools max, and there wasn't even a stage for live music or anything of the sort.
Actually, I take that back, there was a stage. It consisted of unused crates and a microphone stand lacking an actual microphone. If some ponies made an attempt, they might fit two whole bodies on it.
While I’m took in the whole scene as we enter, my friends honed in on whatever they want. Time was to my right, staring at the one clock on the wall, which appeared to be broken; he was likely thinking of ways to fix it. This was in spite of the fact that the poor stallion was supposed to not be working at the moment. Lightning was to my left, staring at the alcohol this bar had on tap – of which there are only two – and likely thinking how much more variety The Lickety Split has. This was in spite of the fact that she only drank cider.
Derpy was leading our little platoon since she knew her way around. Unconsciously, we all agreed to steer clear of the bar stools tonight. There were only five after all, and the bartender probably wouldn’t be happy if we hogged the majority of them all night. She leaded our motley crew towards a booth in the back, while Lightning broke away to order.
Time sat down first, and I grabbed a spot on the opposite end. This was partly because it should keep Derpy and Lightning separate – I did not trust that gray mare to keep her hooves to herself – but also because I wanted a little distance from Turner. I was unsure if he is still upset regarding the ‘you’re sexy’ comment and didn't exactly want to push whatever boundaries he had.
Derpy ended up in the spot next to me, and boldly declared, “All right guys, cider’s on me tonight.”
Turner blinked. “Are you sure?”
The question was met with a vigorous nod. “Totally. This is my idea anyway.”
Lightning returned, somehow balancing a giant mug of apple cider, and four individual glasses. Delicately, she placed everything down before plopping in the seat by Time Turner.
“Now get ready for the best cider of your lives,” Derpy told us.
I arched an eyebrow inquisitively. “The best, huh?”
“All the apples are locally grown, so it’s as fresh as possible,” Turner let me know.
Dust poured us all a full glass, and began gulping hers down.
I inched mine to my lips, before finally trying some. The flavor was vibrant, much more so than the cider up in Cloudsdale. And Turner was definitely right, it was the freshest I’ve ever tasted. Feeling the golden ichor slide down my throat, I doused my tongue with some more.
Lightning’s halfway through with her first glass already, but Time and Derpy aren’t that far behind. I noticed the chestnut stallion still had his tie tightly wound around his neck. It kind of irked me that even off work he still didn't seem to want to relax. It was kind of the same way at the picnic too.
“Hey,” I said, my mug on the table. “Why don’t you loosen your tie a little?”
He finished sipping. “You trying to get my clothes off, Rider? Cause I’m warning you now, it’ll take more alcohol than this.” The mares of the group erupted in laughter, alcohol blasting from their nostrils.
My cheeks flushed. Now he’s teasing me? I thought through my embarrassment. Well damn, he’s even sexier than before.
“Ah, so you’ve figured out my hidden intentions then,” I said, playing along. This friendly little bit of teasing may turn out to be a chance for flirting. “And here I thought I was being so subtle.”
“Subtle as a freight train,” Derpy remarked.
I shot her a glare but it does no good. At least Turner was laughing. I decided to shift the focus away from me for a while.
“So Lightning,” I asked. “How was your first day on the job?”
She tipped back her glass to finish it off before responding. “Eh… there were ups and downs.”
Derpy nodded concurrently. This picks at my curiosity a little. If the two of them hadn’t figured out the dual lies I’ve been feeding them, then what could have put a damper on Lightning’s first day of work? Besides, of course, the work.
“Care to elaborate?” Time asked, clearly thinking the same as me.
The two mares shared a look, then dive right back into their alcohol.
“I guess not,” I said.
The following silence is about as awkward as they come. Lightning and especially Derpy caused our cider supply to dwindle. The scene around us changed rapidly, as more patrons than I expect enter in order to booze up for the night.
One purple mare who appears to be drunk before even entering the bar stops at our booth, blinks slowly at the sight of Derpy, and smiles.
“Hey Derpster, wassup?” Yep, definitely drunk.
“Oh, hi Berry,” Derpy replied. It surprised me that she acknowledges the nickname ‘Derpster’ at all. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Ain’t nothin’ – hic – fancy about it. You know this is where I spend my Friday nights.”
“Actually, it’s Monday,” The time conscious Turner informed her.
Berry’s eyes blinked even slower this time. “What?”
“Monday,” I said, hoping she’ll catch on soon. “As in, the bane of everypony’s existence.”
There’s a pause as this slowly registered with her.
“Damn, that was a lot of whiskey,” the intoxicated mare muttered under her breath. “Hey, Derpster, I gotta bounce. If it really is Monday, then I’m kinda – hic – screwed.”
“Oh, okay,” Derpy says. “Bye.” I doubted Berry hears her though. She was already stumbling off.
“That was… interesting,” Lightning commented.
“You know her?” I ask Derpy. She ruefully nodded.
“Who do you think I have to give bail money to?” she replied, reminding me of our conversation on Saturday.
“Okay then.”
“Don’t get me wrong, she’s a great friend… when she’s sober.”
Lightning smirked. “So I’m guessing she’s never a great friend, then?”
We all laughed to that.
“If I ever end up that drunk, somepony please stop me,” Time insisted.
“Relax,” I heard Dust say. “You’re way to stiff for that kind of hard-core drinking.
He pouted – rather adorably – and took a long chug from his glass in an effort to prove her wrong. A second later he tore the mug away, gagging. The table dissolves into laughter again, Derpy at the forefront of it all.
“Haha,” Turner said, wiping his mouth.
“Sorry,” Derpy apologized for us. “But it was just too funny.” She giggled some more.
“Yes, yes, it’s all very funny. Isn’t it,” Turner leaned in, “Derpster?”
Derpy’s face flushed as he says the name. “Seriously? Please don’t call me that. It’s bad enough that it’s a nickname of a nickname.”
“Wait, what?” Lightning asked. “What do you mean ‘nickname of a nickname’?”
We all stared at her, and it suddenly dawned on me that none of us ever told Lightning that ‘Derpy’ wasn't Derpy’s real name.
“You mean you don’t know?” Turner asked her.
“I am completely lost right now,” Lightning responded.
“Derpy isn’t actually my name,” Derpy tells her. Lightning’s jaw hits the table.
“What?”
“You mean you really didn’t know?” Turner asked.
“No!” Lightning shouted over the background noise of the bar. “How was I supposed to? You guys never told me!”
“You never asked,” I said.
“That’s not the point,” Lightning grunted. “How was I supposed to know to ask you?” I shrugged. She turned to face Derpy. “So… what is your real name then?”
Derpy squirmed. “Is it really important?”
“Yes!” Lightning said. “How can I call myself your best friend when I don’t even know your real name!”
“Oh for the love of Celestia,” I interjected. “It’s Ditzy Doo, are you happy now?”
Time Turner shot me a look that told me I’m wrong. I turned to Derpy and her face gave me the same answer. “Wait… it’s not?”
“No,” Derpy replied. “That one’s still just a nickname.”
Now it was my jaw’s turn to hit the table. The very day I met Derpy she had been going by Ditzy Doo. At least, that’s what all her friends had referred to her as, and it was months after that when she was given the name ‘Derpy’. I had always assumed…
“So what is your real name?” I asked, now as curious as Lightning. Only Time was not joining in, but I supposed that makes sense. He’s known Derpy the longest.
“Guys, lay off,” he piped up. “She doesn’t have to tell you if she doesn’t want to.”
“But I want to know!” Lightning protested.
“Lightning–“
“Bright Eyes,” Derpy whispered. “My name is Bright Eyes.”
Dust and I blinked simultaneously. Derpy – or should I call her Bright Eyes? – looked downward sadly. I can’t help but think her parents were trying to be cruel to her. With a name like that… given her eyes… no wonder she prefers Derpy.
“You can probably guess why I never go by it,” she said, practically reading my mind.
“Derpy…” Lightning whispered.
“Look, it’s just a name, it doesn’t matter okay?” Derpy said. “It doesn’t make a difference if I go by Bright Eyes, or Ditzy Doo, or Derpy. Nothing about me changes anyways.”
We're quiet for a moment.
“You’re right,” Lightning said. “Nothing about you changes.” Time shot her a glare but she completely ignores it. “Because you’re still the most kickass, awesome mare I’ve ever met.”
Derpy looked up, meeting Lightning’s eyes when she hears that.
“You mean that?” she asked.
“Hell yeah I do!” Lightning said. “You’re even cooler than Spitfire.”
At this point, I had no idea whether Lightning Dust is saying this in earnest, or if she’s just laying it on a little thick because she can tell Derpy needed a confidence boost. Either way, it’s sweet of her.
Derpy seemed to think so as well, her gray cheeks blooming red. She attempted to hide it by guzzling what’s left of her alcohol. Everypony else partook as well.
The last of the cider was poured into Derpy’s glass and she drained it in a few gulps. She swayed in her seat and I prop her upright with a fetlock. Clearly, the mare has had too much to drink tonight. Well over her limit. Her blush hadn’t receded in the slightest, despite her intake of alcohol.
“I’m going to go grab us a refill.” Lightning got up.
I nodded and let her go, but I doubted I’ll drink anymore. After all, I still needed to fly home. Come to think of it, so does Lightning. Turner on the other hoof hasn’t even finished his first glass. He pressed it to his lips to sip some more.
Derpy watched Lightning saunter off, her blush on full display. With an enamored sigh, she said, “I’m going to kiss her so hard.”
The following spit take from Turner drenched me.
“What!” we simultaneously cried.
Derpy slammed her glass on the table. “I’m going to kiss her. Hard. On the mouth. And probably get a filly boner because of it.” She stood, and began stumbling after Lightning, who was already at the counter.
Turner shot me a glance, and I can tell he’s just as worried as me. Both of us know what will happen if Derpy goes through with her drunken plan, and neither of us wanted that.
“You distract Lightning,” I said, already halfway out of the booth. “I’ll stop Derpy.”
We clamored forwards, shoving a few bar patrons out of our way in the process. Turner blocked Lightning’s view just as she began to turn around. I grabbed Derpy by the foreleg.
“Hey, let’s chat,” I told her, dragging her away from Lightning’s general direction. There’s a bathroom at the other end of the bar, so I went there. She squirmed and struggled but I don’t let go.
“Rider,” she whined.
I pushed open the door to the bathroom, only just now realizing it’s the mare’s room but it’s too late to change my mind, and headed in.
“You can’t be in here,” she told me, noticing the gender-specific room we’re in. “Mare’s only.”
“Well then pretend I have a vagina for the next few minutes,” I said. Derpy snorted back a laugh at my asinine comment, but still tries to walk out. I put myself between her and the door.
“Let me out, Rider,” she demanded.
“Not likely, Derpy,” I told her. She wants to maneuver around me, but I don’t let her.
“Come on, Rider, please. I have to kiss her after that, don’t you see?”
I shook my head. Truth was, I could see why. Derpy just went through a low point, and Dust said some of the sweetest things she’d probably ever said to the mare to get her out of it. If it had been me and Time in that situation, I would have definitely kissed him. And screwed him, but that’s another subject entirely.
A mare tries to get into the bathroom, but my body stops the door from opening.
“What the bu–”
“Occupied!” I call out. She huffed loudly and walked away, grumbling about how ponies shouldn’t be having sex in a public bathroom. If I wasn’t gay I might’ve blushed.
“Seriously though, Derpy, you can’t kiss her.” I turned back to the booze-filled mare.
She stamped her hoof on the bathroom tiles. “Why not?”
“You know why!” I told her. “Getting kicked out of the Wonderbolt’s Academy destroyed her. She doesn’t need you throwing yourself at her at a time like this.”
“You don’t know anything,” Derpy yelled. “She’s fine! We had a talk about it earlier today.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, unsure if she’s lying or not. The last time I checked, Wonderbolt’s Academy was not a topic of conversation whenever Dust was in the room. “You still shouldn’t kiss her, though.”
“Why?” Derpy asked. “After everything we’ve done together and after what she just said… give me one good reason why I shouldn’t march right up to that mare and stick my tongue down her throat!”
“You can’t do that because Lightning isn’t–” I stopped myself. I had almost told Derpy the truth… and what a disaster that would have been. “Lightning… isn’t looking for a relationship right now.” It’s a weak reason, but it’s all I’ve got right now. “All she wants right now is to be your friend.”
Derpy looked away, blinking profusely. “Rider…” she murmurs.
“Look, I know it’s rough, but you going out there and kissing her now would be kinda like me going out there and kissing Time Turner. She only sees you as a friend, Derpy… and making out with her in one passionately drunken session isn’t going to change that.”
Derpy slumped to the ground, sniffling.
“You going to be okay?” I asked, getting down on her level.
“No… how can I be?” Derpy wailed. “Damnit Rider… I think I love her.”
“Oh…” I said.
Oh shit…
I really hoped Turner is doing better than I am.
“Hey Lightning,” Turner said as he positioned himself in between the drunk Derpy and her target. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Rider haul her away.
“Hey,” Dust replied. “What’s the matter, couldn’t wait until I brought the cider to the table?”
“You know me.” Turner grabbed the mug from Dust and poured some cider into his half-full glass. “Gotta have that alcohol.”
“Right,” came Lightning’s skeptic reply. She looked over his shoulder. “Where’d Derpy and Rider go?”
“I am not sure,” Time replied. “They could be off cavorting in the bathroom for all I know.”
“Okay then,” Lightning said. “I guess until they get back we’re on our own.” She took a seat in one of the two empty stools at the bar.
“Yep,” Turner agreed, sipping his cider casually.
They didn’t speak for a little bit. After all, what does the work-a-holic timekeeper say to the speed-a-holic athlete when they are stuck alone at a bar together?
Absolutely nothing, that’s what. Luckily, Lightning jumpstarted their conversation.
“So you knew?” she asked. “About Derpy’s name, I mean.”
“Yes, I did.” Turner sighed. “I went to elementary school with her, back when she still used the name Bright Eyes.”
“How bad did she have it?” Lightning asked.
“Really bad,” Turner informed her. “Almost everyone in the class picked on her everyday. I never did, but it’s not like I stood up for her either.” He took a swig of the cider. “They called her so many names that ‘Ditzy’ was actually one of the kinder ones. It was the one that stuck though, and she just went with it.”
“Wow,” Lightning breathed, appalled that some ponies had actually done that to Derpy.
“She never let it show that it bothered her though,” Turner said. “At least, not to the kids that picked on her. Once, after school I found her out in the woods crying to herself. I… well I tried to cheer her up. It didn’t do all that much, but we became friends at least.”
“I can’t believe she’s had it so rough. You’d never guess just by looking at her.”
“Yeah, like I said she doesn’t let it show… but I know deep down it still gets to her. It’s why she doesn’t want to be called Ditzy Doo or Bright Eyes anymore. They just hold too many bad memories.” He set the glass down. “Thanks for what you said, I know it meant a lot to her.”
“I meant every word of it,” Lightning assured him. “She’s a fantastic friend.”
“Yep,” Turner said. A friend. Oh Lightning, you have no idea how much more she wants from you than that.
Derpy was blinking back tears while curling herself into the fetal position. I was just sitting next to her like an ass.
“You… you really think you love her?” I stumbled out. I prayed her answer wasn't…
“Yes,” Derpy sniffled. Damn.
We sat there for a while, Derpy stifling her sobs while I think of what to say.
“Are you sure?” I asked her.
Her eyes clenched shut. “I think about her all the time, and I can’t stop looking at her whenever she’s around. And my heart feels all light and fluttery and I get this huge knot in my stomach. Whenever she’s sad, I feel sad, and when she’s happy, I’m elated. I haven’t felt this way about anypony since…”
“Since?”
“Since a really long time.”
This can’t be happening , I thought. She’s got to be wrong. “Can you think about anything about her that you don’t like?” I ask, hoping this may clear up the matter. “Anything undesirable?”
Derpy thought for a moment. “Well… I guess I’ve noticed that her left flank is like, maybe half an inch bigger than her right one. But even that’s kind of cute.”
“You’ve stared at her ass long enough to know which cheek is bigger than the other one,” I realized. “You really are in love.”
She nodded slowly.
I’ve gotta tell her the truth, This has gone too far.
“Derpy." She looked at me, her out of sync eyes are red, tears streaming down her face. It was at that moment my heart decided to punch my brain and take over for a while.
What am I doing… she's hurting enough as it is.
“Look, just because Lightning isn’t looking for a relationship now, doesn’t mean she’ll never be,” I heard myself say. What the buck, Rider?! My brain was back, and it was not happy.
“You mean one day she might…” Derpy trailed off.
Don’t say it! My brain screamed. Don’t you dare–
“Yes.”
Dammit Rider!
Derpy stopped her sniffling. “Thanks, I really needed that.” She gave my neck a quick hug and we stand up.
“I should probably get Dust home before she drinks too much,” I said. And also I don’t need her asking questions as to why you’re so teary-eyed.
“Yeah, I should go too. I’m tipsy enough as it is and Dinky still needs to be tucked in.”
I nudged the door open. “Bye.”
“See you Wednesday?” She asked, not needing to state the place. I nodded instinctively. Lightning would probably be there as well and I would be needed to prevent another night like this one.
I walked out of the bathroom and spot Lightning and Turner sitting up at the bar stools. I quickly make my way there.
“Can you see straight?” I asked Lightning when I arrive. I recognized the fact that I’m not disrupting any conversation.
“Yeah,” she said, grateful that I’m breaking an obviously awkward silence.
“Good, we should probably get home before that changes.”
“Oh right,” she said, remembering that we had to fly back to Cloudsdale. I set some bits on the counter as she got up. “I thought Derpy was buying?”
“Nah, it’s cool. I got it.” As if I expect that poor mare to pay after everything I just put her through.
“Awesome,” Lightning hops off the bar stool and wobbles a little. She spreads her wings for balance. “Let’s go.” She starts off, but Turner stops me before I can follow.
“Is Derpy all right?” he asked. The gray mare had just popped out of the bathroom, still showing the after effects of her crying fit.
“She’ll be fine."
“So you fixed this right? Everything’s okay now?”
“…Yes.”
He squinted. “You hesitated there for a moment. Why?”
“No reason.” My eyes darted to the left and I felt Turner’s disbelief.
Suddenly, Lightning Dust walked into the edge of the bar door. Her yelp of pain was what saves me.
As she backed away, hoof to her forehead, I yelled, “I thought you said you could see straight!”
“Shut up!” she called back.
I turned to the chestnut stallion in front of me. “Well, that’s my cue to leave.” My wings flared out and I flew off.
“But, Rider–” Turner’s voice faded off as I dragged Lightning out of the bar.
She’s still rubbing her forehead, but otherwise seemed okay to fly. “Hey, are we still meeting up on Wednesday?”
“Yeah, Derpy and I talked about it,” I told her. Among other things.
Lightning looked back towards the bar. “Oh crap, I forgot to say good bye to her.” She started to head inside.
I hovered in front of her. “Oh no you don’t.” I said. “If you go back in there you’ll just get so hammered that flying will be impossible.” It’s a pretty lame excuse, but I couldn't have her going in there while Derpy’s still an emotional wreck.
“Fair enough,” Lightning said. “Besides, I’ll see her tomorrow at work.”
Oh crap, I forgot they work together. ...We’ll there’s not much I can do about that, except hope Derpy will pull herself together by tomorrow.
Dust starts flapping her wings and gets off the ground rather easily considering her inebriated state. We fly back to Cloudsdale quickly and without talking to much.
I split off from Dust as we approach her rundown apartment, waving goodbye as she disappeared inside.
There’s a gnawing feeling in me as I head to my house. It's probably because I'm an asshole for lying to Derpy like that, but I know I would’ve felt just as bad if I told her the truth and left her crying on the bathroom floor.
All I could do now was hope that Derpy would just let her feelings for Lightning wither away over time. Then we’d all get out of this pain free.
My heart was praying for this when I finally rest my head against my cloud mattress. My brain kept telling me this will end up terrible.
I shut my eyes and was out like a light.
Author's Note
Well that just happened.
Anyways, next chapter is going to be a mini-chapter. Till then, feel free to use the comments to rant at me for what I'm doing to poor Derpy's heart.
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Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Mini-Chapter Three: Two Mares, One Cup (Of Coffee)
Mini-Chapter Three: Two Mares, One Cup (Of Coffee)
Derpy set her near-empty mailbag down behind the post office counter. Her partner for the day, Rainbowshine, stretched out a little bit.
“I’m going to lunch,” she informed Derpy. A nod was the only response offered. Rainbowshine was out the door before too long, leaving Derpy alone.
The gray pegasus was wondering if it had been the right move to schedule Dust with some other pony today. She wanted to be around Lightning so badly, but knew that might not be the best idea right now. After all, the last thing Derpy wanted was to say something stupid during a love struck daze, and then lose her friend because of it.
“I can’t believe she’s not looking for a relationship,” Derpy murmured to herself. How could she not be? If I went through what she did, I know I’d want somepony to cuddle with. But according to Rider, it’s the truth. Until the day Lightning did decide she wanted a marefriend, Derpy would need to be patient.
She groaned internally at the thought.
Patience was not something Derpy was good at. Like, at all.
Every molecule of her was demanding she hunt down Lightning and kiss ever inch of her gorgeous aqua-marine body; the temptation was starting to get to her.
A sharp pounding cut into her thoughts. A headache had lingered with Derpy all day since she woke up, a reminder never to drink too much.
“I need coffee,” she groaned. She went to the break room, well aware that a pot of coffee should be finished. Hopefully, the other mailmares hadn’t drained it all by now.
Pushing open the door, Derpy’s heart accelerated. Lightning Dust was the first thing she saw in the room. She froze, and considered turning around and running off.
“Hey Derpy,” Lightning said, followed by a slow sip from a coffee mug.
Crap, she’d been spotted. “Hi Lightning,” Derpy replied, walking all the way in. As much as she probably shouldn’t be around her friend right now, the gray mare didn’t want to think of an excuse to leave. “I just need to grab some coffee.”
“Ooh,” Lightning winced. Derpy glanced at the coffee mug in Lightning’s hoof, and the empty pot on the counter. What had happened was blatantly obvious.
Her ears folded down. “Oh, well that’s okay, I can just–”
“Here,” Lightning extended her hoof, offering the cup to Derpy. “You probably have a headache worse than mine.”
Derpy couldn’t believe it. Her hungover friend was offering her the last of the coffee? If it was possible, the urge to kiss her became stronger, and Derpy barely fought it down.
“Thanks,” she said, accepting the cup. She placed her lips right where Lightning’s had been and took a long, slow sip of the brown substance. It helped assuage her pain immensely. “So, how was working with Blosomforth?”
“She was all right,” Lightning said. “I think I prefer you though.”
Derpy’s cheeks went crimson, and she hid it by sipping her coffee. “W-well, we’ll probably rotate back to being partners soon.”
Lightning smiled at the thought, then turned her attention elsewhere. “Oh hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you about this pool table thingy.” She indicated the fuzzy green table at the edge of the room.
“What about it?” Derpy asked.
Lightning’s eyes darted around. “Could you… show me how to play?”
“Of course!” she said.
Derpy gave Lightning her cup to hold, and then crossed to the pool table. She retrieved the multicolored balls from their pockets with ease and set them in the center of the table. Lightning watched with curiosity as Derpy pulled a small plastic triangle from underneath the table and organized all the balls into it. The cue ball was set shortly after and the gray mare grabbed a few pool cues from a rack on the wall.
Lightning took a chug from the coffee and then put the mug off to the side as Derpy offered her a pool cue.
“It’s not a hard game to play, but it definitely takes time to master,” Derpy began as she positioned her cue in line with the white ball. With a well-practiced strike, Derpy propelled the cue ball into the pile. With a clank the technicolored orbs bounced around the table, and the number two ball sank into a corner pocket.
As she played, Derpy began explaining the rules of the game. She made sure to preform a visual action after each sentence, filling up the pockets as she did so. Lightning nodded understandingly as she learned, right up until Derpy sank the eight ball.
“And I win,” the grey mare declared.
Lightning blinked in shock. “Wait… I didn’t even get a turn!”
Derpy looked down at the pool table to see all of Lightning’s striped balls to still be in play. She blushed and giggled. “Oops. Sorry, I sometimes forget that I’m so good at this.”
“I’ll say,” Dust marveled.
“Here let’s set it up for a real round, and this time, you break.” Derpy reset the table, this time with the help of Lightning who was looking eager to play.
When they finished Lightning attempted to duplicate Derpy’s original stance. Derpy took a slow sip from the coffee mug as she watched, leaving only the last few drops in case her friend wanted some more. With a steady breath Lightning lined the pool cue up with the white sphere in front of her, pulled back, and then pushed the cue forward.
Her body recoiled and she winced, throwing her aim off and causing the tip bounced off the top of the cue ball and sent it rolling all of two inches forward.
“Dammit!” she said.
“Relax Lightning,” Derpy consoled her. “It was great. Better than my first attempt at least. She unconsciously glanced at the yet-to-be fixed window on the other side of the room. A circular hole stared back at her.
“Thanks. I don’t know what I was expecting honestly. There was no way I’d get it on the first try.”
“Your problem was all in the technique. Here, let me help you.” Derpy put the coffee down for a moment and moved behind Lightning. She used her foreleg to adjust Lightning’s hoof at the edge of the cue. Her cheeks lit on fire as she realized their hooves were touching. Luckily, it went unnoticed by her oblivious friend and she continued talking.
“See, if you use your hoof to keep it in place, it won’t slip up.” Derpy took a chance and place her other hoof in line with Lightning’s toward the rear of the pool cue. They were practically hugging now, or doing whatever the equivalent of spooning while standing was. Her scarlet face was well hidden as she guided Lightning to hitting the cue ball again, this time sending it slamming into the pile and scattering the rest.
“Awesome Derpy, we did it!”
“Mmhmm,” Derpy hummed, her snout partially buried in Lightning’s golden mane. Unfortunately, Lightning showed signs of movement, and Derpy had to break away from their quasi-hug to let her friend stand on all fours again. Lightning winced as she returned to her pose.
“Something wrong?” Derpy asked.
“Yeah, my back’s been killing me. My mailbag today had twice as many packages today.”
“Oh,” Derpy whispered empathetically. She remembered a time when her back couldn’t take the strain of the mailbag either. Suddenly, an idea popped into her head. “You know, I could give you a back rub if you want.”
“You mean, like a massage?” Lightning asked curiously.
“Yeah, they feel amazing. I’m sure it’ll help your back.”
“Okay then, sure,” Lightning said with growing enthusiasm. She turned and sat down, allowing Derpy full access to her back.
Without wasting time, Derpy immediately placed her hooves onto Lightning’s back and rubbed slowly. It took a few seconds, but Lightning moaned with pleasure.
“Feel good?” Derpy asked, pressing into the sore muscles.
“Hell yeah,” Lightning responded.
Derpy continued to rub her friend’s back gleefully, feeling all the more happy that she was able to help Lightning Dust feel better.
Rainbow Dash gingerly nudged opened the post office door. She wasn’t sure if she would be welcome, but didn’t want to wait outside hoping to catch the mare she was looking for. Seeing nopony inside, Dash walked in casually.
She was looking for Derpy. After their falling out yesterday, Dash had felt kind of bad. Upsetting Derpy was the last thing she wanted to do, but had ended up being the only thing she did at the time.
Clearly, the gray mare had a soft spot for Lightning Dust, and was bent on defending her. Dash could understand loyalty like that, and merely wanted to clear the air with Derpy. After all, she was do back at the Wonderbolt’s Academy tomorrow, so now might be her only shot for a while.
Only problem was, she couldn’t find Derpy anywhere. After checking around Ponyville and asking a few mailmares, she was finally directed here, only to find an empty lobby.
“Great,” Dash muttered, resigning herself to have a talk with Derpy sometime when she got back. As she walked out, her ears flicked upon hearing a soft, almost inaudible moan. Dash froze, and heard it again a few seconds later.
She followed the peculiar sound all the way up to a door labeled for employees. Out of blunt curiosity, Dash pressed her ear to the door and listened.
“Holy crap Derpy, this feels amazing!” That voice… it belonged to Lightning Dust!
What in the hay is she doing here? Dash asked internally. And why is she with Derpy?
“See, I told you,” the bubbly voice of a familiar mailmare replied. More pleasured moans – from Lightning Dust undoubtedly – reverberated outward.
“Can you go a little lower?”
“Sure.” There was a brief pause, and then the moaning suddenly grew louder.
“Oh Sweet Celestia! That is the spot, right there! Don’t stop!”
Dash’s cheeks flushed as she suddenly had a very good guess as to what was happening behind that door. She backed away quickly, stumbling as she did.
I can’t believe… Derpy and Lightning are… holy Luna, what the buck?
Without so much as a second glance back, Dash darted from the post office, her embarrassment about being an interloper on such a private moment propelling her.
As she flew off, Dash knew she was going to have to postpone talking with Derpy.
Author's Note
Wow, two mini-chapters in a row. Don't worry, the next one should be normal length; I've just been in the middle of a clusterfuck lately so my writing is a little stagnant.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
“You. Got. Vagected!” Lightning Dust laughed while slamming her mug of cider down on the cloud table.
My ears turned a vibrant shade of crimson, and I heard a second laugh chime in. Next to me Derpy chuckled as she banged her hoof on the table repeatedly, while all I could do is sigh.
“I wasn’t vagected,” I muttered indignantly.
“Sure you weren’t,” Lightning said, still cracking up. She attempted to drink some of her cider, but it ended up coming out through her nose and onto the table instead. It sent the both of them back into giggles.
“Come on Lightning, I don’t even have the right parts needed to get vagected in the first place."
“Yeah, whatever,” she waved me off, eventually calming down. “Hey, at least you took a shot, right? That counts for something.” She held her mug up. “To Rider, and his miserably failed attempt to get in Turner’s metaphorical pants.”
We clinked our drinks together and swallowed what little cider was left in them. The night was going by too fast; the clock already reading eleven. So far my story of a failed date is the most interesting thing about our bar trip. At least it got a laugh.
Unlike our previous nights at the bar, tonight had been a little stagnant. We had yet to speak beyond small talk and hadn't done anything but drink. It’s like our friendship is hitting a rut.
“Looks like we’re all out,” Derpy notices.
“I’m on it,” Lightning says, swiping up our glasses and bolting off. Her exit to the bar is so swift that it leaves behind a small teal line with a bronze lightning bolt.
“Wow,” Derpy whispers. “Even her contrail is amazing.”
I had to admit that she’s not wrong. It’s rare, beyond rare even, for a pegasus to generate enough speed to leave behind an colorful condensation trail like that.
“It is impressive,” I remarked.
“I mean, it’s just so… her,” Derpy continued. “Simple, yet elegant. Deceptively cute, but with an underlying power to it that let’s you know her confidence isn’t all talk.”
I glanced at her, the words of adoration falling from her lips giving me some cause for concern.
“How are you holding up, Derpy?” I asked. She knew immediately what I’m talking about, and her face showed it.
“I’ve been better,” she admited. “It’s not easy, just being her friend, but… I’m managing. I guess that’s good.”
That is good, I heard myself think. We sat in silence, waiting for Lightning to return with the cider.
“So is Lightning doing okay as a mailmare?” I asked, wanting some conversation. “I’ve just been getting the bare bones of it from her.”
Derpy nodded. “She picked it up really well. Between her speed and navigation skills, I’d say she might be one of the best mailmare’s we’ve had in a long time. And after an incident or too, everything’s worked out.”
“Incident?” I asked reflexively. That almost sounded like something to do with Derpy’s crush.
She glanced over to our aqua-marine friend, still waiting for the cider mugs to be filled. “I… I didn’t bring it up earlier because it wasn’t really my place, but… have you heard of a mare named Rainbow Dash?”
I groaned, a thousand missing cloud reports suddenly at the forefront of my mind, each one signed with her scratchy signature. “I may have heard of her.”
“Well, turns out she was a cadet with Lightning at the Academy… and they didn’t leave on good terms.”
“I won’t press any further then,” I said, already having a guess or two about what that means. Lightning arrived with three freshly filled mugs, fizzing with cider.
“Anypony else got a good buzz going yet?” Lightning asked. Her mug was in her mouth before either of us answered.
“Kinda,” I admited.
“Nope,” Derpy informed us. I’m not surprised. She’s only starting her second mug, which was odd. Derpy as a whole was drinking less than usual; on the other hoof, Lightning was chugging more than usual. She’d already cleared the half-dozen mark.
“Well come on then, what’s the hold up?” Lightning asked. “Night’s still young.”
Derpy swished the cider around the mug a few times before politely taking a sip. We all unconsciously decided] that now was the perfect time for an awkward silence, a decision Lightning reinforces by throwing her head back and guzzling the amber liquid in her mug.
Our lack of sound was filled by the surrounding noise of the bar. The typical Wednesday night karaoke singers were going it at, each as tone deaf as ever. There was also a latent level of mingling around us as well, but the real sound was coming from the two stallions behind us.
I wasn’t entirely sure of their actions, but I assumed they’re either riding the baloney pony rather furiously, or they were trying to subdue a deranged octopus. In all honesty my hopes were high for the latter.
Their rough housing knocked the booth, forcing me forwards into the table and knocking over my drink, a fair amount of which latched onto my body. I’m lucky everything is made of clouds, otherwise I would have just taken a very severe blow to the ribcage. Despite this, I groaned at the inconvenience of having booze all over myself.
“Hah!” Lightning laughed with one half-closed eyelid. “You spilled coat all over your cider.”
Wiping away the alcohol before it has the chance to get sticky, I looked up at her. It’d become obvious that she’s gone from Tipsy Dust to Drunk Dust. The seventh empty cider mug confirmed this.
“You feeling all right?” I asked, wondering if we would need to leave The Lickety Split soon.
“Dandy, Rider. I feel like I could punch the bartender in the jaw and get away with it.”
My eyes unconsciously darted over towards Tap. The burly pegasus was busy serving some newcomers with a gentle smile on his face. I couldn't picture in my head Lightning’s asinine justification for wanting to punch him, or the reason why she thought she can get away with it.
“You know,” I started while pushing my mug away. “Maybe it’s best if we call it a night.”
“What?” Lightning exclaimed. “No, come on we can still do something.” She thought for a moment. “I got it! Let’s break into the Ponyville Postal Office. We can play pool all night, just the three of us.”
Derpy facehoofs, while I at least gave Lightning the courtesy of doing so in my head.
“Lightning, you work at the post office, and hell, I run the place! We don’t have to break in.”
“Oh… sounds like a plan then! So let's–"
“Actually, I probably should be getting home,” Derpy interjected. “Sparkler’s probably put Dinky to bed, and is just waiting around with nothing to do.”
“Hang on, we can do something really quick!” Lightning shouted as we begin to rise from our seats. “Rider, what if we sang some karaoke? Last time it was so epic; what do you say?”
“I don’t know.” I shifted awkwardly. “I’m not nearly drunk enough.”
She grabbed my hoof, likely assuming I’m on board anyway. Before my slightly inebriated body could react, I lurched forward. I struggled some, but Lightning’s grip holds firm.
We approached the stage, and I noticed that there’s already a performer – and I used that term loosely, as her voice was kind of grating – on stage. I’m about to tell Lightning of this, but she beat me to the punch.
“Hey, can it,” she demanded of the singer, mercifully cutting her off before she hits a high note.
“W-what?” the blue mare stammered.
“It’s our turn to sing like a dying monkey, not yours. Now get off the stage.”
I can’t help but think that Lightning’s being a little ruder than necessary. Judging from the dirty looks she’s getting from the band, they agreed with me. Dust gave the pegasus holding the mic an intense glare. Stepping forward, Lightning gained ground and forced the other pony to take a step back.
“But I– Ahhh!” the mare’s protests were cut short as Lightning shoved her off stage. She landed on her ass, but recovered quickly. Her eyes angrily pierced Lightning from behind her tossed about green mane. Derpy fluttered up next to me, concern for Lightning covering her face.
“Hey you!” she barked at the guitarist. “Play ‘Colt of Personality’, will ya? I know you know it!”
He shifted his gaze from Lightning to me, eyebrow raised in stark irritation and lids narrowed ever so slightly. I know that look. It’s the universal get-this-drunk-ass-pony-to-sleep-before-she-blows-something-up look.
“Hey Lightning, maybe it’s best if you lie down for a minute.”
“I don’t want to lie down! I want to sing. I want us to have a good time like we always do.” Lightning used her eyes to plead with me.
“We can have a good time, but this–”
The mare Lightning knocked aside flew in between us, and she was unequivocally pissed. “What the hell’s your problem?” she raged.
“And now this bitch is back,” Lightning announced while swaying from drunkenness. “Did you enjoy the floor?”
“Oh you are asking for it.” Her hoof swung back, winding up for a punch.
“Why don’t we all calm down?” Derpy suggested, stepping between the two mares.
Crack!
I winced as the hoof intended for Lightning makes contact with Derpy’s face. She backpedaled, clutching her eye and whimpering in pain.
In a fraction of a second, Lightning’s face became red with fury. “You’re dead!” she roared at the blue mare. Lightning planted her hoof in the mare’s jaw at blinding speed. Before she can even register the pain, another punch catches her in the ribs.
I grabbed Lightning before she can get off another hit and yell, “Settle down, she’s had enough.”
Obviously, my friend didn’t care. She leapt up, using me as a buttress, and strikes the blue pegasus with both of her hind legs, sending her sprawling down.
“Buck you!” Lightning shouted. I have no idea if the pun was intentional or not.
The band members are noticeably pissed off now, and the guitarist took a swing at Lightning Dust. She slipped from my hooves to dodge the blow; I’m not so lucky.
Pain erupts in my snout, and my head jerks back.
“Bar fight!” a random pony yelled out. As my eyes opened back up the scene around me devolves into a bedlam. The guitarist’s attention was no longer on the cute guy he just thwacked, as he was gunning for Lightning Dust – who is still too distracted with the other mare to notice.
He moved, ready to strike her, but I was faster. One swift kick to the balls and he reeled in pain. The band’s drummer and bass player began to swarm me.
I lashed out blindly and caught one of them in the jaw. The other pony raised his bass and I was too slow to duck. Luckily I don’t have to. Lightning dropped from overhead and landed on him. They clattered to the floor.
Extending a hoof I helped Lightning up. She nodded a thanks and went back into the bar fray, a smile on her face. Distantly, I heard her whoop and holler.
The fighting is expanding now, with the melee closely approaching the stage. Panicking, I grabbed Derpy in one hoof, and bolted into the brawl behind us.
We stayed on the floor, as most of the bar has already taken flight. A few wild hooves caught me from above, but other than that I go unscathed. The cloud floor below us was sticky from absorbing spilled alcohol, making me groan. Lightning caught us out of the corner of her eye and leaves the mare she was attacking.
In no time the three of us reached the door. I opened it and pushed Derpy and Lightning through. Before I left I spare a passing glance at the bar. The drummer and bassist who were after us are caught up in the dangling limbs of the grappling pegasi. Tap was desperately trying to restore order, but failing. Ponies everywhere were thrashing about, violently shouting off a few curses as they do so. Unwilling to stay any longer, I rushed outside.
Lightning Dust was laughing. “Can you believe it? We got into a bar fight! Haha, that was awesome.”
“I’m pretty sure we’ll never be allowed in the Lickety Split ever again,” I informed her. She shrugged it off.
“There’s always the Dizzy Weasel. Hey, maybe we’ll get in a fight there too, won’t that be great?”
“No,” Derpy said, sniffling. Lightning dropped her excited attitude as concern for Derpy gripped both of us. She still had a hoof over her eye; the other one was tearing up in pain.
“Derpy, are you all right?” Lightning asked, concerned.
“I-I think so. My eye just hurts a lot.”
“Here, let me see,” I told her, nudging her fore hoof. She begrudgingly moved it away. Her eye was swelled and bruised, but luckily nothing was bleeding.
“Yep, that’s a shiner,” I said, whistling lowly. “You just need to ice it though.”
“Thanks,” she murmured.
“Derpy…” Lightning started. She looked like somepony hit her in the gut. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.” Lightning threw her arms around the gray mare, catching her off guard. Derpy didn't waste anytime in wrapping her fore legs around her friend. The look on her face told me that she’s barely holding back a squeak of joy. She might just be the happiest assaulted mare I’d ever met.
“Hey, I got hurt too,” I pointed out, my snout throbbing.
“Suck it up,” Lightning snapped at me. She turned back to Derpy. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Y-yeah…” Derpy stammered, giddy from Lightning’s embrace.
I glanced back to the bar doors, worried that somepony might barge out in an effort to continue to fight. The noise level inside certainly suggests this was a possibility.
“I should probably get you home, Lightning. It’s been a long night.”
Lightning stepped away from the hug, and she sways in her drunken stupor. “Yeah, sure.”
“W-wait,” Derpy cried out. “I’ll take you home.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You sure Derpy?”
“I can handle it, Rider.” Derpy shot me a look that said either let her do this, or get a black eye to match hers. I glanced at Lightning and she is offering no objections.
“Okay…” I said hesitantly.
“Thanks for helping me get home, Derpy,” Lightning said as they stumbled through the backstreets of Cloudsdale.
“Not a problem.” Derpy smiled, looking at her friend through her one good eye. Lightning felt a pang of guilt for being the cause of that.
“I really am sorry about your eye,” she said.
Derpy sighed. “Come on Lightning, this is like the fifth time you’ve apologized. I already don’t blame you.”
“Okay, I just feel bad is all,” Lightning admitted.
“Did you punch me in the face?”
“What? Of course not. I–”
“Then stop feeling bad,” Derpy insisted. “I’m fine Lightning. Honestly.”
Lightning Dust forced a smile. She was about to say something, but tripped over her own hooves instead. Derpy caught her before she hit the cloud ground.
“Thanks,” Lightning whispered. “Guess I’m still too hammered to walk well.”
“D-Do you want me to h-hold you up for the rest of the way?” Derpy stumbled out.
“Yeah sure,” Lightning said. “I’d prefer that to a face full of cloud.”
Derpy blushed, but turned her head so Lightning wouldn’t see. She threw one hoof around Lightning’s shoulder and gingerly placed the other one on her aqua-marine chest.
“S-so are we almost to your place?” Derpy looked around. They were well into the bad side of Cloudsdale, and she wanted to pass through it soon.
“Turn at the next corner.”
Derpy quickly followed the direction. They were still in the bad part of town, so she looked to Lightning, wondering what the next step was.
“Home sweet home,” Lightning ruefully said, looking dead ahead.
Derpy followed her friend’s gaze and her jaw dropped. They were in front of possibly the worst apartment complex she had ever seen. Even in the low light, Derpy could tell the cloud building was poorly kept for. The entire top floor look dispatched, and with so many holes in the building she couldn’t tell what was meant to be a window or not. She inhaled through her nose and gagged immediately.
“L-Lightning,” she stammered. “This can’t possibly be your place. It’s a… a…”
“Piece of shit?” Lightning filled in for her. Derpy wordlessly nodded. Lightning wiggled out of her hold. “Yeah I know. Thanks for getting me here at least.” Lightning started to walk inside, hastily. “See you later.”
“What?” Derpy exclaimed as her friend disappeared inside. She unfurled her wings and fluttered in hurriedly.
Lightning was stumbling toward a room, unaware that Derpy had followed her. She fiddled with a door for a moment, before giving up and slamming her body into it to force it open. She stumbled inside, not even bothering to close it. Worried, Derpy rushed after her.
“Lightnin– oh holy shit!” Derpy was so shocked her wings stopped working and she landed on the floor. The scene before was by far the most disturbing she had ever witnessed.
Lightning’s room – and she was being very generous by calling it a room – was in an abysmal state of disrepair. Everything was broken, sans the bed which was cloud sculpted. Stained cloud parts were everywhere and the floor was littered with an unhealthy layer of trash. Lightning stood in the center, wide-eyed upon spotting Derpy. She lowered her head in shame.
“You… you… Lightning this can’t be your place!” Derpy cried. “Please tell me you’re playing a joke on me.”
Lightning bit her lip. “…I wish I could, Derpy.” She plopped herself on to the ground. “I… I kinda hoped you’d never see this.”
“How long have you been living here?” Derpy asked.
Lightning gritted her teeth. “Two weeks.”
“What?!”
Her friend flinched. “Derpy, it’s not that bad. Besides once I save up enough I can move out.” She kicked an empty muffin tin despondently. “It’ll be fine, okay?”
“You’ve been living here for two weeks?” Derpy said, mortified. That… that’s how long we’ve known each other. Sweet Celestia, why didn’t she tell me?
“It hasn’t been bad,” Lightning blatantly lied. "I only stay here at night, so I just forget how bad it is during the day."
“Why?” Derpy asked, stepping closer to her friend.
“I couldn't afford anything else after the… after the Academy threw me out.” A small tear raced down Lightning’s cheek.
“Is this why you didn’t want to leave the bar?” Derpy asked. Lightning nodded.
“I hate having to come back here every night,” she admitted. “I mean, hanging out with you, and Rider, and Time is just… bucking awesome. It helps me forget that I’ll never be a Wonderbolt.” She rubbed her eye. “I’m sorry. I know you said you throw an onion ring at me if I ever pitied myself again but…”
“No,” Derpy said. She placed a hoof on Lightning’s mouth. “Don’t be sorry for this. It isn’t your fault, okay?” Lightning nodded. “Good, now pack up anything you want to keep.”
“What?” Lightning asked. “Why?”
“You’re going to stay at my place until you can get a proper apartment.” The decision was spontaneous, but Derpy didn’t care. She wasn’t going to let her friend suffer here anymore.
“Really?”
“Yes, now hurry up and pack your stuff.”
Lightning smiled brightly and gave Derpy a quick, yet genuine hug. Derpy’s heart practically melted when Lightning broke away. She took two steps to her closet and pulled out a duffel bag. She packed only a few items: the bits she had earned so far as a mailmare, Derpy’s muffin tin, and a tooth brush.
“That everything?” Derpy asked. Lightning paused. She sifted through the trash and soon brought up a battered looking Wonderbolts uniform. Sighing, she tossed it into the bag and zipped it up.
“Yep.”
The two mares left the apartment hastily. Lightning left her key and a barely written note at the front desk, and they left.
Their walk through the city was brisk, as Derpy wanted to get out of this side of town as soon as possible. Lightning wasn’t far from that opinion either. When they reached the edge of the city, they stopped.
“Uh… I think I’m still to drunk to fly.”
“Don’t worry, you can… um…” Derpy unfurled her wings. “…r-ride on my back.”
Lightning – both tired and drunk – didn’t think anything more of her suggestion. She wrapped her hooves around Derpy’s neck and torso. Derpy’s fetlocks buckled slightly as Lightning added her weight to her by sliding her stomach onto her back.
Derpy felt a shiver of pleasure rush down her spine, and she barely contained herself as she stretched out her wings.
“Kay, just hold on t-tight,” Derpy squeaked the words out as Lightning’s grip strengthened. In one fluid motion, she leapt off the edge of the clouds and felt the rushing night air whip across her face. Her blonde mane smacked Lightning in the mouth, and she heard her friend spitting out hair.
Squinting through the breeze, Derpy flapped her wings and swooped through the air. She was careful not to knock Lightning off as she did so.
Their flight to her home was brief and severely lacking in chatter. Not that Derpy was complaining; between focusing on flying with admittedly stiffer than usual wings and keep Lightning level, she couldn’t focus on anything else.
Finally they landed, and Lightning rolled off Derpy’s back, plopping on the grass with an “oof”. The gray mare smiled while trying to appear casual with her wings still flared.
“Thanks for the ride,” Lightning said. Derpy offered a hoof to help Lightning up and she gratefully accepted.
“Ready to go in?”
“Yeah, I’m beat.”
Derpy unlocked her house and they trotted inside. She flipped on the light, as she saw Sparkler reposed on the couch, snoring softly. She went over to the teen and shook her awake while Lightning set her duffel bag down.
“Hey Sparkler, wake up,” Derpy said gently.
“Eh… maybe tomorrow…” Sparkler yawned.
“Come on kid, your parents probably want you home soon.”
The unicorn shifted. “Okay, okay, I’m getting up.” Her head drifted above the couch and her eyes caught sight of Lightning. Sparkler jolted awake. “What’s she doing here?” she whispered out of the green pegasus’ earshot. “And what happened to your eye?” Derpy touched her face, which had stopped stinging a while ago.
“She needed a place to stay,” Derpy explained. “And the eye thing is a different story altogether.” She passed some bits to the foalsitter as payment for tonight. “Now go home, all right?”
“Why? You two need some privacy?” Sparkler’s eyebrows shot up, hintingly.
Derpy’s face went from gray to red in a nanosecond. “N-no. Just go home.”
Sparkler smiled. “Will do,” she said at normal volume. “Goodnight Ms. Derpy. Goodnight Lightning.”
“Night, Sparkler.” Lightning waved as the unicorn bouncily walked out of the house.
Derpy walked over to the closet, concealing her flushed face, and grabbed a blanket. She waited, trying to restore her natural face color before turning towards her friend. When she felt the mutinous blush dissipate, she looked over at Lightning.
“Hope you don’t mind the couch,” she said, plopping the blankets on the cushions. “I don’t have a guest room.”
“It’s fine.” Lightning wearily smiled. “It’ll be softer than my last bed at least.”
“I thought you slept on a cloud.”
“Could’ve fooled me. Damn thing felt like a sack of rocks.”
Derpy offered a half-grin. “Well, at least this is better.”
“Yeah.” Lightning set a hoof on the blankets. “Derpy… thanks for letting me stay here. I… your… It’s amazing.”
“Hey, what are friends for?” It still hurt to say those words, but Derpy kept her cringing internally. Lightning needed her to be a friend.
“Friends hold your head while you throw up in the toilet,” Lighting said. “You… you’re a whole other level.”
“Damn straight.” Derpy bumped her hoof into her friend’s shoulder. “Now good night.”
“Night.”
Derpy opened her wings once more and flew up to the top of the stairs. She landed, and shot a glance at Lightning. Her crush was ensconcing herself on the couch, ready for what might be her first good night of rest in two weeks. As her eyes fluttered closed, Derpy smiled softly.
The gray mare let out an inaudible sigh, and then went to bed.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Casa Del Derpy [Part One]
Lightning was slow to wake up the next morning. This was, in large part, due to the fact that her head felt like a thousand fireworks were going off at once. She moaned in pain and rolled over. As she did her nostrils were subjected to scents beyond that of the couch she was sleeping on, and the enticing aroma of pancakes caught her attention.
Groggily, she forced an eyeball open. The room she was in gave her a moment’s pause before she remembered that Derpy had brought her here last night.
Last night.
It was almost a blur to Lightning. Aside from Derpy shuttling her into her home, there was almost nothing that Lightning could recollect. Well, except for cider of course. Even if she couldn’t remember it, she knew she had drained a crapload of the stuff; otherwise her head wouldn’t be hurting so badly right now.
“Oh good, you’re awake.” Derpy fluttered into the room, setting a glass of water and an aspirin on the nearby coffee table. “Here, I figured you’d want this.”
Lightning’s eyes bulged at the sight and she had the aspirin in her mouth before Derpy could blink. “I’m gonna need about twenty more of these,” she mentioned before drinking the water.
“You’ll have to settle for pancakes. I can’t have you overdosing on aspirin before you’ve had your breakfast.” Derpy smiled and trotted over to the staircase calling, “Dinky, hurry up! Breakfast is ready.”
“Gah!” Lightning wailed. “Not so loud please.”
“Sorry.”
Forcing herself to sit up, Lightning looked around. Her vision was blurred as a result from her hangover, but she could tell that she was in fact in Derpy’s living room. Despite her bad headache, stiff neck, and about a bazillion other problems, Lightning smiled. She still couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that Derpy had just given her a place to stay. She might just be the kindest pony Lightning had ever met… though considering her social circle there wasn’t exactly a lot of competition.
Hoofsteps excitedly clamoring down the stairs drew her attention. Dinky was bounding down the steps two at a time with enthusiasm unmatched.
That’s weird, I thought Thursdays were school days.
When she hopped over the last three steps, nearly slipped, and rectified herself, she saw her mother.
“Mommy… what happened to you?”
Derpy touched her face, having forgotten the massive shiner she had. “Oh, don’t worry, muffin, I’m all right.”
Dinky wrapped herself around her mother’s foreleg. “A-are you sure?”
“I’m sure, Dinky. Mommy’s okay.” Derpy hugged her little foal comfortingly, and nuzzled her mane. “Go and eat your breakfast, now. You don’t want to be late for school.”
“Yes, Mommy.” Turning, Dinky got the next surprise of her day. “Hello Ms. Lightning.”
“Hey, Dinky,” Lightning managed through her hangover. Dinky shot a confused glance towards her mother, then back to the mare on the couch.
“Are you staying for breakfast?” Lightning nodded as best she could with the pounding in her head. Smiling, Dinky grabbed Lightning’s hoof and managed to pull her off the sofa. The filly led her into the kitchen; Derpy giggled and followed.
The breakfast was amazing. Lightning had eaten pancakes before, but only for when she was carbo-loading for her training. The addition of syrup, butter, and chocolate chips – she was still baffled by the fact that Derpy put candy in their breakfast – made the fluffy food all the more savory. Lightning crammed down three before it was time for Dinky to go.
Derpy already took the liberty of packing her daughters saddlebags, leaving Dinky with nothing more to do than slip them on. She stood on the tips of her hooves as she hugged her mother’s neck. Derpy embraced Dinky and kissed her forehead.
“Bye, muffin,” she whispered into her daughter’s ear.
“Bye, Mommy.” Dinky bounded out the door; she waved goodbye to both Lighting, and to her mother.
As the door shut, Lightning looked to her friend. “You’re a good mother Derpy, you know that?”
Derpy looked at the ground. “Not really. This was the second night this week I’ve come home drunk. I’m not exactly a model parent.”
Lightning waved her off. “So you get smashed from time to time. You care, and you try; that’s what matters.” Derpy smiled. “Anyways, what’s the plan for today?”
“Well we don’t have work–”
“THANK Celestia!” Lightning flopped into her chair, relieved knowing she would not have to lift any heavy mailbags today.
“–So I was thinking maybe we could have a little fun.”
“What did you have in mind?”
“Well…”
“This. Is. Amazing!” Lightning shouted, her entire body vibrating at once.
“It goes faster too,” Derpy exclaimed. “Go on, try it!”
Lightning hit the red button at the top of the gadget, and suddenly her speed increased dramatically. The vibrating feeling was in full force, and Lightning thought her whole body might explode from the sheer awesomeness of it all. “Holy buck! How did I not know about Grand Theft Carriage before today?”
She swerved, her body pushing the machine replica along with it, and the avatar on the digital screen before her mirrored the action.
“I guess it’s just because you’ve never been to an arcade before today.”
Suddenly, Lightning’s carriage onscreen exploded in a massive spectical of digital fireworks. “Dammit! Can I have another bit?”
“We’re all out.” Derpy turned the coin purse she brought inside out to prove it to Lightning and her gaping mouth.
“B-But we just got here!” Lightning protested. “How can we be out already?”
“Lightning, it’s been seven hours.”
Aqua-marine eyelids blinked slowly as their owner absorbed that information. “Whoa.”
“Yeah, you kinda lost track of time.” Derpy smiled. “But it’s okay. Come on, if we hurry, we can pick Dinky up from school and go get ice cream.”
A grin broke out on Lightning’s face. “Hell yes!” She hopped off the machine, excitement fueling her.
She is just like a filly sometimes, Derpy noted as they began trotting out. It was a cute trait for sure, but Derpy reprimanded herself immediately. She knew she shouldn’t dote on something like that.
They left the arcade, Lightning Dust flying out and doing a loop in mid-air. She landed next to Derpy and asked, “So which way to Dinky’s school?”
Derpy indicated with a nod of her head and they both started flying. Lightning didn’t leave her in the dust this time, choosing instead to start off slow.
“You know, I didn’t think you had ever tried ice cream before,” Derpy admitted.
“Why would you think that?”
“Well, you talk about how you didn’t have a normal foalhood. I mean, training 24/7, never touching the ground, today being the first time you went to an arcade, etcetera.” Derpy shrugged. “I guess I just felt ice cream would be one of those things you never had.”
Lightning snickered. “Maybe you don’t know me as well as you thought.”
Derpy paused to consider that. She had only known Lightning for the better part of a fortnight, and despite many bouts of drunken bliss the two of them were still – in a way – strangers.
“Some best friend I am,” Derpy mumbled inaudibly.
“What was that?” Lightning asked, and Derpy cursed herself for not being nearly as inaudible as she thought.
“Tell me about yourself,” she covered. “I-I want to know about you.”
“Oh. What do you want to know?”
“Everything.” Derpy swerved to avoid an oncoming cloud, Lightning merely busted right through it. When she positioned herself by her friend again, she noticed Lightning’s golden irises swelling at the demand.
“Really?” Derpy nodded. “Okay then. Well… I… uh… I was born on a Tuesday… and… I think it was sunny? I don’t remember it too well, but you can probably fill in the horrible smells, shrieks of pain, and all that yourself.”
“How riveting.” Derpy giggled. “You don’t have to tell me everything about everything, silly. I just want to know a little more about you.” Derpy scooted a smidge in Lightning’s direction. “You know, so we can be closer.”
“Right, right,” Lightning grinned. “I knew that. Anyways, I was homeschooled. My mom taught me most of the book stuff, and my dad was in charge of keeping me active. He was a former trainer for a derby team; so flying was kind of a big deal. I never really had it easy.”
“Was it really bad?”
“Are you kidding?” Lighting asked. Then she puffed out her chest and deepened her voice, likely imitating her father. “Lightning, you’re not flying nearly as fast as you could be! What’s with all this “I need a water break” talk? If you’re thirsty, then drink your own sweat for pony’s sake. I need twenty more laps in the next ten minutes, so hop to it while I eat this box of donuts!”
Derpy giggled. “Is that last one true?”
Lightning joined it. “He never actually said the donut part out loud… but yeah.”
She increased her seriousness. “He actually sounds… really awful.”
“I thought so too. But it all changed the day I saw the Wonderbolts in action.” Her expression sombered some. “Man… I can remember it like it was yesterday. I’d just gotten done with all the book work my mom gave me, which meant I had to go train with my dad. I was bummed, but then he told me we were going to see the Wonderbolts in action.” Lightning became starry-eyed as the memory took hold. “When I saw them preform it was… wow… probably the best thing I’d ever seen as a kid, you know? I felt like my eyeballs would explode ‘cause they were so awesome.”
Derpy nodded. She’d seen the Wonderbolts preform on a few occasions herself and experienced similar feelings of eyeball-explodiness.
“When I saw how awesome Spitfire, Soarin and all the rest were… well, I knew right then and there what I wanted. I wanted to be like them. Fast, cool, and just plain awesome. It was then that this beauty showed up.” Lightning indicated her flank.
Derpy looked at the sight that had become rather… familiar to her over the past few weeks. A lightning bolt and three stars stared back at her, and Derpy smiled wondering what filly Lightning must have done when she saw it.
“Anyway I kinda got caught up in the Wonderbolt hysteria after that,” Lightning continued. “Training with my dad became a blessing instead of a curse, and I pushed myself like you wouldn’t believe. The day I got my acceptance letter to the Academy I literally squealed with happiness. I mean, me squealing. Can you even imagine it?”
“Hardly,” Derpy admitted. Lightning did many things: drink, fly, crash virtual carriages through downtown Manehattan; squealing wasn’t on that list.
“Yeah so… you know the rest of the story I suppose.” Lightning’s voice dropped and Derpy knew not to press further. The topic of the Academy was one neither of them wanted to broach.
Luckily Derpy found a way to swerve around it. “Hey look, here’s Dinky’s school.”
They landed, noticing a swarm of kids already leaving a building. One in particular took notice of them, or rather, of Derpy.
“Hi Mommy,” Dinky chirped as she rushed into her mother’s waiting hooves. “What are you doing here? I can walk home by myself.”
“I know you can, muffin,” Derpy said giggling at her daughters attempt to display some independence. She ruffled the filly’s mane. “But I was thinking that we could grab some ice cream together. If you don’t want to though I totally understand…”
“No!” Dinky rushed. “Of course I want ice cream! Why wouldn’t I?”
“Hehe, all right kiddo. Ice cream all around.”
“Awesome!” Lightning pumped her hoof up in excitement, and Dinky took notice of her.
“Oh… hi Ms. Lightning.” Dinky looked genuinely confused at Lightning’s presence. She glanced over to Derpy, hoping for an explanation. Derpy put on her best “I’ll tell you all about it later” face and nudged her head toward the nearest ice cream parlor.
The trio began trotting over; Dinky still shot oblong glances curiously at Lightning Dust from time to time, but seemed to have accepted her presence.
When they reached the ice cream parlor, they were pleasantly surprised to find that it wasn’t crowded at all. Dinky bounded inside with speed that matched Lightning. They were up at the counter before Derpy took a step.
“What kind of ice cream do you two want?” The pony at the counter asked.
“Vanilla!” Dinky and Lightning shouted simultaneously.
Derpy trotted up to the counter and inspected the ice cream behind the glass. “And I’ll have a scoop of cake batter,” she ordered.
“They have cake batter today?” Dinky asked, pressing her face against the glass. “Mom, can I switch my order?”
“Go ahead,” Derpy replied, reaching for some money. She was too slow.
Three bits clinked onto the counter, rolling around slightly before coming to rest. She turned her head to see Lightning smiling proudly.
“I got this one.” Lightning grabbed her cone and passed Dinky hers.
“I could’ve paid for it,” Derpy protested, accepting her ice cream and watching as her daughter ran to the nearest table.
“Nah, I owe you for giving me a place to sleep that isn’t shit.”
“Hey, cool the bad words, my daughter is within earshot.” Lightning sheepishly grinned.
“Sorry.”
“That does remind me though,” Derpy realized. “I still have to tell Dinky that you’re staying with us for a while.”
“Well, what better way to do it than over ice cream?”
“I guess you’re right.” They reached the table. “Dinky, Mommy has something she needs to tell you.”
Her daughter’s pupils dilated. “Am… am I in trouble?”
“Should you be?” Lightning asked. Derpy gave her a nudge.
“No, nothing like that.” She took a seat along. “It’s actually about Ms. Lightning.”
“Is she in trouble?”
Derpy smiled. “No. Actually, she’s going to be staying with us for a while.”
Dinky glanced over at Lightning, who was face deep in her ice cream, and then back at her mother. “Why?”
“She needs a place to call home for a little while,” Derpy said. “Is that alright with you?”
Dinky thought about it for a minute, stared at her ice cream, and thought about it some more. “Okay.”
Derpy couldn’t quite place the emotion in her daughter’s voice as they both dove into their ice cream. It wasn’t enthusiasm, nor was it disdain. It wasn’t even apathy, which Derpy had expected. In fact, it had almost sounded like… hope.
“OW! Buck!” Lightning dropped her cone on the table and clutched her head.
“Lightning?” Derpy asked with concern.
“B-brain fuh-freeze...”
“Sorry for… you know… cursing in front of Dinky like that,” Lightning said.
“I heard you the first twenty times,” Derpy told her.
“I could’ve sworn I’ve apologized more than that.”
“You did. I just tuned them out after twenty.”
“Oh.”
Derpy trotted over to the second to last lamp in her living room and switched it off. The room immediately felt darker; now there was only one tiny lamp on the counter, and the full moon shining through the window. It had been hours since the whole ice cream headache debacle, but only five minutes since Derpy had been able to get Dinky to stop using the word she just learned and go to bed.
“You don’t have to worry about Dinky, I’ll just tell her she can’t have muffins if she uses that word anymore.”
Lightning’s eyes widened. “Do you often threaten to withhold the holy grail of breakfast foods?”
“Only when she’s really bad.” Derpy walked over to the last lamp. “Don’t make me threaten you with the same fate.”
“Yeah, yeah. No more cursing in front of Dinky.” Lightning hopped on the couch. “So we got work tomorrow, right?”
“Yep, I’ll be sure to wake you up.”
“Awesome.”
The light flickered off, and Derpy started walking away. Her hoofsteps reverberated through the house as she ascended the stairs, and Lightning was left to her own thoughts.
It was her first time sleeping over at Derpy’s home while sober. The feeling was… different. Not a bad kind of different, but it just felt off. Her body sank into the comfortable couch below her, the blankets tightly clinging to her. It was warm, enjoyable, and relaxing all at once.
It felt like home.
But not like any home Lightning had ever had before. It was not the brittle bed of her old apartment, or the plush cloud she slept on at her parent’s house. This just had a home-y feel about it, and she liked that. Lightning smiled, her eyelids drooping heavily. She was out a few seconds later, a light grin creasing her lips in her sleep.
When she woke up, it was because Derpy was shaking her. Violently.
“Come on, get up! We’re late!”
Groggily, Lightning snapped open her eyes. “What?”
“Lightning, we have work in ten minutes!” Derpy grabbed one of her forelegs and pulled. She felt her belly slide across the couch’s upholstery until her friend yanked too hard and they both ended up tumbling to the floor.
“Come on.” Derpy stumbled to her hooves. “I gotta get some breakfast in you.”
“What was that thing you said about work?” Lightning mumbled from the floor.
“We have to be at the post office in ten minutes!” Derpy forced Lightning to stand up.
“Derpy, remember who you’re talking to. I’m the fastest pony ever to come out of Cloudsdale.” Lightning battered away sleepiness by rubbing her eyes. “It won’t even take me a minute to get there.”
“But I still take a while to get there! Not to mention we haven’t eaten breakfast, and if I don’t start a pot of coffee for the girls they might be groggy throughout the whole day, and–”
“Whoa, slow down,” Lightning interrupted. “Don’t worry about it too much. Let’s just shove some muffins in our mouths and go.” Before Derpy could utter a protest of any sort she found herself being dragged at the hoof.
They entered the kitchen, Lightning immediately going for the tub of muffins in the corner.
“So if we’re so late for work, why didn’t you wake me sooner?” She tossed Derpy a chocolate chip muffin and grabbed one for herself.
“I tried. A good half hour of shaking, cymbal banging, and shouting was what it took to wake you.” Derpy bit into her breakfast.
“Where the hay did you get cymbals?” Lightning asked with her muffin already shoved into her mouth.
Derpy’s eyes met with the clock (Well, one of them did. The other was pointed out the window admiring a bluebird) and she recoiled in shock. “No time, let’s go!”
She yanked Lightning Dust abruptly, causing a few muffin crumbs to escape her mouth and fall to the floor. When she had been pulled all the way outside, Lightning felt like Derpy might rip her leg off with how fast she was going. Snapping open her wings, Lightning took the lead. Derpy’s hoof lingered only slightly before she too took to the air.
Lightning could have easily made it to the post office in a few seconds, but she forced herself to slow down to allow Derpy to keep up. Considering the pace the gray mare was pushing, it wasn’t that slow.
They landed a few minutes later outside a semi-crowded mailroom. Lightning cleared the way while Derpy frantically ran to unlock the doors.
“Sorry girls,” she wailed, the key chinking off the doorknob a few times before finally sliding in. “I can’t believe I overslept.”
Rainbowshine glanced from Derpy to Lightning and back again. “No worries, Derpy. I can imagine you’ve had a really sleepless night.”
Next to Lightning, Blossomforth giggled. The aqua-marine pegasus raised an eyebrow at this, and looked to Derpy. Her friend’s face was beet red, though Lightning just attributed that to overexerting herself during the flight.
“N-no, I slept,” Derpy assured Rainbowshine.
“By the way, what happened to your eye?”
Derpy instinctively touched the raw bruise on her face. “Long story,” she muttered, pushing the door open. “Come on, let’s get to work.”
“Don’t forget about me,” a voice called. All four mares turned towards the sound. A mare with a yellow coat and a teal mane landed next to Lightning.
“Raindrops!” Blossomforth exclaimed. All the veteran postal workers suddenly crowded the new mare while Lightning tried to figure out where she’d heard that name before.
“I thought you’d be on maternity leave for a few more weeks,” Derpy stated. “You did just give birth last month.”
“As luck would have it, I found a nanny for the little guy. Besides, I wanted to get back as soon as possible.” Raindrops finally recognized Lightning around the same time Lightning recognized her. “So who’s this?”
“Oh, this is Lightning. She’s the newest member of the Ponyville Post family… and uh… she’s kind of been borrowing your uniform while you’ve been out.”
Raindrops nodded. “Nice to meet you.” The two shook hooves. “Quick question, you didn’t jack off in my uniform, did you?”
Lightning’s face contorted into a look of disgust and confusion and she recoiled back. “What ?!”
Rainbowshine snorted. “Great first impression, Raindrops.”
The yellow mare grinned. “Sorry,” she said to Lightning. “But I had to ask. One year we hired a temp who got a little too… heated I guess is the right word, in the back room. I just wanted to make sure my uniform wouldn’t have any unexpected stains on it.”
Lightning had yet to change her expression. “What ?!”
Derpy meekly grinned, and reassuringly patted her on the shoulder. “Relax, Lightning. Just consider this some… uh… hazing. You know, a little good, clean fun?”
“There is nothing clean about what she just suggested.” The girls all gave a laugh at Lightning’s clear discomfort, so she shook her head in an attempt to reset her facial features.
“Calm down.” Raindrops grinned. “It’s not like I would have worn it if you rubbed one in with it on.”
“Hey, I have an idea,” Lightning loudly put in. “Let’s just drop this whole conversation all together.”
“Sounds good to me,” Derpy concurred. All five of them crammed through the tiny doors of the post office and began walking towards the break room. Lightning unconsciously distanced herself from Raindrop as they did so, until she realized something.
She tapped Derpy on the shoulder. “Hey, if Raindrop’s back, then what am I going to use for a uniform?” Derpy, Rainbowshine, and Blossomforth shared a few excited glances. “What’s going on?”
“Well,” Derpy said. “We’ve… uh… had a surprise ready for you, and I guess now would be the time to reveal it.”
Lightning cocked her head, before finding herself pulled into the break room by three eager mares. “Okay seriously now, what’s going on?” They stopped dragging her when they made it the lockers.
Derpy bounced into view. “Okay now, close your eyes and hold out your hoof.”
Though the request was slightly odd, she complied. Her eyelids fell shut, and her hoof extended. A second later something small and metallic was dropped into it. Her eyes instinctively popped open. In her hoof was a small, shiny key.
Lightning’s head jerked up as she looked from the key to the locker in front of her. “No.” She glanced at her co-workers. “You guys didn’t.”
“We did.” Blossomforth grinned.
“Go on newbie, test it out.”
Lightning inserted her new key into the lock and turned. Derpy’s face looked like it might explode with giddy anticipation as the tumblers click, unlocking the metal door.
Opening it with a firm yank, Lightning’s eyes widened as she spied its contents. Inside was a fresh, pleated mailmare’s uniform. And it looked to be just her size.
“Holy bucking shit!” she screamed. “Is that for me?”
“It’s in your locker, you idiot,” Rainbowshine said jokingly. “Who do you think it belongs to? Princess Celestia?”
Lightning grabbed the uniform and pressed it close to her, inhaling the scent of fresh linen. “You guys are the best!”
“Group hug!”
Derpy leapt into Lightning, wrapping her in a tight embrace. Rainbowshine and Blossomforth joined before too long, and even Raindrops slipped in. They stayed huddled up for a moment, Derpy burying her head into Lightning’s chest, but eventually all came to the consensus that work had to start soon. Disentangling themselves from each other, Lightning began to try on her new uniform.
“Fits like a glove,” she exclaimed, the hat squarely placed on her head. The rest of the uniform snuggly wrapped around her body. She strutted around for a few seconds just to break it in.
“Yep, and this one you can jack off in if ya want,” Raindrops threw in, going for her own locker.
Lightning was about to recoil, but Derpy intervened. “Since you’re already suited up, do you want to grab the letters for today? I’ll be out in a sec.”
“Sure,” Lightning decided, happy to escape any more potential masturbation comments from Raindrops.
She trotted out of the break room and went for the mailbags. Conversation drifted out from the break room as the other mares changed, but she managed to tune them out. That is… until her name came up.
“…Lighting Dust and you are totally a thing now, right Derpy?” Blossomforth asked.
A thing? What the heck does that mean? Out of curiosity Lightning strained to hear more.
“Come on, we’re friends… it’s not like that.”
“Are you sure?” Rainbowshine piped up. “Cause word around the block is you came home last night toting a very curvy, gold-haired pegasus on your back.”
“Really?” Raindrops asked. “What’s that all about, Derps?”
“It’s… we’re just living together, girls. No big deal.”
“No big deal? That sounds like a very big deal to me! Either you two are getting a little hanky-panky going or–”
“It’s not like that, I swear!” Mailbag in tow, Lightning began walking back to the break room. Whatever the discussion was about, she could tell Derpy didn’t like it and needed an excuse to leave.
“But you want it to be like that right?” Lightning rounded the corner just as Blossomforth finished speaking.
Derpy’s face was redder than a tomato, her out of sync eyes darting about while the other three mares were all giving her info-prying looks.
“Hey Derpy,” Lightning interrupted. Four heads snapped in her direction, each looking shocked and embarrassed as if they’d been doing something wrong. Lightning didn’t think too much of it and held up her bags. “Mail’s ready.”
“Oh… right.” Derpy scurried away from the other mares and began walking with Lightning out of the post office. “So… uh… how much of that did you hear?”
“Not a lot,” Lightning lied. She didn’t know why she said that; maybe she didn’t want Derpy to be more embarrassed than she already was, or maybe it was just her subconscious feeling that it was a topic not to touch. Either way, Derpy seemed happy to have the subject dropped.
“We better get to our rounds then.”
Lightning heard her stomach grumble. “Can we make them quick? I know we just ate but I’m already ready for our-“
“-Lunch break!”
Derpy had to duck to avoid Lightning’s enthusiastic hoof pumping. “Watch it.” She smiled. “I don’t need another black eye.” The response was immediate; Lightning lowered her legs and looked almost ashamed. Derpy sighed, her eyes rolling. “It was a joke, Lightning.”
“I know, I know.” Lightning forced a smile. “I just… I still feel like an ass, okay?”
“You are an ass. Sometimes,” Derpy said with a grin. “But you’re my ass. Uh… I mean… you’re my friend.”
Lightning’s smile was genuine this time. “Hey, do you think we should invite Time with us? Knowing him he’s probably worked right through every lunch since we last saw him.”
Derpy only needed a second to ponder the suggestion. “Good idea. Afterwards I’ll force him to hang out with Dinky. Can’t have him breaking a promise to a foal.”
With a nod, Lightning concurred. She glanced down the street. “This way to his place, right?”
“Yep. You’re getting to know your way around town pretty well.” They started walking towards the clock shop.
“Well, considering I live and work here now, I should get some kind of mental map going. Wait a minute…”
Derpy cocked her head. “What?”
“Why the buck are we walking? We’re flippin’ pegasi!” She snapped her wings open and lifted into the air. Derpy followed suit, and the two soared low to the ground on their way to Time’s place.
They reached the clock shop in a matter of seconds, and Lightning practically kicked the door in. On the other side, Time was in the middle of a heated argument.
“Shut up!” he screamed.
There was a clock before him, a cuckoo clock to be specific, and it was being very noise. “Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!”
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Time raged. “Don’t make me take a screwdriver to you. You know I will.”
‘Cuckoo!”
“Gah!”
Derpy and Lightning shared a look. “Um… should we come back later?”
Time whipped his head around, a smile coming to his face despite the blaring noise from the clock behind him. “Oh, hi girls, I didn’t see you come in.” He glanced back at the cuckoo clock with a pissed look. “Or hear you.”
“Yeah well,” Derpy spoke over the loud background noise. “We were wondering if you’d join us for lunch.”
“Sure. I just need to fix this damn thing before I go.”
Lightning briskly walked forward, calmly took the cuckoo clock in one hoof, and proceeded to bash it against the counter top repeatedly. After five of six hits, the gears inside whirred and the noise ceased. She tossed the battered mess on the floor and turned to Time. “Fixed.”
Time Turner opened his mouth, and let his jaw hang for a moment. “Eh,” he finally said. “I never liked that clock anyways.”
“So where to, Derpy?”
“I was the thinking the Hayburger,” she replied, nudging her head to the restaurant across the street.
“Fast food?” Time asked. “I dunno…”
“Don’t be a priss.” Lightning grabbed his hoof and yanked him forward.
“All right, fine.”
The trio made their way to the Hayburger; Lightning’s hungry stomach propelling her forward. Derpy opted to hang back with Time Turner.
“So,” he annunciated. “How are… things?”
“Lightning Dust moved in with me,” Derpy blurted out.
Time blinked. “Uh…”
“She really needed a place to stay,” she continued. “And, my home was available… kinda… and I didn’t want to keep it a secret from you.”
“Uh…”
Derpy blinked. “You think I’m being stupid.”
“I did not say that.”
“You were thinking it.”
“…Maybe.”
Derpy bit her lip. “Well what was I supposed to do? You didn’t see her place Time, it was… Celestia, there are no words to describe how retched it was. She needed to get out of there.”
Time sighed, his chestnut chest exhaling a long, unsteady breath. “Derpy, are you sure this is about what’s best for Lightning and not …” he looked to make sure the aqua-marine pegasus was still out of earshot. “…that thing you told be about at the bar?”
Her gray features morphed into mortification. “You think I’m letting Lightning sleep on my couch because I think it will make her love me?”
Turner barely had time to blink before Derpy delivered a slap to his cheek. “Ow!”
“How dare you even insinuate that!” Derpy was fuming. “Do you honestly believe I would–”
“Of course not,” Time interrupted. “I just… I don’t want you making choices that you may regret later.”
“What?” Derpy’s anger dissipated, giving way to confusion. Unfortunately, she did not get anytime to press Time for questions.
“Hey guys!” Lightning yelled from up ahead. “Move it will ya?”
Shooting her friend one last look of frustrated confusion, Derpy turned toward the Hayburger and broke into a trot. Time Turner wasn't too far behind.
Author's Note
So, I was planning on writing a long chapter of around 8000-ish words, but when I saw that I wasn't even halfway through with all the stuff I wanted to write, then I knew I'd have to either split this up, or hit five figures with one chapter. Seeing as how I didn't want to delay, this was what I chose.
Also, feel free to yell at me regarding typos. I know some slipped through.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Casa Del Derpy [Part Two]
“So, you and Time were kinda quiet at lunch,” Lightning casually mentioned as they trotted behind the chestnut stallion towards Dinky’s school. “Was there a problem?”
“Huh? What are you talking about?” Derpy felt her eyes dart off to the side.
“Come on, Derpy. I’m not oblivious. What’s up?”
Derpy remained silent. What was she supposed to say? ‘Well, Time and I are kinda fighting because he thinks that I’m trying to manipulate your emotions so you love me like I love you’. As if she’d ever say tell Lightning that. Instead, she sighed.
“I’m… worried he’s spending too much time in his shop,” Derpy lied through her teeth.
“Well, duh,” Lightning grinned, oblivious as usual. “But that’s par for the course when it comes to Time.”
“Yeah… silly me for getting a little worked up.” Derpy forced out two laughs before the awkwardness felt like it might kill her. Lightning either didn’t notice or didn’t mention it.
“I bet Dinky’ll be happy to see him.”
Derpy nodded, but didn’t continue the conversation when she saw they were nearing the schoolhouse.
“The bell will ring soon,” Time called back to them. He stopped walking and allowed Derpy and Lightning to catch up. “I should know; I calibrated the school clock myself.”
“Nopony asked,” Lightning said with rolled eyes. “But do go on about the wonders of clock calibration.”
Time blinked. “Oh, well if you insist. The first step is to–”
“Sarcasm, Turner. Celestia, don’t you know the meaning of the word?”
He “harrumphed” indignantly while Derpy giggled. As if the universe sensed it would help drive the point home, the school bell rang at that moment. A mere two seconds later, foals were clamoring out of the tiny door. Dinky was among them, fleeing the building as fast as her legs could carry her. Her eyes caught sight of her mother and she smiled. Her grin doubled in length upon seeing Time.
“Uncle Turner!” Dinky bounded up to the workaholic with fervent joy. They embraced. “I knew you’d keep your promise.”
“Of course I would.” He grinned, setting Dinky down and tousling her hair. “What kind of heartless jerk would break a promise to a sweet filly like you?”
“Not the kind of heartless jerk I’d want to know, that’s for sure.”
“Do you know a lot of heartless jerks?” Lightning asked.
Dinky’s eyes darted off to the side. Following her line of sight, Lightning saw two small fillies, one pink the other gray, walking out of the school. “Only a couple.”
“Come on, Dinky. There’s a chocolate chip muffin at home with your name on it.”
“Yay!”
Dinky dashed forward, instantly taking the lead. Time Turner ran after her, playfully engaging a game of tag with her. Derpy could tell Lightning was feeling compelled by her competitive nature to join in, but was holding herself back.
“Don’t we still have work?” she asked, indicating her uniform.
“Relax, we got all our mail delivered before lunch. We’ll be fine to take the rest of the day off.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.” I’m sure the girls will forgive me this one time. “Now come on.” Derpy booped Lightning on the nose and bolted. “You’re it.”
“I am never playing tag with you again.” Time Turner pressed his bag full of ice deeper into his eye. “Ever .”
Lightning Dust snorted. “I said I was sorry.”
“You jabbed your hoof into my cornea !”
“Oh hush.” Derpy patted him on the back. “Time, I seriously doubt you got any sort of lasting damage from one little poke in the eye, and Lightning did apologize.”
Turner huffed. On the other side of the kitchen, Dinky smacked her lips together, delighting in her muffin. Lightning glanced over at the kid, and then over to the tray of muffins on the edge of the table. “I’m going to see if there are any more chocolate chip ones left.”
“You don’t deserve a muffin.” Time scowled.
“You don’t deserve an ice pack.”
“You’re both acting like children,” Derpy groaned playfully.
Dinky took her treat out of her mouth for a brief moment. “Hooray! I’m the mature one!” Derpy smiled.
“So,” Lightning grabbed a muffin and bit into it. “What’s the plan?”
“What plan?” Derpy and Turner cocked their heads to the side simultaneously.
“You know… the plan. What are we going to do for fun?” Lightning swallowed and attacked her food again.
“Well, we could always just talk,” Turner suggested.
“About what?”
“My seething eye pain.”
Lightning facehoofed. “I bet it doesn’t even hurt anymore.”
“How about I poke you in the eye then, huh? We’ll see what hurts then.”
“No violence,” the ever-mature Dinky quipped while licking muffin crumbs from her hooves.
“Bummer.” Lightning finished off her muffin. “So what did you want to talk about?”
Turner shrugged. “I recently got a massive order from a friend in Manehattan. We could talk about tha–”
“Nope.”
He sighed, a little miffed. “Well fine. Then I’ve got nothing.”
“Then why even bring it up?”
“I have an idea,” Derpy interjected. The corner of her mouth darted upwards. “Why don’t we talk about your date with Rider?”
Turner sighed loudly. “It wasn’t a date. We just got lunch together.”
Lightning Dust grinned wickedly, picking up on the chance for some good-natured teasing. “I doubt that, Time. You and Rider were alone, eating lunch, and also he thinks you’re sexy. Sounds like a date to me.”
The tips of Time’s ears turned red. “I already told him up front that I’m not interested, okay?”
“And you still got lunch with him?”
“Yes.”
Derpy and Lightning shared a look. “Totally a date.”
Turner grunted. Dinky hopped out of her chair, finished with her muffin, and disappeared into another room.
“We didn’t even do that much. It was literally just lunch.”
“If you insist,” Derpy said.
Suddenly, Time’s expression changed, as if something had just popped into his mind. “Actually, I almost forgot. He mentioned he’d be stopping by on Saturday.”
“Really?” Lightning smiled. “Awesome. We’ll have to hit the bar then.”
“Just please don’t start another fight,” Derpy said. Lightning’s smile dropped.
“Is that how you got that shiner?” Turner asked. Derpy’s head swiveled to him and she unconsciously touched her face. “Sorry. I wasn’t going to say anything, but since you brought it up…”
“Yes,” she sighed. Turner shot Derpy a look, which she returned with one of her own. Lightning watched as they had a whole silent conversation in front of her. It got really intense when Derpy seemed ready to poke Time in his good eye.
Her eyebrows knitted together and she was about to say something before Dinky burst back into the room, a game board in tow.
“Who want’s to play checkers?”
Once the basic concept of Dinky’s favorite game was explained to Lightning, they’d played for quite some time. Unfortunately, she couldn’t concentrate. Between the intense stare down earlier, and their lack of conversation at lunch, something was going on between Time Turner and Derpy. Lightning just had no idea what it was about.
Dinky hopped over her last three checker pieces and let loose a cry of victory. Lightning gave the kid a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Her head wasn’t really in the game. She was more focused on Derpy and Time. They’d pulled out their own game board a while ago, but were paying even less attention to it than Lightning. They were still deep in that silent conversation, but Lightning’s horrible pony reading skills didn’t help her follow along. Judging by the amount their eyes darted in her general direction, she thought it had something to do with Dinky. Lightning glanced back at the kid, who was already resetting the game board.
“Come on Ms. Lightning, best nine out of seventeen.”
“I already told you, Dinky, you don’t have to call me Miss. Lightning is all you need to capture my awesomeness.”
Dinky laughed. The sound broke Derpy away from her silent, yet heated, discussion. Her eyes glazed the clock and widened as a result.
“Okay, it’s late,” she decreed. “Dinky, I think it’s time you go to bed.”
“What? But mommy, it’s not a school night!”
“Dinky…” Derpy’s voice had suddenly acquired a harsh motherly tone.
Sighing she rose from her seat. “All right.” She trotted over to Time Turner and wrapped his forelegs in a tight embrace. “Bye Uncle Turner. Please visit again soon.”
He smiled. “I’ll be sure to.”
Dinky poked her head up. “Tomorrow?”
“Uh… I can try.” He sounded sincere, but Lightning knew Time was liable to lock himself in the workshop for the next week or so. She’d be surprised if he remembered to eat, let alone visit Dinky.
Turner waved goodbye to them as he walked to the door. He shot one last glance at Derpy however, apparently ending whatever silent conversation they’d been having.
Dinky turned to her mother, hugging her in a similar manner. “Goodnight, mommy.”
“Goodnight, my little muffin.” Derpy nuzzled her daughter affectionately. Lightning smiled at the sweet display, but replaced it with a look of confusion as Dinky trotted up to her.
“Goodnight, Lightning.” Her eyes widened as Dinky hugged her forelegs. For a moment, Lightning froze, unsure of what to do.
“Uh… you too, kiddo.” It was weak, but Dinky seemed appeased. Her fuzzy body released Lightning and she trotted for the stairs.
“She must really like having you around,” Derpy remarked. “It took forever before she started hugging Time Turner like that.”
“Yeah… Hey, I think I’ll hit the hay.”
Derpy yawned in agreement. “Don’t forget to take off your mailmare uniform.”
Lightning looked down and saw that she was in fact still wearing the gray and navy uniform. “Oh dang, I completely forgot. Should we take it back?”
Derpy unbuttoned her own vest and shrugged. “We’ll be back on Monday, and it’s not like they’ll be missed.”
“True.” Lightning snapped the buttons off and wiggled free of her uniform. She tossed it, along with the cap, onto the coffee table. Derpy tiredly duplicated the action, yawning again. “You’re pretty worn out, aren’t you?”
“Yeah… been a long week I guess.”
Lightning nodded her agreement and let Derpy head for bed. She’d bring up the subject of her silent argument with Turner some other time. In truth, she was tired too. As Derpy climbed the steps, Dust hopped onto the sofa. After a second or two of squirming, she settled in, and was out in a few minutes.
When Saturday rolled around, Lightning wasn’t aware of it until noon had already passed. During the morning she was like rock, not moving in her deep sleep except when her unconscious brain made her breath. Ensconced on the sofa, she slept until the need for food forced her awake more than anything.
Her eyes opened sluggishly, and she felt a slight tickle on her snout. Wrinkling her nose, she found it didn’t go away. Irritated, she slapped her face with her hoof, and found something papery stuck to her snout. Removing it, she found it to be a sticky note. Flipping it over, she saw something scrawled on. Squinting, she could make it out.
Lightning, the cymbals didn’t work again so I just decided to let you sleep in. I’m running a few errands, so could you watch Dinky for me? I mean, assuming you’ve woken up before I’ve gotten back. But, I guess if you’re reading this that means you’re already up, so watch Dinky for me. Thanks.
-Derpy
Lightning crumpled up the note once she finished reading. It was an uncomfortable reminder of another time she’d woken up with a note stuck to her face because of Derpy. She was already too late to stop the sequence of memories that it brought up.
That kiss. That bucking kiss.
She groaned loudly, and tossed the mangled sticky note across the room. For weeks she’d been avoiding thinking about that one kiss, and now she was stuck with it in her thoughts.
Just move on already, she told herself. It didn’t mean anything. Derpy’s never even brought it up! Why should I stay stuck on it?
It was hard not to think about now that it was in her brain. Just the faded feeling of Derpy’s tongue running through the insides of her cheek and a faint image of Derpy’s face pressed against hers were all that was left, but it was enough. The memory made her want to shudder, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. Instead, Lightning couldn’t help but wonder if there was a chance Derpy still thought about it too.
I mean, it was kinda how we met... it would be hard for her not to think about it either right? But if she does… Lightning groaned, wanting a distraction before her thoughts really took over. Wait, Dinky! Of course that filly would be able to take her mind off of this.
Standing, Lightning looked around, and decided to start looking for Dinky in the kitchen. This was ten percent due to reasonable thought and ninety percent due to her stomach-caving hunger.
Luckily for her, when she stepped in the kitchen she saw two muffins on the table along with a very bored looking Dinky. The poor filly had papers, binders, and pencils alike spread out before her, with only one explanation for it all. Homework. I feel for you, kiddo.
Lightning pulled up a chair, causing Dinky to look her way. They exchanged a nod and Lightning pointed to the muffins, then her stomach. Dinky smiled and nodded before turning to the work strewn in front of her.
After taking three bites of the fluffy, baked good, Lightning spoke. “So… what’d ya got there?”
“Math,” Dinky mumbled. “It’s really boring.”
“That’s like… the definition of math, kid.” Lightning laughed, though Dinky barely offered a smile.
“Do you think you can help?”
Lightning paused, having not expected that question. “Uh… what’s it on?”
“Fractions.”
Oh thank Celestia. “Yeah, that’s easy enough.”
She spent the next few minutes more or less feeding Dinky the answers while biting into her muffins. It was pretty boring, but they both cleared a few worksheets and Dinky promptly threw them into the pile.
“Thanks.”
“Yeah, no problem.”
“…”
“So… do you like school?”
“It’s okay.”
“Have any friends?”
“A couple.”
“Cool…”
It was a riveting conversation. Running out of small talk topics, Lightning tapped her hoof against the floor. She hadn’t expected such a dull pause to come up. After all, Dinky was usually so bubbly and upbeat, and with the math homework out of the way she didn’t really have a reason to be so… emotionless.
“Hey, Lightning?”
Torn away from the thoughts, Lightning looked back to Dinky and ceased her hoof tapping. “Yeah?”
“How did mommy hurt her eye? I asked her about it again, but she wouldn’t tell me.” Lightning could detect a lot of concern in the kid’s voice.
“Uh… I don’t know if I should talk about it. If Derpy doesn’t want you to know…” she trailed off, noticing a thin layer of water rising in Dinky’s eyes. Guilt broke her. “She got hit in the face when we were hanging out the other night.”
Dinky’s jaw unhinged, her eyes widening. “Who would do that to her?”
“Just some bitc– I mean… mare. She wasn’t even aiming your mom. She was trying to hit me, and Derpy got in the way.”
“Why would anypony want to hit you?” Dinky’s voice was still plagued with concern. Not nearly the amount that it had been for her mother, though, but enough to show she cared.
“I was being stupid and acting… I guess reckless is a good word for it.” Lightning sighed. That word. That one bucking word.
“So, mommy will be okay?”
“Totally. I made sure the mare who clocked her one regretted it.”
Dinky blinked. “You beat her up?”
“Yep.”
“Mommy says we should never hurt anypony with violence, no matter what they do.”
“I know. I just couldn’t help it,” Lightning admitted. Dinky cocked her head, expecting more elaboration. “Look… when I saw Derpy get hurt I… I snapped. I didn’t feel anything but blind fury and the only thing I could think about was beating the shi– er… crap out of the mare for what she did.”
“You care about my mommy that much?” Dinky asked, her voice soft.
“Totally.”
Dinky observed Lightning thoughtfully for a moment. “Do… do you want to play checkers again?”
I touched down in Ponyville, not sure exactly how to feel. Partly, I was immensely nervous that Lightning and Derpy figured out the rouse I’ve been pulling these past few weeks. At the same time, I hoped that they had managed to figure it out by. It would be a relief not to lie anymore, despite how much of a mess it was going to be. I know they haven’t though; the severe lack of Lightning breaking into my house at night and beating the shit out of me made that apparent.
Either way, I still landed in front of Time’s place instead of Derpy’s house. Surprisingly, he noticed my arrival, and actually came out to greet me.
“Hey,” he said.
“’Sup sexy?” Since my very blatant rejection, I’ve taken to messing with Time a little. It’s a pleasant change of pace between us, instead of him hating me for leading Derpy along with false hopes.
“I… you… err…” Turner shood his head. “Just don’t call me that in front of the girls. They’re already convinced we’re dating.”
“Really? Can they convince you too?” I laughed as his face scrunched into playful irritation. “On a serious note. Do they… know?”
“No. I was over there yesterday and they’re still completely oblivious. Also, why didn’t anypony tell me that Derpy got hurt?”
I blinked, remembering her shiner. “Yeah… it was just a teeny tiny… bar fight.”
“Yeah I know. And I also know it was Lightning who caused it.”
I made a sheepish expression. “She was drunk, dude.”
He sighed, a bit overdramatically. “I know. Accidents happen, but… Derpy’s already going to get crushed emotionally from this. I don’t want her taking any other abuse.”
“Yeah… I know.” I put a hoof to my head. “This is a load of shit.”
“It’s our load of shit, and we have to deal with it.” Time walked ahead, and I moved with him.
I though about what he just said. Our load of shit. Time was really setting himself up as a target with that one, especially since I’m responsible for everything. I can't have Derpy angry at the both of us; especially considering the massive fallout that'll happen when this paper-thin lie of ours finally breaks. She's going to need a friend to help her get through it, and it might as well be the veteran. “Time… when Derpy finds out, I’ll bite the bullet okay? She doesn’t need to know you even knew Lightning was straight.”
He blinked. “Are you kidding? You realize that if she doesn’t kill you, Lightning will. You don’t want both of them pissed, Rider.”
“I deserve it. I forced Lightning to flirt with Derpy, I’ve avoided telling her, and I dragged you into it by telling you the truth. This isn’t our load of shit, it’s mine.”
“…Okay…” We continued silently for a moment, the looming reality of my situation hung over us like and anvil suspended in mid-air by a line of dental floss. “So, this is a totally logical topic change, but why aren’t you a dancer or something? It is your special talent.”
I glanced at the silhouetted dancing pony on my ass. “I gave up on that back in college.”
“Really?”
“Yep, the last time I danced in public was during Robin Hoof.”
“Ah yes, when you wore the tights.”
My face exploded from yellow to red. I groaned, “Yes, the Celestia damned tights.”
Turner laughed. “Relax, I’m sure you looked a little… sexy in them.”
My eyebrow arched. “Dude, don’t joke about calling me that unless we get to make out or something. It’s all right when I do it cause you dumped me, but the other way around…”
“I didn’t dump you! We never even dated!” It was his turn to blush. “You know what? Fine, I’ll leave that kind of stuff to you. But seriously, why did you give up dancing? I know it wasn’t the tights.”
I offered a grin. “It was like, five percent tights.”
“The other ninety-five percent?”
I offered a sigh this time. “Bunch of assholes wrote some shitty reviews of me in the college paper after Robin Hoof’s opening night.”
“And that’s what made you give up on dancing?” Time was incredulous.
“It wasn’t just that. What, you think I’d let one or two asshats beat me down enough to quit?” My voice rose as other memories surface. I managed to calm down before telling Time. “Look, I auditioned for more musicals, but I never got into any after that. The reviews kept me out of them in college, and I tried going to Bridleway right after, but got shot down a lot. I ended up working as a stagehoof until I finally just quit the dream and became a paper pusher.” I finished with a sigh.
“Oh… I’m sorry.”
“Small consolation, even if it’s from a hot guy.”
We walked in silence after this, and I only really had myself to blame for making things awkward.
“You know, I was talking with an old friend of mine from Manehattan the other day and he said that Hinny on the Hills is going to be going up soon, but they’ve been having some casting issues.”
Not this again. “Is this going to go where I think it is?”
“You could audition and probably get a part.”
“It did go where I thought it was going.” I sighed. “Look, Turner, that dream is dead for me, all right? I’d prefer not to have it dragged up again.”
He became crestfallen. “I was only making a suggestion.”
“And I appreciate it. I just don’t want to set myself up for failure again. Besides… I’m out of practice.”
“Really? Now that I can’t believe.”
I shook my head. “I haven’t danced in… hell, years.”
“Oh come on, nopony just loses their special talent. Show me some moves or something.”
“No.” I can tell at this point he’s left the rekindled-you-abandoned-dreams mentality and moved towards playful ribbing, but I won’t dance for him either way.
“Come on.” He poked me. “Just a little bit?”
I offered him a laugh and shook my head. Unfortunately, in doing so I collided with a mare who was coming out of a nearby grocery store. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I’m the one who fell to the ground, letting out an “oof” along with a few curses aimed in random directions.
“Rider?” I looked up at the mare who knocked me over.
“Hey, Derpy.”
Lightning held back a sour look as Dinky hopped over one of her last checker pieces.
“King me!” the little filly declared with a boisterous smile.
Holding back her competitive nature, Lightning gave the checker piece its crown. She was now left with just one of her own, and it was currently encircled by all twelve of Dinky’s all-powerful kings. Despite this, Lightning was having a fairly good time. Dinky was a great sport when it came to winning, which was apparently something she did a lot of.
Glancing down at the board, Lightning saw she had no other choice than to move her piece into jumping range of Dinky’s forces. Sighing internally, she nudged it up one square and briefly toyed with the idea of flipping the game board over.
She didn’t though, and smiled as Dinky hopped over it, securing victory.
“Good game,” she said, plucking Lightning’s piece off of the board. “Wanna go again?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
Dinky grinned knowingly. “Tired of losing?”
Lightning laughed. “Yeah, just a little. Plus, Derpy’ll be home soon, we should probably pack this up.”
“I got it.” Dinky swept the board clean with her hoof. She lowered her head, pointing her horn at the wooden checker pieces on the ground. After a grunt of concentration, Dinky’s horn flared to life and all the pieces illuminated in her gold light. In a flash, they were thrown into the plastic bag, and set on top of the fireplace, along with the game board.
“Wow, that was pretty impressive, kiddo.”
Dinky beamed. “Thanks. I’ve been trying to get better at magic.”
“Well I’d say your doing a pretty awesome job of it.” Lightning flopped onto the couch, wondering what to do in order to kill time until Derpy made it home. Dinky wormed her way onto the couch as well and leaned against Lightning’s side.
Looking down at the kid, Lightning was a tad confused by this gesture, but since it wasn’t inconveniencing either of them she didn’t say anything.
“Lightning Dust… can I ask you a question?”
She grinned. “Other than the one you just asked?”
“I’m serious.” Dinky’s voice was lacking her cheer from earlier. It was much more tentative now, as if she was hesitant about what she was going to ask. “I… I thought about asking my mommy this… but I wasn’t sure.”
“What is it, kiddo?” Lightning watched as Dinky’s eyes darted to the floor, her, and the floor again. “Come on Dinky, you can ask me anything all right? I won’t judge.”
“I’m not worried about you judging me… I just…” Lightning arched an eyebrow. Dinky inhaled and exhaled slowly. “Are you going to be my new second mommy?”
Lightning Dust’s brain shut down for a moment. “I-I… Y-you… What…?” It was the best she could manage while her mind attempted a full reboot.
“I-I’m sorry…” Dinky murmured. “I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just… I used to have two mommies… but one of them left a few years ago and I haven’t seen her since.” Water began building behind her eyes. “I didn’t even get to say good bye to her before she went away… and when I asked Mommy about it, she told me I probably wouldn’t get to see her ever again.”
Lightning felt the kid press deeper into her side, trying to hold back the tears of painful memories. “But then you came along… I saw how happy my mommy is around you, like she was all those years ago. And then you started living here, just like my other mommy did… and we played together… and… and …” she buried her face into Lightning’s side.
Finally, her brain decided to begin functioning again, and she recognized that there was a sobbing filly next to her. Unfurling her wing, Lightning wrapped it around Dinky comfortingly.
“Hey, kiddo, it’s okay.” Dinky whimpered into Lightning’s coat some more. “I… I’m sorry all that shit happened to you. You don’t deserve it.” Lightning held Dinky close as her sobs became softer. “I’m sorry, Dinky, I really am… but your mother and I are just friends. We aren’t… uh… involved together like two mommies would be.” Dinky whimpered. “But it’ll be all right, kiddo. I know Derpy’s an awesome mom to you, and you deserve another mom on the same level of awesomeness she is. Someday you’ll get a mom like that, I promise you.” Dinky didn’t say anything for a while. “You okay?”
“You’re kinda suffocating me,” she mumbled, her face covered by Lightning’s side.
“Oh!” She released Dinky, who in turned gulped in air. Her eyes were a little red, but the tears weren’t there anymore. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay...” she sniffled. “I’m sorry for crying.”
“Nah, it’s okay kid. I can kind of relate; I’ve lost something important to me too. I mean, it wasn’t nearly as important, but I guess I can empathize with you, you know?”
“Yeah, okay.” Dinky wiped her eyes and sniffled once more.
“You going to be all right?”
Dinky nodded. “Please don’t tell my mommy.”
“Are you sure?” Lightning asked. “I mean, if she knew you felt this way…”
“No…” Dinky shook her head somberly. “I… I cry a lot whenever I think about this, but I don’t let my mommy know because she already has enough to worry about. I don’t want her feeling sad because I’m sad sometimes.”
“But she’s your mom. She’d want you to be happy.”
“I know… but if she can’t fix it… then what’s the point?”
Lightning bit her lip, not really sure what to say. She wasn’t the best when it came to emotional stuff, but in this case she had to try. “The point is she’s your mother, and she really cares about you. I know Derpy would want to do everything in her power to make you feel better, Dinky.”
“I know that,” Dinky protested. “But… how is she supposed to fix something like this?”
“…I don’t know, kid. But she’d want to try.”
Dinky blinked, her eyes nearly dry now. She looked at the ground again before she spoke. “I… guess I can think about it. Promise me you won’t tell until then?”
Lightning sighed, knowing Derpy would prefer to know now. “Yeah… kiddo, sure.” She tussled Dinky’s hair, and the kid forced a smile.
“Thanks,” she mumbled. Dinky ensconced herself on the couch again, this time without nuzzling up to Lightning.
Now I just feel bad… Internally she sighed. They sat in silence for a moment, neither really feeling up to finding something else to do. They were prepared to wait for Derpy in silence.
Then there was a knock at the door.
Author's Note
So you know that moment of dread that's been looming for the majority of this fic?
Yeah, It's only three chapters away now.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
“You showed up earlier than expected,” Derpy remarked as Turner helped me up.
“When did you expect me to get here?” I dusted myself off.
“With just enough time to get to a bar.” Derpy hoisted her groceries into her saddlebags, and I noted she had several boxes of muffin mix.
“After our last excursion?” I unconsciously glanced at the shiner on her face. It’s small, less swollen, and all around starting to fade, but it still served as a constant reminder of the dangers of mixing Lightning and a gallon of booze. “Not likely.”
“So… we’re not going to a bar then?” Turner asked.
“Depends… if Lightning drags us there, we don’t have a choice.”
“Yeah… it’s hard to say no to her.” I had a feeling Derpy wouldn’t say no to Lightning, no matter what the request might be. “You guys want to head back to my house? Lightning’s watching Dinky at the moment, but we shouldn’t keep them waiting.”
“You sure they aren’t going to burn down the house? Neither of them are particularly good with an oven, and they both like making muffins.”
“I know, but Dinky has enough sense not to use the oven.”
“Does Lightning?”
Derpy’s face paled slightly. “Yeah, okay, let’s get back.”
We started walking, Derpy taking the lead. Time and I shared a glance, and I could tell we’re both thinking the same thing.
I trotted up next to Derpy. “So… I hear you and Lightning are living together.”
Derpy groaned. “Not you too.”
I blinked, a little confused. “Not me too, what?”
“You think it’s a mistake, just like Time Turner.”
“Whaaat? No.” Even I’m not convinced by my performance.
Derpy slapped my shoulder. “Look, guys, I know what I said at the bar made me sound kind of… stupid.”
“Oh, so you didn’t mean it?” I asked, a little too much relief flooding my voice.
She didn't even hesitate. “No, I meant it. I love Lightning.”
I’m kicked myself mentally. “So… you’re living together… and you love her… and you don’t expect–” Something bad to happen, I finish in my head.
“Expect what?”
“Expect that… you… won’t make a desperate move on her?”
She slapped me again. Harder. “Geeze, Rider, you could have some faith in me. I’m not going to actively try to screw this up.” She took a deep breath to calm down. “I’m going to take it slow, and tell her when the time is right.”
Can you not tell her at all? I shot a worried glance at Time, pleading for assistance.
“Perhaps you should wait for Lightning to make the first move,” he suggested. “She’s certainly the brash and bold type. Why not let her come to you?”
“Because…” Derpy hesitated, and for a second, I believe that we’ve succeeded in kicking this problem even further down the road. My hopes end up deflated. “I want to be the one who says it. I want to take the initiative.”
Dammit. “All right… but just make sure the time is right,” I said.
“Yes,” Time agreed. “There’s no shame in being patient.”
“Hell, being patient’s a good thing. You should hold off on the L-Bomb for like, another month.”
“Or two.”
“Or twelve.”
Derpy cocked her head at the both of us, obviously more than a little confused. “You guys are acting kinda weird.”
We shared a look and burst into an awkward, forced laugh.
“What? Of course we’re not being weird.” Turner looked away, unable to stop his forced laugh.
Derpy’s eyelids lowered. “Guys, I’m not an idiot. What’s going on?”
“Nothing." Her eyebrow rises. “I’m serious, Derpy. It’s really nothing.” Just as long as you don’t barge into your home, make out with Lightning, and declare your undying love for her.
“Okay then.” She's clearly suspicious of something but knows that we won’t be giving it up anytime soon. I could only hope that she’ll take our suggestion to heart and not tell Lightning the truth anytime soon.
But at this point, I might as well be putting a band-aid on a broken bone.
Dinky was still sniffling a little, but for the most part she’d calmed down. The kid sat on the other end of the couch, chin resting on the arm of the furniture. Lightning still felt bad about having to tell her the truth – not to mention her curiosity as to where Dinky had even gotten the idea – but she was just happy things had calmed down a little.
In the midst of this, she remembered that somepony had knocked on the door. As if to remind her, the knock came again, much more repetitive and annoying.
“I’m going to answer the door, okay?”
Dinky nodded. “Probably a good idea.” She was sounding a little more like her usual self. Lightning tousled her hair just a bit and earned a smile.
Getting up, she trotted over to the door. The knocking had yet to cease, and it was beginning to get grating. Lightning heatedly threw open the door to express her annoyance. Standing on the other side was a pony with a mustard colored, teal-haired pegasus. Immediately, Lightning Dust recognized this pony as the mare who thought she’d jacked off in her uniform.
“Uh… Raindrops what are you doing here?”
“Well hello to you to Lightning Dust.”
She snorted. “Hi Raindrops. But seriously, what brings you to Derpy’s place?”
Raindrops held up a small, white rectangle. “Mail delivery.”
Lightning blinked. “I… didn’t think we were supposed to work today.”
“We’re not,” Raindrops replied. “But this was in my mail stack yesterday, and it’s addressed to you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, somepony forwarded from an apartment in Manehattan I think.” She glanced briefly at the envelope. “Cloudsdale. Whatever. Anyways I figured I bring it over today since neither you or Derpy decided to show up after lunch.”
Lightning sheepishly smiled, looking away. “Yeah… sorry ‘bout that.”
“Relax, it’s not like we had anything that important to do. I’m sure whatever little romp you and Derpy had was worth it.”
Tilting her head, Lightning asked, “Romp?”
Raindrops snorted. “Yeah, you know? You guys did the dance with no pants.”
Lightning blinked again and looked behind herself for a moment. “Uh… I don’t wear normally pants.”
Roaring with laughter, Raindrops clapped her on the back. “Nice one. Anyway, here’s your letter.”
With the envelope shoved into her chest, Lightning watched Raindrops nod a goodbye and fly off.
Despite being slightly weirded out by that conversation, Lightning decided to let it go. Considering their first conversation revolved around jacking off in a post office uniform, she figured that this was going to be the norm with Raindrops. Shrugging to herself, Lighting decided to get used to it sooner rather than later.
Curious about her letter, she glanced down at it. It seemed pretty normal, until her eyes met with the return address and every muscle in her body tensed up. Just above the street name lied the two words Lightning hoped she’d never have to see again, despite hoping to at the same time.
Wonderbolts Academy
Without even thinking, she moved to tear open the letter. It was then that she remembered she had hooves, and they were poorly constructed for such a task.
She flew through the living room with enough force to flip over the coffee table in the process. Dinky’s head poked up as her golden mane whipped across her face.
Lightning landed in the kitchen, and rushed over to the nearest set of draws. Tearing them open and flinging through their contents, she gritted her teeth.
Dinky trotted in, a little concerned. “Uh… Lightning, what are you doing?”
“I need a letter opener,” Lightning hastily replied. She slammed the draw closed and tore open a new one. “Come on! Where is it? Where?” The draw was slammed shut and Lightning groaned. “Two frickin’ mailmares live in this house and there isn’t a single letter opener?”
“It’s on the table,” Dinky interrupted. Lightning blinked, turned around, and saw that Dinky was pointing to the kitchen table. Sure enough, right next to the kid’s finished math homework was a silver letter opener. Lightning dove for it.
“Thanks kid!” she said. Gripping the flat knife in her teeth, Lightning ripped open the letter with one clean jerk.
“What is that?” Dinky asked, curious. Lightning froze for a moment, stopping just before she yanked the letter from the confines of the envelope.
“I… I don’t really know what it is,” Lightning responded honestly. “But… it’s from the Wonderbolts.”
“Do you like them?”
Lightning stared at the envelope. “They’re my idols, Dinky. I’ve looked up to them for years. Of course I like them.” She sighed, and muttered to herself. “It’s just lately they don’t like me.”
“Oh… well then maybe the letter is good news then.” Dinky offered her a smile, and Lightning marveled at how good the kid was at hiding her emotions. Just a mere three minutes ago Dinky had been curled up in a ball, crying her eyes out, and now here she was being her usual plucky self. No wonder Derpy had yet to catch on.
“Hopefully.” Lightning picked away at the open edges of the envelope suddenly unsure if she wanted to read its contents. Dinky wandered over to the counter and grabbed one of the few remaining muffins.
“Aren’t you going to read it?” Dinky asked, biting into her fluffy baked good.
“…Yeah.” Lightning peeled the letter out and tossed the envelope onto the table. Unfolding it slowly, she peeked at the first line of text. Then the next. And the next. When she finished, her jaw unhinged.
Lightning blinked, rubbed her eyes, and slapped herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming, all the while Dinky merely observing with a curious glance. Out of disbelief, Lightning read the letter again.
Dear Lightning Dust,
Recently, your termination as a cadet of the Wonderbolts Academy was reviewed and discussed among the board of directors. After some debate, we have decided that your expulsion was a rash, and unfitting punishment, despite your reckless action. We are willing to offer you a spot back at the Academy on a probationary period. Should you complete this period of time with no further slip-ups, or erroneous behavior, you’re full cadet status will be restored. If you are willing to rejoin, report to the training grounds next Thursday at three p.m. sharp for an interview and placement re-assignment.
Sincerely,
Commander Spitfire
Lightning dropped the paper and did something she had never, ever done in her life before.
She squealed.
Lightning Dust knew it wasn’t cool, wasn’t awesome, wasn’t anything she would associate herself with. She squealed all the same.
For what was probably a good, solid minute she emitted a high pitched noise of glee that would make any passerby confuse her with a dolphin. When she finally calmed down, she was slightly out of breath, and noticed Dinky giving her a concerned look as if she thought Lightning had brain damage.
Scooping up the paper, Lightning found she couldn’t contain and ear to ear grin. She found that only slightly disconcerting, but was in too good a mood to try and stop it.
“Sorry,” she said to Dinky, who was still confused. “I just… I got some really good news.”
“Okay,” Dinky slowly replied. She took a bite out of her muffin without breaking eye contact. The awkwardness didn’t even faze Lightning. She was too overjoyed to care.
“You’ve got to excuse me for a second, Dinky. I… need a sec.” Dinky nodded understandingly, but was still giving her a slightly confused look. Lightning backed out of the kitchen, and stared down at the paper in front of her. Another squeal began bubbling up inside of her, but she forced it down.
Once Lightning had walked out of Dinky’s line of sight, she bolted. After looking for a quick second, she settled on the bathroom, and ran in. When the door was shut, she knew it was safe to begin partying externally.
“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!” She looked down at the paper, just to be extra sure this wasn’t a dream. Not a single glorious word had changed. “Buck yes!” Lightning threw up her hoof in the air.
I can’t freaking believe it! I’m back in! They want me back in! I’m a Wonderbolt again!
Lightning held her own mini-dance party in Derpy’s bathroom, just to release some of the excess cheer. It didn’t do much, considering how much enthusiasm was jolting through her body at that point. After two immensely long weeks, untold gallons of booze, and practically fighting a depression, it was over. She was going back to the Wonderbolts Academy. All of her crushed dreams were suddenly possible again; the life she’d envisioned for herself since she was a filly was suddenly possible again.
“I feel bucking invincible!” Lightning hollered. She punched her hoof into the bathroom wall in excitement.
“Ah! Buck!” The bathroom wall was apparently made out of brick. “Okay, I’m not invincible.” Lightning cradled her hoof near her body. One look at the letter dispelled the pain though, and she started laughing joyfully. “Who cares? I’m back in! Oh thank Celestia, I’m back in!”
Her eyes felt watery, as if in any moment she might burst into tears of joy. Lightning rested her back on the brick wall, laughing gleefully with the dam of her eyes about to burst.
Somehow though her celebration she heard the door open, and subsequently her ears perked up.
“Dinky, Lightning, I’m back.”
Derpy led us into her house while grappling with her saddlebag in order to remove the groceries. Time stepped forward to take some of the bags, and that’s when a aqua-marine blur shoots forward and wrapped around Derpy. Both she and Time Turner flinched in shock.
I blinked before I realize who it was.
“L-Lightning?” Derpy’s face was bright red.
“Guys! I just got the best news ever!” Lightning gave Derpy a squeeze and then released her. She then targeted the nearest body and wrapped her hooves around him. Turner almost dropped the groceries in surprise.
“Uh… this is unusual,” he mumbled.
“Lightning, are you drunk or something?” I asked this knowing that Lightning usually isn’t a cheerful drunk, but it’s the only logical explanation I can think of off the top of my head.
She grinned. “Nope.” Releasing Time, she trained her sights on me. “By the way, you’re next, dipshit.”
“Wait, wha– Oof!” I’m cut off by the most bone-crushing hug of my life. Seriously, I could hear my ribs cracking. When Lightning finally let go, I gasped for air.
“Okay, I’ll bite,” Time said. “What has gotten into you?”
Lightning smiled and held up a piece of paper. I’m still recovering from having all the air ripped from my lungs, and Derpy seems too flustered to breath. Noting this, Time Turner sets his now crushed grocery bag on the ground and grabs the paper. His eyes darted across several lines while his expression went from neutral, to surprise, to excitement.
“Whoa! Lightning, congrats!”
“What is it?” I wheezed out. Turner shoved the paper in my face. I scanned it, still trying to determine the number of bruises my ribs now have. When my eyes fall upon the fourth of fifth line they practically bulged out of my skull.
“Holy shit!” I cried before I can stop myself. Derpy recovered enough from what I could only guess is an almost-wingboner long enough to give me a scolding stare. My eyes darted over to Dinky, who was now in the room.
Oops.
“Seriously though, Lightning. Congratulations.”
“Is anypony going to tell me what’s going on?” Derpy asked.
“Dusty’s back in the Wonderbolts Academy.” I patted her on the back as I say the words. Her face exploded into a wider grin. Derpy mirrored the action, realizing what this meant for Lightning.
“Could you say that again? I love hearing it.”
“Dusty’s back in the Wonderbolts Academy.”
“Hell yeah I am!” Lightning hoof pumped the air with joy.
“Hell yeah!” Dinky echoed.
Ah dammit. I turned to the kid. “Don’t use that word, okay Dinky?”
“No promises.”
“Dinky,” I heard Derpy sternly say.
“Okay.” The kid hopped over to join us. “So what are we celebartin’?”
“This psycho,” I say, clapping Dust on the back. “Just got back into the Wonderbolts Academy.”
“That’s awesome!” Dinky exclaimed, followed by, “What’s the Wonderbolts Academy?”
“It’s a training camp that only the most elite pegasi get to go to. The Wonderbolts only accept you if you’ve gone through.” Lightning hugged the paper close to her body. “And I’m back in.”
Turner and I shared a slightly awkward glance. Neither of us have ever seen Lightning act like this before, but it certainly makes her depression from the first time we met make a lot more sense. The Wonderbolts must really mean the world to her. I guessed your dreams will do that to you.
“C-Congratulations, Lightning.” Derpy’s finally came out of her flustered shock. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks… I just… I’m so freakin’ happy right now.”
“We’ve gotta celebrate properly,” I said. “How ‘bout it? Drinks on me!”
“Oh, I’ll take some apple juice!” Dinky called out.
I gave her a grin, but my eyes dart from the kid to Derpy. We’ve already exposed her daughter to the wonderful debauchery of profanity; I doubt she wanted booze added on top of it.
“There’s… uh, probably some in the fridge, Dinky.”
Smiling, she bounded back into the kitchen. Derpy turns, giving us all a somewhat disapproving glare.
“So… are we going to the bar or what?”
Time shook his head. “Rider, it’s noon.”
“But… we can still go later, right?” Lightning’s head whipped around with anticipation.
“I’m in,” I said.
“I guess I didn’t have all that much work to do today anyway.”
Lightning looked at the last member of our little platoon. “Derpy?”
Derpy scrunched her face. “Well, I don’t know if it would be appropriate. I mean, we’ve done a lot of drinking lately, and I have to watch over Dinky tonight, and…” she trailed off, seeing the hopeful look on Dust’s face. I watched as she internally sighs. “I… guess I can go to the Dizzy Weasel.”
“Yes! Thanks Derpy, it wouldn’t be the same without you there.”
As Derpy blushed and added, “Y-yeah, no problem.”
We strutted into the Dizzy Weasel eight hours later. Well, not all of us. Lightning Dust, without a doubt, is strutting. She held her head high, and her posture is practically at regal levels. I couldn't blame her for that; she’s got a right to act like she just won the lottery, cause in a way, she just did. I’m not sure what the odds are of getting into the Wonderbolts Academy, but they must be pretty slim. And getting reaccepted after being kicked out? Dust might've just be the first to do something like that.
The rest of us just casually walked in like it’s a usual night at the bar, but we had an ambience of party about us.
“Do you think it was a good idea for me to just leave Dinky again?” Derpy asked, her brows knit together with worry.
“Sparkler’s there,” I reassured her. “Besides, you’ve done this before plenty of times.”
“Yeah, but that’s kind of the problem. I don’t want to always be leaving my daughter at home while I hang out at some bar.”
“Tell you what,” Time Turner interjected. “Next time we all go out, you can pick the activity.”
Derpy offered a half-smile, which we both assume means she’s on board with it. Lightning commanded our attention after our exchange is done by steering us over to the nearest empty booth and calling out for a round of drinks.
Four ciders soon ended up on the table, and our weeks old tradition of slamming down booze began anew.
“So, the Wonderbolts Academy ought to be pretty fun,” I mentioned, hoping to jump-start a conversation.
“It’ll be a lot of work,” Lightning replied, sipping at her cider. I take note of the fact that she isn’t chugging like she normally does. Maybe Dust’s finally learned you don’t need to be drunk to be happy.
“Work can be fun,” Time offered.
“Yeah, I mean, I’ve been working towards this all my life, you know? I’ll enjoy it.”
“Let’s just hope they actually accept you back in,” I said. Eyebrows rose across the table. “Well, you’ve got a substantial beer gut to work off now that you’re shooting to go pro again.”
“I don’t have a beer gut!” Lightning asserted, nudging her cider away. To be on the safe side, she peaked below the table at her stomach. Derpy checks too, at least, I hope she’s looking at the stomach instead of something else.
“You don’t look flabby,” Derpy assured her. “All the work at the post office must’ve done some good for you.”
“Huh, I guess so.” Lightning paused. “I probably won’t be able to work there if the ‘Bolts accept me back.”
“Yeah, I kinda figured that.” Derpy looked downtrodden, but not immensely hurt.
We’ve all come to the realization that the Wonderbolt’s Academy would be taking up a lot of Lightning Dust’s time by now. No more late nights at the bar, picnics, or hanging with Dinky, at least for a while. She’ll be way too busy working towards her dream. I won’t lie; Dust had really grown on me the past few weeks. It’ll suck not being able to hang out with her anymore, though at the same time it’ll be a huge load off my shoulders. Some separation from Lightning might be just what Derpy needs to come down from her infatuation high. I hope.
“Well, we’ll still see each other, right?” Time asked. “I mean you’ll graduate from the Academy sooner or later.”
“And hopefully move right on up to the actual Wonderbolts,” Lightning said, coming to terms with this fact. “So, I’ll be training even harder than ever, with even less free time…”
“So, what? We don’t get to see you anymore?” Now I’m a little concerned. Going without Dust for a few weeks or months, sure okay, I could deal with it. But never seeing my best friend ever again? Nope. “That’s bucked up.”
“I guess I hadn’t really considered it until now.” Lightning suddenly became very interested in studying the table. I can’t really blame her on that; she only just found out about her reacceptance a few hours ago.
“You mean… we’ll never see you again?” Derpy turned to Lightning. “I’ll never see you again?”
“What? No! No… I don’t know.” Lightning put her hoof to her forehead and sighs. “I just never expected it to be a problem, you know?”
We sat in silence, each occasionally taking a drink from our glasses. We’re all at a real loss for words now, but Derpy especially. She’d practically had hearts popping out of her head in a love daze lately, and now they’ve moved out in favor of a storm cloud. The only good thing I can think that might come out of Dust leaving is that maybe Derpy will never learn she isn’t gay, but that’s a small consolation. Hell, I’d prefer it if Derpy learns the truth rather than Lightning Dust leave.
When the cider runs dry, Lightning got up. “I’m going to grab another round, okay?” We all nodded a consensus, nopony having found their words.
Scratch that, Time found his a moment later. “I’m going to take a piss.” He left the seat beside me and darted towards the bathroom.
Glancing at Derpy, I noticed she’s twirling her empty glass around looking forlorn. “You doing all right?”
“N-no…” Derpy frowned. “I don’t want her to leave me… er, uh… us.”
I gave her a smile that didn't reach my eyes. “I don’t want her gone either, but we can’t stand between her and her dream, Derpy.”
“I know… I feel bad for wanting her to stay and feel bad that she might be leaving for good. …Is it wrong that I really want her to stay though?”
“No, of course not. Besides, she hasn’t made the final choice yet,” I pointed out, hoping to cheer her up.
“She practically has.”
“Who knows, maybe something we do will convince her to stick around.” I was grasping at straws, and I knew it, but at least I was trying to cheer the both of us up.
“Convince her…” Derpy mumbled to herself.
“Yeah, or at the very least make the most out of the time we still have instead of moping around like a bunch of sad sacks.” I paused. “You know, there’s a sad-pony-in-a-bar/why-the-long-face kind of joke in there somewhere.”
Derpy shook her head at my nonsense, and Dust arrives.
“Cider all around!” she proclaimed, taking her seat by Derpy. “Look guys, about the leaving thing… can we worry about it tomorrow? Tonight’s a celebration, and I want us to have a good time.”
Derpy and I shared a look. We’re both in agreement. “Sure, Dust. Let’s get a buzz going.”
“Sweet.” The three of us took our mugs and downed the golden ichor within. Derpy actually finished hers in three gulps. “Holy shit!” Lightning said when she notices. “When did you get good at drinking?”
Derpy blushed. “Hey, I can drink. I just choose not to do a lot of it most of the time.”
“Really? ‘Cause I’d always pegged you as a lightweight.”
“You know, if I remember correctly, you’re the one who needs to be carried home every night.”
“Not every night!”
Lightning and Derpy were staring each other down now, and I could tell this friendly teasing has the potential to turn into a pissing contest.
Time hopped back into the booth. “Hey, what did I miss?
“Oh, hey, Sexy. I think these two are about get into a drinking match.”
He gave them a confused look. “Lightning thinks I’m a lightweight apparently,” Derpy informed him.
“Weren’t we all depressed a minute ago?” he asked.
“We’re just going to kick that down the road,” I told him. Kinda like our other problem.
He nodded with understanding. “Kay, so what was that about a drinking match?”
“We weren’t going to do that,” Derpy interjected. “Rider was just–”
“No, no, that’s a great idea,” Lightning said. I can see a competitive fire in her eyes.
“What?”
“Yeah Derpy, you and me. Let’s have a drinking match. Or a drink off. Or whatever you wanna call it. Let’s just drink until one of us passes out.”
Derpy offered a cringe that said she’d prefer to opt out. “Lightning I dunno…”
“What’s the matter?” I asked, choosing to add fuel to the fire. “You afraid you’ll beat Lightning too bad?”
“What? No, I–”
“You’ve sealed your fate now, Derpy.” Lightning got up. “I’ll be back with seventeen shots of whatever the strongest thing is in this bar.”
“Tell ‘em to bill me,” I said. “It’ll be worth it to see this go down..” She nodded and rushes towards the bar. Derpy gave me a menacing look, but all it accomplishes is eliciting a laugh from me.
“A drinking contest, really?” She’s fuming. “Rider, I don’t want to get drunk.”
“Yeah, but you don’t want to disappoint Dust even more.” She’s about to respond, but knew I was right. “Relax, just fake passing out after two or three hits.”
Derpy shook her head. “Time, please get me out of this.”
He snickered. “Actually, I want to see where this goes.”
Lightning ran back, empty-hoofed. “I just realized I can’t carry seventeen shot glasses. Come on!” She yanked Derpy from the booth, causing her to yelp, and dragged her up to the bar. Time and I shared a look before following.
“This is going to be awesome!” Lightning declared when we’ve caught up to them. The bartender finished setting several tiny shot glasses in front of them. Derpy looked over the clear liquid in the containers, and raised her eyebrow.
“Dust, are you sure you want to do this?”
“Does this answer you’re question?” Dust grabbed one of the shot glasses, and dumped the contents in her mouth. There’s a brief pause before she doubled over coughing. “Oh Celestia, it burns!” My eyes widened as she beats her hoof into her chest and coughs some more. Bystanders give a curious looks as this all goes down. Finally the alcohol slithers down her throat, and she finishes almost dying on us.
When Derpy is sure Lighting is okay, she speaks again. “That… didn’t answer my question at all. In fact, that whole thing came across as kind of noncommittal.”
“I made it out to be worse than it is,” Lightning rasped. “Come on, your turn.”
Derpy eyed the nearest shot glass with uncertainty. She cautiously reached out for it. She placed the glass to her lips and took a sip. Then another. And another. “Not bad.”
“What?” Lightning asked, her mouth hanging agape. Derpy finished the alcohol and placed the glass upside down on the bar table.
“Your turn,” she sweetly said with a smile.
Fourteen shot glasses of what I learned is vodka later, Derpy and Lightning were both wobbly and drunk. Their little contest had attracted the attention of the entire bar at this point, and everypony was on edge. One shot remained on the table. Dust eyed it, and reached. Unfortunately her muscle control is completely gone right now and she instead slams her head into the table.
“Buck!” I heard a collective gasp from some ponies behind me.
Derpy giggled, scoops up the shot, and downed it in one go. Before I could blink a chorus of cheers bombards the bar. She’s lifted up form behind by the celebrating ponies, one of whom I recognized as Berry Punch, but the rest I had no clue. They carry her in a victory lap across the bar shouting, whooping, and hollering all the way. I hang back to console Lightning.
“That was bucking awesome,” she tells me. Clearly she doesn’t need consolement. “How many did she drink?”
“Fifteen,” I say. Lightning blinks. “You only got in two.”
“What? I could’ve sworn I – hic - I had more than that.”
I shrugged. “It was some seriously powerful stuff, Dust. I’m impressed you managed to get two down.”
“And Derps did fifty?”
“Fifteen,” I clarified. Lightning swayed to the right in response, barely blinking. Man, she’s kinda wasted. I’d hate to see how Derpy’s going to be when the mob releases her. That’s when it hit me.
The past few times Derpy’s gotten hammered, she’s either made out with, attempted to make out with, or attempted to confess her love to Lightning. Now that she’s hammered again, who knows what she’ll do?
“Hey guys. Did you eyeball me drink-off the win?” Derpy stumbled into us, bubbly and giggling up a storm.
“Uh… yeah… congrats Derpy,” Time said, letting her lean on his shoulder for fear she’ll fall down.
“We should probably get her home,” I casually threw out there, trying to not let the panic slip through.
Derpy squinted. “Lightning? Naw, she’s fine.”
I rolled my eyes. “Want me to walk you home, Derpy?”
“Don’t you gotta booze for the pay?” she asked. At least, that’s what I think she asks. It’s kinda hard to tell when she slurs her words.
“Oh yeah...”
“I got her,” Lightning stepped in. “I’m going to her place anyway, remember?”
Turner shot me a look, but I’m already aware of the dangers of this. Both of them are drunk, one’s gay and the other… not so much. I shudder to think what might happen.
Time begins to voice his concerns. “Maybe–”
“Don’t piss your pants with worry, Turner. I can stumble us home safely.”
“I’m… not wearing pants.”
“Good for you. Rider’s over there if you want to take advantage of your non-pantsness. Now goodbye.” Lightning wrapped a giggling Derpy’s forearm around her neck and strolled to the door before Turner had enough time to blush.
They’re out the bar door before I could even say, “We’re screwed.”
“I gotta say, Derps, that was some epic drinking you did.” Lightning took another step through the calm night. “That was just… epic.”
“Aww, thanks.” She blushed.
“Seriously, why can’t you drink like that all the time? You’d be a legend or some shit.”
Derpy shook her head. “Lightning, I have this thing called a daughter, who I need to be there for when I wake up in the morning. I can’t just ignore her.”
“Right, right. Oh well. You’re still pretty amazing.”
Derpy smiled. Walking on for several more minutes, Lightning suddenly paused. “Hey, do you have any idea how long we’ve been walking? Or even where we're going?”
“Nope.”
“Fantastic.”
“I trust you to get us home.” They walked a little more before Derpy spoke again. “I… about the Academy…”
“Aw, come on Derpy, don’t talk about that now.” Lightning sighed. “We had a ton of fun tonight, so can we just worry about that in the morning?”
“I want to worry about it now,” Derpy said. “It’s just… I don’t want to lose you.”
Lightning observed the ground for a moment. “You won’t lose anything, Derpy, a’ight? We’re friends, and I won’t let something like a lack of free time keep us from being best pals.”
“Yeah… pals.” Derpy squinted in the dim light of the moon. “I think that’s my house on the end.”
Lightning gave it a look. “I bet so. Don’t worry, we’ll be there in a quick sec.”
The continued in silence making to the door before one of them needed to speak again. “You won’t forget about us when you’re at the Academy, will you?”
“Hell no. You guys are like, one of the best things that ever happened in my life. I’ll never forget you.”
Derpy smiled as Lightning opened the door to her house. She leaned forward, intending to plant a kiss on Lightning’s cheek, but her lips meet the wooden frame of her door first. Dammit. Spitting the taste from her mouth, she moved inside.
“Well, goodnight.” Lightning ambled toward the couch.
“Uh…” Derpy attempted to move forward, but the world was spinning around her. “Can you help me to my room?”
Lightning meandered back around. “Yeah sure.” Taking Derpy in her forelegs again, Lightning moved them both to the stairs. They climbed up and onto the hallway above. “Which one’s your room?”
“First on the left.”
Lightning walked them there, and Derpy could tell by her sluggish movements that she was getting really tired. To the point where she simply kicked open the door to Derpy’s bedroom instead of turning the knob.
“How stealthy. You are aware that my daughter is trying to sleep.”
“Whoops.”
Lightning led her over and laid Derpy down on the bed. “You good?”
“Yeah.”
“Great.” Lightning yawned loudly. “You know… I’m kinda tired. You mind if I just… rest my eyes… for a moment....” She slowly sunk down, her hooves reaching onto the bed.
“Go ahead,” Derpy said, too tired to focus. She shut her eyes, but felt the bed shift under the added weight of Lightning Dust. Her back ended up pressed to Derpy’s face, so she readjusted. Her head ended up resting on Lightning’s neck.
“Lightning?”
A snore was the only response she got. Despite her exhaustion, Derpy blushed, but decided to take advantage of the situation. She tilted her head slightly and kissed Lightning on the cheek, and then cuddled her body closer before drifting off to sleep herself.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Mini-Chapter Four: Mornin' Sunshine
When Lightning woke up, she noticed two things: The first was that her head felt like jackhammers were having sex in it. The second was that whatever pillow her head was against felt warm and fuzzy.
It took quite a while before she felt like opening her eyes. The only thing that convinced her to was her curiously fuzzy pillow, which seemed to be moving up and down. That, coupled with a soft exhaling sound that was not her own gave Lightning just a little bit of concern.
Pillows don’t usually breath.
Cracking open one of her eyes, she found herself face deep in what was certainly not a pillow. Pulling her head back Lightning saw a gray mass of fur. Her eyes flew upward, and she saw strands of golden, wavy hair. It took her a couple of seconds to put it together through her hangover.
D-Derpy?
The realization hit Lightning like freight train. Her whole body jutted back, and she likely would have fallen off the bed had Derpy’s hooves not been wrapped around her neck.
It took all of her willpower not to shriek.
What the heck? Why am I… Derpy’s bed… spooning… oh shit… Her memories of last night came back in fragments, but one stood out above the rest: helping Derpy upstairs, and then passing out in her bed. Oh Celestia, I’m an idiot.
After several sharp breaths, Lightning managed to calm down slightly. She had not moved yet. In fact, she was paralyzed. Derpy’s forelegs were still wrapped around her neck, and this mere realization sent a chill down her spine.
Her eyes darted around as she tried to decide what to do. Then Derpy’s forelegs retracted, pulling closer towards her body and taking Lightning with them as they did. She mumbled happily in her sleep.
Great. Just great. Lightning wiggled slightly, trying in vain to disentangle herself from her friend. She did not try too hard, for fear of waking up Derpy and creating an even more awkward mess to dump on top of the one she was currently in. When she could not break free, she sighed, her breathing falling onto Derpy’s muzzle.
Could be worse. At least I’m comfortable. Though, comfort was not her primary concern at this point. She shifted around, attempting to escape Derpy’s grasp. After several minutes of struggling, the most she managed to do was turn herself around.
Lightning sighed. Guess I’m staying here till Derpy wakes up. She rested her head on the mattress, and Derpy squeezed her tighter. With nothing better to do, Lightning stared at the clock on Derpy’s nightstand. Five agonizingly comfortable minutes ticked by.
“Grr. Just wake up already!” Lightning shouted out before realizing that probably was not the best idea.
“Eep!”
Derpy’s forearms rocketed away from Lightning’s body. Now freed, Lightning turned around. “Uh… hey?”
Derpy’s head was so red it looked like she might explode. Her ears folded down and her gaze shifted from the bed to Lightning and back again. “Oh my Celestia! Lightning I… I’m so… We…” Her voice seemed to climb an octave with each word.
Lightning cringed, her hangover not enjoying this new onslaught of sound. “Geez, Derpy, calm down a little.”
Derpy took in a few sharp breaths. “I… I’m sorry Lightning, I didn’t… I mean I wouldn’t… I mean… We were spooning, huh…. That’s something…”
Seeing how overly flustered her friend was getting about the whole ordeal, Lightning felt compelled to reassure her that it meant nothing. “Relax, Derpy. You don’t have to apologize.
Her ears perked up. “I… I don’t?”
“No, of course not. The whole thing’s my fault anyway.” Lightning awkwardly rubbed the back of her head at Derpy’s nonplussed look. “I might’ve drunkenly carried you up here and then passed out on your bed.”
“Oh… really?”
Lightning sheepishly grinned. “Yeah.”
“S-so… you spooned with me, then.”
“In a way, I guess so.” She sighed. “Look Derpy, I’m really sorry about this. If–”
“Oh no no no no no!” Derpy suddenly leaped forward, closing the gap between the two of them. “Lightning, you don’t have to feel bad about this.”
“I don’t?”
“Of course not.” She smiled. “This was just a thing that… you know, happened. I’m not upset about it.”
“You’re not?” Derpy nodded ecstatically. “Oh… uh, great. Good to know we both feel the same way about this then.”
Derpy suddenly wrapped her hooves around Lightning. “Yeah… it is really good isn’t it?”
Awkwardly, Lightning returned the hug. It lasted longer than she expected, but it wasn’t the most awkward thing about the morning.
“So is your head giving you a pounding too?” She asked when they finally broke apart.
“Little bit,” Derpy admitted. “Could be a lot worse, though.”
“You got any aspirin or something?” Lightning rubbed her temples. “It feels like–“
“Jackhammers having sex in your forehead?” Derpy finished.
“I was going to say about a bazillion fireworks, but that works too.” Her hoof slowly ran off her face, and she suddenly pulled away. “Eww, why is my cheek wet?”
Derpy blinked, and her eyes surreptitiously darted to the side. “No idea.”
Lightning shuddered slightly. “I’m going to go take a shower real quick. Be right back.” She headed towards the bathroom.
“Okay. I’ll go ahead and get breakfast started," Derpy shyly offered. Lightning nodded her consent before she exited the room.
As she did so, Lightning made sure to shut the door behind her, and then she dashed towards the nearest bathroom. She threw that door shut as well, and locked it. Her face was burning with embarrassment still, so she turned the knob of the shower to its coldest setting before getting in. As the freezing water doused her face, she sighed and began the long and tedious process of trying to block the whole ordeal out of her mind.
No matter how awkward that had just been, Lightning Dust found herself unable to deny one thing; that had been the best night’s sleep she’d had in a long, long time.
Author's Note
Thanks to WorkbenchManiac for proofreading this chapter.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Derpy was flustered beyond all belief. As she struggled to kick the covers off of her hind legs, she failed to smack the blush from her cheeks. A moment after she managed to stand, she heard the shower turn on. The muffled sounds of water dousing Lightning Dust weren’t far behind. Derpy couldn’t stop a fantasy of stepping into the shower with her from popping into her mind.
Blushing even harder, she hopped out of bed. Right, because after a morning like this, that would be the perfect thing to do to keep it all from becoming more awkward. She sighed to herself, mentally reliving what had happened since she woke up.
She’d actually been awake for half an hour now, and for most of that time she’d been cuddling up with Lightning Dust. And… another thing that may or may not be responsible for Dust’s wet cheek.
“Oh Celestia,” Derpy whispered. “How much of that was she awake for?” For a moment all she wanted to do was crawl back under the covers of her bed and stay there for the rest of the day.
No… I can’t do that. Somepony has to feed Dinky breakfast. Besides, if Lightning had been awake, she would have yelled at me a lot sooner… right?
Choosing not to dwell on the question, Derpy made her way out of her room and to the stairs. She flew down half a flight before she heard the sounds of pans clinking together emanating from her kitchen.
Pausing, Derpy gently set her hooves on the ground, confused.
If Dinky is trying to cook again, I better get the fire extinguisher ready. If it isn’t her...
Leaving the thought unfinished, she descended the last few steps and peered into the kitchen. A familiar blend of pink and purple caught her eye.
“Sparkler, you scared me.”
Whirling her head around, the teen grinned. “Oh, oops. Sorry, I was just trying to make breakfast.”
“What are you even doing here? Did you spend the night again?”
Sparkler grinned. “Yeah, I crashed on the couch. You were pretty late getting back.” Her eyebrows wiggled. “And I couldn’t help but notice I wasn’t the only one spending the night.”
Derpy’s brow furrowed. “What do you— oh wait, Lightning?”
Her teeth were visible as she gave a giddy nod. “I can’t believe it! You two are finally more than friends! Why didn’t you tell me sooner? How long as it been going on? Did she confess her feelings for you in the middle of a fiery make out session? Were there doves? What about—“
“Sparkler, enough!” Derpy cried. She grew quiet. “For the last time, this isn’t one of your romance novels! We’re not in a relationship, okay?”
The giddiness faded from Sparkler’s eyes. “But… you two went up to your room last night and didn’t leave it… how are you not dating?” She bit her lip in thought. “Friends with benefits?”
“No!” Derpy was full on flustered again, desperately attempting to keep her wings tucked in after everything that had been insinuated. “We’re friends... and unfortunately just friends. I mean, we cuddled last night, but we were both drunk, and I don’t know if she enjoyed it, and…”
“What?” Sparkler stood, mouth agape. “You woke up cuddling her and don’t even know if she liked it? By Celestia, Ms. Derpy… Well, you’re right about your life not being a romance novel; it’d be a hell of a shitty one if it was.”
“Hey, watch your mouth,” Derpy grumbled. “Besides, shouldn’t you be trying to make me feel better?”
Sparkler’s attitude shifted from annoyed to sympathetic in a mere moment. “Oh my gosh, sorry. I kinda got caught up in the fantasy there for a moment, I guess.”
Derpy sighed. “It’s all right… I suppose. I just… I don’t know what I expected to happen when I woke up next to her.”
Glancing at the ground, and then at Derpy, Sparkler opened her mouth. “Do you love her, Ms. Derpy?”
“Yes,” she answered with no hesitation.
“Well then why did you let such a perfect opportunity go to waste?”
Derpy shuffled her hooves. “I got nervous.”
“Screw your nerves, you deserve to be happy. The next chance you get, you have to tell her!”
Derpy blinked. “What, when she comes out of the shower?” Not all that romantic if you ask me.
“No! Just… get her alone in some sort of romantic setting and tell her.”
“Like a picnic?”
Sparkler’s eyes widened. “Yes! That’s it! That’s perfect. It’s almost straight out of this one romance novel I’m reading right now. Except, the two main characters in love are dudes, and I’m pretty sure neither you nor Lightning has a—”
“There’s just one problem!” Derpy interrupted. Sparkler blinked uncomprehendingly. “Lightning won’t just go on a picnic with me alone. She’s going to wonder why Dinky, or Turner, or Rider can’t go too, and I don’t really have an excuse why they can’t.”
“Well, bring them,” Sparkler replied nonchalantly. “Just get Lightning alone for a few seconds. Take her flying or whatever.”
Derpy thought about it for a moment. “I suppose that could work. As long as Turner and Rider are up for it.”
“You can give them a call, right?”
“I have Turner’s number, not Rider's. But then again, Turner has his.”
“He does?” Sparkler blinked in confusion. “Wait a sec, are they dating?”
Derpy giggled. “No, but we like to tease them about it. Anyway, can you grab me a picnic basket? I need make a phone call.”
Sparkler smiled and scampered off. Derpy went over to the phone she kept on the nearby kitchen counter. It had a thin layer of dust on it from lack of use in the past few weeks. She pick it up and began dialing Time Turner’s home number. Then she backtracked and dialed his work phone instead. As it ringed, she glanced up. Through the ceiling she could hear the sounds of Lightning’s shower continuing.
Please… please let this work.
“You know, I’m kind of glad we’re having another picnic,” Lightning said as she, Derpy, and Dinky all walked along the grassy path of Ponyville’s park. It was nearly noon, and the calm serenity of the area was likely doing wonders to sooth Lightning’s unavoidable hangover. At the very least it was putting her in a good mood.
“Hm?” Derpy asked though the picnic basket handle in her teeth.
“It’s a good change of pace,” Lightning elaborated. “I mean, hanging at the bar is fun and all, but this is something nice to do during the day I guess, and I want to be able to hang out with you guys as much as possible before… you know.”
Oh right… the Academy. Derpy had been suppressing that bit of news since last night. She couldn’t very well ignore it when she was about to confess her love to Lightning. Derpy didn’t know entirely what to make of it. As selfish as it was, she didn’t want Lightning to leave, but at the same time didn’t want to keep her from pursuing her dream. If Lightning felt the same way about her, then they’d have to set up some sort of long distance relationship, or… something.
It’s too much to worry about right now, Derpy decided. Just get through the confession first, and worry about the rest later.
“Hey, I think that’s the dudes up there,” Lightning interrupted her thoughts.
Derpy blinked, and looked ahead. Sure enough the familiar brown and yellow figures of both Turner and Rider weren’t too far off. They caught sight and waved.
“Uncle Time Turner!” Dinky broke out into a run on a direct collision course with Time. As Derpy and Lightning approached, they saw the two embrace.
“Good to see you, Dinky.” Turner smiled and ruffled her hair.
“Hey, kiddo,” Rider nodded.
“Hello.”
“You guys got here pretty early,” Lightning noted. “I thought for sure we’d beat you here.”
Rider grinned. “Maybe you’re not as fast as you think you are then.”
Lightning’s wings flared. “Hey pal, anytime you want another race just bring it on.”
He chuckled. “As if I’d mess with Wonderbolt material.”
Appeased, Lightning relaxed her wings. Derpy set the picnic basket down. “Okay guys, it’s a make your own sandwich day. We were kinda rushing to get out of the house, so we only grabbed ingredients.”
“I’m sure we can manage,” Time Turner replied.
As they sprawled the checkered picnic blanket across the ground, Dinky took it upon herself to commandeer the first slices of bread. Everypony else soon clamored to get their own, and divided them up evenly. Not much conversation went on as they all dug into their food.
“I guess we were all really hungry,” Derpy commented, hoping to fill the silence with something other than chewing.
“Little bit,” Rider agreed.
“Oh, you know I wasn’t able to ask you before the girls showed up, Rider,” Turner started, his mouth full. He swallowed before continuing. “So, are you up for it?”
Rider sucked in air through his teeth. “I don’t know, man.”
“Up for what?” Lightning asked, ripping into her sandwich. “Did you ask him to be friends with benefits, Turner?”
Both Rider and Time Turner blushed, and Dinky tilted her head confused. “What’s that?” she asked Derpy.
“It’s a grown-up term, Dinky.” Derpy gave her daughter a pat on the head, before she shot a scolding glare at Lightning. “One that you probably shouldn’t have learned about until you were older.” Lightning Dust cringed and gave an apologetic smile. Oh why does she have to look so cute when she’s ashamed?
“No, actually I was offering something else. Remember the other day when I told you guys about my friend in Manehattan?”
“Pretty sure I shut down that conversation before it got going,” Lightning mentioned. “Why?”
“Well, he’s a casting director on Bridleway, and they’re about to start auditions for Hinny on the Hills.” Turner indicated Rider. “I was wondering if this nutcase wanted in or not.”
“You’re going to be on Bridleway?” Dinky asked excitedly.
“Eh…” He shrugged. “I really don’t think so. I mean, for one it’s just an audition. Plus I’d have to take time off from work, and go all the way to Manhattan…”
“Pussy.” Lightning coughed the word into her hoof so Dinky wouldn’t catch it.
“Hey, I haven’t said no,” Rider protested. “I’m just heavily leaning against it.”
Lightning rolled her eyes. “Dude, this is like, a dream come true for you, right? Bridleway is like the Wonderbolts of the acting world… just with less awesomeness and more musicals. I say go for it.”
Rider blinked. “Really?”
“Sure,” Derpy encouraged. “I think it would be great.”
“I’m going for my dream, no reason why you can’t go for yours.”
Rider sighed. “I dunno guys.” He paused for a moment. “Oh, so you are going back to the Academy, Lightning?”
All attention swiveled to Lightning Dust. She flashed her teeth in a grin. “Heck yeah I am.”
Derpy felt herself deflate a little. “So, it’s all official?”
“Well, I still got to go in for that interview and all, but yeah, I’m going for it.”
“Congrats!” Dinky cheers, mouth filled with sandwich.
A silence fell over everypony, each coming to terms with what this meant.
“So… you’re really leaving then,” Rider realized.
“Try not to sound too excited.” Lightning offered a smile that barely reached her eyes.
“I’ll miss having you around,” Turner said. “You’ve managed to drag me out of my work more than Dinky and Derpy combined in just these last few weeks.”
“Wait… you’re leaving?” Dinky asked, her voice cracking.
Derpy watched as Lightning seized up slightly. “Y-yeah kid… I am.”
Dinky dropped her sandwich and rushed over to Lightning, wrapping her foreleg into a hug. “Please don’t… I’ll miss you.”
Lightning, taken aback by the sudden show of affection, stood in shock for a moment. With a nod from Derpy, she offered Dinky a nuzzle. “I’m sorry kiddo, but I gotta follow my dream. Don’t worry, I’ll visit you as often as possible.”
Dinky pulled back slightly and looked up at Lightning. “Swearsies?”
Lightning smiled. “Double swearsies.” Dinky hugged her tighter.
It took a while to coax Dinky away from the embrace. When she finally left, she was still clearly upset. Derpy looked to the guys, unsure of how to cheer her up.
“Hey Dinky, do you want to play tag?” Time Turner asked.
She glanced at him. “Really?”
“As long as Lightning doesn’t poke my eye out again.” He glared at her.
She laughed. “I probably won’t be able to resist, so I'll just sit this one out. Go on, kiddo, have a little fun.”
Dinky wiped her eyes. “Okay.” She turned and slapped Rider’s fetlock. “You’re it!”
Rider didn’t even have the time to raise his eyebrows before Dinky bolted in one direction, and Turner in another. He blinked and then looked in both directions wondering who to give chase to. As soon as Dinky declared no tag backs, he honed in on Time Turner and ran. Derpy giggled at the display.
“What, you don’t want to join them?” Lightning asked her.
Derpy blinked, realizing a window of opportunity just opened up for her. “Uh… actually, I was hoping we could talk.”
“Is this about the Academy?” Lightning looked at the ground. “Look Derpy, I don’t really want to leave… but I can’t just give up on my dream. I’ve been working to this my entire life and this might just be my one chance to–”
“I-it’s not that,” Derpy interrupted.
“Oh… so what is it then?”
A wave of butterflies invaded her stomach. “Uh… can we go for a fly real quick?” Dammit, I’m a coward.
Lightning grinned. “Yeah, sure. I need to start getting back in shape anyway. Don’t tell Rider but… I kinda do have a beer gut.” She indicated her belly, which was slightly pudgy.
“Your secret is safe with me,” Derpy promised. “Come on.” She unfolded her wings and took to the air. Lightning immediately zoomed up next to her.
“Feels good to be back in the air,” she said as they climbed higher.
“What are you talking about? You’ve been flying all week.”
“Yeah, low to the ground. With a mailbag weighing me down. This is real flying.” To demonstrate she did a loop, diving low and then swerving gracefully up high again. Her wings were fully extended, and her golden mane whipped across the sky. To top it off, she gave a whoop of delight.
Derpy smiled. “Nice.”
“So, what was it you wanted to talk about, Derpy?”
“Oh, right…” Come on, don’t screw this up. “It’s… kind of personal.”
“It’s cool, Derpy. Lay it on me.”
She felt the butterflies again as she gazed at Lightning’s casual, flawless smile. “Well… we’ve been spending a lot of time together recently...”
“I know, it’s been awesome.”
“I’m glad you feel that way because… I was thinking… it’s been awesome too.” She blushed. Why does this have to be so hard? “Lightning I…” Come on say it! “I kind of…” Say it! “I just…” Oh for the love of– “Lighting I love you!”
If it were possible to skid to a halt in mid-air, Lightning would have done it and then some. Instead, she stopped flying for a moment. Gravity grabbed at her, but she had enough sense to beat her wings again to stay aloft. “Uh… w-what?”
Derpy bit her lip. “I love you, okay? I… I think about you all the time; I get weak in the knees when you’re around, and I just can’t stand it when you’re away. Next to Dinky, you’re the best part about waking up in the morning. You… you’re wonderful, Lightning. I love you.”
Lightning Dust’s pupils shrunk considerably. “I… uh… um… oh… err….” She stopped flying forward and kept to hovering in place. “You… you love me? L-like as a friend, or…”
“As more than a friend!” Derpy exclaimed, backtracking slightly. “Didn’t I just make that obvious?”
“I… still processing here…”
Derpy cringed. “Did I say it too soon?”
“What?” Lightning blinked. “I… why did you say it at all?”
Derpy felt her heart crack. “W-what do you mean?”
“We’re just friends… right?”
Her heart split in half. “I… I thought we were becoming more than that.”
Lightning looked at her with eyes that held nothing but pity. “...I didn’t.”
Her heart shattered. “Oh…” Tears stung in her eyes and she looked away. “I’m s-sorry.”
She felt a hoof land on her shoulder. Without looking, Derpy shrugged it off.
“Derpy…”
“No!” she cried, sniffling. “Just forget it! Forget I even said anything, all right?” She swooped down and landed on the ground. There was a thump as Lightning followed her.
“Derpy wait, if you’d just tell me–”
“I said forget it!” Derpy yelled, whirling around. Tears streamed down her face. Lightning recoiled in surprise, and Derpy’s expression softened. “I… I need to be alone right now.”
“But Derpy…”
“I need to be alone right now!” Derpy turned and fled, not hearing any hoofsteps behind her.
Author's Note
Short chapter. Really more of a transitional chapter. Only about six more until the end, by the way.
And to all the people who've been waiting to curse at me for leading Derpy on... go for it. I've earned it.
Thanks to WorkbenchManiac for proofreading this chapter.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Digging the Hole a Little Deeper
“Tag!” Dinky struck my hindleg, utilizing my blind spot to her advantage. I turned around just in time for her to squeal “No tag backs!”
“Heh, you got me Dinks.” I sucked in a refreshing breath of air. Sweat slicked down my forehead, which at this point was red from so much running.
Dinky tilted her head in mild concern. “Do you wanna take a break?”
“No,” I wheezed out. Then just the realization that I had wheezed made me rethink that. “Actually, yeah, I could use one.”
"Kay." Even though she didn't seem tired at all -- Celestia, kids have too much energy -- Dinky sat down. "You're pretty out of shape for a dancer, you know."
I forced the corners of my mouth upwards. "I'm well aware; good thing I don't dance anymore then."
"Why not?"
Why indeed. I gave it some thought before answering. "I really lost the momentum for it, I guess. Not a lot of ponies liked what I could do, and it just kinda sucked away my passion for it after a while."
"I don't get it,". Dinky replied.
My mouth tightened. “What exactly don’t you get?”
“Well, you like dancing, right?’ She pointed to my Cutie Mark. I shot a glance at it before I gave her a nod. “Then why stop? Who cares about other ponies?”
“Me, apparently,” I said unconsciously.
Dinky rolled her eyes as if she had just tried to dump some profound wisdom on me, but I was too stupid to realize it. Oh wait…
I didn’t get any time to respond, because at that moment Time Turner ran up to us. “Calling it quits already, Dawn?”
Laughing, I shook my head. “I’m just taking a break is all.”
He gave a snort, shaking his head and glancing away. “Whatever you say.”
His guard dropped momentarily as something across the field caught his eye. Seizing the opportunity, I leaned over slightly and slapped his shoulder. “Tag! Ha! No tag backs.”
“Wait, shut up for a moment,” he snapped, pointing across the field. “Look.”
I followed his hoof until I saw what he meant. Derpy and Lightning both swooped down onto the grass. At this distance, I couldn’t tell what they were saying, but just their posture gave it away.
Derpy’s shoulders were hunched, and her head was lowered. She faced away from Lightning, who was attempting to talk to her. Suddenly Derpy turned around and yelled loud enough for us to hear.
“I need to be alone right now!” She bolted, leaving Lightning standing in shock.
“Oh shit,” I whispered to myself.
“Where’s my mommy going?” Dinky asked, concern flooding her voice.
I saw the muscles of Time's face twitch. "We gotta get over there." He scooped Dinky up and set her on his back before taking off. I raced to catch up, my earlier exhaustion pushed down. We were too far away to catch Derpy at this pace, but Lightning was still standing still.
When we caught up to her, I saw the maelstrom of emotion whirling on her face. Confusion, concern, and a little bit of lingering shock all blended together.
“What the heck happened?” I asked.
She stared after Derpy, who was now little more than a blip on the horizon. “...”
Dammit. Dammit. Dammitdammitdammit! My teeth clenched and I shot a glance at Time Turner. I could tell his thoughts are about on par with mine right now. Dinky, on the other hoof, was a little more verbose.
“What’s happening? Where’s mommy going?” I could see genuine concern rising in her eyes.
“Lightning!” I snapped. She flinched out of her near-comatose state. “Seriously, what the buck happened?”
She looked from me to Derpy to the ground. “She… she loves me…” Dinky gasped.
Celestiadamnit. “Okay, okay… okay…” I felt the broken record that is my brain get caught in an infinite loop. Luckily Time Turner had the solution.
“Hey!” He shouted, backhoofing my head. “Don’t you zone out too.”
“Right, sorry.” I shook my head. “Lightning, you all right?”
Her lower lip curled into her mouth and she bit down. “I just… didn’t know.”
“Come on, Dusty, it isn’t your fault.” I’m the one to blame here.
Lightning unfurled her wings. “I have to talk to her…”
Turner’s jaw clenched as he stepped in front of her. “Now, Lightning, we should talk about this before you do something rash and–” She rocketed into the air, kicking up dust into his exposed mouth. He coughed, while I shut my eyes. “–stupid.”
Lightning tore through the sky, leaving us with nothing but her lingering contrail. I cringed as I looked to Time and Dinky. While one still spat the dust from his mouth, the other – who had managed to duck behind Turner’s mane and avoid all the debris – was staring at me with big, saucer eyes.
“What’s going to happen now?” she asked me.
“Well,” I said, staring at the teal, lightning-marked line fading into the sky. “I assume they’re going to break every bone in my body in a couple of minutes.”
“Huh?”
“Come on,” I said. “We gotta catch up to her. Maybe, just maybe it won’t be as bad I as think.”
“With your luck?” Time started trotting ahead. “It’ll be eight times worse.”
We didn't talk for a while, a combination of anxiety and running replaced conversation. Dinky gripped Turner's mane, bouncing slightly with each gallop he took. Derpy and Lightning were way out of sight, but we were able to follow the fading remnants of her contrail for as long as we could. When that was gone, we had a pretty good idea of where they were heading: Derpy's house.
Lightning was banging on the door as we arrived. "Derpy? Derpy, just let me in! I only want to talk."
Dinky jumped off Time Turner's back and rushed to the door. "Mom?" She pressed her ear to the side. "I don't hear her." She reached for the door knob, but upon turning it she encountered some stiff resistance.
"She locked me out," Lightning informed them, her forehead falling flat on the door.
"Don't worry, I know where she keeps the spare key." Turned motioned for Lightning to step off the welcome mat. When she did, he bent over and lifted it up.
“I still can’t believe this is happening,” Lightning mumbled to herself as Turner unlocked the door. “H-How is this even happening?”
I cringed. “Lightning… before you rush in there, I have something I need to–” The door clicked open, and she bolted inside, not even bothering to listen to me. I sighed. “–tell you.”
Dinky’s not far behind Lightning as she too rushed in. I shot a glance to Time Turner.
“You ready?” he asked.
“No…” was my meek response.
Uneasy and anxious, we both walked into Derpy’s house.
“Derpy?” Lightning yelled. The only response was the echo of her call as it reverberated through the stairwell. She swore and flew to the top. It had taken her mere seconds to survey the first floor only to find Derpy was nowhere in sight, Derpy’s teary-eyed face burned into her vision all the while.
She knew for a fact that her friend (or were they ex-friends now? She severely hoped not.) was somewhere in here. Her short-lived chase had come to a close when Derpy had locked herself inside a split second before Lightning had landed at the door.
Frantically, she ended her climb at the top of the stairs and scanned the hallway. Only one door was closed: the one to Derpy’s room.
Lightning found it was locked, so she pounded on it. “Derpy, open up! Please!”
“...Go away,” came a half-hearted mumble. Even through the wall, Lightning could tell Derpy’s face was buried in a pillow.
“Come on, Derpy, please. I just want to talk to you. It all happened so fast… I don’t… please open the door.”
“Just leave me alone, Lightning!” Derpy suddenly shouted. “I can’t… I just can’t…” Several stifled sobs followed.
Lightning was about to reply when she felt something squirming between her hooves. She looked down to see Dinky worming her way to the door.
“Mommy?” She asked cautiously against the shut door. “Are you okay?”
There was silence.
“I’m fine, Muffin,” Derpy eventually lied.
Dinky sniffled. “Can I come in then?”
Derpy made a noise that sounded like she was choking on her own words. “I… I’m sorry sweetheart… but I just can’t open the door right now…”
Dinky’s jaw opened slowly, her lip quivering. “No! No, not again!” Lightning watched as Dinky began slamming her hooves against the door. “Not again! Please, Mommy, open the door!”
Lightning swallowed, completely unsure of what to do. Time Turner appeared next to her, sitting down and wrapping Dinky in a hug.
“No!” Dinky screamed, her limbs flailing wildly. “Mommy, please!”
“Dinky,” Time Turner said, his voice deep and calming. “Dinky, calm down. It’ll be okay, I promise.”
“It can’t be happening again!” Dinky cried, tears flowing down her face. “Please tell me it isn’t happening again!”
Time stroked her mane in an effort to calm her. “It’s okay, Dinky. I promise this won’t be like last time.”
Dinky whimpered as Time Turner lifted her up. He looked to Lightning, exhaled a deep breath, and began to carry Dinky away. She put up a fight, still trying to get her mother to open the door, but eventually Turner was able to get her away, likely hoping to calm her down some.
“Hey,” Rider said, on the other side of Lightning. She flinched slightly and looked at him. “Any luck yet?” He indicated Derpy’s room.
“No… she just won’t talk to me.” Lightning lowered her head. “Rider… I don’t know what to do. This is freaking me out. I don’t want my best friend to hate me just because I can’t…” She shut her eyes tightly.
Rider sighed. “Lightning, I… let me try something.” She stepped aside slightly. Rider moved in front of the door and cleared his throat. “Derpy?”
“Go away Rider.”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Derpy… there’s something you don’t know. Something I’ve been keeping from you.” He looked to Lightning. “Both of you.”
There was a pause. “What?”
“...I bucked up. Majorly. And now you’re the one paying for it.”
There was the sound of rustling fabrics as Derpy sat up in the bed. “What did you do?”
“If you let Lightning in, you’ll find out.”
Silence.
“Come on, you two need to talk! You can’t stay in there forever!”
More silence.
“Dammit Derpy! If you won’t do it for Lightning then do it for Dinky! She can’t handle this; you have to open the door!”
At the mention of her daughter’s name, the fabric rustling noise came again, followed by the slow sound of her hooves hitting the carpeted floor of her room. A few seconds later there was the tell-tale click of the door’s lock.
“Just Lightning,” Derpy mumbled.
Rider looked to her, and took a step back, allowing her to go through.
“What did you mean?” Lightning asked him. “About that thing you’ve been keeping from us?”
“...You’ll find out soon enough.”
Warily, Lightning looked from him to the door. Rider’s mysterious behavior was really starting to annoy her. “Okay… I guess.” She slowly turned the door knob and pushed it open.
The lights were off, and the window at the far end of the wall was shut with its curtains drawn. Derpy had retreated to her bed, facing away from the door.
“Uh…” Lightning turned to Rider. “Can you give us a little privacy?”
He nodded, shuffling off. “I’ll go check on Dinky.”
Lightning nodded a small thanks before turning back to Derpy. She took a few steps in, letting the door close behind her. Light was scarce in the room, so she hit a switch on the wall to illuminate them. Derpy made no indication that she noticed. Sighing, Lightning walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Derpy…”
She sniffled. “Yeah?”
Lightning swallowed. “I’m so sorry, okay? I really didn’t know that you felt that way about me, and… I didn’t mean to be so blunt back there. It was mostly the shock talking.”
“You really never picked up on my feelings?” Derpy asked pressing the side of her head deeper into the pillow. “I must’ve dropped a hundred hints for you.”
“Like what?”
Derpy rolled over, her red stained eyes staring deeply into Lightning. “Did you honestly believe friends call each other adorable?”
Lightning blinked. “Uh… yeah, you told me--.” It suddenly hit her. “Oh dammit! Now I know why Blossomforth kept giving me a weird look when we were working the mail route together.”
A single giggle escaped Derpy, but it was plagued with the remnants of her crying. “You didn’t?”
Lightning sighed. “Yeah, I did… buck me, right? She probably thinks I’m gay now.”
Derpy jerked up, her eyebrows furrowing. “What?”
"Blossomforth probably thinks I'm gay now... You know, 'cause I called her adorable after you said that's what friends do."
Derpy's mouth tightened. "No, I got that. Just... What do you mean, she thinks you're gay?"
Lightning's eyebrow arched up. "Well, I'm not..."
Slowly, Derpy's jaw lowered. "What... but... no!"
"Excuse me?"
"Lightning, you can't be straight!"
Lightning's pupils darted to the left and back to Derpy. "What the hell do you mean? I've never been gay, Derpy, you know that."
"No, I didn't! I never... This isn't possible!" Derpy threw herself off the bed, propelled by confusion. "How?"
"You mean you really didn't know?"
"No!” Derpy wailed. “Lightning, we met in a gay bar for pony's sake! We kissed!"
"You kissed me!" Lightning shouted.
"After you flirted with me!" Derpy pointed out, pained.
Lightning cringed, recalling that night. "It wasn't my idea! And how did it lead this far anyway? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"Because I knew how upset you were about the Academy kicking you out. I didn't want to burden you with any of my emotions when you were still dealing with your own. But then I gave you a job, and we moved in together, and you got accepted back into the Wonderbolt's Academy, and..." She paused, blinking. "What do you mean it wasn't your idea?"
"Rider made me do it to cheer you up," Lightning said, putting a hoof to her head. “But I’m not gay!”
Derpy desperately struggled for any ground, still clinging to denial. “A-are you sure? You told me how isolated you were growing up, maybe you’re gay and just didn’t realize it.”
“I. Am. Not. Gay!” Lightning shouted. “I’d think I know my own sexuality Derpy.” She paused and thought for a moment. "Wait a sec, didn't Rider tell you I'm not gay?"
“No, he just told me…” Her face twitched, morphing from sad and confused to angry and inconsolable. “...that I shouldn’t tell you about my feelings.”
Understanding dawned on the two mares at once. Simultaneously they whirled around to face the bedroom door.
Derpy gritted her teeth, fresh tears still lingering on her cheeks. “Rider!”
My ears perked up as I heard my name angrily shouted. With a heavy sigh, I turned to Time. He was still trying to cheer up Dinky through any conceivable means, but muffins, hair tousles, and a quick game of poker could only go so far to dry her eyes and lessen her sobs.
“Sounds like they figured it out,” I said, drawing both of their attention.
He nodded ruefully. “You’ve been lucky to make it this far unscathed.”
“Luck is not the word I would use for it. Stupid sounds better.” I could hear angry hoofsteps on the stairs. “You were right, I should have told her from the start.”
“What’s going on?” Dinky asked, looking between us. “Is that my mom?”
“Dinky, I better take you out of the line of fire,” Time said.
“But–”
“It’s for the best kiddo,” I told her.
Giving a somber look to me, Dinky relented and allowed Time Turner to lead her away.
“Try not to die,” he offered before disappearing into the kitchen.
I don’t even have time to tell him that’s impossible before Lightning and Derpy hit the final step. Before I can even turn, I feel their betrayed, spiteful eyes on me.
“You,” Derpy hissed.
“Me,” I confirm. No use in denying anything at this point.
Derpy stalked closer, seeming very much like a pissed off tiger about to rip it’s prey to shreds. I shifted anstily on the couch. When she finally reached me, her hoof became a blur as it whacked me across the face. I reeled.
“Okay... I deserved that,” I said, cringing. She slapped me again.
“What the hell, Rider!” Derpy screamed. Lightning caught up to her, looking equally pissed, but for some reason refrained from hitting me. “Why? Why would you lead me on like that? How could let me think I–” She was cut off by her own shaky sob. “–let me think I had a chance?”
I sighed. Even after weeks of time to prepare, I still didn’t have an answer that would justify my actions. I just had to remember not to incriminate Time. “I just didn’t want you to get hurt. Yes, I led you on, but I never wanted this to happen. I messed up, and I know it doesn’t mean much to you right now… but I’m sorry.”
Derpy reacted as if I struck her. She shut her eyes, and sucked in air through her teeth. “I… I never want to see you again!”
That hurt worse than her slaps.
I stood up. “Derpy…”
“Same to you!” She screamed at Lightning. Derpy turned, unfurling her wings and hurling herself up the stairs. It only took a few seconds before we heard her door slam again. Lightning turned to me, tears welling up in her eyes.
“Lightning…”
“You asshole!” It was at that moment that she no longer refrained from hitting me.
As I felt my way to the couch, clutching my freshly punched stomach, I was able to watch as Lightning looked to the stairs, bit her lip, and ran for the door.
I looked from the stairs to the slamming door, knowing I had to do something to fix this. Considering Derpy was the least likely to listen to what I had to say, I stood back up and moved to the door.
"Lightning, wait up!"
Author's Note
You probably noticed it, but I'll just state for the record that Rider's parts are now in past tense.
Reason: Just because.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Lightning Dust flapped her wings, gaining speed as she pushed herself further away from Ponyville. From Derpy.
She clenched her jaw, fighting away the tears that were threatening to spill over. Never in her entire life had she felt this way, so betrayed, and hurt. Not to mention it was only a drop in a bucket compared to what Derpy must be feeling right now.
Celestia, the look on her face… Lightning shut it out. She couldn’t think about that. She wouldn’t think about that.
It was just too painful to think about. Derpy’s expression had been one of pure sadness. Her eyes welled up with tears, the corners of her mouth pointed further down than what should naturally be possible, and every feature wrinkled and contorted to express her pain, and knowing she had been part of the cause for it felt like...
Dammit, I’m thinking about it!
Lightning pushed the thought down, along with all the rest that wanted to surface.
Her ascent slowed when she caught sight of several clouds not far away. She landed on the nearest one, hooves sinking into the cotton candy-like surface. Lightning stood there for a moment, breathing in and out. Her flight had been so fast that it took a little out of her, and she needed time to recover, especially considering it had happened so shortly after her last speed flight. For a while all she did was breath, and the only change being that she eventually sat down.
Everything was a jumbled mess in her mind, but one thing really stuck out. For whatever reason, Lightning couldn’t seem to shake off one thing Derpy had said.
“You told me how isolated you were growing up, maybe you’re gay and just didn’t realize it.”
Lightning laughed uncomfortably. “That’s stupid,” she said aloud. “...just stupid.”
...Right?
“Gah!” Lightning pounded the cloud with exasperation.
The jumbled mess of memories slowly started to make sense as Lightning calmed down. Everything flashed across her eyes, passing by just as swiftly as it had occurred. Derpy’s confession. The race to her home. Dinky’s freakout. Rider’s lie unraveling.
Rider! Lightning’s jaw clenched. He did this! If it wasn’t for him, Derpy never would’ve fallen in… never would’ve liked me as more than a friend. Everything would’ve been fine, and normal, and not confusing!
“Hey! Lightning!”
She whirled her head around. Not fifty yards away, already looking winded, was the pale yellow figure of Rider. And he was coming right at her.
“Leave me alone!” Lightning growled. She turned, ready to fly away.
“Wait! Just talk to me, please.”
Lightning paused. She didn’t know exactly why, but she slowly folded her wings and waited. Maybe it was the sheer desperation in Rider’s voice, or the fact that she really really wanted to punch him again, or maybe she just didn’t have it in her to keep flying away.
It took Rider a few seconds, but he landed on the other edge of Lightning’s cloud. “Thanks for not flying away again.”
Lightning curled her hoof and swung, making contact with his shoulder. “Buck you, man.”
Rider winced, and rubbed his collarbone. “Ouch…”
For good measure, Lightning hit him again. “What the hell is wrong with you anyway? Why would you lie to me and Derpy? Why would you let her think I’m gay? And don’t give me that same bullshit excuse you gave her.”
He cringed. “Look… it’s a really long story…”
Lightning sighed. A small part of her actually did want to hear Rider out and try to understand his intentions, but the rest of her was impatient and still dealing with everything Derpy had said.
Eventually, she relented. “Fine, but let’s go to a bar or something. After today, I really need a drink.”
“Sounds good.”
Turner was too distracted to play checkers. That was probably why Dinky had just wiped the floors with him for the eighth time, even though she was barely trying herself. She was just holding back tears as they both heard muffled sobs from upstairs.
He’d been trying his best to keep Dinky’s spirits up, but nothing was working. It had only been an hour, but he could already tell a lot of bad memories were being drudged up for her. Lightning and Rider subsequently leaving did not exactly improve the mood either.
What am I even doing? Turner thought. I couldn’t cheer her up the first time, and I’m sure as hell not going to be able to do it now. He glanced up at the ceiling to the source of Derpy’s crying, then back to Dinky.
“Hey, Dinks,” he said. Her slightly swollen eyes looked at him. “Why don’t you run into the kitchen and grab a muffin.”
She sniffled. “Okay.” Rubbing her eyes, she stood up and ambled out of sight.
Turner got up himself, moving to the stairs. He climbed them two at a time, and went straight for Derpy’s room when he made it to the top. The muffled sobs barely gained any volume as he got closer, and they stopped altogether when he knocked on the door.
“Derpy? It’s me. Can we talk?”
“...No, I… I can’t.”
He sighed, and tried the door knob. Unsurprisingly it didn’t budge. “Come on, please?” He asked.
“...Just go away.”
Time groaned. “Derpy, if you don’t unlock this door and have a talk with me, then I will kick it down.”
No response.
“Fine, you leave me no choice.”
Time turned, and positioned his hind legs directly in front of the door. Tensing his muscles, he lifted both legs. They hung in the air for a moment, before he slammed them back. They made contact with the rigid wood of the door, sending a vibration that ran up his legs and shook his whole body in a bad way. He cringed, pulling his legs away.
“Ah, shit! Bad idea, bad idea!” He toppled backwards, landing on his rear end. Laying there for a moment, Time let his legs recover, all the while not hearing a single word from Derpy. Before too long he was able to stand again. “Okay, I’ve decided not to kick the door down. But still, will you at least talk to me?”
“Why should I?” Derpy sniffled.
“Because it might cheer you up?” Time offered. “Besides, you can’t just keep wallowing in… uh… whatever it is ponies wallow in. You have to come out of your room eventually; Dinky needs you.”
“...”
“Derpy.”
“...”
Time sighed. “Fine. Be this way. Shut everypony out again. Shut Dinky out again. Pity yourself for something you couldn’t control, if that’s really what you want. Just know that when you need us, we’ll be here for you.” He turned, preparing to head downstairs.
Before he even made it to the first step, he paused. His ears flicked as the sound of hooves hitting carpet reached them. A moment later, the locked clicked that the door crawled open.
“Okay…” Derpy mumbled. “Let’s talk.”
He smiled.
We swooped low, landing on the soft ground of downtown Cloudsdale. Lightning gave a look around, her narrowed eyelids suggesting that she’d never been here before.
“This isn’t the Lickety Split,” she observed, confirming my theory.
“Yeah… I called there the other day and we are so banned.”
She smirked, but not at me. “What, because of one little fight?”
I snorted. “Little?”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine. Medium-sized.”
I relented and we walked into the bar. The smell hit me first. A pungent concoction of booze, body odor, and raging hormones. Ironically, this was the same combination of smells I usually caught a whiff of after a one-night stand, which really made me doubt the sanitation of this place. Luckily the lights were dimmed down enough so that I could not see any potential health code violations romping in the booths. I could hear them though, and the mixture of dying manatee moans and labored breathing worthy of a marathon runner painted enough vivid images in my head.
Celestia, straight bars are weird.
We walk in, not exactly turning heads as we walk up to order. Grabbing a stool for each of us, I sat down, pounded the table, and demanded two shots of cider.
“So start talking,” Lightning said as the tiny glasses slid our way. “Why the buck did you do what you did?”
“All right, all right. You deserve to know.” I sipped the cider, letting it sting my throat with apples. “So, you know how it starts. I convinced you to flirt with Derpy, she decided to wrestle your tongue, and then passed out before you could show your disgust.”
“My mouth and I recall.” Lightning downs the cider in one gulp.
“So next Wednesday rolled around, and Derpy showed up in a dress that’s basically designed to get her eye-groped. Right away, I knew something was up. When I asked her, she told me how much she liked you.”
“It started all the way back then?” Lightning asked softly.
“Save all questions until the end of the back story,” I demanded. She grumbled. “So anyway, I was all set to tell her you’re straight and I looked in her eyes, and I just… froze up. They were so filled with hope that you would return, giddiness to just talk to you… and I end up saying you weren’t looking for a relationship right then.”
“So you lied.”
“It was a half-truth,” I defended. She pinched her lips and raised an eyebrow. “A quarter-truth,” I amended. “Besides, I figured she’d take a hint when you arrived and showed zero interest in her. But instead, by some friggin’ stroke of misfortune, neither of you were able to figure it out.”
“And you just let her keep believing I was gay.” Another pair of shot glasses slid down the bar, booth commandeered by Lightning.
Gulp.
“Yes,” I admitted. “But in my very pitiful defense, I had no idea we’d become drinking buddies, and then Derpy invited us to a picnic, we met Time, I realized Derpy’s crush was only growing and… Gah!” I stopped myself from prattling.
Lightning downs another shot. “So you bucked up, refused to tell anypony, and screwed our friendship over in the process…” She didn’t sound too angry, but she was probably just digesting it at the moment.
I opened my mouth to reply, but felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I saw a young mare with a green and pink mane giving me a sultry look. “Hey there--”
Considering I was one-hundred and ten percent not in the mood for this, I shut her down quickly. “I suck cock.”
She blinked. “Uh…” She blinked again.
“Buh-bye,” I told her, making a shooing motion with my hoof.
Disgruntled, she shuffled away. I turned back to Lightning, who just finished her third shot. “Subtle, dude.” she said, indicating the mare.
“I try.”
“Where was that subtlety when Derpy thought I was gay?”
I sighed. “Far, far away. Look, Lightning, I can’t apologize enough--”
She grunted. “You got that right.”
“--but I still want to find a way to make this up to you. To both of you. I just wish I knew how.”
Lightning groaned. “You broke Derpy’s heart, wrecked all of our friendships, and pretty much ruined the Wonderbolts Academy for me. I don’t think there’s anything you can do to fix this.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Ruined the Academy? How’d I manage to do that?”
Lightning slammed a hoof on the table. “You think I can just go to the Academy now and forget about all of this? It doesn’t matter if I live my dream or not; I’ll always have Derpy’s broken heart hanging over my head.” She sighed, glancing at the floor. “And I don’t want that.”
“So what? You aren’t going to the Academy anymore?”
“I didn’t say that… but… I just don’t know.” Lightning pressed her head to the table. “I don’t know what to think right now…”
Me neither…
“Everything’s just getting so confusing.”
My eyebrow arched. “Confusing as in...”
Blood suddenly rushed to her cheeks. “You don’t need to know.”
We sat in silence for a moment. I couldn’t seem to think of anything to say, and Lightning seemed done talking to me. I didn’t blame her either; I didn’t want to talk to me. A few more shots slide our way, but neither of us are exactly grappling for them.
About a minute or so later, a dark stallion with a slicked back green mane slid into the stool by Lightning. He’s got a pretty smug, alcohol-fueled grin on his face, and a drunken sway in his walk. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t see my “abort mission” face as he opened his mouth.
“Well hello little lady,” he said. I smacked my forehead. “What’s got you so sad?”
Lightning’s head slowly lifted off the table, and she looked at the stallion with narrowed eyes. “Buck off, dipshit.”
I started to laugh, but caught myself. The stallion bit the inside of his cheek, and for a moment I feared the possibility of another fight breaking out. Instead, he swallowed his pride, and ambled away, looking a little downtrodden.
“Harsh,” I noted.
Lightning turned to me. “I’m not exactly in the mood to be hit on. Besides, it wasn’t like he was attractive or anything.”
I looked past her to the stallion’s rear end. “You kidding? He’s pretty good looking.” Though he’s no Time Turner.
Lightning rolled her eyes with a snort. “Please, that mare you turned down was at least twice as hot as him.” She picks up another shot.
I blinked, slightly confused at the wording. Scratch that, really confused. Since when does Lightning ever make comments like that? I know she’s not drunk, which only adds to my confusion. Maybe she’s just trying to have a conversation? Considering how pissed she was, the answer was no. So what could it be?
After some thought, one possibility stood out in my mind. Well, less of a possibility and more of a very, very thin hope.
Before I could inquire about it, Lightning stood up. “Well, I’m done here.” She set a few bits on the counter, and by the looks of it there were more than she needed.
“Are you paying for my cider?” I asked, hoping this meant something good.
“Yes. I owe you money, remember?” I nodded, recalling the few times I’d bailed her out before. “Well, now we’re even. Which is good, cause I don’t ever want to see you again.” She turned, heading for the exit.
Oh shit. I got up quickly. I couldn’t let Lightning walk out like this. Aside from losing a friend, I didn’t want to risk Lightning getting away before I could explore the possibility of that thin hope being something more.
As I burst out of the doors, I spotted her about to take off. “Wait up a sec!”
By some miracle, she paused and looked back. “What?”
“Uh…” Come on, think fast! It isn’t my strong suit, but I managed to get an idea. “Do you have a place to stay tonight?”
Her wings tucked in slightly. “No… I uh… doubt Derpy’s willing to let me stay at her place tonight... but I can always stay at a motel.”
“You brought enough money to book a room?”
She scowled. “No.”
I knew she wasn’t exactly excited to go back to Derpy’s place to get her money or anything else. “You wanna bunk at my place?” She narrowed her eyes at me. “I have a guest room,” I assured her.
Her head swayed slightly as she internally weighed her options. Finally she gave a sigh. “Fine.”
I did a victory dance in my head. “Come on, my place is this way.” I unfurled my wings and took off into the air. Lightning followed shortly after.
I knew I had to work fast figuring this out. Once morning came, there was a very real possibility I would never see Lightning again. I had one shot, and had to make it count.
Derpy sat on the living room sofa, her daughter curled up in her lap, both forelegs wrapped around her torso. Turner sat in the chair opposite of the coffee table, giving her time to calm down some before they started talking. Though she wouldn’t admit it, Derpy was prolonging her sniffling state as long as possible. She really didn’t want to talk right now, especially about Lightning Dust, but Time wouldn’t take no for an answer, and there was no way Dinky was going to let go of her anytime soon.
She was more numb than sad right now. It was taking her a while to come to terms with Rider’s deception and her sudden outburst. She didn’t regret getting furious with him of course, but yelling at Lightning was probably the worst thing she could have done in that situation.
Any chance I might’ve had with her is gone now. For sure. She blinked back tears.
Taking notice of this, Time cleared his throat. “Ready to talk?”
After a pause, she nodded. “I guess.” Dinky nuzzled her stomach.
“All right. So… are you going to be okay?”
Derpy stroked her daughter’s mane. “I don’t know.”
The two forelegs around her body tensed as Dinky shook. “Please…” she choked out a sob. “Please don’t let it be like last time. Please don’t disappear again, Mommy.”
Her heart pulsed. “Oh Dinky… I promise you I’m not going anywhere.”
Dinky sniffled. “Really?”
“Absolutely.” She nuzzled her daughter.
“So you’re sticking around then?” Turner asked.
Derpy tried to force a smile, but her lips stayed etched in a straight line. “I’ll try. I just… wish everything had gone differently.”
“Derpy…”
Too late, tears already welled up in her eyes. “I… I might’ve been able to handle it if she had put me down gently… but to know I was doomed from the start…”
Turner got up, walked over, and took the seat on the couch next to her. “I’m sorry, Derpy. I really am.”
“It’s okay,” she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault.” For a moment, she thought she felt him stiffen, but let it pass. “I just wish I hadn’t told her I never wanted to see her again.”
“Well… Rider did fly off to talk with her,” Turner remembered. “He might be able to convince her to come back here and try talking to you again.”
“Rider… that doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence.”
Turner forced a laugh. “Me neither… but who knows, he might pull it off."
Even in her numb sadness, Derpy choked out a laugh with him.
"Maybe..."
We flew side by side, though Lightning kept her head directed away from me for most of it. So far I had awkwardly blinked, flapped, and kept my mouth shut. Dozens of homes in the suburban outskirts of Cloudsdale whipped by below us as we drew closer to my own.
My mind had been picking at a question for a while now, but I was finalizing the details of how to ask it before I actually opened my mouth.
It was incredibly ridiculous, and I knew it. I was basing a hunch about Lightning entirely off of one comment at a bar. But if it was right…
As we swooped down in front of my house, I found I couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Are you sure you’re not gay?”
Every muscle in her body stiffened at once, momentarily removing her ability to fly. She swayed, and nearly tumbled into the ground. Luckily she loosened her body in time to avoid what would have been a harmless crash.
Her head whirled around to face me, eyes narrowed, mouth tight. Immediately I regretted opening my big mouth.
“No. No, I’m not gay.” She shook her head. “Geeze, first Derpy and now you.”
“In Derpy’s defense, I never told her.” I reach for my keys.
“No, even after she knew she still tried to convince me that I might not be straight just because I was so isolated growing up.”
The lock on my open clicked open and I pushed the door in. “Well, you were, weren’t you?”
She grunted. “I don’t feel like talking about my childhood.”
“Humor me,” I demanded.
Seeing that I was standing between her and her only place to sleep tonight, she relented. “I was. It was me, my mom, my dad, and a shit load of training.”
“So you could be gay and just not know? I didn’t discover I was gay until college, and I had way more social interaction than you.”
“I’m not gay!” she exclaimed. “What the hell even set this off? Are you that desperate to fix things that you’re going to try and make me question my sexuality?”
I paused. Am I? Is all this just a mistake? Am I only pushing her further away? Whether I was or wasn’t, I had little to lose at this point. “What about what you said at the bar? You called that mare hot.”
She angrily flailed her hooves. “I was… humoring you. Besides, have you never noticed girls before?”
“Nope. My eyes grope dudes, and dudes alone. And a hermaphrodite. Once. A long time ago.” We were getting off topic. “Point is, I don’t.”
“Well… fine, whatever.” She pushed me aside, storming into my house. I pursued.
“So you’re saying you’ve never once looked at a girl that way. Not that mare at the bar, not Derpy, not anypony?”
“Just drop it!” Lightning stomped her hooves. If my carpets hadn’t been made of clouds they would have made a very angry noise just then. “I’m done talking about this.”
“Why? Why are you so insistent that you’re not gay?”
“Because… I’m not! I know I’m not!” She gritted her teeth.
I wasn’t finished yet. “How can you be so sure?”
“Because I thought you were hot, okay?” I blinked, frozen for a moment. She took a deep breath. “Look, the night we met, at the bar… I… I thought you were kinda cute.” The words were lost in a mumble, but she quickly spoke up again. “So I know I’m not gay. I can’t be gay if I looked at you of all ponies that way. And I’ve looked at other guys, too! So I know I’m not… and nothing I’ve done so far changes that. Not kissing Derpy, not cuddling with her, nothing.”
I was still slightly frozen, but I heard it all. Lightning slunk away slightly, her bottom lip curled into her mouth.
“You want to know what I think?” I asked.
She laughed sardonically. “You don’t think. You’ve demonstrated that pretty well over the last few weeks.”
I waved a dismissive hoof. “Regardless, I have a thought. I think you’re confused.”
She blinked, her eyebrows lowering. “What?”
“So you’ve grown up pretty sheltered all your life, and assumed you were straight because of it.”
“I am straight!”
I held up a hoof. “And because you’ve found yourself attracted to guys before, you think that confirms it.”
“It does!” She stamped her hoof on the floor.
“But, then entered Derpy. A mare. A mare who kissed you. A mare you grew close to. A mare that made you think about things you didn’t want to because it was confusing.”
“What are you saying?” Lightning asked.
“You like Derpy.”
Lightning gritted her teeth. “No… not like that… I’m… not like that…” Her pupils shrank with confusion.
I got another idea all of a sudden. “Can I ask you a few questions?”
Her tiny pupils darted to me. “What?”
“Can I ask you a few questions?” I enunciated.
She narrowed her eyes. “I… guess?”
“What’s your name?”
She blinked. “Lightning Dust. Why--”
I pressed on. “What’s your favorite color?”
She gave me a funny look. “...Blue.”
“Where were you born?”
“Cloudsdale.” Her voice drips with boredom, and I can tell she thinks this is pointless.
“How many siblings do you have?”
“None.”
She was answering instinctively now. It was time for the moment of truth question. “Who’s hotter, Soarin’ or Spitfire?”
“Spitfire,” she said with no hesitation. I wait a moment, and her eyes suddenly exploded with realization. “W-wait a sec.”
I grinned. Clearly a bad move, as it makes her uncomfortable enough to back up into a wall.
“N-no, I thought… I thought you meant who’s hotter career-wise.”
“You weren’t thinking, Lightning,” I told her. “And you knew what I meant.”
“B-but I’m not gay!” she shouts. “I’m not! How could… why did I…” She slid to the floor, her hooves to her head.
I sat down next to her. “Hey, calm down. It’s all right, Dusty.”
“This doesn’t make any sense!” She bit her lip so hard it drew blood. “I’m not gay.”
“You aren’t,” I assured her. I’m now thoroughly confident in my theory. “You’re bisexual.”
“What?” She looked at me.
“Bisexual. You can like both stallions and mares. Time Turner’s the same way.”
“S-so this is normal? This makes sense?” I nodded, and she calmed down some. “I… I’m bisexual.” She tested the word out, feeling out it rolled off the tongue. “I’m bisexual…”
“Or at the very least, bi-curious.” I lightly punch her shoulder. “But this is good, right? You’re not too wigged out or anything?”
“No… I guess not. I just… never knew this was a thing. Which means…”
“You’ve been freaking out over nothing?”
She nodded. We sat in silence for a long time as she digested everything. “What… what should I do now?”
I glance over in the other room to see the clock I keep on my kitchen wall. “Probably sleep, it’s kinda late.”
She hit me. “No, dumbass… I meant about Derpy.”
“Oh yeah…” I pause. “Well, that time you two kissed… did you like it?”
“Dunno…” she said. “It’s all fuzzy. I was drunk, so I don’t really…”
“Okay… well you said you cuddled with her, right?” I asked, remembering what she said earlier. She nodded. “Did you like that?”
“...Kinda. She was so soft… and warm.”
I tapped my hoof. “When you think of her, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?”
“Her eyes.”
I furrowed my eyebrows. “That’s a little… uncool.”
She hit me again. “No, not her wall-eye. I mean her eyes. They’re always so cheery, and happy, and… bright…”
We paused for a moment.
“Huh…”
She continued. “And, her mane is always messy, but it’s like… perfectly messy, you know?”
“Sure.” Cause that makes sense.
“And when she smiles… it’s like… everything’s going to be all right. And when she’s sad.” She swallowed. “When I made her sad… it was like my heart hurt.” Lightning looked at me. “Does that mean I like her?”
I smiled, knowing what this meant. “I’d say so.”
For a moment, I expected joy to shoot out of her. Instead she gets a crushed look on her face. “Oh Celestia, she hates me!”
“Whoa, no she doesn’t,” I said. Putting a hoof around her.
“But she said--”
“That was her residual anger at me. If there’s anypony she hates, it’s me, not you.” I patted her shoulder. “Come on now, we need to sleep.”
“But Derpy…”
“Is probably already dreaming. We can wait to surprise her tomorrow with this good news.” I stood up, my leg muscles whimpering with sleepiness. I extended a hoof for Lightning and she took it. “Guest room is upstairs, first door on your right.”
She nodded, unfurling her wings and taking off. A second later she landed on the top step, and disappeared. A moment later, her head poked over the fluffy, white banister. “Oh, hey Rider.”
“Yeah?”
She smiled. “Thanks.” And then she disappeared once again.
Author's Note
Thank you WorkbenchManiac for proof-reading.
Only about three chapters left.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
I never really bought a fire alarm for my home. Never thought I would need to. After all, I live in a cloud house, and those don’t typically catch on fire. In fact, I was pretty confident clouds couldn’t catch on fire.
And that was the mentality I had when I tried to make pancakes this morning.
Needless to say, it ended badly.
It started innocently enough when I grabbed the pancake mix from my pantry. From there it went downhill.
After spending about ten minutes trying to figure out where to go from there, I’d managed to mix a batter together, and poured it into the pan. When I set it on the stove, I’d set it to it’s highest setting thinking that would cook it quicker.
Then everything caught on fire.
And I screamed like a girl.
That’s pretty much how Lightning found me this morning. She sleepily rushed downstairs to find my shrieks of terror as flames spread from the now overcooked pancakes onto my stove and the walls.
I panicked and started fanning the flames with my hoof, hoping in desperation that it would help.
“Dammit Rider!” Lightning yelled. From the corner of my eye I saw her wings snap open and she flew from the house.
“Well thanks for helping!” I cried as her lightning contrail faded. The fire licked my ceiling, and I scampered clear. Grabbing wildly I got my hooves on a washcloth and violently began whacking the fire. The cloth seemed to bounce off of the flames
Suddenly, Lightning burst back into my house, a dark raincloud in tow.
“Stand clear!” she shouted. I didn’t have time to hear her before she struck the raincloud with a powerful buck.
“What?” The contents of the raincloud suddenly exploded out, knocking me over with the sheer force as water doused my kitchen.
The fire hissed in protest, and the kitchen filled with steam. Groaning, I sat up. Around me, the clouds quickly ate up the extra water, turning a few shades darker in the process.
Satisfied with her work, Lightning gave the now depleted cloud a quick buck and it dissipated. “You’re welcome.”
“Thanks,” I said, wringing out my mane. The clouds may have absorbed the water, but I hadn’t. I could feel a chill in my bones from the thorough soaking, and used my slightly burnt washcloth for damage control.
“What the hell happened?”
I clicked my tongue and awkwardly looked away. “I was trying to make breakfast… emphasis on trying.”
Lightning’s eyebrows furrowed. “What kind of breakfast causes clouds to catch on fire ?”
I laughed. “Pancakes, apparently.”
Her jaw hung agape. “I… don’t have words for that.”
Sighing, I stood up. “Same here.” My head turned to the burnt, and now soggy, pancake lying on the stove. “Heh… sorry.”
Her mouth closed, the shock wearing off. “I wasn’t that hungry anyway.”
“Fair enough. Thanks again for saving my life.”
She snorted. “You’re just lucky I’ve forgiven you, otherwise I might’ve let you burn.”
“Dark stuff, Dusty.” I paused, realizing what she just said. “Wait, so I am forgiven?”
“Eh… mostly.” She punched my shoulder playfully, but harder than necessary. “I’m still a little pissed at you.”
“Yeah, I don’t blame you. So after I dry off do you want to go to Derpy’s?” I knew I made a mistake when I saw her legs stiffen. “What?”
She blinked. “Do… do we have to go now?”
I cocked my head in confusion. “Well… kinda yeah. Is that a problem?”
Lightning looked away. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea yet.”
“What?” She awkwardly looked at the ground as I stared in shock. “Why the hell not? You know you’re bi now, why can’t you just tell Derpy how you feel?”
“Because I don’t know how I feel!” Lightning screamed. I backed up, eyes widening. We stood in silence for a moment.
“What do you mean?” I softly asked. Her eyes glanced around, refusing to fall on me.
“I don’t…” she choked on the words. “I don’t know how I feel about her.” She pulled up a chair at my kitchen table and sat down, holding her head. “She… she loves me, Rider. And I…” She couldn’t finish. She didn’t have to. I knew what she meant.
Lightning didn’t love Derpy.
“But… you’re bisexual,” I protested, taking the seat opposite of her. “Why the hell not?”
She slammed a hoof onto the plush, cloud table, probably expecting a loud noise to make me flinch. “I can’t just flip a switch and fall in love with her, Rider! I’ve seen her as my friend all this time… me being bi doesn’t change that.”
"And all the stuff you said last night?" I demanded. "About her eyes, her smile, how you feel?"
"I never said I didn't like her, Rider. And I know what I said, but I was tipsy and tired and emotionally exhausted. I don't know what I was feeling then and I don't know what I'm feeling now. Bisexual or no."
I paused. She was right, it was too much of me to just expect that everything would turn out okay just because of her sexuality. She had just uncovered a part of herself she never knew existed, and it had come at quite possibly the worst day of her life. What she needed was time to figure it out, time to adjust, time to understand.
Time wasn’t a luxury we could afford, however. A brief memory of Derpy’s crying face made that face very apparent.
“Do you at least like her?”
She finally looked at me. “I… I really don’t know, Rider. I really bucking don’t know.”
Well… crap.
“Can you give it a shot?” I meekly asked. “A trial date, maybe?”
“Stop asking.” I’m stunned by how utterly cold she sounded. Her voice was like a knife, cutting the conversation dead in its tracks.
We sit in the dead silence, breathing in the smell of burnt pancakes and never once breaking eye contact.
It ends when tears well up in Dust’s eyes.
“Lightning…”
She buried her head in her hooves. “She loves me, Rider.” Her muffled words aren’t sad or angry, they’re weighed down by pressure. “How am I supposed to go on a trial date, or a real date, or just hang out with her knowing that she feels that way and knowing it probably kills her inside that I don’t feel the same way?”
My first instinct is to respond with “I don’t know”, and I got as far as opening my mouth before realizing how catastrophic that would be. I pressed my lips together and thought about what I was going to say next.
“That’s uh… well I can see why you’re confused…” I put my hoof to my chin in thought. “But it sounds to me like you’re hesitant because you’re worried about how Derpy will feel. So… why don’t we talk to her?”
Her head snapped up, eye glowering. “Sure, because it worked out so well the last time I tried to talk it out with her.”
I cringed at the memory. “This’ll be different. I mean, I’m not lying to either of you this time, so what could go wrong?”
“Everything,” she bitterly spat.
I sighed. “Okay, look. If you could, would you want to date Derpy?”
Lightning’s lips tightened as she pondered the question. “...I guess. I mean, we’re already really close, and I really like being around her… and...”
I leaned in. “...and?”
“And I kinda... liked cuddling her…” A blush spread across her face.
I smiled. “Then let’s talk to her.”
Lightning stared down at my table for a little while longer, and then nodded her agreement.
Even though the scent of freshly baked muffin wafted through the air, Derpy found that she had no appetite. She poked at the treat in front of her and sighed.
“What do you think, Mommy?” Dinky chirped, halfway through her own. She had baked this batch almost entirely on her own, and had been all too proud to show Derpy in a hope that it would cheer her up.
She forced a smile and took a bite despite her churning stomach. “They’re delightful, Dinky.”
Dinky smiled backed, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Time Turner bit his lip, and Derpy could tell he was tapped for ideas for trying to cheer her up.
He had spent the night, mostly to make sure she wouldn’t close up again and leave Dinky all alone, and they had stayed up late playing a few of her favorite card games. Sadly, it was going to take more than Crazy Eights to get a genuine smile out of her. In fact, nothing short of a miracle—
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Three heads popped up. They waited patiently, and heard the sound again: the unmistakable knocking of hoof on wood.
“I’ll get it,” Time Turner said, pushing himself up.
“Okay,” Derpy called as he walked away. She poked at her muffin a little, while Dinky nibbled on hers. “So Dinky… how’s school been going lately?”
Dinky swallowed and stared at her mother with wide eyes. “You don’t have to do that, Mom.”
Derpy blinked. “Do what?”
“Act like nothing’s wrong. It’s okay… I know what it’s like to be sad sometimes too… especially when… you know...”
Her jaw sat agape. “Dinky…”
“But… it’s okay… I’m not happy all the time... but I am most of the time. Because I have you.” She got up and hugged Derpy tightly. “And you have me… okay?”
Derpy returned the embrace without hesitation tears threatening to well up in her eyes. “Yes, my little muffin. Yes I do.”
Their hug continued for a while longer, before Dinky’s stomach rumbled and she had to pry herself away to grab another muffin.
“Hey, Derpy,” Turner called from the other room.
She wiped her eyes before responding. “Yeah?”
“There’s somepony here to see you.”
“I’m not really in the mo—”
“Derpy?” Lightning walked around the corner and into the kitchen. Her hooves stopped at the first tiles, hesitant to continue. Her face was scrunched with worry and uncertainty, but she kept a calm demeanor.
Derpy blinked, confusion raced across her brain. Then joy. Then sadness. “Lightning…”
She rubbed her foreleg sheepishly. “I know you said you never wanted to see me again, but this is important.”
“O-Okay.” Derpy was still trying to process her emotions and had recently made it to surprise.
“Look, I… I’ve done a little thinking lately about… well, everything that’s been going on, and I’ve realized some things.”
Derpy felt a spark of hope flare in her chest. “Like what…?”
“I’m not gay...”
The spark fizzed out.
“...I’m bisexual.”
The spark ignited again. “What?”
Lightning nodded. “I uh, yeah. I’m bisexual. It just took me a bucking long time to wrap my head around it.”
Time Turner blinked in surprise, while Derpy grew a smile. “So… does that mean—”
“Derpy wait, before you say anything.” Lightning took a deep breath. “I don’t love you. Romantically, at least.”
“Oh…” Derpy couldn’t stop the disappointment from slipping into her voice. Lightning winced.
“But look, just because I don’t now doesn’t mean I never will.”
Dinky gasped, realizing what this meant.
Derpy realized it too. “S-so what you’re saying is...”
Lightning gave an anxious grin. “If you aren’t still mad at me, then do you think maybe we can... give it a go?”
Derpy’s jaw went slack. “You mean... you’re asking me out?” Her voice climbed three octaves.
Color flushed onto Lightning’s cheek. “I… uh…” A yellow hoof outstretch from the wall behind her, holding a small bouquet of roses. They promptly smacked Lightning on the back on the head, and she winced. As she turned, the hoof rustled the flowers. “Oh, right.” She grabbed them, sheepishly smiled, and offered the roses to Derpy. “I almost forgot, but Rider made sure I got these for you.”
Blinking, Derpy looked from the roses to Lightning, to the yellow hoof — which she now knew to be Rider’s — egging her on, to Turner, who still seemed to be surprised at this development.
Lightning bit her lip, concerned at the length of time it was taking for Derpy to make her decision. “Uh… what do you want me to get down on one knee or something?”
Rider’s hoof retracted, and a second later a slap was heard.
Dinky finally spoke up. “Mommy, just say yes already!”
Derpy coughed, realizing she had been holding her breath. “Yes!” She squeed. Lightning smiled. “Yes! Yes! Buck yes!”
“Mom!”
Derpy brushed the flowers aside, and wrapped Lightning in a powerful hug. “Thank you!”
Lightning wheezed. “Ahk… welcome…”
Not wanting to suffocate Lightning before they even started their date, Derpy released her. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Lightning rubbed her now sore neck.
Dinky hopped off her chair, and tackled Lightning with another hug.
“Whoa,” Lightning laughed. She patted Dinky’s head. “Miss me much?”
Dinky giggled. “So… can I call you mom?”
Lightning’s smile evaporated. “Uuhhhhh…”
“Dinky!” Derpy shrieked.
Laughing, Dinky broke away from the hug. “I was just messing with you, Lightning.”
With a sigh of relief, Lightning relaxed. “Thank goodness.”
Time Turner blinked. “So… this is really happening?” Everypony turned to him as he pointed to Lightning. “You’re really bisexual?”
“She sure is.” Rider stepped into the room and clapped Turner on the back. He nodded. “Hey Derpy.”
“...Hi Rider.” Derpy felt her stomach churn a little. “What are you doing here?” She asked, a little harsher than she meant to.
He cringed slightly. “I—”
“He’s pretty much the only reason I had the balls to come back here,” Lightning interjected.
Derpy glanced from her to Rider. “Is this true?”
“No, of course not,” he said. “Lightning doesn’t have balls.”
She punched him. “Yes, it is true.”
Derpy’s lips tightened. “Well… thank you… I guess.”
“So, am I forgiven?” Rider asked.
Shaking her head, Derpy sighed. “Not yet. I just... I can't just forget about what you did.”
He shrugged. “Fair enough.”
Time still looked confused. “Okay… I think I’m starting to understand, but I still have one question.”
“What?” Lightning asked. He looked at her.
“What are you going to do about the Wonderbolt’s Academy?”
Lightning opened her mouth to respond, and closed it again. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she looked from Derpy to Time. “I… hadn’t thought about it.”
Derpy’s stomach flopped. The last thing she wanted was to prevent Lightning from trying to accomplish her dreams, but she knew how little time together they would have if she went.
Lightning glanced at Derpy one last time, and noted the sad look she’d been trying to conceal. A soft smile sprouted on her face. “You know what? I have an idea.”
Author's Note
Thanks to WorkbenchManiac for proof-reading.
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Mini-Chapter Five: The Bolts
Lightning inhaled the thin, crisp air around her, hoping it would steady her nerves slightly. As she landed on the rocky surface of the mountain and stared at the looming building before her, she realized it was a futile effort.
Thursday had arrived all too quickly, and Lightning had failed so far to feel comfortable in her decision. In fact, the only time she had been able to forget about it — albeit only for a few moments — was during her first date with Derpy last night.
At Lightning’s insistence, their date had been as casual as possible, and so they ate a late lunch at the Hayburger, and ended up playing pool in the post office break room for hours. It probably hadn't been the ideal first date Derpy had envisioned, but she didn't complain. They both had a great time, and the best part of it was Lightning never once felt pressured because of Derpy's feelings.
Sighing happily at the memory, Lightning glanced again at the building before her. A streak of lightning with wings, the Wonderbolts insignia, hung right above the door. She shifted her hooves nervously and swallowed.
"Are you sure about this?" Derpy asked.
Lightning turned to her. She was the only one who'd come with her for the interview. Time and Dinky couldn't, and Rider said he had something important to take care of at work. It was fine with her; had anyone besides Derpy come she might have been worse off than she was now.
"Yes, this is what I want." Lightning smiled at Derpy's unsure face. "Don't worry about it."
Derpy glanced between Lightning and the Academy. "Are you sure you don't want me to walk in with you?"
Lightning shook her head. "No, this is something I need to do on my own. Besides, I don't need you to hold my hoof everywhere."
They both looked down to their interlocking forelegs. Derpy offered a smile. "But I like holding your hoof."
Pink flickered on Lightning's face, and she laughed in an attempt to dispel it. "Yeah, same here."
"Good luck." Derpy nuzzled Lightning's neck, a gesture she had been getting used to lately.
"Thanks." Their hooves reluctantly disentangled, and Lightning trotted through the doors.
Inside, Lightning could still feel the nerves gnawing away at her. Butterflies battered the insides of her stomach as she found the right hallway and walked down it. Several steady breaths didn't quell them.
Eventually, Lightning found the office she was looking for, with a door labeled in black letters: Spitfire.
She swallowed again and knocked just loud enough to hear.
"Come in," a recognizable voice on the other side called back.
Lightning pushed the door open. As it swung open it revealed an office chock full of Wonderbolts memorabilia. Flags lined the walls, along with pictures depicting some of the major moments in Wonderbolt history. Shelves were filled with first place trophies and medals, while the second place and lower could be found decorating the floor in the back corner. Sitting at the desk in the center of the room was the mare Lightning had come to see.
Removing her sunglasses, she gestured with an orange hoof to one of the chairs before her. "Hello, Lightning Dust," Spitfire said, her tone unreadable. "You're a little early, but I've got a free moment. Come on in and take a seat."
"I'll stand," Lightning said, taking a few steps in. "I don't think it'll take long to say what I need to say."
Spitfire raised an eyebrow. "Okay..."
Lightning forced away the butterflies in her stomach and stood tall. "Ma'am, for as long as I can remember it's been my dream to make it into the Wonderbolts. I pushed myself day and night training to make myself worthy, or at least, what I considered was worthy, to be a part of the best flight team ever. Sometimes, I didn't sleep or eat. The only real breaks I took from training were when I got to see a performance live, and even then I was doing wing-ups in the bleachers during intermission."
Lightning sighed, but didn't slow down. "The point I'm trying to make is, I built my entire life around the Wonderbolts, and when I... pulled that stunt of mine and got kicked out, I felt like I lost everything. And I was angry, too. I was angry at you, at Rainbow Dash, and I was even a little angry at those five ponies who got in the way of the tornado. But most of all, I was angry at myself.
"I knew it was all my fault. I was the one who bucked up and ruined everything, and I had no idea how to come to terms with that and move on. At least... not until I made a few friends."
She paused to catch her breath and continued. "They were my first friends actually. Without them I never would've gotten past my anger. I also never would've learned just how much I was missing. I spent so much time trying to become a Wonderbolt, that I'd never played pool before. Or had a real job. Or even touched the ground before. And there's still a lot more that I haven't experienced."
"So what are you saying?" Spitfire asked.
"I'm saying that I don't want to come back to the Academy, At least, not yet. There's a ton of stuff I want to do before I spend the rest of my life as a Wonderbolt, so I'm putting my dream on hold for now."
Spitfire nodded, reclining in her chair. "I see, and this is your final decision?"
"Yes, ma'am." Her jaw loosened a little. "I've made up my mind."
Spitfire tapped her hooves together in thought. "And I suppose there's nothing I can say to change it?"
Lightning shook her head. "No ma'am, there isn't. Now if you'll excuse me, there's somepony waiting for me." Lightning turned, the butterflies all but gone now.
"Hold it!" Spitfire barked. Lightning froze. "I haven't dismissed you yet, Lightning."
She turned. "Ma'am?"
Spitfire opened a drawer to her desk and dug around a little bit. She pulled out a few sheets of paper and held them out. Lightning reached for them, her eyebrows furrowed.
"This is an application for the Wonderbolts Reserve Unit," Spitfire told her. "It'd be a real shame if your talent was wasted for however long you want to spend exploring the world, or whatever. Just fill this out, take a short physical, pass a written test, and we'll call you whenever we're short a few flyers. Sound good?"
"Uh... I..." Lightning blinked and offered an open-mouthed stare.
"Kid, just take the damn papers."
Lightning's hoof whipped out and snatched the form, a grin blooming on her face. "Thank you, Ma'am! I-I don’t know how I could ever repay you.”
Spitfire leaned back in her chair. “Just make sure you stay in shape; I won’t keep you on the reserves if you turn into a slouch.”
Lightning couldn’t wipe the smile from her face. “I won’t let you down, Ma’am!” She saluted.
The corners of Spitfire’s mouth tugged upwards. “Dismissed.”
Without missing a beat, Lightning pressed the paper against her chest and practically skipped out of the room. She waited until the office door was shut before she squealed for the second time in her entire life.
Holy shit, holy shit holyshitholyshitholyshit!
Lightning was in such a giddy mood she didn’t see Rainbow Dash until she was literally on top of her. Rainbow had been walking backwards, talking with another cadet, and with Lightning’s blind happiness it was a recipe for a crash.
They went down, Rainbow landing underneath her with an “oof”.
“Sorry about that,” Lightning said, pushing off of her. It was only then that she saw the tell-tale rainbow mane, rising up from the floor.
“It’s o—” Rainbow froze when she saw Lightning’s face. She blinked twice before she really began processing it. “You.”
“Uh… hi, Rainbow.” Lightning bit her lip, unsure how to act. She hadn’t spoken to Rainbow Dash since her expulsion.
Rainbow finished standing, and decided to look at the floor. It seemed she didn’t know how to act either. “So… I heard a rumor that you might be coming back.”
“I got an offer,” Lightning said with a nod. “But I turned it down.”
Rainbow’s mouth tightened, and her eyebrows lowered. “Ah… I… uh...”
“Crazy, huh?”
Dash nodded.
Lightning clicked her tongue to the roof of her mouth. “Well, I think I’ll just g—”
“I heard you’ve been hanging out with Derpy a lot.”
Lightning blinked. “Uh… yeah.”
Rainbow anstily chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Why?”
“Why do you care?”
“Derpy’s a friend, and… I don’t trust you with her.”
Lightning’s eyebrow crawled up. “You don’t trust me? Or you don’t trust her?” Rainbow gritted her teeth together, giving Lightning her answer. “Look, I know I was a bit of a bitch the last time we met, but a lot has changed, all right? I’m not rushing into anything with Derpy, and she isn’t just fooling around.”
Rainbow stared at Lightning for a little bit, trying to size her up. “...Okay… I guess. I’m still not comfortable with this.”
Lightning shrugged. “Well, I don’t exactly need your permission to date her.”
“Fair point. Just… don’t hurt her, all right?” Rainbow clapped her on the back. “Or I’ll hurt you. Got it?”
“If I do hurt her, you won’t get a chance.” Lightning gave Rainbow a soft smile and brushed past her without bothering to see her reaction.
Derpy was waiting for her when she left the building, a smile slinking onto her face when she saw Lightning approach.
“How did it go?” she anxiously asked.
Lightning whipped out the Reserves application hight into the air. “Better than expected!”
“What’s that? What happened?”
Lightning grinned widely. “I’ll tell you all about it, but first we should get the guys and grab a cider or something. I feel like partying.” She wrapped Derpy in a tight hug.
“Oh, whoa, it must’ve gone really well then.” Derpy laughed and hugged Lightning back. “All right, let’s go to my place and call the guys.”
Lightning smiled. Life was good.
Author's Note
Thanks to Workbench Maniac for proof-reading.
Oh yeah, and only one more chapter to go.
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Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Friends
The familiar sting of alcohol bit my tongue as I went to work on my second cider. At this point, it was the only thing calming my nerves. Time Turner was sitting on the stool to my left, only halfway done with his first. His attention was more focused on the door of the bar, as he waited with anticipation.
Around us, the bar patrons went on with their drinking like it was a regular night, and to most ponies, it is. Not to us though. Half an hour ago, Time got a call from Derpy who’d frantically yelled at him to find me and meet her at the bar. It was about as vague as it sounded.
“So… what do you think?” Time asked, with half of his lip in his mouth.
“For the eighth time, I’ve got no clue.” I took a sip from my cider again. “For all I know, their first date went horrible and now they’re ready to kill me all over again.”
He sighed, finally turning his head away from the door. “They would’ve killed you yesterday if that was the case.”
“Doubt it.” I took another swig of cider. “They would need time to plan out how they’d murder me.” Time shot me a look. “What? Killing somepony takes a lot of planning. You have to pick out which method of murder is the best, find a good spot to dump the body, and--”
“You know, sometimes you really worry me,” Turner interrupted.
I laughed. “I could go worse if you want.”
He grunted disapprovingly.
I reached for my glass again, but froze when the door slammed open. Both of our heads whipped towards the sound and I saw the last thing I expected to see: Lightning and Derpy, each rocking ear-splitting grins.
Time smirked and looked at me. “Does that look like the faces of killers?”
“Maybe, maybe not,” I replied, leaning in a little. “We shouldn’t take anything for granted just yet.”
“Hey guys.” Lightning held up a tiny, white cardboard box. “We brought donuts.”
“Nevermind,” I whispered to Time. Then I turned to my still tenuous friends and waved them over. “What’s up, girls?”
They trotted over, each with a skip in their step. Lightning tossed the donuts onto the bar, and grabbed a seat, with Derpy pulling up right next to her. Time and I sat patiently as my question hung in the air. Eventually Lightning pulled out a sheet of paper and slammed it on the table, grin widening.
I glance at it, eyebrow raised. “And this is?”
For a moment I swore Lightning’s grin was going to split her face in half. “That, boys, is an application to the Wonderbolt’s Reserve Team.”
“Whoa, really?” Time asked. He reached for the paper but paused, looking at Lightning. She nodded her permission and he picked it up, and read it over.
“Nicely done, Dusty.” I clapped her on the back, and her grin returned in full force. “How’d this even happen?”
Her smile didn’t falter. “Well, remember how I said I was going to go to my interview and tell Spitfire to shove it?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, she freaking gave me the application and told me to go for it! She even said I was talented.” The pride was radiating off of Lightning, and she’d earned it.
I whistled lowly. “That’s awesome.”
“I know,” Derpy interjected, wrapping her forelegs around Lightning’s midsection and nuzzling the back of her neck. “I couldn’t be prouder of her.”
Scarlet crept onto Lightning’s face. “Heh… well… you know…”
Time and I grinned at her, delighting in her embarrassment. She scowled at us, but with Derpy clinging to her rather adorably its effectiveness was lost.
I popped open the lid to the donut box and selected the first chocolate iced one I could spy. “So I take it date numero uno went pretty well.” I indicated their quasi-cuddle. “You know, all things considered.”
Lightning leaned her head against Derpy’s. “Yeah… I guess you can say it went pretty well.”
“Yep,” Derpy chimed in.
Time blinked in surprise, and my donut halted halfway to my mouth. “Holy shit, you guys had sex.”
Lightning flinched so hard she nearly fell off her stool. If it weren’t for Derpy, she probably would’ve.
“What?!” They yell simultaneously.
As Lightning struggled to right herself on her stool, Derpy shot me a look of utter shock. “What in the world gave you that impression?”
“In his defense you were being pretty vague,” Time chimed in on my behalf.
“But that… er, you’re infuriating sometimes, Rider.”
I laughed. “Only sometimes?”
At this point, Lightning had finally recovered. “Celestia dude, of course we haven’t done the sex stuff yet.”
Time snorted. “Done the sex stuff? Really?”
Lightning looked to the floor then back up. “Sorry. Sheltered for nearly twenty years, remember?”
“Yeah, don’t blame her for not knowing all your stupid sex lingo,” Derpy insisted.
I scratched my neck. “All right fine, sorry. So I guess that means that was a no to having ‘done the sex stuff’ then.” They nodded. “Don’t tell me you got vagected by Lightning, Derpy.”
She facehoofed. “You are really pushing it, you know that, Rider?”
“Aw come on, that’s what friends do.” I paused. “Uh… we are friends again, right?”
“Keep up the sex jokes, and my answer will be no.” She winked. I smiled and bit into my donut.
Time smiled. “So you’re taking it slow? That’s good news.”
“Yeah, we are,” Lightning said. giving Derpy a nudge. “Besides, I don’t even know how two mares would even do the sex stuff in the first place.”
I grinned. “Oh, that’s an easy one.” I grabbed another donut from the box before Lightning could even ask what I meant. Holding both of them, each in one hoof, I looked directly at the mares across from me. Making eye contact with Lightning specifically, I nodded towards the donuts. “Pretend these are vaginas.”
Lightning blinked and was about to respond, but the words died in her throat. Before they could be resurrected, I smushed the two donuts into each other and rubbed them back and forth furiously. Flakes of sugar and rainbow-colored sprinkles fell to the ground, but they were beaten to their destination by Lightning’s jaw.
“Rider!” Derpy squeaked.
I broke the donuts apart and laughed my ass off. Lightning’s face was pink by the time she closed her jaw.
“I-Is it really like that?” She asked as I took a bite out of the vagina-donut.
“No, no,” Derpy quickly assured her, probably worried that I had somehow accidentally scared Lightning straight or something. “It’s not nearly that rough… unless of course… you want it… that way…” She coughed. “And Rider, never do that to donuts again.”
“I honestly can’t believe he’s still eating them,” Time Turner added while I stuffed my face. “He’s the only one here to not be attracted to that particular… um… body part.” Derpy snickered.
I tried to laugh, but my full mouth made the response come out as a weak choking noise. I swallowed before following up on that. “Haha, very funny. So are any of you guys going to join in, or am I going to have to eat them all myself?”
Lightning glanced from me to the box. “Eh, what the hay.” She grabbed a chocolate iced one and popped it in her mouth. “Hmm, naht berd,” she said through her full mouth.
“Don’t expect the real thing to taste that way,” I told her.
“And how would you know what they taste like?” Derpy asked.
“Hey, here’s an idea,” Time interjected, shoving the donut box away. “Let’s stop comparing my favorite dessert to my second favorite sex organ.”
I nodded my consent to this idea and turned back to the girls. “You know, I’m curious, why donuts instead of muffins?”
“I didn’t have time to make any. Hell, I barely had time to call up Sparkler to babysit Dinky.”
Lightning snorted. “Remember her face when you nuzzled me?”
Derpy laughed into her hoof. “Yep. Sweet Celestia when we get back she’s going to bombard us with questions.”
“Well then, let’s stay out as late as we can,” I said, signalling to the bartender to bring us a round of ciders. “Gotta make my last night here count anyways.”
Derpy and Lightning suddenly froze. “Last night? What do you mean?”
I paused, realizing I had completely forgotten to mention this in between all the insanity of the past week or so. “Well… I’m leaving.”
Lightning furrowed her brows. “Leaving? As in…”
“I quit my job today.”
“That’s what you were doing while I was at the Academy?”
Derpy blinked. “But… Rider…”
I nudged Time Turner. “This psychopath hooked me up with his buddy on Bridleway who’s casting for Hinny of the Hills, and I’m going to audition.”
“So you’re going to--”
“Manehattan, yes.”
Lightning and Derpy shared a look. “But why?”
I sighed. “Well… Lightning, seeing how dedicated you’ve been towards being a ‘Bolt just made me realize how little effort I gave my dream. I mean, I quit after a few bad reviews for pony’s sake. The buck was wrong with me?” I glanced at my Cutie Mark. “Anyway, I’ve realized that I need to put a lot more into this if I want to make it work, and I shouldn’t let anything stand in my way. I mean, look at you: twenty-one and practically in the Reserves?”
Lightning tried to smile for me. “But… dude. I… you’re really leaving? For good?”
“Hey, I never said I was never coming back. At least, I don’t think so… Time?”
“You never said that.”
“Thanks. But yeah, don’t worry. I’ll be flying back to Ponyville whenever I have free time.” I winked at Dust. “Just like you’ll be doing one of these days.”
Lightning glanced over at Derpy, and wrapped her hoof around hers. “Yeah, but I’m thinking that’ll be a few years away.”
Derpy smiled, but then turned back to me. “I still can’t really believe you’re going to leave.” I thought I detected a note of sadness in her voice. Honestly I expected her to be overjoyed; I can’t buck up her life again if I’m halfway across the country.
Nevertheless I gave her a smile. “That’s why we gotta make this night count, right?”
“Right.” Our ciders arrived and Lightning grabbed one immediately. “This night isn’t supposed to be sad; we’re celebrating! Just, now we’re celebrating two things.”
“Hear, hear!” We all grabbed our cider mugs and clinked them together. “Let’s get drunk one more time, guys.”
My idea was met with a resounding yes.
Time hollered and tipped his head back, cider pouring into his throat. Derpy attempted to sip politely, but abandoned that mentality after a few seconds. Lightning and I immediately went for a drinking contest, mugs glued to our lips until we’ve drained them.
It was the best celebration ever.
Lightning stumbled, her hooves slipping over the dew covered grass of Derpy’s lawn. She swore as she fell; the wind brushing through her mane filling in for the sensation of falling that she was too drunk to comprehend.
The wind stopped abruptly as Lightning felt herself run into something. Surprised by the lack of pain in her face, she decided that she must’ve landed on the softest ground imaginable. Cracking her eyes open, she saw a tangled mane of blonde hair. It took her drunken brain a moment to process it, then she realized Derpy had caught her.
“Thanks,” she murmured. Lightning rubbed her nose deeper into Derpy’s mane, and let out a giddy giggle. “You feel like a pillow.”
“Okay, time to get you home.” Derpy snaked her foreleg around Lightning’s midsection to hold her steady and began walking.
“Wait wait wait!” Lightning shouted.
Derpy froze. “What?”
“Did I say goodbye to Rider?”
Derpy sighed and started walking again. “You did. About eight times in fact. Six of which were directed at other ponies entirely.”
“Oh.” Lightning blinked and gave the ground a look.
Giggling, Derpy hoisted Lightning up a little higher, hearing a crunching noise as the paper pinned between their bodies wrinkled slightly. “And before you even ask, I made sure to get your application before we left.”
“Thanks.” Lightning smiled. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever told you just how amazing you are.”
“Aw, Lightning…”
“No really.” She leaned her head against Derpy’s. “You’re like… the best. No, better than the best. Bester. Er… Bestest… I dunno, you’re just great.”
Derpy snorted. “Thanks, you big goof.”
After walking for what felt like an eternity, they finally reached Derpy’s front door. In a drunken stupor, she walked right into it, feeling the gentle slap of the oak before bouncing back.
“Heh… whoopsie.” She fumbled for her key. After scratching her doorknob more than she would care to admit, the key finally slid inside the lock. She shouldered her way into her home, dragging Lightning.
A cool gust of air welcomed her as she kicked the door shut. Her house looked intact still, which was good. Glancing into the living room she saw a figure lounging on the couch and almost immediately recognized it as Sparkler.
She turned to Lightning, pressed her hoof to her lips, and made a shushing noise. Lightning bobbed her head in understanding. Slowly they crept through the living room and towards the stairs.
“Hey, uh… Derpy?” Lightning whispered.
“What?”
“Since Sparkler’s kinda taken the couch, can I uh…” Derpy tilted her head to the side. “Can we share a bed again? …Uh, without doing the sex stuff I mean.”
Derpy smugly grinned. “You just wanna cuddle with me, don’tcha?” Even in the inky darkness that permeated her house, she could tell scarlet was burning on Lightning’s face. She giggled softly. “Of course you can.”
“Bitchin’.” Lightning leaned in and planted a kiss on Derpy’s cheek, her cider breath lingering when she pulled away. Every muscle in Derpy’s body seized up. “What’s wrong?”
“You… you kissed me.”
Lightning blinked. “Is that bad?”
“No it’s…” Derpy smiled. “It’s great.” To return the favor, Derpy kissed Lightning’s cheek. “Now come on, we better get some sleep. Tomorrow we’re going to have some massive hangovers.”
Lightning groaned as the began ascending the stairs. “Ah shit, we have to go to work too, don’t we?”
“Yep.”
“Fantastic. A hangover, work, and Sparkler’s squealing. Already shaping up to be a great morning.”
Derpy giggled. “Well, at least I get to wake up next to you in the morning.”
Lightning paused as they reached the top step. “Yeah, but I bet you it’s not nearly as great as waking up next to you.”
It was Derpy’s turn to blush. “Okay, enough with the romance; I wanna get some sleep tonight.”
They trudged into Derpy’s room, and Lightning flung herself onto the bed, eliciting a squeak from the springs.. A second later Derpy laid down next to her, and wrapped her forelegs around Lightning. In no time at all, they both nodded off to sleep.
Author's Note
Shout out to Workbench Maniac for proof-reading.
So, a lot of donut-sex jokes with this one, huh?
Well, this is it; thanks so much you guys for reading. It's hard to believe that the little project I started eleven months ago has evolved into my longest fic to date, but here it is in all of its completed glory. Later I'll have to come back and change all the present tense in the earlier chapters, but for now it's done. I sincerely hope you were satisfied (at least to the point where you won't need a sequel, because no sequel is currently planned.) Thanks again for being wonderful.
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Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
Mini-Chapter Two: In Which Rider Attempts to Get a Date
Mini-Chapter Two: In Which Rider Attempts to Get a Date
Time Turner’s shop was right in front of my face. It’s so close that as a breath left my nose, the glass window fogged up slightly. I'd been here for five minutes, trying to work up the nerve to go inside the clock-invested building. So far, nothing had worked.
I weighed my options as I see Time on the inside, back turned to the window, doing something with a watch. Going in there and merely talking to him could lead to any number of possible outcomes and being the paranoid and insecure wuss I am I kept thinking about the worst ones.
The fact that Turner could be mad about what went down last night was also cause for hesitation. Then again he might not be, so now I’m back to breathing on the windows like a moron.
Then again, if my plan works I could end up with a date.
And if it doesn’t…
Okay, screw this. I’m going in.
My hoof found the door and pushed it open about two seconds before my courage left me. I wanted to run back out immediately, but my legs locked up.
“Hello Rider.” Turner looked up at me. He wasn't smiling, but he wasn't frowning either. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing.
He looked about the same as last night, only there were even more bags under his eyes. Briefly I wondered how long it’s been since he last slept. Then I put my plan into action.
“Hey…” I said smoothly, walking inside. “So I was just in the neighborhood and figured–”
“Derpy told me something very interesting last night,” Turner cut me off. He’s leering at me.
I blinked. The plan is shattering dramatically. “O-oh yeah?”
Turner sets down the watch he is working on and crosses to me. “Yeah.”
Oh buck.
“Look Time, there’s a very reasonable explanation for this…”
“You said you fixed it,” he reminded me.
“Yeah… I lied.”
Smack!
I recoiled, my cheek stinging brutally. Turner had one hell of a right hook.
“I deserved that,” I mumbled.
“You deserve a lot more than that,” Turner told me. “Derpy is in love with Lightning Dust! Do you not realize how royally you bucked up?”
“I know, okay?” I shouted. “But what the hell was I supposed to do? The mare was crying on the bathroom floor, Turner.”
“That’s no excuse,” the chestnut stallion reprimanded. “You told her she has a chance with Lightning. When she finds out that Dust isn’t gay, crying on the bathroom floor will seem like a dance party.”
“Don’t you think you’re over reacting?” I asked. Surely it won’t be that bad.
Turner sighed. “Look Rider.” his voice was low. “You don’t know this, but Derpy was in a seriously committed relationship before. When it ended… she took it really rough.”
“How rough?”
“She didn’t leave her bedroom for four weeks. I had to look after Dinky for her while she did literally nothing but cry for a month. It got to the point where she stopped eating. She wouldn’t even touch a muffin, Rider.” He leaned in really close to me. “I don’t want Derpy to feel that way ever again, you understand me?”
“Turner, believe me when I say I don’t want her to feel that way either.” He leaned back, no longer giving me a death glare. “I don’t like seeing her cry, that’s why I chickened out when I should have told her Dust isn’t gay. I’m sorry.”
Turner looked away ruefully. “The minute you told me Lightning is straight I should have told Derpy. It would have been rough for her, but not that rough. Instead I didn’t. I chickened out too.” He turned his gaze back to me. “Rider, I hate what you’re doing – and I really hate to say this – but I guess I understand why you did it.”
“There’s no way that this will end well for any of us, is there?” I asked. Leave it to me to ask a question we already know the depressing answer to.
“Unless we can keep Lightning Dust in a more permanent state of drunkenness than Berry Punch, I don’t think so,” he replied.
“Yeah, not much chance of that happening,” I say. “Do you think they’ve found out by now?”
He shook his head. “No. Lightning stopped by with my mail earlier today. They running separate post routes today, so they won’t see each other most likely."
We shifted around awkwardly for a moment.
“Oh, uh… why did you stop by anyways?” Turner asked.
I blinked. Oh right, my half-assed plan. “I was just wondering if you wanted to grab some lunch… you know… together?”
His eyebrow rose. “Are you asking me out on a date, Rider?”
“Rather poorly, but yes.”
“After everything you’ve done, you honestly think I’ll say yes?”
“I’m stupidly optimistic,” I replied rather bluntly. “Or optimistically stupid.”
“I’d say you’re both,” he told me. My ears flopped downward. “But I could use some food, so I tentatively accept your offer.”
My eyes widened, my whole body perking up. “Really?” I couldn't believe it. “You’ll go on a date with me?”
“It’s not a date,” Turner firmly told me. “I’m just hungry is all.”
“I’m still going to call it a date,” I let him know. He sighed.
“Then I guess it’s only fair to tell you that I am not sexually attracted to you at all.”
I frowned a little. “Oh… so you’re not gay then?”
“Actually, I’m bisexual,” Turner moved toward the door and I began following him. “I’m just honestly not into you that way.”
Ouch. It would have been one thing if he hadn’t been gay, but to actually like dudes and still not find me attractive? Yeah, that hurt worse than the slap.
“I’m still calling this a date,” I said, trying to not let my disappointment show. After all, I’m supposed to be both stupidly optimistic, and optimistically stupid.
“In that case, you’re buying,” he laughed.
Crap.
