Psycho Chick

by Kaj

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Dark
Length: 1091

You know there's problems when your psycho ex-girlfriend is after you.

Recently, I broke up with Fluttershy. I thought it was for the best, but she won't stop sending me letters.

Then she comes after me.

—-

Prepare to be disappointed, as this wasn't meant to be a good story.

Characters are slightly OOC.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-27 04:39:57 UTC

Expectations

I somehow pulled open my mailbox, and as expected, all the letters flooded out, nearly crushing me like last time. I sighed in anger, carefully sorting the important letters from the damn letters she keeps sending me.

She…Fluttershy. My ex-girlfriend, who I decided to dump. I don't love her, but the same can't be said about her. Every day since the break-up, she's been sending me love letters: 'I'm sorry.', 'Take me back.', 'What did I do wrong?' and others of that type. But recently her letters have taken a darker tone, her previous kindness dissipating from her words. I've tried to have Princess Twilight to talk to her, but Twilight believes her friend is fine, even after I've shown her the letters. I've moved away from town, but she somehow found my new address - I guess I can't blame Rainbow for trying to keep in contact.

But I'm at wit's end. I don't know why the post office keeps sending these letters - they must be very taxing on the mailpony. I finish putting all the letters - a total of 20 this time - and pull out my lighter, then set them on fire. I recently cut ties with the rest of the ponies, as they also tried to bring me back - definitely from Fluttershy's begging.

I place the other letters inside, then going out and locking the door behind me. Today was going to be another long day at work.

"Yo, see you tomorrow!" My co-worker turned and re-entered his small workshop, right next to mine. I head out and stretch my limbs out from all the work at the woodshop. I enjoy it, but I can't say that it's the most comfortable of jobs.

I take the few kilometer hike back home, the bustling Manehatten soon vanishing behind me. The sound of silence settled, besides the rustling of trees and the soft sound of night animals.

It still unsettles me.

As I reach home, the sun is vanished behind the horizon, and I pulled a flashlight out of my backpack, which transported all the crap from home to work and back. I feel unease, as my front door is slightly ajar, which means someone probably broke in.

Probably Fluttershy.

I have the idea of heading back to town, getting the police and bringing them here, but I doubt they'd believe my claim that my psycho bitch ex-girlfriend broke into my house, and that it was an Element of Harmony.

So I decide to step inside and…what-cha-macallit my fate.

I was quiet. Eeriely quiet and omnious.

So I turn on the lights.

The lights blare on, blinding me for a second, but as soon as my eyesight comes back, I see Fluttershy recoiling in the light in the kitchen, behind the counter.

"Fluttershy, what the fuck are you doing here? I already told you we're done."

She stand up and looks in my direction, still blinking to adjust to the brightness. "And I've told you I want you back."

"Nope. We're done."

"Why?"

"I just don't connect with you, as I thought I did."

"I connect with you!"

"Wrong."

"Come back with me!" Her tone became more violent.

"Whoa, we got a badass over here."

"YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE ME!" She pulls out a knife from one of the kitchen drawers and nearly nails me in the face after chucking it.

"That's actually pretty badass."

She charged at me, pulling some chloroform out of her pockets - I don't know how we have fucking pockets.

I shut off the lights and dashed into the living room, dropping my backpack but taking my flashlight with me. I dived behind one of my couches and sat still while I heard Fluttershy coming in.

I waited until she exited the room and began heading upstairs before I spoke.

"Fluttershy?"

I heard her come back down. "What?"

"Eat a Snickers bar."

She came into the living room. "And why?"

I popped up from behind the couch, turning on my flashlight. "'Cause you turn into a psycho bitch," I run the fuck outta there, "WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY."

I dash for the front door and slam into it, only to find she had enough sanity to lock it while I was hiding like a bitch.

I turn one of my multi-way radios in the entrance closet on (don't ask me why I have one), and turn another one on in the kitchen before running upstairs.

All of that was done in about 9.4 seconds. Tops.

I slip quickly and quietly upstairs (shutting the door behind me), and zooming in and out of every room that has a multi-way radio (still don't know why I got them) and then slipped under the secret panel under the floorboards in my bathroom, taking the radio in there with me.

Done in no less 20 seconds.

I wait for her to bust open the door to the top of the stairs before talking into the radio.

"Would you like to play a game, Fluttershy?"

Her  screams of rage reached the moon, I bet.

"This isn't fair!"

"You bust into my house, and you have chloroform."

"But I don't know where you are!"

"K."

She began busting into every room and breaking every radio she could find.

"You're a punk cunt, Fluttershy."

I heard her fall onto the ground, her rage-filled screams stopping.

Instead she was crying.

What a bitch, luring me out like this.

She I get out of my hiding spot, find her and hug her.

Then she knocks me out.

I wake up in her shed, locked and chained to the wall. Alive but barely breathing.

I feel her holding onto my side. "You're awake, finally." She kisses my lips, a gleeful smile on her face.

"Can you not."

She stops kissing me and gives me a admittingly scary grin. "I doesn't matter what I can, I matters what I want."

"Can you make that a little less cryptic?"

She grits her teeth and hits my chest with her hoof.

Spaghetti falls out of my metamorphic pony pockets.

Her hooves sweaty, knees weak, legs are heavy, she's nevous.

She screams as the Spaghetti monster erupts and eats her whole.

What the fuck is going on.

mfw I realize I'm Anon in a shitty fanfic.

mfw I've been written by a writefag.

mfw my writer made me endure this OOC bullshit and that I could've actually had a relationship with Fluttershy.

You win this time, you fucking fag of a writer.