Matchmaker, Matchmaker...

by ThunderChaserCreate

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Sex, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 24276

When Discord decides that Rainbow needs some softening up, what better to do than mess with her a bit?

"Here's the deal, Rainbow Dash," Discord said, pacing about before the distressed pony, "I've found that you and one of your little friends would make an adorable couple. If you can get the right pony to fall in love with you in thirty days, I'll give you back your wings."

Rainbow Dash glared at Discord, her gaze growing narrower and narrower. "And if I don't?"

Discord waved his claws, two writhing wings appearing in his grasp. He grinned wickedly, before tossing them off the edge of the cloud. "Oopsy-doopsy!"
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Comments contain spoilers!
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So, I realized the other day that Rainbow is shipped pretty popularly with each member of the mane six. Not sure why that is, but it's true. Anyway, I thought, wouldn't it be hilarious if she was shipped with every single one in the same fic? And who better than Discord to make that happen?

Thus, a fic was born.
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Teen and sex ratings are for sexual comments and situations.

Published 2014-08-11 01:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-11 01:50:03 UTC

Games

Watching a sunset is like watching the very edge of the world burning away in a sparkling, dazzling display of color. The last rays of the sun's gorgeous light were reaching, fighting against the relentless strength of Celestia's magic.

Anypony with a clue about life would go out and watch the sun set and the moon take its place in the sky. Everypony liked it for a different reason. It reminded Twilight of her lineage, how she was a part of the change in the sky (even if she didn't really do anything). Applejack liked it because it was something she could do with her family, and being such a family pony made moments like that many times more important. The sunset captivated Fluttershy simply because it was 'nature' at work. Rarity often found inspiration in the shifting colors (she had made countless 'Summer Sun' fashion lines based on these observations). And, of course, anything could excite Pinkie Pie.

Then there was Rainbow Dash. Rainbow didn't really get that stuff. She didn't get those touchy-feely things other ponies did. Yeah, she loved her friends. But... you know, quietly. And secretly. Those group hugs ruined her image, after all.

So, at this very moment of a beautiful sunset, Rainbow Dash was throwing a tantrum on a cloud high above Ponyville.

"Celestia DAMMIT!" The curse rang out across Ponyville, with an echoing voice crack to accompany it.

Rainbow Dash ground her teeth, crouching down and preparing to take off once more. She had somehow gotten into her head that she could do some kind of insane aerobatic trick, and she wouldn't give up until she'd nailed it.

I mean, that did happen, like, every other day... but this time was a tiny bit different.

First off, Rainbow Dash was now a member of the Wonderbolts Reserves (which she liked to remind her friends of very often), and she now believed that if she couldn't master this one trick they'd kick her out. Ridiculous, but, even though the task normally falls to Rarity, Rainbow is quite the drama queen.

As Rainbow spun her wings like propellers, her back hooves floating just above the cloud, a presence appeared behind her.

She stopped suddenly, standing up straight.

"Oh, hello, Rainbow Dash!" said a disturbingly cheery voice.

Rainbow stiffened at the sudden sound in such ultimate quiet, but then turned to look at the source. "Great," she muttered. The creature before her appeared to be a great collage of many other animals, like the patchwork quilt of ponies. To others, such a sight would be surprising and even repulsive. To Rainbow, it was simply a sign of trouble to come: Discord.

Discord scoffed, making himself comfortable on the cloud with Rainbow. "Thank you, Rainbow Dash. It's wonderful to feel loved," he spat sarcastically.

Rainbow arched a single eyebrow at him, demanding a reason for his presence.

Discord grimaced for a moment, but continued. "And speaking of love!"

"Oh, jeez..." Rainbow put her face in her hoof, preparing for the mother of all schemes.

"Now listen, Rainbow Dash." Discord was suddenly serious. "If you aren't going to take me seriously, I may as well not be your friend." He blinked once, his pupils growing and his bottom lip jutting out in a faux pout.

"Look, Dipcord." Rainbow took on an air of superiority, even when using the same nickname she always had for the draconequus (it was not very funny the first time, either). "The only ponies who've actually accepted you as a friend are Twilight and Fluttershy. And they're so..."

"So what, Rainbow Dash?"

"Ah..." Rainbow struggled for the right words. "I don't know, touchy-feely?"

Discord smirked. "Again, how ironic! I have a little idea for you. It might help you to understand your friends a bit better."

Rainbow leapt back, hovering in the air a little further away from Discord. "I thought so. You and your stupid ideas. Why do you have to bother us, Discord? You can do whatever you want!"

"Well, that's just the problem!" Discord shouted back. "I can do anything I want, so I get bored very quickly. The only way to entertain myself is to mess with you ponies. You're all so deliciously unpredictable."

"Did you just call me 'delicious?'" Rainbow asked, to confused to continue arguing.

Discord held up a claw to silence her. "Here's the deal, Rainbow Dash," he said. "I've found that you and any one of your little friends would make an adorable couple. If you can get the right pony-- anypony-- to fall in love with you in thirty days, I'll give you back your wings."

"My--" Rainbow Dash glanced behind her, still seeing a blue pair of quickly fluttering wings there. "What are you playing at, weirdo?"

"Honestly?" Discord made a halo appear above his head.

"Gee, that'd be nice for a change." Rainbow folded her hooves across her chest.

"Well, you're just so callous compared to your pals. I think a few dates would soften you up."

Rainbow made a sound of utter disgust. "With my friends? That's so gross!"

"Yes, I figured you'd see it that way. That's why I've arranged a small motivational prize for you." Discord snatched Rainbow by the head, pulling her onto the cloud in front of him.

Rainbow let him-- she knew that struggling would not do anything to help her situation. Discord had done this many times before: he'd deprived Twilight of all books for a week, he'd given Applejack some kind of flu last applebuck season. He even messed with Fluttershy's animals from time to time.

She sighed, her head drooping. "What are the rules, then?" That was something else Discord loved, shockingly: rules. For the living representation of lawlessness and chaos, he sure loved passing down rules to abide by.

"As I said-- you get one of your friends to fall for you in thirty days, and you'll get to keep your wings. If not..." Discord waved his claw, a pair of floundering wings appearing in his grasp.

Rainbow shrieked, her voice cutting off as it reached its limit. She tried to grab them back, but Discord tossed them off the edge of the cloud.

"Oopsy-doopsy!" He grinned devilishly.

Rainbow Dash ground her teeth, her eyes growing so wide they threatened to pop out of her head. "Why?" she demanded, short and bitter.

Discord chuckled, though it came out in a short burst, more like a cough or a choke. "Because I love playing matchmaker, that's why!"

He snapped his claws and Rainbow's wings reappeared on her shoulder blades.

"Have fun!" was his last comment as he dropped right through the cloud. As he floated off on spread wings, he seemed to be humming a song. A few bars floated over to Rainbow as she sat fuming.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Make me a match
Find me a find
Catch me a catch...

Rarity

How does one go about asking their best friend on a date they don't even want? For that matter, which friend should she ask?

Rainbow thought quietly, kicking small puffs of cotton-candy-like water vapor off of her cloud. She rubbed her wings gently against her sides, a habit she often exercised when deep in thought. This, and mane-chewing. She was such a mess that hair often wound up in her mouth without her putting it there, so gnawing on it was rather a natural tendency. Of course, chewing sometimes lead to biting it clean off, leaving the pegasus with wildly different length strands of hair that stuck out at odd angles, but only near her face.

This trait only added to Rainbow Dash's generally disastrous appearance. Rainbow Dash could not possibly attract any member of the equine race in the state she was currently. In fact, Rainbow actually found her mind drifting towards a shower for more than just a quick rinse-off of sweat.

Most of the time, she would jump under the spray for a minute or two, enough to make the B.O. wash away, then leap out and shake herself dry like a dog. The question was, did she own shampoo?

Who was she kidding? This would never work. Rainbow was beyond hope. She might have had a prayer of getting a stallion (he'd need to be just as dirty, if not worse, as she was), but mares? Worse yet, her friends, who knew each one of her disgusting habits?

Wait! That was it! She'd just tell her friends about Discord's plan! Then they could back him into a corner with the elements, or Rainbow Power, or whatever it was now!

Rainbow was proud of herself for realizing this flaw in Discord's plan (of course, it would have taken Twilight less than three seconds to solve this one, and it had taken Rainbow the better part of an hour to put the pieces together), and immediately scanned the ground for her nearest friend.

The spire of the Carousel Boutique caught her eye, and she glided down off the cloud, breaking into a swift gallop as soon as the ground would allow.

"Hey!" Rainbow burst into the Boutique, the little bell above the door jingling out of control. Rarity's blue magic silenced it for her, appearing from around a corner.

"Rainbow Dash?" Rarity looked confused. "What's the matter? Are you alright?"

"You'll never believe this!" Rainbow trotted close to Rarity, panting hard from the running. The unicorn faked a choke.

"Yes, dear. Please take care of that... er... halitosis before you get so close."

Rainbow was momentarily confused, but pressed on. "So, while I was practicing, I saw D-D--" Rainbow stopped, a strange stutter stopping her words. She started again. "I've been c-c-- cur-- by D-Dis-- DATE!" suddenly came out, and Rainbow slapped a hoof over her mouth.

Rarity's brows furrowed. "Excuse me?"

"I have to-- to--" she struggled to get the words out, to explain the dire situation to her friend, but it was as if she truly could not say them. "PRETTY!"

Rarity held back a chuckle, her face contorted but somehow still elegant. "Are you attempting to compliment me?" she asked, a hint of humor tangled with her light Bittish accent.

Rainbow made small, panicked sounds too soft for Rarity to hear.

"You are, aren't you?" She swallowed her chuckle and gave Rainbow a rather condescending pat on the head that made her feel like a dog. "That's very kind of you, but you didn't need to rush over."

"You don't understand! I--"

"I understand perfectly. You're trying to ask me out on a date in your strange, tomboy-ish way." She grinned knowingly, turning back to her work.

"N-no! I was just--"

Rarity finally let out her little chuckle. "I accept. Where are you taking me? I'll need to stop working soon, anyway. The natural light is gone."

"Uh..." Rainbow was paralyzed by her jumping to conclusions. They were technically correct, but...

Rarity chuckled again, her voice akin to peeling bells.

"Er.. the Hayburger, I guess?" Rainbow rubbed the back of her head absent-mindedly, searching for a distraction or excuse of some kind. This wasn't how this was supposed to ho at all!

Rarity's face turned from a grin to a pout in record time. "You've got to be joking. What about that Prench restaurant down the street? The one Gustav opened?"

Rainbow winced at the thought of eating such expensive food... in such small portions.

Wait... are you supposed to have money when you have a marefriend? Rainbow suddenly felt her stomach sink. She'd certainly gotten herself into a fine mess with this one.

"Um... how about we just... stay out all night and watch the stars? Like.. on a hill?"

Rarity's face lit up, shockingly. "Oh! How romantic!"

"Really?" Rainbow smiled. "Great!" Maybe this romance stuff was easy than she thought.

"Oh, my goodness! I have the most wonderful blanket for us to lay on! Let me go get it!" Rarity rushed off, neglecting her work to go on a date.

Rainbow sat down hard, realizing the serious repercussions of this stupid game for the first time. If she seduced the wrong pony, one that she wasn't happy spending time with, she'd have to tell them that she didn't really love them.

Rainbow sighed. Her night was starting to sound like a bizarre soap opera. She supposed it rather was, but the only viewer, the only one in on every secret, was Discord. Not to mention that this was going to last much longer than the duration of the night. This could potentially affect her whole life, after all... for better or for worse.

Rarity appeared once more, holding up a meticulously hoof-stitched quilt made from scraps of each of her failed gala dresses. Rainbow spotted the patches made from her shimmering gown and smiled.

"Isn't it just lovely? The dresses may have been hideous onstage, but they're just gorgeous in this quilt, hm?" She smiled, holding the quilt up for Rainbow's approval.

"It's... pretty, Rar," she choked out.

Rarity's eyes poked out of the top edge, fishing for more.

"Erm... they sure looked beyond hope on us..."

Rarity raised an eyebrow slightly.

"But, you can make anything pretty. That's what I like... about... you?" Rainbow finished hesitantly.

"Aw!" Rarity rushed forward, throwing her hooves about her friend's shoulders. "So thoughtful!"

Sure did take a lot of thinking... Rainbow agreed silently.

"Alright! Let's go, then!" Rarity grabbed Rainbow's hoof, pulling her out the door.

The two ponies walked slowly through the streets, heading for the outskirts of town. Rarity leaned against Rainbow slightly, blathering on and on about some fashionista nonsense while Rainbow thought carefully about the situation ahead of her. What should they talk about? Should she hug her, or should they just sit next one another? Speaking of which, should they sit or lay down? Should she talk about herself, or Rarity, or something else entirely?

"... what about you, Rainbow?" rarity, looked expectantly over at Rainbow.

"Hm?" Rainbow panicked, worried that she had already blown this date.

Rarity just laughed. She was kinda cute when she did that. "I said, what do you think about that new group, Imagine Equines?"

Rainbow laughed a bit, too, hers much rougher and more of a snort than Rarity's. "I'm, uh... I'm more of a showtune gal, really."

Rarity squinted up at Rainbow. "Really? But you said--"

"I know. It's kind of... embarrassing. Haven't you noticed how much I love to join in on those random songs?"

Rarity giggled. "I guess you're right. Why do you like them so much?"

"Oh, I've got a spectacular reason: a lot of popular songs are, like, complete nonsense, you know? Like, the lyrics make zero sense or just repeat the same thing over and over a million different ways. Showtunes tell you a story. Well, part of a story, anyway," Rainbow explained. She was pretty sure that was more than everything else she had sad to Rarity that night combined. "But I like rock, too."

Rarity laughed, loud and hard. "That's so strange. How is it I didn't know that about you?"

Rainbow shrugged. "I don't really... like, talk about myself with you guys."

"Why is that?"

She shrugged again. "I guess it's because all of you guys have other important ponies in your life: siblings, parents, teachers... I've just got a flying turtle. Which is cool, don't get me wrong, but..."

Rarity was quiet. "Well, what about Scootaloo?"

"She's got a family of her own. As much as she feels like my sister, I can't ever really feel like hers. I'm too old, it's too late..." Rainbow hadn't ever fully realized how sad that made her until she said it out loud.

Rarity was still quiet, just looking at Rainbow's face. She then turned her gaze down to her hooves.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to--"

"Non, no!" Rarity interrupted. "Don't apologize! I... I want to know you. Really. Go on, talk about yourself. What do you like to do besides fly?"

"Erm... well, I like to write."

"You do?"

"Mm-hm." She paused to think. "Stories, poetry... songs, sometimes..."

"Poetry?" Rarity repeated.

"Y-yeah..." Rainbow felt her cheeks grow hot.

"Could I hear some?"

"Um..." Rainbow swallowed.

"Hooves in the clouds
She's stuck on the ground.
Horn on her head or a bare spot there,
No matter what, the wind's still in her hair."

Rarity was quiet, contemplating the surprisingly deep poem.

"It's about how all ponies are the same... sort of... I can't really explain it, but it's how I feel." Rainbow averted her gaze from Rarity's twinkling eyes, looking up at the buildings as they grew fewer.

"I think I understand. That's very... well that's very poetic of you, Rainbow." Rarity tittered at her little joke.

Rainbow forced out a small snort. "Heh... thanks."

They walked in silence after that, each pony just thinking about the other, but in very different ways. Rainbow still had a tornado of questions swirling about in her head, while Rarity seemed to be actually enjoying this fake date.

Another few minutes of this slow walk brought them to the edge of town. Ponyville rested in a bit of a valley, so it was rather easy to find a comfortable incline they could rest the quilt on. Rarity excitedly pulled it out and laid it down on the grass, being sure to smooth out all of the wrinkles before inviting Rainbow to lay down.

Rainbow carefully sat down, then rolled onto her back, her softly rising and falling stomach exposed to the air. Rarity joined her, relaxing on her side and inching close to Rainbow.

"Do you know any constellations?" she asked.

"Erm..." Rainbow scanned the sky. The stars had never made shapes for her. Sure, they were pretty, but... "Those three make a pretty good triangle," she said, pointing.

Rarity laughed. She sure did laugh a lot. "I meant like... oh, Gemini."

"What's a Gemini?" Rainbow asked.

More laughter. "It's a constellation! The twin unicorns. See those two bright stars right there?" She pointed.

"Um... yeah."

"Those are the tips of their horns."

"Hm..." Rainbow gazed at the stars, squinting and moving her head about to try to see the shapes. "I don't see it."

Rarity chuckled lightly, snuggling into Rainbow's side. At first, Rainbow had no idea how to handle something like this, but she soon instinctively put her hoof around Rarity's shoulders. It felt good, calming even, to feel the steady rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathed. Rainbow felt important, needed, protective.

Rarity stretched her head up, giving Rainbow a small peck on the cheek.

The spot flared, a strange warmth growing there and spreading across her face and down to her stomach. Was this what love felt like? An upset stomach?

"Thanks," she murmured.

"You're welcome," Rarity replied cheerily. "How'd you like a real one?"

As Rarity leaned over, her lips pursed slightly for a true kiss, Rainbow felt the small feeling in her stomach growing larger. It soon progressed to burning.

Then she realized she wasn't in love.

"Ew!" Rainbow pushed away, rolling off the quilt and part of the way down the hill, stopping herself before she picked up too much speed.

Rarity's face said it all. Her lips still pursed, the rest of her face had melted into a grimace. Her eyes were narrowed to tiny slits as she glared at Rainbow Dash. "What is going on here?"

Rainbow grinned sheepishly. "I tried to tell you--"

"Tell me what?" Rarity spat.

"I..." Rainbow remembered what had happened before when she had tried to share the truth. "I... have... a crush?"

"On... me, right?" Rarity asked.

"Well..." Rainbow's voice reached an insane pitch, cracking loudly.

"Oh, Celestia..." Rarity put a hoof on her forehead. "I know what this is. This was a practice date, wasn't it?"

Ooh, that's good! Rainbow thought. She put on a sympathetic face. "Yeah... Are you mad?"

Rarity sighed. "Well, I'm certainly not surprised. It's happened to me before..."

"It has?" Rainbow asked. She shook her head. "Look, I'm sorry, Rars, I just--"

"No, no. It's fine, really. So-- who's this crush on, then?" Rarity asked, already back to normal.

"Just like that?" Rainbow asked.

"You're my friend. If I would toss you out over something like this, we'd have stopped being friends a long time ago." She smiled, still a bit frustrated, but genuine.

"Whew!" Rainbow exclaimed. "You have no idea what a load off that is..."

"Yes, yes, now spill. Who's the crush?" Rarity all but demanded.

Rainbow opened her mouth to reply, then paused. "Uh... Everypony?"

Pinkie Pie

"Everypony? What in the world is that supposed to mean?" Rarity asked. She was giving Rainbow an odd look (which was totally warranted, but still unnerving).

"Er-- I mean--" In her confusion, Rainbow couldn't think of the name of a single one of our friends. "Uhm..."

"Wait, wait. On the rest of our friends?" Rarity demanded. Then, in a softer tone, "Are you one of those polyamoric types?"

Rainbow said nothing, just stared at Rarity. She had never heard that word before.

"I mean, not that it's bad or embarrassing!" she quickly covered. "Just... shocking. I couldn't see you dating one pony, let alone... well, five."

Rainbow continued staring, then shook herself out of her daze. "Look, it's hard to explain. I recently had a... prediction... made about my love life."

"Your non-existent love life?" Rarity chuckled.

"Oh, heh, heh, heh," Rainbow mocked.

"Oh, you don't really believe those things, do you?" Rarity held a hoof up against the wind, attempting to preserve her perfect mane.

"Not normally," Rainbow admitted, "But this was more like... mandatory-type... fortune telling..." Rainbow let her sentence fall off. She wished she could say that it had at least started well, but it was a pretty lame description of what really happened. Not that she could tell the real story, of course...

At this point, Rarity was simply ready to move on. "Well, what did they tell you?"

"That my soulmate was... one of you guys."

"Hm." Rarity's face turned to a frown, but remained elegant. "That's oddly specific for a fortune teller. Is this one of those situations where we wouldn't find them if we went back to look?"

Rainbow scoffed. "Dunno how you'd go about finding him." She felt a tiny tug on her wings. "Or her! I, uh, couldn't really tell, you know..."

Rarity gave Rainbow an odd look.

"Um... fortune teller aside, you think you could... help me?" Rainbow gulped, looking down at the quilt under her and rubbing her hooves nervously.

"With what?" Rarity asked.

"Like... I don't know, making them like me and stuff..." Rainbow's voice was now barely above a mumble.

Rarity laughed, then reached out for a lock of Rainbow's hair. "Well, you can start by washing this mess. You can handle that, right?"

Rainbow smiled sheepishly.

Rarity only sighed, a little smile on her face as she tried not to laugh. "Well, let's head back to the Boutique, then. I've got just the thing."

Rarity leapt up, quickly and carefully folding up the quilt. Rainbow was a bit hesitant, but eventually followed Rarity's joyful trot back into town.

"I don't get it. You're totally okay with me... er... practicing on you?" Rainbow asked.

Rarity shrugged. "It may have been a bit disappointing at first, dear, but honestly-- who could ever think we were compatible?" She chuckled softly. "Plus, I think it's much more fun to be on this side of the equation."

"You've done this before?" Rainbow asked, though she wasn't really shocked.

Rarity shrugged. "What can I say? I'm reliable. Now, look--" Rarity's tone turned serious, and she addressed Rainbow directly. "When we get back, you're going to need to get your mane scrubbed through with some pretty heavy-duty shampoos..."

Rainbow just let Rarity talk, not listening to any of the odd terms she was throwing about, such as 'volume' (which she had only heard in terms of music) and 'conditioner' (which sounded like an exercise). After what felt like hours of this, they reached the Boutique.

Rarity ushered Rainbow inside, running back and forth to various cabinets and grabbing brightly-colored bottles. Rainbow stared at the room like it was brand-new to her, trying to act nonchalant while Rarity fussed over her.

"Okay, Rainbow. Into the shower, please." Rarity all but demanded, had it not been for the 'please.' She was already pushing Rainbow towards the bathroom as she said this.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Rainbow attempted to stop Rarity, but she was almost unnaturally strong when the promise of interference in in the pegasus' love life hung before her. "Quit it! Showers are meant to be private, Rares! Celestia, you're so creepy sometimes..."

Rarity chuckled. "Well, they won't be private if you find a new soulmate!"

"Ew," muttered, almost with a deadpan.

Rarity giggled again. "Sorry. I couldn't help it. Oh, I'm just so excited!" She was practically bouncing up and down by now.

"Ugh. Look, just give me the... uh, stuff, and I'll get started." Rainbow held out a hoof.

"Oh, no no no no no." The unicorn shook her head vigorously. "It isn't anywhere near that simple. First we have shampoo, then second shampoo, then a pre-pre-conditioner, then pre-conditioner..." Rarity's voice once again faded to mere white noise as she continued to rattle off bizarre products. "...and, of course, we'll need to use some kind of moisturizer or pimple cream or something on those blemishes. Haven't you ever noticed those little red dots between your eyebrows?"

Rainbow shook her head clear. "Huh?"

Rarity sighed dramatically, though it came out as more of an exasperated growl. "Look, just let me help, okay? It isn't like you don't walk around au naturel everyday, anyway."

"But-- but--" Rainbow stuttered.

"Oh, just get in." Rarity practically picked Rainbow up and tossed her into the tub, turning on the tap before she could complain. In seconds, Rainbow was soaked. She looked like an angry cat, crouching and preparing to pounce.

"I can't believe you." Rainbow muttered through clenched teeth.

"Cheer up, you." Rarity grinned, squirting a copious amount of green, sweet-smelling goo into her hoof.

"What the hay is that stuff?" Rainbow asked, cringing at the sight of the goop.

"Shampoo. It smells like watermelon, and it'll give your mane and tail volume." Rarity rubbed her front hooves together, spreading the gelatin all over them. "Just sit still and, soon enough, you'll look like a goddess. And smell like a fruit basket!"

"Awesome..." Rainbow murmured. At this point, all she could do was stand there and take.

So she stood there. And she took what felt like a thousand washes, followed by several facial creams and some kind of rock that Rarity used to sand the bottoms of her hooves (which took some doing. Rainbow was struggling so much, though, that she slipped and knocked herself out. Not unconscious, but out of it enough that all she did was giggle drunkenly when Rarity scrubbed the grime out of her hooves.).

At long last, Rarity stood back, wiping her forehead and beaming at her work.

Rainbow shook herself dry, much like a dog would shake off mud. "Er.. thanks for that. Guess I'll be leaving, then!"

"Ah, ah, ah!" Rarity scolded, grabbing Rainbow's tail with her magic. "Not finished yet. In order for your mane and tail to stay this lovely over night, you're going to need it styled properly."

Rainbow flopped onto the rug on the tile floor, completely relenting. "You can't be serious! How do you do this to yourself? Like, all the time?!" Rainbow was completely exasperated.

Rarity just tittered. "Come on. Let's sit you down and get this mane and tail brushed out."

"Ugh..." Rainbow drug herself to the couch, sitting in a vulture-like position as she awaited Rarity's return.

"Here we are! Let's dry that hair!" Rarity pulled out a hairdryer with so many bells and whistles it looked like some kind of futuristic weapon.

Rainbow sighed deeply, waiting for the machine to start running.

A jet stream of hot air slammed into the back of Rainbow's head, making her fall forward into the arm of the couch. She shrieked in surprise, and scrambled away from the wind tunnel. "Dear Celestia! What the hay--"

"Hush, you. You've dealt with worse, quit being a drama queen."

Rainbow scoffed. "You should talk."

Rarity, completely emotionless, directed the hot air right at Rainbow's face. She screamed again. "Okay, okay!"

Rarity laughed. "You deserved it. Now, stop squirming! It's quite nice if you'd just sit still!"

Rainbow growled, but sat as still as she could while Rarity blow-dried her mane and tail. She then grabbed a soft-bristle brush and proceeded to tug knots out of her mane.

"Darling, these split ends are atrocious!" she exclaimed. "You need a trim. Or, perhaps, just some aquanet."

"I... have no idea what you're saying." Rainbow admitted.

"I kind of thought so." Rarity gave another few tugs. "You know, why don't you try doing this yourself?"

"Uh..." Rainbow suddenly had the brush in her hoof, and Rarity skittered off to dig for Celestia-knows-what.

Rainbow stared at the brush like it was a foreign object (though she knew perfectly well what to do with it, as anypony in their right mind would), then proceeded to pull it slowly through her tangled mane. As she did so, Rarity dashed back and forth across the Boutique, gathering various items and tossing them into a pile near the couch.

After a while of this, Rarity sat down next to Rainbow, panting a bit from the effort. "Alright. How've you done. Oh!" Rarity reached out to gingerly caress Rainbow's mane. "Oh, Rainbow Dash, your mane is lovely!"

"It is?" Rainbow felt it herself. "I don't get it."

"Oh, never you mind. Just let me braid it for you." Rarity's magic grabbed at Rainbow's mane, pulling it into three different-colored pieces and proceeding to knot it into strange shapes.

"What are you doing? How am I supposed to get it out?" Rainbow asked, a bit panicked.

"Oh, Rainbow. You muscly idiot. When you say things like that, it makes it all worth it," Rarity commented, almost nostalgically.

"Makes what worth it?" Rainbow asked, gritting her teeth through the harsh tugs.

"Friendship. I don't know if you've noticed, but we're complete and utter opposites."

Rainbow considered that. "I guess so. It was kinda like... I dunno, forced friendship at the beginning. But by the time we were done, we were so close that it didn't make sense to break ourselves up."

Rarity nodded, but was silent. After a minute or two, she spoke up. "Done! Oh, you look gorgeous! Go look in the mirror!"

Rainbow stood up, trotting to the next room to look at herself.

The pony she saw was barely recognizable as the one who first walked in. Rainbow's mane and tail were, at last, put together into neat braids. Her forelock was was silk, flowing down her forehead like a waterfall. Her face was clear, free of blemishes and other stains. Her eyes, a beautiful magenta, were finally noticeable beyond her normally wild hair.

Rarity appeared beside her, giggling maniacally with glee. "Do you love it, or what?"

"Uh... gee, it's great, Rare..." Rainbow commented halfheartedly, captivated by her own reflection.

"Oh, I know you love it. You can't stop staring, for Celestia's sake!" Rarity poked Rainbow playfully in the shoulder. "We'll talk again tomorrow, but the clock says it's time for beauty sleep." As if to prove it, Rarity yawned.

"Wait! You haven't told me how to act or anything yet!" Rainbow interjected as Rarity pushed her to the door.

"We'll do that tomorrow, I promise. I won't let you down!" Rarity slammed the door behind Rainbow, who was left in a stunned confusion just outside.

As she stared up at the stars, many questions came to mind. The biggest one, though, was What the buck is happening to my life?

~~~~~

Rainbow rolled out of bed, yawning and stretching like she would any other old morning. Right now, the events of the night before were only a hazy memory (as our minds often fool us like this), and she trotted to the kitchen, smacking her lips greedily while she browsed the cabinets.

As she poured a bowl of sugar cereal, the names of her friends having barely entered her mind, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the glass of the window.

Thoughts of the previous night hit her like a brick wall, and she dropped the box of cereal in her shock.

"How could I forget?" she murmured to herself, rushing to the mirror to inspect her image. "Oh, man..."

As if on cue, a sweet voice yelled up to her from the ground below. "Rainbow Dash!"

"Oh, Celestia..." Rainbow held her head, nervously glancing about, trying to think of a way out of this. Of course, if she wanted her wings, there would be no way out.

"Rainbow! Come out, darling!" Rarity yelled, still sweet.

Rainbow was starting to panic, memories closing in on her and quickening her heart. "Uh..." She made her way to the front window, looking down at the mare calling on her.

Rarity stood below, tapping her foot impatiently until she spotted Rainbow's face. "Rainbow! Come on, dear, time to get to work!"

Rainbow zipped out the door, landing forcefully beside the unicorn. "Would you be quiet?" she hissed, "I don't want all of Ponyville hearing you!"

"Still embarrassed? That's okay, we'll fix you right up." Rarity gave Rainbow a condescending pat on the head, then lead her back to the Boutique.

Rainbow was unusually shy as she trotted behind Rarity. She kept her head low, trying not to attract attention to her... different mane style.

The two ponies successful made it to the Boutique without incident, whereupon Rarity practically shoved her down into the couch before (somehow, between last night and this morning, Rarity had cleaned it of cat hairs entirely).

"Now, you stay there. And don't fool with your mane!" she yelled, trotting off to fetch thousands more supplies.

Rainbow batted at the strange form that hung off the back of her head, and it swung back and forth monotonously. It felt rather like a dragon's tail-- just a lump of useless nothing that usually only moved under gravity's power. In fact, Rainbow herself rather felt like that. Useless, just being batted around by fate and chance.

Or, rather, Discord.

"So, then..." Rarity returned, dumping all of her make-over products on an end table beside me. "Where should we start?"

"I thought you were the expert."

"No, no, you misunderstand. I meant... well, do you have a preference?" Rarity was soft, almost as though she was concerned about embarrassing Rainbow... while they were alone.

"Uh..."

"Of our friends!" Rarity added, exasperated.

"Oh!" Rainbow was relieved initially, then realized what was being asked. "Oh..." she muttered disgustedly.

"I guess that's hard, hm?" Rarity gently pulled apart the complex knots on my head. "Well, have you ever had a crush on one of them? That'd be a good place to start."

Rainbow thought. "No."

"Never had a crush on them?" Rarity confirmed.

"Never had a crush... period." Rainbow drooped a bit.

Rarity kept at the braid, quietly, waiting for the next question. She had had this conversation too many times to count.

"Wait.. what does a crush feel like?" Rainbow finally asked.

Rarity chuckled to herself. "It's kind of like being punched, I guess. It's very sudden, whenever you see them or think about them. It's like a little ache in your stomach, but... it feels good, somehow. Does that make sense?"

"Um..." Rainbow tapped her chin thoughtfully. "No."

"Then, you're right. You've never had a crush." Rarity grabbed a brush and began to gingerly move it through Rainbow's mane. "So, who should you tackle first, then?"

"Er... Pinkie Pie?" Rainbow suggested, very unsure of herself.

"Why her?" Rarity asked.

Rainbow spluttered a bit, frustrated with Rarity's demanding nature. "I don't know! She was the first one who came to mind! Man, does everything have to be this deep emotional study?"

"Sorry, sorry." Rarity grabbed a small clip, arranging it just so in Rainbow's forelock. It held back her bright hair, showing off the unique hue in her eyes.

Rainbow was starting to get antsy, but she tried to stay still and just tap her hoof. "I mean... can you see us? Like... together?"

Rarity thought about that. Rainbow Dash, the super-hyper athlete, plus Pinkie Pie, the super-hyper... everything...

"Never mind! Don't answer that, please..." Rainbow said upon hearing the pause.

"Oh, I don't believe you. The great Rainbow Dash, afraid of a little date? You've tackled much harder things than this!" Rarity gave Rainbow a few little pats on the head.

Rainbow made a small sound of worry. "I don't know..."

"Come, now! Nightmare Moon? Spirit of Chaos? God of the dead?" Rarity tittered, waving her hoof dismissively. "You can handle this, dear. I promise you."

Rainbow made the little sound again, shrinking even smaller, only to be cut off by a tight hug around the shoulders.

"You're going to be fine. Just be yourself. That's why we like you, after all!" Rarity eased off on the squeeze. "Plus, would you really want to spend your life pretending to be somepony you weren't?"

Rainbow nodded hesitantly. "Wait, are you serious? I should just... be normal?"

"Well, everypony has a 'normal' them and a 'date' them. Marefriend you should be a little more... accepting. Listen, and don't try to outdo somepony's bad day. Or good day, for that matter. The most important thing is to listen to their stories or concerns, then try to tell them what they want to hear." Rarity prodded at Rainbow's mane, making it just so before she admired her work. "Of course, a little bit of a make-over doesn't hurt!"

"Am I done?" Rainbow asked. She couldn't help but be a little excited. She was a mare, after all.

Rarity giggled, almost maniacally. "Yes! Come and look! There's a full-length mirror in my workroom."

Rainbow followed, slightly eager but keeping a blase look on her face.

Before they could reach the mirror, however, there was a ring at the door.

"Oh-- erm, I'll be right back. Go on, take a look!" Rarity buzzed off to fetch her customer.

Rainbow gazed at her image in the mirror. Her mane was glossy and draped about her shoulders like a cloak, instead of the normally frizzy and greasy rat's nest. Rarity had added a tiny silver pin to her natural look, tucking her forelock back just enough to expose her eyes.

"Hiya, Rarity!" screamed a familiar voice.

Normally, that voice would have excited Rainbow. It meant another chance to hang out with a great prankster.

But, now...

"Hello, Pinkie Pie," Rarity replied, already sounding slightly exasperated. "What is it you needed?"

Rainbow was starting to breathe quicker again, and she began to search for a hiding spot in her panic.

"Well..." Pinkie said, preparing for a long-winded speech. "I was out early this morning taking Gummy for a walk by Froggy-Bottom Bog, but I got lost and started running around screaming real loud like 'HELP! I'M LOST!' when I saw Rainbow Dash's house drifting around above the trees and I was like 'ohmygosh, me, that's totally Rainbow's place! I can just follow that out of the forest easy-peasy and be back to Ponyville in no time times two!' and then I was like 'wow, me! You're a genius!'"

Rainbow, blocking out Pinkie's explanation, squeezed herself between two stationary mannequins.

Pinkie took a deep breath. "So then I ran towards Rainbow's amazing floating cloud house and got out of the woods! But then I saw you and Rainbow leaving together and was like 'they're totally hanging out without me! I need to go see what they're doing!' and then I was like 'me, you've done it again!'"

"I see. Well--" Rarity attempted to cut it off there, but she went on.

"But on the way, I saw this amazing balloon pony stand and was like 'if there's a party, there's gotta be balloons!' But then I didn't have any bits, so I ran home to get some and brought them back a got like a TRILLION balloon ponies for our party!'" Pinkie seemed finished now.

"Erm... where are they?" Rarity asked.

"There was a freak accident with Pokey Pierce..." Pinkie pronounced 'freak' as two syllables.

Rarity was silent for a moment. Then, with that devilish match-making tone in her voice, "Well, Rainbow's in my sewing room, dear."

"Great!"

Rainbow heard Pinkie's gleeful bounces approaching, but realized there was no escape. She now had twenty-nine days, and she could not waste a single one being a chicken.

In another second, the pink pony's face appeared at the door. She was grinning impossibly wide, her mane bouncing and wobbling. It was almost like it was made from gelatin, though it appeared as cotton candy. Her eyes sparkled with mischief, ready to unleash a storm upon Ponyville. "Heya, Rainbow Dash! What's up? Why're you hiding there?"

Rainbow gulped audibly. "Uh... no reason. Just... looking at... you know, stuff..."

Pinkie scoffed dramatically. "Well, stop doing that! Let's go have some fun! Unless you're looking at bugs. Bugs are so cool!" She snorted with laughter. "Are you looking at bugs?"

"Uh..." Rainbow was paralyzed.

Pinkie chuckled again. "Of course not! Rarity would never let bugs into her sewing room! So, you ready to go?"

"Er..."

"Come on! Quit staring, silly! Let's go! Vamos! Allons-y! Við skulum fara!" Pinkie blathered, bounding towards the door like a rabbit on caffeine.

Rainbow, in a stunned silence, wandered after her.

"Good luck!" Rarity whispered to her.

Rainbow did not notice.

This was the second date with one of her closest friends... in two freaking days.

"So, what should we do, Rainbow? You wanna prank somepony? Ooh! Ooh! Wanna prank Applejack?" Pinkie suggested, bouncing backwards so that she could converse with me.

"Um... how about we get some ice cream?" Rainbow winced, waiting to be shot down by the incredibly excitable pony.

"Sounds great! Where should we go? Loopy Scoops?" Pinkie smiled, closing her eyes.

"Could you face front, please? You're freaking me out. You're gonna bump into somepony!" Rainbow scolded. She was already embarrassed enough by this date. She didn't need Pinkie to send somepony to the hospital.

Pinkie giggled. "Yeah, right! I'm a great backwards-bouncer! I've never hit another pony in my life! Watch this!"

Pinkie tempted fate by waving through the crowd backwards, being as reckless as possible and drawing tons of attention to herself. She ended with a backwards skip into Loopy Scoops, where she opened her eyes once more. "See? Told you!"

Rainbow rubbed the back of her head awkwardly, not sure what to do or say. Any other day, she would have laughed and made some kind of not-so-clever remark about her randomness. But... this was a date. Right?

Pinkie guffawed. "Whatcha staring at, Goofy? Let's eat some ice cream!"

"Duhm... sure thing, Pinks..." Rainbow muttered, sporting a not-too-bright look on her face.

Simply referring to an outing as a 'date' seemed to change the whole atmosphere, and even the way you looked at the other pony. Rainbow just stared at Pinkie as they took their seats, noticing small things she never would have before. Even though Pinkie was like her in many ways, she was actually pretty polite. She did not touch her face, or break eye contact with Rainbow for more than a few moments at a time. Rainbow even took note of her quick grab at the napkin dispenser before the cones arrived. She may have been a messy eater, but she would not be a mess when she left.

Rainbow watched in silence as Pinkie ran to the case of flavors, staring down at the varied colors and textures of ice creams. Her fluffy pink tail swayed back and forth gently, then faster as she zeroed in on the flavor she desired.

Rainbow slowly came forward, standing next to Pinkie and watching the stallion scoop through the pulsating fog on the surface of the glass.

"And you?" The stallion turned to me, very cheerful. He was the real Loopy Scoops behind the establishment, and, as his name tag proclaimed proudly, a 'frozen treat connoisseur.'

"Erm..." Rainbow gazed at the canisters behind the glass. The first one the caught her eye was entitled 'birthday cake,' and was filled with multicolored chunks of cake and icing. Right beside it was a bright white vanilla with an indigo swirl of blueberry. Surrounding these two were more colorful flavors; pink-ish cotton candy, some kind of apple-cobbler flavor, a yellow-y lemon, and a strange ice cream that proclaimed it was 'lavender flavored.'

"You can mix two, if you want!" Mister Scoops suggested.

Rainbow continued considering. There was a beep in the back room, which seemed to be alerting Mister Scoops to some kind of cooking project's completion.

"Give me about thirty minutes, would ya? I'll be back!" He rushed off, leaving ice-cream-less.

Pinkie was suddenly at her side again, cone already gone. "Hey! Where's your icy-cream-cream?" she asked, adding more syllables than necessary in her signature style.

"Loopy ran off. Where's your ice cream?" Rainbow asked, nearly repeating Pinkie's made-up words.

Pinkie said nothing, just opened her mouth wide and shoved it in Rainbow's face.

Rainbow was shocked, jumping back a bit. Pinkie's breath smelled like bubblegum.

She closed her mouth, moving back an imperceptible amount. "I ate it, silly! Where'd you think it went?"

Rainbow said nothing. She was stared at the ground, glancing back up for only a fraction of a second at a time. This whole 'flirting' thing was tougher than it seemed.

"Uh... your breath smells like bubblegum?" she tried, wincing a bit.

Pinkie laughed. "You're the best, Rainbow! So funny!" She grabbed Rainbow around the waist and lifted her into the air in a tight embrace.

Instead of just dealing with it, like she would any other day, she actually caught a few couples staring wistfully at the pair of them.

She laughed awkwardly, struggling against Pinkie's grip. "Could you... um, put me down, please?"

Pinkie released her, giggling almost maniacally. "What are we going to do next?"

"Er... how about you pick this time, Pinks?"

Pinkie chuckled lightly. "I like it when you call me 'Pinks.'"

Rainbow could feel her chest starting to tighten. Was that a flirt? Or just a comment? Should she treat it a s a flirt? Laugh it off? Call her that again? Try a new nickname?

"Yeah..." was what she would up saying.

Pinkie stopped in her tracks. "Ohmygosh LET'S DO THAT!" Pinkie shouted, jabbing her hoof wildly at some new shopfront down the street. As soon as Rainbow had gotten her calmed down enough to read the sign, she was disappointed in the choice.

"'Old Timey Photo Shoot?' That sounds..." Rainbow looked at Pinkie, whose smile seemed to have faded just a tiny bit. "Uh... great!"

Pinkie snorted. "You don't have to fake it for me, silly!" She mussed Rainbow's hair, noticing that it had a pin in it for the first time. "Hey. Did you do your mane?"

Rainbow whined sheepishly.

"It's pretty! I can see your eyes now!" Pinkie said cheerfully, brushing her forelock down again. "There! All fixed!"

Rainbow was silent.

"Did you do that yourself?" Pinkie asked, still cheerful and trying to fill the uncomfortable silence.

Rainbow sighed, stroking her mane back into its original shape. "No... Rarity did it for me."

Pinkie's cheerfulness slowly faded into a look of puzzlement. She was trying to put the pieces together.

Rainbow was ready to distract her with balloons or something, when she found her voice.

"Why?"

"Oh, boy..." Rainbow trailed off.

"Wait, wait..." Pinkie held a hoof up to Rainbow's mouth. After thinking for a moment, she glanced over slyly.

Rainbow's ears flattened.

Pinkie's smile returned, this time gappy and... kind of adorable. "You owe somepony money and you want to borrow from me!"

I pushed her hoof out of the way. "What the hell, Pinkie? This is supposed to be a date!" Rainbow screamed at her. "Oh... oops..."

Pinkie's jaw dropped practically to the sidewalk. After pretending to pick it up, she continued to stare.

"Heh, heh..." Rainbow shied back from Pinkie's wide-eyed gaze, quailing like Fluttershy.

"So you..." Pinkie truly connected the dots this time, "you've been planning this?"

"Well..." Rainbow's voice broke after reaching its maximum pitch.

Pinkie closed her mouth, looking off down the street. Rainbow did the same, wondering what she had done to her friend. Would she be hurt? Or just confused?

Pinkie suddenly turned over, keeping her eyes fixed in the difference, and planted a tiny kiss on Rainbow's cheek. The touch made an almost electric warmth spread through her. She played it cool, looking around like nothing happened and tapping her hoof quickly to let the energy out.

"Do you... wanna go someplace nicer?" Pinkie asked, back to smiling.

"Nicer than middle of the sidewalk? I'm down," Rainbow agreed.

"Great! I know this really nice bench that's in this great spot under a tree and when the wind blows the right way you can smell the wild strawberries from the Everfree! And it's far enough from the town so you can see the stars, and the tree is a willow tree so there's butterflies and..." Pinkie's voice faded away as she bounded down the street.

Rainbow Dash herself felt lighter than a feather. Her hooves seemed to barely touch the ground as she followed the buoyant pony down the street. Pinkie's mane swayed forward and backward as she bounced, and Rainbow's mane was caught in the wind, its once delicately molded style being whipped back into its natural state.

The mares eventually reached the spot pinkie had been yammering about. It had a very nice, wooden bench with wrought iron arm rests and a matching plaque nailed to the back. The words had long since been rubbed away, but a pleasant design remained embossed as a frame. The tree that leaned over it was indeed a willow tree, with thin, almost rope-like branches that swayed in even the smallest breeze. Small, fluffy clumps of pollen floated down around the bench, creating a scene right out of a romantic novel.

Not that Rainbow Dash would know that.

Not that Rainbow would know... anything about romantic scenarios.

Pinkie made herself comfortable on the bench, then patted the wood next to her for Rainbow to sit beside her.

"Uh... Pinkie, I hate to ruin the moment, but you realize that there won't be stars out for another... like, seven hours, right?" Rainbow reminded her friend. Marefriend? How were you supposed to know, anyway?

Pinkie scoffed. "Eh. So, what should we talk about?"

"Er..." Rainbow rubbed her hooves on her thighs nervously.

There was a long silence. In reality, it was probably less than a minute, but it felt like ten slow hours.

Pinkie was so good at talking! Why didn't she just... just talk, for Celestia's sake!

As they sat still, the muggy summer weather started to make Rainbow sweat. She could feel a stripe of sweat gathering on her upper lip, as well as around her hairline. In fact, she was kind of sweating everywhere...

"It's, uh... it's warmer than I thought it would be..." she commented, tucking her hooves into her armpits, hoping to mask her nervousness.

Pinkie nodded. "You know, this one time I was in the desert, and... it was... it was hot there, too..." Pinkie's energetic beginning petered out quickly, and she shuffled her hooves against the wood slats on the bench's seat.

It was rather impressive, really, how quickly Equestria's most energetic ponies lost all stamina.

It is also important to point out that the walk to the bench only took a few minutes.

Turns out being close to the object of your affections, however forced those feelings may be, is a lot worse in practice than it is in your head.

And so the moments dragged on, both ponies finding cliched excuses not to speak to their company such as throat clearing and fake coughing or sneezing.

"You wanna..." Rainbow's suggestion caught in her throat.

Pinkie did not make eye contact, but she relaxed against the back of the bench. "Hm?"

"I mean, like... should we--" she was cut off again by a timely voice crack. "Do... a thing?"

Pinkie finally looked over. "A thing that... that ponies do?"

It helped that each was as awkward as the other, but the conversation was getting no where fast.

Rainbow leaned over slowly, her eyes closed tightly in fear of rejection. When her lips slid gently across the microscopic hairs around her friend's mouth, she prickled, her back seizing up for a moment and halting her progression. Pinkie's lips were closed, but not forcefully, so that the kiss only went as far as this gentle touch.

But it was still something that Rainbow had never felt before.

And, to her surprise... she liked it.

The moment ended quickly, but the two sat there for a while longer, just staring. They didn't touch each other, they just sat rigidly, watching the sun crawl across the sky.

Eventually, the two split up, with very few words exchanged. Frankly, it was hard to know what had happened between the two, and Rainbow was only feeling confused about their relationship now. Friends? Friends with benefits? Dating?

Naturally, rainbow went straight to Rarity's for a discussion about the events of the day.

She knocked softly on the door, hearing Rarity's sweet voice call back to her. "Coming!"

She opened the door, swinging her mane behind her ear. "Oh! Rainbow! It's... it's only been two hours. How did it go?"

Rainbow made a small pained noise, and trotted over to Rarity's couch, throwing herself across it and just laying there, breathing heavily around through the thick fabric.

"Oh, dear." Rarity rushed to her side. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Rainbow rolled over, staring out at Rarity. "I don't even know! I'm so confused, Rarity!"

Rarity made herself a spot pn the floor next to Rainbow's head, using her magic to flip the 'welcome' sign to 'closed.' "Tell me all about it."

"Well... well, at first, I was too chicken to tell her it was a date! So we went to an ice cream place, but we left early 'cause the owner was busy... so then we saw this old time photo shoot and Pinkie wanted to do it, but I didn't, but it was still technically a date so I said yes, but she thought that was weird of me... so then she noticed that my mane was done up, and tried to put the pieces together, only she guessed wrong! So I told her right, and then we went and sat awkwardly on a bench for, like, an hour and a half but then we kissed..." Rainbow sunk back into the cushion. "I just don't know what to think..."

"Well, how do you feel? Honestly, Rainbow, you're letting this... whatever this is change you too much. First off, I only ever need to tell Fluttershy to be assertive and speak her mind, but even then, not around her friends! Plus, aren't you the pony who thinks with her gut? I mean, Twilight's the one who needs to feel instead of think." Rarity sighed gently. "Look, I want you to try something. Just... close your eyes and think about how you're feeling."

"I feel like I've been punched in the gut, then slapped across the face," Rainbow quipped into the soft fabric.

"Good. Now, how were you feeling when you kissed Pinkie? A sentence I never thought I'd say in a million years..." she added in a mutter.

"Well... well, I... I don't know. Warm? I mean, it was around two hundred percent humidity, so--" Rainbow rolled over to face Rarity again. "I mean, I was sweating like a pig."

"No, Rainbow. What did it feel like? Right here." She tapped my lips gently.

Rainbow squirmed uncomfortably. "Like when I put a butter knife in the toaster because the toast got wedged inside?"

"Electric?" Rarity asked.

Rainbow shrugged. "I guess... Only it was kind of like... like being scared. My back got all tingly and stuff..."

Rarity grinned a bit.

"What?" Rainbow demanded.

"Oh, you're so cute!" Rarity grabbed her friend around the shoulders, squeezing as tight as she could. "You're in love, darling!" She giggled maniacally, lifting Rainbow out of her seat with the squeeze.

"Uh... well, I wouldn't take it that far..." Rainbow squeaked.

Rarity set her down. "Where are you taking her next time?" she asked hurriedly.

"Ugh!" Rainbow flopped over on her, then rolled off the couch onto the floor. "I can't handle this pressure! Can't you help me out, Rares?"

"Ooh! You should take her to see a movie! The best movies would be romances, obviously, whether that be rom coms or tragedy... either that, or horror. Brings you together through fear. All depends on whether you want to be serious or relaxed." She gave Rainbow a closer look. "Relaxed. Definitely relaxed."

"I have no idea what you're saying!" Rainbow yelled, waving her hooves in the air dramatically.

"It's fine. I'll handle it." Rarity stroked Rainbow's mane, trying to get it to lay flat once more. She licked her hoof, trying frustratingly to bring it back to its original glory. She gave up soon after, but it left Rainbow's mussed mane smelling like vanilla.

"You smell like vanilla," Rainbow commented.

Rarity was thrown by this comment. "Thank you?"

"It's nice. You know, Pinkie smells like bubblegum. " And she looks like bubblegum. And she tastes like bubblegum...

Rarity giggled. "So adorable..." she muttered.

"Quit calling me cute!" Rainbow demanded.

She giggled again. "Ooh, I can't help it! Anypony's cute when they're in love!"

Rainbow growled in response.

"You know what? Let me make you lunch. How about some tea and cucumber sandwiches?" she suggested, not waiting for a reply to rush off.

Rainbow looked around the room, trying to find something to occupy herself. The energy was catching up to her, all the wasted adrenaline building up. She licked her lips anxiously, thinking about kissing Pinkie. She wasn't sure if she wanted to do it again, she wasn't even really sure if she liked it. She just knew that she couldn't make the tingling on her lips go away.

Soon enough, she found herself worrying about something completely new to her.

Was she a good kisser? Did she know what to do... you know, after they kissed?

What would she do if they kissed again?

"Hey... Rarity?" Rainbow called into the kitchen.

"Yes?"

"Rarity? How... how do you kiss somepony?" she asked. Her shame was gone by now, at least around her. They past twelve hours alone had created a new kind of trust between the two of them.

Rarity's head poked out of the kitchen to stare at her friend. After slipping back out of view, she replied "Well, any way you want to, dear."

"I mean... how do you do it. Can you explain to me?"

Rarity was silent for a bit. "It really depends on the pony, I suppose. If it's somepony tough," her face appeared again, "like you, for example, start out hard. If it's someone like Fluttershy, be as gentle and quick as possible, and give her the chance to lead."

These words made little to no impact on Rainbow. "What?"

Rarity sighed. "Look, you'll do fine. Kissing is natural, and you shouldn't be afraid of doing it wrong. It's basically impossible."

"But--" Rainbow staomped her hoof like frustrated filly. "But how do you do it? You're the best, you get all the stallions! Also mares... and sometimes animals, like those diamond dogs... I swear, they wanted more than your gem finding abilities, Rare."

"Well, it's not so much about that..." Rarity muttered. She gave her mane a flip, begging Rainbow to notice her style over her ability to make out.

"Yes, it is!" Rainbow cried out.

Rarity sighed. "Look, don't worry about kissing her if you feel uncomfortable. Just... let her take the lead and make the first move."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. And please, for my sake, don't make any lewd comments. Don't mention sex, or tell your side of the diamond dog story--"

Rainbow scoffed. "Oh, please."

"No cursing, no whining, no trying to be street, no drama, no bashing musicals, no competing. Honestly, I probably should've told you all of this before the first date, but seeing as you neglected to mention it until halfway through, then didn't say another word, I guess--"

"What about her made-up words? You know how often she makes up words... " Rainbow shuffled her hooves. "How should I respond?"

Rarity put down the various ingredients she had been holding, shooing me back towards the couch. "Look,. let's practice, okay? I'll be Pinkie Pie, you be you."

"Wait, what?"

"We're doing a practice second date. Sit down on the couch." She grabbed a chair, dragging it over to face Rainbow. She then cleared her throat, putting on a fake high voice to mimic Pinkie's. "So what's up, Rainbow Dash?"

"Uh... nothin'..." Rainbow muttered.

Rarity went back to normal. "Awful! Always try to say something, even if you have to make something up. When somepony asks you a vague question like that, it's because they can't think of a topic of conversation!"

"Oh... well, I... just had my mane done..." Rainbow swatted half-heartedly at a green lock of hair.

"Wow! That's super! I don't have to do my mane, it's always like this!" Rarity swung her head around, pretending that she had pink clouds attached to her forehead.

"Really? That's interesting... has it always been like that?" Rainbow groped for something to continue the conversation. She wanted to impress Rarity, get her off her back about this dating nonsense.

"You bet! I'd say that it runs in the family, but... you know... it doesn't!" Rarity imitated Pinkie's laughter, even adding in a snort.

Rainbow nodded. "Um... this food is pretty good, huh? Almost warrants a made-up word," she prompted.

"Oh, I love... fibloting skittles-- wittles... in a scooda," Rarity struggled to make up a series of bizzare words.

Rainbow was thrown. "What the--"

Rarity gave Rainbow a harsh look, warning against cursing.

"... hay, Rarity? I mean-- Pinkie?"

Rarity laughed again. "Wittles are... skittles that I... dip... in... cake batter!"

Rainbow laughed. "What? That sounds gross!"

"Then I fry them by, um... fibloting a spatula! That means dipping it in boiling water a then pressing it on the... thing!" Rarity waved her hooves in the air.

Rainbow laughed harder. "Then what's a scooda?"

"It's a... fancy... frying pan thing! It's got little patterns on it, like a... cattle brander!" Rarity giggled, her voice returning to normal. "You're fine. All Pinkie wants is to make you laugh. But, then, you knew that."

Rainbow's laugh faded. "You think so?"

"Of course! You've got nothing to worry about!" Rarity waved it off. "Now, stop worrying about it and let me make you soem food. You can go on your next date tomorrow."

"Yes, mom," Rainbow mocked, but she relaxed at last. She had this totally under control. She just had to go on one more date... then it would be in the bag. She knew that Pinkie was her best match out of the five... right?

There was soft knock on the door. Rainbow was reclining on the sofa, looking up at the ceiling and daydreaming about where this might go.

"Coming!" Rarity yelled, rushing to the door.

There was a hushed conversation at the door. Rainbow was practically asleep on the couch, but she felt a presence hanging above her and snuck a peek through a crack between her eyelids.

Pinkie Pie stood there, staring down at Rainbow with an indecipherable look on her face. "I wanna break up."

Rainbow sat up. "Wait, what? What are you doing here?"

Pinkie giggled. "Silly. I always know where my friends are. Anyway, it's super weird to be dating you, so... except play dates... or, like, prank dates? But, yeah..."

Rainbow just stared up at Pinkie's face as she tried to think of another exception. "Er... nope! That's it! Well, see ya tomorrow!"

Rarity let Pinkie out, then peered around the corner at Rainbow. She was stunned, but not really upset.

"So... who's next on your list?"

Fluttershy

Here's the problem with trying to date Fluttershy:

You could be pure evil, and she'd still let you drag her on another date.

So, maybe, this could work out. Maybe Fluttershy's doormatty-ness could work to Rainbow's advantage for once. You know, keep her from being dumped until they actually fell for each other.

Or... it could totally backfire, like it does in most cases.

Rainbow was ready for this, though. Two of five had already been knocked off the list. At most, she was looking at three more dates. Or about twenty-eight...

"Rarity, I don't think the next date can wait until tomorrow... I think I should do it now," Rainbow suggested.

"Why is that?" she asked.

"Well, that was another part of the fortune thing..." Rainbow murmured slowly. "I have thirty days-- well, more like twenty-eight, now-- to fall in love."

Rarity gave Rainbow a weird look. "Okay... well, you still haven't told me who you want to ask out next."

"I was thinkin' Fluttershy..." she answered quietly as possible.

"What was that?"

"Erm... Fluttershy?" Rainbow repeated.

"Hm..." Rarity nodded slowly. "That could work out. But remember what I said about dating Pinkie? The 'no-no's' list?"

"You mean 'no cursing, no--"

"Yes. That... times A THOUSAND is how you need to treat Fluttershy. She is so fragile-- once, she got the very tip of her tail- I mean, four hairs, maximum- caught in a door, and she screamed for a full minute." Rainbow had a feeling that this was a gross exaggeration, but nodded.

"Don't forget, I've known her way longer than you have. I already know all of this stuff."

Rarity shook her head. "No, no. You may think you know her, but she is a completely different pony when--" she stopped herself.

"When what?" Rainbow pressed.

"When... she... is alone with somepony. You know, spa appointments and... things..." Rarity muttered. She shoved a tea cup up to her mouth before finishing the sentence.

"But it's a public place. That's not being alone," Rainbow pointed out.

"There's a private... um, sauna..." she whispered into her tea.

"Sauna? Is that one of those gross steam boxes?" She gasped aloud. Ravenous-sexual-appetite Rarity, plus pushover Fluttershy, plus steamy, private box...

Rarity looked ashamed.

"Did you have sex with Fluttershy?" Rainbow asked, unable to mask her shock.

"No!" she shouted. Relief swept through Rainbow. "Well, that depends on how you define sex..."

"Touching each other! In places that aren't normally touched by those you aren't romantically involved with!" Rainbow explained, almost hysterical.

Rarity hung her head. "Then... yes, I suppose. She is very fragile, but she has quite a bit of energy."

Rainbow shook her head in disgust, letting her tongue waggle out of her mouth. "Gross! No more!"

"It happened a few times," Rarity poured, not wanting to stop. She was rather glad to get this off her chest. "We consider each other 'friends with benefits.' It's no big deal, happens all the time."

"To who? How do you have sex with somepony and still be friends?" Rainbow asked, purely disgusted.

"You mean, and not start dating?"

"No! I mean, how can you have sex, and then have normal conversation in front of us?" Rainbow held her head. "Oh, Celestia... this is too much... let's pretend we never had this conversation..." She feigned holding back vomit.

Rarity sighed. "What if Fluttershy wants to have the same conversation? It is a past relationship, after all. Technically."

"I'll tell her the same thing: please, don't involve me in your bizarre sexual escapades!" Rainbow rubbed her forehead.

Rarity was quiet for a minute.

"We got to third. Sort of."

"What the buck, Rarity? So gross! Celestia, these images will never leave my head!"

Rarity giggled. "For such a 'tough mare,' you're pretty sensitive."

Rainbow spluttered, trying to come up with a valid excuse for her behavior. "Well, I draw the line when we're talking about friends having sex with each other..."

Rarity let a long pause hang in the air.

"What if you have sex with Fluttershy?"

"Ew! Quit it!" Rainbow buried her head under a cushion, not wanting to deal with this.

"What? That's a conversation haven't had yet! How to have sex!" Rarity laughed, wrestling with the pillow over Rainbow's face.

"No!" she shouted. "I can't do that with you!"

"Oh, you can do kissing, but not sex?" Rarity yanked on the pillow, pulling it and Rainbow off the couch.

"Those are radically different things, and you know it!" Rainbow yelled, still tugging on the pillow while Rarity's magic yanked in the opposite direction.

Rarity laughed loudly. "How do you know? Apparently, you've never done either!"

"Shut up!" Rainbow yelled back. She was laughing, too, but trying to hide it.

Rarity threw her head back, giving the pillow a hard wrench. Rainbow kept her grip, taking flight after it. She collided with Rarity, knocked the both of them to the floor.

Their cheeks were pressed against each other as they lay there, until Rainbow pulled back, getting a look at Rarity's face. The two of them had immediately fallen silent, but Rarity decided that it was her duty to break that silence.

"See, this is where, if I were your marefriend, you would kiss me."

"I know that," Rainbow said, not moving. "I'm not stupid. Just inexperienced."

The two sat there like that, waiting for somepony to do something.

"Would you please get off of me?" Rarity finally asked.

"Sorry..." Rainbow stood, her chest coming away from Rarity's.

Rarity stood, as well, shaking her mane around to make it presentable. "Well. Are you going to talk to her about the date tonight? Most ponies don't like having dates sprung on them just minutes before you plan on taking them out. You got lucky twice, but I wouldn't count on the streak continuing."

"I guess. I don't really see the point in waiting..." Rainbow replied. She didn't make any move towards the door.

"Do you need something, dear?" Rarity asked.

"Hm?" Rainbow was jogged from her daydream. "No, no... just... trying to find the courage to go. I pretty much got pinned down by you and Pinkie, and... I don't really know what to do."

"Speak from the heart, Rainbow. You'll be surprised what you learn about yourself." Rarity was quite wise, really, when it came to this stuff.

Rainbow nodded, taking a deep breath and pushing out of the door. She took flight, watching another sunset of her new life. It really was a new life, wasn't it? This was going to change her forever. And she didn't just mean the images of Rarity and Fluttershy doing... things to each other in a sauna. If she actually fell in love with somepony this month, that would be the rest of her life set up for her. Unless it was a fleeting romance, and they were apart within the week. But then... if Discord was just waiting for her to make out with somepony, maybe this wouldn't make a huge difference. You can't take back a kiss, true, but... everypony made it seem like it wasn't a big deal.

The brief contact with Pinkie's mouth could not be described as a kiss. Rainbow knew that a kiss should involve some kind of emotion and... well, movement on both sides. What she had experienced with Pinkie was pathetic, honestly.

Apparently, Fluttershy had done quite a few non-pathetic things with Rarity, already. So maybe this was the right fit.

Rainbow tried to keep lewd thoughts out of her mind as she knocked softly on Fluttershy's door.

"I'm coming!" she whisper-called, a volume that only she seemed to be able to pull off.

Rainbow tried to smile, but it came off as a disturbed maniac, so she remained stolid in the face of Fluttershy. "Hey..."

"Hello, Rainbow! What are you doing here?" She gasped quietly. "Is something wrong with Tank?" Fluttershy, peered around Rainbow, looking for some sign of the tortoise.

Rainbow sighed. "No... could I come in? I need to talk to you..."

"Of course! Please come in!" she said politely, leading Rainbow through a minefield of napping critters. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"Well..." Rainbow narrowly avoided a nest of mice, launching herself over it and onto the couch. "Um... it's kinda... touchy."

"I'm sure whatever it is, I can handle it! Unless an animal died. Oh! Or something's happened to one of our friends! Is something wrong? Please tell nopony's hurt!"

"No, no!" Rainbow put a hoof on her shoulder. "Everypony's fine. It's about me."

Fluttershy gasped. "Are you terminal?"

"No! I'm fine! I just... was feeling some stuff and... I thought it was time to tell you."

Fluttershy's eyes, though Rainbow thought it impossible, grew wider.

Rainbow cleared her throat. "I've known you for a long t-time, and I would like to... go on a date with you?"

Fluttershy's eyes twinkled, and she smiled hugely. "Oh, Rainbow! I've always had a crush on you! I've been waiting for you to ask!" She threw her forelegs around Rainbow, squeezing her as tightly as she was capable.

"Wait... really?" Rainbow asked.

"Oh, yes! I was always too shy to tell you..." she giggled angelically.

"Um..." Rainbow couldn't think of an appropriate response, so she just gave Fluttershy a small squeeze in return. The tiny amount of pressure made Fluttershy squeal in reply, and she pulled away from the hug.

"So..." Rainbow mustered a smile.

"So?"

"Erm... you wanna go on a date tomorrow?"

Fluttershy's face lit up, her eyes and grin swelling. "Oh my goodness! Really? Wait! Do you want to stay the night?"

"Uh... sleep here? Together?" Rainbow looked around, trying to find a good excuse. She wasn't ready for this!

"Oh, you're right. There isn't enough room in here..." Fluttershy looked disappointed.

Rainbow thought quickly, not wanting to turn Fluttershy off toward the idea of dating so soon. "Why don't we sleep over at my house? You're a pegasus, after all."

Fluttershy shuffled her hooves.

"I'll help you up there. I know you don't really like to fly, but it'll be fine, I promise," she reassured her, rubbing her back gently.

Fluttershy looked over at Rainbow and nodded. "Okay," she breathed, then grabbed Rainbow tightly.

The two walked carefully to the door, then took off. Rainbow basically carried Fluttershy up through the air, seeing as Fluttershy only flapped her wings feebly every few minutes. They rose gently above the clouds, until they were finally on the walk up to Rainbow's house.

It took Fluttershy a while to release her grip. Rainbow wasn't sure whether that was fear, or she was just clingy. Maybe a little from column 'A,' little from column 'B?'

"There, see? Easy-peasy," Rainbow stroked Fluttershy's powder pink mane to relax her.

Fluttershy took a moment to get control of her breathing. "Thank you."

Although Rainbow's home was technically Cloudsdale territory, it was built on its own private cloud. She had inherited the huge piece of land from her grandparents, the only ones who had ever been able to afford such extravagance. Fluttershy, who hadn't even visited Cloudsdale since the Young Flyer's Competition several years ago, was paralyzed by the size and grandeur of Rainbow's tower.

"You... live here?" she finally managed to squeak.

"Yup. It's all mine! There's even a guest room, just for you."

Fluttershy was silent.

Wrong move, bonehead, Rainbow thought, She wants to be with you! Duh!

"If you want," she quickly recovered.

"I... I think I'd rather sleep in the same room as you," Fluttershy said. "C-can we please go inside? It's really high, here... and, you know, there's an edge..."

"Oh! Sure thing." Rainbow led the shaking pony indoors, closing the patterned wood as softly as possible behind her.

Rainbow's home was a bit of a mess, but the nice furniture made up for it.

"Bedroom's upstairs. But we can hang out down here for a while," Rainbow suggested, sweeping a Daring Do book and her gala dress off the couch.

Fluttershy stood awkwardly just inside the door, glancing around the room but not at Rainbow.

"What's wrong? Come sit down." Rainbow reclined on the couch, patting the cushion beside her.

"I'm nervous..."

"I... can see that. What are you nervous about?" Rainbow asked.

"I don't know what to do! I've... never really been on a date before..."

Rainbow sighed. "Look, it's no big deal, just... just come sit here and we'll hang out. Like all those spa dates you have with Rarity. It's exactly the same."

Fluttershy's cheeks flushed, but she hid it behind her wall of hair.

Oh, Celestia. I just planted sex in her mind. Rainbow thought. This is not how I wanted this to go. Abort! Abort!

"Um... look, do you wanna play a game? Would that help take your mind off... things?" Rainbow tiptoed around the subject. There was no reason Fluttershy had to know that Rarity revealed their secret.

"Sure," Fluttershy agreed. "What should we play?" She took a few steps into the room.

"How about truth or dare?" Rainbow suggested.

"Um... okay." Fluttershy came all the way inside, sitting on the floor in front of Rainbow.

Rainbow slid down to the floor herself. "Okay. You first?"

"T-truth," Fluttershy said without hesitation.

Be gentle, Rainbow. She's fragile, Rainbow reminded herself. "Have you ever... had a crush on somepony else?"

Fluttershy shook her head vigorously.

Oh, boy...

"Your turn!"

Rainbow sighed in relief. She'd picked a good question, although the answer had hit her hard in the chest. "Dare?"

"Um..." Fluttershy thought for a long time. "Could you... say the 'D' word?" she whispered, like she was afraid of getting in trouble.

"What, 'damn?'" Rainbow asked.

Fluttershy's front hooves flew to her mouth and she giggled maniacally.

Rainbow gave her a weird look. She was cute.

"I meant... um... " She mouthed 'darn.' "But that was even better!"

Rainbow chuckled, shaking her head at Fluttershy's goody-two-hooves nature. "Okay, go."

"Truth."

"Have you ever... had a wingboner?" Rainbow asked.

Fluttershy gasped. "No!"

"Really?"

"Mm-mm."

Rainbow frowned. Fluttershy was just as sweet and innocent as she seemed to all of us. Except Rarity.

"Fine. Truth."

Fluttershy thought for a moment. "How long have you had a crush on me?"

"Er... two..." Rainbow whispered 'days' to herself, not wanting Fluttershy to hear.

"Two months?" She gasped. "Two years?"

"Well--"

"Oh, Rainbow!" Fluttershy ran to her again, giving another wimpy hug. Rainbow knew, however, that it was the best she could do.

"Uh..." Rainbow wiggled one leg out of Fluttershy's hug, giving her a gentle pat on the back. "Yup."

Fluttershy didn't let go.

"Fluttershy? Could you, um..." Rainbow wiggled her shoulders, trying to get her new marefriend to let go without actually saying it.

Fluttershy squeezed a bit tighter, then sat back. She was smiling blissfully up at Rainbow.

"Did you... wanna keep playing?"

Fluttershy sighed happily. "Truth..."

"You can't keep picking truth, you goof! I can't think of any good questions!" Rainbow teased.

Fluttershy blushed. "Um... I don't like dares, really..."

"Just try it. I'll go easy on you, I promise," Rainbow assured her.

"O-okay..."

"Alright. I dare you... to, um..." Rainbow glanced around the room, searching for inspiration. "Here, come sit next to me."

Somewhere, deep inside the tomcolt-ish mare, a romantic flicker of hope kicked in. Something gave her a tricky idea, and right now her need-for-dating side was telling her that it was a good one.

Fluttershy pulled her self off the cushy floor and onto the cushion beside Rainbow. "Is that it?"

Rainbow stretched her cheek out to Fluttershy. "I dare you to kiss me on the cheek."

Fluttershy fell silent. She looked over at the blue expanse of fur coating Rainbow's cheek, biting her lip anxiously. Rainbow did not look at her, just waited for contact while staring into space.

As she looked across the room, watching the clouds slowly swirling in a spiral on her wall, she felt the softest of touches brushing against the small hairs on her face. They prickled in response, returning the brush to the smooth yellow lips. They slowly closed in, coming closer and closer until Rainbow could feel moisture on her face.

Rainbow allowed herself to smile, letting the kiss remain on her cheek for a few more seconds before turning her head towards Fluttershy.

Her lips slid across her face, connecting with Rainbow's. Fluttershy's eyes snapped open, and she made a small sound of surprise, trying to break away.

Rainbow didn't buy that for a second. She could move faster than Rainbow thought possible when she was with Rarity, she could kiss somepony on the lips.

Fluttershy tried to pull away, afraid that this had been an accident on Rainbow's part, but Rainbow grabbed her cheeks, holding Fluttershy's head against hers. Fluttershy continued to panic for another few moments, then relaxed into Rainbow's embrace. Her eyes closed delicately, and she slowly fell into Rainbow. Rainbow swung her back legs up onto the couch, letting Fluttershy push her all the way down into a reclining position. They stayed like this for a while, so much stiller and quieter than most other couples would be in such a heated moment.

When they finally stopped for breath, they said nothing. In fact, they didn't even really look at each other. Fluttershy changed her position from over Rainbow to beside her, one hoof on her chest. Rainbow placed her own hoof on hers, the two of them feeling Rainbow's breathing. Eventually, they fell into sync.

Just as Rainbow was drifting off, Fluttershy broke the silence.

"I did some stuff with... Rarity..." she whispered into Rainbow's ear. She started to pull her hoof away, afraid of Rainbow's reaction.

Rainbow touched her hoof before it could leave her chest, shifting a bit to face her.

Fluttershy's eyes avoided her face, looking instead at their hooves stacked one on top of the other, slowly rising and falling on Rainbow's chest.

"I know," Rainbow finally said. "I don't mind."

Fluttershy let herself look at Rainbow for a moment,. then back at the miss-matched hooves.

"I don't. Really. It's in the past. As long as you can be with me now, I don't care about that." Rainbow let her sappiness bleed through. Plus, the sooner she could prove to Discord that she was romantically attached to Fluttershy, the sooner this whole disaster would be over.

Nopony should ever be threatened with dismemberment if they don't date their closest friends. I mean, under most circumstances, that doesn't really need to be said.

Fluttershy tried to squirm her way to a more comfortable position.

"We should just move upstairs. My bed is much bigger than this... tiny couch." Rainbow frowned.

Fluttershy giggled. "Okay."

In a tangle of limbs and scruffy manes, the two mares made their way up to a larger room, crashing on an impossibly plush bed. They pulled a blanket over themselves, resuming their original position, only less cramped and condensed.

Rainbow sighed aloud, settling into her comfortable and familiar bed. She used a wing to pull Fluttershy closer, and their faces met with another tiny peck.

"I really like you, Rainbow," Fluttershy said suddenly.

Rainbow chuckled. "Call me crazy, but I think I picked up on that."

"Heh..." Fluttershy snuggled closer, curling into a tight ball against Rainbow's side. "Sorry... I just-- you know, I can't say it enough. I was too shy to tell you for years, and now... well, now I'm trying to make up for it."

"That makes sense."

"I guess you're kinda like me, huh?"

"What do you mean?" Rainbow asked, turning her head to Fluttershy.

"Well... you were just as shy about it."

Rainbow looked up at the ceiling. She hadn't really been like Fluttershy at all. She hadn't even had a crush on her. Ever.

Or had she?

I mean, what is a crush, anyway? What does it mean? Is it love, or a passing fancy?

Who knows...

"Yeah..." Rainbow murmured. She wasn't so great at being deep, just curt and sometimes sappy. When the times called for it.

Fluttershy nodded.

"So..."

"So?"

"Well... are we going to sleep now? Because it's only, like, eight o' clock..." Rainbow pointed to the clock on the wall.

"Hm..." Fluttershy stretched a bit, coming out of her fetal position.

The bed was large enough for the two of them to lay sprawled out without even touching eachother. Rainbow had made it herself. She was a restless sleeper, and the huge circular surface made it nearly impossible to roll of the edge.

"Are you hungry? We could eat something if you're hungry..." Rainbow suggested, flipping onto her back as well.

Fluttershy sighed deeply. "No..."

"Or..."

Fluttershy turned to face Rainbow. "Or?"

"Or we could... do this!" Rainbow pounced on Fluttershy, her lips connecting with Fluttershy's neck.

She giggled almost uncontrollably, squirming as Rainbow loomed over her. "S-stop! I'm ticklish there!"

Rainbow continued, letting Fluttershy's giggles fuel her wild kisses. Finally, Fluttershy found the power within her to reach up and give Rainbow a surprisingly powerful jab in the ribs. Her knees wobbled and she collapsed on top of Fluttershy. The timid mare took the lead, pressing her lips onto Rainbow's, holding the back of her head with a shockingly firm hoof.

Rainbow grinned, cutting the kiss short. Fluttershy pulled away for a second, looking almost devilish. This must've been the side Rarity had seen at the spa...

Fluttershy took a quick breath, then dove back in, rolling onto her side and taking Rainbow with her.

And so the night wore on, the two ponies entangled in each other for another hour or two, then finally tiring and falling into a deep sleep.

When they woke up the next morning, neither was quite sure what had been done last night.

Rainbow woke up on the floor. Fluttershy woke up with a pillow case over her head.

"Mm..." Rainbow moaned, smacking her lips. She sat up slowly, searching the room for Fluttershy. "Flutters? You there?"

There was a soft thud as Fluttershy rolled off the edge and hit the cloud floor. "Rainbow?" She pulled off the pillow case with weak hooves.

"Flutters? What..." Rainbow couldn't find the energy to finish her sentence.

Fluttershy took a quick look around the room, only the top of her head appearing over the bedspread. Her mane was a tangled, matted, knotted disaster. "Oh, gosh! Did we make this mess? I'm sorry..."

And so the timid Fluttershy returned.

"Well... yeah, but it was flippin' awesome!" Rainbow threw her hooves in the air.

Fluttershy whined softly, and Rainbow could actually see her retreating into her shell.

"What's wrong?" rainbow asked. She stood up and went to Fluttershy's side.

Fluttershy quivered at Rainbow's touch.

"Fluttershy?"

The mare buried her face in her hooves. "This is so embarrassing..."

"Why?"

Fluttershy sniffled, then looked up at Rainbow. "That... happens sometimes..."

"What?"

"I should go now..." Fluttershy stood up, starting to drag herself towards the stairs.

Rainbow stood in shock for a moment, then ran after Fluttershy. "Wait, stop! I had a really great time with you! Don't... don't you want to have breakfast?"

Fluttershy pushed open the front door. "No, thank you. I think... I think this should be our last date."

Rainbow could feel a little twinge at the back of her mind. This was the third time this had happened... this was getting pathetic... "But-- but--"

"I'm sorry, Rainbow. I can't humiliate myself again..."

"But I really like you!" Rainbow yelled, standing in the doorway as Fluttershy slumped down the front walk.

She stopped for a moment. "You do?"

"Well... well, yeah!" Rainbow kept going, pushing the angle. "I want to talk, you know? As marefriends. Officially."

Fluttershy turned to look back at the door. "Well..."

"Let's talk, okay? Tell me about what upset you! We can work it out!"

There was a glimmer of hope for a moment, but Fluttershy quickly fled the yard.

Rainbow hung her head in despair. "Dear Celestia..." she muttered to herself, "What am I doing wrong? Fluttershy's had a crush on me for years, and I couldn't even land her..."

She wandered her way back inside and into the kitchen, shoving two slices of previously mangled bread into the toaster.

"Hey!" the bread yelled at her.

That wasn't normal for bread.

Rainbow pulled the slices out of the toaster, tossing them on the counter. "Whaddya want, Discord? You've done this trick before, it's not impressive."

As predicted, Discord's face slid around to the front side of the slice of bread, and he proceeded to mold it into a more Discord-like shape.

"You could at least pretend to be surprised. Or even a little annoyed?" Discord suggested.

Rainbow twitched an eyebrow, then started at her breakfast again.

Discord quickly came out of the bizarre, but expected, form, making himself comfortable at the kitchen table.

"Well?" Rainbow prompted. "I don't have all day, I've got to go drag somepony else out on a date."

"Har, har," Discord mocked.

"So? You have a critique for me?" Rainbow complained, pulling a bear-shaped bottle of honey from the cabinet over her head.

"Well... yes, in a way. Honestly, Rainbow Dash, I've never seen you try so little."

The toaster 'dinged,' shooting the two slices up in the air to be caught by a waiting plate. "What?"

"You let Fluttershy walk away after only a few minutes of discussion! Don't you want to know her deep, dark secret?" Discord pleaded, wishing for more entertainment.

"Honestly, I--"

"I don't care. Here it is: whenever Fluttershy gets romantically involved with somepony, and then 'turned on' by them, as you so crudely put, she has a complete reverse of personality!" Discord blurted.

Rainbow grimaced, preparing to leap at Discord, then stopped. "Wait, how do you know this stuff?"

Discord scoffed. "Well, I am not ashamed to say that I enjoy a little mare-on-mare action when I can get--"

"Ew! You should be! Dear Celestia, I have had enough of this kinky weirdness..." Rainbow pulled the toast out, slathering them with honey and sitting across from Discord at the table.

"Oh, it's not that weird."

"Go on. Clearly, you've got more to say, or you wouldn't be wasting your time here," Rainbow said, taking a bite of her messy meal.

"She calls her 'Flutter-slut.' It's quite the little 'kink'--"

"Yup! Heard enough! Outta my house!" Rainbow gave Discord a shove out of the chair.

"Fine," Discord muttered. "Honestly, though, you should be trying harder. I might decide to move that deadline up a little if you don't cooperate. Not that I don't already know who you end up with..."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Rainbow kept shoving him, pushing him out the door like a piece of trash had hit the floor rather than a living thing.

Discord allowed himself to be rolled down the front walk and off the edge of the cloud. He then promptly disappeared.

Rainbow munched on her current bite of honey toast, wondering what to do next. Chase after Flutttershy? Or, preferably, head to Rarity's for advice?

She sighed as the question was answered for here. Rarity came trotting up to Rainbow's cloud, waving to the denizen. "How did it go?"

Rainbow just shook her head. "Back to the drawing board, Rares. She'll never think of me romantically again." Rainbow floated down to the ground, standing before Rarity and looking ashamed.

"That's too bad. Though I'd be lying if I said I didn't see it coming."

"Why didn't you warn me?" Rainbow demanded. "It's like she's three different ponies! The bashful one, the worshiper one, and the wild animal one!"

"Honestly? I thought she would be different with you. I'm a bit... intimidating when it comes to romantic situations."

"No kidding..." Rainbow rubbed her arm gently, staring at the ground.

"Well. Who was next on your list? Unless you want to try Fluttershy again--"

"Don't think so. She was a wreck this morning... Sort of. Really, she just turned uber-shy and split before we could even eat." Rainbow kicked at the ground.

"It isn't your fault. She's... fragile. But she won't stop being your friend." Rarity put a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder for comfort.

Rainbow smiled a bit. "Thanks. I appreciate it. These last few days have been... well, rough, to say the least."

Rarity nodded, then sighed, pulling Rainbow into a hug.

"Stop it! So mushy!" Rainbow pushed away, but kept smiling.

"So? Who are we tackling next?" Rarity asked, already heading for the boutique.

Rainbow trotted to her side. "Not sure..."

"You've got two left. Who's it going to be? Twilight or Applejack?"

"Mm... Applejack?"

Applejack

"Applejack, hm?" Rarity repeated.

"Yeah... I figure, if anything's going to work, it'd be her over Twi..."

Rarity considered the pair. "Yes... I can see you two together."

Rainbow scoffed. "That's nice to know. Wish I could see us together... she'll probably end up being my first 'no.'"

"Aw." Rarity put a kind hoof on Rainbow's shoulder and smiled sweetly. "You need to have a little more confidence!"

"Yeah..."

"How about this: take a day off of this stress! You have plenty of time left for your... prediction." She gave Rainbow a weird look. "We'll spend the day together! We can do whatever you think will relax you."

"Well..." Rainbow hesitated.

Rarity smiled at her. She was always so sweet, willing to give up whole days of work and Rarity-style fun to help one of her closest friends. Honestly, she was kind of the whole package. She might be identified for her generosity, but a great melding of the other elements rested in her, including a magical talent.

"I insist. On me. You need... a breather."

Rainbow made a small whine, still nervous about accepting the offer.

"Rainbow..." Rarity threatened.

"Okay! Okay, we'll do some stuff together today," she finally agreed.

"Great!" Rarity trotted towards the town, then stopped. "So... what are we doing"

"Hm..." rainbow thought about that for a moment. Before she could think of an idea, a very different thought popped into her head. "Hey... you remember the Ponyville Days Festival?"

Rarity frowned in confusion "Of course."

"And... and you remember how you pretended to be like AJ to impress that news guy?" Rainbow chuckled a bit at the memory.

"Yes," Rarity affirmed through clenched teeth. "And he was a travel writer, Rainbow, not a 'news guy'"

"Yeah, whatever." Rainbow waved off the correction. "So, I have an idea."

"I think I see where this is going..."

"Could we do another practice date?" Rainbow blurted out.

Rarity sighed.

"Please? That would be the biggest help!" Rainbow practically begged.

"Of all things, Rainbow? You don't to... to go watch a Wonderbolts derby, or... or..." Rarity struggled for another suggestion.

Rainbow gave Rarity a sympathetic look.

Rarity grimaced. "Oh... I did say anything, didn't I?"

Rainbow nodded.

The unicorn flipped her mane over her shoulder and cleared her throat. "Nay-ow, way-er did you waunt to take me?" she said in what was probably the worst country accent Rainbow had ever heard.

"Oh, Celestia!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Stop with the accent! That's awful!"

Rarity smirked. "I had to try. you deserved it."

"How?" Rainbow asked.

Rarity just giggled. "But, really, where are you taking me?"

"Um... dinner? Er-- breakfast?" she suggested.

"Sure! Sounds good." Rarity smiled. "I know a nice diner we could visit!"

"Great!" Rainbow waved for Rarity to lead, then fell in step behind her.

"So. What's new?" Rarity asked, attempting to prompt a conversation.

Rainbow had seen this trick before. "I was hanging out with Pinkie yesterday. you ever been to Loopy Scoops?"

"No... must be a new place. How was it?"

"Nice..." Rainbow suddenly felt awkward. "Yeah, this isn't working."

Rarity frowned. "It isn't?"

"No... I thought a practice date would help but... maybe I should just play it by ear? I don't know, it's weird to have you trying to act like AJ, I know her too well." rainbow kicked a hoof thoughtlessly.

"Well... would you rather I just act like me? which... was what I originally suggested?" Rarity said.

"What, another date?" Rainbow started to panic.

"Depends on your definition of 'date.' If you mean two ponies hanging out, then yes. If you mean two ponies making out, then... we'll just have to see." Rarity winked, then laughed. "It's funny to see all the color drain from your face like that."

Rainbow sighed in relief. "You gotta stop doing that stuff to me..."

"Why? It's so much fun!" She laughed harder. "We could have sex at my place! That'd be great practice!"

"Ew! You're such a perv, Rare!" Rainbow punched her harder in the shoulder, laughing all the while. "Just... show me how to properly take somepony out on a date!"

"Oh, fine. With extra kissing," Rarity puckered her lips, making obnoxious sounds as she leaned towards Rainbow.

"Dear Celestia!" rainbow pushed her face away forcefully. "You just don't know when to stop, do you?"

Rarity kept laughing. "Sorry, sorry. It's just... well, you do the same thing every time!"

"You know what?" Rainbow started marching off the other way. "I can deal with your perverted issues, I can ask AJ out. No problem."

Rarity nodded. "That's what I thought."

Rainbow stopped, turning to stare at Rarity with fire in her eyes. "You-- your'e so--"

"Clever? Hurry up, darling, you'll waste the whole day unveiling the mind games I've played with you. Go on!" She shooed Rainbow, trotting happily away.

Rainbow stood for a few more minutes, watching her happily swaying tail disappear behind a corner.

After shooting a glare aimed at nopony at all, Rainbow changed her path, heading out towards Sweet Apple Acres.

The fact was, Rainbow did not understand relationships. Of any kind. When she had been lumped in with the other girls, it had been mandatory friendship. She knew she liked them, that she liked spending time with them, but she did not really know what they thought of her. As a pony, as a friend... as anything, really. Like Fluttershy: she had had no idea that Fluttershy liked her.

Because of this, Rainbow had no way of knowing what Rarity actually thought of her. A friend? An enemy? Something less? Something more? None of it made sense, and it certainly wasn't as obvious as it was to others.

The scent of apples wafted towards her as she approached the farm. there really wasn't any other way to describe it. Maybe it was the dirt and the leaves and the skin of the apples, but to Rainbow those smells meant apples.

Applejack was out working, as usual. She had probably been working for a few hours already judging by the thin sheen of sweat covering her forehead. And other parts...

"Hey, Rainbow!" she called, waving her hoof after catching sight of her friend.

"H-hey..." Rainbow waved back, though much less enthusiastic. Once she was a bit closer, she added "What's new?"

"Nothin'. What's wrong with you? You seem down."

"Oh... it's nothing... I just..." she swallowed hard.

"Yes?" Applejack stopped working, wiping the sweat from her forehead.

"Uh..."

"I don't got all day, Rainbow. Spit it out!" Applejack raised an eyebrow, tempting an answer.

"I... do you wanna go out on a date?" Rainbow blurted, wincing in fear of rejection.

Applejack chuckled. "This a dare?"

"No..."

"This a prank?" Applejack asked, becoming slightly more serious.

"No..."

"You... you really actually wanna take me out on a date?" Applejack asked, now completely serious.

"Yes?" Rainbow squeaked.

Applejack shrugged. "Okay. Gotta get Big mac out here to cover for me. Unless..." She smirked.

Rainbow frowned. "Unless what?"

"Unless..." Applejack leaned in close to Rainbow's ear. "Unless you wanna take a roll in the hay."

Rainbow's face immediately flushed, and she felt her stomach drop through her hooves and into the ground. "What?"

"You need me to translate for ya? I wanna take you to the barn and--"

"Nope! No translation needed! I..." Rainbow looked for a different activity. "I wanted to take you out for breakfast!"

"I eat breakfast at the crack of dawn, Rainbow. You're a bit late for that." Applejack frowned, then smirked again. "But, on the bright side, I've still got plenty of energy for--"

Rainbow whimpered, cutting Applejack off.

"What's wrong? You never had sex before?"

She whimpered again.

Applejack laughed. "Well, lucky you! Let's go, we can be quick."

Rainbow's eyes grew wide, but she found herself unable to move as Applejack shoved her towards the barn. What the hay was wrong with Applejack? Was she like this with all of her marefriends? I mean, clearly she had dated before.

"But--"

"Exactly." Applejack chuckled.

"I'm not--"

"Not what?" Applejack stopped.

"I didn't want to do this! I just wanted to take you out on a good-natured, safe, average date," Rainbow explained. She felt as though this should have been obvious.

"Oh. Then this?" Applejack asked.

"I don't know! Maybe!" Rainbow was panting hard now.

"Why're you panting like that?"

"Did you forget how to be equine? What the hay is wrong with you?" Rainbow asked.

"Nothin'. I just--"

"You're freaking me out!" Rainbow exclaimed. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. "Alright. Look, let's just spend some time together, even if that's just me hanging out while you work. Then we'll decide what to do next."

"Wow. When'd you become the sensible one?" Applejack asked. "Party pooper."

"Since you lost your ever-loving mind!" Rainbow yelled. She calmed herself again. "Great. Get back to work, we'll talk like ponies instead of wild animals."

Applejack shrugged, giving the nearest tree a powerful buck. "Fine. We'll do it your way."

"Awesome." Rainbow leaned back against a tree behind her. "So..."

"So what?" Applejack looked both frustrated and happy at the same time.

"What's new with you?"

"My best friend teased me with a great time and then stole it away," she muttered.

Rainbow scoffed. "If I knew it'd bother you this much..."

"You'd what?"

"I'd... I'd have..." Rainbow realized her mistake too late.

"You'd have accepted? We don't have to go too far, I just... prefer this method of getting to know somepony," Applejack explained.

"You do?" Rainbow was interested now.

"Yeah. Well, it's 'cause I'm always so awkward in those situations. I'm better at... that stuff." Applejack bucked another tree, trying not to make eye contact.

"Same!" Rainbow laughed. "I guess I should have guessed that. We're a lot alike."

"Yeah..." Applejack re-positioned her hat.

Rainbow sighed. "Sorry I made you feel awkward."

"No problem."

There was an awkward silence.

"Would you feel better if..." Rainbow trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud.

Applejack bucked another tree. "That was a quick turn around."

"I wanna try to make this work."

"Look at you! Workin' for a change." Applejack laughed.

Rainbow chuckled awkwardly. "This would be a lot less awkward without speech."

"I know what we can do without speech." Applejack's eyebrows bounced up and down.

"Eh..." Rainbow's ears caught fire.

"It's easy, Rainbow. It's natural."

These words echoed in Rainbow's ears. Rarity had said exactly the same thing not long ago... or had it been long ago? The days had all blended together since Discord's first visit...

While Rainbow tried to count the days, there was a soft and sudden touch on her cheek.

"Whoa!" She jumped away, seeing Applejack's still puckered lips pointing towards her.

Applejack narrowed her eyes. "Really?"

"Eugh..." Rainbow shivered. "This is weird... and... you're sweaty..."

"You're pathetic." Applejack went back to work. "Lemme know when you grow up, Rainbow. I promise I don't have cooties."

Rainbow froze. This was a common ploy of Applejack's, as she knew that Rainbow could never resist a challenge. Rainbow knew this all too well, but that wouldn't stop her from falling for it again.

Rainbow pounced at Applejack, knocking her to the ground. She gave her a quick punch on the cheek, then under the chin, and got off of her.

"Uh..." Applejack spit to her side. "Hate to burst your bubble, but that wasn't exactly a kiss."

"Urgh!" Rainbow could now do nothing but grunt her frustrations. This happened sometimes. Rainbow was easily blinded by emotion, and once she got fired up enough, she would just make sounds at her antagonizer.

And that was another thing. Rainbow basically showed every emotion she had with anger, except for happiness (which she hid behind a fake street vibe).

Somepony embarrassed her?

She's punch their lights out.

One of her friends got hurt?

She'd freak out on the nearest thing there was to blame.

Make her cry?

Say your prayers. You'll be dead within the hour.

Rainbow leaped at Applejack again, this time being flipped over her shoulder and into the air. Being a pegasus, Rainbow just took flight, making an instantaneous one-eighty and heading back at Applejack full-speed. She plowed into her friend, the two of them rolling a good dozen yards before coming to a stop.

"Just so you know, you aren't turnin' me off here, RD," Applejack said huskily.

"Ew!" Rainbow threw a punch, using the expression of disgust more like one of denial.

Applejack ducked the punch easily, using the stunned moment to get Rainbow under her. "You won't regret it!" she taunted, laughing harder and harder as the battle continued.

"Yes! I will!" Rainbow punctuated her outbursts with attempts to hit Applejack, though she avoided them all without fail.

"You'll tire out eventually."

"No! I! Won't!" Rainbow ended up on her stomach, Applejack standing a few feet away.

"Give in now to my feminine charms!" Applejack turned, waving her orange plot in Rainbow's direction.

"You don't have feminine charms!" Rainbow got up for another assault, but Applejack's quick movements kept her out of danger.

"Do, too!" she spat.

Rainbow careened past her friend and into a tree. Her head hit the trunk with a sickening thunk, and Rainbow crumpled near the roots.

"You realize that, without me even being here, you'd still be this badly injured?" Applejack chuckled. "Come on, you're bein' silly. Not to mention you're probably concussed... let's go inside, I'll patch you up."

Rainbow mustered a moan, but didn't get up.

Applejack sighed, rolled her eyes, and lifted Rainbow to her hooves. "Let's go, tough gal. Time for some TLC."

"You'll try to... to..." Rainbow rubbed her head, not finding the power within her to finish the sentence.

"No, no. I won't have sex with you, I won't kiss you, I won't even look at you. Just, for Celestia's sake, lemme help you before you kill yourself," Applejack's tone turned serious.

Rainbow swayed, as though in a breeze, then stopped and nodded.

"I thought so. Com'ere, Iron Pony."

Rainbow practically threw herself into the farmer, searching for support. The two of them stumbled back to the house and up the stairs to the bathroom.

Rainbow groaned pathetically as Applejack set her down in the tub. She added a rolled-up towel behind her head, then went to work unloading the medicine cabinet.

"Rainbow, do you remember what happened?" Applejack asked, beginning to check for a concussion.

"Yeah, you freaked me out and I tried to kill you. I have no regrets," Rainbow growled.

"What's your name?"

"It's Rainbow Dash, I'm not a freakin' idiot!"

"Okay, okay! Stay there, I'll get you an ice pack." Applejack bustled off, leaving piles of bandages and other dressings on the counter.

Rainbow tried to shift her position to be more comfortable, but laying in a porcelain tub wasn't the cushiest of places.

Applejack returned with some ice cubes in layered plastic bags and passed it to Rainbow. "Put that where it hurts, you doofus."

Rainbow frowned but placed the ice pack on a swelling lump on her temple.

"Good. Lemme see that cut, there..."

At some point, Rainbow fell asleep while Applejack was fixing her up. When she awoke, she was in a fluffy bed in an unfamiliar room.

She gazed about the room, trying to place her surroundings, but came up empty. It was adorned plainly, with some green, floaty curtains on the windows and matching bed dressings. The sun was bright, but squinting made her head hurt, so she rolled over to go back to sleep.

A familiar figure sat in an armchair on the other side of the bed.

"Hey, sleepin' beauty," Applejack murmured. "How're you feeling?"

Rainbow grumbled something.

"What was that?"

"How long was I out?"

Applejack shrugged. "'Bout three days."

"Th-three--?" Rainbow tried to stand, but feel off the bed.

"Whoa, Nelly!" Applejack caught her before she hit the floor. "You better stay in bed, there. Unless you want something to eat?"

Rainbow allowed herself to be tucked back under the covers, not saying anything or helping the endeavor along. "Food?"

"Yeah. Well, you've only been up early in the mornings to stuff your gullet. Um..." Applejack rubbed the back of her head. "I'm guessin' you remember what happened?"

"Unfortunately..."

"Look, I'm--"

"Let's not talk about this," Rainbow requested.

"Aye-aye." Applejack saluted to her friend. "Toast and eggs sound good?"

Rainbow nodded sheepishly.

"No problem."

Just after the door clicked shut, another voice floated around the room.

"Wine, miss?"

Rainbow rolled over, looking over at the window.

"Discord. Awesome."

Discord was dressed as a French maid, a greasy black mustache curling away from his upper lip. He had a small cart filled with various bottles, each of sporting some hard-to-read brand name.

"So, you're the one behind the crazy head injury?" Rainbow guessed.

"Well, I--" Discord spluttered. After changing back to normal, he continued, "I just had no choice! I needed to light a fire under you, and everypony knows that being cared for by the object of your affections is the best way to fan the flames of romance."

To illustrate his point, Discord set fire to the end of the bed, fanning it with his tail.

Rainbow barely even reacted. "Really, though? Out for three days from running into a tree? Have you seen this skull?" She scoffed. "No way."

Discord spit on the fire to put it out, then pulled a Doctor's clipboard and costume from under the bed. "Well, you see, your skull really isn't thicker than the average pony... it's just that your brain is smaller, so there is less to get hurt. See?"

He held the clipboard out for approval. There was a x-ray attached to it, in which Rainbow's brain was barely the size of a walnut.

"Mature," Rainbow commented.

"Oh, you're one to talk." He snapped, the costume and props disappearing. "Now, please, try to be entertaining. That is the point of this, after all."

As soon as the draconequus left, Applejack returned. She had a tray of breakfast food ready for the injured pegasus, as well as a glass of orange juice.

"Thanks, AJ." Rainbow shimmied her way into an upright position, taking the tray from her friend.

As she greedily began to eat, Applejack made her way back to the armchair beside the bed.

"Hey, RD?" Applejack picked at the deteriorating fabric.

"Yeah?" Rainbow mumbled around a mouthful of eggs.

Applejack forced out a rather pathetic laugh. "I... know you didn't want to talk about that stuff that happened but..."

Rainbow swallowed loudly. "What?"

"Well... look, I know you were after me, but..." She kept laughing. "Well, I'm not the gal for you. I move too fast, and I'm a little too dirty. I never thought I'd say this, but... I'd rather fight as friends than as lovers."

Rainbow sucked a toast crumb out from between her teeth. "Erm... why are we talking about this?"

"Look, as much as I'd love to attack you and make out with that gorgeous face, there's somepony else who I think you'd have a better time with."

"What?"

Applejack took a deep breath. "Well, all your friends came to visit while you were in concussion land, and... I don't know, she was awful nice..."

"Who?"

"Actually, two of 'em were."

"Spit it out, AJ!" Rainbow threatened.

"Alright! Twilight and Rarity..." she murmured.

Rainbow paused. "Wait, you're serious?"

Applejack nodded.

"Twilight... and Rarity?"

"There an echo in here? Yes!" Applejack shouted.

"Okay! Okay!" Rainbow made to take another bite of toast. "Rarity?"

Applejack sighed. "Yes. They both seemed like the were a lot more torn up about it than the others. It might not mean anything, I just... thought you oughta know."

Rainbow nodded slowly. "Okay. Yeah, thanks."

Applejack stood, trying awkwardly to think of a way to end the conversation. "Well. See ya."

"Yeah." Rainbow took another bite of toast.

Applejack finally found her way to the door, leaving without another word.

Rainbow chewed thoughtfully on the rest of her breakfast. If she thought the decision was hard earlier, it was impossible now. The only two ponies she could actually cross off her list were Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie... no, really only Pinkie. Celestia only knew what happened to Fluttershy. Apparently, she'd been there, and she hadn't shown any interest in picking up...

Really, though, Applejack had just told her outright that she was still into her, and then made her breakfast. Twilight had made some kind of allusion to a romantic interest in her. And Rarity...

Eesh.

Rarity.

Could nothing be simple? First, they were together. Then, Rainbow got grossed out and dumped her. Then they were friends again, and yet she was constantly flirting with Rainbow. What was any of that supposed to mean?

Rainbow gulped down her orange juice, setting the tray and empty glass down on the table next to her. she brushed the crumbs off her hooves and rolled out of bed, heading for the door. She nearly passed out on the way there, but quickly recovered.

"Applejack?" she called. "I'm feeling much better. I think I'll go, okay?"

"Whoa!" Applejack appeared from around a corner. "You need some help, you can't go walkin' around after layin' in bed for three days, you'll collapse."

Rainbow waved dismissively. "I'll be fine."

"No, no, no! You'll get yourself hurt even worse! Look, Rarity's right here, let her take you back to the Boutique, at least. Then you can fly off--"

"Rarity's here?" Rainbow asked, panic rising in her voice.

Rarity poked her head out just below Applejack's. "Yes, no need to sound so shocked. She's my friend, too, you know."

Rainbow felt her breathing accelerate.

"I'm sure she'd be happy to walk you home, RD."

"Of course!" Rarity held out her elbow, inviting Rainbow to take hold. "I don't bite, Rainbow!" She chuckled angelically.

"Eh..." Rainbow took hold, staring over her shoulder at AJ as they walked away.

Applejack smiled, and mouthed 'Good luck!'

This was getting... complex.

Twilight

Let's review, shall we?

So far, we have Rarity's story: accepted, dumped, friendship with flirting. That alone is too much for Rainbow to solve on her own.

Then we have Pinkie: accepted, dumped before the second date. This time, Pinkie did the dumping, so it was pretty cut and dry.

Next, Fluttershy. It turned out that Fluttershy had been after Rainbow for years, but after one night of pleasant fun she ran off and never came back.

Finally, Applejack: scary.

As Rainbow walked home, leaning on her friend for support, she tried to sort her five friends into two groups: 'date-able' and 'can't do that again.'

So far, only Pinkie Pie was in the 'can't do that again' category, while everypony else occupied the hazy area in between.

The only pony Rainbow hadn't tried yet was Twilight, which Rarity knew and was probably already preparing for. But, of all of her friends, she and Twilight had the least in common personality wise. While Rainbow enjoyed being outdoors, rain or shine, Twilight preferred inside pleasantries. While Rainbow was normally focused on her outward appearance, Twilight didn't care about that... at all.

But they did have Daring Do.

So maybe there was a chance of this working out.

"So. I assume you want to take a day off before trying to take out Twilight, hm?" Rarity asked.

"Why would I do that?"

Rarity chuckled. "Well, dear, to be frank, you seem drunk."

Rainbow sighed, but she knew this was true. "Alright. Probably a good plan."

"Aw, I think you're cute when you're drunk. Remember when--"

"Yes. I remember," Rainbow cut her off dryly before she could bring up an embarrassing memory.

Rarity giggled. "I don't know how nopony's made it more than one date with you. You're just adorable!"

"Yes! I know!" Rainbow stopped, pounding her hoof. "Look, Rarity, I'm no good at this stuff. If you have something you need to tell me, you've gotta stop dropping these stupid hints and just spit it out!"

Rarity frowned. "I'm... I'm sorry..."

Rainbow heaved another sigh. "It's fine. I just... I'm not like everypony else. I don't pick up on those little cues you give each other. It's kinda... I don't know, it..."

"It makes you feel lonely?" Rarity guessed.

Rainbow looked over at her. "Yeah. How'd you know?"

Rarity smiled sympathetically. "Do you know how hard it is to be generous sometimes?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, to always be the filly at the back of the line because you let others go first, to always give up the good seat to somepony who deserves it more, to give up things for a younger sibling?" Rarity sighed. "Everypony says they're grateful, and I feel good doing it, but sometimes it's hard to really see that ponies appreciate you. It kind of turns you into the world's doormat..."

Rainbow blinked slowly, trying to process what she'd just heard. "Oh."

Rarity shook her head. "Oh, don't listen to me."

"No, no. I... I never knew that about you."

"It's nothing. I'm being silly. Come on, let's--"

Rainbow grabbed Rarity's shoulder as she tried to walk away. "Wait a minute. That matters."

Rarity shook her head again. "It's who I am."

"But--" Rainbow couldn't think of what to say. She just stood there, her hoof on her shoulder, trying to come up with a comforting phrase.

Something fired in her head. Something told her what Rarity was asking for. She wasn't sure how she knew, but she pulled her friend close to her chest, embracing her tightly.

Rarity made a small noise of surprise. This wasn't the normal Rainbow Dash. The normal Rainbow would change the subject, walk away, be awkward and goofy but not helpful.

Rarity chuckled lightly. "Look at you. Miss Seduction."

"Hey!" Rainbow pushed her friend away. "No fair! I was trying to be nice."

"Stop being adorable, and I'll stop making you be adorable." Rarity tapped Rainbow on the nose with her hoof.

"Quit it! I'm taking Twilight on a date tomorrow, I can't be distracted by your weirdness!"

"You love it. I know you do." Rarity trotted off, leaving Rainbow to catch up.

"Again, Twilight's the one I'm taking out on a date, not you."

Rarity didn't say anything.

That meant she agreed, right?

"So, could you help me to fix up my mane a bit?"

Rarity nodded. "If you want. I don't think it would make that much of an impact on a pony like Twilight, though. You could... you could use some of my fancy soaps and shampoos, if you want."

"Wait, are you serious?" Rainbow asked. "You never let anypony use your fancy stuff."

"You're my friend. My best friend. And right now, you need the help." Rarity pointed to her cutie mark. "Generosity, right?"

I frowned. "But you just said--"

"I don't feel alone when I have a friend like you." Rarity grinned. "Come on, let's fix you up."

Rarity trotted ahead, Rainbow right on her heels, and down the street towards the Boutique. The pale unicorn's curly purple tail bounced with her jaunty steps.

"Hey, Rarity?"

"Yes?"

"Um... what is it you... like about me?" Rainbow hesitated to get the sentence out. "Just-- just cause I wanna know if I have a chance with Twilight."

"Oh. Right. Well, you're very confident. Everypony loves a mare who's sure of herself."

"Uh-huh."

"You, um..." Rarity had reached the door of the boutique, but didn't try to open it just yet. "You have an air of greatness about you. You've accomplished a lot, and you aren't afraid to let the world know. Ponies like that, too."

"Isn't that the same as having confidence?" Rainbow asked.

Rarity chuckled. "I suppose you're right. Well, your loyalty is admirable. Ponies like it when they see a pony with the same group of friends all the time. You know, laughing, having fun..."

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hm. Oh, and, even though you won't admit it, you care about the way you look. You're always put together, even though your version is slightly messy. It's nice to see somepony who cares what the world thinks. But, even with that, you still have a... an aloofness." Rarity turned to open the door. "It's a wonderful combination of traits, really."

"Wait, so you don't like me because of how I look or what I like or something?" Rainbow asked.

Rarity laughed. "Of course not! We like for your personality!"

"Really?"

"Yes! What kind of friends would we be if... if the color purple was the only thing we had in common?" Rarity handled the purple stripe in Rainbow's mane.

"Huh."

"Did you really just figure that out?" Rarity asked.

"Um... sorta."

Rraity practically doubled over laughing. "Aw, you're so funny sometimes, Rainbow!"

"What's so funny about that?"

Rarity stood up straight, wiping tears from her eyes. "Well, I know for a fact that you don't care about those kinds of things. Do really think that that is the only thing the rest of us like about you?"

"I mean... well, not all, but you..." Rainbow murmured.

Rarity paused. "Oh?"

"Yeah! I mean... I mean you had a crush on that Benderhoof guy before you'd ever even met him!" Rainbow pointed out.

"Because I liked his taste. But, Rainbow, a crush is different from friendship or love. You understand that, don't you?"

"It is?"

Rarity went back to laughing. "Of course! A crush is something you feel, and only feel. A crush is when... when your most primal parts fall for somepony."

"Huh?"

"Uh... it's... it's purely looks and surface personality."

Rainbow nodded slowly.

"But friendship and love... they mean a lot more. It's about knowing a pony, knowing what they'll do and say. It's... it's not what it looks like. It's... it's all the good things, and all the bad things, and all the things in between. It's..." Rarity struggled for the right words. "Do you know what it's like? Love is like water. Everypony likes it, but you don't quite know why or how. And they all like it for different reasons, and they all like to use it for different things. It's versatile, but in the best possible way."

Rainbow stared at Rarity. For a long time.

"Does that make sense?" Rarity asked.

"I think so..."

"No, no, no. That's the problem you're having. Rainbow, I never thought I would say this to you, but you're thinking too much. Just... feel it. If you love somepony for more than their looks, you'll feel it."

"But... but what does it feel like?" Rainbow asked.

Rarity shook her head. "I... I don't know."

"You don't?"

"It could feel like anything. I've never been in love," she said simply. "Let me draw up that bath for you!"

Rainbow sat back in the couch, staring up at the ceiling.

This was getting way too complicated for her.

How many days had it been?

Day one: Discord and Rarity.

Day two: Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy.

Day Three: Applejack.

Days Four, Five, and Six: out like a light.

Plus today... then it had only been a week.

"A week?" Rainbow asked herself, flopping onto her side.

"What's that?" Rarity called over the rushing water.

"Nothin'," Rainbow replied. "A week?" she repeated, softer. "You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Bath's ready, Rainbow!" Rarity called.

Rainbow rolled off the couch, landing heavily on all four hooves. She plodded into the bathroom, easing herself into the bubbly water.

"I, um, I added some bubble bath!" Rarity told her friend, gesturing to the water.

"Mm-hm."

"Something on you mind, dear?" Rarity asked, concerned. She squeezed some lavender-scented goop into her hoof, proceeding to scrub it into her friend's mane.

Rainbow sighed. "What isn't? I'm worried about everything... everything!"

Rarity chuckled. "Sounds like somepony else I know..."

"Right, right..." Rainbow nodded, not having actually listened to the comment.

"Speaking of which, are you excited about your date?"

Rainbow frowned. "I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... I mean, I guess so, but... I'm kind of unsure of myself now. I don't know if what I'm feeling is real." Rainbow splashed at the water a bit.

"Do you want to know the trick I use?"

"Okay."

Rarity drew her hooves away from Rainbow's scalp, closing her eyes. "Imagine... imagine life without that pony."

Rainbow squirmed a bit in the water. "Alright."

"How do you feel?"

Rainbow looked over at her friend. She kept her eyes closed, still imagining her special pony gone.

"I-I feel... sad?" Rainbow stammered.

"And...?" Rarity prompted.

"And..." Rainbow rubbed her hooves together under the soapy surface. "Hurt. Not by them, just... hurt."

Rarity opened her eyes, smiling softly at the pony in her tub. "Right... right here?" She reached over, placing a hoof on Rainbow's chest, right over her heart. She pulled it away, leaving a purple clump of suds there.

Rainbow nodded. "Yeah."

"Rainbow... I think what you're feeling is real."

Rainbow's eyes widened.

"Rainbow Dash, tom-mare of tom-mares, is in love!" Rarity squealed. But she didn't lean over for a hug. She didn't really smile, either. She just... she just kind of went back to what she was doing.

"You think?"

"Mm-hm!" Rarity scrubbed a little harder.

Rainbow wiggled a bit more.

"Would you quit squirming? I can't hit a moving target, here!" Rarity complained, though with an air of fun in her voice.

Rainbow splashed a bit of water over at her friend, dousing her perfect mane in sudsy water.

Rarity gasped. "Oh, you asked for it..." she muttered, digging around in the basket beside her.

Rainbow laughed triumphantly until a bar of soap was shoved in her mouth. "Eh!" she screamed, spitting the bar out in the tub. "That's so gross!"

It was Rarity's turn to laugh as Rainbow gathered a copious amount of suds on her hoof, then attached them to Rarity's chin.

She stopped laughing to lean over and peer in the mirror. She giggled a bit more. "Scooch over."

"Huh?"

Rainbow had barely any time to react before Rarity was in the tub beside her, washing her own mane.

"Uh..."

"What?" Rarity asked, as though this was normal.

"Well... you just climbed into a bathtub with your sexually awkward, virgin friend," Rainbow pointed out.

"We'll see about that."

"About what?"

"Virgin." Rarity looked over at her friend. "Oh! See, I told you! Every time, the color just leaves your face!" She laughed. "Don't worry. This is a King Size tub, there's plenty of space."

"Oh, ha, ha," Rainbow mocked.

Rarity went back to washing her mane, not even looking in Rainbow's direction.

Rainbow tried to mimic her friend's movements, giving own scalp a deep massage. "So..."

"So?"

"Well, uh... I was just wondering... who was it you were... you were thinking about?" Rainbow stumbled through the question.

"Thinking about who?" Rarity asked.

"When you said to imagine a pony gone... who did you imagine was gone?" Rainbow asked again.

Rarity paused, her hooves not moving anymore. "S-somepony close to me. Somepony I care about. They recently got themselves caught up in something that's forcing them to adapt, to change. I'm worried about them, and I've... I've been trying to imagine being without them. That way I don't get shocked too badly when they change completely."

"Oh... do I know them?"

Rarity swiveled to look at Rainbow. She stared into her eyes for a long time before saying. "You know... I'm not sure."

Rainbow shrugged. "Oh."

Rarity was quiet for another few minutes before climbing out. As she dried her mane, she said "You can get out, too. Just make sure you pull the plug and let the tub drain."

Rainbow nodded. "Okay."

Rarity nodded back, then left.

Rainbow took a few deep breaths. It seemed hard, nowadays, to say anything without hurting somepony. Rainbow would speak her mind, like usual, and everything would go wrong.

The pegasus clambered out of the tub, shaking her coat dry and leaning over to pull the stopper out. Her wings were drooped by her sides, dripping wet. Once again, Discord's original threat entered her mind. It hadn't even been that long, but this battle with herself had already evolved far beyond a simple game with Discord.

Not to mention, her puppet master already seemed to know how things were going to end up. I mean, wouldn't a hint now and then be nice? Even a super cryptic one?

Rainbow sighed, stepping away from the tub as the water was sucked out of it. The clumps of suds swirled around in a dizzying spiral before finally disappearing for good.

Rainbow grabbed a towel, scrubbing at her mane with one hoof as she trotted out into the main room. "Hey, do you have something to drink?"

There was no response.

"Rarity?" Rainbow called. She dropped the towel on the couch, wandering into the kitchen. "Rares?"

There was a bright orange sticky note on the fridge. Rainbow pulled it off slowly, reading the elegant script carefully.

Off to run an errand.
I think you should ask Twilight out today.

-Rarity

Rainbow read the note several times, as though the exceedingly simple words weren't making enough sense to her. She frowned, stuck the note back to the fridge, and turned to leave.

Twilight's new castle was just down the street from the Boutique, only a three minute journey on hoof, but a much shorter flight.

After clearing her throat, patting down her mane, and wiping her hooves on the welcome mat, Rainbow tapped on the crystal door.

"One second!" Twilight called.

Rainbow kept shuffling her hooves.

"Hi-- Rainbow!" Twilight threw her forelegs around Rainbow, squeezing her tightly. "You're okay!"

Rainbow chuckled. "I'm fine, Twi. Can I come in?"

"Of course! Always room for one of my friends!" Twilight waved Rainbow inside, smiling.

"Thanks. I, um..." Rainbow followed Twilight in, then stopped right inside the door. "I have to talk to you."

"What about?" Twilight asked. "Sorry, could you follow me in? I was trying to make some food..."

"Sure, sure..." Rainbow followed Twilight into the kitchen.

"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Twilight asked. She pulled a large, oddly-shaped lump of dough out of the oven.

"Um... well, I don't really know what happened. I was hanging out with Rarity, and... and I asked her a question. She answered it, and then she got all sad and quiet... and then she just left," Rainbow rehashed recent events.

Twilight frowned. "Shoot. This doesn't look right at all."

"What was it supposed to be?" Rainbow asked, leaning over to look at it.

Twilight sighed. "It was meant to be a heart-shaped cake! You know, for Heart's and Hooves?"

"That's today?" Rainbow asked.

"No, no! It's about a month away... I was just practicing. How does it look?" Twilight turned the pan to face Rainbow.

"Uh..." Rainbow stared at the misshapen dough, trying to form a non-offensive opinion. "Well, it kinda looks like a dead body."

Twilight laughed. "Yeah, I gotta work on this..." She sighed lightly, dumping the failed project in the trash. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"Oh! Erm... never mind..." Rainbow hung her head.

"What's up? You definitely look like you have something to tell me," Twilight pressed. She was right, of course.

"Well..." Rainbow swallowed hard, This never really got any easier. "More of a confession, really."

Twilight frowned. "Did you... did you do something wrong?"

"No!" Rainbow shook her head. "No, no. I had something to confess... to you."

Twilight put down the jug of milk she was about to put away. "Yeah?"

"Yeah..." Rainbow drug the sound out. "I kind of... like you."

Twilight froze, just staring at Rainbow. She stood that way for a long time, then started giggling. The giggle grew swiftly into a loud stomach laugh. "No, you don't!"

"I..." Rainbow looked confused, even if Twilight was right again. "I don't?"

The unicorn kept laughing. "No!"

Rainbow scoffed, then started to stutter a sentence. This only made Twilight laugh harder, tears now glittering at the corners of her eyes.

"Hey!" Rainbow finally got out.

Twilight calmed her laughter. "Sorry... I'm sorry, but you're such a bad liar!"

"I'm not lying!" Rainbow protested.

Twilight forced out a few more laughs. "You so are!"

"Am not!"

Twilight smeared the liquid away from her eyes. "Oh, Rainbow. Did you really think something like this would work on me?"

"Something like what?"

"A dumb prank!" Twilight's laughter faded to light chuckles as she swiftly packed up her cooking materials.

"This isn't a prank!" Rainbow stamped her hoof like an angry foal.

Twilight nodded. "Well, maybe not, but you definitely don't have feelings for me."

"What makes you so sure?" Rainbow asked smugly.

"First, that not-so-bright look on your face. Second, you didn't blush or hesitate. Third, you came here to tell me something different."

"Hmph." Rainbow huffed. "Fine."

"I bet I can guess who you're into..." Twilight taunted.

"Please don't."

"Is it..."

"Stop!"

"...Rarity?"

Rainbow paused. "Huh?"

"Rarity! I bet you're into Rarity," Twilight said matter-of-factly. She trotted back out into the throne room, then turned to go up the stairs to the sitting room.

"Hey--" Rainbow went after her, flying to her side. 'What... why would you think that?"

Twilight scoffed. "Well, you guys are a lot alike! You're both passionate, bold ponies who actively pursue an important goal in your life. Then there's other things... you saved her life, for one."

"I save lots of ponies!"

"Yes, but... Rarity tends to take a lot of that stuff personally. Plus, Rarity seems to be the only pony capable of keeping you under control."

"What?!" Rainbow exclaimed. "That's ridiculous!"

"No, it isn't!" Twilight replied. She grabbed a blanket and cushion off the floor, tossing them onto a nearby sofa. "You make fun of me, you clash head-on with AJ, you barely associate with Fluttershy (let alone listen to what she has to say), and Pinkie Pie pretty much eggs you on no matter what you do!"

"Oh..." Rainbow rubbed her elbow, realizing that this was true.

"I honestly think you two would make a great match. You're kind of the, uh... the prince she's been waiting for, Twilight pointed out.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah." Twilight smiled. "You know Rarity's always on about finding the perfect stallion... really, what she wants is a mare who takes a stallion's role. I mean, have you ever heard of a stallion who'll watch rom coms without screaming?"

"What the hay is a rom com?" Rainbow asked dramatically. She threw herself at the couch, burying her face in the pillows that rested there.

"Whoa!" Twilight rushed to Rainbow's side. "This... this is really eating you up, huh?"

"Ugh... you have no idea..." Rainbow mumbled.

Twilight rubbed rainbow's shoulder. "Hey. You know what helps?"

"I swear to Celestia, Twi, if you say read--"

"You wanna go for a fly?"

Rainbow rolled over to look at Twilight. "You... you have no idea how bad I wanna do that."

"Great!" Twilight offered a hoof to help Rainbow up, and the two mares trotted out onto the balcony.

Before they could even take off, though, Rainbow spotted a familiar shape.

"Rarity..." Rainbow murmured.

Twilight smiled over at her friend. "I'm guessing you'd rather..." She didn't have to finish the question for Rainbow to understand.

"I... I don't know about this," she whispered. "I feel really weird..."

"It's called love, Rainbow! Honestly, how ignorant can you possibly be?" Twilight hissed back. They knew well that nopony could hear them, but for reason found it easier to speak softly.

"I-- I--" Rainbow stuttered. "No! You must be wrong, Twi."

"Oh yeah?" Twilight asked, smirking wickedly.

"Yeah!" Rainbow avoided Twilight's face.

Twilight hummed. "Well, how does she act around you?"

"I don't know, nice?" Rainbow wondered. "What kinda question is that?"

"How do you feel when she acts nice to you?" Twilight pressed.

Rainbow spluttered a bit. "Normal!"

"Right. Don't you... don't you get a little pain here?" Twilight pointed at Rainbow's chest.

"Yes! Fine, yes!" Rainbow shouted. "Why is that the first thing out of anypony's mouth? Sometimes my chest hurts, okay? Like... like after that sonic rainboom at the young fliers thing! It's just a little strain, that's all."

"Right after you saved Rarity's life, you mean?"

Rainbow's stomach leapt up into her throat and fell thirty stories at once. "What?"

Twilight giggled. "Gosh, Rainbow. You can be so dense sometimes!"

"But I-- but I-- I!" Rainbow stuttered.

Twilight ruffled Rainbow's mane. "You love her! It's no surprise! You guys were practically meant for each other!"

"Meant for-- meant for--"

"There an echo in here? You are in love with her!" Twilight enunciated, shaking Rainbow's shoulders. "Now, go down there and tell her, or I'll invite her in."

"What? You wouldn't do that!" Rainbow yelled.

"I would. You need to show her how you feel! She's definitely got it for you! Should've seen her at your bedside!"

"My bed... my bed--"

"Yes! You were out for three whole days! Everypony came to visit you, and Rarity was practically in tears! She told me that she came at least twice a day to see you."

Twilight continued talking, her voice fading in and out in Rainbow's ears. The pegasus' vision was slowly taken over by strangely colored shapes, like after looking directly at a bright light.

"Rainbow?" Twilight's voice murmured, as though muffled by a pillow. "Rainbow!"

Long before the mare's head hit the wooden deck of the balcony, she was out.

Finale

Eyes.

Clear, blue, gorgeous eyes, staring down at the catatonic pegasus. But blue wasn't quite right. No, they were closer to cyan. Icy blue. Beautiful blue. The eyes were ringed with fluffy lashes, ones that were caught between being too big and not big enough. In a word, perfect. Above that weer two thin, delicate eyebrows, raised slightly in a look of joy. Or perhaps surprise. The lightest of blue makeup covered the mares lids, showing only when she blinked, only of you looked hard enough.

A lock of her mane had fallen between them, an exquisite grape-y violet, catching the light to create a set of highlights for the eye to dance off of, never boring of just searching that gentle curve. The lock fell down onto her elegant snout, leading the looker right to her flawless lips.

"Hey," they whispered.

Rainbow moaned, squirming in her makeshift bed. "Rare?"

"Yes, it's me." Rarity giggled a bit, the sound more perfect than that of a symphony.

"Did I--"

"You fainted, dear. Twilight carried you inside, then came to get me from the street," Rarity explained. Her voice was so soft, so gentle, so beautiful.

"She did?"

"Yes. I'm your friend."

"Yeah..." Rainbow breathed. "Yeah. You are."

"Oh, dear, you're completely useless right now, aren't you? Twilight said you hit your head rather hard."

"Rarity..." Rainbow reached out to her friend, nearly falling out of bed.

"Oh!" Rarity shrieked, grabbing her before she could hit the floor again.

"You..." Rainbow tried to say as the mare tucked her back in. "Have eyes."

"Yes. I do." Rarity tried to be sensitive, tried to hold back her laughter.

"No, no. I mean, other ponies don't, you know? Like... like your eyes are so much better, that it's like nothing else even counts," Rainbow blathered.

Rarity's eyes narrowed for a nanosecond, before returning to their original softness.

"And... and your voice. Your voice is so pretty, it's like nopony else should even bother talking, because it just won't compare to yours," Rainbow continued.

Rarity chuckled a bit. "Alright. Back to bed."

"No! No, I'm serious! You're... you're so perfect in every way! You care so much about everypony, you're sweet and genuine and dependable..." Rainbow sighed. "And you always cared so much about me. You knew what was good for me, you knew what I liked even when I didn't know it myself."

"I..." Rarity murmured.

"You take the time out of your favorite things, and out of your hobbies, and out of your opportunities to make money to do the things that matter to your friends. You... you push us up when we're down, you're silly and sometimes insecure. Then, when I'm acting stupid, you give me the courage to get back at it, to try again. Because you know what it's like to fall, and you always know how to make me get back up."

Rarity's eyes shimmered with tears.

"Rarity..." Rainbow took a deep breath, trying to keep her voice from wavering. "Rarity, it wasn't Twilight that I was trying to imagine life without. It was you. And... and it hurt so bad that I just couldn't think about it anymore! And... and..."

Rarity bit her upper lip, trying to keep it from shaking. "You... you were the one I was thinking of, too."

"I... was?"

"Of course!" Rarity said, a sob escaping due to the sudden volume. "Of course it was, how could you have missed that, you dolt?"

Even with the derogatory context of Rarity's claim, she bent down to Rainbow, hugging her tightly about the shoulders.

Rainbow wiggled her own forelegs free, returning the embrace.

When the two finally thought it right to break off, there was another presence in the room.

It sniffled, then blew its nose. "Oh, I do love a happy ending!"

Rainbow sighed. "Thanks for ruining the moment..."

"Don't worry, Rainbow Dash. I'll let you tell all your friends yourself what happened. The curse... is broken." He snapped his claws. "Now, don't you feel like a new mare? I, myself, thought you were going to end up with Applejack, of course, but--"

"Get outta here!" Rainbow shouted, chucking a pillow at the draconequus.

He disappeared before it could hit him.

"You... aren't gonna ask about that?" Rainbow prompted.

"Oh, I had it figured out since day one." She waved it off, coming back to her... well, her new marefriend, now. "Scoot over."

"Hm?" Rainbow slid away from Rarity, letting her take a place beside her on the sofa-turned-bed.

Rarity fell into place right next to Rainbow, the contours of their sides fitting perfectly against one another. "So..."

"So?"

"How do you feel about kissing me now?" Rarity asked. "Now that you've realized you're in love. Finally."

Rainbow made a small noise of uncertainty. "I think I'd be okay with that."

"Good thing." Rarity leaned in close and, no muss, no fuss, kissed Rainbow Dash right on her powder blue lips.

They smiled against each other, just too happy for words.

That's really all there is to it. Just happiness.

That's all there ever should be.

~~~~~

I closed the book gently, tying a purple piece of twine around the cover in a perfect bow.

I stared at it for a while, wondering what to do now.

"Rainbow?" called the familiar voice.

"Yes?" I replied.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course."

Rarity pushed the door open gently. "What's that?"

I sighed, pushing it away. "I'm not really sure. I think it's a romance."

"You 'think' it's a romance?" Rarity repeated. She came to my side, nuzzling my cheek gently.

"I mean, I think that's how it came out. I guess... I guess 'hope' is the word I was looking of there." I chuckled. I was usually so good with words. But Rarity often made my tongue tie, even after a whole year.

"Is it ready?"

"I think so. I hope so."

"Hmph. Just like A. K. Yearling, right?"

I nodded. "Just like Yearling."

Rarity invited herself to my side, squeezing onto my lap and laying a hoof around my shoulder. "What's it about?"

I chuckled. "I think you know what it's about."

She nodded. "Can I... can I read it?"

"Of course. That's why I wrote it." I passed it over to her.

She took hold with her blue magic, looking at the cover with interest. "Matchmaker, Matchmaker... That's a good title!"

"You think so?"

"Hm... maybe lose the ellipse."

"I like the ellipse!" I complained.

Rarity chuckled. "It's your book. You can do what you want." She pretended to give it back, but yanked it out of my reach as soon as I made a grab for it. "When I'm done with it. When I'm done... with your book."

"No, no," I corrected.

"What do you mean 'no?'" Rarity asked.

"I mean... I mean it isn't my book."

"It isn't?"

"It's ours."