Tia Has a Bird

by Recteik Shade

Rating: everyone
Tags: Fluttershy, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 4301

Fluttershy finds an unusual bird that wondered out of the Everfree. Discord finds it extremely amusing.

It was a day just like any other, Fluttershy was feeding her animal friends just like every day, looking forward to afternoon tea with Discord. When a bird she has never seen before waddles out of the Everfree Forest, and starts trying to eat her bear's fish. Confused, she takes the bird inside and calls for Twilight's help hoping she might know what has wandered into her backyard, she does. When Discord arrives, he and the bizarre flightless bird quickly become attached.

I don't own the cover image, duh.
I give full credit for the birds name to LightningBass94 who won 15 internets in my poll a while back.

Published 2014-07-03 03:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-03 03:30:02 UTC

Chapter 1

It was a beautiful day even though it was only about nine in the morning, the sky was clear of clouds, the air was cool without being cold, and by a small cottage on the edge of the Everfree, the birds sang a happy tune alone with a butter yellow pegasus with a pink mane and tail. She moved back and forth, humming happily as she filled dishes with extra large helpings of seeds, nuts, fruits, and for her bear friend a large helping of salmon. In another month it would be Winter Start-up and, she had to be sure her wonderful woodland friends had to be ready to go into both hibernation and torpor, so it was best that she start giving them larger portions so they would have adequate fat reserves to sleep off

The autumn months were always the most hectic for her, as it was for most ponies in the rural community who had to prepare for the the coming snows. While she would usually feel just a little worry for her animals on the days leading up to winter, today she was feeling positively giddy, she was expecting her wonderful friend Discord for tea. He had been away almost three weeks on some kind of mission for Princess Celestia, she did not know what he had been doing, every time she asked she had just been told that it was something only he could accomplish. He had actually been unable to attend Twilight's coronation because of his mission, her friends had been more relieved than upset to learn that, but she had hoped Discord would be there to see his friend shine.

However none of that mattered anymore, the weather was beautiful, and she was going to see one of her wonderful friends today, nothing could possibly get her down... Except this bucket of salmon, "Oh dear, looks like I over filled it this time." What she called a bucket, was actually an old barrel what had been cut into quarters, normally she could lift it without too much trouble. Today though she had been distracted with her plans for spending her day with Discord, and had put a few too many fish in the makeshift bucket. "What am I going to do? I can't let Beary eat over here, he might get into the meat locker and make himself sick."

"Wak."

Fluttershy squeaked in alarm and spun around to face the shadowy trees of the Everfree, standing outside the dense trees and underbrush was the strangest bird she had ever seen. It was about half of her own height and was covered in light grey feathers, it was very pudgy looking as it casually waddled towards her. "Oh hello there, you startled me little friend."

The bird looked up at her with sharp golden eyes," Wak." It then turned its attention to the large bucket of fish and waddled forward in an almost comical fashion, running face first into the side of the bucket.

Fluttershy gasped, her nurturing nature quickly taking hold," Oh my goodness are you alright!?" The bird ignored her and began to greedily gulp down the fish in the bucket," Oh no little friend, that fish is for Beary." She gently pushed the pudgy bird away and attempted to lift the bucket again, to her surprise she found she could. She gave the the odd bird a warm, motherly, smile," My goodness you must have been hungry." She flew off toward were the large grizzly sat waiting for his meal, humming cheerfully.

"Wak." The bird flapped its stunted wings as it glared at her for taking away the fish, as Fluttershy flew off it waddled behind her, pecking and snapping ant the bottom of the bucket.

"There you are Beary sorry for the wait." Fluttershy smiled as she set the the bears meal in front of him, he replied with his usual growly sounding 'thanks' and set about lazily munching on his favourite treat. That lasted all of ten seconds as the pudgy bird squawked and began gulping down the large predators food, the grizzle glared at the offending bird and tried to push it away, only to receive a nasty peck from its sharp beak. Fluttershy gasped and pulled the bird away," Now there's no need to be mean!" She scolded, though her voice did not even approach a ponies normal speaking volume, it seemed to do the trick though, the bird ducked its head and looked ashamed. "It's alright little friend. If you're still hungry I have plenty for you too."

"WAK!" The bird squawked happily and flapped its stubby wings and followed Fluttershy into he cottage.

It only took a moment to set up a plate with a few fish on it, the bird squawked happily again and dug in with reckless abandon. Fluttershy smile warmly but was a little confused, she knew most animals on sight yet this fat little bird was a complete mystery, she had never seen or read about anything like it before. Widening her smile she decided to introduce herself," I'm Fluttershy by the way, it's very nice to meet you little friend. What's your name?"

The bird paused in its sloppy eating," Wak."

Fluttershy gasped," What you don't have a name!?" This was quite possibly the closest she had come to shouting since the Best Young Fliers Competition.

The bird held out its stubby wings in an 'I don't know' gesture as it went cross-eyed," Wak."

" That's awful little friend! I want to help you but I actually don't know what kind of bird you are, I have never seen an animal like you before." She hoped that he, at least she thought it was a he, could at least tell her what kind of animal he was so she could know how best to take care of him.

He went cross-eye again and waved his stubby wings,' Wak. Wak wak."

Fluttershy gasped again, feeling as though her heart was about to break," You don't know!? You don't even have a family to ask!?" Tears were building at the corners of her blue eyes, it was the saddest thing she had ever heard.

He just shook his head and casually replied,"Wak wak."

Fluttershy's building sorrow was suddenly overshadowed by a vast sense of determination," Well it doesn't have to be like that anymore! You can stay here as long as you like, I promise!"

She smiled sweetly at him, it was such an unexpected change that he was a little shocked, but the warmth in her smile and the kindness in her eyes spoke wonders to him. Smiling in his own beaky way he replied," Wak!"

Fluttershy squealed in joy and scooped up her newest little friend, he was quite at bit heavier than she thought a bird should be. " We need to find out what kind of bird you are so that we can make sure you get everything you need to be healthy." She did not say it out loud but she had a feeling that he was extremely overweight, so much so that it had robbed him of his ability to fly.

He went cross-eye and gave her another beaky smile,"Wak!"

Fluttershy giggled," I meant other than fish. I think I know somepony who can help."

" And you're sure you have never seen a bird like him before?" Twilight asked, giving Fluttershy a searching look. She and Fluttershy were walking along the streets of ponyville, it was the shortest route though it was still nearly a half hour walk, flying would have been faster but Twilight wanted to enjoy a casual stroll with her friend. Ever since her coronation a lot of the towns ponies had been acting very nervous and formal around her, many of the ponies she had thought of as friends had distanced themselves from her, and were always bowing and calling her Highness. Even now as they walked down the street many ponies gave them a wide berth as though coming to close might insight her wrath or some such nonsense.

"No Twilight, I've never anything like him before." She gave her friend a warm smile," That's why I came to you. After all your the smartest Pony I know." Fluttershy saw Twilight blush a little at her praise, she had never been one to openly acknowledge her exploits.

"Look it's Princess Twilight!" Fluttershy heard a voice to her left, turning she saw a group of four mares all huddled together staring at Twilight.

"Where do you think she's going with Fluttershy?" One whispered.

"I wanna know why she's still living at the library? I would have thought she'd have moved back to Canterlot by now ."

"I know what you mean, you know how her kind are always looking down on anypony who actually has to work for a living."

" She never really struck me as that kind of pony."

" Oh please that mare has never had to do a real days worth of work in her life. She's just some spoiled Noble."

The rest of the conversation was lost as they moved out of ear shot, however it was clear Twilight had heard every word, her ears drooped and her head hung low. Fluttershy gently draped a wing over her friend," Don't listen to them Twilight. They don't know you like we do, we know you're not like that."

Twilight sighed," I know, it just feels like nopony trusts me anymore. They all act so scared of me when I try to talk to them, and then so snide when they think I'm not -"

She was interrupted as a voice ahead of them shouted," MY NOTES!!! DON'T JUST STAND THERE! HELP ME GATHER UP MY NOTES!" They both turned to see two stallions chasing around several hundred sheets of paper as the wind blew them in every direction at once. The one stallion they recognized by his soft brown coat and his hourglass cutie mark, it was Time Turner the watch maker who had just opened his shop a week ago. The other stallion though was somepony they did not know, he was a short forest green Pegasus with a mahogany mane and tail, his cutie mark was a piece of bark with claw marks on it. On his back were a pair weathered saddlebags that had a massive split running along one seam, even as he gathered up papers more continued to spill out from his bags.

Twilight giggled watching the two stallions mad scramble to gather the papers," We should help them." She stepped forward lighting her horn and swiftly gathering up the rouge pages, as a side thought she cast a simple spell she had learned years ago and sorted the mixed up pages. She was about to pass the pages to there owner when she spotted a name on the first page, a name she knew, she looked the short pegasus up and down quite thoroughly," Are you Doctor Cumulus Granted?"

The stallion grinned," Why yes I am.(1) Are you familiar with my research miss?"

Twilight smiled and looked him over again," Yes I read your book, your study on Hydras was fascinating." She paused as she kept looking him over," I pictured you taller though."

He chuckled while rolling his eyes," I get that a lot. Thank you for helping gather these up." He held up the thick stack of paper he held in his hooves as he carefully tried to stuff it back into his saddlebags," I'll have to get these mended once I get back to Baltimare."

Fluttershy spoke up for the first time," Y-you could probably take them to Rarity. If it's just a split seam it should only take her a few minutes to mend." She shrunk behind her mane as he looked her over," I-if you want to that is..."

He thought about it for a moment," As long as it's a quick patch up that should work. I can't miss my train."

Turner stepped up," I can show you where it is, it's the least I can do after I tore them up." With smiles and a parting thanks the two stallions departed, Turner leading the pegasus towards the far side of town.

Twilight and Fluttershy continued on their to the cottage, chatting over idle topics as the Fluttershy's small home came into view. Fluttershy opened to door and let her friend in while looking over the room," I'm back little friend!" She called out to the house, a great deal of small song birds and furry little woodland rodents scurried and fluttered out to greet her, however there was no sign of the strange bird. "Where are you little friend?"

"Wak!"

Fluttershy looked up to see him standing on the upstairs landing, she smiled sweetly at the odd bird," Oh, there you are little friend. There's somepony here I want you to meet, this is my friend Twilight" She motioned to the alicorn standing to her left," Twilight this is one one I was... telling... you... about?" She was suddenly worried as she looked over at her friends bug eyed expression, already she could see a few hairs in her mane and tail start to curl up a sure sign something was not right," Twilight what's wrong?"

Twilight's right eye started to twitch as she raised a hoof to her chest and took a deep breathe before slowly letting it out, the technique Cadence had taught her seemed to do the trick as some her the stray hairs smoothed themselves out. " I know what type of bird it is and there is no way it can be here. It's just not possible."

Fluttershy raised an eyebrow," Why?"

Twilight sighed," Well for one, this species is not native to Equestria and, two the Dodo Bird has been extinct for the last two-hundred years." She stated flatly as she stared up at the Dodo already feeling the faint onset of a migraine that would likely have her shut up in a dark quiet place for a couple of days.

"Twilight! That's not nice calling him that, apologize!" Fluttershy took on the same stern motherly tone she usually reserved for when an animal was misbehaving.

Twilight flinched under pseudo force in her voice," Actually Fluttershy that wasn't an insult, it was the name of his species." She pause for a moment as her horn sparked to life, in a purple flash a small book floated in the air in front of the ponies, it was aimed towards foals but it contained the information she needed, as well as a few well drawn diagrams. She held it out in front of her so she could read the title 'Gone Forever', she then opened the book to the part that she wanted, she pointed to the detailed sketch on the page," See? It was named that by the Minotaur that discovered them. They only lived on one island some five-hundred miles off the coast of Minos." She hesitated a moment, loath to share this bit of information with her animal loving friend," Sadly the birds had no clue to be afraid of the Minotaurs and were hunted to extinction by the Minos sailors that went to the island."

Much to her surprise Fluttershy took well, only gasping and tearing up before reigning in her emotions and turning a curious eye to the Dodo bird still looking down on them from the upstairs landing. " So how did you end up in Equestria then little friend?"

"Wak wak, wak." He held out his stubby wings in a classic ' I don't know' shrug.

Twilight sighed," What I don't understand is how a Dodo could be here at all, it doesn't make any sense."

A chuckle sounded in the room, which sent a shiver up Twilight's spine," Make sense? What fun is there in... Wait a minute." Twilight suddenly found herself with an overly obnoxious Draconequus sitting on her head looking as though he were in deep thought," I've already used that line. Can I have a do over?"

"DISCORD!!!" Twilight shrieked as she batted the offending spirit away from her head. Discord just drifted away looking pleased at having already gotten under her skin, she glared daggers and pointed an accusing hoof at him," You're the one who did this aren't you!?"

Discord put on a look of hurt," Honestly Twilight, I'm not even back five minutes and you're already blaming me for something? Don't I at least have the right to know what I'm being accused of, before I deny my involvement?"

"Wak."

Twilight had started ranting about something boring and Discord tuned her out as he leaned his head back to see a very interesting bird poking its head through the banister. He blinked in surprise as he stared into its sharp golden eyes, he leaned forward to get a better look at this newest curiosity, the bird took advantage of the close proximity to dart forward and peck Discord on the snout. It was not painful, particularly to an immortal spirit, it was however a surprise and Discord flinched," Hey that wasn't very nice." He reached out and picked up the fat little bird," And just who are you? I know all of Fluttershy's little pets."

The Dodo stared up at him for a moment before going cross eyed," Wak! Wak, wak. Wak."

Discord raised an eyebrow,"Oh really? The Everfree, I'm impressed you lasted out there, no offense but it's not exactly the safest place for mortals." He reached out with his lions paw and gently rubbed the back of the birds head, the Dodo made a show of enjoying the attention as his eyes rolled back in his head and a soft purring sound came from its fatty breast. "So you don't have a name huh? Well that won't do... How about, Sir Spaghetti and Meatballs?" The bird stopped purring and glared at him before pecking his nose again," No? Alright then, how about Beaky?" Discord received another hard look and a peck," Alright, alright! third times the charm, hmmm." He took a long moment to think while stroking his beard with third arm that wasn't attached to anything, a dozen other ideas popped into his head that were dismissed just as quickly," Oh I've got a good one!" He snapped the fingers of his phantom arm and a light bulb appeared above his head," How about Gunther?" (2)

The bird looked ready to peck again but paused, it went cross eyed again, Discord was really starting to like it when he did that, and cocked his head to one side. After a moment of contemplating it the Dodo bobbed its head approvingly," Wak."

Discord grinned wide," Gunther it is then!"

"Discord! Are you even listening to me!?"

Twilight shouted behind him, drawing his attention back to the alicorn and his best friend," Oh Twilight you're still here? Are you planning on joining us for tea?" With another snap of his free floating limb, Discord was standing behind a counter that looked a lot like the one from Berry's tavern(3), while wearing a fine looking white shirt. The newly named Gunther, squawked in surprise to find a finely tailored tux clinging to his form," I have just the thing for you ladies."

Discord gave them a smile that coming from anypony else Twilight would have called friendly, she did not trust it. With a snap of his eagle talons, a pair of dainty porcelain tea cups appeared on the plundered counter while a tea pot appeared in his lion's paw. To Twilight the thing looked terrifying, it looked like Discord which was not all that unusual, however it was fat and bloated looking the neck twisted and looped in ways that would normally keep the liquid from being poured, and the head was Discord's face looking like it was going to be violently ill. With a flourish, he tipped the disturbing kettle over the counter, not the cups, the discord kettle began to make the most sickening retching sound Twilight had heard in her life, the tea itself whizzed through the air spelling out ' Discord Rulez' before kamikazing into the cups.

Twilight felt her stomach start to churn, sparking her horn she slammed the kettles mouth shut hoping it would end the vile sound effect. It did, but much to her revolion the tea instead poured out of the kettles nose, the kettle flashed her a peace sign until the flow of liquid stopped. As he passed the mares their tea, Twilight flung hers away in disgust," DISCORD!" She jabbed her hoof at the Dodo bird, who was now admiring himself in a mirror that had not been there before(4)," I don't know if you made it or did something to time but, you can't just go around bring extinct animals back! Now put the Dodo back where you got it!"

Discord blinked a few times before taking a sip of tea, that had been the cup Twilight had just thrown away, when he spoke it was in a surprisingly quiet tone of voice," I'm surprised your still going on about the bird Twilight. Here I thought we had moved on and were having a lovely conversation about tea." Twilight opened her mouth to yell at him but Discord continued," But since you seem to think its soooo important, I'll tell you." He glanced at Gunther and smirked," He's not one of mine."

Twilight looked ready to scream again but faltered," Wait, what!? What do you mean by that?"

Discord smirked," Don't get me wrong this is exactly the sort of thing I would do, but if this was one of my pranks, do you really think I'd have kept a straight face this long?"

Twilight stopped dead, he was right, whenever he would pull a prank you would know it was him be cause he was be laughing uncontrollably. Now though, Discord was cool and collected, wearing his A-typical smug smirk but there was not even a chuckle coming from the Chaos Spirit, he really was innocent. She turned to look at the bird still twisting in every direction to look at himself," But if you didn't do then... Then how can there be a live Dodo bird in Equestria? And what are we gonna do with it?"

Discord shrugged," I don't know how he got here, though if he wants I would be happy to take care of him."

Twilight gave the Draconequus an incredulous look," You want to keep it? Why?"

Discord glared at her and crossed his mismatched arms," Why not? Tia has a bird."

Twilight drug her hoof across her face," Philomena? Comparing a Dodo to a Phoenix is like calling a Dragon a Gecko." She heaved a defeated sigh," Alright I'm going home." She turned and made for the door," I'm glad I could help a little Fluttershy, I'll see you and Rarity at the spa. And good luck with all..." She gestured to Discord and his loot," This."

As she closed the door Discord turned to Fluttershy and grinned," Well that was fun."

It was a little passed one in the afternoon and in the Capitol City of Equestria Princess Celestia sat in her private counsel chamber, it was usually reserved for private discussions with visiting royalty or on occasion having a pleasant conversation with a friend. This was neither of those," You did what!?" The normally stoic and reserved Princess had abandoned her stoic mask as she glowered down at her distant nephew.

Blueblood for his part did not flinch under his aunts angry and accusing scowl," I said that I voted with The House of Nobles to start a petition to have Twilight move back to Canterlot."

Celestia's eye twitched and a vein bulged on her forehead, WHAT THE BUCK WERE YOU THINKING!?"

At this the stallion did flinch, it wasn't often that she shouted and it was even rarer for her to actually curse. She was really mad," Auntie give me a moment to explain, the House is up to something. You know as well as I that this is not the sort of thing that should even be a topic." He paused, glad to see some of her fury dissipate," There were a few of us who wanted to dismiss it from the docket, Lords Fancy Pants and Thunderdrum where chief among them, but I think you should know that it was Lord Heliotrope who was pushing this the hardest."

Celestia's scowl deepened but this time it was not focused on Blueblood," I see-"

That was as far as she got before a bright flash of light revealed Discord standing in between her and Blueblood, with a disturbingly happy grin on his face. "Tia you'll never believe it! I made a new friend today. Say hello to Gunther!" She had no time to react as a Dodo bird in a dapper looking tuxedo was shoved into her face, and before she could hope to rationalize the odd bird it squawked and began pecking her forehead. "Oh look! He likes you!"

Author's Note

OC cameo! To answer the inevitable question that those of you who read Carnivore are going to ask... This is Cumulus before he went to Baltimare, thank you.

If you can name the reference its worth 25 Internets. Lightningbass you can't play this time, sorry.

As it happens Berry Punch Is currently having a mini stroke right now trying to figure out what happened to said counter

Rarity is also having a mini stroke trying to figure out what happened to her vanity mirror