Diamond Tiara groaned, rolling over for what must have been the seventeenth time that night. She squinted through the darkness at the clock, but she couldn't make out where the hands were on the unlit analog display. She considered turning on the light so she could check the time, but that might make it even harder to sleep than it already was. Or could it get any harder than completely impossible?
Instead, her stinging, sleepless eyes wandered away from the dark clock, taking in the various toys and furniture in her bedroom. There was the giant bear she'd gotten as a gift from her grandmother five years back. There was the Masked Matter-Horn plushie she'd gotten from a claw machine a few months ago. There was the giant spoon that Silver had left behind the last time she'd been there. Most of the other shapes were too indistinct for her to identify in the dark.
She rolled over again, this time facing the ceiling and its smattering of deadly spikes. Deadly to balloons, anyway, as she'd once found out some years before. That had been a sad day. Poor balloon. Why did they put all of those little... dang, what were those things called? Were those stalagmites or stalactites? One of them hangs, and the other sticks up, so which one... or did that only apply to caves?
Wait, why was she thinking about that at all? Who cared about something so nerdy and lame? Not Diamond. Maybe Silver. Silver was a nerd. She even had nerdy glasses. Total nerd. But she was Diamond's nerd, and if anypony else made fun of her for being a nerd, they'd have Diamond Tiara to answer to. Nopony made fun of Silver except her. Just one of the many perks of being Diamond's friend, right up there with getting to use her pool and access to her social networking skills, not to mention Diamond's brilliant puns.
The ceiling was boring. Pointy and hazardous to balloons, but boring nonetheless. Diamond continued her unfinished roll, facing the blank wall instead. Yeah, that was way more interesting than the spiky ceiling. Not.
She kept rolling until her face was pressed into the pillow. Hey, maybe if she held her face down and didn't breathe, she'd pass out and get some sleep. No, wait, that was stupid. Like, really stupid. How could Diamond have come up with such a stupid idea? Usually, her ideas were great. Like that time she had the idea to sabotage the Cutie Mark Crusaders by convincing Scootaloo that she'd have to fly if they wanted to carry a flag for the Equestria Games. Almost worked, too. How did that ever go wrong, anyway? Whatever.
Diamond pulled her head up, resting her chin on the pillow. What wouldn't she give to just get some sleep right now? Well, not her bed or her house, otherwise she'd have nowhere to sleep in the first place. Maybe that big bear. Maybe a portion of her allowance. A small one, of course. No need to go overboard. Heh, she'd love to give away those three blank flanks. She'd even give them away for free. So annoying. Not as annoying as insomnia, though.
How long had she been awake? Two weeks? Three? She couldn't remember anymore. Didn't somepony go insane from that once? Would going insane be fun? Would Diamond get to see funny stuff, like dragons made of onion rings, dancing monsters made of oatmeal, and seaponies? Or would she see scary things, like giant spiders, evil dentists, and bug pony beasts? Or maybe she would just start forgetting things, like who her friends were and her favorite flavors of ice cream? Maybe going insane wouldn't be fun at all. In fact, it would probably be terrifying. Although, how long would she stay sane enough to be scared?
Diamond rolled onto her back again, groaning and lamenting her affliction. She'd gone to a doctor back when it first started, but Dr. Hay-For-Brains couldn't find a solution that actually solved anything. She'd tried sleeping with her father for a while, then sleeping with Silver, but nothing ever changed. She was still as tired as ever, and still couldn't do anything about it. Maybe it was time to give up. If she couldn't sleep, why not do something else?
She slid out from under the sheets, her hooves digging into the soft carpet as she landed on the floor. She reached up and poked the little button on her bedside lamp, illuminating the room with its yellow light. There were her toys, now fully visible. They were also fully boring. She'd played with them for countless hours before, and had done almost everything they'd been intended to do. Maybe she needed more toys. Scratch that, she definitely needed more toys. Maybe she should try doing things that the toys weren't intended for....
She shuffled across the carpet, dragging the giant stuffed bear into the middle of the floor. On top of that bear went the spoon, and into the spoon's bowl went one of her Power Ponies plushies. She moved around to the tail end of the spoon, pushing down on it with a hoof and testing to make sure it wouldn't just fall off the bear. Satisfied at its mechanical function, she hopped onto the handle, sending the plushie soaring through the room and right onto her bed.
A devious smile crept into her face, and she climbed up into the bowl of the spoon. It took her a good seven seconds to realize that nothing was going to jump on the other end and launch her. At least, not yet.
Hmm.... What did she have around that was nice and heavy? She trotted around the room, checking inside her toy boxes. Anything in that one? No. How about that one? Nope. Wait, what about—no, nothing heavy there, either. Diamond slumped down onto the bowl of the spoon, only to jump back up at the feeling of the cold metal on her rump. She glared down at the colossal eating utensil for a moment. Why did Silver even have one of those? Did she really love spoons that much?
She gave a little "hmph" and went back to one of her toy boxes, shuffling her hooves around inside and looking for something else to occupy her sleepless time. A rubber duck, a bag of marbles, a Crystal Palace Playset, coloring books—what was she, five? She tossed the books over her shoulder and continued rummaging around. Building blocks, Luna Logs, a sack of Power Ponies blind bag figurines....
Diamond pulled her head from the box as a thought came to her. None of her toys were heavy enough, but all of her toys together might be enough. Smiling devilishly, Diamond stuffed the toys back into the box, moved around behind it, and began shoving it across the floor towards her spoon catapult. She stepped back as the box touched the edge of the handle, staring at her setup and wondering how she was going to get the box to fall on the spoon. She could position it so it was ready to fall and then jump onto the spoon, but she might get there too late and the spoon would just smack her in the face. Hmm....
Oh, of course! She could just put the heavy box up on top of another one of her toy boxes and then pull it down with a rope! Diamond hopped over to another box, sliding it into place next to the spoon with ease. Getting the heavier box up there would be a challenge, though. She jammed her hooves down under the box and pulled with all her might, popping one wooden box right up onto the other. Okay, maybe it wasn't such a challenge.
Diamond quickly tied one of her jump ropes around the lid of the top box and got herself into position on the spoon. She'd have to get the timing just right, or she'd lift off with the rope still in her mouth and just circle right back onto the floor. That would hurt, so she kinda wanted to avoid that. She clenched the rope in her teeth and pulled hard.
The box slid forward and fell right onto the handle of the spoon, but Diamond didn't go anywhere. Instead, the soft bear simply crushed down under the combined weight of the spoon, the box of toys, and the expectant filly.
Diamond Tiara spat out the jump rope and glared at the big, soft bear. She kicked at one of its splayed limbs, then stomped on its head. She reached down, biting the bear and pulling, but it wouldn't budge. She turned, growling as she bucked the toy box away, spilling its contents all over the carpet. She tore the bear out from under the spoon, swinging it and punching at it as a scream rose in her throat. She threw the bear at her box of toys, took a step toward it, and slipped on a marble. Her chin hit the floor, and she didn't bother to get up. She brought her hooves up, covering her stinging eyes and whimpering.
Her bedroom door opened, and her butler stuck his head in for a brief moment. His face was quickly pulled away and replaced by that of her father, however. "Diamond, honey? Is everything alright?"
"No," Diamond croaked out, her voice cracking. "It's not."
Her father pushed the door aside, swooping in and sweeping up Diamond into his forelegs.
"I just wanna sleep," she said between her sobs. "Daddy, make it stop."
He opened his mouth, but all that came out was a sigh, for he had nothing left he could say that she would ever believe. Instead, he sat down on the floor and held his daughter close, running a hoof through her mane to reassure her that everything would be okay, even if he didn't believe it himself.
Author's Note
Ever wonder what might happen if Diamond's insomnia took a dark and bloody turn? If so, be sure to check out Sleepless, by Samey90, which was inspired by this story.
