Poindexter, The Secret Agent

by Just A Random Earth Pony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rarity, Other, Pinkie Pie, Random, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2316

Oh no! The evil Dr Rorret is planing something again, its up to agent 700 to save the day!

Remember that nerdy pony Rarity convinced to gave her his last asparagus so Fluthershy could learn to flirt?
What if I tell you that he is a secret agent?....Yeah, I would not believe it myself.
But here is a story about it.

Published 2014-05-29 23:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-21 01:17:24 UTC

Just another day

Haaa… just a normal day in the life of a secret agent.

The thugs were already in the ground,probably ten or more, counting the berserker minotaur, all of them damaged and impressed of my ability in hoof to hoof combat, and I have made to the point where the bad guy explains his plans, for no reason at all.

"Stop right where you are, agent 700, or else I will destroy ALL of equestria with my mad-gas!
It contains a highly concentrated spell that will turn everypony into my minions, Muajajaja!"

It was just a normal day for me.

First: Stop the mad scientist,in this case Dr Rorret,hopefully with a cool phrase.

"Over my dead body, you sick doctor,"- And then put on my cool glasses and gun.

After this, turn on the auto-destruction sequence,that was luckily positioned at my right. (Why did it exist, anyway?),with a bullet, because is more awesome.

"NO! What have you done? It was all supposed to work!"-Said the Dr pointing at me.-"We will see once again!!"

And then escape the ultra advanced laboratory, that was now with a stupid alarm, a countdown with a female voice (was that a fetish or all of evil softwares came with a female voice for free?) and a lot of minions running in all directions.

Then I jump outside and open my parachute with a picture of the princesses, because the laboratory was at the top of a volcano.

And I turn my head just in time to see that the doctor had escaped in his personal rocket, once again.

This must have been the second time this week… and its Wednesday.

Yep… this is surely a normal day,but i'm almost sure something is missing,What could that be?

"You saved me-"Said a soft voice "-You are my hero!"

There it was! How could I forget her so quickly.

She was Sophia….or was her name Мария? It doesn't matter, the thing is, she was somehow related with what happened minutes ago.Maybe she was an assassin that was supposed to kill me?, like the last mare, or just another spy?, or was this one the hostage?

Meh… I don't even care anymore.

When you read these you probably believe, im nothing more that an old cliche used in the movies, let me tell you,those cliches are based in my daily life.

I don't know how else to explain it, but I am that awesome, you never believe this kind things actually happen untill you become a secret agent yourself.But let me tell you,its not easy, I had to train myself like those comic heroes. Exercise every day, your mind and body, and learn to use all possible weapons and martial arts.

But before I could continue explaining, a sound emanated from my watch full of technology that have not even been invented, and I already know why. It was the Intelligence of Canterlot… probably assigning me another mission.

"What is it now?" I said as I lifted my foreleg and clicked some buttons (that always seemed to be the correct one).By doing that, a blue hologram appeared in thin air.

"Agent 700, first of all, me and all of Equestria thanks you for your services, the plan of the evil doct..."

"Yeahyeahyeah-" I interrupted her" - Is that all? I got things to do, you know?"

"Ugh...he is such an idiot,"she whispered through the watch.
I refer to her as a she because that weird mare decided to never tell me her name, something like " For her own protection or something like that.

"...I can hear you," I said with a bit of angriness.

"So?" she responded.

As you can see, I was not very loved by the Canterlot agency, they say that i'm rude and impolite, but its not like I care too much, they are even worst!

For example, they always tell me important things in the worst moment:

“Did I tell you to watch out for the sharks, because there is a lot of them.”

“That mafia leader reeeeeeally hates avocado, be careful.”

“You can't use guns again zombies, you know?”

“TRY TO BE SILENT, OR THEY WILL CATCH YOU.”

And some of the things they say doesn't make any sense:

“Press X two times for double jump.”

“Your stamina bar is running low.”

"Snake?,Snake?!, SNAAAKE!!!"

But whatever, the next thing she said was:

"We...we need your help for another mission."

"Say it again,please?But louder," I answered. Got to admit, I really enjoyed annoying her with things like these.

For five seconds, there was no answer. Then the mare sighed.

"Really?" she asked.

"Aja," I wished she could see my face, I was with the biggest smile in months.

"UGH…. Agent 700, could you PLEASE help us, because without you we are toootally defenseless."

A stallion must enjoy the simple things in life, like annoying your coworkers.

"OK, but just because you said please."

"And because is also your job!...Nevermind, my doctor told my to ignore you, anyway, we are sending a helicopter in your direction."

This was another thing that annoyed me.If they were able to bring something as big as a helicopter in like mere seconds, why not simply stop the mad scientists and assassins with all their army? But nooooo, it had to be me, a alone pony against everything, twice, even three consecutive times (my personal record)...and send him a helicopter when everything is secure.

But they pay me,so I'm ok with it.

"Why don't you send another of like six hundred ninety-nine agents you people have, or is this agent 700 name just for laughs?"

"Because the enemy is Dr Rorret, and you know him a lot," She responded.

"It impossible! I just saw him leaving this island! Even the smoke the rocket left is still here!"

"Hello!"- Said the smoke.

"Do I look like I care? We have been told he is near a place called Ponyville, so you're going there right now!- Concluded the mare in the watch before the hologram disappeared.

Just in that moment,as my mind was processing all this weird information, a helicopter that came from nowhere catched me and that mare whose name was Christine…..or was it Julia?

So now I was going to defeat that Doctor Rorret (twice) near a town named Ponyville?

Yep...just like another day….

"Did….did that smoke just talk?"

"Yes,bye-bye sir, luck on your adventure!"

Author's Note

Soooo, first fic!
This is just some random thing that came to my mind, its not going to be a masterpice, but i have fun doing it.
Please comment giving constructive critiscism, or just do as you please.

To be a villain

Dr Rorret was sitting in his chair at his rocket, shame was the only thing he could feel.
Today, just some minutes ago, he had been defeated once again, and not by an army, or a team or anything like that.

He have been defeated by one pony, let that sink in, reader, all his laboratory, filled with guards, traps, lasers, and an expensive female voice that announces Auto-destruction with countdown included, all of it could not stop ONE pony from destroying his dreams..

But it wasn't anypony, oh no, it was the most cliche, stupidly talented, totally predictable secret agent in history.

It was Poindexter, the secret agent.

Literally nothing worked against him, not the pool with crocodiles, nor the electric eels, or the laser pointing at him slowly while nobody was paying attention! That was supposed to be the impossible to beat challenge!

How is that possible, you might ask?

Well, Dr Rorret didn't know, he had tried those things multiples times, but the ending was always the same, he escaped in his little rocket, planning on how to make his work and mind be admired by the entire world another time.

But he knew he wouldn't be young forever...

“What if I change of strategy,-”Asked the scientific to himself ”-Who knows, maybe revealing my secret plans out loud its not the smartest of ideas.”

Before he could make more conclusions, a figure popped in his windshield made of glass, he might not be able to pilot now, so he set it on auto pilot by pressing random buttons that he hoped might work.

The figure was a pony whose color or body built could not be detected because of its robes, however, a horn was visible at the top of its head.

“Hello Dr.Rorret, if i'm not mistaken.” Greeted the figure, its voice was distorted to hide its identity.

Dr Rorret was confused, to say the least. a strange pony, hopefully a fan, interrupted his thinking session by sending him a call.

How did he knew his location, number, or well….anything!?

Dr Rorret was a pony that worked silently, half a year he collected money, half a year he prepared a plan, never leaving evidence or witnesses. He had lots of secret bank accounts, he knew a minions company, a traps company, a assasins company (Assassins never worked, anyway), and tons more of useful facilities.

In conclusion, Dr Rorret was a professional in his work (well… except for THAT agent issue), but now this strangers showed the opposite, which only depressed him more.

And so, he started crying.

“Go on, laugh, I know you want to, I would in your position”-Those weak, pathetic words where the only answer Dr Rorret gave to his strange host.

“Please, Dr Rorret, its killing me to see you like that, I'm an admirer of your work in the areas of science” Replied the figure.

Hearing this, Dr Rorret lifted his face to see the windshield, where the figure was showing itself, but still sadness was shown in his face expression.

“Go on,” He softly replied.

“ I have been watching you in the last months,doctor. I have see you work very hard to buy that island, I have see you preparing that formula, preparing your laboratory, just to be defeated by a predictable agent, called Poindexter if i'm not mistaken?”

“Yes, agent 700. He always does that to my plans. I don't deserve to be called a stallion of science anymore” Said the doctor “After this encounter, I think I will just start minor thinks… Who knows? Maybe robbing banks?” He showed a mournful expression.

“And waste that brilliant mind of yours? I don't think so Dr Rorret. This is what is going to happen: Right now, that rocket full of annoying and loud buttons of yours is being leaded to my headquarter, there I will show you the installations. You will possess free will to investigate and do as much research as you please, don't worry about the money, I will provide whatever is needed. You will finally be able to take revenge over that agent!”

Dr Rorret was now showing nothing, his face and body were strained, he was still processing that bomb of information.
Seconds later, he responded with a genuine smile planted in his face.

“You would do that? For me? Why?”

“I'm a unicorn with a good heart, I feel the suffering of other ponies is also mine.
Besides, in the end of the day, your inventions and success will also mean my success… in profit and fame, i'm very sure, Dr Rorret, that in the end of the day, you will be more of a help than a bother to my facilities”

Dr Rorret was crying once again, but this time his tears were made of pure happiness, he had another chance, and this time, things were going to be different.

“Thank you so much, so so much!” He said before kissing the screen

“Emm, Dr Rorret…”

“So, so much”

“Dr Rorret!!!”

“Yes, my favourite stranger?”

“Your rocket is about to arrive, listen clear, because we don't have much time. You will pass over a apple trees plantation, there you will count to three and you will jump outside with the parachute that is in your rocket, a special gift I left you. Then, you will see a hole opening in that farm, land there, and whatever happens, don't...”

The communication stopped suddenly, and now Dr Rorret could see a plantation from his rocket….AN APPLE TREES ONE.

“OH crap, its time!”
The science pony stood up and fastly searched for his gift, and he found that there was a backpack he did not see in previous moments in his rocket.Everything was going perfect...but still, there was something in particular that that strange figure wanted to tell him, but the communication failed.

Anyway, Dr Rorret didn't have time to guess, so he opened the door, counted to three...and he launched himself out of the rocket.

As we was falling, he saw a hole in the ground that leaded to darkness, a typical headquarter!

He was exultant, finally things were on his side!

Until he remembered he should have took the parachute…

“No! This can't be happening!”

Now Dr Rorret realized his horrible, and at the same stupid mistake, now everything was lost, and what a bad way to end his days, smashed against apple trees!

Finally, he imagined another villains talking about him as a dumb pony, not of his achievements...just like in school.
“Hey, you remember Dr Rorret? I heard he died because he didn't remember to use a parachute, what a freak right?”

“When is this fall going to end!?” Shouted the doctor, looking at the blue sky.

Just as he said that, he landed in a soft surface, one hundred times better than the average pillow.

“ I told you he would forget the parachute” Said a voice.

Author's Note

Ha!
Second chapter is here! (finally)
Did someone believed I was actually going to keep this story? Because I am.
Please people, comments and critics are my food. Give me some.
And please inform me of any errors, I want to improve.