Newborn Mare

Chapters

Chapter 2: A Lady Takes A Chance
Chapter 3: Island in the Sky
Chapter 5: Two-Fisted Law
Chapter 6: The Big Stampede
Chapter 7: The Three Musketeers - Desert Command
Chapter 8: The Horse Soldiers
Chapter 9: The Hurricane Express
Chapter 10: Pals of the Saddle
Chapter 11 - In Harm's Way
Chapter 12: Reunion in France
Chapter 13: Angel and the Badman
Chapter 14: True Grit
Chapter 15: The War Wagon
Chapter 16: Hellfighters
Chapter 17: Hurt
Chapter 18: Words and Music
Chapter 19: Adventure's End
Chapter 1: Trouble Along the Way
Chapter 4: The Lawless Frontier

Chapter 2: A Lady Takes A Chance

“This is soooo boring,” May said, as she flopped, half falling out of the back seat.

I chuckled. May had woken up when we pulled into a rest stop so Stephanie could make calls and do agenty stuff. At first, May was thrilled at the notion of helping more ponies and running with a SWAT team to the rescue. Then, the reality of phone calls and information gathering started to grind, and her excitement dropped off big time.

“It’s investigative work,” I said, stroking Sam’s back. “The real stuff’s usually pretty dull.”

“Yeah, I know it isn’t like TV, but we’re not doing anything,” she complained. “We’re just… waiting.”

“Good things come to those who wait,” I said.

“Thank you Master Applejack. I mean, Rae Jay. Sorry.” She looked away briefly, her thoughtful expression reminding me more of Sweetie than May. When she turned back, she was all May again. “But really? Got any other fortune cookie wisdom for me?”

“She who bucks early, bucks often,” I replied, with a smirk.

“Great, new AJ is a smart-ass.”

“An apple bucked is an apple earn-”

“Okay! Okay, I get it! You’re clever now,” she laughed.

“And you are wise, squirt,” I said.

May rolled her eyes with a “hmph!” “Don’t call me squirt, hayseed,” she muttered, giving me a side-eye and a smile.

I grinned at her.

“Okay, we got a hit,” Stephanie said, leaning down in the window. She’d been on her cellphone for the last hour or so, making calls and typing at a laptop perched on the roof of the car.

“Turns out… Erishy?” she said, looking to me. I nodded. “Yeah, turns out she had to help Apple Bloom with the little filly’s room just before the group went through an airport security checkpoint in Oklahoma. Our contact with the group reported she started acting odd after that. He chalked it up to nerves, but we’ve appraised him of the situation and he’s keeping an eye on things.”

She ran a hand through her hair as she turned from her laptop to a notebook. I appreciated the old school touch. Even after I got my Android, I still liked to jot down notes by hand- I mean, by hoof, on occasion.

“So, I had security show me the footage closest to the bathroom,” Stephanie continued. “I saw her go in with Bloom, then Apple Bloom came out alone. While Apple Bloom was waiting at the bathroom’s exit, a pink and blue-maned pony went in.”

“Yeah?” I asked.

“Yep. And it looks like your changeling idea was right. A separate camera feed caught a changeling turning into the same pink and blue-maned pony. She was out of the line of sight of the agent sitting on the bathroom.”

“I knew it,” I said through gritted teeth.

Stephanie nodded. “Yeah, so the changeling went in, then Flut- I mean, Erishy came out.”

“Yeah?” I said. “Think that was the changeling?”

“Yeah,” Stephanie growled. “Because nearly right after Erishy-”

“Fakey-shy,” I said.

Stephanie raised her eyebrow.

“She ain’t my friend. She’s Fakey-shy,” I said, firmly.

Stephanie rolled her eyes, and snorted. “Okay, so about right after Fakey-shy left with Bloom, a woman with a suitcase that could easily fit a pegasus ducked inside.”

“Really,” I said, my tone flat. “Don’t expect she came out with the suitcase lookin’ the same?”

“No. She came out with a much fuller looking one. Fuller and lumpier. Then, she left without going through security, seeing anyone off, or getting on a flight. She managed to keep her face hidden too.”

“Sounds like our ponynapper to me,” I said. I scrunched up my face, concerned. “But not even a good look?”

Stephanie shook her head. “Nope. She was good. But not so good that she kept the luggage tag hidden,” she said, with a victorious smile. “We got a few good shots of it, so I sent the raw video file to my computer guys. They’re messing with the file right now to see if they can get a clearer look at the address on the tag.”

“That’s great news Steph!” I said. “Thanks for all your help.”

“Thanks for picking up on Fluttershy going OOC. How’d you do that, by the way? Are you a lie detector with that thing?” she asked, pointing to the Element around my neck.

I shook my head, amused. “Nah, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it gave me a nudge. Fakey-shy said a few things… definitely not ‘Shy. The more she talked, the less she sounded like my friend and more like a stranger.”

“Couldn’t it have been because of how she fused?” Stephanie asked.

“Nope,” I said. “I may sound different, but I’m still me. So ‘Shy’s still gonna be ‘Shy, just like all my other friends’ll still be themselves. In a way. Maybe I’m bein’ presumptuous, but after all we’ve been through, I’ve learned there’s parts of ‘em that just won’t budge even with all this merging stuff going’ on.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Though, I’m still confused how nopony else caught on.”

“I was told they’ve been pretty busy,” Stephanie replied, sighing. “But trust me when I say someone, somewhere is losing their job over this.”

I flinched. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“I know,” Stephanie said, opening to a new page in her notepad. “But with everything we have on the line, we can’t afford screw ups. Your and Discord’s arrival is making and breaking a lot of careers for the Agency.”

I sighed. I knew the thinking. While Sweet Apple Acres is a family business, every now and then, we’d have more work than hooves, so we’d have to take on extra bodies. I’d had to let more than a few ponies go when Mac or I caught them slacking off on the job. It didn’t really affect my regular seasonal hires- they were solid and knew their business- but the hoofful of stragglers kipped right up when they saw Mac and I were serious.

Most times, I didn’t even bat an eye. I could spot the problem ponies pretty early on. But, sometimes, ponies came to honest work and they couldn’t hack it. Maybe they weren’t for the work, or maybe something off the farm was distracting them. Either way, they had to be cut. I’d tell those cases to try again next season. I was pretty sure the CIA didn’t work that way.

“Another reason this may have got by us,” Stephanie said, breaking into my thoughts. “Pinkie Pie isn’t with the group right now.”

“She ain’t?!” I rose up on my legs, new panic running through me.

“Easy. She stayed in town with Shining Armor, Princess Cadance, Gilda, and a... Harold Fralick to do a TV interview…” Stephanie checked her notepad again and nodded. “While Apple Bloom, Erishy, and their two human friends, a Jacqueline Lavoie and Virginia Brown, took a red-eye into New York City.”

Tapping my chin in thought, I nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense. With Pinkie out, the closest pony to her would be Bloom, and she mostly knows ‘Shy as a foalsitter. Fakey-shy could play off a lot as bein’ under stress.” I frowned, my anger rising at the thought of my sister in the company of such a no-good sidewinder. I took some slow breaths to get myself under control.

“How long do you think it’s gonna take your computer guys?” I asked.

“Not long. Say what you will about the TSA, but they’re always begging for better cameras these days, so it certainly makes our jobs easier.”

“I never thought I’d be so happy to root for The Man,” May said, coming to stand next to me. “What fresh hell have you dragged me into you hayseed?”

“Big, wide, weird world, squirt,” I replied, mussing her mane again.

May grinned up at me from under a mane that was more mess than it wasn’t. Realizing I hadn’t seen soap since Max hosed me down and I didn’t smell too good myself, I asked Stephanie if we could get a room for the night. Or at least find a place with a shower.

“Let’s see where this lead will take us,” she said, raising her phone. “Then we’ll make overnight plans.”

“Yeah, RJ. We could be totally winging it in the SHIELD helicarrier depending on how this goes down,” May said.

“Woo!” Alphonse said from where he’d been working in the front seat. “I wouldn’t mind that.”

“No shit,” Stephanie said with a smile. “Can you imagine having Agent Coulson for a boss?”

“Don’t we already?” Alphonse said, chuckling from his seat.

“Jacobs is not Coulson. For all that they’re both missing the same amount of hair,” Stephanie retorted. “Coulson... is cool.”

I was distracted from the conversation by Sam, whining from behind me. I turned, and she wagged her tail looking forlorn and hopeful.

“Need to go out, girl?” I asked.

She yipped her confirmation.

“I gotta walk the wonder hound. I’ll be just over there,” I told Stephanie, pointing a hoof at a treeline.

Stephanie nodded, so I hopped out of the car, and Sam stuck close by. Again, I was amazed at how well behaved Sam was. She came when I called, followed my commands- she was pretty good for a stray puppy who had been little more than fur over bones when I found her.

“Really, you’re the best,” I said, scratching her behind her ears. “Sticking with me after I nearly get you killed? That’s loyalty. Dash could take a lesson.”

Sam barked and trotted into a copse of trees where she sniffed around. As I waited, I looked out at the rest stop we’d parked in. It was pretty crowded.

Lots of New York state plates, a handful of Jersey, and one from Missouri. Some of the cars looked like they were trying to get into the city and guilt bit at me. Back when I’d first changed, my best friend, Max, had offered to drive us into New York. If I hadn’t run when Matthews showed up, if I had handled things like an adult, Max could have had me in the city days ago. And without the hassle I went through.

I pushed the feeling aside. Stewing wasn’t going to do me any good. I had to focus on helping Erishy. I couldn’t do that with a gut full of guilt.

As I waited on Sam, I noticed a guy was sitting on a nearby picnic table with an acoustic guitar in his lap. He looked to be in his early forties with dark brown hair that stuck nearly straight up and large hands matching his long frame. A few other people milled around, watching him play.

While he didn’t play expertly, he made up for it in energy and passion. He clearly cared about what he was strumming and I think the few people who’d stopped to listen were incidental. When he finished, he looked up, blinked, and smiled awkwardly to a smattering of light applause.

“Uh, thanks,” he said. “Everyone drive safe.”

He got down from the picnic table and walked over to the vending machine. Feeling neighborly, I went over to him. Sam caught up once she was done with her business.

“That’s some mighty fine pickin’, sir,” I said as he fed a dollar into the machine.

He turned, then looked down.

“Howdy,” I said.

He smiled, amused. “Afternoon,” he said. “Thanks for the kind words, stranger.” He returned his attention to the vending machine.

“How long you been playin’?” I asked.

“Twenty years, off and on,” he replied getting a Coke and his change. “It’s more of a hobby. I’m a history teacher.”

“Man of wisdom and music. You must be beatin’ ‘em off with a stick.”

He chuckled. “Not really,” he said. “That’s the young man’s game and I’m married.” He held up his hand and wiggled the ring finger adorned with a simple band.

“Not surprisin’,” I replied.

He cracked open his soda and sipped it giving me a little look.

“So you’re part of this whole… pony thing?” he asked.

“I am. A lot of folk know me as Applejack, but you can call me Rae Jay,” I said, offering my hoof.

He got down on his haunches and shook. “Hi Rae Jay, I’m Greg.”

“Pleasure to meetcha, Greg,” I said. “You play a mean Tennessee flattop box.”

That earned another chuckle and he rose, taking another swig from his soda.

“Well, thank you for your praise, Rae Jay. Are you headed to New York, right now?”

“More or less,” I said.

“Well if you manage to make it in, I sometimes play with my band at Therapy,” he said. “It’s a lounge in Hell’s Kitchen. Don’t let the neighborhood name scare you- it’s a good place.”

“See what I can do, Greg. May have to come over once my friends and I take care of Discord,” I replied.

“Take care of- Oh, you mean that’s not just a very nice necklace.”

“Nope. Element of Honesty.”

Greg cocked his head at me. “May I?”

“Sure,” I replied and stepped forward so he could bend down and look at it.

I don’t know how the other girls felt about their Elements, but I was proud of mine. It represented something deep and true between us, connecting us even when we were separated. Pardon me if I liked showing that off from time to time.

“It’s warm,” Greg said, running a thumb over the apple gem.

“Usually is,” I said. “Just showed up for me this morning. No idea why it took so dang long.”

“Another sentient species, magical necklaces...” Greg said with a small smile. “Truly we live in a time of wonders.”

He ran his thumb one last time across the gem and stood up. He had a delighted twinkle in his eye.

“Well, I hope you can beat this Discord character,” he replied. “He’s making it hell for me to get back to my husband.”

I didn’t miss a beat. “Traffic’s that bad?” I asked.

He nodded, looking slightly relieved. I guess it was the accent. Folk’s hear the South and they’re worried we’re gonna be all uptight. Hope Equestria stays connected to Earth somehow. Maybe we could show them a thing or two about treating love well.

“I’ve tried getting in this morning, but traffic’s been backed up for miles. I know that Discord made a mess of things, but I didn’t think it would be this bad. I waited so long, I had to sneak across the median to the nearest exit and gas up. This is my second try.”

“Lands,” I muttered. “Good luck, Greg. I got me an escort but…” I blinked. “Actually. Hey- can you hang on for a minute?”

He cocked his head at me, clearly confused, but he nodded and leaned against one of the brick pillars of the vending machine pavilion. I galloped back to the black sedan to find Stephanie on her cell. She smiled at me. Alphonse was giving Greg a very hard look

“Made a friend?” he asked.

“Yeah, Greg. Nice guy. He’s having trouble gettin’ in the city. Can we help him out?”

Alphonse blinked, then squinted at me. “Help him out?”

“Yeah, he’s tryin’ to get back to his husband, and traffic’s so bad he already had to gas up. He’s a history teacher; I can’t imagine what that’s like on his salary.”

Alphonse ran a thumb along the steering wheel, looking into the middle distance. He blinked slowly and came to a decision.

“Maybe…” he said. “Get him over here.”

I waved Greg over. He jogged toward us lightly, his guitar bouncing against his back.

“Hey,” he said. “Uh… What’s up?”

“Greg, this here is Agent Alphonse and he’d like to help ya get home.”

Greg laughed, smiling. “Okay, this is definitely a surprise.”

Greg and Alphonse talked and Alphonse got on his radio. About ten minutes later a State Trooper vehicle rolled up.

“Someone call for the cavalry?” asked a woman in a wide-brimmed hat with aviator shades.

“Yeah, um. Yes,” Greg said, his little smile still in place. “This is kind of overwhelming.”

“It’s a kindness,” I told Greg. “I got plenty of ‘em on my trip here so I’m payin’ it forward.”

He smiled wider at that and got down on his haunches again.

“Thank you Rae Jay,” he said. “You really didn’t have to-”

“Hush. Get back to your boy. Stay safe. I got bad guy butt to whip.”

He nodded, standing and stared out at the parking lot for a moment. His lips tightened and he looked back to me. “Actually, can someone else take my spot?” he asked.

The state trooper raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“I was talking to this woman, Sara. Her husband got hospitalized while she and her kids were out of town. They’ve been trying to get back in for the last few days without any luck. Can they take my place?”

I smiled at Greg, impressed. “That’s mighty kind of you sir.”

He nodded. “Yeah, well… seems the right thing to do.”

“Know the feelin’,” I replied, smiling up at him.

The state trooper shook her head. “You two are giving me diabetes. Look, you don’t have to give up your ‘spot.’ I can get another unit here so I can get both of you in the city, but that’s it. Any more and we’ll have everyone sneaking in.”

“What?” Greg asked, shocked.

“Go talk to… Sara? And tell her to get in behind me. You get behind her and I’ll have another vehicle follow us from the rear. We should be able to get everyone in the city within the hour.”

“That’s… That’s wow. Wow. Thank you,” Greg stammered.

“You’re welcome,” the state trooper said. “I have a daughter too, so I can guess how she feels.”

“What’s your name?” Greg asked.

“Molly,” she said, offering her hand. “Molly Noble.”

“Thank you so much, Molly. I’ll- I’ll be right back!” Greg said, pumping her hand and laughing.

As Molly hopped on her radio to summon the other state trooper, Greg turned to look at me. “Look, be careful, okay?” he said. “I don’t know what’s all of what’s going on, but you seem like a real stand-up gal and I’d hate to see you end up hurt or-”

“Never say die,” I interjected, smiling. “I’m gonna get with my girls and we’re gonna kick Discord into the next county. No lie.”

“Guess it isn’t,” he replied. “I better get to my car.”

“That’s a good idea,” I said with a laugh.

“Thanks again Rae Jay. Alphonse. Molly,” he said, nodding to everyone. He then jogged toward a minivan where a woman sat with the door open as four kids of varying ages milled around, playing with their phones or staring off into space. Her head came up as Greg shouted to her, guitar bouncing on his back.

May stepped up beside me and nudged me with her hoof.

I looked down.

“You really inspire chronic hero syndrome, you know that?” she said.

I shrugged. “Seems like the right thing to do.”

Author's Note

In this chapter, Greg is played by David Tennant with his adorable American accent. Because reasons.

Chapter 3: Island in the Sky

Inside the Motel 6 off I-75 I learned about the limits of my patience.

“Work ya dang blasted-!” I fired off another kick at the AC/Heating unit. It dented easily enough, but still didn’t kick on, despite the percussive maintenance.

“I’ll see about us getting another room,” Stephanie said, amused.

“Don’t like highway hotels much anyway,” I grumbled, climbing up on the bed with May and Sam.

“Well, we’re only here for the night,” Stephanie said, hanging her black jacket in the closet. “Once Agent Lynch gets back to me, we’ll see if there’s anything we can do.”

“I still say we should’ve gone to Georgia,” I pointed out.

“And you know what I’ll say,” Stephanie replied.

I huffed, looking away.

While I’d been helping Greg back at the rest stop, Stephanie had been talking with her IT guys. They had managed to get an address off the luggage tag in the video. It was located outside of Atlanta. Once Stephanie learned that, she had to contact the FBI. Apparently, when someone is kidnapped in Oklahoma while travelling to New York and there’s a lead in Georgia, that means you’ve crossed state lines and it turns into a “federal matter.” Last we knew, an agent had been dispatched to the address in hopes of learning something.

I wanted to go down and look with the agent, but Stephanie vetoed it. I understood her reasoning. We were too close to New York for me to start running all over the country being a pony on a mission. I needed to stay close in case something happened with Discord. So, I understood why I was sitting in a cramped hotel with busted AC while my friend was in trouble. That didn’t mean I had to like it.

“Are kidnappings usually like this?” May asked, breaking into my thoughts.

“Wouldn’t know,” Stephanie replied, opening the top two buttons on her blouse and flopping on the other bed. “If I’m dealing with a kidnapping, I’m doing an extraction. FBI has to do the heavy lifting, and they have their own resources. Agent Lynch is good though. I checked up on him. He’ll treat this right and get back to us.”

“Extraction…” May whispered. “Dude, this is the coolest week of my life!” She squeaked on the end. She apparently didn’t notice her moment of Sweetie because she plunged right into asking Stephanie all kinds of questions.

I tuned them out and lay down. I was still learning who I was, and it looked like who I was I had a bit of a temper. I’d have to watch that. Flared tempers don’t care who gets hurt- they’ll just go off and take out everyone around a pony. I found that out from Fluttershy after she took an assertiveness course that sent her a little out of control.

As I lay on the bed, stewing, I thought about how I’d been one of the first ponies she introduced herself to when she came to live Ponyville. I smiled at the memory.

I’d been working out in the fields when I saw this yellow pegasus trotting up the path near the fence, her saddlebags full from a trip to the market. She came toward me, stopping about three feet from the fence on the other side. I’d never seen her before. These were the days before Pinkie Pie, so it still took a while for a new face to get known about town.

I gave her a friendly howdy with a tip of my hat.

She stared at me intensely, her legs knocking.

I waited a bit then asked if she was okay.

She remained quiet, save for a loud gulp.

I hopped the fence and tried getting a little closer to her, but she backed right up. I stopped before she decided to run off. I apologized for scaring her, and asked if she needed anything.

That seemed to get her talking and, after a few false starts, she stammered out a request for a cup of sugar.

One glance at her saddlebags showed she already had a full bag of the stuff. But it was clear she’d worked up quite a bit of courage just to say hello. After a little convincing- okay, a lot of convincing- I was able to get her to the house and I got her that cup of sugar. Then, seeing as she was loaded down, I convinced her that I could walk her back to her house.

Along the way, she was as quiet as Big Mac. Till I told her we had a few critters on hoof.

That was the honey that brought the fly, because she opened up on the spot. From that day on, Fluttershy was Sweet Apple Acres’s go-to animal expert. Since the vet who previously helped our family had retired just a week prior, she was like a gift from Celestia.

I sometimes wondered if that day was just as fated as the one when we all got our cutie marks, or when we all became Elements of Harmony. Either way, I was glad to have a friend in Fluttershy.

I was powerfully worried about her, too. I once explained to Twilight that she’d come a long way just to get to the shy mare who could barely squeak out her name. She’d grown even more confident since then, but she still remained a quiet, gentle sort.

The notion of delicate Fluttershy getting kidnapped chilled me. I’d only barely dealt with my kidnapping. I couldn’t imagine how absolutely terrified and alone she felt.

I was snapped out of my reverie when May poked me.

“What? Huh?” I said.

“Yo, space hayseed,” May said. “We’re getting pizza. Any vetoes aside from the usual veggie only policy?”

“Sorry,” I said, with a blush. “Um. No black olives for me, thanks.”

Stephanie nodded and picked up the hotel phone. Just as she did, her cell went off. She tossed the hotel handset to May and dove for her phone.

“This is Agent Chase,” she said, half-falling off the bed.

I stood up next to May and Sam. My body tensed in anticipation. My ears flicked forward.

“Agent Chase, hi, this is Lynch,” came the voice from the phone. I glanced at May, who nodded. Pony hearing was apparently better than we thought. “I just wanted to update you on the situation.”

“Uh-huh,” she said.

“What’s going on?” I asked, overeager.

She held up a finger and went into the bathroom. Pony hearing was apparently not that good.

After some indistinct noises punctuated with the sound of pacing, she came out. “I understand. Keep me updated.” She sighed, turning off her phone.

“Well?” I asked.

“Nobody was home. He’s securing an emergency court order to enter the premises, but that’s still a few hours processing time. He’ll get back in touch with us when he knows more.”

I was out of the loop again. I could feel my anger heating up. I closed my eyes, taking a breath. It didn’t help much.

“I’m going for a walk,” I said, hopping down from the bed.

“One second,” Stephanie said.

I stopped and glared at her. “I’m going for a walk. Alone, Stephanie,” I snapped.

Stephanie stood where she was, halted in the middle of re-buttoning her blouse. She blinked, looking hurt. The expression disappeared behind one of professional cool.

Dammit. This temper wasn’t doing me any favors. At that moment, I felt like I had unlearned everything I knew about keeping my cool.

“Sorry,” I said, shamefaced. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“You’re under a lot of stress,” Stephanie offered, her voice carefully neutral.

“Yeah,” I said.

The lock in the door whirred and Alphonse entered with a briefcase. He stopped, sensing the tension between Stephanie and me.

“Can I order this pizza now?” May asked.

Stephanie and I shot her equally annoyed looks.

“Oh please,” May said, rolling her eyes. “I’m really scared.”

Dinner was quiet with Alphonse keeping one eye out the window while Stephanie, May, and I ate. Then, when Stephanie had finished, she traded off with Alphonse so he could get some food.

“I’ll take first watch,” she said.

“Fine with me,” he replied, stretching. “I’m pushing sixteen thanks to all this pony business.”

“I’m much lighter,” she confirmed, smiling. “You go rest.”

Alphonse went to his room and Stephanie said she was fine with us having the lights off. May got in close to me on our shared bed while Sam flopped at the foot. Her paws kicked in the air as she chased dream rabbits.

Sleep took a while to come, and I spent the time watching Stephanie watch the outside. I felt like I needed to tell her something more, or apologize again. Instead, I just stared while she was vigilant and protective, doing her job. The last thing I saw was her adjusting her seat for the umpteenth time so she wouldn’t nod off.

I admit, I was a little nervous what I’d find in my head. Before, when I’d been both Rachel and AJ, they had gotten used to hashing things out in their minds while their body slept. They would swap notes, make sense of their previous lives, yell at each other, basically get to be better friends. Now that I was only one mind- would I just dream like I used to?

As I walked through the woods of Upstate New York with Sam, May, and Stephanie by my side, I wished I had the presence of mind to say, “Well that answers that question!” Instead, I crept along slowly, and didn’t say anything about Stephanie being a pony with her gun in her mouth.

“Be careful,” she said.

“I’m always careful,” I replied.

“You’re really not,” Jim said.

“Jim, you’re dead. Shut up,” I said.

He shrugged and leaned against a tree to die again. Blood poured in gallons from his chest, painting the forest floor. I squelched through the muck and May kept muttering, “Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.”

Sam started singing that it was a dog’s life.

“Ugh, would y’all shut it!” I yelled. “This is hard!”

“And it’s only going to get harder,” a new voice said.

I blinked, turned to the voice, and I wasn’t fetlock-deep in blood any more.

She was a pony, but not any that I immediately recognized. She was familiar-ish, and I thought she might be Apple Clan. Her cutie mark was three apples, she had a light-orange coat, and firm farmer’s muscle, but she also had a dark brown mane, cut more for city life, and hazel eyes framed by glasses.

“Hey Rae Jay,” she said with a half-smile. “We need to talk.”

“We do?” I asked, trying to place the familiarity.

“Yep,” the pony said. “You, me, and your other mom.”

“Other…” I peered closer and she came into focus.

“Rachel?!” I exclaimed, confused.

She nodded. “Yep. Not as merged as we thought,” she said, with a smile.

“But how?” I asked.

Glancing down at herself, she said, “Well… we’re not sure, but it looks like whatever put us together and made you kept a backup. In a way.” She turned, tossing her head. “Come on. Supper’s almost done.”

I followed her across a familiar field where a two-storied house stood, the wood panels painted in alternating red and white stripes. Green shutters and dark brown shingles kept it from looking completely like a candy cane. It had a large patio and a welcome mat at the front door, on which Rachel instructed me to wipe my hooves before coming in.

“This is a little surreal,” I said.

“You should see yourself in a mirror,” Rachel replied.

Tempting as the notion was, I kept my gaze straight ahead and avoided the hallway mirror just inside the door. The house was built to pony scale, and a heavenly aroma wafted out of the kitchen.

“That her?” a familiar voice called out.

“Yeah. Found her in a nightmare. It’s gonna be rough in here for a while,” Rachel said, and we crossed into a kitchen that I’d only dreamed about.

Full gas-range and stove, plenty of space to chop vegetables, and every pot or pan I could want hanging on easily reachable hooks. I could only guess at the utensils available. I spotted AJ in the thick of it, her mouth wrapped around a hefty wooden spoon as she stirred the contents of a massive pot. She grinned at the sight of me.

“Howdy,” she said. She spat out the spoon and came over to hug me. “It’s good to see you. Lemme look at ya girl.”

“Uh…” I said as she pushed me to foreleg’s length for inspection. “I’m seriously missing something.”

“You’re not,” she replied. “You sit. Rachel, help me with this here pot.”

“Yeth marthter,” Rachel groaned, dragging her back hoof.

I giggled. AJ rolled her eyes.

“I swear, I hope your sense of humor is better’n hers,” she said, the both of them going behind the counter as I sat down.

Knowing AJ’s preference for good manners, I kept my hooves off the table. She smiled at me.

“So…” I said. “Y’all aren’t… gone?”

“‘The report of my death was an exaggeration,’” Rachel quoted.

I laughed at the joke, and she went on.

“So, you remember how we were tearing down each of our houses in some big metaphor about us building a new one that combined both?” I nodded. “Well, after we finished tearing the walls down, we woke up here.” She looked at AJ, eyebrow raised, and added, “In bed. Together.”

“Weren’t my idea,” AJ said, sprinkling a little salt in the pot. “I’m blamin’ that all on your youthful slash-writin’ days, missy.”

Rachel rolled her eyes.

“Can we focus?” I asked. “I know y’all are doing the JohnLock thing down here, but I got real troubles outside.”

“We know,” Rachel said. “We’re sort of you, remember?”

“So you don’t know any more than I do? Super,” I muttered, slouching.

“Hey now. That ain’t totally true,” AJ said. She took a taste from her stew and nodded in satisfaction. She shot Rachel a significant look, and the other pony went to the cupboard to get out bowls and placemats, setting the table.

“We know that you’re worked up and figured we could calm you down,” AJ said.

“You are acting like a bit of a bitch,” Rachel said, sitting next to me and hoofing me a mug of warm cider. “Steph’s cool. She’s really going out of her way with all that she’s doing and you’re just being a jerk.”

“Do you expect I could be any other way?” I snapped, rising. “My friend is in trouble and I’m just sittin’ around, chewin’ on my hat!”

AJ ladled out stew that smelled richly of potatoes, carrots, and other inviting aromas.

“Yeah, you ain’t goin’ anywhere for now,” she said, returning the pot to the counter. “And you’ve waited before. You’re a farmer, girl. You know patience.”

I was about to snap at her again, but then I remembered her life: waiting for the apples to grow, waiting on Mac to come back with supplies, waiting for one thing or another, and Applejack Apple never lost her cool. I glanced away, taking a breath to ease my nerves. This time, it worked.

“That’s right,” AJ said. “This ain’t nothin’ more than waitin’ for a crop to grow. What do we do when we’re waitin’?” She went around the table to sit on the other side of me.

“Get busy,” I said softly. “There’s always work to be done.”

“Damn straight,” AJ said.

“Guess I’m rubbing off on you,” Rachel said with a cocky grin.

“Don’t let it go to her head,” AJ retorted.

Day 13

I woke with the taste of potatoes and carrots in my mouth. May snored next to me as I blinked into full wakefulness. Alphonse was by the window and smiled at me in the early light.

“Morning,” he whispered.

“Hey,” I whispered back. “What time is it?”

“Six,” he said.

I nodded. Sounded right. That was almost sleeping in by AJ’s standards.

“I’m gonna get a shower before there’s a line,” I said.

Alphonse nodded.

As I moved off the bed, Sam thumped her tail where she lay and grinned at me. I rubbed her belly in passing and went into the bathroom. Turning on the shower, I shut the bathroom door most of the way and waited for the hot water to kick in.

Climbing inside the tub, I let the shower clear off whatever muck I hadn’t got to yesterday when we first checked in. As I stood under the water, just soaking for a bit, I thought about what I could do.

Getting clean was a good first step. Next I should go over my gear. I didn’t need to haul all that food any more- Stephanie and Alphonse were feeding us well. I should offer the granola as breakfast. What else…? Oh yeah. Organize my wallet so it was more hoof and mouth friendly. Then, groom Sam. We just hit her with the hose yesterday, so she still needed a proper wash. After that, call Max, update him, and see if he wanted in on this. At the very least, he could meet me in New York.

I nodded, satisfied with my internal list. I could stay busy. I knew how to wait.

Chapter 5: Two-Fisted Law

Adrenaline is a hell of a cocktail. The second I saw Fluttershy laying so still, looking so broken, my heart leapt into my throat and I couldn’t move. I was very glad Stephanie stood in front of me because she covered the fact I had frozen up.

Adrenaline pumped into me, telling me all kinds of unimportant stuff.

The smell in the room reminded me of Funyuns at Dungeons & Dragons night. There was a table nearby that looked like it needed a wipedown, and a refrigerator hummed not-so-quietly in the corner. Three serious guys in combat fatigues stood in a semi-circle next to one guy in a white lab coat, and a tuxedoed man laying on the floor near Fluttershy. Stephanie smelled like deodorant.

I learned all that in a split-second. But in that split-second, time stretched out. I watched one of my best friends lie before me. Dead.

Then, Fluttershy’s chest rose. And fell. And did it again.

My heart left my throat. I could breathe again. Blinking back to reality, I realized I’d been out of it longer than I thought. Stephanie was having a tense conversation with one of the men in the room.

I’d been panicking over Flutt- No, it was Erishy. And Erishy didn’t need me staring at her. She needed me to focus. Stephanie needed me to focus. She was counting on me to be her backup. We wouldn’t get Erishy out of here if I was distracted. I couldn’t let her down.

“-tiate what?” said a bald guy, whose face looked like it had seen more fights than was healthy. “We have our prisoner. Your government had its chance till your nigger president announced he was a friend to these freaks.”

As I fought to keep my expression neutral, it occurred to me if Granny ever heard half of what these asshole humans said, she’d run out of soap real fast. Celestia knows I wanted to cram half a bar down this guy’s throat already.

“I’m CIA,” Stephanie said, unflapped. “We operate a little beyond the president. When the situation calls for it.”

“Well, it don’t call for you now, girly,” Baldy said.

“Hang on, Luke,” said one of the other men. He had a long scar on each cheek and was the tallest person in the room by a few inches. “Just hear her out. If we get government backing on this, it could be good.”

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do, Commander Davis!” Baldy snapped, wheeling on the man. “And when we are in uniform, in front of hostiles, it is Admiral Walker!”

I fought a snort. The guy was named Admiral Luke Walker. If his middle name was “Sky” I might just bust my gut laughing.

“I came to negotiate,” Stephanie said. She stepped further into the room and a little to the side, revealing me. “I also brought a peace offering.”

“Another one,” Walker said, his eyes locking on me. He looked at me like I was a freshly cooked steak. And he was hungry.

I didn’t bother with my "moo" act this time. Instead, I stuck my jaw out and looked as disinterested as possible. My gaze drifted briefly to Erishy, and I saw the tuxedoed guy start to get up. He fussed with himself, then tended to Erishy, and I relaxed a notch.

Focusing back on Stephanie and Admiral My-Parents-Were-Clearly-Geeks Walker, I’d only missed a little of what passed.

“-can have her, but only if you’re willing to talk,” Stephanie said.

“What’s to talk about?” Walker snorted, arms folding. “You give us the freak, and we’ll take care of her like we took care of that yellow one. Isn’t that right, doctor?”

"What are you committing me to this time, Admiral?" the tuxedoed guy asked. He didn’t stutter, but I could tell he was nervous, and picking his words carefully. "I was as--"

Doctor Tuxedo suddenly winced, as his right hand closed into a trembling fist. He went very quiet for a long time, then slammed his hand into the wall a few times, grunting with each strike.

Walker rolled his eyes. I, on the other hoof, was more than a little spooked. What the hell was going on down here?

"Sorry," Doctor Tuxedo said calmly, as if he hadn’t just lost his nut for a second. "Nerves. As I was saying… I came here for one purpose, and that purpose has been fulfilled.”

Walker bristled, taking a step toward Doctor Tuxedo. His expression paled, then he spoke quickly.

“As I am, at least for now, still at your command,” he said. “It is of course up to you, alone, how you wish to respond to this overture. I would however advise you not to do anything… rash.”

Erishy's eyes slowly opened. She stared straight ahead, her ‎gaze unfocused.

“Shy!” I exclaimed, stepping toward her.

“It talks!” Tweedledum yelped from behind me.

“Don’t fucking move!” Walker barked. But nobody seemed to hear him as everyone shouted and started moving at once.

“Whoooooooa!” Stephanie called, actually halting everyone. “We’re all just a little tense here. So. Why don’t we take a breath, huh? Mmmm-aaaaah. There we go. Breathe deep and calm down. We’re just dealing with some little ponies, after all. No reason to get worked up, right?”

“Fuck you,” Walker said. He pulled out his weapon.

Walker was racist, mean, and clearly liked being in charge. That did not make him a quick draw.

In the time it took him to move his hand from behind his back, Stephanie had drawn her handgun and sighted. Before he could bring his gun around, she fired three shots into Walker’s chest. He twitched with each hit.

I don’t know how everyone else dealt with the noise. My ears pressed right up against my head and hurt.

Walker hit the ground with a crunching thud. Nobody moved or spoke.

“Calm,” Stephanie said.

Doctor Tuxedo was the first to react as he came up from under the table. He must have dived under it when the shooting started. He went over to where Commander Davis was standing and waved his hand back and forth in front of the man’s glassy eyes.

“Commander… Commander!” he said. “Would you mind terribly if I did the sane thing right now, and surrendered to the best marksperson in the room?”

Davis blinked. “Yeah,” he said, his eyes on Walker’s body. “I mean no, I don’t mind. Go knock yourself out.”

“Thank you kindly--I’ll be sure to put in a good word for you. Now, no changing your mind and shooting me in the back!” he said. Playfully. Who was this guy?

Doctor Tuxedo slowly approached Stephanie and me. He kept his hands in the air and moved so he was well outside of where she pointed her weapon. He came along Stephanie’s right side, then bowed formally.

“Doctor Nathan--no, Nate Franklin, psychologist,” he said, the playful tone gone. “I’m surrendering myself into your custody, if you would have me.”

He then paused for a bit, his expression even more nervous. “Fluttershy, please come here.”

My eyes widened, but Davis was the first one to say anything.

“Now hold on!” he exclaimed. “I’m not giving up the pony!”

“If you want the pony back...” Franklin said, his voice going cold as he turned to look at Davis, “Why don’t you try asking the agent with the gun, politely?”

While the men barked at each other, I watched Erishy stand up and come over to Franklin’s side. She moved like usual, stepping delicately, but there wasn’t any life to her movements. It was like she was was on autopilot: the lights were on, but nopony was home. It was creepy as all hell.

Then, she looked up at Franklin like a dog waiting for the next command, and I had to look away. I felt sick.

“Glad to have you aboard, Nate,” Stephanie said. “Sit tight for a second.”

Stephanie locked gazes with Davis.

“Now that I have your attention,” she said. “I’m going to say that negotiations did not go well, agreed?”

Davis and the guard next to him nodded. White Lab Coat nodded emphatically.

“Good. Now, I want everyone in this room against that wall.” She looked to the door where Tweedledee and Tweedledum stood, staring at Walker’s body. She whistled, breaking their morbid focus. “That includes you two. C’mon.”

I watched them move into the room, and my eyes drifted to Walker’s body. His blood was still pooling all over the concrete floor. The sharp, coppery scent of it hit my nose all at once. My legs went weak. I was back in the hotel, watching Jim die again.

“Rae Jay!” Stephanie snapped.

I snapped back to the room with Erishy and company. My knees were about to slam on the floor. I managed to catch and right myself before it happened.

“You with me?” Stephanie said, her tone sensitive, caring.

I nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I just…” I glanced at Walker, my face reddening in embarrassment.

I’m supposed to be watching her back, dangit! I thought. Aloud, I said, “Sorry. Got distracted.”

“Can’t have that,” Stephanie replied. “I need you at the door. Let me know if anyone’s coming.”

I nodded again and looked at Erishy. My stomach twisted. I wanted to say something. Before I could open my mouth, Stephanie said, “Now, Rae Jay. Please.”

Obediently, I turned to stand near the door, pricking my ears toward the hallway.

“Good,” Stephanie said behind me. “Now, everyone drop your weapons and radios. Do it. Let’s go.”

One of my ears twisted back of its own accord to catch the clatter of plastic and metal hitting the concrete floor. I tuned it out.

The hallway, thankfully, was clear. I was surprised the gunshots didn’t bring anyone running, but the lack of response told me a lot about this operation.

Firearms going off willy nilly without so much as a check-up on the radio meant “accidental discharges” were probably a problem around here. It just reasserted that whole amateur thing Stephanie was so focused on. So, how did a bunch of amateurs get a hold of Erishy?

The squawk of a radio broke through my vigil on the hallway. I heard a radioed voice say, “Sir? Can you confirm that?”

“I can, Private,” Davis said. “Her name is Stephanie Chase. She’ll have two more captives with her, plus the doc. She’ll relieve you. Go to the cafeteria.”

“But my shift-”

“Appreciated, but things are…moving in a different direction,” he said. “She’ll be over shortly. I’m going radio silent for a while.”

“O- okay. Over,” the guard said.

“Thank you, Davis,” Stephanie said.

“This wasn’t how it was supposed to be,” Davis said. “We just didn’t want to-”

I heard batteries being emptied from the walkie talkie before it was dropped on the floor.

“I don’t care,” Stephanie said. “You made this mess, Davis. Time to live with the consequences. Up against the wall, all of you.”

The men all started moving. I glanced back and saw they looked like they’d just gone a few rounds with cousin Distilled’s extra-hard cider. Stephanie had her eyes locked on the group.

I went back to my lookout. The coast remained clear. I was starting to feel a bit useless.

“Nate,” Stephanie said, once the tread of boots quieted. “I saw another door nearby. Probably a closet, or spare room? I want you to take all their ammo and radios into it. Can someone get me keys?”

I heard the jingle of metal, then the sound of keys hitting a palm.

“Now, I’m going to trust you, Nate,” she said. “I’ll wait here with everyone while you move everything.” She paused, then added, “You can load everything onto that. You’re doing great so far. Keep it up.”

After what sounded like Big Mac tossing farming tools in a cart for repair, I heard the squeak of wheels and Franklin came up beside me. I moved to let him pass, watching him roll a cart loaded with machine guns and walkie talkies. He stopped one door down, and I kept my eye on him, my expression firm.

He disappeared into the room for a few seconds, then returned to the hall, locking the door behind him. He walked back and stood near Erishy. Stephanie kept her focus entirely on the disarmed men.

“We are awaiting your further orders,” he said, his voice soft.

Erishy nodded a little, then looked at Stephanie. I shivered. Her obedient mare routine was giving me the up and down creeps.

Which was nothing compared to Stephanie’s expression when she finally, really looked at Erishy.

The blood drained from her face, and she hunched like someone had kicked her in the gut. She looked like a friend of mine when her parents told her Santa Claus wasn’t real. But, instead of no Santa, she was seeing a beaten, hollow-eyed Fluttershy.

I swore. I’d forgotten she was a fangirl. She’d been professional all this time, and I plum missed that she hadn’t been looking at Erishy at all.

“Hey, Stephanie- Steph!” I said, raising my voice. “Whatcha want these jokers to do?”

She blinked, looked at me. She looked as rattled as I felt.

“Right,” she said. “Right. Thanks, RJ.”

I nodded in response, and Stephanie turned to address the men.

“You will stay here. I advise you not to touch that body. The rest of my team is en route. If you resist, we are CIA. We will do what is necessary.”

She let that hang, and I watched the color drain from their faces. Stephanie gave them one, last, good glare then strode over to Franklin.

“Follow me,” she said.

“Come on,” Franklin said to Erishy.

As everyone filed out, I paused at the door.

“Y’all got some time to think,” I said, looking at them. “My advice? Think about what landed ya here, and if it was worth it.”

Davis was the only one to look at me. He blinked. I couldn’t tell if what I said made a difference, or I was just talking to the walls. With a sigh, I turned and shut the door behind me.

“What was that about?” Stephanie asked.

“I don’t know,” I said, sighing again. “Felt like I had to say... somethin’. That’s a room full of trouble, I’ll tell ya what.”

Stephanie nodded and holstered her weapon. Pointing at Franklin, she said, “You’re my keymaster for now, Nate. Lock the door, please.”

Franklin turned obediently, locking the door.

“And then you’re going to tell me, in thirty seconds or less, what you did to Fluttershy here, and that you can fix it, or I will let RJ go earth pony on your ass.”

Franklin went very still for a moment, then his brow knit together.

“My assignment was to put Fluttershy under my control,” Franklin said, his voice going cold. “Which I have done. So if you want to satisfy your violent urges by siccing a pony on me, by all means, go right ahead! It’s not like there hasn’t been enough violence already!”

Stephanie’s fists clenched and I could see she was about to start shouting in return. I put a hoof on her leg.

“Don’t,” I said, keeping my voice low and even. “You already shot one guy. I’m not interested in any more blood.”

Seeing as the professional was hotter than she needed to be, I stepped between the humans and looked up at Franklin.

“Can you… release her from your control?” I asked. “I’d appreciate havin’ my friend back.”

He looked around, his expression pinched.

“Here?” he asked. “Don’t you think that might be a little risky? We’ll both be unconscious for several minutes.”

I frowned. That was a long time to have dead weight. I looked up at Stephanie, the question evident on my face.

“We still need to get those other ponies out,” she said. “And if I recall correctly, you were kind of insistent about it.”

“We need to get Fluttershy out, too,” I said, furrowing my brow in thought. I glanced at Erishy, who kept staring blankly into space. I shuddered. No way was I leaving her like this for any longer than I had to. It wasn’t right.

“Think you can handle the other ponies?” I asked Stephanie.

“Sure,” she said, nodding. “‘I’m a friend, I’m here to help...’ I can be charming when I’m not killing people.” Her tone was full of gallows humor.

I gave her a sarcastic look. “Then you go get ‘em. I’m stayin’ with these two.”

“Uh, no,” Stephanie said. “You’re my principal. I’ve already broken a mess of rules today, I’d like not to be a complete idiot.”

“She’s my friend,” I replied, pointing at Erishy.

Stephanie set her jaw. I responded in kind. We held like that for a long time, but I had the bit between my teeth and wasn’t going anywhere.

“Fine!” Stephanie said, throwing her hands in the air. “I’m already fired for this. I’ll go get them, meet you back here in five. Okay?”

“Sounds good to me,” I said, with a nod.

Stephanie sighed, then got down on one knee. “Be safe, okay?” she said.

I smiled back at her, putting a comforting hoof on her shoulder.

“You too, partner.”

That seemed to get her back in the saddle, because she rose up smiling. She nodded at Franklin, gave Erishy one last, pained look, and started jogging back down the hall.

I watched her go, then turned to Franklin. “Alright, sir. What’re you gonna do here?”

Franklin bit his lip, looking uncertain.

“I’m going to go into her mind,” he replied. “I...er, can do that.”

I stared at him.

“It isn’t without its difficulties. It comes with a price...” He waved his hand in imitation of the wall-hitting motion from earlier. “But once inside, I can work with the mind on an active level. I can dominate or control…” He shuddered, his expression turning ugly. “Or, I can talk, persuade. I convinced Erishy to enter a sleepwalking state where she would only obey me. At the time, I thought it was the only way we were going to survive Admiral Walker. So, now I just have to convince her that she’s safe again and no longer has to remain in my control.”

I blinked at him.

“You go into people’s minds,” I said.

Franklin nodded.

“And what’s your doctorate in? Bein’ Professor X?!” I shouted.

I bit back the rest of what I was going to say. Rubbing at my muzzle, I sighed. I had to keep it cool here. For Erishy.

I glanced at her and she just stared back at me, still hollow.

“I just can,” Franklin replied. “Does it matter how?”

I turned away from Erishy and her Nopony Home stare.

“She trust you to tell her the coast is clear?” I asked. “You sure of that?”

“It was that or torture. I… I promised that I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. I’d give my life to back that promise,” he said, meeting my gaze. “I just hope I can undo what she let me do to her…”

His expression became thoughtful for a moment, before brightening, fire sparking behind his eyes.

“I will undo it,” he said, confidence suddenly bursting forth. “I won’t let her down. If I have to spend the rest of eternity looking for where she’s hiding in her own head, then so be it. For once, I will stand up for the consequences of my actions and make things right.”

I studied Franklin one more time. For all that he was dressed fancy, he looked like he had a rough couple of days: heavy bags under his eyes, hair that was smoothed by hand more than a comb, and his tuxedo was more wrinkled than Granny’s neck. He looked tired, and like a large part of him wanted to just lay down.

But I could tell there was a part that didn’t want to lay down. He hadn’t given up.

Some ponies think that since I’m the Element of Honesty, I’m high and mighty about the truth, or that I’m some living lie detector. I’m not. I’m just a mare who lives by her personal standards of dealing fairly and openly. That doesn’t mean I’m perfectly honest one-hundred percent of the time. It means I just try to be honest with myself and honest with others. As honest as I can be.

And that spark in Franklin’s eyes looked like he was being straight with me. He wasn’t giving up on Erishy. He was going to help.

“Go for it,” I said, nodding once. “I’ll stand watch.”

Stepping back, I positioned myself with a clear view of the hallway. After a quick check, I dipped my head to give Erishy a supportive nuzzle, even if she wasn’t going to react.

“See you soon, ‘Shy,” I said, softly.

“Thank you, Applejack,” Erishy replied, her voice distant.

A smile sprang to my lips.

Hope is an amazing thing. Before Erishy spoke, I thought Steph and I were screwed as screwed can be. Now? I believed for the first time since walking into this den of assholes and idiots that we’d be okay. Don’t underestimate hope. It will get you through the darkest places. Including a bunker filled with militant bigots looking to kill you.

I was still smiling when Franklin gently took her temples in his hands, and their eyes closed together.

Chapter 6: The Big Stampede

I squinted at Franklin, then at Erishy. As far as I could tell, they were both asleep. Sure, they were in a Vulcan Mind-meld pose, but their eyes were closed and breathing steady.

Now I just have to hold down the fort till Steph gets back, I thought.

So far, no one had shown up. I wasn’t exactly counting on that luck holding, so I knew I would need a good story.

I glanced at the catatonic pair next to me. Thinking over my options, I realized I would need a really good story.

Time stretched out. I moved as quietly as I could from one end of the hallway to the other. The door handle across from me never jiggled, so it looked like the boys in there were sitting tight, too.

Lucky, lucky girl, I thought. Can’t keep counting on it, you need a plan.

I looked at Franklin and Erishy again.

A plan that explains the Amazing Kreskin routine we have going on here.

Nothing came to mind, and it became clear that all I could do was watch the hall, then Erishy, then Franklin.

As the minutes ticked by, the hall remained unchanged, but Erishy and Franklin were no longer doing the peaceful Vulcan Mind-meld thing. Franklin’s face was pale, and he had broken out in a cold sweat. Erishy’s mouth had turned down, and she looked like she was about to whimper. But their eyes remained serenely closed, which made the whole thing creepier.

I didn’t like just standing guard when it looked like they could use help. But what could I do? They were in psychic, Professor-X-slash-Spock land, and I was out here, keeping an eye on the dust. I was helpless.

No! No, I wasn’t! Granny didn’t raise a quitter. There had to be something...

I had an aunt who once fell into a coma for a spell. She told me that folk talking to her helped out. I wasn’t sure how Vulcan Mind-melds related to comas, but I figured this situation was similar enough it was worth a shot.

After confirming the hall was still clear, I sat between Franklin and Erishy. I placed a hoof on Franklin’s knee and draped the other across Erishy’s neck, right where her Element was.

“Don’t know what’s goin’ on in there,” I said, my voice low. “But you said you’d take care of my friend doc- I mean, Nate. You said you were gonna help and I believe ya.” I rubbed his knee supportively. “Don’t give up. I’m rootin’ for ya out here.”

Facing Erishy, I said, “You’re not alone ‘Shy. The doc here may be doing the head work, but I’m doin’ the hoofwork like always. I ain’t gonna leave ya. Not when I just found ya. That’s a promise.”

My Element briefly warmed, like a reassuring hug at my neck, and… well, maybe I imagined it, but I thought I felt Erishy’s Element warm in response.

That was as close as I got to any reaction, so I gave them one last pat for support and resumed my patrol.

As I checked one end of the hallway for what felt like the thousandth time, I heard the crack of someone popping their back. Turning, I saw Nate stretching. He looked at Erishy, his expression fully relieved, and gave her a quick hug.

He saw me staring and waved me over.

“It worked? She’s okay?” I said, trotting to Erishy’s side quickly. I was trying to keep my voice low, but a giddy feeling rushed up through me, making it hard.

Erishy slowly opened her eyes. She looked at Nate, then me. She blinked.

“Applejack?” she whispered, squinting.

“‘Shy?” I said, a wide grin plastered all over my face. I could feel tears at the corners of my eyes.

Erishy giggled a little bit. “When did you get here? Also, where did the scary men with guns go? Did you kick them all for me?”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed and swooped Erishy into a bear of a hug, spinning her around once before plopping her back on her rump.

“Dang, it’s good to see ya,” I proclaimed. “I mean- Yeah, yeah. Just got here. And much as I’d like to take credit, we got some help on this one.”

“What the hell is going on?” came a voice.

I turned. Of course. Of course they choose now to show up!

At the other end of the hallway was a collection of six men. Six men, who were armed, and a little angry at us for sitting in the middle of their base like we were having a picnic.

“RUN!” I yelled.

Erishy scrambled first, almost falling over before getting to her hooves. I steadied her and she darted for the other end of the hallway.

“Don’t leave without the doctor!” she yelped, looking back.

She didn’t have to worry. Nate wasn’t as nimble as we were, but adrenaline makes everyone a sprinter. He caught up with Erishy and matched her speed, pretty quick.

Once they were moving, I hauled tail to the front of the group. The shouts and the sound of guns being cocked behind us made for good incentive.

“Follow me!” I yelled, and headed for the room marked “Pony Prisoners.”

I didn’t want to slow down, so I took the corners using an old rodeo trick: bouncing off the walls to help make turns. I trusted Erishy could keep up. I’d seen the girl haul when she was spooked, and the running guards behind us were plenty spookifying.

“Shouldn’t be much farther!” I yelled.

I tapped off another wall, except I didn’t touch back down. Instead I crashed straight into Stephanie.

“Wuurng!” Stephanie grunted, as we went down in a tangle.

“Steph!” I said, rolling off the agent quickly. I’d taken worse tumbles in the South Orchard, and in my backyard as a kid. “We got guards on our tail!”

Then, I blinked as I saw a herd of ponies filling the hall behind her. I blinked again when I spotted a familiar unicorn at the back of that herd. “Rarity?!” I exclaimed.

At least, I thought it was Rarity. The white coat and triple gem cutie mark were the same, but her mane was pulled back in a tail with gold highlights in her usual royal purple. And her eyes! She looked like David Bowie from Labyrinth with that mismatched blue and green.

I stared at her warily. Then, she turned, and saw me. Smiling, she tossed her head back.

“Hello, darling! It’s been ages, it really has,” she called. “We will have to catch up after we get out of this terribly unbalanced situation.”

Yep, that was Rarity all right.

Rarity’s horn glowed and a half dome of blue-green light appeared, floating over the group to get between us and our pursuers. Stephanie stayed outside it. She took a steadying breath, then rose to her knees, drawing her weapon as she moved.

Nate and Erishy came around the corner, and Stephanie raised her gun.

“Down!” she barked.

Nate and Erishy dropped to the ground, sliding, and Rarity floated her shield up. The collected ponies acted as a friendly crash mat when the pair bumped into them.

“Whoa. It’s Fluttershy,” a voice in the herd said.

The first man chasing us rounded the corner. Stephanie fired. Down he went. So did the second. The third man jerked back, and Stephanie’s shot dug into the concrete wall.

No… more… guns, I thought, my ears flat against my skull, my whole body tense. Especially… indoors.

Despite the ringing in my ears, I could hear that everyone had gone quiet. Then, Stephanie moved from her knees to her feet.

“My name is Stephanie Chase. I am with the CIA,” Stephanie announced. “My team is converging on the premises as we speak. Put down your weapons, surrender, and you will remain unharmed.”

“Oh, now you negotiate,” I said, sarcastically, shaking the tension out of my legs.

“Fuck you lady!”

A rifle appeared around the corner and fired off three bullets. The first hit the floor, the second hit the ceiling, and the third dug into the opposite wall.

If I was going to be involved in any more firefights, I was tying my ears down on my head and stuffing them with cotton. I didn’t care how stupid I looked- this noise was ridiculous!

As I dug a hoof in my ear to clear out the second bout of ringing, I very distinctly heard a not-that-quiet, quiet voice say, “Gimme your clip.”

“What? No! I only got two bullets!” another not-that-quiet, quiet voice answered.

The two men on the ground groaned, blood seeping from their chests.

I would like to point out that in my life I have maced a mugger, fought Nightmare Moon, beat Discord, and gone a few rounds with an entire squad of the changeling army. I was a little insulted to find out that these were the bad guys I was up against.

“Come on, I got close,” said the first voice.

As I stood there with my jaw open, amazed at humanity, and not in a good way, Stephanie looked at me. She jerked her head. I raised my eyebrow in silent question.

“Screw you! Look at Dan and Dave!” said the second voice.

Stephanie jerked her head more emphatically back down the hall, and my eyes widened as I understood. Nodding my comprehension, I picked my way through the herd. I smiled, patting Rarity reassuringly.

“Come on y’all,” I whispered. “Real quiet like. Follow me.”

Rarity moved to the rear as quietly as I had taken the front. Erishy and Nate waded in to join us.

“You’re both idiots, I’m calling backup,” said a third voice.

Stephanie fired two more shots at the corner.

“Surrender now!” she said, sounding like Robocop. She made a shooing motion at us. “As a federal agent I… can assure you that surrendering now would be… good.”

I shot Stephanie a look that said, “Really? You’re going with that?” She glanced back at me, rolling her eyes and shrugging. No wonder she hadn’t negotiated before- she kind of stunk at it.

I motioned with my head for the herd to follow me.

“You’re no federal agent!” said the second voice.

“Really?” Stephanie retorted. “You think I wear bulletproof vests with ‘CIA’ on them for fun?”

Silently, I lead everyone, minus Stephanie, down the hall in the other direction.

“You have two men down,” Stephanie said, still going. “I’m a good shot, but I’m conserving ammo. If someone doesn’t help them soon, they’re going to die very painfully. You want that on your heads?”

As we turned the corner, Stephanie’s voice died away.

Once we were in the clear, I got a good look at the herd I was leading. I saw ponies who were tired, worn down, clearly missing a few meals, and more who looked in worse shape. I spotted one unicorn draped over an earth pony’s back.

I asked Erishy and Nate to help any ponies having trouble walking. Rarity volunteered to stay as the rear guard, her shield prepared. I reiterated that everypony was to keep as quiet as possible while we walked. As the herd crept along, I made sure even my breathing was quiet.

After seeing that the average mook in this place was dumber than a bag of hammers, I wanted to be extra cautious.

If there was one thing Rachel’s dad drilled into her it was that a man who knew what he was doing with a gun was dangerous. The idiot who didn’t was worse. You didn’t know where the idiot was gonna put the bullet.

Not that I let on how nervous I was. I had to keep it together. Erishy and Rarity were with me, and that was a comfort, but I was the one making the calls. So, that meant a brave front was in order.

I smiled as confidently as I could, and tried to look like I knew what I was doing.

The progress was slow, but we made it within sight of the compound’s entrance without so much as a peep from the morons running the joint. I halted everyone ten yards from the main door. We were out of sight, just around the corner of the greasy kid who stood guard.

“Okay,” I said, turning to face my ragtag group of rescuees-in-progress. I kept my voice low. “Things’re about to get extra strength hairy here. How’re we holding up?”

“I’m okay,” Erishy whispered. “Most of our ponies here seem okay too. Only one needs medical attention urgently, and she’s being carried.”

The look she gave me was determined, even though I could see her wings shuffle nervously.

“Well, I could go for a snack, dear. Or a full spa day. Are there more government agents outside?” Rarity asked, as she shifted nervously from hoof to hoof. In all the excitement, some of her mane had escaped its tie, and she tossed her head trying to get it out of her eyes.

“We got a guy out there,” I replied. “He’s, um, he’s keepin’ an eye on your sister while waitin’ for the the cavalry.” I looked back at the main door. “We only gotta get past three more guards if we’re gonna get out of here.”

A slow smile spread on my face.

“And I got an idea how to get past the first door.”

Beckoning Rarity, Erishy, and Nate to me, I said, “This is gonna be a trick and we’ll have to be ready. Nate, we’re gonna need your jacket...”

Chapter 7: The Three Musketeers - Desert Command

I trotted alone down the hallway, keeping my gaze straight ahead.

“The hell?”

Trying to look like the blank, dumb animal I was supposed to be, I ignored the greasy kid who stood watch. I stopped just out of his reach and slowly raised my head. His expression was cautious as he watched me.

Looking Greasy in the eye, I curled my lip.

“Moo,” I said.

Recognition dawned, and Greasy snorted. “Oh yeah. Right. You’re with…” He swallowed. “Yeah. Yeah.”

He shook himself, setting his expression in a determined sneer.

“So. Looks like that agent bitch lost her pet. Serves her right,” he said, rolling his skinny shoulders. “She fucked up my gun. You know that? Did some... thing to it. And Bee-ri won’t give me a new one. How fucked up is that?”

“Moo,” I replied.

He wrinkled his nose at me.

“Alright retard horse. Let’s just throw you in prison and if… if that… lady comes back, she’ll have to get you out herself.” He snorted again. For a second, I thought he blew snot on me. “Like to see her try. I’ll mess her shit up.”

He bent over and hooked his fingers in my Element like it was a collar. Moving at a stooped walk, he tugged, and I followed.

“Heh. Y’know. You kinda remind me of my dog back home,” he said, his expression softening. “He was alright. Miss ‘im, but y’know. Got called. Gotta do the right thing.”

“Moo,” I said.

As we came to the corner, I listed to the side, pulling Greasy with me. With all of his attention on me, he didn’t see Nate waiting, with his jacket held up in both hands.

“Not that way, retard horse, this- Hey!” Greasy exclaimed, as Nate’s jacket went over his head.

He released me, hands jerking up to rip the blind off. Crouching, I swept my hind legs across his. Greasy hit the floor, air rushing out of him. Before he could get his wind back, I twisted around and slammed my forehead against his. Hard. He grunted, shuddered, and slumped.

“Sorry, kid,” I said. “Can’t have you raisin’ an alarm. Rarity, can you pull his belt? I gotta tie him up before he wakes.”

Rarity whipped Greasy’s belt off, then floated it over to me. I had him hogtied in a jiffy.

“Okay, someone grab his keys and his radio,” I said.

A squawk came from Greasy’s radio just as Rarity got his keys.

“Jimmy? Jimmy? You there? I heard a noise,” said an unfamiliar voice.

My face tightened. I grabbed the walkie talkie, then looked at my friends, plus the doc. Nate sounded about as much like this kid as Granny did. Erishy was too soft. Rarity too cultured… Aw, horseapples.

“Uh… everything’s fine,” I said, clutching the radio in my fetlock. I struggled to flatten out my accent and pitch my voice to match Greasy Jimmy. “I just, uh, fell over. Man.”

I scrunched my eyes. The one time y’all get your act together is when the kid makes a noise. Figures, I thought.

“Fell? Jimmy are you high or something?”

“Nope! No. I’m fine. I’m... all fine here now.” I glanced at Erishy, whose eyes were wide with fear. “Totally fine, uh, motherfucker.”

“Kid?” the voice said, tone sharpening. “Look, I’m coming over there.”

Master thespian, that was me. Beating my head briefly with the walkie talkie, I said, “No! No need to do that! Seriously, I’m fine. Fucking fine. Just took a tumble is all.”

I closed my eyes again. I think I started praying.

“Wait. Who’s this? You ain’t Jimmy!”

I clicked off the walkie talkie. “Boring conversation anyway,” I said to everyone, cracking a smile. I tossed the walkie talkie to Erishy, who caught it easily.

“Hang on to that for me, ‘Shy,” I said. “We gotta stow Jimmy.”

As I looked around for a place to hide the kid, I noticed his busted gun. It had fallen on the floor during the tussle. I stared at it.

Erishy came up to my side, sharing my gaze. Then, she stepped over to the gun and sat down. As I opened my mouth to speak, she picked it up, gave it a once over, and... did… a thing. Hooves moving like she’d done this kind of thing her whole life, she got the slide working again, lickety-split.

Smiling, she raised the weapon up proudly. She also kept it pointed safely away.

“There we go,” she said, like she’d just helped one of her critters. “It was just jammed.”

I don’t think Erishy could have surprised me more if she grew a second head that spoke Russian.

"Fluttershy fixing guns, I do believe I have seen it all," Rarity said, standing beside me.

Erishy blushed, looking away. “I... used to work with guns. Or, I mean, my human half did.”

I shook my head. I could deal with brain whiplash later.

“Uh. Yeah,” I said, as the herd murmured behind us. “Thanks, ‘Shy. You read my mind. Just… unload it, too? We don’t want any accidents.”

Erishy nodded.

I nodded thanks in return.

“Alright, Jimmy, let’s get you where you won’t make a fuss,” I said.

I bit down on Jimmy’s shirt collar, dragging him down the hall to a door that smelled like cleaning supplies. At the door, I looked at Rarity. “Give ush a hoof here, Raresh?” I mumbled around my mouthful of shirt.

Her horn glowed that new blue-green color, and she opened the door. I smiled. “Mighty glad to shee you again, Raresh,” I said, hauling Jimmy into the closet.

“Likewise, Applejack,” she replied. “It’s been madness without you.”

I propped Jimmy against a mop and bucket. “Heh. You should’ve been with me the last few days,” I said. “There was some madness.”

“Really? Did it involve playing chess against a cartoon witch, too?” she asked, as I tied Jimmy’s restraints to the bucket.

“Uh… No. But I found your sister.” There, he wasn’t going anywhere without dragging all this stuff with him.

“Dear Sweetie Belle? Oh, it will be so good to see her. I was quite concerned she was sucked up into this insanity.”

“Well, she was. And she’s goin’ by May Belle now, just so you know.” As I left the closet, I realized Rarity might need to know a bit more about her sister. Namely her new favorite past time. “And she’s… kinda, sorta... picked up a bit of a mouth. From her human.”

I closed my eyes, ready for the patented Rarity Fit, but instead, she laughed. My eyes snapped open and Rarity had a hoof up, smothering the rest of the noise.

“Really?” she said, her tone light. “Well fuck, our parents are going to be furious with us both, if this keeps up.”

I stared. Rarity… swore. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing my fool head off.

“Dear diary, today I heard Rarity say ‘fuck.’ It was the best day ever,” I said, shaking my head. “I expected pigs to start flyin’ right after.”

As I pulled back a leg to shut the door, Jimmy’s eyes fluttered open. Rarity pulled a rag down in her magic and jammed it into his mouth. The kid grunted something and jerked against his bindings.

I smiled appreciatively as I kicked the closet shut. “Good thinkin’,” I said to Rarity.

I eyed the door knob. Even tied up, he could probably work the handle with his foot… Angling myself, I fired Kicks McGee. The knob warped appreciably. No one was opening that any time soon.

“Good thinking, yourself,” Rarity said, with a smile.

“Thanks. Now, do me a favor, Rares? Mind openin’ that lock?” I gestured to the door connecting the compound with the building outside. “I wanna take a peek, see if anyone’s around. We can go from there.”

“Of course, darling,” she replied, trotting off. Jimmy’s keys jangled in her magical grasp.

We passed through the herd, and I caught snatches of conversation.

“This is really scary,” somepony murmured.

“Did you see Fluttershy handle that gun?” another pony whispered.

“I just wanna get back to my brother,” said another.

I really wished my ears weren’t so sharp.

Rarity got the keys there before us, and unlocked the door. Pulling it open a bit, I peeked out. The other guards, Elle and Brian, weren’t in sight.

“It’s empty!” Erishy called in a loud whisper. I brought my head back in to see her holding up the gun again.

Rarity wrapped her magic around it and floated it to her side. She turned the weapon over and nodded, satisfied. “Well, it looks good,” she said.

“That’s all it has to do,” I said. “Look good.”

I took one last peek outside, then faced my friends, the doctor, and the herd.

“Alright y’all. We’re almost clear, but it looks like we’re gonna have company,” I said. “Shy, I need you to keep an ear on that radio. You hear folk comin, you let us know.”

Erishy nodded emphatically, picking the radio up.

I pointed at Nate. “Nate, I need you to hold up the back of the herd, make sure we don’t lose anypony. Y’all mind the doc here. He’s tryin’ to help.”

“Rares, you’re my gunmare. Anyone gives us the stink eye, you give ‘em a reason to step back.”

Rarity brandished the weapon with a confident smirk. Only Rarity could pull off the glamorous action pony look, right now.

I faced the rest of the herd. “Okay everypony, we just got two more yahoos to get by, and then we’re a five minute walk to help. Rares and I will be up front, but you mind Nate and ‘Shy, here. They’re gonna get you to safety if this goes south. And safety is outside,” I stressed. “Outside, then straight to the road, turn right. Outside, to the road, right. Get me?”

Nopony spoke, but a few heads nodded. They all looked pretty grim.

I tried to meet as many eyes as I could.

“Alright then,” I said. “We’re gonna get you out of here.” I flashed a smile. “That’s an Applejack Promise.”

I faced forward, opened the door, and put my head down, determined.

Chapter 8: The Horse Soldiers

Rarity and I crept down the hall, where we found Elle of the shotgun and cigarettes. It wasn’t hard; she had a personal cloud of nasty-ass smoke hovering about her. Her shotgun was nestled in the crook of her arm.

I leaned close to Rarity. “Against her head,” I whispered, indicating the floating gun.

Rarity nodded and floated the weapon up to brush Elle’s temple. She froze, and a few seconds later, I stepped into her view.

“Howdy,” I said. “Drop the shotgun.”

Elle sneered, but held onto her gun. “Knew you were fakin’. You fuckin’ freak.”

“Congrats. You get a gold star,” I said, flatly. “Put the gun down.”

Elle tightened her grip. “You won’t do it,” she said in a low voice, smirking. “You’re weak.”

I sighed. We didn’t have time for this.

“You know, you’re right. I am weak,” I said. “But that pony right there? She really didn’t want to be here, and she hasn’t had the greatest day.”

Elle’s eyes followed the tilt of my head and she saw Rarity.

Rarity smiled back. Her mane was disheveled, her fur was all sticking up in odd patches, and I knew at least two of her hooves were chipped. She basically looked like a lady who wanted a strong word with the world.

Elle returned her attention to me, appearing a bit more subdued.

“Put down the shotgun. Please. And then step back,” I said. I made my tone clear that I wouldn’t ask again.

Her face twisted, but she gave in. Elle placed her weapon on the ground and stepped away from it.

“Thank you,” I said.

Keeping my eyes on Elle, I lifted my head slightly. “Nate? Need you to do the hands thing and unload this.”

Nate came forward. Elle’s eyes bugged out.

“You fucking traitor!” she spat. “I knew we couldn’t trust you!” She stepped forward, and Rarity pushed the gun into her temple. Backing up, Elle’s eyes flashed and her voice dropped to a growl.

“Just like I kept telling everybody: you can’t trust no goddamned pointy-headed Jews,” she hissed. “Don’t you know these ponies are gonna destroy us? Destroy the whole human race?! And you’re just gonna go along with it, you fuckin’ traitor!”

Nate ignored her, muttered something about “microcephalic morons,” and unloaded the shotgun. I rolled my eyes. With speeches like that in her, Elle was not running for Miss America.

“Excuse me, miss,” Erishy said, stepping forward. “Um, I just want to point out that we've never said we wanted to destroy anything. In fact, I haven’t heard of a pony attacking or hurting a human at all. Except… well, when captured or attacked first. But, you know, I think that’s reasonable. Don’t you?”

Elle glowered back.

I glanced down the hallway we’d just come, checking for company. With Erishy and Nate up front, the back of our group wasn’t protected. I only saw nervous ponies checking over their shoulders. I needed somepony else to watch the rear. Plus, we were time-crunched.

But…

As much as I wanted us moving, Erishy looked like she needed this. I may have thought Elle was about as useful as engine oil at an apple stand, but if Erishy thought there was a chance for her, I’d just have to wait. But we still needed rear coverage.

I checked over the herd, and picked out a sturdy-looking, earth pony stallion. I waved him over.

“Uh, yes? Applejack?” he said.

“Hey. Need a favor. Can you keep an eye on the door for me?” I asked him. “Don’t wanna get surprised.”

He nodded. “Sure.” Ducking down, he trotted through the mass of ponies to take up a position near the door.

“We don’t mean any harm, we really don’t,” Erishy continued, still looking earnestly up at Elle. “We just want to help out, then get on with our lives.” Erishy smiled. “Maybe you can help us? Come with us? Give up your hate?”

For a second, I thought it might work. Elle’s expression softened, and she looked genuinely thoughtful. But just as my hopes rose, Elle dashed them. Her face twisted, and Erishy backed up a step.

“It’s not hate. It’s the truth,” Elle sneered. “Every human you damned ponies touch turns into a pony. They’re stripped of everything that make them human! Soon, there won’t be no humanity, just cutesy pastel freaks!”

She glared defiantly, a martyr to her cause. “Just change me. Quit fucking around and make me disappear,” she snarled.

We all stared at her.

“What… an impressive imagination,” Nate said, to nobody in particular. “It’s like she has absolutely no idea how reality actually works.”

Erishy shook her head before turning away. She looked at me sadly. “Let’s knock her out, AJ,” she said, tone dejected.

“No arguments here,” I said. I gestured Nate forward. “Sleep tight, ya moron.”

Nate raised the shotgun, and swung the butt at her head. Elle dodged the blow. Twisting, she leapt on Nate, riding him to the ground.

“Dammit!” I hissed, dodging flailing limbs.

Nate grunted as his back slammed the floor. Bracing the shotgun between them, he tried to get space to get his wind back. Elle lunged, biting down on his cheek. Nate cried out in pain.

Scowling, I raced forward, and body checked Elle. Hard. She flew off Nate, slamming into the nearby wall. Her breath left her with a woosh.

Before she could recover, I leapt on top of her and hammered my head against hers. Elle jerked, and slumping, she slid into stunned unconsciousness.

I shook my head a little, clearing the spots from my eyes.

“Everyone okay?” I asked, turning back to the herd.

Nate was sitting up, blinking dazedly. Erishy had a handkerchief pressed to his cheek. She turned to me, and nodded.

“We’re okay, darling,” Rarity said. “How are you?”

“Fit as a fiddle,” I declared. “I’ll have to thank Big Mac for showin’ me that trick. Never thought I’d have to use it so much. Alright! Somepony help me-”

“Applejack!”

I turned. The stallion I’d put on watch was next to the door. The color was gone from his face.

Then, I heard it. From deep within the compound and getting closer: the shouts of angry people.

“Run,” I said.

Nopony moved. The shouting grew louder.

“Run!”

The herd broke and ran.

“Shy, with them!” I barked. “Rares you still got the keys?”

She nodded.

“Then, stay with me!”

I grabbed Elle’s collar and dragged her towards the shouting. At the compound’s door, I tossed her into the corridor, and stood waiting.

I heard Rarity come up behind me. “AJ, we need to get go-”

“No!” I snapped. Turning back to the hall, I muttered, “C’mon Steph. C’mon. I don’t wanna do this without-”

Stephanie wheeled around the corner, running full tilt toward us. Blood drenched her left sleeve.

“Steph!” I yelled, grinning.

Stephanie smiled back, pushing herself faster.

Then the bastard brigade appeared. I could see men, and a few women, in black and camo, all armed. They filled the hallway, and were shoving one another out of the way in the excitement of the chase.

They started firing, and my world zeroed down to just Stephanie. Ignoring the ricochets exploding around me, I stood my ground, and held the door open for her.

She ran right past me, vaulted over Rarity, and skidded into the hallway behind us. I jumped back, shoving the door with my shoulder. It slammed shut with a hollow bang.

“Keys, Rarity! Lock it!”

Rarity quickly slid the key in the lock and snapped it shut. Her magic flared brightly as she twisted hard and broke it off.

“Ooopsie!” she said. “I guess I don’t know my own strength.”

She shot me a wicked smile, and I had to reciprocate. The changes in Fluttershy spooked me, but I kinda liked this new, more maverick, Rarity. We turned to Stephanie, who was catching her breath.

“Sorry… I’m late,” she said.

“Better late than never,” I said. “Let’s go. That door won’t hold ‘em forever.”

Stephanie nodded and we followed the getaway crowd. Behind us, the mook squad beat against the door.

It didn’t take long to catch up. Erishy was waving her forearms wildly, new panic in her eyes.

“Let’s go! I’m not leaving unless you’re all coming, as well!” She looked back at the group, who were all doing a respectable job of hauling flank to the door out.

“That’s the plan!” I replied.

I was smiling fiercely. Erishy started flying, and I ran below her. Rarity and Stephanie kept pace right behind me.

“They can’t be headed to the basement- we just saw a bunch head outside!” chattered the radio in Erishy’s care.

Then everyone started shouting over everyone else, garbling any further communication.

“Guy on the door leading out,” I said, moving to flank our group. “Rares and…” I saw Elle’s shotgun floating along in a green glow. “Whoever has that shotgun, get ready to look like action ponies.”

I saw a unicorn nod, his brow settling in determination.

We came up on Brian soon enough. He blinked at the sudden arrival of a mass of ponies, along with two humans, but before he could move, our guns floated in at his eyeline.

Rarity moved her pistol forward till the barrel pressed against Brian’s nose. She trotted into his line of sight. “Don’t move, asshole,” she said.

Brian stayed very still. And unlike Elle, very quiet.

I started waving ponies through the door. “Stephanie, get up front!” I shouted. “We need you leading the way!”

Hopping around the ponies, like playing hopscotch in a mine field, Stephanie made her way to the head of the herd.

Once the last pony was through, I stood next to Rarity, and Erishy came to land on her other side. We looked at Brian.

“On your knees,” I said.

Brian, his eyes very focused on the gun, obliged.

“Rares, you can move it.”

Rarity moved the gun from Brian’s nose, and he slumped slightly, his gaze focusing on me.

“Howdy,” I said. Then, I rammed my head forward, knocking Brian out.

I rubbed at my forehead. “I keep this up, I’m gonna grow a horn of my own,” I muttered.

Tilting my head toward the door, I lead our little command unit outside, where Stephanie waited with the rest of the group.

“Made it-?” one pony said.

“Dude, trees!” another pony exclaimed.

“-the scariest thing ever!” said another.

I smiled. “Where you been, young lady?” I called to Stephanie.

“Got held up,” she said. “That everypony?”

“We’re clear. Let’s roll.”

“NO!”

We whirled, and Commander Davis marched around the building, levelling his weapon at us. A group of men and women behind him all carried similar guns.

“Nobody’s going anywhere,” he growled.

The people behind him fanned out, and I could easily see they outnumbered us. It wouldn’t take them long to surround us and corral us back inside.

I wanted to scream. Instead, as I stared at the sheer unfairness before me, a sudden memory welled up. Max once showed me Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I enjoyed the movie, but wondered about the ending. Where did those guys find the courage to stand against an entire army?

Looking at Commander Davis and his squad of armed, racist rednecks, and hearing the fear-filled noises of the herd around me, I knew the answer.

I sauntered forward until I was directly between the herd and his line of fire. It didn’t matter that I was on the business end of a gun again. These ponies were under my protection.

Rarity joined me on my left. Erishy landed on my other side. She whimpered a little, but I think I was the only one who heard it.

“How’d you get out?” I asked, my gaze locked on him.

“Back door. This place is lousy with ‘em,” Davis replied.

I laughed a little. “Wish I’d known that.”

He didn’t share my amusement. “Put down the guns,” he said, voice sharp.

Turning my head a little, I kept my eyes on Davis. “Do as he says,” I said.

The guns floated off to the side and settled on the ground.

“Okay, good,” Davis said, in a more relaxed tone. “Now, everyone is going to march back inside, and we’re going to lock all the ponies up, and then deal with the agent and the doctor.”

I could feel all eyes in the herd on me, waiting for my direction.

I stood my ground. He wasn’t getting prisoners. He wasn’t getting hostages. He wasn’t getting anything.

The silence stretched out.

“I’m not going to say it again,” Davis said, his voice going hard.

I stood my ground.

Behind me, I caught a murmur from the crowd. Someone quietly said, “Hey does anypony else hear that?”

Davis sighted on me and cocked his rifle. I could make out the grooves in the muzzle. My heart thudded rapidly in my ears.

Whum, whum, whum.

The sound grew until it drowned out everything else.

Then, the whumming exploded as a helicopter roared into the clearing.

“Aaah!” he yelped, jerking his gun up at the new threat.

“Put down your weapons!” Alphonse’s familiar, resonant voice commanded.

Everyone turned, as Special Agent Alphonse Beharie exited the brush surrounding the compound. May Belle rode on his shoulder, my hat tilted back from her eyes. Behind them came a whole squad of men in tactical gear. Their vests all read FBI, in bright yellow letters. The helicopter’s engine growled from above, keeping the spotlight on Davis’s men.

Voices started barking orders all around us.

“FBI!”

“Freeze!”

“Don’t move!”

“Well well well,” May said, grinning ear to ear. “Looks like we arrived just in the nick of time, eh, Al?”

“Looks like,” Alphonse said, training his weapon on Davis.

“What’s that make us?”

Alphonse smiled. “Big damn heroes.”

“Ain’t. We. Just.”

Chapter 9: The Hurricane Express

Why is it I keep finding myself sitting on ambulance bumpers?

“Sit still,” said the EMT, who was working on my right ear.

“Sorry,” I replied.

“I still can’t believe you didn’t feel that happen,” May said, from her perch on Rarity’s back.

I sighed, rolling my eyes.

“Hush now, Sweetie- I mean, May,” Rarity said, nodding to her sister. “It was pretty exciting in there. I, for one, am not surprised that Applejack was so focused that she missed getting shot.”

“It’s more a graze, really,” I said.

“Sit still,” the EMT said, again.

“Sorry.”

This was my life now. Lots of bowel-clenching terror immediately followed by sitting on an ambulance bumper while May cracked jokes. At least the bowel-clenching terror didn’t linger once it was all over.

When the FBI showed up, Davis was pretty much done. He and his crew threw down their weapons, a bunch of people in tactical gear stormed the compound, and a whole fleet of ambulances showed up to take care of the wounded. Which included me.

“You’ll need stitches if you want to avoid a nasty scar, but this should get you to the hospital,” the EMT said. He smoothed a white bandage over the damage.

“Thanks,” I said, smiling at him.

He smiled back and stood up, striding off in search of somepony else to help. He passed by Stephanie, who was perched on another bumper. She was getting her arm taken care of while she chatted with Alphonse. Erishy sat on a stretcher with a bottle of water, as an EMT set about making a mummy pony out of her. Even Nate and Rarity had shock blankets.

Since I didn’t have to sit still any more, I leaned forward and plucked my hat off of May’s head.

“Thanks for watching this, squirt,” I said, carefully sliding it back on.

“No problem, hayseed,” she said, smirking back at me. “But I can’t keep saving your flank all the time. You need to plan ahead or you’re going to be up to your ears in shit-t-t-” May slapped her hooves over her mouth, eyes locked on Rarity.

“Uh- I mean! Uh, trouble! I totally said trouble!” she squeaked, looking nervously at her sister.

Rarity chuckled. “It’s alright, sis, you can fucking curse if you want to.”

I tried not to laugh at May’s expression. I really did. She just looked like someone had set a firecracker off under her nose.

“Rae?” May said, in a not very whispering whisper.

“Eeyup?”

“Did Rarity just curse?”

“Eeyup.”

“This blows my mind. Holy freaking crap.” May held her head in her hooves like someone had just slapped her with a two-by-four.

“You never heard her close to a deadline, didja?” I teased.

“No, she didn’t,” Rarity said, shooting me a look. “A lady tries not to air her… ‘Business Mouth’ around little fillies.”

I was about to apologize, call pax, when Rarity’s expression mellowed, and she sighed.

“But…” she said, glancing at her reflection in the bumper. “Well, I would be lying if I didn’t say my merge hasn’t provided a new perspective. I will avoid being boorish if I can, but sometimes…” She smirked. “Well, you just have to fucking swear.”

I laughed. I definitely was going to get along with new Rarity.

“If you merged, is that why you have the eye thing and the streaks in your hair?” May asked, leaning down to re-inspect her sister. “Didja change your name too?”

“Ah, yes. The name. I will answer to Rarity still, who wouldn’t- it’s a fabulous name, but…” Rarity scuffed a hoof against the ground, a little pink coloring her cheeks. “If you could call me Raritony, I... would appreciate it.”

I smiled. Picking up her hoof, I shook it firmly. “Pleased t’meetcha Raritony. I’m Rae Jay.”

Raritony laughed softly and smiled. “A pleasure, Rae Jay.”

“But she actually prefers ‘hayseed,’” May said, grinning mischief.

I growled at May. She stuck her tongue out at me.

“And what about dear Fluttershy?” Raritony asked.

“She’s Erishy now,” I said, looking over at her. Erishy was still sitting quietly on the stretcher, head down as she sipped water. More of her was bandages than she wasn’t. Which made… something ugly tighten in my chest. “And she’s gonna need some extra TLC.”

“I imagine so,” Raritony said. “Did you see her bruises? Damn ghastly. She’ll need all the support we can give her.”

“I’d rather buck the head off whoever did it to her,” I growled.

I watched Erishy nod to her EMT, then lift her wing slowly, tentatively. She didn’t deserve to be in this much pain. She was such a sweet pony, and she looked like she got in a fight with a thresher. Meanwhile, I just had a few bumps and a graze. It wasn’t right.

“Apple- Rae Jay,” Raritony said, breaking my reverie, her voice soft. “As much as I agree, and trust me, I do… Flutt- Erishy doesn’t need that right now. She needs us to be her friends. Supportive. Present.”

As if she heard us, Erishy looked up, and a small smile appeared on her face. She waved.

I waved back. I managed to keep tears out of my eyes too. Because I’m so freaking tough and all.

Turning away from Erishy, I closed my eyes and looked up. “Sorry, Rares,” I said. “I’m… I look at her and-” I sighed, shaking my head. “I can’t be… supportive right now.”

Sure that I wasn’t about to start bawling, I looked back to Raritony and May. “Can y’all keep her company for a spell?” I asked. “I wanna talk to Stephanie. See where we stand on the whole CIA escort thing.”

“Of course,” Raritony replied. “I know a little planning and organization helps calm me down. Even if it’s just to set out a dress order. Or... even better- getting a Minecraft team set up!”

After staring at Raritony for probably too long, I looked at May.

“This happen with me, too?”

“Oh yeah,” May said, nodding. “When you talked about Kingdom Hearts, I wanted to check my hearing.”

“Right,” I said looking at the space next to Raritony’s head. “Y’all be neighborly, I’m gonna go over here. And deal with Rarity playing Minecraft- I mean, our CIA ride.”

Raritony and May giggled, trotting over to Erishy’s stretcher. I made my way to Stephanie and Alphonse.

I didn’t quite reach them. Just as I was about to say hi, someone stormed past me to stop in front of Stephanie. He didn’t say anything, he just loomed over her. If it weren’t for the FBI tactical vest, I’d think he was a pissed off DMV employee.

Stephanie turned from talking to the EMT who was working on her arm, and her expression cooled several degrees.

“Crocker,” she said, her voice carefully neutral.

“Chase,” Crocker spat.

Alphonse took a breath and muttered something about checking the car. He stepped toward the CIA-mobile, parked nearby, where I could see Sam was watching us intently.

I wasn’t so discreet. Stepping forward, I got a better look at this guy.

He was tall, for a human, with thinning brown hair, and narrow, intense eyes. The set to his jaw made me think he constantly frowned. Overall, he looked like one of life’s permanently pissed. And he was aiming that pissitude directly at Stephanie.

“What. The. Hell,” he snarled. “You were told to check the perimeter, Chase. You were told to hold your position. Where in any of that was storming the fucking compound implied?!”

Stephanie didn’t miss a beat. “I was already in the process of entering the site when you contacted me,” she said, her voice controlled, her expression calm. “To back off and do a perimeter would have alerted them to our presence and blown our cover.”

“Entering the site? Entering the- You shouldn’t have been that close in the first place!” he roared. “And with your principal no less!”

Okay, I did not just finish with one brand of asshole to let another walk all over my friends.

“The ‘principal’ volunteered,” I said, standing by Stephanie’s side. “In fact, I insisted.” She twitched, her eyes darting to me, then back to Crocker.

He looked even angrier than before, locking his unholy eyefuck on me. Maybe it would’ve hit a nerve a few days ago, but after all I’d been through, it’d take more than some guy with a rage boner to get under my skin.

I stared steadily back at him, making it clear I was unimpressed.

“My friend was in danger,” I said. “I wasn’t going to sit by and wait. Stephanie felt the same way. You got a problem with that?”

“Of course I have a problem with that!” he shot back. “You’re a goddamn civilian! A V.I.P! Do you have any idea what that means?!”

“Yeah. Means y’all need me more than I need this noise.” I pointedly ignored him and looked at Stephanie. “Who is this assclown?”

Stephanie didn’t entirely manage to smother her laugh.

“He’s Bruce Crocker,” she said, gesturing to him. “He’s the one that leads the team that saved our butts. And…” She sighed. “I know he’s right. I should have waited, I definitely shouldn’t have taken you, a civilian V.I.P. into a hostile situation.”

Crocker blinked, and he lost some of that heated red in his cheeks. He started to get a superior look to him.

“But I also know I’m right,” Stephanie said, glaring up at Crocker.

His nostrils flared and his whole face turned practically purple.

“Crocker, with all due respect, if you had run this like a typical breach, then you would have had a hostage situation,” Stephanie said, leaning forward. The EMT gently took her arm and moved her back into position so he could keep working. “Just think, a hostage situation with V.I.P.s on the line. How bad could that have gone? Any worse than this? These were amateurs, Crocker. You know what happens with amateurs.”

She leaned back. The EMT grabbed her a bit more roughly.

Crocker scowled. “Expect me to inform Jacobs-”

“Go ahead!” Stephanie snapped. “But you should know I intend on giving him very much the same report when I debrief.”

Crocker glared at her.

“Don’t be surprised if you end up in Tulsa again, Chase,” he growled. “As far as I’m concerned, ends do not justify the means.” He straightened and I got the impression if he had a tie, he’d have straightened it, too. “And you trampled all over this with very, very questionable means.”

“Noted,” Stephanie said, her tone clipped. “Is that all?”

He turned his nose up and frowned impressively. Wheeling around, he started to storm off, but was brought up short when he nearly ran into Nate. And a little pink filly in Nate’s arms.

“And will someone get these people out of here!” Crocker yelled to no one in particular. “They’re trampling all over my goddamn scene!”

I blew a raspberry at his retreating back. “Nice guy. Want me to dent his car?” I asked Stephanie, raising Bucky McGillicuddy.

She laughed. “Tempting as that would be, no. He’s good people. He’s just…” She sighed, shaking her head. “He doesn’t like cowboys,” she said, smiling crookedly at me.

“Now, what’s not to like about a cowboy?” I asked.

“I could think of a few things,” Alphonse said, stepping back up. He whistled in appreciation. “Wow. You survived Hurricane Crocker. I’ve heard stories about him.”

Raritony and May came over at a quick trot. “Rae Jay, dear? Are you alright? May, Erishy, and I heard that ghastly man yelling clear across the way.”

“I’m fine. We’re fine,” I said, waving my hoof placatingly. “He was just lookin’ to blow off some steam.”

“That was Hurricane Crocker,” Alphonse said. “He doesn’t blow off steam, he blows over agents.”

“Most agents,” Stephanie said, winking at me. “I had good backup.”

“Hope you have good back-up when all this is over,” Alphonse replied. “He’s gonna make a biiiiiiig stink when he sends in his report.”

Stephanie sighed, rubbing at her eyes with her free hand. “One crisis at a time, Al. Okay?”

“Well, how about an easy crisis?” I asked. “Like, are you two still our agents?”

“Yeah!” May piped up. “I like riding on Al’s shoulder. I need to know if I have to give up the dream of doing it again.”

Alphonse snorted. Stephanie blinked at me. With a show of theatrical confusion, she turned to Alphonse.

“Did I miss something?” she asked. “Did we get reassigned while I was getting bandaged up?”

Alphonse laughed in earnest. “I haven’t gotten any new orders,” he said, smiling, easing his hands into his pockets. “And last I heard, we’re supposed to watch after you and any other Element that comes along.”

“Seriously?” I said. “Even though you’re looking at three Elements and a little sister?”

Sam barked.

“And my dog?” I added.

Alphonse and Stephanie snorted. “Sorry, RJ, you’re stuck with us,” Stephanie said, smirking.

“Well ain’t that a thing… Put ‘er there, y’all,” I said, raising a forehoof.

Confused, Alphonse and Stephanie offered their hands. I reared up and thumped them each.

“That’s about the pony equivalent of a ‘low five,’” I explained, winking.

Alphonse’s shook his head, laughing again, but Stephanie looked a bit giddy as she stared at her hand. I think she was about to squeal.

“You’re going to kill that poor girl,” Raritony murmured in my ear.

The EMT finished wrapping Stephanie’s arm. “Alright,” she said, breaking Stephanie out of her reverie. “It was just a graze, but try and take it easy.”

“That was a lot of blood for a graze,” Alphonse commented, as Stephanie rolled down her sleeve carefully.

“A really serious graze then,” the EMT said. “If you’ll excuse me?”

“Thanks,” Stephanie said, getting up and sliding on her jacket. “We good to roll?”

“I still need stitches for this thing,” I said, gently touching my ear. “And Rares and I have already decided we’re staying with Shy.”

“Does that mean ambulance ride?” Alphonse asked. “I can follow y’all if need be.”

Stephanie was quiet for a bit, and made a face. “I can’t hear myself think,” she grumbled, eyes on the bustling activity around us. With all the people shouting, and the ambulances coming and going, it was one hay of a hoe down.

“How about the car?” Raritony asked, pointing at the CIA-mobile. “It should be plenty quiet enough to plan our next move.”

Alphonse smiled. “I like a woman who plans in a car,” he said.

“You like any woman who wants to getin your car,” Stephanie snarked, as Raritony beamed. “But, a good idea is a good idea. C’mon. Let’s go hash this out.”

We gathered ourselves up and headed for the CIA-mobile.

“WAIT!” an anguished voice shrieked.

Two steps from the car, we froze, and turned as one.

Erishy rose ungainly to her hooves. Her face was pale and sweating as she staggered off the stretcher. She took her first unsteady step, and her wings flared slightly to catch her balance. Eyes wide, her gasp was loud enough for me to hear it from across the field. Then, she bit her lip and kept moving, tears already leaving tracks on her face.

“Wait!” she cried.

I watched in horror as a patch of red bloomed on the bandage around her barrel. She wobbled forward, lurching sideways with each step. But she pressed on toward us, moving at her painfully slow pace.

“Don’t leave me!” she sobbed. “Please don’t!”

Chapter 10: Pals of the Saddle

I don’t know which of our group moved first, but I was the first to Erishy’s side, holding her before she could take another step.

“Shy! Dammit girl!” I snapped. I sounded too pinched. “You’re bleeding again!”

“I don’t care!” she keened, eyes rolling in panic. “Please don’t leave me!”

I swallowed the worry clawing at my throat, and forced myself to smooth my expression. “We ain’t leaving you, darlin’,” I said, fighting to keep my voice steady. “But you’ll be leavin’ us, if y’all don’t sit.”

She eyed me warily, her breath still coming in thready gasps. I smiled confidently at her. It must have done something. She nodded, and plopped her rump in the grass.

Raritony hissed as she trotted up and got a better look at Erishy. “That looks bad,” she said, pointing to the spreading blot of red on the bandages around Erishy’s barrel.

“It ain’t good,” I agreed. “Get an EMT?”

“May’s on it,” she said. She started stroking Erishy’s back, while I pressed my hoof against the bandage, tenderly.

Erishy winced and tried to lean away from me.

“Stop that,” I commanded. “We don’t want you getting worse. And you wouldn’t be bleeding again if you had just sat still on that stretcher. What possessed you to try tearing after us, Shy?”

“You were leaving me,” she said, voice hollow. But, she obediently pressed into me, helping me keep pressure on her wound.

“We were what?” Raritony gasped.

Erishy didn’t get a chance to respond as May and an EMT jogged up. I recognized him as the one who had helped Erishy, earlier. He was slender, with dark hair and caring eyes. His name tag read: Tim.

“Okay, this is the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do,” he said to Erishy, getting down on one knee.

“‘M sorry,” Erishy mumbled.

He shook his head. “You have to be careful,” he said, a stern, but reassuring smile warming his face. Looking at me, he said, “You can take your, uh, hoof off her. I have this.”

I nodded, and Tim got to work. May, her little barrel heaving from the run, went to Raritony’s side. She hugged May with a free hoof, pulling her close.

I was focused entirely on Tim’s hands. When the bandages fell away and nothing bigger than a shallow cut came into view, I sighed in relief. I’d gotten worse from a stray rake.

“Is… she going to be okay?” Raritony whispered.

“Yeah,” I said, as Tim nodded. He slathered some clear gel over the cut, then started rewrapping it.

“And she’ll stay okay if she doesn’t go over-exerting herself. Again,” Tim said, tone motherly. Guilt-inducing, yet comforting. The more he talked, the more I liked him.

Erishy ducked her head further down, hiding behind her mane.

“We’ll keep her in line, sir,” I said.

“Do that,” he said. “I don’t have infinite bandages.” He taped down the ends of the wrap. Now that I wasn’t shot with adrenaline, I could see it wasn’t that big. No more than a few thin strips around Erishy’s barrel.

Tim gingerly lifted Erishy back onto the stretcher. She didn’t say anything, just kept her face hidden behind the curtain of her mane.

“Now, stay put until we get you moved. If you need to move, take it easy. And, don’t use your wings- you’re a high speed shuffler, at best, right now.”

Erishy’s head bobbed up and down, but she didn’t say anything.

Tim sighed, and looked at us.

“We got this,” I said, stepping over to her.

He smiled. “Good. I have a lot more ponies to get to.”

“Then you should do that, good sir,” Raritony said. “We can ensure our friend is tended to.”

Tim nodded, picked up his bag, and dove back into the activity around us.

Erishy curled up on the stretcher, keeping her head down. Raritony and I exchanged a look over her back. After a moment, we caught the faint, almost-silent sound of Fluttershy crying.

May broke away from Raritony and hopped up on the stretcher to cuddle against Erishy’s good side. “It’s okay, Erishy,” May said, nuzzling her shoulder. “It’s okay. You don’t have to cry.”

“B-bu-but I didn’t- I didn’t-” Erishy hiccupped, trying to inhale. She looked down at May, who smiled up at her. “I’m so sorry!” she wailed, leaning against May. The tiny filly nearly tipped off the stretcher.

Raritony walked up beside Erishy, carding her hoof soothingly through Erishy’s mane. I propped my forehooves and my chin on the front of the stretcher, right in her line of sight.

“Shy?” I said, softly. “Shy, there’s no need for apologies here. Just talk to us. What’s goin’ on darlin’? Why’d you think we were leavin’ you?”

She sniffled, rubbing at her eyes. “I wasn’t… I wasn’t strong enough,” she whispered. “I let all of you down, so you were leaving me.” She sniffed again. “You were leaving me behind.”

I put my hooves over hers. Wearing the smile I used whenever Apple Bloom had a particularly bad nightmare, I pulled Erishy a bit closer. “Aw, Shy. We weren’t doing anything of the sort.”

“But I saw you talking to the CIA, and you were all about to get in the car away from me, and-”

“And you let your imagination get away from you, darling,” Raritony said. “Like we’d ever leave you behind. We were merely making arrangements for our exit. You’re our friend, Erishy. We would never leave you.”

“I- I- I know that,” she said. “I do, but…” Her lower lip trembled, and her tail twitched spasmodically. “But I was so helpless, and you had to save me, and you’ve merged so-”

“And none of that means we would ever leave you behind,” I said, voice firm.

She frowned, rubbing at her eyes. I sighed, feeling at a loss how to deal with Erishy, when it came to me. I grinned.

“Remember the dragon?” I said, softly.

She blinked at me. “You- do you mean Spike?”

I shook my head. “Nah. I mean the big one. The one that was smoking up the whole town all on account of his nap.”

She nodded, a slightly puzzled look crossing her face. “I do. Two different ways, too.” She shook her head. “That’s still weird.”

“Yeah, well, I only remember the one way,” I said, stroking her hoof. “Did I leave you at the bottom of the mountain?”

Erishy shook her head.

“And has anything changed between us?” I asked. “Anything that would lessen our friendship in any way?”

Erishy pawed at the stretcher. “The merge might have-

“Might’ve, but it didn’t,” I said. “I’m still your friend. Anything else?”

She blinked, biting her lip. “You looked shaken by what I could do with the gun,” she said.

“That I was. But it doesn’t change that I’m still your friend.” I smiled. “Are you noticing a trend here, sugarcube?”

Erishy blushed. “I’m still your friend.”

I chuckled, hugging her. “Got it in one. I didn’t leave you then, and I ain’t leaving you now,” I said.

“Seconded,” Raritony said.

“Third!” May cheered.

Erishy wrapped her forelegs around me and sighed. Laying her head just above my Element, she said, “I wish I were strong like you, Rae Jay. You didn’t get kidnapped.”

I snorted. Raritony smothered a laugh.

Erishy pulled back, looking at us. “What? Did I- what’s funny?”

“Darling, ” Raritony crooned, running her hoof through Erishy’s mane. “If you think you’re the only pony to get foalnapped, you are gravely mistaken.”

“What?”

“I was spirited away quite a few times in my travels,” Raritony said. “Practically passed about like an old dress amongst friends, until I was left here.”

“And I got shot full of horse tranqs, then dumped in a dirty hotel room,” I added.

Erishy blinked, brow knitting in confusion. “But you’re- I mean-” She pointed at me. “You came in all tough and brash, and you-” She pointed at Raritony. “You were using a magical shield to protect us!”

“True,” Raritony said. “But one action-role does not an action-mare make. Sometimes life makes a damsel out of you, and as often as you try to save yourself, sometimes you need a knight.”

“She’s right!” May piped up. “I’m the one who had to rescue Rae Jay!” She grinned impishly at me. “So does that make me your goddamn knight, hayseed?”

“Sure you are,” I said, reaching forward and ruffling her mane. “You have my eternal thanks, Sir Swears-A-Lot.”

“Oh, so that’s how it turned into a bird’s nest,” Raritony said, archly. “Get over here, sis. I cannot have your mane looking like Discord and Rainbow’s bastard offspring.”

May rolled her eyes, but dutifully trotted around Erishy, to submit to Raritony’s ministrations.

Erishy watched us, tears at bay, for the moment.

“We all got hoodwinked, Shy,” I said, still holding her hoof firmly. “That ain’t anyone’s fault but the assholes who did it to us. You weren’t weak. You weren’t weak. At. All.” I wrapped her up in a firm hug. “Surviving what you did makes you as strong as any pony I’ve ever met.”

“And I’m inclined to agree,” came a new voice.

Nate squatted down to join our support group. He had undone his tie, and looked a little more at ease. Behind him, the small, pink filly he’d been holding peeked in at our little group.

“That you are alive, after what you’ve faced, speaks volumes,” he said, smiling. It was pretty good bedside manner. Now I could finally see him in the role of a proper doctor. “I wish I could have been as tough and strong as you.”

Erishy stared at Nate like he’d just told her she was Celestia’s daughter. I smiled.

“See?” I said, nuzzling her. “You’re tougher’n you know.”

Erishy looked at her hooves, scuffing at the stretcher. She took a shuddering breath, and leaned hard against me. I felt her working her throat up and down. “O- okay,” she said, voice barely above a whisper. “But you’ll all stay with me so I don’t have to be strong alone, right?”

“Sure thing, sugarcube,” I crooned, stroking her mane.

“Of course, darling,” Raritony added.

“You’re the best foalsitter ever, I’m totally sticking by you,” May said.

Nate chuckled, and rose. “I... will have to bow out,” he said.

Erishy looked up at him. She wiped the last round of tears from her eyes. “Really?”

“Sorry, my dear, but I have a lot of work to do. Ponies to help, opportunities to seize. I have a lot of work ahead of me now. And…” He flexed a bandaged hand. “I get to look forward to it. I wouldn’t be here if you and your friends hadn’t come along.” He smiled awkwardly at all of us. “So... thank you. For saving my life.”

“Thanks for bein’ a stand-up guy, Nate,” I said, raising my hoof.

He shook it. “Thanks for coming to the rescue.”

I shrugged, smirking.

He nodded to Raritony, then smiled warmly at Erishy.

“Thank you. For listening to me,” Erishy said.

“And the same to you,” he said, nodding. His smile turned cheeky. “Now go on and save the world- doctor’s orders.”

He turned back to the crowd, and the bubblegum pink filly raised up her forehooves. Crouching down, Nate picked up the little pony, then disappeared into the bustle of EMTs, FBI agents, and ponies.

Erishy leaned against me. Raritony tended to Erishy’s mane and tail. It didn’t look like any real styling was being accomplished, but it seemed to calm both of them. May sat in the midst of us, watching the parade of activity. We enjoyed each other’s company in silence, sure that we would be there till the bitter end.

Chapter 11 - In Harm's Way

Eventually, Tim returned. He started to wheel Erishy’s stretcher off to a waiting ambulance, but Stephanie stepped in front of him.

“She’s coming with us,” she said. That earned a few raised eyebrows, most notably, Tim’s.

“She’s injured, and probably in shock,” Tim said, fixing Stephanie with a solid Look.

“I know,” she said, unfazed. “That’s why she’s coming with us.”

Tim turned the stretcher to go around Stephanie, but she moved to intercept him. I stepped over and put a hoof on one wheel. Tim frowned at me.

“You do know she’s CIA, right?” I said. “One of the good guys?”

“I do,” Tim replied, acidly. “I also know that this is an injured pony who needs further medical attention.”

“And if she were anypony else, I would so be out of your way like you wouldn’t believe,” Stephanie said. She rested a hand on Erishy’s stretcher.

Erishy looked up at the two hard-faced professionals, and swallowed audibly. Raritony reached a hoof up to pat hers.

“But this is a VIP,” Stephanie continued. “See that necklace she’s wearing? That’s magic. Serious magic. And we need it, and her, to stop that Discord guy in New York. Because if he isn’t stopped, he’ll be more than New York’s problem, soon.”

“Right now, the only problem I see is a bureaucratic busybody inhibiting my ability to care for a patient,” Tim said, voice sharp. “The threat can wait, she needs-”

“I’m fine.”

Tim blinked, looking down at Erishy. She smiled, sitting up as straight as her wounds allowed.

“I only hurt a little,” she said, voice quiet, but firm. “And other ponies and people need me. I won’t do much. Just walk a little. Mostly, I’ll sit still. I promise. Is that okay?”

Then she turned on the Big Eyes. I’d seen Fluttershy do it before. One second, she’s just a pony, then bam! She suddenly has the biggest, neediest eyes you’ve ever seen. And I’ve yet to see the pony, or person, who can say no to them. In a lot of ways, I think her Big Eyes are more dangerous than her Stare.

Unprepared, Tim met the Big Eyes head on. He held out for about ten seconds, which was a new record, near as I could recall.

Sighing, he threw his hands up. “Fine! Fine,” he grumbled. “I think she could use a quiet bed and lots of fluids, but what do I know?”

Stephanie nodded, her face softening. “I understand,” she said. “We’ll take good care of her. Is she okay to travel?”

“Yeah, yeah, she can travel,” Tim admitted, scowling. “But you better make damn sure she takes it easy,” he said, levelling a finger at Stephanie. “No more…” He waved his hands at the circus around us.

“I’ll do my best,” Stephanie said, with a nod.

Tim lowered the stretcher so Erishy could get off, under her own power.

Stephanie’s phone chirped. She glanced at the caller ID, then answered with, “Tell me good news.” Turning her back to us, she took a few steps away. We focused on helping Erishy off the stretcher.

“Thank you, Tim,” Raritony said. “We really appreciate it.”

He sighed. “Don’t thank me,” he said. “What she really needs is to not be in action right now.”

“And we’ll keep an eye on her,” I told him. “Promise.”

Shaking his head, he wheeled the stretcher away. Probably to find someone who would listen to good sense. Once he disappeared, Stephanie walked back up to us. Her expression was cool and collected.

“We have transport,” she told us. “So let’s get going.”

“We all gonna fit?” I asked, glancing around at our little parade.

I wasn’t trying to be an ass- it was a legit question. Since coming here we’d picked up two more full-grown ponies in Raritony and Erishy,on top of the original group of May, Sam, Alphonse, Stephanie and myself. I didn’t see a sedan being that accomodating.

Stephanie sighed. “Yeah. Alphonse got a federal SUV,” she said, lips pursing. “Which means I’m now a CIA soccer mom.”

I chuckled.

“Don’t laugh,” Stephanie said. “You’re the one with the backpack.”

“Can I have a juice box on the way to practice, mom?” I teased.

“Oh god, my life,” Stephanie breathed, as she walked on.

Up ahead, Alphonse was looking particularly pleased as he leaned against a black Ford Expedition. It shone like new.

“Ah, a fine carriage for a fine group of ladies,” Raritony said, coming up behind me.

Alphonse barked a laugh. Sam ran from his side to bark at me, tail wagging.

“Hey girl,” I said, stroking her affectionately. “Holding down the fort for me?”

She yipped an affirmative and sat, tail thumping on the ground.

“Oh, who’s this cutie?” Erishy said, coming up next to Sam.

I grinned. “Sam, Erishy. Erishy, Sam.”

Sam barked, and Erishy held out a hoof. “It’s a pleasure.” She leaned in close, eyes shining with concern. “Oh my, are you okay? You look so thin.”

Sam made some weird noise between a growl and a bark, looked at me, then yipped at Erishy.

Her smile was almost as wide as one of Pinkie’s. “I’m so glad to hear,” she replied, sweet and pleased. “Apple- Rae Jay is great like that.” She reached out a hoof and scratched Sam right at the sweet spot behind her ear. The pup leaned in like she just found heaven.

“You still got a knack with animals,” I said, approvingly.

Erishy blushed. “I couldn’t lose my special talent, could I? My animal friends need me.”

“We gotta book it. C’mon, my little ponies,” Stephanie said, with a smirk.

Raritony and I shared a look. Raritony rolled her eyes and I laughed.

“What’s the rush?” May asked, hopping up onto the seat. Our backpacks were already inside.

“That’s what I’d like to know,” I said.

“On the road,” Stephanie said. “I promise I’ll tell you on the road. Where it’s quieter.”

Shrugging, I shuffled places with Raritony so May was between us and Raritony had a window seat. Erishy took the other window seat with Sam in her lap. Stephanie rode shotgun, sliding on a pair of shades.

Alphonse gunned the engine, and we pulled out of the dirt lot. A uniformed agent waved us to the main roads.

After a minute of quiet, Stephanie took a breath. “Okay. What… do you guys know about Twilight Sparkle?”

I rolled my eyes. “All kinds of stuff,” I replied, glibly. “You might wanna get out a pen, because it could take a while.”

Raritony’s eyes grew wide. “Rae Jay? You- you don’t know?”

“Woods,” I said, my face pinching. “I’ve been hiding in the freaking woods, after smashing my cell phone! Does nobody believe me? I’m wearing the gol-darn Element of gol-darn Honesty and everything!”

Everyone kept staring at me, so I sighed, pushing deeper into the seat. “Alright, fine. What’d I miss this time? Did Pinkie get on Youtube again? She and Twilight doing a conga line at a Waffle House in Idaho?”

“She… she was shot,” Erishy said, gently.

It was like all the air suddenly left the car.

When I realized I hadn’t spoken in too long, I gulped in a breath. “She was…? Wait. You were shot, too, Shy. Was it-”

Erishy shook her head.

“She was hit in the head. She’s in a coma,” Stephanie explained.

Raritony rested her hoof on my leg. Erishy lay one on my back.

For a moment, I could only hear the blood rushing in my ears.. “God fucking dammit,” I whispered.

“Yeah...” Stephanie said, her voice tight. “So, the hospital has her stabilized, and I made sure they kept her tiara near her, but… Well, we’re on our way there. You’ll see for yourself.”

More quiet. “When did it happen?” I asked.

“A while back,” Stephanie said. “Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. We were… kind of preoccupied.”

I nodded. It made sense. “What about the others?” I asked.

“Do you know where Pinkie is?” Erishy added.

“Not... exactly,” Stephanie admitted. “She took off to do something with Shining Armor, and we haven’t heard from either of them for a while. If they don’t check in soon, we may have to take more action.”

“And Rainbow?” I said.

“She was en route to Pinkie, last I heard,” Stephanie said. “She busted out of the same sort of situation we were just in, actually.”

I leaned my head back. Twilight was down. Twilight Sparkle. The Element of Magic was in a coma. Dread crept up my spine.

Before this, whenever things got screwy, Twilight usually counted on me to help her out. Managing a farm helps you keep a good head in a minor crisis. But, this wasn’t Ponyville. We weren’t dealing with parasprites, or lending a hoof for Winter Wrap-up. Hell, this wasn’t even as “minor” as a sleeping dragon. This was Discord. Nothing in either of my lives was ready for him.

But, New York was counting on us. Maybe even the world. Which meant we couldn’t mess around any more. Which meant somepony had to take charge without Twilight here. Which meant Twilight was counting on me.

So, things were screwier than usual. So what? I’d deal. I may not have had a tiara, but I sure as Celestia wore a hat named Liana.

Taking another deep breath, I set my jaw. And my hat.

“Okay,” I said.

“Okay?” Raritony said.

“Any way we can reach out to Pinkie or Dash?” I said, voice firm.

“We’re working on it now,” Stephanie said.

“I hope they’re okay…” Erishy said.

“They’ll be fine, hon,” I said. “It’s Pinkie and Dash, for Celestia’s sake.”

“I know,” Erishy said, but she didn’t sound like she believed it. I placed a reassuring hoof across her withers.

“Given how dire everything is, and what we just survived, I’ve secured authority for a straight shot into New York, and the hospital where Twilight is,” Stephanie said. “No traffic this time. If anyone gets in our way… well, they better not get in our way. I’ve had one hell of a day, and Alphonse hates traffic.”

Despite the dire mood, we all chuckled.

“Everyone settled in?” Alphonse asked.

“Yes,” we all said in unison. This just made for more chuckling. Too bad Pinkie wasn’t here. She’d have us in stitches.

“Nonstop to New York,” he said, hitting the highway. “No more interruptions.”

“Uh, is it possible we can have… one more interruption?” Raritony asked.

By the time we parked at the gas station, two exits up, I had almost stopped laughing.

“I don’t see what’s so damn funny,” Raritony said, exiting the bathroom.

“Just our lives,” I replied, wiping a tear away. My stomach ached. I’d laughed all the way here. I guess I needed to let off some steam.

“I noticed that you used the facilities, as well,” Raritony said, walking with me down the snack aisle. She picked up some corn chips. I know it was cliche, but I snatched up an apple tart.

“Yeah, but that’s ‘cause I agree with American Gods,” I said, noticing Stephanie and Erishy looking at bottles in the first aid section.

Raritony tilted her head at me as she floated her chips up to the counter.

“Never pass up a chance to eat, sleep, or take a leak,” I said.

Raritony made a face. “Darling, I may be a bit more butch, but I am still a lady.”

“There’s the Rarity I remember,” I said, rolling my eyes.

We paid the cashier and returned to the car. Alphonse was texting, and May was giving Sam belly rubs.

“Where’s Steph and Shy?” May asked, after we climbed back in the car.

“Back in the shop,” I said, opening the tart and biting in. It was okay- too much sugar, but I needed the fuel. “They were looking at aspirin and stuff like that.”

“But I thought the EMT took care of her,” May said.

“He probably thought she wouldn’t be going quite so far,” Alphonse replied. “She’s our principal and we need to make sure she’s okay.”

“I’m actually doing pretty well.”

We turned. Stephanie had opened the door and was helping Erishy climb inside. She sported a few new band-aids on her bruised body. Stephanie put a bag on the floor in front of her. Through the plastic, I could see a big bottle of ibuprofen. Settling in, Erishy buckled up.

“You sure on that, sugarcube?” I asked, as Alphonse turned the engine over. “Tim back there was pretty intent on you taking it easy.”

“I’ll be fine,” Erishy said. She smiled at us. “I have my friends with me, so I’m already doing loads better.”

I smiled back. “Bring it in, Shy. That’s hug worthy material.”

“Is the show always like this?” Alphonse said, looking at Stephanie. Erishy and I wrapped our forearms around one another.

“Quiet, Al. Ponies are being heartwarming,” Stephanie said, smiling back at us.

We all laughed. Maybe a little harder than the joke warranted, but it was real laughter.

“Thanks, Steph,” I said. “We needed that.”

“Well, Pinkie Pie isn’t here, so I figured…” Stephanie shrugged. “Someone had to bring the funny.”

“It’s appreciated,” Erishy said, easing out of our embrace. “I miss her though. I really hope she’s okay.”

“Aw, you know Pinkie,” I said. “She’s always-”

Someone’s phone went off.

I blinked. “What the…” I said, looking around.

It rang again. This time, I recognized my ringtone.

“Oh! That’s me,” I said, blushing. “Probably my friend, Max. Yeesh, I haven’t called him since Stephanie first picked me up...”

I opened my bag up and pulled out my phone, but the caller ID wasn’t Max’s number. It wasn’t familiar either. Frowning, I prepared for Fakey-Shy 2: Revenge of the Changeling Bitch, and flipped it open.

“Hello?” I said, cautiously.

“Aha! It worked!” came a perky, familiar voice. “I told you it would work! Eventually. Anyway, hi AJ and/or AJ’s partner human!”

I blinked. “Pinkie Pie?!”

“Well, actually, I’m Pinkamena Reid Diane Xansta Priddy Pie, Professional Party Proletariat and Preposterous Pandimensional Player with a pizazz for precluding prudence! And I am a portly pink pony, yes.” She giggled. “I guess Pinkie is an easy enough abbreviation. You would not believe how many random numbers I had to punch in before I got to you.”

“Hey, don’t forget about me!”

“Rainbow Dash?” I shouted.

“One and only! Well, Markus Dash, really,” she replied. “Hey guys!”

I laughed, my eyes feeling wet. “I don’t care what I call either of ya, it’s darned good to hear from you two. Here, I’m puttin’ you on speaker.”

I held the phone out and tapped the speaker button.

“Aw, thanks,” Pinkie said. “Hey guys! Hello hello hello!”

“Heya!” Dash added.

“Greetings, oh Pink and Rainbowed ones!” Raritony cheered.

“Hey Rainbow! Hey Pinkie!” May squealed.

“Hi Rainbow. ….Hi Pinkie,” Erishy said, a warm look in her eye.

The line went quiet. Then I heard Dash snickering. “Uh, girls?” I said.

“Erishy’s with you! That’s great!” Pinkie said, her voice a bit overbright.

“Yeah… it is,” I said, looking at Erishy, who was blushing. Dash’s laugh just got louder.

“Well yeah because she’s-” Pinkie coughed. Awkwardly. Raritony and I shared a look. “Actually, you know what? I’m glad all of you are a-okay! But I may just be the teensiest tiniest bit more glad because Erishy’s okay. Because... reasons. Wanna talk to Dashie?”

Erishy’s blush deepened.

“Oh no, you got this one, Pinkster. Totally,” Dash said. “I can wait.”

Then, Raritony, May, and I all realized at once what was going on.

“Uh, Pinkie?” I said. “Would you like to talk to Erishy? Alone?”

At this point, Erishy looked as red as Big Mac. She’d half-heartedly hidden her face in her hooves, but it didn’t really disguise her grin.

“But- but- but you just put me on speaker phone!” Pinkie said. “I mean, I’m here with Dashie and other ponies, and-”

“And we’re glad to hear that, and we will definitely address it, but it sounds like you and Erishy need to talk,” I said. “So we’ll let you do just that.” I turned off the speaker before Pinkie could respond, and hoofed the phone over to Erishy.

She nodded her thanks to me, and turned toward the window for some semblance of privacy. Raritony, May, and I did what we could to give her some space.

“I think my brain exploded,” I whispered to our huddle.

“Your brain? I’m a FlutterJack shipper,” Raritony replied. “Reality really does let you down.”

I stared at Raritony.

“What?” she said.

“No,” I said.

“But Rae, it’s just shipp-”

“No.”

“But it’s just a harmless little-”

“No.”

“But really, you two-”

“Nooooooo.”

Raritony harrumphed, and we lapsed into silence. The only sound was Erishy quietly murumuring into the phone.

“I like Rainbow Shy, but that’s me,” May said.

I groaned and pulled my hat down over my face.

Chapter 12: Reunion in France

The way into New York was easy; cruising along in the emergency vehicle lane, past the massive entering-the-city traffic jam, was a rush. But, once we got through the checkpoint at the city’s limits, things slowed down. A lot.

Streets went the wrong way (if they went at all), cars drove around on clouds of their own smoke, sidewalks were ten stories up, certain buildings were polka-dotted or candy striped, and, of course, there were the New Yorkers themselves.

“Freaking get off that thing!” Stephanie yelled out the window at someone.

“I am, bitch!” shot back a man shuffling through a crosswalk that spiralled above the street.

Stephanie fumed, slamming back into her seat. “Great. Discord must’ve gotten to the populace, already,” she said, rubbing at her eyes.

“Nah, they’re just being New Yorkers,” I said.

Stephanie rolled her eyes, but I got a chuckle out of Alphonse. He was on his phone, checking in with local officials. They were trying to help us navigate the mess. Key word: trying.

“So. Element of Honesty, you’re certain that Pinkie and Rainbow will meet us at the hospital?” Stephanie asked, tapping her fingers impatiently on the dash.

“We’re in a crisis,” I replied. “They’ll be there. Certain.” I watched the city pass by. Last time I had been here was... New York Comic-Con. Damn. That felt like forever ago.

“And Pinkie will get there by hopping on passing cars,” Alphonse said, deliberately. Not for the first time.

“Yes,” Erishy confirmed. “Rainbow’s a very strong flier, but carrying Pinkie that far would really wear her out. It’s better for Pinkie to… hop.”

Al lapsed into the special kind of quiet that came from adjusting to Pinkie Pie for the first time.

“The show didn’t exaggerate her… energy,” Raritony piped in. “Pinkie really is that, well, Pinkie.”

“And you guys deal with all that… how?” Alphonse asked.

I shrugged. “The same way we roll with anypony else. It’s just who she is.”

“Yeah, but-”

“No, Al. Really,” Stephanie said, smirking at him. “Fan of the show, here. Just… any buts, or qualifiers or anything you’re trying to figure out, just don’t. She’s Pinkie. Just accept that she’s like a Looney Tunes character made real, right here on Earth.”

Alphonse made a noncommittal noise, and went back to checking his phone. I knew how he felt, but the sooner he got over Pinkie Pie, the saner he’d be in the long run.

After a few more regular roads, and a number of upside down, backwards, or inside out traffic lights, we arrived at New York Presbyterian Hospital.

Much like every other building in the city, it was impressive. Big and white, it sat against the Hudson River like a pearl beacon. Well, a beacon with a mob out front. It wasn’t quite Woodstock-level crowding, but was still an impressive gathering of folks.

As we were waved through the barricades, people waved signs. Of all varieties. Some held up posters calling us heroes. Saying that some of the other signs weren’t as kind would be an understatement.

Raritony put a hoof over May’s eyes.

“I’m not a little filly, you know,” May said, facing her sister.

“Nor am I ignorant,” Raritony replied. “But I don’t want to see that kind of language, so I’m saving you the brain cells.”

Erishy shivered as she looked at the window, then turned to me. “Can I have a hug?” she asked, softly.

“Sure, sug,” I said, wrapping her up.

After what felt like an eternity weaving through barricades, we arrived at the actual building. Police directed us past the front entrance and around back, to the parking garage. I was definitely relieved to be well away from the shouting mob.

We pulled to a stop and Stephanie hopped out. “Okay. I’ll go check on things, and make sure you guys can get in without any trouble,” she said.

“Thanks, sugarcube,” I said.

Stephanie nodded and headed inside. Just as she disappeared into the building, I caught the telltale whistle of a very fast pegasus coming in for a landing.

“Hey! You! Guuuuuuuuys!”

We exited the car just in time to watch Markus Dash execute one of her “three point landings plus mane flip.” She looked good. Her eyes were a lighter maroon and she sported a band-aid on one cheek, but she was whole and there. One more friend by our side as we headed into the fray. It sure put a smile on my face.

“Dash!” I called out, trotting over to her. I smirked. “Nice jacket. You raid the Top Gun set, or something?”

Dash smirked back at me, dusting at the front of bomber jacket. “You wish you were this cool, Rae Jay,” she said, tossing her mane the other way.

We grinned for one more second, then caught each other up in a fierce hug.

“Damn good to see ya, Dash,” I said, voice a little tight.

“Likewise, RJ,” she replied, in the same tone.

“Rainbow! I mean, Dash! Sorry,” Erishy said, limping over with Raritony by her side.

Dash’s eyebrow raised. “Celestia’s Beard, Shy! What happened to you?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Erishy demurred. “Just a few-”

“Whoo-hoo!”

There was another blur of speedy motion and then something PINK slammed into me. We rolled top over tea kettle till I came to rest on my back, Pinkie posed atop my chest.

“Ta-da!” she proclaimed, with flourish of her hoof. Pinkie looked the same as she always did with her poofy hair, and big blue eyes. She had the Element of Laughter slung around her neck, but also wore a black t-shirt that read: “I’m Not Tech Support” and a pair of khaki cargo shorts.

“Pinkie, get off!” I grunted, trying to sit up.

Pinkie hopped down, having the good grace to blush. “Whoops! Sorry about that RJ!” she squeaked. “I was going for a two-point landing and I got an Apple-point landing instead. Oh, look! Everyone’s here! And Shy Shy!”

She zipped away from me, bounded up to Erishy, and took her hoof. I righted myself with a little assistance from Raritony.

“I don’t think anyone else is going to get to say hi, for a minute,” she whispered.

“Eeyup,” I replied, setting my hat back on straight.

“It’s good to see you again,” Erishy said, smiling at Pinkie.

Pinkie smiled back, but it faltered as she took Erishy in. “You got hurt really bad, didn’t you?” she said, gingerly putting a hoof to Erishy’s cheek.

“I’ll heal,” she replied, her eyes still locked on Pinkie.

Pinkie huffed, frowning. “I don’t like seeing you hurt,” she said. “But I like seeing you. This is a very confusing feeling. Do you have an energy drink?”

Erishy blinked. “Um, no?”

“Drat. I’m gonna take a quick nap, then,” Pinkie said. “Say, did ya know-”

Pinkie fell over sideways, mid-ramble.

We all stared at her.

“Is… she dead?” May asked.

Sam padded around us to lick Pinkie’s face. She giggled, then snored.

“She’s fine,” Dash said. “She just wore herself out, trying to keep up with me.”

“And before I could get in any hello’s,” Raritony sighed. “I was so looking forward to meeting her. Well, seeing her again.” She made a face. “I’m having a merge moment, aren’t I?”

“Is that a thing?” I asked, hoisting Pinkie up on my back. She twitched, and muttered something like, “Flux capacitor Cheerios.”

Stephanie returned, walking briskly. “Are we all-” She stopped, seeing the two new arrivals.

“Pinkie? Dash?” she said.

“One and only!” Dash said, flying up to her eye-level. “You the CIA lady RJ told us about?”

“Yeah. Stephanie Chase,” she said, offering her hand.

Dash pushed it into a fist and thumped it. “Pleased to meetcha.” She glanced at my cargo. “And Pinkie’ll say hey, once she’s awake.”

Stephanie nodded.

“Wanna know how she got here?” Alphonse asked. Sam had plopped down next to him.

“She bounced?” Stephanie offered, grinning.

Alphonse shook his head and put his shades on.

“You’ll get there, Al,” I said. “Just got to give it some time.”

“Says the talking pony in a hat,” he replied and leaned against the car. I got the distinct impression he was going to try to ignore the world for a bit.

Stephanie chuckled, then sobered. “So, they’re ready for you guys, but… Sam’s gotta stay outside,” she said.

“She can keep me company,” Alphonse replied, scratching her behind the ear. “Dogs are good.” Sam’s tail thumped on the ground as her tongue lolled out in doggy grin.

“You be a good girl for the nice man,” I said.

She barked. I looked at Erishy, who smiled. “She will. She promises.”

“That’s my girl,” I said, rubbing her side.

Turning away from the happy dog, I made sure Pinkie wouldn’t fall, and took a deep breath. “Okay, y’all. Let’s do this.”

I haven’t visited many hospitals in my life. In either of my lives, human or pony. In Ponyville, doctors came to Sweet Apple Acres, or in my human life I was in offices with muzak and watercolor paintings of seaside vistas. So hospitals are the big time. Super sick. Even when I visited Dash with her busted wing, it felt… heavy. Serious. Being inside New York Presbyterian felt no different.

Stephanie took us up an elevator, then we followed a nurse down white hallway after same-ish white hallway. I could distinctly smell antiseptic.

Glancing in doors, we saw empty rooms, or frail-looking people sleeping in beds. Some doors were closed and marked with brightly colored signs, with the groans of the seriously ill echoing out. As we moved deeper into the hospital, we drifted closer together. Erishy leaned against me as we walked. I didn’t mind- I could carry two ponies as easy as one, if I needed to.

Eventually, we came to a door with two armed policemen standing on either side.

“Hey, guys,” Stephanie said, holding up her badge for their inspection.

The men leaned in, inspected it, and nodded. Then they resumed their stance, like a pair of Celestia’s best.

“I’ll stay out here,” Stephanie said, voice soft. “I figure you guys…” Her eyes lingered on the door. I could see “Twilight Sparkle” written on the top of some forms hanging on a clipboard.

“Thanks,” I said, putting a hoof on her leg.

One of the guards was nice enough to open the door for us. Raritony entered first, May close by her side. Then Rainbow went in. Then, Erishy. I came in last, carrying Pinkie.

We all stopped just a foot from the bed.

“Oh my…” Erishy whispered, tearfully.

I could barely see my friend for the IVs in each leg, the tubes in her nose and mouth, and the sensors attached to her chest. It was so crowded, the bedsheet was pulled only halfway up Twilight’s barrel. Machines beeped and made vsssh noises. She looked small. Very small and very frail.

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t process it. Twilight Sparkle. Like this. It was… surreal. I wasn’t alone either. We stood in a semi-circle, just staring for what felt like too long.

Erishy moved first. She walked over to a chair, and climbed up into it.

It snapped the rest of us out of our stupor. Rainbow flapped over to hover at the foot of Twilight’s bed. Raritony and May pushed the other seat to the other side of Twilight, and climbed into it.

Erishy looked Twilight over, blinking back tears. She reached out tentatively and held Twilight’s hoof in her own.

“Oh, Twilight,” she whispered, rubbing Twilight’s hoof against her face.

I eased Pinkie onto the bench under the room’s window. As she slid down, she murmured, “Wanna dance?”

It got me smiling. Even in her sleep, Pinkie tried for laughter.

Taking one last breath, I trudged over to join Erishy in her chair.

“She looks so fragile,” May whispered.

Tears tracked down Erishy’s face. “I’m sorry,” she told Twilight. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

I wrapped a forearm around Erishy. “Nothing you could do, sugar,” I said. “We were scattered like seeds in a field.”

“Well, we should have done something,” Raritony said, her eyes glassy. “This is no way for Twilight to be. So pale. So… weak.”

We nodded, murmuring agreement. Quiet descended again. Heavy and oppressive.

“I’m sorry I didn’t do my horn exercises,” May blurted out, sniffing. “I’ll start them again really soon, I promise.”

Raritony hugged her sister, stroking her mane. “It’s okay, dear. I think Twilight will forgive you.”

“I’m sorry I was too busy, last Thursday, for tea,” Erishy said, squeezing Twilight’s hoof tight.

I hugged Erishy from the side.

“Sorry I crashed into the meteorology section,” Dash said, sniffling. “It won’t happen again. I promise. But…” She wiped fiercely at her eyes. “You gotta wake up. Or I won’t make any promises for biographies.”

Twilight didn’t respond. She just lay there.

“We miss you,” Raritony said, her voice whisper-soft. “Please come back to us.”

I felt something warm. I looked down, and my Element was glowing. It made me smile.

Raritony blinked, pointing at me. I nodded, pointing back at her. We all caught on after that, looking at one another, seeing light spill off each of our Elements. From her bench, Pinkie giggled in her sleep as her Element glowed.

“We’re all still connected,” I said. “She’ll find her way.”

We held onto each other, warming ourselves by the glow of our Elements.

“She better,” Pinkie yawned. “I still owe her a party.” She stretched, cracking her neck. “Hey everypony, what’s-” She locked eyes on Twilight. “Oh. Oh yeah.”

She slid down to the floor and walked over. Rising up on her hind legs, she looked into the bed, and frowned.

“Yeah. That’s… pretty bad. Wow. Oof. Right in the feels.”

Erishy started to get down, but I stopped her.

“Hey, Pinkie. Trade?” I said, hopping out of the chair.

Pinkie blinked, saw where the vacancy was, and smiled a little as she snuggled up next to Erishy. Erishy smiled her thanks at me, then hugged Pinkie.

Pinkie’s smile faded as she stared intently at Twilight. “She has too many tubes going into her. Like, how did they fit them all?”

“Carefully,” I deadpanned, watching Twilight’s chest rise and fall.

“Well, duh, but…” She sighed, shaking her head. “Nope. I got nothin’. Hey Shy Shy.” She nuzzled Erishy. “We having a rave?”

Erishy blinked at Pinkie. “Huh?”

Pinkie tapped her gem, light still spilling from it. “We’re all glowy. Why isn’t Twilight glowy?”

Raritony spotted Twilight’s tiara sitting on a nearby table. “Well. I don’t see how it can do any harm.” Her horn lit up and the tiara was surrounded in magic.

“New color of magic, huh, Rares?” Dash commented, as Raritony floated the tiara over to Twilight. “I dig it.”

Raritony smiled at Dash as she settled the tiara on Twilight’s head. When it didn’t light up like ours, it hurt.

“Well… she looks better than she did before,” May ventured, after a few minutes.

“Yeah,” Erishy agreed.

Pinkie sighed, frowning. “This really stinks,” she said, her eyes narrowed. “This wouldn’t have happened if we’d woken up in the show.”

I snorted, my smile a bit forced. “Yeah?” I said, raising an eyebrow. “How ya figure that?”

“Weeeeee-EEE-eeell,” Pinkie said. “Our humans would’ve merged with us and we’d have been like, ‘Whoa, new friend in the head!’ rather than blaaaagh pony arms how do? Then, we’d have a morning of shenanigans while we talked about iPods, and cars, and Belgium! Then, Twilight would’ve explained what’s going on, and we’d figure out a way to get the people out of our heads who didn’t want to be ponies, and those who wanted to could stay.”

“And we’d learn a lesson, and there’d be friends,” Erishy said, smiling through her tears at Twilight.

“Instead, there’s just…” Pinkie gestured at Twilight, still beeping, and breathing thanks only to mechanical assistance.

“Real life sucks,” Dash said, flatly.

We nodded.

“Well then,” I said, smirking defiantly. “I guess we’ll… just have to bring a little more of Equestria here.” I tilted my head back, flashing my best apple hawking grin. “We got the necklaces. Maybe we can try showing ‘real life’ a little pony magic.”

Erishy smiled at Twilight, running a hoof through her mane. “I used to wonder what friendship could be…” she started.

Pinkie wrapped a hoof around Erishy’s and mine. “Till you all shared it’s magic with me!”

Dash chuckled, taking my other hoof. “Big adventure.”

“Tons of fun!” Pinkie chirped.

Raritony smiled brightly, hooking a hoof in Dash’s. “A beautiful heart.”

Everyone looked at me. “Faithful and strong,” I said.

“Sharing kindness,” Erishy said.

“It’s an easy feat!” May crowed.

She wrapped a hoof around Raritony’s, then touched her hoof to Twilight’s. A bright, purple light flashed, dazzling us.

“What the-” I yelled, blinking rapidly.

“Look!” Dash exclaimed, pointing at Twilight.

Her Element glowed. A low hum rolled off of it.

“Hrrnghr.”

We all froze. Twilight opened her eyes.

“Hrrnnghrr.”

“She’s awake!” Erishy gasped.

Twilight looked around at each of us. Then, she gagged.

“She’s intubated!” I yelped.

“On it!” Raritony said, magic enveloping the tube in Twilight’s mouth.

“Wait- Rares! We should call the-- or we can just let you do it,” I said, as the tube came free.

Twilight tilted forward and retched. Bile dribbled out on her chest, but that was all. She shuddered, then flopped back down. Laying there, she breathed steadily, on her own.

“Twilight?” Pinkie said, leaning close.

Twilight wheezed in, then out. She smiled. When she spoke, her voice was hoarse and rough, but clear.

“And magic... makes it... all complete,” she said.

On her best day,Pinkie couldn’t have made the smiles we all had. We cried, we cheered, we hugged one another.

Rainbow wiped at her eyes, looking at me. “I can’t believe that worked!” she said. “That was the corniest thing I’ve ever done in my life!” That just got us giggling.

When we’d quieted some, Twilight looked at us tiredly.

“Hey guys,” she said. “Am I... in a hospital?”

“Yeah,” I said, taking her hoof. “You got hurt. Bad.”

“Hurt? She got shot in the head!” Dash said.

“Mar-kus Dash!” Erishy chided.

Twilight’s eyes widened. A hoof drifted to her head and she gingerly touched it, wincing. “Wow,” she said. “I’m not… And I’m alive?”

“Yes. Yes you are, darling,” Raritony said, rubbing her shoulder.

Twilight nodded. “Well… guess that explains the headache, huh?”

We chuckled slightly. Twilight smiled a little more. “No, seriously, can somepony get me some aspirin? I have the worst headache,” she said.

We all laughed at once. Like something out of a cartoon.

“Okay, not joking guys,” Twilight said. “I really need ibuprofen or something.”

Pinkie ran off to get a doctor.

Chapter 13: Angel and the Badman

When Pinkie came back, she brought a whole mess of doctors. They shooed us away from Twilight so they could work. From what I could see, they were checking her vitals, her reactions, doing doctor things like that.

“She’s awake,” Raritony said, grinning ear to ear. She clutched Twilight’s tiara close to her chest.

“Eeyup,” I said, grinning along with her.

The doctors continued to check vitals, reactions, and other doctor things. I think I heard Twilight answer the same question five times. I definitely heard her start losing her patience.

I nudged Raritony. “She’s gonna turn the lot of ‘em into cacti,” I whispered.

Raritony nodded. “On it.”

Raritony primped her mane, then sashayed over to the huddle. She started by applying a little Rarity charm. Then she got huffy. Then she shoved every last one of them out the door, and slammed it behind them, in a haze of magic.

“We’ll call you if she feels worse, thank you!” Raritony shouted, overly pleasant. She whirled back to smile at us. “I fucking hate doctors, sometimes,” she said through clenched teeth.

With the medical troupe gone, Twilight relaxed visibly. “Thanks, Rarity,” she said. “Normally, I’m all for the pursuit of knowledge, but it was just so… repetitive!” She laughed, and looked all of us over. “How’s Earth been treating everypony?”

We moved as one to hug her. Twilight grunted out another laugh. “That good, huh?” she gasped. “Easy. Easy- ow!”

We eased back.

“Sorry, Twi,” I said. “It’s just- well, it’s so good seeing you awake.”

“It’s good seeing you girls, too,” she said. She looked at each of our faces, then her brows knit in worry. “Still no Spike?”

We glanced at one another.

“Sorry,” Erishy said. “None of us came across him.”

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Raritony said, patting Twilight’s hoof. “He’s a tough little dragon. I’m sure he hasn’t run up against anything he can’t handle.”

“I still worry,” Twilight said, ears drooping.

“I know how you feel, Twi,” I said, taking her other hoof. “I only just heard from Apple Bloom. But she was safer than Big Mac’s doll collection. I’m sure Spike is doing just fine.”

Twilight nodded. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right,” she said. “Look at me, worrying about who isn’t here when I have all of you!” She reached forward, giving Raritony and me little side hugs. “I missed you girls!”

“We missed you too, Twilight!” Pinkie said. “Well, we missed talking to you. Because we were totally here with you, before, but you were all… bleeeh, beep, beep, but now you’re all awake! Which is sooooo much better for talking.”

Twilight chuckled. “Yeah Pinkie. Kind of hard to talk in a coma.”

“I know, right? You were worse than Dashie in the middle of a nap.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad!” Dash replied, with mock affront.

We all gave her a look.

“Okay, maybe I am, but it’s not a coma,” Dash said, gesturing to Twilight.

“Yeah- you girls managed to wake me up from my coma. We’ve yet to find the thing that’ll wake you from a nap,” Twilight joked.

That earned a ripple of laughter through our little group.

“Oh... how sweet,” commented a horrifyingly familiar voice.

The laughter died instantly. The TV bolted to the ceiling swiveled down to face us, of its own volition.

“Discord!” Erishy squeaked.

“Hello, my little ponies,” he said, all teeth. “Enjoying Earth so far?”

I couldn’t speak for my friends, but there was a special place in my heart for Discord. It’s the same place I lump solicitors, lying snakes, and anypony who hurts my family.

He… unmade me. He grabbed me with his creepafuck chaos magic and turned me into a joke of who I was. I became a pony who lied about anything and everything, and I didn’t care about my family and friends one bit. Big Mac had been barking like a dog and digging holes like a gopher, and I just sat back telling everyone how things weren’t my fault.

You don’t forget a day like that, and you don’t forget what it did to you. Like hell was I going to let him get in round two.

“Discord,” Twilight growled.

“In the flesh! Well, in the electrons for now, but this is still so much better than digital animation, don’t you think?” He popped his head off, rolling it down one arm and lifting it in his claw. The skin and fur melted away from his face, leaving a goat-like skull in its wake. “So realistic. It’s like it’s in three dee!”

Then he shoved the skull through the screen. It swept around the room, looking at all of us.

“I can start throwing lettuce next. I want you to have the full experience, after all,” he crooned, then snaked his skull back into the TV.

“What do you want, you fucking varmit!” I snapped.

“Tut! Temper temper, Rachel,” he said, resettling his head. “There are fillies present.”

Rising to her full height, May called Discord a name that would have done a drill sergeant proud.

Discord raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “And the fillies are rather knowledgeable.”

He snapped his fingers and a padlock appeared over May’s mouth. Her eyes bugged out, and she pawed desperately at her muzzle.

“May!” Raritony shrieked, picking up her sister and holding her close.

“Undo it, Discord,” Twilight said, her tone hard. “Your fight is with us.”

“Ah, David. Always so tough,” Discord said, smirking at her. “But you do cut straight to the heart of the matter.” He jammed a spear through his chest, then snapped his fingers.

The padlock disappeared and May gasped, working her jaw up and down.

“You know, this world is quite fascinating. Quite fascinating, indeed. I’d have thought the second you annoying little ponies took over your humans, that’d be all she wrote. Nothing but sugary, friendship-minded Equestrians as far as the eye could see.” He batted long eyelashes at us.

“Yet… I can see the human all over you. And it’s just so… interesting,” Discord said, leaning down, pressing his face against the screen. “Especially Reid,” he added, grinning at Pinkie. “Are all the naps helping, Reid-i-kins? I bet subconscious life is treating you sooo well.”

Pinkie blew a raspberry at him.

“What do you want, Discord?” I said, stepping between him and everypony else.

“What does any pure manifestation of chaos want when they’re plunged into another dimension?” He twirled around, donning an ermine cape and crown. “I want to rule. You can keep Equestria and your silly ponies- America. Now here’s a country ripe for planting chaos.” He tossed the cape and crown away, sliding on a copy of my hat. “And I’m jus’ the chaos-poke to farm it!” He spat, then slid a wheat stalk between his snaggley teeth. “Once I get all these hyoo-mans on board, a ‘course.”

“So go on and do it,” I challenged. “What’s stoppin’ ya?”

He sighed, and the hat and stalk caught fire and burned away.

“What else? You,” he said, glaring down. “I mean, let’s be honest, Honest Rachel, the score is Elements of Harmony 2…” He scribbled it on a chalkboard behind him.

He poofed out of sight, and reappeared as a circular number on his score board. “Me? A big. Fat. ZERO!” he screeched.

“And is that fair? Is that just, I ask you?” he moaned, turning back to a draconequus and throwing the chalkboard offscreen. “Is that any way to treat someone such as I?” He flung an arm over his face, a violin playing in the distance. He looked upon us forlornly. “Nay,” he whispered, sniffling as a tear trickled down in a dramatic, black and white closeup.

The violin screeched to a stop, and he plopped into an armchair. “So, per the usual, we will play a game.”

“The usual?” Pinkie said. “How is that chaos-y?”

“Because, sweet Reid,” Discord said, grinning. “No one sees chaos coming the same way twice. And it’s a different game, so nyah.” He stuck out his tongue.

“What... game?” Twilight asked, eyes narrowing.

“Can it be Jenga? I’m really good at Jenga!” Pinkie said, hopping up and down.

“As much fun as tottering buildings with you would be, Reid, I have something else in mind,” Discord said, pulling out a sand timer. “Something that will be fun for everyone.”

“Discord, we ain’t here for any of your games,” I growled, stepping forward. “Whatever you’re thinking of- don’t.”

“Or you’ll what? Get yourself kidnapped again, Rachel?” Discord sneered. “Really, you’re so useless here. All of you are. And I’m going to prove it.”

He flipped the sand timer.

“You have sixty minutes, one hour, to find where I am. To make it easy, I assure you, I’m somewhere in New York.” He waved, negligently, at a map of New York City. Tiny, waving Discords, in Where’s Waldo get-ups, appeared across the city.

“What- what happens if we don’t find you?” Erishy asked, with a gulp.

“Fail to locate me and…” He snapped his fingers, and the map poofed into a picture of a red apple. “I turn New York City into the biggest apple of all.” He cackled. He actually cackled. “Hm. And I think, yes, I think all its residents can be the worms.” Several of the tiny Discord Waldo’s popped out of the apple, spinning worms like party favors. There was confetti.

“And if we find you, then what?” Twilight asked.

“Then I don’t turn New York into an apple with all its residents as worms,” he said, snapping his claw and vanishing his visual aid. “I thought that was obvious.” He snorted. “Really, there’s just no talking to some ponies.” He slid on a pair of sunglasses and an “I <3 NY” cap, and said, “You lot have have fun! I’m off to see the sights! Ta ta!”

The screen faded to one of those old black and white disrupted broadcast cards, with Discord in a feathered headdress in the center. With a groan, the TV broke free of the ceiling mount, then scuttled out the window, on legs of wire.

We all stood in silence.

“We are so fucked,” May whispered.

Chapter 14: True Grit

The door burst inward. Stephanie ran in with two guards on her heels, guns drawn and pointed. Pinkie threw her forehooves into the air.

“We heard something,” Stephanie said, scanning the room. “Is everyone okay?”

“Yeah. We’re fine Steph,” I said, slowly, my focus entirely on her and the guards’ guns. “Ya’ll mind not waving those around?”

Stephanie blinked, and I could see the moment she realized Pinkie had her forearms up, and the rest of us were just shy of full-on panicking. She took a breath and holstered her weapon. I exhaled, and my heart climbed out of my throat.

“Thanks,” I said.

“Sorry,” Stephanie said, her cheeks a bit red. She faced the other guards, who also put up their sidearms. “It’s clear. You can resume your post.”

They nodded and left, shutting the door quietly behind them.

“I… think you can put your hooves down, now, Pinkie,” Erishy said.

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Pinkie said, dropping them to the floor in a more natural stance.

“Why didn’t you just knock?” I asked Stephanie.

“I did. I was pounding on the door,” she said, cheeks still pink. “You didn’t hear me?”

Twilight huffed. “Discord,” she growled.

Stephanie cocked her head. “What about him?”

“We just got a visit,” I explained. “He gave us an hour to find him, or he turns this place into a literal big apple.

“And the people get to be worms!” Pinkie added with a wiggle of her hooves.

The color drained from Stephanie’s face. “Jesus,” she whispered.

“Fifty-five minutes,” May said.

I blinked. “Huh?”

“I set a timer when Discord flipped his hour-glass,” she said, holding up her phone. “It’ll either keep us on track, or drive us into a panic. Whichever comes first.”

“Right,” I said, taking a breath. “Good thinking. Thanks, squirt.”

May nodded, and turned back to her time-keeping duties.

“So, what’s the plan?” Stephanie asked.

“Find Discord. Duh,” I replied.

“In a city this big?” Twilight said. “RJ, I hope you have some kind of plan. Because it’s going to take more than just wandering around and looking, to find him.”

I rolled my eyes. “C’mon, Twi. I may be Country, but I ain’t dumb. I’m not gonna do any wandering.” I pointed at Stephanie. “The CIA is.”

“We are?” Stephanie said, folding her arms across her chest.

“Sure. Discord said we had to find him. He wasn’t really specific on how,” I said, grinning. “You’re a resource, and a pretty big one at that. Best to put ya to use, rather than having ya watching grass grow.”

Twilight smiled. “That’s actually a pretty good idea, RJ.”

“Thank ya, kindly,” I said, tipping my hat.

“Yeah, but even if I start a manhunt, that’s no guarantee,” Stephanie said. “Sure, odds of finding him go up, but we do searches all the time for regular humans and come up nil. Plus, we only have an hour to manage it. I need something more to go on, here.”

Twilight chuckled. “How about- he’s Discord?”

“Okay. Something more than being visibly notable, Twilight,” Stephanie said.

“No, Steph, she means it,” I said. “Discord ain’t just someone who sticks out in a crowd, he’s a total ego-nut. When he took over Ponyville, he made himself a throne on a hill in the middle of town.”

“Don’t forget he surrounded himself with cotton candy clouds, and more silly than you can shake a stick at!” Pinkie chimed in.

“Or what he did to those poor rabbits and squirrels,” Erishy said.

“At least he gave me an opportunity to try out my new raincoat design,” Raritony added.

As the others offered up more evidence of Discord’s personality, Stephanie lapsed into silence. Her head tilted down, and she brought a hand to her chin.

I walked over and waved a hoof at her. “Hey Steph…?” I said.

“Ghostbusters!” she exclaimed, snapping her fingers.

“Gyah!” I said, hopping back.

“Ghostbusters?” Dash asked, around a snicker.

“Yeah! Ghostbusters!” Stephanie said, grinning. “Okay, so remember the part when the firehouse blows and the ghosts start streaming into the sky?”

“I’ve seen one of the greatest movies of all time, yeah,” Dash said, nodding along with her.

“The ghosts were everywhere, just like the chaos here,” Stephanie went on. “But they weren’t just running around randomly. Most swarmed to one location: where Gozer was going to come through.”

“Dana Barrett’s apartment!” Dash exclaimed.

“Exactly,” Stephanie said, pointing at her. “So if Discord’s the diva you guys say he is…”

“He is,” we all said, in unison.

“Then he’s gonna want a view. He’s going to want to sit on his throne, surround himself with chaos, and enjoy the show as he sends it out to wreak havoc,” Stephanie said, taking out her phone.

“So you find the cloud over Dana’s apartment…” I prompted.

“And we find Discord,” Stephanie said, putting her phone to her ear. “Al, it’s me. I need you to listen very carefully…”

Stephanie stepped out in the corridor to coordinate the search for Discord. That left us to gather around Twilight’s bed and wait.

“Forty-five minutes,” May said.

Raritony sighed, running a brush through her sister’s mane. “I hate countdowns,” she said, tapping a back hoof lightly against the tiled floor. “It always makes a level harder. Like it’s daring you to fail.”

“I should be helping them search,” Dash huffed.

“No, you should stay close, Dash,” Twilight said, tapping away at a tablet. “The last thing we want to do before confronting Discord is to get separated. That’s part of how we got into trouble, last time.”

Dash grumbled, shifting her position in her chair.

“Um, speaking of confronting?” Erishy said. “What’re we going to do when we… actually confront Discord?”

“Buck his head off,” I said.

Twilight snorted, and shot me a skeptical look. “I hope you’re joking,” she said.

“I ain’t,” I replied, tilting my hat back. “Look, I don’t know about y’all, but I remember last go-’round: things started getting complicated the second we started getting complicated. So, nothing fancy. We just go in and clobber him. Simple.”

Twilight’s brows pressed together. “Until he gets inside our heads again, or turns us into chickens, or pine trees, or something.”

I sighed. “Well, whatcha want, Twi?” I said, spreading my hooves. “We ain’t exactly got a lot of time or options. So unless y’all got something better in mind, I think keepin’ it simple is our best bet.”

“I’m glad you asked, RJ. Because, I...” she said, loftily. “Have a plan.”

We all leaned in, eagerly. She blinked, and hunched a little. “Well. It’s part of a plan, anyway.” We all sat back. “If the Princesses get back to me,” she finished.

“Oh?” Raritony said, gesturing to the tablet in Twi’s hooves. “Is that what you’ve been doing?”

Twilight nodded. “Yeah. I’m basically reaching out to them on every available channel I can think of. I pinged them with an alert spell earlier, now I’m sending messages to all their social media connections.”

Dash grinned. “Great idea, Twilight! I wouldn’t mind having their firepower on our side, when we punch Discord from here back to the Everfree.” She pounded one hoof into the other with an audible clop!

“My thinking exactly, Dash,” Twilight said. “Now if they’d just get back to me…”

I shook my head. “Twi, as soon as Steph gets back with a hit, we’re rollin’ out,” I said. “We can’t wait on the Princesses maybe showing up.”

“Rae Jay…” Twilight pleaded, eyebrows knitting together.

“Twi, I ain’t knockin’ your idea,” I said, raising my hooves in a placating gesture. “It’s solid, but it depends on the Princesses getting back to you in the next…” I glanced at May.

“Forty-one minutes and twenty-seven seconds,” she supplied.

“Forty-some minutes,” I confirmed. “And you’re counting onthem being able to help out, something you don’t know for one-hundred percent certain. They could be in worse shape than any of us.”

Twilight huffed, and frowned down at her tablet.

“Look, when a crop ain’t doing too hot, Mac and I hope for rain, sure,” I said. “But until it shows up, we work with what we got. So, you need to stop planning on rain that might not fall, and work with me here, Twi.”

Twilight sighed. She put the tablet aside. “Okay. Plan A is on hold. What’s your idea for Plan B, RJ?”

I smiled, glad we were finally on the same page. “You kinda gave me the answer there already Twi- we gotta protect our minds, and our bodies,” I said.

“Oooo! I have an idea for the mind thing,” Dash said.

The room went so quiet I could have heard a pin drop on a pillow. Instead, I heard May announce, “Forty minutes.”

I shook my head, then peered at Dash. “Uh, come again?” I said.

“I know how we can protect our minds,” she said. She finally noticed we were all giving her funny looks. “What? I can plan.”

“We know you can, Dash,” Erishy said, touching a hoof to Dash’s shoulder. “We just… weren’t expecting it.”

“What’s your idea, Dashie?” Pinkie asked.

“We shield our minds like on the Enterprise,” she said, sweeping her hooves over her head. “Vwoom. Shields up!”

Pinkie hopped up and down excitedly, and started doing a remarkable impression of the Red Alert siren. Erishy, Raritony, and I just stared at Dash with varying expressions of disbelief.

“Dash, darling,” Raritony began. “It would be lovely if it were that simple, but--”

Twilight broke in. “That’s actually a good idea.” We all turned to stare at her. “I know a handful of quick mental protection spells that could guard against Discord’s-”

“Hang on, Twi,” Dash said, waving her hooves. “I didn’t say you needed to cast a spell. This is something we could all do, on our own. That way, you can concentrate on the harder stuff. This Earth place has magic, too. Maybe not as awesome as Equestria’s, but, hey, we’re ponies. We’re good with magic. I say we use the local fuel.”

“Um, Dash?” Raritony said. “Not that I doubt what you’re saying. But… Earth’s ‘magic.’ Isn’t that a bit…”

“Woo-woo,” I said, eyebrow raised.

“Yes. Woo-woo,” Raritony said. “But without the sarcasm.”

“It isn’t woo-woo,” Dash protested. “It’s awesome! My cousin taught it to me, and it totally works. It also helps ya focus too. Keeps the distractions out.”

“Your cousin?” Erishy asked.

“On my human side,” Dash explained, rolling her eyes.

We all remained quiet. “Thirty-eight minutes,” May said.

“Using Earth’s magic is a good idea, and we’re definitely hanging on to it,” Twilight said, quickly. “But, we also need physical protection.”

Dash shrugged. “I got nothin’ on that. Raven didn’t teach me body shielding. Said it was better to just get out of the way of whatever was coming at you.”

“Raven?” I asked.

“My cousin,” Dash said, firmly.

I rolled my eyes. “Right.”

“Ooo! OOO!” Pinkie squealed, waving a forehoof excitedly. “I know! I know! We should- Oop! Naptime again!”

Then, she flopped over, and instantly started snoring.

“Didn’t she just take a nap?” I said.

Erishy frowned, stroking a hoof through Pinkie’s curly mane. “She did… I hope she’s okay.”

I rubbed at my face. “Alright. Are there any spells that can protect us, physically? Ones we know will work?”

“Well, yes, but nothing we can do quickly,” Twilight said, frowning. “I mean, I can cast my shield spell over us, but we’d have to stay in close proximity. We’d never get a clear shot at Discord like that.”

“So we need something portable, something that can stick with each of us,” I replied.

“How about enchanting a riot shield from one of the officers outside?” Raritony offered. “Play on the sympathetic magic angle?”

Twilight’s eyes lit up. “That’s… a really good idea, Raritony!” she said. She chuckled. “Too bad we don’t have the shield of Barricade Safety.”

“Barricade who?” Raritony asked.

“Earth pony soldier, from way back,” I explained. “Bigger’n Big Mac, and twice as sturdy. Never used a spear or sword, just his shield.”

“Oh right! Quite the dashing figure, as I recall,” Raritony said.

“He was,” Twilight said. “And his shield was famous for protecting all the citizens of old Equestria. Legend says, it once helped him save an entire village from a flight of dragons, breathing their hottest flame.”

Dash whistled. “Nice,” she said.

“Yeah,” Twilight agreed. “If we had Barricade’s shield, I’d only have to do a fortification spell with a sympathetic magic booster. The legend surrounding it would do the rest of the work.” She sighed. “But we’re a long way from Equestria’s National Museum.”

Stephanie came back in. “I think we got him. There’s a skyscraper ten minutes from here that has more chaos manifestations than any other site in the city. You guys ready to check it out?”

I nodded. “We sure are. Dash, Rares, let’s go.”

They all blinked at me. “Uh, RJ. Don’t you mean- ‘Everypony, let’s go?’” Dash said.

I sighed. Time to live up to my Element. “No, Dash. I mean you and Rares are with me. Everypony else needs to stay here.”

“What?” Twilight squawked. “After what I just told Dash about sticking together?!”

“That’s fine for planning, Twi,” I said. “But in the actual fight? Twilight- look at yourself.”

Twilight didn’t, instead pointing at my ear. “Look at me! Look at you! You got shot, too!”

“A graze. Already scabbed over. But, how many painkillers are you on, Twilight?”

Twilight’s eyes darted briefly to the IV drip keeping the worst of her aches away. “So we’ll tape it to me,” she said. “We’re not breaking up the team.”

“And what about Erishy. And Pinkie?” I said.

Twilight opened her mouth to say something and stopped. She blinked. Closing her mouth, she looked over to where Erishy sat on the floor next to a comatose Pinkie. Her eyes widened. Erishy blushed as she looked down.

“Erishy’s almost as banged up as you, Twi,” I said. “And I was all set to bring Pinkie with us, but then she went and took another power nap. I know you wanna help, and I know we need to stick together, but that ain’t the smart move here.”

I sighed, and pinched my eyes shut. I hated having to be the one to say it, but the truth was what it was. I needed Twilight to see that, or she and Erishy could end up in even worse shape.

“The smart move is y’all staying put, Twi,” I said, fighting back tears. “You, Erishy, Pinkie- you’d just get in the way. Ya gotta get better, sugarcube. And ya gotta let Rares, Dash, ‘n’ me-”

“And me. I’ll go with you,” Stephanie said.

We all turned to her.

“Hell, I’ve come this far. Why not take on an interdimensional heavyweight? It’s been that kind of week,” she said, shrugging.

“Thanks, Steph,” I said.

She grinned at me. “What’re friends for, right?”

“Fine,” Twilight said, her voice low. I turned, and she had her hooves balled up in the sheets, her eyes glassy. “We’ll stay. But we need a body cam for Stephanie and some way to communicate. I want to be able to see what’s happening, and stay in touch.”

“We can set you up with a rescue radio,” Stephanie said. “I’ll make sure we have a private channel.”

Twilight nodded. “Can you also get… four riot shields? I need to do a quick spell.”

Stephanie cocked her head. “What for?”

“To protect you guys from Discord’s magic,” she said, rubbing at her face. “Though, again. I wish we had Barricade Safety’s shield.”

“Barricade Safety?” Stephanie said.

“Think Captain America, but in the medieval ages, for ponies,” I said.

Stephanie nodded, vaguely. “And… his shield would be better, why?”

“Well, to use your Ghostbusters metaphor, again…” Twilight started. “It’s like the Statue of Liberty from Ghostbusters Two. It’s a symbol. It’s something that appeals to the best in each and everypony. That gives it a lot of inherent power that the right spell can wake up in no time.”

“Would… a replica work?” Stephanie asked.

Twilight tapped her chin. “Hm... you know, it probably could. Scientifically speaking, it’s the idea that has power, moreso than the actual shield. I mean, I’d have to tweak the spell a little to compensate, but… yeah. Why? Did a Canterlot gift shop appear in the city?”

Stephanie grinned. “No, but I may have something just as good in my apartment. Is this a spell you could teach to Raritony? Something she could do en route?”

Twilight nodded. “Well, yeah. It’s a pretty low-powered spell. No offense, Raritony.”

“None taken,” Raritony replied, tying her mane back. “I’m fully aware that when it comes to magic, I am much more suited to detail. I leave lifting the big eff-off rocks to you, Twilight.”

“Twenty-eight minutes,” May said.

“Crap! We gotta get moving!” I said, waving everyone toward the door.

Stephanie nodded and pulled out her weapon. Aiming it away from us, she checked her safety and clip. Dash pulled Erishy into a hug, and whispered something to her. Raritony went to May, and lifted her up in a tight embrace. May put down her phone so she could return it.

“Wait! The shields!” Twilight said. “Raritony could do one replica, but four high-level shield strengtheners in quick succession needs my endurance!”

“Then we’ll just have to make the one I have in mind count,” Stephanie said, as she holstered her gun.

I leaned down to Pinkie and kissed her on the forehead. “Take care, sugarcube,” I whispered.

“What could you have that could possibly compare to Barricade Safety’s shield?” Twilight said, flopping her forearms exasperatedly.

Stephanie grinned as Dash flew over to Twilight’s bed. “You’ll see. It’s ‘something pure,’” she said, with a wink.

“Well- What about mental shielding?” Twilight shrieked.

“I’ll teach my trick on the way, Twi,” Dash said, dropping down to hug Twilight tight.

Twilight bit her lip while she and Dash held one another. Her eyes darted to each of us. “I don’t like this...” she squeaked.

“Neither do we, sugarcube,” I said, trotting back to her bed. Raritony went to Erishy, hugging her gently. Dash hovered over to Pinkie, patting her mane. I reared up on my hind legs so I could see Twilight better. “But this is the hand we’ve been dealt. We gotta use it.”

She wrapped her forelegs around me. “That doesn’t mean I have to like it.” She swallowed audibly. “Good luck, RJ. I’ll keep working on my end. Maybe I can provide some remote magical assistance.”

“Thanks, Twi. We’ll keep ya in the loop,” I said. “Promise.”

I dropped back down just when Raritony finished talking with Erishy. As Raritony went to say goodbye to Twilight, Erishy limped over to me, opening her forelegs. I leaned in, returning the hug.

“Be careful,” she said.

“You too,” I replied.

“Heh,” she said. “It’s not hard to be careful in a hospital, RJ. You’ll be doing all the real work, as usual.”

I pulled back and gave her a look. “Now, you know that ain’t true, ‘Shy. You gotta keep an eye on Twilight and Pinkie. That’s a hoof-full if I ever heard of it.”

She giggled. “I guess you’re right. Oh! What about Sam?”

My eyebrows shot up in realization. “Crap,” I hissed. “In all the excitement- Hey Steph?”

“Yeah?” she said.

“Think the hospital’d make an exception to Sam staying in this room?” I asked. “I don’t want her in the fight anymore than these three. Erishy’ll keep her in line.”

Stephanie scratched the back of her head. “Um. Maybe? I’ll… probably have to call in favors,” she said. “Maybe they can say she’s a recovery helper or something.”

“She’d help me feel better,” Erishy offered. “Animal friends are just as comforting as, if not more comforting than, my pony ones.”

“I think I can swing that…” Stephanie said, her tone telling that she’d warmed to the idea. “Hang on.” She pulled out her cell phone again, and stepped just beyond the doorway.

I smiled at Erishy. “See there? You’re already helping.”

She blushed in response. “Okay, okay. Good luck, RJ.”

“Gonna need it.”

We released each other, and I walked over to May. I patted her on the head, and she smirked up at me. “Watch the shop. Right?” she said.

I smiled back at her. “You know the drill.”

May put her phone down again and hugged me tight. “Stay safe, hayseed,” she said.

“Promise, squirt,” I said, hugging back.

We parted, and I joined Stephanie, Raritony, and Dash at the door.

“Alright y’all,” I said. “Let’s do this.”

Just as we stepped out the door, I heard Pinkie gasp. “Wait! I’m awake! And I remembered my ideaaaaaa!”

Chapter 15: The War Wagon

“Look, I’m only gonna say it once!” Dash said, raising her hooves in the air.

I grinned. “Oh? Say what, Dash?” I asked, innocent as can be.

“I’m super jealous! There! Happy?”

I chuckled. “Now, Dash. Why’d y’all be jealous?” I asked, shifting in my seat so it faced her more squarely.

“Because, you have a working version of Captain America’s shield,” she said, pointing at me. “I mean. Come. On! How cool is that?!”

I looked at the shield leaning against me. True to her word, Stephanie really did have something like Barricade Safety’s shield in her apartment: a film quality replica of Captain America’s shield. It even had one of those little certificates, “verifying its authenticity.”

As Al sped us toward Discord, Twilight had talked Raritony through laying the spell on the shield. The second Raritony finished the spell, she nearly dropped the thing. As it turned out, the spell made the shield more like what everyone knew, and everyone knew that shield was heavy. Since I was the strongest, and had the surest hooves, I became designated shield-carrier. A fact that galled Dash to no end.

“Won’t lie,” I said, smirking. “It’s pretty freaking cool.”

“It better be,” Twilight’s voice said, in my ear. “It’s now effectively the shield from legend, or in this case, the movies and comic books, powered by humanity’s belief in it as THE shield.”

In addition to getting the shield for us, Stephanie had also set everypony up with earpieces so Twilight, Erishy, and Pinkie could stay in contact. It worked well, so far, even if it got a little confusing when the girls at the hospital started talking amongst themselves. Still, it was better with us all in touch.

“I told you I had it covered,” Stephanie said, securing her bodycam. “Sorry I didn’t have more.”

“No,” Twilight said. “Just the one is probably best. If there were two, it’d diminish the spell’s power. See, sympathetic magic is-”

“Can the lecture, Twi?” Dash asked. “I’m trying to get in my awesome-headspace, and it’s tough enough when RJ has the really cool thing that I don’t.”

“Ya still doing that Earth-style mental shielding thing?” I said.

“Hey, it’s Discord. If Pinkie’s plan doesn’t work out, I want a backup,” Dash said.

“It’s okay, Dashie! I’m not offended. I’m only mostly sure my plan’ll work, too,” Pinkie piped in. “But I am totally sure I’m gonna take another nap, now.”

Snoring sounded through our earpieces. I heard Sam whine worryingly.

“That’s really starting to freak me out,” I commented.

“Seconded,” Dash said.

“I’ll, um, talk to the next doctor who comes in,” Erishy said. “Maybe they can run some tests?”

“Yeeeeeah,” Twilight drawled, sarcastically. “Because running tests on Pinkie Pie worked so well for me, last time.”

“She has Reid merged with her now. Maybe she’s more testable?” Erishy said.

“Oooooo! Good point,” Twilight replied. “Ugh, now I wish I had my equipment with me.”

“How’re we on time?” I asked, trying to refocus us on what was about to happen.

“Fifteen minutes left, by May’s phone,” Stephanie responded.

“Great, great,” I said. “You sure about this place, Steph?”

“As sure as we can get,” Stephanie replied. “Out of everywhere in the city, this building has the most chaos manifestations near it. Then they spread out in this… kind of wobbly-looking circle.”

Raritony chuckled. “Even in chaos, Discord makes a bit of order. It must gall him so.”

“Or he gets off on it,” I said, shrugging.

“Everything looks good on my end,” Stephanie said. “Are you ready for the body camera feed, Twilight?”

“Erishy’s almost done plugging things in- Sir, we appreciate your help, but my friend does know what she’s doing.”

I snickered. Twilight had been just as flummoxed as the rest of us when Erishy volunteered to hook up the equipment for the remote body cam. Raritony had even suggested we call her MacGuyver, from here on out. But, now Twilight was acting like Erishy had been in IT support for their entire friendship. I won’t lie, it was a relief to hear us rolling with these changes in each other.

“And, Erishy says we’re all set on this end. Turn on your camera, Stephanie,” Twilight said.

“Camera on,” Stephanie replied.”

“Nothing yet… Hey! Yep, there it is!” Twilight sighed, audibly. “That’s a huge relief.”

Stephanie smiled, turning to face us. Dash waved at the camera on her shoulder.

“Hey Twilight!” she said.

“Hey Dash,” Twilight responded, with a giggle.

Stephanie turned back around, and her good humor faded. “Alright, my little ponies,” she said. “We’re here.”

We rolled to a stop across the street from a massive, silver skyscraper. At ground level, it blended in with the other concrete and steel behemoths around it. Looking up, we saw a loose circle of candy-pink clouds, dancing what looked like a samba around the building. A more ominous looking, darker pink-purple cloud hovered directly above it.

Al was the first out of the car. He jogged back to the fleet that had followed us and started barking orders at the men and women in tactical gear. Stephanie, Dash, Raritony, and I just stared up at the building.

“I really hope the elevator works,” I said.

Dash snorted. “Eh. Who needs it?.”

“Excuse me for being born with sense, instead of wings,” I shot back.

Dash snickered and punched my foreleg, lightly.

“Tactical will set up a floor below you,” Al said, re-joining our group.

“No. They stay down here,” Stephanie said, checking her gun for the umpteenth time. “This is Discord. All our intel says extreme caution. And I’ve watched the show, so I’m adding extra healthy paranoia on top of that.”

“Stephanie,” Al said, smiling at Stephanie like she was joking. “You’re kidding right? Protocol for this sort of thing means we follow you all the way up, and establish a tight perimeter.”

Sighing, Stephanie turned to her partner, brows pushed together. “Look, Al. I have to be the only one going in, as support. Can you imagine what that maniac could do with a whole squad at his disposal?”

“You know what he could do to you, without it? Dammit Steph!” Al snapped.

Stephanie jerked back, as did the rest of us. Several of the tactical squad slowed their preparations, obviously eavesdropping. Raritony, Dash, and I tried to take a healthy interest in anything but our FBI escort, but we were too close. We had a front row seat to the whole show.

“We talked about this. We. Have. Talked,” Al said, leaning toward her with his hands on his hips. “And every time, you tell me, you… promise me, you’ll stick to protocol. Protocol that we have for a goddamn reason!”

“Yeah, Al. Protocol for dealing with murderers, cults, psychos- human stuff,” Stephanie shot back. “Not chaos gods, magic, and talking freaking ponies!” She waved her hands in our general direction, but I doubt she actually saw us.

“So you’re just gonna... cowboy up again,” Al said. “After everything that’s happened.” He shook his head. “Jesus, Steph. This isn’t a bunker of gun nuts, this is- I don’t even know what this is! What I do know is that ever since this whole thing started, you’ve been falling back on all your old habits. All of them. You’re gonna get in hot water, again! That’s if you don’t get killed!”

“Al, don’t you get it? We don’t have protocol for this,” Stephanie said, exasperated. “You guys set up right underneath Discord, and he will turn you into a conga line of flamingos, dancing out the nearest 33rd story window. He could turn me into a yodeling rhino, for all I know!”

“Which is why you need backup!” Al shouted.

“Which is why I am the backup!” Stephanie shouted back.

Chests heaving, Stephanie and Al glared at each other.

“Look, guys…” I ventured. “Maybe now ain’t the time for-”

Stephanie held up a hand, palm out to me. “This is between me and Al, RJ.”

Nodding, I stepped back by Raritony and Dash. They made awkward faces at me; I whole-heartedly agreed with them.

“Al,” Stephanie said, voice softer. “It’s just too dangerous. And there’s too much at stake. We need to give Discord fewer targets, not more. Please. I’m begging you on this.”

Al’s lids hooded and he leaned back from Stephanie. “Alright,” he said, voice a bit tight. “Convince me.”

“If things go sideways up there, I need to know a second line is waiting,” Stephanie said. “I need to know someone will be there to give this guy hell.” She stared at Al. “Al, you’ve been with me this whole ride. I don’t trust anyone else more. But, if you’re a floor below me, following protocol, I’m worrying about you. Because Discord likes nothing more than messing with the rules. And what’s protocol, but rules? Trust me, okay?”

“She’s right,” Raritony piped up.

Al looked at her. “You can’t treat Discord like… well, like something rational, “she continued. “He isn’t.”

“He makes everything crazy,” Dash added. “And you guys’d… well, you’d kinda be an easy target. No offense.”

Al frowned. He looked at me. “Well? You got your two cents?”

I shrugged one shoulder. “Like I said back at the hospital. Keep it simple. You put a backup team up there, it ain’t as simple, and it’s more folks could get hurt. Sorry, Al. That’s the truth.”

“Al, please,” Stephanie said. It drew his gaze back to her. “Stay down here, and hold the perimeter with the backup team. Because if we go down...” She shrugged.

Al sighed, and rested his hands on his hips. He looked up. “Goddammit,” he muttered. He looked back at Stephanie. “Alright. Fine. But I’m going on record that I don’t like this.”

“There’s a lot of that to go around,” Twilight said.

“Thanks, Al,” Stephanie said, smiling gratefully.

He waved her off, facing the squad, who watched him. Raising his eyebrows, he yelled, “Well, you all eavesdropped enough. You know what to do! Do it!”

They scrambled, which got a laugh out of me.

“Worse than a freaking sitcom,” Al grumbled. Turning back to Stephanie, he said, “Intel says nobody’s come, or gone, from this building since everything started.”

“Well. That doesn’t make me feel any better,” she said, cinching her bulletproof vest tight around her.

“Or me. It’s not supposed to,” Al replied. “Be safe in there, Chase.”

“Don’t let any bad guys out, Beharie,” Stephanie said.

They smiled at one another, and parted ways. Al striding purposefully toward the tactical teams, as Stephanie came to join our group.

“Sorry about that,” she said, looking sheepish.

Raritony shrugged one shoulder, and smiled reassuringly. “It’s fine, darling,” she said. “Pre-Discord-fight jitters and all.”

“Yeah,” Dash agreed, flying up to pat her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. You had to make things right with your bud- we get it.”

Stephanie grinned at us lopsidedly. “Can I go on save the world missions with you guys all the time?”

“Sure thing,” I said, sliding the shield onto my back. “We’ll even get ya a brightly colored t-shirt that says ‘honorary pony’ on it, so bad guys don’t get confused. Now, c’mon. We’re dallying.”

Unholstering her weapon and holding it at ready position, Stephanie nodded. I took the lead with Raritony and Dash just a little behind me. Stephanie watched our backs. We crossed the quiet street without incident. The dancing parking meter didn’t so much as look at us. I took it as a good sign, and lengthened my stride.

I peered through the floor to ceiling windows near the revolving door, and saw a normal-enough looking lobby. There was a bank of elevators, and a large, wooden security desk. Just the first stop before we were face to face with Discord again.

“A-hem.”

I turned to Raritony, who was looking at me expectantly. Dash was grinning next to her.

“What?” I said.

“I’m not trying to delay us any further, but… you do have the shield, RJ,” Raritony said. “And, well, you did perform that marvelous speech, back when we were fleeing the bunker.”

“Yeah! Raritony told me all about it,” Dash added, excitedly. “C’mon. I wanna hear a stirring RJ speech.”

Twilight cleared her throat. “You know, a few… well-placed words would help further the magic in the shield…”

Sighing, I rolled my eyes and tilted my hat back so I could see everyone better.

“Alright y’all. This is it,” I said, meeting each of their eyes. “I don’t like speeches. None of us like Discord. Let’s go kick his ass.” Turning, I strode purposefully toward the door.

“Not exactly ‘let slip the dogs of war,’” Raritony commented, not quite aside.

“You kidding? That was awesome,” Dash said, flying just above and behind me. “Total Commander Hurricane material.”

Stephanie snorted. “Go Team Applejack.”

And with that rousing support, I led us inside.

Chapter 16: Hellfighters

I stopped dead in my tracks. I was in a palatial suite that in no way resembled the lobby I had seen through the glass doors.

High ceilings, a plush red carpet, three cozy-looking green sofas, a TV as large as a car, and a sizeable wet bar greeted me. The hackles on the back of my neck went right up.

Quickly, I glanced back over my shoulder and confirmed Dash, Raritony, and Stephanie were still with me. The revolving door was not behind us. Instead I saw a pair of wide ornate doors.

“You get any of that, Twi?” I whispered.

“Uh, yeah. Whoa. That was really weird,” Twilight said.

“Be careful…” Erishy whispered, nervously.

I tilted my head in the doors’ direction. Stephanie cautiously opened one of them and peered out. She closed it. “It’s... a hallway,” she said, voice low.

Before I could reply, we heard a giggle. A low, familiar giggle that stood the rest of my hairs on end.

Facing into the suite again, I saw Discord sitting in a plush, tall-backed chair, off to one side. He was hunched over a box on a table. His back was mostly to us, and he was giggling. A lot.

I took a few breaths to steady my nerves, then gestured for everyone to fan out. Slowly, carefully, we approached Discord. As we drew closer, I saw the box was actually a little maze. I caught a flash of brightly colored fur. Raising up on tippy-hooves, I saw a light blue mouse hopping across a gap, on little stones.

“Oooo, go on Mousie Markus Dash. Maybe you’ll make it,” Discord crooned.

The blue mouse slipped and fell. And kept falling. Watching it disappear into a seemingly endless pit, while still firmly on the table, made my eyes water and my head hurt.

Discord sighed. “Oh no, little Dashie fell into the trap,” he said, clapping his mismatched hands.

I glanced at the others. Dash shrugged.

“A-hem,” I said.

Discord blinked, then glanced back at us. I waved at him, sarcastically. He made a shooing motion with one of his claws.

“Can’t you see that I’m busy?” he said, focusing back at the maze. “Come back later. The receptionist will take your names.”

“You’re busy?” Dash growled.

“Of course I’m busy,” Discord scoffed. “Why, I’ve been watching these little ponies try to get to me. It’s been endlessly fun. They keep doing the most fascinating tricks. It’s like my own little Japanese game show!”

“Excuse me, but you called us here,” Raritony said, through gritted teeth.

“I did?” he said, sitting up straight. He turned back to us with an expression like we’d just run into him at a party and he was trying to place our faces.

“Yes, you fucking did!” Raritony snapped.

“Oh! Oh my,” he said. He glanced back at his maze, then smiled at us apologetically as he pressed a paw to his face. “Well, this is embarrassing. I really do apologize. I was just so caught up in my little maze I completely forgot about you. You know how it is. New world, new rules, so many ponies running around- work, work, work. So easy to get distracted.”

With a snap of his claw, the maze disappeared.

“But right! To business!” He snapped a claw.

The lights dimmed and his chair spun to face us, Bond villain style. I slid the shield off my back, holding it at ready. Dash hovered in the air. Raritony’s horn crackled with primed magic. I could see Stephanie’s gun raised, just on the edge of my peripheral vision.

Discord slouched and waved a bored hand at us. “So, little ponies. What is up?” he said.

I glanced at everyone else. Dash shrugged.

“Uh… we beat your game,” I said, stepping forward. “We found you.”

“Yes you did! Bravo on the detective work. Do you want a treat?” he asked, and a dog biscuit appeared in my mouth.

I spit it out. “We want you to clear out,” I said.

“Hm,” he said, putting a claw to his chin. “No, I don’t think so. Like I said before, this world is just too too fascinating. Brimming with chaos- how could I turn away? It’s like dangling candy in front of me and saying no!”

A pony piñata appeared just above his head, and he tried snatching at it. It grew a pair of helicopter blades and flew out of reach, then out a window.

“See?! Isn’t that just heartbreaking?” he said, wiping at the tears pooling in his eyes.

“Discord,” Stephanie said, stepping forward. “As a duly-designated representative of the City, County, and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin, or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.” She leveled her gun on his center of mass with a grin. “Now.”

Discord smirked. “Pointing guns? At moi. How… predictable.” He snapped his claws, and Steph was suddenly wearing a grey jumpsuit, and wielding a proton wand. “There, that’s much better. It even lights up and makes sounds!”

“I lost visual!” Twilight shrieked in my ear.

“Dammit, Discord, you leave her out of this!” I snapped, stepping in front of Stephanie.

“But, Racheeeeeel! She started it! Quoting movies at me, in a bid for authority, makes me break out in hives,” Discord whined, itching at a patch of sudden blemishes on his ribs. “Besides, it’s not as if you three will provide me with any entertainment, before I take over the city.”

“You aren’t taking over the city,” Dash said, flying up close to him. “We found you. And you said it yourself- we find you? Game. Over.”

“Yes, you found me,” Discord said, aiming a tiny electric fan at Dash, who drifted away like a helium balloon. “But if you recall, I used the inclusive you when I set the challenge. So…” He smirked, spreading his hands wide. “If only half of you show up, and not the entire you I intended, that’s hardly my fault. I mean, I know I wasn’t big on specifics...” He grinned right at me. “But I figured you ponies would be able to parse a little English, hmmm?”

“We’re here! We’re here!” Erishy shouted. “We’re just remote! That should count!”

Sam barked as Erishy shouted.

“You... lousy, no-good-” I growled.

“Temper, temper, Rachel,” Discord sneered. “You already messed up by keeping your friends ‘safe.’ Don’t want to make it any worse, do you?”

He snapped his finger. I ducked behind the shield.

WHUM!

Discord sat up, suddenly alert. “What did you…” He squinted at me. “You didn’t.”

“Did,” I said, straightening. “Wanna try that again? You lousy, no-good sidewinder.”

“Oh please. You have but one shield. And I have four targets.” He snapped again.

I rolled in front of the rest of the group, keeping the shield between him and us. WHUM, WHUM, WHUM, WHUM.

I rose again, grinning. “Unofficial dodgeball champ at Northridge Middle School,” I said, swinging the shield back and forth, bouncing lightly on my hooves. “And that was before Rachel teamed up with AJ’s body. We’re in a lot better shape than Rachel ever was.”

Discord scowled, raising his arm dramatically as he prepared to snap his claw again. I flung the shield, hard. He dodged, and before he could recover, the shield rebounded off the wall, and clocked him in the head.

I hopped up and caught it like a frisbee. Sliding the shield back onto my foreleg, I raised it high. “Now!” I shouted.

Dash reached a reeling Discord first, decking him once, twice, across the chin. I moved in next, firing Bucky, then Kicks, at his knees. Steph leapt forward and just wailed on him, wielding her proton wand like it was a baseball bat. Erishy and Twilight added to the chaos by shouting in our ears, asking what was happening.

Discord coiled tight on himself, then burst outward with a wave of power. We flew back like rag dolls. Flower petals rained down around us. I landed in a claw-footed bathtub. Stephanie was dressed normally again, but holding a banana.

“Visual’s back!” Twilight cheered. “Oh no… are you girls okay?”

“You know…” Discord panted. “I don’t think I like what this human world’s done to you ponies. It makes you so-”

CRACK!

Discord wobbled, then fell over.

“Violent?” Rarity suggested, sweetly, a chair leg held in her magical grip.

“That is so hot,” Dash said. She jerked upright and looked quickly around. “Wait. Was that out loud?”

Discord groaned. “Ah, so we’re playing that game are we…” he grumbled.

“Get him!” I shouted.

The floor rumbled, making Dash launch into the air while the rest of us tried to steady ourselves. As Stephanie grabbed at a pillar, Discord slowly sank into the carpet. Dark red fuzz rolled up and over his body, absorbing him, while he grinned and waved at us. In a second, he was gone, and so was the quaking.

“Look out girls,” I said. “He’s on the move. Don’t-”

Upholstered, clawed hands burst from the carpet, grabbing us by our throats. I wrapped my free hoof around the clawed carpet and yanked, trying to get some air. It didn’t budge. The hand thrust me toward the ceiling, and I tensed for impact.

Instead, we rushed through a blur of hotel room and concrete. Then, we were surrounded by sky. The building’s roof zipped away below us. Twilight was shouting in our ears, but I couldn’t make out what she said.

Twisting in the plush grip, I whacked at the hand around my neck with the shield. It tore through, slicing carpet and padding to shreds, and the hand broke away. As I fell, I threw the shield at the nearest arm, cutting Dash free.

She rubbed her throat and coughed, then flew to Raritony. The shield returned to me, and I landed on the roof, sure-hooved.

“RJ!” Dash called out, pulling on the hand around Raritony’s neck.

“On it!” I shouted, throwing the shield, again. It severed the arm, and Dash grabbed Raritony before she fell.

Running toward the last arm, I caught the shield and flung it a third time. It sliced clean through the animated carpet. Stephanie fell, but I managed to just catch her on my back.

“Okay?” I rasped, grabbing the shield as it returned.

“Yeah. Ow. Dammit,” she hissed, rubbing her throat.

Discord... sort of reverse melted up from the roof’s surface, clapping slowly. “You know, I have to give Twilight credit. That little shield is all kinds of problematic. Ten for ten, would use against me again. However, it’s really slowing down my scheme for tri-state area domination, so it’s gotta go.”

I smirked. “Like to see you… try,” I wheezed at him.

He popped his eyebrows at me. “Don’t mind if I doooo!” He snapped his claws, and wicked, black, thorny vines burst out of the cement, wrapping tightly around all of us. Discord clenched his fist, and the vines tightened around me more. Hot needles pushed against my skin, and I thanked my lucky stars that life on the farm gave me a hide like tree bark. But, my thick hide did nothing for the stranglehold.

Stars bursting in my eyes, I gasped, and the shield dropped out of my grip. It wobbled lazily over to Discord, and he dipped down to pick it up.

“My, my, my. Such fine craftsmanship,” he said, turning it over in his claws. He buffed the surface with an elbow, and grinned at his own reflection. Then the reflection turned it’s head and addressed Stephanie, as Discord continued to gaze into the shield. “Where did you get this, Agent Chase?”

“Bite me, Q,” Stephanie spat, struggling against her bonds.

Discord looked up, and his reflection waved before it vanished. “Really, why is everyone so hostile in this place?” Discord said, rolling his eyes. “What happened to banter? What happened to ‘You’ll never get away with this?’ I mean, if we’re just going to be brutal about everything….”

He held the shield in both claws. Strange, blue-plaid magic crackled along his arms and with a resounding SNAP, the shield broke in two. From where I was, I could see little sparks of Raritony’s magic fizzling between the broken halves.

“Then, really,” Discord said, dropping our broken shield. “Let’s be brutal.”

We all stared at the pieces of our ace in the hole.

“So, took care of the shield, what else am I forgetting…” He was rubbing his chin thoughtfully when a little version of him, with glasses and a day planner, tapped him on the shoulder. He turned, looking at the tiny Discord holding up the book. “Ah! Of course! You’re on a fast track for promotion, you little scamp.”

The tiny Discord waved his hand in a p’shaw motion and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Discord grinned at us. I didn’t like that grin. With a pop, he split into some sort of messed up, overachieving cerberus: four of him, but only from the waist up. Cackling, each conjoined-twin Discord-body stretched out toward a member of our team. And I swore it looked like his singular lower half was doing a little jig in place, twenty feet away.

Claws wrapped around our heads. The heads grinned as they got in close. “Hello Rachel,” the Discord in front of me purred. “Enjoying your newfound equinity?”

“Let me go. I’ll show you what this newfound equinity can do!” I growled.

“Oh, charming. But it matters naught,” he said, eyes swirling. Hypnotic colors danced in front of me. “Applejack and Rachel, two halves that don’t work. Applejack so stubborn, and Rachel such a jerk. Infighting and dominance that you simply can’t tame, because neither can decide which one... is to blame.”

I stared up into him, feeling him push around my mind, my soul. I could hear soft murmurs from around me, as the other Discord heads wove their evil persuasion over my friends. I could feel his words, and his will, sliding across me, trying to change me…

So I headbutted him. Hard.

“Sonava-!” he hissed. I heard more surprised cursing around me, and all the Discords snapped back to just the one. He rubbed at his face, as he glared at us furiously.

“You can’t do that! I broke your shield!” he protested, claw over his nose.

“But you didn’t break us,” I said, touching my Element. It glowed softly.

“But how…?” he stared, eyes bouncing to each of us in turn.

“You can thank Pinkie Pie,” Raritony said, sashaying forward. “She’s the one who had the idea.”

“What idea?” Discord spat. “A new cupcake recipe to throw at me?”

“Nope!” Dash said. “Just a little spell we like to call: No Discords Allowed.”

“No Discords Allowed,” Discord mocked, miming Dash with a sock puppet. He set it on fire, and folded his arms in disgust. “Pshaw! I’m always allowed!”

“Not when you’re up against the same spell Twi used to get you out of our heads, the first time,” I said. I smiled over at Dash. “And a little of Earth’s own magic to make sure you didn’t notice it was tied to our Elements.”

Dash grinned. “Just like Enterprise,” she said, puffing out her chest. “Shields. Up.”

“Go team!” Pinkie cheered over the mic. Good to know she was awake, again.

Discord glared, pointing at Stephanie. “Well, your pet hyoooman is under my thrall, so nyah!” He stuck his tongue out and raspberried at us, sounding like a party noisemaker.

“Actually, I’m not,” Stephanie said. She reached under her shirt, and lifted Erishy’s Element into view with one thumb. Like ours, it glowed softly. “An act of kindness. From a friend.”

Discord’s eyes turned blood red and steam shot out from his ears. He took a huge breath and then slumped back, looking peevish. “I hate all of you very much,” he said, flatly. “And I’m so bored of this little game. So, you’re all going away. NOW. Ta!”

He dropped open his maw, and a torrent of blue-plaid-octarine magic shot across the roof. Straight at us.

Just before it hit, Twilight appeared in a burst of light, her magical shield arcing between Discord and the rest of us.

Discord’s magic slammed into it, flaring around the sides. Twilight groaned. Her horn sparked and the shield flickered. Raritony ran over, leaning against her. Her horn’s light joined Twilight’s, but Twilight still looked pale and shaky. She couldn’t do this long.

“Help. She needs help!” Dash said. She looked at me. “We have our magic, too!”

“But that ain’t unicorn magic!” I yelled back.

“But it’s still magic. Pour it into Twi! She needs the help!” And Dash zipped to Twilight’s other side, pressing her hoof against her barrel.

To my surprise, Twilight’s color improved. The shield actually shone brighter too. Shaking my head, I took the only available spot: from behind. Pressing my hooves into her flank, I mentally apologized for the awkward position.

“Magic, magic…” I muttered, and closed my eyes. My magic was… in growing things. In the harvest. In my farm. It was about pouring love of the earth into the earth. So, Twi was just a tree that needed some love.

To my total, complete surprise, I felt it when some of my strength, my stamina, my earth pony-ness started flowing into Twilight. Usually, my magic is something subtle. It’s an unconscious act; different than spell-casting like a unicorn, or weather working like a pegasus. So, maybe it was the Elements of Harmony, maybe it was Twilight's own magic, but for once, this wasn’t passive. It was something else altogether.

I felt both like I was holding up a tree, and putting down roots to get more muscle to hold up that tree. And as my roots reached out, they touched other roots: my friends. Just as I lent my muscle, Rarity lent her mind. Just as I gave my stamina, Dash gave her speed. Together, we poured the magic of each of us, and our races, into Twilight. Using that power, she built it into her shield, and kept all of us safe.

And after what felt like an eternity, the light show stopped. Twilight’s shield flickered away, and the roots I’d put down came back into me. I felt like I’d been running across the orchard all morning.

Discord panted at us from across the roof. Twilight panted too, looking a bit grey beneath her coat, but she grinned fiercely.

“That… the best… you got?” she gasped.

Chapter 17: Hurt

Author's Note

WARNING

The following chapter is a MAJOR BUMMER. Repeat, MAJOR BUMMER and darker than anything so far brought up in RJ’s adventures. If you wish to avoid a serious case of author-induced depression, hop over to THIS BLOG POST after the first line break.

Chapter 17: Hurt

“Oh... come on!” Discord panted. “You... were shot… in the head! You… should’ve been… laid up... for weeks... at minimum. I made sure of it! Ultimate... chaos... chess player here!”

He fumed, kicking dust and dirt, lamely flailing his arms about, and generally pitching a fit on par with a five year old.

“What’re you doing here, sugarcube?” I hissed at Twilight. Now that the immediate danger had passed, I saw she was still in her hospital gown. Her IV bag of painkillers was duct taped to her side. I had really hoped she was joking, when she mentioned that idea earlier.

She grinned at me, slightly maniacally. “Sorry, RJ. I couldn’t… just sit by… and do nothing.”

I shook my head. “And y’all call me hard-headed. How do you feel?”

“Like... I just cast two major spells while being doped to the gills,” she said. “Don’t ask me to walk; I really can’t right now.”

“We’ll hold you up,” Dash said, leaning against her.

“And what was that anyway!” Discord ranted on, pointing at us. “That- that magic thing you did. That you all did. How did you do that?”

“Power of friendship,” Raritony said, sticking her tongue out.

“Oh, that’s it. You’re all topiary!” Discord said, stretching both arms out, ready to snap at us.

“CANNONBALL!!!”

Discord whirled around. For his trouble, he got a face full of Pinkie. The impact slammed him into the surface of the roof, and left him partially buried in a crater. Pinkie hopped over the rim, and slid over to us.

“Wee-ee-eeee-heee!” she giggled. “Whoo, that was fun. Naptime now!” She collapsed on the spot, cuddling a convenient exhaust vent.

“Still?!” I groaned.

Twilight shook her head. “I think she’s narcoleptic,” she said. “It’s got to be better than how I feel, though. Ugh. I think I’m gonna throw up…”

“I think she killed Discord,” Stephanie said, carefully peering at Discord’s head at the bottom of the crater.

“Keep back everypony,” I said. “He might still be dangerous.”

“Oh please,” Discord drawled from behind us.

Spinning, we saw him standing a few dozen feet away, perfectly fine. He was decked out in painfully neon-colored golf clothes, teeing off from the other side of the building.

“That’s like saying, ‘Remember the Alamo’ or ‘the monster’s finally dead,’” he said, urbanely. “It doesn’t do anyone any good.” He hit the ball, but it had transformed into a cream puff, which splatted on his polka-dot and argyle socks. “Drat.”

Stephanie trained her gun on the golf playing Discord. Looking back over my shoulder, I could see Pinkie-landing-pad Discord was still embedded in the concrete, motionless.

“What’s that, Rachel? ‘How did I do this?’” he said, raising a hand to his ear. “I’m so glad you asked. I’m just little ol’ me, five minutes from now.” He whacked another ball into the city. This one actually stayed a golf ball. “From after I won. So, I’m enjoying my retirement from pony battles.” He grinned as his ball dropped onto a skyscraper. “Ooo-hoo-hoooo! Birdied that. Nice.”

We all moved into a protective circle around Twilight and Pinkie. “Got any more fuel in the tank, Twi?” I whispered.

“Buy me a minute,” she whispered back. “I think… I think I can hit him again.”

“Oh, I doubt that,” Discord said, sitting on his golf club as it hovered in midair, and snapping a laptop into existence. He typed along, barely paying attention to us. “See, like I said, I’m me five minutes from now. I won. You didn’t. And do you know why?”

We closed ranks.

Keep him talking. Get Twilight some time, I thought. “Enlighten us,” I said, glaring at Discord. “We know how much you like to talk about how smart you are.”

He preened a bit. “It’s not bragging if it’s true, Rachel. Besides, I realized I was coming at you all wrong. I mean, sure, mind-warping, brainwashing, physical transformations- it’s all very entertaining. But it all had a bit of a flaw. Anyone? Anyone in our studio audience know what it is?”

I stared down at the gameshow podium I was suddenly seated behind, while Discord waggled his eyebrows, and his bowtie, at me. Pinkie dozed, head down, on the podium next to me.

“No one?” Discord drawled.

A loud buzzer went off. Discord sighed and said, “Oh, I’m sorry. Time’s up, but here’s a lovely parting gift of all the tuna you could ever eat.” He pulled a tasseled cord hanging beside his head.

A small mountain of tuna cans dropped on me from above. They clattered around me, and I was almost instantly buried. It smelled like a few of them had busted open.

“RJ!” Dash and Stephanie cried out.

“Stop it Discord!” Twilight shouted. “Just… stop!”

“But I’ve only just begun, David!” Discord squealed. From the fishy darkness, Dash’s face appeared, as Stephanie pushed cans aside.

“Jeez, you okay, RJ?” Dash asked, offering her hoof.

“I hate tuna forever,” I said, taking it, and shimmying out from beneath the cans.

“See, I always tried to attack you from the outside, because well. It’s outside. I’m outside. It’s just easier to hit!” He shrugged. “Besides, friendships break from the outside all the time! You stop calling, you don’t hang out, soon you’re just awkwardly trying to pretend you’re not at the same bar mitzvah- I just ushered things along!” He snapped, holding up a poster portraying the six of us: grayed out, miserable, avoiding looking at one another. The tagline read: My Little Ponies: Friendship is a Hassle.

He whisked the poster through the air, tying it around himself like a cape. “But you’re all soooooo… devoted.” He spat the word. “Pesky power of friendship protecting your outsides. Booo.” He thumbs downed us. “So, my only option was to find a place where your friendship left you open. A spot where I could get… inside.” He grinned.

“Where would friendship possibly leave us open?” Raritony said, haughtily.

“Hmmm. Another pop quiz for all of you.” He produced Trivial Pursuit, My Little Pony edition, and slid out a card. Scanning it, he giggled, then read: “What happens when you little ponies are all so annoyingly emotional and can’t think of any better way to express yourselves?” He looked at us expectantly, eyes dancing in delight.

Twilight perked up, smiling. “Oh! We sing!”

“Yes. In harmony,” Discord said. He reached for the laptop he’d been playing with before, and hit a key.

Noise screamed through the sky, and into my head. I fell to my knees in shock. My heart thundered as something pushed its way into my skull. It felt like my whole head was going to explode! Eyes clamped shut, I howled in pain.

Then, the noise sharpened, gaining definition and power. It picked up a relentless rhythm that forced my heartbeat to match it. The treble drowned out any other sounds; it drowned out even my own thoughts. Discord’s music encompassed my whole reality. And it hurt. The roof, Discord, my friends, everything vanished. All I could feel was this new music, forcing its way inside me. Becoming all there was of me.

Blinking, I shook cobwebs from my vision. Literal cobwebs across my eyes. I rubbed at my face, clearing them away.

Gross. Where am I? I thought, blinking through the grime.

I tasted dirt. Dirt in my mouth, grinding in my teeth. And when I could finally see, all I saw was a desert.

I blinked, hard, and shook my head, again. This couldn’t be right. I was… Well, I was sure I hadn’t been in a desert a moment ago.

I thought, but I couldn’t remember. It was... hard to focus. The wind seemed to be gusting in a regular rhythm, and it was throwing me off. I had been doing something important. Something… Then, like a relic out of a post-apocalyptic landscape, I recognized Sweet Apple Acres, fallen to ruin.

“No…” I gasped. Nothing but dust. Acres and acres of it. As far as I could see.

I took a wavering step forward and nearly fell over something solid.

“What…” I looked down. Big McIntosh lay at my hooves. “Big Mac…” I whispered, nudging him, gently.

He didn’t move. Not even the slightest bit.

“No… No!”

I backed away, skidding in the loose grit. I bumped into something. It rebounded and bumped back into me. Turning, I found myself face to face with Granny. She was draped bonelessly over the fence. Her skin leathery and stiff. “NO!”

I ran, forward, kicking up more dirt.

I raced for home. The Apple home. But when I got close, I could see it was as wrecked as the rest of the farm. The windows were busted out, the paint peeling, and it looked a breath away from falling in on itself. Dust and dirt coated everything.

My parents- my human parents lay in rocking chairs on the porch.

“Mom! Dad!” I shouted, rushing to them. They fell over at my touch- limp as rag dolls. I reeled back, heart in my throat.

“No…” Eyes wide, I caught a flash of pink ribbon through the window. I immediately raced inside, to the only beacon of hope in this dirt-covered landscape.

“Bloom- Apple Bloom!” I yelled, coughing as my footsteps raised clouds of dust. I slammed the door inward. It fell off its hinges. I found Bloom, laying in the middle of a circle made up of the bodies of my friends.

Nopony moved. The silence that should have been full of breathing only contained the rhythmic pushing of the wind.

“Girls… Apple Bloom…” I stepped into the circle. I picked up her body and cradled it against me. “Apple Bloom… no…” I whispered, stroking her mane. “I was… I was supposed to... keep you safe… I’m- I’m so sorry.”

I kissed her forehead, and lay her back down.

What happened? I thought, staring around the house. Pictures hung at odd angles, glass cracked in the frames. Others were lying on the floor where they had fallen. Where’s... The place I was. The place… New York? Yeah, that’s it! I clung to the thought. It was just a bit, but it helped ground me a little.

I was in New York! I thought. But… how’d I gethere?

Wiping the tears from my face, I stumbled outside. I had to find…. I didn’t know. There seemed nothing left worth finding. But there had to be something other than this damn dirt!

I ran for the gate, nearly tripping over a sign. Hopping back a few steps, I saw the Sweet Apple Acres sign lying at my hooves. Someone had scratched the name out and graffitied over it. I brushed some of the blasted dirt away and found in scrawled handwriting: “No Hope.”

My throat felt tight. I couldn’t blink enough. I looked out the gate, at the rest of Equestria. And it was all dirt.

“We... lost?” I whimpered. “No. No we… we couldn’t have...”

“You did,” Discord said. He plucked my hat from my head, and placed it atop his. “This is where you live now, Rachel. Your empty world of dirt. Enjoy!”

Ponyville was flattened, nothing visible but a few broken beams jutting up from the ground. Just beyond, I could see Canterlot, blasted rubble on the side of the mountain. Everywhere I looked was dirt and sand. Everything I knew was dust. I dropped where I stood, breath juddering in the stinging wind. I couldn’t even cry.

Discord laughed. He laughed and strolled into the dust, into oblivion. His laughter kicked up more wind and dust, slapping me in the face.

Shaking my head from the blow, I faced the sign again. I read it aloud. “No Hope.”

And still, I could hear Discord’s awful music inside me. It was in the hush of the wind, and the patter of the blown sand. It was in the absences of my friends’ voices. My life was a minor chord, stretching out forever more. I couldn’t escape it. How could I? I lived on this farm of dirt. With not even a hat to guard my tired brow...

I curled up where I was, overwhelmed by the horrible harmony that defined my life.

It felt like I lay there forever. Through all the dirt and dust that whipped against me, I could feel the sun high in the sky, beating down. Hot and unrelenting, it always beat down in this unforgiving land.

I didn’t even try to hide from it. I waited for the dirt to wash over me, and make me just another dune in this broken place.

“RJ... Don’t give up...! Please...!” a voice breathed.

I blinked, sitting up. Dirt rained out of my hair. Who had….? Was that... Shy?

No. That- that couldn’t have been Shy. She was… she was back at the house. She was back at the house with- With...

I shook my head. I couldn’t focus properly. My life was dirt, and dust, and pain, not thought. It had always been like this. It pulsed through me- my hurt. This was my life.

But something else fluttered just out of reach. My friends… I’d been doing something? I think?

My friends. My family. Doing something. I could do something for them. They couldn’t just lay there. This place may’ve been abandoned to dirt, but that didn’t mean I let them go to dirt. Not if I could give them a proper send-off.

With a grunt, I pushed back to my hooves. Across the dirt and ruin, I saw the barn. There was a chance my tools might still be inside.

Squaring my jaw, I pushed through the dust storm toward my goal. It was derelict, leaning precariously to one side, but it still stood. As I drew closer, I could hear the barn rattle in the harsh wind. It could topple over any second; I had to move as quick as I could.

My mouth tasted like grit by the time I was inside. It was in no better shape than the outside. Hay bales were broken open, straw gusted everywhere, wooden support beams eaten nearly through, loft fallen in- all was a reminder of my ruin.

I sighed and pushed ahead, wincing at the sharp grit slapping my face.

“Quit it,” I grumbled, holding a hoof up so I could see. “I got a job to do.”

To my surprise, I found the cart I needed. Like everything else, it was busted. But it wasn’t completely beyond repair. Using some of the shattered timber and other bits laying around the barn, I was able to jury rig the cart into working, again.

Hitching up, I drew it outside. The storm was just as bad, maybe worse. To keep the cart from disintegrating, again, I had to move slow. Painfully slow. I ached for even just a drop of water.

Finally, with the sun high in the sky, drying me out like pony jerky, I came back to Big Mac’s body. Picking him up took some doing. Even as… dry as he was, he was still heavy. But I loaded him into the cart, and laid him out, gentle like. I did the same for Granny Smith.

After I had her laid by Big Mac, I asked her if I could have her neckerchief. I thanked her when I removed it. Tied around my muzzle, it kept out the worst of the dust.

From there, I went home.

First, I got my parents. Rag doll people laying next to rag doll ponies, but they were all my family. The high sun scorched my back.

Next, I went to my friends. In some ways, they were more important than my kin. They weren’t the kin I was born to, they were the kin I made. I was extra careful as I put them in the cart. I apologized to everyone as I stacked them. There was only so much room.

As I came down the front steps, Apple Bloom draped across my back, the axle broke on the cart. Everyone slid, threatening to tumble out of the cart like a loose load of laundry. Dashing over, I managed to catch them all.

Tears sprang to my eyes. Those, I let fall.

Once I was sure everyone was stayed put, I laid Apple Bloom next to the cart, and set to fixing it. Again. I didn’t need just farm know-how, here. I had to get really clever. I always was a solid physics student, so I figured out how to rig up a makeshift cart jack. The brain-work was the first bright spot of the day.

It took a few tries. The wood I had kept snapping. But I didn’t give up. Sweat plastered my fur down, and the sun never moved from its high noon spot. But I made progress, and eventually, I got the cart properly repaired.

When I was done, I wiped my brow. I knew I should have just done it right, the first time. My life was one long note of suffering, sure, but that didn’t mean I had to give up.

If my... harmony was so intent on keeping me down and aching, I needed to change the song. I murmured new lyrics as I lay Apple Bloom on top of everyone. Looking over the cart and its occupants, the sight carved a pit in my stomach, but I knew I’d taken care of them with as much respect as I could.

I hitched up and hauled them around back. There was plenty of dirt to dig graves in.

The work took most of the day. The whole time, the sun beat down, and the wind slammed more dust into me. But I didn’t give up, I kept working.

I sang with the harmony, a bit. It was right, in a way. Everyone I knew went away in the end. But that didn’t mean I still didn’t honor them. It didn’t mean I forgot them. And as I lay each one in the ground, I remembered who they’d been to me.

I remembered my family, always there for me. Encouraging, familiar, warm; my family: the ultimate security blanket. I held close to my heart how that blanket felt, wrapped reassuringly around me.

Then, I turned to my friends. Someone who treated me gently when the rest of the world was hard. Someone who gave me the clothes off her back when she was already freezing. Someone who put a smile on my face when times were dark. Someone who stood by my side when I thought I was all alone. And someone who brought it all together, who I trusted to guide me, when I didn’t know where to turn.

I lay them each down, alongside my family, and I remembered them all. They were true, true friends. And they always helped me. I could do this last thing for them.

And maybe… well, maybe I could do more, too.

As I covered them up, laying the last blanket they’d ever know over them, I thought about where I was, and what I had. A farm of dirt. A broken home. And everyone I knew- gone.

Not the greatest scorecard. But… it’s what I had. My great grandkin had even less when they came to Ponyville. Hay, my dad only had five bucks in his pocket when he moved up to Syracuse. Well, five bucks in his pocket, and a rusted out El Camino, but it wasn’t much.

I had hard land, sure, but it was land. I had a start. I couldn’t let this dust get me. I couldn’t let this pain get me. My world was made to hurt? Well, so what! I wasn’t going to give up. That wasn’t what family did, and that wasn’t what friends did.

I pushed the last pile of dirt over their graves, and I pulled down Granny’s kerchief, respectful. They deserved that. They deserved some words, too, so I did my best.

“I miss y’all,” I said, voice thick, eyes blurry. “I miss you something fierce. But I won’t just lay down here and wait to join you. You wouldn’t ever have wanted that, and I’m gonna keep doing right by y’all. My world is a lot of pain right now, but that just means a bit of hard work.” I chuckled. “And you know me and hard work.”

I rested my hoof in front of where I’d buried them. “I promise I won’t overdo it. I promise I’ll stand by who we were, what we did. I may not get it right, but I won’t give up. I’ll still be honest RJ... but I’ll be sure... to be kind, too.” The tears burst and trailed down my cheeks. “I promise to be loyal. I promise to be generous. To... laugh. And to honor that spark we all shared.” I pulled the kerchief back up. “I promise. I won’t let y’all down.”

Turning from their graves, I ignored the wind biting hard at my face and went toward the front of the property. I found the Sweet Apple Acres sign, “No Hope” scrawled across it. Picking it up, I brought it to the front of the property and set it down, leaning against the gate post, blank side up.

Satisfied with the setup, I went looking for a nice sharp rock to gouge out new letters in the surface. Somehow, I was sure there’d be plenty of those around.

The sun beat down even hotter, but I ignored it. The wind whipped dirt in my face, and I just squinted through the mess. My head felt like it was in a vice. By the time I was done, the new farm sign weren’t pretty, but it was true.

Hope Farms. I lived on Hope Farm. Because I didn’t give up.

Ever present Harmony pulsed through me as I walked home, but I ignored it. I had a new song on my lips as I strode forward. This wasn’t a song of hurt, or of pain. It definitely wasn’t a song of dirt. It was a song of… working; trying hard to do what I could. It was a song of hope. It was a song I could only sing because of true, true friends.

Chapter 18: Words and Music

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 19: Adventure's End

I didn’t even have to look to know we’d won. See, after a few rounds using the Elements of Harmony, or being used by them, take your pick, I'd gotten a gut feeling for when they worked. I knew the difference between when they'd petered out, versus when they'd saved the day. And the day, felt very saved.

We blasted Discord. We saved the city. All was well. Then, we got rain. That was a bit of a change from normal.

“My fucking mane!” Raritony shrieked, running in circles.

“The hay?” I said, staring up at the suddenly darkened sky.

“Over here, my little ponies,” Princess Celestia said, spreading her wings wide. The rain fell above her and Princess Luna, but it didn’t seem to quite reach them.

Since the rest of us didn’t have a magical Princess anti-rain shield, we galloped over to escape the sudden downpour. Stephanie was the only one who hung back, her walkie talkie pressed to her ear. As we all huddled together beneath the protection of the Princesses’ wingspan, Erishy yelped loudly. Well for her.

"I'm sorry, but that's my tail," she said. I was relieved to see she was bandage-less now, looking whole and healthy.

"Whoops, sorry,” replied a voice that I was sure I knew, but I couldn’t quite place

"Tara Strong?!" Erishy gasped.

"Uh… yes?" said a pretty blond woman, bent nearly double to fit under Luna's wing.

Erishy stared up at her with big eyes. "Tara Strong stepped on my tail," she murmured. "I'm never going to wash it again."

"What about my tail?" a new voice said.

"Oops, my bad," Raritony said to the unfamiliar golden pegasus next to her. She shuffled off his tail and peered at him. "Sorry. Have we met?"

"Wait. Markus?" Rainbow said, leaning out from her perch on my back. "Is that you?"

"Do you mind?" a dark blue unicorn next to me said. Rainbow's back hooves were perilously close to his face.

"I'm very confused here," I said.

“David!” Twilight squealed from Celestia's other side. Her hospital gown was gone, and she looked in as good a shape as Erishy. “You’re not in my head anymore! And you’re… a unicorn?!”

"Unicorn-under-alicorn," David grumbled. "Pressed against sweaty earth pony."

"Hey now, Mr. Sass," I snapped. "That is rain water."

"How many of us are there, anyway?" Rainbow asked, turning her head this way and that. I had to duck so she didn't bean me.

"A lot more," said a redheaded woman, hunched over Twilight.

"Lauren Faust!" Raritony exclaimed. "Oh my goodness! I know this isn't the best time, but can I get an autograph?"

"Tiiiiiiime out!" I shouted, throwing my forehooves in the air.

Everypony and person went quiet. Princess Celestia chuckled in the sudden silence.

"Now," I huffed, setting my hat. "Can someone, please, tell me what in the high hay is going on here? Where did all these other ponies and people suddenly come from?"

“The Elements of Harmony…” Twilight muttered, almost to herself. Looking up, she smiled brightly. “It must have been them! They really do bring everything into harmony!”

I tilted my head at her. "But… that doesn't make sense," I said. "Wouldn't 'harmony' be all of us merged or something?"

"Not necessarily," Twilight said. "From what I've been able to gather, the Elements’ magic dispels disharmonious things. And if a merge wasn't smooth, the magic would try to fix that."

"Define, 'smooth,'" I said, keenly recalling the shouting matches between Rachel and Applejack.

“Ooo! Ooo! Mine!" Pinkie said, leaning out from under Luna’s wings. "Why do you think I was taking so many naps? Oh, this is Reid. Say hi, Reid.”

“Hi, Reid,” a gangly, pink-haired guy said, grinning crookedly at us.

"Well, I must have been ‘smooth.’ I'm as merged as I've ever been." Raritony said, fluffing her mane and tail, which still had their golden streaks.

"Ditto," Erishy said, holding up a hoof.

“Hmmm. Pinkie was narcoleptic...” Twilight muttered. “And whoo boy, was I manic, and Rainbow… Uh?" She looked at Rainbow, who rolled her eyes.

"Markus and I were doing a lot of work. Trust me," Rainbow said.

"That's putting it mildly," Markus grumbled.

Twilight nodded. "Okay. So, even if RJ, Erishy, and Raritony had trouble, a lack of persistent physical symptoms suggests you did find a sense of harmony with yourselves in the end. Thus, you didn't need the Elements' help!" She grinned triumphantly. "You know, I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case for all the ponies and humans out there. I'm going to need to do a survey!"

"I'm so glad I don't share headspace with her, anymore," David said, with a grin.

"Oh hush. I know you got a thrill out of making a shield that kept out Discord," Twilight said, sticking her tongue out at him.

I blinked, looking around quickly.

"What's wrong RJ?" Rainbow asked.

"Discord!" I said. "I just realized I haven't seen him! Or his statue!"

Before anypony else could join me in a freakout, Princess Luna cleared her throat. “Oh yes,” she said, politely. “Unfortunately, he was still attempting to escape our grip when you used the Elements of Harmony upon him. And, alas, he was hovering over empty space when the Elements’ magic disrupted our own. I believe the phrase is... 'oopsie?'”

She didn't look the least bit apologetic. Princess Celestia snorted.

“Does that mean… he shattered?” Twilight asked, an odd combination of hope and worry crowding her face.

“Most likely not,” Princess Celestia said. “He was in stone for longer than Luna was on the moon, and never suffered more than a bit of dust. A very hefty tree once fell on him, and he didn’t get a scratch. I doubt a drop from a skyscraper will damage him.”

“Yeah, he’s fine,” Stephanie confirmed, joining us under the wing umbrellas. “My guys are putting him on a flatbed.”

“Ah, thank you,” Princess Celestia said. “Could you keep him somewhere peaceful and quiet? A garden perhaps? Just until we can return him to Equestria, of course.”

“Will the archives, in the basement of the tax building, do?” Stephanie asked.

Princess Celestia blinked a few times, then laughed. “Oh yes. That will definitely work.”

“How about we get down from here,” I said. “Not that I don’t appreciate the coverage, Princess, but we can’t just hang out all day.”

“I see a dooOOooor!” Pinkie sang out, pointing to the roof access.

“Alright! Last one there’s a rotten egg!” Rainbow said, zipping off.

“Oh, you’ll have to be faster than that, Dash!” Markus challenged, as he flew to catch up with her.

Princess Celestia chuckled as she pulled her wings in. We all jogged to the door, trying to avoid getting totally soaked.

On the way, I spotted Steph's Captain America shield, back in pristine condition. I snatched it up. “The Elements of Harmony sure do a good patch job, huh?” I said to myself, tapping it appreciatively. It whummed in response. It was a good sound, and I smiled as I trotted to catch up with the group.

After drying off with some of Discord’s hotel room towels, we filed into the elevators. There wasn’t enough room for all of us in just one. Twilight, Rainbow, Pinkie, Raritony, Erishy, and I shared the ride down.

“So,” I said, as the floors ticked by slowly.

Pinkie giggled. “So?”

“Things are a bit… different now, huh?” I said.

Rainbow laughed. “Juuuuust a bit, yeah.”

“It was all so scary getting here," Erishy said. "I’ll feel better once I'm back home at my cottage with my animals. Oh! I still think of it as my cottage. That’s nice.” She smiled a little Fluttershy smile.

“How about you, RJ?" Pinkie asked, sidling next to me. "Still wanna be a farmer?”

I snorted. “Like I’d be anything else. But Big Mac better watch out. He ain’t the only one good at fancy numbers anymore!”

Another round of laughter. "Oooo, fancy numbers," Pinkie said. "Think you'll be Ponyville's new awesome Apple accountant?”

“Maybe," I said, with a laugh. "After all that's happened, I know I'm definitely up for trying new things."

"We have a whole world of new things to try!" Twilight added. "New technology, science, literature, history… Some of us are even direct connections between it and Equestria! We live in a really exciting time, girls. I can't wait to start studying the ramifications of it all!"

"I'm glad to hear you're excited, darling," Raritony said. "But I'll be fine with a week long bubble bath, and marathoning something brainless on Netflix. Goddamn, but saving the world is exhausting."

"Least we didn't have to do it alone," I pointed out.

Raritony nodded thoughtfully, smirking at me. "Yes, RJ. Why… it's like our friendship is maaaaagic!"

I groaned, rolling my eyes. "Ya had to go there, didn't ya?"

"You made it too easy, darling," she said, batting her eyelashes at me.

Behind me, I heard Pinkie sniffle. "It's so true! Our friendship is magic! Group hug! Group hug!" Her arms stretched almost impossibly long, and gathered us all up.

The elevator dinged, and the doors opened. Outside we found the Princesses, Lauren and Tara, the halves of us who were better off on their own, and Stephanie. She was looking at us with the biggest, sappiest expression I’ve ever seen on her.

“Oh man…” Stephanie said, voice wibbling. “I don’t think Earth is ready for this much cute.”

We laughed, disengaging from Pinkie’s all-encircling hug. “Well, they’re gonna have to learn to deal,” I said, going into the lobby. “Thanks for waiting on us y’all.”

“We… kind of had to,” Reid said, gesturing out the lobby doors.

Outside was a party.

Someone had put up barricades so there was space to exit the lobby, but it looked like all of New York, both pony and human, had funnelled down to the front of the hotel to cheer and wave at us. Even with all the rain, they were whooping it up like an Apple Family shindig in high gear. Cops and other official looking types were everywhere, keeping the crowds mostly under control. I even spotted Al in the activity, harried but grinning. Cameras were pointed out of windows, folks waved signs, ponies were stomping their hooves or flying around, whistling. It was quite a sight.

“Holy shit,” Raritony said.

“That’s… a lot of… everyone,” Erishy said, hunching near Pinkie.

“Aw, Shy Shy. Don’t be afraid. You got your friends,” Pinkie said, hugging her with one forearm.

Rainbow flipped her mane. "Alright ponies! Looks like we've got an adoring public to greet.”

“Do we need to say anything?” Twilight asked, her voice climbing slightly. “If we do, I- I'm going to need note cards.”

“Twi,” I said, hooking her with a forearm. “Really?”

She looked outside, then me, then took a breath. “Yeah. Okay,” she said, licking her lips. “I- We can do this.”

“Together,” I said.

“Together!” everyone said, in unison.

I would've followed through on that. But, as we stepped forward, amongst all the activity outside, I saw a flash of pink ribbon. A flash of very familiar pink ribbon, at filly head height, in CIA company.

My hooves picked up of their own accord, and I pushed out the doors just as Apple Bloom shouldered her way through the crowd’s knees and into the clear. Rain poured down, flattening out her pink bow and bowing my hat, but I could see my sister!

“Apple Bloom!” I cried, tears in my eyes.

“Sis!” she yelled back.

I tore ass across the asphalt just as she ran at me. In a blink, I was lifting her up in my forearms, laughing so hard my stomach hurt. I’d been doing a lot of hugging today, but none of it compared to the full-on earth pony hug I gave my little sister. A warmth bloomed up in my chest I didn’t realize I’d been missing till just then.

And, as we hugged, I felt a warmth over me, too.

Looking up, I saw some of the clouds had thinned, and sunlight was shining down on us. I shook my head and laughed, squeezing Apple Bloom tighter.

“Applejack...” Apple Bloom wheezed. “I can’t breathe!”

I slackened my grip. “Sorry,” I said, grinning sheepishly.

“‘Salright,” she said, taking a few deep breaths. We smiled at one another for a second and dove right back to hugging.

Then I heard a familiar bark. I spotted Sam, who was wagging her tail so hard her back end looked like it was gonna fly off.

“Sam! C’mere girl!” I called.

She barked again, charging toward us and covering me and Apple Bloom in wet, doggy kisses. Apple Bloom laughed, rubbing behind Sam’s ear.

About then I realized the cheering had gotten louder, and was mixed with a smattering of d’awws to boot. Glancing around, I found cameras pointed right at us, flashbulbs going off in all directions. I rolled my eyes. Those folks didn’t know how lucky they were that I didn’t have fingers any more.

“Who’s this?” Apple Bloom asked, distracting me from glaring at the paparazzi.

“This here’s Sam,” I said. “Sam, this is my sis, Apple Bloom. Bloom, this is Sam. She kept me company while I was out travelling.”

“Howdy Sam!” Apple Bloom said, scratching Sam’s back. “Pleased to meetcha.”

Sam made happy, petted doggy noises.

I laughed, and focused back on my sister. “Looks like y’all be just fine. So... you’re okay, Bloom? No hurts or anything, right?” I asked.

“I’m fine, sis. Oh! And I’m all me again!" she said. "Are you all you, too, Sis?”

“Er, well… Nah,” I admitted. “Kept my half.”

Apple Bloom nodded. “Yeah. I heard that happened to a couple other ponies. Shining Armor's still got his human half, did ya know that?”

"No, I did not," I said. "You may've heard that I've been a mite busy fighting the forces of Discord and disharmony."

She giggled. “Oh yeah! Shining Armor was telling me all about that stuff!" she said. "Like how Flutter- I mean, Erishy weren’t Erishy, and you helped rescue her, and a whole buncha other stuff! I can’t wait to hear you tell it!”

“Oh, you’ll hear about it," I said, with a laugh. "Probably for a long time to come. Kind of a lot happened.”

“Tell me about it,” Apple Bloom groaned. She smiled and hugged me. “I’m just glad we’re together again. Apples together, forever!”

My smile lessened slightly. Lands, after all this time, it felt so good to see her, but I had to ask something. That’s the thing about being honest- you don’t wait around to ask the important stuff.

“Uh, Apple Bloom, are… you okay with me bein’... well, part human now?” I asked. “Still Apple in the core, but with a little… extra?”

Apple Bloom looked at me like I’d just asked if Big Mac was a Princess. “‘Course I am,” she said, with all the wisdom of youth. “You’re still all my sister, ain’tcha?”

Tears brimmed at my eyes again. Yeesh, I was getting as soggy as Raritony. Or Pinkie. I pulled Apple Bloom into another crusher hug.

“Ack! Sis! Can’t breathe again!”

“Tough it out,” I said. “Let your sister have her moment.”

It was a moment that felt like it could stretch on forever. It was certainly a better moment than where I started this whole mess: under a few feet of dirt and scared out of my wits that I was dead. Now, I was certainly alive, I had my sister back, I had my friends at my back, and I even had a magical shield on my back. Not bad for a gal who’d crawled out of her own grave a little over a week ago.

“C’mon Bloom,” I said, setting her back on the ground. “There’s still a lot to do, and then we got a farm to get back to.”

“Alright! I’m ready!” she cheered.

Sam added a bark of approval and walked with us. We headed toward the group of CIA officials, Princesses, and Elements of Harmony. Someone had gotten umbrellas out and held them over everypony as they talked.

Stephanie caught sight of us and gestured me over.

“Oh, hey sis?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Yeah?” I said, nodding at Steph. From her exasperated expression, I bet we probably had to explain what we did to some government muckity muck. I was so done with this place. I just wanted to get back to Equestria and my farm. It was probably a mess. Especially if the whole family had ended up on Earth.

“Before we go home, can we get one of them computer things?” she asked. “After hanging out with Ian so much, I bet I could get my cutie mark in video game playing!”

I stopped just before the group, and looked down at my sister.

I snorted. I chuckled. And I laughed. I laughed so hard I nearly couldn’t breathe! Lands, it felt so good to be alive.

Author's Note

At last, we've reached the big end. PEV, as seen by RJ, is over.

But as we mosey into the sunset, thanks are always in order.

Thank you to my loyal readers and favers, who came back week after week. Your comments helped, the fact that you wanted more really helped, and I'm glad that I could make your internet a little brighter with a good ol' fashioned Apple-led Mane 6 Adventure.

Thanks to Hope. Your quiet, behind-the-scenes cheerleading was always appreciated. We can't get any more off the reservation than this, hon. And it still had a happy ending. :raritywink:

And as always, big, BIG thanks to my editor and partner, Tempest. She saved this thing time and time again, you guys. This story wouldn't have nearly the polish if not for her efforts to keep me from slacking off or getting away with bad plot. Thanks for always keeping my aim true, Firefly- there aren't words to express my gratitude at having you in my life.

Chapter 1: Trouble Along the Way

Day 12

As I stared out the window of the cozy passenger car being driven by CIA agents, I wondered if my life would ever get back to normal.

I doubted it would ever be one-hundred-percent, but deep down I hoped to one day just pass time tilling the field, going over the farm’s ledger, and maybe fix that leaky drainpipe. I’d show my brother how to play Kingdom Hearts, I’d chaperone one of Apple Bloom’s field trips, and the most exciting thing would be when Rainbow Dash crashed into the barn. Again.

I hoped for a lot, but I knew those days were a long way off. If my current location was any indication, they were a very, very, very long way off.

Where was my current location? Like I said, I was sitting in a CIA-driven sedan, but I was in the back seat. This wasn’t because I was some prisoner. I was as far from that as a gal could get without leaving the state. I was a bona fide emissary of Equestria under United States protection. It kind of made me feel like a celebrity.

“You okay back there?” asked Special Agent Stephanie Chase.

“Eeyup,” I replied.

“Let me know if you need anything.”

“Steph, I was good five minutes ago,” I said, with a chuckle. “I’ll give you a heads up if I need anything okay? Just… having a quiet minute is all.”

“Of course. I understand. Just checking in,” she replied, her tone a little embarrassed.

In addition to being a CIA agent, Stephanie was one of my personal handlers. She was in her thirties, pretty for a human, with blond hair and blue eyes, and looked like the exact opposite of the kind of person who would be in the CIA. She was also a big fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic in general and my character in specific. My character being Applejack- farm pony, and Bearer of the Element of Honesty.

Her fangirl feelings for me weren’t that misplaced. I pretty much was Applejack on the outside. Earth pony with green eyes, a blond mane and tail, orange fur, three apple cutie mark, a farm pony’s build, all topped with a Stetson cowboy hat? I sure as hay wasn’t Captain Kirk. But that was just the mare I saw in the mirror. Or in this case, the mare in the reflective governmental window.

The actual me, beneath the fur, was a mix of Applejack from the show and Rachel Shelton from Syracuse. It’s a long story, but the short version is Rachel woke up in Applejack’s body with Applejack’s mind as a bonus, and as time wore on, their personalities merged to make me: Rachel Jacqueline Apple, or Rae Jay to my friends.

So, rather than being one part smart-mouth geek and one part stubborn farm pony, I was all one smart-mouth, stubborn, farm pony geek. I’d just merged this morning. Honestly, I was still adjusting. After a week of literally having someone else to talk to in my head, the relative quiet of my own thoughts was a little disorienting.

Fortunately, the little snore from the other side of the car kept me grounded. I looked across the back seat to May and Sam.

May looked like one of my best friends’ sister, Sweetie Belle, and she was using my dog, Sam, as a pillow. To call the tableau adorable would be like saying Neil DeGrasse Tyson was kinda sharp.

Stephanie had turned around at the snore, and noticed me looking too. We shared a smile. May and Sam had earned their sleep.

Just like I had been two minds in one head, May was in a similar situation, except she hadn’t merged yet. Not that being of literally two minds slowed her down. She had enough gumption to come to my rescue when I’d gotten kidnapped. And she had managed to bully the CIA into saving Sam when the poor dog was shot full of a lethal amount of sedative.

So, while she looked adorable in Sweetie’s little white-coated, pink-and-purple-maned body, I knew she’d most likely wake up stubbornly fighting for her way like the surly teenager she truly was. Well, that and drop f-bombs left and right.

"How long we got?" I asked our driver, looking away from the slumbering pair.

"Traffic's bad, thanks to Discord," said Alphonse Beharie, my other CIA handler.

I’d only met him that morning, along with Stephanie, but I already liked Alphonse. He was a heavily built guy, average height, with nappy hair cropped close to his head. When he smiled, he did it slow, like he wanted to be sure of it. And thanks to the way he looked perfectly molded to his seat, I had trouble imagining him out of a car.

"It’s gonna be another two hours or so,” he added.

“Thanks,” I said, laying back against my own seat.

I kicked my hind hooves back and forth. I didn’t want to think too closely about my merge, I definitely didn’t want to think too close about the scrapes I’d just gotten out of, so I needed to do something. I needed a distraction.

Maybe I could call Max. He'd want to know I’d taken the plunge and was headed for New York. Hay, he’d want to know his best friend wasn’t the girl she used to be. I mean, if I could manage to explain to my mom, one of the most no-nonsense women I’ve ever known in my life, that her daughter was now a pony and had merged with another personality so I wasn’t exactly the daughter she had known, then I think I could explain it to my geeky bestie.

I pulled my phone out of my trusty red backpack. It was a kid’s thing with stitched art of a mouse holding a flower on the front. If I was to ever see that as a cutie mark, I’d tell the pony it meant endurance. The bag certainly lasted longer than I thought it would, and was just as trusty as my hat, Liana. As I opened my phone, Stephanie got out hers.

"Got some good news for you… It’s Rae Jay, right?" Stephanie asked.

“Yep. Rae Jay,” I confirmed. I had just changed my name that morning, and with Stephanie being a fan of the show, and Applejack in particular, I understood she needed some time to catch up. I didn’t blame her; I’d have been the same if it turned out Sam and Dean from Supernatural were real, but they preferred to be called Jeff and Kenneth.

"What’s the news?" I asked.

"The home office just texted one of your friend’s phone numbers to me. She’s currently under protection by another team and we’re swapping info."

I shot up, nearly dropping the phone in my hooves. "Who?” I asked excitedly. “Whose number?”

"Fluttershy," she said, her voice squeaking in excitement just a little bit.

I giggled. Yep, she was definitely a CIA Fangirl. Lands sake, I have seen it all.

"Hook me up," I said, grinning, phone ready.

She rattled off a number, and I dialed. Nervousness sprung up in me as I wondered who Fluttershy had merged with, whether we'd still feel connected, whether-

I felt a powerful, but brief, thrum against my chest, and I snorted. Looking down, I smiled at the Element of Honesty. It had shown up after I’d dealt with a murderous lunatic who held me hostage in a hotel room. It was another reminder that I wasn’t alone. It was right too. Fluttershy was my friend; that was all that mattered.

I waited as the line rang. When it stopped, I heard some background noise. Someone had picked up, but they weren’t answering right away. I heard some rustling sounds too, but they sounded distant.

"Fluttershy?" I said. "Hey it's- Well some of it's Applejack. Hello?"

"Yeah this is Erishy, half Fluttershy, half Erica," she said. She giggled. It sounded… weird. "It's great to hear from you, Apple Jack."

I ignored the odd giggle because I was too relieved. Hearing her voice, actually hearing Fluttershy talk to me? It really drove home how much I missed my friends. I smiled wide at the prospect of reconnecting.

"Well, it's sure great to hear you 'Shy," I said, hoping she could hear my excitement. "Guess if we're being upfront, you can call me Rae Jay. Bit of a girl named Rachel and bit of Applejack. You okay? Where're you at?"

"We just got to New York! Did you know that they already have pony clothing shops? They gave me a copy of my gala dress! Oh!"

She paused and my gut twitched in her silence. It occurred to me that Fluttershy didn’t sound quite right. I was probably just reacting to nothing. It was still her voice. It was still her. I pushed the feeling aside.

“Uh, that’s… nice?” I supplied. “Glad to hear you’re doing alright.”

"Apple Bloom is with us,” she said, as if I hadn’t spoken. “Got paired up with some kid named Ian."

That woke me up. "Bloom?" I said, sitting upright. "Is she there? Can I talk to her?"

"Well it's mostly Ian. Bloom seems to prefer to let him be in control. But they aren't here right now. I went shopping,” she replied.

I pulled the phone away to stare at its screen, my instincts screaming, and now I was listening to them. Her tone had been casual, and most startlingly: uncaring.

"Shopping?" I mouthed silently to myself.

Something wasn’t right. Maybe I was being paranoid, but this didn’t make sense.

Rarity, I could see her shopping in the middle of this. Even Twilight, if books were involved. But Fluttershy? From my own experiences, I knew that when a human and their pony fully merged, the personality that came after was different from either, but certain things held. Like, regardless of how Rachel and Applejack merged I was still going to be an honest pony. Maybe I’d be a bit more sarcastic, but honesty was as core to Applejack as stubbornness was to Rachel. So, I didn't see how anyone could merge with Fluttershy and become someone who would leave her friends for shopping.

"Well, that's a shame," I said, bringing the phone back to my ear. I tried to match her mellow tone. My Element felt heavy around my neck, like it was adding its weight to my suspicions. "Whatcha shoppin' for?" I asked casually.

"Well I've got a few dresses. I can't find Angel Bunny, so I got a temporary stuffed one,” she prattled. “I got a new backpack, my old one from when I was a human was getting a bit ratty. Got a few trinkets, I guess I should get something for Apple Bloom, since she probably feels kinda left out, huh?"

As she spoke, it sounded like she had her mouth full. Like she was eating while talking to me. But that wasn’t the worst part! Trinkets? Dresses? New backpack? She doesn't care that she can't find Angel?! I may go back and forth on whether I want to strangle that attitude-packin’ rabbit or not, but Fluttershy’s always doting on him.

This wasn't right. Nothing about this conversation was right. I expected to be calming down a tear-filled, near-hysterical, happy-to-hear-from-me Fluttershy. Not chatting with some apathetic mallrat.

The voice on the other end sounded like Fluttershy, but it didn’t act even a little bit like her. I mean, Fluttershy hated shopping. And replacing stuff? I thought I was sentimental, but when Fluttershy took a shine to something, she ran it into the dirt and then some. She cared universally: from friends to critters to the little lace doily Twilight gave her when she noticed Fluttershy didn't have one for her tea set. And no one- no human in her head, no force on earth could curb that compassion.

No way was I talking to Fluttershy.

"Who are you?" I said, my voice hot.

"Poor widdle Rae Jay.” The façade of Fluttershy disappeared immediately, and my gut dropped out at the cruelty in her voice. “Are you scared? You should be. But don't worry, your sister will be safe, vouching for me to the entire world that I am Erishy: martyr of the ponies. I haven't even paid for anything yet!”

I could hear her delight and it took everything I had not to break the phone.

“And the real Erishy? No idea. She's gone. If you tell anyone, I'll take your sister," Fakey-Shy spat, and I caught a faint buzz behind her words.

Then there was a loud crack, and the phone went dead.

I sat in the back of the car, the phone still pressed against my ear as I listened to nothing. It felt like someone had just slid a piece of metal down in my chest. I shook, my breathing getting heavy and ragged.

Part of me was screaming and pounding inside. I wanted to saddle up. I wanted to find this impostor. I wanted to buck her into the next county for being anywhere near my sister. I had to save Flutter- Erishy! Whoever!

I needed to act. Now!

But I couldn’t. For one, I was in a car travelling to New York. For another, I was learning that thinking paid off more than flying off the handle.

Think, RJ, I told myself. Quit gettin’ worked up and think.

Putting my anger aside, I focused on Apple Bloom as clearly as I could. I knew she was okay, because the team Stephanie said was following Fakey-Shy would have told Stephanie if Fakey-Shy had harmed Bloom at all. These guys may have missed the impostor amongst them, but I doubt they could miss one pony openly hurting another. I’d also be getting grilled on why Fluttershy wasn’t acting like herself. So, my sister was okay. For now.

I closed my phone. Thinking was good. I was getting my temper back under control. So what else did I know?

I knew about Fakey-Shy. She might be a changeling from Equestria- Don’t know of any other critter with a bug buzz in their voice. Could be something else. But Twilight would know more on that front. I’m not exactly up to speed on folk who can run around as somepony else without anyone knowing.

I also knew she liked to shop and put on airs: she’d been very excited about getting the Gala dress. She was into the fame and its perks. Last, I knew she would threaten a little filly. Too bad she picked the wrong pony to try and blackmail into silence.

I leaned back in my seat.

"How is everything?" Stephanie asked and her voice was a little too neutral. She must have overheard some of my conversation.

"Something's happened to Fluttershy," I said, my voice rough.

"What?!" She whirled in her seat to look directly at me.

"She's been replaced. Or... something like it. I think it’s a changeling. She threatened Apple Bloom when I called." It took an effort to keep from grinding my teeth.

Stephanie reached out, taking her radio off the dash and raising the receiver to her lips.

"Don't," I said.

Stephanie paused, her finger on the talk button. She looked back at me. "I have to call it in."

"Can you call it in such a way that my sister doesn't get hurt? Or how about Fluttershy?" I shook my head and hated the cold feeling that was in my chest. "We don't know where she is."

Stephanie kept the receiver near her lips, but she didn’t depress the button. I felt Alphonse's eyes on me in the rearview mirror.

I tapped my forehoof against my chin, a plan coming together. Not a great one, but one that could work. I’d get to buck someone’s head off eventually. All I had to do was wait.

"Can you ask 'em to keep an eye on her?” I asked Stephanie. “She starts acting funny- big time funny- see if they can get my sister and everyone else to safety."

Stephanie nodded. "We have protocol. We can do that."

"Okay. Good. Then find out when Fluttershy started acting different. Narrow it down. Then tell whoever’s waitin’ for us that traffic's real bad. Like, really bad and we ain't getting there anytime soon."

Stephanie stared at me, then her eyes widened and a smile grew on her lips. “I’ll call it in,” she said.

I set my hat forward. "Thank ya, kindly.” To myself I added, Hang on ‘Shy. We’re comin’ for ya.

Chapter 4: The Lawless Frontier

Alphonse was grateful for the granola bars, as was Stephanie when she woke. I moved on to cleaning the canteen and setting the last of my old food supplies out for everyone. After that, I put Sam in the shower and washed her thoroughly. This meant the water was running nice and loud, drowning out May’s yelp at waking.

Stephanie appeared in the bathroom doorway.

“We need you to talk to May. Something’s up,” she said.

“Take over the dog,” I replied, with a nod.

Stephanie came over, rolling up the sleeves of her blouse. Once she had her hands around Sam and was rubbing soap into her fur, I backed off, Sam whining at my departure. I flashed her a reassuring smile that got her tail wagging. That just sent soap suds flying in all directions, forcing Stephanie to duck and dodge the flying suds.

“What’s up?” I asked once back in the hotel room.

“Applejack!” May said, bounding off the bed to hug me.

I stared down. May had never reacted to me like that. The only filly who had…

“Sweetie?” I asked, holding her.

“Something’s wrong with May! We met in the dream last night and were talking and she asked if she could play with me, so we did and we played with some of her toys and music, but when I woke up she wasn’t there and I’m really fucking scared!”

I blinked.

“What did you say?”

“I’m scared! I’m fucking losing my shit here, AJ!”

Oh boy. Nodding and stroking her mane comfortingly, I got down so I was eye-level with the filly.

“Now, hon, this is gonna sound weird, but I’m gonna say some words to you. I want you to tell me which is your name,” I said.

The filly across from me scrunched her muzzle in confusion. “Applejack- what’re you talking about?”

“Just... trust me. Now, is your name May?”

“Yes.”

“Is it Sweetie?”

“Yes.”

I waited.

Her eyes got as wide as saucers. “Oh wooooow!” She looked down at herself, then touched her cheeks. “It happened? I merged? Is that what happened? I thought it’d be more… I dunno. More intense!”

I laughed softly. “It’s okay, hon. Looks like gettin’ merged is different for everypony.”

“And I called you AJ. I’m so sorry, Rae Jay. Especially now that my name doesn’t make sense.”

I shrugged. “Just means you gotta pick a new one, squirt,” I said, rising up and ruffling her mane.

She considered for a moment before looking back to me.

“I think I’ll keep May, but with the rest of my name too. May Belle? Does that sound okay?”

“Sounds great,” I said.

“This is so weird,” she said, walking back to the bed. “I’m like, older and younger and ohmygawd, those weren’t bleeps! May was totally using bad words!” She paused, made a face. “I’m surprised and not at the same time.” She looked back to me. “How does that work?”

I laughed and shrugged. “Welcome to Rashomon effect, squirt. Front row seat.”

That just made her pull an even bigger face. “Huh?”

“I’ll explain it when you’re older,” I said.

“So, are we good? No more shouting?” Alphonse asked. He had his body half turned from minding the window.

“Oh! Yes. I’m sorry I scared you, Mr. Alphonse,” May said, shuffling over to him. “We still cool?”

Alphonse broke into a very sincere smile. “We’re still cool,” he said and offered his fist.

May squealed, bumping it with her hoof.

“Y’know, I wish more of my babysitting gigs were this peaceful,” he said, with a lazy grin.

Stephanie’s phone rang.

“Can someone get that?” she called from the bathroom. “I’m up to my elbow in dog, here!”

“I got it,” I said, going to the chair where her jacket hung. Pulling the phone out with my teeth, I checked the screen and saw the number didn’t have a name attached. I took the call. “Yello, this is Rae Jay.”

“This is Agent Lynch. Where’s Agent Chase?” came a man’s stern baritone.

“Who is it?” Stephanie called.

“Hang on,” I said. I pulled her phone away from my head and turned on the speaker. “You’re on speaker, Steph and, um, sir.”

“Letting your principal answer the phone Agent Chase?”

“I’m washing her dog, Bill, bite me,” she responded. “Do you have anything for me or is it same as it ever was?”

“Bad news is that the address belonged to someone who got carjacked at the airport,” Agent Bill Lynch said.

“Aw, man,” May said. Alphonse and I shushed her.

“In fact, he was just a civilian on a business trip and we beat him back home. He showed up while we were searching his house. This is where the good news actually kicks in.”

“I like good news, Bill,” Stephanie said.

“The guy had his cell in his luggage.”

I never thought I’d be in a room where I could hear a pin drop, but there I was. Not even Sam made a sound.

“Is it on?” Stephanie said. She rose from dog washing and moved to the doorframe. Sam dripped all over her as she held the dog at chest height.

“The main office is already tracking. I’m supposed to- Wait. I think this is it. Hang on.”

The line went quiet.

“Lucky, lucky, dumb,” Stephanie muttered, shaking her head.

Bill came back. “We’ve got it triangulated. It’s a bit outside Poughkeepsie.”

Stephanie beamed at me, and I grinned back. Looks like we were saddling up after all.

“I’ll put in this call to the New York office. We’ll get a task force together and have the head agent get in touch with you so he knows who he’s looking for.”

Stephanie blinked, all the hope on her face dashed. “R- right,” she said. “I’ll be in touch. Thank you.”

“Stephanie? Good work on the tag. You got the ball rolling here,” Bill replied and hung up.

The room went quiet again, with the only sound Sam dripping water on the floor.

“What just happened?” I asked.

Stephanie dropped to the bathroom tiles. Sam wiggled out of her grip to shake herself dry before coming over to me. I grabbed one of the hotel’s towels to finish the job.

“This is a kidnapping,” Stephanie said. “And since it’s across state lines the FBI takes point. So we’re following procedure. Which means it’ll take them at least another hour to scramble a team, have ingress to the site, case it, then committee the best point of entry…” She growled, rubbing at her forehead. “We don’t have time for this.”

“Well…these are the pro’s right?” I said, but I could see Stephanie’s agitation. Sure, I was being a patient camper, but if she was itching to do something...

“It’s just an extraction,” Stephanie muttered. I don’t think she’d really heard me. “I could go in, remove the target, eliminate hostiles…” She trailed off and went quiet, her hand at her chin as she thought.

“Stephanie…” Alphonse said after a minute of silence. “You lookin’ to get chewed out?”

She looked up, and there was a determination in her eyes I hadn’t seen before.

“I aim to misbehave,” she said resolutely.

I grinned.

Alphonse waited with May and me in the car. Sam was obeying my command to remain quiet.

“She do this kind of thing often?” I asked.

Alphonse shrugged. “I’ve worked three assignments with her,” he replied. “And she was one-hundred-percent, by-the-book on those.” He scratched his cheek with his thumb. “Though... I’d heard she’d gone cowboy before.”

“Yeah?” I said.

“Yeah,” he replied.

“What happened?”

“She got reassigned to Oklahoma for a few months after she broke protocol during a sting. I don’t know how, but she managed to piss off two levels of superiors. She would have been permanently reassigned except she got some kids out of the line of fire.”

“Kids?” I asked.

“It was a human trafficking bust. She was support for another team.”

I nodded.

“She’s still the coolest to me!” May chirped.

“And she’s back,” I said, spotting her as she came back to the car at a jog.

“Okay, it looks like we’re dealing with amateurs. They’re enthusiastic amateurs, but still amateurs.”

“Greeeeeeat,” Alphonse said. “And why can’t we let the FBI handle this again?”

“They’ll take too long,” Stephanie said, glancing back from where she came. “Plus, their presence would be noticed. We’re small, we’re mobile and I know RJ has combat experience.”

I cocked my head at her, confused.

“Oh come on, I heard about the bar fight,” she said.

I blushed. “Oh. Yeah. I ain’t too proud of that.”

“You’re going in with civilian support?” Alphonse asked, his voice taking a sharp edge.

“And I need you to hang back in case things get really bad and we have to hustle the local bureau to our location.”

“They’re probably gonna be here in an hour anyway. Are you sure about the address, Steph?”

“For the thousandth time, yes,” Stephanie replied with an eye-roll. “Carrie owed me a favor. Can you do this for me Al?”

He sighed, looked at the roof of the car, then back to Stephanie.

“I’m gonna get yelled at,” he said, resigned.

“That’s what I like to hear,” Stephanie said, going around to the trunk. “Rae Jay! Join me?”

I rose and adjusted my hat. As I put my hoof on the door handle, May touched my back leg.

“Be careful, okay?” she said, her eyes slightly larger than usual.

“I’ll be fine, sugarcube,” I said, softly. “Gotta come back to you, don’t I?”

She nodded, still looking distressed.

“Hey now,” I said. “No need for that. Here.” I took off Liana and perched it on May Belle’s head. “I told a little girl I’d return that to her. So, I gotta come back to you if I’m gonna do just that. You know I’m a pony of my word, right?”

That earned a smile.

“Alrighty. You listen to Alphonse, keep Sam company. We’ll be back presently.” I gave her a quick hug and nodded to Alphonse. He returned the gesture with his own curt nod.

Hopping down from the backseat, I came around to see Stephanie slapping down the last of the velcro on her bulletproof vest.

“I want to give you some protection,” she said, checking her weapon. “But we don’t have anything that would remotely fit. Plus your anatomy…”

“Don’t worry, sug,” I said. “I’m just gonna use you as a shield if the lead starts flying.”

She gave me a wry smile. “You sure are the Element of Honesty,” she said.

I tapped at the metal around my neck. “Don’t you forget it. So how we doin’ this?”

“Like I said- it’s amateur hour down there,” she said and cocked her gun. “So we’re doing it like professionals.”

The door opened and the guy behind it looked like he belonged on a reality TV show for rednecks: big beard, ball cap and camo. He pretty much wore all the camo, ever.

Stephanie held up her ID.

“Special Agent Chase of the CIA,” she said. “I’m here to secure the facility.”

“Pardon?” he said in a way I could tell had less to do with his lack of hearing and more to do with his lack of thinking.

Stephanie sighed and slipped her ID back into her back pocket- an impressive feat as it was mostly blocked by her vest. Angling her head so the sun caught her big, spook-looking sunglasses a little, she projected a menacing, governmental figure.

“I’m Agent Chase,” she repeated. “I was told that this facility had agreed to cooperate with the CIA in the capture and containment of the ponies arising out of this pandemic.”

“Um,” he said, furrowing his bushy-eyed brow in thought. He turned back inside. “Hey Elle! We, um, we got government visitors!”

“You check their ID?” came a raspy shout. It sounded like years of cigarette smoking.

“Can I see that again?” he asked.

Stephanie raised an eyebrow behind her sunglasses. She tapped the badge on the outside of her vest. “The Agency doesn’t like to be kept waiting and I have three more facilities to secure after this. You can work with me or you can work with the incoming staff sergeant who likes to take things over and kick people off their posts. Your call.”

Bearded guy blinked at that. Then he noticed me and turned to stare.

“What’s up with that thing?” he asked, pointing.

Stephanie and I had talked this over on the walk in. If her gambit was going to work, I had to look dumber than a bag of hammers and act half as aware.

That was a little tricky since the walk took about ten minutes, which gave me plenty of time to think about everything that could go wrong with this plan. Then we came to a small, run-down warehouse that had a handful of offices attached to it. The offices’ windows were all boarded up and the walls of the warehouse were heavily rusted in spots. The place was surrounded by sparse grass and the air smelled like burned gasoline. A relaxing, inviting location this wasn’t.

“Oh, she’s mine,” Stephanie said. “She’s not quite right because of how she became a pony. But she’s good for finding others, so I use her like a bloodhound.”

Taking a breath, I committed myself to what we were doing.

“Moo,” I said.

Bearded guy stared at me some more.

“Wait, wait. What’s wrong with her?”

“Couldn’t handle the strain,” her voice still a flat, Jack Webb-like affect. “She thinks she’s a cow. Tragic really. Once all this is over, I’ll take her to a nice pasture and maybe let her graze. She used to be my co-worker.”

“Moo,” I said again.

“Um,” he said. “Look, much as I want to, I can’t let you in without the password.”

“Really,” Stephanie asked, sliding her sunglasses down. “Password.”

He shrugged, as if this was his lot in life. “Those’re the orders ma’am. And if you don’t have the password…” His hand went behind the doorframe, and I spied the butt of a rifle just peeking out.

Stephanie rolled her eyes. “Swordfish,” she said.

Bearded guy smiled broadly, showing perfect teeth under his grizzled beard.

“That’ll do ‘er.” Glancing at me again, he pointed and asked, “Should we call it your prisoner?”

“Moo,” I said, sarcastically.

“She’s more like a companion. I’m quite attached. Just want to make sure everything’s-”

Stephanie’s phone rang. She smiled apologetically, like she was at a movie theater rather than a evil, dirty warehouse compound that held my friend Erishy hostage. Taking it out, she turned away. “Agent Chase,” she said.

While she spoke, bearded guy took an interest in my Element.

“Now, ain’t that some pretty gold…” he said.

I looked at him, my expression flat.

“I’m sure you won’t mind if I…” His hand reached out.

Like I’ve said, I’m proud of my Element and I like to show it off. But not to this yahoo. Thinking fast, I did the only thing that sprung to mind: I bit him.

“Ow! Ow! Heeeeell!” he yelled, jumping back. “That smarts!”

Stephanie quirked her eyebrow at me. I pretended I was chewing cud.

“It gonna do that to anyone else?” the guy demanded sharply.

“No,” Stephanie replied, turning off her phone. “It… looks like it’s all out of her system. Just be careful, she may have trust issues.”

“Moo,” I grumbled.

“Who was that?” bearded guy asked, letting us inside the house, still shaking his hand. Baby. I didn’t bite that hard.

“My superior. I told them I was checking the facilities and ensuring everything was in working order. I’m to call him back once I’ve conferred with the man in charge here and your big prisoner, so we can work out official government support.”

Bearded guy grinned his perfect grin again.

“Glad to hear you guys are on the right side of things for once,” he said, nodding.

“I’m always on the right side of things,” Stephanie said, removing her sunglasses. “Lead the way please?”

He nodded and walked us through what used to be a lobby with a receptionist’s desk. Now, the room had fallen into disuse save for a coffee table and some folding chairs. We went through one door and passed a few more deserted offices before approaching another door, where a fierce-looking woman with badly dyed, blonde hair stood, holding a shotgun.

“Is this that federal agent?” she spat, gesturing with her weapon. It was cocked and ready, safety off. It didn’t look like a rusting p.o.s. rifle I’d seen a few days ago, but it didn’t look great either. I thought people in the boonies were supposed to give a crap about their guns.

“Yep. She got the password.”

The woman sized up Stephanie with a squinty, smoke-hazed glare. Stephanie met it with a distant, cool one.

“If she causes trouble, it’s on your head, Brian,” the woman said and she set the shotgun against the wall. Taking out a cigarette she lit it and blew smoke at me. “Fucking freak,” she said, brushing by.

“Moo,” I said, coughing.

“Elle’s been with us since day one. She’s pretty dedicated, “ Brian chuckled.

“That’s nice,” Stephanie said. “But we’re wasting time. If you’re done introducing me to the welcome wagon, I’d like to see the man in charge. Now.”

He nodded and lead us through a narrow hallway that joined to the larger warehouse. We approached a steel door with a heavy padlock that looked like it was bought at a hardware store. Brian unlocked it with a key he dug out of his camo coveralls, then opened it to reveal a skinny kid with a pistol jammed in his pants. Brian saluted him, looking proud.

“I’ve brought government support to see the boss,” Brian said.

The kid looked at Stephanie and sneered. At least, I think he was sneering. I was too preoccupied by how greasy he was.

“This bitch here?” the kid said. He said “bitch” like it made him more grown-up.

Stephanie sighed. “I’m having a real long day here,” she said, hands on hips.

“Yeah, so? I can make it longer if you-” he was cut off because Stephanie had taken one step forward, grabbed his black t-shirt in a death grip and twisted it around so her fist pressed right into his throat. He gagged.

“Moo,” I said, cheerfully.

“I have had to fly two hours from the main office and drive another two through the boonies to get here and I’m not going to be delayed any further by some shithead brat who isn’t even old enough to vote!” she snapped.

The kid gagged. Stephanie held his gaze for another breath, then released him, shoving him down. His gun dropped from his baggy pants to skitter across the concrete floor.

Stephanie straightened her collar and looked at Brian.

“Now. On top of the man in charge, I’d like to see the big prisoner,” she said. It wasn’t a request.

“Uh, uh,” Brian stammered, staring at the kid who had blossoming knuckle bruises against his adam’s apple. “G-go down the hall, hang a left then the end of the hall and a right. Lots of guards there. Can’t miss it.”

“Thanks,” Stephanie said, her voice acid.

She stepped over the kid and swooped down to pick up his gun. As she walked, she unloaded it, and only two bullets came out, hitting the floor in the process. Rolling her eyes in disgust at the lack of professionalism, she jammed the slide. She tossed it behind her.

“Service your damn weapon and get a full clip,” she said and we turned the corner.

I chuckled as we walked.

“Check out the balls on you,” I whispered.

She didn’t look down, instead focusing straight ahead. “Like I said, amateur hour.”

“How’d you know the password?”

“Because amateur hour means everyone thinks they’re clever when they’re not. You wouldn’t believe how many times that’s been the password for up-and-coming organizations run by idiots.”

“And the phone call?”

“That was really FBI. I told them I was near by and I could check the perimeter for them.” She flashed me a wild grin. “I’m thorough, can you tell?”

I nodded, chuckling, and my hooves clopped noisily on the concrete floor. Down one hall I saw someone standing at a door. Next to him was a lopsided piece of paper taped to the wall, which read in shaky handwriting: Pony Prisoners. Stephanie followed my gaze and frowned.

“Then again… maybe I should have waited for the Bureau,” she muttered.

“Too late now,” I said after we were out of sight. “We’ll get ‘em on the way out.”

She looked down at me. “What? Really?”

“I ain’t leavin’ anypony hangin’.”

She pushed air out her nose. “Okay. I guess I’ll have to come up with something then,” she said quietly.

We only passed one other person, and he was barely older than the greasy kid at the door. Rather than looking like he just got his driver’s license, he at least looked old enough to have his GED. He nodded at Stephanie, who nodded back.

Turning the last corner, we found the room Brian had described. It was hard to miss. Guys in various shades of dark t-shirts, cargo pants, and boots were crowding around a glass frame. Their guns were tucked into their waistbands or resting on the ground behind them.

“Freaking amateur hour,” Stephanie grumbled. Straightening her posture and lengthening her stride she stormed toward the clutch of men, her shoes clacking sharply on the floor. A few heads turned our way and I kept my expression carefully blank.

“What the hell is going on?” she demanded in a tone that showed nothing less than complete control.

The men all came alive at once, tripping and falling over each other as they attempted to get into some kind of order. By the time Stephanie and I were standing in front of them, three were on the floor on top of each other, four stood at decent attention, two were trying to keep their pistols from going down their pants, and two more attempted to tuck in their shirts one handed as they clutched their rifles. I half expected to hear the Three Stooges theme.

Stephanie tapped her foot impatiently.

“Well?” she said. “I’m waiting.”

“We were, uh, watching the interrogation, sir. Ma’am? Sir ma’am?” said one guy who had a goatee in bad need of just not existing.

“And how many of you are actually supposed to be watching?”

Two nervous hands went up as the rest remained shame-faced.

“Get back to your posts you assholes!” she barked. “Go! Now! On the motherfucking double!”

Again they burst into stumbling activity, falling over one another while the two guys who were supposed to be there shook badly. I focused on the floor and on not laughing.

The area cleared quick except for the bad goatee and one other man. I was already thinking of them as Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Stephanie tapped her foot again.

“Well…” she said.

“Ma’am? Sir?” said the guy with the really bad goatee, who I’d decided was Tweedledee.

“Are you going to let me in, soldier, or are you going to catch flies with your mouth all day?” Stephanie snapped.

“Mooooo,” I groaned in an attempt to cover my laughter.

Tweedledum stared at me, realizing I’d been there the whole time.

“Ma’am, is that one of the-”

“She’s with me. She’s braindead. The prisoner! Now!”

Tweedledee fumbled the keys and after three tries opened the lock. When the door opened, I stopped laughing.

Inside were a quite a few serious-looking men, making what was once a large room crowded and cramped. A guy in a black tuxedo groaned, pulling my attention. He moved away from the wall he’d been sitting against, revealing Fluttershy.

She was out cold. She had shallow cuts and bruises all over her body, and the fur above her hooves was raw and red. One of her eyes had been punched out and was almost closed over.

She looked dead. My heart stopped.